Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Before I Wake Review

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Before I Wake is a horror film where the title just makes sense. If you just hear the title you can probably guess the general synopsis of the film. The quick response you will always think of though is just “Wake the Kid up” Well, one character tries at any rate. Probably should have tried harder though. It’s a decent film if we go by horror film standards, but it still couldn’t cut the mustard overall. It just mainly lacks a good ending but more on that later.

The film starts off with an edgy opening as a Dad tries to murder his son but isn’t able to do it and the cops arrest him. It turns out that this kid’s dreams become reality as long as he is asleep. When he wakes they all vanish. Unfortunately, the more Cody uses this ability, the more the monster that is inside of him shows up. His monster has already destroyed the last few families he was with so now we are introduced to the latest foster parents, Mark and Jessie. Unfortunately they may not be ready for this kid as they are dealing with their own issues. Can they defeat the monster?

I admit that if I had Cody’s powers I would barely even notice. I rarely dream which is kind of unfortunate but it’s because I found the trick to it. If you start thinking about 2 stocking people and winning Super Smash tournaments, you eventually black out and then it’s the next day. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve won EVO. All right, back on topic. I have to say that the kid dreams extremely fast since the visions seem to occur the moment his head hits the pillow. The dreams are awful convenient but as the kid is fairly young I Guess it makes sense that he would dream about his latest thoughts. The kid isn’t a bad character. Cody is pretty cryptic but at least he has good reason to be since people try to destroy him and even monsters are on the hunt. He does have his iffy moments though as he will intentionally ask the parents personal questions about how their son died in order to take attention away from him. It does show that he’s not a very nice kid at times and is mainly looking out for himself.

Mark is definitely a solid character. He does his best to get along with the kid and gives him a lot of fun days. It’s not enough to totally get rid of the sleeping problem but the Dad does his best. He also charges at the monster which is more than I can say for 90% of horror protagonists. He got a decent grab in but since the monster assimilates anyone it touches, this didn’t work out too well.

Jessie was not a good character though and realllly takes a long time to get over her past. The film does give a nice misdirect here we initially you may think the Dad is the one who isn’t coping well. He stopped coming to the grief club to wallow in sorrow and Jessie claims that he has been distant. The film quickly shows us that it is the opposite way around. She just can’t get over her last kid, Sean, and as soon as she learns that this one can make dreams real she exploits the ability to make Cody dream of her son. Even though the son is fake it’s good enough for her but of course this means she is neglecting her current son. She even goes as far as to drug Cody to keep him asleep. While she sees the light by the end, it certainly took a while and I can’t say that I’m a fan of hers.

The ending also isn’t great. Basically, they can’t bring any of the victims back since they were completely eaten but the heroes take solace in the fact that they can all be together in the afterlife or whenever the kid dreams about them. That’s a small consolation at best and it probably would have been better if at least the Dad had survived. The people from child support lived, but I guess it’s because they were assimilated into walls instead of the monster. Also, the film quickly teased a fight between the monster and the mother as they ran towards each other but it ended up being a hug instead. I was really hoping for the fight as she would try to avenge her husband.

The tragic backstory for the main characters was also needlessly tragic. Instead of having their kid drowned and then they couldn’t have more kids, the film could have skipped the former and started with the latter. Maybe even just have the kid get sick or something. Drowning is a bit much for a child. I also have to then question the handle bars that the family added for when they have more kids. They looked to be a little too high up if the kid was the same height so what was the point again? I think the bars would have to be lowered a little more to serve their intended purpose.

I’ll give the main characters some props for figuring out how the kids powers worked very quickly. Usually most of the film is spent just trying to get the supporting characters to re learn what common sense is. Here that wasn’t really a problem. Finally, I should also talk about the monster’s design. It’s pretty good and sort of looks like Slenderman. The monster has a few nifty abilities like assimilation and super strength. He isn’t very fast, but doesn’t trip so he will eventually catch you. Assuming that this monster will help the heroes in a sequel, we’re going to need a new monster.

Overall, Before I Wake definitely has an interesting premise. It also is classier than most horror films but still gets needlessly grim at times. The beginning and ending are weak. While the middle is decent, the repetition of the drowning scene doesn’t help it either. I don’t expect many horror fans will find this all that scary so you’ll have to enjoy it for the plot. I’d sooner recommend a film like Poltergeist 3. That one had everything you could ask for from a horror film.

Overall 4/10

Ants Review

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It’s time to look at another animal based horror film. Fortunately it’s not about birds or dogs as that would give off even more warning bells right out of the gate. As it stands, the film actually manages to avoid any real violence against the ants which is pretty cool. Of course, we do get a montage which doesn’t help the film’s case but one thing at a time.

The film starts off with a wealthy member of corporate heading over to a family hotel to buy it out. The current owner doesn’t like this idea but she is getting very old and won’t be able to stand up to the power for very long. It doesn’t help that her daughter will not continue the legacy either. As the old lady gets ready to relent, the hotel gets overrun by bugs. Ants to be precise! They are biting everyone and plan to eventually take over the building. It is only a matter of time before they finally claim victory. How long can Mike The Construction Worker protect the hotel crew?

One thing you’ll notice right away is that the film relies an incredible amount on your suspense for disbelief. The Ants aren’t exactly subtle as they swarm everyplace they can find, but nobody ever notices them. Clearly they all need glasses as you can usually tell if around 6-10 Ants are cluttered, much less hundreds. Whether it be the kid in the dumpster or the cook in the kitchen, you can’t possibly expect us to believe that they didn’t notice hundreds of ants. That’s just not possible and the film probably knows it. It’s just that there is not really any other way to get the ants into place except by having them walk there. The film should have had them crawl in at night or something like that since the darkness would give a better reason as to why they couldn’t be spotted.

We also can’t forget the plot convenience of the ants deciding not to attack the guy who was trying to shut the place down. They mentioned that the ants won’t hurt you if you don’t move but this guy was lightly aggravating then by moving his hand around and yet they didn’t bite. I suppose they were just smart enough to realize that attacking someone like this just wasn’t worth it? I dunno, it’s a bit of a stretch but if you see this as a very sentient takeover by the Ants, then I guess it helps a bit.

As mentioned earlier, there is a montage where the ants destroy a bunch of other animals which definitely wasn’t a good idea. I don’t want to see them challenging a bunch of innocent animals. Keep their victims human, but don’t throw in the animals. It’s just not right, not right at all. I suppose it’s a good time to talk about the characters. Certainly an intriguing cast, but not a good one I’m afraid.

First off we have one of the supporting construction guys. He was tending to the front yard when a girl shows up and basically asks if he’s free. You can take that two different ways, if he’s not busy right now or if he’ll fool around with anyone. He basically says yes to both and their terrible/out of nowhere romance begins. Not only do these characters not add anything to the film but they aren’t even fun. I don’t see the point of including them here and that was probably a mistake on the film’s part. Another pair of big characters were the corporate takeover guy and the girl he was with. They certainly don’t get along very well as the guy constantly insults her intelligence. She always gets him to half apologize but this happens at least 3 times so talk about de ja vu. His corporate side was fun as he always seemed to have the edge when it came time for the talks. He was good at lying to a person’s face with no remorse. You can certainly tell that corporate taught him well. You know how his character arc is going to end right from the start but at least it’s a fun ride. He’ll stand up to anybody!

The old lady who wanted to keep the house was decent. At least she knew that if she sold the house it would probably be the end of the building. Still, it’s not like you can keep it forever anyway, eventually she would be forced to let it go. While she may have made the climax a little more difficult for the heroes, it wasn’t exactly her fault so she can’t be blamed for that. Her daughter is the main person running the show while the lady rests and she’s not a bad character. Her romance with Mike is pretty bad though. The trope of someone winning an argument by pulling the romance card just isn’t good. Mike had a good reason for barging into the hotel and should have just explained it better. Mike has a big role in the film and could probably be called the lead. He does figure out the true culprit of the attacks before anyone else so I’ll give him some kudos there. Beyond that, he doesn’t really have much character and I can’t say that I liked him. He does ultimately back off from the environmental protection guys and Mike could have handled the situation better.

The climax is another part of the film where you will have to shake your head. Ants have begun to surround the house so the main characters are trapped inside. It’s unfortunate for them, but they knew the risks. The problem is that they should be able to just run out of the house. The only decent case you can make here is that it would be tough for the old lady, but Mike could have carried her. The Ants are numerous but as long as you’re careful you should be okay. One character does run out of the house, but he puts his hand on the rail which is a big no no and then trips. Since the other characters know to respect the Ants, they’d run down the stairs without grabbing anything. It’s not like the Anta can fly and while they could jump off the walls, they didn’t do that in any of the other scenes so why start now? Don’t even get me started on how slowly they were getting into the helicopter. It’s a matter of life and death, you’d think that they would show more initiative. Then sitting still and hoping the Ants wouldn’t bite ends up being the right answer.

These Ants are mad because of the environment so I figure they would throw in some bites anyway. They don’t care about how normal Ants would act, these are Eco-Warriors and they will die fighting. The whole climax revolves around you believing that these are just normal ants again. It’s also a big gamble that the ants don’t bite when they are blasted by the sleeping gas. I certainly wouldn’t have gone along with the plan and I can safely say that I prefer not to have Ants crawling all over me.

Overall, Ants isn’t a very good film. In fact, it’s a bad one. It’s filled with so many leaps in logic that you will be wondering why the film made the decisions it did. If it really wanted to trap he heroes in the house, it should have had more Ants on the ground to show that with every step they would get bitten. Maybe the budget had something to say about it as well though. Seeing Ants crawling around on everyone definitely isn’t all that enjoyable and I think a film about any kind of insect like this would be rather difficult to get behind. Better luck next time I suppose. You’re better off watching THEM.

Overall 3/10

Hang Em High Review

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I haven’t seen many Westerns over the years. In fact, this is likely the second true Western that I’ve seen when you don’t count titles that aren’t primarily in the genre. It’s definitely an interesting genre but one that is immensely difficult to succeed in due to the nature of the era. It was a lawless time with a lot of violence and bandits running around. The times were also primitive which runs the risk of animal violence and people messing around with one night stands. This film does get tripped up in those details but at least it’s a fairly fun adventure. I won’t call it a good movie, but it could have been a whole lot worse.

It doesn’t waste any time in setting up the plot as it starts with the Jed getting attacked by a group of guys on horseback who decide to hang him. They do think that he murdered someone and he doesn’t make a great case against it, but naturally taking the law into your hands isn’t the answer. Especially in this case as they decide to beat him before the hanging. Jed is rescued by someone who takes him to get publicly hanged, but then the sheriff clears up the misunderstanding and finds out that the main character was actually a cop. It was a rather painful misunderstanding but I imagine it may have been common back in the day. Jet is given an opportunity to be a marshal so he can legally get revenge on his attackers. The only clause in the contract is that he has to bring them in alive and naturally he has to deal with other crimes as well. Jed agrees to the terms but may have bitten off more than he can chew with this assignment.

While the opening scene gave me some hope as the main character saved a baby cow, the film later went back on this as we see a few dead animals. A dog also meets a similar fate. These scenes contributed nothing to the plot by the way. It was added simply to be there and that’s the problem. Many scenes like this are added with no real purpose or point to add to the story and it’s because the film makers don’t see anything wrong with it. It has cost many films a good score and doesn’t help this one’s case.

The plot of the film is simple enough. Jed has to take down 9 attempted murderers who are on the run. The problem is that the film then realized that it needed to stretch this adventure out to around 2 hours so they added a bunch of filler plots that take away from the mission. The film should have just stayed on task even if it meant being a little shorter. The padding only weakens the film even if the concept isn’t half bad. Becoming a marshal just to get revenge is something I can certainly imagine happening.

Jed is a solid lead who gets the job done. He may have lost the opening fight but he was badly outnumbered and wasn’t even expecting to be attacked since he thought they were fellow fighters on the side of justice. That being said, you shouldn’t really trust anyone in the Wild West. Once he is given the badge Jed has the edge on all of his attackers. He isn’t afraid to be alone with the prisoners as he transports them back to camp and isn’t intimidated by anyone either. He’ll speak his mind in any situation and is also a quick shot.

While the main character was solid for the most part, he does randomly have a scene where he becomes a typical lead who loses sight of his goal and gives in to a one night stand instead of getting back to the mission. Jed has to lose some points for that moment and it’s little scenes like this where the film loses its credibility. I’d say that I enjoyed the main character overall but take away that scene and he would have basically been perfect.

The film is fairly violent so keep that in mind while watching it. The opening scene should tip you off to that as they hang Jed in a rather detailed fashion. Fortunately the wound does eventually dry out. Surprisingly the shooting scenes were typically less violent. It’s a violent film, but not really a dark one. For the most part the film does keep a rather upbeat tone. The writing is also pretty solid as the characters make their cases. We even got a court room scene but of course the whole thing was rather rigged so Jed couldn’t do much to stop it the judge from executing the kids. The kids were crooks, but it was a rather minor offense though they did become accessories. It was another tough part of the wild west since it was tough to afford a space in a jail for someone to be kept for life. Every era has its share of mishaps, but this one definitely had a bunch of them. So at the very least this film isn’t hard to watch. It’s reasonably entertaining and certainly ends up being a film that you would expect of Clint Eastwood. It just brings in the bad with the good.

Overall, This film was fairly decent but just lost sight of its overall plot by the end and should have focused more on catching the 9 offenders. The film even ran out of time by the end with how they quickly rushed the last group of guys together. Throw away some of the subplots and cut down on the time other scenes took and then it would have been better focused. Still, if you like the Wild West genre a lot then this should be a good film for you. It has a tough lead, gunfights, and overall feels like a true western. If the gene isn’t enough to get you excited, then you’re probably better off with a more loose take on the Wild West like Trigun. That film keeps the backdrop while throwing in some Sci-Fi.

Overall 3/10

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane Review

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Time to take a look at the film with the little girl down the lane. From the title you may think of a light hearted comedy type film but this one’s actually a horror title. Time to let the warning bells commence. This one falls into the pitfalls you would expect from a horror title and then throws in one that most wouldn’t add. It’s a gritty film that is really no good.

The film starts off with an old house that the Rynn is living in. Some neighbors come over at various times, but her father is never around to greet them. Rynn claims that he is sleeping or working but this excuse can only work for so long. One of the neighbors is unfortunately a villain who wants her and while the rest of the town knows about it, they can’t lay a hand on him since his mother is the most powerful person in the town. Fortunately for Rynn, another guy drops by and serves as her guardian and partner. Can she still survive in this tough world without parents to back her up.

Right off the bat, the opening scene threw this film out the window. It’s a terrible scene and one that is dragged out for way too long. Any duration for this plot wouldn’t be good though as a villain going after kids for reasons you can probably guess is not a theme you ever want to have in a film. When a film goes down that route, a 0 is all but guaranteed. It barely even matters how the plot ends as far as the score is concerned but fortunately he does get destroyed by the end of the film and there are large gaps where he does not appear.

Then we’ve also got the animal violence. The main villain destroys Rynn’s pet hamster and the instant you saw the animal show up you knew this would happen. It’s an unfortunately predictable trope that horror films use all the time. They already don’t tend to have any class so it makes sense why they wouldn’t care after a while. The main romance plot is also rather bad and unnecessary. Naturally the guy who goes over to help Rynn ends up romantically involved. This is totally unnecessary and destroys whatever character he had. Why couldn’t he just be protecting her as a friend? Losing to the flu so easily is also pretty bad considering he knew what would probably happen if he didn’t head back to Rynn.

This film also went down a different route than I had expected going in. I figured it would be about Rynn murdering everybody which would also be bad and dark in its own way but preferable to this plot. What other impression could you get from the poster seen above? It’s a total bait and switch as Rynn is rarely an intentional murderer. If it had gone that route, it would be sad for the nice people who enter her house, but the plot still wouldn’t be as shady as this film. During the whole opening scene I was waiting for Rynn to destroy the guy or do something, but when she didn’t and he walked out without a scratch, that was when I knew that the film wasn’t going with that angle. Instead she never seems all that ready for the danger in front of her. She only had one trick up her sleeve and if that didn’t work then she was basically toast. She talks tough, but doesn’t even carry any weapons on her person. Her friend has to do all of the work when the villain breaks in because she doesn’t life a finger to help. Realistically, she is a little kid so there’s not much she can do, but if she is really ready for the world like her father taught her to be, she should certainly have a knife.

Alternately, the main character just shouldn’t have been a kid. That would have helped the film immensely. I suppose I can use this film as another example for why having a kid as the main character is never a good idea at least. There aren’t really any positives to the film that I can think of either. The landscapes are bland and since the whole town is corrupt it’s not as if there is anyone to root for. If the “good guys” are content to do nothing, then it makes sense why evil took over the town. There’s even a whole saying about it.

Overall, This film was absolutely horrible and another one for the trash bin. This movie starts out dark and continues with that theme for quite a while. The film even makes it clear that this isn’t the first time the villain has gone after kids just to really hammer it home that the villains always win in this town. There’s never a really happy scene here. The romance ones are just hard to watch, especially in this context and so you’ll just be glancing at your watch every 5 seconds. I highly recommend avoiding this one and going to Dunkin Donuts for a bagel instead of something. It will save you a lot of time and only for the cost of a dollar. It’s just a bargain when you think about it.

Overall 0/10

To Catch A Thief Review

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It’s time for a retro romance thriller from Alfred Hitchcock. It’s not exactly one of his typical murder mysteries since there isn’t really any murder involved in the case. Someone does get murdered, but it isn’t a main focus. It’s more about outsmarting the culprit and claiming innocence. It’s a solidly written film with an interesting plot, but the romance does slow the pacing down and at times makes the story appear to be a little less structured and focused than it could be.

The film starts with a cat burgler stealing from a bunch of rich people. The good news is that is does it at night and so nobody actually gets hurt. The bad news is that he still is robbing them so it’s basically a consolation prise. Meanwhile everyone keeps shooting dirty looks at John. This is because he is an ex thief who used to steal from people until he was thrown in the slammer to do some hard time. He’s reformed, but naturally everyone suspects him and this includes his comrades from the resistance. John figures that the only way to capture this imposter is to don the Cat suit once more and out thief the thief. He’ll catch the guy red handed and take him to the cops. Nobody is going to stop this vigilante.

Here’s the problem with the set up. While this plot is established quite early on, John doesn’t actually lay any kind of trap for the thief until near the end of the movie. Until then he is mainly playing catch up as he gets a little too interested in his research and starts hanging out with Danielle. She isn’t very inconspicuous and so it gets tough for him to be in a position to prevent any thefts. The romance slows the film down quite a bit and also doesn’t make sense for the main character. He seriously has no time for all of this and should be looking for a way to get outside so he can follow The Cat. The thief keeps taunting him with written messages so that should give him more incentive. One of John’s friends even tries to murder him at one point so he really can’t trust anyone.

John is just a character that can be a little hard to root for. He is a decently interesting main character, but comes off as rather generic at times. Switch him out for any other main character of the old days and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Playing up his ex-thief skills a little more would have probably helped his case if you ask me. The fact that he was having a lot of trouble with the new Cat didn’t help his case. The intro was his best scene as he tricks the cops and uses a rather elaborate plan to escape his fate of being arrested. Those are the kinds of skills that you would expect to see from a man who was revered as being really skilled back in his hay day.

Frances is another ex criminal and she admires John’s skills. She believes that he should become the Cat again and steal enough so that he can be rich. Then they can retire to an island. John’s gone past his life of crime and never wants to look back though. The film does seem to tip its hand a little with some of the mystery surrounding Frances, but maybe the directness of the plot is supposed to make you second guess yourself. It can be a rather effective technique can used correctly. Danielle is the actual main heroine though and she definitely deserves some props for being rather intelligent. She sees through John’s stories with ease and even pokes holes in them. You usually see characters figure out a story, but sometimes you don’t get the explanation. This film makes it clear how she was able to figure out the truth and with her connections it makes sense that it would be easy. She is not the most trusting of characters though and her partnership with John gets rocky for quite a while. I definitely think she over dramatizes the situation at times.

Danielle’s best scene is certainly the car chase that happens while she reveals that she knows John’s secret identity. Not only does it show that she does have enough skills to hold her own against him but she is able to drive at a speed where he even gets nervous. This time John is the one who panics as they zoom from turn to turn. A single misstep would have meant their demise so it’s easy to see why he’s nervous. It was decently a long car chase that would make the Fast and the Furious folks proud. It’s easily one of the best parts of the film.

On the other hand, her mother is always as cool as a cucumber. She got her riches thanks to her husband being a crook so she’s not phased by any of this. She’s a really fun character to have around even if her screen time is rather short. Her scenes still end up being rather critical. In general I’d say that the supporting cast was pretty solid and at times they were more impressive than the main characters. The writing did a good job of developing the characters and since you didn’t know who you could trust the whole time, it added to the tense atmosphere.

The cops look rather inept the whole time, but what else is new? At least they do talk a good game and their outright aggression towards John is nice as they aren’t even pretending to like the guy. If they are able to catch him in the act they will bring him in, dead or alive. John isn’t unnerved about this, but the cops are certainly serious. Of course, things do have to be spelled out for them by the end before they actually get it.

Overall, To Catch A Thief is a fun film with a good premise. It just gets bogged down by the shallow romance and some pacing issues. While I wouldn’t say the film was too long, I do think it mixed up its priorities. Seeing a few more of the thefts in motion would have helped to establish this new Cat as a pro and having John watch from afar would have also legitimized him as an actual expert in the matter. We just don’t get to really see him in action enough to actually buy into the hype. Some jewels were stolen from the target while John was in the building after all. He even knew that the people there would be targets so that’s an example of him not living up to his reputation. This film isn’t as good as Hitchcock’s classic murder mysteries, but it’s not bad. It’s always good for a film maker to experiment with different genres after all and so long as they don’t turn out bad I’d say that it was worth it. I’d recommend checking out this film.

Overall 7/10

Scrooged Review

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There have been a whole lot of Christmas Carol adaptations over the years. I’ve seen a lot of them and likely have yet to see several others. I can definitely say that this is the most memorable one of the bunch and probably handles Scrooge the best. I feel like he put up more resistance than his other incarnations and knowing about the iconic story does put this Scrooge at an advantage as well.

The film naturally starts off by showing how mean Scrooge is. He is corporate to the core and won’t even let his people have Christmas off. That’s because he wants to have a live show on Christmas for the extra ratings. His boss is definitely excited about this and is low-key the real boss of the company. He insists that animals should be added to the broadcast since they watch TV now. Scrooge sarcastically agrees. Unfortunately, his life begins to turn upside down when he is visited by a ghost. He will have to survive 3 more encounters with his personality intact or he will lose to the very story that he has made it his mission to mock! Meanwhile, there’s a new director in town who is called to help with the movie but he may just be there in order to replace Scrooge once and for all.

The first act of the film is definitely the best part. There are two kinds of mean leads. The ones who are subtly glorified by the end and make it personal and the ones who are just generally mean to everyone but it’s not all that malicious. The latter is the right kind of mean lead and fortunately that is the one we get here. This is a comedy film that is actually funny which seems to be a rare feat at times. Pretty much any scene with the old Scrooge is solid.

He’s very confident in himself and has made it pretty high up in his career by stepping on all those who would oppose him. That’s why he isn’t too worried when the ghosts come knocking. While you can’t help but applaud his proactive approach to finding the ghosts, it does start to hurt his reputation since nobody else can see them and that makes it easy to frame Scrooge. One of the ghosts in particular is quite aggressive as she spends a lot of her screentime beating Scrooge up. This is around where he lost a lot of his fiery spirit and it’s easy to see why. He was effectively humbled here. The final ghost of Christmas Future is also intense as expected. He has always had a really cool design and the movie goes all the way here. The spirit looks rather disturbing and even houses demons inside of the cloak. Scrooge definitely didn’t have a chance against this one.

Naturally, it’s inevitable that Scrooge has to turn good since that is the whole moral of the film. Fortunately the scenes of him being good only last for a few minutes but his speech on the TV did drag on quite a bit. That’s probably the only scene that I thought went on for too long but it’s probably because the scene in question was definitely on the cheesy side. There’s two ways you can take his 180 character switch. One is that he has genuinely changed and I’m pretty sure that this is what the film is telling us.

The other one is that he is simply playing along in order to keep his life. The spirits basically told Scrooge that they’ll murder him if he doesn’t have a change of heart and while they may have just been trying to scare him, it’s hard to take that risk. He could just be trying to save his own life which is certainly in line with his usual motivation of looking out for himself. The story is also a little tragic since Scrooge initially started out as an earnest worker. When everyone else were having a party he kept on working. He had no time to fool around with the others and just wanted to climb the corporate ladder. As with many though, he eventually forgot why he climbed it in the first place and now takes delight in making everyone else’s life harder.

The film does go a little far with some of the costumes though. Scrooge wants to make an edgy Christmas Carol filled with scantily clad characters which is a bit much and the same goes for the female ghost. It’s certainly not a huge deal in the film but since the ghost at least gets a lot of screentime they probably could have given her a nicer design. As long as they keep in the punches (Yes, she goes for full punches and even some combos against Scrooge) she would still appear to be rather scary.

One of the main reasons why this film was able to succeed is because the writing was pretty solid. You need a good script in order to make Scrooge witty and mean without going too far. Then the rest of the characters are written pretty well too. I guess the only subplot that feels rather tacked on is the romance with the main heroine. I’m guessing the film wanted this plot because in most of the Christmas Carols, Scrooge’s biggest regret is not getting together with someone. The heroine just never gets much of a role though and seems to have done a very good job of leading her own life without Scrooge. I think just showing Scrooge a glimpse at how happy she is would have sufficed for that plot. It’s one opportunity that he completely lost and he won’t get another shot, but at least he would learn from it. The film doesn’t give it a really big focus anyway so it’s rather minor when you think about it.

One subplot that was excellent was Scrooge firing someone on Christmas Eve. That’s definitely one of those things that you just don’t do. It’s an unspoken rule that you wait until after Christmas to let someone go like that. Well, the guy didn’t go down quietly and does take out his shotgun. A very wise move if you’re going to go up against the full power of corporate. The film can really start to get outlandish at times, but never gets too excessive and again, the humor is on point. The film actually manages to pull this off and that’s no easy feat.

Overall, I definitely enjoyed Scrooged quite a bit. Your enjoyment of it will depend on how much you like Scrooge himself. If you find him to be too mean to the point where you can’t stand to see him on screen then this will definitely be tough. If you don’t mind him all that much then it’ll work out pretty well. The film does a good job of being humorous and has solid writing as well. What more could you ask for? Scrooge maybe cried a little too easily the first time but beyond that his character is consistent the whole time he is the antagonist. The ending of the film is a little weak, but it’s hard to avoid that ending without changing the whole meaning of the story. Scrooge is one of those villains that is actually fun to root for and is more likable than the rest of the cast despite being such a mean guy. That’s how much charisma he has.

Overall 7/10

Tentacles Review

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Tentacles is one of those films that sounds like a really old giant monster film. However it is more of a horror film than one about monster attacks and it just lacks that classic Toho feel. I’m still not the biggest fan of underwater films in general but I suppose the effects could have been worse. This is certainly a film that won’t really be remembered but at least the ending went a different route than I had expected.

The film starts off with a Giant Octopus murdering a bunch of people. The film was trying to go for an edgy approach right off the bat so the first victim is a toddler. Another kid ends up dying by the end as well. It’s definitely the film’s attempt at shock value which shows right from the start that it probably isn’t too confident in its abilities. Well, the Octopus keeps murdering people so finally a water expert by the name of Will decides to avenge his wife by destroying it. This will be a tough challenge but he has no choice. Honor dictates his actions now.

Of course, while Will has no choice, he has no plan either. The whole time I was wondering when he was going to load his gun and fire, but he doesn’t actually do anything. This is the worst attempt at avenging someone that I have ever seen. We then see him joking around in the next scene as the film ends even though he didn’t actually do anything. It was definitely annoying to say the least. Of course, the characters here were not very smart from the start so it’s not too surprising.

After several murders have occurred at the ocean and her husband is sent in to investigate them…his wife decides to take a boat to the middle of the ocean. It’s probably the most random moment in the film and of course she is destroyed. I don’t know what her plan was here, but once again I can confirm that it was not a good one. Then the town as a collective whole isn’t great either. Amidst the murders they decide to still go ahead with their water boat competition. Now, it’s hard to say just how much they know but at least the first murder was in the papers and I’m inclined to think that the rest would be as well even if there are no details to be found. The cops apparently had a little part of the Ocean surveyed so it couldn’t get near the boats without a warning but with its speed that barely even matters. Fortunately the film didn’t want to get quite that grim (Although I thought it was getting there for a moment) and most of the kids survived as opposed to all of them being destroyed but it doesn’t reflect well on the town. No way do you hold a contest at a time like this. The police also seemed surprised at remembering that there was a contest, but the contestants got a police escort and there were a bunch of copters in the air so were they just not on the same page?

Well, the film did have a soundtrack so I’ve definitely got to give it some proper kudos there. It has its own interpretation of the Jaws theme but really slams it in your face with how often it is played. I understand that it’s supposed to be scary but if you play it in every scene then it won’t work anymore. There are a few fake jump moments to get you scared as well. You can call this film many things, but subtle is certainly not one of them.

The film would also lose its budget at times as the screen would freeze and nothing would happen. There’s also a long speech given during a rather disjointed set of screenshots and the opening moments of the film are practically filmed in first person. I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea. What I do know is that it was not executed well at all. It’s rare to find camerawork so bad that it has to be mentioned but I just have to do my part to show directors that you never want to go down the Cloverfield route. It’s just not worth it and this film gets dangerously close.

The highlight here is definitely the two Killer Whales. Those characters were definitely emotional and made the tough calls when the main character wouldn’t. They proved that they do in fact have sharp teeth and a good grip and they completely rip the Octopus apart. I was totally expecting the Killer Whales to kick the bucket so the film actually did manage to surprise me in a good way. Who knew that it would have a classy ending like this.

Now if only the writing could have been better. Unfortunately it is quite bad. Any scene with the sister talking to her kids is fairly brutal and this is supposed to be the comedy part of the film! Then you’ve also got subplots that never really go anywhere like the corporate business guy whose subordinate apparently broke the law in order to speed up the business. This is the film’s way of explaining why there is a Giant Octopus but we never learn what the experiments were or why it would create a giant monster. How did the researchers not notice that a giant octopus had suddenly popped up? A lot of plot convenience here for sure.

We did have a confident reporter known as Ned to try and keep everyone honest though. I’d say that he is a good character but still comes off as being less impressive than the usual character archetype. He plays off everyone’s egos in order to get them to work. It’s a sound strategy and works well enough so you can’t fault him there. If he picked up a gun and also went on the mission to stop the Octopus, then that may have helped his case.

Overall, Tentacles was a little better than I thought it would be. It has less shock value than you would expect from this film and the Killer Whales actually defeating the giant monsters was a real treat. Of course, being better than terrible still isn’t something to be too proud of so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I don’t think this movie is good enough to pass the ground floor (5/10) but at least it got this far. If you really want to watch an underwater monster film then this is for you but I would much sooner recommend the Scooby Doo Loch Ness Monster film.

Overall 4/10

Mad Max Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be even more negative

It’s time for one of those films that has always been known as one of the worst. It’s always an interesting experience to go into a film knowing that there is over a 95% chance that it’s going to be terrible. Well, Mad Max certainly lived up to the hype. There is no real plot and the writing is worse than an Adam Sandler film. There are no redeemable qualities for this film whatsoever and right away you can tell that this film is going to be a chore to get through. If this film was intending to be good then it failed miserably but if deep down its intention was to be known as the greatest mess of a film during its time, then perhaps it succeeded. Either way, I think we know what the score is going to be here.

The film starts off with the corrupt cops knocking each others cars over and getting steamrolled by two random crooks in a car. Nobody in this film knows how to drive and that point will keep on getting brought up over the course of the film. If the villains even so much as try to turn, then the heroes get knocked over because they can’t do the same. The cops nearly lose this round, but the villain randomly crashes and blows up. Now there is a biker gang on the loose who are trying to avenge the other villains and go around blowing up cops and murdering towns. Max, being the hero that he is, decides to run away and leave the rest of the cops to fend for themselves. He takes his family to an abandoned part of the forest where nobody can possibly help them and then runs off again. They’re murdered and now Max has to try and avenge them. Thing is, if he wasn’t even remotely intelligent prior to this..is he smart enough to finish off the job?

Where to start with this film? First off, the writers should clearly rethink their careers because the story is as nonsensical as it can be. There is no focus to the story as its just the bandits messing around with everyone. They might even have more screentime than the main lead and half of the time it’s just them acting obnoxious and yelling a lot. Nobody even makes any logical moves. Take Max for example. Since he was a cop, he knows all about the biker gang and how they target anyone they come across. This also seems to be common knowledge across the country in this alternate future. Why would he possibly leave his family alone once they made it to the woods? This area isn’t far from all of the biker gang attacks after all so he should have gone with them. Even once he meets up with the family, he deserts them again in the very next scene to check out the forest. Finally, when he is trying to murder all of the bikers, he falls into their very obvious trap. Maybe if the film was trying to portray him as an unintelligent person then it would be decent writing, but this is clearly not the intent. Nobody looks smart here and unless this is a film that’s actually taking place in the past and everyone’s a caveman, then it just doesn’t work.

The rest of the cops? Don’t worry about them since they never actually get a role in the film. Like I said, over half of the film is about the villains and the last 15-20 minutes are about Max’s payback. Nothing else that we see in the film is ever important and most of the scenes can be considered as filler. An important thing when constructing a universe is to make sure that everything makes sense. If you live in a society where there is no law and you’re in constant danger, then everyone should always have a gun at the ready. If driving fast is essential to staying alive, then you’d expect people to know how to drive right away. Yet, nobody actually acts like they live in the world that they’re set in. Characters act as if they’re in a normal world and are then surprised when they are constantly attacked.

Mad Max is also a very mean spirited film as you might expect. The villains have their way with everyone and the heroes always suffer very slow deaths or fates worse than death. This film is quite graphic and dark. There’s never any actual happy scenes so instead the film plays the happy tunes when the main character tortures and murders the villains. Definitely shows you what the writer was thinking while writing this. It’s definitely a film that is trying its best to be as edgy and over the top as possible. It definitely succeeds in that regard and with all the shock value thrown into the film I suppose it was never trying to have any sort of quality anyway. This is the kind of film that you can chuck into the can within minutes. I can’t imagine being in the theaters for a film like this. You’d be dashing to the front to get your refund so fast that you’d be a blur. The problem is that everyone else would have the same idea so it would still be tough.

At least the film has a soundtrack so I suppose I should see that as a silver lining, but since the sound director had no idea what he was doing, the music is placed in all of the wrong scenes. It never actually makes sense and I get the feeling that the person in charge of the music didn’t actually watch the movie. Smart idea actually so he’s probably the smartest guy on the team. I can’t really put too much blame on the guy as a result.

There’s not too much more to say and bash about Mad Max since you get the drift. If the characters are poorly written, the plot is nonexistent, the music isn’t placed correctly, the writing for the universe and everything in it is terrible and the script is terrible…what is left for the film? Even the scenery is rather bland as it’s just a bunch of roads and we don’t have any cool buildings. Everything is torn down and old, just like this film. You can get to snoozeville before you actually find something interesting about this film. If the writers couldn’t be bothered to make an actual story why would you even want to try to find one? There is nothing to be found here, only despair and decay.

Max Max’s main incentive for viewers is to see a revenge story. It’s supposed to be exhilarating because they make villains that are really mean and then you get to see the hero become just as mean as he destroys them all. It’s just such a poor way to try and create a plot. Revenge fantasies are just no good as the “hero” ends up becoming just like the villains in his mad quest for vengeance. Still, it’s a popular writing technique for writers who don’t know what else to do because it is extremely easy. Just have a bunch of tragic things happen that causes the hero to snap. You could come up with a plot like this in seconds and that’s likely what the creative staff here did. You could probably come up with a better plot and script in a few minutes than what we got in this film.

Overall, This film is definitely a disaster. It’s the kind of movie that you play to get everyone to shut off the TV and save electricity. There’s no enjoyment to be found here and you’d have a lot more fun just taking a nap or watching a show about paint drying. Sure, paint drying is the classic example, but at least it’s so much of a meme that it would still be a little entertaining as you just space out. I don’t have any real hopes for the sequels to be honest, but how much worse can they get? I know that a film can always get worse, but you do really have to try to be this level of bad. Next time you think of watching Mad Max, remember that nobody deserves to have to watch this film. That’s just how bad this movie is.

Overall 0/10

Lovely, Still Review

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It’s time for a very unique romance film. This one definitely isn’t like most as it’s actually about two senior citizens. You typically expect that people would be satisfied with their current living situation by that age, but I guess not this lead. I’m not a big romance fan and while there are some exceptions, I can’t say that this was one of them. Still, it does have some pretty interesting visuals at times which keeps you guessing.

The film starts off with what is a usual day for Robert. He gets up early to go to work, goes home after work, then he goes to sleep. It’s pretty empty since he has no hobbies, but it is what it is. Then one day he is approached by his new neighbor and she wants them to immediately start dating. She seems awfully desperate, but so is Robert so they quickly get together. Mary’s daughter tries to warn her against this, but she’ll hear nothing of it and Robert asks advice from everyone he knows. Can this romance really work?

Well, as I mentioned, Mary seems really desperate the whole time. That should ring up some serious warning bells for Robert if you ask me. It just never feels like the romance was natural and that Mary was targeting him from the start. Sure, it’s nice to see some initiative from her I guess, but I just don’t know about this. Now, there is a massive plot twist by the end which does help this aspect of the movie. By the end Mary is a much better character than she appears to be. That’s one positive aspect of the twist and it really changes the whole dynamic of the film.

Throughout the film we also get some very random moments where Robert is dreaming and we see a lot of bright lights. It gets very trippy and meta with horror music that you would expect from anime. It’s fun to look at though and while it is pretty pointless, that’s one way to pad out the time right? It makes you wonder what the film is going for so you start having a lot of theories like, what if Robert is actually crazy? It’ll at least pop up in your mind, especially since Robert wrapped himself up a gun for Christmas. He’s definitely pretty unstable.

As for Robert, I’m afraid that I didn’t like him. With or without the plot twist, he’s just not a character that I can get behind. The film makes him appear to be incredibly naive, but he’s an old man right? It’s not like he just skipped his teenage and adult life. This guy should be pretty familiar with life as a whole by this point. Even if we incorporate the plot twist and assume that these parts of his past are foggy, it should also make him aware that something’s not right. So, I’d say that it just doesn’t really add up. He also jumps to conclusions and seems to be rather possessive. In short, there wasn’t really any reason for me to like him. He’s just not a lead that I can get behind and he’s not too grateful to Mike considering how helpful he was.

Mike is Robert’s boss and a pretty upstanding guy overall. He helps Robert pick up presents and even gives him a ride. He shares his intel and life experience with Robert in order to help the date go well. He is nothing but supportive and even then Robert just doesn’t show up to work one day and doesn’t even call out. Mike only found out because he happened to drop by the house. Mike was the best character by a long shot to be honest and easily the most enjoyable character. At first you’re not sure if he will be a nice guy or a really tough guy, but in the end we find out that it was the former all along. He is the comic relief character of the film, but not in the way you’d suspect. He’s not unintelligent or constantly making mistakes. Mike is actually very smart and even has plans on how to get rich. His comedic moments are from his quick dialogue and tips that may not go over so well. He delivers these lines with a straight face though and helps keep this film from being a total romance with no interesting plots to keep you hooked.

While the romance isn’t as bad as a typical modern film where it escalates from 0-10 within a night, I still didn’t like it. Again, romance at this stage is just too late. Even if it wasn’t, it’s just way too corny. Most of the scenes are just hard to watch. The whole time you’ll be asking yourself why these two people couldn’t just be friends instead of dating. If they’re both just lonely and want a companion then being friends makes sense. It doesn’t always have to suddenly get romantic. As a result, I just couldn’t get behind this. As far as the plot twist is concerned, it’s definitely interesting. It definitely adds some tragic elements to the film as well but they aren’t overplayed. It gives the film more depth and as I explained earlier it also makes the romance a little more passable. It’s not enough to save the film or anything, but it was a good twist.

Overall, This is a romance film that really feels like a romance film. Aside from the plot twist the film doesn’t do anything to make itself stand out. I suppose they felt like the gimmick of having the main characters be really old was good enough. While it’s not as if the film is poorly made, this is just a genre that has to be executed extremely well or it simply won’t work. There are millions of romance films and only a small% of them are actually good. It’s also really hard to build up a romance in a single film since there isn’t much time for development. If you watch this film, definitely watch it for Mike’s antics. He’s actually a fun character and his scenes are a blast. Still, you can’t expect one character to hold an entire film on his own do you? He does his best, but it’s not enough. If you want to watch a better romance film….I’m not sure what to tell you. If you want a good emotional film, then I’d recommend watching Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection F. You’ll definitely get emotional when the Earth is targeted!

Overall 4/10

Mary Poppins Review

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Mary Poppins is definitely a classic film that I’m sure most of us have heard of at some point or another. It’s a light hearted musical/comedy with a punch of supernatural elements to keep things fresh. It’s definitely held up well and can certainly be considered as the definitive musical. I suppose it depends on how literal you take the term since some films are right on the edge of being counted.

The film starts off with yet another Nanny running away from her responsibilities. She simply can’t handle the two rebellious kids and their constant running away. The father is forced to run an advertisement for a new nanny. That’s when the Professional Reality Warper, Mary Poppins shows up for her first attack. She summons a tornado to (fatally?) take down the competition and hires herself. Will she be able to make the kids be more responsible or will this be beyond her abilities?

The father is definitely the best character in the movie. He sets the tone early on when he bursts through the door at exactly 6:01 and bursts into song. Clearly this is a man of culture and finesse. He isn’t one to be trifled with and commands a very strict home. He reminds his wife that a classic British House is run as tightly as the bank. His song has quite a few great lyrics like that and once the kids return from their brief escapade he is firm but not mean. He comes up with an advertisement in the mail that is quite good. While he may be on the back foot against Mary Poppins, he is always quick to recover. He may have cracked by the end and suddenly become a very happy person but even that role he plays with discipline. He is just the perfect character and certainly the one that I was rooting for.

Mary Poppins is an interesting character. Based on the advertisement that the kids left you would assume that she is a very nice person. Well, that actually isn’t the case. She takes everything personally and does seem to hold a grudge. She seems to have a thing against having fun and always has to be goaded into using her abilities. Mary Poppins completely shuts down when anyone asks her a personal question or just anything about her magic and tries to make everyone look bad by denying its existence. It’s hard to get a bead on her and it just seems like she didn’t really want the position at first and only warms up to the kids by the end. Her abilities are definitely as impressive as they ever were though. She has advanced reality warping abilities which are quite handy in any kind of situation.

There are also the two kids but they don’t seem to be very good characters. For starters they make the Dad seem like the bad guy but if we’re being honest they deserve most of the blame. Since numerous baby sitters have run off over the years we have to assume that running away is nothing new for them. They don’t have any good reason for running away either and cleaning their rooms is apparently too much to ask. While they get some character development over the course of the movie I just couldn’t find myself being able to like the kids. They even sabotaged their father’s career by making a big scene at the bank and tackling an old man. Any respect I may have gained for the kids before this was certainly lost during this moment. The kids have to learn to control themselves. Even singing their advertisement was not a good move as the only thing it did was really push the father away from accepting it.

There is also Mary Poppins friend who knows about her powers. If sounds like they have gone on quite a few adventures so I’m assuming that he follows her around. After all, Mary Poppins seems to travel around quite a bit for each of her cases so I doubt she has been in this town before. Since the guy doesn’t even have a classic job, he probably just gets an occupation at whatever destination she goes too next. He’s a good friend for Mary since she takes everything too seriously while he is the opposite. He may make it harder to cure his uncle from the laughing flu since he is always laughing as well, but that’s his one main weakness.

The film’s actual plot is fairly direct and concise so the film does go on some tangents do but time. Fortunately these tangents are actually good do a change. One such scene is with the laughing uncle which I mentioned earlier. I don’t have any sympathy for the Uncle by the way since he can easily stop floating if he really wants too, but it’s fun to see the friend trolling Mary by getting everyone to laugh. Again, the guy is a pretty solid character. There is also a rather long, but fun Looney Tunes esque skit where Mary suckers a few jockeys into letting her win and the characters mess with the animal Olympics. The scenes would probably not be too good if the music was not in point so this is one of those times where the music really amplified the experience.

A musical lives or dies on the music after all and these songs hold up very well. The tempo/beat of the music is always very fast and lively which is a good thing. The lyrics aren’t bad either as the characters talk quickly and get a lot of messages in a short amount of time. You’ll just find yourself paying more attention to the musical sounds than the lyrics and that’s not a bad thing. The made up word in the film certainly got popular as well and has enough syllables to be in a song as well.

Overall, Mary Poppins is a lot of fun. It’s a film you can enjoy at any time. It’s one of those light hearted films that surprisingly doesn’t get serious or dramatic at the end. It stays whimsical all the way through which is quite rare. It has a lot of replay value and being enjoyable is always the first goal of any film so this one really succeeded. The film doesn’t drag on and the music is on point. If you haven’t seen this film yet then you should definitely correct that. It’s a movie that actually does live up to the hype and that is really rare to be honest. Now I’m ready for that sequel coming up but I have my doubts on if it can be as good as this one. Maybe if she has to fight a dark Mary Poppins in a cool CG fight though.

Overall 7/10