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Curse of the Black Widow Review

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This has to be one of the weirdest films I’ve ever seen. The tone is absolutely all over the place, the soundtrack has 0 consistency, the plot is super convoluted with a ton of twists, the main character looks like Vince from WWE, there are tons of crazy facial expressions, we have a surprising amount of world building for no reason, and there is even some sequel bait. This film just could not calm down and while it starts to get a bit tiring by the second half, I just have to appreciate the ambition. I actually think there was a ton of creativity here and a whole lot of possibilities to make this into a great film. It couldn’t quite get there and I have my share of issues but it was better than I was expecting.

So the movie starts off with Mark at the bar having a bunch of drinks when a beautiful lady shows up and asks for one of the men to escort her to the car. Specifically she only wants one of the guys so Mark goes back to his drink wishing that he was selected. He would quickly change his tune though as they hear yelling and when he heads outside, the guy has been murdered and the lady is nowhere to be seen. It turns out that her name is Valerie and now she is a suspect in the murder. Mark is hired by a lady named Leigh who explains that she was the guy’s girlfriend. The police suspect that she is behind this because her excuse of not showing up to meet her boyfriend as planned was one of the flimsiest that we’ve heard. Basically the rain was too hard. Mark decides to take up the case and he’s about to fall into a whole conspiracy of craziness.

Okay so the first thing that will stand out here is the strong soundtrack. You have a lot of really fast paced jingles and the movie is generally going for a very energetic vibe. Things are just popping and it really doesn’t match the scary vibe the movie is going for. Yeah sometimes the film will get a little quiet and it will try to get ominous but by then it’s just way too late. I liked the music though, it may not be all that fitting most of the time but it does liven things up which is always cool.

Then Mark also has a ton of facial expressions all the time with a bunch of zoom ins here and there. He is visibly shocked by just about everything and doesn’t even know the basics about spiders. This guy doesn’t seem like he would be a particularly good detective and I can imagine him getting emotionally involved with all of his clients. He seemed a little too eager to take up Leigh’s offer after all and then later on he starts to get a bit jealous at the dance. He doesn’t strike me as a very upstanding guy and is someone you’d probably be better off avoiding the whole time.

Still, he does have that obnoxious kind of personality that lets him strong arm anyone who gets in his way. He has a lot of connections and even members of the cops are ready to help him. We learn about the women who are able to turn into spiders and have super abilities among other such legends. He is really hard pressed to believe any of it for a good while but finally comes around after the proof is truly undeniable.

I liked the chief of police, Gully. Yeah he doesn’t always make the best decisions and probably keeps the situation a little too tight lipped but what I can respect about him is that he doesn’t back down. Mark can bully most of the side characters along to his whims but not this guy. No sirrrrr, Gully is here for the long haul and gets the final say. That’s the kind of guy you want in charge of the investigation.

Now, another area I have to give the film props in is with the subplot at the house where you have Laura and a kid. This plot randomly showed up near the beginning of the movie and had nothing to do with anything. Then wayyyyy later on it returns and still seems to be out of place. They’re talking about secrets, Leigh is involved, etc. It’s only by the end where we get a machine gun styled swarm of twist after twist. The plots end up converging but it took so long that I actually started to think that the film forgot about it. Yeah that would be crazy but I did start to really consider it.

Honestly, the film would be better off without any of that anyway. It’s the weakest part of the film by far. I preferred to have this mysterious lady going around bumping men off for rejecting her. That’s a much scarier premise than having all the family drama and learning everything about the past. I don’t want to know more about the character, I want to just focus on how to stop her. We have this one guy who easily seduces the lady and every scene with him is absolutely painful. You’re just rooting for someone to transform into a spider and eat him already.

Also the film gets some kudos for having the first guys to actually have some class. It feels like in almost every film, the guy will buckle immediately if a pretty woman so much as talks to him. Doesn’t matter if he’s married or engaged, he just starts blubbering like a fool and cheats immediately. Not the case this time! The first two girls actually turn Valerie down which is why they are absolutely crushed. I appreciated the resolve there. Would have been nice if they could fight too but let me not get greedy. It was just a nice change of pace to see.

Also this is a better vampire film than most vampire titles and that’s even without having any kind of vampire in it. We still had the blood sucking but it was generally not on screen and the way it was handled with the tendrils was way better than biting the neck. Spiders just have a more pleasant way of going about things.

Overall, Curse of the Black Widow is an absolutely wild ride. It’s crazy just how much is going on and it’s all so rapid. Even with that, the second half does drag on a bit with all the exposition and twists. I super did not care about anything that was happening there and wanted to go back to the mystery. That’s what they should have focused on and the movie would have been better off for it. At the end of the day I wouldn’t recommend the film, it made too many mistakes. Still, it was considerably better than I expected and you see so many missed opportunities that it hurts, but you can feel the ambition. The movie took a wide swing and while it missed, it was a fair effort.

Overall 4/10

Corridors of Blood Review

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This is one of those films that will make you shake your head. The characters make a lot of dicey decisions but in particular the main character really doesn’t look very smart at all. You’ll have a hard time believing that he is a scientist of any sort. He just keeps on making so many wrong turns that you definitely have to put a lot of active blame on him. Without him, the villains would not have gotten nearly as far as they did.

The movie starts by introducing us to Thomas who is known as the greatest surgeon in the business. This guy can handle operations very quickly which minimizes the pain to the patient. Still, he is not satisfied. There has to be a way to knock the patient out before conducting a large scale operation and he is determined to find this path. He experiments with a bunch of drugs and formulas to try and get the timing down but doesn’t use any assistants. So he drugs himself and the side effects are rather strong. He bungles his way into Black Ben’s hideout where the guy steals his notebook and forces a partnership. Thomas will now need to team up with these crooks in order to continue. Is this really worth it?

Naturally the goal of inventing anesthesia is a very good one. I can’t imagine going through most operations without something to knock me out. Pain on that level is just scary to even think about. It’s pretty rough seeing the people yelling on the tables as they’re chopped up. So you sympathize with Thomas but he doesn’t act much like a professional with how he runs tests on himself without anybody around to document the effects. That’s why you have more than one person in general. You need someone who can witness what is going on and give you an unbiased account of the events. Additionally, you can’t trust your own recollection or memory since at times you will be completely under. Trying to do this on his own was a fool’s errand from the jump.

Then even that might not have been so bad if he could lock the doors or something until he was completely sober. Instead he wanders around outside and gets into trouble. The whole scene of him getting pickpocketed is super embarrassing. Then even once he’s in his right mind, it was rather easy to convince him to help out. Thomas figures that trading the lives of a few people and some dead bodies is worth it for science but it’s a slippery slope. Naturally these villains continue to get worse and worse.

So I didn’t like Thomas in the end. He ended up just giving the villains too much leeway. His son wasn’t much better with how he didn’t even try to think of any ideas. His wife probably could have warned Thomas more as well on the risks involved with the science, but she isn’t a scientist so I put the least amount of blame on her. In the end, the best hero by far was Inspector Donovan. Finally we had someone with a little sense around here. I was glad when he pointed out that the time to act was now. He busted through with his men and really made short work of the villains.

The inspector didn’t appear much in the film but was definitely a scene stealer if I’ve ever seen one! As for the villains, they’re all rather annoying and super smug the whole time. Resurrection Joe is randomly one of those guys trying to attack women out of the blue and it was the kind of scene we definitely did not need in this film. It certainly set the stage for how morally bankrupt the villains are but we already knew that. I don’t get why the girl kept on working there after that. Throughout the film she half heartedly asks what’s going on and the others just give her the runaround, victim blame her, or just tell her to get lost.

Meanwhile Black Ben’s girl is just smirking and laughing the whole time. She really doesn’t do much beyond that and unfortunately the main character just takes it the whole time. Black Ben is also one of those smirking type figures who always knows that he’s in the lead. Once the chips are down though, he folds like the rest. Definitely not much to these villains, I’d almost have preferred if the surgeon had a Jekyll and Hyde situation with the drug although I suppose that would be a tad generic so maybe this is for the best.

In the end, most of the troubles in this film felt really forced. Take Thomas’ failure near the beginning where he tries to drug someone but the guy wakes up early. It sounds to me like Thomas never experimented on anyone other than himself which is a dangerously low sample size. Surely he could have tried with his son and everything. Also, why not strap the guy down just in case? Even if to prevent him from moving in his sleep. Like I said, the guy made bad decision after bad decision over and over again.

It felt like the writers sort of had the outcome planned but weren’t sure on the steps to get there. So it’s like this was written backwards to allow for this to happen when it should have been done in order. So the writing’s not very good and I can’t say many positive things about the pacing either. It was a team effort that led this film to fail so everyone played their part.

Overall, Corridors of Blood is a film that I would not recommend. I was certainly not expecting a movie about inventing anesthesia so that was interesting but it could and should have been done so much better. This feels like a B grade crime thriller at best and it forgot all of the thrills at home. You should definitely skip out on this movie, it doesn’t really have anything to offer you. It will quickly be forgotten within the pages of time, never to be seen again.

Overall 4/10

Transformers One Review

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All right it’s time for the big origin film that came out recently for Transformers. This one is a film I definitely saw a lot of leading up to the release. People were ready for a full theatrical film without any humans running around. It’s a pretty good film, I had a fun time with it. The action scenes get intense by the end and of course it’s always fun to see Optimus Prime in action. I would definitely be up for a sequel at some point, particularly since the film is at its best when the main character is in Prime mode.

The film starts off by introducing us to Optimus and Megatron but back when they were known by their former names. They work as miners who help excavate and keep the planet running. It’s not a very glamorous job to say the least and most people don’t think too highly of miners either way. These bots don’t have a transformation cog so they are seen as a bit inferior. Prime wants to change this and figures on entering the big race with Megatron which doesn’t go great, but they do get close to winning at one point. This gets them in trouble and sends them deeper into the planet, but there they find out about a conspiracy that could shake the entire planet to its core. Cybertronian history will never be the same.

Since this is a prequel of course we know that Prime and Megatron will be okay. No matter if it’s a new continuity or working to fit in with some others, they wouldn’t bump them off early. The main draw of the story is instead seeing how they used to be friends and what wedged them apart. If you’re watching for this, then you may be disappointed to see that Megatron’s arc happens rather quickly. He isn’t allowed to make quite as much sense as he could which is unfortunate because I would argue that he should be neck and neck with Prime in terms of rationale. Prime takes the soft approach while Megatron goes ultra aggressive. That’s more in line with what I was expecting but it didn’t exactly play out like that.

Megatron is still a fun character though once he enters Megatron mode. I didn’t care for his original personality quite so much, same with Prime’s. The characters are just so much cooler once they enter their main modes. Megatron really deals a lot of damage and throw himself into every fight. That’s great and he really has a savage fighting style. This is one of those continuities where he does appear to be a solid step below Prime in terms of power level but I could definitely see him getting a power up if we ever get Transformers Two.

Naturally once he enters Prime mode, Optimus is the great lead that you always expect to see. He has a commanding presence and is an absolute force on the battlefield. I like his fighting style and the guy was taking on a whole squad and making it look easy. That’s why he is the face of the Autobots, you wouldn’t want anyone else to be taking up that role. The film has a small cast but it works out when you have tow characters like this.

Bumblebee is okay, I’ve seen worse portrayals of him. The constant talking is fine but I don’t feel like he got very clever lines. I’d like to see them touch up his wit just a tad in a future installment. I do like that his fighting skills are legit though. As the scout he should really be able to rough up his opponents so I really appreciated that. Meanwhile Elita looked really solid from the jump. She talks tough the whole time and always delivers on the banter. She’s also not just a big mouth, when it came time for the serious fights she held her own and then some. She is really portrayed as one of the strongest characters and it’s impressive.

On the villain’s side, Soundwave and Shockwave don’t get much to do. Fans of the former should still be okay but Shockwave fans are going to have a brutal time because I would argue he looks flat out bad. I was satisfied with Starscream’s role though. Sure he’s not taking big wins or anything like that but I thought the role was fitting for his character and it’s not like it was a bad role. He’s a big fish in a small pond but can’t keep up with the top tiers. That sounds about right to me.

Airachnid gets a lot of the hype for the villains. It’s a shame that the final fight is so short because she was dominating otherwise. Definitely a really fun addition and you always like to see a villain who is absolutely ruthless and just mows down all of the fighters in her way. Given how impressive she was, I do think she should have been allowed to put up more of a fight in the climax.

Alpha Trion’s okay but not really my favorite character. He talks tough and is useful but when the chips are down he folds rather quickly. I would have liked a better showcase of his abilities despite how old the guy is. Sentinel Prime is a pretty fun character though. He’s always got some fun lines. The guy is about as fake as Booster Gold with the paparazzi but that’s part of what makes the character work. You really can’t take what he says seriously but the guy is still a very powerful warrior.

The animation in the film is pretty good. I’m not a big fan of the character designs for the most part from the second half but I like basically all of the upgraded modes. That means we should be in good shape for the sequel. The fights are solid and fast paced which is really the important part here. The soundtrack’s pretty decent as well although I don’t feel like any of the songs were super misleading. So on a technical level the film holds its own and the pacing is good so it never drags on.

The film’s biggest weakness I’d say is that the first half is just not as engaging. We really just want to get to the meat and potatoes of the story so the first half feels a bit long when it is setting up the stage. I think you could have easily chopped a lot of that and instead used it to really start showing the subtle differences in Megatron and Prime’s ideologies. We saw the difference in their personalities but this is a bit different. It might also just come down to writing.

The concept isn’t bad with the first half being like a buddy cop film and the second half gets serious. The movie just isn’t all that funny to me. At no point is it ever cringey or anything though so I’m super appreciative of that. The second half just feels like a true jump in quality to me, particularly since I really enjoy the lore and seeing what all of the robots were doing in the past. It’s why I think a sequel would be particularly strong since it can really jump into all of this without having to set anything up.

Overall, Transformers One succeeds in its job as being a fun film that you can check out at any time. It’s got a good balance of action and adventure the whole time so fans of either side should have a good time. The movie definitely set up the stage for quite a few future events should they want to continue here and the cast was also extended by the end. There are a whole lot of directions to take the series, they just gotta pick one and commit to it. The sooner they do, the sooner we can get our next animated film in the works.

Overall 7/10

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House Review

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It’s time for one of those spooky ghost films. The main problem this movie has though is that it’s not quite as scary as it thinks it is. For the most part you’re just thinking that Lily is not handling the situation well. For the most part when you’re in a spooky situation you need to make sure that you are scarier than what is coming. If you’re someone who generally gets scared easy then make sure you don’t put yourself in tricky situations.

The movie starts with Lily moving into a new house to take care of an aging author. This author was a famous murder mystery writer for a very long time. She is unfortunately nearing the end of her life and so Lily works as a stay in nurse who can provide 24/7 care. It’s an extremely difficult job particularly as there is no real end point to it. Lily will continue to provide assistance for as long as she can until the author has passed. The problem? Lily is super scared of ghost stories, mysteries, or anything dark. It’s so bad that she cannot even read a book about dark things or watch any movies. The house is starting to feel rather dark with the stench of death and a mysterious mold is growing as well. Is this the end of Lily’s story?

Right off the bat it does feel like Lily is absolutely in the wrong profession here. For starters, death can be scary for most and so Lily not being able to tackle scary things puts her in a really tough spot. Additionally, you have to factor in some items to prepare yourself for the long stay. Lily can’t go outside and leave the author alone for even a moment which means she is always inside the house. You should have dozens of books and whatever other items you can think of to pass the time by. Lets say Lily has to be here for 1 full year. Without anything to do it would be easy to get stir crazy.

I imagine you could probably just do a lot of exercise and sit ups to pass the time by but not having anything on hand was a big mistake. Lily has her friends that she can call over the phone but that doesn’t buy a whole lot of time. Of course there is also the TV but it is broken half the time which doesn’t help. So the longer Lily is there, the more she starts hearing things and scaring herself even more. It doesn’t help that she already seemed a little off right from the start. So everything really started piling up more and more here.

Lily is just not a very interesting main character and she’s also not a very strong one. She starts panicking rather quickly after going through far less than most horror main characters. I would say that is a very bad look for her. The way she goes out is also pretty bad, super underwhelming. It’s the kind of finish that you very rarely see for a main character and for good reason. You’re left shaking your head at all of this.

What I will give the movie is that it can be good on not explaining too much. We do get a lot of the general answers involving the ghost but for the little things they are up to your imagination. Did the plants just talk or was Lily crazy? (I say she’s crazy) Did the ghost actively want to murder Lily (Yeah) and if so…why? It’s not like Lily is really to blame for any of this. The origin story is sad to be sure but continuing the cycle by adding Lily in doesn’t seem like it would do much for the dead.

For the most part the film isn’t very violent. I’d say the one exception is part of the flashbacks for one of the characters. It’s all over rather quickly but it is a brutal end. Otherwise this is definitely more of a tame horror about the unseen threats and the mind games that are going on. We do get some interesting jumps between the present and the past later on which makes for an intriguing ending. The idea of wanting to stick around as a ghost seems absurd to me but I suppose everyone has their own ideas so in that sense it’s not crazy that some ghosts want to be spooks forever.

The movie does try to hammer in the title several times. The first time I actually thought it was unintentionally funny. That may sound like a diss at the lead but I feel like the film intentionally framed her in a super unattractive way to contrast the title. When she was referring to herself as the pretty thing I sorta had to do a double take. Like did she just say that? Well, the line comes up several more times throughout the film and while it can be a little repetitive, I know it’s all for the themes and everything. I probably couldn’t tell you the exact point of that though.

Overall, This film is not really my style. It’s another slow burn and this might be one of the slowest burns of them all. Even at the end there is no big climax or anything. Lily can’t fight after all and the cast is extremely small. Lily being so scared and everything felt like a very forced plot point that didn’t really have any reason to be here. I think it would be a lot more effective to have a strong character like the lead in 1408 who is slowly broken down by all of the hauntings. That would make a lot more sense. In the end, this one’s definitely a skip. It needed more jump scares and a more interesting main character. That would have really allowed it to cross the finish line.

Overall 3/10

Gretel & Hansel Review

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It’s time for one of those slow boil films. Sometimes those work out really well and other times you feel like they forgot to really have a finisher. Unfortunately this one veers to the latter. I think there were some decent ideas here but ultimately it is heavily limited by the colors, landscapes, and general decorum of the film. There’s not a whole lot of fun things to look at and when you’re stuck in a bleak environment for too long you start to get a little bored. This film needed to lean a bit harder into the horror or have the character be better fighters I’d say.

The movie starts with Gretel being offered a job but unfortunately it is quickly apparent that her boss would be a creep and so she declines. Her mother is so upset that she throws Gretel and her little brother Hansel out of the house. She forbids them from returning or she will murder them. So the duo run and run but the forest is much too vast and they are nearly destroyed before being saved by someone. This guy basically tells them to stay strong and do their best. He recommends a nearby house that might be helpful. They head over and it is run by a witch named Holda who seems reasonable. Perhaps this will all work out….but something just doesn’t feel right.

The movie’s mainly focusing on the “doesn’t feel right” angle which is where the pacing really starts to die out a bit. As a viewer you know immediately that Holda is evil so you’re ready to get on with it but instead the main characters have to just play their roles for a while. Gretel continues to learn witchcraft from Holda without making any big moves for a while. This can be just very dragged out at times. I was even glad to have a dream sequence after a while to break things up. Holda’s younger form is definitely a lot more intense even if the twist about the food is quite a bit gross.

Holda actually looks like a threat here compared to in the present where she looks so old. We also do get a very brief action scene near the end of the film which looked pretty good. Generally speaking I tend to enjoy blue flames quite a bit even if the classic red ones look more impressive. More of the film should have had cool spells and fire attacks like that. This would have really made things more impressive and would have been a credit to the film if you ask me.

I also did like the very ending of the film as Hansel heads off for his destiny while Gretel continues to work on her own abilities. It feels like the ending to an action film with the characters each deciding to get stronger. That’s actually pretty interesting but you can’t just save that for the ending. The movie should have definitely made some waves earlier than that to really make a difference.

Hansel is pretty young so I won’t be too hard on him but for the most part he’s just a bit annoying and not really very helpful. Gretel does a better job of things as she is basically sacrificing herself the whole time to protect Hansel and buy time for a plan. It would have been nice if she could have put up more resistance directly but I know that would be ultra risky.

The film was at its best before the characters made it to the haunted house. I liked the run-in with the random stranger who was giving advice. Part of why the scene worked so well is because we know absolutely nothing about the guy. He just shows up out of nowhere and you don’t even know how much you can trust him. Like everything else in the forest, there are no easy explanations. I would have taken the whole film in the forest over the house. The film knew how to have a good mystery and that’s why going to the house was a mistake because then it changed more into an escape kind of film.

It also goes back to the backgrounds like I mentioned earlier. The house is rather dreary and the witch is just very old and doesn’t feel much like a threat. It’s not the most engaging backdrop for a film like this and there is no real variety. Everything is very old timey including the food so that doesn’t even look very appealing either. There is nothing to visually catch your attention and since the plot is already intentionally moving slow, that won’t change things up either. What that means is that you’re effectively caught up in a cycle with no real way out.

This film needed some explosions or something. It may not have fit in with the film’s tone but it’s just one idea there. If anything, the backstory we learn through flashbacks may have been more interesting. You had the little girl with powers who was quite sadistic and then the witch trying to turn the tables. There were some good twists in there and it was an interesting origin. That whole part, while brief was more interesting than the main plot which means something definitely went wrong.

Overall, Gretel and Hansel set up a very interesting outside world and squandered all of it to go inside the cabin. It may be what people expected since that’s how the old fable goes but the film just didn’t land on the execution. It had a good mystery vibe at times and solid lore but that was not enough to carry the film. At the end of the day it committed one of the big errors a film could make which is that it was boring. For most of the run you just don’t really care what happens. They probably should have aged the kids up a bit or chosen a different setting. Change this to a full action thriller instead and at least we would have some good action scenes. In the meantime I would definitely say to give this one a skip.

Overall 3/10

Brahms: The Boy II Review

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You know that feeling when the opening credits start to play and you realize that the film is not going to be very good? It’s a rough feeling because it’s like the film made some massive mistakes in the future but the scenes haven’t happened yet so how do you know this? It’s just a gut feeling after years of watching the cinema and I’m afraid that the film could not surpass this. All of the characters act insanely illogical and it’s not even in an intentionally absurdist way. It’s just in a plain old poor writing way and that’s tough to beat.

The film starts off with Liza’s kid Jude being super annoying and pulling pranks to scare her. She’s already made it clear that she doesn’t appreciate this but he doesn’t care. Well, one day the whole crying wolf thing doesn’t go well because an intruder actually is in the house and Jude does not give Liza any kind of heads up. She is defeated by the attackers and now has some severe PTSD. They move in with her husband to a more remote location in the forest area to hopefully help them move on. Jude has been unable to speak since the incident but unfortunately he finds a doll named Brahms underground. This doll may be more than meets the eye and Jude quickly starts to get corrupted.

So one of the many problems here is of course how weak willed Jude is. He immediately allows the doll to take him over without a fight which is pretty annoying. He just follows the doll’s evil rules without any kind of pushback. So much for freewill eh? Not cool and later on he even says that he tries to keep the doll happy so it won’t hurt the others. Wouldn’t a better idea be to tell the family so they can prepare themselves? I also don’t really buy this excuse since Jude was directly the one being crazy a lot of the time.

Jude also should have been talking to the parents instead of only talking to Brahms. So yeah I didn’t like the kid and he was pretty annoying and getting in the way the whole time. Meanwhile the parents take some of the blame as well. When Jude starts talking about how they can’t have any guests anymore, they should have been more serious about telling him that he doesn’t make the rules. They should have taken away the doll a whole lot sooner as well. One instance is when Jude makes some creepy drawings about his parents being murdered. That should have been game over for Brahms instead of not really doing anything about it.

Liza and Sean just didn’t take things seriously in time. None of it feels realistic in the slightest, how are you going to let this kid be so disrespectful and crazy the whole time? Lets ignore the supernatural angle because for now it doesn’t matter. Even if it was a normal doll, it’s clear that it is having a negative effect on Jude so it should be removed. That’s basically the end of the story there. If the doll returns after being buried and burned then that’s tough but at least they’d have given it a good try so I wouldn’t really have complaints there.

The side characters are also annoying like that random cousin who is cartoonishly mean. He basically shows up just to mess with Jude and start a fight. Things don’t go well for him but the whole thing felt pretty forced. then you have the gardener/neighbor Joseph who is rather shady the whole time. He looks worse as the film goes on but yeah it does seem like a security risk to have someone who can randomly walk onto your property at any time. You really can’t let your kid just be hanging out at that point.

The film also can’t avoid the easy pitfall of having animal violence. The dog gets murdered and you’re shaking your head the whole time. Another red flag that the parents ignore in part because they have no proof it was Jude and in part because they’re just not ready for this. The film brutally attacks your intelligence the whole time. The worst part of this is that by extension it makes Brahms look rather weak. For the most part he’s not pulling off any great feats the way that Chucky would. You feel like the parents could have buried him again and if they did it right away then they would be good. After all, that’s how they found him last time. Instead that’s just not what happens here.

As far as horror stinger endings go, I would also say it was on the weak side. It was more about checking off boxes than actually creating a really interesting cliffhanger which was disappointing. I don’t think there’s a whole lot you can do to make this a great series at this point. Films about evil dolls can work but you need to do something more with it. You can’t just have an evil doll and then call it a day. That’s not going to do anything, so you need a hook in addition to that. Maybe making Brahms able to turn his owner into a doll, transforming reality, etc.

Overall, Brahms: The Boy II is definitely a pretty bad film. It’s annoying the whole way through and the parents put up with way too much the whole time. It’s less scary and more so just tiring to see the characters constantly not knowing what to do. Brahms should be more active in a future film so that he is actually causing a lot of damage and talking. Having him just do things off screen at best isn’t good enough and possession is something you can do with any villain so it’s not much of a doll gimmick. I would definitely say to give this film a skip, there’s nothing that it’s really got to keep your attention.

Overall 2/10

Something Wicked This Way Comes Review

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It’s time for another story about resisting temptation because the short term fun will quickly be taken over by something grim. It’s a pretty interesting concept but one that is slightly wasted by this film. I like the idea of someone sinister showing up in a small town and granting everyone’s wishes at a great cost. It’s just hard to really get the full scope of this when the main characters are kids so they can’t really do much about this. It would be a lot more effective otherwise. Still, it’s not a bad film.

The movie starts by introducing us to Will and Jim who have gotten in trouble at school again. It’s not easy for these two kids to live in such a boring town. There’s really just nothing to do except cause trouble at this point. Everyone in town has some issues that they deal with, one one guy missing an arm, one lady being really old, etc. Still, people do the best that they can. One day a strange old guy shows up and gives one of the kids a lightning rod. Seems like a dangerous thing to have at home, but eh the price was pretty good. Everything changes when a mysterious circus/carnival comes into town led by Mr. Dark. His shady name is already an indicator of things to come. He seems to have the ability to make your wish come true. The price? Well, he’ll come to collect that in short order.

Naturally you’d think it would be easy to just say no to the guy and run off but honestly Dark is rather smart about how he handles this. He’s not just cackling on a throne telling people to give up their immortal souls. He just strolls around and creates miracles in a rather low key way. It’s one of the few times I don’t totally blame the random locals for falling into his traps. On the surface the guy doesn’t seem all that crazy although the miracles are a red flag but it’s almost all like one big dream.

The character I do blame for this? Jim. Jim knows what is going on to a much larger degree than the others and yet he really wants Mr. Dark to grant his wish to become older. He is jealous of being a few hours or days younger than Will. That has to be one of the most petty things I’ve heard in quite some time now. He’s also quite ready to beat up Will over this despite the two of them being close friends. I thought that was really crazy! You don’t just betray your best friend on a whim like that. I couldn’t look at him the same after that.

In comparison, Tom had it rough because the guy was actually tortured by Dark for information. This guy never cracked no matter what he was put through. This is where the more interesting plot is at play with what’s going on here. The battle happening in the shadows so to speak so it is annoying when we have to continue following the kids who are out of their depth. There’s probably a TV trope for this but it’s when you are following the B plot while the A plot happens in the background. I feel like there’s a whole other movie in here that we are completely missing out on because the kids can’t handle what is going on.

They’re also way too passive like when one of the guys is de-aged to a kid and is pretending to be the teacher’s nephew. Maybe you don’t tell the teacher because she has no reason to believe you but you definitely handle the kid. Instead they ran off like chickens which was not a good move at all. Charles at least does good since he’s the only grown up to really be in the mix the whole time but the problem is that he’s really old. He can’t hold his own in a fight and at best is able to talk tough verbally to Mr. Dark. I still give him credit for that at least.

I don’t really have many issues with the film but the problem is that the one issue I do have is a pretty big one. The film can just be a little bit on the boring side. We see the process of everyone in town getting their wishes granted and all but after that we are missing out on most of the action because the kids can’t handle it. It feels like a strong opening without much of a payoff. The climax is decent but with adult or even teenage main characters you could have squeezed in a whole lot more action. I’d like to see a reimagining of this film some day because I definitely see the potential.

I’ll throw you out an idea right here, make Tom the main character next time. Lets explore more of what he knows about this and his ultimate plan about it. You could even choose to make a prequel instead. Usually I’m against that but in this case it could really work and I think it would instantly be more exciting than this film. Just something to think about but it would solve the protagonists issue right out of the gate.

Overall, Something Wicked This Way Comes is a very interesting film where the payoff doesn’t quite match up. The title is certainly a descriptive one and makes sense for the movie. The setting and backdrop is all there as well as a solid atmosphere. The decision to have the two main characters be kids is ultimately what buried this one though. You need leads who can fight, not kids who will just stay in the back the whole time getting dominated. I suppose kids need some stories where they can see protagonists their own age running around but it doesn’t really do anything for me. If you are really in the mood for a fantasy title and have seen most of the others already then you should check this one out. Otherwise, there are far better ones out there that you should watch instead.

Overall 5/10

Night Swim Review

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It’s time for a film about the horrors of swimming pools. I’ve got to admit that the premise does make you smirk a bit. Hey, with the right directing you can probably make anything scary, but why pick a swimming pool? That doesn’t seem like a great idea and in the end it didn’t really work out. It does beat some other horror films to be sure but it’s not going to be an all star hit or anything like that. No sirrrrrrrrr.

So the movie starts with a little kid swimming in the pool when a monster drags her under and she dies. We fast forward to the present where a family is moving in. Ray was a big baseball player but an injury forced him to leave the game for a while. His doctor recommended water therapy and so having a pool is a big help. It’s begun to heal his injuries really rapidly, abnormally so. Unfortunately weird stuff continue to happen with the pool and Ray is also acting erratically…almost as if he is possessed. Is the pool to blame or is something else going on here?

The pool demon is fortunately not all that tough though. Basically it can control water, using it to choke you or teleport within it and try to physically overpower you. It’s not all that tough and has low stamina so you can usually overpower it. The things that are tougher to get around is when it launches a sneak attack by making you trip using the water or by spilling glass everywhere. If you drink the water or let any of it go inside an open wound, then you’re basically dead at that point. So it has weaknesses at least but it’s still hard to get around since the pool water connects to the foundations beneath and so it can spread to a lot of water sources from there. You definitely want to watch out.

It appears to be a demon that revels in turning people against each other. For example, making a deal to save one of your kids if you sacrifice another one kind of thing. Aside from the fact that making a deal with a demon is always a bad idea, naturally this also only works if you actually trust the demon and why would you right? Also, sacrificing anyone is crazy right out of the gate. One character makes a deal in a flashback and that definitely didn’t go well. It shows just how evil some characters really are.

For a horror film, this one actually isn’t super violent at least. Some characters get sharp wounds and there is blood but it’s not all that excessive. So I would say it is fairly tame all things considered. If you are afraid of drowning then of course those scenes will be a lot more tense. It is definitely one of the worst ways to go so you can feel their fear there. The thing is, the film still had a hard time really keeping up the tension here. The movie just feels really slow paced with how long it takes for things to happen.

The shapeshifting water monster is also just not that impressive. A better core design would have been a good idea there. Also, the main characters are okay at best. The two kids Izzy and Elliot don’t really have anything going for them here. Eve at least has a fairly big role here as she keeps noticing weird things going on with the pool. Ultimately it’s one of those things where she isn’t really able to prove anything about it for quite a while but she’s sort of playing the detective here. Gathering the clues and learning about the shady history from the neighbors so that we have the answers for the ending. She is proactive about trying to stop the monster though and gets points there.

Ray loses the points for the most part here since he is constantly losing to his dark impulses. The monster takes him over rather easily and has him mind controlled for large parts of the film. I will always take shots at a character who is manipulated this easily, particularly when it is against his own family. You just can’t let that happen, at the end of the day your biggest duty is to protect your family and so if you can’t do that then it’s over. He should have found some way to keep on going or at least get away from the pool. The fact that he couldn’t is a big knock against him.

The rest of the town was pretty reasonable at least. The one family didn’t press charges despite Ray acting pretty crazy and the Baseball team seemed fun. I could have had fun seeing more practices and sports happening. There is a mild romance plot with Izzy that feels completely pointless though. The whole marco polo scare sequence was really stretched out and it’s a huge suspension of disbelief. When someone’s not playing the game properly then you just end it. You don’t keep your eyes closed and just wait forever. Also, how could she not tell that his voice dropped so hard into a deep, mysterious voice? The monster sounded nothing like him and yet she could not tell the difference at all. If it was meant to sound like him and that was just for the movie audience then that’s not particularly good writing on the film’s part.

The characters definitely don’t make the smartest moves here at all. Also, the scene where Ray nearly drowns the one kid by not moving is also super weird because he was just playing a game with another family. The pool is also absolutely packed with a ton of people in it. It’s a big pool, but it’s not huge. How did nobody notice until it was so late? A guy who wasn’t even in the pool was the first to jump in and help out which is crazy. At most you would have needed to show the monster was using reality warping to move everyone away or something. Some weird time displacement but that isn’t implied so it just seems like a weird issue. This film definitely wasn’t always focused on the writing that’s for sure.

Overall, I think this film probably would have been more interesting without the horror stuff. Remove the monster and just make it a movie about Ray rehabilitating his injury and coming to terms with the fact that he isn’t a top player anymore. Along the way Izzy would learn not to be having shady relationships in secret and Ray’s son would learn how to gain some confidence in playing Baseball because none of those mild subplots really went anywhere in this film. It feels like there would have been enough content for a slice of life movie like that instead of all the generic monster stuff.

Overall 4/10

Silver Bullet Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another Werewolf movie! Uh oh, these don’t tend to be all that good most of the time and I’m afraid this title is no exception. You’re rather limited in what you can do with this kind of plot and the movie doesn’t really try and branch out. Everyone is systematically taken down and crushed by the rampaging beast while the heroes try to find a way to overpower it. It won’t be easy though since two of them are kids and the adult tends to be drunk most of the time. Not the strongest trio to save the day.

The film opens up by introducing us to a small town that is quite happy. Everyone gets along and it tends to be rather peaceful around here. Crime just doesn’t happen and when one person is destroyed, they assume it must have been an accident. When two more people get bumped off, they figure there’s a crazy killer on the loose. The problem is that the bodies continue to pile up and there are no real leads. Marty suggests that it could be a werewolf but his uncle Red doesn’t take him all that seriously. Still, Red has decided to protect his family and prepares himself with a silver bullet. Between the actual bullet and Marty’s wheelchair which is also known as the silver bullet, they can defeat any form of evil that appears to cause any trouble.

One of the ways the film immediately tries to lose points by is making the whole cast pretty unlikable. Most of the characters who were bumped off at the beginning are rather unlikable like the bully kid and the alcoholic guy. Then you have someone who was in a scandal because she had an affair with someone. I don’t remember the guard doing anything shifty at the beginning though so that was tough luck. Then among the survivors, well Red is definitely not a great role model so it’s not like he’s going to be a great character. You can’t put him in the same conversation as the others but he still could have been better.

Marty means well but should have defended the heroine more from the pranks near the beginning of the film. It wasn’t really a good look for him and of course he is in a wheelchair so it’s not like he can move around as well as the other characters but I feel like he still could have done something here. At least he does well with the whole Werewolf issue. Marty knows how to drive around on his super wheelchair pretty well, he can even outrun several cars. That takes a lot of skill for a kid to pull this off and he makes it look easy.

The film’s tone isn’t quite as grim as you would expect even with everyone getting bumped off. I think I was expecting it to all be very serious but the film has its share of humor as well. The music randomly gets happy at times too and everything. It can be a little weird to be sure but it could have worked out if the film was better at that. Like throw in some puns and everything and make this part parody. That may have actually worked out better.

After all, this version still has a lot of violence so that isn’t going to help matters. The Werewolf takes a lot of injuries before going down and of course the victims all get brutal ends as well. I think the worst part here for them is that Werewolves are hardly all powerful. Even without a silver bullet you can at least wound and slow one down. The fact that they all panicked with their guns and didn’t shoot until it was too late was awful. The whole point of having a gun is so you can shoot it when the going gets tough. These guys absolutely fumbled the bag in every possible way here.

I would have liked to have seen more of the town meetings because to me that was the strongest part. Have them debate on how to handle this crisis. The sheriff tries talking against the whole community justice because it can get out of hand but in terms of the debate I would say he lost that one. He couldn’t really think of any reasons not to have it that would justify having the town wait on standby. There were already too many victims for that. I think what he should have done was to accept it, but coordinate who goes where himself. That would at least keep it controlled to a degree. It probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference against the Werewolf but that would have been my plan at least.

Also, the writing can be really dicey at times. So the main characters know that the werewolf will be targeting them in the climax. In fact, they know the exact day he will be attacking. So they barricade themselves at home and get ready. Then in the 11th hour, Red starts letting his guard down and even saying the kids should go to bed. He’s ready to fight them over it and doubts it when the girl says she saw a Werewolf. That was just crazy and it’s the kind of scene that would work well if this was a full on parody but we know it isn’t. So that was just bizarre, there’s no way you would even think of sending the kids to bed when the monster could be showing up any second now.

Overall, Silver Bullet is definitely not a good film. It’s a far cry from 1408 which was a whole lot more interesting from the King adaptions. This one is just super basic without anything really going for it. There are no characters that you really want to follow. The most interesting is probably the reverend and he doesn’t get a whole lot to do. The main characters could use a lot of work before they would really be all that likable. The film is definitely quite violent with everyone getting bumped off but lacks purpose beyond that. I would say to definitely skip this one and in general, continue to skip werewolf movies as they aren’t quite up to par yet. This one didn’t even bother with a big plot twist ending which was annoying.

Overall 2/10

From Beyond The Grave Review

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Uh oh it’s anthology time! That means we’re gonna be in for some terrible stories but hopefully some good ones to end up balancing things out. It can really end up being a close fight all the way through with this kind of title. Ultimately it loses the fight but I appreciate the end of the film having a little fun with the concept. It made for a better ending than most horror titles if I’m being 100% with you guys.

The story starts by showing us a shady store filled with antiques. The owner is an old man who can seem rather oblivious at times, but you shouldn’t let your guard down around him. In each story, someone shows up to the store to buy an antique while someone hangs around outside and never seems to want to go in as long as anyone else is in there. It’s a rather troubling situation for the guy but why does he want to go in so badly? The antiques in the store are extremely good quality but the prices are a tad high so the customers are always tempted to rip the owner off. That may be a bad idea though….

In the first story a guy decides to buy a mirror from the store. He haggles the owner into letting him buy it for cheap and figures it’ll look good at home. Unfortunately his friends want to do one of those creepy seance rituals and he agrees because for some reason people have no self preservation skills in these things. He wakes up the ghost of the mirror who has decided to go on a murder spree. This spirit craves blood and violence and so he commands the sap to go around murdering people. The main character has no real agency of his own and so he does this until the monster throws the chump into the mirror to repeat the cycle. It’s definitely the worst story so it’s an interesting way to start the anthology off. In a way maybe it’s actually good to lead off with the weakest and get better as you go on though.

Still, there is no shortage of issues with this one. For starters, the main guy crumbled way too easily. He doesn’t even consider breaking the mirror or just telling the spirit no. The spirit is probably commanding him because presumably it doesn’t have enough strength to do the job personally. In fact, that’s the whole point, that it needs blood to power up. So just resist him and break the mirror. This should be easy! Instead the whole special is just really annoying and you’ll be rolling your eyes the whole time. It’s rather dark with so many people being knifed and it takes a lot of blows for each victim to go down so it ends up being dragged out quite a bit. The fact that people just walk over to his apartment is crazy.

He does target the vulnerable for the most part but even then it is extremely not a good idea to go over to someone’s home when you don’t know them at all. This was basically like an old school slasher, all violence and no substance. Fortunately like I said, this is the weakest one so things do start to look a little better going forward. Huge emphasis on the little better part though because this next one is also brutal.

We follow a guy who is down on his luck. He married a girl who doesn’t respect him and his kid is also constantly picking fights and being super annoying. Not a very good combination at all and one day he decides to rob a blind man who was selling cigarettes. The guy seems to think highly of our main character though and so the lead lies about being a decorated military person. He goes to the antique’s shop and even steals a medal. Things are looking up and the blind man even has a daughter who seems to be attracted to the lead. His ego has now been restored and so he heads to the house to quickly begin cheating on his wife and succumbing to all of his worldly desires.

Naturally there is a cost to this, which is that the daughter is quite possessive and wants to murder his wife now. She is rather creepy and has every red flag in the book but the lead is quite used to this since he himself is one massive red flag. So he gives the okay and the cycle of violence continues, but what he doesn’t realize is that it will inevitably fall back to him eventually. You really don’t feel bad for him. Yeah his family was mean to him but the fact that he jumped right to stealing and cheating shows that he had no real moral compass of his own. He hasn’t really done much to be proud of and so perhaps there are things we haven’t seen to further explain why nobody gives him any respect. Either way it’s definitely a rather twisted story about bad deeds coming full circle with each other. It’s another rather violent segment as well so get ready for the brutal deaths here.

In the third special, a guy decides to switch the prices in the antiques shop to save money and mess over the owner. Feeling proud of himself, he heads back home but now there is a demon on his shoulder that is causing all kinds of trouble like even going off to try and murder his wife. He needs the help of a super expensive/shifty psychic but can she really deal with the problem? I’d say the biggest problem with this special is really just that it drags on a bit. The monster is invisible so most of the action can’t really be seen and the ritual for getting rid of the creature is a bit on the silly side. You’re just waiting for the characters to get with the program the whole time. I will say that the ending is probably the most effective out of the 4. It was definitely pretty sudden and yeah maybe a bit depressing but it worked. It definitely cleared the first two specials and reminds you why you should not steal. Your crimes will come back to you.

I think making the monster visible would have been a lot more interesting. Maybe like only the main guy could see it or something. That may have been tough on the special effects but it would have worked a lot better. Or make it visible to us but not to the characters, now that could be rather spooky as well. But completely invisible? Ehhhhh I don’t think that’s really the way to go at all.

Finally we have a story where a guy decides to buy a whole door from the antique shop. The door is pricey and the antique owner leaves the cash register open so it is tempting to take back the money. We don’t see the guy’s choice initially as he heads home. The problem is that the door is set to Narnia settings so opening it takes you to a whole new world. In that world, there is a powerful ghost who is trying to get out and he even make a move to kidnap the guy’s wife. He must now fight the ghost but is he mentally prepared to face such a powerful fighter? This special had some actual action which was pretty fun. The guy didn’t play the matchup very well but he wasn’t really given much prep time. I at least give him credit for jumping in and attacking instead of cowering or anything like that. Now that would have been rough.

This one had a good ending as well which shows the theme of the movie. If you resist temptation and don’t mess with the owner then you are okay. I do think the first one is a stretch though since the guy didn’t steal anything. Sure, he did some hard bartering and lowered the price but to me that’s not in the same category as the others. At most you could call it deceptive but he didn’t outright rob the guy. Still, good on the final main character for resisting the urge to save a buck. He did the right thing in the end.

Overall, As I mentioned, the ending beyond the 4 stories was really solid. Definitely good stuff all around and it’s definitely how you want to finish off a movie like this one. Unfortunately, the movie was still no good either way. Just too violent all the way around as it didn’t really hold back and most of the stories weren’t all that good. This is a horror title that I would not be able to recommend in the end. You’d be better off just watching some of the classic Gamera films instead. Anthologies continue to be more of a miss but ideally people will perfect the formula in the future at some point. It’s our only chance to save the genre.

Overall 3/10