Tag Archives: Film Review

Insidious: The Last Key Review

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The main insidious thing about this film is the sharp drop in writing quality. One thing the series was always good for was some pretty solid writing and lines as the heroes dealt with the crazy villains everywhere. This one almost felt like a B movie with the writing and not in a good/funny way. Just in an annoying eye roll way and ultimately it misses the boat really quickly. It’s telling that the spookiest scene is at the very end which ties into the first film.

The movie starts off by giving us a look into Elise’s childhood. She grew up in an abusive home where she was especially picked on by her father for being able to see supernatural creatures. Unfortunately Elise could not help herself in continuing to mention them and getting beaten as a result. Eventually she ran out but did not take her brother Christian with her so he still resents her to this day. In the “present” (Still before film 1) she gets a call from someone who lives in the house she grew up in. He’s being haunted and needs some supernatural help. Elise calls in her teammates Specs and Tucker since it’s always safest to move as a group Elise decides not to call in her teammates Specs and Tucker because she needs to handle this on her own since it’s so personal. They ignore her so the 3 head in to the house. Can Elise solve this spirit case or will the fact that she has no offensive abilities at the ready come back to haunt her?

Elise is confident and talks a good game at times but the extent of her plan seems to just be to try and talk the ghosts down. She doesn’t do much else and so honestly you get the feeling that she got lucky a whole lot of times. She may as well be a rookie instead for all the good she does here. Her memories of childhood keep spooking her throughout the movie so it’s not like the villain has to do much. When Keyface (At least that’s what he is called on Wikipedia) shows up he’s able to beat her with extreme ease. She may as well have just been some random person.

So I can’t say I liked Elise very much in this film. She just felt completely out of her depth and wasn’t making logical moves the whole time. Then her partners Specs and Tucker are the worst. Pretty much every scene with them is just poor attempts to flirt with two teenagers who are just trying to mind their own business. It gets worse when a traumatic event happens to one of them and they continue to flirt with the other. They have no tact and no class. The humor is incredibly off putting and really poorly handled. I haven’t seen a comic relief character this bad since possibly Transformers 2 which has to really take the cake there. I’m probably forgetting some films but the point is…they were brutal. And unfortunately they appear a lot.

I guess maybe the writers thought the film was too scary so you needed the comedic duo to lighten things up every few minutes? The problem being that this film isn’t even all that scary. Again, the first and even second Insidious films are way scarier than this one. This one also has too many other fighters running around the playing field. For example we actually get a real life villain where the film temporarily becomes more of a thriller as the heroes have to take him out. Then we go back to the supernatural stuff.

When we finally go into the other side where the spirits reign then things start to get back into their normal place. That’s really a lot more like it but it’s pretty late in the game by then. It’s also not like that’s going to suddenly fix the writing. Spending more time on the scares and showing off the villain would have been a really good idea since the non supernatural stuff drag the film down.

Lets look at the non supernatural stuff for a minute here. We have a guy who was murdering a bunch of women and stuffing them in an abandoned tunnel. Very grim dark for no real reason. Elise’s abusive father also turned out to be a murderer on the side and did something similar with a poor lady who was in there. You can question why she didn’t make a run for it when the door was unlocked and the kids were around but the point is really that the film was desperate to make things as dark as possible here. Adding all of these women who were getting murdered in the past doesn’t add anything to the film as we already knew the other characters were pretty bad. It’s more shock value than anything else.

We always see these evil ghosts running around and haunting someone so it’d be nice as a change of pace to see some of these victims show up and start claiming their revenge. They certainly should have regrets so why wouldn’t they become powerful spirits too right? Why do only the evil ones get to have a lot of power in the afterlife? It should be a little more balanced by that point. Ultimately Keyface ends up being a little underwhelming as a result because he gets so little screen time. It just feels like he barley gets to appear. His ability to turn off your voice is a little scary I’ll admit but it comes at the expense of his effectiveness.

Because he has to turn your voice off first, it takes forever to actually murder anyone. He easily should have destroyed Elise and then the other girl who he caught since he had plenty of time before being interrupted. Yet he wasn’t able to finish the job. This lets us have some emotional moments at the end of course but it really comes at the expense of this villain’s credability.

Overall, This was definitely a very weak Insidious film. The visuals are still fun and there are maybe a small handful of spooky moments but ultimately it really lost the point of this series early on. Insidious is about dealing with demonic threats from the other side and learning how to subdue them. Having a whole long tangent about abusive fathers and actual serial murders is completely jarring and out of touch with the supernatural. It’s like making a Paranormal Activity film where the heroes are spooked at night but during the day are taking on Jack the Ripper. Stick to the supernatural stuff and you could really have an intense movie. You can add some of that stuff for a quick origin but it should never be such a major part of the movie. Also you need to drop the comedy duo, their scenes were just completely cringe and not even remotely entertaining. They realllllly hurt the movie every time they appear.

Overall 2/10

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Review

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Time for some zombies to take the stage here. I saw the original Pride and Prejudice a while back and needless to say it wasn’t really my thing. I’m not big on zombie movies either but would they help to spice things up? In a way they did because the original movie was really boring while this one is at least tolerable the whole time. It really makes a big difference being able to at least have some fight scenes to follow. It still has some serious issues to be sure but being boring is not one of them.

The movie starts off quietly enough with the Bennett sisters talking about nothing much and getting ready for a party but the film quickly shows us how the situation is not as it appears. When nearby zombies show up, the girls suit up and destroy them all. See, Zombies are actually a relatively normal occurrence in this world and so everyone needs to train in order to defeat them. Elizabeth in particular believes that knowing how to fight is much more important than studying to be a lady although this is not a view that many agree with. In fact you could say that most do not agree with her which has put her in a bit of a tough spot.

We’re then introduced to Darcy who is a bit of a ruffian, not the nicest chap in the woods that’s for sure. The reason for this is that he’s always ready to strike out against tons of zombies and things of that nature to the point where he just doesn’t see the point in parties and such. Naturally the main romance for the film is between him and Elizabeth who do actually agree in this approach to a large extent but misunderstandings and poorly framing their words often result in a ton of friction. Darcy is also put in the awkward spot of having to suspect one of Elizabeth’s sisters of being about to turn into a zombie which Elizabeth doesn’t appreciate.

I should note here that Darcy’s worries are completely warranted so it’s really Elizabeth who doesn’t handle things well here. Yes it’s a personal matter obviously but one zombie can end up creating a bunch of other zombie sand that is exactly why you have to be really careful here. If you’re not careful then that is game over, as simple as that. Most characters here are not careful which is how the zombies keep on spreading.

The best part of the film is really just how nonchalant the characters are about the situation though. To them it’s just not that weird since they’ve always grown up knowing zombies were around and it’s a pretty fun way to pitch the movie. I’m glad we can skip the parts of everyone being shocked to see one and fumbling as they wonder what to do. By having experienced fighters be the main characters it makes the journey more fun.

That said, there is one scene that does not work for this reason. One of the sisters was walking by her lonesome when a zombie appears. It’s that of an older lady so it’s tragic but she is extremely, extremeeeeeeely slow and starts walking towards the heroine. The girl freaks out….and so the zombie managed to get to her which starts the drama. How did this happen? We cut away from the scene fairly quick but it just makes no sense. You should never get hit by a zombie unless it’s a sneak attack or you just broke your leg. A trained fighter getting that startled? I don’t think so.

The fight scenes can be pretty fun with the choreography but since they’re fighting zombies there are a lot of body parts flying around and it can be a bit gross at times. It’s more like monster blood than human blood so it’s not quite as intense as the average vampire film but it can be overdone a little at times. It succeeds more than it fails though. The film also has a pretty hype cliffhanger. You definitely feel like no sequel is coming because there is no possible way the heroes should be able to get past the cliffhanger. Seriously that should be 100% impossible, you’d need to call in Alice from Resident Evil or someone like that to stand a chance. Otherwise you’re really just out of luck.

So the humor is good and the fights can be fun. A much weaker aspect are the characters though and that’s mainly because there are just too many. You’ll be mixing most of the sisters up very quickly because they tend to have the same personality outside of Elizabeth. I had that issue in the first film as well. Most of the gentlemen here seem really fake and the cousin who shows up is extremely annoying. Elizabeth’s mother is way too overdone with how she wants them all to get married to the point where she isn’t subtle about it and ironically hurts their marriage stocks right out of the gate. There aren’t very many characters to root for here at all. When one guy shows up who seems noble, you just don’t believe him for a second. Lets just say the movie has one of the most obvious twists I’ve seen in a while.

Overall, I would say the zombies try their best to make the film more interesting and fun. They succeed to a degree however I still couldn’t say that this is a particularly good film. You would just need better characters for that all around and this film wasn’t able to provide that. I would like to keep this tone for more films like this where you grab an old book and add something supernatural. Seriously there’s a lot of potential here but maybe start with a better base material than Pride and Prejudice. The Magic Treehouse for example could be decent although the kids could ruin it so maybe the safest bet would be Sherlock Holmes: Attack of the Aliens! Something like that would be awesome.

Overall 5/10

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for some more vampires! This movie definitely got some buzz because of the whole Abraham Lincoln thing which I thought was pretty clever. It’s a nice way to blend the supernatural and history by adding him in there. Naturally I do prefer a more futuristic setting myself but it works out better than some of the other vampire films that I’ve seen. Still not a thumbs up mind you but not a horrible film or anything.

The movie doesn’t waste time as Abraham’s mother is murdered by a vampire early on. He wants to avenge her but isn’t really able to do anything against superhuman creatures like this. Initially he doesn’t even know that the assailant was a vampire and tries using a gun but it doesn’t do much. Fortunately he runs into a guy named Henry who offers to train Abraham but only if the hero puts aside his quest for vengeance. Henry will give him the targets and they will continue to take down all of the vampires but slowly and surely. Abraham lies and agrees to this but knows that deep down he has to avenge his mother at all cots! He trains in the art of slaying vampire and gets quite good at it which also starts to get the attention of the higher up members among the villains. Will Abraham be okay?

It’s always fun to have someone find out about what’s going on beyond their small pocket of the world. Once Abraham learns about the vampires he starts seeing them everywhere. Sure enough there are tons of them and murdering them all will take more than a lifetime. Henry does offer to turn Abraham into a vampire but he declines since that would be going a step too far. I definitely get it since being immortal really sounds like a pain after a while. You have endless enemies and while you can’t die, you can be put into positions where you might wish that you could.

I do think Henry’s role is a little too passive at times though. He has Abraham do most of the work but doesn’t actively take down a bunch of vampires himself. Henry makes some excuses like how he can’t really go against them and I forget if it’s a power level thing or something relating to the blood but you have to find a way to get around that. In a way being a vampire puts him in a better position to do a lot of damage than Abe when you really think about it. So yeah he really just needs to step up and get the job done.

I did like him for the most part beyond that but he does have some sketchy moments later on. Basically he’s the kind of guy who will always be hiding some things and you have to decide if that’s a dealbreaker or not. For Abraham it nearly was but ultimately he gets past it. Abraham is a very reasonable main character. He fights as needed and helps a lot of people out. He doesn’t really love having to use violence all the time but it’s the only way that really works.

Near the end of the film he even tries to give up fighting for a while but it wasn’t to be. I do like that we actually got to see him as President/leader for a while though. At first he’s just a solo hunter doing his own thing but after that he gets to make commands and lead his troops. With the villains using an army of vampires the heroes did have to adapt after all. I do question if the weapons are really enough to balance things though. Once the vampires started to move more openly I feel like the humans wouldn’t stand a chance. Being so outmatched physically is something that it’s difficult to make up for even with a bunch of guns and ammo.

Abraham’s boss Joshua was a good character. He had some nice banter and went over well as one of the supporting characters. His friend Will also did good and the whole time I had been expecting him to be some kind of undercover agent/traitor so I was glad instead he was someone that Lincoln could depend on. Mary shows up for a bit which makes sense if you know your history and she was a solid character. In general the heroes were all reasonably solid here.

The villains are more on the forgettable side. Yeah they’re definitely powerful and don’t go down easily but they’re basically just your standard vampires. So watch enough in the genre and you won’t even remember them. They’re not bad though, I guess at least Adam was good as the main leader of the vampires. The one who bumped off the mother was more on the petty side and he wasn’t nearly as impressive. He’s only able to win when the odds are overwhelmingly in his favor but otherwise he’s not much of a thinker or anything like that.

The film ultimately suffers from the usual vampire issues. It can be a little brutal on the violence with everyone getting bitten and the blood sucking never ends up working out. The fight scenes do require an extensive amount of disbelief to be thrown out the window because no matter how big the axe is, Abe is still just a normal guy. The vampires all have super speed and strength so they should have a leg up on the competition. Dodging an axe for example should be rather easy right? Yet Abe is slaughtering tons of vampires and by the end of the film they really get hit with the nerf as they can’t do anything. You just know that doesn’t make sense.

There isn’t a whole lot of time for fun in this film. It’s really a lot of going from one vampire attack to the next but it still does track better than most other vampire films because it feels like there’s a real story here. Yeah that probably seems like a big shot to the other films but for example the sole focus isn’t on everyone getting bitten. Abe has an actual character arc going here and it can almost feel like a comic book movie at times.

Overall, Abe Lincoln makes for a fun protagonist and I definitely think this movie was a good idea. I’d just put him up against robots or something but making more alternate historical pasts with a supernatural twist is just a lot of fun. It’s probably a bit riskier in the sense that you want to be careful how you adapt certain characters for fear of backlash but if there’s enough good attention to detail then you should be fine. From everything I know of Abe I’d say the film’s portrayal seemed rather solid. I also really liked the ending which isn’t really a cliffhanger so much as a callback but it could work both ways.

Overall 4/10

30 Days of Night Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

So what’ve we got here? Vampires? Check! Ultra violence? Check! Horror movie??? Check! Yeah this is a recipe for disaster and I’m here to report that the movie holds absolutely nothing back. It’s going for the Gold Trophy in overall edge and violence and absolutely earns it without any real competition. There’s not much positive to say about this movie so strap in folks because we’re going for a ride!

The story takes place in Alaska right before the ominous 30 days of no sunlight. Most people head out to wherever they live during these times while the rest prepare to brave the cold as they always do. These guys have been able to survive in these temperatures for ages and are confident they can pull it off again but things change when a mysterious guy shows up and causes trouble. The heroes lock him up but it’s unclear how he even got here. Also he says his crew is coming by soon to take everyone out. See it turns out the vampires are real and they are descending on the town to murder everyone. The heroes will have to hold them off for 30 days….yeah this won’t be easy.

Now there are some interesting things you can do with a plot like this. The concept of a survival film of the heroes using the terrain to their advantage and trying to survive is quite sound. But…it doesn’t work against vampires. See this movie should have either gone with normal humans as the enemy or creatures. I’ll explain. Lets say World War III happened and a bunch of enemy soldiers came into Alaska to murder everyone. It makes sense that the heroes would have the advantage with the cold and hiding in the houses. Likewise if you’re fighting a bunch of creatures you can also set up traps and such.

None of this applies to vampires because they all have super strength, speed, and endurance. You can’t really set traps for them when they can smell you from a whiles away and hear every little sound. When they attack the humans there isn’t even really a fight because they just tear them to shreds immediately. The whole survival aspect quickly becomes moot because the humans just get slaughtered each and every time. I felt like the film threw away the most interesting angle by making the enemies vampires.

Instead a good portion of the film is the heroes just hiding in a balcony as different characters get impatient and are eaten one after another. There are so many scenes where someone just gets attacked by a group of vampires, over and over again. The most annoying scene had to be when one of the older guys just had enough so he runs outside which forces others to go after him and then things go badly for the various characters. You’re putting everyone at risk when you do selfish stuff like that. There’s no way that would ever be worth it but in the moment the character just doesn’t care.

The film tries to throw in a quick romance subplot with Eben and Stella who had been going through a rough patch but this situation forces them to have to be together for a while and potentially get past their issues. It doesn’t really have much of a purpose in the film and there’s no real time for it anyway. I’d say I just wanted to get back to the action but in a way I guess this beats those parts.

See, the film is trying to be as violent as possible so the vampires biting people is actually a lot more explicit and dragged out than normal. I already don’t like blood sucking and this is more like Werewolves with how they chomp on the humans. They even toy with/torture some of the humans before murdering them. There’s certainly a whole lot of blood throughout the film so this isn’t for the faint of heart. We do get a true fight scene near the end which was a nice change of pace. Even this one couldn’t resist a Mortal Kombat type finishing move but at least we did have true combat for a second there. The victor makes no sense given the power gap but hey the movie had to end at some point. I would have just written in some kind of extra weakness or an additional advantage that the human would have to shake things up. Now that would have been a good move.

Outside of everyone being murdered the film also adds in other dark themes like choosing to murder your friends and family or let them get eaten alive. Obviously it’s a lose-lose situation at that point but the idea is you’re basically pressured into a decision there. It’s always a rough one to have to watch. Then we also have the classic animal violence here as some animals are destroyed quite violently. Yeah there’s a story reason for this but it’s still an awful moment all around that should have been cut out.

The film won’t even let heroes get a painless death. One guy has the bright idea to blow himself up and a whole building rather than letting the vampires eat him. I completely get it too because that makes a lot of sense…then he ends up surviving the explosion. The character was shocked and I was as well. Like seriously guys? Naturally that gives the vampires time to gloat and then finish him off. The whole point was for him to avoid that so the film felt extra mean spirited there. There is no reason the character should have survived that, just give him the dignity of a quick death. That should have been on the table for him.

That’s just the tone of the film though. It’s not enough to slaughter the humans but it always has to be done with such ferocity and hopelessness for the humans. The vampire designs are intense I’ll give them that. You would absolutely feel intimidated to see one out in the wild because aside from the stats they just look really scary. The film delivers on that part and the atmosphere is definitely really intense.

I would even go as far as to say that the very beginning of the first act isn’t super bad. Before the animals die which is still very early in the film I’ll grant you that much. But we see everyone leaving and know that something is approaching. It’s a very ominous start but ultimately the film overplayed its hand of making the enemies basically invincible next to the main characters and that was the end of the game. All you need to even the odds is make it so that they are not bullet proof. One or two bullets can destroy them. Do that and suddenly we’re looking at a movie where the humans have a real chance and things can get interesting.

Overall, If you want to see a bunch of vampires slaughtering a bunch of defenseless humans then this is the film to check out. It reminds me a lot of pre arc Attack on Titan but at least there they had some semblance of a chance. The humans here can’t do much since guns don’t really help do anything other than buy time. The vampires are too powerful and also there are just too many of them. They really needed some kind of extra weakness to make this a lot closer. Something that would actually make this a very valid hunter vs prey type movie. Ultimately the movie isn’t able to make this premise work and is relentlessly brutal. Definitely skip it!

Overall 0/10

Tormented Review

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It’s time for a fairly emotional film with some supernatural intrigue thrown in. It’s definitely one where you don’t feel all that bad for the main character though and your sympathy wanes more and more as the film goes on. Ultimately this really works as a retro thriller of sorts and while it may not be the most well known film out there, it holds its own.

The movie starts with Tom getting ready to be married to his fiance. He’s been waiting a long time for this and he’s finally made it. Unfortunately a wrinkle arrives when his ex girlfriend Vi shows up to blackmail him. She will not let him go off with another girl and makes it clear that she will end his life socially if he tries. She gets a bit careless around the railing though and Tom decides not to save her from falling to her doom. He figures nobody will know that she died. There are just two things he could not account for. One is a shady boat owner named Nick who suspects what is going on here and the other is that Vi’s spirit tanked the fall and she still has not given up on ruining his life. How can he hope to deal with a ghost?

Now the film is a bit vague on exactly when Tom’s relationship with Vi took place. Since he really tries hard not to let Meg know about her, it does feel as though he was cheating on Meg at some point with this girl. Otherwise the easy thing is to just talk to Meg and explain that his ex is being crazy. The fact that Tom cannot do this is very suspect in itself. As for not saving Vi, well obviously he should have but given the circumstances and how quickly it happened, it’s not a death sentence for the protagonist morally.

That happens later on in the film as he gets more and more unhinged. Sure he is being haunted and all that but it’s definitely not an excuse that I would give him. Ultimately Tom is responsible for all of his actions and in the end he didn’t make the right ones. He could have handled things a lot better and since he did not, that means he just wasn’t cut out for the job. The ending is very suitable for him when you really think about it.

Vi is written as antagonistically as possible so she is a villain from the start. As a villain I would say she is fairly decent. She is really determined and stealing the wedding ring was just such a petty move that it works out really well. My only real question here is why she didn’t do more to directly get in Tom’s way. She can evidently touch the real world and make herself solid so there’s no end to the things she could do. Beating Tom up or kidnapping him for example is very much within her tool house. I wouldn’t say any of these are negatives though because you could validly say that she was just toying with him the whole time and that works too.

Meg isn’t as solid as the main heroine mainly because she is a little too oblivious and puts up with too much the whole time. When Tom is starting to act crazy, running off by himself and such she needed to ask more questions. From her point of view the guy should have seemed absolutely crazy and while she had some doubts at one point, she basically just talks herself out of them. I cut the kid (Sandy) more slack because of how young she is. There’s just not much she can do about the situation and she doesn’t see as many of these moments first hand until the very ending. At that point, yeah she ends up changing her mind which made sense. So Sandy was more on top of things here.

My favorite character has to be Nick though. He’s the perfect balance between being shady and an evil mastermind the whole time. Don’t those things go together most of the time? Eh maybe but it still feels like the right way to describe him. He goes around giving a lot of tough talk to Tom and always has a handle on things. The only point where he falters is in the very end which is arguably the worst spot to falter. The guy does make a very dumb move in following Tom to an abandoned location. If you’re blackmailing someone you have to be prepared for every kind of response. Surely a violent response is one of the first ones that you are ready for right? He never seemed to entertain the idea that someone who already murdered one person may want to add another body to that count.

It was a little hard to believe. Either way the writing for the film is really solid beyond that. The movie has good pacing and the suspense works out well as you’re not sure how each character is going to turn out by the time this is all over. There are a lot of ways the plot could go after all and the ending really stuck the landing which was good. The ending is really a determining factor in a movie like this after all. So no complaints on my end, full steam ahead!

Overall, Tormented is a pretty good movie. It may not be the most explosive and exciting but it works well as a slow burn. I’m not sure if you’re meant to root for the main character or not. I’m thinking you are but personally I wasn’t on his side from the start. At least to me the guy seemed guilty just based on how he handled it all. So in the end everyone is probably better off with how things went by the end. Ghost stories can really be a lot of fun and this one really worked out. If you haven’t seen it yet, I’d recommend changing that.

Overall 7/10

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to end the trilogy of horror in the Summer series. The titles always get pretty interesting with this one but it’s basically just your average horror. Nothing’s really going on beyond the mass murders here and none of the characters are likable. So what you have is just a long journey of watching them all get picked off one by one which doesn’t make for the most engaging experience.

The movie starts off with some teenager drama as Amber and her boyfriend Colby decide to make a long distance relationship work but first they’re going to spend one last July 4th with the crew. They pull off a prank making the whole town think there is some kind of serial killer on the loose but things get a little too close to home when one of them actually dies during the prank. They cover this up and then go their separate ways. Time passes and the next year arrives with Amber meeting up with Colby in town but he didn’t tell her he would be there so it’s sort of like they’ve unofficially broken up. None of the gang even remotely likes each other anymore but they have to band together one last time because the murderer they faked may actually be a real person now. Is it someone trying to expose the murder they had covered up?

From there on it’s time for everyone to start taking massive Ls against the villains. It’s not really surprising that it goes this way either because they were outgunned from the jump. Usually in these films you have to find an excuse to scatter the main characters but that isn’t needed here because of how much they hate each other. They threaten each other more than once and constantly split up. At one point Colby heads off to go drink by himself knowing full well by this point in the movie that the body count was rather large and still not caring about this at all. It’s definitely one of the worst moves you can make.

There is one decision that is even worse though. At one point the teens finally come up with their first reasonable plan. They will all hop in a car together, pick a direction and just keep on driving. The murders seem to be leading up to July 4th which is when they covered up the murder so they just make sure they’re in a different state by then. They can always return later or choose not too, but that should keep them safe right? The film takes great pains to explain that this wouldn’t have worked by the end but ignoring that, this is actually a really good plan.

If you take away the classic trope of the slasher villain being super fast and all knowing, there isn’t really a counter to this plan. Even if he can grab a vehicle he won’t be able to follow them quick enough before they’re past the border. Then at that point as long as they don’t do anything ignorant, they can stay off the grid for a while. Change their names or go far enough away where it won’t matter. The problem of course is that this plan was too good so one of the characters complains that she has to go out and perform in a rock band real quick first.

She knows full well that the villain is going to make his move now since it’ll be July 4th but she is prioritizing the concert? I know scouts will be there and that it’s a big deal but it still makes absolutely no sense so stay. It’s one of those scenes that will definitely have you rolling your eyes the whole time because it just makes no sense. There’s basically no way that anyone would have made that move.

It’s not like these films are really known for their writing or anything but that was still crazy. The film has its share of twists as the whole thing is part mystery after all. The identity of the villain is definitely a game changer but unfortunately it also does make the experience a little more pointless. The film actually gives us a real climax with some action and everything but due to how the plot goes, it doesn’t matter a whole lot. Ultimately you know that there is just no way for the heroes to pull this off.

The twist ending is a classic horror staple and this one has an ending like that but it’s basically the bare minimum. Sort of like the writer shrugging and figuring “welllll they’d probably like to see this ending sooo..here ya go” but there’s no creativity or inspiration here. I suppose you could say that for most of the film but it’s still not a great look. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, this is definitely not a high quality film and what’s more…I’d say it’s definitely a skip straight up.

The film suffers from the usual slasher issues like being overly violent with all of the kills. The film gets as gratuitous as possible. In part that’s probably why every character is written to be super unlikable so you don’t feel as bad for them but that’s not a winning strategy in the slightest. I also think that the culprit should have been someone else. Now that may have made some of the scenes in this movie a little harder to buy but you were probably going to have to stretch some disbelief here anyway. So just knock all of that out in one shot and then you’re in a much better position.

Overall, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is a pretty bad movie. It’s really just hitting all of the beats without adding anything to them. It’s going through the motions in the most robotic way possible. It’ll quickly fade into obscurity as just another slasher film. I’ll give tiny props for actually having the heroes try to fight the villain near the end instead of just running and tripping but there are very few positives to be had here. You just won’t be having a whole lot of fun during this title. I still can’t believe not even one character decided to just drive off and leave town. It’s the easiest solution for 90% of these films which is why most movies actually make an effort to prevent this from being an option. Like there’s no roads or there’s an avalanche or something. This film had no such excuse.

Overall 1/10

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle the Movie: The Princess in the Birdcage Kingdom Review

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That title is definitely a mouth full eh? Well it’s always nostalgic to see more Tsubasa content. This movie is super short and reminds me of the old school OVAs like Naruto’s hidden waterfall village where its all over in an instant. We still get some fun fights and visuals here though so all in all I was pretty satisfied. It’s probably a bit of an odd film if you watch this without having seen the show but the movie did go out of its way to include a full recap of what’s going on in the intro so maybe they were trying to get some new fans here.

The basic plot is Syaoran and Sakura land on another planet where a feather containing a key memory is being stored. This planet is ruled by an evil dictator who wants to plunge the world into endless darkness and to do this he intends to kidnap the princess and use her ring. Syaoran has to stop this but the guy is protected by legendary bird warriors who are pretty fast. He needs the help of Fai and Kurogane but they are busy being kidnapped somewhere and he doesn’t have the time to save them. What can he do?

Okay I should give those characters some credit. Kurogane and Fai do take out some enemies before they are captured but even so, they are the power hitters so it certainly doesn’t make Syaoran’s job any easier when they go down like that. They are captured off screen which is not the best move but I do get it since it’s hard to picture them losing otherwise. The writers probably had a hard time justifying it so that’s why this had to be cut out. We do get to see them dismantle the human guards early on though which was a lot of fun. The movie is more plot than action but the fights that we do get are well animated.

In terms of visuals the most impressive shots were probably when Syaoran was using the ring of blue flames at the end. The flames look really bright and the contrast works really well next to the other colors. Syaoran trying to fight off the bird people was also animated well even if it feels weird to see him being overwhelmed so easily. I guess he wasn’t always a super strong fighter but late stage Syaoran probably would have fared a whole lot better with his sword and other abilities.

The film’s original characters are okay but due in part to the length you never care about them all that much. You have the princess who seems like a good character and all but she’s a little outmatched since she can’t really fight. Her chief guard loses all of the fights he’s in which isn’t the best first impression. There’s also a kid here who tries his best to be helpful but tends to fail. I did like the main villain though. Yes he’s a bit on the generic side but it works well for this kind of “Take over the world!!” villain. There’s no time to make a complex villain so why even try right? A stock evil villain can actually work well under the right conditions and I would say that these were the right conditions.

The soundtrack is solid as always. It uses a lot of the tracks from the show but the instrumental versions with no opera music for some reason. Not sure why the change, but they sounded good anyway which is what counts. Throwing in a lyrical song for the climax would have been cool but it was epic enough anyway. The production values were pretty good here and I didn’t have any issues with the pacing.

In general I wouldn’t even say I had any issues with the film. At best you could say it just doesn’t feel like a movie. The stakes aren’t particularly high and there’s nothing really separating it from just being another episode. So this isn’t some grand experience and paying money to see it in theaters may have been rough (Although it was a double feature so you can cut it some slack) but watching it like this just helps to amp up the nostalgia. It doesn’t have to be super memorable, just enjoyable and it succeeds on that front.

Overall, Tsubasa churns out another solid product here. The special gives you a lot to have fun with and doesn’t make any kind of mistakes. It could probably have stretched the limits a bit and gone for higher stakes but rather than focusing on what it’s missing I’d say to focus on what is here. Tsubasa’s plot lends itself really well to random movies and specials because of how many planets they had to go to in order to find the feathers. So just treat this as a fun episode and you can’t go wrong. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone looking to see Syaoran and the gang again.

Overall 7/10

Homicidal Review

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It’s time for a film with a very intense title. I mean just seeing a film that is called Homicidal you are expecting something real intense right? Well the film definitely delivers on the intensity in terms of a crazy twist but is surprisingly not nearly as violent as I expected. That’s a very good thing of course but the film still has its own share of issues and I wouldn’t call it one of the top contenders.

The movie starts with Emily showing up to a rich hotel and asking the bellhop to come to her room. He does and she says she will pay him a ton of money to marry her for a few minutes. He agrees and drives with her to a late marriage shop but suddenly she whips out the knife and no diffs the marriage ceremony leader. She then escapes into the night and heads home where she takes care of an old lady who can unfortunately no longer walk or talk. So Emily basically just gloats and subtlety threatens her the whole time.

This sets the tone for what kind of character Emily is and then we’re introduced to the rest of the cast. First up is Miriam who is looking forward to her future as she has a boyfriend now and her flowers are doing well. She finds Miriam to be a bit standoffish but that’s fine. Miriam does get annoyed when Emily just randomly leaves the house for a day so Miriam has to watch over the old lady and then Emily even threatens to murder Miriam. So Miriam tells her guy and they confront Emily’s brother Warren who seems like he couldn’t care less. With diplomatic options not doing much good, what can the main characters do about this?

The problem in a sense is that the heroes can’t just leave so easily. For starters there is the old lady to consider and even if Emily is evil, Warren may just be getting suckered as the brother. So they need to try and convince him before it is too late but the longer this goes on, the more likely it is that somebody will end up dying. So is it time to call the police or something? Well that would be the smart thing to do…but the film has a really bad reason for why they don’t.

One guy runs for the phone but Miriam stops him and explains that Emily said she is married to Warren. The guy basically goes “Shoot, guess we can’t call the cops” and they completely change gears. The obvious question is…why? That shouldn’t matter at all. If they want to spare Warren’s feelings then I’m afraid their priorities are all out of whack. If Emily is someone who is dangerous and insane enough to threaten someone’s life then you need to get rid of her as soon as possible. Half measures and dancing around the issue won’t help at all. Miriam definitely fumbled the ball here.

If anything she looks pretty bad throughout and the ending doesn’t help her much either. Of course all of this is easier from the viewer’s chair where you see everything and understand the stakes but it felt like she never properly registered how crazy Emily was. At least by the time she threw out the threat you gotta leave town or arm yourself properly. It’s just a shame that nobody in the town could see how deranged she was considering just how she was barely even trying to hide it. She just kept on acting crazy.

Where the film goes a bit far is with including the old lady. I think this was really unnecessary as the whole thing is overly tragic. She literally can’t talk or yell out for help and is trapped with Emily for basically the whole film? It’s a little too edgy and is the only place where the film didn’t restrain itself enough. Cutting her out of the movie entirely would have been a lot better and you can easily write around that. Then you have the fact that the old lady tries to signal to the others and do other things to call out for help and none of it works.

Nahhh that’s just tragic. Ultimately the film may not be as disturbing and intense as it was trying to be but that was definitely something that was real intense just not in the best way. There are some scenes that I thought were a bit surreal/didn’t make a lot of sense but the final twist did address those. Nothing could address the moment about not calling the cops though, that’s just something you have to do.

Also with the opening scene it was weird how nobody tried to help the guy getting stabbed. Surely the bellhop could have grabbed the knife and restrained Emily after the first hit or two right? They just stood around while she kept on stabbing over and over again. That was way too much to be frozen with fear like that. He’s real lucky that she didn’t finish him off. I was completely expecting that but somehow he actually survived along with all of the money but definitely some degree of trauma. So he’s not 100% but that’s still way better than most of the characters’ fates here.

Overall, While I applaud the film in having some good restraint, it’s still not a particularly pleasant film. Any scene with the old lady is just not fun to watch. The characters make a lot of very illogical decisions and the whole thing should not have played out the way that it did. You could easily improve the quality with just a few changes but this is how it had to be. Hey, it does completely destroy Psycho though so I will give the film that. It actually beats the original film that this one was supposed to top. The twist is also really good. It’s a twist that makes a lot of sense in hindsight but doesn’t really occur to you as you’re watching. That’s the best kind of twist since it should absolutely make sense afterwards and the fact that you get to see in real time how most of the visual parts of the twist work is impressive.

Overall 3/10

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir Review

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It’s time for a very old school romance with a little bit of a supernatural twist. It’s a very low key kind of film that works rather well but I will admit that the whole time you’re not really on board with the romance. To an extent it depends on what length of time you would consider to be a rebound but either way the heroine feels like she’s moving a bit too fast. The ending also makes things extra awkward when you really think about it.

The movie starts off with Lucy becoming a widow after her husband dies. Lucy has decided that she wants her life back as she didn’t particularly care for his family and dashes off. She finds a nice little haunted house where the rent is dirt cheap and settles there. She eventually meets the ghost who quickly debunks the rumors of his own suicide. His name is Daniel and he was actually quite the captain back in the day. He’s ready for a little romance but she isn’t and points out that he’s dead and gone. They both reluctantly put their feelings aside to live in the same house for now. Can she really deal with such an annoying ghost or is he going to drive her crazy?

A haunted house is definitely an inconvenience when you are just trying to have a good time but at least the ghost isn’t particularly sinister. Sure Daniel is a mean guy and he isn’t afraid to prove it but at the end of the day he isn’t trying to murder her or anything like that. In fact he ends up liking her which puts Lucy in a rough spot. Lucy is also approached by a flirty guy named Fairley who really doesn’t stop with his constant attempts from the very first time he appears. The guy ends up being supremely annoying. Sure he did help her to get the book deal with the publishing company but ultimately that was only to further his own ends.

I was annoyed that he lasted as long as he did. He completely got through to Lucy even with his rather aggressive way of handling things and she was completely under his spell. If not for a certain twist he would have won and so that ended up hurting her character a lot. Fairley was bad the whole time but Lucy is the one you would have figured would have really been ready and not fallen for this. Definitely a pretty sad moment.

It’s another reason why you can’t get behind the romance. So she liked her husband first. Then after he died she started to like Daniel. Then after that she jumped over to Fairley and once he was off the market, ultimately it ended up being Daniel again. Keep in mind that Daniel claimed she didn’t even love her husband when they first met and Lucy takes mild offense to that but doesn’t stop him. You’d think that would have taken him out of the running right from the jump.

The worst part is the film implies that maybe he was right after all and that’s why the ending works but its just pretty awful all around. For a good romance you need a lot of factors in play but one of them is definitely to have likable characters and that didn’t happen here. She is also very slow on the uptake with how only she can hear Daniel. You’d think she would be subtle then but instead she keeps talking out loud which doesn’t help matters at all. it should be easy to adapt to that.

The supporting characters are pretty weak here too. You have the guy selling the houses who seems to like Lucy. Fortunately she doesn’t like him back because the guy seemed desperate and wasn’t exactly the most honest soul either. He kept trying to make her spend a lot of money. You have her husband’s side of the family who were mainly here to poke fun and cause a lot of trouble. They were all super stuck up and selfish in their old ways. Lucy could be a little too polite at times but in other moments she did get some good burns in there.

While I know this would be unlikely right out of the gate, the film would have done well to have just had her and Daniel be good friends. They just bond over the house or something. Lucy gets a supportive friend who could be like a father since her new family was so rough and he gets someone to pass on his tales to. It could have been the reason he couldn’t pass on, that nobody was around to hear about his exploits. The entire vibe and tone of the film would have changed but it would have worked really well.

Alternately just make it a little more comedic as she gets into a lot of trouble with this guy always floating around and stirring things up. The fact that people can actually hear his voice at convenient times already adds a lot of potential to this. It is a bit of a stretch for the characters to think that it was Lucy’s voice each time though. The only time someone didn’t think this was Daniel’s big laugh at the start of the film. Admittedly it was a great laugh too, reminded me of Vincent Price I’d say. It had that very theatrical feel to it.

Overall, This is an okay film I’d say. It’s right on the middle, there is just little reason to watch it again. At times it can be a bit dull and the pacing is slow. The characters are very unlikable too which does take its toll. I liked the scenes that took place outside of the house like heading to the book publishing company or the awkward bus ride. So ironically the film could have stood to have taken place far less in the haunted house.

Overall 5/10

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War The First Kiss That Never Ends Review

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All right it’s time for an anime film to show us how to really make a quality romance. Kaguya-sama is an elite franchise for a bunch of reasons and one of those is that it actually has a quality romance without being rushed or making things about rebounds. Kaguya and Shirogane work because they were always each other’s first pick and nothing else was going on there. The movie really expands on that and gives the two characters a lot of closure. All in all this is a great title.

The movie picks up where the show left off with Kaguya and Shirogane finally getting together…or did they? See they may have had their first kiss but they haven’t been able to talk with each other since then so the situation is getting tense. Making matters worse is the fact that Kaguya appears to have fallen back into her icy persona from the old days so Shirogane gets the feeling that she is trying to put some distance between them. He needs to win her over one last time but can he really pull this off? Meanwhile Kaguya is fighting her inner demons and has to decide if she should finally remove all of the masks and risk it all by being with Shirogane. It’s a tough call.

So if you’re a fan of Ino, Chika, or Ishigami then there’s not going to be much here for you. This film is really about Kaguya and Shirogane all the way through. Those 3 characters barely get more than a few lines and while you know they’re off having their own adventures, the movie isn’t worrying about them. It’s nice to see them of course and I think more screen time would have been nice if the film extended its run time but the main duo always have the best plot anyway so it works out.

As always the animation is really solid here. Everything really pops out at you and the show has a lot of fun flexing for random scenes. A great moment with the animation was when Kaguya was trying to run away from Shirogane. She was suddenly leaping across the walls like a cat and zooming around. That was definitely real impressive. We may not have as many visual gags since the film is fairly serious next to the standard episode but they are still around at some points. I would also still consider the film part comedy since a lot of it is super fun. The movie just knows when to slow down and have an emotional scene.

The soundtrack is also excellent as always. The show had a great variety of themes and the movie continues this really well. While the opening song is not quite as strong as any of the openings that appeared prior, it’s still good. I’ve listened to it a good amount of times to prep for the review in case it jumped up but in the end I think it just isn’t quite as high speed and energetic as prior ones. I suppose that may have been the idea.

Now for the movie, it’s interesting in that it’s a decently long movie but it can be a bit hard to go into the plot much because the story itself is quick. It’s ultimately just about the two finally having time to have a candid talk about the situation. Things just keep happening that prevents the two from doing this like Shirogane fainting or Kaguya turning chibi and then having a complete mental breakdown. The movie definitely did a great job of adapting chibi Kaguya too. That was a really fun part in the manga and the show really captured how crazy the whole thing was. The doctor who showed up for Shirogane is a lot of fun as always too.

Now for the romance itself, which character handled it better? Well that would probably be Shirogane since if Kaguya hadn’t panicked you can make the case that the film would have effectively ended during the first scenes. They would have made it official that they were going out and that would have been the end of it. Then once the icy persona was back Shirogane did a good job of trying hard the whole time. I don’t blame him for missing the hint about her hands being cold because that was out of character for Kaguya so he just didn’t pick up on it.

Throughout the movie he is a perfect gentleman. He may not always be able to read her mind but for the most part he does a good job of adapting to the situation and never giving up. In terms of not wanting to let his own mask fall off, that also makes sense. He worked hard to become the best at the school and thrive despite not being from a rich family. To an extent I think that would never go away. There’s a saying about how everyone has around 6 faces, the one they show family, friends, work colleagues, online, with strangers, and the one they have when alone. Some people are better than others at basically keeping them all more or less the same and others do this more as you get older but to an extent I’d say you will always be a little different based on the setting.

In a relationship though, the biggest factor is trust so you do need to be able to trust your partner with your true self. In this case if Shirogane isn’t ultimately able to trust Kaguya that far then their relationship would be doomed eventually. He would never be able to relax and the stress/nerves would ultimately get to him. You could make the case that even by the end of the film he hasn’t truly let go yet so that could be a plot to continue on even if he is in a much better place than where he started.

Then for Kaguya the problem is similar but she comes to terms with it quite a bit quicker than Shirogane. It helps that she has always been a very introspective person so she literally creates alternate hers from each of her age periods to talk about this. Once they come to an understanding she is able to just be herself and be with Shirogane. Perhaps as Shirogane says it is a little easier for her since it’s a side he used to know since that’s how she was at the beginning Of course part of that is just him making excuses but I would also say it is true to an extent. Her true self is still mega rich and had other suiters in the past while Shirogane is worried everything would immediately come crashing down. It’s the dark side of overthinking everything and it’s nice to see the series acknowledging this since that’s the entire premise really. Both characters just overthinking everything all the time.

Seeing Kaguya overcome her fears and finally come into her own was a great plot point. While I would say Shirogane slightly edged her out as the main character of the movie, the series is hers and you could say the whole series was building up to this point. Just losing the mask and being analytical all the time to just have a heartfelt moment and stop playing the chasing game. So yeah this is a winning romance and it worked well for the movie. You could probably even jump in to this film without watching the show since you have enough context and it still ends up being a really solid title.

Overall, This was a lot of fun. The romance is written really well and is one of the few ships I can get behind. If I ever write an editorial on how to write a good romance, this will absolutely be one of the examples I use. The whole thing is satisfying and the ending is solid. I still do want future seasons to adapt the rest of the series though. It may not have had the best final saga in the manga but it’s still important to get to the end of the series. The anime can probably end up buffing it as well since it has done such a great job of adapting the content so far. I’m confident that they can do something really good here.

Overall 8/10