Tag Archives: Thriller

Shooter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Shooter is one of those tragic films because it could have been good but then it decides to absolutely nosedive by throwing in some extra grit and over the top dark themes for no reason. It could have been known as a fairly decent revenge film about destroying everybody but instead this one will quickly fade away into being forgotten. Just a lot of missed potential here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Swagger who used to work with the army but after they left him and his partner for dead, Swagger decided to tap out. With his friend dead, Swagger was all by himself except for his pet dog. He stayed off the grid for years but now the government has caught up to him. Isaac wants Swagger to help out in preventing a presidential assassination but this quickly goes sour as expected and now Swagger is wanted for murder. He’s tired of being thrown around by the government, it’s time for Swagger to do something about this.

So you’ve got a classic revenge story against corruption here. It’s a pretty classic story and one where it is easy to root for the hero over the evil government. That said, the film feels the need to make the villains as evil as possible to jam the message through and it’s really not necessary. For example they murder Swagger’s dog. Really now? That was completely unnecessary. Then at one point it turns out that one of the villains is really just here for his own pleasure and has his way with the heroine while Swagger is gone. Another absolutely ridiculous scene that didn’t need to be here at all.

This is the kind of film where the writers just weren’t confident in their own plot/script and so they have to add all of these quick shock value moments. You’re not able to enjoy the film naturally and each scene is instead pushing you hard into the next one. No need to think about anything as the movie is as black and white as possible. One of the scenes near the end as Swagger explains his evidence is one I’ve seen before as it’s a pretty common out of context clip for Youtube shorts. It’s yet another moment that is meant to show you how logic just won’t work because everybody is as corrupt as possible.

The movie definitely has a very jaded view of the justice system. Fair enough, it’s definitely got numerous weaknesses and shortcomings. If the film wants to go the vigilante angle then that’s fine but again it would be nice if the film could just let us watch the action unfold without having to basically narrate it. The villains are all loud and obnoxious as they laugh about how they have dominated the system. They don’t seem to be concerned about any bugs or wiretaps because everybody important is already in on it. They’re just having a grand ole time.

I think for that reason Swagger made a huge mistake near the end and just happens to get lucky. He basically lets some of the key villains go so he could do this through the legal process but naturally that doesn’t play out very well. By this point you’ve already murdered all of the foot soldiers so why wouldn’t you finish off the general? It never makes sense to spare the captains at that point. Particularly since they have the riches and the resources to completely disappear if that’s what they want to do.

Swagger definitely lets his guard down at times but ultimately he looks good for most of the film. His sniper skills are definitely on point and he can really hit a target from almost anywhere. That’s definitely a scary opponent to have to contend with because you’re going to have to find a way to close the distance without getting shot. I’d ask why the army would leave such a capable soldier out to die like in the opening but again it comes down to basic corruption.

Nick ends up helping out from the FBI side. The guy is a little slow on the uptake about how nobody else really cares about the mission though. He gets lied to almost immediately by everyone else in the agency. They’re all either on the take or just generally incompetent. It’s easy to see why he decided to break away from them as soon as possible by the end. Of course you get the feeling that he might be doomed in either event because the villains won’t let him live forever. His only hope will be to hitch a ride with Swagger.

Then we have the heroine Sarah who definitely goes through a lot. The whole film is definitely a terrible experience for her. She does a good job of being helpful and going undercover. My only issue is really with the romance plot. You can’t just get together with your dead husband’s partner. That seems like a terrible idea even aside from the fact that it’s a rebound. The whole thing would just be too personal and it’s also way too sudden. They barely even know each other and so the film suffers from the really quick paced romance here. It doesn’t really have any kind of development and just happens.

As far as conspiracy films go, this one requires a few more stretches of disbelief than some of the others. A certain degree of that will basically always come with the genre but at the same time they just seemed so sloppy in this one. The fact that an FBI rookie noticed that things didn’t add up shows how little thought was put into it. Producing answers too quickly, etc. It may have fooled his boss but it was clear that she didn’t really care about the case in general. She had me convinced that she was on the take the whole time for that reason. How else would she make the worst excuses each time? At one point when Nick points out that a key player was just shot, she says it was probably just karma. That’s just crazy.

Still, conspiracies are fun. Even in real life I’m sure that some of the ones that occurred had a bunch of loose ends and people just looked the other way. That’s bound to happen from time to time but when you’re actually seeing it you can’t help but roll your eyes a bit. If the film had stuck to the action then I think it would have been a lot better. I also liked seeing some of the frame technology. For example to make it look like one guy shot himself they had a clever device that holds the arm up at just the right angle. I’m sure they’ve got something like that in real life.

Overall, The Shooter is a pretty bad film I gotta say. The plot had some potential in there but threw it all away in the second half. I won’t blame the main character for getting tricked since it was a calculated risk but he definitely makes some terrible judgment calls. Even romance aside, I still think the plan he had on top of the mountain was absolutely terrible. Letting villains go in the hopes that you can get them later is really a recipe for disaster. At least the film has a pretty fun ending. That part at least leaves you satisfied in the end.

Overall 3/10

Nobody Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Eh the movie poster is cooler since there are many more fists but this cover’s not so bad either. The film sort of betrays its own concept almost immediately as this “Nobody” is naturally a big Somebody. I like the idea a bit more of having an average family man have to contend with a big revenge flick but this one’s still okay. It taps into that John Wick kind of energy with the legendary fighter having to come out of retirement. The film does have to survive an extremely rocky start though.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Hutch who has been living a very repetitive life for a while now. Every day is basically the same as he lives it over and over and over again. There is little variety to be found at all and it’s just not very fulfilling. Well one day his home is invaded by two thieves and he doesn’t fight back or do much of anything so now everybody is making fun of him and his family has lost confidence in him. Hutch doesn’t seem to be the provider they thought he was. Hutch only gets serious when he finds out that they stole his daughter’s bracelet. Now it’s time for him to unleash his skills!

Now the film quickly tries to defend why Hutch didn’t do much in the opening scene. He noticed that the gun wasn’t loaded and didn’t want to escalate the situation. The problem is that this was still the wrong move by a longshot. These two are still unknown criminals who are breaking and entering. Additionally they are using blunt objects in order to cause a lot of damage. Just letting them get away with the money is terrible and even more so when his son stood up to defend the house and Hutch didn’t help at all.

No amount of explanations or hindsight was going to be enough to save Hutch here. He needed to defend his family, at the end of the day that is absolutely critical and he failed when it counted. The instant someone breaks into your house all bets are off and lethal force is absolutely authorized. Any time you hold back there you are putting the whole family at risk. This whole scene is important too because later on we see how Hutch is actually an expert fighter who can take out dozens of enemies. Dispatching the two intruders without seriously injuring them would have been another easy outcome for him.

So when all of the characters are poking fun at Hutch the whole time it’s hard to feel too bad for him. Obviously it’s not cool to be too unrelenting about the situation but trying to get Hutch to understand how he made a mistake was important. His brother in law even gives Hutch a gun which is a pretty sensible thing to do given the circumstances. The second half of the movie basically does become an unrelenting John Wick film as Hutch goes after everybody.

He ends up tangling with the mafia and so he begins to dispatch those guys as well. Now Hutch isn’t Superman or anything like that so he’s not invincible. The film does show that he needs help from an old friend and his father to actually come out of this alive. It was good to have that in there for a touch of realism especially since Hutch has been out of the game for so long. Now unfortunately the film does spoil the adventure by having an opening scene work as a time jump which is still one of the worst tropes. Ah well, I suppose the film had to fumble a little bit there.

The movie can be rather violent with some of the kills. The fight scenes themselves tend to not be too over the top but the finishing moves can be like Mortal Kombat. Hutch really tries to make an example of why you shouldn’t stand against him and the main villain has the same idea at a gala event. Both sides are no strangers to violence and to an extent you can even say they encourage it like when Hutch basically dares the villains to keep on fighting him.

In some ways I would say this film is really going through the action thriller motions. It’s not a film that you’re likely going to remember very well by the end of it. It’s a good movie but the story is one that we’ve all seen before. Even down to the origin story which plays itself beat for beat as many ex professional type films. I enjoyed the banter with Hutch and his allies even if that too is familiar. Sometimes you just want a solid action film that puts the fighting before the story itself. I would say this film definitely does that.

The villain is mainly forgettable. He’s your average gangster who knows how to fight but finds himself in a leadership role now. He’s not particularly patient with his minions and the guy is incredibly unstable. If you work for him then you may end up dying just on a whim. When the going gets tough, he does fight but doesn’t last all that long. That’s basically his whole character in a nutshell. I was more interested in what the cops were going to say about all of this although naturally they don’t get a ton to do. I imagine in the sequel we’ll see more out of them and the 3 letter agencies as they decide to take Hutch down just to be on the safe side.

Overall, Nobody is a decent movie but I don’t think it has the highest replay value. It takes a bit long for Hutch to finally go into action. The violence can be a bit try hard at times too. The film is really advertised as a big action title though so there were definitely no lies presented here. What you see is what you get and I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid action fix. I get the feeling that the sequel would be better though as here is a lot for the film to capitalize on here.

Overall 5/10

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you’ve got a film with the word affair in the title then you know that you might be in trouble. Naturally the word doesn’t have to inherently be bad but it’s usually used in a negative context. The film is basically about someone trying to pull a James Bond and just the concept of that plan is usually funny to me. Still, it does actually work in the real world even so I can’t really talk much about that. Ultimately the film lacks the good characters to make this a success and the romance is particularly weak.

The film starts off with a rare painting being stolen from Thomas Crown’s museum. It was worth tons and the insurance company might have to pay for it. As a result they send in a lady named Catherine to oversee the whole thing. She will make sure that the company does not get ripped off here and she will locate the painting. She believes that Thomas did it himself. It seems a bit unlikely to the cops to put it mildly but she is convinced. So her plan will be to seduce him and then get the information. Will she really be able to reel in a rich guy who has everything so easily?

The first part of the plot that already starts you off on a skeptical note is Catherine’s idea that she can just seduce this guy like it’s easy. I have the same skepticism for many romance type titles and naturally the James Bond films as well. Sure there are some people that are extremely shallow like that but a super rich guy with unlimited options? At least have her break him down after several months or something but he immediately takes the bait hook line and sinker. Now you could argue that it’s just because he wants the thrills of a cat and mouse game but to me it seems like he liked her right away with how sharp her personality is.

Then the rest of the film continues the cat and mouse game while they mess with each other the whole time. There’s a subplot where Thomas has a psychiatrist who confirms how he can’t trust women and all that. Well the film seems to confirm his suspicions as Catherine tries to mess him over several times. If anything the movie seems to make the case for Thomas on why he can’t trust anyone too much. The instant Catherine feels betrayed she tries to completely ruin his life by exposing his theft.

I mean…that was her job the whole time but it’s clear by the end that it’s super personal now. She refuses to listen to him at all and just goes back to her own thing. Then by the end when the misunderstanding it cleared up she is desperate to be with him again. Catherine jus seems incredibly unstable and I don’t see things going well for the two of them. The original film had the much more satisfying ending as a result and I couldn’t stand by this one. The reason is because I wasn’t a big fan of the romance in general despite how much the film tried to present it as a decent one.

I do like the whole enemies to lovers trope when handled right but this one didn’t convince me. As much as I was going on about Catherine not being the most reliable or trust worthy, the same is true for Thomas of course. The whole film is happening because he was bored and wanted a thrill after all. You better hope he doesn’t get bored of romance either since he seemed like a real player back in his day. That is definitely one of the big downsides of being super rich. It’s a bit of a meme as everybody would usually like to be rich anyway but I can see how life can get dull if you don’t find anything to give you purpose.

Also to make the romance even worse, we have the head cop in charge of the case, Michael. This guy is absolutely desperate for Catherine from his very first scene and it’s obvious that she is not into him at all. She gives him a pity kiss later but I wish the guy had been a little bolder and just created some distance after the first attempts failed. Lets keep this professional right? This film is the definition of unprofessional as nobody was able to really keep to the job but it’s probably the worst for Michael. Catherine at least had the excuse of this being part of her plan and Thomas was using this as a way to gauge Catherine but Michael should have at least been objective.

Now in terms of the heist itself, it does stretch your disbelief at times. I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed the CEO sliding under the door to steal the painting early on. The film’s excuse for this would be how crowded things were and to an extent I get that but it’s still a bit of a stretch. Likewise when the painting was returned later on. The ole switcheroo was pretty clever though and I didn’t really have any problems with that one. I did enjoy all the “magic” and planning even if the resources and time to pull that off are also tricky. Thomas obviously has the money but finding enough people willing to take a fall and potential jail time? With enough money you can pretty much do anything but you can also count on at least one guy to get cold feet and go to the cops.

I’m not really an artistic person myself so I always wonder how paintings can really go for millions of dollars. I’d sooner buy into the conspiracy that the whole art market is just a front for money laundering than actually thinking someone would value the piece so highly. Talent is talent and some people are truly gifted at it but millions for any piece of art seems absolutely crazy. I’m also not particularly entertained by walking around a museum to look at paintings. That seems like the kind of thing you would endure for good company.

So the main appeal of the movie is about the heist and the cat and mouse games. That is when the movie is at its best but the rough romance really holds it back. There’s just no way this will work out and the romance is more of a show over tell kind of experience. So not only was I not convinced but the movie spends a lot of time on the romance only for me to still be shaking my head the whole time.

Overall, I would still skip on this film. It’s an improvement over the first film but it’s still not a winner yet. At this point I think we need a live action version of Sly Cooper. That’s a film with a similar premise but 1000x cooler. You will still have the cat and mouse banter with the detective trying to catch the thief but it’s played in a much more interesting way. Until that movie comes out, I recommend playing through the games and you will quickly see why the Thomas Crown affair can’t quite compete.

Overall 4/10

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Review

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As someone who does not like tomatoes I can confirm that one of my greatest fears would definitely be having to go toe to toe with one of them. If these guys bite as strongly as they taste then it would be all over for me. The film does a good job of poking fun at the concept while also getting in some terrifying moments. I would definitely recommend this one.

The film starts off with a lady getting murdered by a tomato. When the cops show up to check out the damage, one of them immediately notices that the “blood” is actually tomato juice. After this point the tomatoes launch an all out assault against humanity. Their numbers are considerable and for the most part the humans are powerless against them. They even have cherry tomatoes on their side. Will the humans be able to mount a proper counter offensive or is it game over for them?

This movie effectively takes shots at a whole lot of different story beats and groups. For starters the government doesn’t look very good here as their so called experts are completely out of their depth the whole time. They have absolutely no idea what they are doing and this only gets more and more evident as the film goes on. Their meeting rooms simply aren’t big enough for them and even their best agents trip up when the going gets the tough. The master of disguise actually made it pretty far but ultimately even he faltered when it counted. Trust me it was not a proud moment for that guy.

You may even end up rooting for the tomatoes here because of their fun sound effect. It’s really hype whenever they show up. The sound in and of itself isn’t creepy or anything but it’s with the context of knowing that the tomatoes are back. They even toy with the humans like at one point where they surround someone’s car and then calmly roll away. He really got off easy that time and they were effectively giving him a warning. The Tomatoes just took it a little too easily that time. If they had been serious then the film would be over.

Naturally the special effects for the film aren’t particularly good. There are a lot of cutaways so we don’t really get to see much of anything. The tomatoes themselves are just ordinary tomatoes for 90% of the screentime. I would have liked to have seen them grinning and running around more but the film didn’t really have the budget for that. The overt cheapness of the film is part of what makes it all fun though. This film is a parody that is really being as silly as possible.

Now of course in any film with a ton of jokes, there will be a bunch that absolutely don’t land. This film is no exception to that. For example you have Lois who is trying to make a name for herself but her skills aren’t all that great. So she gets desperate enough to consider her boss’ advice which was not good from the start. We also get a last second romance and so those scenes were pretty rough the whole time.

Fortunately the good ones easily overshadowed those. For example we also had Clark Kent show up as well as a good Superman gag at one point which was really good. We got the classic “up up and away” moment which was really inspired. There was also a kid and his dog although they didn’t do so well in the fight. The film had plenty of good references and little moments here and there that enhanced the movie.

There was also the whole plot regarding the white house’s chief of communications. The guy gets embarrassed early on during the Q&A and then we actually get some repercussions from that later on. His plan had been unfolding for a while but I’m sure this helped speed it up. The betrayal was really good. The scene had a lot of tension to it and good development. I was almost more invested in this plot than the tomatoes for a minute there.

The movie is fairly short but even then you enjoyment here will be based on how much you enjoy the main gag of the Tomatoes. Will you find it to be too silly or just the right amount of fun and exciting? Everything hinges on that because at the end of the day this is not a serious thriller or anything like that. Technically the body count is rather high and by the end a ton of people are dead but it’s not like the tone is going to reflect that. This is meant to be a really happy film all the way around and it succeeds on that angle.

I tend to enjoy some quality silly humor so this is up my alley. There was even a quick song by the corporate guy helping on PR which was out of nowhere but pretty intense. The singing voice wasn’t half bad and the lyrics are of course the main highlight. This guy showed that you can be great at business and still find time to sing a quick tune. So the quality song helps to make up for a lack of a big soundtrack, although it’s not like I would have expected a grand soundtrack for this film anyway.

Now lets imagine that the film was played seriously for a moment. I think the way you would do it is that the tomatoes move at high speeds. They would keep slamming into people and the sheer concussive force would knock them out. Maybe the main character is a cook so he is able to slice them apart when they show up. You could still have an end of the world plot with ease but the question is how many audiences would take it seriously anyway. And if you know that they wouldn’t, well that’s why you do the parody instead.

Overall, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a film that I’ve looked forward to for a long while now and I can definitely say that it lived up to the hype. This is a fun film with an original story. It has a large variety of gags so you are bound to like some of them. From there is just depends on how many you did not like. If it’s a small number then we have a winner. I’ll be curious to see how good the sequels are but it will be hard to beat the original. It’s one of those premises that you probably don’t want to overdo. It’s why I really liked the stinger at the end which showed off the new villains coming up. That has a ton of potential right there.

Overall 7/10

Ransom (1996) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right it’s thriller time! Whenever someone is taken for ransom you have to decide if you will pay it or not. This is a pretty big dilemma and everyone will have different answers here. I tend to agree with this film’s position on not paying the ransom. If you pay once then they will just do it again or in the worst case they don’t intend on returning the person anyway. You’re taking some considerable risks here. No matter what you pick, the important thing is to never look back.

The film starts with Tom and Kate enjoying a nice day in the park. They are both pretty busy with events and lose sight of the kid. Sean is kidnapped by a bunch of villains and then they send a ransom call. They want millions of dollars from Tom or the kid will die. Tom is a super mega millionaire so he’s fine with paying the money at first but then gets the idea that paying the money will effectively be a death sentence for Sean. So he decides not to pay but now everybody has turned against him and thinks that this is the wrong decision. Has he just made a grave error or is he doing the right thing?

As with all kidnapping films, there is more than a little suspense for disbelief here. In a place as super crowded as what we saw in the opening, I find it hard to believe that there would be no witnesses. I do think the parents should have been more careful and I feel the same way in real life when I see kids running around by themselves but I don’t see it being this smooth. Either way that’s how the film gets the story going so lets not get bogged down too much there.

Naturally from the intro you can tell that I agree with Tom here. You can’t pay the ransom and I thought that the movie did a good job of explaining the logic. Tom stays strong no matter how many critics he gets so that was impressive. The film even gives him a fight scene in this version which was cool. I would argue that he mishandled the timing though and got pretty lucky. He should have tackled the villain once he had spotted the guy and in the end he should have finished him because the guy nearly got another shot off. All in all, he did a lot more right than wrong though and was a good lead.

Unfortunately his wife Kate looks pretty bad the whole time. She crashes out on multiple occasions here as she just wants to pay the money. Then when she gets a suspicious letter she ends up going outside by herself and beaten up. She really needed to think things through more. Yes of course she is also doing everything she can for her son and I appreciate that but you can’t succeed on your own. Once Tom made his decision, she needed to stand by him instead of just making the situation worse. Throughout the film she is one of his biggest challenges because she actively eats away at his confidence.

Meanwhile for the villains, they’re all irredeemable and you don’t feel any pity for them. When you get into the business of kidnapping then you deserve everything that comes to you. Jimmy may have been the mastermind but they were all in on it so when they were getting shot you don’t really care about them. As for Jimmy, he was definitely holding his own for quite a while there and ultimately just got greedy. He did make for a fun contrast as we would see him panicking when Tom would get on TV and start with the threats. We got to see just how shaken up he was the whole time.

The police don’t look great here though. Jumping in unprepared ends up leading them to shooting the only witness. It was incredibly sloppy as they couldn’t have handled that worse. Meanwhile the lead officer leaking secrets to try and shake up the marriage was a low blow. He wants the characters to pay the ransom but taking it into his own hands like that was a bit much. Likewise we also see him talking on the phone about how he’s glad that he isn’t rich which feels incredibly inappropriate. Even aside from the fact that someone might hear him, it’s the worst possible time to say that. He really needs to work on his mindset.

Well nobody’s perfect but it does underscore that Tom is really on his own here. If he even thinks to rely on the police then he will be in trouble and naturally that is exactly what you don’t want to hear. It’s already a stressful situation and being on your own makes it even tougher. That’s why it was impressive that Tom stuck to his guns and never looked back. If he had been shaken up and changed courses then things would not have gone well at all.

Overall, Random is a pretty good movie. It should have you on the edge of your seat the whole time. The writing is pretty good and I really enjoy the premise. It makes for a fun game of cat and mouse. It also allows Tom to actually tough talk to the villains for once rather than the usual setup where the villain just smack talks and gloats for 2 hours. This time the hero gets to take the offensive which is really refreshing. It makes the film a little more fun without sacrificing the atmosphere. At the end of the day the story itself is simple enough but the film is able to craft a really interesting movie out of it by executing well on every aspect. The film has no real weaknesses to speak of here which is impressive and not so easily done. You can trip up in a lot of ways for a thriller like this. So I would definitely recommend checking the movie out.

Overall 7/10

Scarface (1983) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those iconic gangster films. In a lot of ways it tackles the classic rise to infamy type of story but takes its time with it. The film boasts a very impressive runtime of nearly 3 hours but as a result it can move rather slowly at times. I would also argue that Tony himself looks far less impressive in this version as he falls to the vices faster. Perhaps it is good in terms of not letting people accidentally look up to him but in the film’s context it does mean that he is considerably weaker than the original.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Tony and Manny who slip into the USA. They’re going to be starting out as bottom barrel thugs but Tony has dreams of rising up to the very top. He continues taking more and more risky jobs as he moves up the ranks. His ambition knows no bounds, the guy wants to own everything. He also falls for the wife of his boss. If he’s told no about anything then Tony wants it, that’s the way he lives and how he plans to move until his death.

Obviously this does mean that this is one of those films where you are rooting for the cops to take him down. Tony is a villain through and through. He has some moral scruples compared to other gang members but the guy is still a mass murderer who does whatever he feels like. He gets addicted to drugs to the point where he can barely focus on anything. So he becomes someone whose personality flips on a dime. He’ll blow up out of nowhere and this makes him a very dangerous leader.

It’s a bad mix when you’re in a sudden death career like being a mobster while also being completely addicted to drugs. He’s basically taken in by all of the bad vices and is too far gone to ever go back. Meanwhile there is a subplot where he doesn’t want his siter to go down this path so he gets very demanding in terms of what she can or cannot do. He seems to want her to be alone for her whole life and to just stay indoors. It’s not a particularly reasonable position and so she makes things go pretty badly for him as well although I would have liked her to have finished him off. Instead she just completely cracks in this version which isn’t satisfying in the slightest.

Tony goes around betraying everyone all the time so he doesn’t have many loyal allies by the end. There’s his best friend but then Tony gets upset because of his sister being involved so that’s it for that. Again Tony is really burying himself at this point. Even his obsession with Elvira shows how bad Tony is at making the right decisions. Why would you ever want to get together with a girl who flat out does not like you? She only likes the money and status which isn’t a good idea for a relationship.

This even happens in real life as there are a few people who keep getting passed around in an endless cycle because I guess everyone wants to prove themselves but it seems like a terrible idea. With his influence Tony could have had a whole lot of options but no he wanted the lady who was already married. Elvira may not be a good person in the slightest but I still put most of the burden on Tony here for trying to break up the marriage from the start.

The film has some violent moments to be sure. It doesn’t mind having some blood spray during the gunfights and there is the axe moment. In this case you can count on people being shot in non combat situations as well like the scene where Tony shoots one of the passengers in his car. You probably shouldn’t double cross the leader of a mafia boss like that. Tony said he doesn’t murder kids and so he took steps to enforce this position. It was a good scene for Tony amidst a mountain of bad moments but we’ll take what we can get here.

I feel like the police had a smaller role here than in the original film despite the longer screentime. Yes we’ve got the corrupt cop but we don’t get the perspective of the main police force hunting this guy the whole time. That could have helped this film by giving us some tangible characters to root for. It’s why films based around the villains are always fighting an uphill battle. Unless the villain is super charismatic or has a goal that you can empathize with then you run the risk of the film just being too dreary. This one never really gets past that to make the case on why you should really be invested in the title. Just give me one really likable character and that could change things at least a little but the movie never really does that.

Overall, Scarface may be an iconic film but I wouldn’t say it’s all that good. It does show off the rough life of a gangster and it’s not like you have any real sympathy here because they are all bad apples anyway. This is a life that they completely chose for themselves after all. Now they have to contend with the dark side of their own career. The more that Tony loses, the happier you get as the audience. At the same time, this is just not a happy film. It’s a very serious one that just keeps on going and so when the film isn’t fun that takes a lot of the pop out of it. It’s hard to succeed under such circumstances. I’d recommend just watching the original one instead which handled the material a lot better.

Overall 4/10

Bullet Train Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Bullet Train definitely got a whole lot of marketing and advertising when it was first coming out. It was going to be a totally crazy film filled with lots of assassins and action the whole time. I’m always up for an ensemble film and so this was pretty fun although I do think it could have utilized the ensemble part a little more.

Ladybug is one of those bounty hunter/special agents who takes on different requests for money. I hesitate to call him a straight up assassin like the rest of the people on the train because he’s rarely going after any lives and people just die on accident. Ladybug’s filling in for a sick colleague here. This should be easy, he just has to get on the train, steal a suitcase, and then head back out. Easy peasy. What he doesn’t know is that he has a whole lot of company. One guy is here to murder the person who put his son in the hospital, a pair of assassins was hired by a top mafia boss for another mission, a little girl is here for murder, etc. Everybody has their own motivations but they are all fighting for the kill. Can Ladybug handle them all? On one hand he clearly has more experience than most of these guys but on the other hand he’s not nearly as bloodthirsty. He will have to think carefully here.

So before I mentioned how I didn’t think the ensemble part was handled perfectly and that’s because some of these characters get almost nothing to do. In particularly the poison girl and the knife guy are dispatched rather quickly. We still get backstories for both characters but as a result they just didn’t get to feel important. An easy fix to this I’d say would have been to have had their origins earlier. That way you are waiting for them to appear for most of the film. Even without increasing the sheer amount of screentime, their presence would be felt more.

I would even say to go one step further, it might have been a good idea to have shown everyone’s origins at the start of the film. Then as they all step foot on the train it becomes a true battle royale. You can make an exception for one or two characters who rely on twists but this would have definitely helped. Even so, the film does a good job of juggling quite a few characters and even giving them full personalities. You end up remembering them even well past the film’s runtime which is impressive.

At times the film’s tonal shifts can be a bit much. Sometimes you start to look forward to a big fight and then it doesn’t quite play out. On the other hand, the light tone and humor is part of what makes the film fun. On the whole I would have liked to play the fights more straight but the ones that we do get tend to be pretty good. The film’s light tone also helps to prevent things from getting too dreary which could have easily occurred otherwise.

The movie can be fairly violent but at least most of the scenes are combat related so it doesn’t feel too bad. Enough to be noticeable but not enough where I would dock serious points for it or anything like that. The visuals for the film were really nice though and it made good use of the mascots and colorful backgrounds. The train looked like it would be very comfortable to ride on.

As the main character Ladybug was decent. He definitely messed up by not getting off the train earlier though. It’s a good thing he’s lucky because otherwise the mission made no sense. He was only able to get the suitcase at the start because the two assassins left it alone and totally forgot about it. Usually I’d call that plot hax but the film specifically shows how Ladybug is always super lucky (Although he sees it as bad luck since he doesn’t like to see people getting murdered) so I can overlook that. He gets lucky throughout the film but that’s the point. He does a good job of not letting it get to him though and has a lot of the most enjoyable bits of dialogue here. He does a good job of leading the film.

Lemon was a really fun guy who was a big fan of Thomas the Tank Engine. This was a fun and original gimmick. I know an online account that is always talking about that train so it’s nice to see the franchise being referenced. Lemon may not be the biggest genius in the room but he can read people and that trait continues throughout the film. He gets a bit sloppy at one point but always did a good job of lightening up the atmosphere. His confrontation with Ladybug was really good.

Then we have Tangerine who is the serious member of the duo. He may argue with Lemon a lot but does trust the guy’s judgment when it counts. If he was just a hair trigger faster he could have ended the movie sooner. Ultimately he just wasn’t able to connect with his shot before it was too late. The film did a good job of developing both characters.

Then we have our first miss in The Father. Different characters insult him and it makes sense because he’s just super out of his depth here. The instant the Prince revealed herself as responsible for pushing his son off a building, he should have taken her out. Instead he hesitates and this leads him down a long trail of danger. The guy is a really passive fighter the whole time compared to the other characters and that’s what holds him back. He isn’t even close to the others in terms of skill.

The same can be true of Prince but to make up for this she has a lot of plans and contingencies. I give her a whole lot of credit for always remaining on top of the situation. She manipulates a whole lot of characters before the film is over which is more than I can say for some of the others. The Wolf and the Hornet don’t get to do much and are mainly here to fill out the numbers. This is definitely the part where I said the film could have developed them more. That would have made them way more likable and memorable.

The Elder also doesn’t do a lot but his scenes are very memorable. For starters one of his twists makes a lot of sense and I was wondering why The Father didn’t think of this. The Elder was a really good character and dominated in his short screen time. The White Death is a little more forgettable. A decent villain who perhaps got a little too much hype. Less hype may have gone a long way here since his actions could have spoken for themselves instead.

Overall, Bullet Train is a good film. It does deliver on having a lot of action and the ending is also pretty satisfying. I think the movie could have had a little more confidence in its own fight scenes though. Letting the characters go at it a bit longer would have been nice. I also wouldn’t have minded some more verbal confrontations because those were always a lot of fun with how the characters would try to be normal on the surface. It had a very Sakamoto Days kind of vibe there. If you haven’t watched this film yet then I’d recommend it. It makes for a good watch.

Overall 6/10

Firestarter (2022) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would likely be more negative.

Firestarter is one of those films that has some interesting ideas but misses on the execution. It also has one of the most groanworthy endings in a minute. So this was definitely not going to make Firestarter the next big hit but hopefully at some point someone is able to really crack the code here. I also feel like Charlie was severely nerfed in this version but it’s been a while since I saw the first film.

The movie starts off with Charlie using her fire powers and then we get a bit of a disjointed origin as we see her parents going through a bunch of experiments. I thought this was a pretty interesting way for us to learn the info because everyone already knows how they would get their powers. So we should just jump around instead of watching it in real time. In the present, Charlie makes a big mistake and blows up part of a school so the heroes are now on the run from the evil organization. Will they be able to escape or has their luck finally run out?

This film is a reminder of just how hard it is to live your life on the run. Imagine being careful for years and years only for 5 minutes to wipe all of that out. It’s why you need to train and be ready to fight off possible invaders. This is my main problem with Andy who takes the route of wanting Charlie to live a normal life. So even knowing that there are powerful entities trying to reach her, he doesn’t make a move. Really not a smart move at all. I can blame him for a lot of what happened and the same goes for Charlie.

Vicky is probably the most tragic figure since she wanted Charlie to train and just got overruled the whole time. She should have definitely been training too though and would have ended up doing better during her battle. Since she had an injury the deck wasn’t stacked in her favor to begin with but a little extra power could have definitely helped out here.

Meanwhile I can’t say that I was ever a big fan of Andy. When it comes time for him to fight, he really doesn’t look very good. I think it was a big mistake to put his energies into illusions instead of directly trying to press Rainbird during their mental battle. Both ways keep the guy preoccupied only the latter has an actual chance of defeating him as well. It just makes a lot more sense in a fight. Andy’s abilities were limited enough where it definitely didn’t seem like he would win anyway. His final decision involving using his powers one last time was not bad though. I think given the circumstances it made sense even if it was a bit of a controversial moment.

Now for Charlie, she is just a kid so I’ll give her some props but that’s about it. She still should have known better than to try and call the cops. Blowing up in the school also wasn’t a good moment. She definitely needed more training but I would have expected her to have a better handle on things. Taking down an animal was not a good idea either. Yes, the film squeezed in animal violence which was not a good idea. The film uses it as foreshadowing for another moment but it was not good.

The movie lost more points there as well. But back to Charlie, she gets a lot of hype for her powers improving more and more but then by the end she isn’t able to melt past a basic hazmat suit? That was one of her worst moments here because that’s way too basic of a defense. If her flames are on pace to be nuclear, then she should be blowing these guys away. Then with the one opponent that she should definitely be trying to blow away, she ends up holding back. Without getting into specifics, it’s why the ending is pretty bad here.

It just doesn’t make any sense and weakens the main character as a result. It feels like several characters would have definitely been let down there. Also having her need any kind of help in the end takes away from her as a powerful weapon. It doesn’t seem like Charlie lives up to her own hype here. She gets some cool moments in breaking into the main villain’s base and taking on a lot of opponents but she also lets her guard down a bit too easily.

As for the main villain Jane, I almost thought she was a parody for a little while there. She is extremely unprepared and has no good plans throughout the whole film. Even by the end the way that she goes down is pretty embarrassing. She tries threatening a retired doctor and he doesn’t take her seriously either. She had no aura the entire time and since she is supposed to be the leader of this super serious mystery group, it doesn’t make the group look very good either.

Finally we have Rainbird who is back in the field one more time. It’s hard to say why he has much of a change of heart though because the whole time he is introduced as a rather ferocious fighter. It’s not like he ever loved the organization given how they tossed him aside but he also doesn’t seem like someone who would have had a lot of mercy either. By the end he should have kept on shooting and that would have opened the door for the heroine to counter and blow him away.

The secret organization also has a ton of pull with how they were able to jump in even after several police officers were gunned down and take control of the situation. Feels like that’s the kind of situation that would have gotten them forcibly shut down. The leader does reprimand Rainbird on this but otherwise it doesn’t look like there was more fallout. This is a story that could probably improve with a TV show approach since it could flesh out the world a lot better.

The soundtrack’s pretty solid for the movie at least. It has a bit of a mysterious air that works well with the scenes and it’s memorable. That’s more than you can say for most live action films so that is immediately a big win here. The special effects aren’t bad either. The fire looks pretty fun even if a little overly dramatic at times. The film can be randomly violent at times with some of the half burned scenes but for the most part isn’t super intense. Just enough to be noticeable though.

Overall, Firestarter is not a good movie. I would definitely say to give it a pass because it fumbles the ball on too many areas. It’s got an interesting premise but that’s just not enough for me to recommend this one. You have to get past the animal violence and the ending first which is a fairly tall order. You’re better off just watching the Fantastic Four instead to see someone using their fire abilities really well. Another version of this should have the kid be a bit older so then we could have a proper superhero type film.

Overall 3/10

Borderlands Review

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Whenever a film like Borderlands gets bad reviews you have to consider if it bombed for not being faithful to the games, it was too much like the games, or it just ended up being boring. The first two can result in really fun films while the latter is definitely a miss. I don’t even know which category this one falls into because I never played the games but to me it does feel like it’s leaning hard into being a video game film. This one goes through a whole lot of funny story beats as it pokes fun at itself the whole time. As a result it really ends up being a fun film and I would definitely recommend it. We don’t get enough parody type titles like this nowadays.

The movie starts off with Tina being rescued from some kind of sci-fi ship by Roland. He has defected from the corrupt army and wants to help her out. They are assisted by an escaped inmate named Krieg. In the future, everything basically went bad but out of all the planets, Pandora is the worst. It’s like a Mad Max wasteland there and crime rules the day. We cut to a bounty hunter named Lilith who is constantly complaining and is glad to have left that place. Well, she is hired by a man named Atlas to find his daughter Tina and rescue her from this Roland fellow. Lilith agrees due to the big pay day but is she really on the right side?

So first off, the whole introduction phase to the film is great. First we get a full Star Wars parody and then after that we get a parody to the usual bounty hunter intro. Lilith is approached by a bunch of thugs and immediately takes them out. Just straight up obliterates all of them. If she’s anything like this in the games then we’re looking at a top tier video game protagonist right out of the gate. Then when the “Mysterious leader” figure shows up, she shoots him dead too. It’s just such a great deconstruction of the usual scene and like I emphasized before, we need more well written parodies like this.

Ultimately Lilith decides to help not out of the goodness of her heart or anything like that but just because of the money. When she lands on the planet we see the Mad Max fighters except they’re basically all losers who get immediately crushed. You will always get points from me for making fun of that overrated series. Yeah they look more impressive deeper in the film when a bunch of them rush the heroes but this was a great introduction. As with most parodies, I would say the film tends to be a bit weaker once we get to the serious stuff.

I didn’t really care about Lilith’s origin story and it’s played a little too straight. Maybe there can be some parody appeal in being as generic as possible? Eh that’s probably a stretch. Either way the film wasn’t quite able to sell me on the emotional/serious bits. Fortunately that is a pretty small part of the film. For the most part this is a film that is just having a good time with itself and that’s the right tone for this film. It adds a lot of replay value and there are a ton of laugh out loud moments.

Claptrap is really one of the standout characters here. Pretty much all of his lines are absolutely great. The guy pulls off being the sarcastic bot persona really well. He is always there to make the heroes feel worse and to kick them while they’re down. In his defense they tend to treat him terribly so what goes around comes around. He is quite helpful a lot of the time even if he also gets them into trouble at other circumstances. Basically he is a true wild card and one that both sides really have to account for or they will get crushed in the process.

I already talked about her a bit but Lilith is really an excellent character here. She is completely jaded with everything and tries to always keep a large distance away from everyone. She’s not looking to create any bonds or relationships. She is just trying to get this mission over with for the money. As the film goes on her true heroic side comes out and all but not without a whole lot of journeying to get there. Additionally by the end she gets some fun abilities that will be fun for the sequel.

The movie had a bigger scale climax than I was expecting that’s for sure. I could see that being a final boss in the games. The main guy Roland was also pretty fun. Now it can be a little tough to take him seriously but I’d argue that’s the point. He’s very easy to overlook and that’s when he crushes his enemies. He’s a solid all around fighter and is around to help Tina the whole time. You have to give him credit for his drive the whole time.

Krieg gets overshadowed a bit in comparison but definitely seems like a great ally. The kind of guy who will really put it all on the line to help Tina. He also does really good in all of his fights and shows off some true super strength. Definitely nothing to dislike about him. As for Tina, I was a little unsure of her at first but the way she handled Lilith the first time they met definitely put her on the good side. She’s really crafty and quick witted. She can take care of herself without any problems and is very proactive. Most kids would be panicking the whole time but not her.

Out of all the characters, Tina is probably the biggest surprise at how much fun she is. I would have assumed that she would be more annoying. The villains tend to be more on the forgettable side though. You got some army grunts and Mr. Atlas himself but none of them are that noteworthy. They do have cool costumes though and Atlas’ protective energy barrier is actually extremely useful. It keeps him in the fight a lot more than you may have expected that it would.

Meanwhile the soundtrack is excellent. It’s extremely good and dominates every scene. You do see a lot of the “bad films” tend to have great soundtracks. I think it’s because some would say that the music shouldn’t dominate the scene so the big films tend to have more generic scores but this one goes hard with the rock music. It’s all really catchy and upbeat holding its own with Mortal Kombat 2, The Resident Evil films, etc. I was really surprised because the games didn’t strike me as having this kind of music.

Now as with all comedy films I wouldn’t expect every joke to land with you. The film does have a big crude humor sequence with some jokes which aren’t really my style. On the whole the jokes tend to work well though so the film is a lot funnier than it isn’t. The pacing is good with a lot happening the whole time as well. The fight scenes are a lot of fun and all the uniforms for the heroes and villains are on point. Again it feels very video game inspired without trying to tone the colors down. That’s the way to do an adaption, everything should really pop out at you.

Overall, I don’t know much at all about the Borderland games. They always looked pretty boring and unappealing but if this film is any indication then maybe they are actually really solid. Still don’t see myself ever playing them but if the film were to get a sequel I would definitely be up for that. That would be absolutely historic! I somehow get the feeling that the odds of that are not very high though. So in the meantime you should definitely check this film out. It may very well surprise you.

Overall 8/10

Imaginary Review

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Blumhouse continues to surpass the average horror films with its products. They’re rarely ever great but they avoid a lot of the pitfalls of other titles. Give me this over titles like Alien, Friday the 13th, and a bunch of the other big horror franchises. These films tend to avoid getting too violent or anything which is nice. That said, at times it can also feel like the villain is being too merciful to the point where it doesn’t make sense. After a point you gotta just take the opponents out right?

The film starts off with introducing us to Jessica and her husband Max. Max had a messy divorce a while back but he is hoping things will be stable now and his two daughters Alice and Taylor will like Jessica. They all moved to a new place for a fresh start but unfortunately this house comes with a dark secret. There is a teddy bear named Chauncey here who quickly becomes friends with Alice. Nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend right?….well there might be a problem with this one. Chauncey is constantly in a bloodlusted state and continues to get more and more demented. Can Jessica stop something that may not have a physical body?

Now I will say that the premise is handled in a rather generic way. This is pretty much the same as M3gan, and all the Chucky films. You have a stuffed animal that talks to a kid and gradually gives more and more demented conditions to friendship. The little girl Alice is incredibly naive and not particularly smart so she falls for this every time. It’s a story concept that we’ve seen many times before. Now granted, this does beat all of the Chucky films and M3gan but you will still be surprised that it didn’t try something a bit different. The film doesn’t really make use of its premise until the very end.

I would say Alice is super annoying here the whole time. I understand that she’s young but she should still be old enough to tell that Chauncey is psychotic. Telling her she has to hurt herself is just unhinged and that would be the time to tell her parents. There is no indication that there is any mind control at work here or anything like that so instead that just means Alice is making these mistakes out of her own free will. It’s a really bad look because this just goes past the realms of common sense. Even right up through the end she is still making a lot of mistakes.

Her older sister Taylor isn’t the smartest either though. She is also naive but in other ways like when she invites a guy over to her house while the mother is gone despite not even knowing him. Naturally the guy is into drugs and is not a good role model at all. So things could have gotten even worse for her if Jessica wasn’t around. Taylor just likes to be a rebel even when it doesn’t make sense to be one. It’s hard to sympathize with her when she is in the wrong on every scene. Not a very reasonable person at all.

As for Max, he seems okay but doesn’t really end up being helpful at all. He is gone for large portions of the film and is generally oblivious. It might be for the best since I can picture him being annoying and not believing what is going on. As for Jessica, she is a good character even if I find it hard to believe just how much of her past she forgot. The film’s weak rationale for the memory loss just doesn’t work. Well I suppose that’s more about suspension of disbelief than blaming the character.

There’s nothing bad about Jessica, she does an admirable job of trying to bond with the two kids. I also think she was very appropriate in jumping into the conversation Taylor was having with the guy to set boundaries. So Jessica had a solid backbone the whole time and did her best with stopping the villains. She was more proactive than a lot of other characters would be in her place.

I do have some problems with Chauncey though. The first is that he’s on fraud watch the whole time. He doesn’t manage to take down the boy who messed with Alice’s stuff. Since Chauncey is supposed to be super protective why not bump the guy off? That part didn’t really make any sense. Then once the characters are in his domain, he isn’t able to take down almost anybody? He takes out a single victim and that’s it. Very disappointing showing for this guy. I also think his true form could have been cooler.

The giant bear is hype but the shadow human silhouette? Nahhh that was a bit too generic. The eye popping out effect also looked a bit more strange than scary. Honestly the film just overthought itself. The big bear form was plenty scary, focusing on that would be a really good idea. Chauncey’s also not that spooky when talking through Alice. Having him do more on his own would be a good idea. Even the final jump scare of the movie is really half hearted. Should have gone a bit further/had some movement to really work.

A very valid criticism for the film is that it’s not particularly scary. At its core this feels more like a film about Jessica trying to fit into the family and it’s a wholesome enough plot. The horror around it feels rather mild the whole time. Again that is probably good in terms of keeping things from getting too violent. There is really only one bloody scene and it’s mainly off camera. They still could have found ways to have had Chauncey be a little more relevant though.

We do have a spooky next door neighbor character though. Would have been nice if Taylor had more common sense though. Why go into a stranger’s house in the middle of the night? I don’t care if the lady is 90 years old, that still could end really badly especially with how over the top shady she was. Everybody tends to be shady in this kind of film. The weakest part of the film is probably Jessica’s past with her father though. The movie spends a decent amount of time here without a great payoff. At the same time, the two scariest moments of the film involve his transformation so maybe it was worth it to include him in there. It might sound crazy to say this but the spider monster was scarier than Chauncey.

Overall, For a film about an imaginary friend you would expect more scenes that revolve around the supernatural world. The imaginary friend part isn’t really relevant until the literal climax of the film and that’s where the missed opportunities were. I think the climax should have been longer and should have started earlier. That’s the meat and potatoes of the story after all. The twist about Chauncey’s true target was really good and I also liked a good fakeout there. It’s really good stuff but all crammed in at the very end of the adventure when that should have been the main focus. Check this out if you want a decent thriller title but don’t expect to get scared at all. It’s not really that kind of film.

Overall 6/10