Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

Shooter Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Shooter is one of those tragic films because it could have been good but then it decides to absolutely nosedive by throwing in some extra grit and over the top dark themes for no reason. It could have been known as a fairly decent revenge film about destroying everybody but instead this one will quickly fade away into being forgotten. Just a lot of missed potential here.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Swagger who used to work with the army but after they left him and his partner for dead, Swagger decided to tap out. With his friend dead, Swagger was all by himself except for his pet dog. He stayed off the grid for years but now the government has caught up to him. Isaac wants Swagger to help out in preventing a presidential assassination but this quickly goes sour as expected and now Swagger is wanted for murder. He’s tired of being thrown around by the government, it’s time for Swagger to do something about this.

So you’ve got a classic revenge story against corruption here. It’s a pretty classic story and one where it is easy to root for the hero over the evil government. That said, the film feels the need to make the villains as evil as possible to jam the message through and it’s really not necessary. For example they murder Swagger’s dog. Really now? That was completely unnecessary. Then at one point it turns out that one of the villains is really just here for his own pleasure and has his way with the heroine while Swagger is gone. Another absolutely ridiculous scene that didn’t need to be here at all.

This is the kind of film where the writers just weren’t confident in their own plot/script and so they have to add all of these quick shock value moments. You’re not able to enjoy the film naturally and each scene is instead pushing you hard into the next one. No need to think about anything as the movie is as black and white as possible. One of the scenes near the end as Swagger explains his evidence is one I’ve seen before as it’s a pretty common out of context clip for Youtube shorts. It’s yet another moment that is meant to show you how logic just won’t work because everybody is as corrupt as possible.

The movie definitely has a very jaded view of the justice system. Fair enough, it’s definitely got numerous weaknesses and shortcomings. If the film wants to go the vigilante angle then that’s fine but again it would be nice if the film could just let us watch the action unfold without having to basically narrate it. The villains are all loud and obnoxious as they laugh about how they have dominated the system. They don’t seem to be concerned about any bugs or wiretaps because everybody important is already in on it. They’re just having a grand ole time.

I think for that reason Swagger made a huge mistake near the end and just happens to get lucky. He basically lets some of the key villains go so he could do this through the legal process but naturally that doesn’t play out very well. By this point you’ve already murdered all of the foot soldiers so why wouldn’t you finish off the general? It never makes sense to spare the captains at that point. Particularly since they have the riches and the resources to completely disappear if that’s what they want to do.

Swagger definitely lets his guard down at times but ultimately he looks good for most of the film. His sniper skills are definitely on point and he can really hit a target from almost anywhere. That’s definitely a scary opponent to have to contend with because you’re going to have to find a way to close the distance without getting shot. I’d ask why the army would leave such a capable soldier out to die like in the opening but again it comes down to basic corruption.

Nick ends up helping out from the FBI side. The guy is a little slow on the uptake about how nobody else really cares about the mission though. He gets lied to almost immediately by everyone else in the agency. They’re all either on the take or just generally incompetent. It’s easy to see why he decided to break away from them as soon as possible by the end. Of course you get the feeling that he might be doomed in either event because the villains won’t let him live forever. His only hope will be to hitch a ride with Swagger.

Then we have the heroine Sarah who definitely goes through a lot. The whole film is definitely a terrible experience for her. She does a good job of being helpful and going undercover. My only issue is really with the romance plot. You can’t just get together with your dead husband’s partner. That seems like a terrible idea even aside from the fact that it’s a rebound. The whole thing would just be too personal and it’s also way too sudden. They barely even know each other and so the film suffers from the really quick paced romance here. It doesn’t really have any kind of development and just happens.

As far as conspiracy films go, this one requires a few more stretches of disbelief than some of the others. A certain degree of that will basically always come with the genre but at the same time they just seemed so sloppy in this one. The fact that an FBI rookie noticed that things didn’t add up shows how little thought was put into it. Producing answers too quickly, etc. It may have fooled his boss but it was clear that she didn’t really care about the case in general. She had me convinced that she was on the take the whole time for that reason. How else would she make the worst excuses each time? At one point when Nick points out that a key player was just shot, she says it was probably just karma. That’s just crazy.

Still, conspiracies are fun. Even in real life I’m sure that some of the ones that occurred had a bunch of loose ends and people just looked the other way. That’s bound to happen from time to time but when you’re actually seeing it you can’t help but roll your eyes a bit. If the film had stuck to the action then I think it would have been a lot better. I also liked seeing some of the frame technology. For example to make it look like one guy shot himself they had a clever device that holds the arm up at just the right angle. I’m sure they’ve got something like that in real life.

Overall, The Shooter is a pretty bad film I gotta say. The plot had some potential in there but threw it all away in the second half. I won’t blame the main character for getting tricked since it was a calculated risk but he definitely makes some terrible judgment calls. Even romance aside, I still think the plan he had on top of the mountain was absolutely terrible. Letting villains go in the hopes that you can get them later is really a recipe for disaster. At least the film has a pretty fun ending. That part at least leaves you satisfied in the end.

Overall 3/10

Firestarter (2022) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would likely be more negative.

Firestarter is one of those films that has some interesting ideas but misses on the execution. It also has one of the most groanworthy endings in a minute. So this was definitely not going to make Firestarter the next big hit but hopefully at some point someone is able to really crack the code here. I also feel like Charlie was severely nerfed in this version but it’s been a while since I saw the first film.

The movie starts off with Charlie using her fire powers and then we get a bit of a disjointed origin as we see her parents going through a bunch of experiments. I thought this was a pretty interesting way for us to learn the info because everyone already knows how they would get their powers. So we should just jump around instead of watching it in real time. In the present, Charlie makes a big mistake and blows up part of a school so the heroes are now on the run from the evil organization. Will they be able to escape or has their luck finally run out?

This film is a reminder of just how hard it is to live your life on the run. Imagine being careful for years and years only for 5 minutes to wipe all of that out. It’s why you need to train and be ready to fight off possible invaders. This is my main problem with Andy who takes the route of wanting Charlie to live a normal life. So even knowing that there are powerful entities trying to reach her, he doesn’t make a move. Really not a smart move at all. I can blame him for a lot of what happened and the same goes for Charlie.

Vicky is probably the most tragic figure since she wanted Charlie to train and just got overruled the whole time. She should have definitely been training too though and would have ended up doing better during her battle. Since she had an injury the deck wasn’t stacked in her favor to begin with but a little extra power could have definitely helped out here.

Meanwhile I can’t say that I was ever a big fan of Andy. When it comes time for him to fight, he really doesn’t look very good. I think it was a big mistake to put his energies into illusions instead of directly trying to press Rainbird during their mental battle. Both ways keep the guy preoccupied only the latter has an actual chance of defeating him as well. It just makes a lot more sense in a fight. Andy’s abilities were limited enough where it definitely didn’t seem like he would win anyway. His final decision involving using his powers one last time was not bad though. I think given the circumstances it made sense even if it was a bit of a controversial moment.

Now for Charlie, she is just a kid so I’ll give her some props but that’s about it. She still should have known better than to try and call the cops. Blowing up in the school also wasn’t a good moment. She definitely needed more training but I would have expected her to have a better handle on things. Taking down an animal was not a good idea either. Yes, the film squeezed in animal violence which was not a good idea. The film uses it as foreshadowing for another moment but it was not good.

The movie lost more points there as well. But back to Charlie, she gets a lot of hype for her powers improving more and more but then by the end she isn’t able to melt past a basic hazmat suit? That was one of her worst moments here because that’s way too basic of a defense. If her flames are on pace to be nuclear, then she should be blowing these guys away. Then with the one opponent that she should definitely be trying to blow away, she ends up holding back. Without getting into specifics, it’s why the ending is pretty bad here.

It just doesn’t make any sense and weakens the main character as a result. It feels like several characters would have definitely been let down there. Also having her need any kind of help in the end takes away from her as a powerful weapon. It doesn’t seem like Charlie lives up to her own hype here. She gets some cool moments in breaking into the main villain’s base and taking on a lot of opponents but she also lets her guard down a bit too easily.

As for the main villain Jane, I almost thought she was a parody for a little while there. She is extremely unprepared and has no good plans throughout the whole film. Even by the end the way that she goes down is pretty embarrassing. She tries threatening a retired doctor and he doesn’t take her seriously either. She had no aura the entire time and since she is supposed to be the leader of this super serious mystery group, it doesn’t make the group look very good either.

Finally we have Rainbird who is back in the field one more time. It’s hard to say why he has much of a change of heart though because the whole time he is introduced as a rather ferocious fighter. It’s not like he ever loved the organization given how they tossed him aside but he also doesn’t seem like someone who would have had a lot of mercy either. By the end he should have kept on shooting and that would have opened the door for the heroine to counter and blow him away.

The secret organization also has a ton of pull with how they were able to jump in even after several police officers were gunned down and take control of the situation. Feels like that’s the kind of situation that would have gotten them forcibly shut down. The leader does reprimand Rainbird on this but otherwise it doesn’t look like there was more fallout. This is a story that could probably improve with a TV show approach since it could flesh out the world a lot better.

The soundtrack’s pretty solid for the movie at least. It has a bit of a mysterious air that works well with the scenes and it’s memorable. That’s more than you can say for most live action films so that is immediately a big win here. The special effects aren’t bad either. The fire looks pretty fun even if a little overly dramatic at times. The film can be randomly violent at times with some of the half burned scenes but for the most part isn’t super intense. Just enough to be noticeable though.

Overall, Firestarter is not a good movie. I would definitely say to give it a pass because it fumbles the ball on too many areas. It’s got an interesting premise but that’s just not enough for me to recommend this one. You have to get past the animal violence and the ending first which is a fairly tall order. You’re better off just watching the Fantastic Four instead to see someone using their fire abilities really well. Another version of this should have the kid be a bit older so then we could have a proper superhero type film.

Overall 3/10

Travels with My Aunt Review

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This is one of those films that is very eccentric to say the least. A lot is going on at all times and we get some very dramatized accounts of events from a not very trust worthy source. As a result you really have to be giving the side glance to anything that is talked about in the movie. What really happened? Either way, I appreciate the film’s enthusiasm in being all crazy but unfortunately that didn’t always translate into being a particularly interesting film and the unlikable characters hurt.

The movie is focused on a character named Henry whose mother recently passed away. That was a really tough time for him and he’s trying to get his life back in order but then his aunt Augusta shows up and says that Henry’s mother wasn’t actually his mother. Henry’s not sure if he can believe this since he isn’t even sure if Augusta is his true aunt. Well, she is tryin to get to her true love Ercole who has been kidnapped and there is a giant ransom for him. She is also transporting drugs and hanging out with shady individuals but that’s just how she rolls. Henry finds himself all wrapped up in this situation before he knows it. Can he get out of this…or does part of him want to stick around to find out the truth?

As they journey, Augusta tells Henry all about her past achievements. She’s basically slept around with tons of people and could seduce anyone that she puts her mind to. Unfortunately the man’s relationship status doesn’t matter to her and so she will cheat with anyone. As you can quickly tell, she is not a good role model in the slightest. It’s all very casual to her about all the things she can do and get away with it. I dare say that she is even proud of this which is really crazy.

So she automatically drags the film down a few notches. All of her scenes are pretty bad. It’s not even funny to be honest even if that’s the approach they’re going for. You’re just rooting against her here and it goes without saying that all of the romances are weak as a result. Henry gets a romance of his own and I can’t say that it’s any better. He hooks up with a girl on the train and they have some meaningless abstract conversations. It’s basically all gibberish but Henry’s going along with it and the whole thing was crazy. I expected better out of Henry than to go down the same road as Augusta.

We get our share of twists as the film goes on and you learn more about Augusta and her past but none of it helps to redeem her in the slightest. There was really no hope for her character which is a shame. Even her right hand man Zachary isn’t all that interesting. He’s basically complicit in all of the shady dealings and doesn’t mind messing around. I like his confidence but at the end of the day he’s definitely another fighter who is on the wrong side here.

Ironically Henry ends up being one of the smarter characters here even though initially it seemed like he was the one being pushed around and manipulated. He actually thought ahead and came up with a plan involving a very iffy painting which helped them out during the climax. The ending leaves it ambiguous on just how far gone Henry is as we don’t get to see the outcome from a coin flip but the fact that he put that on the table shows that he’s probably on Augusta’s team going forward.

I would even say that the main story here is really about Henry’s corruption. He initially led a very boring life but seeing his mother’s ashes thrown aside from the cops were checking for drugs and learning about Augusta’s escapades, it seems like he cracked. Henry just wasn’t content the way that he used to be and it showed. This guy went from being a very timid individual to being pressured into taking drugs, having affairs, etc.

In a way it’s a bit of a depressing morale and the whole film is sort of slanted that way. On the surface it’s a very bubbly film as they go from place to place. The sceneries are nice and we get to meet a wide variety of characters. Beneath the surface though, these characters tend to all be antagonist types who are having a good time at someone else’s expense. Drugs, Cheating, Gambling, Theft, etc. They do whatever it takes and Henry’s corruption is unfortunate but realistic.

If the film had shown more restraint then it could have maybe still been okay but some plots are just hard to save. The whole affair and drug use in the train was the biggest standout scene to me but Augusta’s various cheating moments didn’t help much either. You would also expect at the very least that Augusta was super street smart thanks to all of her experiences but a note with a ransom is enough to get her to travel the world to her lover with no questions asked. Not the smartest move out there.

Overall, This is one of those films that doesn’t have an elaborate plot but doesn’t really need one. The title is very descriptive as the movie is much more about the journey than the destination. You are learning about the aunt and the experiences that led her into who she is today. It’s less important on getting the money or finishing up the whole painting subplot. At the same time, this isn’t particularly interesting to the viewer since we know that she is bad news from the start. It’s not like we needed to really be reminded of this each time through a flashback. It’s just not a particularly fun film and I would definitely say to skip this one. Find a title with a more wholesome plot of family members meeting up and bonding together.

Overall 3/10

A Hatful of Rain Review

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This is one of those movies that is just way too depressing the whole time. The characters make a bunch of mistakes and the movie doesn’t really have much time for fun moments. It’s just a dreary ride from start to finish and I can assure you that this is not a winning formula. You are not going to create the next all time classic this way.

The movie starts with John showing up in town to visit his two kids Johnny and Polo. Things had been a little tough between them but now it can all be normal. Welllll there’s a quick hitch in that plan as John asks Polo for the money back that he lent him. Unfortunately Polo doesn’t have it and won’t say what happened with it which causes a full rift there. John basically doesn’t want to talk to him anymore and only spends all his time praising Johnny. For some reason Johnny doesn’t seem to like his old veteran status brought up at all though and keeps leaving for long blocks of time which is making his wife Celia worried. Is something going on behind the scenes?

Well the big thing is that Johnny is addicted to drugs and so he spent all of Polo’s money on it and he’s still hooked. He suffers from serious withdrawals whenever he is away from the stuff and can’t work up the courage to tell Celia about this. So instead Johnny allows himself to be manipulated by the mob the whole time as he does their bidding for more and more drugs. It’s obviously a losing game here as the more drugs he consumes, the further back he goes. They’re also ramping up the payments and threats so he is really putting his family in danger here. That’s probably the worst part of it since his wife is pregnant so Johnny needs to be worrying about them. The mafia know where he lives so that’s too bad.

I didn’t like Johnny because of all these bad circumstances. It’s a shame that he got addicted during recovery from a bad injury but from there on he needed to talk to people and figure out a way forward. Instead of doing any of that he ended up doubling down over and over again on the wrong things. He had Polo there for support and Polo really did his best but Johnny still didn’t go forward. If he had absolutely no support network then I would have been a lot easier on him but he had several people around who loved him.

As for Polo, he was mostly a good character but unfortunately he crumbles halfway into the film. He basically crashes with Johnny and Celia while he’s down on his luck but Johnny is always away which means he spends a lot of time with Celia. Nothing wrong with that, it’s good to have close family and since they are siblings in law, it makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is that Polo allows himself to fall in love with her and this is where you start groaning as the viewer. Did the film really have to go down this rabbit hole?

I don’t care if she was the greatest super model on the planet, you absolutely can’t fall for her. She’s married and to his own brother which makes this 10X personal. The instant he started feeling any attraction it was really on him to move out. Attraction is about several factors including time and proximity. So the quickest way to get rid of that is to dash out and then getting drunk was hardly an excuse for him to be making a pass at her. So this is where he lost any likability.

Meanwhile I also have to blame Celia on this. For starters she says she noticed that Polo was falling for her for a very long time and didn’t do anything about it. That was probably a good time to bring it up before things got too serious. If she didn’t feel safe then she should let Johnny know when he is around for it. Thing is, the film basically states that she started liking him too which is just terrible. Yeah Johnny wasn’t fulfilling his obligations as a husband so you have to solve that problem but the rebound is absolutely not the way to go.

You can see how toxic the whole thing was. Ironically John was probably the least toxic even though he’s the one who is constantly yelling at everybody. Make no mistake, he’s a bad character as well. He was way too mean spirited towards Polo and saying things that you can’t really take back afterwards. I thought that was pretty awful even if Polo had lost the money. Being upset is one thing but continuing to ram in the point the way John did was overboard. Even by the end he is blaming Polo for what happened to Johnny instead of being supportive.

I think the worst part about all of this is that nothing really happens to the mafia. Yeah some members started getting picked up by the cops but the main ones are still in operation and tormenting more people. Polo pays them off at the end but that just means they’ll be back again with further demands. You never really escape the drug dealers until they’ve gone to jail and that’s why it was crucial that we got a scene for this. The fact that we didn’t was definitely a shame.

The writing for the film wasn’t bad but definitely a little too bleak. At some point you would have expected one of the characters to do something like roping in the cops or taking a stand. Instead there was a ton of fighting going on between all of the characters the whole time and none of them were taking the right step in order to resolve this. We also get some fairly long scenes of Johnny crashing out on the drugs and while that may be realistic, it also didn’t make him look much better. It’s a reminder of how he’s been going through this many times and still hasn’t told his wife yet.

Overall, The main moral of this film is dialogue. If the characters had confided in each other much sooner then the film would have been over in a snap. It’s a good cautionary tale on addiction though. Sometimes it’s something that you can’t beat on your own. Everyone needs help with things at some point. That’s why you have counselors, family, friends, etc. Depending on the situation is who you may end up confiding in but ultimately at the end of the day you are going to have a very hard time if you’re truly a one man show. With that being said, I’d recommend watching a lighter film instead.

Overall 3/10

A Quiet Place: Day One Review

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That tagline is ripped right out of the Wolverine tie-in game for Gamecube. I can’t believe it. “Stay low. Stay quiet. Stay alive!” Still one of the more memorable superhero lines since I had to hear it over and over and over and over again since I died so many times on that level. It was definitely not a game for the faint of heart. Unfortunately that tagline is tough to follow for the main characters of this film who panic continually and can’t stop yelling. I didn’t like the main characters much at all and the whole film feels like a bit of a waste of time. They didn’t bother answering any of the important questions about what happened when the aliens first landed which defeats the purpose of a prequel.

The film starts off by introducing us to Sam who has cancer and it seems to be pretty far along as she doesn’t know how much longer she has to live. She is taken care of at a hospice along with a lot of others and one day the nurse Reuben says he is taking everyone to see a show. Sam gets lured in by the promise of pizza but once they’re there, the plans are changed as the government has declared a state of emergency. Giant monsters are showing up and eating everybody. Sam decides she will get her pizza anyway but along the way she bumps into a guy called Eric who is super annoying the whole time. Can she shake him and get her pizza or is it too late?

No offense to the characters or anything but who asked for this? We wanted a prequel to explain how the government possibly lost to a race of aliens that are extremely primitive and have numerous weaknesses? You can drown them, burn them, overwhelm them with sound….they’re not even bullet proof. So I was hoping this prequel would answer that. It could focus on the army the whole time as we learn some uncomfortable truths about how they were helping the aliens or something. No…once again we’re following some humans who are outmatched and outgunned here.

I mean the main heroine is dying of cancer, obviously she isn’t going to be able to fight these monsters. It’s just a really strange choice and I can tell you now that the film doesn’t bother even trying to tell you how we lost to these things. It’s just taken as a fact and you really have to stretch your disbelief here. Ah well maybe we’ll get a spinoff to the prequel one of these days that focuses on the army. That would be a good idea I’d say.

Okay so for Sam, she’s not a terrible main character or anything. She doesn’t have the best attitude but she’s in a pretty sucky situation as it is since cancer is rough. So I can cut her a bit of slack even if I think she still doesn’t handle the situations very well. Yelling through the rain is just not a good tactical decision and can get you in a whole lot of trouble right out of the gate. Also her final decision was not a good one. Yes, it’s always tempting to end things quickly with a decisive move like that but you have to try and survive for as long as possible. You can’t just give up no matter how rough it looks.

As for Eric, I have less patience for this guy. For starters, he keeps on following Sam around everywhere even when she doesn’t want to be followed and in a world like this it puts her in direct danger. He needed to mind his own business and stay away. That would have been the only smart thing to do here. Then when he is around he’s bumping into stuff and also yelling a lot. She now had to take care of someone in addition to her cat which isn’t easy. If he could fight that would help but he’s mainly here to hold her back.

I will give the film kudos for not bumping off the cat. That would have been terrible so the film at least managed to avoid doing that. Would have really blown the film’s score up. Even without that, the film has a lot of problems though. A good portion of this feels like a complete retread to the first film. It’s not really doing anything exciting or different with the premise. It’s just the characters hiding around trying not to make noise like last time. Sure, to an extent that is going to be the case due to the nature of the monsters but at the same time there has to be some way to differentiate it at least a little bit. Otherwise what is really the point of all these adventures.

That’s part of why it feels like a waste. It’s just everybody getting murdered by the monsters and since it’s a prequel you can’t even say that they’re making progress or learning any new information. Instead we actually know less than we did the last time since these characters have no way to have learned anything about these beasts. We do get quick cameos and guest star roles from future characters that will be showing up like the guy from the second movie so at least that’s neat.

The film could stand to tone down the violence somewhat. Seeing the monsters ripping up the humans and devouring them the whole time gets old pretty quick. Maybe if the humans could fight back more it could be better but as it stands it is just one more thing against the film. I also think that the film could benefit from having the characters talking more. It’s something they can’t do because of the plot though so the movie sort of starts to trap itself here. It’s hard to keep your interest when everything is so silent the whole time. It ends up making the film drag on which is not the effect that you want to have.

You also have to really stretch your disbelief every time the heroes are running away from the monsters. Seriously this happens over and over again where they start running and the monsters don’t catch up immediately. This should be a really quick catch for the monsters based on how fast they run. Almost every scene feels like plot armor so you’ll start shaking your head very quickly here. It ultimately just doesn’t add up at all.

Overall, A Quiet Place isn’t treading any new ground here. You may as well watch the first one again and I hope that they find some way to change up the formula in the next title. There is just so much more that you should be able to do with this series. Lets start humanity’s comeback or something. Or if we get another film in the past, it needs to be about the government. I need to understand what happened to cripple the planet so badly because the current responses leave a lot to be desired.

Overall 3/10

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Review

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I was never the biggest fan of Beetlejuice admittedly. It relies a bit too much on shocking humor and gross visuals. That said, it definitely beats the sequel which tried going a little too far into this direction. It had some good humor but for every fun joke, there was another cringe one thrown in. Definitely not the kind of movie that typically uses a whole lot of restraint. They even managed to squeeze in animal violence which I was completely not expecting.

The movie starts off with Lydia hosting her big spooky show where she helps people who need to see ghosts. Her daughter Astrid thinks it’s all fake and wants no part of this so the two have really fallen apart. They are forced back together though when Delia’s husband dies tragically out at sea and she wants everyone at the funeral. Lydia’s manager Rory figures this is his chance to marry her and Lydia has almost no free will of her own so she basically just says yeah. In the supernatural world Betelgeuse is making his move though as he is being chased by his ex-wife Delores and so now’s a good time to marry Lydia again.

He has spent years trying to get her attention and slowly she is starting to see visions of him in the real world. The boundary between life and death has never been weaker. Meanwhile Astrid meets an emotionless hack named Jeremy who is really eager to have a relationship and Astrid is lonely herself so she figures she may as well but she will have to try and keep her composure. Mustn’t show too much emotion herself. There’s definitely a lot going on here.

So right away one of the big issues here is how ugly everyone is in the spirit world. I know that’s part of the point with how you move to the next stage of existence with whatever injuries you died with but even so, this just felt like a bit much. You have people with live fish still eating them, a skeleton that’s constantly gushing out blood and a janitor that is pretty much mid vomit. You’re constantly waiting for the real world to return because every scene in the spirit world is just plain gross. It may be the film’s main gimmick but it definitely could have held back a decent amount here. You basically want to look away whenever they are in this world.

Then for no reason two chickens get eaten and there is quite a lot of violence everywhere. Putting in animals in any context had no purpose being here to be honest. It just doesn’t make any kind of sense so that was annoying. In the real world the characters may have always made the wrong decisions and so they weren’t easy to root for but at least nothing too crazy was happening on screen. Although lets dive into the characters now because they didn’t help the film much either.

First up is Delia who feels like a waste of a character. She’s just way too over the top the whole time with how far into the supernatural bubble she’s fallen into. Her scenes were rarely funny because of how exaggerated they were. then you have Jeremy who is annoying from the jump. It’s obvious that he is trying too hard to be the perfect match for Astrid and the fact that she is buying this at all is what will also have you shaking your head. Astrid is supposed to be the smart one except for when she’s not.

Although while Astrid makes her share of mistakes she could be worse. Lydia is 100X worse and her character has been thoroughly assassinated since the first film. She is so crushed by life that she is willing to let herself get married to Rory just because he asked her. She doesn’t actually love him but is going to go through with it anyway? That’s just terrible and no reasonable main character would ever do that. It’s a massive L against her character and throughout the movie she is being manipulated so easily. It’s easy to see why the family fell apart.

The film doesn’t give us much reason to even feel bad for her either. Since it’s part comedy, it’s not like Rory is even being subtle here. Lydia didn’t trust her feelings and that’s always going to lead you to disaster. As for Rory, well he’s your average villain. He does his job pretty well and considering that his plan would have succeeded if not for Betelgeuse I can’t even say it was a bad plan. It felt like a bad plan but it was working.

As for Betelgeuse, well he’s about as crazy as ever. He fears nothing and treats every part of life like it’s a joke. I suppose to him it is all just a big grand joke though so that makes sense. With his reality warping abilities he can defeat anyone as needed and only loses when he feels like it. It does make the film feel a bit aimless though since everyone is at the mercy of his whims. This even undercuts the main villain of the film.

Delores is the main villain here and she has the ability to suck the life out of someone. Honestly I think that plot point is the only reason why she was even added in the first place. At no point is she even a threat to Betelgeuse and the way she goes out is very lackluster. The film seemed to want to include some tension but couldn’t figure out a way to weaken Betelgeuse and so they just gave up halfway.

There is a lot going on throughout the movie and that’s a good thing I suppose but just about none of the plots have a satisfying conclusion. Everything is just jumbled together and none of the characters are interesting enough to hold their own. The only really fun character was the actor because I like over the top villains like him. That said, it’s not like the guy even did much. Then as far as the comedy is concerned, one of the only really good gags was when Betelgeuse took on Jeremy near the end. Beyond that, there were way more misses than hits this time around.

Overall, Beetlejuice couldn’t really manage to have a solid second film. This film comes across more distasteful than the first one and the film didn’t have enough of a focus. You don’t really get the whole plot of Betelgeuse wanting to marry Lydia because if he was serious about it then they would be married already. The fact that he even caused her to have a kid as a gag is crazy. I know you can just say it’s a comedy over and over again but there still needs to be some kind of a real plot to hold it together. I don’t see how the series can continue without Betelgeuse facing off against an actual threat. Or maybe just write him out, he was gone for large portions of this film anyway. Although…the film wasn’t much better for it so maybe I shouldn’t hold out much hope here.

Overall 3/10

The Painted Hills Review

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It’s time for another Lassie film and of course you know that means that the movie won’t be particularly good. Lassie movies tend to fall into the same holes time and time again. You want them to be good but deep down you just know that they won’t be. It’s unfortunate but that’s just how it goes. This one is another particularly weak installment and the whole time you’re waiting for Lassie to show up.

The film opens up with Jonathan and his dog Shep travelling through the mountains and finding a gold vein. They might be rich now! They head back to town to let Martha and her kid Tommy know but unfortunately a guy named Lin hears about it. Lin has always been a decent guy and he convinces Jonathan not to put a claim in just yet so they can make sure of what they’ve got first. Jonathan unfortunately listens to the guy and they head back up. Lin gets crazier and crazier about the gold until he finally murders Jonathan and decides to take it all for himself. He even poisons Shep and tries to bump him off. Will the guy face justice or is it all over for the heroes?

Obviously it’s sad for Jonathan but my main problem with the guy is that the whole thing is so obvious and predictable. How did he not suspect that Lin would do this? Lin was not hiding his greed at all. Not even for a microsecond was the guy staying sane after he saw the gold. He was quick to attack anybody and so Jonathan should have taken care of him sooner. Instead Jonathan talked about the rules of the mountain and how there was an honor code. A lot of good an honor code does you once you’re dead!

He had the foresight to give the kid Tommy the claim so that the government could get involved but still went up the mountain with Lin upon his request? That’s just not a smart move at all and it makes sense that he would be pushed. I’ll be less harsh with the dog Shep for eating the poison but to be honest even he should have known better. Lin is not someone who can be trusted and Shep knows pretty well that Lin is the one who bumped off his owner. This calls for drastic action, not simply going along with all of this. Shep does well in the end but it took a while to take care of Lin.

Tommy also didn’t look particularly good here. He knows for a fact that Lin bumped Jonathan off and tries to escape only to hit his head really hard and get gaslit into basically staying silent and not saying anything for a while. Tommy handled the situation as poorly as possible and it was all pretty disgraceful. I expected much better from the kid but he disappointed me in the end. I know he’s just a kid but we’re talking life or death here, you can’t be letting yourself go down so easily. At the very least he could have said that Lin was trying to murder him and beating him in a more convincing way.

Even punch yourself real quick if that’s what it takes and leave a bruise or something. The other adults were slow to believe him which is annoying but makes sense with Tommy shooting himself in the foot the whole time. As for Lin, well he definitely didn’t cover his tracks well so he shouldn’t have even lasted as long as he did. He’s just lucky that things kept on working out for him but the film can’t say it was so lucky. At the end of the day we had to go through more animal violence here as Lassie is poisoned and shot at.

The dogs always have a really rough time of it and while some of the other Lassie films have been more violent, this one’s still going too far. No reason Shep should have to go through all of this and the film as a whole isn’t super interesting. I’ve seen better films about people being corrupted due to the gold. In this case I wouldn’t even say it is corrupted though as the guy seemed shady from the start. The gold was just his excuse to get really crazy about the whole thing.

The first red flag should have been the whole reason not to put in a claim. He talks about how other people would go to the mountains to dig and ignore the law anyway. Sure that might happen but at least you’ve got the law on your side and by the time other people discover the spot you should have gotten most of the gold anyway. It didn’t feel like a real argument although Jonathan believed it so I suppose there had to be something to it.

The guy was just too trusting. Even with how casual he was about another guy walking over and helping himself to things within the house. Apparently on the mountains it is a tradition where this one guy will show up to cook a good meal and then leave. While Lin’s response was off the rails crazy, I would be a bit weirded out as well if someone was just randomly in my house. Back in the days of everybody carrying guns, I could see this being fatal real quickly as well. You don’t know what’s going on and only have half a second to react after all.

Overall, The Painted Hills is a film I would definitely avoid. None of the characters are smart at all and fall for the easiest traps. Once you are on a horse there’s no way a villain should catch you and yet Tommy manages to find a way. Lin should have been taken out way sooner and needs all the plot armor in the world to stay on top. Not a very good look for him at all. There’s also the whole irony of Lassie not even being in the film since Shep is a descendent. A very odd choice without a doubt. I don’t think the film would have been good either way but it doesn’t help matters.

Overall 3/10

A Visit to Santa Review

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So blurry!!! That’s what you’ll be thinking right away but even 4K visuals would not have been able to save this short film. All films should have some kind of point. Even if we’re talking 10 minutes, there should be some reason that you want to watch the product right? I mean if there isn’t, why would you be watching this at all right? Unfortunately it didn’t seem like this movie actually knew what it wanted to do at all and that’s absolutely disgraceful.

The film starts with two kids whining about Santa. The parents quickly get them off to bed so they can get out of there but Santa learns that the kids want to see him thanks to their message. So he has his elf bring them in and the kids get to see all about how Santa’s workshop works. It’s an intense experience but someone forgot to tell the kids that as they are visibly bored the whole time and want to go home. Here we have Santa being a nice guy and showing them things that almost nobody has seen before and they are bored??? It was such a mean thing for these kids to do.

I’m not saying they had to be yelling up and down but these are rather fantastic events. They are moving at high speeds and seeing such big secrets. At least a bunch of “thank you” responses and general excitement would be good. Unfortunately while I say this would be big for the kids, it’s not so entertaining for the adults though. The effects haven’t aged extremely well at the end of the day and even the costumes are really weak. They could learn something or two from how we have the Macy’s Santa costumes lined up.

Like I said earlier, it’s also hard to find any point to this. What lesson is the film teaching us? How do they want the audience to react and feel? It’s all just aimed so low that anyone over the age of 2 will be bored and anyone under that age will just fall asleep. This film isn’t effectively targeting anyone and so in the end it will just blend in with the background. That is definitely not a good thing at all. It’s only around 10 minutes or so, so at least it doesn’t drag on for as long as it would have otherwise.

Still, there isn’t really much to defend about the film at all. In fact I would say there is a lot to attack instead. Giving us a quick antagonist would have been good even if it was the parents. Like maybe they tracked the kids down and are looking for them so Santa says they will have to move quickly or something like that. At least then you will have a sense of urgency that could push the whole thing forward. Perhaps I am asking for too much but that would have been a nice way to make it all more exciting if you ask me.

Overall, A Visit to Santa is definitely a film to stay away from. It doesn’t do anything particularly bad or offensive but the problem is that it doesn’t really do anything period. I wanted something to excite me but this film just didn’t pull that off. At the end of the day it’s one of those film that has lost its way. I can see why it has been lost to time since nobody would have cared enough about it to preserve this piece of history. It’s best left in your memories so for that reason I would say to give it the boot. Watch Jingle All The Way instead.

Overall 3/10

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House Review

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It’s time for one of those spooky ghost films. The main problem this movie has though is that it’s not quite as scary as it thinks it is. For the most part you’re just thinking that Lily is not handling the situation well. For the most part when you’re in a spooky situation you need to make sure that you are scarier than what is coming. If you’re someone who generally gets scared easy then make sure you don’t put yourself in tricky situations.

The movie starts with Lily moving into a new house to take care of an aging author. This author was a famous murder mystery writer for a very long time. She is unfortunately nearing the end of her life and so Lily works as a stay in nurse who can provide 24/7 care. It’s an extremely difficult job particularly as there is no real end point to it. Lily will continue to provide assistance for as long as she can until the author has passed. The problem? Lily is super scared of ghost stories, mysteries, or anything dark. It’s so bad that she cannot even read a book about dark things or watch any movies. The house is starting to feel rather dark with the stench of death and a mysterious mold is growing as well. Is this the end of Lily’s story?

Right off the bat it does feel like Lily is absolutely in the wrong profession here. For starters, death can be scary for most and so Lily not being able to tackle scary things puts her in a really tough spot. Additionally, you have to factor in some items to prepare yourself for the long stay. Lily can’t go outside and leave the author alone for even a moment which means she is always inside the house. You should have dozens of books and whatever other items you can think of to pass the time by. Lets say Lily has to be here for 1 full year. Without anything to do it would be easy to get stir crazy.

I imagine you could probably just do a lot of exercise and sit ups to pass the time by but not having anything on hand was a big mistake. Lily has her friends that she can call over the phone but that doesn’t buy a whole lot of time. Of course there is also the TV but it is broken half the time which doesn’t help. So the longer Lily is there, the more she starts hearing things and scaring herself even more. It doesn’t help that she already seemed a little off right from the start. So everything really started piling up more and more here.

Lily is just not a very interesting main character and she’s also not a very strong one. She starts panicking rather quickly after going through far less than most horror main characters. I would say that is a very bad look for her. The way she goes out is also pretty bad, super underwhelming. It’s the kind of finish that you very rarely see for a main character and for good reason. You’re left shaking your head at all of this.

What I will give the movie is that it can be good on not explaining too much. We do get a lot of the general answers involving the ghost but for the little things they are up to your imagination. Did the plants just talk or was Lily crazy? (I say she’s crazy) Did the ghost actively want to murder Lily (Yeah) and if so…why? It’s not like Lily is really to blame for any of this. The origin story is sad to be sure but continuing the cycle by adding Lily in doesn’t seem like it would do much for the dead.

For the most part the film isn’t very violent. I’d say the one exception is part of the flashbacks for one of the characters. It’s all over rather quickly but it is a brutal end. Otherwise this is definitely more of a tame horror about the unseen threats and the mind games that are going on. We do get some interesting jumps between the present and the past later on which makes for an intriguing ending. The idea of wanting to stick around as a ghost seems absurd to me but I suppose everyone has their own ideas so in that sense it’s not crazy that some ghosts want to be spooks forever.

The movie does try to hammer in the title several times. The first time I actually thought it was unintentionally funny. That may sound like a diss at the lead but I feel like the film intentionally framed her in a super unattractive way to contrast the title. When she was referring to herself as the pretty thing I sorta had to do a double take. Like did she just say that? Well, the line comes up several more times throughout the film and while it can be a little repetitive, I know it’s all for the themes and everything. I probably couldn’t tell you the exact point of that though.

Overall, This film is not really my style. It’s another slow burn and this might be one of the slowest burns of them all. Even at the end there is no big climax or anything. Lily can’t fight after all and the cast is extremely small. Lily being so scared and everything felt like a very forced plot point that didn’t really have any reason to be here. I think it would be a lot more effective to have a strong character like the lead in 1408 who is slowly broken down by all of the hauntings. That would make a lot more sense. In the end, this one’s definitely a skip. It needed more jump scares and a more interesting main character. That would have really allowed it to cross the finish line.

Overall 3/10

Gretel & Hansel Review

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It’s time for one of those slow boil films. Sometimes those work out really well and other times you feel like they forgot to really have a finisher. Unfortunately this one veers to the latter. I think there were some decent ideas here but ultimately it is heavily limited by the colors, landscapes, and general decorum of the film. There’s not a whole lot of fun things to look at and when you’re stuck in a bleak environment for too long you start to get a little bored. This film needed to lean a bit harder into the horror or have the character be better fighters I’d say.

The movie starts with Gretel being offered a job but unfortunately it is quickly apparent that her boss would be a creep and so she declines. Her mother is so upset that she throws Gretel and her little brother Hansel out of the house. She forbids them from returning or she will murder them. So the duo run and run but the forest is much too vast and they are nearly destroyed before being saved by someone. This guy basically tells them to stay strong and do their best. He recommends a nearby house that might be helpful. They head over and it is run by a witch named Holda who seems reasonable. Perhaps this will all work out….but something just doesn’t feel right.

The movie’s mainly focusing on the “doesn’t feel right” angle which is where the pacing really starts to die out a bit. As a viewer you know immediately that Holda is evil so you’re ready to get on with it but instead the main characters have to just play their roles for a while. Gretel continues to learn witchcraft from Holda without making any big moves for a while. This can be just very dragged out at times. I was even glad to have a dream sequence after a while to break things up. Holda’s younger form is definitely a lot more intense even if the twist about the food is quite a bit gross.

Holda actually looks like a threat here compared to in the present where she looks so old. We also do get a very brief action scene near the end of the film which looked pretty good. Generally speaking I tend to enjoy blue flames quite a bit even if the classic red ones look more impressive. More of the film should have had cool spells and fire attacks like that. This would have really made things more impressive and would have been a credit to the film if you ask me.

I also did like the very ending of the film as Hansel heads off for his destiny while Gretel continues to work on her own abilities. It feels like the ending to an action film with the characters each deciding to get stronger. That’s actually pretty interesting but you can’t just save that for the ending. The movie should have definitely made some waves earlier than that to really make a difference.

Hansel is pretty young so I won’t be too hard on him but for the most part he’s just a bit annoying and not really very helpful. Gretel does a better job of things as she is basically sacrificing herself the whole time to protect Hansel and buy time for a plan. It would have been nice if she could have put up more resistance directly but I know that would be ultra risky.

The film was at its best before the characters made it to the haunted house. I liked the run-in with the random stranger who was giving advice. Part of why the scene worked so well is because we know absolutely nothing about the guy. He just shows up out of nowhere and you don’t even know how much you can trust him. Like everything else in the forest, there are no easy explanations. I would have taken the whole film in the forest over the house. The film knew how to have a good mystery and that’s why going to the house was a mistake because then it changed more into an escape kind of film.

It also goes back to the backgrounds like I mentioned earlier. The house is rather dreary and the witch is just very old and doesn’t feel much like a threat. It’s not the most engaging backdrop for a film like this and there is no real variety. Everything is very old timey including the food so that doesn’t even look very appealing either. There is nothing to visually catch your attention and since the plot is already intentionally moving slow, that won’t change things up either. What that means is that you’re effectively caught up in a cycle with no real way out.

This film needed some explosions or something. It may not have fit in with the film’s tone but it’s just one idea there. If anything, the backstory we learn through flashbacks may have been more interesting. You had the little girl with powers who was quite sadistic and then the witch trying to turn the tables. There were some good twists in there and it was an interesting origin. That whole part, while brief was more interesting than the main plot which means something definitely went wrong.

Overall, Gretel and Hansel set up a very interesting outside world and squandered all of it to go inside the cabin. It may be what people expected since that’s how the old fable goes but the film just didn’t land on the execution. It had a good mystery vibe at times and solid lore but that was not enough to carry the film. At the end of the day it committed one of the big errors a film could make which is that it was boring. For most of the run you just don’t really care what happens. They probably should have aged the kids up a bit or chosen a different setting. Change this to a full action thriller instead and at least we would have some good action scenes. In the meantime I would definitely say to give this one a skip.

Overall 3/10