Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

The Last Witch Hunter Review

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It’s time for a Witch film! Witches aren’t explored quite as much as vampires and werewolves so a film about them always has the potential to be promising. Magic can be interesting after all, but can it really be handled right? I thought that the trailer really didn’t look that good and I wasn’t surprised by the fact that this film didn’t exactly break the box office. It’s not Jupiter Ascending levels of cringe, but I still wouldn’t call it a good film either.

A lot of films like to go with the tried and failed approach of opening in the olden days where everyone was still banging rocks together and attacking with spears. I’ve never liked this approach since the olden days are no fun to watch and may as well be forgotten at this point. We get to watch the final battle between the humans and the witches as Kaulder destroys the queen, but not before becoming immortal. Now he is forced to live on and destroy witches through the years. Gee…was this a good move Witch Queen? It actually is thanks to a plot twist at the end so the move was quite impressive. Still, the witches as a whole are probably disappointed with this development.

Skip to the present, Kaulder is now a man who has lost his morals and likes to have one time flings for the lolz. It’s quite disappointing as he could have been a likable character, but we’re quickly reminded not to get attached to any of the players here. His old partner decides to retire so that Kaulder can work with a new cadet. Kaulder is saddened, but he’ll move on as he always does. Unfortunately, his partner is attacked and roughed up as well as cursed. Kaulder will have to find the person who placed the spell on his partner in order to free him, but finding the main villain will be tough.

Realizing that he needs to find a secret in his past, Kaulder seeks the help of a young witch (Who can’t fight) named Chloe. Chloe can walk in dreams and help you relive the past so she is helpful, but as per the curse of being next to the main character, her bar is destroyed and her best friend as well. Now she really has no choice, but to help Kaulder so that she can avenge her pal. The two of them may be outnumbered and these villains may be too powerful, but Kaulder’s immortal so what’s the worst that can happen?

As you can tell, I don’t care for Kaulder. Chloe’s the main heroine and gets a rather large role. She definitely seems like an unlikable character at first, but thankfully gets better as the film goes on and even gets away from the trope of falling for the main lead. The film did good there and I’ll give it some props, but now we need Chloe to get some offensive abilities. Let’s face it, she only won her main battle because her opponent was asleep. Had he been awake, she still has no spells to fight the other witches with. Walking in dreams is cool, but it’ll rarely be useful in a fight.

The ending of the film leaves room for the sequel since the Witch Queen is not altogether vanquished. Spoiler for the ending folks so tread carefully. The Witch Queen essentially tied her life force to Kaulder’s so if Kaulder were to die, then she would as well. As long as Kaulder lives, the Witch Queen cannot be destroyed either. For years they simply had her locked away and that’s what they plan to do again, but the threat of her return will always be around. Of course, it’s not as if Kaulder can just destroy himself in good conscience. For starters, destroying yourself is a no no and secondly, he’s the only Witch Hunter left on he planet. If he were to be gone, the war between witches and humans would commence once again. Especially considering the fact that the council of humans was wrecked so easily. There is no real human defense against the witches at the moment.

It’s an interesting world that Kaulder lives on though as magic is used very regularly by the witches in all forms of occupations, but the humans don’t suspect a thing. We even learn that they are eating worms instead of ice cream as magical powers simply shapeshift them. The whole situation is really bad for the mere mortals and I’d like to see them rise up to stop this. They just have to stay civilized about the whole thing.

Going back to the climax for a sec, sadly there is a lot of plot hax involved. During the fight, Kaulder had no immortality and was very weakened thanks to a last second betrayal while the Witch Queen was at her peak. She’s fast and has many abilities so this should be easy right? Well, she was so busy powering up that she didn’t notice Kaulder pick up the glowing sword and hurl it straight at her. She was also too busy to think of dodging and it made for a very anticlimactic finish. That’s why you should always be careful about making the villains so much stronger than the heroes.

Even when Kaulder was strong, the villains would keep messing with his mind since he is very weak against telepathic blasts. It was embarrassing when he lost the second time since it was pretty personal by that point. They never explain why the guy that he was fighting looked very similar to how Kaulder was back in the Pre Historic days. Perhaps it was just coincidence I suppose.

The action scenes were mainly 50/50. I didn’t care for the intro battles as the old people fought with flame swords and realized how futile the whole attempt was as they got taken down one by one. They eventually won thanks to some convenient plot hax, but it was a rather dull fight scene and was mostly just about how weak they all were. In the present, the fights were more entertaining when they actually occurred. A lot of the “fights” ended up being one hit KOs like Kaulder against the big Witch Guardian. The Witch Queen had a good fight with him until that last moment so that would be a highlight.

Part of the problem is that grass powers are never that entertaining and another part is simply that the Witch Queen and her minions are so ugly that it takes away from the battle scenes. The Queen looks like an undead zombie or like a vampire rather than a witch. I want my classic witch design with the crooked hat back! The film’s soundtrack is fairly unmemorable although I remember is being fairly decent. It’s just that the tunes won’t stick with you once they’re over and done with.

Overall, The Last Witch Hunter is a fairly dreary film that showed some promise, but couldn’t quite live up to it. The Airplane scene where Kaulder disabled the magical entanglement for example was a good scene. I wouldn’t mind seeing him stop similar threats as he went around the world. The daytime rarely appears or even has time for it since night always falls, but the action scenes don’t take advantage of the night. Above all, it’s just not a very fun film and I would have liked to have had a better villain. Better heroes would help too and considering that this is an action film with a lot of magical elements, the witches didn’t use any real impressive spells the whole time. I wanted some neat elemental spells and some great visuals. Looks like I’ll have to wait for Dr. Strange to get those. If you’re not very particular about your fights and just want a run of the mill action film then this one’s for you. If you want an action film with a purpose, watch Tron Legacy! That film has great visuals and great action scenes!

Overall 4/10

Oblivion Review

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Time to look at a classic Tom Cruise film, which is actually a lot newer than I would have thought. It didn’t feel like a 2013 film simply because I wasn’t very aware of the film and I pride myself on knowing just about everything that there is to know when it suits my fancy. Unfortunately, I can’t get past the feeling that Oblivion is really just one big missed opportunity and never develops itself into a great film, but instead drags on during its entire duration.

The main character is named Jack and he lives in a future where humanity won the war against aliens, but the planet was ruined in the process. He is now in charge of fending off the aliens by keeping some generators in operation along with his partner Victoria. They’ve done this successfully for quite a while and just have to last for another few weeks before they’ll be able to retire on the new planet. Unfortunately, the situation begins to worsen as drones are taken out of commission and the Scavengers (Aliens) want to capture him.

I love a good alien invasion film, but this doesn’t quite fit the bill. You ready for a big plot twist?…..there are no aliens. Sure, there is an alien race out to get the humans, but we never actually see them because the “aliens” in question are actually highly advanced robots. Not even physical robots for the most part though, but an A.I. that controls them. I like a good A.I. too like Hal 9000 or Skynet, but this wasn’t handled well and the plot comes out of nowhere. It explains why the whole film was so peaceful instead of tense, but I didn’t appreciate the shift in who the villain was.

We find out that the robot cloned the real Jack Harper before destroying everyone except the few humans who still exist in the resistance and the A.I. basically just has fun keeping the humans who are left in check. I’ve said this for a few films although I try to limit the times that I use the term, but the film has no real point to it. You’ll struggle to find a reason to root for any of the characters and the film’s just rather boring. You don’t even care who wins because the plot was never engaging and the film can throw in as many plot twists as it wants, but in the end….none of it matters!

I would have loved to have seen the actual war against the aliens. Maybe we could have gotten some flashbacks of real fights instead of the same one over and over and over again of Jack’s wife waiting for him. The film is merciless with how often we see this. Meanwhile, Jack’s been spending time as the partner of Victoria, which leads to pointless romance scenes that have no bearing on the plot. The pool scene is just wince worthy and Jack switches sides rather quickly. Keep in mind that there are thousands of clones of Jack. The ending involves a clone deciding to live his life and his wife, Julia, does not care. One Jack’s as good as any other apparently and the whole thing makes you shake your head. He’s a clone so he’s not the same Jack, liking all of them just seems odd and the wrong choice to make.

I also did not like the resistance. Sure, they tried their best to be tough and oppose the robots, but again, there was no reason to root for them. They showed up and talked a good game, but basically got obliterated in an instant and the leader only got to have a tough line or two before being taken down for the count in the final scene. Even the A.I. itself had to be portrayed as very naive and not very intelligent for the ending to work because there’s no way that it should have let Jack near the central processing unit. I mean, really…that’s just not realistic although most of the things in this film can’t be considered realistic.

The graphics for the film are decent when Jack’s inside of his futuristic house, but things quickly change when he steps outside. There’s not much of a city anymore and the whole world is a barren wasteland so you can’t have fun with the scenery. Jack has a little house in the middle of nowhere, which luckily does look good. Why can’t the robots find this place and how has it grown so well? Who knows, but it lives somehow and the resistance ends up going there to wreck another good thing. It’s going to take a while to grow a modern civilization again so Earth’s going to be in a sorry state for a while.

One of the positives for the film would be the fight between Jack and clone Jack. Technically, both of them are clones, but that’s okay. It’s a solid fight scene and the laser gun that Jack had was cool as well. It’s a shame that we only got one or two action scenes in the whole film and mostly it was just a drama masquarading as an alien film. Even once he saved Julia, she mostly just acted crazy for a while. I guess being alive is a bit of a shock, but it was all very intriguing. Plus, Victoria never acted like a nice character from the beginning and would say no to everything that Jack tried so it’s hard to believe that they ever got along. They certainly had no chemistry and Victoria was always uptight. Certainly a very bad character and one that you can always count on to crack when the chips are down.

As mentioned before, this film is quite long so you’ll want to brace yourself. It’s a long trek that shows no signs of stopping at times and that’s because of all the padding, which still isn’t able to make the plot work more effectively. Apparently, there are many Jacks and control towers throughout the planet, but Jack never saw them as he flew around because they were too far. We saw that Jack is a rebel so I’m sure that he’s gone past the safe zones many, many times in the past. I find it hard to believe that he never met another Jack and there’s no way that the A.I. could keep the status quo so cleanly. The whole plot just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and if the robots were able to build these towers so effectively, where are all of their equipment of drones? There’s no way that the little spy cams could do any physical lifting. Maybe it’s best to just not think about any of that.

Overall, Oblivion is a film without a real purpose. I know that there was another film like this way back when, but I just can’t think of it. It’s not so much that Oblivion is a bad film, but it’s just rather boring and fails at everything that it tries to do. The film is evidently going for a bit of a thriller/mystery angle since we’re waiting for the big alien reveal the whole time (Only to be disappointed) and we have to wonder why the Earth is in such bad shape. As such, the plot twists at the end just seem out of place and having the pool scene just seemed to serve as a quick way to get views without adding any substance. To make this film more fun, we definitely needed more characters, some aliens, some good scenery without the constant gray scale effect that makes everything appear to be more full, and a better plot. That sounds like a lot of things, but they would be fairly easy to implement. Also, the film could easily be trimmed of 30 minutes of filler. For a better film involving Tom Cruise and aliens, watch Edge of Tomorrow.

Overall 4/10

Maze Runner The Scorch Trials Review

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“You wouldn’t last a day in the scorch!” That line still cracks me up since it’s practically a parody of a line. Seriously, I can’t imagine anyone saying that without laughing immediately afterwards. It’s a very transparent way to build up hype for the scorch since it’s apparently so much tougher than the Maze. Is it tougher? Nah, I’ll take Zombies over super fast creatures of destruction any day. You would too I assume! Unfortunately, this film’s pretty bad honestly and reminds me why I was never afraid of lasting a day in the scorch!

Thomas is still the main character and he’s as unlikable as ever. If you remember, the kids survived the maze only to find out that it was a government installation of sorts so they have joined another government in hopes of defeating the original organization and now they can spread peace and harmony across the cosmos. There were a lot of other mazes apparently so these guys mean business. Every day about 10-20 kids are taken away to freedom….or are they!? Thomas finally realizes that this whole thing is very sketchy so he decides to escape with the others. Turns out that the outside world has been contaminated so everyone is a zombie now. The kids are the only ones who are immune to a slight extent, but not all of them are immune…just some. They must now find the resistance and try to stay alive since plot isn’t one of the film’s strong suits.

Then again, what is the film’s strong suit? I’ve never been a fan of zombies as the villains in a film so that didn’t do it any favors. They’re about as weak and slow as you would expect and aren’t really much of a threat. The resistance introduces us to quite a lot of new characters since there’s the fake resistance and the real one. The fake version brings us two new characters. A romance character and an old man who makes the tough calls. Unfortunately, they don’t end up being all that good. The old man gets one good moment where he rams a truck through the villains. The girl seemed to have just been included for the party scene towards the end where she gets drunk and we have a forced scene between her and Thomas. They both look terrible and the romance comes out of nowhere. They have the excuse of being drunk, but it’s not an excuse that holds any water with me. They were still in control of their actions.

I’d say that part of the problem with the film is that they’re all teens. This means that none of them are actually all that interesting and they’re all pretty whiny for the most part. The guys are pretty cheap and the female member of the group turns out to be a Mami (Madoka) in the end. She can’t take the pressure and always makes the wrong calls. Thomas has a good plan at the end of the film, but it’s effectively foiled when he freezes up in the clutch moments. The ending would be hype if the characters were more exciting since they’re planning to finally take on the offensive for the first time in the series. That will definitely be novel even if they seem to be pretty doomed the whole time. The organization is clearly a lot larger and more advanced than the resistance, but the heroes will try to pull something off I suppose.

The villains are all fairly uninspired. The best one would probably be the main guy I guess. He talked tough a lot and even got a good shot in on Thomas when the kid wasn’t expecting it. This guy plays for keeps and he’s certainly more original than the old lady who talks about how noble the mission is. Didn’t we just see that in the Hunger Games after all? Didn’t the Giver also involve an old lady? I’m seeing a trend here and you don’t want to see trends so easily. It’s not a great way to show off a writer’s originality.

Films like these also make you feel bad for the resistance. They’re always doing very well against the tyranny that they are resisting until the main characters show up. Thomas and friends basically lead the villains to the first base, which they promptly blow up and then lead the villains to the Resistance main headquarters which is also blown up. Seriously, nobody should want to hang out with the main characters since it means that they are basically doomed. They bring a trail of death and destruction in their wake. It helps that they’re not likable of course.

I’d still say that this film is better than the average Hunger Games Adventure though. At the very least, I’d say that this one beats the last two Hunger Game films even if this isn’t one of the more enjoyable adventures out there. At the very least it was a little more interesting although only marginally so. There’s not a whole lot left to fight for in this world and the villains are pretty overpowered. With the human race essentially extinct, you’re essentially just going to prolong your existence for a few decades before the zombies take everyone down. I don’t see any way that the people can rebuild based on how utterly destroyed everything is. At least they don’t seem to be stretching the series so the next film is supposed to be the final one to end the era.

Overall, The Scorch Trials weren’t all that bad. If not for the government looking for the main characters the entire time, it would actually be a breeze. Finding food and such wasn’t all that hard. Water’s more of an issue, but the Scorch Trials really did not live up to the hype of how tough they were supposed to be. It was still funny to see a character wish he was back in the maze. No sir, you don’t want to be back in the maze. If anything, the maze makes you a sitting duck since the main characters can get sniped at any moment. There’s going to be a lot of tension in the next film since one of the characters ended up cracking, but hopefully it’s pure tension and doesn’t delve into romantic tension. After what the character did, I hope they don’t even try for an emotional appeal. A lot of people died directly due to the decision that was made so there’s no way to spin that into a good thing, but let’s face it…the film’s going to try. I’ll have my popcorn ready for the attempt! Instead of watching this film, go watch the Super Smash Bros Brawl cutscenes…you’ll thank me later!

Overall 4/10

Poltergeist (2015) Review

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It’s time to take a look at the remake of the original Poltergeist film. I actually saw this film a while back, but the review has been rotting in my backlog for some time now. Surprisingly, I thought that the film was fairly decent and by all accounts…it is actually better than the original film. I know that critics wouldn’t agree and by all accounts…I’m talking about mine. This film doesn’t take itself quite as seriously as the original nor does it feel nearly as long and I almost consider it to be an abridged version. For some reason, I get that vibe from most horror films like I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and the latest The Fog. They all just go by so quickly that the villains barely even have time to hype themselves up a little.

A family moves into a new house…and weird things begin to happen. It’s sort of like Five Nights at Freddy’s if you ignore the plot of both items and just focus on the scary jump moments. The family must try to resist the ghosts, but the daughter is taken to the spirit world which certainly complicates matters. The family calls in a version of the Ghost Busters, but even that may not be enough to save them from imminent destruction and complete obliteration.

This film is a lot newer than the original so the effects are certainly more polished even if that means that they may not be as “scary” (Still don’t believe that films can actually be scary) There’s no family dog here, which was a big relief and the film is also toned down from the original. One guy’s face doesn’t start to peel off, which is a welcome improvement. There’s still a maggots/roach scene, which is pretty gross and unnecessary, but it could have been worse. As this is a horror film, the characters make as many mistakes as possible to fill their quotas. One guy nearly gets rammed through with a screwdriver/jackhammer but decides not to tell anyone about this. They couldn’t have done anything about it, but sharing is caring right?

When it’s not cutting out scenes from the original, this film follows the old plot very closely. As a result, you will know everything that is about to happen before it happens. It’s why such literal remakes are risky since it’s hard to scare anyone when they know what to expect. Honestly, I’m not sure what the film’s gameplan was for this since they didn’t seem to even try and escape from this issue. The film played it close to the cuff and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it also limited the movie’s opportunities.

Honestly, I’d say that the film was a little on the generic side although it was certainly more tasteful than the average Horror film. I didn’t mind the film all that much while watching it. It could even be fun at times like when the dad brought home pizza and chicken for dinner. The kids were rather ungrateful though and the situation got dicey, but it was neat. Adding in the rebellious teenage daughter was a little much though and one of those modern effects that makes you back up a little. The parents got to go to a fancy party and we actually saw it this time so that was neat I suppose.

It’s actually hard to find enough things to say about this movie to fill in the review. It’s the kind of flick that you will essentially forget after a little while because it furfills the cliches of horror 101, but doesn’t try to make a name for itself. Knowing horror films, this is probably a good thing though. Poltergeist actually ends up being the most positively received horror film by this blog in quite a while so it certainly did something right.

The actions scene where the heroes try to rescue the daughter from the portal using the rope is still classic. I felt like that plot was handled better than in the original. The clown was a lot weaker here though, but I can live with that since a toy clown should be no match right from the get go. As mentioned earlier, the film’s pacing is a lot quicker and I’d say that this is a good thing. The film doesn’t need to bother trying to develop the characters since they’re mainly here to be scared anyway. Just give them some basic personality and you should be all set for some action. The characters were actually pretty reasonable considering the genre and while the kids were annoying…how could they not be? I’d still take them over the kids in The Shining and Insidious any day of the week. I do like how casually people around the block take the whole house blowing up thing. This should have been filmed in New York, you really wouldn’t get a reaction from those tough blokes. They’ve seen it all and aren’t afraid to remind you of that from time to time. There’s a reason why New York City is known as the greatest place on the planet after all!

Now, I wonder if this film will get remade again someday. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s a film that should be left alone for a little while. Then the writers can think about how they should improve it some more. This remake added to stars to the score so if they keep up at this pace, the series will be doing quite well! The next remake should be a little different though so surprise the audience a little.

Overall, Poltergeist is a decent horror film for what it’s worth, but that’s still not saying a whole lot. I couldn’t really recommend the film because I don’t know why you would be seeing it. If you want something that’s more intense, but less tasteful, then you’ve got the original film. If you want to watch something new and fancy, why are you in the horror genre? Poltergeist just doesn’t do anything within the genre and just becomes another horror film to be forgotten on the shelf. At least it had the nice portal effects though, I always like those.

Overall 4/10

Cinderella (2015) Review

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Cinderella is a classic film and I actually got a chance to review the original about half a year ago. It’s a pleasant film and you can see why people are so fond of it even if it’s not my cup of tea. That being said, the remake leaves a little to be desired. It tries too hard to be emotional and some characters like Cinderella’s father look pretty bad. I’d also argue that Cinderella herself isn’t a great character here.

I’m sure that you are all aware of the story. Cinderella’s mother died when the girl was still young and then her father decided to marry someone else and then leave home for a few months. He died while overseas and Cinderella went from being a girl of high standing to a slave. She finds magical strength through her fairy god mother and marries the prince so she can regain her social power. The plot limits the film’s potential, but if handled right it could still be good.

First off, I did not like Cinderella’s father at all. He certainly doesn’t come off as being very smart or wise and he is played the entire time. He marries a widow who has two rather mean spirited kids and then leaves Ella to fare for herself. I’ll just stick to calling her Cinderella since it held up I suppose. You just have to wonder how the father did not notice how sinister his new family members were and he was very oblivious. I also felt that he moved on too quickly even considering that there was a time skip. He was a very unlikable character.

Naturally, he was not as bad as the step sisters. They’re bullies who pick on Cinderella the whole time and since the main character doesn’t know how to fight or engage in verbal fisticuffs, she’s easy prey for them. Cinderella’s step mother is also fairly mean to her as she just wants to be rich and doesn’t like Cinderella from the start. Dealing with the three bullies turns out to be too much for the delicate main character.

Even Cinderella ended up being an unlikable character in the end. I like main characters to be nice. It’s a good trait and one that you don’t see as much as I would like. The problem is that Cinderella is a push over and there’s a very fine line there. Keep in mind that the place was still hers, but the step mother asks her to move to the attic and Cinderella allows this. The step mother gives her slave chores to do and slowly takes away all of Cinderella’s possessions. “Did she just walk up slowly and wreck Cinderella’s dress?” Props if you got the meme reference, but Cinderella basically allows herself to be a verbal punching bag for the new recruits.

One scene where you will also be frustrated with the main character is when she allows the cat to almost destroy one of her little mouse friends because the step mother stared her down. Cinderella seriously has no backbone in this film and allowing one of her friends to see his life flash before his eyes was the last straw. You’ll have a tough time finding a weaker willed main character no matter what film you decide to watch. Naturally, the romance was also nothing special and Cinderella was basically just escaping her situation. Falling in love with someone after meeting them for like 4-5 minutes is certainly iffy by any stretch of the imagination.

The prince was decent and I’ll give him kudos for not hunting the animal that he nearly destroyed. Hunting is wrong and now he has learned his lesson for good! His plot had some drama as his father died and there was a traitor in his army, but I actually preferred this plot to the main one. The royal characters were all fairly interesting and it’s always nice to see their social power. The bullies wouldn’t be able to stop these guys so the Prince was able to have his justice at last.

I think you can probably tell that this film is getting under a 5. For the most part, it’s a fairly charming film, but it starts to fall to pieces once the father dies as the bullying starts and drags on for quite a while. Another negative is actually the costume designs. I haven’t actually had to launch a complaint against a live action film for this in quite a while (Since the Charlie’s Angel days) but there is a lot of cleavage and it’s very overdone. The film was simply trying to copy the style from back in the day, but it’s still excessive and just not done in a classy way. The film could have easily used the same style of clothes without making it a different size. It’s a rare negative for live action films, but that just makes this error all the worse. I actually thought this since the trailer for the film first came out and I was sad to see that the film hadn’t changed.

Cinderella’s fairy god mother also didn’t look too good in this film either. For whatever reason (For comedy) she did not know what she was doing and came off as more of a novice than she should have. The original Fairy God Mother is fun because she’s a pro and with enough prep time, she can take down any foe. This one nearly destroyed herself by making a pumpkin too large and her scenes actually managed to drag on quite a bit. This is why changing things from the source material backfires so often. It’s simply not done most of the time and the film needs to recognize and accept this before moving on.

Due to the film taking place back in the olden days, there isn’t a whole lot of colorful scenery to look at. That’s too bad and while it’s not terrible, you could easily pass this film off as a 2005 film rather than 2015 and that’s always a bad thing in my book. Seriously, a 2015 film should look modern and this film already feels dated in some areas.

Overall, Cinderella’s plot simply isn’t for me so a future film will need to really change things up in order to win for me. For starters, Cinderella should be a nice lead, but she shouldn’t just let herself get bullied the whole time. Honestly, writing out the step sisters and all of their cringe worthy dialogue would be a nice step up for the film. They simply aren’t needed and just keeping the step mom around would keep the plot virtually the same. That, or just having one step sister. The film does try to have its comedy moments at times, but they’re pretty uninspired. This film may try to take you for a ride, but sometimes the best thing to do is to simply step off. If you’re looking for a good romance drama, I recommend watching Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time and just remember that a drama without romance can still be a very good film!

Overall 4/10

Close Encounters of the Third Kind Review

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Close Encounters was a very interesting film. Not literally, (Although to an extent) but it was probably my first roller coaster film. I started out thinking that it was a good movie, it went downhill very quickly towards the middle, but the late middle brought it back up again before the climax dealt the finishing blows to the movie. On the bright side, we actually do get to see one of the aliens at the end so there wasn’t a cop out there!

Roy was just an average dude when he happened to notice a spaceship one day! Its lights mesmerized Roy to the point where he became slightly mind controlled. Now he will stop at nothing to find their home base, even if it means that his marriage may end up breaking as a result! Can Roy really find the aliens and more importantly…does he really want to find them!?
One thing that becomes very noticeable at different points in the film is that the characters constantly overreact to everything. Whether it is crying because of a bowl of mashed potatoes or staring in awe at musical notes, these guys are easily impressed and saddened. It’s certainly a bit much and doesn’t do the film any favors. If I ever actually gave the acting abilities for a film any merit, this is one time where I would give it a thumbs down.

One aspect of the film that had been dicey for quite a while was when the film showed us the bodies of many animals. If they had actually been dead, then the score for this film would have been incredibly low as it would have moved to Ganondorf tier in Melee. Luckily, a twist towards the end of the film occurred so the animals were just sleeping thanks to a sleeping gas attack from the government. That certainly helped the film.

One thing that didn’t help was Roy’s big meltdown outside of his house. He decided to fill his place with dirt and also broke through the property of the neighbors on his way there. It was a very odd scene that really had no place in the film and also made Roy less sympathetic. That being said, Roy was definitely not a good character. He was married, but that didn’t stop him from having a moment of passion with another woman who had been chasing the UFOs. Sure, Roy’s marriage was on the rocks thanks to his meltdowns, but this was still way too soon and he has to wait until he’s available again.

As for the government, they get a pretty big role here. Their part is actually kind of fun as they communicate to the aliens using musical notes. You can see that they’re really invested in this and have practiced a lot. Imagining that in real life is just hilarious and you can see the humor in the film as well. It was definitely an enjoyable scene even if it did go on for a while. It’s always been tough to talk with people who speak a different language so the same thing certainly applies to the aliens.

However, rather than wondering if the aliens are hostile or not, the government should just jump to the hostile theory. They did kidnap several of out officers and a little kid after all. There can be no negotiations with these aliens at this point! All of the human prisoners are also fairly quiet and subdued when they get back so they’ve clearly been brainwashed. Otherwise, their non reactions are completely unrealistic as anyone else would be yelling or at least running.

That final scene does take an incredibly long time though. We get to watch everyone’s facial expressions over and over again as the camera angles change a little bit. I get that the film needed to bulk up on its run time a little, but surely there are better ways to do this than to go all 2001 Space Odyssey right? It’s a little more interesting though because at least the visuals here keep you entertained with the spaceship and it’s still not quite as long as it could have been.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m also glad that we actually got to see the aliens. There were no cop-outs this time folks! The alien doesn’t look very impressive and it’s very much like an ET creature, but at least it appeared so we can know who we’re up against in a possible sequel! Roy basically abandoned the human race so I’m looking forward to seeing a new protagonist take the wheel. He/She would likely be a vast improvement.

One plot that was also a little dull was with these two scientists who were trying to find the aliens. They got very old very quickly and the plot felt like it had nothing to do with the movie. One guy ended up being a translator since one guy could only speak Spanish or French, but again….why is this plot here? Roy would have found the alien base anyway and this may have been the first time that a government related subplot was not interesting. It’s hard to pull that off, but I can’t say this in a good way.

In a way, this film started out better than it ended even if the intro was a little slow. It could have been fun to see the neighborhood try to get to the aliens as they crossed the government lines. Unfortunately, things just got dicey as the film went on. It had its good moments and its bad ones. It was cool to see a random joe try to make it to the mountains too before getting knocked out just to show that this adventure was not for the faint of heart. Even the girl who accompanied Roy decided to give up towards the end. Roy was the chosen one so only he could truly complete this mission!

About the heroine though, her plot was mainly not that good because of her son. As you may remember, I rarely enjoy plots that involve little kids. The kid was about as annoying as you would expect and he makes it very easy for the aliens to abduct him. This was another plot that really had no point being in the film. The aliens could have abducted an adult or a teenager and it would have been a lot more enjoyable for the banter that we could have gotten! “You can’t get away with this you martian!” “Watch me Mortal!” That would have been epic!

Overall, Close Encounters had the potential to be so much more than what it was. Unfortunately, it simply couldn’t measure up to its full potential. The animals twist was great, but the film needed to trim the ending a little and make Roy a better main character. There was certainly no reason to keep in his falling in love with a new person after a day and his early meltdown was terrible. You definitely couldn’t blame his family for heading out of state for a little while so that he could calm down. I can’t really recommend this one, but if you want a trippy adventure with a lot of odd happenings, this could be up your alley. Otherwise, check out the new Dragon Ball Z Resurrection F for a good alien story.

Overall 4/10

Singin’ in the Rain Review

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This is a movie that is as classic as the original Godzilla! It’s hard to picture any big film fan not being aware of this title. That being said, I’ve seen many classics that simply didn’t live up to their reputation in the olden days so would this film be as good as I had hoped? It’s not quite as good as I had imagined, but the film has its moments. There were just two factors keeping it from being a good movie for me.

Don is an actor who is proud of his work. He’s done well for himself and everything is going smoothly until he meets a girl who reminds him that movie actors aren’t real actors. Don’s life is torn to pieces at this revelation, but he recovers from this once the lady admits that she has seen all of his movies and wants to be an actress someday as well. Hollywood never stops and the owner of the company finds out that movies will have sound from now on so he has Don make a new film. The problem is that his co-host can’t sing. What will they do!?

With that, we have the drama, the action, the excitement, and most importantly…the musical numbers! Let’s tackle this one area at a time. For starters, the writing is really good. This is a classic film so it makes sense, but the characters trade barbs and insults rather well in that sophisticated way that people used to speak. The tongue twisters of the old days were also a lot of fun and definitely could test anyone’s mettle. This is one crucial element in the film’s favor.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the pacing, which is a little erratic. Before I get into this, I should note that I was practically expecting a completely different film as I walked into this one. Sure, I knew that it was a musical and I had already seen the famous scene sometime ago. The difference was the fact that Don was an actor. So, the setting and environment was much different than I had anticipated. Even so, I felt like the beginning was a little slow. Once the characters decided that they wanted to make a film with sound, I felt like the plot really started moving. The beginning was pleasant enough, but it didn’t immediately grab my interest the way most old films do because of the main character. More on that later!

Just when the film was going well, the characters have a very trippy dream where some guy decides to hang out with the girl friend of a mob boss. The scene then cuts away as the guy becomes a professional dancer, but the girl appears again and they both have a dangerous dance where the guy barely escapes with his life. The scene drags on for so long that I legitimately began to wonder if this wasn’t a dream and the movie had actually started. When the characters woke up, it was like someone had stolen the last scoop of ice cream at the local deli.

It was a pretty poor montage and that was before we found out that it was all a dream. While most of the film is enjoyable and fun, these scenes weren’t. They were clearly trying to re enact the tale of a classic hero who is seduced by a villainous lady who tricks him into dying, but it always makes the main character look bad. It was also a little more intense than I would have expected from such a classic film with such a good reputation and that’s considering that several seconds were apparently cut out for being too sketchy. This is really where the film lost most of its points. (Plural…that’s a bad sign)

I really just had one more main complaint with the film. While the movie that the heroes realizes was supposed to look pretty bad, it was terrible for another reason and that was due to the retro plot as the villain attacked the heroine. It’s a negative for sure, but not the other main one. The other main negative is actually Don himself who essentially acts like an old school Tony Stark or a mild version of James Bond. Apparently he is quite the flirt and immediately starts to flirt with the heroine after only seeing her for a few seconds.

This guy is far from being heroic and I knew that I would not like the main character after his opening scene with Kathy. (The heroine) There was no recovery from such a thing. Kathy is all right although she definitely goes from one extreme to the other as she dislikes Don before changing her mind and the whole climax is basically her going from sad tears to happy ones. Cosmo is really the guy who stole most of the show even if his antics could be a bit much at times. He definitely seems to have more talent to Don and a more charismatic personality so I could easily see him holding his own film. He got a lot of the best barbs and burns throughout the film and also came up with most of the ideas when the other characters were in a pinch.

I also liked the president of the company as he talked a good game and always allowed others to manipulate him by bringing up the fact that he’s President of the company. His sarcastic remarks would typically backfire on him and he only narrowly managed to have a happy ending here. Through it all, he never lost his nerve and that takes guts. Lina was the co-star for the films and is essentially the main antagonist for the film. She gets friend zoned the whole film, but keeps going after Don. If not for that part of her personality she wouldn’t be a bad character. I actually felt a little bad for her since most of the film is about the heroes making fun of her voice and getting someone else to sing her roles instead. Lina naturally gets a little resentful of this, especially after having trained so long and hard for this opportunity. Just another showing of how the heroes could be a little cruel. Lina’s not really a good character anyway as she gets others fired and is too obsessive over Don, but the heroes did not help matters.

This is a musical, but I can’t say that any of the songs were very memorable. There are certainly no “Let It Go” award winning songs in this playbook. The famous Singing in the Rain scene is a lot of fun, but more for the action than for the actual song. I liked how the policeman dashed over to put Don in his place. It is probably against some laws to skip and dance in the street on such a slippery day. Luckily for Don, there were no cars around so the danger was kept to a minimum.

Overall, Singin in the Rain was a film where I can see how it became a classic, but I can’t say that it totally floats my boat. As far as drama, musical, romance, comedy films go, I’ve seen better ones. The songs were not quite masterpieces and Don was terrible as the main character. Cutting him out of the film or eliminating the dream sequence likely would have been enough to put the film in the clear. As it was, the film could not overcome having two big negatives. If you’re looking for a retro film and don’t mind long scenes of questionable dancing, then check this out at your own peril, but if you want a film with a lot of heart and meaningful character development, I recommend checking out Madoka Magica Rebellion!

Overall 4/10

Ant Man Review

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The Marvel Cinematic Universe has followed a strong formula for each of its films, which has resulted in none of them actually being bad. They’ve all been consistently good up til now and I had some decently high hopes for Ant Man. Unfortunately, I forgot that the concept of Ant Man may have doomed it from the start and every film series has to jump the shark eventually. This one proved to be Marvel’s first big miss! (For this continuity)

Scott is a man who has made some wrong choices. He chose to become a cat burgler and spent a lot of time in jail. He finally gets out, but realizes that nobody will hire him so he cracks and decides to become a criminal again. An old man who is called Mr. Pym gives Scott an offer. Scott can steal something for him or go back to jail. Scott uses the get out of jail free card and undergoes a training regime. Now that he is able to shrink and talk to Ants, nobody can stop him right? The ultimate battle against evil has now begun!

Ignoring the crippling negative that I will dive into soon, the film handled itself fairly well. As I mentioned, the MCU has a certain tone/atmosphere that is used for all of the films (Not counting The Incredible Hulk…another reason why that one is only barely in the MCU for me) and it works quite well for Ant-Man. We’ll get a serious spy scene, then a comedy moment, then a serious scene, comedy moment. It’s essentially a constant stream of back and forth and you typically will not go 2-3 minutes without an epic one liner or a burn from one of the characters. It’s one of the reasons why the MCU films have typically been crushing the competition.

It doesn’t take itself too seriously while still giving us good battles. I’d say that phase 2 has actually ramped up the comedy angle as the one liners seem more frequent, but it could be a coincidence. The action has also been ramped up so it could just be the “bigger is better” effect like what Slayers did with Next. Compare Avengers to Avengers 2, Cap to Cap 2, and Iron Man 3 to Iron Man 1. The sequels all had more action (The first is debatable I suppose) and more comedy moments. As long as the writing is good, this formula should always work quite well. Even if some of the jokes don’t work, there are enough of them that the good ones should overshadow the bad ones. Likewise, if you have a lot of fight scenes in a film, there should be at least one or two that you will like.

The MCU’s fights are also a step ahead of the other Marvel companies with the exception of ASM2. Ant Man’s battle against Yellow Jacket is pretty fun. Antman is certainly outmatched and probably should have lost, but it’s cool to see him dodging lasers and keeping up the intensity. Both fighters are always on the move and trying to keep the other off balance. The special effects seen here will definitely age well and the music while in the brief case was pretty epic.

Ant Man also likes to show us just how tiny the fighters are by showing off the outside world during the fights. During these moments, the music will stop and the real world will only have slight movement. This does rage a possible plot hole of Ant Man’s strength though. It’s shown that he still has his human sized strength while he’s tiny and he uses it quite often to take on the villains. So, why does Thomas barely move when the characters hit him at full strength in one scene? In the human world, we just see Thomas get lifted slightly as he bumps into the window. If Ant Man had his full human sized strength, it should have easily shattered the glass.

That’s only a mild thing though. Ant Man’s soundtrack is naturally good. The very first scene has a classic theme that you will remember from most of the other MCU titles with SHIELD and Ant Man introduces some other themes to the franchise. I’d say that just about all of them are good and especially the main “Ant Man” theme. You’ll know it when you see it. Having a good soundtrack is the first step to being a good movie. The next is having good writing.

Ant Man’s writing is solid for the most part. I say “for the most part” because it’s still not quite as good as the average MCU title. For one thing, I found Ant Man’s friends to be a little sad. They’re essentially all stereotypes. It’s used for comedy though and they each have their moments I suppose, but they felt like the characters that you would see in a mainstream comedy title like Pitch Perfect or Tower Heist and those are the characters that I can never like. The main friend is always making crude comments when talking about how he heard his stories and they are pretty off putting. The other two friends are really just there to use slang and try to be funny, which doesn’t work quite as well as the natural jokes that flow from Scott and the villains. An example of a scene that was funny was the Baskin Robbins moment. Those scenes I could get behind and I liked the manager a lot as he knew when to talk off the record as well as on it. Ant Man also felt like it had more language than I would have expected. The characters just can’t keep themselves in line so they constantly panic and let out some colorful words. So, I feel like that’s a bit of a writing issue.

Let’s go into the characters. Scott Lang is the main guy of course and he’s not bad. He’s essentially your average film protagonist who wants to do the right thing, but isn’t sure how to do that. I do think that he gave up and went back to a life of crime rather quickly, but we are led to believe that he looked for jobs for quite a while. A quick montage of that would have been good though. Still, in the end, he learns the values of teamwork and how to be a responsible hero. He really wants to keep his bond with his daughter and gets her a pretty nice gift. He’s certainly a good parent and I do like the character overall.

One plot element at the end of the film does hurt him a little though. There is a very forced romance between him and Hope. As with the average film, they meet and basically fall in love in the span of a few days. It’s just sad that the heroes have to be so predictable like this. At least it’s just one scene, but it’s still something that was not needed at all and was just added because it’s essentially expected at this point.

Otherwise, Hope makes for a good heroine. She can fight, which is always a good thing and she whips Scott into shape right away. She’s better at controlling the ants and is also a better hand to hand fighter, but she had quite a lot of prep time when compared to Scott. You’d think that Scott would have learned some more hand to hand in jail, but I guess he became buddies with the others too quickly. Hope easily outclasses Pepper, Jane, Betty, and Peggy as far as the MCU heroines go. Mr. Pym is another supporting character and he was fairly likable. It was good to see him take a nice shot at the government agent who stepped out of line and he is definitely very active for an old guy. This is not someone who plans to quietly retire from the front lines and I’m sure that he will have a decent role in the sequel. Hopefully he goes back to the mini world himself!

As for the main villain, he’s decently good. He seemed to flirt with Hope a little, which is generic villain 101 for how to not be taken seriously, but Yellowjacket was all right aside from that. You really can’t expect much from him in terms of character development as he’s meant to be a really generic villain, but he fits the bill and I definitely didn’t mind him as the antagonist. The Yellow Jacket suit is definitely really cool and seeing it again someday would be fun.

The film ends with some loose ends to be continued in the sequel or other MCU films. I’m not sure if I’m crazy about the villain who may be around for the sequel since we’ve done this dance so many times already, but we’ll see how it goes. There are two after credit scenes so you’ll want to check them out first. The first one is more of a traditional after credits scene in the sense that it would work for just about any film and doesn’t rely on the large continuity. It’s a good scene. The second one is some build up for the MCU. Time to start speculating about what this will all mean. It was cool to see the “Ant Man will return” sign at the end for sure.

One thing that I enjoyed about the film was that it didn’t act like everyone was gone. In a lot of comics, heroes will conveniently be out of town or asleep so that they don’t have to appear. This film doesn’t go that far and we actually get our first big meta human fight between heroes. It’s definitely neat and I agree with the outcome. There’s really no way that the hero should have lost this battle and as far as the victory went, I felt like it could have been even easier. Not saying that his opponent was a pushover….but he wouldn’t be much of a challenge either.

Sounds like a fun film so far right? I enjoyed the action and the comedy. Ant Man’s characters were pretty good for the most part, the effects were a lot of fun, and the film’s pacing was good. The movie always moved very quickly and I certainly wasn’t bored. The friends may have been a little sad at times and the writing wasn’t great, but the film could hold its own. Unfortunately, that’s where the negative comes in. See, this is a film called Ant Man so you can expect a lot of ants right? That’s the problem.

There is a lot of animal violence here and it’s really sad. The scenes are unnecessary and just there for poor shock value. Again, this is just a result of terrible writing and someone needs to get some new staff for the sequel. Goats already have a reputation of dying in big films like Jurassic Park, we didn’t need another one to die here. As soon as the goat appeared, I knew that it was game over. The way that he died was also very gross. A human died this way as well and it wasn’t sad like the Goat’s death, but it was still gross. This was a line that the film didn’t need to cross.

The Ants also die throughout the film. Scott clearly has no regard for their lives except for a select few. One of the ants gets a very emotional death while the others are typically taken down in the background. I knew that the ants should have all been mechanical. That would have solved the film’s biggest problem right from the start. As it is, this negative really destroyed the film just like with Jurassic World. (A film very similar to this one in many respects) Hopefully the sequel will use robots although I doubt that we’ll see a sequel for a very long time.

Ant Man also takes itself a little too seriously during one moment where Pym tells Hope about what happened to her mother. Scott quickly whips out another joke to stop the tension, but I felt like it almost could have broken them out of their slump sooner or they could have had Hope take the news a little better. That’s really the only scene where this happens though as the rest of the film is typically moving too fast for this to be an issue.

Hmmm, any more things to touch on here? The dialogue effect for the friend’s stories were good as every character had the same voice. If not for some of the terrible lines here, these were definitely some of the best jokes in the film. The guy will remind you of Sam from the Transformers Trilogy as they both have a similar style of speaking and maybe even similar personalities, but different enough that you would never mix them up. I think I’ve hit on most of the big points for the film here.

Overall, Get ready for some name drops, cameos, and world building as the film goes on. Now that the MCU is such a big franchise, it has to keep on growing to keep the audience in the loop and ready for some action. The film is still a lot of fun and has a lot of replay value due to its nature. On a critical level though, I still can’t recommend the title because of the very excessive animal violence. The writing and side characters can also be a bit dicey, but without the animal violence, we’d still be looking at a 7 star film here. If you are prepared for animal violence then you should see this film. If not, you really won’t be missing anything so you can still just skip to Avengers 3 and prepare yourself for the powers of the planet busters. Now, will Marvel be able to bounce back from this? I’m confident that they can as Civil War should be epic. From here on out, the only MCU film that you should be worried for is probably Inhumans and that one should still be good. The real question is, can Ant Man defeat the upcoming blockbusters like Pixels, Mission Impossible and Spectre? It’s going to be tough, but the Ant Man is used to being the underdog so he’s ready for action.

Overall 4/10

The Fly Review

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Time to take a look at a really old horror film. This came out during the good ole 1950’s, which was a fun decade for the world. Especially for movies as the Godzilla franchise started out around this time. The Fly is a fairly nice concept and it actually doesn’t go for the “Everyone gets knocked off one by one” action aspect that you would expect and plays out more like a mystery thriller. It’s not exactly the next Sonic The Hedgehog film, but the effects hold up quite well.

A lady is accused of murdering her husband and the cops get involved. Francois, her step brother, wants to believe that she didn’t really do it, but she confirms the story and the crime scene is quite telling. The detectives wonder how this could have happened and Andre decides to tell them when one character mentions that he caught a fly. She explains the story of how her husband had been working on some next gen technology, but how it all went terribly wrong and he ended up turning himself into a Human/Fly hybrid instead.

Now, there were two things wrong with this for me. Not logic holes by any means though. First, Everyone is watching The Fly because we already know about the hybrid. This shouldn’t be a twist right? Yet, once the guy turns into a fly, the film is just about over. He quickly takes himself down and then the flashback ends and everyone walks away. I’m not really sure where the film was going with this and it may have worked better if it was called “The Mystery” or something like that.

The second part is that I actually preferred the mystery angle in the present anyway. The inspector clearly knew what he was doing and I dare say that he had the edge in his conversation with Andre. He was piecing things together, but he never could have suspected something so fantastic! I was rather enjoying the plot and then the long flashback began, which took up most of the film. That wasn’t quite as interesting to be honest and we all knew what was going to happen to the main character anyway.

The Fly was actually a little more violent than I could have suspected. When the main character was destroyed under the giant press, it was surprisingly graphic and this was back in the 1950’s! Also, the ending was a little sad for one character as he couldn’t move and could only watch as he was getting bitten until he was quickly put out of his misery by the others. It was definitely a dicey scene for the guy although I applaud the effects here as it looked fairly realistic considering how long ago this came out. The effects in general were actually quite good.

As you would expect from a 1950’s film, the writing is nice and solid. The characters are all fairly interesting and engaging in the present. You’ll feel bad for the guy watching over the equipment in the first scene since he gets quite the spook when the murder happens. Again, if the whole film had just been the mystery, then I could see this easily getting an extra 2-3 stars. As it is the flashbacks hurt the film as they slowed down the pacing and weren’t quite as interesting as the main plot.

The same thing happened to Captain America, The First Avenger a while back. I loved the present plot with Captain America overpowering SHIELD and seeing New York City, but I wasn’t crazy about the flashbacks. The main reason why flashbacks have never had a lot of potential for me is that you already know the ending. Seeing how the characters get there is all well and good, but only if you have a lot of epic action scenes to go with it. For a film like The Fly where you’re just watching someone’s day to day events until the end of the flashback…it takes away any form of intrigue or suspense that the film could have had. Watching The Fly return in the present and decide to rule the world, now that’s a twist that I could have gotten behind!

The Fly could have made for a decent villain, but we never got to see his final form. As a scientist, he was a decent character. A little generic perhaps, but a fun guy all the same. It’s just too bad that he didn’t have any more will power at his disposal or he could have really made a difference in the world! I also didn’t like the fact that he tested his invention out on the cat. That’s a really bad move if you ask me and it made me lose all of my respect for the guy. No matter how chipper he can be, we now know that he is willing to do anything for his experiments.

Overall, The Fly was a decent horror at times, but it just didn’t do anything for me. The final scene was pretty tragic and bordered on animal violence, but the effects were definitely really good and one of the highlights of the film. As this is an old film, the writing is pretty solid and I think that the show has potential. If you are looking for a classic horror movie, then this may be up your ally. If you are scared of giant flies or mysterious looking creatures, then you may want to back up now!

Overall 4/10

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life Review

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After a long time, I have finally gone and seen the sequel to the first Lara Croft film. The first one wasn’t exactly a thrill a minute so this one really tried to add in as much action as possible. The Cradle of Life shows many glimpses of a world where it could actually have been a solid film, but these glimpses are simply too brief and the film is ultimately plagued by a few negatives.

As for the plot, Lara Croft has finally met a challenge that is too much for her. To get to Pandora’s Box, she will need to get into villainous territory. Her two assistants are already out of the picture thanks to the enemies so Lara is forced to free an associate from prison. This man is there for a reason so this is a pretty big gamble, but the two characters have a long history between them. Now that we’ve got the drama in place, the adventure can really start!

The actual plot isn’t bad and Lara is essentially just embarking on a new quest. Unfortunately, bringing someone along was definitely not a good move as the guy drags down the film. His name is Terry and he’s definitely not a good character. For starters, he’s a total criminal who clearly has not reformed in his ways. He talks tough right from the start, but he still gets beat up a few times and Lara also tricks him on more than one occasion. It becomes very evident as to why the two of them ended up parting ways. They definitely can’t trust each other and both prefer riches to companionship. Terry goes off the deep end rather unexpectedly at one point although I didn’t care for him anyway.

He also gives us the worst scene in the film as he and Lara decide to see if they’re still meant for each other. The long romance scene is an example of a very poorly developed plot and one that is completely unnecessary. After not seeing each other for years and parting on bad terms, I find it hard to believe that they would get back together so quickly. If so, the characters are definitely too easy and it hurts any chances that they had of being likable.

Likewise, the scene also hurts Lara’s character and I definitely don’t care for her here. She’s a character who tries to get in as many one liners and burns as possible, but that also means that they don’t all work. While she claims to be a professional, she nearly dies by staying in a crumbling ruins for too long and her banter quickly dies down when held at gunpoint. She’s a decent adventurer, but she’s hardly a great fighter. (Although, she’s good enough to beat her partners at Kendo) Using her feminine wiles to get through the adventure was really the last straw for her character.

As such, there weren’t many likable characters to be found in the film. I actually didn’t mind one of her partners as he was really petty. In the kendo match, he finally got a hit towards the end of their bout and started celebrating a lot. It’s like fighting on For Glory in Smash Bros where the opponent will taunt numerous times after finally getting an elusive KO. The other member is fairly weak and doesn’t add much to the story. He does try to warn Lara about the fact that the villains are on to him, but she is evidently not the sharpest tool in the shed and misses all of the warnings that he gives.

I need to quickly take this time to mention the fact that it’s not really wise for a treasure hunter to have a very well known mansion in the middle of such a big landscape. Lara doesn’t have any real defenses so any villain organization can just bust in as we saw in this film. She really needs to think about adding some much needed security to make the place a little tougher to break into.

The film was surprisingly a little more violent than I had expected it to be. One of the scenes in the climax involves a man burning to death with surprising detail as he melts. Another scene, which I found to be more intense involved a guy who was poisoned. From the way that the scene played out, it started to look like he was literally spitting out his guts. That likely wasn’t what was happening….likely, but it sure looked like that, which was pretty gruesome.

Let’s quickly look at a nice positive for the film, which is the fact that there are monsters to be found. Towards the end of the film, we find out that there are monster guardians which watch over Pandora’s Box. They can phase through objects and their speed isn’t too shabby. It almost goes without saying that there physical strength is very good. Watching them take down the group of humans was like watching the Raptors take everyone down in Jurassic World. The monsters take their time and methodically take everyone down one at a time. It’s very impressive to watch and it was a fun scene as monsters are just what we needed. They were a little too powerful so we never get to see Lara fight one of them, but the plot hax would have likely been too immense so I suppose that it’s fine.

Some of the special effects don’t quite hold up here though. One scene in particular comes to mind as Lara glides across a city. It clearly looks like she is just being held by a string with a background picture that is moving in the background. That definitely looks fake, but I suppose that we can’t have too many films with good effects right? On the bright side, it’s bad in a bit of a campy way so I wouldn’t call it a huge issue. Just something that it fun to note.

It’s really too bad that the film crumbled as it went along because I did find it to be interesting. For example, the opening scene was fun as Lara infiltrated an underwater temple and the plot began. That was the film’s first missed opportunity as Lara should have fought the villains. A nice fight scene at the beginning of the film is always a fun way to start off. We got a fight later on between Lara and another villain that was fun though. Even if the collateral damage did end up destroying the guy’s “priceless” statues. A film just needs more good qualities if it wants to be good. The plot isn’t enough, you need good writing, good characters, and more. This film couldn’t really pull off any of that as I’d call the writing decent at best. Even the final scene’s humor is a plot that’s probably been overdone a little at this point. You will feel a little bad for the two assistants…but very little.

Overall, The Cradle of Life is definitely not going to be the film to give video game adaptions a good name. It had a fairly interesting plot and the monsters at the end were cool, but that wasn’t enough to make it a good film. Making the poison scene a little less graphic and cutting out the make out scene between Lara and Terry would have helped the film a lot and that probably would have put the film in the clear with a 2 star boost. That being said, the could have/should have case can be applied to just about any film. So, when it all boils down to it, The Cradle of Life simply couldn’t stay afloat and Pandora’s Box just wasn’t meant to be found. If you’re looking for a good adventure film, then you should probably watch Indiana Jones…although I haven’t seen those in a while. Be on the lookout for the CGI ants! As for Lara Croft, we’ll have to wait a long while before we get a film that does the classic games justice.

Overall 4/10