Category Archives: Live Action Movies

Audrey Rose Review

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This is one of those films that can only happen if all of the characters are as passive as possible. They are continually not standing up to the situation and so the things deteriorate. The film tends to be on the annoying side as several characters act really crazy but nobody really does anything about it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Bill had completely crashed out in the courtroom because to an extent it would have been justified.

The film starts off by introducing us to Bill and Janice who live a normal life with their daughter Ivy. Unfortunately a weird man has been stalking them for a while now and they quickly realize that he is mainly stalking their daughter Ivy. One day Janice is in a car crash so this man named Hoover takes the chance to meet with Ivy and then has dinner with the parents. He explains that he thinks Ivy is the reincarnated soul of his own daughter who died in a tragic car accident and so he intends to keep on meeting with Ivy. Bill says this is crazy but the cops can’t help since nobody has been hurt yet. Unfortunately Janice thinks that Hoover may be right and so Bill will not have to find a way to stop Hoover while also watching out for his own wife.

Janice is easily the most annoying character here because of how quick she was to believe Hoover. He starts talking crazy for a few minutes and she immediately thinks that he may be on to something. We learn that Ivy has had crazy episodes on her birthday for a long time now and this would track with the date that Hoover’s daughter died but that’s still a rather big stretch to go through here. Janice immediately ignores how weird it was to have Hoover following her for so long and even invites him up to her apartment to help Ivy through one of the episodes.

Hoover is able to help Ivy each time but this feels like an awful big chance considering his intentions. Also just letting a crazy guy into your house is basically asking for trouble. Then even after Hoover kidnaps Ivy to go to his place, Janice is quick to side with him here. She completely betrays Bill in court and does seem willing to let Hoover keep the kid. She really closed off any chance for her and Bill to come to terms here. They were just way too far apart and she gave up her kid too quickly.

Janice is panicking for most of the film so she doesn’t always make a lot of sense but she made all of the mistakes possible. I’d also say that Ivy looks pretty bad here since she is soundly defeated by the spirit of the other girl. She seems to have no mental defenses here as she crawls into fire and burns herself at several points just because the other girl forced her to. Can Ivy not fight on her own? I get that in these possession type of films that always tends to be the case but it can be annoying. In this film the opponent is another girl who was around the same age. This should not be as hard as usual.

As for Hoover, well the guy seems nutty from the start. He drank the Kool-Aid real fast and then didn’t choose the best way to make an impression on the family. In this film the whole reincarnation thing appears to be true so then he should have found a better way to break the news. The way he did it would make anyone think he was insane. Honestly the best way to get close would be to own a nearby business or become a teacher but that isn’t as easy as it looks. So in that case, rent a nearby room and try to be a good neighbor. Or just meet up with the family and talk rather than stalking. It would have been hard to have made a worst first impression.

As for Bill, he definitely doesn’t plan to be very agreeable right from the start of the film but I don’t blame him. This is his daughter we’re talking about and Hoover effectively wants to take her away or be a second parent. No way he could let that fly. Hoover also continually refers to Ivy as Janice’s daughter as well as his and leaves Bill out of this. Unfortunately Bill isn’t very strong and easily loses to Hoover in every confrontation.

It was not a good look there and it was also crazy that Bill forgot his own apartment has a back entrance that is unlocked. I know it was a tense moment but how do you forget that? I was definitely rooting for Bill in the court case. Yeah a lot of weird stuff was going on and perhaps Bill could have handled some things better but on the whole he was doing what he could. He was prioritizing his daughter which is the only choice that makes sense in this situation.

The film doesn’t even have a satisfying ending so that definitely ensured that this was not going to be a very positive film. You’ve got a mostly annoying cast of characters with a kid who has absolutely no idea what was going on and then you couldn’t even stick the landing. This is definitely not a film that will stand the test of time as I would say it hasn’t even aged well up to this point. It’s not particularly scary either, just more on the annoying side.

Overall, This is a film that I would recommend skipping. On the whole I’ve never been all into possession films and this one is no exception. Not even the courtroom scene could save it, although I was glad that it was there. It was nice to see the rest of the world a bit although I would have liked to have seen what the jury made of all this. I like to think that they all thought Hoover was super crazy but Janice turning sides would have definitely hurt the situation quite a bit. It would have all been more interesting than the main plot. A good ending could have at least helped things out but ultimately there was to be no saving grace for this film.

Overall 3/10

And Soon The Darkness Review

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It’s time for a film that really reminds you to follow common sense and to be careful when travelling in a strange land. There are all kinds of things that can go wrong when you’re in unfamiliar territory after all and that becomes apparent very quickly. Unfortunately the film is going to rather extreme methods to point this out and the film quickly ends up going for the low hanging fruit here. Certainly one relying on cheap tension to keep you at the edge of your seat and so that’s not going to be a winning strategy.

The movie starts by introducing us to Jane and Cathy who are biking across France. They don’t really speak much French but this seemed like a fun way to spend the holidays. Unfortunately Cathy wants to take a break in the middle of nowhere and the two were already off the beaten path. Jane points out what a terrible idea this is as it will be dark out pretty soon but Cathy doesn’t care and goes back to sleep. Jane is forced to go on without her and sure enough, Cathy vanishes and is presumed dead. Jane doesn’t want to give up on her but night is approaching soon and a mysterious guy keeps on following her. This feels like trouble.

I am going to blame Cathy for a lot of this right from the start because she was being completely unreasonable. You can’t just decide to go to sleep when the place is already dangerous. That doesn’t make any sense and she resists all of Jane’s efforts to make her get up. So when Jane eventually leaves I could not blame her because staying there would have just resulted in both of them being dead. Yeah leaving your friend is always rough but it’s not like Jane could physically force her to get up. That would be an even fight at best and then you have to drive both of them with the bikes.

Cathy also didn’t seem to have much of a sense for danger with how she was encouraging the weird stalker throughout the opening. You probably want to be keeping your distance at that point instead of thinking about how cool he looked. So yeah she played every part of this as badly as possible and definitely made Jane’s life a whole lot harder.

As for Jane, she was a good friend the whole time. She went out of her way to try and help Cathy by taking a lot of risks and doubling back to find her. Jane would have been all the way to safety immediately if she hadn’t had to go back. Jane also studied so she knows at least a little bit of French which helps out. It may not be enough to speak the language but she can tell when a translator is lying about what is going on at least. Ultimately she was much sharper about her surroundings and wouldn’t make anything easy for the villain.

As for the mysterious guy, Paul, well he definitely does a terrible job of trying to look normal. He tends to be very quiet for large parts of the film and when he speaks it is always to say something that just makes him look more suspicious. I can’t forget how he asked Jane if she wanted to search deep in the woods with him during their first real conversation. That’s something only a possible serial killer would say right? Throughout the film we learn about how he’s lying to her on several occasions and in the past another woman was murdered around this spot.

The film very much enjoys its misdirects and twists but does so in a very low effort way. Basically it makes people act very suspiciously and in ways that do not make sense in order to help trick the audience. So it’s basically cheating by that point and will have you shaking your head. There is a very small cast here so you’ll probably see through it pretty quickly but it doesn’t help make the experience any better.

Meanwhile of course the film would immediately not be satisfied with just murdering the heroes and so the threat is very quickly escalated into being more than that. So now as the audience you have to hope that even if Jean dies, at least it’s quick because the motive for the villain is going to be rough. It’s what I would call cheap tension here. The film isn’t confident that it can actually make you nervous on the basis of the writing or characters so it has to add on extra elements.

The villain gets away with a bit too much here and I definitely wouldn’t have minded missing out on the details. Even the climax of the film has to go on with this rather than just having a quick fight. Yeah this movie was definitely doomed and it’s a very dreary affair. There aren’t many lighthearted moments ere at all and the film’s pacing isn’t always great. They don’t translate any of the dialogue in order to help you experience how lost the main heroine is. I understand the goal here narratively but it also means there are just more scenes that are effectively gibberish.

The film will also probably hit harder for people who have ever been tempted to do something like this. Biking across the country as a way to explore the unknown does not interest me in the slightest. It’s not something I would ever want to do and even if it was guaranteed to be safe, it’s just not my cup of tea.

Overall, This is one of those films that definitely feels rather mean spirited. It’s definitely collecting all the things that can go wrong if you wander into the wrong area but you don’t really need a whole film about that. A simple disappearance or getting lost in an unknown territory could make for a good suspense film. Once you add in the threats of being assaulted by creeps and other elements like that, then it just feels like one of those cheap thrillers you might come across on TV. It’s not a film that is seriously trying to impress you with a good message or anything like that. I would definitely say to avoid this one as much as possible.

Overall 1/10

The Rage: Carrie 2 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for the return of Carrie. Unfortunately this film is definitely no good and tries too hard to be like the first one which is not a good idea. The only real amusing part here is that the main character looks like a debater that I’ve seen on Youtube a handful of times, but that’s really it. This one just embraces being real mean spirited the whole time and never actually gets good. The whole climax also revolves around the main character not really being very smart.

The film focuses around a girl named Rachel who isn’t a super big people person. She tends to be very goth and her best friend is the most social one. Unfortunately her friend destroys herself after being used by her boyfriend. Most of the guys in this school are unfortunately bad people as they keep score of who they get with and it’s all a game. Unfortunately they all tend to have high scores so there is a lack of morals on both sides. To be clear though, the guys get more blame on this for starting such a terrible game in the first place.

One guy in the group named Jesse begins to like Rachel so he tells the others to back off but they don’t plan on stopping. Rachel’s friend may have taken a photo of the two of them together before she passed and so now they want to scare Rachel into submission before she does something that can ruin their chances of winning the big football game. So they aim to take her down but what they don’t realize is that she has supernatural powers capable of slaughtering an entire town. Will Rachel be able to stop these guys?

That is ultimately the main problem here, this is just a slightly altered version of Carrie. Initially Rachel isn’t the one being bullied, but that ends up happening to her anyway. There is one person who is sympathetic to her (Jesse) but he isn’t in a position to help anyway. It just follows the first film to a T and it’s not like that one got a particularly good score. This one proceeds to double down though like randomly having Rachel’s dog get hit by a car. She’s also brought up by two abusive foster parents who don’t even pretend to like her, they just like the money that comes in for looking after her.

Another problem which I alluded to in the beginning is that the film relies on Rachel not having any common sense. Lets look at the series of events her. Rachel’s best friend dies, all of the guys start to bully and terrify her constantly. Suddenly, all the cool girls in school who never liked Rachel invite her to a big party and all the guys will be there to apologize. Why would Rachel honestly think this is on the up and up? It’s probably the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen.

That sounds like a good way to be vanished if we’re being honest here. Going to a rowdy school party after hours where there will be no supervision? Yeah that’s a bad idea. Even if on the off chance they were being legit, that would not be enough reason to go. You’re just asking for trouble at that point. Alas, it goes about as you would expect as they mess with her for a while until she is eventually able to take them down. It just takes way too long for her to get these abilities activated.

The whole humiliation scene as they put her on the big screen and everybody’s laughing just reminds you how none of the characters are likable. They’ve all got to go and so you’re not particularly upset when Rachel starts destroying everyone. Yeah, not all of the kids were super guilty in there. While I doubt any of them were all that good, just hanging around a bad crowd doesn’t mean you deserve the death penalty. It’s particularly rough for the lady who was trying to reunite Rachel with her mother because she gets taken out without even being able to say anything. The actual mother also looks pretty bad but she was literally crazy so I guess that’s to be expected.

The film would have just been so much better if Rachel could actively use her powers and it could have been framed as a foil to what happened with Carrie. Rachel would instead be ready to do what she needed to do. Also I’m not really going to let Jesse off the hook here. I’m glad that he would defend Rachel but it doesn’t change the fact that he hung out with such a terrible group of people for so long. I would also say he needed to break things off with the other girl much more officially and obviously he shouldn’t go to her house where she is going to try some things.

He put himself in all of the worst positions and also came off as naive when he started falling for what the bullies were selling as well. As someone more or less on the inside he definitely should have sensed that this was a trap. He gets off easier than the rest, albeit he will have to live with daily jump scares. That’s just the price of surviving an evet like this.

The ending is rather weak though. As far as jump scares go, it may be one of the weakest that I’ve seen. Seriously there is just nothing impressive about it and barely even works as a twist ending. So it’s ultimately a pretty pointless moment. They may as well have brought back the comedic music from when the mother escaped the asylum.

The film isn’t too violent for the most part but it certainly makes up for lost time with the ending. That part gets extremely violent for the entire duration of the scene. So you’ll want to watch out for that. Mix that in with some fanserivce from all the affairs for the game the guys were plying and this was really a recipe for disaster. The film goes out of its way to make everyone super unlikable and it really succeeds. Even most of the adults ultimately fall before the power of bribes and politics. It really makes for a jaded experience.

Overall, I recommend skipping this one unless you really don’t mind sitting through an intensely mean spirited film. Everything that could go wrong for Rachel certainly did here and ultimately it’s not like the ending helps her out either. We do get a big twist (That you might have gotten spoiled on from the opening scene) that helps to explain the powers but it’s not like that does anything to save the experience for you. This needed to be a superhero origin story or something to have at least given you some hope for future installments.

Overall 1/10

House of the Dead Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

House of the Dead is one of those films that’s very infamous. It doesn’t have a whole lot of big defenders to be honest. Mostly it just gets a lot of mocking and you can see why. The film is definitely not taking things very seriously and some aspects like the music are definitely not general audience friendly. Ultimately it is a bad film but I dare say it does manage to defeat the average horror flick.

The movie starts with someone reminiscing about how things were before all of his friends were murdered. We then flash back to the actual movie which is always a very annoying way to start a movie. Why even let us know that one of the characters is going to live through this? Well, there’s a big rave taking place on the island of the dead but a few teenagers were running late so they missed the boat. They’re forced to pay an extremely high price to hitch a ride with the only boat left in town. The captain’s first mate isn’t particularly nice and the captain is certainly not making things easy but this party is a once in a lifetime event. The problem is when they get there, all of the people are gone. Instead there are only hordes of zombies. Can the heroes manage to take them down??

You may be wondering what happened to the house. Well, that appears near the end of the film but really this should have been called the Island of the Dead. Most of the film is really about them trying to survive on that island while they are attacked by endless rounds of zombies. The heroes fortunately are able to get their hands on guns and other weapons with which to defend themselves. It’s really the only way to fight back and they manage to get pretty good at using them.

Where the film is probably going to lose some people is when it becomes a full on action. Once the heroes get their weapons, this very quickly stops being a horror film and quickly leans into the action all the way. We get a ton of slow mo scenes and a very extended fight where the heroes are shredding all of the zombies. I didn’t have a problem with the length but the slow motion effect does get old rather quickly. The long fight is still the best part of the film though. I’ll take an action over a horror any day after all. There is a little plot armor in how the humans are faring so well here though.

The film is very inconsistent about how physically strong the zombies are as well as their speed. It all appears to just be at the level that it needs to be for the scene. The scene transitions are also a bit too random with all of the video game clips randomly showing up. It could have been fun once or twice but it happens very frequently with no real rhyme or reason to it. Definitely not the way to go here.

Meanwhile the soundtrack is actually very good for most of the film. There is a lot of good rock themes as well as just generally fast tunes which really fit in well with all of the fighting. That’s something that has actually aged really well so I appreciated that. The visuals can be rather hit or miss but I did enjoy the choreography for the battles. One character actually knows martial arts and gets to pummel several characters that way.

While most of the characters are annoying teenagers, I did really enjoy the boat captain. He was at least trying to make sense of what was going on here and also didn’t show any fear. He was particularly impressive in his very first encounter with a zombie because he just casually shot it while still smoking his cigarette. That takes a lot of guts right there. He was also the reason the others even had weapons with which to fight the zombies so without him they would have all been dead very quickly.

I also enjoyed the policewoman because she was smart enough to put aside her beef with the captain to fight against the zombies. I know some lesser characters who wouldn’t have adapted like that. She did really well in her fights as well and ultimately only got held back by the others and the ammo starting to run low. It does make sense that with all of the shooting they were doing, they would eventually run out of bullets.

This film didn’t really need a main villain though. An endless horde of zombies is already scary enough right? Well, we do get a mastermind at the end and he even gets an origin story. The scenes just make everyone else look bad because there is one moment where he goads a guard into getting close enough to destroy him. Whenever someone loses to a guy who is fully chained up, I’m going to have some problems there.

There also isn’t much to this villain. He just craves violence and got immortality. It’s not like he has any kind of a master plan or anything. He just does whatever he wants and that’s not exactly a recipe for success. He does put up a good fight in the end but it’s barely even a consolation because he should have won that fight. Losing just makes him look even less impressive.

Naturally it goes without saying as a zombie film that this one can be pretty violent. You have a ton of characters getting slashed and destroyed during the mayhem. So if you’re not big on all of that then this would be a reason to stay away. It might have slightly more restraint than other zombie films as it doesn’t usually dwell on the deaths but yeah the violence is still at a high level here.

Overall, This film had some good ideas but could not land the execution. While I enjoyed some of the adult characters like the captain and the policewoman, there was nothing good to be said about the teens. The fact that some of them didn’t even care when the rave was empty just shows that they aren’t the smartest characters in the bunch. Any semblance of romance here just feels obligatory as none of the characters seem mature enough for it and they take too long to get serious about this. Of course if you’re planning to go to a Rave on an island in the middle of nowhere, I’d argue that your moral compass may already be in a rather dicey spot. You should only check this film out if you reallllly like zombie fighting and even then you will have to sit through a bit of a slow first half before the zombies even appear.

Overall 3/10

Cape Fear Review

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It’s time for one of those films that makes you wish the main character was someone different. The whole film revolves around the main character not being willing to make the tough calls until it’s nearly too late whereas other leads could have ended this really early. The film even stacks the deck by having the lead be friends with the chief of police along with having a super long, clean record. Yeah there were definitely ways to avoid the fallout that ensues and I dare say it would have been a much better movie as well.

The film starts with Sam working on another case when an ex convict shows up. This guy’s name is Max and he’s pretty upset because Sam is the one who put him away for a long time a while back. Unfortunately, Max was let go after only 8 years due to good behavior. That’s not good news for Sam because this guy is completely unrepentant and wants to take his revenge. He basically tells Sam that he’s going to take down his wife and daughter. Sam has an easy out here, he could murder Max. However, doing so would tarnish his social reputation. So in that case…what can he do?

Well, the answer should be clear here, he’s gotta take this guy down. Sam knows that it’s no bluff since this guy was put away once already. It’s not like he’s just trying to scare Sam. So I would argue that Sam has a moral duty to go as far as he can in order to protect his family. This is a fairly seedy town to the point where there are gangs running around who can be hired to beat people up. So in that case you dispose of Max and cover it up along with the help of the locals, the cops, or just do it yourself and don’t tell anybody.

There are a lot of methods for this but the main point is that you can take care of the villain and hide the evidence. Sam is too worried about doing things by the book here and that just puts everyone in danger. Before the film is over Max gets at least two more victims and also really traumatizes both the daughter and the wife. Yes, he was stopped but it was at a really high cost and Sam cut things really close.

Sam did hire a gang to help out at one point but that was still the half hearted approach. I mean, he couldn’t have known that they would all be defeated but that’s why you gotta do the job personally. To their credit, the cops at least do as much as they can to protect Sam. There’s just going to be an obvious limit to what they can do here. Especially in an official capacity.

I would say Sam’s wife also comes across as looking very naive here. For a good chunk of the film she isn’t taking the situation quite as seriously like when she lost sight of the daughter or when she tells Sam that he better not even think of murdering Max. She’s acting like this isn’t life or death stakes and doesn’t really change her tune until the very end of the film. It was definitely more than a little annoying because this concerns her just as much as it does Sam. In some ways more since she is one of the active targets.

Naturally Max is one of those villains who isn’t made to be likable so pretty much any scene with that guy is going to be super annoying. He’s always very smug because his opponents are going to be pushovers here. He keeps on pushing Sam because he knows that nothing is going to happen and so you’re just waiting for the tides to turn but it takes a really long time to get to that point. You’ll be shaking your head the whole time.

Of course this kind of plot is always going to limit how good the film can be and unfortunately it takes the low road at each opportunity. If Max was just aiming to murder the family that would be one thing but he wants to do more than that and he has a history of it as well. He also gets another lady midway through the film and so he ends up getting away with way too much. That kind of Sword Art Online plot is always going to doom any movie with it. It means this film’s going to make for a very dreary watch the whole time.

It’s going for easy tension with the threats of what could happen which always comes at the expense of a good time. The fact that the villain gets as far as he does only serves to further hurt the experience. Additionally, the film wasn’t satisfied with just doing that and so of course we have to have the death of a dog in here as well. It’s just one of those things where you can immediately tell that this is the kind of film that will go there. The villain obviously has no qualms about it and unfortunately the heroes aren’t able to watch the dog at all times. So you have to watch as Sam doesn’t do anything about this because he’s legally stuck once again.

I know you wouldn’t have much of a film if he acted quickly but that would have made so much more sense. Even at the bar when Sam was being threatened, you could just shoot him there and explain that he was reaching for the gun or something. If there was ever a time to commit a crime, this would be it. You commit one to save your family and you have the knowledge that they will be safe. At the very least this film is a good example of what not to do if you’re ever in a situation like this. Sam also talks about how leaving isn’t an option but honestly if you aren’t going to fight, it’s worth a shot. This was in the days before advanced technology after all so you would have much better odds of vanishing than you would otherwise. It’s not the best strategy but it’s better than doing nothing right?

Overall, Cape Fear is definitely the kind of film I’d highly advise you to avoid at all costs. It goes out of its way to step into every cinematic pitfall possible and it doesn’t even have any real positives to fight against this. You probably can’t cobble together 10 minutes of happy moments because there is always the underlining threat that is looming. The heroes keep letting themselves be backed into a corner throughout the movie and the ending isn’t the most satisfying. Yeah one character is trying to get the ultimate win here but at the same time you can’t help but think that he will now have to be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life. It’s not like that would have saved the film at all but I still would have enjoyed a more positive ending.

Overall 1/10

Final Destination 5 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Final Destination is back once again to remind you that the heroes never stood a chance! This one at least ties back to the original compared to the last stand alone one but in the end it is a marginal victory at best. This is not the kind of film that is going to end up ranking for you at all as it is still suffering from all of the usual issues. It feels bad, but what can you do right? At least we do have a big fight scene here against an opponent who can actually be stopped.

The film starts off with Sam and his coworkers all heading into the company bus. Sam has been slacking off at work and his friend/supervisor Peter gives him a warning. Unfortunately they are all brutally murdered on the bridge as the whole thing collapses. Things were not supposed to go like this and so they all have regrets. Well, there was one survivor, Molly. Sam was able to save her at the last second but then he wakes up right before the accident happened. This time he saves a handful of them but the coroner shows up to remind them that Death’s going to slay them all one by one. Sam doesn’t want to die, but how can he stop it? The cast are given one clue, they can murder someone to switch destinies with but that would make them no matter than a common criminal. What should they do?

Now obviously this is Death’s rigged game so do you think murdering someone would actually let you off the hook? The film makes sure to answer that question and it should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone. The whole point of these films is that Death just wants an excuse to mess with a bunch of people for no real reason. The coroner acts like Death is upset but no it’s all part of the game and I bet this guy is in on it. I like how smug he always is as he warns the characters of their impending demise. Not because there’s some way for them to get out of this, but because there is no escape. They are doomed to all die violent deaths.

Poor Sam seems like a reasonable character. He’s not particularly noteworthy or anything but at least he’s trying to help out and do the right thing. I would argue that he can appear to be dangerously naive at times though. In particular the scene that calls out to me is when a drunk Peter appears at the entrance of his restaurant in the dead of night. This guy has been acting rather crazy and violent for a while now and you really think it’s a social call? Naturally it’s not and that takes us to the next life or death moment. It just feels like that’s a point where you need to already be ready to fight and he seemed shocked by the whole thing.

The same thing is true for Molly who is very slow to react to Peter’s long speech about those who don’t deserve death. It was pretty clear what he was driving at there but she didn’t put the pieces together. It’s the little things like this which meant that the heroes would have a harder time surviving. Sure, they can’t beat Death but perhaps they can at least beat the human antagonist running around right?

Of course I have no real sympathy for Peter. Yeah he got a raw deal with what happened to his girlfriend and it was particularly brutal but jumping into murdering other people is immediately a step too far. He needed to rage against the system, like find a way to defeat Death, not take it out on the other victims. He just went crazy too quickly. It’s not surprising and unfortunately it’s probably realistic that a good amount of people would do that but it certainly hurts him as a character.

As always the film has an issue with being over the top violent. All of the deaths are pretty intense and definitely are ones you will want to avoid if you aren’t big on violence. The deaths continue to do their best to top the previous films and while it’s hard to say if they succeed or not as it gets relative after a while, they certainly do their best. The special effects are certainly out there.

I will give the film credit for probably having the best of the shock endings. You sort of see where it’s going as soon as the scene starts out. I would argue that the main characters look a bit naive here. I was half expecting Sam to say something like: “Wow what’s wrong with that guy? Lol” Now granted, the film tries to spin it like he didn’t hear what the guy said but after what he’s just been through, he should be taking everything 100X more seriously than usual. Ultimately it would have been futile. I know that but you gotta try to last as long as you can in these things.

Overall, This is definitely another Final Destination film. There isn’t a whole lot to it story wise and while the characters are better than in the last one, I wouldn’t say that any of them are super likable either. My favorite would either be the cop or the manager who was working with him but both of them go out in rather unfortunate ways and you were rooting for them to be able to put the pieces together. Instead, they’re really just here to spin their wheels and not actually make any real progress. The sad thing is that you could cut them out of the film and literally nothing would change. They ultimately had no impact on the film which is a real shame. This could have been something for sequels to build off of.

Overall 1/10

The Final Destination Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another Final Destination film but unfortunately the series has yet to turn the corner and manage to deliver a solid experience. The films just don’t have much of a hook here since the heroes have no shot at winning and can only wait for their inevitable demise. At that point there just isn’t much left for you and it ends up being a film where you’re just waiting for everybody to meet with sudden and rather grim endings.

The movie starts with Nick and his friends at a Nascar event. It was supposed to be a fun time but they are all wiped out in a tragic accident. Fortunately this accident was actually just a dream of the future and so Nick is able to get a few people out in time. It’s seen as a miracle although some are upset that he didn’t save more people. Unfortunately what they are about to find out is that dying at the racetrack would have been the easier path. Death isn’t happy now and plans to make them pay for this with really prolonged deaths.

The films never make it super clear on who gives Nick the visions. Is it Death just to make things more fun or is there some kind of counter force trying to help out? I hope it’s the former just because if someone is trying to help, they’re doing a rather bad job of it. In most of the films it’s mentioned how Death isn’t happy when people escape his wrath so that would imply he’s not the one doing it but I choose to believe he’s just trolling. The other explanations just aren’t very satisfying.

As the main character Nick isn’t terrible but there really aren’t many likable characters here at all. Some of the other characters make him look good in comparison but he’s in a rather toxic friend group and that’s a red flag in itself. He does have the makings of a detective with how he is able to make large leaps to figure out what’s about to happen but it’s not like he’s ever able to make a difference. He can buy some time but at the end he realizes that he was playing right into Death’s hands either way. You can’t win a rigged game and so all of his efforts did not help.

The film is as violent as you’d expect with the films continually trying to top themselves. Each death is really dragged out to the max so they last forever although this does make it easier to avert your gaze for the moment of impact if you don’t really want to see it all. At the end of the day that is supposed to be the film’s appeal after all. The anticipation of the murder coming up and how intense it’ll be. So you’re out of the target audience right away if you’re not trying to see all that.

The film certainly puts a lot of budget into the special effects and it shows so I can give the film credit there. It would be nice if they could have sneaked in some good characters as well though. Hunt seems to pretty much be a bully the whole time and actively looks forward to seeing people get murdered which isn’t cool. Janet decides to deny the obvious truth that they’re all being hunted and stays in an area that would only speed up her death. The theater itself isn’t inherently dangerous but when everyone’s telling you to leave, it’s probably time to go. I guess at least she had one of the quicker deaths.

Then you’ve got the poor security guard who got roped into this and ultimately gives up, only for death to give him hope before taking it away. There was a mom who seemed nice enough but she isn’t spared either. At the end of the day, whether you’re a nice character or not, you’re going down all the same but it’s particularly rough for the characters who have no idea what is going on. I guess it’s not like that knowledge would help them out though.

There is just barely a plot here as the characters run in circles reacting to death other’s deaths until it is all over. The film does continue to leave us with a rather sudden ending though and they usually try to land a little dark humor here. I’m not sure if this one is completely going for that or not but it’s so sudden that it works either way. While it may not be super satisfying, it is expected and was handled better than expected. At least the X ray vision helps to make things a little less violent.

Maybe if they put the whole film in x ray vision it would be better, although even then I don’t think it would be by a wide margin. The film would still come across as mean spirited and going too far out of its way to make every death as disturbing as possible. If the kills could at least be normal and quick it wouldn’t be as bad. Make it more of a thriller to stay alive and just tone down the slasher/horror elements. At least they’re so crazy that you won’t get paranoid about your every day appliances as you figure none of that can actually happen in real life.

Overall, Final Destination is not going to succeed in being a good film until it fundamentally changes something about how these titles play out. Whether it is in establishing a weakness for Death or in allowing some kind of other entity to show up and fight him, there needs to be more than just a long adventure about everyone dying in the end. Without more substance to the film, it just ends up being an overly violent, edgy mess. I’ll be reviewing the next film in the saga soon but needless to say, not much has changed.

Overall 1/10

El Vampiro Negro Review

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It’s time for one of those films where you’re desperately searching for a super heroic character the whole time but the cast continues to disappoint you. Even when there are children hanging in the balance, the characters cannot see past themselves and end up holding vital information. Yeah, you would not want to be in a city like that when a mass murderer is on the loose.

The film begins with a lady named Amalia noticing a mysterious man outside the window throwing a dead child’s body into the river. She panics and yells a lot but ultimately decides against telling the police. After all, that would get her involved in a whole mess and she can’t afford to have any controversies. She works at a questionable establishment after all and could lose custody of her child if the police were involved. We later find out that he is now known as The Black Vampire and is going on a murder spree as he only targets children. Can Bernard and the rest of the cops stop him?

Unfortunately Amalia does more than not telling the police, she actively lies and says that she saw nothing which only impedes the investigation. Bernard suspects that she is lying but there’s not a whole lot he can do about it. The cops lay out traps for this guy but he always manages to narrowly avoid them. The body count only rises from here and so the film is definitely a rather dreary one. The cops are simply too late for a while.

We do get the court trial scene which is actually how the film starts out. It definitely reminds you why a lot of people don’t take the insanity plea seriously. You can have a guy mass murdering kids but then pleading insanity? I just don’t see how that’s relevant, if he’s so crazy that he can’t help but constantly commit murders, then you have to put him out of his misery or it will only continue. Fortunately, the jury was ready but you can find it a bit absurd that a trial like this would even go to court.

Now at least you could have had the cops to root for but the movie goes out of its way to make Bernard unlikable. So his wife had an injury a while back so that she can no longer walk and she feels bad about this because he has really been keeping her out of his life. She does her best to help out but he just completely shuns her and tries to say that they’re as close as ever. It could have been a decent plot as perhaps she is imagining part of this and he’s also overcorrecting which is causing more issues. That would have been fine but instead we find out that he isn’t actually content.

The guy isn’t man enough to deal with the situation and attempts to blackmail Amalia into having an affair with him. That instantly makes him an absolutely despicable character and the issue is that the film had absolutely no reason to add this plot in. Maybe they were trying for some kind of parallel with the villain in that Bernard could not control himself? If that was the case then I have to say it was another absolute miss here. The film already had one big villain, we certainly didn’t need anymore.

Any villain who goes after kids is already spineless but the film also shows that by day the vampire cowers to everyone. He has to go after children because he’s basically terrified and outnumbered by the adults. He pays money just to stare at a lady since he doesn’t dare actually ask her out or do anything. She just laughs in his face and it traumatizes him further to the point where he goes back to attacking children. Definitely nothing to appreciate about this villain.

It was nice to see the homeless band together to help put a stop to him in the end but it definitely took a while to get there. For a film like this, it’s already at a disadvantage with bumping off kids since that is going a bit far for any film. It continues to fall back even further when you mix in the fact that the villain gets away with so much. If there were less victims and the heroes would stop him right away then that would have helped. Probably wouldn’t be enough to save the film or anything like that but it would be an improvement.

Really the best way to handle this would have been for it to have stayed in the courtroom. Have the characters describe what happened without showing us and then let the audience decide if the villain seems guilty or not. When you’re seeing the scenes in motion, there is no way to vote for anything but the death penalty. If it’s the prosecutor and defense arguing the whole time, perhaps it could open up the possibility that one of them is exaggerating or someone is lying a bit. Either way it would make things a bit more ambiguous and the film would also be more interesting since I love a good trial. It would fundamentally be a different movie though.

Overall, The Black Vampire is a pretty bad film. I’d say it just isn’t able to clear the hurdle of having both an unlikable main character and an unlikable villain. Throw in the film’s dreary atmosphere and you don’t have a winning combination. I suppose at least the soundtrack could be pretty decent here. A lot happier than you would expect though which could be a bit jarring at times. You would expect this film to have been really somber the whole time but instead you’re actually thrown a few happy tunes. Maybe that was the film trying to cut the tension in an odd way but yeah I’d say to skip this one.

Overall 3/10

The Lucky Texan Review

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John Wayne has returned for another big fight. This time his adventure will deal with gold and naturally includes those who would like to steal it as well. There is no rest for the weary and in the end what will really give him a hard time is his partner this time. At the end of the day, you are only as strong as your weakest link after all and so that can get tricky.

The film starts off by introducing us to Jerry and Grandy who end up bumping into a pile of gold. They are now going to be rich and so they decide not to stake a claim on it yet since that would mean that everybody would find out about it. Instead they sell off a little bit at a time to the nearby gold depository. The problem is that Harris and Cole run this shop and they have some big ideas to rob the heroes and get rich themselves. Jerry is good at losing a tale, but Grandy is older and not quite as wise in the ways of the world. This could get tricky.

The movie does a good job of covering a whole lot within these 55 minutes. It feels like something is always happening here and the pacing is good. The writing and script are also both very solid as always which will come as no surprise to anyone who has been watching the John Wayne films. These films have a good sense of humor while always providing action and this film is no exception to that rule. The only annoying character here will be Grandy because the whole time he will have you shaking your head. He falls for the easiest traps imaginable and just makes life a lot harder for all of them.

The villains are easily able to sucker him into signing the wrong paper and then he gets shot. Additionally, by the end of the film he has the perfect witness testimony to put them behind bars but wants to make a big show out of it which ends up backfiring. Someone trips him up and the villains escape again. The whole courtroom scene was pretty fun and I definitely saw the vision but with lives at stake, Grandy had to do better. These villains will stop at nothing in their quest to be rich.

Fortunately Jerry is always ready to claim victory and is really good at chasing his opponents down. One thing you will really come to admire about his character is how easy he makes it look. He just continues to outwit the opponents at every turn and even makes getting arrested look cool. He is constantly in charge of the situation and you would want nothing more from your main character.

The villains themselves are a bit forgettable but I do have to give them some points for being smart. Working at a shop that trades in gold is a great way to be in a position to steal some. I do wonder how they had enough money to be running the shop and having all of that cash on hand though. Surely if they are this well off then they don’t need to be living a life of crime right? I mean they could just be greedy but it was surprising to see that they had actually balanced out a real job for so long. That in itself could be a bit of a twist. If the villains had also not gotten too greedy, they probably would have won in the end since they kept on stealing Grady’s horses and were well trusted in the gold business. They could have just shorted the heroes on each transaction. After all, they had no idea what the gold was worth and that’s why they were asking the villains. Just give a fake number that’s maybe 70% legit each time and eventually you’d have a fortune as well. I guess these villains were not the smartest in the bunch after all.

Yes, there is a bit of a romance that shows up near the end of the film but it really comes out of nowhere and doesn’t really do much to enhance the experience. It’s here to check off a few boxes but that’s it. The film is strong for the fight scenes and everything, not for the romance. Fortunately when a film is good on all of the fundamentals, it doesn’t matter too much that the romance is weak. The film will still survive.

The special effects in the film definitely work well and on the whole if you like a classic hand to hand fight then you are in luck since the choreography is good. This is the kind of film that everybody can enjoy without any real issues. The more you enjoy it, the more you will probably wish that the runtime could have been longer though. Still, it’s long enough to give you a full self contained story. By the time you’re done with the film, you can definitely appreciate why a lot of the old heroes would fly solo in the wild west though. Less teammates means less weaknesses.

Overall, There isn’t much more to say about this one. If you have enjoyed the John Wayne titles then this will be another good one to add to the collection. It’s always fun to see the process of obtaining gold back in the day. The wild west was really a different time and nowadays even if you found some gold, good luck finding a place to convert it while trying to be inconspicuous. There aren’t many Wayne films left for me to check out on the shortlist but you can count on at least one more review showing up pretty soon.

Overall 7/10

How I Spent My Summer Vacation Review

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It’s time for a movie that really nails the balance between being a full on parody and still keeping in a lot of tension. It’s not the kind of movie that you can really underestimate and I dare say it is also a rare atmosphere. You don’t see films with this style of humor too often and they always tend to be a success. I highly recommend watching this film and, in a sense, the less you know about it, the more effective it will be.

The movie starts out with a newspaper requesting a very specific kind of person for their agency. A mysterious guy appears who calls himself Jack and he is apparently who they were looking for. See, these people want to ask him some questions about how he spent his summer vacation. This leads into the rest of the movie as we find out that Jack liked a girl named Nikki but her father Ned was always defeating him at every event they played. Defeating is actually a bit too mild when you think about it. He would go out of his way to absolutely crush him.

Jack felt like he simply wasn’t good enough for Nikki by the time they were through and he spent ages training to get better….or that was the plan anyway. Ned continues to crush him at everything and so Jack is feeling worse and worse. His only hope is that he has reason to believe that someone is blackmailing Ned. If this is true, Jack would finally have the upper hand for the first time in his life! This is absolutely his chance but will he just end up messing it up again?

The first way in which the film uses the humor well is in how absurd everything is. Ned isn’t just a master at every game ever but he is mega rich and was able to have a ship built that has the games contained within the walls. His staff are all paid off as well and continue messing with Jack whenever he thinks he has some evidence. Even Nikki appears to be in on it as she almost clearly has disdain for him but will play nice to get him off the trail.

That said, how much of this is real and how much is in his head? We know that the big situation has to be real thanks to how the film starts which is why the film should never start in the future but for the rest you have to decide just how paranoid he is. Jack has every reason to have cracked down after all since his life is extra stressful. Still, in any film like this the most important thing to do is not let yourself be gaslit. You have to believe in yourself no matter what.

As a main character, Jack is so wimpy that he loops all the way around to being likable. Everyone pushes him around and e really doesn’t have much of a spine for most of the film. So it’s easy to root for him as the underdog although I have to admit past a certain point I was rooting for Ned and then the final boss instead. To Jack’s credit, he does continue to improve over the course of the film. By the end he is actually really experienced and even manages to get some really good gadgets in. Some plot armor is ultimately still needed but he did show up when it counted.

The main heroine Nikki wasn’t particularly likable but in many ways that was the point. She didn’t feel very authentic and to a point you could say Jack lost sight of her and just wanted to win against Ned. Perhaps there was a time when she really liked him but that time just ended up passing. It would be very reasonable given how bad he looked for a good chunk of the movie.

Then we have Ned who is naturally a whole lot of fun. The guy is so smug and always messes with Jack. Yeah, even he has people that outrank him, but Ned isn’t going to just roll over. He’s got a whole lot of fight to him and that’s how you make it in the big leagues. Somehow he still feels in control even when being held at gunpoint. That’s when you know that the character has true aura.

The best character has to be the final boss though and I can’t really go into much detail on who he is. Lets just say that he is so intelligent that he can predict and see through a whole array of traps that nobody would reasonably have even set up. This guy is always 20 steps ahead and the final speech he gives was completely epic. I have rarely seen villains in a live action film have this much foresight. The whole scene was brilliant, it’s worth the price of admission alone. As good as the film as a whole was, the climax just makes it even better. Sure, the very ending is cheesy but the rest of the film was a lot of fun.

It would be hard for you to not enjoy this film because of how masterfully it was handled from start to finish. I think the only way you could set yourself up for disappointment would be if you go in expecting a super serious spy thriller. Although I would argue that the film makes its intentions known within the first few minutes so it would really be on you by that point. Don’t mistake the genre for the film not being serious about what it is doing though. The writing, characters, and script are all first rate. I really enjoyed the low key humor here and the pacing is also a lot of fun. This is also a great example of how to write a main character who is essentially a loser but still manages to be fun to watch. That’s something that can be difficult to do but this movie made it look easy.

Overall, This was a pretty fun film. The climax was legendary and it’s really a blast. I highly recommend checking this film out whenever you have a chance. I guarantee that you won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. I’d be up for more titles like this, the main James Bond titles wish they were half as good as this one. If you’re going to make a spy film with a little humor thrown in, this should absolutely be the blueprint. You just can’t beat this!

Overall 7/10