Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

The Devil Wears Prada Review

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This film is a very well known romance/comedy title. Maybe drama would be appropriate to put in there as well but either way people know this one. It’s a classic story with a fun main villain and holds up fairly well in most respects. The romance itself has to be the weakest part of the film though. I’m not really into fashion so I could sympathize with the main character for a while because it all looks the same to me really. Just grab a good T shirt and you’re all set if you ask me.

The movie starts off with Andy showing up for an interview at a very prestigious fashion magazine. It’s not exactly her calling but she just needs something to pay the bills for a while so this will do. She surprisingly gets the job and now has to work for Miranda, the most infamous boss out there. Miranda is not afraid to put you on the spot and humiliate you for almost no reason just to remind you who the top dog is around here. Her demands are outrageous and she is impossible to please but Andy won’t be rattled so easily. Can she prove her own in this pseudo fight with Miranda and if she wins..will she have lost something important?

After all sometimes winning a fight means losing the war. You can win the fight to go to GameStop and buy every game but you’re going to lose when the credit card bill comes in and the IRS comes a knocking. In this case the cost is the respect of her friends as her boyfriend Nate and the crew are very judgmental about those who dress well and have a lot of sophistication. They’re basically the gossiping type and are quick to try and get Andy in trouble or make her feel bad when there’s a work obligation.

I should note now that I have 0 sympathy for these guys and Andy should cut ties real quick. They’re usually not willing to listen to her side of the story anyway and the friendship couldn’t have been so strong if they were so quick to turn on her. It’s just a really bad look for them and Nate deserves the lion’s share of the blame since they were together. Him pouting because she missed his birthday was absolutely the worst. Of course he claimed that he didn’t care…but didn’t act like it.

Now this was in 2006 so I forget how big cell phones were at the time but Andy had one so I assume Nate had something right? I could see him being a little upset that she didn’t text ahead of time but the problem is that they’ve been together for so long that he shouldn’t be causing such a scene over one little issue. Plus, she had even made the heroic call and decided not to go and meet the boss or stay late for drinks because she was hurrying home. It was only her normal job duties that caused her to be so late. So yeah there was no saving Nate and the friends here.

As for Andy, well she did good the whole time. The only instances you may use to go against her is when she goes to the big fashion event over Emily and when she starts hanging out with that desperate guy who was chasing after her. The first example isn’t a big deal if you ask me. Yes, Emily wanted to go but Andy was basically told by the boss directly that it wasn’t happening. Andy protested a bit but beyond that what is she supposed to do? Get fired just to prove a point? I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect her to do anything more than what she did.

For the latter, yeah that’s a big issue for sure. She was still with Nate when the guy started flirting and even afterwards they had just broken up so it’s way too early to be rebounding. That was a weakness on her part for sure but in the end she was one of the better characters here regardless. She put in the work and got really good at her job despite it being so extremely difficult. That’s talent and dedication right there. She earned every bit of her success.

As for Emily, she was more of an antagonist the whole time anyway. She was always taking shots at Andy for no real reason and just liked to feel superior. So when things don’t go well she starts complaining a lot. Ultimately Andy still takes the high road all the time which is another little thing I appreciated about the film. Andy never felt the need to get revenge or anything like that and so by the end she did win Emily over.

Then you have Nigel who was fun enough. He’s been waiting for a big promotion for a long time now and is finally close to the goal. He knows how Miranda works and so that puts him in a good position. He’s great at the job but he always has to be worried since one big mistake could be the end of him. His character arc goes down a more tragic path.

Finally we have Miranda who is fun because the film goes all in with making her the antagonist. There’s nothing half hearted about her. If she wants something done then you know that she is going to say that to your face directly. Additionally she is always on top of things and one step ahead of the competition. I may have seen too many Hallmark movies since for a minute there I actually thought she was going to turn good but then that didn’t happen and that was a good thing. She knew who she wanted to be and the film fleshes her character out so she’s still huma but will always put the job first. That’s just Miranda’s focus and it has turned out well for her. She is quite wealthy and powerful even if it came at the expense of having more time for family.

So the writing here is good and there’s a fun amount of humor as well. The fashion scenes can drag just a bit since fashion is like food. Usually the fancier you get, the more you lose sight of the main goal and don’t turn out as good. A lot of casual clothes easily top the more fancy attires you see in this film. A lot of Andy’s original clothes beat the ones that were made to look glamorous for example but fashion is in the eye of the beholder so at the end of the day you just have to dress in whichever way you think is best.

The film is at its best when we have some nice back and forth with Miranda giving orders and Andy trying to fulfill them. The scenes have a lot of impact and are just fun to follow along with. The film is at its weakest when the friends show up to try and slow Andy’s roll. If they just could have been supportive that would have been great but instead they are constantly in the way.

Overall, This was a good movie. I probably would have tweaked the ending just a bit for Andy and had her make a different choice. I feel like by this point so much has happened that she should see the path through or at least something similar. Still, the ending works out well enough and you will be satisfied by the time you finish the film. It’s a story that is tough to execute but this movie succeeded.

Overall 6/10

Chopping Mall Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Chopping Mall is probably a film you’ve at least heard of even if you haven’t watched it yet. It’s a fairly well known slasher film and I will give it this, it’s better than the average one. Robots work really well as the main villains. I definitely still have a lot of issues with the film as you would expect like the constant violence and super unlikable main characters but a robot is just a fresher take than the serial killer angle.

The movie starts out with the mall showing off their new security system. Basically they will have robots patrolling the premises and they can stop any intruder. Naturally lethal force won’t be used and this is supposed to be totally safe because they can scan your ID. So that should be a load off of everyone’s mind. There are two critics in attendance though and they’re taking shots the whole time. You have to admire how bold these two are because they just could not care less. She are interrupting and talking about random things the whole time. It’s too bad that they didn’t return later but do a good job of setting up some humor in the film aside from all of the murders going on the whole time.

Meanwhile a bunch of juvenile delinquents decide to hold a party after closing hours. They fool the adult quickly enough and get to work but that’s when the robots wake up. None of these guys have a valid ID after all to show that they are supposed to be here so they start to get picked off one by one. Is there any way to stop the machines or are they absolutely doomed? Only time will tell here but they will certainly need to hurry and bring their A game!

Right away you can tell that the main characters aren’t likable at all but of course that should come as no surprise. Their whole introduction is them preparing to break the rules and hook up with each other after all. Even the two who weren’t together quickly hook up that night and so they’re all eager to be in a relationship even when some barely know each other. You know that most of these characters are doomed right from the jump and I didn’t like any of them.

Greg gets a special shoutout for being extra awful though. The stress gets to him and so he decides to go after the rest of the characters a bit and even points his gun at them. When everyone is trying to focus on stopping the deadly monsters there is really no time for infighting like this. It just makes him not look very smart at all. You’d expect a little better from this guy. Now maybe you shouldn’t expect anything better from him but it was still annoying to see.

Suzie also doesn’t handle things well by leaving the group early. Sure, it was getting hot in there so they couldn’t stay put forever but jumping out early just ended up putting her in trouble and lowering their numbers right away. It’s fortunate that the mall had a weapons store so they could suit up but these robots were durable and so half the time the bullets wouldn’t do anything. It seems like they just have a few weak points where if you hit them then you’re good but it’s hard to aim for those.

It’s a bit rough for Mike and Leslie because they didn’t really have any prep time here. Whenever the first ones are bumped off you can’t blame them as much for being unprepared since the whole situation is new. It’s everyone else that you will hold to a higher standard since they have time to prep and get ready. Allison is the main heroine here and so she holds up a little better but unlike a lot of other films where the main heroine is usually shown to be a much better person than the others, I wouldn’t say that is totally the case here. She goes along with this plan of everyone’s and still gets together with Ferdy quickly so she wouldn’t be left out. Likewise Ferdy feels like just another one of the guys.

Perhaps they aren’t being quite as out of control as the others but I would say the difference isn’t anything major. It would have been nice to have really had some characters to root for. I should mention that we do have the janitor here, some cops, and a tech guy but les just say that none of them are very much help here. The robots are already too powerful by this point and the adults have really bad reaction times so they can never help out at all. That seems to always be the adults role in these kinds of things. Only the teens can save the day and that’s why they’re doomed.

In terms of the murders it’s all fairly traditional stuff. When the robot shows up with their lasers you know the humans are doomed and they all get violently murdered. You can expect a lot of violence in a film like this. Also a lot of fanservice with all of the characters hooking up and the usual fake kinds of romances set up here. They all feel like quick one night stands just for kicks and don’t really do anything for the plot. So there isn’t any large period of time where you’re having a blast here.

I guess the intro to the film was the best part because at least I liked the critics. Those guys really seemed to be holding the mall to a high standard and were not going to just back down without getting their 2 cents in. I know the film is aiming to be part horror with the teens on their own but I do think it would be more entertaining if we had all of the adults in here as well. The robots would definitely have to be working overtime to take them all down but they’re equipped and ready to handle that. Their energy reserves are super high thanks to the lightning bolt as it is. It would change the flow of the film a bit and potentially give us at least some characters to root for. Trust me, this would be for the best, no doubt.

Overall, Chopping Mall isn’t really going to do anything for you beyond the usual slasher experience. The mall makes for a good backdrop though. It’s always nostalgic seeing it because I loved my local mall back before it closed all the foodstores. A mall just has such great variety so it always works really well to have that around. The robots were also a good idea and I would absolutely make more films with robotic villains if I were these writers. Just step away from the slasher genre and you should have a winning formula right there. We’ll see if that happens though.

Overall 2/10

Invisible Agent Review

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It’s time for another film in the Invisible franchise although I doubt many people have heard of this one. Invisible Agent is a very different take on the Invisible Man approach but one where the concept is sound. With a more likable main character you could easily picture this being the guy’s superhero origin and being a great template to follow. If there was ever a way to show how the Invisible Man could be a superhero, this would be the path to take.

The film starts off by introducing us to Frank who is the grandson of the guy who created the Invisible Man formula. He has sworn to never give it to anyone but he is attacked by a group of fiends. He barely fends them off and escapes to the police but decides not to give the formula to America either. After that Pearl Harbor occurs and he decides that it’s time to finish off the opposition. He agrees to use the formula but the catch is that he only trusts himself with it. So Frank is to go undercover and another agent named Maria will help him out. Unfortunately Frank has fallen madly in love with her and is determined to be with her even if it means costing the mission and losing the war.

This is where Frank quickly begins to fall off. See, the issue with this guy is that he should be putting his country first but almost feels like he is intentionally sabotaging the war effort after a while. Anything that he can do wrong, he does. He gets in the way constantly when Maria is trying to get information out of a guy called Karl. Frank messes with the guy by eating his food, shoving him, and just being a general nuisance. The scenes may be played for humor but Frank is doing things that would appear to be impossible for a normal person. Naturally this means that the villains who are aware of the invisible serum immediately know it’s him.

With this kind of power the whole point is that you should never have to tip your hand so what happened? Frank just made a mess of everything and as a result you definitely aren’t supporting his romance with Maria. It just doesn’t make sense and she should be so mad with him that she wouldn’t be interested in being with the guy either. It’s all so fast and none of it makes a whole lot of sense. You’re just not going to buy these developments.

Maria had been doing just fine on her own up until that point. She still does her best with damage control the whole time but it’s pretty tough going after a while. Meanwhile Karl’s definitely one of those villains who isn’t very smart and is basically sabotaging the villains himself. He’s like their version of Frank so things start to balance out there. I actually thought Conrad and Karl made for two very solid villains though. The fact that they were from different countries involved in World War II made for some interesting tension. They’re both villains and have an alliance at the moment but it’s not like they can trust each other at all either. Such is the life of a villain right? You’re getting yourself into a very bad spot right out of the gate.

The script is good as you’d expect with a lot of fun dialogue from all the characters. The movie goes by really quickly too and I still love the concept of using the invisibility serum in a war setting. If you’d use it right it would just be such a broken ability to have. No base would be safe, no secret left unnoticed. You’d always have to watch out for someone being around. Sure with modern technology it would be easier in a lot of ways but even then there is a ton of damage that could be done. The first country to perfect invisible technology would have such a large leg up over the competition.

Now, if Frank was a better character then I would say that I don’t mind his decision to use the serum himself. Due to how dangerous it is you can absolutely see why he wouldn’t want anyone else to know how to use it and even if they win the war, once the formula leaves your hands you can bet that the government is going to hang onto the instructions just in case. That’s just how these things work. It would be needed for the future wars and then the enemies would eventually get it and then you’ve got an ever escalating war as always.

I did enjoy the scenes at the round table with the government discussing how to handle things. It’s the one thing that was missing from the film since we didn’t get a lot of planning and things like that. Really once Frank arrives it’s more about just getting intel and fighting the villains but he’s left to his own devices for the most part. The film’s short so they can’t let too many things be happening at once but I’d gladly extend the film another 20 minutes if it meant we could have more Mission Impossible type scenes of infiltration and planning. I mean with being invisible you would expect that to be a given right?

Overall, Invisible Agent is a pretty good movie. The romance as well as Frank himself are definitely the weak points here but the film has strong enough fundamentals to get past them. It’s got a solid amount of action and suspense throughout after all. The movie started out strong with the opening fight as the villains nearly get the better of Frank twice but ultimately he’s able to fend them off. It was a good fight and the film certainly showed that it could handle a solid fight scene when it wanted to that’s for sure. The action here was on point throughout the film and I would recommend checking it out. They should do more Invisible Man films with this kind of a plot. Maybe do one where he’s a villain on the opposing side.

Overall 7/10

The Leopard Man Review

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I have to say that this movie would have been a bit more suspenseful with a different title. It sort of takes away from the mystery you know? Now in some ways maybe originally they weren’t sure what angle to take with the film but most of the film plays up the experience as a suspenseful mystery so calling it “The Leopard” would have been much more effective if you ask me.

So the movie starts with a leopard being brought in to spice up a rather boring nightclub scene. It certainly draws some attention but not what Jerry had planned as it ends up murdering a lady named Teresa and escapes into town. Now everyone is terrified that they could be next and the thing is…they could be. The bodies start piling up and so the heroes have to find this leopard but it’s proven to be difficult. It’s also odd that the leopard would hang around town for so long and not be seen.

So the mystery here of course is to find the leopard…but then that title is rather interesting now isn’t it? Hmm…really makes you think. Really….well yeah so there is a human villain running around too. It does stretch my disbelief a bit that each victim could be murdered in such a realistic way as to mimic a leopard without anyone noticing. Yes he would always wait until the women were alone but it seems like this would take time and cause a lot of noise so you’d think someone would be around. It’s pretty rough that there’s no night traffic in this city.

It’s definitely a rather grim movie with everyone getting bumped off by the serial killer. The leopard does work well as a solid red herring because he actually does claim a victim as well. If not for the title I don’t think you would assume that this is a human until rather deep in the film when one guy keeps on insisting that it wouldn’t be possible. This is where some characters start to get really annoying though.

First off is the leopard’s owner Charlie who defends his pet but then Dr. Galbraith starts to suggest that maybe Charlie is murdering people after he gets drunk at night. And Charlie actually starts to believe this. Look, if you’re drinking so much that you black out and seriously think you could be murdering people then that means you have drunk way too much. There’s just no way around that, it’s the only logical conclusion here. I would have preferred if Charlie was a little stronger than that.

Meanwhile Clo-Clo is warned by Maria that she is in danger and something dark is approaching. Considering that there have already been murders by this point you’d think this would be serious but instead she runs off in the dead of night to reclaim her $100 and things don’t go over very well. She wasn’t the nicest character so you were expecting her to die the whole time but it’s still really tragic. Cmon the fortune teller did her best!

Not that I would pay Maria much mind myself but I wouldn’t go out of my way to test out the fortunes either. Maria probably could have been more helpful instead of constantly hiding the results and asking for a redo but in the end it doesn’t seem like it would have done a whole lot of good. Jerry is okay I guess but kind of forgettable. I don’t blame him for bringing in the leopard since by all accounts this should have been fairly safe. I do blame him for pretending he doesn’t care much to keep up appearances while worrying later on. Just be frank with everyone that this is a pretty bad situation.

Kiki is the main heroine here and the whole thing is pretty rough on her as well. So much for being the next sensation at the disco club with everything going on. She does decide to take a bold approach in helping to find the murderer so that was brave of her. She seems like a good person all in all. As for the murderer, well he’s rather crazy so there isn’t a whole lot to say about him. He just went looney and used this as an excuse to start taking names. It feels like it’s inevitable that this would have happened at some point with how quickly he cracked though and he just would have had a different gimmick. You’re glad things don’t end up going well for him.

There’s really not a whole lot to this film being the murders. It’s really short so the film has to go fast and just start bumping everyone off. The most tragic murder is easily the first one since the girl’s family were just so over the top mean about the whole thing. You’d think they would open the door when she’s begging for her life and in clear terror. Even from the start sending her out in the dead of night when there is a beast on the loose is crazy. Yeah you don’t want to be in that household, that’s for sure.

I will say that the film has good writing though. I did enjoy the exchanges between all of the characters and the dialogue style is something that’s hard to recreate compared to these older films. They just had a very distinguished air about them that always worked really well. Mix that in with the short length and at least it is a silver lining here. It would be nice if the characters had more time to do some serious investigating as opposed to being spoonfed the information needed to solve the case though.

Overall, The Leopard Man is definitely a skip. It probably wouldn’t have gone much better if the leopard was the main villain either to be honest since the climax would probably get a bit sketchy in that case. This doesn’t make for a very fun film in large part due to how tragic the deaths are. They’re described in decent detail here and while it’s inevitable that a bunch of people will die in a film like this, there aren’t a lot of light moments to really help you enjoy the film despite them. It’s not super violent or anything but the villain gets away with a whole lot before being caught.

Overall 3/10

Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Wait we’re back to the Exorcist again? Not to be outdone by the third film, this one adds animal violence, nazi’s, and an evil tribe here to cause some trouble. Now I would say that the third film is nothing if not competitive when going to the bottom and still does end up surpassing this one as being worse but Dominion put up a good fight and nobody can take that away from it. There aren’t many exorcisms here at all as we’ve come to expect from the series since that was mainly focused on in the first but we still get a dramatic finish with a lot of yelling.

So the movie starts with the Nazi’s rushing in to terrorize a small village. First they make sure to break father Merrin by having him choose 10 sacrifices and it was all a cruel test to break his spirit and resolve. Merrin changed paths to being a travelling architect as he digs around in ruins that may have some religious ties. Well this time he is accompanied by Father Francis as the group is worried about Merrin. Turns out that they should have been worried about the whole village. See the temple was protecting them from the devil demon and now he’s here to destroy them all. He decides to inhabit Cheche, a guy who can’t really talk much and suffered a grave injury but is healing really quickly. The heroes are going to need to watch out now.

It’s hard to know where to begin with this one. Almost immediately when the film starts up we see a bunch of people torturing an animal to weaken him up for being a sacrifice and it reminds you of what a cruel practice that is. Any cruelty to animals is always awful and so right away you’re not really rooting for the village at all. Merrin and the translator Chuma try to defend the practice but to no avail. It’s definitely something that should be completely outlawed by force if necessary. There are animals dying and being injured throughout the film and that definitely serves to ensure that the film never gains any momentum. It is quickly stripped away whenever that may be close to happening.

There also aren’t many likable characters here at all. The only one who seemed decent was father francis but of course he is powerless to stop the demon. The holy water doesn’t do much and when he tries to read the scriptures he is promptly taken down. You would think that he would have moved faster with the water when the demon was waking up though. Just push his head into the water or something, don’t want and dramatically drop a few driplets on him. I always thought this is something the heroes should do more of, forget the small sprinkling and just chug a gallon of the stuff at him. It would be way more effective in theory.

Unfortunately a big part of the movie is about how the demon’s influence eventually catches up to everyone and that happens here as well. Basically just by existing the demon turns people evil and so the humans start to turn on each other. There’s this whole subplot where the British come in with an army and start shooting the tribe members to enact revenge on them. The divide between the two gets worse as the film goes on and then at one point a tribe member murders a bunch of kids so that they can’t learn from Father Francis anymore.

There aren’t really any winners here. By the end of the film everyone is really broken. There’s the main heroine Rachel who stays strong for a while but then also gets corrupted. One of the worst scenes for Merrin is when she shows up and effortlessly seduces him while he was on the trail of the demon. Not the best time to be tempted and you’d think that he would have held strong here. Well, actually I’m not sure how much confidence I really had in the guy to be honest but he still disappointed me there.

Merrin gets to sort of relive the past thanks to the demon and try some other things out but ultimately there was no easy way to get out of the situation. He definitely shouldn’t have sold the 10 people out though. It was a really bad situation but honestly the best thing to do there is make a play for the gun and hope for the best. Sometimes there are no perfect ways out of a scenario and you just have to try your best. By the end of the film Merrin gets his confidence back at least.

The character you probably feel the most sorry for here is Chuma the whole time. It’s rough being a translator because half the time you are having to translate messages that are no fun for anybody and as a result you’re in the line of fire now. If I was him I definitely would have gotten out of there real fast after a while. Unfortunately there probably aren’t many opportunities in the area so leaving is a risk all on its own but anything surely has to be better than staying there right? At least it feels like that would be the case.

This film does remember that it’s supernatural and isn’t trying to hide it most of the time like in III so we do get some decent visuals at times. The green light as everything got trippy near the end was pretty intense. I also liked the clock that appeared in one scene but I have to admit that the effects were so bad that the scene was unintentionally a bit funny. Just a bit mind you but I was starting to crack up. It just made for a really funny visual even if that was not the intent.

The demon’s final form was also the opposite of intimidating even when his face would turn pale like a true demon’s. It’s just not easy to take him seriously as a great villain but they never are in these films. If the characters would just grab some guns and rock the guy you feel like he would go down. Temporarily I suppose since you can never seem to truly get rid of them.

There just isn’t much to enjoy here as with the other Exorcist films. The whole thing is so dark, dreary, and relentless. The heroes don’t have much of a chance at stopping the demon for a while because they don’t even know that they’re fighting one. By the time they do there are so many dead bodies that the heart of the village is gone.

Overall, This is another film to avoid for sure. An exorcist prequel just didn’t need to exist, much less two of them. At least this one has a decent ending, in fact I would say it easily beats the rest since it’s actually happy if anything. I suppose that’s the benefit of being a prequel since you can’t just bump everyone off or ends things rather grimly. I suppose they could have and suddenly the film wouldn’t be canon but that’s a very risky move at best. In theory it’s all uphill from here but we’ll see if that’s actually the case or not for the series.

Overall 0/10

The Exorcist III Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

We’re back into the world of the Exorcist…oh nooooooo! Yeah that means we’re in for quite the ride here as the film mainly drags on endlessly with the villain giving a lot of ramblings about not much at all. You’ll quickly realize that the film’s not going to be a satisfying watch except the knowledge that it’s over. There are no more sequels….yet.

So the film kicks off with introducing us to Kinderman who will be the main character this time. He’s a police lieutenant and he’s seen a lot of things over the years. The world has fallen to ruin and evil seems to run rampant at this time. His friend Dyer tries to help him see that things aren’t so bad but fails completely due to a new serial murderer showing up. He claims to be the original Gemini killer from long ago and he is possessing the body of Damien. Not the same Damian from a certain other horror series but I had fun treating this as a bit of a crossover tbh. Kinderman knows this can’t be Gemini but at the same time how is this guy pulling off all of these murders from his cell? Is he getting someone to let him out at night? It’s time to crack this mystery!

Now if the film wasn’t called “The Exorcist” then you may figure the main character has a chance. Grab all of the clues and just find out whoever the main villain is. Find the method of attack and stop it. This had all the bearings of a cop case like that but because you see the title you know that it’s all a ruse and clearly something supernatural is going on here. Yeah that’s unfortunate because now he has absolutely no chance of claiming victory and you just have to watch a lot of grisly murders with no reason behind them.

Part of the issue with films like the Exorcist is that the heroes have no way of stopping this guy. They’re fighting an immortal demon who can possess anybody at will and will never truly die since he can just fly somewhere else. The whole thing seems incredibly futile and what’s worse is that there is no way to prove that the villain is a demon so at any point he can just hop into another body and frame the heroes. It’s all just so hopeless and that takes a lot of the fun away from the chase. Why bother getting invested here when victory is impossible?

It’s why even in action shows I much prefer when the hero or villain has at least a slim shot of putting up a fight. A one sided massacre on either side can become boring if it carries on for too long. Give me at least a glimmer of hope even if you’re going to yank it away. The reason there is none here is because in every film the heroes start yelling scriptures at the demons and taking out the cross but always die in the end. At best sometimes they can temporarily take the demon down with them but the human stays dead for good while the demon eventually regenerates.

While it’s not the best series, at least Blue Exorcist has clear rules on how you permanently destroy a spirit. Then you have the all stars like Twin Star Exorcists where you just need to destroy a villain with holy weapons and they stay dead. Give me clear rules for engagement and you’re set but otherwise you just turn into another Jeeper’s Creepers where the villain is completely invincible the whole time.

Another reason this film is so bad is because way too much time is spent on Damien’s ramblings. He just goes on and on and on and as the viewer you have absolutely no interest in anything that he has to say. It’s just a serial killer’s crazed ramblings and you’re constantly checking the clock to see if the speech is really as long as you think it is. It doesn’t service the plot because we know it is crazy and all this does is remind us of that. If I wanted to watch some crazed ramblings there are plenty of Youtube videos for it but to sit there and have to listen to that is mind boggling. Any scene with him in the cell is just awful.

It goes without saying that the film is super violent and disturbing the whole time as well. Everyone is getting murdered by this guy and to add some extra edge to the mix he makes sure to at least bump someone off while they are in a church. There is just no protection from the demon inhabiting Damien and as always the dark side seems way more powerful than the light. This is not a film you watch for the heroes to take the lead.

Kinderman is also portrayed as extremely old in this one. I’m not sure if the actor was sick during filming or something but he has a really hard time breathing during the film and it’s noticeable as he has to take a deep breath after every few lines which doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of the villains. Nobody is going to be scared of a guy like this, why should they be? The heroes are on the defensive the whole time and then you also have the doctors who appear corrupt at times. At least one of them was being blackmailed and another was being so unhelpful that she may as well have been in on it.

We do get the classic scene of someone crawling on the ceiling but there’s not much point to it at all. I mean in context I guess the demon is taunting Kinderman but that doesn’t work because the main guy doesn’t notice and all that would have done was alert him to the body hopping earlier. Yeah I’m telling you this is a big skip for sure. It’s not like this even adds all that much to the lore of the verse so skipping it won’t have you missing anything. I mean if you liked the first film than you may like this one as well but there just isn’t much to salvage here at all.

Overall, the only slight positive I can give here is that there was one catchy tune that played earlier. Yeah that’s about it. The film quickly drops off a cliff after that. It may succeed in trying to have a sinister atmosphere that basically feels evil the whole time but as a result there are no fun moments here or times where you can cheer along with the movie. This isn’t that kind of movie and any movie where you don’t smile at least once during it is one that didn’t understand the assignment. A good film should leave you feeling good afterwards and this one is just so cruel and mean spirited that it won’t succeed. It has the rare distinction of hitting rock bottom so you definitely need to avoid it.

Overall 0/10

Kill Bill Volume 2 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right, it’s time for the next Kill Bill. It’s pretty similar to the last one but we have a bit less action this time around. The Bride is wrapping up her revenge tour after all and there are only a few targets left. Not to mention that these targets are mainly weaker than the last film’s so the movie has to throw in elements like her getting sloppy and being buried alive to buy time until the end. It does beat the first film because we don’t get anything quite as dreadful as the whole hospital part from the first film. It’s still way excessive on the violence which keeps it from really reaching its potential but any improvement is always good.

So a good chunk of the film is about Bride taking on Budd which lasts longer than you would expect. The guy can’t fight for beans but he does have a gun and she seems to underestimate him which is what makes things tricky. If not for the surprise attack then she would have definitely taken him out pretty quick. I suppose he deserves some credit for that. I’d say the other two big aspects of the film is finally seeing the truth of what happened that day in the chapel when everyone jumped her and then the climax where she finally gets to take on Bill.

The confrontation with Bill is what we’re all here for after all so I’ll leave that for the end. For the intro with the wedding, well it definitely makes Bill look really crazy. It’s clear that he planned to shoot everyone up from the start with the way his gang showed up. We learn that he’s the Bride’s father and yeah it’s really not a good look for him. The guy just seems super petty especially considering that the bride and groom seemed nice enough the whole time. Nobody was antagonizing him or anything. He just is the big villain and sometimes that’s all you need.

Now for the final villains, first up we have Budd and I can’t say that I liked him much at all. I guess he’s got brute strength but that’s about it and he wasn’t very smart in how he handled himself with the boss at his day job. He was almost making the argument that he didn’t need the job by saying that there is nobody around to bounce and I thought it was clever of the boss to bring that up. He really just gets lucky the whole time with the Bride being surprisingly clumsy with her approach and then he lets his guard down with the snake. It was definitely not a very smart move since he should know that all of these villains mean business.

We also have Elle who is sort of like a rival to Bride. She was definitely really jealous of her the whole time. Their skills are fairly close although I do think Bride has the decisive advantage here when you really think about it. She got to learn more from the master and just seems more experienced. Elle is still very good in combat though.

Now she did get a big moment where she takes down the master Pai Mei, but that guy was also an extreme jerk to the point of being a villain. I mean his training was so drastic that he did nearly murder Bride on a few occasions which I always think is way too excessive for any training. Sure, it always works out so you look the other way but you have to think about if it didn’t work out. Then you just murdered a pupil and while Pai Mei wouldn’t be broken up about it, it makes you double think everyone who actually allowed this to happen. It’s just not a smart play and so when Elle murders him you just aren’t too surprised. It seemed inevitable that he would push someone too far.

As in the last film the Bride is good here although she maybe holds back a little too much against Bill in the end. Look, you’ve come this far so I think you need to end him really quick. This isn’t one of those times where you can just talk things out and hope for the best. It worked with the neighbor in the first film because it wasn’t as personal and you still knew she was going to finish the job but with Bill it should have been time to take him out on sight. By waiting she put herself in a whole lot of danger the whole time.

Bill is also a very annoying character in part because I feel like the film isn’t really acknowledging just how evil he is. In a way it’s just part of the absurdness of it all as he just shows up trying to appear as a nice guy and calling Bride’s bluff but she should have just taken him out and then kept moving. I think there are a lot of ways she could have handled that better because this way could have really backfired.

In particular the moment where she falls down and closes her eyes to play dead while Bill is right in front of her. He easily could have gone for the shot for all she knows and then that would have been it. There just wouldn’t be any coming back from that. He also needs to own the fact that he put her in such a terrible position all these years and there is no coming back from that either. The whole climax with Bill was just rather odd and I didn’t think it landed nearly as well as the film thought it did. Mainly because it didn’t land at all. This was a fire and a miss. The climax may not be very satisfying as a whole but at least the very end is good and that’s what you will remember the most in the end.

The film keeps a lot of the fun technical elements that made the first one good like the music and choreography although there are much less chances to show that here since the film isn’t as action heavy. It’s not quite as dark as the first film but it’s still very over the top violent that’s for sure. Everyone is still getting slaughtered on all sides and taking away from the fun fights that you want to get to. It’s still as shocking and gruesome as ever.

Overall, Kill Bill ends here and while it’s a slight improvement over the first film because it doesn’t get as extreme, it’s relative when you think about how extreme it still is the whole time. This is not a fun popcorn film that you plug in and have a good time with. Instead this is a title where you turn it on but have to be ready to wince and shake your head whenever a villain shows up because you know that someone’s about to go down the hard way. You don’t really need a sequel to this but one more to finish the trilogy would be nice and if things keep improving a bit then who knows. Maybe the third will end up being the big one but until then you can stick to other revenge films like One Piece Film: Red or Dragon Ball: Super Broly the Movie.

Overall 2/10

Kill Bill: Volume 1 Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Kill Bill is definitely a movie that is absolutely legendary for being super violent and one of the ultimate revenge thrillers. When you hear the name you know that you’re in for something intense. It definitely doesn’t disappoint in there. I feel like there is a whole lot of things to like here and interesting ideas but that’s why it’s a shame that it had to be so violent. All of the elements are in here to make this a top tier title but it just doesn’t happen.

The movie starts with the Bride getting beaten down badly by Bill and his crew. She’s then shot and left for dead but ends up surviving. Bill’ right hand woman says they should finish her off but he says it would make them look weak so she’s allowed to live. Once the Bride is healed up she vanishes for a bit and then returns to bump them all off one at a time. She has a list and she’s checking it twice but will she be able to defeat the world’s strongest assassins?

We start things off really quickly in the present as the main heroine takes out Vernita. It was a really powerful way to kick things off because you don’t have much context at this point and just have her fighting this other professional while also trying to appear normal in front of Vernita’s kid. It made for a good dynamic and ultimately we already see why the Bride is the heroine here as she actually gives Vernita a chance to not die in front of her child but the villain doesn’t take her up on this. There will be no stopping the revenge tour this time. Bride intends to get everyone and it’s easy to see why considering the opening.

This fight was actually really good. There’s a lot of back and forth and it’s focused on really good choreography instead of trying to be super shocking. I liked the tone of the fight as well and how odd it felt the whole time with things going from 0 to 100 real fast. Unfortunately the movie peaked early here and was never quite able to match this.

See, we destroy all of the momentum right after this by going to the hospital and seeing the Bride’s recovery. The film decides to go extra dark as we learn she was taken advantage of numerous times while she was under and you have to ask yourself what this possibly adds to the story. If your answer was 0 then you are almost spot on except it should be a negative number since it hurts the story. It also makes one character look even worse in the sequel although I’ll get to that in the volume 2 review.

Sure it gives us a chance to see the Bride murder more people are violently as possible and you know they deserve it but that’s why the cycle of violence doesn’t help anybody. The more evil you make a villain the more you’re going to have the hero enact revenge in increasingly brutal fashion. It’s a cycle that just doesn’t end as a result and a film doesn’t need that. Just introduce us to the villains and lets get some good fights in.

Throughout the movie it’s a common theme that everyone has to die as violently and disturbingly as possible. Usually the fights with the top tiers tend to be not quite as violent since the battles are able to go all the way until the end and maybe the killing blow gets violent but that’s about it. It’s the minions and random civilians you have to watch out for as the heroes and villains really get to style on those fighters.

The choreography can be really good at times when it’s not being overshadowed by the violence though. I like that each character has a codename and it’s filmed like a big anime showdown at times. There is a wide range of music here as well so a lot of effort was put into the film. On a purely technical level the movie definitely holds its own really well and makes for a very solid experience there. It’s just everything in the middle that destroys these elements.

Take O-Ren’s backstory for example which is where the film has a whole lot of fun being super violent. It suddenly turns into an animated segment since you can get away with more there and they’re showing off the animation but you can’t help but feel again that they could have easily told the story without getting into the gory details. Just keep it moving and get us to the present for some big fights.

The Bride is a solid heroine at least. You are definitely rooting for her to win given everything that she’s gone through and she is a very efficient hunter. She’s not interested in hearing any excuses from her victims nor will she spare them in the end. She’s hear to murder every member and wants Bill to know that she’s coming. In this film you don’t yet know exactly why they went after her but you know that she needs her revenge and even the villains pretty much admit that it’s fair for her to try and get it. There is never any doubt on who the villains are here. Yeah Bride may not follow the superhero code, but she’s not a superhero. She’s just someone looking to get revenge.

Bride hasn’t quite lost her humanity yet either as seen when she tries to convince Vernita not to die in front of her kid. Bride does have some standards but the villains do not and considering how outnumbered she is, it’s not like she can afford to hold back much. Bill doesn’t actually appear much here but definitely has a presence. You know that he’s someone not to be messed with and presumably he can fight since he has a big sword. He may end up regretting sparing Bride considering all the damage she’s accomplished but you do get why he wouldn’t want to be known for finishing someone off while they’re asleep.

Vernita is an interesting villain and part of why the fight with Bride was so good is that they feel a bit like parallels. Vernita is out of the assassin game now and started a family. She had a happy ending to her character arc at least up to this point but in the end she has to fight a dark mirror of herself. I was glad that Bride didn’t accept any of her excuses either since the past actions aren’t something so easily waved away. Vernita put up a fight and at the end of the day that was the best she could do.

Then you have Gogo who isn’t one of the main villains on Bride’s list for revenge but she actually gets her own big boss fight and is definitely someone that can’t be overlooked. Basically she’s a psycho who loves her job. She may not be as powerful as the main villains but her weapon is fairly unique so it’s a bit harder to dodge. She gives Bride some trouble as a result but I wouldn’t say a whole lot. She makes for an imposing villain though.

Then you have O-Ren who is an excellent swordfighter and has a really good fight with Bride. In terms of overall ability I dare say that she was probably the most powerful in the whole series counting volume 2. The only way to beat her was with pure skill all the way through. O-Ren built up an empire and had a huge group through her own merits since that group wasn’t going to take a woman seriously as leader otherwise. Ultimately she just shouldn’t have messed with Bride.

The film also has a great cliffhanger ending to lead into the sequel. The line helps build up a lot of anticipation for the sequel and also makes you think about the events that could lead up to this twist. It’s definitely the way to do it and of course when you know a sequel is coming up then you definitely want to end with a big cliffhanger. Don’t do anything half heartedly just go all the way with it.

Overall, Kill Bill is one of those films that would be absolutely great if it just had way more restraint. Of course it’s always tempting to make a big revenge film as over the top violent and dark as possible so you really root for the hero to defeat those evil villains but it also means you will be cringing a whole lot constantly during the film as violent things just keep on happening. The film is certainly creative with the visuals for some of these moments which means it will be more difficult to forget them as well. There are countless tales of titles with tons of potential that was wiped away by excessive content and this is just another one to add to the list. We’ll see if part 2 is able to change that.

Overall 1/10

San Andreas Review

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It’s been a little while since I saw my last disaster film. Not too long since the previous one was Greenland but I suppose that would already be last year at this point. Haha, the “last year” jokes won’t be getting old anytime soon I can tell you that! This is a good movie though, it hits all of the notes that you would expect in a disaster film and you will be having fun all the time. It doesn’t stand out a ton and I will say that it is very much by the numbers but for a film like this it just works.

The movie starts with a few scientists figuring out that they can now detect Earthquakes before they happen. Unfortunately they find this out just as the Earthquake hits and it’s a doozy. What’s even worse is that this is just the start and the actual brunt of the Earthquake is just getting started. The entire state is going to be in real trouble now but what can they really do now that it is happening? If they survive then the world can be a safer place (Unless the heads up is only by a few minutes like in this film) but if they die and lose the data then we’re back to square one.

We then cut to our main hero Roy who is a fire helicopter rescuer. He pulls off another daring rescue just in time and proves why he is still one of the top guys on the job. He’s going through a rough divorce right now but he hasn’t signed the papers yet so he figures he has one more chance to wow his wife Emma by having a great vacation with her and his daughter Blake. Unfortunately he arrives there to see that she is moving in with a guy called Daniel and his hopes are dashed. It would usually be all over but the giant earthquake happens and now Emma and Blake are both scattered across the state and in trouble. Daniel ran off to save himself so if Roy can pull off the double rescue then he will have his family back again!

My main issue with the romance though is the fact that it still feels over. Emma was literally moving in with this guy. She moved on and chose someone else. Sure, a disaster gets them close again but now it feels like Dwayne is sort of a rebound who only made it back in because the other guy flubbed the wide open shot. If Daniel had done anything heroic like helping out or if the Earthquake hadn’t happened then that would be it. I’m always a bit dubious about a romance like that for this reason because it just doesn’t feel like genuine true love. Sure sometimes I may be a bit too sentimental about what “True Love” should be and all but this just isn’t it so the romance is rather weak.

The film also went the easy way out by making Daniel a bad guy. Having him die while trying to protect Blake would have been a lot more interesting because then you just can’t forget about him. It would probably make things too messy to salvage the romance real quick but that’s the point, it really should be. Otherwise Daniel is just another random antagonist to be defeated.

For this reason I wasn’t a big fan of Emma. Additionally I thought she was too passive as a random lady started talking smack about her dead daughter. Cmon I’m not saying Emma needed to punch her away from the table but at that point you just walk up and leave. No need for a phone excuse just tell the lady to back up and get out of there. Between that and the quick romance with Daniel it didn’t leave her in a good spot.

Blake was good though, she was by Roy’s side the whole time and acted fairly to everyone. She helped out a guy she barely even knew when he was going for an interview and just seems like a nice person. Blake also made the tough call of telling her friends to leave while she was buried in the car so that they all wouldn’t die. She never gives up and stays cool under pressure which are all tremendous talents that you can’t just learn at the drop of a hat. She pulled this off and it was very impressive.

Her new friends in Ben and Ollie weren’t quite as likable though. Ollie is generally annoying the whole time. He’s young but not young enough where he should be oblivious about everything and puts his older brother Ben in a lot of embarrassing situations. He’s supposed to be cute but I just found him to be unlikable. Any scene with him was usually annoying. Ben was better and he was heroic in trying to help Blake out. I just thought he was rather quick to go onto the romance train. That was another romance which was rushed. The reason I single Ben out is because he seemed to see Blake in a romantic light immediately while she started out as just helping someone out by doing the right thing. He came across as a bit desperate and based on Ollie’s dialogue it isn’t the first time that he has fallen for someone.

Meanwhile Roy is a good main character but there’s almost not a whole lot to say about him. He’s a good guy who is great at his job and can handle a disaster like this no problem. He’s a main character you can root for and all of his scenes are fun. You do feel like he could have made the opening scene a lot easier by going down himself with the ease in which is ripped the door off. Seemed more efficient than tying the bottom but maybe it was just that the other guy didn’t really do it right. Most of the characters here are rather heroic when you think about it like the other scientist giving his life to save a kid and all of these rescue workers putting their lives on the line to help people.

If not for the scene of people starting to loot the place and fire off guns it was a very inspiring film for humanity in general. For the most part it still is, but the film shows that there are still those who put their needs above the many. It’s a bit of a random scene but I did like how Roy stole the thief’s car. Thought that was a pretty fun moment to stick it to them and in general the movie is always moving fast so scenes like that with a mix of thriller elements and comedy tend to stick out.

The movie doesn’t spare any expense on the destruction scenes. Everything is breaking apart during the Earthquake and there’s a really good aerial shot where we see the buildings shatter. It’s just really great throughout and the movie never takes a break to breathe except for quick romance scenes that you can ignore. The pacing is on point and the writing is good here. San Andreas ends up being consistently solid because there are no glaring negatives. The writing is good and this is a very well balanced film that is accessible for anyone. Playing it safe and delivering a good experience like this is certainly a good tactic. It may not be remembered as one of the all time greats but you will remember it.

Overall, San Andreas is a pretty good movie. The disaster scenes are handled really well and Roy is a solid character. The movie has a serious tone throughout but is never really depressing. You always feel like the characters will make it out and the brief scenes of humor work well too. It’s what I would call a very by the books disaster film but only takes the best parts of the genre. As a result you’re in for a winning experience all the while. I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid film to check out.

Overall 7/10

Edward Scissorhands Review

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Edward Scissorhands is a film that’s actually quite a bit different from my mental image of how the film would play out to be honest. I wasn’t expecting a horror per say but I was expecting something very dreary the whole time with a lot of dark lighting and jump scares. Okay….so I guess kind of a horror. Instead the film is like an odd slice of life taking place in a happy town. It’s maybe more of a surreal comedy. Either way I thought it had some good ideas but ultimately I wouldn’t say it was particularly good.

The film starts off by introducing us to Peg…actually it starts off by revealing that this is all a flashback first. That’s still one of the absolute worst story telling devices if you ask me. For one thing it guarantees that the person survives. That’s more of an issue with action titles compared to one like this but it can still be annoying. Additionally you’re always more engaged with the present than the past so automatically it makes you want to jump back to the present again instead of being stuck in the flashback. No matter how you slice it that just makes this a very questionable decision.

Back to the story though. Peg is a saleswoman so she goes around trying to sell products but everyone knows her already and nobody wants to buy anything. That’s when she heads to the creepy mansion…for the first time I guess? It seems like Edward has been here for a while so I guess she just chose not to go to the castle but she doesn’t seem scared or anything. Maybe the film mentioned she had moved in recently or something…but this actually makes less sense the more I think about it. Hmmmm……well she goes in there and meets Edward who as the title suggests has scissors for hands. She invites him to live with her since that seems tricky. The town like him at first but gradually you realize this will not stand because humanity is always really tough on any superhero/monster/creature in these kinds of things. No way it stays peaceful for long.

Right away I can tell you that my main issue with the film is really just that Edward constantly scarring and cutting himself always feels rather painful. It’s hard to look at the guy directly with all of the scars that he has. You just want to turn away and as he is a main character that’s not exactly an option here now is it? The movie does a good job of showing just how hard it would be to live like this though. Every single action you take now has to be thought about very carefully because a slight slip of the hand could cause serious injury. In an instant your very life can be changed and it’s not like he can take them off either.

In general Edward is also not a character who is used to the ways of the world and so he can come off as a bit naïve and new to everything at first. He has to be taught everything as if he was a kid and that’s usually not my favorite character type. If he was a little more sharp it would be more difficult for the characters to put him in tricky situations or gain the upper hand. There is a pretty solid twist involving his character though which was good. I thought that it landed rather well and if they ever want to do a sequel to this film it would certainly make things really easy. I would like him to have learned from this experience though and be a little more knowledgeable in general.

There’s one neighbor here who is desperate to get together with Edward but in general she seems to be desperate for anyone. Her very first scene is about trying to seduce the pipe guy but fortunately he stays strong…is how I interpret the scene tbh. We don’t see the climax of this. The scene of her trying to get Edward is certainly a bit painful particularly since it’s not like he even understands the concept of romance yet. In general all of the romance in this film is particularly weak for that reason. I don’t see how you can build a proper relationship when one of the characters doesn’t really know what is going on beyond the most basic part of the concept.

I do like the set designs though. The town looks fantastic with how colorful it is. Everything really stands out and it’s a perfect contrast to the dark castle which is as ominous as ever. Tim Burton is definitely good at maximizing the visuals or anything that he does. In a way he probably did too well on the parts that are hard to look at like the scars and all but otherwise he should still get full props on the town.

The main character in a way is Kim as she grows to know Edward and like him but I wouldn’t say that she was great. She’s another character who falls to peer pressure and allows her boyfriend to trick Edward and get him into trouble. She doesn’t realize the full scope of the plan at first but she still did know that she was helping to commit a crime and was getting Edward into trouble when he didn’t know any better. She took advantage of the fact that he would help her do anything and that wasn’t a good look.

Meanwhile Peg did well in bringing Edward into her home and doing her best to help him out. She worked hard on learning how to apply make-up to hide his scars and treated him normally from the start. If the rest of the town was like her then things would have gone well. Her husband Bill was also good and very nonchalant about the whole thing. Nothing could ever phase him and that’s what I liked about the guy. It would be very easy to panic at what’s going on but he just takes it all in stride.

I liked how in general all of the characters acted like this was actually a bit of a normal thing. It’s a really great break from the usual panic and all of that about how they’re in danger. Just see this as a positive and keep it moving. The movie has a lot of fun light hearted scenes as well like with Edward giving everyone and their pets a haircut. He is really great with those scissors and you would expect him to be since he has been using them his whole life. You still get a little anxious whenever he’s cutting the dog’s fur at such high speeds though. I feel like even if I knew he was an expert I wouldn’t be able to let him give my dog a haircut because I’d just be stressed out. Like the 1 in a million chance of something going wrong would happen to me.

Overall, Edward Scissorhands is a very unique film. I think it deserves a lot of credit for going in a different direction than you would expect. It is fun and also fairly ambitious. At the same time it’s not really for me. The scars just make it too hard to watch Edward in any of his scenes and I also thought the ending was a bit of a downer. It’s not a satisfying way to close things out with some characters looking awful and ultimately nobody stepping up. In a way no character looks good by the end and they all should take a massive part in the blame. Given that this is all a flashback we can assume that nothing changed in the present either which is really terrible when you think about it. Perhaps a sequel could lightly retcon some of that if it takes place a year or two later or something like that.

Overall 4/10