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I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to end the trilogy of horror in the Summer series. The titles always get pretty interesting with this one but it’s basically just your average horror. Nothing’s really going on beyond the mass murders here and none of the characters are likable. So what you have is just a long journey of watching them all get picked off one by one which doesn’t make for the most engaging experience.

The movie starts off with some teenager drama as Amber and her boyfriend Colby decide to make a long distance relationship work but first they’re going to spend one last July 4th with the crew. They pull off a prank making the whole town think there is some kind of serial killer on the loose but things get a little too close to home when one of them actually dies during the prank. They cover this up and then go their separate ways. Time passes and the next year arrives with Amber meeting up with Colby in town but he didn’t tell her he would be there so it’s sort of like they’ve unofficially broken up. None of the gang even remotely likes each other anymore but they have to band together one last time because the murderer they faked may actually be a real person now. Is it someone trying to expose the murder they had covered up?

From there on it’s time for everyone to start taking massive Ls against the villains. It’s not really surprising that it goes this way either because they were outgunned from the jump. Usually in these films you have to find an excuse to scatter the main characters but that isn’t needed here because of how much they hate each other. They threaten each other more than once and constantly split up. At one point Colby heads off to go drink by himself knowing full well by this point in the movie that the body count was rather large and still not caring about this at all. It’s definitely one of the worst moves you can make.

There is one decision that is even worse though. At one point the teens finally come up with their first reasonable plan. They will all hop in a car together, pick a direction and just keep on driving. The murders seem to be leading up to July 4th which is when they covered up the murder so they just make sure they’re in a different state by then. They can always return later or choose not too, but that should keep them safe right? The film takes great pains to explain that this wouldn’t have worked by the end but ignoring that, this is actually a really good plan.

If you take away the classic trope of the slasher villain being super fast and all knowing, there isn’t really a counter to this plan. Even if he can grab a vehicle he won’t be able to follow them quick enough before they’re past the border. Then at that point as long as they don’t do anything ignorant, they can stay off the grid for a while. Change their names or go far enough away where it won’t matter. The problem of course is that this plan was too good so one of the characters complains that she has to go out and perform in a rock band real quick first.

She knows full well that the villain is going to make his move now since it’ll be July 4th but she is prioritizing the concert? I know scouts will be there and that it’s a big deal but it still makes absolutely no sense so stay. It’s one of those scenes that will definitely have you rolling your eyes the whole time because it just makes no sense. There’s basically no way that anyone would have made that move.

It’s not like these films are really known for their writing or anything but that was still crazy. The film has its share of twists as the whole thing is part mystery after all. The identity of the villain is definitely a game changer but unfortunately it also does make the experience a little more pointless. The film actually gives us a real climax with some action and everything but due to how the plot goes, it doesn’t matter a whole lot. Ultimately you know that there is just no way for the heroes to pull this off.

The twist ending is a classic horror staple and this one has an ending like that but it’s basically the bare minimum. Sort of like the writer shrugging and figuring “welllll they’d probably like to see this ending sooo..here ya go” but there’s no creativity or inspiration here. I suppose you could say that for most of the film but it’s still not a great look. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, this is definitely not a high quality film and what’s more…I’d say it’s definitely a skip straight up.

The film suffers from the usual slasher issues like being overly violent with all of the kills. The film gets as gratuitous as possible. In part that’s probably why every character is written to be super unlikable so you don’t feel as bad for them but that’s not a winning strategy in the slightest. I also think that the culprit should have been someone else. Now that may have made some of the scenes in this movie a little harder to buy but you were probably going to have to stretch some disbelief here anyway. So just knock all of that out in one shot and then you’re in a much better position.

Overall, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is a pretty bad movie. It’s really just hitting all of the beats without adding anything to them. It’s going through the motions in the most robotic way possible. It’ll quickly fade into obscurity as just another slasher film. I’ll give tiny props for actually having the heroes try to fight the villain near the end instead of just running and tripping but there are very few positives to be had here. You just won’t be having a whole lot of fun during this title. I still can’t believe not even one character decided to just drive off and leave town. It’s the easiest solution for 90% of these films which is why most movies actually make an effort to prevent this from being an option. Like there’s no roads or there’s an avalanche or something. This film had no such excuse.

Overall 1/10

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle the Movie: The Princess in the Birdcage Kingdom Review

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That title is definitely a mouth full eh? Well it’s always nostalgic to see more Tsubasa content. This movie is super short and reminds me of the old school OVAs like Naruto’s hidden waterfall village where its all over in an instant. We still get some fun fights and visuals here though so all in all I was pretty satisfied. It’s probably a bit of an odd film if you watch this without having seen the show but the movie did go out of its way to include a full recap of what’s going on in the intro so maybe they were trying to get some new fans here.

The basic plot is Syaoran and Sakura land on another planet where a feather containing a key memory is being stored. This planet is ruled by an evil dictator who wants to plunge the world into endless darkness and to do this he intends to kidnap the princess and use her ring. Syaoran has to stop this but the guy is protected by legendary bird warriors who are pretty fast. He needs the help of Fai and Kurogane but they are busy being kidnapped somewhere and he doesn’t have the time to save them. What can he do?

Okay I should give those characters some credit. Kurogane and Fai do take out some enemies before they are captured but even so, they are the power hitters so it certainly doesn’t make Syaoran’s job any easier when they go down like that. They are captured off screen which is not the best move but I do get it since it’s hard to picture them losing otherwise. The writers probably had a hard time justifying it so that’s why this had to be cut out. We do get to see them dismantle the human guards early on though which was a lot of fun. The movie is more plot than action but the fights that we do get are well animated.

In terms of visuals the most impressive shots were probably when Syaoran was using the ring of blue flames at the end. The flames look really bright and the contrast works really well next to the other colors. Syaoran trying to fight off the bird people was also animated well even if it feels weird to see him being overwhelmed so easily. I guess he wasn’t always a super strong fighter but late stage Syaoran probably would have fared a whole lot better with his sword and other abilities.

The film’s original characters are okay but due in part to the length you never care about them all that much. You have the princess who seems like a good character and all but she’s a little outmatched since she can’t really fight. Her chief guard loses all of the fights he’s in which isn’t the best first impression. There’s also a kid here who tries his best to be helpful but tends to fail. I did like the main villain though. Yes he’s a bit on the generic side but it works well for this kind of “Take over the world!!” villain. There’s no time to make a complex villain so why even try right? A stock evil villain can actually work well under the right conditions and I would say that these were the right conditions.

The soundtrack is solid as always. It uses a lot of the tracks from the show but the instrumental versions with no opera music for some reason. Not sure why the change, but they sounded good anyway which is what counts. Throwing in a lyrical song for the climax would have been cool but it was epic enough anyway. The production values were pretty good here and I didn’t have any issues with the pacing.

In general I wouldn’t even say I had any issues with the film. At best you could say it just doesn’t feel like a movie. The stakes aren’t particularly high and there’s nothing really separating it from just being another episode. So this isn’t some grand experience and paying money to see it in theaters may have been rough (Although it was a double feature so you can cut it some slack) but watching it like this just helps to amp up the nostalgia. It doesn’t have to be super memorable, just enjoyable and it succeeds on that front.

Overall, Tsubasa churns out another solid product here. The special gives you a lot to have fun with and doesn’t make any kind of mistakes. It could probably have stretched the limits a bit and gone for higher stakes but rather than focusing on what it’s missing I’d say to focus on what is here. Tsubasa’s plot lends itself really well to random movies and specials because of how many planets they had to go to in order to find the feathers. So just treat this as a fun episode and you can’t go wrong. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone looking to see Syaoran and the gang again.

Overall 7/10

Homicidal Review

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It’s time for a film with a very intense title. I mean just seeing a film that is called Homicidal you are expecting something real intense right? Well the film definitely delivers on the intensity in terms of a crazy twist but is surprisingly not nearly as violent as I expected. That’s a very good thing of course but the film still has its own share of issues and I wouldn’t call it one of the top contenders.

The movie starts with Emily showing up to a rich hotel and asking the bellhop to come to her room. He does and she says she will pay him a ton of money to marry her for a few minutes. He agrees and drives with her to a late marriage shop but suddenly she whips out the knife and no diffs the marriage ceremony leader. She then escapes into the night and heads home where she takes care of an old lady who can unfortunately no longer walk or talk. So Emily basically just gloats and subtlety threatens her the whole time.

This sets the tone for what kind of character Emily is and then we’re introduced to the rest of the cast. First up is Miriam who is looking forward to her future as she has a boyfriend now and her flowers are doing well. She finds Miriam to be a bit standoffish but that’s fine. Miriam does get annoyed when Emily just randomly leaves the house for a day so Miriam has to watch over the old lady and then Emily even threatens to murder Miriam. So Miriam tells her guy and they confront Emily’s brother Warren who seems like he couldn’t care less. With diplomatic options not doing much good, what can the main characters do about this?

The problem in a sense is that the heroes can’t just leave so easily. For starters there is the old lady to consider and even if Emily is evil, Warren may just be getting suckered as the brother. So they need to try and convince him before it is too late but the longer this goes on, the more likely it is that somebody will end up dying. So is it time to call the police or something? Well that would be the smart thing to do…but the film has a really bad reason for why they don’t.

One guy runs for the phone but Miriam stops him and explains that Emily said she is married to Warren. The guy basically goes “Shoot, guess we can’t call the cops” and they completely change gears. The obvious question is…why? That shouldn’t matter at all. If they want to spare Warren’s feelings then I’m afraid their priorities are all out of whack. If Emily is someone who is dangerous and insane enough to threaten someone’s life then you need to get rid of her as soon as possible. Half measures and dancing around the issue won’t help at all. Miriam definitely fumbled the ball here.

If anything she looks pretty bad throughout and the ending doesn’t help her much either. Of course all of this is easier from the viewer’s chair where you see everything and understand the stakes but it felt like she never properly registered how crazy Emily was. At least by the time she threw out the threat you gotta leave town or arm yourself properly. It’s just a shame that nobody in the town could see how deranged she was considering just how she was barely even trying to hide it. She just kept on acting crazy.

Where the film goes a bit far is with including the old lady. I think this was really unnecessary as the whole thing is overly tragic. She literally can’t talk or yell out for help and is trapped with Emily for basically the whole film? It’s a little too edgy and is the only place where the film didn’t restrain itself enough. Cutting her out of the movie entirely would have been a lot better and you can easily write around that. Then you have the fact that the old lady tries to signal to the others and do other things to call out for help and none of it works.

Nahhh that’s just tragic. Ultimately the film may not be as disturbing and intense as it was trying to be but that was definitely something that was real intense just not in the best way. There are some scenes that I thought were a bit surreal/didn’t make a lot of sense but the final twist did address those. Nothing could address the moment about not calling the cops though, that’s just something you have to do.

Also with the opening scene it was weird how nobody tried to help the guy getting stabbed. Surely the bellhop could have grabbed the knife and restrained Emily after the first hit or two right? They just stood around while she kept on stabbing over and over again. That was way too much to be frozen with fear like that. He’s real lucky that she didn’t finish him off. I was completely expecting that but somehow he actually survived along with all of the money but definitely some degree of trauma. So he’s not 100% but that’s still way better than most of the characters’ fates here.

Overall, While I applaud the film in having some good restraint, it’s still not a particularly pleasant film. Any scene with the old lady is just not fun to watch. The characters make a lot of very illogical decisions and the whole thing should not have played out the way that it did. You could easily improve the quality with just a few changes but this is how it had to be. Hey, it does completely destroy Psycho though so I will give the film that. It actually beats the original film that this one was supposed to top. The twist is also really good. It’s a twist that makes a lot of sense in hindsight but doesn’t really occur to you as you’re watching. That’s the best kind of twist since it should absolutely make sense afterwards and the fact that you get to see in real time how most of the visual parts of the twist work is impressive.

Overall 3/10

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir Review

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It’s time for a very old school romance with a little bit of a supernatural twist. It’s a very low key kind of film that works rather well but I will admit that the whole time you’re not really on board with the romance. To an extent it depends on what length of time you would consider to be a rebound but either way the heroine feels like she’s moving a bit too fast. The ending also makes things extra awkward when you really think about it.

The movie starts off with Lucy becoming a widow after her husband dies. Lucy has decided that she wants her life back as she didn’t particularly care for his family and dashes off. She finds a nice little haunted house where the rent is dirt cheap and settles there. She eventually meets the ghost who quickly debunks the rumors of his own suicide. His name is Daniel and he was actually quite the captain back in the day. He’s ready for a little romance but she isn’t and points out that he’s dead and gone. They both reluctantly put their feelings aside to live in the same house for now. Can she really deal with such an annoying ghost or is he going to drive her crazy?

A haunted house is definitely an inconvenience when you are just trying to have a good time but at least the ghost isn’t particularly sinister. Sure Daniel is a mean guy and he isn’t afraid to prove it but at the end of the day he isn’t trying to murder her or anything like that. In fact he ends up liking her which puts Lucy in a rough spot. Lucy is also approached by a flirty guy named Fairley who really doesn’t stop with his constant attempts from the very first time he appears. The guy ends up being supremely annoying. Sure he did help her to get the book deal with the publishing company but ultimately that was only to further his own ends.

I was annoyed that he lasted as long as he did. He completely got through to Lucy even with his rather aggressive way of handling things and she was completely under his spell. If not for a certain twist he would have won and so that ended up hurting her character a lot. Fairley was bad the whole time but Lucy is the one you would have figured would have really been ready and not fallen for this. Definitely a pretty sad moment.

It’s another reason why you can’t get behind the romance. So she liked her husband first. Then after he died she started to like Daniel. Then after that she jumped over to Fairley and once he was off the market, ultimately it ended up being Daniel again. Keep in mind that Daniel claimed she didn’t even love her husband when they first met and Lucy takes mild offense to that but doesn’t stop him. You’d think that would have taken him out of the running right from the jump.

The worst part is the film implies that maybe he was right after all and that’s why the ending works but its just pretty awful all around. For a good romance you need a lot of factors in play but one of them is definitely to have likable characters and that didn’t happen here. She is also very slow on the uptake with how only she can hear Daniel. You’d think she would be subtle then but instead she keeps talking out loud which doesn’t help matters at all. it should be easy to adapt to that.

The supporting characters are pretty weak here too. You have the guy selling the houses who seems to like Lucy. Fortunately she doesn’t like him back because the guy seemed desperate and wasn’t exactly the most honest soul either. He kept trying to make her spend a lot of money. You have her husband’s side of the family who were mainly here to poke fun and cause a lot of trouble. They were all super stuck up and selfish in their old ways. Lucy could be a little too polite at times but in other moments she did get some good burns in there.

While I know this would be unlikely right out of the gate, the film would have done well to have just had her and Daniel be good friends. They just bond over the house or something. Lucy gets a supportive friend who could be like a father since her new family was so rough and he gets someone to pass on his tales to. It could have been the reason he couldn’t pass on, that nobody was around to hear about his exploits. The entire vibe and tone of the film would have changed but it would have worked really well.

Alternately just make it a little more comedic as she gets into a lot of trouble with this guy always floating around and stirring things up. The fact that people can actually hear his voice at convenient times already adds a lot of potential to this. It is a bit of a stretch for the characters to think that it was Lucy’s voice each time though. The only time someone didn’t think this was Daniel’s big laugh at the start of the film. Admittedly it was a great laugh too, reminded me of Vincent Price I’d say. It had that very theatrical feel to it.

Overall, This is an okay film I’d say. It’s right on the middle, there is just little reason to watch it again. At times it can be a bit dull and the pacing is slow. The characters are very unlikable too which does take its toll. I liked the scenes that took place outside of the house like heading to the book publishing company or the awkward bus ride. So ironically the film could have stood to have taken place far less in the haunted house.

Overall 5/10

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War The First Kiss That Never Ends Review

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All right it’s time for an anime film to show us how to really make a quality romance. Kaguya-sama is an elite franchise for a bunch of reasons and one of those is that it actually has a quality romance without being rushed or making things about rebounds. Kaguya and Shirogane work because they were always each other’s first pick and nothing else was going on there. The movie really expands on that and gives the two characters a lot of closure. All in all this is a great title.

The movie picks up where the show left off with Kaguya and Shirogane finally getting together…or did they? See they may have had their first kiss but they haven’t been able to talk with each other since then so the situation is getting tense. Making matters worse is the fact that Kaguya appears to have fallen back into her icy persona from the old days so Shirogane gets the feeling that she is trying to put some distance between them. He needs to win her over one last time but can he really pull this off? Meanwhile Kaguya is fighting her inner demons and has to decide if she should finally remove all of the masks and risk it all by being with Shirogane. It’s a tough call.

So if you’re a fan of Ino, Chika, or Ishigami then there’s not going to be much here for you. This film is really about Kaguya and Shirogane all the way through. Those 3 characters barely get more than a few lines and while you know they’re off having their own adventures, the movie isn’t worrying about them. It’s nice to see them of course and I think more screen time would have been nice if the film extended its run time but the main duo always have the best plot anyway so it works out.

As always the animation is really solid here. Everything really pops out at you and the show has a lot of fun flexing for random scenes. A great moment with the animation was when Kaguya was trying to run away from Shirogane. She was suddenly leaping across the walls like a cat and zooming around. That was definitely real impressive. We may not have as many visual gags since the film is fairly serious next to the standard episode but they are still around at some points. I would also still consider the film part comedy since a lot of it is super fun. The movie just knows when to slow down and have an emotional scene.

The soundtrack is also excellent as always. The show had a great variety of themes and the movie continues this really well. While the opening song is not quite as strong as any of the openings that appeared prior, it’s still good. I’ve listened to it a good amount of times to prep for the review in case it jumped up but in the end I think it just isn’t quite as high speed and energetic as prior ones. I suppose that may have been the idea.

Now for the movie, it’s interesting in that it’s a decently long movie but it can be a bit hard to go into the plot much because the story itself is quick. It’s ultimately just about the two finally having time to have a candid talk about the situation. Things just keep happening that prevents the two from doing this like Shirogane fainting or Kaguya turning chibi and then having a complete mental breakdown. The movie definitely did a great job of adapting chibi Kaguya too. That was a really fun part in the manga and the show really captured how crazy the whole thing was. The doctor who showed up for Shirogane is a lot of fun as always too.

Now for the romance itself, which character handled it better? Well that would probably be Shirogane since if Kaguya hadn’t panicked you can make the case that the film would have effectively ended during the first scenes. They would have made it official that they were going out and that would have been the end of it. Then once the icy persona was back Shirogane did a good job of trying hard the whole time. I don’t blame him for missing the hint about her hands being cold because that was out of character for Kaguya so he just didn’t pick up on it.

Throughout the movie he is a perfect gentleman. He may not always be able to read her mind but for the most part he does a good job of adapting to the situation and never giving up. In terms of not wanting to let his own mask fall off, that also makes sense. He worked hard to become the best at the school and thrive despite not being from a rich family. To an extent I think that would never go away. There’s a saying about how everyone has around 6 faces, the one they show family, friends, work colleagues, online, with strangers, and the one they have when alone. Some people are better than others at basically keeping them all more or less the same and others do this more as you get older but to an extent I’d say you will always be a little different based on the setting.

In a relationship though, the biggest factor is trust so you do need to be able to trust your partner with your true self. In this case if Shirogane isn’t ultimately able to trust Kaguya that far then their relationship would be doomed eventually. He would never be able to relax and the stress/nerves would ultimately get to him. You could make the case that even by the end of the film he hasn’t truly let go yet so that could be a plot to continue on even if he is in a much better place than where he started.

Then for Kaguya the problem is similar but she comes to terms with it quite a bit quicker than Shirogane. It helps that she has always been a very introspective person so she literally creates alternate hers from each of her age periods to talk about this. Once they come to an understanding she is able to just be herself and be with Shirogane. Perhaps as Shirogane says it is a little easier for her since it’s a side he used to know since that’s how she was at the beginning Of course part of that is just him making excuses but I would also say it is true to an extent. Her true self is still mega rich and had other suiters in the past while Shirogane is worried everything would immediately come crashing down. It’s the dark side of overthinking everything and it’s nice to see the series acknowledging this since that’s the entire premise really. Both characters just overthinking everything all the time.

Seeing Kaguya overcome her fears and finally come into her own was a great plot point. While I would say Shirogane slightly edged her out as the main character of the movie, the series is hers and you could say the whole series was building up to this point. Just losing the mask and being analytical all the time to just have a heartfelt moment and stop playing the chasing game. So yeah this is a winning romance and it worked well for the movie. You could probably even jump in to this film without watching the show since you have enough context and it still ends up being a really solid title.

Overall, This was a lot of fun. The romance is written really well and is one of the few ships I can get behind. If I ever write an editorial on how to write a good romance, this will absolutely be one of the examples I use. The whole thing is satisfying and the ending is solid. I still do want future seasons to adapt the rest of the series though. It may not have had the best final saga in the manga but it’s still important to get to the end of the series. The anime can probably end up buffing it as well since it has done such a great job of adapting the content so far. I’m confident that they can do something really good here.

Overall 8/10

The Empty Man Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Okay so straight up this is a pretty bad movie however I do give it a point for actually having an ending that makes you really think long and hard about the movie. Way I see it there are 3 ways you can interpret the ending. I’ll explain my interpretation at the end and I think it makes the most sense. Is there a “canon” ending? Well maybe the writer will say but out of film stuff doesn’t count so the way I see it you have to come to your conclusion and just roll with it. Each of the 3 paths appear to have some holes but I could pretty much do an editorial just on the ending. Of course that does mean you have to make it that far.

The film starts off with a group of climbers scaling up a really snowy mountain. It isn’t easy but they have been making consistent work up there. Unfortunately as they’re getting ready to go back down, one of them starts hearing things in the distance. Then he really starts to loose it and now the others could be in danger. Is it just a lack of oxygen right now or is there something more sinister at play? One thing’s for sure, they can’t let their guard down!

Being stranded on a mountain like this with no real way out is a pretty tough situation to be in already so then when you throw a crazy guy it really goes through the roof. Maybe spending 2 hours on here could drag a bit but it’s rare to have a horror movie on a mountain. Crazy stuff for sure….but this isn’t actually the movie. It’s a pretty effective fake out though since this intro portion goes on for quite a while. It ultimately does tie in with the rest of the film though and honestly it’s really effective. I thought the opening part was handled extremely well so it was time to start falling after that.

In the present we have an ex cop named James who is still traumatized over some tragedy that happened to his family. It’s told to us through quick seizure moments so you get most of the details but the exact scenario is something we don’t find out about until later on. I can say that it makes him look awful though so his character basically can’t be recovered by the end. There are just some things that you don’t really come back from and this is definitely one of those. Unfortunately that’s just how it goes.

Well his friend’s daughter went missing one day so James decides to find her. He runs into a whole conspiracy involving a death cult that believes in the Empty Man. A being made up of pure maliciousness and negative desires over the course of human history. Summoning him appears to be rather easy, you just think about him and blow on a bottle. Well James isn’t afraid of any ghosts and does this just to spite the creature. The rest of the legend says that you now have 3 days to live so James has to find the girl and quickly before this is all over.

In some ways this film is 50% mystery and 50% horror. A whole lot of the movie is about James trying to find leads so he talks to all of her friends, infiltrates the cult, etc. There are some scenes that are actually pretty scary though like when he finds himself in an empty field late at night with hundreds of zombies. Mobs are very scary and if you’re not scared of one then you should rethink that. There is virtually no way to survive one because you’re getting hit by hundreds of people at once which means they are virtually bullet proof. James wisely tries running as fast as he can.

Because this is part mystery there are a whole lot of twists and turns. I’ll be avoiding those until the spoiler part of the review of course because if you know things beforehand then it’ll definitely alter your experience. It will cause you to look at scenes differently but your first time in you probably want to go in without as much knowledge as possible. The actual mystery is pretty compelling but also very ominous since the victims are also kids so you figure this is going to be dark no matter how it plays out.

The Empty Man’s actual design is not really that scary. I would have handled it differently because it’s basically a normal dude in a cloak. You never really see much of him but he’s just not that scary and is basically only going after really defenseless people. When a gun is pointed his way he immediately jams it just in case so I wonder how strong he really is. He is probably a cosmic reality warper if I’m not kidding myself though. I don’t think the humans have much of a shot against him but like in the Grudge nobody even tries to fight back which is annoying.

We have the cops around but they don’t really do much here. They basically figure they can’t help out much and only really get involved once the body count starts to rise. Even then they don’t do a ton. The random cult leader is probably more important although the film was a little too content to give this guy a long boring speech that wasn’t needed. The intent is probably to spoon feed us just what the Empty Man is exactly and what he symbolizes but it’s not that hard to comprehend. We didn’t need a log speech about life itself from this guy except to remind us that cults are crazy and we knew that.

Okay now it’s spoiler time to talk about the ending. Skip the next 7 paragraphs if you haven’t seen the film yet.

Okay so basically James confronts the girl who went missing in the beginning and she explains that the cult actually generated him from their thoughts. They created him as the next vessel for the Empty Man since the guy from the intro’s body was finally giving out. The whole bottles thing was nonsense and everything is completely controlled by willpower itself. As best you can say that the bottle was merely the conduit but the power was in their minds all along. James tries to call his friend and she doesn’t remember him anymore. He was summoned 3 days ago which were the only days of his existence and so in the end he runs but the monster goes inside of him so he murders the old man and embraces his fate as the Empty Man. That’s basically the events of the ending so there are 4 ways to interpret this.

Explanation 1: James literally did not exist before the scene in the restaurant where he ordered something for his birthday. His memories are all fabrications from the cult. This includes his cheating affair, the family dying, etc. All of these are false memories and they basically brainwashed everyone in the area in order to pull this off. That’s why cops think they now him, the cult guy saw him before, etc. They have no real limit to their powers after all so why not right?

This is possible sure, but I don’t think it’s likely. It causes a whole lot of suspension of disbelief mainly because we’ve seen so many people who knew James from back in the day. Either they were in on it or their memories were being altered. But then why bother with all the theatrics? The girl at the end mentioned that they needed fear to truly activate James in the end and so they had to slowly break him but if they could manipulate the entire city and then some to keep altering the memories, that doesn’t really make sense. It’s way too convoluted a plan considering their abilities.

Explanation 2: It was all a dream. None of it actually happened and James himself does not exist. The entire film is taking place entirely in his psyche as he was created in the visualization and the whole film is basically just a metaphor for his struggle to fight against the Empty Man. In the real world he actually was the Empty Man murdering all of the teenagers and committing all of the crimes during the movie. It’s why when we flashback to the cult summoning the Empty Man we see that it was James in the shadows. Booo this explanation is pretty awful tbh and doesn’t make sense. Any “it was all a dream” scenarios are pretty boring if you think about it because then the whole thing was pointless. So not really discussing this one much because personally I just don’t like it. Not saying it isn’t a valid theory or anything but it would be supremely underwhelming.

Explanation 3: James was basically a normal guy until 3 days before the events of the film, the girl and her cult friends drugged him and stashed him in their basement. They then ran the trial experiments on him and turned him into a future Empty Man vessel. It would explain why he was seen by the Cult before and also why the cops recognized him. It would also explain why we kept seeing the empty chair every time he thought about his past. He was actually trapped for a while and then they released him into the wild with their memory alterations and of course removing his memories of being there. Mainly the part that doesn’t make sense here is the girl saying she created everything if the events actually did happen prior to being kidnapped. So that does help theory 1 more than theory 3.

Explanation 4: Okay so this is the one that I’m on board with and in some ways it’s very close to theory 3. Everything James knew prior to the film did happen. He lived a normal life and everything. When the crew “conjured him up” 3 days ago, it was simply activating him in order to be a host. She telepathically created a backstory for him to break down his psyche like causing him to cheat on his wife with the friend and then causing the accident. The accident actually happened but the affair was a fake memory and she had the friend under the spell the whole time. That’s why she didn’t remember him in the final scene because the villains let the mind control go. Both things would be pretty easy to maneuver without anything being much of a stretch. He eventually got broken due to the mindgames here and of course in the end he succumbed.

The main points against this one of course is that the cult leader had seen James before he said which doesn’t tie in with what James knows. You could say he was kidnapped at some point and indoctrinated as a sleeper agent but it doesn’t really match up. Additionally this doesn’t really address the girl’s speech about creating him with the exact backstory he had. Her just manipulating things from the shadows wouldn’t really explain that at all.

That’s it for the spoilers! So yeah a lot to dive into there. Regardless the ending is very memorable which is good. Would have been nice to have had more of a struggle or something but it is what it is. I do think the film’s dialogue scenes tend to be rather solid. While I did not like James by the end, at least I like how he always has an attitude with everyone. He has no time for all the nonsense and there’s a good amount of back and forth dialogue here. The mystery angle keeps you engaged all the way through with the horror angle and violence just holding the film back. Why did we need to see more dead animals? I feel like horror films just can’t help themselves and keep shooting themselves in the foot.

Honestly if the film had just leaned on the mystery angle and cut out a bunch of the horror stuff it would have been way better. Keep the atmospheric horror of course and the mind controlled cult but you can cut out all the stabby scenes and the more disturbing flashbacks. You’ll still feel a lot of tension and the imposing doom coming to the characters without being overindulgent and just wrecking the whole thing. Toning down the violence a bit would go a long way here.

Overall, The Empty Man is the kind of film that will keep you talking and theorizing for a long while. I have to give the film credit for that because it’s not really easy to pull that off. Still, in the end it’s a pretty bad film that falls into most of the horror tropes. You have the random animal violence that has no business being here. The dark shock twist to make sure you don’t like the main character too much. Virtually every character is massively unlikable with all of the kids falling to peer pressure immediately. Once we get into the human torture trials you know the film is just trying to hit you with everything. I think you could actually pivot this into an interesting action thriller for a sequel based on the ending but if you keep this as horror I don’t think it’s going anywhere because it’s another case of the humans not being able to do much. I’d say maybe they should have kept the whole film on the mountain but honestly that probably wouldn’t have worked very well. It would have dragged.

Overall 2/10

One Piece: Episode of Sky Island Review

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It’s time for the next One Piece special on the docket. This one is about Skypiea but I guess they went for Sky Island to keep it a little more vague. Additionally Enel is now called Eneru….I prefer the old version but hey it’s a pretty minor thing. The special is good and does a decent job capturing the arc but it doesn’t work as well as the East Blue special because this one really goes out of its way to skip the fights. It doesn’t nail any of the really emotional moments as well as the show did and so what you get is an arc that is wayyyy watered down next to the show version. This is still nostalgic though.

The special starts with Luffy and gang heading to a small island where someone explains that there used to be a guy called Nolan the Liar. He would lie about everything including seeing an island floating in the sky but this guy is a direct descendent and believes that the stories are true. So now he continues to dive underwater in order to prove it, but this ain’t easy. Well Luffy and friends are going to pay a visit to the sky island but they find that it is being ruled by the god of lightning, Eneru. Can they defeat him and save the local islanders?

So there’s a lot to enjoy here since this is a big One Piece arc but at the same time it does lose a lot of the powerful moments and I will explain. For example, one of the biggest scenes in the show is when Enel made a huge lightning blast over one of the strawhats and it was one of the first times we saw him use such a big blast. The scene went in slow-mo and it was all very tense because we could see the damage it did. That scene straight up doesn’t happen here.

We also miss out on Zoro’s entire fight against one of the angels which was unfortunate because that was a really fun battle. Even their big battle with Eneru was very short. I guess it wasn’t a super long fight in the main show either but this felt like a blink and you’ll miss it kind of moment which is definitely not what the original was like. Even the Luffy vs Enel fight doesn’t feel quite as long or grand as it should be. It does at least get way more screentime than anything else though so you couldn’t ask for much more there.

Chopper only gets a quick instance for his win as well which doesn’t show you much. There was a lot going on with the whole island survival game but the whole thing is basically shown in quick stills as everyone is wiped out. That’s what should have been expanded and I feel like the runtime should have just been extended a little. The special goes by quickly and considering that it’s a whole arc we’re dealing with, making it around 2 hours would have been really nice. Especially since this arc gets more important each time.

Now a common topic to think about is if Enel would still be a threat in future arcs. I’d say at best he gets up to the CP9 saga but that’s it because his speed wasn’t enough to dodge Luffy’s attacks while in Gear 1. So as good as you think his lightning may be, his speed isn’t at a level where he could seriously be a fierce opponent to most. I’m sure he will get buffed a lot if he ever does reappear in the manga but I do have my doubts on that. Of course it would be awesome but the series is slowly getting to the very end of its saga so in that case it’s probably over.

The special has a pretty emotional ending with Luffy and the gang proving that Nolan wasn’t a liar. I’m also glad that the people in Skypiea had realized this too because otherwise the whole flashback would have been pretty tragic. I mean it definitely was still tragic either way, One Piece doesn’t hold back on the feels. There was some hope though and it could have all been a lot darker. So like this I was pretty satisfied. I’m naturally a lot more interested in the present stuff though and the flashback gets a ton of screentime which is also part of why it doesn’t stand up to the East Blue saga where the vast majority was about the Strawhats.

In terms of animation the special looks good enough. I don’t think it looks nearly as good as the East Blue saga though and it’s clear this one wasn’t super high budget the way the other special felt like it was. The soundtrack brings in the classic One Piece tunes which is nice enough. One of these days the specials should bring a whole new soundtrack even if it takes away from the nostalgia feel a little. Just switch things up to really make everything pop out. It’s One Piece so to an extent it will always be very good no matter what happens but this would help to really take it to the next level.

Overall, This was a really fun adventure. It just feels like they left a whole lot of meat on the bone. While nothing will beat the original source material I’d say the idea behind these specials is to give you something more or less comparable so you can just enjoy that instead of redoing the whole saga again. That doesn’t work in this case because you’re just missing out on too much action. So now you have to watch the show again which unfortunately does destroy the point of this. It’s unfortunate but that’s just the way that it is. Still good though so I’d recommend checking it out if you’re an experienced One Piece fan but I’d probably deflect people unfamiliar with the series to the TV show instead.

Overall 7/10

One Piece: Episode of East Blue Review

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It’s time for one of those classic One Piece remake specials. This one has to cover a lot of ground since it’s going over the whole East Blue saga but it definitely pulls this off really well. In a way it’s like a template for the live action series. While the general audience would probably be a little confused if it had been adapted exactly like this, I feel like it worked really well. It’s a great special and really reminds you of the classic days of One Piece.

The special is divided up into 5 sections told through flashbacks from each crew member. The first one is naturally Luffy as we see his very first adventure. Of course this involves getting his devil fruit and Shanks saving him from a giant monster. It’s a pretty good origin that has stood the test of time. Yes you may still wonder why Shanks didn’t awaken his advanced haki in order to stop the monster and how he got speed blitzed by a random joe with the help of a smoke bomb. All very valid questions but it’s best to just acknowledge this as a quick fumble and keep it moving. At the end of the day that is all we can really do. It’s still a very tense opening.

You also see how Shanks and friends were true pirates. When the going got tough they did not spare any prisoners, they straight up murdered their opponents. It’s a brutal reminder that as nice as they are, they’re still pirates and aren’t about to serve as marines in arresting everybody. Seeing Luffy come into his own as a pirate makes for a solid conclusion and you’re reminded how far he has come. So all in all that works as a really good way to start this up

Then we get to Zoro’s segment. His origin is still extremely emotional the whole time and definitely one that you won’t soon forget. I do think he probably didn’t handle the situation very well in terms of allowing Axe Hand Morgan to capture him though. That’s just way too risky even when it is intentional. Once he joined Luffy then it was all uphill though. They also included his big battle with Mihawk which is still an excellent fight. They even extended the choreography and made this a true fight from start to finish. Of course he was overwhelmed but the production values were on point and I dare say that it is the best looking moment in the special.

After that we have the Usopp arc. He lied so many times that eventually nobody believed him which has to be a rough situation to be in. He definitely shouldn’t have lied so often though, this was the only way that it was going to go. Captain Kuro still makes for a very imposing villain along with his teammates. We get to see Luffy shine and of course Usopp does man up in the end. It’s easily the weakest of the 5 segments in the special but of course it’s still solid either way. Usopp just wasn’t ready out of the gate the way that the others were.

Then we have Sanji’s story which is a lot of fun as you would expect. I like how bold he was in attacking anyone who got in his way and this is back from when he was a lot more charming and wasn’t being overly flanderized with the flirting. So this version actually had a lot of dignity about him with a clear vision on finding the All Blue. His flashback is also another really sad one and of the main 5, probably the most brutal aside from Nami’s. They also really extended his fight with the minion that he fed.

The fact that the villain actually beat Sanji was something I really forgot unless the victor was changed here. Sanji was completely overwhelmed the whole time and didn’t stand a chance. It’s a reminder that while Sanji is very skilled, he wasn’t quite up to the level of Zoro here. Some really good determination moments for Luffy in this arc too though, when he punched through the spikes that was really intense! Moments like that are why he is the captain here.

Then we have Nami’s arc which of course ties into the famous Arlong Park saga. We get her origin story which was really intense and her Mom was a really fantastic character back then. She really never wavered and did her best to stick up for Nami and her sister. Then in the present of course we get the famous scene of Nami asking for help and Luffy really dishing out the pain to Arlong. That’s what you like to see from the climax and it’s still one of the most iconic moments of all of One Piece. It works really well having this as the last part of the special since it’s the biggest climax at least by that point in the series.

So there’s really nothing to dislike about this special. It’s filled with tons of top tier content throughout and constant action. The characters are all developed really well and the animation is really solid. The colors are striking and the choreography is on point. The soundtrack has aged really well and they brought back some of my favorite retro themes. The technical elements were on point here, now I just need them to do Episode of Marineford already. That one already looks awesome but I’m always down to revisit one of the best moments in the series.

Overall, Episode of East Blue is definitely a great special. It took a lot of really excellent moments from One Piece and brought them all together. The length is also pretty solid considering the amount of content here so it wasn’t super rushed. It is rushed of course to an extent because it would be mathematically impossible not to be but it all works out pretty well. I would say that a bunch of the fights do start to get skipped especially by the Arlong arc but Luffy’s fights all make it at least. I would like to have seen more fights because that’s my thing but I know others would prefer the story beats. All in all it’s a reasonable compromise/division of scenes between action and story. I would definitely recommend this to any One Piece fan, you’re bound to be in for a good time! Even to general anime fans you should be able to enjoy it.

Overall 8/10

The Grudge (2020) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I’m going to be brutally honest here folks, I much prefer when films, games, and any sort of media follow a linear path. Jumping back and forth across timelines and such often times is more convoluted than interesting. It’s just being complicated for the sake of doing so as opposed to actually enhancing the story and that’s what happens here. There is no actual benefit and even the inevitable “aha it’s all connected!!” moment isn’t enough to overturn that.

The movie has no evil cat possession sounds this time which is a massive mistake so its mainly Sayako’s body doing the dirty work for the Grudge. There are a few others though. So we have a few different plots here. You have a new detective who is trying to find out what’s going on with this supposed haunted house. She’s a bit old to believe in ghosts after all and figures its fake but her partner who has been on the scene refuses to even step foot in there. He believes that it is fully haunted. In the past, a lady will be having a kid soon but unfortunately he will be born with an illness as seen in the pre birth scans. Is the Grudge working overtime and cursing people before they are even born now? Unfortunately she is probably in the wrong house to try and survive this. Then in a middle plot we have a lady who helps in assisted suicides who checks in on an old lady and her husband but the lady is crazy and seems to be able to see the Grudge. The lady should have immediately left but she decides to stay the night which may end up being her last.

So what do all of these plots have in common? They’re all fodder for the Grudge! Nooooo, but it’s true though. You know the sooner that these chuckleheads appear on screen that they are absolutely doomed. The old lady with aroma therapy and such? The Grudge probably smells like sewer water based on how long she’s been dead in the water so she’s immune. The cop with his handgun staring down the haunted house for years before destroying himself? The Grudge is most likely bullet proof! And if not she’ll just use her telepathy to jam the gun. Thinking of burning the house down? Well the fact that she even lets you approach the house with the gasoline means that she isn’t worried.

When your opponent is all powerful and just playing with you there just isn’t much you can do. Naturally destroying yourself like the second cop is absolutely the worst thing you can do because one..The Grudge won’t allow it. Seriously she can alter the trajectory just enough to ensure you live in pain for a long while. I choose to believe that explanation over him just missing a point blank shot to the head personally. So you either play her game and hope it means an instant end or you try to do something drastic like blow up the planet. Honestly that would be an interesting angle. A character can’t stop being haunted for all eternity by the Grudge so he decides to end it all for humanity.

Now there’s a world destruction motive that I could possibly get behind because it’s all so unfair. As always the film is definitely really violent. A lot of characters are dying left and right and we also get a lot of gross visuals like people’s dead bodies being covered by worms. The Grudge definitely isn’t holding back on any of that and as always we’re reminded of the origin of all this.

It’s almost impressive that there are basically no happy moments in the film because you’re always waiting for what’s about to happen next to the characters. For the most part you aren’t even given much hope for any of the plots except the one taking place in current day because you already know the others are doomed. I suppose there’s the tension of seeing how long they last. The constant rain is also a good backdrop because everything is scarier during a downpour. There just doesn’t seem to be much of a point to this film even more than some of the other Grudge titles although I guess they’re all pretty close in that respect. We need a character to try and counter the Grudge at some point. Give her an actual opponent to fight against and the film would immediately get a whole lot better.

The twist ending of the film is definitely pretty intense and maybe the best out of the Grudge films. Sure on one hand you might roll your eyes because it feels like the film is going against its own lore again but you have to remember that the Grudge will never lose. As the Flash villain once said: “You can’t hold me!!!!” That’s basically the Grudge’s catchphrase at this point. No matter what you do she will eventually defeat you. Honestly the lucky ones are the fighters who die immediately because at least they are put out of their misery. You’re really unlucky when she spares you for like 50 years only to murder you later on for the lolz. Everyone is in the palm of her hands and the sooner you embrace the futility of the entire movie series, the sooner you can be free!

Overall, The Grudge basically goes through the motions of murdering everyone. By splitting the film up into different time periods and going back and forth it does slow down the pacing a lot though. This film would have actually been a lot better as an anthology and I can’t believe that I’m saying that. Yes that’s how dicey things have gotten here because i just don’t want to be going back to the past so many times. It’s not my idea of a grand time. Give me a linear plot to move around in and just use a few flashbacks if you have to. The idea can work I suppose but the Grudge definitely couldn’t pull it off.

Overall 1/10

The Grudge 3 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version. Note that a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to return to The Grudge series. Definitely not one of my favorite horror series to say the least. Part of the problem with this series has always been how overpowered the villain is. Basically you’ve got someone with the powers of a Shonen Jump villain going up against below average mortals who couldn’t throw a punch to save their life and have no mental defenses. At the end of the day that means there is absolutely no hope for anybody here so the whole film is really just there for show.

The movie starts off with a kid trying to explain that he needs someone to break him out of the psychiatric ward because The Grudge has already infiltrated. The staff laugh this off and explain that the place is completely secure so nothing can happen to him. The poor kid’s mangled beyond recognition in the next scene and the doctor tries to find answers but good luck with that. Meanwhile we cut to Lisa who is temporarily staying with her brother Max and his daughter Rose in the house where all of this had gone down. It’s a rather eery place to live but Max figures he can fix the place up really well and eventually turn things around. He’s in the red right now so he will definitely need things to really work out well for him. Unfortunately The Grudge isn’t satisfied yet and starts murdering more people. It’s possible that the only one who can stop her is Naoko, the sister to the original host.

Technically “The Grudge” is more of a supervillain name and it’s for both the girl and the cat who are running around. You could make the case that these are just the physical manifestations of the Grudge since it’s more of a non physical form anyway so I’ll keep saying Grudge for convenience sake. One thing the series does really well is to show just how spooky they are though. Grudge’s movements are very erratic which makes it hard for you to predict her next move. She can be deceptively fast and also has an incredible grip. Basically if she grabs you then it’s all over.

I would say the frustrating part is that absolutely nobody tries to attack her at all. They all just fall down and start crying, hide under the bed, or give their back to the creature. Look, you’re going to die anyway but wouldn’t you at least want to go down with a fight? The film doesn’t even try to make it look like these people are ready to fight back and I think that’s a mistake because it makes no sense. They’re literally on the the edge of defeat getting close to death. If that’s not enough to make you fight back then I don’t know what would be.

Characters consistently make the wrong decisions. Near the end of the film Lisa is trying to escape and just watched someone get butchered in front of her. The next move is to run for it right? Instead she just falls to the ground and extreme plot armor saves her from being the next victim. Everyone should have a fight or flee instinct but for some reason that turned into a just fall down and whimper effect. I just don’t think that would be the case for most people. I would argue almost none of them would have that effect at least even if it’s a few.

Okay so on to the negatives. Wait…were those actually the positives? Yeah we ran out of those a while back. The only real positive here is that the Grudge has an awesome design and I really like the sound effects. They are really scary and this is a film that will always be scary to watch. I would go as far as to say the Grudge may have the scariest design for a horror villain but I would have to think about it. The close runner ups who could also take the title would probably be the main villain of Insidious who has the red mask and the classic Xenomorph.

As always this is a very bloody film with a lot of over the top violence and dark themes. We can never seem to escape the cat dying which is a very unfortunate part of the mythos. It really doesn’t add any benefit to the film so I’d rather skip that. Having a little kid get murdered in the opening scene really sets the tone here but then you also have the Grudge possessing people to stab their friends and make the whole thing more personal. This is a very dark and dreary film from cover to cover that doesn’t exactly make you thrilled to watch it.

As I mentioned earlier, the Grudge has no weaknesses so it’s not like there was ever any hope here. Naoko’s big master plan is basically to transfer the curse onto the little kid by having her drink a bunch of blood. Gross factor aside, this plan makes absolutely no sense to anybody who managed to pay attention to the lore at the beginning. The Grudge came into existence in part because of how Naoko’s sister had to drink the blood and dark essence of every curse. Basically the curses all merged into a super dark influence which took control of her and made her commit all of these deeds.

So drinking that blood would just make a new host but wouldn’t stop the demon. In what world would it destroy the demon? Maybe you can say Naoko was planning to murder the kid after that but why would that have any effect on anything? Her sister died a while back and the curse is still here. So in short, I don’t see any purpose in including Naoko in this film. I don’t think the writers really thought this subplot through because it doesn’t work as a twist about the plan not working when it never had any chance of working in the first place. It doesn’t make any senseeeeee!!

At least the Grudge does give us a classic twist ending which is more inline with what you would expect for this kind of film. It works pretty well and the execution is on point. It doesn’t exactly make you feel any better about the film having any kind of central purpose other than showing people dying in all sorts of ways. At this point there doesn’t seem to be much of a point to these film. They’re just like Halloween or other slasher types where it’s really just about seeing a bunch of deaths. Still, at least in some of those you can pretend that the heroes have a shot and it feels like they do because the villains are a bit more mortal. When the villain’s all powerful with no weaknesses then it takes the bite out of the whole thing.

Overall, The Grudge 3 is a pretty terrible film all around. The heroes never stood a chance and you knew it so you’re really just watching everyone getting bumped off and hoping against hope that there is some kind of twist to save the movie. Inevitably it never comes and so there isn’t really a reason to check this one out except to have a grudge against the film itself. It’s not the kind of film that will be saving the horror genre or anything fancy like that.

Overall 1/10