Tag Archives: Movie Review

The Pups’ Christmas Review

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It’s time to look at a wholesome Christmas special from a while back. It’s extremely short at only 7 minutes long but it makes for a good time. You get to remember the excitement of opening your gifts on Christmas and just how chaotic it can be. The main characters being dogs doesn’t really change that because you can still feel the excitement all the way through.

Basically when they go and open the presents they are attacks and shocked by a number of impressive toys. You’ve got the train set, giant stuffed animals, etc. The biggest highlight of the film though is this little toy tank that is constantly running around blasting away at the pups. It is able to survive just about everything as if it’s the Terminator. Seriously, nothing is able to bring it down and this reminds you of how sturdy the toys used to be back in the day.

If this came out nowadays you’d just be wondering how the toys haven’t broken to pieces yet. Of course there are high budget toys out there as well but they can be rather outnumbered at times. So as long as you enjoy seeing dogs play and have fun then you should like the special. Of course the dogs do get startled a lot and are on the defensive for most of the special but it’s not going into the realm of animal violence or anything like that. Mainly you’ve just got a lot of toon force going on with a very fast paced chase scene going on.

The animation has really aged well here. There’s a whole lot of detail and I’m always impressed at just how much they were able to do. It’s crazy how in 2024 you’ve got new cartoons just announced that look substantially worse than this one. This one has good character designs, good animation, etc. It’s the whole package and it’s also so fast paced that it makes the animation even more impressive for effortlessly keeping up. Yes this is definitely what you like to see from a classic animated special like this.

There really aren’t any negatives to be had with this special although of course it’s so short you would hope that nothing would squeeze in there. The length of the special means that you can watch it at any time although I’d say it probably wouldn’t have a ton of replay value so give it some time between each viewing. It also means there isn’t a ton to write about so this will be on the shorter side for reviews. I like to think I still have this same energy when opening up presents even if I know what’s in most of them beforehand. It’s just a time honored tradition that never really goes away.

Overall, The Pups’ Christmas is a pretty good special. It’s good wholesome entertainment all the way that is good for all ages. It may be many decades old but that hasn’t zapped any of the life out of this short. Sometimes you just want something really light to watch and get you into the Christmas spirit. This one does a good job of that. It may be a few months after the fact by this point but with the weather going up and down you can easily pretend that it’s still December and give this one a play. I guarantee it will be a satisfying 7 minutes of your time.

Overall 7/10

Hard Target Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right it’s time for a very old school thriller title. This one has a lot of action, guns, and thrills. I’d say it works fairly well even if it doesn’t really have a ton of identity. I can’t guarantee that I will really remember the film a few years from now but maybe I’ll surprise myself. It still is a good film though, the genre is just rather packed with movies at this point.

The movie starts with a guy making a break for it but he’s murdered before he can make it to the goal. Basically there is a group of villains who make sport by giving someone a lot of money and daring him to run all the way to the goal. You sort of wonder how anyone makes it all that far though based on the amount of resources that the villains have. They’re everywhere and you don’t get much of a head start. Well, what they didn’t count on was the victim’s daughter deciding to look into what happened to him.

Her name is Natasha and the deck is not in her favor this time because she hasn’t seen her father in a long time and so she doesn’t have any recent pictures of him. The cops let her know that this is definitely going to be a longshot as a result. The unspoken vibe here is that they can’t help so Natasha recruits a homeless guy named Chance who saved her from a gang. Initially he doesn’t want to get involved but he owes some Union dues and won’t be able to make any money until he can pay them back. So he agrees to help her in exchange for the money but what he doesn’t realize is that he’s about to enter a large conspiracy.

As with any conspiracy thriller like this you will have to stretch your disbelief at least a little bit. Yes, in the film the villains do reference how they’re always paying a ton of people off until the situation gets too hot and they have to leave. Even with that you have to be a little dubious though. They follow their victims into the heart of the city and just go around shooting. You’d think this would attract a ton of attention and eventually reach someone who actually does care. Perhaps I am underestimating the villains but it can be a bit much.

You also wonder why the victims are so bad at using the terrain at times. Once you’re in the city that is absolutely your best shot to survive. Stay in crowded areas and pick off the villains one by one. Instead they usually run into their own demise. So again I’m not sure how the first guy actually got all the way to the harbor. A few more steps and he actually would have beaten them.

There are two main villains here in Van Cleef and Fouchon. Van Cleef is usually my kind of villain as he is very talented with a gun and can hold his own but he weakens near the end. The guy starts to get visibly afraid and he really breaks down. He’s supposed to be the tough man of the group so he really has no business cracking like this. It destroys all of his mystique and so I didn’t care from him by the end. He’s only good at beating up on the weak.

Fouchon is a reasonable main villain though. Very by the books and while his grudge prevents him from making it all the way to the end, you can assume that he only got this far in the first place because of his big ego. Without that he likely would have lost a long time ago. Every associate who works with the villains is pretty much doomed from the start so you are not surprised in the slightest when they start going down. They were definitely not prepared.

As for the main characters, Natasha is a good heroine even if it takes a while for her to start helping. By the climax she is contributing and even has a gun at the ready. Her main issue was just being a little naive at first but fortunately that did not last very long. As for Chance, he may not be the most heroic guy out there as he won’t generally go out of his way to be a superhero but he will help out anyone in front of him like when he stepped up to save Natasha in the intro. The guy’s also a super fighter as he took down like 20 guys all by himself in the climax fight.

Is it maybe a bit exaggerated? Sure but it’s fun. The climax here is really solid with how extended it is and how bad the odds were for Chance. Every time it felt like he had beaten all of the minions, a few more would suddenly show up. There was just no real end to them. Chance also got to mix in some hand to hand combat skills along with the gun shooting. Yeah if you were wondering how well a roundhouse kick would do against a flurry of guns, wonder no longer!

Clarence also ends up helping out near the end. The guy definitely shows up out of nowhere but knows how to fight. He gets some shots in. There’s also a cop who does good in putting the pressure on the villains which is what causes them to start panicking and speeding things up. So the supporting cast here was reasonably solid. The soundtrack is more on the forgettable side and the slow-mo was definitely overdone but for the most part the action scenes were always really solid.

The film could be a little on the violent side at times but nothing too crazy. The most disturbing scene is likely when one guy’s ear gets taken out of the picture. Definitely why you never want to get involved with the underworld because it comes back to bite you. If you’re super unlucky then sometimes this can happen to you even if you are unconnected but that’s a whole lot rarer.

Overall, Hard Target is a pretty solid movie. Again I do think it’ll get lost in the shuffle a bit as I watch more movies but at the same time it really embodies what you would expect an action thriller to be. There are a lot of fight scenes, pretty good pacing, and always some extra thrills around the corner. I enjoyed the fight scenes and you are invested all the way through. I would check this one out if you’re looking for an action title to watch.

Overall 7/10

The Man in the Moon Review

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All right it’s time to talk about a sci-fi film about the moon right? Wrong! This film has nothing to do with the moon and the title is only really used at the very beginning and ending. It doesn’t have much to do with anything but I suppose it’s a catchy title. Ultimately this film is about the sting of betrayal and how it’ll always stick with you. You need to be careful about making the wrong move for short term pleasure because it is usually accompanied by long term pain.

The film starts off with Dani being rather upset because Maureen is super popular around the guys but nobody takes notice of Dani. Everyone just says to wait since she is the younger sister and will eventually catch up but time is going by too slowly. Well, one day they get a next door neighbor named Court and Dani realizes that this is her chance. They bond right away and Dani is determined to become more than fiends. Court is more apprehensive about this because he feels like Dani is too young but as always in these films his willpower is about as solid as a plate of jello.

So for Dani she is on cloud 9 as she is quickly seducing the guy and her life is really starting but one day Maureen gets home early and meets Court. You have to keep in mind that Court has the attention span of a chocolate bar that was just thrown into the oven and so he immediately starts making passes at Maureen and downright ignoring Dani. Maureen knows that Dani likes Court and so now it’s her turn to say that she can’t betray her sister like that. You must always stick by family in a situation like this and it is extremely taboo to go with someone who is connected to your family.

There’s just one problem though, Maureen has no real willpower either and after her extremely half hearted attempt of saying no, decides to get together with Court right away. No need for a long romance either, they immediately hook up and aren’t super subtle about it. Karma hits Court like a truck but basically the film is really about how betrayal’s just not a good thing. You just gotta do the right thing and can’t be making little excuses on why you have to crack. It’s not the way to go…not at all. This is one of those films with no real likable characters which is unfortunate. After all you already know that this means the entire film is doomed right?

So Court is an awful character for having no real moral standards and being so flippant about who he’s with. I give him a complete thumbs down all the way. Just disgraceful tbh. Then for Maureen, I can’t really cut her any slack. The fact that she knew Dani liked this guy and still went ahead with it is no good. If Dani never forgave Maureen, she’d just need to live with it because that was an awfully big mistake. Then for Dani, she was really rushing into things too much. She should have settled for just being friends.

It’s why you always gotta be careful when someone says that they just want to be friends. Dani just said that to get Court to lower his guard and then went after him again. Ultimately that’s now really going to work if you see the person as more than friends. Yeah you can live in denial and if you have a really good poker face you can pull it off but then you have to be extra vigilant on when you hang out. Never 1 on 1, certainly not swimming together, etc. Even without the betrayals I couldn’t root for Dani and Court so it’s not like the film had an alternate exit where things turn out well. The romance was always going to be sub par.

Then for more drama, we also had Dani’s mother getting injured when running around during the storm. I was really glad that the film didn’t go down the extra edge route of losing the baby or something. Would have dropped this film close to a 0, let me tell you. That said, we didn’t need the part where Dani’s father takes it out on her. This family sure is really emotional in this film. If they could all be a bit calmer and more rational about things then most of the film wouldn’t have even happened.

Even if we take all of the awful romances and betrayals out of the mix, I don’t think this film was going to ever be anything great. Mainly I say that because the story wasn’t very interesting. You have scenes of the grownups talking like Dani’s mom and her friend about the old days and it’s all a bit on the cringe side. the friend apparently liked the guy that the mom married and jokes about how she got lucky. Yeah it’s just banter between friends…but I’d be getting a bit defensive about having her around to be honest.

Then we have the party where it turns out that the guy Maureen went with was a creep and then his father was also being rather iffy. It seems like every movie I watch lately reminds you to never take a drive with a guy unless you know him super well. I wouldn’t say that this even adds anything to the film either and I would have at least liked a scene of those two being told off but we never got that. The film really put all of its eggs in one basket with the whole love triangle and when that failed, there was no plan B. It just meant that the whole film went down with it and that’s unfortunate.

Overall, Man in the Moon is a film that I would advise against watching. Often times these “Coming of Age” movies tend to be on the negative side. It’s as if the average movie creator figures that to grow up you gotta go through some kind of tragedy and get burned in the love game. Why don’t we get one instead about a kid who doesn’t want to grow up and just tells the world this is how it’s gonna be. Something like…I dunno Peter Pan. Now there’s a character who was always on top of things. You of course can pull off a dramatic film like this but you’re already stacking the deck against yourself by trying to throw in a romance plot because the characters just feel too young for that. You already know it’s not going to be anything too serious and it’s way too young to be worrying about fighting over a guy. Leave that kind of plot to the pros like Nisekoi.

Overall 3/10

Courage of Lassie Review

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The Lassie films have a long standing reputation of all being rather bad so the question was if this one could finally change things. Well, I am here to report that it could not change thing at all. This is one title that does not surpass its limits or do anything even like that. Instead, it just repeats all of the same mistakes that you are used to seeing from the franchise. It’s unfortunate but not really unexpected. No, if anything you are used to it and we’ll just have to keep on waiting for a good one.

The main dog in this film is named Bill and he’s a nice dog. Bill is a strong dog who can run around a lot but his owners don’t think that he has what it takes to shepherd the sheep when the going gets tough. Kathie wants to prove the world wrong and runs around with Bill to try and prove her point. It was a good attempt at least. Unfortunately Bill is often the subject of bad luck. Over the course of the movie he is run over, shot with a gun, and even gets drafted into the army. While in the army, Bill is sent to an active warzone with bombs flying all over and he gets injured enough to the point where he develops PTSD.

His owner also goes too far in trying to win the day and has Bill continue to move even while he is super injured. This doesn’t help things out either. Bill then becomes so wild that he eats/injures other animals and a warrant is put out for his death. Yeah this dog can’t catch a break. You get the feeling that the film really wanted to up the stakes as much as possible and show how this wasn’t your average Lassie film but my answer to that is it just makes this one that much more. It’s a Lassie film so you are expecting the dog to get shot but why go through all of this other hardship as well?

It makes the whole film rather try hard and edgy. You really didn’t need to see any of that. The drama doesn’t make the film any more engaging or anything. It just holds it back. With this level of animal violence the film never stood a chance. Meanwhile it’s also no that interesting. None of the characters really glue you o the screen. The main character is Kathie and while she means well, she’s too young to do much of anything. Like when Bill is taken away to the army, there is noting she can do. She doesn’t even know what happened to Bill after he vanished for a while there. Then when Kathie does reappear with Bill, one of the first things she does is accidentally disclose his position to the cops which almost proves fatal for Bill.

Naturally it’s not like that’s really her fault as she couldn’t have known but it’s hardly a great look for her either. Then for Bill’s owner at the army, I didn’t like him for the reasons I mentioned earlier. Having Bill continue to fight when he was so injured was not a good look. Bill needed to lie down and recharge, not get right back on the saddle like this. The only decent character was the old man who tried keeping Kathie calm and then tried keeping Bill as a secret in the end. He was old enough to know how the world works and wasn’t just spilling his guts about everything. The guy knew how to keep a secret.

Still, it’s a rather low bar for characters. This is definitely not the kind of film where you expect great characters or anything like that but even more decent ones would have helped. I suppose at best the writing is decent. The characters still talk in the old fashioned way that is always fun. I also thought that the pacing was fairly reasonable. They manage to squeeze in a lot of different locations and characters into a film that’s not overly long or anything. So the movie really knew how to balance its time effectively. It just didn’t have a great story to accompany it.

Now when a film has lost the plot as badly as this one has, I like to add some some advice for how the film could have succeeded. Okay so hear me out, you cut out all injuries that happened to Bill in this film right. Have him go missing one day and so the main characters have to try and find him. Ultimately they end up finding him helping out the US army in bomb detection or something. They take Bill back home as a hero and that’s the movie. It’s still wholesome and has the army subplot and everything. It just ends up being a much more light hearted movie with great moments rather than trying so hard to be a suspenseful tragedy. We don’t need any of those. Extra bonus if you make the main character Lassie instead of Bill since that would work a lot better.

Overall, There’s not a whole lot to say about this film beyond that. It follows through the Lassie formula to the point where this might as well be an edgy reboot. Even the whole joining the army thing has already been done before. I don’t get why the series doesn’t just make a movie that’s all slice of life. Lets just see Lassie running around town and having fun. Yes, Lassie, not some future descendent named Bill. Doesn’t that completely take away from the point of the series? I’m watching the movie to see Lassie, not another dog. I dare say that the title is really clickbait. Yeah you can use it to tie into things later but it’s click bait because the first assumption with that title is that Lassie will be appearing. Definitely skip this film as quickly as you can.

Overall 2/10

This Happy Feeling Review

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It’s time for one of those films where a weak romance really holds it back. There’s only so much you can do with the rest of the film when this isn’t on point after all. I also think the film could have gone a little more all out with the comedy since it doesn’t tend to be laugh out loud humorous most of the time. I did enjoy a bird that was running around for most of the movie though.

The movie starts off with Mitch realizing that he is super old and the world of the theatre has long since passed him by. Part of him wants to get back into the business but the rest of him knows that he can’t keep up. There is a lady that he has been involved with for a long time named Nita but he’s bored of her as well. Well, one day a girl named Janet stops by his place after being defeated by the rain and so he lets her stick around. The problem is that she’s fallen for him and this inflates Mitch’s ego. Perhaps he’s not over the hill yet but at the same time he knows that a relationship is a bad idea here due to the really large age gap. What can he do?

Well the obvious answer is to just not get into a relationship but most main characters aren’t smart enough for that. This is very much a rebound type of film. Mitch was bored with Nita so he briefly gets involved with Janet and then common sense returns so he goes back to Nita. The problem is that it’s not particularly satisfying for anyone. Mitch proved that he can’t be 100% trustworthy at this point. There are no take backs and the film should have probably gone for a more somber ending where he retires or something and runs off. Janet goes to find a new job while Bill and Nita just wonder what they should do next. That would be the ideal ending.

I’m still glad that Mitch saw reason by the end. Better late than never and all that but the whole plot is definitely more on the annoying side. It helps that most of the cast is rather annoying so you’re rooting for Mitch to prove the doubters wrong at least in terms of his horseback riding and acting ability. Lets take Nita for example. She immediately gets super jealous of Janet and starts being petty about everything. You get why she would be upset since Mitch is intentionally portraying this as him cheating. Lets face it, there’s no other reason to have had Janet pick up the phone.

So I’m cool with Nita getting angry but where it gets unreasonable is when she takes it on everyone else. When Bill falls and gets seriously injured, she takes that time to gloat to Mitch instead of feeling bad about it. Not very compassionate right? Rather than being so bitter she should have just left Mitch entirely and moved on to someone else. Why stick around to be with someone that doesn’t appear to actually like you?

Meanwhile you’re supposed to be rooting for Bill to get together with Janet but why would you do that? The guy’s a jerk. He looks incredibly awful right from the jump as we find out that he moves on from girlfriend to girlfriend as such a common occurrence that nobody can keep track of who he is currently dating. Then when Janet is in a vulnerable spot he takes that moment to put some real pressure on her. Yeah part of it is a misunderstanding but most of it is just Bill trying to make a move under the worst set of circumstances possible. The worst part is that he blames her for all of this.

It’s a part of the film that is rather dated to be sure but even with that context there’s just no way for me to find Bill to be even remotely likable. The guy is just super annoying all the way through. He’s quick to turn on Mitch too even though he was the one who was badmouthing the guy. If Bill wasn’t so aggressive about that, the movie could have turned out very differently as well. I’m afraid that Janet isn’t fully innocent in all of this either though.

Janet knows that Bill likes her but she likes Mitch so she decides to make the older guy jealous by intentionally acting as if she likes Bill during the dance. What this means is that she is putting the guy on and is very intentional about doing this. Manipulating someone emotionally is never cool. It’s a really underhanded trick and of course this just leaves Bill confused later on. Janet spends a lot of time working to seduce Mitch as well and obviously it’s successful since the guy has the willpower of an old banana but none of this really helps Janet as a character. If she was hopelessly in love with the guy and needed a reality check then that could at least give her some character development but instead she just walks back to Bill.

Yeah the romance here is just so bad. It’s all rebounds or romances that you couldn’t root for from the start. The only likable character here is Mitch’s maid who helps him out by fixing his back and generally helping out around the house. She’s a fun character and delivers about 90% of the film’s humor. She has a dry wit about her and is always in the right place at the right time. I don’t know what Mitch would do without her. She definitely elevates the film which makes her a model supporting character.

Like I mentioned before, the film just doesn’t have quite as much humor as you would expect. The romance itself feels like it’s played fairly serious the whole time. Mainly I think the issue here is that the humor is just too subtle to the point where it just can’t actually dominates the scene even when the joke is being played. So this ends up being more of a drama and it isn’t able to succeed. It would have needed a stronger cast of characters for that.

Overall, This Happy Feeling isn’t a particularly good movie. It makes quite a few mistakes in the romance and it just isn’t able to overcome them. The title may remind you of the hit anime, My Happy Marriage but that title is infinitely better than this one. So unless you are desperate for a romance film, you should give this one a skip. There are many better titles within the genre to watch instead. It’s also important to remember even in real life that you never want to be the second choice. Don’t be the rebound guy and instead keep on searching until you’re the starter. Otherwise you’re stacking the deck against yourself in the risk department.

Overall 4/10

Still Alice Review

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It’s time for the marathon of film reviews where I’m absolutely devastating these films! The higher reviewed ones will be coming up but I thought that this made sense as a theme. This film tends to be on the sadder side. It’s not super objectionable or anything like that but at the same time it’s definitely not a film where you will walk away grinning. I definitely would have tweaked the ending a bit with one of those miracle cures but that’s just how it goes.

The film starts off by introducing us to Alice who is a genius. She is very well spoken and conducts herself as a true professional. She is a professor and has a happy marriage with her husband John. All 3 of her kids are doing well within their fields…well one of them is having a bit of trouble with theater but it’s a happy life. Unfortunately one day Alice is diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s and the genetic results say that she has a 0% chance of stopping it. It will gradually continue to get worse and worse until she dies. Particularly to Alice where her intelligence was something she took a lot of pride in, this comes as a big blow. She’s not sure how to really deal with it or if she even wants to continue dealing with this. What can she do?

Alzheimer’s is definitely one of the tougher ailments out there for two real reasons. One is the lack of a cure right now. Yeah, medicine continues to go a long way and you can generally slow this down but as a rule of thumb once it goes to a certain point there’s not much that can work. There’s also still a lot of mystery around how it works but you can actually see the pathways between neurons get cut off and there is currently no way to restore them. So the best thing you can hope for is that you only lose memories that you don’t need but it’s a scary way to live.

The other difficult part which in a lot of ways is the worst part is that there is no real way to have prevented this from happening. When it’s genetic, you were pre determined to have a higher chance to get this when you were born. In some cases they’ll know right away so you can be a kid and know that it will happen to you once you reach a certain age. It’s definitely a tough situation to be in. So these are all the things that Alice has to deal with.

She works on leaving herself notes and lots of little tips to help her remember what she has to do but these don’t always help. Additionally long lengths of time will go by where to her it just feels like a day. One tough moment was when she lost her phone. She thought she lost it a day ago but 6 months had actually passed. It’s definitely easy to get depressed at that point. Everyone does their best to help her out through this period but to see someone slowly deteriorating like that is definitely tough.

So then what you’re wondering is…when does the film become fun? Well the answer is that it doesn’t and that’s the problem. Much like Alice, we have to watch the film’s entertainment value slowly deteriorating along with it. It seems to be a fairly realistic take on what Alzheimer’s is like so I can give the film that credit but at the same time it doesn’t make for a good film. It plays out like something you would read on the news where it’s a tough tragedy but you aren’t able to do anything about it so you just feel bad the whole time.

That’s exactly why I would have had the film give her some kind of a cure. It doesn’t have to go into the range of sci-fi, just say that she’s getting better because the condition stabilized. Maybe she lost the first 30 years of her life but she will remember things going forward for a while. It doesn’t have to be a 100% crystal perfect happy ending or anything like that but I think this would go a long way. The film opened the door for this a few different times with how Alzheimer’s doesn’t always result in 100% mental failure. There are degrees to it but ultimately the film went all the way.

As for the supporting characters, there’s not much for them to do here. The kids for the most part are understanding although one of them always seems rather harsh. They all know that Alice is having memory issues and yet she gives her a hard time about it. The main daughter who wants to work in theater is easily the most patient and does everything that she can in order to help. Alice’s husband is also solid there but since he has a job he’s just not able to be there for her quite as often and has to run off to Academia and move to a new location as well. At least before she went all the way gone, Alice was able to give one last speech in a big professional setting so that gave her one last big hurrah. This kept the film from going to the next level of being mean spirited. I was worried when the notes fell to the ground that she was not going to be able to give the speech at all which would have been pretty mean.

Overall, Still Alice is definitely an emotional film. I wouldn’t recommend it if your family has a history with Alzheimer’s since it will just cause extra stress in the meantime. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re looking for a fun or entertaining film either. Ultimately there’s just not a whole lot here for you. It’s a film that just gets sadder the more you watch it and that’s tough. You can do sad films in a way where they are still solid but typically those will involve stories with some kind of hope or a fun journey in the meantime. This one just can’t do that because of the nature of the plot and so ultimately you are just doomed.

Overall 3/10

Brothers Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Uh oh, it’s time for one of those films where everyone makes so many mistakes that the film can’t possibly make a comeback. You always hope that maybe, just maybe the film is not going in the direction that you expected it to go but ultimately it does and all you can do is watch it happen in real time.

The film starts off by introducing us to two brothers, Sam and Tommy. They are very different people and contrast each other almost completely. Sam is super responsible and is a soldier who goes off into battle to make the world a better place. Tommy tends to be reckless and get drunk, the guy is just coming out of jail for robbery. Well, one day Sam heads off to war and doesn’t come back. He’s said to be dead and so his wife Grace is devastated. Tommy wants to do his best to step up an help out now but the problem is that he ends up falling for Grace. Is this his big chance to finally have her to himself?

So the first thing that completely obliterates the movie right out of the gate is the romance. Look, we all know these things from a young age thanks to the school of common sense. You don’t go after anyone who is dating family. Doesn’t matter if it’s the girlfriend of a sibling, cousin, parents, some third removed uncle, etc. They are completely off limits. I know this next part’s gonna hurt but bear with me on this. There is no time limit on this. Yessss, even if they break up at some point, you are not allowed to be the rebound. I’m afraid that this girl is out of your reach forever now.

You can cry it out for a little while, put some distance and make sure you don’t see this person for a while, etc. However you need to cope, just remember that this is a social rule of complete authority. Me personally, I don’t care much for a lot of social rules. I tend to think a lot of them are outdated but this is one that just makes sense ethically so yeah it still holds up. If you are in love with that person then you better be prepared to internalize that all the way to the grave. This also applies to friends as well by the way. It’s not quite as ironclad there but it’s still something to keep in mind. Don’t go after your friend’s girl either.

So then the question becomes, “If I’m extremely weak willed how do I resist making a move?” Well if you’re so weak willed that you can’t control yourself then obviously you have to move to another country so that you’re never in the same room together. Fortunately most people have at least basic self control so you should be fine. Unfortunately this movie doesn’t go in that direction. Tommy does end up getting together with Grace after they were both flirting for a while and then get drunk. Maybe…..mayyyyybe you shouldn’t be getting drunk with someone who is emotionally vulnerable at the time?

Make no mistake, Grace gets some of the blame to be sure but I’m putting most of this on Tommy. Simply put, it’s way more personal there since he is actually Sam’s brother. That will always carry a bit more weight since we’re talking direct family here. He never should have let things happen and the fact that they stopped afterwards is barely a silver lining. It still happened and permanently destroyed any trust that the relationship could have had for Sam and Grace. So there’s no coming back from that. The film is about Tommy becoming a better person and helping out but this undermines the whole plot.

Meanwhile it also hurts Grace a whole lot. If the film was going to play her up as in a different role where she wanted a new husband because there were bills to pay or she was going to be in debt now then that would still be terrible but at least it would be a plan and not a mistake. You just can’t make these kinds of mistakes so either way it’s a big loss for her. Finally you have Sam and hey…he’s the role model right? The guy you can count on in all situations to make the right decision? Well the film has to drag him through the mud as well.

After he’s captured and tortured for a while Sam is ultimately told to make the big choice. If he murders someone else in cold blood then he can escape and in that moment Sam puts his life above the other guy’s in order to escape. It’s just awful and a jaded look at how humans will ultimately make the wrong call when put under pressure. That’s a big no no in my book. For starters, you already know they’re going to murder and torture him some more after this so why even go out on their terms? Make a move for the gun or something and best case they shoot you in the head as a painless death. Your odds are much better at dying quickly this way.

Maybe you’ll somehow hit the 1 in a billion jackpot and make a comeback but what you don’t do is murder the guy. If we at least got a scene where Sam says he did it because he thought the guy was going to be tortured a lot more and wanted to put him out of his misery then that would at least be worth discussion. Misguided I would argue but there is a very strong and legitimate case to be made for that reasoning. Nah, Sam just did it on the hopes that he could go home.

Unfortunately he has a lot of PTSD after that and the whole affair with Grace and Tommy did not help matters out at all. Ultimately this leads to a fairly explosive climax. A lot is going on and the film’s certainly very loud but the whole thing got way too dramatic. None of the characters were particularly likable by the end. The film would have been better off being an emotional road to recovery type of film. Remove the scene with Grace and Tommy and instead focus on both of them respectfully working to move on and honor Sam’s memory. The real tragedy here is that the movie has a lot of groundwork for that kind of plot and you can see the potential. In the end it just didn’t happen.

There’s also more drama with Tommy’s father putting him down and saying a lot of hurtful things that he can’t take back. That plot could have been handled more tactfully I’d say. The writing is rather over reliant on language so the TV version really had its work cut out for it there. The pacing is okay at least. The film’s rather long but there is a lot to cover. Of course the war scenes tend to be rather violent so when the film isn’t being dramatic and dark you’re seeing the soldiers get tortured. It’s a little hard to enjoy the happy moments at home as a result. This contrast is intentional but it’s not doing the film any favors.

Overall, The moral of this film is really how one mistake can change a person’s entire life. That’s what happened to all 3 of the main characters. They did things that they can’t take back and will have to live with for the rest of their lives. The ending tries to offer a little hope but for the most part I would say that it is a sad ending. Things will never return to the way that they once were. That’s life of course but usually you hope for better circumstances.

Overall 2/10

The Book of Henry Review

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All right it’s time for a film that is definitely ambitious but I’m afraid that it fails on all accounts. When you see this film you immediately know that it’s not going places and I’m afraid that it never manages to make the comeback. This is a film that you definitely want to avoid. Instead of picking up this book to watch, read a classic book somewhere out there like Tim: Defender of Earth.

The movie starts by introducing us to Henry who is an absolute genius. The boy is still very young, yet he is an inventor, stock broker, and does whatever he has to. He is emotionally a little distant compared to other kids due to this but Henry has helped his family out a lot over the years. Unfortunately he has a big problem to get through now that won’t be easy. It turns out that his next door neighbor Glenn is actually a criminal who has been ruining his daughter Sheila’s life. Unfortunately he is the police chief and has a spotless record so nobody is doing anything about this and Sheila’s not really in a position to do anything either. Nobody except for Henry even suspects that something is going on since she rare has visible bruising. Henry decides that in order to save Sheila, he will have to murder Glenn.

Naturally this is a tough undertaking even for a genius like Henry. Additionally he has some medical issues going on as well and isn’t at peak strength. So he has to find a way to murder Glenn without leaving any evidence or causing his family trouble. His mother Susan enjoys playing a lot of shooters throughout the day and just having fun living life while his brother Peter is a normal kid and so he can’t keep up with these life and death stakes. In a way Henry is sort of on his own with this.

The kid genius characters can be a little hard to take seriously at times and I have to admit that this happens for this movie as well. It’s great to see Henry making his family rich and all but when he tries to be serious I just can’t take the scene quite as seriously. He’s a good kid though which is what counts even if he’s not a very interesting character. His brother Peter doesn’t get a lot to do here. He gets some development near the end as he tries his best to help out but his role in the film is effectively filler.

Susan gets a big role as the mother of course. It was a fresh change of pace to see the adult playing video games and having a good time. So often in these films you see the parents just doing work or reading a book but not having any kind of personality or hobbies. If there are hobbies it would be something like golf. So the video games was pretty fun. In a way her plot is about growing up though which goes against this and by the end you wonder if she will be having as much fun.

For obvious reasons within the film’s context she will be serious for a while but hopefully she still keeps up with gaming and all. The idea that it wouldn’t be a serious hobby is a bit dated if you ask me. Unfortunately she looks really bad near the end as the film makes one of the all time classic blunders. Let me put the scenario in this context. You are face to face with an unrepentant monster who is fully prepared to murder you. You have made it clear that his life will be over if he doesn’t murder you and both of you happen to be in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night with no witnesses.

Your only real options here are to murder him or be murdered. The film tries to present the argument for violence never being the way but does so in very sloppy fashion. By all logic Susan should have been obliterated in that scene. So I’d argue her whole climax is poorly written and makes her look like a really bad character. It’s a selfish decision first of all. If she gets bumped off there, then her kid is going to be in a lot of trouble and things will only get worse for Sheila.

It’s one thing if you’re being held at gunpoint to decide not to fight back and just be resigned to your death. It’s another if you have the opportunity to take the gun away and 3 hostages are behind you. The film definitely lost me here…well it lost me more than it already had. The climax is just really bad and there are many times where being a pacifist is straight up the wrong move. This is definitely one of those times.

I’d argue that in general getting drunk a lot at home to the point where the kids can predict it is irresponsible as well but I guess I won’t deduct as many points from her there. In theory at home should be the one place you can drink past your limit if that’s something you want to do. It doesn’t set up a great example, but that’s how it goes. Meanwhile her friend Sheila doesn’t really add much to the film either. Her scene with Henry just ends up being cringe and this felt like Peter where the film was adding a character to bloat the cast a bit even though she had nothing to do.

David gets a randomly rushed romance setup which makes no sense. You can’t really convince me that this would ever work as just seeing him should bring up bad memories for Susan every time. Then you have Christina who you just feel bad for the whole time. She really went through a lot and nobody was being particularly helpful for a while there. The fact that she hasn’t shut down completely and is able to keep up a nice attitude speaks volumes about her good character.

Then you have Glenn as the main villain who is basically just a character written to be super evil so there’s nothing to like there. You’re just rooting for his downfall the whole time. Still, it’s the subplot that destroys the film so in a way you could blame him for making the film no good. Without him I don’t think this would be a smash hit or anything but it would be considerably better. I would also change Henry’s ending a little bit as well and then the score would immediately be tripled. For a long while into the film I was expecting some kind of fakeout even if that would have been really hard to make convincing.

Overall, The Book of Henry is definitely a film that I would recommend staying away from. It ultimately fails by resorting to shock value with the dark Glenn plot as well as Henry’s plight. The film has so much drama and then the characters don’t react to it properly. Particularly with the first plot as there should have been a lot more urgency here and no getting cold feet at the end when you have the chance. The film isn’t always sure what kind of tone it wants to have and ultimately tends to make the wrong choices.

Overall 2/10

Five Nights at Freddy’s Review

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It’s time to finally dive into the online sensation that is Five Nights at Freddy’s! This is a franchise that really took the world by storm with just how ferocious and scary it was. Every minute had you really on the edge of your sear wondering what was going to happen next. Would it really translate well into the movie? Well, the movie is definitely at its best when the robots are running around. The whole time you know that the humans are toast but the film does definitely lose some ground when it comes to the origins of the robots and the human stuff. That should probably have been saved for a future film. Granted, I don’t know anything about the film except for the spooky jump scares so how much of the plot was spelled out in the first game is a little beyond me. It’s been fun learning more about the series but a lot of it is lore and guess work typically.

The movie starts off with one guy making a break for it, but the robots are too powerful and they ultimately take him down for the count. We’re then introduced to a guy named Mike who has just been fired from another job. He’s a hard worker but the guy gets too emotional and jumps to conclusions. He only has one option left, being a night guard at an abandoned pizzeria. It’s pretty shady, dangerous, etc but he needs the money. Mike’s little sister is going to be taken away by a family member who wants all the money and Mike’s best chance at convincing the judge that he has this under control is to have a steady job that pays the bills. So that’s the plan at least but can he survive this? At least the nearby police officer named Vanessa is really nice so he won’t be totally alone.

All right so like I said the best stuff is really what’s going on at the pizzeria. The place has a very ominous feel and when you see the robots running around you always know that danger is near. They especially look huge in person so you would probably be afraid to just be walking around them. One wrong punch and that’s it for you. Seriously the physical strength behind these guys is absolutely crazy. There’s also the fact that they shouldn’t be able to move so well that makes them rather spooky too. The constant turnover, etc.

By having the robots murder someone in the opening scene, you also know that they are ready to cause some danger right from the start as well. I enjoy the chase scenes here and things definitely get intense. That said, the robots don’t do quite as much as you may have wanted. A lot of time is spent on Mike and he’s not the most interesting main character. He’s not bad but the guy doesn’t stand out and isn’t always super reasonable.

For example, early on he turns down the night watchman job immediately even though at that point he already needed the money. Ultimately the situation gets even worse so he takes it on but I was surprised at how fiercely he declined. Then later on he has a tendency to blame Vanessa for keeping a lot of secrets from him when it’s still his fault for bringing Abby around at all. There’s no way you should ever be bringing a kid to an abandoned pizzeria with lots of giant robots. That’s not smart and we learn that it was for selfish reasons which is even worse.

Abby’s okay at best but she is a kid and so she tends to get in the way here. She’s not really sure of what’s going on until it’s too late and can be rather naive. Vanessa’s the best character from the humans but you still have to overlook a whole lot in order to straight up call her a good character. Trust me, she makes a lot of mistakes here and the fact that she never does anything about this situation is a demerit against her. I’m not buying into any mind control here, it was just fear and confused feelings that held her back. Neither of which are good enough excuses.

I did appreciate the evil aunt character who was transparently a big villain. Hiring a bunch of guys to attack Freddy’s pizzeria is one of the worst plans you can do but I liked her confidence. It also meant that we finally had some more villains around which is always a good thing. The film has a fairly small cast overall and you need more victims to show off the robots. The robots themselves are also very distinct. Ironically Freddy himself has one of the smaller roles though.

I’d argue the yellow duck robot had the biggest role. They all get their time to shine of course but since the place is called Freddy’s you just expect him to do a whole lot more. One of the scenes where he is seemingly there isn’t even him, it’s actually Golden Freddy and the film just offers you a little clue into this when the kid says “Not Freddy” during the scene. A lot of interesting setup for the sequel. Part of the fun in knowing a lot of random things about a franchise but not knowing a ton of specifics is that it makes the series even more intriguing. Not only do I not know what I don’t know, but the things I do know tend to be out of context. So that’s fun but the risk can sometimes be that I like the concept of something more than the execution.

For example there is one plot that brings down the movie quite a bit in how dark it is. That’s basically Mike’s backstory where his little brother was kidnapped while they were at a picnic and apparently there was a whole epidemic of a lot of kids being taken. This involves the robots but basically all of the kids were violently murdered. Not exactly what you were hoping to see here and the explanation for why the police never found them is a real stretch. I don’t see how they were never found and how the place was so well kept intact afterwards. Surely they would have emptied out the rooms, robots, etc. to make sure that every place was checked right?

The backstory felt a bit sloppy here. Throughout the film, Mike gets to relive the kidnapping as he tries to ask the kids what happened. The idea is that every night he has this dream, he gets closer to solving the mystery but it’s a very slow process. You get what they’re going for here but it does mean that these scenes can be rather boring without much in the way of plot development. I don’t need to see the kid getting kidnapped over and over again. Even the intro of the film is already rather creepy with the drawings and what’s happening. If you have to go into the origin though, I would have left it at the opening credits and made Mike unrelated to the whole plot. Just make him a random guard trying to survive. I think that would be way more interesting.

In terms of sheer violence, I wouldn’t say that the film is too excessive here. It tends to be more about what you don’t see or what nearly happens as opposed to what does. One character does get ripped in half which is probably the most violent scene here but even then it is done through shadows so you aren’t actually seeing what is going on here and I think that is a very important point to make. If it was on screen this film probably would have had to go up a rating after all.

Overall, Five Nights at Freddy’s succeeds whenever it is about the robots running around and causing trouble. The direction the film went in just didn’t tend to focus on its strengths though. Too much time is spent on Mike and his constant dreams. I liked the scene with introducing us to the guy giving Mike the job and how his tune really shifted upon hearing Mike’s last name. It’s over the top enough that it’s spooky while also being a bit campy which is a good atmosphere to have. For the first film it really should have been more about Mike being stuck in the pizzeria trying to survive the night against the robots though. Or if you wanted to go the more lore based route, have this be a very dense film with tons of theory crafting and the main character reading a bunch of books the whole time and trying to figure things out. In either case I think you’re in a better place. So ultimately if you don’t mind the darker elements, you should have a good time here. The robots are definitely spooky!

Overall 4/10

Rollerball (2002) Review

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It’s time to look at the remake to the original film that I just watched. Seeing both versions on the same day definitely makes for a pretty interesting marathon watch. It’s safe to say that the original is better in just about every way though. This one has a very “Try Hard” feel to it from the start. It doesn’t seem like the creators had a ton of confidence in the story or writing so right out of the gate they’re having to add all this extra stuff and it doesn’t work.

The film starts off by introducing us to Jonathan who likes doing extreme things. He even races on a skateboard kind of device through the streets which looks extremely dangerous the instant he gets on it. Definitely not a very responsible thing to do and when the cops show up at his door, he figures it’s time to finally get into Rollerball. It’s an extreme sport filled with lots of danger. Think of it like Rollerbading meets Hockey and you’re zooming around trying to score while people are driving motorcycles and all violence is allowed. Jonathan has become the world champ here but there is a dark conspiracy afoot. More and more people keep getting injured and dying as the ratings go higher. Is there any way out of this?

I will also say that the remake tries to spell things out for you more than the first. In the first movie we never heard the exact rules of the game but you could just piece it together while watching. In this one we literally have a whole scene for the announcer explaining the rules. It’s not a bad idea by any means but it does give you a glimpse into what this remake is like right from the jump. Everything is less nuanced. The villains are super evil, complete with evil laughter and long winded speeches. The opposing teams are all in the dark as well and when push comes to shove they are ready to help. The body count is much smaller and things are allowed to be happier.

Hey, I’m all for a happier ending but the whole film just doesn’t work. Part of the problem is that this film takes place in modern days instead of in a dystopia. In the latter it is easy to excuse a lot of thing like nobody caring about all of the deaths since humanity was cooked a long time ago. In this case it doesn’t make sense that they’re still getting TV deals and becoming a huge hit. The instant the first death hits you are looking at tons of lawsuits and negative media coverage. Yes, the sport could continue but it would be more of an indie thing and not the massive mainstream audience with top ratings that we see here.

You can cut a bit of slack for this being in a foreign country and the standards are a bit more lax but the more the film goes on, the less weight this holds. You also have this company owning the border guards, and being able to do whatever they want. The host even takes out a gun and threatens the local media companies in the middle of a crowd. Alexi doesn’t care who sees him and this works in a dystopia but not here. So the film should have kept this in the future. It doesn’t make sense to be in present day.

Then to make things edgier, we have a ton of fanservice throughout the movie. The film wants to show us how depraved the villains are, so they’re all living out their fantasies degrading everyone and the scenes have absolutely no point to being here. It’s clearly a desperate attempt for more ratings and I dare say that it won’t work on the average moviegoer. Even having girls playing in this league makes no real sense with how violent it is. Another thing that I could have turned a blind eye to in a dystopia.

In fact, let me put on my conspiracy hat here for a minute. I think there are only two reasons why they added women participants to the sport for this remake. The first is for…you guessed it, more fanservice since they can add random locker room scenes. The other is just so they could throw in a big romance which would give Jonathan more motivation for later. The romance is pretty bad though, one of those really rushed ones with no real depth behind it. I’m sure the writers had a chuckle with the last line in the film as a callback to the first conversation with Jonathan and Aurora but it’s not enough to salvage the whole sub plot.

The actual Rollerball scenes aren’t bad but even this is not as good as the original which is crazy. It’s a case of trying to do too much. Now we have ramps, big jumps, you have to throw the ball into a goal instead of jamming it in there and the stage is much smaller. To make up for that, there are less players on each team but the whole thing just feels more convoluted and I can’t think of any way where it is quite as good. At most I can admit that throwing the ball into the goal would be more practical in real life but that’s it. The rest of the changes just don’t make much sense to me unless making the arena smaller was a budgetary constraint.

The cast is not particularly inspiring. Jonathan was annoying in the intro. He’s a decent guy but starting off as a delinquent isn’t great and in the whole climax he doesn’t have much of a plan except to try and murder as many of the opponents as possible. Only problem is that he’s super outnumbered so he has to be saved a bunch of times. It doesn’t make him look very smart. I don’t have any real issues with Aurora. She does her best to help Jonathan and make sure that he’s doing well while she makes the sacrificial play since she has family that she can’t leave.

It takes Ridley a little while to find his moral compass so he’s not as good but at least once he is in danger then the guy starts to move. So I can appreciate that a bit. Sure, it’s selfish and all but I can picture a lot of people making that call. You want to hope for the best to make all of the money until you can’t deny it anymore. Alexi’s a fairly generic villain. Not much to talk about with that guy, he’s okay at best.

His right hand man Sanjay is actually really interesting though. I could have used more screentime for this guy. He’s more ambitious than Alexi and smarter as well. He really thought things through and had a great scene near the end even if it didn’t totally end the way you would have expected it to be. He’s surprisingly the best character in the movie.

As a side note, the whole climax is easily the best part of the film, starting from when Jonathan breaks a window and challenges the villains. Suddenly it was like Jason Bourne where he is taking everyone on and using every object imaginable. He even has a Captain America type moment where he blocks a bullet. Yeah the editing is so bad that it makes Taken 3 look impressive as there are literal frame cuts so we see Jonathan teleporting around the map but we can assume he’s that fast. I was glad that we were getting some real action outside of the arena at least.

Overall, This film had a ton of problems. They range all the way from narrative ones to pacing issues and just plain ole logistical issues. It was trying way too hard in all the wrong places and so that was a recipe for disaster. It can be an entertaining movie for a while but by the end the negatives just racked up way too high to be overcome. Ultimately you are way better watching the first film over the remake. Trust me, this is one that you will definitely want to avoid if you are given the choice.

Overall 4/10