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The Thing Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to look at one of the most iconic horror movies out there. It’s definitely really intense all the way through with a lot of tension and intrigue the whole time. Ultimately it does fall flat due to some unfortunate animal violence and a monster design that leaves a lot to be desired. The film has a core premise that could work if we could get a redo on this someday with a future remake.

The film starts off by introducing us to MacReady and a group of researchers in Antartica. It’s a rather isolated place but these guys are used to it. One day a nearby squad seemingly goes insane as they try to murder a dog and so the heroes take them out. Did the cold weather get to them? No, it appears that a monster is afoot and it can shapeshift as the person it is controlling. This means that any one of the heroes or even more than one are currently aliens in disguise. Is there any way to find out who the culprits are or will distrust doom the squad right off the bat?

There are a lot of suspects here as there are quite a few characters. Additionally just because someone isn’t being controlled in one scene doesn’t mean that he won’t be taken over later on. Any time a character leaves the screen for a prolonged amount of time you have to consider that he may have been compromised and that’s a very dangerous proposition for the other characters. The alien is definitely impressive as it allows the subject to perfectly keep his personality and reason so by all accounts you can’t really tell externally. Additionally the alien is still plotting your death all the while.

So it’s like a live action adaption of Among Us in some ways. I would even say the intrigue is stronger than Invasion of the Body Snatchers which has a similar premise. Having the characters be stuck in Antarctica is a good idea as well because it means there is really no escape. So either you end up taking out the aliens or you get consumed. There are no other options here and the movie keeps this tension up all throughout the movie. So why did it fumble in the end?

Well the main thing here that ends up hurting is of course the animal violence. The Thing starts by murdering most of the dogs and then absorbing the others. One of them ends up getting shot as well and of course they’re all trapped within the cage so when the Thing shows up they can’t even escape. The whole thing’s pretty depressing there and the film should have just had The Thing taking the humans over from the jump. That would have been a whole lot better and then you’d avoid this landmine entirely. The whole scene with the dogs is pretty explicit.

Then you have the creature design as well which isn’t as cool as it needed to be. It’s a slippery mess of tentacles running around and it almost looks like it’s in pain the whole time. It has a cool looking dinosaur mode near the very end but for the most part it just looks like a way less impressive version of Biollante. Give me a more solid monsters to get behind. His attacks were impressive but even then the effects make it look more gross than impressive. It should have looked a whole lot more impressive.

The characters tend to be on the better side though. MacReady is the lead and he knows when it’s time to get serious and stop playing games. He takes command towards the end by force and it makes sense since he actually has a plan while the others would just keep on fighting and not getting anywhere. Considering that the alien is around as well, there is no real time for democracy here. You either take the lead or you end up going down. Using dynamite as a hostage was a great idea since nobody could try and blow him up at that point.

Childs is someone who gives MacReady a tough time for most of the film. Mainly because he also knows they can’t trust anyone and he got some really strong circumstantial evidence that made him really distrust MacReady. I couldn’t really blame him there because the evidence did look pretty bad. Childs is quick on his feet and does pretty well otherwise. Blair is the character I didn’t like because he completely cracks at one point and only makes things worse for everyone. He’s extremely annoying as a result. I do wonder if maybe it’s just that he was being controlled from the jump but I don’t feel like the movie was really implying that. It would have been interesting but that’s more of a baseless theory.

The film is able to juggle a fairly big cast pretty well by giving each character their own full personality and keeping them memorable. So even as the bodies begin to pile up there are enough characters around to keep everyone scrambling. It also makes the place look even more empty and remote as more and more characters keep falling. If you’re claustrophobic then this movie will be extra intense for you and certainly you won’t be thrilled to go to Antarctica after that.

The ending is definitely pretty excellent. Naturally I do suspect one of the two characters in particular based on some events that happened near the end but keeping it open ended is part of what makes this an effective way to close out the movie. I can’t help but think that a full on sequel would really be a lot of fun though. Have the creature get loose in a major city or something with everyone scrambling to stop him. That would just be so much fun right? It would be more of an action than a thriller at that point but it would work.

Overall, The Thing is a movie where I can definitely see how it’s really well liked. There are some things to enjoy here like the tension I keep talking about and the mystery angle. Not being able to trust anyone is definitely a good way to keep you engaged the whole time. Ultimately the film just went too far in trying to be disturbing as well with the design and the dog scenes which prevented this from being a smash hit. My advice would unfortunately be to give this film a skip, they should have just had the alien jump in as a human from the jump and that could have really gone a long way.

Overall 2/10

The Night House Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the movie. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those spooky haunted house films. Unfortunately this one doesn’t come close to the classic House on Haunted Hill films. The main character hurts this one a lot but also the more we went into the film the more all of the characters started getting rather annoying. Even the villain seems like a bunch of nonsense all things considered. Yeah this is definitely a film to run away from ASAP!

The film starts with Owen destroying himself so now his wife Beth’s life has been flipped upside down. She’s no longer able to think straight and focus on her teaching duties so she takes some time off. Her friends do their best to cheer her up but Beth won’t have any of it. She’s going to stay depressed for as long as it takes. Then some weird things begin to happen, music turns on by itself at home, her husband’s phone starts texting her, etc. Is it possible that somehow his spirit is still alive? The weirdness mainly happens at home so Beth has to stick it out for as long as possible.

One thing the film does to try and make this a bit different from your standard title is that Beth is someone who is super jaded, loves depressing humor and isn’t afraid of the ghost. So she’s dodging most of the stereotypes and it makes sense since she assumes that the ghost is her husband. Why would she fear him right? It’s pretty reasonable and makes sense and even her journey about finding out the secrets behind his suicide note checks out. However it would be nice if she could be a little more agreeable with her friends who are really just trying to help out. All of their kindness is just met with sarcasm the whole time.

By the end she’s often alone because she keeps pushing everyone away. Then in the climax the mind games start putting her in a tricky spot where she barely makes her way out. There’s not much she could do about getting wrecked in the fight with the ghost since he has super strength but being a loner wasn’t doing her a whole lot of good here. Also at the very end I think she should have warned the others about the threat that is lurking around. I suppose they may not believe her but then they are in mortal danger!

Then we have Owen who is easily the worst character in the film. Obviously committing suicide is a really bad thing to do right out of the gate but the context of the movie makes it so much worse. So he is aware that there is a supernatural being who is after both him and Beth. This creature called Nothing actively wants to murder them….so he murders himself without letting Beth know? So much for protecting your wife until the day you die. It gets so much worse than that though. He actually goes ahead and starts murdering a bunch of women who look just like his wife in an extremely awful attempt to trick the creature.

What? This may be the worst plan I’ve ever heard of. No joke it’s hard to top this for a variety of reasons. Can you think of them? Lets break this down. A supernatural creature appears and tells Owen to murder his wife. This creature is invisible and seems to always be around but hard to pin down. So Owen….goes outside and searches until he finds women who look just like Beth. He has enough natural charm to date all of them…then he murders them and places their bodies in a little hut to show the creature so it will assume that he murdered his wife.

All right lets break down this horrific plan. First off…he still goes home to his wife every day and Nothing sees this. So…how are you going to fool him again? It’s abusrrrrrrd!! Okay then the next problem is if you’re going to try this trick you just need one body. Why did he murder several body doubles? That just tells Nothing that you’re really taking him for a fool now. This film really needed to toss out the script and start again. This is just bad man. Also that means he is becoming a mass murderer to try and protect his wife. Surely he has the drive to stick around and make sure she’s okay right?

Nahhhh he murders himself and leaves her a vague note with no context, no warning, and nothing that is helpful at all. He basically just makes her think that he is crazy and of course now Nothing ends up going after her next. He’s such an awful character and the more you see of him the worse it gets. It gets even worse though. Nothing is able to harness extra dimensional energies so he takes Beth into an alternate world where she appears as one of the victims and then he has the past essence of Owen start beating her up and nearly destroys her. So Owen in a roundabout way was nearly the end of Beth. Did I mention how awful this character is yet??

Okay lets move on. At least we had a decent character in Claire. She sees that her friend Beth is clearly cracking up but tries to be there for her regardless. Claire is easily the best character. She has issues of her own but is doing her best to be supportive and available. Meanwhile the neighbor Mel is okay but not as impressive since he didn’t tell Beth that Owen was crazy when he had the chance. I know he may have felt it was none of his business but when you’re good friends with someone you have to break the truth to them. Particularly if that person’s life is in danger or if the trust has been betrayed. If Mel was worried about what would happen next then leave an anonymous note or something.

Also Nothing’s not much of an interesting villain. I also don’t think the movie knew what to do with him. He can clearly interact with solid objects in the real world yet he uses so many roundabout ways to destroy Beth. If he wanted her dead then he could have done it at any time. Instead he tries to break her mentally first and puts her in different illusions and memory fights. I suppose he has all the time in the world to win but it just makes him look weak and ineffectual. The fact that he is invisible so we never actually see him doesn’t really help matters either.

Overall, The Night House is a really annoying film and the characters’ actions make 0 sense. Owen was ultimately a much more sinister villain than Nothing. At least Nothing is a random supernatural villain messing around but Owen is a mass murderer literally executing innocent people with no proper end goal in mind. By the end of it Owen’s just such an awful character and you’re cringing whenever he’s on screen. There just wasn’t much of a point to this adventure. You don’t always need a lot of answers by the end but as far as I’m concerned Nothing is still out there terrorizing people and he’s likely not done with Beth quite yet. The other world will continue to be a factor as everyone gets haunted and so there can be no peace. You could make a solid action sequel to this as the government gets involved or something but as a horror, nah this is not going anywhere anytime soon.

Overall 1/10

April Fool’s Day Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

April Fool’s Day is definitely an interesting film. Because of the nature of being a film about the trickiest day of the year there are a ton of different fake outs and craziness going on. At the same time, the film is still quite violent and doesn’t hold back with those moments so the question is if the context can sort of help out here or is it still the same thing in the end? I will say the absurd nature of it does give the film a little extra punch but ultimately it’s still not one I would be very likely to recommend.

The film starts off with a bunch of students getting invited to a big April Fool’s party at the fancy mansion of Muffy. The teens are always messing with each other a whole lot with all kinds of pranks but things start to go a bit far when someone is murdered. Is this all really a prank or is someone taking this chance to bump off each and every student? One thing’s for sure, these guys are going to need to try and stay one step ahead of the pranks or they are doomed!

You’re supposed to be kept off balance from the jump because of how much these guys love pranking each other. Put it this way, we have a fake death very early on in the film with the two guys faking an accident by the boat. From there on you know that no prank is out of bounds and even if the characters start to physically fight each other it may be part of the act. So you can’t trust any of the characters or their actions for the duration of the film because you really don’t know what is fake and what is real. I’d say that’s the most effective part of the film because it almost borderlines on being parody but it’s still played very seriously.

It does mean that none of the characters are all that likable though. You just feel like they all go too far with it and so hanging around any of them during the April Fool’s week would be completely unbearable. Even the nicer characters like Muffy are constantly pranking everyone! I would quickly come up with some kind of excuse every year about how I have to go abroad or something. Anything to stay away from the absolute madness!

All of the romances in the film are very weak since they all just seem to be quick affairs over the summer without a whole lot to them. None of these guys and girls actually seem all that loyal or faithful and would cheat in a heartbeat. They’re basically joking about that throughout as it is. You could say in a lot of ways the teenagers in this film are the stereotypical figures you would expect from a horror title like this. None of them would make for great friends but hey they all get along at least.

Of course this is another thing limiting the film. If you don’t really care for the characters then all of the fake jump scares and pranks aren’t going to work quite as well. The film can be on the violent side as well at times with the deaths. Obviously not on the same level as any of the real big slashers though.

Now this is a film with some twists and turns in it. Some of those twists will really change your outlook on the film as a whole so it’s important to factor that in. I will say that it is effective and I can’t even say that I saw the twists coming. Not all of them anyway. Some are a bit hard to believe in hindsight though like we’re talking big stretches of disbelief on how you could have pulled some of the pranks off. I suppose I can accept the disbelief though only because I can maybe picture how it would work. I don’t think it’s likely for these teens to pull them off though.

There is also a lot of convenience in terms of characters being in the right place at the right time to get pranked or notice a deal that the culprit wants them to find but I can buy this one a little more. My excuse would be that there are tons of extra pranks and backup traps so if one doesn’t work then you have a backup at the ready. Mayyyyybe a stretch but not as much of one.

Overall, I’d say how much you enjoy this film will all depend on how much you enjoy all the fakeouts. Either you will get burned out after a while and think the film overdoes it or you’ll enjoy how much it doubles down. The film is completely relentless on this right up through to the end so it never gets sidetracked. The ending is really solid to be honest and actually does win the film back a star or two. So ultimately I liked the idea behind the whole movie. The execution just needs to be so much better and it’s rough because I don’t think these are twists you should pull off too often or it’ll get old fast. So you can already say that one of the opportunities has been wasted now. Next time just make the characters a lot more likable, improve the writing and we’d really be in business. Until then this one will have to be a pass.

Overall 4/10

xxxHolic: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Review

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It’s time for my first journey into the xxxHolic series at least in terms of animation since I’ve read the manga. It’s a pretty fun low key supernatural franchise with a lot of things happening and often times it’s all about the atmosphere. Usually things don’t end up going well for the greedy figures or anyone who is too antagonistic. This short film is definitely no exception to that. It’s a fun ride all the way through though.

The film starts off with Watanuki having a tough time as always with a bunch of spirits trying to grab him. The poor guy has always been able to see spirits and the main issue is they know it so he has to constantly fight them off. The film has a lot of fun with the animation with Watanuki flailing to escape. Well it’s summer time now and Watanuki has to head back to the witch Yuko to serve his time. Basically she gave him something to keep the spirits from totally destroying him and in exchange he spends the Summer working from her. (Yes this is a film that jumps you right in so for more context you’ll want to read the books. That said, it’s not like you need much more context than this.

For this film’s adventure, Yuko has been invited to a gathering of exclusive collectors by…The Collector. She wants Watanuki and his friend Domeki to attend with her. I say friend but Watanuki doesn’t really get along with Domeki. Domeki has a habit of being super oblivious while Watanuki is super petty and so they’re constantly bickering. But it’s really one sided as Domeki doesn’t care enough about anything to ever actually get upset. He’s also got strong spirit energy so spirits leave him alone with Watanuki is jealous of. Well the heroes arrive at the mansion but the Collector is not there and mysterious things start happening. It would seem that he aims to destroy all of the invited collectors!

I’d say the main thing to learn from this is if you receive a mysterious invitation to go to a mansion in the middle of nowhere…you should probably decline. Is there any positive outcome out of going there? The film does address this though as every collector is incredibly proud of his/her collection and basically came out of pride. You see one extra note is that on the invitation the collector implied that each person is missing something so they can’t let that insult slide. Each collector also collects a different thing and they all start to compare against each other’s collections. Naturally Watanuki isn’t much of a collector so they’re all bashing him the whole time.

The animation is definitely great all around. The mansion is suitably mysterious and the supernatural effects are all on point. It’s got a bit of a retro vibe to it that works really well. Mix that in with all of the experimental stretchy effects and this gets a full thumbs up. It’s all just very fitting for the general weirdness of xxxHolic. The soundtrack is a bit more forgettable but I still wouldn’t call it bad or anything. It’s just not super memorable so you’ll forget most of the tracks real fast.

Watanuki makes for a good main character. He may complain a whole lot and is constantly yelling but it makes for an entertaining lead. He’s fun to follow around and even in the scariest of situations he’s panicking more about the annoyance than actual terror. Then you have Domeki who is a solid foil since he’s so much quieter. He’s not quite as fun though but it’s always good to have a strong fighter at your side when you’re in a crazy mansion like this.

Yuko mainly likes having all of the answers to everything without actually helping so don’t expect her to contribute much. Technically she is never in a lot of danger or anything but you also get the vibe that she would let Watanuki die if she felt he made a mistake. So you’ve still got a good bit of tension here. She makes for a solid mentor character. The actual Collector has a mysterious presence the whole time but I wouldn’t say he’s that great. He’s a good vehicle for making the plot move but that’s about all I’d say for him.

The rest of the collectors are more entertaining. I just like how selfish and over the top they all are. They’re constantly bragging while pretending to have a little humility the whole time. So the film shows you their true faces which look monstrous all while they’re technically saying nice things. It’s all just really insincere the whole time. “Wow your collection is just as good as mine” but you know that’s a complete lie. At least the person saying that didn’t believe it in the slightest.

I would say this film is definitely more on the low key side so if you’re expecting a bunch of explosions and fights then this isn’t exactly what you’re about to get. The film is more about being a warning against rampant greed. You could say the whole film is really a metaphor about it with these guys risking everything they have for something extra. Their need to be the ultimate collector really came back to haunt them where if they had been satisfied with their collection they wouldn’t have fun into that issue at all.

Overall, xxxHolic delivers another satisfying story here. The only issue you could even say is just that it’s so short so it’s over in an instant. It definitely feels like an adventure right out of the books. The ambiance is really good and the atmosphere is really tense which is always what you want to see here. It balances the plot, horror, and comedy all very well so that nothing is out of place. Mix that in with the fast pacing and I really have no complaints with this title. I’d definitely recommend checking this one out.

Overall 7/10

The Outsiders Review

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It’s time for a film about a bunch of teenagers who grew up in a rather rough town and basically had to adapt to survive. Unfortunately due to this there aren’t very many winners at all. By the end of the film everyone’s really in a bit of trouble and none of the characters are all that likable. There’s definitely a lot going on here but mainly I’d call it more of a depressing film half the time.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Ponyboy and Johnny. They’re good friends who generally try living their lives without causing trouble but the town is divided into two gangs and so they are members of one group (Greasers) and do have to fight when the others show up. (SOCS) They generally all get along in the first gang but things always escalate with the other one. Well, one day in self defense Johnny murders a member of the opposing gang while protecting Ponyboy and now he has to be on the run. Can they ever get their normal lives back?

It’s definitely a film with a fairly slow pace as a lot of it is the characters reflecting about life an just what it means to live in a society. Johnny and Ponyboy have to stay at different hideouts for a while but things continue to escalate and more and more people die. The reason I would say this is a depressing film is because of all that. Sure the characters learn some lessons about how violence isn’t worth it and how the squabbles shouldn’t take over your life. That said, everyones’ lives are ruined by that point so does it really matter? I can see how this i s listed as a coming of age movie but usually you’d expect those to be a little happier. This one’s just grim for pretty much the entire duration.

Also right off the bat the film doesn’t do the best job of making the Greasers all that likable. One of their members is a guy named Dallas who goes around aggressively flirting with the ladies, is into shady clubs and runs around with a gun causing trouble. Yes the film does show that he really cares about Ponyboy and the rest of his friends but he’s still not shown as a particularly good character. He’s a complex character to be sure but a little more heroic would be nice.

I dare say the most heroic character was Darry who did his best trying to keep Ponyboy and Sodapop on the straight and narrow. It was just difficult doing it on his own while he’s still a kid himself. At least I would say he installed a decent amount of goodness into them compared to the others. Ponyboy for example really didn’t want to be fighting and getting into trouble. He seemed like a good kid who would be defending his friends. He did defend the girl at the movie theater who was being harassed so a scene like that goes a long way.

The film is at its best when it’s about Ponyboy and Johnny just enjoying their friendship and having a good time. It’s a nice breather from everything constantly going wrong for them. Johnny was also a really good friend. He stepped up to save Ponyboy even at the expense of his future and throughout the movie he was a really good friend to have. Probably the most likable character out of the group.

We get to see Johnny take a huge risk to save a lot of lives later on which is something some of the other characters probably would have hesitated with. It’s a shame that the characters couldn’t all let bygones be bygones by that point but we do end up needing to have one more big fight in the end. The film does go to show that some of the SOCS are reasonable and don’t actually want to fight. In that respect the film keeps it realistic with both gangs having some good people in them.

Unfortunately when they are in a crowd there is ultimately not enough of them to stop the gang activities as a whole. I’m always a bit iffy on this since I feel like you just need to leave the gang then and not be a part of this. It’s just easier said than done in a small town where everyone is a part of one of the two gangs. So if you try to leave then you may not end up living through that experience. Which in a way proves the point of how dangerous they are.

I like to think that after the definitive gang fight at the end there won’t be any more rumbles since everyone learned their lesson but at the same time a part of you kind of doubts it. Well, it’s definitely good that the gang culture isn’t nearly as mainstream now as it was then. Of course gangs will always exist but it’s not like every teenager is in on it nowadays the way they all are in this film.

Overall, I think the film could have done with being a little more lighthearted. Tone down the body count by one or two so there is something to really celebrate by the end. It certainly succeeds in being really emotional and somber the whole time but that usually limits a film’s potential. Sure things are finally going to be looking up after the final events since the cycle of violence is finally ended but it came at a massive cost. This is a film that wouldn’t have a lot of replay value because it would just make for a tough watch. There’s a lot happening in the movie so you’ll never be bored but ultimately that’s just not enough to make it really solid. I would say to give this one a skip.

Overall 4/10

The Night Stalker Review

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It’s time for an old school mystery film. It’s probably more appropriate to lead off with calling this one a horror but there is quite a bit of mystery to unfold here as well. It’s a movie that really stands out in some ways particularly thanks to the music but ultimately fumbles the ball before reaching the end zone. It doesn’t have the replay value that it could have achieved otherwise.

The film starts by introducing us to Kolchak, a reporter who has been around the block many times before. Not for the best of reasons as he has been fired from numerous papers but this time he has a whopper of a story. Someone is going around murdering a bunch of women in town and each victim is completely drained of blood. It appears that we have a real life vampire on our hands. However, no matter how much evidence Kolchak is able to pile up, nobody will believe him and the story is being suppressed. Can he gets through to these people in time to save some lives or is he going to have to simply get frustrated as he watches everyone die right before him?

The movie does a great job of getting Kolchak’s frustration through to the audience. After a point you just feel like he has so much evidence and yet nobody will take him seriously. When everyone’s blood is being sucked out how many options do you realistically have? Now I understand if you don’t want to assume he’s a vampire right off the bat so Kolchak has a very reasonable alternative. Lets at least operate on the presumption that someone is psychotic and believes he is a vampire. The cops turn this down too and don’t even want to write about it for fear of a panic. That always has to be one of the worst excuses though. So you’d rather people keep on getting murdered than cause the panic? Sure….

I can’t give the main guy any grief because he does his best but the rest of the characters are all annoying and completely complicit in this. His direct boss is constantly scared of being fired and doesn’t want to cause a scene which means that he is completely useless here. All of the execs feel the same way and of course the cops are often trying to get on his case. They may as well be allies to the vampire after a point because hiding things only goes so far. At one point the entire police force fights the vampire and they lose badly. He’s immune to bullets and basically crushes them. Their reaction is to ignore that this happened and proceed as normal.

The vampire isn’t even subtle after a while. He just breaks into hospitals and murders people as he sees fit because it’s not like they can stop him anyway. It makes sense he would be this brazen when he knows nobody will stop him. That’s why the whole thing is so embarrassing. The film also decides to trip for no reason by having the vampire murder a dog. Pretty bad move the whole time. There was no reason for this and if anything the owner had a good idea as self defense but you know that it’s doomed against a vampire so it just ends up hurting the experience further.

The soundtrack is really good though and a highlight of the movie. It really pops out at you and keeps the movie moving at a fast pace. It’s not the kind of music you would typically expect in a mystery but it works really well. A good soundtrack definitely elevates a scene and it certainly helps make this one more interesting as well. It doesn’t save the film from its issues but at least gives you something fun to listen to.

The writing is also pretty solid. I like the fast paced script at least with the characters all yelling at each other the whole time. There is a ton of banter here and Kolchak really doesn’t hold back no matter who he is talking too. Whether it’s the boss or some random guy Kolchak is going to be yelling and kicking up a fuss immediately. He’s passionate about his work which is a good thing. Also he is a great reporter which the other characters can’t really deny. Kolchak pulls out every trick in the book in order to get the answers.

So the film is at its best when it’s focused on the detective angle. I like the mystery angle and the process of finding out the clues. The old school detective work just really works out well so I could see this series having a lot of potential if they can just stick away from the supernatural angle. Even with a vampire it could have helped if the characters caught the vampire a little sooner but you feel bad for the victims who don’t really have a chance here. Then throw in all the scenes of the heroes doing their best not to help and it means you can never really be having a great time here. The film has some light banter but there’s always a dead body at the end of each conversation.

Overall, The Night Stalker is a pretty interesting film in a lot of ways. Honestly it would be more interesting if the villain was not supernatural but I do get the appeal. It’s essentially a look at how the world might react to a vampire in a super realistic setting like this. The problem mainly is it falls into the usual vampire issues and of course the film had to squeeze in some animal violence. Not a great look and you just wish the heroes could have done more to stop this guy a little sooner. The body count was really quite high by the end. You can do better for a mystery title.

Overall 3/10

Trog Review

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Trog is one of those films that only lasts so long because all of the characters are annoying and don’t have to fight. This creature isn’t super powerful or anything and yet he always seems to find himself on top. What that tells me is that the characters didn’t plan things out very well. A film about a villainous caveman doesn’t have a ton of potential right out of the gate and I can confirm that this one isn’t doing anything all that special. It’s at best a serviceable creature feature title.

The movie kicks off with introducing us to Dr. Brockton who is a scientist that is very eager to uncover truths about humanity at large. Her wish is granted when there is a sighting of a mysterious monster that could be the missing link between man and apes. His name is Trog and he looks…well like a cross between a man and an ape. He was in suspended animation for a while there but now he has returned and may enact a lot of carnage. The heroes manage to subdue him with a tranq dart and Brockton keeps him in her lab. This move is opposed by some people in the town, mainly a man named Sam who is absolutely convinced that this creature will destroy them all. Can Brockton convince everyone that Trog is safe or is it all over?

Now Brockton is supposed to be the reasonable character but you can’t help but think that Sam has a real point here. The creature is clearly very powerful and eventually it’s just going to attack. You’d also have to consider the ethics of keeping this creature contained for so long and it’s likely that experiments would crop up in the future. You want to learn things so it’s always a tough balance but Brockton just doesn’t feel very prepared. Ultimately Sam doesn’t let us find out what would have happened naturally as he breaks Trog out and promptly gets murdered. The guy wasn’t very smart even if he was my favorite character in the film. I just loved how openly antagonistic he was the entire time.

Yeah Brockton could be a little overly optimistic at times while he was over the top paranoid but at the end of the day she wasn’t actually committing any crimes while he went as far as to commit some breaking and entering. So you can’t really put them on the same field. The instant Sam went that far he basically voided his arguments since it became more of a matter or pride than him actually believing in what he was doing. He should have stuck to doing this the right thing.

As for Trog, well like I said he’s hardly the most interesting villain. He’s not even all that strong and only lasts a while because the cops are trying not to hurt him. We get the early fight where Trog does fight off a bunch of cops but they had the kid gloves on. If they all grabbed the heavy artillery and started blasting then he would have really been doomed here. The film also starts to rip off King Kong towards the end so it didn’t go in a very creative direction that time.

Still, while Sam made his mistakes I did not like Brockton. It felt like she was okay with any number of sacrifices as long as she got to study Trog and keep advancing science. There is a point where you have to choose to protect lives first and she never really got around to that. Even by the end she’s just really sad about the whole thing but people nearly died. I just didn’t think she was reasonable enough about the situation in the end.

Now for some positives in the film, I did think the writing was fairly good. (Even if it doesn’t seem very smart to jump into cold water in uncharted territory even if it’s in the name of science) It has that retro feel to it and I would say the film feels even older than it actually is. So the script gets to shine and I much preferred the human stuff to the Trog moments. Trog himself does get a reasonable amount of screen time so it doesn’t feel like the film was just hiding him the whole time. There was a real budget here and they used the special effects well. Also in the climax I’m glad that the cops just went in and took care of business. When the body count is rising you really owe it to the people of your town to take down the threat. Obviously you always want to strive for a non lethal solution but there are times where your options are limited. The film was pretty realistic in a way with the main heroine yelling to stop because there will always be someone wanting to get in the way.

Character A can murder 20 people and you’ll still have someone yelling that they need a trial or maybe there’s a reason for what happened. Sure that can happen and if there’s any doubt then you need a trial but if you have a serial murderer running around and piling up the bodies, then you need to take out the threat as soon as possible. Even then the cops only acted in the end as a last resort and didn’t drag things out. They handled it well.

Overall, Trog’s not really my kind of film which limited just how good it could be. I was never a fan of the caveman era in the first place so having one wake up in the present isn’t my idea of a thrilling time. The fight scene with the cops was surprisingly good so I will give the film some credit there. We actually got the fight without any interruption and it was fairly long. The movie delivers on the action here which keeps the film from getting boring. Additionally while I may not love the characters, the dialogue is strong enough to keep things from getting boring. The film is never boring and so that’s why I wouldn’t say that it’s negative. On the flip side, there aren’t any strengths that would allow me to recommend this to someone. If you watch it then that’s great but otherwise there’s no real incentive.

Overall 5/10

Final Destination 2 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I’ll admit that the poster for this film really goes hard. That said, there’s still not really a lot to this series and in many ways it’s just retreading ground from the first title. The heroes have made Death mad and now he is going to systematically take them out one at a time. What can some humans do against a being who transcends dimensions? Well they will need some teamwork if they want to at least try and delay the inevitable.

The film starts off with Kimberly heading off with her friends on a big trip. They’re all delinquents who have no respect for the law and seem like terrible influences. They’re ready to do drugs and as much bad stuff as they can but the group perishes in a tragic pile up involving tree logs and a lot of explosions. Kimberly then wakes up in the car right before this happens. She attempts to stop the car early so she won’t be in the pileup and succeeds however her friends still blow up. Instead she managed to save a few strangers and now they are all being targeted by death. Can they possibly survive this malevolent force or are they all doomed?

Well of course we know the answer should be the latter based on the prior film but we do seemingly have a weakness for death now. You can actually end a death cycle by creating new life. Of course it would take a long while to quickly create a baby so they have to find someone who is close to giving birth. The plan is highly risky though because this is just their guess based on vague wording from a guy at the morgue so there is a massive chance that this is all cope from the heroes. Still it gives them something to try for and we get other retroactive rules in place here to shake things up.

The film is at least trying to make this a deeper dynamic which I can respect but it really doesn’t change a whole lot. Death is still going to mess everyone over in different ways as always and that happens right on queue here. Interestingly Clear returns for this film as she survived the first one but I’m not buying it. Basically she is in a padded room so there is in theory nothing that Death could use to destroy her. That is her logic but remember Death can do anything. So when she’s eating her safe yogurt he could still make that get stuck in her chest and she dies. He could have the air vents stop working so she suffocates in there, etc. I choose to believe that the only reason she survived so long is because Death was just toying with her as he does with the rest. He wanted her to feel good just so he could flip that later on.

Perhaps he respected her determination. A lot of explanations work here but yeah nothing is going to stop Death so easily. I would say that on average the murders are a bit more violent here but I’m sure it’s probably debatable. The scene of a guy getting torn apart by flying objects was definitely intense while the explosion deaths aren’t as violent since it’s all fire. I would say the characters are a little better here than in the first one. They may take a while to believe the main heroine but that’s all for valid reasons. You don’t have any of them randomly getting upset at having their lives spared.

It’s probably why taking the old friends out of the equation was such a good move here. They only appeared briefly but were super annoying the whole way through. Even with that, the problem with this film once again is that it feels like there’s just not much point to it. No matter what the heroes do, death will come for them eventually. There isn’t anywhere you can go where you can hope to avoid it. That’s just not happening and so you can choose to hide in a cell and just survive like that as long as you can, or go about your business as normal and eventually die. Either way, your options are fairly limited.

While the body count is higher than in film 1, we got to have more survivors for a longer period as it’s the climax that really started to speed things up. Interestingly the very last scene of the film is played a bit more as a comedic moment rather than a dark twist even though what is happening on screen is pretty sinister. Perhaps that wasn’t the intent but with the crazy music playing it certainly felt like that. A “here we go againnnn” Magic School Bus kind of moment all around.

After a while the real question is, how do you fix this film/series? As it stands it is really just a compilation of people getting murdered in crazy ways as you try to wonder who will be next. The plot itself barely matters as it’s really just a back drop for this. So I think again you make this part comedy but if you really want to make this more of a horror, lets tone down the shock value deaths a bit and give some tangible goals here. Like if you survive for one week then death will let you go and you can await a normal demise. That would give some incentive to the characters for them to survive. It wouldn’t be quite so hopeless at that point.

Overall, Final Destination 2 is mainly concerned with being bigger and more explosive than the first. It certainly succeeds on that but when you get past the fluff there still isn’t a whole lot here. The ending is a bit bizarre but at least it’s a little funny so I get that. I actually think this franchise would be significantly better if it didn’t take itself so seriously. Imagine this film as a dark comedy, I actually think it would work extremely well even if that’s not likely to ever happen. Ah well, lets see how the next film goes. Also I missed having the cops get a really big role in the film. Sure we had the one cop who was helping the heroine out but the first film had the FBI, CIA, and more conspiracy stuff like that. That’s what I want to see, lets just embrace the craziness.

Overall 2/10

Final Destination Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version could be more negative

Final Destination is a film that I dare say is a bit iconic. Just about everyone has heard of this film at some point or another. It’s got many sequels and the concept is unique. You basically have to try and watch out because anything can turn into a cause of death and that’s the basic plot of the franchise. Beyond that it’s not going to go down as a great film or anything but it’s an interesting one.

The film starts off with Alex being a little paranoid as he gets on a plane for a school trip. He’s looking around a whole lot because everything looks real suspicious but then this comes to a head when he dies in the plane along with the rest of the school. He wakes up back in the plane a few minutes before the explosion and realizes that this was all a big vision. So he makes a scene and gets thrown off the plane with a few other students while everyone else dies in the explosion. Death isn’t a fun of this though and decides to go take the survivors down for the count. Can they overcome death?

Now the main problem you may guess right off the bat here is that of course there is no real way to beat death. In the end all of the heroes will die at some point so the question is really if they can get death to leave them alone for a while. The short answer to that is….no. Death is a very petty and very determined figure. He intends to stay on their tails until he has taken them all down and will bend all of the rules to make this possible. That means manipulating liquids and objects to place them in positions to choke or murder the characters straight up. Death isn’t interesting in playing fair or doing anything like that. No, it’s just here to cause unimaginable damage.

The heroes discover some rules here like Death has to try and murder them in order. If an attempt fails then it moves onto the next person before eventually repeating the cycle. The cycle never ends though so it’s only a matter of time before it’s your turn again. So the general plan Alex has is to try and delay the murders as long as possible but in the end that’s all he can do, just delay them. Ultimately they will catch up to him and then it’s curtains.

As a main character Alex is fairly decent though. His natural paranoia mixed in with the fact that he now has visions of the future makes for an interesting character. Naturally the other characters don’t tend to believe him until it’s too late but at least Alex keeps on trying. He’s a very determined guy who is really just trying to do his best.

Most of the other characters aren’t quite as reasonable. The one who takes the cake in that regard is Carter though. The film makes him as over the top as possible. Alex literally saved his life and yet this guy has 0 gratitude and wants to fight Alex for no real reason. He listens to crazy music as he drives by and is basically a cartoon villain. By the end he actually gets a character arc which I was noy expecting. I figured he would just die early on as the typical jerk character. Even so, he was a little too far gone so I still didn’t care for him by the end.

The main heroine Clear took a while to really support Alex but at least she still handled it all very logically. She heard Alex out and even when she didn’t agree with him, she wasn’t going out of her way to be mean about it. So Clear gets some credit there at least and ends up lasting a while because she was really vigilant the whole time. The rest of the characters went off to do their own things and it doesn’t go well. Again you can’t really blame the others though and to an extent even if they agreed with Alex, there wasn’t much of a plan at the beginning. They would have still died in some way or another with death watching them.

Again that goes back to the futility of the whole thing. As much a the film seems to want you to think that you can evade Death for a while, I take it more as Death just toying with them. He likes to mainly use liquids to set off the traps but other times he can lock windows and such. It’s clear that he can use any ability as needed and warp reality so at that point it’s still a losing battle. It’s an issue I have with this film like I did with the Grudge. When there is absolutely no hope of winning then it takes away a lot from the movie because you just can’t get as invested. It simply isn’t possible to get involved because the heroes just don’t have a ghost of a chance.

Naturally the film can get fairly violent with some of the deaths. Others aren’t so much violent as they are disturbing like the one friend who gets hanged in the bathroom. The idea is that these are all ways you could theoretically die in real life if you just have bad luck or are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Death is just speeding things up a bit. So the film as a whole ends up being rather depressing as there is no time for any happy moments. Outside of the opening scene getting ready to board the plane…yeah there is no time for positive moments. The heroes are just running from one danger to the next. Each death attempt they dodge only brings them closer to the next one which is just depressing.

Overall, This is one of those movies where you might be tempted to watch it for the novelty but overall I’d say to give it a skip. It’s really just about trying to get as many creative deaths in as possible and that’s not enough to support a whole movie. The film can be rather violent with a bunch of annoying characters running around. There is no hope to escape their destiny so in the end it’s all a futile endeavor. I at least did enjoy the brief appearance from the guy at the morgue. I like the idea of someone at least knowing what’s going on and just going through life knowing that nobody else has this knowledge.

Overall 2/10

Dead of Night (1977) Review

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Uh oh it’s time for one of those horror anthologies. I have to admit that a lot of times these aren’t exactly up to snuff. Why is that? I don’t even know tbh but there has to be a logical explanation. It’s possibly because there just isn’t enough time to make every story solid or it’s also just that the odds of a story not being very good keep on growing larger. Either way this one doesn’t break the trend and ends up falling under its own weight.

The first story will take you for a loop because there’s nothing particularly scary about it. A guy named Frank ends up getting warped to the past. His car is stolen by some random people and even when an elderly couple urge him to report that the car was stolen, he decides not to. The whole short is as if he’s in a daze and you the viewer are wondering what’s going on. Is this all building up to some kind of zombie showing up and things going crazy? Nah he eventually finds himself in the present and he needs to repair the same car again. The whole thing went full circle and well…that’s it. There’s not really a climax or anything.

Frank tries to see what they remember about the past events but the owners don’t remember anything so did the whole tale even really happen? At the very least he should be supremely confident in his car repair skills. Who knows maybe he can master the ability and travel through time more in the future. So this wasn’t a bad story, it’s easily the best of the 3 but I have to admit that it’s just rather pointless. Like nothing really happens, there isn’t a lot of danger and you’re just left wondering what they were going for with this one. I guess it has a Twilight Zone kind of vibe but without the payoff.

The next story is more of a classic horror. So Alexis is being terrorized by a vampire that comes to her room and bites her at night. By the time she wakes up all traces of him are gone and her husband Gheria does not believe in vampires. Still, it’s hard to refute the evidence of bite marks on her neck every night so he calls in his friend Michael and they will say up all night to get to the bottom of this. Can they stop the vampire though? The short definitely has a pretty big twist up its sleeve and I can’t say that I saw it coming. The twist is effective and reshapes all of the events. So I give the short full marks there but ultimately this is a vampire story so it’s not going to fare too well.

You’ve got a lot of blood sucking going on here and it’s definitely the most violent of the 3. One guy definitely gets stabbed through quite a bit and ultimately most of the characters don’t really have a happy ending here. It’s actually a pretty dark ending no matter how you slice it and you didn’t have very many good characters. The only solid one here would have to be the butler by the time it was all said and done. If you love vampires then you’ll like this special but otherwise there’s really not much to it.

Finally we get to the 3rd special which is the longest by far but it really ends up dragging a whole lot. A Mom is grieving because her son ended up drowning and she decides to try and use dark magic to bring him back to life. Well it seems like it worked because Bobby shows up but he seems a little shadier than usual. He talks as if he was a grown up and begins getting scarier and scarier. Finally he throws off the charade and basically announces that he plans to destroy her. Can she fend off this child or will it be too much to put her kid back in the grave once more?

This one really feels like it goes on forever. At first Bobby is just being disrespectful and petty like not eating and intentionally trying to make his Mom feel bad. Then he keeps on escalating with trying to murder her and going crazy. We do get a twist about Bobby but it ironically still makes Bobby look really bad since he would have been complicit in this. At one point she lands a solid double tap on him with her gun but needed to press the advantage. Obviously it’s hard to be attacking a kid like this but then you need to get out of there. She briefly tried but his cosmic abilities kept on preventing the exit routes from working. You have to double down and keep trying or take him out.

The only scene that was amusing was when she called her husband and he kept repeating what she was saying. It then turned out that some reality warping or at the very least voice mimicry was at work here. For how long were things being manipulated? It’s hard to say. Either way she was on the defensive here and the underdog since he probably has a lot of abilities but it still makes for an annoying segment the whole time. I can’t take this kid seriously as a villain even if he may have super powers. None of them seemed to increase his weight or raw power so just throw him around or tie him up. Yes it’s a horror so that probably wouldn’t work but you have to give that a try.

Overall, This is definitely an anthology that I would say is worth giving a full skip. The only segment that’s any good is the first one and even then it just feels aimless the whole time. The vampire one is basically just going through the motions and the last one dragged on forever. You can do much better than this title if you want some scares and it’s another example of the limitations of the anthology setup. Ultimately any story with potential will end too quickly and any annoying story will end up dragging on. It’s a scenario where you can’t win and ultimately you’re just not going to have any real fun with this one.

Overall 2/10