Tag Archives: Thriller

Jaws of Satan Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Jaws of Satan is certainly a very dramatic title. Right off the bat you can tell that this will not be your average snake attacking the world. That being said, it sort of plays out like one anyway so it’s not like there is a whole lot of difference here. It’s very similar to a frog film I saw a while back where you had this mysterious frog giving everyone orders. Here it’s a King Cobra instead but of course it may have a real identity which you can figure out based on the title.

The film starts off with two guys travelling via train with a shipment of a lot of animals in the cargo area. Unfortunately what they haven’t realized is that Satan has hitched a ride with them. He’s currently in the body of a snake and intends to destroy everyone that he can! Using advanced telekinesis he blasts one guy out of the train and takes the other one down. He’s not getting close to his actual target, Father Farrow. Farrow is warned by a psychic that he is being targeted but he doesn’t believe this until she is bumped off shortly afterwards. Maggie from the hospital calls in Paul, a snake specialist to deal with this epidemic of evil snakes but deep down Farrow knows that he is going to have to step in. Can they win this battle?

Now we are meant to believe that this is Satan himself from all the dialogue and such but it still seems like a bit of an odd move to have him show up as a snake to slowly order other animals to finish the humans off instead of doing it himself. All horror villains have some kind of rules by which they abide of course but we need something so we can understand what they are. Instead in this way I don’t really know why he’s doing things the way that he is. I also think some dialogue would have been nice.

So in a way it didn’t matter whether this was Satan himself or a generic King Cobra because aside from the telekinesis it wouldn’t really change much of anything. I guess it does give the title a bit more of a bite though and while I wouldn’t say this was a very good film it does handle the atmosphere well. The whole town starts to feel a little more spooky as everyone is taken down by the snakes so I would have to say that this part was very effective.

Now where the film trips up is first that the characters aren’t very solid. So you have Evelyn as the town psychic who is decent enough but needlessly cryptic. Look we’re not dealing with the FBI here so why couldn’t she have just told Farrow what she knew over the phone instead of having to drive over there? Of course she never ends up making it and as a result it takes him longer to piece together the puzzle. Then you have Maggie who is good at her job. She has to deal with a lot of traitors like the coroner who hides one of the bodies but ultimately she gets around that. I liked the scene of her commandeering the ambulance itself because after a while you definitely do have to go with some drastic measures here.

She has to get the body to convince Paul after all. Paul is also good at looking at a snake bite and determining things but he does get off on the wrong foot with Maggie and it’s completely his fault. He comes across as rather judgmental and quite a bit rude so it was funny when Maggie talked about how nice he was. That’s not really the first thing that comes to mind when you think about this guy…but hey I guess I am probably underestimating him a little bit here. I don’t think the dialogue in this film was always very well thought out.

The heroes have basically no teamwork here as they all get sent into the cave one by one. Again, if this is Satan here you’d think he would have some more powers than having to trick everyone into a cave one at a time but I guess that’s just how it goes. It’s hard to be all that afraid of the snakes though as even with the music and all you feel like the humans should beat them most of the time. Snakes can move really fast through lunges but that’s about it so if you are standing away from one then you should definitely be able to outrun it right? I mean it shouldn’t be as crazy or scary as the film would have you believe.

There’s one long scene where the snake gets on the bed and has a stare down with the heroine. I think at that point you just have to jump up and run. Your odds shouldn’t be terrible and I’d argue that they’re better than waiting for Paul to show up with his net. Just make a break for it and you should be good! Feels like the film basically squeezed in the whole scene just as an excuse for some fanservice early on though which you tend to see in the B grade horror films so that tracks even if it is unfortunate. I guess it’s also a way for them to get closer but after the first impression you’d like to think that this wouldn’t be in the cards either way.

The film can have some disturbing images like with the bites and some of the usual violence but for the most part I would not say that it is as excessive as other similar films. It seemed to show just a little bit more restraint which is always nice. I also liked how some of the snakes could actually be defeated at least like the farmer who captured it and showed the body to Paul. I mean at the end of the day they are just snakes aside from the leader. That said, having snakes as a villain also inevitably means there will be some animal violence and unfortunately that does happen here. One snake gets shot to bits in what was a pretty intense scene and it’s why we need mecha snakes. Animal films are always going to be doomed because at the end of the day one of them is going to get hurt.

Overall, This film wasn’t going to be going very far either way. The cast isn’t quite good enough to hold their own film and the main villain may as well be a normal snake. We could get some good banter now and again during the film but for the most part we would just watch the snake slowly order the others to take people down and it felt like long periods of time would go by without much happening. The climax at least has a fun fire visual but you’re just not going to be taking much out of this film. It beats the average horror type film and at least has some semblance of replay value but there’s not enough here for me to recommend you give it a watch.

Overall 4/10

Stargate Review

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Stargate is one of those films I didn’t really know anything about so when I watched the film the execution was quite a bit different from what I was expecting. I think it should have embraced the sci-fi nature of the story more and yet instead we’re stuck on a sand planet with no real tech for most of the film. I don’t know why so many sci-fi films like going to pre tech planets for a good chunk of the adventure, Star Wars, Dune, Star Trek The Movie, and Stargate now. I mean it defeats the entire purpose of seeing all the cool tech right?

So the movie starts off with Daniel being recruited by the government to help with some kind of super secret project going on. Basically there are some hieroglyphs with special messages and there is also a mysterious gate. If they can figure out how to use it then this could be a massive discovery. Daniel solves this pretty quickly which activates the gate and so he is picked to be a part of the team that goes through it. His expertise will be absolutely critical here after all. Plus if his theory is right they will need to activate a gate on whatever destination they end up in if they want to return. Unfortunately when they land they don’t see the missing part of the gate so it could be anywhere. The team is now stranded and they will have to find a way back before their supplies are shot.

Right off the gate the group is pretty mean to Daniel. They’re all giving him a tough time throughout and sure they are upset because he had more or less assured them that he would be able to get then home. This turned out to be more of a bluff but it would still be nice for the group to at least have some kind of unity right? If you can’t get along while on an alien planet then I’m sorry to inform you but you’re definitely going to be doomed. Surviving is hard enough on its own when you have the whole group, let alone when you’re all split up like this and sabotaging Daniel like when they threw all of his papers away.

As the film goes on most of them gradually start to soften up and be more reasonable but it was a rough beginning there without a doubt. Daniel doesn’t make for the best character though as he generally isn’t super confident and sort of stumbles around a lot. He is a genius which is why he was able to decode the puzzle. So the guy’s skills are legit but I think he could stand to be a little tougher and more self sufficient. The army commander Jack was a lot more interesting. Now he does start off a bit more antagonistic but the guy is also seeing the big picture and trying to stay alive out there.

I wouldn’t say he makes all of the right decisions but he is also put in a pretty tough position. He was basically given secret orders that would be super controversial if the world knew about them so he has to play things pretty close to the vest. It’s a lot of pressure for anyone to have to real with. He fights hard to the end and never waivers in setting up his attack. The rest of the squad are mostly on the forgettable side and a lot of them start to get bumped off once the villains get serious anyway.

The villains here had an absolutely epic introduction as they showed up in their full armor and were ready for action. I liked the robotic designs and their energy attacks which really stood out. Unfortunately they were not able to keep their momentum up because it turns out that these were robotic suits and that underneath them these guys just looked like ordinary humans. Yeah….not the most interesting design they could have chosen that’s for sure. These guys end up feeling really forgettable as a result but it was also such a let down because it’s another area that could have looked really cool visually on the sci-fi angle and they fumbled the ball on that one.

This film is going with the Egyptian origins for the villains so for example the big boss is Ra. Of course he isn’t actually the god from the myths but an alien that showed up back when humanity was still in its early stages and he was so advanced that they all treated him like a god. Ra enjoyed this and so he basically set up the whole culture. Yes, the pyramids and such did arrive thanks to aliens! That’s always a fun little nod but still they should have given Ra a really cool design. Instead he basically takes the form of a human when instead I’d have loved for him to actually look like Anubis or any number of other sci-fi type designs.

Any scene back at the village with the aliens would tend to be a little dull as well because you could remove the term “sci-fi” from the genres and you wouldn’t know the difference. The village has no tech at its disposal and since both sides can’t understand one another it makes for a lot of slow paced scenes. The foods the heroes have to eat were also pretty gross although it was smart to accept since turning away food could definitely be seen as a slight. I was just waiting for them to get back to the actual alien plot with cool sci-fi elements and all of that.

The climax does have some real action though even if the humans should have been immediately defeated. This was another case of villains that were created to be too powerful so they end up getting really nerfed by the end. You just don’t buy that they could possibly be defeated in the way that they were. They were stronger and faster than the humans in addition to having the better tech. So when you consider all of that….well that should be it. In the end they let their guard down too much and pay the price for it. The effects are good though and I can say that for the whole movie. It’s all aged well visually which is why they should have focused on that aspect more.

All told, this is still a decent movie but one that should have been pretty good instead. It’s a tale of two halves here. Anytime the sci-fi elements are around then you are bound to have a lot of fun but when they’re at the village you end up getting bored. The romance is also really weak considering that the two characters barely know each other. I find it hard to believe that the romance would happen so quickly especially when the humans are busy trying to get back to their world. There is just no time for any of this.

Overall, Stargate was really not what I was expecting but I can see the potential for how you could turn this into a really fun franchise. It just needs a few more steps into the right direction and then it will really be set. If the sequel can just double down on the action elements and have a portal to a more advanced world then we will be in business. If you’re up for a sci-fi film that forgets it is one for large parts of the film then this is the title for you but otherwise I would say to skip it for now.

Overall 5/10

Foreign Correspondent Review

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Now we’ve got a good retro spy film to discuss. This is always the way to go if you want some quality entertainment. You usually have a good sense for how things will play out but the characters and dialogue are almost always on point. This film is no exception and so there is a good bit of fun to be had here all the way through. The pacing is good and by the end you had a fun time which is the key thing here.

The movie starts with John the reporter being tasked with a special mission. He’s going to be a foreign correspondent for his newspaper and find out the secret details going on abroad that nobody knows about. The boss figures he is the perfect guy because John could not care less about foreign affairs. He doesn’t even know any of the guys involved and so he’s definitely qualified to give a very unbiased look on if the world is close to a world war or not. Still when he gets there John ends up getting embroiled in a much bigger controversy than he ever could have imagined.

As you can maybe tell from the ending this movie takes place a little before World War 1. It makes for an interesting backdrop as there are some tensions brewing but nothing has actually happened yet so America is mostly out of the loop. This ties in well to the ending which takes a fairly bold stance. It’s an effective ending although while it works for dramatic effect I do think two characters should have cut out a bit early. Like say your message real quick but then get out of there because ultimately if you die too soon then you won’t be able to help out further which would be a big issue. In theory you want to get the right mix of spreading your message and staying alive.

John is one of those fairly cocky main characters who figures he can do anything. This mission will be child’s play since he has been such a star reporter all these years right? Well, that’s what he figured but you know that it may not be so easy. Throughout the adventure he has to deal with assassins and trying not to get kidnapped which can be draining. There was one assassin in particular named Rowley who was apparently really good at his job but also used to humor a bit. When the guy appeared you couldn’t help but chuckle because he’s super old and not a fighter. Basically what he would do is just push you at the last second into traffic or off a building. That’s what he does and to his credit since it works so much I suppose it is a valid strategy.

John gets out of danger most times but not every time. Ultimately there is only so much he can do and he is captured at one point. He always keeps his spirits up though and looks pretty good here. Then you have Carol as the main heroine. They don’t get along great at first but eventually they become allies. She is someone who has already gotten involved in the world of politics and has grand ambitions of her own. Since she sees John doesn’t take them seriously that is why there is some tension at first. She does end up helping quite a bit during the film.

There is a rookie mistake John makes later on though when he sees someone being kept prisoner in the hidden entrance to a windmill but leaves to tell the cops. Naturally by the time he returns the guy is gone and the whole thing looked like John was insane. You can’t ever leave the scene of a crime because it just won’t be there when you return. You have to try and stay one step ahead of the villains or you’ll quickly fall behind. Eh…that sounds a bit too obvious right? But you get what I’m saying.

Another positive I’d say for the film is how many different locations we go to. The characters drive through the desert, fly in a plane, get trapped at sea, go to parties, etc. It felt like something was always happening here and the pacing was very fast. I’m not sure how long this film was but it felt like a fairly long one in a good way. It didn’t drag on or anything. If anything I would say that it just makes some iffy decisions near the end which don’t really help matters.

First off you have Stephen who is one of the main antagonists of the film. He is helping the Germans and setting up murders and kidnappings for them. He does a lot of really bad things and it’s heavily implied that he has done a lot more off screen. So by the end the film has the characters give him way more credit than he deserves. Without getting into specifics he does one nice thing which ends up saving some lives but you have to consider that doing something nice doesn’t make up for being an evil person. It just doesn’t. Sure it’s great that in a high stress moment he did something fairly selfless but the guy was fairly unrepentant up to then and the sheer scale of his crimes were staggering. I think the world deserved to know the truth rather than John and the team attempting to suppress everything before Carol stopped them.

Meanwhile there is an old man named Van who is really put through the wringer in this film. The guy gets tortured and it’s rough seeing an old man have to go through that. At that age you’re hoping that the rest of life will be more like easy street as opposed to everything getting so tough. I think the film should have cut that torture out, maybe just mention or imply it instead but it was a rather dark moment in a film that was otherwise pretty light.

The ending is definitely intense as mentioned earlier and so the film really managed to accomplish a lot. It shows just how much a reporter can do on his own to try and spread some news and help the heroes out. Ultimately John did his part and at least in this film’s timeline he was pretty instrumental in the end. His boss did a good job by selecting him for the assignment. I’d have enjoyed seeing more of him because the opening scene in the news office was fun. Ultimately that was just the vehicle for setting up the adventure but it was cool either way.

Overall, The Foreign Correspondent is a good film. It’s one I hadn’t heard of before and I do think to an extent it will likely be lost in the shuffle compared to other films which are simply better but the important thing is that this is a good film though. Through and through it is one that I can recommend. There aren’t a ton of films about reporters running around to get a scoop but you could definitely use this as a blueprint to set more of those up.

Overall 6/10

Hard Time Review

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Hard Time is one of those movies that is basically all about a day on the job as an officer in a corrupt environment. As the film is going it hits all of the usual beats you would expect it to while throwing in some twists to keep things fresh. It’s a fairly by the numbers film with some good action and a solid story behind it. Ultimately it is held back a bit by some uninteresting characters and a generally weak introduction. The movie mainly picks up once all of the big players like the mob start to take an active role but can take some time in getting there.

The movie starts with Logan on graffiti watch which he finds boring and a bit insulting since he is used to the tougher cases. Unfortunately for him he has gotten into some trouble over the years for getting a little too aggressive and violent in in some instances. Well he spots an active crime in progress and quickly steps in to help but after a long chase scene one of the crooks shoots the other one and escapes. Fortunately Logan prevented him from stealing the cash but now he is apparently the lead suspect in the shooting and is being taken to court. He’s going to need his attorney to really bring her A game to beat the charges but they don’t really get along all that well from prior encounters. She doesn’t much like the cops and he doesn’t much like attorneys. They’ll have to put these differences aside for now but ultimately the best way for Logan to ensure his innocence is to find the people who were actually behind this and bring them to justice. He better do this quickly as the mob is after him as well.

You may wonder how Logan could possibly have been framed for shooting the one crook. Well, during the chase there was a point where he finally caught up to the crooks but badly underestimated them so they stole his gun and his handcuffs. Unfortunately Logan did not share this with his attorney which comes back to bite him later on and it also makes the whole thing a lot more realistic when you consider which gun was used to murder the crook with. This was definitely all on Logan since you really do need to tell your attorney everything if you intend to stand a chance in court. A single omission or lie can completely turn the tables against you and at that point it is very hard to gain the upper hand again.

It was also rather sloppy of him to let the crooks go there. Basically he had them at gun point and told them to have their hands against the wall. Usual strategy so far so good. Where he went wrong is he gets in close to shove one of them and starts to talk tough so the other one just backs up and lands a kick on Logan. Once he’s down then it’s easy for the two to overpower him from there. This is a common mistake they make in the movies. If you have a gun then the whole point is to stay at mid range. If you get within arms reach then you are basically asking them to make a move. It’s definitely not worth it and will get you killed every time. If anything Logan is super lucky that they didn’t finish him off there. It’s not like they planned to frame him either, they just figured murdering him would increase the heat so they were better off running.

In general Logan does look good during this film, it was just the opening that hurt him a lot. He goes on to defeat multiple attackers even after he was tied up and he never really looks back. Logan is a tough fighter to bring down and he knows it. Perhaps that’s why the confidence got to his head but by the end he is taking numerous opponents down and showing why he was the best in the business. He also figures out the truth of what happened before anyone else which helps him a whole lot in the climax. His partner Charlie would have been really doomed without him.

Now as I mentioned above there is a lot of corruption in this town as the mob owns just about everyone. This becomes a bit of a subplot later on and the film wants to make sure you don’t forget it so we get a lot of flashbacks. That’s one thing which is overdone in this film. We don’t need a lot of flashbacks in any movie because you should remember what you just saw unless it was a really small detail that you want to point out. This one has flashbacks to moments over and over again which didn’t need it. The film’s not as confusing or complex as they may have thought it was. Ultimately the cast is also small so you shouldn’t have a problem remembering any part of the movie. Just saddle up and you’re all set.

Logan’s partner Charlie isn’t quite as impressive as a character. He let himself get really out of shape which is dangerous in his line of work. The guy doesn’t really end up helping Logan much at all. He does talk tough with just about every character in the film but considering that he would likely lose every fight, it wasn’t as impressive as it could have been. I wasn’t giving him any major thumbs up at least. I actually liked the rookie a lot but unfortunately he didn’t get to appear all that much. He was very confident in himself though and that goes a long way.

I really liked the idea of the mafia showing up to weigh in and complicate matters. It helped make the world feel more alive even if I was surprised that they didn’t do more at the very end of the film. The climax was definitely very explosive though. It’s almost tragic in a way because the body count gets a little high and you have to wonder if all of these guys are villains or some are just getting manipulated. If the latter is the case then that is really a rough way to go out. You have to figure that some of the villains probably got away in the end just by sheer numbers but on the whole it’s still a semi happy ending. Things may be tough for Logan as well with the court case. Technically that may not have really changed much even after the climax and then one villain also seems to get off rather easy. There was actually some decent humor at the very end though which did give me a bit of a chuckle.

Overall, Hard Time was a fun movie. It’s a fairly standard action title all things considered but it delivers with the fights and a solid main character. You’re invested in seeing how it all ends and we get a lot of action near the end. I’ll be interested in seeing how the sequels play out but at the end of the day this is a film which delivers even if it is fairly unknown compared to most other big titles. You want action and it delivers so it accomplished the objectives it set out to achieve.

Overall 6/10

Virtuosity Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more n

Virtuosity is one of those films that reminds you of the dangers of virtual reality. I still think we’re probably a good 20-30 years away from anything quite this advanced but hey if it ever does happen then I could see at least parts of this film being really realistic. You just know that the A.I. will be used in dubious ways almost right away. Honestly it’s the best argument against VR being a big thing because someone will immediately find a way to turn the pain sensors back on and just like that you are in a tough spot.

Well, the film opens up with Parker going through a training mission where he enters a computer world and has to try and take down an A.I. Parker was once a police officer but he murdered the killer who took out his family and is now serving hard time. This will help to reduce the sentence at least but the training doesn’t go well as SID (The A.I.) murders Parker’s partner and the lead barely gets out of there. It turns out that the training simulation wasn’t quite so safe eh? Well, SID breaks out anyway thanks to one scientist being a sucker and SID’s creator being a villain anyway. SID is now determined to torment Parker as much as possible. Why is it so personal though?

The film explores a connection with Parker and SID right away. The answer to this question becomes clear fairly early on and it’s really just a lot of bad luck for Parker. I mean the film probably would have been tough for him either way but the chips just happened to fall in a way where things were just as bad for him as they could have possibly have been. He’s already in jail which is pretty rough in itself and now having to deal with a powerful A.I. like this is just throwing extra salt to the wound. Not playing the game with SID isn’t an option either because the guy will hunt Parker down and frame him if that’s what it takes to keep the battle going.

Good luck trying to destroy SID as well because the guy has super strength and a whole host of supernatural abilities that put him above the rest of the rank and file. He can regenerate and move really fast too. In a way the film makes him just a bit too powerful because you know there is no way the heroes should be able to really do much of anything to him. It would just be hard to buy at that point but that’s just how it goes I suppose. For the most part this is more of a chase film than an action one but there are some fights and you may shake your head at those.

I do really like the visual effects used for the cyber world though. We don’t spend a whole lot of time there but the intro scene was very effective. You know that something is wrong right from the start with how everyone has the same kind of shirt on. Then the shooting starts and you realize this isn’t exactly the real world. I would have been cool with the whole film taking place in virtual reality to be honest even if it probably would have been tough on the special effects team. It’s why we need that Sword Art Online movie already but I guess we’re going to have to wait a long while for that one.

SID makes for an intense villain. The guy is completely insane but the thing is that he knows it. So he’s still really clever with his attacks. He just enjoys making everyone feel terrified and we get a whole scene where he creates music using people’s yells. That was certainly very twisted. The scene drags a bit too I would say. With a villain like this, you’re more interested in the banter with the main character as opposed to seeing him just terrorize the civilians who can’t fight back.

Parker is a good lead. He definitely had his share of trauma and baggage over the years. He doesn’t regret what he did to avenge his family by any means though but it does mean that he has had to put up with an awful lot in every category. It’s why he had to crush the first prisoner who tried to mess with him so that hopefully he wouldn’t have to get into any other fights after that. It’s really the rule of the jungle out there and if you aren’t the most powerful then you are going to be in a whole lot of trouble. He works well as the lead and never gets bitter about the whole thing either. At the end of the day he is still trying to save lives at every opportunity.

Madison is the main heroine here and she does well. She may tend to get in the way a little at first but by the end she is actively contributing and doing her best to help out. Her son ends up getting into trouble so she really has to take a big role in the climax. The climax is handled well with the elaborate trap used at the end and Parker having to use his past experience to deal with it. The voice clips were also a lot of fun as you hear some lines on loop and it ends up being memorable.

I was a little mixed on the film by the end because I really liked the premise but I think they could have done more with it. Of course you could do more with the virtual reality for sure but also more with the interactions. SID still kept his powers while in the real world somehow so I’d like to expand on that and see what else he could do. Giving him the memories and personalities of various serial killers was an unexpected move but it’s not a bad idea to really make this villain as terrifying as possible. The character cast is good too although for most of the movie I felt like the researcher got off easy. Yes most of the characters didn’t know that he planned this out but you’d still think that he would be getting some heavy blame here since this is his creation. Even if he hadn’t helped SID out, this was going to be inevitable after a while and every company needs a fall guy. I wanted more of corporate’s reaction to this.

Overall, Virtuosity was an interesting movie to be sure. It had its fun moments and it never dragged on. The way Parker’s family was bumped off was also an especially tragic one to really make him feel a lot of guilt. It was done tragically but without being overly violent which I thought was clever. The film can be a bit violent to be sure but it’s not as excessive as you may think and so it doesn’t take away from the overall story. I would recommend this if you are interested in seeing more of the virtual world.

Overall 6/10

Kiss Me Deadly Review

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Kiss Me Deadly is an interesting noir title in that you are effectively watching a villain as the lead. Not saying Mike is downright evil or anything but he is basically a shady guy who ends up getting tangled with the actual crime syndicate and that ends up leading to a whole lot of trouble. The story is good but it is another title that is held back by the main character. It can also get a bit gritty and gruesome for an old school noir title like this.

The movie starts off with Mike on a drive when he comes across a lady who is running for her life. She says her name is Christina and to drop her off at the next bus stop and then to forget her. However, if they don’t make it, then he must remember her. Unfortunately the two are captured by a group of villains who torture Christina to death and nearly bump Mike off too but they get sloppy and he survives the encounter. Mike has no idea what is even going on but he figures it has to be something big when he is questioned by the cops right away. The mysterious villains also start to threaten him into dropping the case so now he wants to look into it more.

Mike runs a bit of a shady business where he tries to find proof on if a husband or wife is cheating on the other. He has a secretary who takes care of the seducing while he begins to work on playing both parties against each other. It’s definitely not the most noble kind of work and the cops call him out on it but Mike doesn’t care. He will keep doing this so he can get more and more money as needed. This is one of the reasons why you just find it hard to root for the guy. His secretary Velda even basically begs him to let her stop doing this kind of work but he refuses which really tells you what kind of guy he is.

Now there are some fun parts to this. When the villains show up to intimidate him, Mike is able to respond in kind and doesn’t fold so easily. The guy makes threats of his own and has a lot of shady connections throughout the city. So that part is pretty neat and it makes for an interesting wrinkle into the mix but at the same time it just doesn’t erase the less desirable traits he has. It’s just too bad he couldn’t keep the tough attitude while beating up the enemies but still staying somewhat heroic. It would have really worked well. By the end he ultimately starts looking rather sad and defeated as he finally tells the cops that he was out of his depth. It wasn’t a great way for his journey to end.

The early torture scene was also really intense. Definitely not the way you expect to start this film off. For the most part it’s got a rather sullen atmosphere and it’s more about how everyone appears to be suspicious but it’s not generally all that dark or violent. Perhaps they wanted to start the film off with a bang but they definitely could have chosen a less gruesome way to do this. Additionally if you’re friends with the lead then you’re probably doomed but that’s usually how it goes.

The dialogue here is sharp as always though. I love all the veiled threats and how everyone is talking really tough. There is a lot of sarcasm thrown around and the fact that Mike is so tough does lend itself well to the banter. All of those things are good points within the movie. It definitely goes by rather quickly even though it is a long movie. It all feels like one well connected adventure and that element of the story, the lead having a lot of connections is one that they should bring back. Mike may be a questionable private investigator but he is still a PI so when the villains go after him it’s nice that he has some way to defend himself and figure out what is happening.

Meanwhile Velda definitely should have quit the business right away. Ultimately things are never going to go all that well for her in this business and so the sooner she gets out the better. Lily is an interesting character but again not one you would want to trust very much. She is always ready to put on the charm to try and get Mike to do what she wants but he’s not the kind of guy this will usually work for although he will enjoy the situation when it’s something he would have done anyway. She is desperate as she runs from the villains but that’s never really the approach you want to go with.

Mike’s friend Nick was a nice guy even though you knew he was doomed. I like that the guy always had Mike’s back at least and was eager to help. If anything Mike was using him since he didn’t really let Nick know just how dangerous this whole thing was. If he had been straight with Nick then things could have been different but Mike is all about using those who are close to him. Definitely a shame when you think about it.

The supporting characters were solid here. I liked the villain with the glasses who was always very polite but as one of the ringleaders of the villains you knew that he couldn’t be trusted. Definitely someone you had to be cautious with but the demeanor was pretty funny. Then there is the main cop who doesn’t get along with Mike at all. Their first impression was certainly lousy which didn’t help matters for either of them for a long while there. Still he was okay at his job. I think the cops could have ultimately done more on their end but it’s not like they had a lot of help either so they were on their own since Mike wasn’t cooperating.

The ending here definitely escalates really quickly though. The special effects for this were fun, it was like we suddenly entered a sci-fi movie or something. I wasn’t expecting that at all although in a way that’s why it worked. It just hits you like a sudden tank and that could have really tied in as a sequel with characters picking up the pieces. The film does work as another example of the viewer not knowing all the answers since we’re looking at things from the lead’s point of view though so I understand the appeal there.

Overall, I think a noir film that is basically villain against villain could be really good. The film would just need to lean into that more by having him be a full fledged villain. He certainly acts the part like when he shoves a drawer closed while someone’s hand is in it and slaps around a poor receptionist. This guy doesn’t play nice and won’t take no for an answer when he wants answers. You just need to do that without him sacrificing the main heroine’s dignity and I could also do without the torture. This ends up being a weaker noir title as a result and you’re better off skipping it for now.

Overall 4/10

Point Break (2015) Review

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Point Break is one of those films where I’m almost surprised that it got a remake. I mean most things get remakes eventually but I wouldn’t say the first film is one of the top ones that comes to mind when I’m thinking about a thriller. It just felt like a random remake but hey, it’s here so how did it fare? Well I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original and yet I would still say it edges this one out. It’s not a landslide victory, they’re both on around the same level but this feels like a slimmed down version with characters that aren’t as interesting. The only interesting thing here is the whole eco-warrior angle and that part isn’t fleshed out as much as you might expect.

The film starts off with Johnny Utah pulling off some great stunts once again but unfortunately it gets a bit too intense and his friend dies. He decides not to do the stunts anymore and becomes an FBI agent. Well, there are now a string of odd crimes happening around the world and Johnny notices a trend that everyone missed. The villains are attempting to complete the Ozaki 8. These are crazy stunts where nobody has ever managed to complete the whole set in their lifetime before. These crooks are accomplishing those feats while also robbing places and causing general mayhem which is the impressive part. The FBI agents don’t really buy into this theory though so Johnny is on his own when he goes over to prove this theory. If agent Pappas doesn’t think there is any promise after a short while he will pull the plug on this little operation. Can Johnny find these crooks?

Well, that might be the wrong question. See, Johnny finds them very quickly. That’s not really the hard part here. The hard part is that he quickly starts to hang out with them and doesn’t think they are so bad. In a way he wants to take them in peacefully and he also needs proof which will be difficult. It puts him in a tough spot and that’s also why you really don’t want to be an undercover operative for too long. The longer the mission goes on the more suspicious the villains are naturally going to get. So there is always a timer here.

I would also say that Johnny sure gets lucky a whole lot of the time. If the villains were smarter and made direct moves from the start then Johnny would have been doomed. He’s not exactly subtle with how he will vanish for a full day and then come back. He’s extremely suspicious with all of his little trips. Basically Bodhi at least figured something was up midway but instead of finishing Johnny off he plays along because he hopes to convert Johnny. Overconfidence? Yes absolutely, things would have gone a lot smoother for him if he just made Johnny disappear and that wouldn’t have been hard.

Johnny does have some street cred by being a former extreme sports guy and that at least was a god addition to the film. It actually makes sense to add to his cover and yeah it might be convenient but it also gives more reason why he wouldn’t be immediately distrusted at least so I can get behind that. This one has less of a focus on the surfing and in exchange it’s more like a decathalon as there are a bunch of different sports and activities being played here.

Ironically Johnny reduces the villains’ numbers by getting caught up in the moment and making things a little too extreme. His old habits kick in during a snowboarding level where one guy doesn’t make it. Bodhi and the gang aren’t too bothered since they figure it’s everyone’s choice to go on and that is true. I mean you’d probably still be rather guilty about the whole thing but I don’t think he’s wrong. At the end of the day when someone encourages you to do something, you (almost) always have a choice and so if you do go through with it, you can’t go blaming the other person.

So Bodhi and the gang’s intentions here are to save the environment and complete the stunts. Where this falls flat for me is that their goal doesn’t seem very focused and doesn’t seem to help the environment much at all. Johnny even calls them out for this by saying how they keep taking a lot of money and living the good life but when will they give back? Sure they occasionally give money to people but they don’t seem to be the selfless Robin Hood types that they claim to be. I would say Johnny is right on this, sure they were always going to be villains either way but showing more of how they actually helped the environment would have done a lot to make them more compelling as villains. I think it would have made a world of difference at least and they wouldn’t have been nearly as bland.

In general bland is probably how you would describe the film. It does have some good visuals and action scenes as they perform these extreme stunts but the actual story around that is so forgettable. Half of the conversations between the characters are about the environment and the world around them yet you don’t feel like they are actually saying much. It is a lot of dialogue without a whole lot of actual focus and that is the problem.

I also didn’t care for the main character much because to an extent I think the agents were right that he lost sight of his duties here. He gets distracted way too easily while trying to learn about them. I don’t feel like he really held back once the chips were down but he would have worked harder to stop them. I don’t think fitting in with the group was the most effective way to stop them and at the end of the day they are still big criminals. Even if Johnny sees that they are trying to do something good, it really doesn’t change the bigger picture. You have to stop them.

Now for the ending, it is going for an emotional vibe of course but I do think at this point Johnny is obligated to stop Bodhi. Basically the situation involves arresting Bodhi or letting him destroy himself. At least in the original you could see how Bodhi might have a chance if his skills were up to par but this time he went in a boat so it just felt like a suicide mission. I feel like Johnny has to quickly try and stop him here because there is no chance of success. Additionally Bodhi needs to answer for his crimes rather than getting to go out on his own terms like that. Sometimes death is the easy way out and this is one of those times. Johnny needed to hang in there and make sure this didn’t happen.

Overall, Point Break just feels a little unfocused and didn’t put enough attention to the plot. The stunts were on point but you can’t really make a whole film about that. You need a focus, some kind of overarching story to make it all work and this one didn’t really have that. The characters aren’t the best and I think the film thought that it was a lot deeper than it actually was. As a result the whole thing ends up being rather weak and I can’t say that I would really recommend it. It’s not bad but it’s just not very inspired. I would say to watch any Mission Impossible film starting with film 4 instead for some good stunts that are connected through an exciting plot.

Overall 5/10

Prom Night Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for another school movie where a disaster takes place. There isn’t a huge explosion this time around but there may as well have been as things get really intense here. The movie doesn’t start off on the best note, nor does it end in a great way either. This is really just your dime a dozen slasher movie going through its paces and it never tries to be anything more than that. As a result this movie just isn’t very good at all with a lot of forgettable characters.

The movie starts off with a bunch of cruel children picking on one girl until they corner her by a window where she falls through and dies. They decide not to tell anyone and run off. Years later, someone has decided to avenge the girl. Each of the children who were involved start to get threatening phone calls confirming that they will all be dying at the prom. The heroines are grown up now though and figure these are prank calls and don’t worry about it. As the bodies start piling up they have to be careful though. Can they actually stop this monster before they are obliterated?

Schools really are quite huge so it does work as a big battleground here. For example with the big prom taking place in the main lobby, the rest of the school is completely empty. That gives the murderer plenty of places to hide. It’s a location where you can buy into a cloaked figure even camping out for the whole day. You’ve got several floors each with 12+ rooms plus restrooms and such that are completely empty. Naturally some students leave to go and have affairs and such which makes them easy pickings. In that way the prom was the easiest date to pull this off for because everybody is making the job easier. They split off on their own without telling people intentionally.

Of course it’s also annoying to see them all fall for this by the same token. You just know that the characters are doomed the instant the villain appears. As always they all just don’t know how to fight at all and can’t defend themselves. The only exception to this is a guy named Slick who has a lot of self confidence. It was impressive how he just rode up in his big car and got someone to go out with him immediately although whether it’s a feather in his cap or the lady was too easy is something we can’t say. It’s as rushed a romance as you can get so I’m not exactly going to give that a high score.

Surprisingly Slick actually made this a real fight and went back and forth with the villain for quite some time though. That scene went on for way longer than I had anticipated. Yeah the ending is probably inevitable to be sure but I always prefer when someone puts up a fight rather than meekly going down. When your life is at stake you better find some adrenaline to fight back because if you lose then that’s game over. There is no retry option or anything like that even if it would be cool to have one of those.

The main heroine here is Kim and she does feel bad about what happened. It’s just like 10 years too late but I’ll take what I can get. There isn’t a whole lot to her character though. I mean in a way her character is that she isn’t nearly as desperate as the others who are all either one with the world now or have completely moved on. You just know that they’re all doomed while Kim at least has a chance of figuring things out. Well, she is the main character so that makes sense but she also just seems a lot more reasonable than the others. She feels like your average everyday character if that makes sense.

It’s not a bad thing, I’ll take being a forgettable character over being a really bad one but you can tell that this movie was more about putting the effort in to how everyone would be bumped off rather than the characters. There actually is one side bonus to this although I think it’s probably unintentional. The characters are so forgettable that when they reveal who the villain is, it takes you a minute to remember who the character is. You quickly understand from the context clues but there will be a few moments where you scratch your head and just wonder what’s going on. It all does make sense in hindsight and in a way this is the only culprit that would make sense.

The film does offer an obvious red herring from the start but the movie forgot to be subtle about this so because of that nobody falls for it. Now in a way slasher films are always going to be doomed no matter what setting they take place in but I would argue that taking place at a school puts you at an extra disadvantage by default. First you have all of the drama and poorly developed romances going on. It makes the characters look really annoying and unprepared from the jump. Then you have the fact that the teachers and principal are inevitably not going to help or do much anyway so why even include them in here? If the movie takes place on the mountains or something then at least it’s a unique environment and you have the extra tension of trying to escape from there in one piece.

It won’t solve the core issues but it’s a start. As you’d expect the film suffers from excessive violence and poor writing. There are no really likable characters as it’s really hard to forget that opening scene. I don’t care how young they were, you have to be pretty messed up to attack that little girl the way that they did. It was a really rough way to start the film and unfortunately set the tone for how the rest of the movie was going to play out. It’s really hard to recover from a moment like that.

Overall, At least the principal tried to help things out by putting the pressure on with locating another criminal on the loose. I give him credit for doing his best, he was just doomed from the start and you as the viewer knew it. Some things just can’t be easily stopped. I don’t think there is really anything you can get from this film that can’t be found in any number of other slashers. The movie doesn’t have much in the way of redeeming values as even the mystery of trying to find out who the killer is won’t interest you very much.

Overall 2/10

The 39 Steps Review

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The 39 Steps is definitely an interesting movie but it is one that is held back by the main character. He’s annoying to watch the whole time and will just grate on your nerves. The guy isn’t the nicest fellow that’s for sure and leaves the worst possible first impression with the main heroine so while you expect that the romance is still coming, you are just hoping that it won’t. Just skip it….so I enjoy the story in the film and how everything is really mysterious but the film also has a lot of unnecessary moments and a weak lead that distracts from this.

The movie opens with Richard enjoying a show where a guy called Mr. Memory confirms that he knows everything. Ask him any serious question and he can get you the answer on the spot. It’s really quite impressive to be honest. Well suddenly a lady runs into Richard and asks him to take her home. He agrees but the whole thing is rather odd. She says that she is being chased by a bunch of ruffians who want to murder her and while Richard doubts this at first, she is promptly murdered. The only clue he has left is a paper she was holding with a map. He is now the primary suspect in her murder so he has to find the real villains and solve this case quickly.

So far so good. It’s a pretty interesting plot. One unique thing about the movie is also that this guy is completely out of his depth for the entirety of the movie. Yes, not just the beginning of the movie or for part of it but the whole thing. This guy really has no clue what he is up against and even we as the viewer don’t know a whole lot. This is done effectively since we’re seeing the world through the lead’s eyes. There is no time for info dumps or twists about what is going on. Yes, we get some answers by the end but not a whole lot of them. The majority of the film is Richard running around and getting himself into trouble.

For example one of the best parts there is when Richard finally makes it to his destination and meet up with a Mr. Jordan who he thinks can help him. Unfortunately this guy turns out to be one of the main villains so not only is he not going to get any help from this guy but it’s actually the reverse and he might be in trouble now. I like how Jordan plays along for a bit before just dropping the act. The film also has that retro style of talking where everyone is being super polite even when talking about how someone is going to get murdered. Jordan says Richard has to die but gives him some options and tries to be nice about the whole thing.

Then while they’re in the middle of talking he just shoots Richard out of the blue. I just like how nonchalant the whole thing was. He just shot him in the middle of the living room and walked away. Now granted, this also leads to the cheesiest part of the film which is that he didn’t check to make sure that Richard was actually dead. Cmon now that’s the first thing you have to check. It turns out that the bible he stole from a domestic abuser saved his life. Richard’s luck gets no better as he runs off to the sheriff who doesn’t believe his story at all and things continue to escalate.

So yeah Richard is doing a lot of running here which is why we don’t have time to learn much about the two factions of secret agents going at it with each other. You just need to know the key facts here which is that one side has some intel that they shouldn’t and they will get away unless the cops get involved. By the time the film is over Richard may be safe for a bit but I feel like nobody’s actually going to stop the 39 Steps because where do you even begin with that? We don’t even know how big the organization is or how many members they have. The possibilities are really endless.

If this was the extent of the film then it would all be swell but one of the weakest aspects of the film is the whole subplot with Pamela. So they first meet on a train where Richard tries to use her as a disguise when being chased by the cops. His bright idea here was to go all the way for a kiss instead of a hug or something. I was glad when she ratted him out because if a random person shows up and does that this should absolutely be your first reaction. He holds that against her though and the whole scene is just wild because it also doesn’t feel like something the hero would do. I thought that was a really weak scene.

She tries to get him into trouble for a long while after that but eventually they get handcuffed together and now she really has no escape. He forces her to pretend to be married to him and whenever she tries to yell for help he’ll just grab her by the neck so she can’t talk or threaten to shoot her. This is the hero? Now it’s not like the film is portraying him to be demented or anything and the scenes aren’t meant to be crazy but they’re not exactly played for laughs either. I think he just goes way too far in trying to scare her. He fears for his life but making her fear for hers really isn’t helping matters in the slightest. He still takes time to flirt and start a relationship as well so he needs to get his priorities straight.

The guy is all over the place and so by the end you have no sympathy for him. It’s a shame that people think he is a murderer but he’s starting to act like one anyway so that’s maybe just how this will end up going anyway. The film also has a very random pitstop near the middle where he bumps into a rather shady guy who prays a lot but seems like a phony and his poor wife who doesn’t really know what to do. Things get dicey for her after Richard leaves and it’s like…did we need to see this? Yeah it’s generally understood that this guy seems like he may get abusive and has a chip on his shoulder but it’s a bit of a dark element that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

This film feels really unfocused which is fine for the story but it also just means that any bad elements which show up also feel like they have no real point in being here. The film would just be better off without these moments being included at all and there is no real incentive to watch this over another thriller. I’d recommend most of the other retro titles I’ve seen higher than this one. The ending is pretty clever and ties in well to the intro but ultimately this film barely breaks even. That’s quite the feat considering that with the solid writing and tone this would usually be guaranteed to be a 7 at least so you know the title definitely did something wrong.

Overall, That main character just needed to be arrested after a while and you feel worse for the heroine who gets swept up into all of this. If this ever gets a remake I think we just need to have a bigger focus on The 39 Steps and what they really do. They certainly have a lot of plans going on and operatives around the world but what is their end game really? I just want to see more of how they operate in this world while living double lives as millionaires having fun in society. Those questions are the most interesting parts of the film.

Overall 5/10

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Hansel & Gretel is definitely a very classic story that I’m sure just about everyone has heard of at one point or another. Doing a modern action film based on that premise could be a lot of fun. So on one hand they do succeed in adding a ton of action and it has a very Resident Evil/Underworld feel to it. Everyone’s wearing leather jackets and there is a lot of loud music as everyone just starts attacking. I always like the vibe but the film also decides to be quite over the top violent the whole time which ends up weakening it entirely. It’s a shame since otherwise I think this could have ended up being a whole lot of fun but instead it ends up being rather underwhelming.

The movie starts off with the origin story as Hansel and Gretel are abandoned by their father and a witch invites them to her house. For a long while she has them captured but eventually they destroy her and escape. They then decide to become witch hunters and are very good at it. They’ve slain so many over the years it’s almost like they are superhuman or something. Hansel’s one weakness is that he has magical diabetes so he has to take a shot every few hours or else he can’t move. One day they save an innocent civilian from being executed by a bunch of crazy townsfolk and prepare to stop the true enemy Muriel. The tough part about this is that she is one of the strongest witches in existence. Defeating her will not be easy by any stretch of the imagination.

It is hard to picture how the heroes lasted this long against the witches though because they just aren’t very impressive in a fight. Sure they have the gun and the crossbow not to mention that magical bolts don’t affect them directly (Strange isn’t it?) but that’s it. They still only have human level stats so you’d think the witches could overwhelm them with speed or manipulating the environment to choke them or something. They don’t end up doing any of that and every time they are defeated you have to shake your head a bit.

This gets even more drastic once Muriel steps in because she’s much stronger as I mentioned before. She moves so fast that it’s like she is teleporting and her energy blasts have a wide range to them. I get that she can’t use her mind control on the heroes but there are still so many ways to beat them. This is definitely an example of a movie where they made the difference between the heroes and villains way too drastic. You always gotta keep it at least a bit equal or the plot armor starts to show off too much. At least Muriel does make for a decently good villain though. She has a very concrete goal and takes steps to achieve it. Her plan wasn’t even bad so she put in a whole lot of work here.

Then we have Mina as the girl who was nearly executed. She gets a fairly big role in the film but ultimately ends up being very underwhelming. For the first half I actually just thought she was going to be a really powerful villain that the heroes had to worry about but as the film went on you started to realize that this might not be in the cards. She’s a character whose concept is a lot cooler than the execution. You got the feeling that she could end up being really cool but then the climax happens and that was it.

Likewise there is a white witch in the flashback who looks really bad. Basically like in Final Fantasy a white witch has healing powers while the dark witches use your classic attack spells. The problem is that the white witches are such pacifists that they literally refuse to lift up a hand to fight back even when they are being absolutely crushed. Not a good look if you ask me. There has to be a point where you are going to defend yourself because if you just let people murder you like that then I’m not going to like the character. It’s as simple as that.

Now there is a sidekick character named Ben who wants to help the main duo but he’s just annoying. For starters he lost any single shred of decency he might have had when he tries to take advantage of Gretel while she was asleep. I mean that’s case closed in one fell swoop. You just don’t come back from a blow like that, no shot! He mainly just exists to be the comic relief and doesn’t add anything to the film so you could absolutely cut him out and nothing would really change.

The heroes run into a troll named Edward later on who is nice enough. He helps out Gretel quite a bit which is always good and he means well. He may not be the smartest character out there but he knows enough to be of help when it counts. The guy has the physical strength needed to win almost any one on one fight and he seems like he would be a very loyal ally to have around so there’s no problem with him watching your back.

Then we have Hansel who is a good main character. He has quite the grudge against witches but who wouldn’t in his position right? The witch basically ruined his life and he will never be fully better again so after that it is really hard to forget such a moment. He can fight well which is the important part and is always looking out for Gretel. Likewise Gretel has Hansel’s back and they make a good team. She’s very confident and is always ready to press on in the fight. Their sibling dynamic worked well and isn’t one you see very often in the movies so that was fun. It’s why you could cut out Ben and just keep the dynamic duo banter intact.

Of course the film still has to squeeze in some romance which is why Mina steps in. This whole plot is very rushed and there just isn’t time for romance when you’re trying to take down witches. Lives are at stake and they also have to watch out for the corrupt townsfolk who are everywhere. So instead of pairing up and all of that maybe they should be focused on winning the fight ahead of them. That would have made way more sense at least and it could give them time to develop as friends instead. Yeah the romance should have been cut out.

As mentioned earlier the violence also could have been toned down a whole lot. Characters are being blown up and sliced and diced left and right. The film also goes for some downright gross imagery at different points as well like with Muriel forcing some guys to eat a bunch of bugs. Like did we really need to go there? Sure it shows how superior she is as a mage but cmon now. Then the film has to get edgy with all the townsfolk being brutes who go after Gretel at one point. The film is trying to be as extreme as possible at all moments and it works against the film.

Overall, Hansel & Gretel had some nice potential here. I liked some of the twists and the whole action angle was nice. I do think it could have ended up being a good film if it just showed some restraint. Instead it didn’t show any though and that’s what hurts the film a whole lot. There is no real replay value here and you’ll be cringing a whole lot. It’s time for another hard reboot to this series. You can still keep the witch hunter angle but the whole direction just needs to be changed. Hey, if you do that then you could have a winner on your side but in the meantime you should absolutely skip this one. At least the soundtrack is really good though.

Overall 2/10