Category Archives: 1 Star Movies

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to end the trilogy of horror in the Summer series. The titles always get pretty interesting with this one but it’s basically just your average horror. Nothing’s really going on beyond the mass murders here and none of the characters are likable. So what you have is just a long journey of watching them all get picked off one by one which doesn’t make for the most engaging experience.

The movie starts off with some teenager drama as Amber and her boyfriend Colby decide to make a long distance relationship work but first they’re going to spend one last July 4th with the crew. They pull off a prank making the whole town think there is some kind of serial killer on the loose but things get a little too close to home when one of them actually dies during the prank. They cover this up and then go their separate ways. Time passes and the next year arrives with Amber meeting up with Colby in town but he didn’t tell her he would be there so it’s sort of like they’ve unofficially broken up. None of the gang even remotely likes each other anymore but they have to band together one last time because the murderer they faked may actually be a real person now. Is it someone trying to expose the murder they had covered up?

From there on it’s time for everyone to start taking massive Ls against the villains. It’s not really surprising that it goes this way either because they were outgunned from the jump. Usually in these films you have to find an excuse to scatter the main characters but that isn’t needed here because of how much they hate each other. They threaten each other more than once and constantly split up. At one point Colby heads off to go drink by himself knowing full well by this point in the movie that the body count was rather large and still not caring about this at all. It’s definitely one of the worst moves you can make.

There is one decision that is even worse though. At one point the teens finally come up with their first reasonable plan. They will all hop in a car together, pick a direction and just keep on driving. The murders seem to be leading up to July 4th which is when they covered up the murder so they just make sure they’re in a different state by then. They can always return later or choose not too, but that should keep them safe right? The film takes great pains to explain that this wouldn’t have worked by the end but ignoring that, this is actually a really good plan.

If you take away the classic trope of the slasher villain being super fast and all knowing, there isn’t really a counter to this plan. Even if he can grab a vehicle he won’t be able to follow them quick enough before they’re past the border. Then at that point as long as they don’t do anything ignorant, they can stay off the grid for a while. Change their names or go far enough away where it won’t matter. The problem of course is that this plan was too good so one of the characters complains that she has to go out and perform in a rock band real quick first.

She knows full well that the villain is going to make his move now since it’ll be July 4th but she is prioritizing the concert? I know scouts will be there and that it’s a big deal but it still makes absolutely no sense so stay. It’s one of those scenes that will definitely have you rolling your eyes the whole time because it just makes no sense. There’s basically no way that anyone would have made that move.

It’s not like these films are really known for their writing or anything but that was still crazy. The film has its share of twists as the whole thing is part mystery after all. The identity of the villain is definitely a game changer but unfortunately it also does make the experience a little more pointless. The film actually gives us a real climax with some action and everything but due to how the plot goes, it doesn’t matter a whole lot. Ultimately you know that there is just no way for the heroes to pull this off.

The twist ending is a classic horror staple and this one has an ending like that but it’s basically the bare minimum. Sort of like the writer shrugging and figuring “welllll they’d probably like to see this ending sooo..here ya go” but there’s no creativity or inspiration here. I suppose you could say that for most of the film but it’s still not a great look. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, this is definitely not a high quality film and what’s more…I’d say it’s definitely a skip straight up.

The film suffers from the usual slasher issues like being overly violent with all of the kills. The film gets as gratuitous as possible. In part that’s probably why every character is written to be super unlikable so you don’t feel as bad for them but that’s not a winning strategy in the slightest. I also think that the culprit should have been someone else. Now that may have made some of the scenes in this movie a little harder to buy but you were probably going to have to stretch some disbelief here anyway. So just knock all of that out in one shot and then you’re in a much better position.

Overall, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is a pretty bad movie. It’s really just hitting all of the beats without adding anything to them. It’s going through the motions in the most robotic way possible. It’ll quickly fade into obscurity as just another slasher film. I’ll give tiny props for actually having the heroes try to fight the villain near the end instead of just running and tripping but there are very few positives to be had here. You just won’t be having a whole lot of fun during this title. I still can’t believe not even one character decided to just drive off and leave town. It’s the easiest solution for 90% of these films which is why most movies actually make an effort to prevent this from being an option. Like there’s no roads or there’s an avalanche or something. This film had no such excuse.

Overall 1/10

The Grudge (2020) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I’m going to be brutally honest here folks, I much prefer when films, games, and any sort of media follow a linear path. Jumping back and forth across timelines and such often times is more convoluted than interesting. It’s just being complicated for the sake of doing so as opposed to actually enhancing the story and that’s what happens here. There is no actual benefit and even the inevitable “aha it’s all connected!!” moment isn’t enough to overturn that.

The movie has no evil cat possession sounds this time which is a massive mistake so its mainly Sayako’s body doing the dirty work for the Grudge. There are a few others though. So we have a few different plots here. You have a new detective who is trying to find out what’s going on with this supposed haunted house. She’s a bit old to believe in ghosts after all and figures its fake but her partner who has been on the scene refuses to even step foot in there. He believes that it is fully haunted. In the past, a lady will be having a kid soon but unfortunately he will be born with an illness as seen in the pre birth scans. Is the Grudge working overtime and cursing people before they are even born now? Unfortunately she is probably in the wrong house to try and survive this. Then in a middle plot we have a lady who helps in assisted suicides who checks in on an old lady and her husband but the lady is crazy and seems to be able to see the Grudge. The lady should have immediately left but she decides to stay the night which may end up being her last.

So what do all of these plots have in common? They’re all fodder for the Grudge! Nooooo, but it’s true though. You know the sooner that these chuckleheads appear on screen that they are absolutely doomed. The old lady with aroma therapy and such? The Grudge probably smells like sewer water based on how long she’s been dead in the water so she’s immune. The cop with his handgun staring down the haunted house for years before destroying himself? The Grudge is most likely bullet proof! And if not she’ll just use her telepathy to jam the gun. Thinking of burning the house down? Well the fact that she even lets you approach the house with the gasoline means that she isn’t worried.

When your opponent is all powerful and just playing with you there just isn’t much you can do. Naturally destroying yourself like the second cop is absolutely the worst thing you can do because one..The Grudge won’t allow it. Seriously she can alter the trajectory just enough to ensure you live in pain for a long while. I choose to believe that explanation over him just missing a point blank shot to the head personally. So you either play her game and hope it means an instant end or you try to do something drastic like blow up the planet. Honestly that would be an interesting angle. A character can’t stop being haunted for all eternity by the Grudge so he decides to end it all for humanity.

Now there’s a world destruction motive that I could possibly get behind because it’s all so unfair. As always the film is definitely really violent. A lot of characters are dying left and right and we also get a lot of gross visuals like people’s dead bodies being covered by worms. The Grudge definitely isn’t holding back on any of that and as always we’re reminded of the origin of all this.

It’s almost impressive that there are basically no happy moments in the film because you’re always waiting for what’s about to happen next to the characters. For the most part you aren’t even given much hope for any of the plots except the one taking place in current day because you already know the others are doomed. I suppose there’s the tension of seeing how long they last. The constant rain is also a good backdrop because everything is scarier during a downpour. There just doesn’t seem to be much of a point to this film even more than some of the other Grudge titles although I guess they’re all pretty close in that respect. We need a character to try and counter the Grudge at some point. Give her an actual opponent to fight against and the film would immediately get a whole lot better.

The twist ending of the film is definitely pretty intense and maybe the best out of the Grudge films. Sure on one hand you might roll your eyes because it feels like the film is going against its own lore again but you have to remember that the Grudge will never lose. As the Flash villain once said: “You can’t hold me!!!!” That’s basically the Grudge’s catchphrase at this point. No matter what you do she will eventually defeat you. Honestly the lucky ones are the fighters who die immediately because at least they are put out of their misery. You’re really unlucky when she spares you for like 50 years only to murder you later on for the lolz. Everyone is in the palm of her hands and the sooner you embrace the futility of the entire movie series, the sooner you can be free!

Overall, The Grudge basically goes through the motions of murdering everyone. By splitting the film up into different time periods and going back and forth it does slow down the pacing a lot though. This film would have actually been a lot better as an anthology and I can’t believe that I’m saying that. Yes that’s how dicey things have gotten here because i just don’t want to be going back to the past so many times. It’s not my idea of a grand time. Give me a linear plot to move around in and just use a few flashbacks if you have to. The idea can work I suppose but the Grudge definitely couldn’t pull it off.

Overall 1/10

The Grudge 3 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version. Note that a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to return to The Grudge series. Definitely not one of my favorite horror series to say the least. Part of the problem with this series has always been how overpowered the villain is. Basically you’ve got someone with the powers of a Shonen Jump villain going up against below average mortals who couldn’t throw a punch to save their life and have no mental defenses. At the end of the day that means there is absolutely no hope for anybody here so the whole film is really just there for show.

The movie starts off with a kid trying to explain that he needs someone to break him out of the psychiatric ward because The Grudge has already infiltrated. The staff laugh this off and explain that the place is completely secure so nothing can happen to him. The poor kid’s mangled beyond recognition in the next scene and the doctor tries to find answers but good luck with that. Meanwhile we cut to Lisa who is temporarily staying with her brother Max and his daughter Rose in the house where all of this had gone down. It’s a rather eery place to live but Max figures he can fix the place up really well and eventually turn things around. He’s in the red right now so he will definitely need things to really work out well for him. Unfortunately The Grudge isn’t satisfied yet and starts murdering more people. It’s possible that the only one who can stop her is Naoko, the sister to the original host.

Technically “The Grudge” is more of a supervillain name and it’s for both the girl and the cat who are running around. You could make the case that these are just the physical manifestations of the Grudge since it’s more of a non physical form anyway so I’ll keep saying Grudge for convenience sake. One thing the series does really well is to show just how spooky they are though. Grudge’s movements are very erratic which makes it hard for you to predict her next move. She can be deceptively fast and also has an incredible grip. Basically if she grabs you then it’s all over.

I would say the frustrating part is that absolutely nobody tries to attack her at all. They all just fall down and start crying, hide under the bed, or give their back to the creature. Look, you’re going to die anyway but wouldn’t you at least want to go down with a fight? The film doesn’t even try to make it look like these people are ready to fight back and I think that’s a mistake because it makes no sense. They’re literally on the the edge of defeat getting close to death. If that’s not enough to make you fight back then I don’t know what would be.

Characters consistently make the wrong decisions. Near the end of the film Lisa is trying to escape and just watched someone get butchered in front of her. The next move is to run for it right? Instead she just falls to the ground and extreme plot armor saves her from being the next victim. Everyone should have a fight or flee instinct but for some reason that turned into a just fall down and whimper effect. I just don’t think that would be the case for most people. I would argue almost none of them would have that effect at least even if it’s a few.

Okay so on to the negatives. Wait…were those actually the positives? Yeah we ran out of those a while back. The only real positive here is that the Grudge has an awesome design and I really like the sound effects. They are really scary and this is a film that will always be scary to watch. I would go as far as to say the Grudge may have the scariest design for a horror villain but I would have to think about it. The close runner ups who could also take the title would probably be the main villain of Insidious who has the red mask and the classic Xenomorph.

As always this is a very bloody film with a lot of over the top violence and dark themes. We can never seem to escape the cat dying which is a very unfortunate part of the mythos. It really doesn’t add any benefit to the film so I’d rather skip that. Having a little kid get murdered in the opening scene really sets the tone here but then you also have the Grudge possessing people to stab their friends and make the whole thing more personal. This is a very dark and dreary film from cover to cover that doesn’t exactly make you thrilled to watch it.

As I mentioned earlier, the Grudge has no weaknesses so it’s not like there was ever any hope here. Naoko’s big master plan is basically to transfer the curse onto the little kid by having her drink a bunch of blood. Gross factor aside, this plan makes absolutely no sense to anybody who managed to pay attention to the lore at the beginning. The Grudge came into existence in part because of how Naoko’s sister had to drink the blood and dark essence of every curse. Basically the curses all merged into a super dark influence which took control of her and made her commit all of these deeds.

So drinking that blood would just make a new host but wouldn’t stop the demon. In what world would it destroy the demon? Maybe you can say Naoko was planning to murder the kid after that but why would that have any effect on anything? Her sister died a while back and the curse is still here. So in short, I don’t see any purpose in including Naoko in this film. I don’t think the writers really thought this subplot through because it doesn’t work as a twist about the plan not working when it never had any chance of working in the first place. It doesn’t make any senseeeeee!!

At least the Grudge does give us a classic twist ending which is more inline with what you would expect for this kind of film. It works pretty well and the execution is on point. It doesn’t exactly make you feel any better about the film having any kind of central purpose other than showing people dying in all sorts of ways. At this point there doesn’t seem to be much of a point to these film. They’re just like Halloween or other slasher types where it’s really just about seeing a bunch of deaths. Still, at least in some of those you can pretend that the heroes have a shot and it feels like they do because the villains are a bit more mortal. When the villain’s all powerful with no weaknesses then it takes the bite out of the whole thing.

Overall, The Grudge 3 is a pretty terrible film all around. The heroes never stood a chance and you knew it so you’re really just watching everyone getting bumped off and hoping against hope that there is some kind of twist to save the movie. Inevitably it never comes and so there isn’t really a reason to check this one out except to have a grudge against the film itself. It’s not the kind of film that will be saving the horror genre or anything fancy like that.

Overall 1/10

Prom Night (2008) Review

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Why’s this poster so awful?? Seriously you can’t tell anything about the film from this and if anything it just makes you want to stay away. Trust me this is not the way to advertise any kind of film. Regardless this is a really bad title though so you will want to stay away. It ends up being a painful experience from start to finish with no real smart characters.

The movie starts off with Donna watching her family get murdered by a psychopath named Richard. We jump to the future where she is now being taken care of by her uncle and aunt. She is still rather traumatized but wants to at least try and enjoy her prom. It should be the perfect day and so she heads out to be with her friends. Unfortunately though Richard has escaped from prison and because everyone is incompetent in this film it took 3 days for the cops to be notified. They let the guardians know but instead of taking Donna out….they decide to let the prom continue since it would be too traumatic to cancel. Okay……how many victims will it take this time before Richard is stopped?

There are so many issues with this film but I think it’s safe to say that the biggest issue you will run into right away is just how depressing and mean spirited the film is. A high body count is to be expected but so many people keep dying and nobody is safe. A lot of these characters had nothing to do with the story and they’re still getting bumped off. Sure that’s technically true for a lot of slashers like this but I think part of the problem with having this take place in the school is you’re basically having a bunch of kids get murdered the whole time. We had an elementary school kid get bumped off in the intro even which is taking things a step farther.

Allowing the prom to continue is also complete insanity. Winn has a moment where he mentions that they don’t see any reason why Richard would come here. Really? They see no reason why the crazy psychopath who made it explicitly clear that he would do whatever it took to go back to Donna would try to attack her now that he’s broken out? That had to be one of the silliest lines in the film without a doubt. I could barely believe what I was hearing. Come on………come onnnnnnnnnnn.

Okay so the prom’s going to continue, but you’re going to let the hotel staff know that there’s a crazy guy on the lookout right? No, the hotel concierge asks the police officer if they should be afraid and he just says “Nah, probably nothing to worry about” and leaves. The hotel staff don’t know anything is wrong until near the end of the film so of course they start to get picked off too. I’d be fuming if I was the sole survivor from the hotel staff because that makes no sense.

Then of course Winn isn’t able to get the villain at the hotel so he tells the two police officers to keep a lookout at the house. Naturally both have to be completely isolated so taking them down is child’s play. Why even stay at the house? The first order of business should have been to take the characters over to the police station. Keeping them in the house that Richard knows the address of is crazy. Even worse is that Donna is kept to her room…where she is right next to a window. You can’t make this stuff up.

Now granted, Richard still shouldn’t have gotten as far as he does but apparently he is so skilled that he can take out virtually every opponent without making a sound. The house is also sound proof I guess because even with the door open and Donna screaming, the parents and Winn can’t hear her while not being all that far away? The amount of plot holes and stretches of imagination here are really pretty insane.

Going back to the tragic part though, it just feels like the film should have let more of the characters get a happy ending. Pretty much everyone was destroyed and the sole survivors are going to have a complex for the rest of their life. It doesn’t stop the film from having a fairly upbeat song for the credits but there’s nothing happy about the ending. There’s nothing really happy about the film in general which is something I have an issue with. A slasher film will rarely be happy of course but the tonal contrast here was a bit much. The film would try to be really happy at times and it didn’t work because obviously you can’t feel that good when everyone’s getting destroyed.

The film’s not as bloody as you would expect but it still tries to be as violent as possible within the confines of not being an R rated horror flick. Characters get stabbed tons of times and the deaths are all rather grisly. Nobody seems able to put up even the slightest amount of a fight against this guy and the whole film feels futile for the heroes. Every scene has so much build up that you see the deaths coming several minutes in advance which is annoying. There are a ton of fake jump scares but they’re always before the real death to the point where you can pretty much set your watch to them.

At one point Dillon even has a dream of the future about what’s about to happen and….she decides to do everything that she did in the dream anyway. A bit of an odd choice if you ask me, wouldn’t you want to not do what you did in the dream even if it wasn’t real? I just don’t see why you would actually try to copy your answers there. Seems like a recipe for disaster by any metric. It’s why hiding under the bed wouldn’t be a good idea since that worked last time so don’t do the same thing twice. It was also rough that she didn’t step in to save her mother. Obviously that’s easier said than done and in the moment it’s hard to make that decision but it’s yet another brutal scene. The cast of characters are all pretty forgettable and the romances are all paper thin. There’s just nothing of substance in this title. The film almost should have just played this off as part parody with the heroes deciding to have the prom party instead of cancelling it.

I keep going back to that because the whole scenario is absolutely crazy. Nothing makes sense in this film, people don’t act the way they should with a mass murderer on the loose with an obvious place of attack. At least in most films the characters reasonably don’t know where the villain will be but this time they actually do know. A whole lot of lives could have been saved if Winn did the responsible thing instead of waiting to see this all play out.

Overall, Prom Night is a film that you should absolutely avoid. There are no redeeming qualities to be found in this film. It starts off rather brutally and ends on that same note. There are no scenes that are actually all that happy because they are happening in the context of ugly things about to happen to the cast. There was basically no escape for them and any victory is a rather hollow one. The slasher genre tends to be doomed right from the jump and this film doesn’t do anything to convince you otherwise. It’s very by the numbers and for a genre like this that’s about as bad as it gets.

Overall 1/10

Event Horizon Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Event Horizon is one of those films that reminds me why I’d never want to be stuck anywhere in outer space or underwater. At the end of the day you’re stuck with a bunch of people that could go crazy at any point. Sure you might know them to an extent but being on your own for a long amount of time can change everything. This film slowly has the cast cracking and the whole time you’re shaking your head. They lack the willpower to succeed!

The movie starts with a crew being formed to try and find a spaceship that went missing many years ago. The crew isn’t thrilled about this since they were on vacation but hey a mission’s a mission right? Well Dr. Weir will be coming with them to explain the specifics since this mission is very different from most. Of course that’s another reason for the crew to dislike the mission since they aren’t finding out the truth until they’re stuck in space. Basically they have to use some super experimental technology to jump through a wormhole into another dimension to grab the ship and then head back. Sure it didn’t work for the first ship but the tech is better now! Well they do the jump and make it to the other ship but now their ship is busted. The heroes are ready to make the repairs but weird things start happening. The crew see visions and are slowly going crazy. Will they ever be able to go home?

So this film’s mostly pretty bad but I can say it wasn’t all bad. I really liked the music. Seriously it was pretty great, felt like I was entering some kind of big action movie. Mix that in with the sci-fi effects and yeah this definitely seemed like a winner. That being said, It’s one of the only positives I can really say about the film. The rest of it tends to go for a lot of shock value and just doesn’t seem like a good idea when you’re trying to be a good film. The characters make a bunch of awful decisions and while you can blame some of it on “the darkness” it doesn’t help them.

Okay so lets start with Dr. Weir. At first he seems fairly reasonable. He wants to complete this mission and is taking it super seriously. He doesn’t get into space as much as the crew so he doesn’t really comprehend the dangers but he did build this experimental sci-fi tech so if anyone knows how to pull this off then it should be him. Unfortunately he has significant skeletons in the closet which start to break him. The ship shows everyone illusions and so of course his are easy to pull out from the past. It’s a rather brutal one and the whole build up to the tragedy is rough.

The film loves its special effects to make the characters as ugly as possible. Lets just say there is a ton of violence in this film. I would easily put it on the high end for a horror film. Not just because of what happens in the present like multiple characters getting impaled, disfigured, and blown up in the vacuum of space but also in the quick flashes the characters get when the ship is messing with their minds. It’s typically all happening so fast that you can barely even tell what is happening, only that there’s something bloody and disturbing on the screen.

Still even with the visions it’s hard to feel any sympathy for Weir. The guy is really responsible for this mission in the first place so he needed to hold it together. By the end he is a complete pawn who wouldn’t even be all right if his plan succeeds which hurts quite a lot. As a villain if you don’t really have a grand master plan or anything like that then you are basically just spinning your wheels. You’re not actually doing anything and at that point you’re just a psycho.

Starck serves as the main heroine here and does her best. She is able to resist the illusions better than most of the characters and has to put up with everyone being really slow on the uptake. The most annoying moment for her had to be when the captain told her to find an explanation on what was going on. She did find the reason (evil spirits) but he didn’t believe her. It’s a shame because by this point in the film you’d think that would be a very credible option. Seriously you had everyone seeing crazy illusions, things not working as they should and a mysterious reactor turning on when that’s supposed to be impossible? You’d think the captain would hear her out at least.

Miller is the captain and for the most part he looks good. While he didn’t believe Starck, at least he did spend most of his screen time trying to keep the crew from murdering each other. He had a tight grasp of what it means to be a leader and was always making the hard calls. I would say he was the most reasonable member of the team and was also able to realize that the spirit was manipulating him with the past later on. He has a big scene in the end as well. The guy was definitely real determined.

Throughout the movie you’ve really got a big survival thriller feel going on. In general that should be solid as the characters try to live but with the evil spirit using the powers of memories and illusions it’s just not thrilling. You already know the characters will fall for this and that there isn’t much they can do about it. That’s the most annoying part about all of this. For example one character sees her son running around the spaceship. Obviously there is no way he can be here and yet she falls for it anyway.

It’s up to you to determine to just what extent the spirit has full mental control over the characters but evidently it is a massive amount. The characters seem to be completely unable to resist its control at times and other times they at least know that something iffy is going on. I think if you cut out all of the random violence then you may have something here. Perhaps it will be less “exciting” in terms of action but I think the movie would be able to hold its own. The way it is there just isn’t anything to like about it once the spirit starts to make its presence felt. Seeing the characters start to get corrupted one after another is supremely annoying.

As you’d expect the ending does have a bit of a horror zinger to end things off with but it’s a bi more passive than you’d expect. I actually think the movie could have been a whole lot bolder here. The ending is definitely throwing some strong implications at you and of course I’m on the side that everyone’s doomed but you can always look at the ending in a different way. It’s certainly open for interpretation.

Overall, Event Horizon really went off the deep end. The initial scenes are decent, I would say it started out well. It all just goes downhill once the evil spirit starts to consume everyone and trick them into being destroyed. The film starts to feel aimless as it’s just about everyone dying in gruesome ways. Additionally there seems to be no real way to escape the evil influence or to fight back against it so everything seems futile. The idea of being alone in space with something after you is absolutely solid but they should go with a more tangible threat next time. Something like….an alien!

Overall 1/10

Blade Runner 2049 Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Uh oh, Blade Runner’s back! This series has to be one of the biggest missed opportunities in all of cinema. How do you mess up a future setting filled with androids that look like humans and corporate finally taking over the world? Well you do it by not exploring any of the fun aspects of this and instead dragging out every scene as long as possible. There are so many scenes that are just quiet as we get a lingering shot of the sky or the city. I know they want to show off the special effects but the plot grinds to a standstill way too often.

The story starts off decently enough as we see K enter a guy’s home and murder him. He’s basically an enforcer for corporate whose mission is to destroy old replicant versions. The ones that can no longer be trusted and are out of date. He’s very good at his job, in fact many would say that he is the best. The guy doesn’t fail and he never lets his emotions get the better of him. That being said, this next mission is a little different. He is tasked with murdering a replicant that was born from another which should be impossible since they aren’t fully human. Additionally K has mixed feelings about this because that could imply that this person has a soul. Can he go through with this mission or is it time to resist against the system?

Since there are more negatives than positives let me go through the good first. One of the villains is an android named Luv who actually makes for a very imposing villain. She’s a strong fighter and is quite ruthless. Her emotionless demeanor holds for most of the film although she does not like to have competition so she has a personal vendetta against K which appears later on. She gets sloppy towards the end but was otherwise a very intense killing machine that fits in with this Terminator kind of future.

In general the fights could also be good. At times not as good as possible when it just resorts to who can hold a choke hold the longest, but when there’s an actual fight then it can be enjoyable. For example there’s one scene where K’s ship is downed by a group of rebels and instead of meekly falling to the ground like most protagonists he just breaks the first guy and starts shooting. As I always say, if you’re likely going to be murdered anyway, at least go down with a fight!

The other positive I can say is there are some nice visuals here. The shots of the city actually do look nice and you could appreciate them more if they weren’t so dragged out. Likewise there are some good bits of dialogue and the idea of deciding what line you won’t cross as a contracted killer is always an interesting one. More so when you aren’t even sure if you can truly defy your programming.

The main problem with the film is in the execution. I’ve already talked about how everything is super dragged out and I’d say it’s because this movie has enough plot to probably fill 30 minutes easily and then you have a lot of fluff here. I believe the reason is that the film was trying to pack in a lot of lore and world building so you can understand what kind of world this is but that’s just not needed. You already understand it pretty well from the opening scene as well as the intro explaining what is happening.

Blade Runner also relies quite a bit on fanservice throughout the film in the most random of scenes. We see the process of creating an android which is shown in the most disturbing way possible while still keeping in fanservice. It’s to show you that Wallace is completely insane and one of those guys who lost all of his morality a long time ago. We could have basically guessed that though without that super long scene. Seriously that scene was really long and you can just tell us he’s evil without having such a long moment about it. This came in fairly early into the film to really make sure things didn’t get off on the right foot.

I would have probably just cut him out of the film entirely to be honest. You don’t need a specific main villain for this kind of film. A board of directors or something would work just as well and they still send Luv out to take K down once and for all before finishing the mission. They’re looking at this as cold hard calculated facts so you don’t even need an over the top evil villain at all. If anything it oversimplifies things by giving you a concrete main villain instead of reminding you that the whole society is crazy by this point.

Then you have the romance of sorts with K and the holographic figure known as Joi. Now how much you buy into this romance will depend on just how real you think Joi is. It’s established that even this deep into the future the robots don’t have souls yet which is why the situation of an android kid is such a big deal. At the same time, is he really hurting anyone by falling in love with a program? Even in real life you’re seeing that and well..it’s definitely something. I don’t think the plotline itself is awful but the romance is very cringe and drawn out the whole time.

I could definitely do without all those scenes. If you’re going to go through with the A.I. fantasy then I think giving her more of a solid personality beyond just being his love interest would certainly help. She literally does feel like she was just created to suit his needs which is basically what happened so without more depth then that’s it. She does obviously care about him and wants to help but it’s all programming.

This doesn’t do K any favors either since it makes him look really desperate. He was also a full villain for most of the film as he carries out his orders without thinking about the morality of it. You can understand this based on his origin but the whole time you’re still waiting for him to turn good and it sure takes a while. The only character who acts like a hero from the jump is Deckard and it takes him way longer to appear than I thought. He was a fairly big deal in the promotions and everything since people were looking forward to seeing him. I think he would have personally worked a lot better in this film as the lead compared to K. K’s great for the fight scenes but it’s not like he’s a great character either.

If the film could focus more instead of going for all the shock value then I think you could have a lot of promise here. The film just gets really gritty at times like with Wallace’s first scene and then it drags on a lot during others. So what you have here is a lot of time not really spent on advancing the story. If you want to make this a slow boil event then you need to really focus on the philosophical aspect more like K wondering if he’s a real person or not. Having to wonder if you’re an organic life form or fully robotic is an interesting angle and of course the whole conversation about having a soul.

These plots are all handled better in other mediums though. Also, as was one of my complaints in the first film, the movie doesn’t make the most of the Sci-Fi backdrop. Sure we do get more this time like flying cars and sci-fi projectors but a good portion of the film takes place in old locations like a small hotel, inside the compound, or abandoned forest areas. The main guy has a basic gun and a flying car but we’re still not seeing as much as you would expect from 2049. In movie-land I should say. In the real world I don’t think things are going to particularly look all that different 20 years from now.

Overall, Blade Runner 2049 serves as a warning bell for when robots take over the Earth and wipe us out. That said, you can see this message much more effectively by watching the Terminator films or the CGI Blame! film. Those titles are way more direct about it and also balance the action and warning tones a lot better. This one’s just way too drawn out to have an effective message and is focused on the wrong things. I couldn’t possibly imagine re watching this one and the negative moments severely overpower the positive stuff. That’s really the movie’s biggest problem. Perhaps the third film can change things but I have my doubts.

Overall 1/10

Prophecy Review

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When you have a film about mutated animals running around often times it isn’t going to end well for the movie. This one was no exception as you’ll be shaking your head the whole time with the animal violence. The idea of the characters wandering into an area with a lot of radiation and creatures running around could be something more like Godzilla but that wasn’t the case here.

The movie starts off with Robert being asked to go look into a fight between some Native Americans and a lumber company. Robert asks why he would possibly be asked to do this and he’s basically just told to stop asking questions. Well, if he’s going to do this job then he’ll do it right and since he works for the EPA he looks into the radiation. Unfortunately this area is ignoring all environmental standards and toxic sludge is being tossed around. This sludge not only causes birth defects but seems to be triggering some kind of changes within the lifeforms around here. What can Robert do about this?

For the drama angle we have his wife Maggie who is pregnant with their future child and of course this is bad news for her. Any kind of birth complication would be particularly worrisome. Then there’s also the fact that Robert really doesn’t want kids. I forget if Maggie just forgot to use protection that time or if she just really wanted the kids, or if the film even addressed that. Either way she isn’t quite sure how to mention this to him so that causes a lot of tension.

Now if you are with someone who expressly says that they don’t want kids before you get married then you already know the score and shouldn’t try to mess with that. If it’s an accident then of course there’s nothing you can do about it so the context is important for this angle. Either way I wouldn’t say it adds a lot to the film since we’re here for the action, not for this romance plot which is definitely not the highlight anyway. Neither character ends up looking all that good by the end of that plot.

Maggie’s a bit too timid in bringing the topic up before it’s far too late. Once she was hearing about the sludge she should have let him know. Meanwhile Robert was so absorbed in what was going on that he didn’t pay her much attention at all. He at least tries to diffuse tensions within the camp but rarely does all that good a job of it. This guy’s a researcher, not a fighter so don’t expect him to get a ton of fight scenes.

Isely represents the company in this movie so naturally he is fairly corrupt and can’t really be reasoned with. When John and the tribe try to stop him from going further he nearly murders one of them. Of course he had to go through for his job and could have definitely knocked them around a bit but of course murdering them is never the answer. John is the leader of the tribe or at least the main acting member and he tries hard to protect the tribe’s interests but the plans aren’t always very well thought out. Standing in front of the jeep with the rest of the characters would just make it easy to be run over. Ultimately corporate would do that in order to save a few bucks.

Of course at the end of the day the movie is fairly standard in a lot of ways so it would have been fine without the animal angle. What really sinks it is what happens at that point. You have animals getting poisoned and dying out, being eaten, and then of course the final bear monster which looks incredibly deformed. It seems to be in pain just by existing. While the film’s about the Katahdin monster, it’s safe to say that this was still just an average bear. Even if it was film budget limitations that insisted on this, it doesn’t change that it wasn’t the big hyped hybrid.

Having a bear as the final boss is regrettable because of course that means the characters have to be attacking it even when it’s just trying to save its cub and take down the pesky humans. This is a problem all films involving antagonist animals have to deal with and it doesn’t leave the movie a lot of hope for making a comeback. Animal violence basically becomes unavoidable at that point.

It’s not like the film has any aspect that really sticks out to try and combat this either. It’s really a very standard film all things considered. There’s also one scene that will have you puzzled where John stays in the water for a very long time as the bear approaches. You fully expect it to pop out of the water and grab the guy but surprisingly in the 11th hour he manages to get up and run away. A bit of a pointless scene then right? Why was he even staying in the water? You can’t tell me he was so exhausted that he couldn’t move because adrenaline should take care of that real quick.

Overall, Prophecy is a title that probably won’t make you think about evil animals right away. Of course that is a bit misleading since it’s all the pollution’s fault. Not like the animals wanted to turn giant or deformed. That said, the movie ended up being pretty bad due in large parts to the very realistic effects for the deformed animals and the plot in general. It could be hard to look at the bear or the other animals directly in general. Throw in the romance plot that really didn’t add anything at all and this film was sliding downhill the whole time. I highly recommend avoiding this one and in general you will want to avoid films with an animal at the end like this. Trust me they aren’t going to stand out.

Overall 1/10

Ghoulies II Review

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Ghoulies may have been a dreadfully awful film but would the sequel be able to save the franchise? Unfortunately I can confirm that it did not. It does defeat the first film but it’s a marginal victory at best because these two are still on the same level. It may be taking on a different approach than the first Ghoulies but I wouldn’t really say that it learned any lessons. The only impressive part about this movie is how it’s not rated R since it felt extremely violent but I suppose it’s because most of the more painful deaths are heard/implied but not really seen. It’s clever directing but not going to save this one.

The movie focuses around an attraction at a local circus about scaring people. I forget the term for the scarehouse but basically you go in to get spooked by people in costumes and scary images. Unfortunately it’s not doing so well and corporate has decided to shut the place down. They have one last weekend to get their sales up but the main characters aren’t so confident. The only 3 employees is a teen who’s in over his head, a short guy who has trouble being convincingly scary, and an old man who is constantly drunk. Yeah this may be the end of the line but at least they can escape with their lives right?

So where do the Ghoulies come in? Well they get summoned by the old man because that’s how this works now and they decide to start bumping people off left and right. Now again you have to consider that this is part comedy to explain why the film goes the way that it does. It’s heavily being inspired by the Gremlins so the characters are being a little extra quirky and manic the whole time. They have a lot more personality than last time at least but I still couldn’t say that they ever got all that interesting either way. At the end of the day they’re still just sinister monsters without much reason and purpose.

It can be rather frustrating when you see them murdering everyone and the audience is just cheering as they watch what they think is a show. Of course it should be obvious but hey these are not the brightest bulbs in the bunch. Not by a longshot unfortunately. The Ghoulies also don’t seem all that powerful so you constantly wonder how they are doing so well. This movie does establish that they are super durable. Acid, stabbings, and bullets are not enough to put them down. They seem functionally immortal as every injury promptly heals itself. So that definitely puts the characters in a bit of a bind. If they would use basic teamwork or stop taking their eyes off of the creatures this would be easy but unfortunately that never happens.

I’ve always said that small creatures are more terrifying than huge ones and I think this movie supports the point well. Put it this way, if you’re faced off with a massive monster then you’re probably dying instantly when it steps on you or fires off a massive energy blast. With a small creature it’s death by a million cuts, bites, etc. It’s the worst way to go. They chose the most disturbing death in the film for the corporate guy and you can’t help but feel bad for him. He certainly wasn’t a nice guy by any means but you hate to see anyone go out like that.

Many characters are destroyed in this one as the Ghoulies really take names and add onto their body count. It’s impressive on one hand but the film quickly loses focus of anything else. It’s not devoid of plot like the first film though. At least we do have the drama with the circus and a number f real characters. There is some drama with the main heroine getting ready to leave the circus and so you actually remember things about this movie aside from the ghoulies. Ultimately it just isn’t enough to save the film.

Even if you put aside all of the excessive violence here, there aren’t any real strengths that would make you watch the film. The old man getting massively drunk on the day when he knew his friends were counting on him was awful. Seriously you can’t let people down like that and it put him in a very poor position to fight back. Then the film can feel a bit mean spirited with a lot of random teenagers getting murdered who didn’t do anything to deserve it. At least let them go out quickly as opposed to all the creative way the Ghoulies get them. An instant death would definitely have been way preferable.

There is a bit of a romance plot here but it doesn’t really serve any point in the film. The film really should have spent more time giving the characters development so you can root for them to fight the Ghoulies. For example one scene that was actually decent was when the main guy calls all of his friends from the circus over to help and they actually do. They all drop everything to help out and it was nice to see that they all had each other’s back. That’s what you would like to see in this kind of situation and it’s annoying that the fight was still really close.

Again, the Ghoulies are super durable and can keep on regenerating but in terms of strength they shouldn’t be that bad. Just keep your eye on the monsters and you should be fine. We do briefly get an even bigger Ghoulie later on which was interesting but you don’t want to leave your hopes in the hands of a monster like that. When you have guns and the numbers advantage this shouldn’t be so crazy. If the Ghoulies could talk then at least it would be interesting to hear what their plan for the world is beyond total chaos.

Overall, Ghoulies II is really more of the same as the first one. This one is definitely better to be sure but not enough so to earn it any extra stars. I wouldn’t say there is any true reason to check this one out. You’re just watching the Ghoulies murder everyone in gruesome ways and that is absolutely not enough to constitute a real plot. Throw in some better characters as well as some restraint and then we can talk. In the meantime I don’t have much hopes for the next two Ghoulies films to be honest. Maybe they can be decent but I definitely have massive doubts.

Overall 1/10

Ghoulies Review

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The Ghoulies is one of those films that really doesn’t seem super sure on exactly what it wants to do. One one hand it’s usually a very disturbing horror type film with a lot of crazy visuals and goes fairly high up on the violence chart. On the other hand you have many scenes with comedy music playing and so you’re wondering just how seriously you’re supposed to take all of this. It’s certainly a tricky call but in the end all I can say is that it wasn’t able to pull this off.

The movie starts with a cult trying to sacrifice a baby but the baby’s mother is able to put a talisman around him for protection just in time. She’s destroyed but the baby is allowed to leave. Years later Jonathan has grown up to be a rather ordinary person and he ended up inheriting a rather spooky house. That’s his queue to invite all his friends over while he and Rebecca figure they will have the time of their lives. It all goes sideways rather quickly though as Jonathan wants to do a summoning and then monsters start to murder everyone. Is there any way out of here?

In a way the film is trying to emulate the success of the Gremlins but it is failing spectacularly. I wasn’t a particularly big fan of the Gremlins myself but you could tell that it tried more. The humor landed a lot more naturally and the main cast was better. A big issue here is that Jonathan isn’t likable at all even before he gets controlled. He’s really insistent on all of the characters performing the summoning to the point where he starts to get really upset about the whole thing. You could say that the atmosphere was already starting to control him but I think the guy just wasn’t very well balanced from the start.

As the film goes on he keeps on making more and more mistakes which endanger everyone around him. There’s no point where we get to see him just being a nice guy and that’s something that really hurts him. It’s not like the other characters were much better though. The teens were busy getting drunk and messing around the whole time. None of them thought that this whole party was a bad idea and none of them seemed to have any restraint. They’d all be considered as bad influences out in the world and you wouldn’t want to be in this friend group.

Whenever I see all the memes about how the characters really put themselves into these dangerous situations in horror films like wanting to use a spirit board or driving into a seedy hotel it does make you wince. This one’s the same thing with the whole summoning. Even if you thought it was all a joke, why even go through with it? What’s the upside? Are you so bored that doing this is the best form of entertainment you can think of? Because if it’s the latter then that’s really bad. You have the whole place to yourself and all your friends so entertainment should really be just about unlimited.

As mentioned the film could also be surprisingly violent at times. Characters are often wounded in the face/neck and the effects all seem rather practical so you feel the intensity. I was even surprised the film was PG-13 because of how graphic it could get. Maybe it’s just the way the bites went since it looked painful but technically wasn’t as explicit as it could have been. That’s certainly a possibility at least but eh they definitely should have toned that down somewhat.

The movie also started on a low note with the cult trying to sacrifice the baby. At least it didn’t actually happen unlike another movie but the fact that the mom ended up getting sacrificed and nobody did anything about it was rough. Of course it’s a cult so likely everyone there was basically evil but it’s still annoying regardless. It’s also one of those things where the villains have so many powers and the heroes can’t do anything about it so it isn’t even compelling. With a stronger hero cast perhaps there’s something you could do but that wasn’t the case here.

The story also ends early on as it’s just the characters messing around and getting folded by the enemies everywhere. The main villain Malcolm is one of the most generic evil masterminds you’ll ever see. I guess the guy just wants destruction but there’s nothing about him that stands out. If he wasn’t so powerful then he would be doomed. He’s not too smart with how roundabout his plan was and he fumbles the ball constantly. With his abilities he should never lose so that means he has to make odd choices in order to give the heroes a shot. Again, that’s not a high value villain.

If I’d give the film credit for anything, I’ll say that the creature designs weren’t half bad. They’re not amazing or anything but the small green monsters were a little intimidating. In particular there is one scene where they jump out of one of those small wooden jesters that was intense. Still not enough to outweigh all the negatives of the film but hey it’s a start right? Now just take away the fanservice, the awful romance, the terrible characters, the bad plot, etc and then you can start a real conversation about this one.

Overall, Ghoulies is a film I absolutely recommend skipping. There is nothing much of value to be found here and it’s really just an excuse to see monsters eating everyone. The plot was probably just written around that concept instead of being planned out first. It’s just one of those films with the characters messing around with satanic elements and quickly finding out that this was a bad idea. Should have been obvious but that’s how it goes. At least we did get a half hearted ending cliffhanger which the film still can’t decide if it’s trying to be funny or not. I figure at this point the enemies are on their side so it’s more of a happy ending than anything but at the same time could you ever really trust them? I’d be very hard pressed to trust any creature that just tried to murder me.

Overall 1/10

Nothing in Common Review

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It’s time for one of those films that will have you knocked out in no time. There just isn’t much good to say about this film while there are certainly a lot of negatives to give it. The romance is everything you don’t want in a film, the drama makes all of the characters look bad by the end and so the ending isn’t particularly satisfying either. Yeah this is definitely one that you’re going to want to skip and fast!

The movie starts off with introducing us to David who has been moving through relationships like butter. He can just never stick with just one person for long and keeps on moving. Well now his parents are having issues as well and ended up splitting up. His mom wants to go back into the dating scene again while his father’s been fired and is trying to work again. Both of their issues are causing issues for David whose job had been going great but now he’s also being distracted. Can he continue to churn out powerful ads while dealing with all of this or is it all over for him? Only time will tell.

First off the film isn’t really able to make you like David as a character because he’s not the committed type. He ends up falling for the daughter of an executive and they have some flings but then he’s still ready to go back to another girl later when Cheryl leaves. David is someone who just never stays in one place and that’s a trait that’s hard to really change even if he does learn more about family later on. If anything seeing what happened to his parents would probably make it even harder for him to ever sustain a normal relationship.

Then the movie goes so far in making his father Max look bad that there isn’t really any way to recover his character later on. He cheated on his wife pretty much right after they got married and it ended up traumatizing her for life. It’s a really big weight to try and get rid of. Then Max is also irresponsible, doesn’t own up to his mistakes, etc. A character like that never ends up being sympathetic and since the film wastes a lot of screen time trying to do so, it’s just no good.

Meanwhile Lorraine comes across as way too desperate when she’s trying to get back into dating. Lets be realistic here, she’s older now since she was married for many years and it’s also not something you should be jumping right into like that. It’s all just too fast. I was glad that she still ended up leaving to try and reclaim her life on her own but the whole dating plot could have been taken out.

In general I think the saddest part about all of this is that the movie would have been so much more fun if it just focused on David. Just be about him and working on the advertisement business and we skip all of the family drama. I would have enjoyed it a lot more for sure and I think it’s fair to say that around the board it would have been a much better film. I still don’t think it would have been great mind you but at least things were happening in David’s plot that were interesting.

For example, seeing how the commercials was made was fun. We got to see the script phase where you write down what’s going to happen, the initial filming, etc. I rather enjoyed that and think you could easily make a whole film around the concept. I’d watch it at least and while it wouldn’t salvage the lackluster romance, the film would have something more to stand on. Ultimately David’s not a good character and he isn’t portrayed as one but you don’t have to worry about that while you’re watching the film.

The best character is definitely his boss Charley. The guy always had David’s back and was ready to defend him from all who would attack. Even to the end he was able to get David his job back and you know there was probably a lot of backlash for that. The guy’s a true friend who looks out for his people even when corporate tries to get in his way. I don’t think there are a lot of people who would have done that.

In the end I also think the movie is really just lacking a true hook as well. Even aside from the unlikable characters you have to ask yourself what the point of the movie was. David learns a lesson in finding a true romance instead of just playing the field and manages to achieve a proper work life balance but you could have done all of that in a much shorter timeframe. I think the film was trying for a fairly happy tone by the end where the redemption arc really worked and it was all good but to me that didn’t quite succeed either. Eh not every film can be a winner but this one just didn’t really have anything to enjoy about it.

Overall, I really didn’t enjoy this film. The whole backstory of what happened with the parents was a bit too tragic. In any plot like that you at least need to leave enough room for things to go well or to part on amiable terms but this wasn’t it. It would have been a more satisfying film if David just ran off to be honest. The whole thing happened a long time ago of course but since he just found out it would have still been rather fresh. In the end it just feels like a mean spirited title so stay far away!

Overall 1/10