Category Archives: 5 Star Movies

Punch-Drunk Love Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The film introduces us to Barry who has a reasonable job and his life is stable but the guy has nobody to really share it with. He has 7 sisters who are super talkative and outgoing but they are a little too much for him. The guys at work seem okay but you could still say that he doesn’t really have any friends. Well one day a lady shows up who likes him but Barry had been impatient and dialed one of those unethical phone numbers to have an intimate talk with a random person. That was a big mistake as she is now blackmailing him and wants a ton of money or he will be exposed. If this wasn’t bad enough, she has a gang going after him. Can Barry get his life in working order or is it all over for him?

One thing that will stand out right away is how good the main theme is. It’s really catchy and helps the scene to stand out more with the fast paced dialogue. It’s quite fitting and usually music is an area that films have a lot of trouble with so I was definitely glad to see this. The theme plays quite a few times and never gets old. While the movie itself may not be a big hit, at least it does give you something really catchy to remember it by. Other films wish they could pull that off.

Meanwhile the crazy nature of the film is also nice. Little things here and there won’t always make sense as the film intentionally tries to catch your attention with small details. Whether it is characters doing crazy things in the background, the nature of Barry’s business, etc. The whole film thrives on being very weird. It is definitely very successful on that front although I dare say the film could have stood to take itself a little less seriously and then it could have really capitalized on the weirdness.

Naturally the romance is going to be one of the weak links here. On one hand the weakness is part of how weird the whole thing is with the main heroine being rather desperate for Barry for some reason. It’s a very lucky occurrence for Barry so you almost want to root for him but of course turning to the phone number first was a massive mistake. No real way to save him at that point and either way the romance itself would have been way too rushed.

Barry deals with a lot over the course of the film but in a way it doesn’t feel like he really solves the core issues. He may have shut down the villain group that was after him but he still has the crazy 7 sisters who will keep on messing with him and you can bet that this relationship is going to get complicated for him as well. Hopefully he is just able to handle the situation really well but the ending doesn’t ring quite as positively as intended. The best way for Barry to handle this would just be to not take things so seriously. The sisters really like talking so you just let them keep on talking but you don’t really engage with the points unless directly asked. Then from there know that it’s such an info overload that most of the info itself will be lost in the shuffle.

Most of the 7 sisters don’t get to do much but we do get one family scene where you can at least see what the chaos is like. The main one who was trying to set Barry up with a girlfriend in the first place gets the biggest role. She seems nice enough but has no real concept of boundaries or privacy. She will just say whatever she is thinking which can really put Barry in a tough spot at times.

Then with the heroine Lena, you’re sort of waiting for a big twist to happen the whole time but in the end nothing really pops up. I guess you could say she’s just a nice person without any big agendas at play which is cool to see. Romance aside she seemed like a nice person who wasn’t too quick to judge Barry based on second hand information and actually got to know him. She was also fairly clever like with her original car plan. I suppose that could count as a bit of a twist.

The villains here aren’t the most intense ones you’ll meet. They talk tough at first but quickly begin to meet their match. I did like the added sense of danger here though. They really forced Barry to quickly consider the situation and see what he would do next. He was ready during the final confrontation which was a pretty good scene. It beat the actual last meeting scene which was definitely on the anti climactic side. I was expecting a bit more than that even though this is not an action film.

As far as the tone goes, I would still call this part comedy to an extent but it’s definitely not going for a goofy vibe. Funny things happen every now and again but there are also some serious undertones occurring throughout. The movie manages the balance pretty well and I’d say this one could have been better with just getting rid of the phone plot. I’d have had Barry get scammed in a different way that would have made him a little more sympathetic instead. Also the second half is played a bit too linearly compared to the first half. I’d have thrown in some more wrinkles and twists to keep it from being too standard.

Overall, Punch-Drunk Love is a decent film. I’d say it was a bit better than I was expecting. I think I was expecting the film to be a little too try hard in how serious it would get but instead this film found a really good balance which I can appreciate. If you’re interested in a film that definitely gets weird then you should check this out. The movie’s at its best when its just having a good time messing with you as the viewer. You’ll pick up a ton of little moments in the background that really help to amp up the experience. They could really do a sequel to this one if they ever felt like it but I suppose that’s probably not likely.

Overall 5/10

Nobody Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Eh the movie poster is cooler since there are many more fists but this cover’s not so bad either. The film sort of betrays its own concept almost immediately as this “Nobody” is naturally a big Somebody. I like the idea a bit more of having an average family man have to contend with a big revenge flick but this one’s still okay. It taps into that John Wick kind of energy with the legendary fighter having to come out of retirement. The film does have to survive an extremely rocky start though.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Hutch who has been living a very repetitive life for a while now. Every day is basically the same as he lives it over and over and over again. There is little variety to be found at all and it’s just not very fulfilling. Well one day his home is invaded by two thieves and he doesn’t fight back or do much of anything so now everybody is making fun of him and his family has lost confidence in him. Hutch doesn’t seem to be the provider they thought he was. Hutch only gets serious when he finds out that they stole his daughter’s bracelet. Now it’s time for him to unleash his skills!

Now the film quickly tries to defend why Hutch didn’t do much in the opening scene. He noticed that the gun wasn’t loaded and didn’t want to escalate the situation. The problem is that this was still the wrong move by a longshot. These two are still unknown criminals who are breaking and entering. Additionally they are using blunt objects in order to cause a lot of damage. Just letting them get away with the money is terrible and even more so when his son stood up to defend the house and Hutch didn’t help at all.

No amount of explanations or hindsight was going to be enough to save Hutch here. He needed to defend his family, at the end of the day that is absolutely critical and he failed when it counted. The instant someone breaks into your house all bets are off and lethal force is absolutely authorized. Any time you hold back there you are putting the whole family at risk. This whole scene is important too because later on we see how Hutch is actually an expert fighter who can take out dozens of enemies. Dispatching the two intruders without seriously injuring them would have been another easy outcome for him.

So when all of the characters are poking fun at Hutch the whole time it’s hard to feel too bad for him. Obviously it’s not cool to be too unrelenting about the situation but trying to get Hutch to understand how he made a mistake was important. His brother in law even gives Hutch a gun which is a pretty sensible thing to do given the circumstances. The second half of the movie basically does become an unrelenting John Wick film as Hutch goes after everybody.

He ends up tangling with the mafia and so he begins to dispatch those guys as well. Now Hutch isn’t Superman or anything like that so he’s not invincible. The film does show that he needs help from an old friend and his father to actually come out of this alive. It was good to have that in there for a touch of realism especially since Hutch has been out of the game for so long. Now unfortunately the film does spoil the adventure by having an opening scene work as a time jump which is still one of the worst tropes. Ah well, I suppose the film had to fumble a little bit there.

The movie can be rather violent with some of the kills. The fight scenes themselves tend to not be too over the top but the finishing moves can be like Mortal Kombat. Hutch really tries to make an example of why you shouldn’t stand against him and the main villain has the same idea at a gala event. Both sides are no strangers to violence and to an extent you can even say they encourage it like when Hutch basically dares the villains to keep on fighting him.

In some ways I would say this film is really going through the action thriller motions. It’s not a film that you’re likely going to remember very well by the end of it. It’s a good movie but the story is one that we’ve all seen before. Even down to the origin story which plays itself beat for beat as many ex professional type films. I enjoyed the banter with Hutch and his allies even if that too is familiar. Sometimes you just want a solid action film that puts the fighting before the story itself. I would say this film definitely does that.

The villain is mainly forgettable. He’s your average gangster who knows how to fight but finds himself in a leadership role now. He’s not particularly patient with his minions and the guy is incredibly unstable. If you work for him then you may end up dying just on a whim. When the going gets tough, he does fight but doesn’t last all that long. That’s basically his whole character in a nutshell. I was more interested in what the cops were going to say about all of this although naturally they don’t get a ton to do. I imagine in the sequel we’ll see more out of them and the 3 letter agencies as they decide to take Hutch down just to be on the safe side.

Overall, Nobody is a decent movie but I don’t think it has the highest replay value. It takes a bit long for Hutch to finally go into action. The violence can be a bit try hard at times too. The film is really advertised as a big action title though so there were definitely no lies presented here. What you see is what you get and I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid action fix. I get the feeling that the sequel would be better though as here is a lot for the film to capitalize on here.

Overall 5/10

Grace & Glorie Review

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It’s time for one of those emotional titles. This one definitely is working on hitting you in the feels the whole time but doesn’t bring a lot to the table beyond that. Glorie is a really good character but everyone else can be really annoying the whole time and so that limits the film a bit. There is also not really anything in the way of replay value so the film has to do its best to succeed in spite of that. It’s not a bad film but I would also say there aren’t many reasons to check it out.

The movie introduces us to Glorie who is a hospice volunteer. She moved away from the big city with her husband after tragic events involving her son and now she can try to put his death behind her. It won’t be so easy though. She meets an old lady named Grace who is slowly dying and not taking things too well. She is refusing all help and is determined to go out on her terms. She doesn’t trust other people like lawyers or doctors and is causing a lot of trouble by not letting anyone help her. Glorie is determined to help her but is she up to the task?

I’d say the toughest part for Glorie is that she is a volunteer so there is a point at which her hands are tied. She can only do so much here after all. Still she goes in with a good attitude and only crashes out once. The crash out wasn’t a great look for her to be honest but in a drama film you are expecting this at least once. All in all she was good and definitely one of the highlight characters in the film. Without her Grace would have really been in trouble. You never really get over the kind of trauma that Grace experienced here but you can do your best to at least make some kind of progress.

For that reason her husband could be a bit annoying here even if he did end up coming in clutch each time when Glorie needed him. He was just way too petty and sulky the whole film. Snapping at his wife real quick each time and being in a rush despite what she’s going through. The fact that he even wanted another kid after what happened to the last one is pretty crazy. You can float the idea once but if Glorie isn’t up for it then you definitely shouldn’t bring it up again. It’s a rough situation but that’s gotta be the last thing she would want to hear at that point.

Meanwhile Grace’s last direct relative looks awful here. His wife really wants some kind of inheritance and he shuts that down at least but he is really quick to turn on Grace and even Glorie later. The guy is completely self absorbed and acts like a jerk throughout the movie. He just needs to toughen up and get with the program. I understand that his role isn’t easy but it still doesn’t give him any reason to be acting like a child here. He should have explained things better to Grace and made his points without being so petty. Sending her back to the senior home would be good for him but certainly not for her. It’s an especially bad look when she was always talking about how helpful he was. He looks better by the end but it’s a bit late by then.

As for his wife talking about the money the whole time, that has to be one of the most annoying things you can imagine when you’re dying. The last thing you want is for people to be worried about your money. I’d have half a mind to change up the will and put it somewhere else to spite them after that. Not like they’d see the will until I was dead anyway. I was glad that the kid got half though because she was the only one who seemed to really care for Grace’s wellbeing the whole time. The fact that she wrote so many letters and was so consistent about this for years is really quite something. Definitely above and beyond what you would usually expect from a kid.

I think to really make the film more fun they should have made Grace a bit more fun. Instead of her being a little bitter and uptight the whole time, just have her be super optimistic. Maybe the reason she didn’t want to stay at the senior home was because she just wanted to explore a lot and make some final memories. Maybe have her talk Glorie through her trauma instead of just adding onto it. There are a lot of ways this could have gone like even fighting the construction crew in court a bit more. I think those would have all been a lot more interesting and would have really gotten you engaged in what was going on.

So with that and making Glorie’s husband more agreeable that would have been a nice combination. Also the picnic that she prepared could probably have had some more normal foods and it would have really been a hit. If I’m nearing my deathbed, the last thing I want to see is a lobster macaroni salad. Seriously that would just make me want to go back home. Brie cheese isn’t bad though. It’s hardly my favorite cheese but I would appreciate the gesture there. In the film Grace talks about how the conventional oven makes things taste better than electric. I’m skeptical that this is anything more than placebo but I can’t rule it out since soda out of a glass bottle does taste a lot better than plastic.

Overall, Grace and Glorie isn’t a bad film but it’s not the most energetic one either. At the end of the day it is about an old lady who is reaching the end of her life after all so you wouldn’t really expect it to be bubbling with energy or anything like that. Still, it can be a bit of a dreary watch so it isn’t super entertaining. I won’t go as far as to say that it’s boring or anything but it can be uneventful. The ending is satisfying enough but it is a film that feels long as you are watching it and that keeps the movie from really achieving greatness. I would sooner recommend pretty much all of the classic Hallmark Christmas titles over this film. Hallmark is still able to handle itself reasonably well with these films but they aren’t quite the all star hits that you have come to expect from the brand.

Overall 5/10

The Creator Review

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It’s time for a film about the far future in which humanity may be on the brink of extinction. It’s a pretty classic look at a dark future and has some good ideas but chooses to focus on the wrong characters. There are a whole lot of interesting angles about this world where A.I. are leading the charge but instead we focus on the super A.I. who can change the world. It feels like most of the meat is left on the table here.

The film starts by explaining that the A.I. launched a giant nuclear attack that took down Los Angeles and now the planet is in a big war. The Western world led by America wants to destroy all A.I. while Asia has decided to take their side. Joshua was an undercover agent here who was tasked with finding out about the A.I. super counter weapon which could shut down the human one. If this mission is successful then humanity will win the war and otherwise we will lose. Joshua ended up falling in love with his contact Maya but handles the raid very sloppily so she runs off with the rest of the androids. Years later, Joshua is asked to go back into the field.

I do have to say that Joshua seems like a very sloppy secret agent from how he acts in the beginning. You don’t straight up yell “I’m undercover” into a walkie talkie while behind enemy lines. Did they not have any kind of secret codes and such at this point? Well the mission’s a bust and from then on Joshua doesn’t trust the government as closely which is a good thing. He ends up having to guide the A.I. kid Alphie from the humans who want to take him down. Alphie can shut down any electronic device which is naturally super dangerous at this point in time.

Joshua is a decent lead although I can’t say he’s all that likable. I can’t really get past the double agent stuff while he was married because at that point you need to choose your wife over the job. Additionally, he was working with the government for quite a while and didn’t mind the cruelty. To a certain point you are held responsible for their actions because you could have stepped away or joined the resistance. Joshua not doing that was a mistake.

As for the general war, the movie is super pro A.I. so it should be noted that there isn’t much of a debate. The film leaves little room for ambiguity as we find out the truth behind the nuke. Additionally every scene with the humans is them just murdering without a care, torturing, and doing whatever they want. Slaying the A.I. means they don’t have to worry about any moral boundaries. Meanwhile the A.I. keep promoting peace and trying to de-escalate.

I tend to be fairly pro A.I. myself as it seems like a great tool that will only continue to get better and better as it adapts. Still, you’ll be able to notice the film’s take on this extremely quick. I tend to root against the humans in these films anyway but this one certainly made it super easy. There is really no reason to root for the humans here because their world seems like it would be much worse than what the A.I. could create. After a point it’s not like the world could be much worse right?

The film does tend to be fairly violent at different points though. Get ready for quite a bit of bloodshed here as everyone gets mowed down. It can be a bit of a dreary experience with the endless fights while neither side makes much ground. You’re basically just reminded that this is a terrible future for all parties involved. Just being around is a dangerous game to be sure. The ending is sorta happy, I would say it’s a mixed bag. I think you could take it in almost more of a creepy way with the applause and the grin at the end. One thing’s for sure, I think things are going to get rougher for the West but at this point it seems deserved.

The special effects here are pretty good. The robot designs aren’t the most memorable but they are trying for pretty realistic looks. So these generally are just people who are missing ears or full on battle droids. The fights look good though. The soundtrack is definitely more subdued but there was one pretty solid track near the beginning while the characters were in the big ships getting ready to fight.

Ultimately the reason why it felt like this film was a missed opportunity is that I would have liked to have seen more of what life was like with the A.I.. We see that you can donate your likeness for them to use but what positive effects do they have in society? We see them working with the humans but with their advanced intellect I’m just expecting something a little more groundbreaking. Maybe teleportation or something. Instead they just feel more like normal people because they’re a bit underdeveloped.

It’s why I didn’t want the focus on Alphie. Alphie’s okay but she’s basically just a little kid. She may be an A.I. but still isn’t particularly smart or quick on the uptake. If you take the sci-fi plot away, a film would probably have her act in the same way. You could say that the film’s intent is to show how humans and A.I. are basically the same by this point in time. A.I. have evolved so much that they are now human and it’s a fine plot but it also means that we aren’t using the story to its fullest Generally speaking the Alphie plot wasn’t all that interesting and I wanted to get back to the main story. Except that Alphie was the main story so we were basically stuck.

Overall, I think the idea of a film talking about how the A.I. should be handled is a good idea. I can totally picture A.I. walking among us in robot bodies by 2065. They already have robotic bodies for many different uses and they are getting more and more human. That being said, the moral dilemma is the interesting part, not Joshua having to learn how to be a good dad and showing this kid the ropes. I wanted some solid ethical debates and maybe a bit of back and forth between the A.I. and the humans. That would have been a really good idea and so if you’re really into A.I. then this might not be a bad watch but honestly it just could and should have been a whole lot better.

Overall 5/10

Mr. Miracle Review

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It’s time for me to look at a film where something extremely rare happens. Hallmark actually missed the mark on this one. They just leaned a little too hard on Mr. Miracle not knowing anything to the point where it is actively distracting and also makes no sense with the storyline. I couldn’t ultimately escape this and so the film couldn’t be as good as it should have been.

The film started off with Harry getting super excited because he has been chosen to finally go to Earth and help somebody out. He has been waiting a long time for this chance because if he does well then he gets to stick around on Earth permanently as he helps more and more people. His mission is to help out a girl named Addie who has strayed off the path and isn’t super fulfilled at school Is Harry up to the task or is he about to fail?

The first big problem I have here is that for some reason Harry doesn’t know anything about anything. When he is told to “take a seat” he literally grabs it to walk off with. He takes everything literally and doesn’t know basic concepts like humor. They act like he’s an alien but at some point he had to have been a human before being an angel. Maybe he died as a baby but he’s been waiting years for his turn so it sounds like he should have picked some things up. Ultimately it just makes it so that you are shaking your head whenever he appears. The guy is wayyyyy too overdone.

It actively goes against the storyline of the movie since we never saw that problem with any other angel. I would have to attribute this to be a writing problem because the film could have easily portrayed him as naive or gullible without going this far. The film ends up being illy but not in a particularly funny way. If it was really funny then naturally the issues wouldn’t matter at all. You’re rooting against Harry here because you know that if he succeeds then he will get to stick around.

Fortunately Celeste is around to try and help. The problem is that Harry naturally doesn’t want her help. That is what makes him even worse to be honest. So not only is he terrible at his job but then he is also not willing to accept help. You can’t have a giant ego when you’re this bad. Sure, eventually he accepts the help but it took way too long to get to that point. Celeste probably should have taken a stronger stand against him as well. I’d even recommend reporting him to the other angels for making a mess of things.

As for Addie, the film is mainly supposed to be about her so she is a big character. I thought she was fairly reasonable the whole time. She’s not particularly outgoing and doesn’t like to stand out. I wouldn’t call those objectively negative qualities. I can also see why she didn’t want to help the local bully since they never got along particularly well before. Naturally a romance does bloom out of this which was hard to buy into. I was fine with them finally making amends and getting along though. No sense in holding grudges forever and it seems like things were never too personal.

It’s just hard to take this guy seriously because apparently he was a player for a long while. Sure, no girls are seeing him now that he’s broken his leg but once he is better then that could all change. Addie is doing well to look after him while his mother is out and about but she doesn’t owe him anything more than that. She also has to deal with Harry constantly embarrassing her at school and everything which isn’t easy.

The fact that things go so well for Harry will also have you shaking your head each time. The plot has to bend over backwards to try and make things work out for him and it’s just so forced. They really needed to do something to make this more of a learning experience. If you are going to write Harry like this, then it should be a movie about humility as things get worse and worse until he begs Celeste for help. Another part of the problem here is that he never really does that and she just volunteers help. Right through to the end he just never feels particularly apologetic even though it’s all his fault.

Take Harry out of the film and the whole thing gets way better. After all, it still has the nice Hallmark vibes. It’s generally a pleasant movie to watch and the pacing is fine. You have some fun characters here and it’s the kind of film that you know will have a happy ending. Without Harry I have no doubt that it would hold its own with the average Hallmark experience. So this is a good example of how a film can completely change directions all on account of a single character.

I’ll start wrapping up by saying that it is still an interesting idea to have a main character with powers like this. It’s certainly not the only time we’ve seen this happen and usually it’s a lot of fun. So the takeaway shouldn’t be to remove the supernatural element. In fact, if Harry knew how to use his powers then that would have at least made him look a little competent and could have helped his character.

Overall, Mr. Miracle is one of those films where there is nothing terribly wrong for it but it can be a bit of a hard watch. Harry is just that over the top and I haven’t seen a character that grating in a minute. Side characters sure, but the main character? The film definitely had a serious misstep there and couldn’t course correct in time. If you want to watch a Christmas movie then you should watch just about any other Hallmark movie instead. This one isn’t really going to wow you but if you have no other options left or have already seen all of the Hallmark movies then I guess you should watch this one.

Overall 5/10

Challenge to Lassie Review

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It’s time for another Lassie film and this one is definitely ready to give you that emotional punch. Fortunately it focuses on the humans taking their Ls again instead of Lassie which is definitely the right way to approach it. It certainly works for me at least although Lassie still does get injured a bit here and there with all of the big jumps. I would say that it doesn’t end up beating the last film but still beats the average Lassie experience.

The movie starts by showing us how a guy named Jack raised Lassie for a long while. She was a small pup at first and then gradually grew into full size. She had a really good upbringing and it all turned out well but Jack was an old man. He was already breaking down and it only got worse when he was beat up by a bunch of thugs. That really accelerated things and he ends up dying. This forces his friend John to look after Lassie but it won’t be easy. She wants to always be with his grave but the grave is located among church grounds where dogs are not allowed. Now the cops have been alerted and since John has no formal license to Lassie, she is in a lot of trouble and may get the death penalty. Can’t anything be done?

I would say the weakest part of the film is how a lot of the characters are super unreasonable. This is a dog after all and a rather harmless one at that. The whole putting him to sleep business makes no real sense. They try to explain how it is necessary because that’s just how the law is, but it feels rather forced the whole time. There is no real reason to be this stringent about it. When the kids ask the judge about why he has to pass the law, the guy can barely even answer. Deep down he also knows that this is all a bunch of nonsense.

The basis of the law is that because John doesn’t have the license, he isn’t able to get one after the fact. Instead of waiting the usual 3 days for someone to pick up the dog, they can skip right to the execution. It’s a case of the process being put ahead of the logic which is where the whole thing breaks down. If a rule doesn’t make sense then you have to find a way to agree with it or just ignore it entirely. Now you do have to put some real effort into understanding the law first as you shouldn’t just break laws that you disagree with but this was a very clear example.

So I can’t say that I really liked any of the policemen or judges here. Then you have the church personnel who aren’t the best here. At least the big preacher at the end seemed reasonable and wouldn’t rat him out but the main guy wasn’t the nicest. You can understand why Lassie wouldn’t be allowed on the church grounds since there could be a lot of cleanliness issues but in this case you should just move the body then. Put it somewhere where Lassie could visit it and you would solve all of the problems at once.

I’ll give John credit for fighting pretty hard to save Lassie the whole time. He went to court and risked his reputation the whole time as well. It’s definitely not something that just anyone can do. His son the young lawyer was also pretty solid here. There were a lot of limitations on what he could really do before he was fully certified but he was always ready to help as well. Even the kids weren’t bad here as they were all on Lassie’s side. It was nice to see the whole community supporting him like that.

As I noted earlier, an issue is that Lassie still goes through a certain amount of grief. It’s nothing as crazy as in the earlier films but she is pushed to her physical limit the whole time as she has to scale mountains and constantly be on the run. You can’t forget the emotional burdens as she wants to be with the old owner the whole time and keeps on being prevented from doing so. Her dedication was definitely second to none but of course those scenes aren’t very fun.

That is a common theme with a lot of the Lassie films which is that they generally aren’t very fun to watch. This one has some fun dialogue and reasonable characters but it is mainly lacking a big hook. One framing device that could have really helped it would have been to have the film start in the court-room and have that continue as the present throughout the movie. We then see the scenes spread across as several flashbacks. Have more and more of the characters enter the court room as witnesses and then we see the scenes from their perspective. It would have turned this into more of a courtroom thriller film which always tends to work pretty well. It would have given the movie a bit of a boost.

Overall, Challenge to Lassie is a decent film for the most part but I wouldn’t say there is much reason to watch it. In some ways the last one is still a more satisfying overall picture with Lassie mainly getting the sweet end of things. In this one, Lassie may avoid a lot of the physical trauma of the original films but still has to deal with the emotional trauma of the fallout that occurs from the owner dying. It’s not like he returns at the end or anything like that so in the end it’s still a net loss for her. The fact that she still goes to the grave every evening to mourn also shows that she isn’t really over the loss and perhaps never will be. I like to think that eventually she would change and not have to visit the grave but it’s hard to say. Either way if you’ve seen all of the Lassie films then you may as well check this one out. Otherwise you can give it a skip.

Overall 5/10

Curse of the Black Widow Review

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This has to be one of the weirdest films I’ve ever seen. The tone is absolutely all over the place, the soundtrack has 0 consistency, the plot is super convoluted with a ton of twists, the main character looks like Vince from WWE, there are tons of crazy facial expressions, we have a surprising amount of world building for no reason, and there is even some sequel bait. This film just could not calm down and while it starts to get a bit tiring by the second half, I just have to appreciate the ambition. I actually think there was a ton of creativity here and a whole lot of possibilities to make this into a great film. It couldn’t quite get there and I have my share of issues but it was better than I was expecting.

So the movie starts off with Mark at the bar having a bunch of drinks when a beautiful lady shows up and asks for one of the men to escort her to the car. Specifically she only wants one of the guys so Mark goes back to his drink wishing that he was selected. He would quickly change his tune though as they hear yelling and when he heads outside, the guy has been murdered and the lady is nowhere to be seen. It turns out that her name is Valerie and now she is a suspect in the murder. Mark is hired by a lady named Leigh who explains that she was the guy’s girlfriend. The police suspect that she is behind this because her excuse of not showing up to meet her boyfriend as planned was one of the flimsiest that we’ve heard. Basically the rain was too hard. Mark decides to take up the case and he’s about to fall into a whole conspiracy of craziness.

Okay so the first thing that will stand out here is the strong soundtrack. You have a lot of really fast paced jingles and the movie is generally going for a very energetic vibe. Things are just popping and it really doesn’t match the scary vibe the movie is going for. Yeah sometimes the film will get a little quiet and it will try to get ominous but by then it’s just way too late. I liked the music though, it may not be all that fitting most of the time but it does liven things up which is always cool.

Then Mark also has a ton of facial expressions all the time with a bunch of zoom ins here and there. He is visibly shocked by just about everything and doesn’t even know the basics about spiders. This guy doesn’t seem like he would be a particularly good detective and I can imagine him getting emotionally involved with all of his clients. He seemed a little too eager to take up Leigh’s offer after all and then later on he starts to get a bit jealous at the dance. He doesn’t strike me as a very upstanding guy and is someone you’d probably be better off avoiding the whole time.

Still, he does have that obnoxious kind of personality that lets him strong arm anyone who gets in his way. He has a lot of connections and even members of the cops are ready to help him. We learn about the women who are able to turn into spiders and have super abilities among other such legends. He is really hard pressed to believe any of it for a good while but finally comes around after the proof is truly undeniable.

I liked the chief of police, Gully. Yeah he doesn’t always make the best decisions and probably keeps the situation a little too tight lipped but what I can respect about him is that he doesn’t back down. Mark can bully most of the side characters along to his whims but not this guy. No sirrrrr, Gully is here for the long haul and gets the final say. That’s the kind of guy you want in charge of the investigation.

Now, another area I have to give the film props in is with the subplot at the house where you have Laura and a kid. This plot randomly showed up near the beginning of the movie and had nothing to do with anything. Then wayyyyy later on it returns and still seems to be out of place. They’re talking about secrets, Leigh is involved, etc. It’s only by the end where we get a machine gun styled swarm of twist after twist. The plots end up converging but it took so long that I actually started to think that the film forgot about it. Yeah that would be crazy but I did start to really consider it.

Honestly, the film would be better off without any of that anyway. It’s the weakest part of the film by far. I preferred to have this mysterious lady going around bumping men off for rejecting her. That’s a much scarier premise than having all the family drama and learning everything about the past. I don’t want to know more about the character, I want to just focus on how to stop her. We have this one guy who easily seduces the lady and every scene with him is absolutely painful. You’re just rooting for someone to transform into a spider and eat him already.

Also the film gets some kudos for having the first guys to actually have some class. It feels like in almost every film, the guy will buckle immediately if a pretty woman so much as talks to him. Doesn’t matter if he’s married or engaged, he just starts blubbering like a fool and cheats immediately. Not the case this time! The first two girls actually turn Valerie down which is why they are absolutely crushed. I appreciated the resolve there. Would have been nice if they could fight too but let me not get greedy. It was just a nice change of pace to see.

Also this is a better vampire film than most vampire titles and that’s even without having any kind of vampire in it. We still had the blood sucking but it was generally not on screen and the way it was handled with the tendrils was way better than biting the neck. Spiders just have a more pleasant way of going about things.

Overall, Curse of the Black Widow is an absolutely wild ride. It’s crazy just how much is going on and it’s all so rapid. Even with that, the second half does drag on a bit with all the exposition and twists. I super did not care about anything that was happening there and wanted to go back to the mystery. That’s what they should have focused on and the movie would have been better off for it. At the end of the day I wouldn’t recommend the film, it made too many mistakes. Still, it was considerably better than I expected and you see so many missed opportunities that it hurts, but you can feel the ambition. The movie took a wide swing and while it missed, it was a fair effort.

Overall 4/10

Something Wicked This Way Comes Review

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It’s time for another story about resisting temptation because the short term fun will quickly be taken over by something grim. It’s a pretty interesting concept but one that is slightly wasted by this film. I like the idea of someone sinister showing up in a small town and granting everyone’s wishes at a great cost. It’s just hard to really get the full scope of this when the main characters are kids so they can’t really do much about this. It would be a lot more effective otherwise. Still, it’s not a bad film.

The movie starts by introducing us to Will and Jim who have gotten in trouble at school again. It’s not easy for these two kids to live in such a boring town. There’s really just nothing to do except cause trouble at this point. Everyone in town has some issues that they deal with, one one guy missing an arm, one lady being really old, etc. Still, people do the best that they can. One day a strange old guy shows up and gives one of the kids a lightning rod. Seems like a dangerous thing to have at home, but eh the price was pretty good. Everything changes when a mysterious circus/carnival comes into town led by Mr. Dark. His shady name is already an indicator of things to come. He seems to have the ability to make your wish come true. The price? Well, he’ll come to collect that in short order.

Naturally you’d think it would be easy to just say no to the guy and run off but honestly Dark is rather smart about how he handles this. He’s not just cackling on a throne telling people to give up their immortal souls. He just strolls around and creates miracles in a rather low key way. It’s one of the few times I don’t totally blame the random locals for falling into his traps. On the surface the guy doesn’t seem all that crazy although the miracles are a red flag but it’s almost all like one big dream.

The character I do blame for this? Jim. Jim knows what is going on to a much larger degree than the others and yet he really wants Mr. Dark to grant his wish to become older. He is jealous of being a few hours or days younger than Will. That has to be one of the most petty things I’ve heard in quite some time now. He’s also quite ready to beat up Will over this despite the two of them being close friends. I thought that was really crazy! You don’t just betray your best friend on a whim like that. I couldn’t look at him the same after that.

In comparison, Tom had it rough because the guy was actually tortured by Dark for information. This guy never cracked no matter what he was put through. This is where the more interesting plot is at play with what’s going on here. The battle happening in the shadows so to speak so it is annoying when we have to continue following the kids who are out of their depth. There’s probably a TV trope for this but it’s when you are following the B plot while the A plot happens in the background. I feel like there’s a whole other movie in here that we are completely missing out on because the kids can’t handle what is going on.

They’re also way too passive like when one of the guys is de-aged to a kid and is pretending to be the teacher’s nephew. Maybe you don’t tell the teacher because she has no reason to believe you but you definitely handle the kid. Instead they ran off like chickens which was not a good move at all. Charles at least does good since he’s the only grown up to really be in the mix the whole time but the problem is that he’s really old. He can’t hold his own in a fight and at best is able to talk tough verbally to Mr. Dark. I still give him credit for that at least.

I don’t really have many issues with the film but the problem is that the one issue I do have is a pretty big one. The film can just be a little bit on the boring side. We see the process of everyone in town getting their wishes granted and all but after that we are missing out on most of the action because the kids can’t handle it. It feels like a strong opening without much of a payoff. The climax is decent but with adult or even teenage main characters you could have squeezed in a whole lot more action. I’d like to see a reimagining of this film some day because I definitely see the potential.

I’ll throw you out an idea right here, make Tom the main character next time. Lets explore more of what he knows about this and his ultimate plan about it. You could even choose to make a prequel instead. Usually I’m against that but in this case it could really work and I think it would instantly be more exciting than this film. Just something to think about but it would solve the protagonists issue right out of the gate.

Overall, Something Wicked This Way Comes is a very interesting film where the payoff doesn’t quite match up. The title is certainly a descriptive one and makes sense for the movie. The setting and backdrop is all there as well as a solid atmosphere. The decision to have the two main characters be kids is ultimately what buried this one though. You need leads who can fight, not kids who will just stay in the back the whole time getting dominated. I suppose kids need some stories where they can see protagonists their own age running around but it doesn’t really do anything for me. If you are really in the mood for a fantasy title and have seen most of the others already then you should check this one out. Otherwise, there are far better ones out there that you should watch instead.

Overall 5/10

Crime Story Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a Jackie Chan film that was actually rather serious. I was on the fence about whether this would get a score or not since it’s based on true events. The names were all changed around and it seemed like it was lose enough though so I decided to just go with it. It’s definitely a reasonably solid film for most of the run but makes enough mistakes to keep it treading water in the middle. You’ve got a good amount of action here but the main character can be rather annoying with how much he puts up with the whole time. The villains definitely needed to get beaten up sooner.

Mr. Wong is a pretty wealthy guy and he has a lot of disputes with his workers over the conditions. He has reason to believe that he will soon be kidnapped and asks for police protection for when this happens. Unfortunately the cops don’t really believe him. Chan is put on as Wong’s bodyguard but he also thinks that the threat isn’t very tangible so he doesn’t take things as seriously as he should. At one point Wong is being followed by a car and asks for help but Chan thinks it’s just some disgruntled workers at first. Chan still does go over to help but it’s too late and Wong is gone. Chan must now find him before the villains do something drastic but can he pull the trigger as needed?

See, Chan is dealing with some PTSD from an earlier case. He was chasing a bunch of crooks through the city and they were just not cooperating so in self defense Chan ended up shooting. There were fatalities and in a way he blames himself although I would say he handled the mission well. Look, sometimes people are gonna die, that’s pretty much inevitable in this kind of situation especially when the crook isn’t stopping. Of course you want to aim for a leg so it’s not fatal but when the crooks also have a gun then that’s game over.

We have a bit of a subplot where Chan works with a counselor to try and get him through the distress. She’s a fun character and the whole time you’re wondering if she’s connected a bit deeper into the film. It’s just good acting in the end but she has such a big emphasis early on that the jaded part of you figures this is some kind of a trap. Either way this is part of why Chan doesn’t just mess everyone up because he’s a little more reserved than usual. He still does all of the usual parkour and running around but isn’t firing off the shots as quickly.

That’s fine, it takes time to get over trauma but what I didn’t like is how he takes so much abuse from the villains. At one point he is questioning a suspicious lady who has been seen with the corrupt cop Mr. Hung. While he is there, the guys minions are tripping Chan, shoving him, etc. They really mess with the guy and go for the ultimate disrespect and Chan just keeps on trying to run out of there. After a point you need to just beat these guys up straight away. There are a lot of ways you could promote this as self defense and if you think the force is too corrupt for this then you just have to hide the villains afterwards.

It was just annoying how he was a punching bag for so long there. I also think he could have handled the situation with Hung a whole lot better. Chan had his suspicions from the start but no proof so he sort of waited and bided his time. The problem with this is that it buys Hung a lot of time to do things. By all accounts Chan should have been dead in this film several times. It’s why you gotta be proactive and make a move based on your gut. The only time Chan really did this was when he roughed up a witness for a while despite everyone warning him not to. That was definitely a good move.

Meanwhile Hung doesn’t make for a great main villain. He may not be the head honcho but he has the biggest role because of his connection with the cops. The guy is a fairly high ranking official so everyone believes him with all of his false information. The guy does a whole lot of damage the whole time and you’re waiting for the heroes to take him out. I will at least give the guy props for his confidence because he really swindles the heroes like a champ even when they could have potentially called his bluff several times. Confidence is the first step towards messing everyone up after all.

He has this random toxic relationship with a girl who shows up a few times during the film. Unfortunately all this does is weaken the film as a whole. The whole affair in the elevator is rather crazy and didn’t have much of a purpose here. I won’t say the relationship itself is unrealistic because you could totally picture this being the case but it’s definitely not something that the film needed. We already knew that Hung was not a good guy and even if this was meant to drum up the slightest bit of sympathy for the guy and why he wanted more money, it definitely didn’t work.

The only one you really feel bad for here is Wong’s wife who is doing her best to comply with the demands and get her husband to safety. It’s just not an easy position to be in and that’s before you consider the corrupt cop and everything going on. All she knows is the cops don’t have a great game plan and keep leading her on a wild goose chase. She does everything she can to save her husband so I would definitely call her the best character in the film.

The film has some good action like I mentioned before and I think that’s something the film should have leaned on a bit harder. Give us more action scenes and solid athletics. That would have helped to also establish Chan as a better main character if he was fighting a lot. Toss the club scene and a few small rewrites would make this solid right off the gate. The film does keep your interest but you see all of the missed potential throughout the movie.

Overall, Crime Story is a film that has a lot of good moments and solid action throughout but definitely gets weakened by the lower points of the film. The whole scene of Chan being hazed at the club was just awful and made no sense. He was too slow to make a move and the toxic relationship with Hung was just wasting valuable screentime. The writing itself isn’t bad and there’s some decent pacing here but in the end these issues definitely start to add up and keep the film from reaching its full potential. I would sooner recommend most of Jackie Chan’s other films.

Overall 5/10

Journey to the Seventh Planet Review

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It’s time for a film that mixed in the themes of sci-fi with temptation and the importance of willpower. You may think that you don’t need any willpower in space because you’ll just be with your friends but what if you run into aliens? The characters didn’t think about that and so unfortunately you’ve got yourself a very weak group right here. All they do is hold each other back which is definitely not good since negative peer pressure isn’t exactly helping things. The film has an interesting idea and reminds me of Star Trek a lot. That being said, I didn’t think it succeeded nearly as well as it could have thanks to the characters not being so good. That really makes a big difference in the end.

The film starts off by introducing us to the main crew as they are heading into space to check out the 7th planet. Unfortunately they all black out at the same time. When they wake up, a whole lot of time has passed but hey they have made it to their destination. Instead of a dead planet though, they’re on a pretty nice one that even has houses and stuff. It’s all really weird but they start investigating. The weirdest thing? Girls from their past have started to show up. It’s hard to say how they arrived in space before them but the researchers are pretty hyped. Can they keep their head focused on the task at hand though?

Okay so naturally this is already looking bad for the scientists but it gets worse. Early on they are able to figure out that obviously the girls are not real. Some kind of entity is using their memories to get to them and make sure they either don’t leave the planet or that they take it with them. This should make the whole thing fail right off the bat but instead they are just so happy to see these ladies around that they ignore their senses the whole time. Talk about acting crazy right? It’s a really bad look for them but also I didn’t like that the entity doesn’t have much of a plan for a while there.

Towards the very and I mean very end of the movie the villain finally starts some sabotage attempts and everything but it’s way too little too late. Taking them all out early on would have been super easy. The film has a nice twist ending at least but for the most part you’re just wondering what the point of all this is. If you have as much power as the entity and it clearly had a ton, then you should just take the humans out. They all should be getting bumped off with how weak willed they are. Turn this into the first space based horror film as the girls separate the guys and then take them down.

Yes I know there have been other space based horror films but none quite like this. It would really be about the characters being unable to confront their past and fears so they are easily overpowered. Then just have one or two characters who don’t fall into the trap and actually stand by their guns. That would definitely be the best way to handle this. This gets worse when you realize that the entity actually has creatures and stuff at the ready but doesn’t bring them out until later on. I know the main plan was to take control of the human bodies and use them but why not do that right from the start?

The entity clearly has enough power to easily knock everyone out while they were on the spaceship and they were apparently knocked out for a very long time. If you can do that from long range then you can probably do that from short range as well right? So just do it again and keep doing it as long as you need to in order to take over the body. Now it’s possible there is some restriction that the film mentions about his needing to be right next to the victim or to be in contact for this to work. I don’t think so but throwing that out there in case I’ve forgotten something but even then, knocking them out first makes the most sense.

Ah well, while the film may not be super exciting or action packed, I still enjoyed the writing. It has that old school dialogue that I always tend to enjoy and of course the pacing is solid. It’s fast and goes by real quickly. You definitely aren’t wasting any time here and even if I didn’t think the film was all that good, I like the vibes. The idea of going to a planet where you have to literally face off against your memories is interesting. I think a better film could easily do wonders with this kind of premise. Unfortunately it just ended up being wasted here. So you can watch it to think about the premise or skip it, it’s really on the fence.

Overall, Journey to the Seventh Planet is not the most exciting film. It would have been nice if the characters could have had a bit more agency here and not just fallen for their desires the whole time. After a ton of in fighting and everything they eventually get their act together but it took too long and by all rights they should have been dead by then. So I’m definitely massively skeptical about the whole thing. I was entertained at least but yeah this could have been more dynamic. Have the girls start bumping the guys off or something to increase the drama like I mentioned earlier. Now that would have been interesting. Instead you are just reminded how the average guy in these old films was super desperate and seeing a girl was enough to shake him to the core. They are definitely not ready for deep space and any tough alien would immediately be taking them down for the count. They were literally not built for this.

Overall 5/10