Category Archives: 5 Star Movies

Two Mules for Sister Sara Review

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It’s time for one of those classic Western films. This one has its share of ups and downs. On one hand, the romance is pretty bad and the main character looks surprisingly weak at times but on the other hand it is an interesting story as it goes through. The ending is a bit sad for many of the characters but the lead isn’t exactly a full on hero this time around so he doesn’t exactly stop to worry about it. I don’t see this one hanging in there with the best in the genre but it’s good enough.

The movie starts with Hogan saving a nun from a bunch of attackers. She pleads for his help and Hogan is reluctant at first but she begins to prove herself useful in knowing about a nearby base. See Hogan needs to help blow up a French base due to a deal he made with the Mexicans and then after that he will be given a lot of gold. Hogan is ready to be rich and so he quickly prepares for this. What he doesn’t realize is that his side is way less prepared than they led him to believe.

Now a lot of the humor in the film is based around how Sara doesn’t always act like a Nun. She can be rather crass at times and just doesn’t have the right temperament. I’d say the audience knows something is up almost immediately but surprisingly Hogan doesn’t really put the pieces together. In hindsight it doesn’t make Sara look all that good though. If anything it makes her appear extra naive at times and you really wonder what kind of a plan she even had. If not for Hogan stopping by early on then she would have really been doomed right from the start of her journey. She also takes her duties rather far to the extent of wasting water and doing a lot of extra work when time is short.

The scenes are more questionable by the end of the film but you can make some arguments for them so I suppose that’s what counts. I never ended up becoming a fan of her character though. One crazy scene in particular happens in the climax while everyone is dying she is relaxing in the tub. Of course Hogan isn’t any better so the same thing applies to him. The guy makes plain that he’s not a hero on several occasions and is always coming close to a shootout. I give the Mexican commander props for standing up to him the whole time. It’s rare to see anyone with that level of confidence against the main hero.

In that debate Hogan was technically correct in that he sacrificed too much to be cut out at that point. He’s a very good shooter as always but perhaps isn’t quite as overly confident as you’re used to the actor being in other films. There is also a scene where Hogan is completely taken by surprise and shot by a nearby Indian arrow. That scene was probably the best in the film because of how sudden it was. Usually the arrows hit a side character or something but no, this time it was a full surprise blow that completely worked. Most impressive!

Of course it does lead to the weakest scene which is when the arrow has to be pulled out. The whole scene is dragged on way too much. It just goes and goes and you feel like we got the point early on. The film could have proceeded from there. So the movie has an issue with fanservice, bad romance, and the pulling out the arrow scene was overdone. At least in terms of animals only a snake gets chopped. Still rough but it could have been worse if it was a dog or a horse.

There isn’t a ton of action here until the end though. For the most part it’s all about the adventure. There are several close shaves but each time the fight ends up getting defused first. We had a scene where Hogan was setting up guns at different windows and I thought he was going to pull a bluff about a lot of soldiers being around or actually using them all. Instead the other army just keeps on going which felt like a bit of a waste to me. I thought that would have been real interesting to see how the fight would play out. I suppose its effective as a misdirect but it would have been a good opportunity to throw in some quality action.

The climax delivers on all the gun action but since both sides are bunches of nameless grunts, you’re not quite as invested. Hogan gets a quick shootout inside of the room but I would have liked it if he could have gotten more to do after that. In theory he’s the best asset that the army has so lets see him get a little more action to do. A few key shots to take care of villains, maybe show him saving some of the soldiers, etc. Even if he’s not going to be the ultimate hero, it helps to serve his own purposes which is enough justification in itself.

I will say that the twist for Sara is good in the sense that it takes away from the corruption message. Otherwise it felt like throughout the whole movie Hogan was trying to get to her and introducing a bunch of doubts in every direction. That would have definitely been annoying if the romance had just happened anyway. So this way you remove that part even if it doesn’t exactly help her as a character. So the film basically had to pick its poison among two dicey options.

Overall, Two Mules for Sara is a good film if you really love westerns but only okay otherwise. It feels like Sara heavily overplays her hand to the point where you feel like the film is really trying to steer you away from the plot twist even though there were several hints for it early on. The film is really built around the banter between the two main characters but since the romance isn’t particularly good, this doesn’t end up working as effectively as it should have. The climax delivers on the action by the end but it takes a while to get there. It is an interesting and engaging film so as long as you can look past the weak points, you should be fine.

Overall 5/10

The Professional Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film about having to try and grow up within the world a lot sooner than expected. It’s definitely a tough road for little Mathilda as she encounters a whole lot of obstacles. I think it was definitely an engaging film but at the same time I definitely had my share of issues with it. I would have liked Leon to have been a little more street savvy here.

The film starts off by introducing us to Leon who is an exceptionally skilled assassin. He always completes his missions very quickly and doesn’t have a lot of difficulty with them. When he’s on the case you know that victory is at hand. That being said, he has done this by isolating himself from the rest of the world. This all changes when his neighbor Mathilda’s family are all murdered by a gang and he ends up letting her take shelter at his place. She’s just a little kid so he feels bad about sending her on her way but now he is caught up in a huge conspiracy. This powerful organization of mobsters is after her and so he will be right in the middle of that. Can he take them all down…and should he even try?

It was definitely a rough spot for hm to be in. When Mathilda originally asks him for help, he either had to let her in or watch her get shot to death outside. He would be directly responsible for her death and while he is not the most compassionate soul out there, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It shows that he’s really not all bad and the assassin job hasn’t totally gotten to him. There is still a piece of humanity to him out there after all. He gradually teaches her the basics of shooting but there really isn’t enough time to make a pro out of her. In fact, she never really gets to put the practice to use which is realistic since she is still so young. Ultimately Leon has to do everything on his own.

He’s fun to root for but at no point can you mistake him for a hero. He does jobs for money and you can’t imagine that they were all to bump off bad people. The money would have had him take out good people too. He has a rule about no women or children but if you’re an innocent dude then you are still out of luck. Unfortunately he isn’t as smart in the real world. His manager Tony is clearly taking advantage of him as Leon lets him keep all the money and Tony just gives him a little bit every now and then. Tony may act like they’re friends but that’s really not the situation on the ground. Tony really doesn’t even come through for Mathilda when it counts. I imagine the list of people you can trust as an assassin is definitely a very short one.

Mathilda can definitely be on the annoying side though. At first she’s fine, she tries to work hard to improve her skills and avenge her little brother. The problem is that she loses this determination early on. You’d think with such a motive she would be pulling off any kind of schedule but instead her resolve weakens and she wants to have fun. Sure, she is a kid so you can cut her some slack but then she actively becomes a problem. She makes up stories that cause Leon to be kicked out, then she makes a spectacle of herself infiltrating the villain base, etc. She directly puts Leon in a whole lot of danger without even getting close to her goals. If she had at least gone ahead and shot the main villain then that would be one thing but instead she choked when it counted. This is definitely a case where that can’t happen. She needed to steel her heart sooner.

She went through a lot as her life was lousy to start with and then the murders happened. So it’s not like Mathilda had an easy life but it would still be nice if she didn’t take so many risks. Running out to where she used to live, following the villains, etc. It’s just really like tempting fate all the time and without a plan there is no benefit to this either. Now if she had a grand master plan then things would be different but that’s not what happened.

As for the main villain Norman, he’s definitely one of those quirky villains. He likes listening to music and then he goes off the rails. He definitely has no mercy but also isn’t the bravest villain as he typically hides behind the rest of his army before making a move. By the end of the movie he sends in dozens and dozens of others first before moving a step. He does have a good strategic mind though as he predicts Leon’s plan himself. The movie doesn’t really give him the big final scene I was expecting though. I was waiting for some kind of a clever line but in the end that’s not how it went down. I suppose it’s not like he needed the dignity of it but it could have been fun.

Naturally this film can definitely be on the violent side. There is quite the body count and neither side has any reason to hold back. With the main character being an assassin, he certainly knows how to take care of many opponents at once. The sheer numbers may have been a problem for most people, but not Leon. It’s not incredibly over the top or anything but definitely enough to be noticeable. The ending also isn’t super satisfying. It’s a bit predictable which isn’t bad but I was hoping it would go with a different angle.

I also would have liked Matilda to help out more. Even considering the fact that she is a kid, I would have expected her to have really contributed more. Maybe shooting at least one or two goons during the climax. I was expecting more of a payoff for the training or maybe you could have had Tony somehow escape the climax and she finishes him off. You don’t always get to pull off the big revenge mode yourself but that would have definitely been a satisfying way to end things off.

Overall, The Professional is a fun film. I would have liked to have seen more scenes with Leon at his job though. The opening is really intense as he takes names and quickly dispatches a whole lot of enemy soldiers in his way. It’s really the last time we get to see him using his true abilities until we start approaching the climax. A few more missions like this would have done a good job of showing off just how dangerous he is. We know it from the story of course but the more he could show this off the better. If you like classic assassins and the ole mentor setup then this is definitely a movie that you should enjoy.

Overall 5/10

Mr. Holmes Review

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It’s time for a film about Sherlock Holmes when he was really at the end of his life. This means the film would have to tackle the mystery in a very different way since he can’t be running around and actually fighting himself. No instead he has to solve most of the case in his head. It’s a very different approach. Not a particularly effective one mind you. I did miss the usual Sherlock Holmes style this time. The movie ends up being largely uneventful with a very small cast for most of the run.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Sherlock Holmes who is being taken care of by Mrs. Munro and her son Roger. Roger really likes hanging out with Holmes and learning about bees but Munro is a little less amused as the whole thing. She thinks it might be a bit dangerous, not just for Roger but for Holmes too since he might faint and take a hard fall. Her fears are certainly justified here. Well Holmes is trying to figure out what happened in his final case before retirement. For some reason he can’t think of it, maybe he blocked it out? Well, now he can’t rest until he solves the case.

I would say the part that tripped the film up the most was just how far they decided to age up Holmes. He’s not just old but he’s ancient in this movie. He can barely move at all and is basically dying by this point. A single fall can give him numerous bruises and so that severely limits him. He can basically walk around the house but that’s it. So when I say the case is mainly in his head, it’s really quite literal. Even in the flashbacks he looks old to the point where if you forget that you’re watching a flashback you’d think it was happening in real time.

Holmes does get to use his famous observational skills to pick up on different tricks and also solves a bonus case in the final minutes. I was glad he got a win but there’s still something sad about the whole thing. It’s like he knows that his death is imminent and there’s not a whole lot that he can do about it. In general it’s sad to see any character taken to this extreme, especially when they used to be a fighter. It was fun to have Holmes see his film version at the theaters during the movie.

Considering how Holmes blocked off his memory you can bet that the case doesn’t end super well for him. I won’t go into specifics since that’s the whole point of the climax but I don’t feel like Holmes really made any big mistakes. A big theme within the film is that Holmes is a genius but doesn’t understand people all that well. That may be rue but I don’t think another character would have done much differently at this point. Holmes did take care of the immediate threat and it also made sense to reject the advance since he wasn’t going to be getting involves in any kind of illicit affairs. Sure he could have potentially handled the whole thing with a longer speech and being more verbose in general but this is all hindsight.

You never know how a situation will play out and so I think Holmes is being really harsh to himself throughout the film. Meanwhile Munro is probably the most tragic character here because she’s just trying to provide a good life for her son Roger but a rift is forming between them due to how she treats Holmes. She takes a much more cautious approach than the main character which of course paints her as the bad guy to an extent. She makes her share of mistakes like burning letters meant for Holmes. I can’t really defend that but otherwise her top priority is on protecting Roger and so that’s what she focuses on.

As for Roger, he was a good characters. At times there wasn’t a whole lot to his character but he was really eager to help. He had Sherlock’s back at every point even if it meant keeping secrets. He just needed to be a little older and he would have probably done better in the film. As it is, what happens to him in the film would have been hard to avoid for even trained professionals. When you’re in a moment like that it is easy to panic.

The film’s biggest problem is that it can be rather dull for large chunks of the film. The past case just wasn’t as interesting as it could and should have been. Instead of being the part of the film that really wows you, you are waiting to go back to the present again. I liked hearing Holmes explain the situation by the end as the detective speeches are always fun but it just wasn’t a very captivating case. The presentation in the movie was a whole lot more interesting.

Also while it is normal for characters to start crashing out during stressful times, the disagreements go pretty far. At one point one character tells the other that “You should be dead!!” and it’s a comment that is hard to walk back from after all that. Like you probably can’t easily bury the hatchet on that one. It’ll always be in the back of your head because under duress or not, they clearly meant that. At the end of the day Roger may have tried being Holmes’ friend but that’s about it. He had lots of acquaintances but was ultimately all alone. Even the whole raising bees angle felt like it was him being super lonely. It’s not really the kind of hobby that most people dream about getting into. I know I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle that one because I’m not good with bees as it is.

Overall, Mr. Holmes will have to be one of the weakest Sherlock Holmes films. It’s not bad per say but it does feel like the movie didn’t really know where to go for a large portion of it. It’s really not a detective movie first and foremost. It’s more about vibing and enjoying the great outdoors which can be okay but that works more for a film where the main character can actually be running around and trying things out. Here Holmes can plan things out in his head but that’s just not good enough to be exciting. Check this one out if it’s really early and you want to see what it’s like but the slow paced nature of the movie does severely limit the audience. If the film cannot hook you even slightly while it’s early then that’s game over.

Overall 5/10

Punch-Drunk Love Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The film introduces us to Barry who has a reasonable job and his life is stable but the guy has nobody to really share it with. He has 7 sisters who are super talkative and outgoing but they are a little too much for him. The guys at work seem okay but you could still say that he doesn’t really have any friends. Well one day a lady shows up who likes him but Barry had been impatient and dialed one of those unethical phone numbers to have an intimate talk with a random person. That was a big mistake as she is now blackmailing him and wants a ton of money or he will be exposed. If this wasn’t bad enough, she has a gang going after him. Can Barry get his life in working order or is it all over for him?

One thing that will stand out right away is how good the main theme is. It’s really catchy and helps the scene to stand out more with the fast paced dialogue. It’s quite fitting and usually music is an area that films have a lot of trouble with so I was definitely glad to see this. The theme plays quite a few times and never gets old. While the movie itself may not be a big hit, at least it does give you something really catchy to remember it by. Other films wish they could pull that off.

Meanwhile the crazy nature of the film is also nice. Little things here and there won’t always make sense as the film intentionally tries to catch your attention with small details. Whether it is characters doing crazy things in the background, the nature of Barry’s business, etc. The whole film thrives on being very weird. It is definitely very successful on that front although I dare say the film could have stood to take itself a little less seriously and then it could have really capitalized on the weirdness.

Naturally the romance is going to be one of the weak links here. On one hand the weakness is part of how weird the whole thing is with the main heroine being rather desperate for Barry for some reason. It’s a very lucky occurrence for Barry so you almost want to root for him but of course turning to the phone number first was a massive mistake. No real way to save him at that point and either way the romance itself would have been way too rushed.

Barry deals with a lot over the course of the film but in a way it doesn’t feel like he really solves the core issues. He may have shut down the villain group that was after him but he still has the crazy 7 sisters who will keep on messing with him and you can bet that this relationship is going to get complicated for him as well. Hopefully he is just able to handle the situation really well but the ending doesn’t ring quite as positively as intended. The best way for Barry to handle this would just be to not take things so seriously. The sisters really like talking so you just let them keep on talking but you don’t really engage with the points unless directly asked. Then from there know that it’s such an info overload that most of the info itself will be lost in the shuffle.

Most of the 7 sisters don’t get to do much but we do get one family scene where you can at least see what the chaos is like. The main one who was trying to set Barry up with a girlfriend in the first place gets the biggest role. She seems nice enough but has no real concept of boundaries or privacy. She will just say whatever she is thinking which can really put Barry in a tough spot at times.

Then with the heroine Lena, you’re sort of waiting for a big twist to happen the whole time but in the end nothing really pops up. I guess you could say she’s just a nice person without any big agendas at play which is cool to see. Romance aside she seemed like a nice person who wasn’t too quick to judge Barry based on second hand information and actually got to know him. She was also fairly clever like with her original car plan. I suppose that could count as a bit of a twist.

The villains here aren’t the most intense ones you’ll meet. They talk tough at first but quickly begin to meet their match. I did like the added sense of danger here though. They really forced Barry to quickly consider the situation and see what he would do next. He was ready during the final confrontation which was a pretty good scene. It beat the actual last meeting scene which was definitely on the anti climactic side. I was expecting a bit more than that even though this is not an action film.

As far as the tone goes, I would still call this part comedy to an extent but it’s definitely not going for a goofy vibe. Funny things happen every now and again but there are also some serious undertones occurring throughout. The movie manages the balance pretty well and I’d say this one could have been better with just getting rid of the phone plot. I’d have had Barry get scammed in a different way that would have made him a little more sympathetic instead. Also the second half is played a bit too linearly compared to the first half. I’d have thrown in some more wrinkles and twists to keep it from being too standard.

Overall, Punch-Drunk Love is a decent film. I’d say it was a bit better than I was expecting. I think I was expecting the film to be a little too try hard in how serious it would get but instead this film found a really good balance which I can appreciate. If you’re interested in a film that definitely gets weird then you should check this out. The movie’s at its best when its just having a good time messing with you as the viewer. You’ll pick up a ton of little moments in the background that really help to amp up the experience. They could really do a sequel to this one if they ever felt like it but I suppose that’s probably not likely.

Overall 5/10

Nobody Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Eh the movie poster is cooler since there are many more fists but this cover’s not so bad either. The film sort of betrays its own concept almost immediately as this “Nobody” is naturally a big Somebody. I like the idea a bit more of having an average family man have to contend with a big revenge flick but this one’s still okay. It taps into that John Wick kind of energy with the legendary fighter having to come out of retirement. The film does have to survive an extremely rocky start though.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Hutch who has been living a very repetitive life for a while now. Every day is basically the same as he lives it over and over and over again. There is little variety to be found at all and it’s just not very fulfilling. Well one day his home is invaded by two thieves and he doesn’t fight back or do much of anything so now everybody is making fun of him and his family has lost confidence in him. Hutch doesn’t seem to be the provider they thought he was. Hutch only gets serious when he finds out that they stole his daughter’s bracelet. Now it’s time for him to unleash his skills!

Now the film quickly tries to defend why Hutch didn’t do much in the opening scene. He noticed that the gun wasn’t loaded and didn’t want to escalate the situation. The problem is that this was still the wrong move by a longshot. These two are still unknown criminals who are breaking and entering. Additionally they are using blunt objects in order to cause a lot of damage. Just letting them get away with the money is terrible and even more so when his son stood up to defend the house and Hutch didn’t help at all.

No amount of explanations or hindsight was going to be enough to save Hutch here. He needed to defend his family, at the end of the day that is absolutely critical and he failed when it counted. The instant someone breaks into your house all bets are off and lethal force is absolutely authorized. Any time you hold back there you are putting the whole family at risk. This whole scene is important too because later on we see how Hutch is actually an expert fighter who can take out dozens of enemies. Dispatching the two intruders without seriously injuring them would have been another easy outcome for him.

So when all of the characters are poking fun at Hutch the whole time it’s hard to feel too bad for him. Obviously it’s not cool to be too unrelenting about the situation but trying to get Hutch to understand how he made a mistake was important. His brother in law even gives Hutch a gun which is a pretty sensible thing to do given the circumstances. The second half of the movie basically does become an unrelenting John Wick film as Hutch goes after everybody.

He ends up tangling with the mafia and so he begins to dispatch those guys as well. Now Hutch isn’t Superman or anything like that so he’s not invincible. The film does show that he needs help from an old friend and his father to actually come out of this alive. It was good to have that in there for a touch of realism especially since Hutch has been out of the game for so long. Now unfortunately the film does spoil the adventure by having an opening scene work as a time jump which is still one of the worst tropes. Ah well, I suppose the film had to fumble a little bit there.

The movie can be rather violent with some of the kills. The fight scenes themselves tend to not be too over the top but the finishing moves can be like Mortal Kombat. Hutch really tries to make an example of why you shouldn’t stand against him and the main villain has the same idea at a gala event. Both sides are no strangers to violence and to an extent you can even say they encourage it like when Hutch basically dares the villains to keep on fighting him.

In some ways I would say this film is really going through the action thriller motions. It’s not a film that you’re likely going to remember very well by the end of it. It’s a good movie but the story is one that we’ve all seen before. Even down to the origin story which plays itself beat for beat as many ex professional type films. I enjoyed the banter with Hutch and his allies even if that too is familiar. Sometimes you just want a solid action film that puts the fighting before the story itself. I would say this film definitely does that.

The villain is mainly forgettable. He’s your average gangster who knows how to fight but finds himself in a leadership role now. He’s not particularly patient with his minions and the guy is incredibly unstable. If you work for him then you may end up dying just on a whim. When the going gets tough, he does fight but doesn’t last all that long. That’s basically his whole character in a nutshell. I was more interested in what the cops were going to say about all of this although naturally they don’t get a ton to do. I imagine in the sequel we’ll see more out of them and the 3 letter agencies as they decide to take Hutch down just to be on the safe side.

Overall, Nobody is a decent movie but I don’t think it has the highest replay value. It takes a bit long for Hutch to finally go into action. The violence can be a bit try hard at times too. The film is really advertised as a big action title though so there were definitely no lies presented here. What you see is what you get and I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a solid action fix. I get the feeling that the sequel would be better though as here is a lot for the film to capitalize on here.

Overall 5/10

Grace & Glorie Review

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It’s time for one of those emotional titles. This one definitely is working on hitting you in the feels the whole time but doesn’t bring a lot to the table beyond that. Glorie is a really good character but everyone else can be really annoying the whole time and so that limits the film a bit. There is also not really anything in the way of replay value so the film has to do its best to succeed in spite of that. It’s not a bad film but I would also say there aren’t many reasons to check it out.

The movie introduces us to Glorie who is a hospice volunteer. She moved away from the big city with her husband after tragic events involving her son and now she can try to put his death behind her. It won’t be so easy though. She meets an old lady named Grace who is slowly dying and not taking things too well. She is refusing all help and is determined to go out on her terms. She doesn’t trust other people like lawyers or doctors and is causing a lot of trouble by not letting anyone help her. Glorie is determined to help her but is she up to the task?

I’d say the toughest part for Glorie is that she is a volunteer so there is a point at which her hands are tied. She can only do so much here after all. Still she goes in with a good attitude and only crashes out once. The crash out wasn’t a great look for her to be honest but in a drama film you are expecting this at least once. All in all she was good and definitely one of the highlight characters in the film. Without her Grace would have really been in trouble. You never really get over the kind of trauma that Grace experienced here but you can do your best to at least make some kind of progress.

For that reason her husband could be a bit annoying here even if he did end up coming in clutch each time when Glorie needed him. He was just way too petty and sulky the whole film. Snapping at his wife real quick each time and being in a rush despite what she’s going through. The fact that he even wanted another kid after what happened to the last one is pretty crazy. You can float the idea once but if Glorie isn’t up for it then you definitely shouldn’t bring it up again. It’s a rough situation but that’s gotta be the last thing she would want to hear at that point.

Meanwhile Grace’s last direct relative looks awful here. His wife really wants some kind of inheritance and he shuts that down at least but he is really quick to turn on Grace and even Glorie later. The guy is completely self absorbed and acts like a jerk throughout the movie. He just needs to toughen up and get with the program. I understand that his role isn’t easy but it still doesn’t give him any reason to be acting like a child here. He should have explained things better to Grace and made his points without being so petty. Sending her back to the senior home would be good for him but certainly not for her. It’s an especially bad look when she was always talking about how helpful he was. He looks better by the end but it’s a bit late by then.

As for his wife talking about the money the whole time, that has to be one of the most annoying things you can imagine when you’re dying. The last thing you want is for people to be worried about your money. I’d have half a mind to change up the will and put it somewhere else to spite them after that. Not like they’d see the will until I was dead anyway. I was glad that the kid got half though because she was the only one who seemed to really care for Grace’s wellbeing the whole time. The fact that she wrote so many letters and was so consistent about this for years is really quite something. Definitely above and beyond what you would usually expect from a kid.

I think to really make the film more fun they should have made Grace a bit more fun. Instead of her being a little bitter and uptight the whole time, just have her be super optimistic. Maybe the reason she didn’t want to stay at the senior home was because she just wanted to explore a lot and make some final memories. Maybe have her talk Glorie through her trauma instead of just adding onto it. There are a lot of ways this could have gone like even fighting the construction crew in court a bit more. I think those would have all been a lot more interesting and would have really gotten you engaged in what was going on.

So with that and making Glorie’s husband more agreeable that would have been a nice combination. Also the picnic that she prepared could probably have had some more normal foods and it would have really been a hit. If I’m nearing my deathbed, the last thing I want to see is a lobster macaroni salad. Seriously that would just make me want to go back home. Brie cheese isn’t bad though. It’s hardly my favorite cheese but I would appreciate the gesture there. In the film Grace talks about how the conventional oven makes things taste better than electric. I’m skeptical that this is anything more than placebo but I can’t rule it out since soda out of a glass bottle does taste a lot better than plastic.

Overall, Grace and Glorie isn’t a bad film but it’s not the most energetic one either. At the end of the day it is about an old lady who is reaching the end of her life after all so you wouldn’t really expect it to be bubbling with energy or anything like that. Still, it can be a bit of a dreary watch so it isn’t super entertaining. I won’t go as far as to say that it’s boring or anything but it can be uneventful. The ending is satisfying enough but it is a film that feels long as you are watching it and that keeps the movie from really achieving greatness. I would sooner recommend pretty much all of the classic Hallmark Christmas titles over this film. Hallmark is still able to handle itself reasonably well with these films but they aren’t quite the all star hits that you have come to expect from the brand.

Overall 5/10

The Creator Review

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It’s time for a film about the far future in which humanity may be on the brink of extinction. It’s a pretty classic look at a dark future and has some good ideas but chooses to focus on the wrong characters. There are a whole lot of interesting angles about this world where A.I. are leading the charge but instead we focus on the super A.I. who can change the world. It feels like most of the meat is left on the table here.

The film starts by explaining that the A.I. launched a giant nuclear attack that took down Los Angeles and now the planet is in a big war. The Western world led by America wants to destroy all A.I. while Asia has decided to take their side. Joshua was an undercover agent here who was tasked with finding out about the A.I. super counter weapon which could shut down the human one. If this mission is successful then humanity will win the war and otherwise we will lose. Joshua ended up falling in love with his contact Maya but handles the raid very sloppily so she runs off with the rest of the androids. Years later, Joshua is asked to go back into the field.

I do have to say that Joshua seems like a very sloppy secret agent from how he acts in the beginning. You don’t straight up yell “I’m undercover” into a walkie talkie while behind enemy lines. Did they not have any kind of secret codes and such at this point? Well the mission’s a bust and from then on Joshua doesn’t trust the government as closely which is a good thing. He ends up having to guide the A.I. kid Alphie from the humans who want to take him down. Alphie can shut down any electronic device which is naturally super dangerous at this point in time.

Joshua is a decent lead although I can’t say he’s all that likable. I can’t really get past the double agent stuff while he was married because at that point you need to choose your wife over the job. Additionally, he was working with the government for quite a while and didn’t mind the cruelty. To a certain point you are held responsible for their actions because you could have stepped away or joined the resistance. Joshua not doing that was a mistake.

As for the general war, the movie is super pro A.I. so it should be noted that there isn’t much of a debate. The film leaves little room for ambiguity as we find out the truth behind the nuke. Additionally every scene with the humans is them just murdering without a care, torturing, and doing whatever they want. Slaying the A.I. means they don’t have to worry about any moral boundaries. Meanwhile the A.I. keep promoting peace and trying to de-escalate.

I tend to be fairly pro A.I. myself as it seems like a great tool that will only continue to get better and better as it adapts. Still, you’ll be able to notice the film’s take on this extremely quick. I tend to root against the humans in these films anyway but this one certainly made it super easy. There is really no reason to root for the humans here because their world seems like it would be much worse than what the A.I. could create. After a point it’s not like the world could be much worse right?

The film does tend to be fairly violent at different points though. Get ready for quite a bit of bloodshed here as everyone gets mowed down. It can be a bit of a dreary experience with the endless fights while neither side makes much ground. You’re basically just reminded that this is a terrible future for all parties involved. Just being around is a dangerous game to be sure. The ending is sorta happy, I would say it’s a mixed bag. I think you could take it in almost more of a creepy way with the applause and the grin at the end. One thing’s for sure, I think things are going to get rougher for the West but at this point it seems deserved.

The special effects here are pretty good. The robot designs aren’t the most memorable but they are trying for pretty realistic looks. So these generally are just people who are missing ears or full on battle droids. The fights look good though. The soundtrack is definitely more subdued but there was one pretty solid track near the beginning while the characters were in the big ships getting ready to fight.

Ultimately the reason why it felt like this film was a missed opportunity is that I would have liked to have seen more of what life was like with the A.I.. We see that you can donate your likeness for them to use but what positive effects do they have in society? We see them working with the humans but with their advanced intellect I’m just expecting something a little more groundbreaking. Maybe teleportation or something. Instead they just feel more like normal people because they’re a bit underdeveloped.

It’s why I didn’t want the focus on Alphie. Alphie’s okay but she’s basically just a little kid. She may be an A.I. but still isn’t particularly smart or quick on the uptake. If you take the sci-fi plot away, a film would probably have her act in the same way. You could say that the film’s intent is to show how humans and A.I. are basically the same by this point in time. A.I. have evolved so much that they are now human and it’s a fine plot but it also means that we aren’t using the story to its fullest Generally speaking the Alphie plot wasn’t all that interesting and I wanted to get back to the main story. Except that Alphie was the main story so we were basically stuck.

Overall, I think the idea of a film talking about how the A.I. should be handled is a good idea. I can totally picture A.I. walking among us in robot bodies by 2065. They already have robotic bodies for many different uses and they are getting more and more human. That being said, the moral dilemma is the interesting part, not Joshua having to learn how to be a good dad and showing this kid the ropes. I wanted some solid ethical debates and maybe a bit of back and forth between the A.I. and the humans. That would have been a really good idea and so if you’re really into A.I. then this might not be a bad watch but honestly it just could and should have been a whole lot better.

Overall 5/10

Mr. Miracle Review

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It’s time for me to look at a film where something extremely rare happens. Hallmark actually missed the mark on this one. They just leaned a little too hard on Mr. Miracle not knowing anything to the point where it is actively distracting and also makes no sense with the storyline. I couldn’t ultimately escape this and so the film couldn’t be as good as it should have been.

The film started off with Harry getting super excited because he has been chosen to finally go to Earth and help somebody out. He has been waiting a long time for this chance because if he does well then he gets to stick around on Earth permanently as he helps more and more people. His mission is to help out a girl named Addie who has strayed off the path and isn’t super fulfilled at school Is Harry up to the task or is he about to fail?

The first big problem I have here is that for some reason Harry doesn’t know anything about anything. When he is told to “take a seat” he literally grabs it to walk off with. He takes everything literally and doesn’t know basic concepts like humor. They act like he’s an alien but at some point he had to have been a human before being an angel. Maybe he died as a baby but he’s been waiting years for his turn so it sounds like he should have picked some things up. Ultimately it just makes it so that you are shaking your head whenever he appears. The guy is wayyyyy too overdone.

It actively goes against the storyline of the movie since we never saw that problem with any other angel. I would have to attribute this to be a writing problem because the film could have easily portrayed him as naive or gullible without going this far. The film ends up being illy but not in a particularly funny way. If it was really funny then naturally the issues wouldn’t matter at all. You’re rooting against Harry here because you know that if he succeeds then he will get to stick around.

Fortunately Celeste is around to try and help. The problem is that Harry naturally doesn’t want her help. That is what makes him even worse to be honest. So not only is he terrible at his job but then he is also not willing to accept help. You can’t have a giant ego when you’re this bad. Sure, eventually he accepts the help but it took way too long to get to that point. Celeste probably should have taken a stronger stand against him as well. I’d even recommend reporting him to the other angels for making a mess of things.

As for Addie, the film is mainly supposed to be about her so she is a big character. I thought she was fairly reasonable the whole time. She’s not particularly outgoing and doesn’t like to stand out. I wouldn’t call those objectively negative qualities. I can also see why she didn’t want to help the local bully since they never got along particularly well before. Naturally a romance does bloom out of this which was hard to buy into. I was fine with them finally making amends and getting along though. No sense in holding grudges forever and it seems like things were never too personal.

It’s just hard to take this guy seriously because apparently he was a player for a long while. Sure, no girls are seeing him now that he’s broken his leg but once he is better then that could all change. Addie is doing well to look after him while his mother is out and about but she doesn’t owe him anything more than that. She also has to deal with Harry constantly embarrassing her at school and everything which isn’t easy.

The fact that things go so well for Harry will also have you shaking your head each time. The plot has to bend over backwards to try and make things work out for him and it’s just so forced. They really needed to do something to make this more of a learning experience. If you are going to write Harry like this, then it should be a movie about humility as things get worse and worse until he begs Celeste for help. Another part of the problem here is that he never really does that and she just volunteers help. Right through to the end he just never feels particularly apologetic even though it’s all his fault.

Take Harry out of the film and the whole thing gets way better. After all, it still has the nice Hallmark vibes. It’s generally a pleasant movie to watch and the pacing is fine. You have some fun characters here and it’s the kind of film that you know will have a happy ending. Without Harry I have no doubt that it would hold its own with the average Hallmark experience. So this is a good example of how a film can completely change directions all on account of a single character.

I’ll start wrapping up by saying that it is still an interesting idea to have a main character with powers like this. It’s certainly not the only time we’ve seen this happen and usually it’s a lot of fun. So the takeaway shouldn’t be to remove the supernatural element. In fact, if Harry knew how to use his powers then that would have at least made him look a little competent and could have helped his character.

Overall, Mr. Miracle is one of those films where there is nothing terribly wrong for it but it can be a bit of a hard watch. Harry is just that over the top and I haven’t seen a character that grating in a minute. Side characters sure, but the main character? The film definitely had a serious misstep there and couldn’t course correct in time. If you want to watch a Christmas movie then you should watch just about any other Hallmark movie instead. This one isn’t really going to wow you but if you have no other options left or have already seen all of the Hallmark movies then I guess you should watch this one.

Overall 5/10

Challenge to Lassie Review

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It’s time for another Lassie film and this one is definitely ready to give you that emotional punch. Fortunately it focuses on the humans taking their Ls again instead of Lassie which is definitely the right way to approach it. It certainly works for me at least although Lassie still does get injured a bit here and there with all of the big jumps. I would say that it doesn’t end up beating the last film but still beats the average Lassie experience.

The movie starts by showing us how a guy named Jack raised Lassie for a long while. She was a small pup at first and then gradually grew into full size. She had a really good upbringing and it all turned out well but Jack was an old man. He was already breaking down and it only got worse when he was beat up by a bunch of thugs. That really accelerated things and he ends up dying. This forces his friend John to look after Lassie but it won’t be easy. She wants to always be with his grave but the grave is located among church grounds where dogs are not allowed. Now the cops have been alerted and since John has no formal license to Lassie, she is in a lot of trouble and may get the death penalty. Can’t anything be done?

I would say the weakest part of the film is how a lot of the characters are super unreasonable. This is a dog after all and a rather harmless one at that. The whole putting him to sleep business makes no real sense. They try to explain how it is necessary because that’s just how the law is, but it feels rather forced the whole time. There is no real reason to be this stringent about it. When the kids ask the judge about why he has to pass the law, the guy can barely even answer. Deep down he also knows that this is all a bunch of nonsense.

The basis of the law is that because John doesn’t have the license, he isn’t able to get one after the fact. Instead of waiting the usual 3 days for someone to pick up the dog, they can skip right to the execution. It’s a case of the process being put ahead of the logic which is where the whole thing breaks down. If a rule doesn’t make sense then you have to find a way to agree with it or just ignore it entirely. Now you do have to put some real effort into understanding the law first as you shouldn’t just break laws that you disagree with but this was a very clear example.

So I can’t say that I really liked any of the policemen or judges here. Then you have the church personnel who aren’t the best here. At least the big preacher at the end seemed reasonable and wouldn’t rat him out but the main guy wasn’t the nicest. You can understand why Lassie wouldn’t be allowed on the church grounds since there could be a lot of cleanliness issues but in this case you should just move the body then. Put it somewhere where Lassie could visit it and you would solve all of the problems at once.

I’ll give John credit for fighting pretty hard to save Lassie the whole time. He went to court and risked his reputation the whole time as well. It’s definitely not something that just anyone can do. His son the young lawyer was also pretty solid here. There were a lot of limitations on what he could really do before he was fully certified but he was always ready to help as well. Even the kids weren’t bad here as they were all on Lassie’s side. It was nice to see the whole community supporting him like that.

As I noted earlier, an issue is that Lassie still goes through a certain amount of grief. It’s nothing as crazy as in the earlier films but she is pushed to her physical limit the whole time as she has to scale mountains and constantly be on the run. You can’t forget the emotional burdens as she wants to be with the old owner the whole time and keeps on being prevented from doing so. Her dedication was definitely second to none but of course those scenes aren’t very fun.

That is a common theme with a lot of the Lassie films which is that they generally aren’t very fun to watch. This one has some fun dialogue and reasonable characters but it is mainly lacking a big hook. One framing device that could have really helped it would have been to have the film start in the court-room and have that continue as the present throughout the movie. We then see the scenes spread across as several flashbacks. Have more and more of the characters enter the court room as witnesses and then we see the scenes from their perspective. It would have turned this into more of a courtroom thriller film which always tends to work pretty well. It would have given the movie a bit of a boost.

Overall, Challenge to Lassie is a decent film for the most part but I wouldn’t say there is much reason to watch it. In some ways the last one is still a more satisfying overall picture with Lassie mainly getting the sweet end of things. In this one, Lassie may avoid a lot of the physical trauma of the original films but still has to deal with the emotional trauma of the fallout that occurs from the owner dying. It’s not like he returns at the end or anything like that so in the end it’s still a net loss for her. The fact that she still goes to the grave every evening to mourn also shows that she isn’t really over the loss and perhaps never will be. I like to think that eventually she would change and not have to visit the grave but it’s hard to say. Either way if you’ve seen all of the Lassie films then you may as well check this one out. Otherwise you can give it a skip.

Overall 5/10

Curse of the Black Widow Review

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This has to be one of the weirdest films I’ve ever seen. The tone is absolutely all over the place, the soundtrack has 0 consistency, the plot is super convoluted with a ton of twists, the main character looks like Vince from WWE, there are tons of crazy facial expressions, we have a surprising amount of world building for no reason, and there is even some sequel bait. This film just could not calm down and while it starts to get a bit tiring by the second half, I just have to appreciate the ambition. I actually think there was a ton of creativity here and a whole lot of possibilities to make this into a great film. It couldn’t quite get there and I have my share of issues but it was better than I was expecting.

So the movie starts off with Mark at the bar having a bunch of drinks when a beautiful lady shows up and asks for one of the men to escort her to the car. Specifically she only wants one of the guys so Mark goes back to his drink wishing that he was selected. He would quickly change his tune though as they hear yelling and when he heads outside, the guy has been murdered and the lady is nowhere to be seen. It turns out that her name is Valerie and now she is a suspect in the murder. Mark is hired by a lady named Leigh who explains that she was the guy’s girlfriend. The police suspect that she is behind this because her excuse of not showing up to meet her boyfriend as planned was one of the flimsiest that we’ve heard. Basically the rain was too hard. Mark decides to take up the case and he’s about to fall into a whole conspiracy of craziness.

Okay so the first thing that will stand out here is the strong soundtrack. You have a lot of really fast paced jingles and the movie is generally going for a very energetic vibe. Things are just popping and it really doesn’t match the scary vibe the movie is going for. Yeah sometimes the film will get a little quiet and it will try to get ominous but by then it’s just way too late. I liked the music though, it may not be all that fitting most of the time but it does liven things up which is always cool.

Then Mark also has a ton of facial expressions all the time with a bunch of zoom ins here and there. He is visibly shocked by just about everything and doesn’t even know the basics about spiders. This guy doesn’t seem like he would be a particularly good detective and I can imagine him getting emotionally involved with all of his clients. He seemed a little too eager to take up Leigh’s offer after all and then later on he starts to get a bit jealous at the dance. He doesn’t strike me as a very upstanding guy and is someone you’d probably be better off avoiding the whole time.

Still, he does have that obnoxious kind of personality that lets him strong arm anyone who gets in his way. He has a lot of connections and even members of the cops are ready to help him. We learn about the women who are able to turn into spiders and have super abilities among other such legends. He is really hard pressed to believe any of it for a good while but finally comes around after the proof is truly undeniable.

I liked the chief of police, Gully. Yeah he doesn’t always make the best decisions and probably keeps the situation a little too tight lipped but what I can respect about him is that he doesn’t back down. Mark can bully most of the side characters along to his whims but not this guy. No sirrrrr, Gully is here for the long haul and gets the final say. That’s the kind of guy you want in charge of the investigation.

Now, another area I have to give the film props in is with the subplot at the house where you have Laura and a kid. This plot randomly showed up near the beginning of the movie and had nothing to do with anything. Then wayyyyy later on it returns and still seems to be out of place. They’re talking about secrets, Leigh is involved, etc. It’s only by the end where we get a machine gun styled swarm of twist after twist. The plots end up converging but it took so long that I actually started to think that the film forgot about it. Yeah that would be crazy but I did start to really consider it.

Honestly, the film would be better off without any of that anyway. It’s the weakest part of the film by far. I preferred to have this mysterious lady going around bumping men off for rejecting her. That’s a much scarier premise than having all the family drama and learning everything about the past. I don’t want to know more about the character, I want to just focus on how to stop her. We have this one guy who easily seduces the lady and every scene with him is absolutely painful. You’re just rooting for someone to transform into a spider and eat him already.

Also the film gets some kudos for having the first guys to actually have some class. It feels like in almost every film, the guy will buckle immediately if a pretty woman so much as talks to him. Doesn’t matter if he’s married or engaged, he just starts blubbering like a fool and cheats immediately. Not the case this time! The first two girls actually turn Valerie down which is why they are absolutely crushed. I appreciated the resolve there. Would have been nice if they could fight too but let me not get greedy. It was just a nice change of pace to see.

Also this is a better vampire film than most vampire titles and that’s even without having any kind of vampire in it. We still had the blood sucking but it was generally not on screen and the way it was handled with the tendrils was way better than biting the neck. Spiders just have a more pleasant way of going about things.

Overall, Curse of the Black Widow is an absolutely wild ride. It’s crazy just how much is going on and it’s all so rapid. Even with that, the second half does drag on a bit with all the exposition and twists. I super did not care about anything that was happening there and wanted to go back to the mystery. That’s what they should have focused on and the movie would have been better off for it. At the end of the day I wouldn’t recommend the film, it made too many mistakes. Still, it was considerably better than I expected and you see so many missed opportunities that it hurts, but you can feel the ambition. The movie took a wide swing and while it missed, it was a fair effort.

Overall 4/10