Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

The Valley of Gwangi Review

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It’s time for a classic dinosaur adventure. In a way this is a whole lot like Jurassic Park, the old version. Perhaps that’s a surface level similarity but eh it’s close enough.

The movie starts off with a big shot named Tuck deciding to visit a small horse show on his way to the arena. He runs into his ex, T.J. Her show is really struggling, due in no small part to his running out on her for riches and glory. He offers her a chance to go with him but this time she stays strong and won’t fall for his tricks….for like 10 minutes. He sweet talks her into joining his side once again. What she doesn’t realize is that this will ultimately take her into the forbidden valley of Gwangi! This is due to the star tiny horse being stolen by a bunch of native conspiracy theorists who believe that he belongs back on the valley.

Okay so there are a lot of problems with the main dynamic from the start. Tuck seems to mainly be interested in using T.J. He walked out on her easily enough the first time and now he really wants to buy her main horse. She only agrees because she found the mini one with mystical properties but otherwise he was putting on a lot of pressure was already failing. Keep in mind that it’s not a one girl show. She has a whole team and other workers doing their best and now Tuck wants to take the one act that still draws some fans?

For reference, she and the horse jump into a pool of water which is surrounded by flames. I can’t say the act sounds all that interesting but generally all of the animal acts make me feel that way. Anything that has even the slightest bit of danger to the animal makes it all not worth it. We also get bull fighting and the like so you’re shaking your head throughout all of this. The main thing that stays constant throughout all of this is that Tuck isn’t the nicest guy.

Sure, by the end the romance and everything works out but it really shouldn’t have. This romance was poorly thought out right from the start and hurts T.J. as a character for entertaining this as well. Lope has a pretty big role as the kid helping Tuck out but he’s too young to be able to fight or anything like that. He doesn’t end up contributing a ton.

Horace goads the Gwangi tribefolk into kidnapping the mini horse so he is the one who really sets everything into motion. Of course I’d say he didn’t really think this through. Things could have easily been fatal for all of them. The thieves knocked out the guard after all but could have easily murdered everyone. The pursuit of knowledge alone is naturally not worth all of the sacrifice for this.

You could say the film really starts once they make it onto the valley though. Now we have all of the dinosaurs and the action. The main characters take this a lot calmer than you would expect as they talk about getting the dinosaurs into the circus act and all. You’d think that it would be a much bigger deal that dinosaurs exist right? I guess back in the day it may have been slightly less of a big deal since you could assume crazy extinct animals exist all over in different pockets.

The professor is probably the most impressed by default but that guy is the type of man to choose research over safety. For the most part you’re going to feel bad for the dinosaurs though. They aren’t quite ready to be dealing with humans. Right off the bat one of them gets his neck broken by the humans. You’d think the dinosaur would have been a bit stronger. Along the way you have dinosaurs destroying each other as well.

The effects are handled pretty impressively for its time. Of course this is to the detriment of the film since the dinosaurs bleed quite a bit and the film isn’t shying away from actually having a body count here. It just should have been more humans dying than the actual dinosaurs if you ask me. So the film is ahead of its time and dinosaur fans will get a kick out of it but it definitely didn’t end up being my style.

The king of the dinosaurs here is Gwangi and for the most part he looks like a normal dinosaur. He is ultimately defeated by the humans and forced to be in the circus which is definitely the ultimate disgrace for a proud creature like this. He gets some revenge later on by taking down some of the humans at least. Now you’re supposed to be rooting for the humans but by this point in the review you can see that I’m team Dinosaur. The humans just aren’t likable.

At least in the most recent Jurassic World film they are trying to create a rare medicine out of the dinosaur dna so there is some kind of a noble cause. Here, it’s really just about the money. They want to improve the circus act with the dinosaurs. The professor wants to increase his knowledge but has disregard for who has to pay for this progress. Ultimately there is a lot of selfishness going on here and all of the violence that ensues is directly the fault of the humans.

It makes the dinosaur violence feel even worse because the whole time you know they would have had more peace without the humans. Yeah, the dinosaur vs dinosaur stuff would still be happening but we wouldn’t be seeing it at least! Shoutout to the old lady at the beginning who warned everyone about the valley though. I was glad that she was actually correct and not just crazy. Yeah, they are usually right in these kinds of creature features but I was still happy for her. She probably gives Gwangi a little too much credit in terms of sentience but it was close enough.

Overall, The Valley of Gwangi does deliver on giving you a ton of dinosaur action. It’s the kind of film that does live up to the premise so you don’t have to worry about being misled here. If you want to see a survival film with dinosaurs showing up and the humans having to deal with them, then you’re in luck. This is the film for you. It is an unapologetic dinosaur film with pretty strong effects. Now if you don’t want to see the dinosaurs and are worried about the annoying humans, then this is definitely a film to give a hard skip.

Overall 3/10

The Town Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film about committing crime in a small town. Definitely not the best option in general but it’s extra rough here when a ton of people are into crime. The main crew have been doing this for a while but things are shaken up when the leader falls in love. Is he going to mess this up for everyone or are they the ones who are getting greedy?

The film starts off with introducing us to Doug and his posse. They just completed a huge bank heist and are basically set for life. Doug figures this is it for the jobs but his partner Jem doesn’t think so. Jem has been gone for quite a while in jail so he is itching for more jobs. Doug thinks this is a really bad idea but Jem doesn’t tend to take no for an answer and makes it clear that Doug leaving may cause some problems. In their bank heist, Jem panicked and took a hostage. She was let go but heard all of their voices and got to see a lot. Doug checks up on her but falls in love and now they’re dating. Jem worries that this could mean death for their group if she puts two and two together.

So on the first part, Jem is right that this is a really dumb idea. You should never date your hostage. That’s just a really bad idea because it does make sense that she would be a liability. She may not have realizes anything just yet but it is possible that she could make the connection at any point. It was Jem’s fault for making her a hostage in the beginning but Doug really compounded the issue here. He is a bit in denial of this the whole time but it was a bad move.

Now Jem is still crazy the whole time and should have been satisfied with the big score at the beginning. It seems like it’s less about the money and more like he just really wants to live an exciting life. He almost thrives on these life or death situations like when he accompanies Doug to go beat up some people who were harassing his girlfriend. Doug didn’t need to give him any details and Jem was still ready to bust up a bunch of heads.

The town is effectively ruled by the crime lord known as Fergie. He’s really not the smartest character on the block though. Sure, Doug was planning to leave and Fergie wanted to stop that but he does so by basically rage baiting Doug a whole lot by revealing how he destroyed the guy’s parents. That doesn’t seem like a good move if you’re planning to stay alive. If anything, it feels like a good way to shorten the remainder of your life span.

This guy is still just a man after all. He can summon up a bunch of help but that’s not going to help a whole lot when he lets Doug meet with him whenever. His ending is one of the most predictable parts of the film. If anything, I think Doug let him get away with too much for quite a while there. You usually need to take someone out of the picture near instantly in this kind of situation.

Then we have his girlfriend Claire who is okay. I think she was moving rather quickly with the romance but she doesn’t know about the robber part and I can’t blame her for that. Not just anyone would have been able to make the connection there. Later on I suppose her reaction is justified enough about how she gets upset with Doug. If anything she probably should have ratted him out. From her perspective, he’s a total villain who manipulated her. It would be dangerous to assume that any part of their relationship was real. She decides to believe in it but I just don’t think that was a great idea.

For the most part the FBI agents are completely in over their heads but I did appreciate that the film made them look decent. They couldn’t crack the case officially for a while there but at least they had leads. It’s just that in a town like this, all of the crooks would look after each other so there wasn’t much in the way of hard proof to get after anyone. You had to try and work around that which isn’t easy. When it came down to the climactic shootout, they were ready.

Then you’ve got Krista, the crazy ex. As soon as she shows up, you know that she’ll be trouble and that’s exactly what happens. She is here to really cause some mixups and keep Doug stressed out. She had a tough lot in life but a lot of it was self sabotage with the drugs. It’s why you should never get involved in that business in the first place. Aside from damaging your body, it makes it easy for others to blackmail or just plain manipulate you.

There is quite a bit of action in here aside from it being a mental thriller. The Town keeps you engaged the whole time but it is also a bit of a downer movie. There’s not a whole lot to cheer for here and the ending is more of a bitter sweet one at best. Everyone has lost something by the end and so it felt like they couldn’t really escape their destinies in the long run. They grew up in a crime filled neighborhood and it destroyed them all. It would have been nice to have had a more positive resolution to wrap everything up.

Or maybe a happier middle in there. The film succeeds as a thriller with quick pacing but it has almost no replay value because of this. It’s not a film you’ll want to look up. I will say the film did a better job of making a likable antagonist as the lead compared to other titles. Doug was someone you could almost root for since he was trying to get out of the game and did his best not to hurt anyone. Still a criminal but he could have been a lot worse.

Overall, The Town is a film about how sometimes it can be really hard to go on the straight and narrow. Doug tries his best but the odds were stacked against him. Maybe if he left on his own but then he had to go and fall in love at the worst possible time. There’s definitely a lesson to be had with that. You have to be careful with those feelings because they can really pull you in the wrong direction especially if you go too fast and that romance felt pretty rushed. If you want to see a film about a criminal trying to go straight, this is a pretty decent one to check out. It’s a bit too dreary for me though and so it just doesn’t pass the bar. I’ll go with a classic thriller instead.

Overall 4/10

Cosmic Monsters Review

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There’s always something comforting about watching an old creature feature film. The fun dialogue, the quick moving plot, it’s all just good stuff. Sometimes you barely even need the creatures around because the vibes are just good. This is an example of such a film that is very simple. I would go as far as to say it’s a super basic movie but it knows its objectives and clears them. This is a fun popcorn film you can check out at any time. The movie never drags on and you get a fun climax. I don’t really have any issues with this one even if I may have a hard time telling it apart from 5 others in a few years.

The film starts with some scientists trying to run a bunch of experiments with magnetic fields but they haven’t had any luck in a long while. The government has about had it with them and they have the gall to request more funds. These scientists are given one last chance but in the meantime hey will have to work with a new computer professional, Michele. These guys are not happy about this, they all grumble a whole lot about how a lady couldn’t possibly understand the work. They say she’ll be tough to work with and what have you. They whine so much that the government agent seems pretty happy about it and leaves them to the work. What they don’t realize is that these experiments may have real dangerous consequences.

I will say that I was glad Michele stood up to them right away. Not like it was too hard to be honest but she showed that she had the skills to keep up with them and they get on board quickly. Of course the film couldn’t resist the urge to immediately have some flirting thrown in there as well with Dr. Graham. It would have been perfect if that wasn’t a part of the dynamic at all so that Michele would have really just been one of the team ready to change the world with science.

Now at first you may think that Dr. Laird is just one of those classic mad scientists who slowly starts to get real extreme…and by the end you’ll still be thinking that. He’s not exactly subtle but that makes for a fun character type. The mad scientist has always been a really interesting character. You’re certainly not rooting for him but you can really appreciate the dedication to his craft. He really did come close to some amazing breakthroughs and actually got a few, just unintended from what he was after.

Dr. Graham is more your average main character. A good scientist who isn’t really extreme. He stops when things get too dangerous and knows his limits. Nothing wrong with that but it also means he won’t be a very memorable character. The cast is fairly small though so that helps his odds. You have the government who decides that this tech could be incredibly handy in combat but there’s mostly just the one or two point persons.

In a way the creature stuff almost seems like it’s getting in the way of the interesting consequences of these new innovations. Using magnetic fields in a way where you can cause gold to be brittle would naturally be really handy in wars or normal fights. You could have actually had some enemy officers trying to start a fight like the government expected. Instead, it’s aliens time! It’s not quite as exciting as you might expect though.

First off, it starts with a little girl who has no real survival instincts. Even after her mother warns her not to do this, she goes deep into the forest and talks to strangers. One of them is the mysterious man who seems to be interested in the experiments. This guy seems rather odd but the kid doesn’t notice. As the film goes on, we find out a little more about him. The thing is, this guy is very hesitant to act and do anything even when the stakes are high so you wonder what he was even going to do. If the main characters didn’t have a long talk with him, I guess he would have just silently left and maybe gotten some big weapons involved?

There is even a scene where we find out that the world might have to choose between one life (The crazy scientist trying to destroy the world) and the world itself. The alien admits that it would be a hard decision for him as he goes on about the importance of life and all. So maybe he is just an ultra pacifist to the extreme but the whole thing was not a good look for him. He talks as if humanity is so far beneath his people but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Perhaps scientifically but that would be it.

Also we do get a random mass murderer who shows up thanks to the radiation messing with him. He’s good for a few jump scares initially but there’s not much point to this except to try and get the characters closer to figuring out what is going on. Amidst all this, we have giant insects! Yes the gravitational fields also affect them along with radiation and such. I don’t really get why they didn’t just say the scientists were messing with radiation, would be a simpler way to get to the same end point. It’s all sci-fi though so ultimately I’m on board with it either way.

There isn’t a whole lot of time for the giant insects though as the film is basically over by then. It’s one of those sci-fi films that ends extremely quick. It’s going, you’re in the big climax and then it just suddenly ends. It’s always impressive when films do that because even as the viewer you’re just left shocked. I feel like it happens the most with sci-fi films too although that may just be since I’ve seen quite a few of those.

Overall, Cosmic Monsters is one of those films that goes by real fast. It’s a film that is very distracted though. There are just so many plots going on here and a lot of them barely have anything to do with each other until they collect at the end. I also think there shouldn’t have been a big messy romance here. Even the first guy is initially surprised when Michele is moving on but then basically congratulates the next man up. Not exactly broken up about this eh? He was being rather presumptuous either way. The film’s title may leave you disappointed if you are expecting a lot of cosmic monsters though. Go into this expecting a chaotic sci-fi film and trust me you will have a whole lot more fun! How can you go wrong with giant insects, a mad scientist, and aliens all in the same film?

Overall 7/10

The Creature Walks Among Us Review

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This film is a bit of a mess and the biggest problem is that the romance is absolutely crazy here. The film should have focused a whole lot more on the Gillman himself. Instead he is functionally a human for most of the movie and we have this awful love triangle going on. Trust me, the drama is not worth it for this film and you should stay far away. The winning formula is not to be found here.

The movie starts off with the main characters taking down the Gillman once more. He was badly burned so they take off the gills and it turns out that he looks just like a human now. He can no longer breath underwater without the gills but maybe they can slowly rehabilitate him. The problem is that Dr. William is bit on the crazy side. He’s also randomly abusive towards his wife Marcia and so their relationship is incredibly strained.

Unfortunately one of their divers is a man with no redeeming qualities named Jed. Jed decides that he wants Marcia all to himself so he begins to continually harass her as he tries to weaken her will so that she can cheat on her husband. Marcia doesn’t have much love left for William with how things have gotten and so she gradually weakens enough to allow Jed his advances. What does any of this have to do with the Gillman? Well, the poor guy is getting an up close view at how humans cannot be trusted and are all rather sinister.

That’s a huge problem for the film which is that the characters are simply unlikable. You’re basically rooting for the Gillman to take them out. First it’s easy to say that William is the worst of the humans. There’s no excuse for being abusive. The fact that he gets physical puts him on the lowest rung of the totem pole here and you’re waiting for someone to bump him off. He’s also not that good at thinking ahead as he puts himself in a really rough position when trying to frame the Gillman.

The Gillman gets framed? Yeah that actually happens near the end which was definitely a real desperate move. Could have been interesting if we had a courtroom trial or something but all of this is taking place privately with the characters on their property so we never get that far. Next up I have to put Jed as the second most unlikable character. You should never be trying to get someone to cheat. How classless is it to go after a married woman? That’s just total villain behavior and this guy seriously cannot take no for an answer.

So I can’t say that I felt any real sympathy for him. He found out real quick what the repercussions for this would be and shouldn’t have been making those mistakes. Finally, Marcia takes up some of the blame here but naturally not as much. She was on the back foot here but could have been more decisive in shutting Jed down. For example when Jed was going to go diving underwater, she insisted on coming along.

Everyone warned her that she’s not experienced for this and she could get the bends. Marcia insists on going and naturally she immediately makes a big mistake and Jed has to save her. That’s far from pushing him away and now it’s an excuse for him to be real close to her. Marcia needed to make sure she wasn’t putting herself in that kind of position. Sure, she couldn’t have assumed that she would make a mistake underwater but the point of the mission is that diving is really hard. It’s why Ned is here as an expert in the first place.

So instead of swimming with him, she needs another way to stop his endless pestering. This is the kind of serious matter where you do tell everyone and make a big stink about it. You have to embarrass the guy and if you don’t feel safe, then it’s time to get the cops involved and such. It’s also time for her to end the marriage to William and just start fresh. Hard decisions but this guy was clearly escalating more and more. Once things go physical then there isn’t a way back.

Still, this is a whole lot of screentime for the pesky humans. Keep in mind that the runtime for the movie is short. This is under 90 minutes total. The Gillman spends a good amount of that time getting burned and then being in recovery mode. He wakes up in time to take down one of the animals just for the film to remind us that this is not a quality picture. Far from it! Then the ending also goes out on a total whimper.

The Gillman walks out onto the sea. We know that he can’t breath under the water anymore so the implication is that he walked into his death. Living on the ship with those crazies was enough to thoroughly break him. That’s pretty sad in its own right. There is no climactic battle, in general the film didn’t have much action. This really feels like a poor way to end the Gillman trilogy. You’re left wondering what the whole point of the film was really about.

What purpose was there in showing that the Gillman was actually very similar to a human being? William had an obsession with evolution and biological changes like this but it’s not like that ever went anywhere. The Gillman didn’t ultimately learn how to hold a whole conversation or anything like that. You can barely even call this a horror film to be honest and maybe that’s not one of its official genres anyway. It’s more of a full on drama.

Overall, I’d say to stay away from this film. It doesn’t really satisfy you as a creature feature film and when it comes to full on dramas, there are way better ones out there. We needed a much better cast of characters here and there should have been way more action. If you do want to go into the romantic drama, then go all in and have both guys trying to murder each other throughout the film or something. Put it out in the open and the film is a battle of wits in this murder game. Then you somehow have the Gillman get involved in all of that. it would have been infinitely more interesting that way. Instead what we get is a mishmash of genres that won’t really satisfy anybody.

Overall 3/10

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension Review

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This is one of those films that is incredibly bonkers. There is a lot going on and the cast is intentionally huge to the point where you will have a hard time remembering all of them. The film even takes time at the very end to have each member of the cast do the slow hype walk as you try to remember what some of them contributed to the adventure. I always like a good parody type film and this one is good fun. I do think that the long length does start to take a bit of a toll by the very end though. So it might be a bit of a mixed bag by the very end but it certainly does a lot more right than wrong.

The film starts off by making sure that you really understand who Banzai is. He’s a world class scientist, a genius inventor, a really good musician, he has ties to the president, etc. This is basically the most important man in the world and everyone respects him greatly. He has now found a way to access the 8th dimension and so he is even more popular now. Unfortunately this breeds jealousy as another scientist had come close to doing this a while back but didn’t perfect it. He now intends to steal Banzai’s invention.

More importantly though, going across dimensions has resulted in some aliens getting loose. These guys had been in a war between alien factions and Banzai’s invention will allow all of them to get free and turn the tides of battle. Banzai will have to keep the invention safe, keep humanity free from the crossfire, and stop the evil aliens from causing any destruction. This may sound like an insurmountable task, but this is Buckaroo Banzai we’re talking about. He’s got this!

One thing to keep in mind here is that the film rarely takes itself all that seriously. It’s not a total slapstick fest or anything like that but at no point do you really think that Banzai is in danger. He can be tied up or getting zapped and yet he still has absolutely unbounded confidence in himself. That’s what you want to see from a leader though and the way he’s nonchalant about it adds to the humor. He makes for a good main character.

Now the romance he is involved with is not quite as good. See, he meets a girl named Penny who is the twin sister of his wife who died previously. Naturally that means any romance here would be absolutely ill advised and one of the worst possible rebounds you could do right? I don’t see how the film could even try to pursue this romance and yet it does. That was definitely a rough plot and while it doesn’t take up much of the focus, Penny is around a lot. She is integral to the plot which means getting kidnapped at least once. So even if the romance isn’t at the forefront, you’re thinking about it a lot.

The enemies are a little more on the forgettable side though. Since they look like humans, you’ll barely even think of them as aliens. They’re basically just like Star Trek villains. Nothing wrong with that but you don’t feel a lot of personality out of them. For such a crazy film, the villains are rather ordinary. In a way that’s one of the “jokes” which doesn’t work for the film which is that the story itself is played deadly serious. This whole alien war going on and these aliens trying to steal tech and attacking the humans? You don’t really care about any of it. You just want to see what crazy thing Banzai is going to do next.

So the drams isn’t really the film’s strongest aspect. The soundtrack is really nice, the humor is good, the special effects are fun, etc. The film excels at quite a lot of things but the story itself has to be the weakest aspect here. It’s just not all that compelling and is really just the device to show off what Banzai can do. If anything, for that reason I think they should have made the story a little less serious. Maybe give more time to Banzai’s team. They all get to do different things but as a result they don’t stand out much either. Focusing more on them or even giving the band a few more songs could have worked.

Alternately, I’d say make the film a bit shorter. Take away maybe 20 minutes and I think it would work a lot better. There are very few films that can make it almost 2 hours without losing steam unless it is an action based film. Making the pacing even more rapid would help quite a bit and then the middle wouldn’t drag much. Still, I can say that the film does have a lot of replay value because it does start really strong and the more you see it, I expect you will catch more and more subtle gags in there. This really could have been made into a whole franchise and I think it would have worked out well. There was a lot of potential here even if I think the film didn’t quite achieve all of it.

There is also a cliffhanger ending here but you can say it’s also just here to poke fun at the usual sequels. There’s a whole villain organization all of a sudden and these guys really mean business. It’s a bold way to end the film even if it is in a comedic way though. I thought it worked out pretty well and the film’s soundtrack helped with that. The whole scene is nice and catchy. This helped the film to end on a high note.

Overall, When you finish this film you’re probably going to feel a little tired. There’s a whole lot of content crammed into the film and that’s a good thing for the most part but usually it is hard to keep churning out good gags for a long enough period to make this all work. I would say even this film ends up faltering as it goes on. Even if it might drag out a little bit, I would still recommend watching the film just because of how crazy it is. I always appreciate when a film is really bonkers but treats everything within the film as being normal. I’d recommend this to anyone looking for a film that feels a bit different. You like adventure and comedy? Watch this one asap!

Overall 6/10

The Ring Two Review

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The sequel to the Ring is definitely a very different film because it decides to throw away a lot of what made the first film unique. The video isn’t really relevant outside of the opening scene. Samara basically just does whatever she wants at this point and it’s not like anybody can really stop her. So she just goes on a rampage here and for some reason the film tries to make her slightly more sympathetic here when in the first film it was clear that she was super evil and had no doubts about it. I do appreciate that we have true continuity here with the old characters returning but the direction was definitely odd.

The movie starts with showing us how Rachel has built herself a new life far away from the events of the first film. She has escaped the Ring by passing on the curse so things should be better right? Well, unfortunately Samara keeps a grudge and she has apparently followed Rachel. She destroys one teen near the beginning as a warning shot and then starts to possess Aidan. Yes, this is a classic possession film now instead of being curse related. The first teenager is as unlikable as possible so you don’t really feel bad for him since he tried to murder his girlfriend, but why is Samara going after the main characters again?

In theory she should have no reason to go after them right? They passed on the curse and ensured that people would keep dying. Well, Rachel tries to find answers which means looking into Samara’s mother but there is really less point to it this time around. The research may have been futile in the first film but it still made sense since they needed to find out more about the monster and how to stop it. In this sequel, there is less for the heroes to really go on. Even if Rachel finds out some information, it’s not like it will help her right?

This does lead to an extended well fight which makes the well even more important than the first film. The plot armor is even stronger than in the first film as well since Rachel essentially has to fight Samara for quite a bit in order to lock her in. There’s no way this should work by what we’ve seen up to this point and even if Samara would get trapped, we have no reason to believe that it would even slow her down. She is basically a complete monster and should be immune to all of that. Her abilities are not of this realm. We saw in the first film that she could strike even from within the realm after all.

All of the possession stuff doesn’t really add to the film either. She mainly possesses Rachel’s kid Aidan the whole time. You can’t make a kid all that scary. He does bump off the guy who was helping Rachel but you could have seen that coming a mile away. Aidan does his best to fight her but he’s just a kid and so naturally he is utterly powerless against the possession. His scenes tend to drag on and you’re more interested in Rachel’s plot.

Rachel may not be perfect as she nearly drowns Aidan by accident when tricked by the illusions but she is able to do more damage to the villain at least. While I feel like her drowning plan towards the end was way too risky, I suppose the results proved it to be the right course of action. You have to take some leaps of logic when dealing with an all powerful creature like this after all.

You kind of feel bad for Max here because he’s roped into something where he is completely out of his league. At first he thinks he is helping a kid and his mom who are in a tough spot. Then he thinks he may need to help the kid from an abusive situation. All he gets from this is utter destruction. Towards the end you could say he is a little slow on the uptake but you really do have to cut him some slack because this situation is really out there. It’s not the kind of thing that you would be able to believe at face value. At least that’s the way I see it.

At least even if the film seems less focused and a bit more pointless than the first, it was better with the animal violence. Not perfectly as we have a bizarre scene of deers attacking the car and injuring themselves in the process. What was this scene even about? Who knows, Samara may not even know the full extent of her abilities. If she has teleportation, mind control, possession, etc, then she may just have all of the powers. It’s another gentle reminder to the pesky humans that they don’t really stand a chance here.

The film’s overall atmosphere is a little less spooky than the first one’s. In a way this one may have more jump scares but less effective ones. You just want to see Samara on her own attacking everyone, not acting through the body of a kid who can’t really fight back. I also think we need to bring the video back, a fun way to do it would have been to warp the characters inside the video for the climax. One of those stories where if Rachel beats Samara in the video, then Samara dies in real life. It would make Samara look dumb for bringing her in there, but at least it’s a way to get to the end.

Overall, The Ring Two is a pretty different film from the first one. Ultimately I would say that it is a weaker one thanks to all of the emphasis on possession. That tends to be one of the weaker forms of horror to me. It doesn’t help that it’s a kid being possessed so he’s not very scary either. I don’t see the point in learning more about Samara’s backstory here and how even her character feels a bit more different. This almost could have been a completely unrelated film to the first and that’s a problem. A sequel should really be maximizing its potential by being able to skip introductions. This should have been a film about finding Samara’s weakness and defeating her for good. Yes, I don’t count general drowning or closing a well to be an actual weakness.

Overall 4/10

The Ring Review

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The Ring is one of the original horror films about futility. The humans are up against an absolutely unstoppable creature that as no weaknesses and likes to toy with its prey. There is no stopping her, at best you can try to join her side and I doubt that will work for long. The film ends up giving you a good amount of jump scares in the meantime and is iconic for good reason though. It’s certainly a cut above the average horror title.

The movie starts off with two girls talking about the Ring curse. If you watch a certain video, you will die after 7 days. One of the girls watched the video but that turned out to be a bad idea. She gets away with a few fake jump scares initially but then the monster finishes her off. We then cut to the main character Rachel who is a journalist and asked to look into what is going on here. Is this actually a curse or is something else going on here? The more that Rachel looks into this, the more real it becomes. Now she is not the only one in danger as her son Aidan is also getting into supernatural trouble. Can she save him?

Of course the main problem here is that there is no easy way to save anyone here. You can find out about the Ring and diagnose the situation at large but there isn’t really a way to stop her. We learn that the villain’s name is Samara and that she is pure evil. She admits that she will keep on hurting everyone forever and doesn’t really regret these actions. She had a rough backstory but has chosen to stay on the path of violence going forward.

Later on you have characters telling Rachel that she shouldn’t have helped Samara but did it really make a difference? Samara was already murdering people at the start of the movie and she continues to do that afterwards. No matter how you slice it, the victims will continue to pile up. As long as you’ve watched the video, you are essentially already dead and just don’t know it yet. The 7 days is really just a formality by that point. I suspect Samara doesn’t have to wait and just enjoys watching the victims squirm.

Now where Rachel gets a bit lucky is in determining that you can survive so long as you continue to pass the curse forward. I thought the logic to that was a bit flimsy but she ended up being correct so I suppose it all worked out in the end. It is a moral question though. Obviously most would agree that saving your life by sacrificing someone else’s is not a good proposition. It’s a selfish one but since her son was also in the balance, it makes sense that she would choose to play this card. I also appreciate that the sequel actually addresses this.

As the lead Rachel isn’t a bad character. She does a good job of following the clues and trying to figure out what is going on here. I think if she was up against more of a normal threat then she would have really been able to make a lot of progress. She does get a little unreasonably jealous when she’s around her ex Noah but that’s her only real character flaw. Yeah murdering innocent people is also a rough spot so she’s not exactly a hero.

The main character cast is fairly small here though. Noah seemed like a good guy as he tried to delve into the mystery as well. He’s really skeptical initially but you can’t really blame him for that since it’s hard to believe in such a mysterious tape and its effects. Ultimately he gets on board but it’s a little too late by then. He never really stood a chance from the instant that Rachel showed him the tape though. His fate was written in stone right from that moment.

Rachel’s kid Aidan serves as the mysterious character for most of the film. He seems to have a connection to Samara and says vague things. He’s mainly annoying and doesn’t actually help out a lot. In another movie where Samara could have a weakness then he might be fine but here it doesn’t really matter anyway. He’s also too young to really know what he’s doing. A kid like that is usually just around to hold the main character back by being a potential hostage.

The film mostly holds itself back when it comes to violence and such. I was impressed at the restraint relative to other horror titles. That said, why randomly have the horse subplot? Samara has a thing about making horses go crazy and bumps a lot of them off. We see one Horse jump into the ocean to get shredded. This subplot had no business actually being in the film the way that it was. Taking that out would have probably allowed the film to at least tread water right in the middle of the rankings.

Now there is a little plot armor here near the end with Rachel being able to fend off Samara and climb to the top of the well. Realistically this would have been a complete stomp in Samara’s favor. Maybe you could say she is weaker by the well or was holding back to mess with Rachel more? Both arguments are full of cope I’d say but I suppose they are not impossible. As for the famous video itself, well it definitely is spooky. I’d probably be a little unnerved by it as well although I definitely wouldn’t end up watching the whole thing. It seems rather demonic from the jump and doesn’t have much of a plot so I’d just put it down and dash off. If my “friends” tried coward baiting me into watching it, I’d just embrace the label and go eat my chips.

The effects were good though and The Ring does do a good job of maintaining the horror atmosphere the whole time. This isn’t always an easy thing to do but everything from the subtle music to the grim sound effects really works well here. While the hopelessness of the situation may hurt the film as a whole, it doesn’t hurt the atmosphere here. The heroes are surrounded by evil and can’t escape unless they choose to spread it. Now that is a diabolical setup.

Overall, The Ring is not exactly a film that I would really recommend checking out but it does beat a lot of its competitors. I always have an issue with the villain being absolutely unstoppable though. The heroes should be underdogs but if they literally have no chance then why are you even watching the film? There should always be at least one path to victory and that just wasn’t the case here. You definitely won’t forget the film after watching it though.

Overall 4/10

The Suicide Squad Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The Suicide Squad is back once again. They are 0-2 with the original film being terrible and Birds of Prey was only a small step forward. Well, this one is another tiny step forward but we’re still not all that close to getting into the positive territory yet. The film still suffers from the same problems as the first two titles and doesn’t seem all that much closer to fixing them. It’s really an uphill battle for any film dealing with a group of villains as the main characters. This is absolutely possible so long as you make them likable enough but the more you remind us how evil they are….well then that gets even tougher.

The movie starts with Waller creating two more sets of Suicide Squads. One of them is thoroughly crushed while we get to our main squad who are able to infiltrate the island to start the plan to destroy project Starfish. This won’t be an easy mission though as they are essentially surrounded by enemies on the entire island. They also don’t exactly get along all the time since nearly all of these people are complete. Can they put aside their differences at gunpoint to save the day or are they all going to be in complete trouble?

I did think it was pretty clever to put Harley Quinn on the doomed team since it really made you surprised that the whole thing was a fake-out. She’s certainly not one of my favorite characters but she added a level of legitimacy to the whole thing. As always she is super crazy the whole film and basically used for fanservice so this movie didn’t do anything to raise her character for me. Fortunately we do have an interesting character in Rick Flagg.

That guy is essentially like Duke from GI Joe. He may not have special powers and things like that but he still gets the job done with his grit and tenacity. Rick is an easy character to appreciate. Now it’s not like he’s a total hero, he’s working for Waller after all. Rick does believe he is doing his best to defend the country though so I can respect that.

Of course for every character like Rick, you have 5 like Savant who are just here to add some edge. The film started off on a really sour note by having this guy murder a bird within the opening minutes. Yeah, we get it these guys are evil. Don’t think that scene actually added to any of the film’s messages if you ask me. King Shark is okay but his main gimmick is ripping people apart and eating his enemies. You immediately realize there isn’t much more to him than that.

The Polka Dot Man is just too weak and unhelpful for most of the film. He has his big moments of course but I think you just can’t really save the power. I did like Bloodsport though. They basically reuse the backstory from Deadshot but this guy still holds his own. He does well in the fights and shows that just having a gun can be a good asset on the field. He gets some banter and easily feels like the most fleshed out character in the film.

Of course Peacemaker ended up getting really popular here to the point where he got his own tv show. He works pretty well another psychotic villain to add to the mix. His jokes tend to fall flat but he works well in combat with his rivalry to Bloodsport. Ratcatcher gets a little less to do but I liked her more than some of the others by default. She has some charisma and at least has a likable personality.

Now like I mentioned, the humor can work well sometimes. There is a dark humor scene where the squad accidentally murders the whole resistance thinking that they were more villains. It’s definitely rough for the resistance to get wiped out in an ironic way like that but it’s a scene that definitely worked. They could have probably toned down the violence on some of the kills along the way though.

That’s ultimately what the film boils down to though. It has a lot of interesting ideas but always seems to push the envelope just a little farther than it needs to be. The squad is always just a little extra crass, just a little extra violent, and a little extra edgy. It tends to contaminate each part of the film. So you have some really cool fights here like Rick vs Peacemaker but then a lot of general action scenes that constitute the squad murdering everyone in their way unopposed.

The film is generally light when it comes to the tone but at the same time it’s not like this is a very fun film. We do get the big CGI climax though with Starro showing up. I’m not as big a fan of him as most though. Interesting design but mainly he is fun when he has powerful heroes to mind control like Superman. Otherwise he’s essentially a giant sea creature that won’t be doing much in the way of fighting. As a result the climax with Starro isn’t quite as good as the fights going on around it.

Amanda Waller does seem a little less bloodthirsty here than in other films though. Usually she’s portrayed as being an ice cold killer who almost enjoys being as extreme as possible. This film seems to be trying to make her look a little more human, to the point where she spares the lives of her colleagues who actively commit insubordination. It’s a tough balancing act but you probably do need to keep her ruthless because she ends up losing credibility by not finishing off two workers in particular. Yes there is a punishment later but that’s not really enough.

Overall, The Suicide Squad is not a film I would watch again. It still suffers from too many issues associated with having a bunch of unlikable characters trying to team up. It will land some jokes or have a cool scene, only to undermine it right away after that. At this point we’ve had enough films where I think I can confidently say that the Suicide Squad is not going to translate into a solid live action film. Maybe 4th time’s the charm though. (If you really count Birds of Prey)

Overall 3/10

Jurassic World Rebirth Review

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The Jurassic World films keep on coming. At the end of the day, the public is always ready for some dinosaurs I suppose. That said, the films rarely end up being all that good. Having a lot of dinosaurs running around is generally going to result in a lot of animal violence and that’s just hard to escape from. Rebirth certainly isn’t the worst at it but it is also going for a more serious survival tone than the previous popcorn fun titles in the World genre.

This movie begins by explaining that the dinosaurs broke containment once again and now rule over several islands. Humanity has gotten used to this so you generally just avoid those areas and the government keeps them blocked off. When dinosaurs appear in the world at large, they aren’t really acclimated to the environment and don’t last very long. Well one company needs samples from a rare dinosaur in order to make the next jump in heart related medicine. This is super illegal so the company reaches out to Zora, who will do just about anything for a good check. She agrees after hustling the company for a ton of extra money and brings along a few hand picked professionals for this kind of mission Can they complete the objective and escape with their lives intact?

Right away you can tell that this is going to be a film without very many heroes. I suppose the main scientist would be the only one to count. Zora is basically a bounty hunter, she completes her missions and serves her own interests. It was a bit of a low blow how she kept scamming Martin by making him pay more and more when he was already paying top dollar for this. Zora isn’t really meant to be likable though, she is a necessary evil that Martin has to use.

That said, the character type can usually still be fun. There just wasn’t anything charismatic about Zora. She just goes through the motions and ends up being a bit of a flat character. In general that’s my problem with the case. They all tend to feel throwaway and it’s what ends up hurting the film as a whole too since it ends up not being very interesting for large portions of time. I blame the setting to a degree as I much prefer a big city to the forestland like this. There just isn’t much interesting to look at visually.

Additionally, since the film is going for a more realistic vibe, it’s fairly rough goings. The whole area is rugged and certainly not sleek or shiny. The dinosaurs are also in a tough position because on one hand the film is trying to present them as fierce creatures that are always a big threat and are dangerous. On the other hand they are also basically like wildlife which are very fragile and can be destroyed by the pesky humans. It’s an impossible balance and for the most part I’d say they look weak.

One guy even has an anti dinosaur gun and manages to take out quite a large number of them. At no point do you think the main characters are really outmatched by the dinosaurs. In a way that’s probably why you needed the corporate villain. Martin is easily the best character here. He’s able to think on his feet and always has a plan at the ready. He even pulls out the gun near the end which was a smart idea considering how outnumbered he was. The guy believes that progress requires sacrifice, just not his own.

As a villain, Martin just really stands out and in a very good way. The film needed a main character who could really hold their own against him verbally. The main group also run into a family who were on the waters when they are attacked by a dinosaur. I know it’s meant to be a rare event so you don’t blame the family too much but in a world of dinosaurs…you may want to rethink certain activities. The most annoying character in this group is definitely the boyfriend. He locks in towards the climax but at first he is slacking off even when it is his shift and just doesn’t take things seriously. You know he’ll win over the father by the end but you’re rooting against him.

So we have certain scenes like that which inject a little humor into the film but on the whole it was definitely lacking in that area. In a way the film may have benefited from taking itself less seriously. At the same time it wouldn’t solve the main issue which is that dinosaurs still do get shot and blasted. There is a body count here and you have to blame the humans the whole time since they are the ones going into dinosaur territory and then claiming self defense while going for their goal.

While Henry is the voice of reason here as the timid scientist, he ultimately did still agree to go on this mission. The guy acts a bit shocked when corporate quickly begins to escalate their actions but he probably should have taken that into account. He’s a character who would have been a lot better if he was more confident. Confidence is ultimately still one of the best traits in a character. That’s why Duncan is a lot more likable even though he’s also a scammer like Zora. At least he is ready for the dinosaurs and letting himself be the bait when needed.

It’s already hard to root for humans when giant monsters are involved and this just makes it even tougher. I suppose that’s why the reason had to be really good like the heart medicine but even with that they are still the invaders here. There aren’t any big human against human fights in this one so the dinosaur action is mainly what you’re going to get. Ultimately for me this one was more of a miss but perhaps not much more than other titles in the franchise. As odd as it may sound, they should make a film like this that focuses on the government discussing the impacts that dinosaurs will have on society. I feel like that’s a film that I could get behind a lot more than a survival title in the forest like this.

Overall, Jurassic World Rebirth is a different take on the franchise at least compared to the recent ones. I tend to prefer the blockbuster approach as this one can almost get a bit dull as it goes on. If you really like dinosaurs then you should check it out, but otherwise I’d say you can skip this one with no regrets. It’s not going to become the next breakout hit for you and it may be time for the franchise to finally move onto robotic dinosaurs.

Overall 4/10

No Country for Old Men Review

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This is a review of the TV-14 edited version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

This is one of those films that tried getting a little too clever with itself. The whole film builds up to some pretty big confrontations and ultimately we don’t get to end any of them. It’s a bit of a downer and while this anti climax was clearly intentional, I’d say that it doesn’t make the end result any better. The film really should have gone with a traditional climax and it would have ended up being much better off for it.

The movie starts off by introducing us to the psycho hitman, Anton. This guy was captured by the cops early on but unfortunately the officer let his guard down so Anton escapes and continues his murder spree. He is then tasked with hunting down a man named Moss who escaped with a bunch of money after running into a total murder scene. Moss realizes immediately that this much money means a lot of trouble so he needs to stay on the run until he can defeat Anton. The problem is that Moss is married so that means his wife is automatically a target now. Meanwhile Sheriff Ed has now been assigned to this case and needs to arrest both parties. Finally, the bounty hunter Carson has been hired to take the money. With 4 parties involved, there should be a lot of chaos.

Well, there should have been at least….this is where things get a bit messy if you ask me. This should have absolutely been a good setup for a ton of awesome fights and while we do get a solid battle between Anton and Moss, the others never get any real fights. Carson is built up a whole lot as a top tier fighter. He has a lot of experience and isn’t scared of Anton despite his reputation. That implies a lot of things, the most important of which is that he can hold his own. Unfortunately instead he is dumpstered unceremoniously while making every mistake he warned against.

It’s an incredibly embarrassing scene and he should have went out with more dignity. It’s a bit of a western staple for the victim to just stand around while he is shot to death but you’d like to see someone try to land a counter shot at least once. This time wasn’t that time though. Then we have the sheriff Ed who is late to every confrontation. He misses every fight and basically just has to comment on the situation every time. He has some weird dreams but ultimately doesn’t advance the plot much at all. I would argue that there isn’t much of a point to him being here. He should have had some kind of action scene.

Then for Moss, well I’d say he generally did the best that he could throughout the movie. The only time he fumbles is at the very end by staying at a motel and getting distracted when he needed to stay on mission. He had lasted a long while up to that point but that’s what makes it all the more tragic. I was glad that he was finally someone who could stand up to Anton though. Everyone else was getting absolutely crushed but he would stand his ground. Again, the ending to Moss’ character was just underwhelming though and undercuts the movie quite a bit.

As for Anton, well he’s definitely as crazy as you would expect. We get a long scene where he stares down a gas station owner and continually threatens him for a while before leaving. It was good that the owner didn’t have to die there since it would have been tragic. The whole scene is there to show you how messed up Anton is. Hopefully we get to see one of the heroes take him out right? Yeah….but even with that I think he’s a decent villain. Only problem is he has a ton of plot armor because he’s still just a dude with a gun. He shouldn’t have broken out of custody so easily in the first scene and the cops just look too ineffective the whole film.

The film takes place just old enough where there wasn’t as much tech so I don’t envy the cops’ position though. It absolutely couldn’t have been easy to live in those times. This movie does a good job of showing how scary the wild west environment can be when it spills into the cities. It can be really violent and you don’t always have much in the way of backup or other people who can help you in general.

I enjoyed the main gunfight between Anton and Moss which is why I wish we could have gotten more of that. The back and forth is intense with how high the stakes are. They each have to use the environment to help as an assist like with the nearby car. Any pedestrians along the way are definitely in for a tough time though. There is quite a lot of collateral damage going on here.

While the film is pretty violent, for the most part it isn’t being too excessive about the whole thing. The deaths tend to be pretty quick and to the point. The bounty hunter’s is more of an exception but it still isn’t overly violent, it’s just longer as Anton wants to really rub his victory in.

Overall, No Country for Old Men is a film that takes a lot of time to really build up the atmosphere. It tries to really develop the situation and set up all of the big players. So things are looking up but then it pulls the ole fake out and ruins all the setup. There isn’t really much reason to watch the film as a result. With no proper ending, it means that all the build up ends up just feeling mean spirited as we see how dark the world is without a hero at the end to save the day. It removes any possible replay value here and the film just becomes really empty. You can do better within the western genre.

Overall 4/10