Dr. Cyclops Review

Posted on January 8, 2018 by dreager1

Doctor Cyclops is definitely a film that I had never heard of before watching it. Any film with the term doctor at the beginning is a cause for concern though, particularly if it is a horror film. While the overall premise isn’t bad, the execution certainly is and the film doesn’t do anything particularly impressive or amazing. It’s just around and you’ll find that it never got popular for good reason.

The film starts off with two scientists arguing and you can tell which one is the evil one instantly as he rambles on about how he is the master and the experiments must go on. The other scientist likely never actually got accredited as he doesn’t seem very smart and threatens the man to his face. He is quickly murdered but Doctor Cyclops injured his eyes in the process. He decides to enlist the aid of famous scientists from out of state to see if they can help him fix his formula since the animals he has been shrinking don’t tend to last very long. The scientists arrive and Cyclops is able to get his answers without letting them know why he needs the info. They aren’t pleased about this and then find out that the camp has been built on a rich deposit of ore so they can all become millionaires. After figuring out that they can’t trick each other they decide to team up against Cyclops but are quickly suckered and put in their place. By that I mean that they have been shrunk to size. So…now what are they going to do?

One big issue I have with the film out of the gate is that the writers don’t seem to know what effects being turned into a tiny person would have on the individual. At first it seems as if their minds regressed thanks to the transformation. They effectively became cave people and communicate with gestures. They also have short term memory as they start cooking and having a picnic in the backyard even though the villain will have woken up from his nap pretty soon. They are evidently shocked to see him. I’m fine with their minds being reverted but then the film does a 180 as the scientist in the hero’s side confronts Cyclops and begins to speak. The film makes it clear that he had not lost any intelligence at all. Then the others begin speaking and keeping their personalities by the end as well. One theory could be that they were just temporarily dazed and obtained their memories again after a little time had passed unfortunately this doesn’t really work either since the scenes I listed above are not in order: In the movie it is all random and that’s why this element is rather confusing. I just don’t think it was thought over very carefully which is a bit of an issue since it’s the entire plot of the film.

Naturally I also have to get after the film on the animal violence side as well. While it is off screen, the film makes sure to inform us that a lot of animals were experimented on and died. Certainly a morbid thought and this is repeated a few times which does nothing to help matters. It’s why I am always wary of films with evil scientists since the animals are always used as guinea pigs. It is certainly most unfortunate and at least it gives you more reason to root against Cyclops. He is about as generic as a villain can get. He’s evil and wants to hog the experiments to himself. The thrill and feeling of power is really all that he cares about since he could get rich simply by selling the ore that is around. He also isn’t very smart either as he falls asleep quite a few times and constantly lets the heroes get away. I don’t know about you guys but if I up against a small group of mini humans who were this tiny it should be really easy to capture them all and build a little cage to keep them captive. It’s not rocket science but this doctor just continues to get humiliated throughout this movie. He makes the whole thing appear to be far more difficult than it really is.

As for the “heroes” there are 4 main characters. First we have the really laid back guy who thinks getting upset or emotional about anything is a waste of time. He prides himself on doing whatever he likes and working smarter, not harder. He is fairly confident as you’d expect and I would say he is the most interesting character in the film. Certainly the most generic but at least he isn’t bad. You may not be actively rooting for him but at least this guy doesn’t take things too seriously. The old scientist is certainly the opposite as he is very serious and likes taking credit for things like new discoveries even if it has likely already been discovered. He isn’t a bad character though as the writing in the film is pretty solid so he isn’t as two dimensional as he could have been.

We also have the main heroine who has a science background as well. She wants this trip to go well since she’s responsible for the team but they don’t make it very easy on her. She’s a good character and it’s always nice to see a heroine from this era who is useful and able to stand on her own as opposed to being a damsel in distress. Finally we have the guy who owns the horses. His whole gimmick is that he isn’t very smart compared to the other characters but he is street smart, except for when he isn’t. He is a nice contrast to the other characters and definitely a pretty fun one.

As you can probably tell, the only thing really keeping this film standing is the writing and the cast. That’s honestly not half bad if you think about it since those two areas are very important. Still, the animal aspects hold this film back and Doctor Cyclops is an underwhelming villain. The main characters also really aren’t smart which makes it a little hard to root for them. They fall for one of the most obvious traps that I have ever seen. Also it’s not as if they are very heroic. As I mentioned earlier they were prepared to betray each other over the money so there goes their values.

Overall, Doctor Cyclops certainly isn’t one of the worst films that I’ve seen but it just could have been so much better. The writers did out some effort into this film, the problem was that if was selective effort so while the dialogue is strong, the situations around the lines are rather weak. I would advise sitting this one out. There’s no real reason to watch the movie as there are many other films which handle the concept better. Watch a classic like Honey I Shrunk The Kids instead. That film is a lot better if I recall correctly.

Overall 4/10

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave Review

Posted on January 8, 2018 by dreager1

It’s time for another Dracula film. This series has never been particularly good and this one is no exception. Dracula’s a joke and everyone knows it. Even the poster knows this. Look at his facial expression above and tell me that this is a serious villain. He died from falling in a pool of water in the last film! This guy is played for laughs at times and if he is meant to be completely serious then that’s almost sad. Anyway, this film does nothing unique and instead just goes through the motions without doing anything cool or interesting. It’s definitely a very forgettable film and one that will soon blend in with the rest. There’s just nothing to really like here but it is always surreal to see some of the choices that the main characters make. Needless to say they were not prepared for a fight like this.

The film starts off with Dracula murdering someone and we then cut to the present where Ernest walks into that town. Everyone is still afraid of Dracula because while he may be dead at the moment, his aura is still enough to corrupt everything that it reaches. It apparently even gets into the Church so everyone just hangs around the bar now. Ernest laughs at them and runs over to Dracula’s castle which he seals with the Cross. Unfortunately, the drunk pastor who had been following him trips and breaks Dracula out of his tomb of ice. Dracula then decides to team up with this guy so they can get revenge on Ernest by getting his nephew, Maria. Will their nefarious plan succeed?

Dracula has just never been a good concept for a film. I still stand by that today. The writing is often terrible for these films and they just heavily rely on shock value the entire time. The heroes also never manage to stop him before he bites the main heroine so they’re simply too late. The fact that his victims all crumble into quivering children when faced with his power is also annoying. They’ll just start fainting and running away while in his presence which is not really the kind of thing you want to see from characters who are supposed to have strong wills. The pastor guy was drunk and apparently spineless from the start though so I suppose I shouldn’t use him as a base to judge anything.

Still, the characters are really annoying. First off we’ve got our lead Paul. He wants to leave a good impression with Maria’s folks since he is supposedly serious about her, but that doesn’t stop him from passing through the bar and deciding to drink a little. Naturally this doesn’t end well and he messes up the Uncle’s big return by ruining the mood. He decides to sulk by getting even more drunk and allowing himself to be ensnared by the waitress named Zena. He hardly resists her actions and just shrugs it off. Then when Maria actually needs his help he gets one shotted by Dracula several times. He missed with the fire shovel and then runs right into Dracula’s arms. Paul’s a terrible main character and I certainly couldn’t support him during the movie. He makes all of the wrong decisions and doesn’t come off as genuine. How do you lose so many battles in one film?

Unfortunately, Maria is just as bad. She gets mind controlled by Dracula and gets thrown into a dungeon by the waitress. The heroes get to her in time before anything drastic occurs and ask her what happened. Her response is to faint multiple times and to explain in the most cryptic and misleading ways possible. She doesn’t mention any of the people who were there, which puts the heroes at a disadvantage. Thanks to her weak mind, Dracula can also enter the house as she opens the windows for him. While not everyone can agree with me that mind control only works on the weak that quickly, we can all agree that she should have at least told everyone what happened the first time.

Meanwhile, we’ve got Ernest. He’s probably the only quality character in the film and even then he makes some of the same mistakes as the others. He is betrayed and knocked out to the point of death by the drunk. Later, we see the drunk arrive at his house with Paul (Paul invited him because he’s helpful like that) and instead of warning everyone that the guy is evil, Ernest faints from fright. It’s almost amusing since you Never see the old, experienced tough guy faint in a film like this one. It’s unheard of and also incredibly hard to wrap your head around this. It doesn’t make any sense and it feels like a lazy way for the writers to get Maria kidnapped. Otherwise there’s no way Dracula could have broken in.

Zena is the waitress and she’s certainly not a good character. She only exists to flirt with everyone and to get Paul on the wrong path. You know that she is doomed immediately since that always happens to these characters in horror films. Staying in the friend zone is typically the only way you’re safe. Zena didn’t and ultimately ended up paying the price. As for Dracula himself, he’s not really a cool villain at all. He blames all of his failings on Zena and doesn’t even look very good in combat. He shrinks away in fear whenever someone holds some fire or the cross. He trips over his own feet in the climax as he lands in his doom. He even sleeps in a coffin that’s in the basement of a busy bread shop so it’s easy for someone to murder him during the day. It’s almost hard to see why everyone fears him so much when the guy just isn’t very smart.

This film is also pretty violent as you would expect from a Hammer production. It really does its best to show blood whenever possible and lots of it. Everyone gushes blood as if we’re back in Bleach whenever they’re stabbed and you can tell that they’re just doing it because they can. The Vampire bites are still as iffy as ever and since the characters take so long so stop Dracula it can barely be counted as a win. The actual body count actually isn’t all that big in this film but the movie makes sure that each one gets enough screen time for two.

Overall, Dracula Returns is a pretty terrible film. The writing is lousy and the cast of characters are completely uninspired. There is nobody to root for and that is always a problem if you ask me. You won’t be able to stay invested in the film and the best way to get through it is to take a shot of water every time a character makes the worst move possible. Anything stronger than water and you’ll likely faint so try and stay safe. Still, I’d recommend watching many other films before I’d ever even consider this one. If you have to pick a Dracula film, at least pick the modern one from the new cinematic universe that Universal has been putting together. At least that one tries to stay classy.

Overall 1/10

The King of Comedy Review

Posted on January 8, 2018 by dreager1

It’s time to look at another Jerry film. This one is certainly a cut above the others that I’ve seen but does suffer quite a bit from one unfortunate subplot. This is one of those films where the first half definitely destroys the latter, but it’s a pretty entertaining film through and through. Who is the real King of Comedy? Well, you’ll know the answer by the end of this film.

The film starts off with Rupert Pumpkin trying to get a word in with Jerry. Jerry is a world famous comedian who has people lined up just to try and talk with him. Jerry isn’t having any of this and tells everyone to cool it as he runs to the car. Rupert quickly gets in as well and from here on out Rupert goes off the deep end. He wants Jerry to accept him as one of the all time greats and when Jerry is reluctant to do so Rupert kidnaps him and decides to get on TV by himself. Can he show that his comedy skills are the real deal or is he nothing more than a filler who makes everyone around him even better?

On the surface this is basically just a comedy film. It handles the humor fairly well like with Rupert’s dreams. They’re all pretty solid and some of them come in so quickly that you barely even realize that they are dreams. They feel far too real and convincing, but while the first dream will catch you by surprise you’ll likely see the others coming. They’re not too exaggerated or anything like that which is part of why the dreams are so good. They’re just handled really well. The quick banter between the characters is also solid and Rupert is a decent antagonist.

Where the film goes wrong is when it tries to be really serious as well. Masha is Rupert’s accomplice in crime and she wants Jerry for herself. In her subplot we see how crazy she is and she attempts to break Jerry. Fortunately for him she isn’t very smart and her plan isn’t even all that good. You’ll probably take this whole subplot less seriously once you see the twist, but it doesn’t take away from how long and drawn out it was. Seriously, take away this plot and the film gets much better. Rupert should have kidnapped Jerry on his own. Masha adds nothing to the film and her crazy subplot is just wince worthy.

A better supporting character is Rita. Rupert is desperate to prove to her that he is actually a big shot which is his main incentive throughout the whole movie. It’s a bit part of his character motivation. Unlike him, she seems rather sane. While I question her judgment in hanging out with him so much when he seems pretty off balance, at least she’s just trying to be nice I suppose. Aside from her and Masha there are really just two major characters, the two leads.

As I mentioned, Rupert is a pretty great villain and easily the most interesting character in the film. He really sells every scene that he is in and the guy feels like he would be better at comedy than Jerry. While he is certainly way too obsessed as a Jerry fan, at least you can’t deny his resolve. Even when his Mom interrupts his recordings time after time he keeps at it. The security guards don’t scare him either. While he is crazy, Rupert doesn’t randomly go from petty criminal to full murderer or anything like that. He still wants to be a star and takes his path to stardom. It’s not the right road, but the destination is clear.

Meanwhile we have Jerry. He’s hard to sympathize with or even like at all in this film since he’s always grouchy. It’s hard to see how he’s supposed to be a big comedian and we don’t even get to see him make any real jokes. Maybe one or two, but if so then I don’t remember him. He’s a reasonable guy though and I think anyone would be a little miffed if they were kidnapped and constantly followed by a crazy person. So I have to give him a little space there, but he’s still not really a likable character. I won’t say I was on Team Rupert, but I was always glad to see him get back on screen.

What I enjoyed a lot were the scenes with the TV producers and the Cops. It was nice to see them all talking about the situation and it’s always a tough question. Do you give the kidnapper what he wants if it won’t harm anybody in order to save the hostage or do you say no so others don’t get the same idea. It’s a tough moral debate for sure, but you gotta save the person in the moment so I agree with giving Rupert the air time. The fact that it’s to a live audience is tricky since he could say something upsetting but ideally they can nab him right away if he tries anything. The cops also tried to apply some pressure, but Rupert’s really good at keeping on a tough act. He’s certainly not the kind of guy who bends over to the pressure.

Finally, the ending is pretty intense. It’s one of those endings where you have to decide if it’s real or not. After all, a big part of the film is how Rupert can’t tell reality from fantasy so he has these visions that appear to be real. The ending almost seems too good to be true with how he has become famous now and everyone loves him so I’m inclined to say that it’s a dream. So then when does the dream start? I’d say that it starts as soon as he heads to prison. In reality, he went to prison and is still stuck there. Now, it would be a bold twist if he has been dreaming for even longer than that and never kidnapped Jerry in the first place, but I think that would be reaching a little and that would make a large chunk of the film fake. Still, it’s up to your interpretation and either way I think it’s a pretty good ending.

Overall, The King of Comedy is a solid film. While it may have gotten a little mixed up with its genres at times, it does have some moments that work really well. The ambiguous ending is also pretty fun and depending on what you think happened, it makes Rupert look quite good. I’d recommend checking this film out, it reminds you that fans can get desperate and you should never get into a strange car even at gunpoint. You gotta try to make a break for it or disarm the guy before it’s too late. I also liked the depiction of the TV studio and in general the writing was better than expected. Who’d have thought that Jerry would be in a film this good?

Overall 6/10

Baby Geniuses Review

Posted on December 30, 2017 by dreager1

It’s time to look at a film about babies who can fight with adults. Does this sound like a terrible premise? Yes, yes it does. I’ve never been big about having kids and babies in films, much less the center role. They tend to be more annoying than anything else. This film may not be quite as obnoxious as you would expect based on all of this, but I still wouldn’t call it a good film. This is one time where I do agree with the overwhelming majority that this film should not have been made, much less have been given sequels. While this one may have stayed classy for the most part, I somehow don’t think the sequels will have the same restraint.

The film starts off with the evil organization trying to stop a baby from escaping. His name is Sylvester and he is the smartest baby of them all. He flips a bunch of adults around and outruns them even though he is clearly just waddling. Somehow or another he breaks out of the instillation by hiding in dirty laundry and swaps places with his twin who was given a normal life. The villains have him now (Whit) and they don’t mind since part of their convoluted plan is to see which Baby would develop better. See, another part of the plot that I didn’t mention is that Babies are born with the secrets to the universe. They know everything and only lose this knowledge when they grow up. The reason why nobody knows about this is because they’ve all made a pact not to disclose any information to adults. We’re led to believe that every baby in the world is in on this and they have never made a slip up. Even when they debate on what they should tell their parents, they always decide to start with Mama or Dada to follow the tropes. Can Sylvester save Whit and prove that feigning ignorance is always the best policy or will they use the secrets of the Universe for positive effects?

I guess the opening scene isn’t handled too badly. It’s played pretty seriously aside from the Baby beating them up. The Baby can’t act and I just can’t believe that a baby is beating up these agents though. Physically Sylvester is still just a baby. I don’t care how smart he is or how much of a genius he has become, it’s still a little unreasonable to have him going up against trained professionals. You’re not supposed to take it too seriously since it’s a comedy I suppose, but I still can’t roll with that. Especially since it’s relevant to the whole premise and we never get such a fight again. After that it all goes back to the Babies being super smart, but not necessarily ultra powerful.

There is one running gag that’s pretty bad and you have to wonder why it’s here. A teenage guy decides to rebel..because he doesn’t like his job I guess, and keeps trying to dress outlandishly so he can be fired. He’s also disrespectful and tries to break all of the rules. However to spite him…the owner forces him to keep the job. I get that spiting people can be entertaining, but in this case, the business is losing money and risking its reputation all to spite the guy. That makes no business sense and the characters must not be very smart to try and pull this off. You’ll be shaking your head the whole time during these scenes.

There’s also your typical baby humor that certainly doesn’t age well. It won’t make you smile let alone laugh. The only decent joke was when Sylvester enacts a really obvious plan to hit the villains where they hurt so they dodge but then they end up getting hit anyway. It even happens twice for extra emphasis. I could get behind that joke as it at least pointed out that these minions were better than the average ones, but it’s a small victory considering everything else.

The film doesn’t drag on at least as it isn’t too long. There just aren’t many stand out moments. Again, the babies are just annoying and they never actually do much. The humans don’t leave much of an impact as well. I guess it’s good that the Dad can understand the Babies a little, but not enough to do much. From the villains I only liked the Director who pointed out how great the operation was. His boss was less charismatic. I do like how everyone knows she is evil, but she’s still allowed inside the main characters’ house though. Those guys aren’t very smart if you ask me and they take the whole “She’s stealing their ideas” knowledge very casually. If someone was stealing my ideas and making big money off of it I would certainly have a few options on what to do and I’d weigh them carefully. Standing around and making jokes about it wouldn’t be in my top 10.

While I’ve been bashing the film a lot, it’s not as if it’s a terrible film. I’ve certainly seen far worse ones. The main problem is just the fact that the babies get a ton of screen time and really don’t need to be here. Much like the film doesn’t. I think for this plot to work they at least have to be kids and even then I’ll be annoyed. Teenagers are really the youngest age at which you can have the characters fight and do well without it being too obnoxious or cheesy. That’s the way that I see it at the very least. There also should have been an easy Baby if you ask me since that would have at least given Sylvester to fight. He doesn’t really get a final fight as the film’s climax is ironically a little more about the adults as they have their big confrontation. It was nice to see the Cops show up at the end…they were just almost 2 hours too late to really help.

Overall, Baby Geniuses is about as good as you would expect from the title. By that I mean that the film isn’t very good. The humor can be decent at times, but cringey at other times. There are no really good characters which is a bit of a problem. The lead researcher who is always trying to decipher the babies’ code is the best by default. With a better cast and a different premise, then maybe this film could work, but I personally doubt it. I’d advice staying away from this film unless you’re just a big fan of babies and think it’d be pretty adorable to see them having fun. I’ve never been a big babies person so it’s a premise that I would stay away from on principle.

Overall 3/10

It’s A Wonderful Life Review

Posted on December 22, 2017 by dreager1

It’s A Wonderful Life is an iconic film that most people have either seen or at least heard of. I definitely remember seeing it as a kid although my recollection is pretty broken. I remember the main character getting his ears slammed but then I thought the climax was similar to Sleepless in Seattle. I certainly did not recall the Angel helping him out or the reality warping aspect of the film. It’s a movie that definitely holds up pretty well in some aspects while faltering in others. The main character is quite terrible for example which is one part that doesn’t age well.

So the film starts off with a few Angels wondering what they should do about the main character. He is on a course set for self destruction at the moment and must be saved quickly. Clarence decides to learn a bit about our lead before making a move so the rest of the film follows Mr Bailey from his days as a kid to an adult. He is essentially stuck in an old town working a job that he doesn’t like. Bailey doesn’t like this but it’s hard to get out. Unfortunately his partner loses 8000 dollars to the main villain, Mr. Potter. Bailey will now be arrested and left penniless if he doesn’t do something. That’s when he remembers the Life Insurance.

The opening is also a pretty powerful scene as a lot of people pray for Bailey to be okay. It’s not often you see anyone praying in a film, much less a bunch of people. It is definitely nice to remember a time where many people were openly Christian and there weren’t so many social taboos against it. It’s also a scene that shows the power of prayer as the Angels decide to act on the and that is ultimately what saves Mr. Bailey. Don’t doubt the power of prayer in real life either. Your prayers are always answered and God will see to it that you get the right answer to your prayer.

Naturally Bailey’s plight is a sad one but he doesn’t handle it well at all. Take early on in the film, he is about to leave town but then he lets Mr. Potter’s speech get to him so he yells back and the board decides to keep him on. Bailey should have dashed for the train before anyone even had time to tell him such a thing but he was already having doubts. See, I think Bailey was actually not as thrilled about leaving as he suggested or he would have done so. His next opportunity was even easier as his brother returned to take over the family business as promised in Bailey’s place. He ended up getting a fiancée while he was gone and she wants him to run a different business. Bailey quickly folds here, but he could have acted oblivious and just left. The brother would have taken over the business and it would be golden. Even at the end when Potter offers Bailey a deal the lead declines. Now you can’t really blame him too much on a moral angle since it’s only natural that he would never want to work with him. On the other hand, this would have been his best chance to fix their code of ethics and to make things better in the whole town. In the end, Bailey is the one who trapped himself in the town.

The romance is also pretty bad the whole time. He is just so mean to Mary the whole time. He wrecks her big return to the city. She works really hard to make things better for them while he consistently makes things tougher on her. Despite this, she never complains while he always does. So I couldn’t get behind this romance because as the saying goes, I think she could do a lot better than get together with this guy. Let’s also consider the fact that he was going to jump off a bridge and leave her to take care of the kids on her own.

I think the only reasonable characteristic of Mr. Bailey is that he reminds me of Nicholas Cage. The facial expressions and the voice are just really similar which is pretty interesting to see. Watch enough old movies and you eventually start to see these older counterparts. As the final nail in the coffin, Mr. Bailey is also very slow on the uptake. Even once Clarence tells him many times that he has been erased from time and nobody will remember him, Bailey is shocked every time. You’d think after the 2nd or 3rd guy didn’t recognize him that he would realize something was up. Seeing his wife working at a library now is also something he should have considered. The guy is just pretty annoying and cane very close to wrecking everyone’s Christmas.

Clarence was not really my kind of character either. While the other Angels were all on point and very professional, he felt the most Earthly. Clarence came very close to drinking beer at the bar and that wasn’t really a good moment for him. His way of helping Bailey was also very roundabout and risky. There were so many ways the whole thing could have backfired. As slow as Bailey was on the uptake, Clarence was really slow at giving out the details. He seemed shocked whenever Bailey didn’t understand something as well. They probably should have sent one of the Angels with wings if you ask me since this one also didn’t seem to understand people very well.

The best character in the film was definitely Mr. Potter though. The guy was really intense and didn’t mince words when he was on screen. He’d do anything for a profit and didn’t suddenly have a change of heart at the end either. He stuck to his guns from start to finish and got some of the best lines. When Bailey shows up at his throne and desperately asks for help Potter finally relents. You see him soften up and think for a split second that subs he isn’t so bad after all. Then Potter admits that he will help see that Bailey gets the Justice he deserves and issued a warrant for his arrest with the powers given to him as a stakeholder in the company. The money is what matters to him and seeing 8000 of it just vanish was unacceptable to him. Not to mention that he also ends up holding grudges. He’s a very complete character and one that you can root for as a villain. That’s not to say you want him to win over the heroes because of what that would mean for the town but at the very least he is a fun villain to watch.

If Mary was the main character then she would be easy to root for against Potter. Unlike Bailey, she actually seems like a nice character and makes all of the reasonable choices throughout the movie. Without her to keep Bailey in line, he’d probably still be whining about his job, but not doing anything about it. That’s just the kind of man that Bailey is. She’s a lot better at reading a situation and even offers the money to the townsfolk before Bailey even thinks of the idea. Her generosity is on point as well.

Overall, It’s a Wonderful Life is a good Christmas film with solid Christian themes at work as well. It has a good premise and it’s always interesting to look at a world without yourself. The ripple effect of you not existing would definitely be quite massive when you think about it. That being said, the execution isn’t always on point and some parts of the film have not aged well like the romance or the main character. It’s certainly more of a hit than a miss though and I’d recommend checking it out. You should see for yourself why the film is so well known and remembered.

Overall 6/10

Miracle on 34th Street Review

Posted on December 20, 2017 by dreager1

It’s time to look at a very iconic Christmas film. Miracle on 34th Street is a film that I know by reputation but I was never aware of the plot. I figured it had something to do with a kid finding out his father was a famous basketball player but clearly the sport spinoff is completely different. It’s definitely a solid film and one that holds up quite well throughout the years. Mixing Santa Claus with the court room is a recipe for success!

This movie starts off with Santa Claus deciding to take a break for a little while to see if New York understands the Christmas spirit. Unfortunately it seems that they don’t and buying gifts is all they care about. He quickly replaces drunk Santa at the annual Macy’s parade and is a big hit. His boss doesn’t believe in Santa but Mr. Claus aims to change that. Unfortunately a psychiatrist wants him out of the picture and tries to tell the world he is crazy. Santa is now in a legal battle to prove he is the real deal but the opposition has a smoking gun in the fact that they found his home address…in Long Island!

With almost every delusion there’s a point where it breaks and a point where it should burst if enough facts are provided against it. Often the individual in question will have an identity crisis, stay in denial, or suddenly be very rational about it. That’s not the case in this movie as Santa sticks to his theory that he is the real deal. Of course, nobody challenges him with the tough questions like how many presents he delivers a year or why he doesn’t live in the North Pole. We can probably assume that he was asked those questions in the original nursing home but it’s still a pretty interesting premise. The big question of course is..do I believe he is Santa? I’m going to have to say No here. I just think there are too many strikes against him. The evidence is overwhelming and leaving his cane in the House is the only impressive part by the end. I like to think he left it there to hint to the leads that they should buy the house which could be done without the supernatural. Still, even if Kris Kringle is a little deluded here, he is still a pretty fun main character. Seeing him confront the drunk Santa was pretty intense even if you could argue that the drunkard won that battle. Santa can just be a little too naive and shocked at times to take on a battle weary New Yorker.

The cast is actually pretty solid as a whole. Doris is a likable enough lead and I was on her side of the debate. She has decided to raise Susan practically. She teaches her daughter early on that Santa is fake and shows her that there is a trick behind everything. It’s certainly a different way to grow up but I can roll with it. At the end of the day there isn’t much of a reason to believe in Santa. It’s not like it’s going to help you in the future. Unfortunately the message of the film is against her and that believing in a little magic is good for you. I don’t buy into it, but at least the message wasn’t shoved at the viewer too much. As it is most of the characters don’t believe in Santa and just use him for the publicity.

The romance between her and Mr. Gailey is a little weak though. Considering that they didn’t know each other pretty well, they got serious pretty quickly. I couldn’t really get behind that, but Mr. Gailey is also a fun character. He actually comes up with strategies to improve his odds which is commendable. Getting Santa to stay at his house was certainly a brilliant nice and one that really helped him out. He was also persistent in trying to get Susan to believe in Santa even if that did turn out to be a little trickier than expected.

Susan is a nice enough kid. She can still be rather greedy for her age as she immediately asks for a huge house to put Santa on the spot. Why couldn’t you ask for a doll house or something like that? Even at Santa’s big party she comes across as a big ingrate the whole time. This was a big moment for him and all of Macy’s, you’d think she could have at least pretended to be happy. Of course, she is just a kid so I’ll try to cut her some slack but it does support my theory that often times the kids can get in the way.

The supporting cast can be pretty solid as well. Doris has a colleague who is able to quickly get on board with the Santa idea. When an opportunity presents itself you have to quickly get with the flow or be swept away. In this case Doris may have been swept away if not for this guy’s quick thinking. Santa’s jolly actions of sending customers to other stores is crazy but it brought results so of course you would want to throw your lot in with him. Mr. Macy’s is also a very reasonable character and doesn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. His visions of the newspaper during the court scenes were certainly handled really well. When push came to shove, Mr. Macy’s was definitely ready. The guy from Gimbles was also pretty solid but at least from this movie it’s clear who is in the lead. Gimbles is merely following while Macy’s leads. It’s pretty nostalgic to see Macy’s as well since it’s been years since I set foot in there. I should probably change that one of these days.

Really the only bad character here was the self proclaimed expert who had a grudge against Santa. That guy was definitely not even meant to be likable though. The kid that Santa mentored was also on the annoying side I suppose. I keep on forgetting that the kid even exists since he really doesn’t even serve a purpose in the story. I guess they needed a reason for Santa to hit someone and get in trouble but I’m sure we could have had other routes. Santa definitely should not have gotten in the car with the others either. You always want to let the top boss know what’s up in case things get tricky.

As always I definitely enjoyed the courtroom scenes. Seeing them debate on if Santa exists or not is definitely an interesting concept. The mail delivery may have been on the really convenient side of things but I suppose we take those. Both sides did a decent job debating and in this case I would actually be against team Santa. After all, there’s no way that guy exists even if the post office has conceded. Putting the kid on the stand was a low blow as well. This is why you always want to leave the kids home before engaging in serious business.

Overall, Miracle on 34th Street was a really solid movie. The pacing was tight and it went from start to finish quite smoothly. I wouldn’t say that it ever dragged on and the writing was solid. Kris Kringle could tow the line on whether he was a good character or simply an annoying one the whole time. For the most part I would definitely say that he was handled well though. I think making him the real Santa would have made the film even better but I suppose they wanted to keep the grounded aspect of the movie. If you haven’t seen it yet then you should definitely check the film out. It’s got heart.

Overall 7/10

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi Review

Posted on December 18, 2017 by dreager1

It’s time for the next installment in the Star Wars series. It’s still the most popular Sci-Fi franchise out there and it’s pretty surreal that the series finally got to keep going after the long gap since episode III. This one’s been getting fairly mixed reception and it’s easy to see why. I have a lot of mixed thoughts on it as well. There’s a fairly large laundry list of pros and cons that I have with the film that all get thrown together which is why this review will be fairly long. Long story short, it’s a good movie, but one that feels like it’s considerably longer than it should be with not much actually happening for most of it.

The film starts with the Republic getting wrecked on all sides by the First Order as per usual. They’re outgunned and outnumbered but they have spirit. Against orders Poe decides to take down one of the enemy flagships and single handily saves a good chunk of the fleet. For his bravery he is demoted. Unfortunately the First Order is still gaining on the heroes and their only chance is that Rey will return with Luke Skywalker to save the day. In case she fails at this task, Finn is charged with a backup plan to find someone who can help them disable the tracker that is preventing them from escaping. With two plans in the works surely one of them will succeed right? Or is all hope lost already?

It’s great to see the opening credits roll and the classic Star Wars previously segment play. It’s always been a nice staple in the franchise and it works well. It also allows the film to go forward without having to show everything by giving us a little info from the start. As a result, the actual movie starts out with the big fight in space and that’s exactly how you should start a Star Wars fight. While the Lightsabers may be the most popular aspect of the series, the title would suggest big galactic battles like this one. It’s handled really well and you feel bad for the Republic since their ships are always so outnumbered. I’m a little skeptical on Poe’s ship massacring the big Star Destroyer but I always did say that I’ll take speed over power any day so I guess this proves my point. He did a lot of damage there. It’s a very strong start to the film and it hits all of the beats that it should. Unfortunately things start to slow down here. Lets stick to one chunk of the film at a time though. There are 3 main plots so in those plots I’ll discuss the relevant characters as well as positives and negatives.

The first plot is the Poe plot. The heroes are on the run and they need a plan. Leia gets knocked out because she made the mistake of being in the command room with all of the other generals. However, it is the only unguarded part of the ship and this is such a big design flaw that the people who built the Death Star can now breathe a little easier. This leads to a rather random scene. I won’t go into detail, but I didn’t care for the scene simply because it leads into absolutely nothing. It doesn’t help that I really don’t like Leia. She’s become such a bad character ever since she went into power. It’s like all good characters are corrupted by their bureaucratic status. Just look at how Naruto fell once he turned into Boruto’s father. Now, I can’t blast this scene too much though since obviously the plans had to change when the actress passed away. This plot point could have very well led on to something if she had stayed alive or perhaps she was supposed to die but to let the actress go out on a happier note they spared her.

Leia’s replacement is even worse though. While Leia makes consistent bad choices and shows no leadership qualities, at least she tries. Her replacement refuses to share her plans with anyone and is constantly aggressive for no reason. She seems to be very self conscious about what a bad leader she is so she takes it on everyone else. I don’t remember her name and I don’t even care enough to look it up. She has purple hair and you’ll know her when you see her. She has some of the worst plans that I’ve ever seen a “competent” general come up with. By “competent” I mean that the film wants you to think she is a brilliant strategist and that she knows what she is doing. It’s one thing for a comic relief character to come up with a bad plan or for someone that the film is trying to make look bad to come up with a bad plan. This is something altogether different because it is portrayed as a good plan. Without going into specifics, the new commander wants to sacrifice 100% of the fleet and get everyone to escape in small escape pods that have no barriers or weapons. Except for massive plot armor this is a complete suicide strategy with no hope of success. How would the villains not notice these pods on their scanners? This is the future right? In the present you are able to see small objects on a scanner, I refuse to believe that they simply wouldn’t notice them. Even once the plan starts tanking nothing is done for a very long time and then the lady remembers that she has one last option. By then almost everyone is dead, but still she is supposed to be remembered as a hero. Forget that!

The true MVP of this plot was definitely Poe. So much so that I can safely say that he is easily the best character in the whole film. He is always the one making the right decisions. It may have been risky to take down the Destroyer, but he saved a lot of lives in the process as it would have meant trouble for the other planets. It’s the other pilots who should have done a better job of steering and not dying so easily. Poe’s plan is much sturdier than the commander’s as it is at least a plan that has a chance of saving everyone else. Just giving up is the worst possible call to make in any situation. I’m also glad that Poe has a lot of loyal allies by his side since it shows that the crew can think for themselves. Getting sucker blasted by Leia was annoying, but not something I would blame on Poe. It’s just another reason not to like Leia. Hopefully Poe gets another big role in the next film since his character is really going strong now.

This plot was probably in the middle of the 3 for me. It wasn’t as slow paced as the other two, but at the same time it did stall the most. When you think about it, that whole plot is basically just the main ship running and the enemies blasting at it. It’s stuck for so long that it almost feels like they’re using stock footage at times. There’s one moment in particular where the camera keeps cycling between the 3 plots and it lands on this one twice where I saw 2 ships getting blown up each time. They were probably different ships, but it really looked like the same scene.

Next up is the weakest plot in the film. It belongs to Finn and his new partner, a fan of the pros. You can tell that she’s going to be annoying from her first scene as she gives Finn a sob story and is way too in awe of him. I’ve never liked the hero worship trope in fiction or the fact that it’s a real thing in life. (Shoutout to the Smash community) While her backstory is tragic and all, you have to wonder why she is in the film. Her romance with Finn is awful at best and while she makes the right call in stopping him during a critical moment, it’s also just super annoying. I was annoyed with her the entire time and that probably hurt the plot as a whole. Finn wasn’t much better though. He was seriously going to just run away. I was waiting for the twist or for him to explain that he wasn’t actually doing that…but he was seriously going to just up and run away. You can immediately see the contrast between him and Poe. Both agreed that the commander couldn’t lead her way out of a barn, but Poe decided to stay and do something about it while Finn decided to run away. Case Closed.

Finn’s just not a fun guy. Even when they go to the casino and hundreds of lives are hanging in the balance..he stops to enjoy the atmosphere and the games? You’ve got to be kidding me! It’s hard to even root for him against Captain Phasma since she always gets the shaft in these films. Why is she not able to beat Finn in a one on one fight? She’s also not experienced enough to know that turning your back to the enemy and having slower reflexes than a turtle is a bad combination. I can’t say I’m really a fan of Phasma either, but I’m convinced that the writers just don’t like her. She is intentionally treated as a joke. Finn is unintentionally treated as a joke and there’s a big difference between those two. The former can be good writing while the latter is tragic. Finn is maybe slightly better here than in the first film…maybe. In some ways you can say that he has regressed as a character.

If it’s not obvious why this plot is the weakest, it’s because there are no good character here. They break out a quirky locksmith guy, but as he’s drunk the whole time it’s not like he’s going to be much of an improvement to the cast right? He doesn’t appear for very long anyway and I have to question just how weak the imperial defenses are if some guy in jail can pick them. Shouldn’t they keep upgrading their tech at this point? The plot is easily the least relevant to the film as well and probably could have been cut with nothing actually changing. As it’s the backup plan it could have easily been wrapped up a lot sooner or just been left to the way side and the Rey plot could have changed a bit to accomodate it.

Of course, that’s the big plot. We’re finally up to Rey and her adventures with ~~one of the worst developed characters in history~~ ~~the biggest traitor since Benedict Arnold~~ ~~the mass murderer through negligence~~ Luke Skywalker. I can’t begin to tell you how much I can’t stand this character. It’s hard to hear the guy talk since Luke is so obnoxious. Luke is not only a traitor and mass murderer, but in general a very egotistical, arrogant guy who can’t back up any of his tough talk. He went from being a standard main character for 3 films to someone who has turned his back on the heroes and doesn’t mind if they’re all slaughtered. I’m still puzzled as to who on Earth thought it would be a good idea for him to be such a heel here. The trailer set off all of my warning bells back in the day and the film solidified them. They may as well have turned him into a Sith Lord considering what happened here. When he first rebukes Rey and tells her that what she said was wrong you want to slap him since it was a valid answer. Luke’s answer is the one that’s hogwash as he tries to tell her that the Force is just energy everywhere and all that. It’s his catchphrase as well so you’ll hear him say it again, but he’s annoying (and wrong I’d say) both times. Rey didn’t say anything that really contradicted him and lifting things is basically the Force’s greatest strength. The Force wouldn’t be nearly as good without telekinesis since you could be shot from behind without it or lose in a fight. Controlling weak minds is okay and all but it only works on the weak. You need to keep your barriers up at all times or you’re through.

What they did to Luke is just plain insulting to the original trilogy. His character has been completely warped and I can see why fans would want to pretend that this film just never happened. I still say it’s depressing that after Episode VI where we finally beat the Dark Order and the Republic got to be in control, that everything was thrown back into the status quo off screen. It’s just hard to picture and also makes the first three films entirely pointless. Take them away and now nothing has changed. I went into that a lot with Episode VII so no need to tread old ground.

Rey is still a solid main character. I liked her a lot in the last episode as she was a pretty selfless hero who wrecked Kylo Ren and used the Force pretty well. She’s a slightly weaker character here as she lets Luke and Kylo take control quite a lot. I’d like to see her ordering them around or at least holding her own a little more. Perhaps in the next film though as she is steadily growing stronger. She is still a great character regardless and I’d put her as the second best named character. She may believe in Kylo Ren’s chance at turning over a new leaf too much but that’s not something I can fault her for.

I still can’t take Kylo Ren seriously. When your first scene is getting mocked by the main villain and throwing a temper tantrum in an elevator, you’re just not the kind of villain who is ever going to command respect. His conversations with Rey also don’t help the mystique angle as he just seems like someone who is being led around by forces he cannot comprehend. Kylo Ren can fight of course, but I’d still say that Rey should be able to beat him and so he shouldn’t be much of a threat to any of the higher fighters. The Red Agents should have obliterated him.

I’ve always liked the Red Guards. Those guys have awesome designs and have been a big part of the Star Wars background for a long time. How they didn’t defeat Rey and Kylo I’ll never know. I can understand Rey beating them, but Kylo? He should have gotten wrecked the instant the fight started and yet they acted as if he may be a little stronger than Rey now. I dunno about that, but I was really satisfied wit the fight scene. It’s easily the highlight of the movie. I’ve been waiting for a modern day Lightsaber fight for so long. It’s not quite as solid as the fights from the prequels yet, but we’re getting there. I imagine it’ll take time to get the choreography quite up to that level, but by the next film they should have it down. While Star Wars may not revolve around the Lightsabers, I think it should. That’s why I’ve always been a fan of the franchise and that’s why I like the prequel era so much. The Jedi vs Sith wars were a blast and nowadays you only really get to see that in the video games. If this is any indication of what will happen in Episode IX, then I’m all set for that.

Emperor Snook is pretty disappointing though. He doesn’t get to fight and is heavily nerfed so Kylo won’t look too bad. The character had a lot of potential so it was rather disappointing to see him go out this way. He has to lose at some point so I wouldn’t mind a Rey and Kylo team up against him, but at least some kind of fight. He’s a Sith Lord! The guy should be crazy strong. At least he has some hype though. The only other villain left is Hux and he’s effectively comic relief. The film did a good job of making him look part monkey to an extent though, bravo!

This plot was the best thanks to the fight scene. The Luke and Rey scenes were fairly dull though and the characters didn’t really do anything for a while. She’d ask him some questions, he’d ignore her. Rinse and repeat for roughly an hour. Rey did go into a cave, but nothing actually happened there so it was basically filler. Luke spent the whole subplot embarrassing himself as well so the longer it went on the worse it got for him. Even the flashback with Kylo makes him look terrible. He looks painfully weak and I’ll never be able to take him seriously again since this was allegedly Luke at his prime. Luke should blame himself for what happened since it really was his fault, at least when you look at the scene that’s the impression I got. He should have done a much better job of leading. Luke gets so bad that even the Sith complement him on making their job easier. I almost thought his final scenes had some plot hax, but the film handled it well so I have no complaints there.

The plots all merge by the end so for Episode IX we should finally have the full cast assembled. It’ll be nice to see the characters think up a battle plan as a team for a change. That being said, the war seems like it’s pretty much over. There basically aren’t enough people still alive to form a resistance since everyone was murdered so they’re going to need to just rely on Rey. She can take on an army on her own so the others should just sit tight and try to learn how to be Jedi in the meantime. Otherwise, it’s hard to see how they will really be able to contribute, but with the timeskip maybe the rest of the planets will send more cannon fodder to the heroes to beef up their ranks. You can’t help but feel bad for those guys, but they knew what they were signing up for.

So where does this rank in the Star Wars films? Well, I’d consider Episode IV, VII, III, and Rogue One to be the 4 strongest by far and in that order. Next up I’d place this one followed up Episode V, VI, and I. Episode II is all the way below and I doubt/hope a Star Wars film never reaches that low again. So at 5th place out of 9 that’s not bad at all. I fully expect the next Star Wars film to beat this one, but I guess we’ll see what effect bringing back the old writer will have. I do wonder just how much the writers like to mess with the script and what the last writer did to their benefit. After all, only the writers and executives are likely going to know how the film was “supposed” to go so we can only speculate. Whatever happens, I just want a lot of action so deliver that without falling into any landmines and I should be good. Pull another Luke Skywalker twist and that will just be sad.

I think it’s safe to say that big Star Wars fans will appreciate this title a lot more than a typical action fan. There are likely a ton of cameos and references thrown for these guys. I picked up on some, but for others I have no idea. As the plot doesn’t move too much, you’re supposed to get hyped over each character and what they’re doing. Since I didn’t like half of the characters I was supposed to like it didn’t work as well on me as it was supposed to. That shouldn’t be a big problem if you’re super into the franchise. After all, it’s not like I gave most of the films positive scores. That being said, if you’re especially a big fan of the original trilogy then there’s the chance that the opposite will be true and you’ll see this one as insulting its legacy. The only way to find out is to watch the film.

While the camera work is good for scenes like the Red Room where it’s very atmospheric, I’m not sure about the directing for the characters. It may not be the director, but I’m not sure who’s in charge of this. All of the characters seem to be out of breath all the time. It’s borderline distracting and this was an issue in Episode VII as well. Just think back to the first trailer for that one where the cliffhanger every time was Finn really out of breath trying to get up. (Always thought that was a weak scene btw) That happens here to basically everyone. It’s like the director tells them to all go for a job right before filming each scene. I just don’t get it and it’s a problem that I only really notice for Star Wars. The film also really overdoes the close ups on each character. We don’t need to see their faces in such intense detail to understand that the scene is intense. A standard far shot will suffice.

The movie uses a lot of the classic themes from the old films. They still sound as good as they ever did, but the movie still seems to be relying on nostalgia here as opposed to coming up with new tracks. I can’t recall any new tracks that were memorable or epic during the scenes. I only remember the iconic themes that play during the movie. Still, they’re enough for me to consider the film to have a pretty solid soundtrack. The visuals are pretty nice as well. The space fights are epic and the lightsabers are solid as well. Now all we need is a city like New York and we’ll really be all set!

The writing is quite solid. Ignoring the talking animals and robots who use grunts to say nothing while sounding deep, the humans all seem pretty good. There’s not a lot of random language at all and in general I don’t remember characters swearing. It probably happens, but certainly not all that frequently if so and it makes the film a lot more peaceful to watch. It definitely helps the characters as well. There’s no real animal violence here either although Chewy was a pretty bad character in this film for actually cooking an animal off screen. Considering what planet he is on, it came off as really insensitive. He’s not as bad as Groot, but he definitely had no real role in this story. Yoda’s cameo is a lot more satisfying with his fans and I’d say he looked good. Anyone who zaps something Luke’s a fan of is okay in my book and it was just a really great thing of him to do in general. If Yoda can look like this in the future, he may become more tolerable.

One pattern you’ll quickly notice in this film is that the rebellious characters are the best ones. Poe defies orders to quickly take command and it’s a great scene. Rey impulsively decides to head for the main villain’s base against Luke’s command (ha!) and while the plan doesn’t go well at first, I can agree with the notion. She’s confident in her abilities and certainly wasted no time in arriving there. It’s amazing how quickly she got there honestly and I was glad to see someone was taking charge. It’s similar to when Luke defied Yoda to go save his friends. It’s always the right option and always a blast to see even if it rarely goes too well for the hero.

I think the real issue that hurts this film a lot is the fact that it has virtually no replay value. It’s the kind of film that you really wouldn’t want to see twice because there isn’t really a reason to. There are a couple of big scenes where a character almost dies but doesn’t. I suppose it’s dramatic if you think they are going to die but since you would know better the 2nd time around it loses the impact. You could say the same for many films, but this one in particular really builds up the scene to the death as it drags on for a while to get maximum effect. Since you know these scenes are red herrings the next time, you’ll just want them to get on with it. It’s a really long film that feels like a long film. In the same way that some mysteries are hurt by watching them twice while others keep the replay value, this is just one of those action films that works best as a 1 time experience. It’s a natural consequence of upping the drama but maybe you can make an argument that the enhancement to the film the first time around is worth it. Not sure I’d argue that, but it’s there.

Overall, Star Wars: The Last Jedi is a good film. It’s hampered by its long run time and fairly weak cast, but still has enough strengths to carry it over the hill. Poe and Rey are two solid heroes and that’s enough to help keep the film going. The fight scene we get with Rey vs the Red Guards is pretty fun and hopefully we’ll get more action in the next film. Now that certain characters shouldn’t be appearing anymore, the cast should get a lot stronger for the next film. Since it is also the end of the trilogy I’m expecting a lot more action. We got 1 Lightsaber fight and maybe 2 space fights. I’d like to see us double that number in the sequel, especially the lightsaber fight. I want an extended Force battle where Rey has to use her full arsenal. Anyway, I’d recommend the film to any action fan but if you’re a Star Wars fan then it goes without saying that you need to watch this one.

Overall 6/10

The Haunting Review

Posted on December 16, 2017 by dreager1

The Haunting is a film adaption of a book I read recently called the Haunting on Hill House. I’m assuming they thought the title would be too long which is why they shortened it. I don’t really care too much or really at all about that change but the movie makes a lot of other changes during its run and pretty much all of those are pretty bad. Whole characters are cut and bits of their personalities couldn’t get a chance to shine either. A movie adaption is almost always an abridged version of the book as it’s just hard to fit everything into a movie unless you make it two parts or very long. Still, the film could have done a much better job of sticking to the script.

The film starts off with a montage of murders as Hill House decides to clean up and murders a bunch of people. We then skip ahead a few decades as a professor wants to rent the place out to see if it is really haunted or not. His request is accepted on the condition that he brings along the future heir to the house to make sure the Professor doesn’t try to pull anything. He also hand picks a few individuals who have a history with the occult but only two people show up. First is Nel, a poltergeist survivor. The other one is Theo, a master of esp. Can this brave bunch prove that the House is haunted or has one of these individuals already been turned? Either way, staying alive could be rather difficult.

One of the main aspects of the book that I kept mentioning in my review is how strange all of the dialogue was. Everyone sounded really crazy throughout so it was always hard to tell what was going on. Was the house affecting all of their mentalities or where the characters already crazy? The movie doesn’t keep most of that in and instead portrays Nel as really shady right from the get go which changes the whole dynamic of the story. It’s less of a mystery now. I can’t say that I’m a fan of Nel in either versions but this one certainly seems a lot more villainous. She is willing to bump off her rivals so she can chase after the scientist and that romance plays a bigger role here than in the book which naturally makes her less of a sympathetic character since she appears desperate.

The movie also toned Theo down a lot. In the book she appears to enjoy the more brutal aspects of the case and has a morbid sense of of humor. While the film keeps in her taunts against Nel, most of her other lines are nowhere to be found. She is certainly one of the most enjoyable characters though and in the movie she is the best one. The handles the situations pretty well for the most part. The scene of her being terrified of the noises honestly seems rather out of character for her but I guess it’s hard to stay fearless in Hill House.

The Professor is also a lot weaker than his book counterpart thanks to Abel’s attempted romance plot. While he didn’t completely crack he did skate on some thin ice by the end and he could have done a much better job of handling the situation. Luke was pretty true to fork the whole time though. He doesn’t buy into the ghost business and talks a pretty good game the whole time. The movie cheats him out of his big scene where he saves Nel of course but I think most of his scenes still seemed to be in tact. It’s always good to have at least one skeptic in the group or they will just get scared too easily and that would just hurt the dynamic.

That’s why cutting out the other tough character was such a bad move though. In the book the wife arrives with a companion who has a gun at the ready and believes he is too sophisticated to be scared of ghosts. He actually doesn’t even end up being scared so it was an interesting way for his character arc to end. The Wife also looked a lot better as the ghosts couldn’t lay a hand on her. Even the Dudley’s were given a greatly reduced role which was unfortunate since they were the best characters in the book. Well, Ms. Dudley was the best anyway, the other guy was okay. The film even cut out the moment were Theo nearly ran the guy over. I can understand cutting the coffee scene near the beginning though. All in all the book just handled everything a lot better.

While the book is the better version that’s not to say that the movie is bad. The review has been negative so far because I’ve been comparing it to the book. It’s a little disappointing that if couldn’t do a better job of adapting it. That being said, it avoids most of the pitfalls that horror movies fall into. For starters there is no animal violence so that is a good thing. There isn’t even much in the way of normal violence which is nice. The opening can be a little dark with how everyone keeps dying but I think it does a good job of not being really graphic or anything like that.

The writing is still pretty solid. The characters talk like actual people and the dialogue is strong. The film does a good job of always keeping the atmosphere tense even if the characters do seem to overreact. I do think the Professor and Luke would have had a better time if the other two hadn’t shown up. While Theo and Nel panicked a lot, the other two were usually as cool as a Cucumber. Even then they weren’t quite as relaxed in the book. That does lead to one area where the film may beat the book. The pacing feels a lot quicker in the movie as things tend to happen more regularly. In the book it sometimes feels like nothing is happening and even after finishing the book it’s like not much occurred. In the movie since you could see things shaking and all it worked a lot better. At least I can give the film some kudos there. It’s still a slow burner but one that is a little more action packed.

Overall, The Haunted is a good horror film from the olden days. This was back when making a horror film was about atmosphere instead of content. I’ve spoken enough about the book so I won’t even say you should just read it instead of watching the movie. What I will say though is that this movie is worth checking out. It’s not perfect but it does a good job of encompassing what a horror film should be like and doesn’t make many mistakes in the process. That’s always the end goal in a film so since it keeps you entertained while all the way through as well, it’s a good movie. Watch it before you read the book to appreciate it more.

Overall 7/10

The Nutty Professor Review

Posted on December 16, 2017 by dreager1

Time for another film with the same lead from the Ladies Man film. I can’t say that the character is much of an improvement but at least the film is. The movie still does have more negatives than positives for sure but at least it keeps its dignity for the most part. Take the main character away and the rest of the film would benefit as a result. Surprisingly the bully had the most impact in the film which I can’t say I was expecting. The scene of him stuffing the main character away was absolutely genius. You wanted to feel bad for the professor but at the same time, not really. He’s just not a likable guy and it really says something when the bully is more tolerable. At least the guy didn’t immediately threaten the professor. It was only after getting the answer that he didn’t want to hear. That’s not much better of course but still.

The main character (Kelp) is just very bad. He is not quite as extremely exaggerated as in the last film, but still very exaggerated all the same. He has a very gross habit of constantly licking his teeth which gets old very quickly and his design is intentionally made so ugly that you can’t bare to watch him. Throw in the annoying voice and you have a recipe for one of the worst main characters I have seen in awhile. He also likes one of his students which is already pretty bad considering that there is a massive age gap between the two of them. It’s hard to say exactly but given the main character’s speech at the beginning with his long resume of jobs and the fact that he is a professor and it’s a little worrisome. He comes up with a serum that turns him into a young man so he can get together with the girl while intimidating everyone else and acting like an all around jerk. The worst part is that everyone still wants him despite his attitude and the ending takes his to a new extreme.

That’s basically the plot and it’s pretty sad. Long story short, Stella decides to get together with the professor despite the fact that he was intentionally tricking her and she was supposedly not digging his mean personality. The moral is that looks don’t matter but this message is very muddled given how the Professor’s young form kept wowing everyone including Stella. It also doesn’t feel deserved given everything we saw in the film. Stella doesn’t even seem like she was a good character as she seemed to be rather flirty from the start. She even attempted to trick the professor into the purple pit so he could get beat up unless she actually thought he would get along with everyone and I personally doubt it. I suppose they are perfect for each other but the romance was still handled horribly and it’s definitely not one that I can get behind.

The only decent character aside from perhaps the bully is the Principal. He gives the main character a stern talking too and is also good at staredowns. Of course, given the nature of the film he does let the main character off easy for no real reason even though his rules were already broken twice. Then the main character ignores him and breaks the rules yet again. It’s a vicious cycle and one that the principal shouldn’t tolerate. The Professor’s young self ends up humiliating him as well to ensure the character lost the last of his dignity. The film really did its best to ensure that nobody was too likable by the end. It’s a shame since the principal should have kept his dignity and it would have made the film better.

It was doomed to an extent from the start though. The professor’s Buddy form definitely hasn’t aged well at all and is so disrespectful to everyone that you have to suspend a lot of disbelief. Beating up one of the bouncers was certainly fun but after a while it’s so extreme that it loops all the way around from being cool to simply mean spirited. You’ll feel bad for the bartender by the end and the other kids never even stood a chance. If Stella had not fallen for the routine then that would have made a big difference. He could have learned that his new form would get him a lot of acquaintances but no real friends or something of that nature. In the end he really didn’t learn much in his version and based on the ending Stella may just be using him to get to Buddy once again.

The whole subplot with be main character’s parents is also pretty brutal. The Dad looks so exaggeratedly bad that it’ll make you wince and the Mom is also way too mean. There’s a way to handle this without being too serious or too exaggerated but clearly this film could not get the balance. They really didn’t have much of a role in this film so they didn’t even need to show up. I suppose the main character needed a backstory but something a little more unexpected would have worked just fine.

I also have to wonder if the classroom survived the ending. Since we know that everyone turns into a werewolf at least during the first transformation, that means a group of them will all be locked in close quarters for a while there. It definitely wouldn’t be a very fun place to be for a while so it’s almost a shame that the main character had to step out for a moment. I’d like to see all of them use the serum in a sequel so we can have a bunch of “suave, tough” guys duking it out physically and verbally. It would be interesting to see if the main character would win more of an even fight like that one.

Overall, The Nutty Professor is certainly nutty all right, but not in a good way. At most it’s a good way to hear some of the old slang. Buddy’s fast paced dialogue is handled well and that’s probably the only really entertaining part. He delivers a lot of burns constantly mixing in sarcasm and wit like it’s a rocking new soda. That being said, the rest of the film is just so bad and poorly written that this is a consolation at best. It’s not all that hard to get through this film as it’s bad but not in an overly violent or fanservicey way. I still would recommend avoiding it though as you can certainly find a more productive way to spend around 90 minutes. If you’re desperate enough to watch this film then you should probably just go take a nap instead. The extra sleep will be good for you.

Overall 3/10

The Ladies Man Review

Posted on December 16, 2017 by dreager1

Ladies Man is one of those films that you know will be bad before you even watch it. The premise is no good and it’s something you would expect from a Harem anime, not a mainstream comedy. It’s also a very exaggerated one where the jokes last a lifetime and most of the floor is covered with dead jokes by the end. I know some stale memes which would give you more entertainment value than this film and that’s pretty impressive for what boils down to a single picture. The film’s take on this genre isn’t even done particularly well and it should have looked to Nisekoi on how to properly handle this plot, should it be necessary to actually go through with it.

So the movie starts with our protagonist Herbert getting friend zoned as his girlfriend gets together with someone else behind his back. This traumatizes him to severely that he can’t even be in the same room as a girl. Naturally he is hired at an all girl’s hotel in his new job and while he is reluctant at first, our hero decides to give it a shot. How hard could it be right? Little does he know that he won’t leave this film with his dignity in tact. As if that was ever an option anyway though right?

Let’s break down why this film was a mess. We will also ignore the genre from this point forth since I’ve already gone through that. Let’s assume that someone put a stick of butter to your head and threatened you with gaining 29 pounds before the big Christmas gathering with your family if you didn’t make this movie. Then you have to try and find out why this genre could be successful in the first place. One way they could have handled this film would have been for the main character to stop looking at them all as girls and instead he would have grown to think of them as acquaintances or even friends. This would help him get over his trauma and we don’t have to jump right into romance land. It’s at least a reasonable way of getting over himself and becoming just one of the gang would have been good character development for him.

Instead, not only does he not really show much change until the end of the film, but he is also played up as rather brainless and a jerk to boot. He yells at several of the characters for mispronouncing his name and the odd part is that this is early on in the film where he is supposed to be afraid of girls. So much for that plot point eh? I guess we have to assume that the name thing overrides even his fear of ghosts but I’m not sure I buy that. Seeing him be mean to everyone the whole time also ensures that you will never root for the guy. There is just nothing redeemable about that guy and you will be hoping for him to get fired already. Honestly he should have been fired right away. The scenes of him crying and embarrassing himself are also so extreme that it hurts. I haven’t seen a character this exaggerated in a very long time. The film also goes all out on this angle as his parents are pretty suspect too and his whole family may just not be ready for the outside world. Although they still seem more capable than him.

The only scenes with some imagination were the ones with the Dog/Lion and the Trippy room Herbert walked into where the reality warper messed with his mind. The film could have made that whole scene cooler but considering what flick I was watching, it was still higher than my expectations. At least it lived up to the subplot where everyone kept telling him to avoid that room instead of nothing happening and the hype being for nothing. As for the Dog, I was glad that someone was trying to bark some sense into the lead character. The twist about his true design was fun and I also appreciated the Lion at the end. Those were fairly good gags that were only weakened by the main character.

One of the worst scenes in the film is when the maid has to feed Herbert. It’s pretty gross and also stretches on for an eternity. In general this is a problem that the whole film has as each scene simply goes on for too long. You understand what the gag is in any given scene within seconds so that’s roughly how long the scene should last. Stretching it across while minutes is just bad design and certainly this is the case when the original joke wasn’t even good to begin with. I could point to many more moments but the main thing to draw from this paragraph is that the film is never all that funny. That’s terrible for a comedy film and really dooms it in the long run.

Here’s one more example of a gag that’s too long. Unlike the other one it actually starts off pretty decent as the concept is at least pretty good. A really tough, burly fellow shows up and lays down the ground rules for the main character. He bullies our “poor” lead for a while and forces him to keep bowing to this new authority. However, the gag keeps going as eventually the main character unintentionally turns the tables on this guy and completely breaks his suit and ruins the character’s reputation for good. It’s supposed to be funny but it’s just cringe worthy and this style of humor either didn’t age well or this film’s execution of it was that bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a mix of the two to be honest but most of it likely lies with the film. This film just didn’t understand humor at all and as a result the whole movie suffers.

The mean spirited nature of the movie also doesn’t help. When the head of the school is finally about to achieve her dream of being on TV, Herbert naturally goes out of his way to mess the whole thing up. It all feels very intentional since there’s no way he didn’t know what he was doing. He was actively running away from security as well so he clearly wanted to sabotage the experience so he would be fired even if that didn’t pan out. If we were meant to root for this guy then I definitely can’t say that the film succeeded. If it went self aware at this point…then it still didn’t do a good job so it’s a lose-lose situation that the movie put itself into.

Overall, Ladies Man is a really bad film that only gets worse and worse as you think about it. It hasn’t aged well at all and won’t keep your attention for more than a few minutes. The forced humor rears its head early on and never goes away. I would advise you to stay far away from this one. I can’t say that I would recommend the harem genre at all since the very premise is basically asking for trouble. Stick to solid action thrillers and then you will really be set. Those films will probably give you more laughs than this one.

Overall 2/10

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