Category Archives: Live Action Movie Reviews

Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens Review

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All right, it’s Star Wars time! This film got a lot of hype as to be expected since this was a sequel that people had been waiting for. It smashed the box office and looks to easily reach the billion mark while still having enough steam to get a few extra hundred million. I’m in the camp that still doesn’t see it challenging Titanic or Avatar, but it will go far. After seeing the film, I can safely confirm that it is a solid movie. It’s not great, but it’s pretty good and that’s good enough for now.

The film’s plot is a little hard to describe in part because it doesn’t have much of a plot at times. This is actually a bit of a negative for me, but that’ll be mentioned later. The Sith may be gone and the Empire is gone, but the First Order has arrived so the resistance is still the resistance and nothing has really changed for them. At this rate, they’ll never be able to cease control of the universe or become the big heroes that they’ve always wanted to be. Times are tough and it’s a losing battle as all of the Jedi have been destroyed with Luke Skywalker being the final one. The villains are looking for him, but nobody knows where he is.

Meanwhile, Rey is a lady who lives on a desert planet and she comes across a robot who has a map, which leads to Luke Skywalker. Finn also landed on the planet after barely escaping from the First Order and he pretends to be a part of the Resistance to impress Rey. The two of them must now make it to the Resistance to give them the coordinates and if they want to live to tell the tale, they’ll need some help from Han Solo. The First Order is serious business so the heroes have to watch their step.

Rey’s a decent main character. She knows how to fight and decides to help BB-8 get to Luke. She’s fairly selfless and does well to survive in such a harsh environment on her own. To an extent she’s fairly generic, but that helps to fuel the similarities between her and Luke. I’d prefer for her to be a little more headstrong, but maybe that trait will come with practice and overconfidence. That would definitely make her a great heroine! She puts up a good fight in the final showdown although I felt like the fight scene was a little bizarre.

As mentioned, she is already an experienced combatant and in particular, she’s good with a weapon. This training seems to leave her in the final fight or maybe it was just a problem with the choreography. For some reason, she constantly throws out thrusts (A stabbing motion with the Lightsaber) which leaves her vulnerable many times, but Kylo is so weak that it doesn’t end up mattering all that much. The fight was still odd though because Rey seemed experienced enough in the intro to have fought a little better than what she displayed there.

Rey is much better than her male counterpart, Finn. For starters, I didn’t like how Finn was constantly out of breath for most of his earlier scenes. I get that he was a little nervous, but cmon now. It’s not the greatest way to make the main character seem cool. He panicked a lot and the possible romance between him and Rey is already off to a terrible start. This is why we have the friend zone, so random romances won’t occur. I give the film props for avoiding this right away though and it’s possible that this will lead nowhere, which would be great.

Still, I just didn’t find Finn to be a cool character. It doesn’t help that he got wrecked in his first big fight scene. It’s good that he realized what it means to be a hero, but realizing that a little sooner and helping the civilians out on the planet in the intro would have been nice. Better yet, he could have decided not to abandon everyone because he was scared. This character has a ways to go to be even slightly likable.

That being said, Finn’s much better than Kylo. Kylo is a terrible villain and I love how Wikipedia hyped him up a lot. They say that he’s already shown to be as strong as Darth Vader and in interviews they were saying that he’s not totally evil and believes himself to be morally justified in his actions. Either a large part of the film never made it past the director’s cut or it was just false hype. He basically defines the term “Generic villain” and the worst part is that he’s an emotional villain. Kylo is just plain sad and the instant that his mask comes off, the character became a joke.

Did you think that the Jupiter Ascending main villain was bad? This guy’s just like that. He gets emotional constantly and is always panicking. He is always on the verge of tears or losing his revolve so he has to talk to a broken mask and an old man to steady himself. Unlike Vader, he allows his underlings to sass him, but since he’s constantly getting humiliated, I suppose that it’s tough to think of a counter. When a guy who’s never even used a lightsaber before it able to hold his own against the main villain, there’s something wrong. Even when Rey is wrecking Kylo, you have to wonder why anybody fears him. His Force abilities are clearly not very good and he forgets to use them when in the heat of battle. He gets overwhelmed a lot and I can’t say that I will be glad to see him in the sequel. This is a villain who is not necessary and I’d probably take any other Sith from the Star Wars series are a better villain. There are probably ones out there who are even worse in terms of character, but I’m sure that they’d at least be tough. The old man isn’t very interesting either so I’m going to be ready for some new villains to spice things up. I want the Sith to return.

So far, they’re definitely not hinting towards any of the old villains showing up, but that’s okay. The video games and comics will likely deal with the what if scenarios more. The old guard doesn’t necessarily need to show up and upstage the new guys, but I definitely wouldn’t mind since they have earned a spot on the hype train. One old character that I was glad got a small role was C3PO and R2-D2. C3PO’s all right and beats the other robots since he can at least talk in English (Talking in gibberish with a character translating is always annoying) but he’s still not the most interesting character out there. I’m waiting for him to grow an arm cannon and start firing, now that would be epic!

The visuals are pretty fun and I’m always up for a nice aerial fight in space. The characters have their blasters ready and the Lightsaber battles are also good. They are noticeably better than the older films although III had the best fights from the series. Once we get more Jedi and Sith, that should probably change as this is more of a prelude than anything else. Having more action scenes would have definitely been good since the film is actually pretty light in that category. More exploration and dialogue than anything else, but building up the universe is important. I’m assuming that the sequel will be upping the stakes. I can’t say that the soundtrack was too memorable, but I’m almost positive that there was an opera styled song in there somewhere. Films rarely have very memorable soundtracks so it’s not a big deal. We had the classic intro theme, which was certainly fun to hear.

For better or worse, this film was really aimed at creating as much nostalgia as possible. Similar to Avengers Assemble (Cartoon) the film tries to reenact as many scenes as possible from the original film. I dare say that most of this film is filled with references to the older ones. We have the classic Darth Vader vs Luke fight scene, dashing across the desert, and dozens of other such moments. This is fine for the most part and it’s nice to remember the old scenes, but it also left little time for character development, fights, and new plots to move forward. Even the climax is extremely similar to a classic occurrence, but it’s not quite as epic as the original, but that can be said for just about every scene. It tries very hard to be Episode IV, but it just doesn’t work.

A complaint that I had with the film is that it actually dragged on a little towards the middle. I’m not going to call the film boring, but there were parts of it were you would just be waiting for something to happen. It’s just not the most fast paced film out there and I feel like the film could have just been a lot more exciting. The characters limited it, but even with that, a few more space fights or some cool dialogue about Siths and Jedi could have helped. In part, I blame this on the fact that Luke is the only Jedi now. I think this was a pretty poor decision to have made because I don’t want the status quo to have reverted all the way back to IV. It just makes it all the easier to add in more homages and remake scenes from the original.

It was nice to see Han Solo again after so long. He did a good job during the fight scenes and showed that he’s still more adept at it than Chewy. Chewy meant well, but for some reason he wasn’t firing his shots all that accurately so he was mostly a liability this time. Ah well, he can still roar and Han is fine with firing the shots himself. Unlike Luke, Han is a character who continues to look good and does his older self justice. Unfortunately, I can tell that Luke’s going to be a very dicey character. He’ll probably snap out of this soon, but let’s just say that his personality had a big change due to a tragic event. As a result, he’s going to be the generic old guy who whispers words of doom constantly. He basically left the universe to fend for itself, which is very irresponsible and is just sad. I was never the biggest fan of Luke, but this is a new low for the Jedi.

As you can see, I certainly had my share of complaints during the film and it was enough for me to know instantly that it was going to only go as high as a 7. A 7’s pretty good, but it does seem low for Star Wars. That being said, it was still a good film and one of the better ones this year. It’s a fun sci-fi film and while you probably couldn’t call it an epic as much as the original, it still has its stakes. Several planets are blown up in the film and the new weapon is pretty intense, I even created a level in Mario Maker based on the concept.

Ranking the Star Wars films from best to worst, Episode IV is still my favorite. That one’s simply classic at this point and did a great job of starting the franchise off on a high note. Next would be Episode III, Episode VII, then Episode VI, Episode V, Episode I, and finally Episode II. The Force Awakens is pretty high in the list so it’ll be cool to see where the sequel stands. It’s too bad that the main villain will likely return, but aside from that I can easily see the sequel being a solid improvement. We’ll likely have more fight scenes and that’s always exciting.

A good thing that Star Wars has, which has stood the test of time is that the film’s tone/atmosphere is good. It’s pleasant and is part of why the film is easy to just watch and enjoy. I’d compare it to the MCU (Iron Man, Avengers) films in that regard. It goes less for comedy although still has some of it within, but it’s not always foggy outside or the heroes are always panicking. It’s not super grimy and since this is the future, I think everything should look pretty modern. It’s why I was thrilled when Rey got off the desert planet since that wasn’t the best locale.

Overall, I enjoyed The Force Awakens. Now Star Wars can be around for the next generation and once the trilogy is over, we can fully compare it to the original two. I’m fairly confident that this trilogy will end up winning as a trio of 7s is actually fairly likely. This film was what Battle of Gods was for DBZ. It tried to bring back the old audience while getting new viewers in. With that over, I expect everything to get more intense in the sequel and I’m ready for some epic Force abilities from both the Light and the Dark side. We’ve also got the spinoffs and prequels coming up so Star Wars is here to stay at last. Hopefully it has long legs in the box office and continues to rack up the cash so we can also get some new video games!

Overall 7/10

The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2 Review

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Well, I finally got to see the final Hunger Games film a while back (Saw it day 1, but I took my time writing the review) and it met my expectations. Unfortunately, that’s a bad thing in this case. The film is still very slow paced and way too dramatic to the point where you have to wonder what the point of the series is anymore. It had a plot in the first and second film. After that, it’s like we kept seeing the same old things over and over again. I’m definitely not sad to see this series go. Who knows, maybe the upcoming prequel/spinoff will end up beating this one.

Katniss is still mad at President Snow for being a mean person and trying to enslave the districts. She’s helping the uprising take over his city to restore law and order to the world. It’ll be tough though because his military might is very great and he has already brainwashed one of Katniss’ friends. It’s a bleak path to victory and just about everything that is worth fighting for is already tarnished, but Katniss must press on for victory and for glory!

Where to start with this film right? For starters, the film still isn’t any fun. It’s very bleak and it’s very overly dramatic. The characters are constantly whining and yelling in despair about how bleak everything is. I don’t think the sun really rises until the very last scenes of the film. Before that, it’s pretty much always cloudy with a gloomy backdrop. The characters are constantly injured or on the brink of tears so they can’t have any good discussions without wondering about moral boundaries. Katniss doesn’t want the heroes to become as bad as the villains, but nobody seems to be on her side with this. They’ll take Snow down however they can. No matter how many casualties and injuries occur in the process!

Katniss is also still a very unlikable character. Her only good plan in the film is when she says that she’ll escape on her own to take down Snow. The problem is that she doesn’t actually go through with it and waits until a few more members die to just take command of the operation for everyone. At that point she goes, but it dampens any epic impact that she could have had. At the end, she realizes the truth about one of the villains and quickly makes a bold move. At this point, her options were limited, but perhaps not voting to put the Hunger Games into place once more would have changed things a bit although it would have made getting the fatality a little more difficult. Essentially, it was a classic lose-lose situation, which you’ll see a lot of in these films.

I really did not like Peeta. Once he was brainwashed, that was the end for him. He could never be likable again as he just served to up the drama in the films. Sure, Snow had a lot of time to break him, but it doesn’t mean that I have to actually end up liking Peeta in the end. As far as I’m concerned, he’s just not my kind of character nor will he ever be. The film would have been better off without him. Likewise, his rival, Gale, was no better. Gale thinks that the ends justify the means so he’s already portrayed as a bit of a bad guy. He likes Katniss and isn’t afraid to remind the audience of that quite a few times, but you knew that he was doomed from the start. Of course, I was hoping that both characters would be doomed.

Most of the other characters are non factors here. Naturally, we do have the leader of the resistance. She wants to be the leader of the new world and she claims to have the people’s best interests at heart. Hopefully that’s true…but it seems a little far fetched. It’s a shame since she’s actually a decent character for the most part. Someone who actually stands up to Snow? That’s what we’ve needed all these years although the fake crying was a bit much. I liked the field commander who actually trusted Katniss and decided to defy the government. I’ll give him some props there.

Near the end, we’re reminded again why I don’t care for Katniss as a character. When she arrives home, the “hero” decides to start throwing things at her cat in a rage not unlike those seen on For Glory in the recent Super Smash bros game. It’s a terrible scene and I wish that the cat had simply left for greener passions. After something like that, I don’t think Katniss is worthy to be the owner, but we ahve to wonder whether she ever was. It’s a whole host of problems that plagued Katniss from start to finish, but scenes like this did not help.

All right, what did the film do right? Well, there was certainly a lot more action than in the first film. We had some machine guns, grenades, and even a large amount of tar water that attacked the heroes from all sides. It’s not much, but it’s something. The film’s certainly not lacking in action the same way that the previous installment was. Something is typically happening in this film, it’s just stretched out to the point where many scenes don’t have a point.

That was a slim positive, but I really can’t think of many more. I guess there’s a positive in the sense that it could have been worse. The characters could have been worse and the film could have been more dreary. It’s a matter of looking at the film as half full or half empty. No matter how you slice it though, the negatives do outweigh the positives. The random zombies were intriguing here though and the film did try to recreate the Alien scenes from the good ole days of film making. The zombies have no real character and they’re pretty slow, but at least it works as a tense scene. Honestly, it’s probably the film’s best action scene even if that’s not saying a whole lot at this point.

Finally, I have to take another shot at Katniss and her final plan. Her final plan basically involves committing suicide to avoid capture and an untimely fate. Not only does she still manage to mess this up somehow, but it’s not a great plan. I can acknowledge heroes who go on suicide missions to save their friends, but not when they just decide to destroy themselves like in the Ronin film. It’s a very big difference between those two actions. Whatever the outcome, Katniss needed to either think of an escape plan or another way to carry out the plan. Just grabbing the pill is a big cop out and unfortunately an accurate representation of her character.

Overall, This film was an improvement over part 1 as we at least had some action, but it’s not enough to actually make this a good film. It’s just not a fun ride and the series was never fun from start to finish. The films dragged on for as long as possible and I was just waiting for the film to end. The “happy” ending at the end is still pretty lackluster. For starters, the romance between the two characters definitely wasn’t all that good to begin with and the friend zone should have occurred. Instead of being inspiring, the ending just feels rushed and out of the blue. The Hunger Games is truly worthy of the title…overrated.

Overall 2/10

Spectre Review

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I saw this film a while back so this review’s been on the back burner for quite a while at this point. Needless to say, I was not impressed and Spectre is a big drop from Skyfall. It tries to play out like the old James Bond films and that’s a bad thing. Not only is it not long enough for this film to be considered nostalgic like with what Creed and Star Wars are doing (Nostalgia in the sense that it brings back old scenes/plot references to get a rise out of the audience in an epic way) but it just brings up all of the reasons why I never liked the films in the first place. Brace yourselves because things are about to get real.

James Bond is on the hunt for an organization known as Spectre. They’re a worldwide terrorist organization that is bent on committing as many crimes as possible. Bond’s own MI6 is being taken over by a new company that wants to take control of all spy programs across the planet so the agent is on his own. Gee, I hope that the company is on the up and up though. Having complete control over the planet’s surveilance programs is a lot of power is one guy’s hand after all. Bond is so good that he still has a lot of high tech equipment at his side even without the company and he gets close to catching up to Spectre a few times only to be evaded at the last second. He’s going to need his old pal Q if he wants to come out on top!

The film is very long so the plot changes rather dramatically as the film progresses. Let’s just get the negatives out of the way first so we can discuss the characters and the film itself. For starters, the romance and objectification is back in full force for this feature. The opening credits are terrible and show why the James Bond franchise will never be respectable and why it will never be a good one either. The romance plots here are all terrible, forced, and simply unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. A widow who lost her husband about a day or two ago quickly gets over it and decides to move on to Bond. Granted, she didn’t seem to like the guy much and he was a villain, but it’s still not cool. It’s also hard to see her getting out of the place alive since Bond just left her with a phone number for an embassy.

One person is never enough so Bond also goes to the daughter of an old villain, Madeleine. She’s the main heroine of the film and while she tries to act like the tough heroine at all times, it didn’t take her long to get past the friend zone with Bond. The two characters keep on splitting up and getting back together throughout the entire film, which ends up being a plot line that drags on and doesn’t contribute to the film. It also makes the characters make some poor decisions. For example, Madeleine says that she’s had enough of Bond so she walks away to a dark alley during a tense moment where the villains are on the loose. Lo and behold, the villains kidnap her. Who did not see this coming?

There’s also the fact that even the fight scenes aren’t as enjoyable as they used to be. Remember when fight scenes were about slugging it out and just being the last man standing? That’s not how it goes now as the villains immediately go for eye shots, which makes for a long grapple where the villain will either succeed or fail. Instead of being an enjoyable bout, it turns into a fight that’s grimacing to watch. I’ve always been partial to eye shots and just don’t like to see them in my fights. Unfortunately, they tend to occur quite frequently nowadays.

This film is also pretty violent at times like when one villain pulls the eye shot on another. It’s a painfully long scene meant to show us how sinister and evil the villain is..but we already knew that. Everyone in the theater knew that these guys were evil already. We also get a long scene where the main villain drills through James Bond for a while before the agent is finally able to get free. The extra edge factor is not needed. It’s like adding a 6th cheese to a 5 cheese pizza. At that point, it doesn’t make a whole lot of difference.

All right, we’ve mostly gone through the main negatives at this point. Now, onto the characters! James Bond is actually very out of character here compared to Craig’s previous roles. Unlike the other Bonds, he was never overly interested in women to the point where he would flirt with everyone. He preferred to be detached from everyone and we only saw his affairs once in a while. Here? Nah, he’s back to being the original Bond. Who needs continuity when you have nostalgia moments for the fans right? Unfortunately, it destroys any chance that he had of being likable and Bond is a terrible main character. It’s good that he decided to leave MI6 once it was getting corrupt, but at the same time, he should have failed in his mission. My suspense for disbelief can only go so far as Bond managed to evade everyone for around a year. (I forgot exactly how long the timeskip was) Bond is a little tougher here than he was in Skyfall (The most embarrassing film of his career) but he still continues to lose to random guys with steroids. What’s the point of mastering hand to hand combat if you’ll get wrecked by any joker with super strength? I don’t fully understand! Ah well, his loss.

Ernst is the main villain and another intellectual whose only gimmick is that he can talk a good game. That’s it. He can’t fight and Ernst is only relevant because he has a large organization to back him up. While strategic villains can be all right sometimes like Light Yagami, most of the time I want the main villain to be able to fight back. Otherwise, it’s hard to take him seriously no matter how much hype the guy gets.

As far as the heroines in James Bond films go, Madeleine is a big improvement. If we ignore the romance parts, then she’s a decent character. She actually knows how to fight and isn’t afraid to use a gun. Madeleine has good reason to be upset with Bond as he gave her father a gun and basically assisted in the guy’s suicide. Certainly a less painful end for the guy since Spectre was going to destroy him, but it still doesn’t change the fact that James gave him the means to an end. Madeleine was too indecisive though and could not make up her mind no matter how great the stakes were.

Q is still a good tech person even if it’s hard to forget the more classic versions of the character. He’s younger and has less respect for Bond, but it’s very hard to respect 007 so I can sympathize. His inventions aren’t bad and Q does help a little during the film. At least he’s a loyal friend so that’s always good. I can respect Q as a character. M is probably my favorite character in the film even if he talks a little too much. He spends most of the climax bragging even though C manages to get the upper hand on him. That’s considering that M had the advantage of surprise. Again, he was too busy bragging to even consider that C might try to tackle him. C has no real fighting experience, but he can still give M a good fight, which probably isn’t a good sign for the old guy. I liked C as a political villain. I always love seeing politics even if it made everyone look bad. The CIA and the FBI aren’t so unintelligent that they would fall for this trap. Seriously, letting someone control their agencies? Hahahahahaha.

As far as the length is concerned, James Bond films are always a little too long so I can’t say that I was surprised. It’s still not a good thing though as the film does tend to drag on from time to time. It’s not as bad as the Hobbit where I would be on the verge of ZZZs though. I’d never really get that tired from James Bond with all of the explosions that were around, but it would have done well to have cut out a good chunk of time if you ask me. It may sound like a stretch, but a good 30-40 minutes could easily be shaved off.

While I was not very impressed with the fight scenes, I still enjoyed the nice car chase scenes. Those are always a lot of fun and it’s why films like Need for Speed and Fast & and the Furious always have potential. With a nice night backdrop to add some hype to the race, you can really never count a race out as being the best part of a film. It certainly was here even if Bond’s car should be a little faster considering that it’s a one of a kind machine that was built by Q.

Still, the film just couldn’t live up to the hype from the trailer. I figured that I wouldn’t like this film, but the trailer still hinted that this could be the best Bond film yet. I like the idea of an evil organization like Spectre and Bond having to face them all. It could have been so epic, but the film just never pulls this off. Even from small things like the organization having to remind us that they’re dealing with human trafficking (Again, we know they’re evil so why the extra details?) or the first action scene taking place in a packed area where the locale isn’t as vibrant and interesting as a city backdrop, the film couldn’t get as hype as it should have been.

Overall, I’m definitely fine with this being the final Bond film in the Craig era. Maybe it’s just time to give the franchise a long break and then we can check on it again in like 20 years or so. That’s definitely not a bad idea if you ask me. Listen to the reviews this time folks and just skip out on this film. If you want a more enjoyable theater experience, then go check out Creed or the new Mission Impossible. Mission Impossible continues to be a better secret agent film series than James Bond and at this point, the gap is so wide that I don’t see this changing in the near or far future. Game over Mr. Bond.

Overall 2/10

Ten Little Indians Review

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I saw the original adaption of the novel a while back and it was pretty good. I’d say that this film was also enjoyable and at about the same level even though it was clearly not as good as the original. Just about anything that this film could do, the older one could do better. I do wonder how a more modern adaption of this film would go, no doubt it would probably not be as good. That being said, I’d love to see an ensemble cast try to tackle this film. We could have Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, Chris Pratt, Arnie, Chuck Norris, and whoever else is super popular at the moment. It would be an interesting mix of personalities, which is why ensemble films are typically so fun.

As you may expect, ten people are invited to a mysterious place over on a mountain. The host invited everyone over on false pretenses, but once the ten arrive at the mansion he is nowhere to be seen. Instead they listen to a recording which exposes their previous murders and the characters start to die off one by one in ways that are very similar to how the 10 little Indians went out in a poem. Can they figure out which person among them is actually the nefarious host or are they all doomed to simply fade away into oblivion?

I quickly have to mention one big change from the first film which wasn’t cool. The original adaption had a fisherman who drove everyone to the island. The first adaption ended with him walking up slowly to the mansion while eating a sandwich. It was a humorous way to end the murder thriller and you could tell that this was someone that you didn’t mess with. Even the murderer wanted nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, this version took place on a mountain so there was no boat ride to begin with. A bit of a missed opportunity if you ask me.

As I mentioned earlier, there are other aspects where this film isn’t as good. For starters, we have Mike. He was a decent character in the first film and a music guy who may not have had much of a personality, but it wasn’t a bad one. Here, he’s only interested in romance and just staring at another character who rejects him. It’s a negative change that just doesn’t work for me here. It’s not like most of the characters are that good anyway though. I’m not a fan of any character in particular at this point, but better to be a non character than a bad one right?

This film was slightly modernized though, which wasn’t a good thing. The romance isn’t handled as well as in the first film where it was pretty much nonexistence. Here, the characters are very quick to forget the danger and engage in their romance, but it’s not fitting considering the situation. As such, Ann and Hugh aren’t very likable characters. Hugh is the James Bond kind of guy who talks a good game and even has a gun for most of the film. It’s simply not enough to make him a cool character since this isn’t the time to flirt. Likewise, Ann is just as guilty and makes the situation harder for everyone by being very cryptic about her backstory. Just saying it would have saved the characters some time and the way that she gets scared by everything is a bit much as well.

The actress is all right I suppose, but she doesn’t add much to the story either. She’s probably also the least apologetic about her backstory, which came across as a little drastic. The main characters who were pretty likable where the old folks. It’s not too surprising as they engage in most of the witty banter and try to keep each other from making any hasty moves. The detective also keeps everyone in check as he does have some useful professional experience at his disposal.

Ultimately, it’s pretty intriguing to see all of the characters go down one by one. Granted, you have to suspend your disbelief as the film goes on. Why does nobody think to simply stake out the room where the Indian figures keep disappearing? Even once the culprit is found out…or to be more precise, the fact that the culprit is revealed to be just one person makes it a little harder to swallow. This person shouldn’t be able to move so quickly and evade everyone with such precision. I’m just not sure that I buy that. Of course, you don’t need to buy it to enjoy the film.

Another change from the first film is an extended fight scene where one of the butlers goes into a frenzy and attacks Hugh. It’s pretty interesting as this pretty much came out of nowhere. Unfortunately, the fight scene isn’t that good, but you will be surprised at how many times the fight stops and then starts again. The cheap shots just won’t stop, but there is a winner in the end so that’s good. The other characters (for the most part) talk tough about how they shouldn’t have fought, but Hugh wasn’t exactly given a choice so it’s good that he took the win. The butler then decided to leave the mountain on his own, which was probably one of the worst decisions that he could have made.

I will give the ending props for still coming across as fairly realistic. The plan was sound and I actually wouldn’t call it out for being unrealistic or full of plot hax. When you think about it, this film was thought out fairly well and while some plot hax is inevitable, it was a fun mystery from start to finish with no real cop outs. You just have to choose which character you think is guilty and then go on from there. I always like films like that since you can just make your pick and enjoy the film. If you were right, then it’s time to buy a snack afterwards. Of course, I knew who it was this time since I saw the original, but I imagine that a lot of people will only see one version of the film.

Overall, Ten Little Indians isn’t quite as good as the original adaption. The increased romance, the characters being less likable, and the fight scene actually being sub par kept it from reaching the same status as the original. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a good film, but it’s just not as good. It follows the original quite closely even down to the script aside from these changes so it is still a good movie, but why not watch the original instead right? These classic mystery thrillers are definitely intense and black and white does fit in quite nicely for it. You can tell that this film is retro even though it was a little modernized. I’d be interested to see a 2010 or later remake, but I can tell that it probably wouldn’t be great. Something to think about though and this plot is certainly one that can easily be reused in a completely different context while still being effective. Make it happen Hollywood!

Overall 6/10

Tomorrowland Review

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I saw Tomorrowland a while back and braced myself for the experience. I had heard many tales of woe about how this film can bore a person to tears. One senior couple actually exited the theater midway…the first time that they ever did that in their lives! The stories were quite impressive, but in a way…they destroyed that chance of happening. At the very least, the film would be entertaining because I would be chuckling at how everyone spent 10-15 dollars to see it in the theater! Granted, the film was actually decently good and I’d upgrade that to a pretty good if not for an unfortunate moment. It’s true that the film starts to go off the rails in the second half, but the first chunk is enough to qualify it as a good movie. Is it boring? Not really, but you can make a case for the second half.

It should be mentioned that everything about this film is pretty misleading about what the true plot is. Why is David Nix listed above Athena and Casey when they both have far more important roles in this film? Look at the poster that I chose…the main character isn’t even on it. In fact, I was shocked when we got a fight scene in this film because I feel like the trailers never even hinted at that, but maybe I just forgot to rewatch the trailer. It has been a while to be honest….time to talk about the actual plot.

The film starts out with an ominous scene of a timer counting down. It’s full of tension and epicness…until it’s ruined by a voice that keeps interrupting the main character over and over again. I’ll admit that I got tired of this joke the very instant that the first interruption happened. I’m sorry…but is this a comedy film or an end of the world thriller? Better pick the first option folks since most would not call this a thriller. We then get a flashback for the main character (Most of the film is a flashback by the way) who is called Frank. His dreams are crushed when his broken invention is turned down (With an epic burn I might add) but a girl gives him the keys to the underground city where the world’s top inventors are building a Utopia. Frank likes this concept. We then skip a few decades to where a girl by the name of Casey finds a little button.

When she grabs the button, she is “warped” to that highly advanced planet. The only problem is that her mind feels like she is gone, but she’s really still in the real world so this leads to a lot of shenanigans like tripping. (And plot hax) An android girl named Athena shows up and basically tells Casey to come with her if Casey wants to live. A group of human hunters are after them as they want the button and want to foil Athena’s plans. Athena has given pins to many people to help keep the inventions going, but the villains can’t have that.

Again, I was shocked to see the androids because I was expecting more of a down to Earth story about environmental change and that kind of thing. The big fight scene in the toy store was a lot of fun with the Androids shooting up the place before being reduced to scrap metal by Athena’s gravity gun. We then got another big action scene as Frank, now much older and more experienced had his hype team up with Casey. The booby traps took out a bunch of the villains and the heroes escaped with their lives. Sadly…this basically ends the action segment and also ends the first half of the film. That’s where things go downhill a little.

So…this Utopia can only be entered from France and the heroes can basically teleport/move at incredible rocket speeds that haven’t been invented yet…and they accomplished this decades ago. Nooooooo. You really have to throw logic out of the window here and the problem is that the whole plot doesn’t make sense. Nobody noticed all of these famous inventors disappearing now and again to help out the tech world? Nobody has ever found this place since it is a tangible location? Building it under an amusement park in the 60’s (Something like that) is one thing, but that just doesn’t fly in the modern world. We’ve got cameras for that kind of thing. Let’s not even get into the fact that the world basically runs on hope. If people stop hoping and just accept their fate…then they’re basically toast. Luckily, Casey is an optimist so she saves the world by believing in it. I can’t even…..

It’d be emotional if it wasn’t so nonsensical. Yeah, these plot holes and logic shenanigans aren’t the kind of thing that would impact the film’s score in any way for me, but it does take you out of the adventure to an extent. There’s also a villain in there somewhere, but the film didn’t even need one if you think about it. I suppose that it adds more wrinkles to the film though and we can always use those. As you watch the film, you’ll notice many moments where the badge should have basically destroyed Casey, but she uses the power of plot to survive.

Casey’s not a bad character though and she’s actually pretty decent. It’s always good to be an optimist even if she’s doomed in her classes as a result. It is a fact that the environment is being destroyed and that humanity continues to spiral lower and lower into the moral ground. It’s noble to try and resist such things by keeping a positive light…but then we’re reminded that she goes around sabotaging government facilities to try and keep her father’s job stable, but costing other people untold amounts of money. Whoops…. Anyway, she’s not bad, I did have a bit of a problem with Athena though.

Can you say overhyped? Athena is the definition of a hype character and she gets it every second of her appearance. She’s pretty rude to Frank and Casey the entire time and expects them to follow her orders without any context. She’s simply too overbearing and annoying when on screen. She can fight so at least the hype isn’t hollow, but more explanations and less bossy moments would have done her wonders. She even goes as far as to pretend to fall asleep instead of giving Casey some answers. Why couldn’t Athena answer them? No reason at all, she just didn’t feel like it.

Frank’s a great character though. He represents the cynical side of the world, which means that he gets dozens and dozens of good one liners to keep everyone in check. Frank’s always sarcastic until character development destroys his likable personality. He easily steals the show in the film as far as the characters are concerned. Then again…that’s not too hard.

There is one random scene where the Terminators destroy a group of policemen that could and should have led to a bunch of epic moments, but the cops never got their revenge. It was just sad because the cops were treated as a plot device rather than as actual characters. There should be some ramifications for shooting them down, but the film glosses over this point and moves on. It just felt so random…like most of the second half of the film. Seriously, once the main characters get on the rocket and enter Tomorrow Land, the film could have ended.

The ending involves a big power of friendship moment as a lot of annoying kid androids appear. The heroes have to explain hope and kindness to them and it’s not as emotional as the film would lead you to believe. Now, I’ve sounded decently harsh on this film and it made a lot of mistakes. This will be the final time that I say this, but the second half dropped the ball. If the film had kept up the first half’s momentum the whole time, we’d be looking at a possible 8…wellllll…probably a 7, but that’s still good. As it stands, the film would have gotten a 7, but that one scene hurts it.

In another random moment, the androids shoot a pigeon. Game Over. I had to dock a whole star from the film. It probably would have been more if it had been a dog or if the scene had been any more graphic or time consuming, but in this case, it was a good thing that the scene was still glossed over. I deduct a star on principle, but at least the animal violence was fairly mild. It’s insulting that the scene is meant to be comic relief though. The writers clearly had no idea what they were doing here.

Overall, Tomorrowland is certainly not as bad as you may have been led to believe. It can be pretty boring once the set up and introduction to the characters is complete, but the first half of the film is pretty interesting. Casey being a thief does hurt her whole character arc a bit, but I’ll assume that she doesn’t do those things anymore. If you turn your brain off and ignore the dozens of plot/logic holes here, you should have a good time. I’d recommend this film anyway and the action scenes should surprise you in a good way as they were unexpected. That being said, this is certainly no thriller and if you thought that Clooney’s character was the lead…prepare to be disappointed.

Overall 6/10

Poltergeist II The Other Side Review

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They say that it’s darkest before the Dawn. That may be the case for Poltergeist as this film was pretty terrible, but the next one is supposed to be even worse. Int his case, it may just stay in darkness for a while. Poltergeist II was a bad idea from the start, but I feel like it didn’t even try. It had a humorous moment or two during the film, but that’s about all that I can say for it.

Steve and Diane are still trying to get over the death of their old house via the Poltergeist monsters. It’s been a while and they’ve mostly settled into the new place. After the mother dies, the Poltergeists decide to make a return. One of them impersonates the lady for a while, but Carol figures out that it’s a trap and warns the other characters that they’re back! One of the ghost busting professionals arrives to help out, but is he really a hero?

Where to start with this trainwreck right!? Well, let’s go into the positive part first. I do like how Steve reacts to some of the situations. For example, the Indian known as Taylor went to the family and said that the house was okay after the heroes had nearly been destroyed. Steve then answers that Taylor can stay there since it’s so safe as he dashes off in the car. They really have no reason to trust Taylor after all and the guy is pretty suspect at times. Steve tends to take things in stride and he’s always got a sarcastic comeback for when the going gets tough. That’s the kind of skills that I expect to see from someone like him. Unfortunately, that’s the only real positive in the film.

Let’s go back to Taylor. This guy’s a truly pointless character who is full of himself and doesn’t actually help the others. He helps one of the kids try to become a man by giving him scratches with a sharp twig or something of that sort. It was pretty bad and just shows how crazy he is as Taylor talks about how kids fight in wars and such to justify these decisions. Taylor always hides when the villains appear as he prefers to let Steve do all of the fighting. He hangs out in the background until the coast is clear. He also continually lies to the main character about his car being angry so that he can steal it at the end. I don’t see why this character was called int to help at all as he was one of the worst characters.

Next up on the cringe worthy checklist is the main villain. Kane is an old pastor who was delusional and thought that the world would end so he buried everyone in a cave and forced them all to die. They apparently lost their minds as nobody thought to try and attack him so they could get out. They outnumbered the guy like 20-1 and they just let themselves die from hunger and thirst? You’ve got to be kidding me. He got supernatural powers somehow and can turn into a giant monster. The monster form looked decently cool I suppose, but its first form was a grotesque looking skeleton that hatched from its worm form. It was pretty repulsive the whole time. Just to make sure that the viewers didn’t like the villain, the movie decided to make him depraved as well.

In one of those scenes that added nothing to the film except a death warrant on its overall score, Kane tries to force himself on Diane and the scene is just sooooo terrible. We don’t need more Sword Art Online scenes folks, this is really what doomed Poltergeist II to a 0 although it would have only been a 1 at best otherwise. The focus on the actual ghosts was basically forgotten in this film as Kane was the only true villain. When Taylor talks about Kane, he almost hinted that the guy was the devil incarnate at first, but later on he just turns out to be your average loony. No amount of character development could have made him a compelling villain though.

Did I mention that Steve is also very weak when it comes to strength of will? All Kane needs to mind control him in this film is to make eye contact and Steve was instantly unable to do anything about the whole situation. He nearly let Kane in at that point and it’s good that Carol was around. None of the characters seemed to know what they were doing when faced with supernatural threats. It’s also intriguing how the insurance companies acknowledge that the house is missing without actually coming through on the insurance. Really…?

Let’s elaborate a little more on how the characters are terrible. Steve knows that Kane could show up at any minute so instead of preparing his will for round 2…he decides to go and have a beer. He’s so drunk that he doesn’t see Kane (Now in the form of an insect) inside of the bottle and swallows him. Kane messes around in Steve’s body for a while before Steve finally spits him out, but why would he be drinking at all in such a situation? Carol constantly freezes with fear whenever the villains appear. You’d think that after the first film she would be a little more used to dealing with supernatural forces right? There’s not much to say about Diane, but she can be a little unreasonable when the heroes were running from the ghosts. Staying in the car was their best strategy after all.

Also, where would a bad horror film be without the obligatory bath scene right? As per usual, it’s pointless and shouldn’t be around. It’s not as drawn out and painfully unbearable as in the average film, but it’s still around which is not cool. It’s basically just adding insult to injury by this point. Basically, the key message is do not watch this film. It just had no idea where it was going from start to finish and was a mess.

Overall, Poltergeist II is quite bad. It doesn’t really know what its doing at this point. It’s not really trying to be a horror film as nothing even gets remotely horror esque aside from the monster form at the end. All of the characters make foolish decisions and Taylor was a very poorly written “hero”. We find out that some iffy truths about what may have happened with his tribe way back when, but it has nothing to do with anything. This film wouldn’t even exist if the characters made smart decisions. If you want to watch a good horror film….don’t watch this one!

Overall 0/10

Sleepy Hollow Review

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This review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All thoughts below pertain to such as a review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative.
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Finally, a film that lives up to its name! Heh, that’s not a compliment for this film, but still rather humorous to point out. I do appreciate the classic “Heads will roll” tagline since it makes sense for the film and makes for a nice pun. The problem is that the rest of the film falls apart rather quickly, preventing this film from ever getting any energy.

Ichabod is a detective and he doesn’t like how his country still likes to torture criminals because they can. (Grrrrreat start for this film right?……..) The court laughs it off and punishes him by sending Ichabod to Sleepy Hollow, where people have been beheaded left and right. The townsfolk tell Ichabod that it’s a supernatural being doing this, but Ichabod (Between yells and gasps) laughs them off. He starts to become a believer as the threat gets more and more real. The Masbeth family in particular seems to have been targeted a lot so Ichabod allows a kid from that family to work under him. This turns out to be a good move since Ichabod is scared of just about everything when he’s by himself.

Where to start right? Let’s go with the animal violence. It’s very excessive and I barely even need to get into it all. Horses, Bats, Dogs(I forgot, but I thought so…I may be mixing them up, still it was egregious!) That was already enough to cripple the film into nothingness, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg for this film. It continued to go from bad to worse as the movie went on.

Another terrible angle for the film is the fact that all of the townspeople seem to be fine with cheating on others. Several characters are exposed and blackmailed through this as the main villain gathers the dirt on everyone. Can’t we have a town full of law abiding citizens? Nah, that wouldn’t sell. The scenes were all rather terrible and even the ending has to force in a moment between the main villain and the headless horseman. It wasn’t exactly a two way street there though and then adding insult to injury was the fact that the villain was blown up by getting rammed into a tree. The scenes are just so terrible and completely unnecessary.

It goes without saying that the film is quite violent as well. The beheadings happen one after another with the heroes being unable to put a stop to them. The main heroine was no good either as she was quick to betray the main character and burn his things just because Ichabod suspected her father. (Who looked terrible the entire time) They all make up at the end rather quickly, but it’s a forced romance and doesn’t add anything to the film.

Sleepy Hollow’s also a little too long as it clocks in at nearly 2 hours. For this kind of film, 75-90 minutes would have done quite well. The film takes a long time to get to the point of why we should care about this adventure. The “good guys” don’t seem to be so good as long as the torture programs are still in effect and Ichabod is a pretty bad character. He’s constantly getting scared and grossed out. Instead of looking like a professional, he comes across as someone who’s simply in over his head. He even gets suckered by the locals as they throw a pumpkin in his face.

Even the Headless Horseman, who should have been cool ended up being a little underwhelming. His origin story was given, which was a mistake as per usual. His true form was that of a random barbarian who just liked to behead people while fighting. That sounds pretty impractical and I can see why he didn’t quite make it. Eventually, someone would just take him out while he was going for the perfect strike. Considering that he was a supernatural monster, he wasn’t very impressive either. A stronger main character could have probably taken him down for the count. The immortal horse would be the tougher opponent there.

Before the film went down the gutter, I must say that I did have my suspicions that it wouldn’t be so good. Leaving the city to go into a small village to fight the villain? As you may be aware, that’s not my kind of setting. I like seeing busy cities with large skyscrapers. Watching the heroes dashing around in the forest just isn’t as appealing to me. Not to mention that the characters needed to be more likable. I won’t blame Depp’s acting here though as he is much better when he’s not pretending to be a pirate. That being said, no amount of acting could save any of the characters when they’re written so poorly.

There’s not much more to say about this film considering how iffy it was. It was interesting that a magic angle was added here aside from the main villain and her spells. The main heroine had some powers as well, but they were much weaker and this angle wasn’t explored as much as it could have been. That’s definitely a bit of a missed opportunity for the film as well. Can any film adapt the Headless Horseman as well as in the classic Scooby Doo cartoon? We’re still waiting to find out!

Overall, This is another film that was just very bad. It’s boring and that’s a crime for any film. It’s fairly violent with no point behind some of the scenes. An example of this is when Ichabod opened someone up to prove some kind of point so we saw him come out all bloodied. That’s not an example of a really violent scene as it’s just his clothes (Still a little violent though) but just an unnecessary moment. Getting blown up by hitting a tree was definitely intense and all of the animal violence was not good either. Add in the main villain seducing people to further her plan, as well as another guy having an iffy affair and you get a film that is riddled with problems from start to finish. I highly recommend avoiding this film and you’d be better off watching reruns of Blues Clues for a few hours. At the very least, Blue is a very relatable character in that show.

Overall 1/10

Insidious Chapter 2 Review

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Looks like it’s time for the sequel! Sequels have a pretty bad rep at times and especially when it comes to Horror films. I’ll admit that I do have a little fun chuckling at the posters for them though. The films constantly want you to be scared, but it’s just not happening. If you’re scared of an old guy who runs around a lot….then I may as well say Game Over now because things will get tricky!

In the last film, it ended with Josh being possessed by the main villain and the main heroine is worried. She certainly has good reason to be since none of them are safe anymore. The film slowly starts to go the Shining route until we see the Spirit World where Josh decides to try and get his freedom back. It’s a bold move, but he’s got to try something since the ghosts really embarrassed him this whole time.

Let’s get right to the facts for why this film was so terrible. First off, the villain from the first film wasn’t that cool, but at least she was fairly threatening. She actually won in the end when you think about it as she got to possess the father. Here, the film decides to give her an origin and it’s as bad you can imagine. Turns out that the old widow is actually a guy who liked to destroy people in his spare time. This is why we don’t need character development for villains. It’s usually just around for pure shock value and ends up being pretty terrible. It destroyed any chance that the villain could have had of being good.

Moreover, the film actually copied the Shining’s famous scene where the crazy guy tries to break through the door. It wasn’t really a good scene the first time, nor was it here. The demon being stronger than the dad still doesn’t make any sense either as the film constantly tries to say that the living have more power than the dead. It’s like the writers forgot what they were saying midway through the film.

There’s a subplot where the ghostbusters decide to go to an old hospital where they see the victims and learn that Josh is being possessed. It’s a plot that goes on and on and on with no end in sight. Certainly a large part of the film that will leave you a little bored, although that’s not so different from the rest of the film. These characters fight against Josh at one point towards the end of the film, but they don’t look so good and are defeated right away. So much for that right?

As per usual, one of the kids is able to see things and has power in the spirit world. This was the case in the first film as well so it’s nothing new, but it feels like every horror film has to cram in a kid with super powers. I still can’t say that I’m a fan of the kids, but I’m not a fan of any member of the cast to be honest. Even the wise old lady isn’t that good. She talks tough, but was defeated with relative ease in the last film and get shocked a lot.

The stinger at the end of the film is nowhere near as good as the one in the first film. According to good ole Wikipedia, it does hint that the red faced demon from the first film may have made a comeback. That would make the cliffhanger a lot better, but without actually seeing the monster, it comes across as shallow. There are a ton of jump scares here, but as I always say, once you’ve seen Five Nights at Freddy’s, you become immune to those. Nothing can stop the dramatic teddy bear jumping towards you after all!

The film is also bogged down by a plethora of flashbacks. Granted, they are used to tie into the rest of the film as time travel is involved which is neat. It’s the only part of the film that I’ll give any credit as it was pretty unique and unexpected. That being said, it just can’t make up for everything else, even if the timeline for everything was finally merged by the end. Josh also looked quite bad at the end. During his rage moment with everything on the line, he was still crushed rather quickly by one of the ghosts. So much for surpassing the odds and beating the villain in the end right?

Take away the terrible plot twist about the villain and the classic Josh being possessed subplot…and you could have a real winner at your side. That being said, the film didn’t do that and it was just tough to watch as you may expect from a horror film. It’s certainly not nearly as violent as you may expect from this film so that’s an okay start I suppose. If you want to be scared though, it’s not going to happen here.

Overall, Insidious 2 is another stinker I’m afraid. If you’ve seen one horror film, then you’ve seen them all. This starts to become more and more evident as these reviews go on. It’s not quite as bad as some others and I have one horror film coming up which is worse, but films like this one definitely give sequels a bad name. Let’s just hope that the third film is better. If Insidious sticks to the Spirit World aspect and gives us some more fight scenes, then I can work with that. We just don’t want more of the filler/lol worthy origin stories that wreck established characters. Deciding to erase Josh’s memory of his gift was another bad decision by the old lady who was supposed to be an expert in this kind of thing. So much for that eh? If you’re looking for a real horror film, go watch Scooby Doo, any of the animated films will do. Now that has the perfect blend of horror and laughs! (Intentional laughs as opposed to the unintentional ones)

Overall 1/10

The Fog (2005) Review

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Our trip through horror land continues with The Fog! As you recall, I saw the original The Fog quite a while ago. I can’t say that it was a very pleasant experience and this one isn’t either. I dare say that it’s worse than the original and suffers from some problems that the first did not. That’s never a good thing, but it is to be expected. While it’s not the biggest trainwreck out there, The Fog doesn’t do modern horror films any favors.

An island is about to celebrate the anniversary of when it was founded by their heroes. The thing is, their “heroes” are actually traitors who backstabbed the poor people who used to be on the island and then threw them all overboard while also burning them alive. These ghosts didn’t like that….they didn’t like that at all! To have their vengeance, they’re going to destroy every last person on the island. It’s going to be a busy weekend for them…so time to get started!

Unlike the original film, the radiohost isn’t really the main character. She’s around, but instead the main guy is a man from the village. He’s driving around when a girl shows up in the forest and they decide to become more than friends on the spot. Once they’re done, she tries to head home, but isn’t welcome there so she goes home with the main character. We’re attacked with more fanservice scenes and forced romances that are as shallow as you can get in a film before the ghosts start to attack with more force. The body count begins to rise and we learn that the drunk pastor actually knew about the whole situation from the start. He just doesn’t care enough to actually try and save everybody.

As you might expect, there are no likable characters here. The ghosts have a few decent points and while it doesn’t excuse murder, the heroes aren’t making a very good case for themselves. They’re just standing around and allowing themselves to get wrecked. Spooner, a random guy who gets into the this situation, is framed for destroying two girls and his friend so he quickly escapes the hospital to find the main character. How he got past the guards we’ll never know.

All of the main characters meet up inside of the burning house like in the first film, but then they realize that it wasn’t their best move. The climax takes a strange turn that’s pretty terrible though as we learn that Elizabeth, the main female lead, was actually the wife of one of the pirates. So, we get another forced romance with the ghost and as they vanish, we try to recall what the point of the film was. I would have preferred a classic stinger like in the original film. That was surprisingly absent in this version.

It almost goes without saying that the film can be pretty violent. It’s not quite as excessive as other horror films, but when you just look at it in a vaccum, it’s still up there in terms of violence levels. The gimmick of the pirates is that they always aim for the eyes, which can be pretty gruesome. Meanwhile, I also didn’t care for the fact that the old aunt had to bite the big one again. I feel like old people should be considered out of bounds for the villains in these slasher/horror films. It’s not nearly as bad as getting a dog, but still pretty bad.

Nick is also a very underwhelming main character. Forced romances and desperation aside, he’s not very smart. He had actual evidence that Spooner did not commit the murders, but decided to hide it instead of giving it to the cops. Naturally, the ghosts used this chance to track Elizabeth down and take it from her. Nick basically cost Spooner his freedom at the time and he never looked back.

I wouldn’t even say that the ghosts look all that menacing. Old pirates with fishhooks? We can do better than that. At least they are pretty fast thanks to their mist and they did succeed in taking out the weather man. Even the kid barely managed to escape from the power of these ghosts. The fog is just too thick and too intense.

Keep in mind that as a remake, this “The Fog” also feels like an abridged version of the original. Many plot lines were basically cut out to make way for some more action scenes or just generic tension moments. The ghosts have the same motive as in the original, but instead of a life for a life, they just want to murder everyone. Having a reincarnated ghost living a fake life before realizing her true purpose also came at the expense of the majority of the story. I’m also not sure why the film felt the need to wreck the Pastor. He was a great character in the original and one of the only sensible ones around, but in this film he’s just a drunk who couldn’t care less if they all went and died against these pirates. Talk about dramatic right? The heroes can never get a straight answer out of him.

Almost forgot one last thing, the old man by the beach! He found some artifacts and warned Elizabeth that if she touched it…things would change. She ignored him and snatched it, rather quickly, from his hands. After laughing it off with Nick, she went home, but things started to change. It’s fun to think about whether the old man was off his rocker or if touching the object started a chain reaction. You know…when I actually think about this film. I’m inclined to say that the old guy was just crazy and another red herring for the fans, but adding a little misdirection is always a good thing I’d say.

Overall, The Fog isn’t a very good film and is in fact..a bad film. It’s not as good as the original and suffers from the main issues that you tend to expect from a remake. There’s more fanservice and the characters are less developed. The film moves at a very high speed, but this isn’t a totally good thing when you think about it and speed can’t save the rest of the film. There’s no real reason to watch The Fog, but if you want a generic horror film where everyone is bumped off one at a time. Maybe this will be up your alley, just remember that it’s not exactly a scripting masterpiece so prepare to wince. If Aunt Connie had lived and taken out her shotgun, things could have been a little different….I doubt it would have helped all that much though. If the film really wanted to be good, then taking away the fanservice scenes and forced romance plots would have done it wonders and maybe bumped it up a full 2 stars.

Overall 1/10

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV-14 version. All thoughts pertain to such and an uncut review would likely be harsher
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Do any of you guys remember what you did 2 summers ago? I was relaxing at Florida enjoying a nice breakfast before having pizza for dinner. Well, the main character of this film had a more distressing experience as she tried to cover up a murder, but it didn’t go over so well. All of her friends were destroyed except for one so she has tried to forget this experience. That takes us to the sequel. How is she alive? After all, Julie was murdered in the first film. Well…turns out that was a dream. She effectively gets a second chance to try and win.

Julie has settled in nicely away from her old home. She is now going out with the friend from the first film (Who is nothing like his old personality, but a slight character reboot is nothing out of the ordinary for this film) and has a new best friend as well. One day, her friend suddenly wins a contest to go to the Caribbean and decides to take Julie, her boyfriend, and a guy who wants to be Julie’s friend. The four of them head out to this isolated island even though Julie knows that Ben Willis has returned. Surely he can’t follow them across the ocean right? She was wrong!

This film plays out like your average slasher. Every character starts to get picked off one by one. The main villain may essentially just be your average guy with a fishhook, but he’s fast and isn’t afraid of picking fights. He takes out one guy who was in a car and nearly takes out good ole Ray. (The friend from the older film) Every night he takes someone else out and the body count is quite high here. It’s to be expected as this film is an actual slasher. I use the term loosely so it’s nice to see a film where I can actually call it that without stretching the term. Naturally, this also means that the film is quite terrible.

It’s not quite as bad as the Shining…or even the Conjuring. This is the kind of film that can still be a little funny, but mainly because you will be chuckling at what a trainwreck it is. Seriously, nothing goes right for this film. Are you familiar with the term, “an accident waiting to happen”? Let’s just say that you could sum up the movie quickly with that line. It’s the definition of unlikable characters throughout the film. Let’s take a look at the negatives.

First, we’ll look at the filler ones. The guy in charge of the hotel is racist. This is relevant to the film because….? It adds that racial tension angle to the film I suppose, but it’s just there for extra edge. One of the few guys left in the hotel is a drug dealer who’s always talking about his drugs and trying to sell them. Naturally, everyone ignores him, but he’s another character who has no point in being here. As you may expect, both of these characters are quickly destroyed.

Next up, we’ve got the “hardcore” bartender. She murdered her husband so we naturally have to label her as a suspect…except for the fact that we already know the villain is Ben Willis. She talks a good game and helps out ever so slightly I suppose….but she’s just not a good character. She does whack one of the main characters on the head with a baseball bat, but then forgets how to fight when the villain comes after her. If a dead, overweight guy falls on you in a life or death situation, do you think you could roll him off of you? You have about 30 seconds to do this, which may not sound like a lot, but count to 30 and come back to me. It’s plenty of time to do this, but she is unable to…..okay then.

There’s a deck hand who quickly starts flirting (Or at least it came off that way to me) to show that he is expendable and a rope ties around his leg. It’s one of those nifty supernatural elements that the film loves before the fishhook guy appears to finish him off. Karla is Julie’s best friend and the only one who actually gets character development. She doesn’t seem as expendable, but just remember that this is a slasher film. Karla would be a good character if she didn’t have a habit of moving around in the dead of night to scare her friend. She tries to be a nice person though so she’s better than 99% of the cast.

Tyrell is her boyfriend and he brings us back to facepalm territory. He basically just thinks about making out for the entire film and it represents 90% of his lines. He even jokes about how nobody could hear Karla in this isolated island so he can do what he wants. It’s certainly in bad taste and shows what a terrible character he is. He talks very tough of course, but goes down incredibly fast. We’ve also got Ray, the old guy from the first film. His idea of a nice trick is to tell his girlfriend that he probably can’t go on the big trip with her. Gee, it’s not like she needs prior notice so that the ticket isn’t wasted right? He comes up big to help in the end, but still manages to underestimate his opponents and he froze up when he grabbed the gun. This is the time for action, not inaction!

There’s also Will, who’s another terrible character. He pretends to just want to be friends with Julie, but it’s obvious that this isn’t the case right from the start so he comes across as a big phony. He starts to crack by the end and it’s safe to say that he’s one of the worst characters in the film. There’s also Estes, who’s another red herring to keep everyone busy. He seems to believe in some very satanic stuff and steals possessions from the main characters. Turns out he was trying to fight fire with fire, but fails epicly and doesn’t really stand a chance. He did try to take a win via a cheap shot and I don’t know how he could have possibly lost at that point. He must have choked under pressure.

Finally, we can’t forget about Julie and Ben. Julie is super saddened by the experiences of the first film, but this doesn’t stop her from trying to get a tan in an enclosed device where she will be vulnerable. She makes terrible decisions throughout the film just like you would expect from a horror film. Julie constantly yells about how she will destroy Ben, but typically just runs away when he actually shows up. I do like how the villains tell the heroes “You wouldn’t have the nerve to destroy us!” Do they realize that they are talking to the edgy teenagers who would shoot them without a second thought? I somehow don’t think so.

There’s a twist near the end, which helps out the film’s credibility quite a bit in terms of realism. It’s still a film riddles with plot hax and nobody would ever buy this happening in real life, but as far as slasher films go, the twist did help things. This film also has a twist ending as the end. Given what happened last time, you can call this a dream, but I like to think that this really happened. If so, I’m afraid that the main characters could be doomed once again.

I personally found the film’s pacing to be quite quick here, more so than in the first film. The film goes by quickly, which is more than I can say for the average horror film. It wasn’t really a chore to watch even if it is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s actually a terrible film, it’s just funny because it’s so bad. Aside from all of the terrible characters, the film also suffers from other issues like excessive violence and fanservice. We have the unnecessary shower scenes which are just not cool and everyone gets stabbed in various ways to remind us of why this film is edgy. The characters are making out a lot and there are many suggestive comments woven throughout the script. Language is another issue.

If you can think of a negative for a film, this one’s likely got it. It fits the Slasher formula to a T. It has every stereotype that you could possibly want to avoid and then some. The villain is just a supernatural human, but the characters are always so afraid that they run away. Ben walks up slowly each time and still manages to take them out. Even 6 bullets aren’t enough to stop this guy. It definitely makes you wonder. I’d say that the first film was probably better than this one, but this film may have felt like more of a parody. I’d also say that this film may have been less violent, but mileage will vary on that as they are pretty similar.

Overall, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is another slasher film that doesn’t know when it’s time to call it a day. The soundtrack also isn’t very good to put it mildly. This is the kind of film that you can watch as a group and find many things to make fun of. You could certainly think of some (soda) drinking games on the spot to make the experience better. The whole film’s plot falls apart when you realize that a hotel with 5 employees during their “off season” likely wouldn’t allow any guests to stay on the premise. That being said, while it can be a little funny to watch a film because it’s a trainwreck, why do that when you can watch a film that’s actually good? Think on that and then remember that Ben Willis isn’t so tough….

Overall 1/10