Banjo-Kazooie Review

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You know that feeling when you see a really good sweater outside but when you turn it around to purchase you see that they just went a little too crazy on the design? That’s this game in a nutshell, the gameplay is actually really solid and a ton of effort was put into the game. Then….the game fumbles the ball in the end by adding the collectathon elements. I should note that no game absolutely needs to be a collectathon. In fact most would be better off without it.

So the game starts with Banjo’s sister being kidnapped by the evil witch Gruntilda. She surprisingly puts up a decent fight but ultimately it is not enough to win and so Banjo and his pal Kazooie have to go and rescue her. To do this they will have to find various puzzle pieces and musical notes to unlock doors in Gruntilda’s lair and get to the end. It won’t be easy by any means but they are ready to pull out the win and do what has to be done. Will they really be able to get past all of her traps though?

The writing for the game is pretty fun with Kazooie constantly picking fights and generally being the biggest jerk you’ve ever seen. I really like that about his character particularly because it’s something that you just don’t see a lot of in these classic platformers. Usually everyone is super nice which is intentional because platformers are supposed to be fairly heart warming stories for the masses. So adding a little wit here was a good idea and gradually more games would continue that approach. There’s a lot of solid dialogue throughout and the sound effects each character makes instead of voice acting was also intense.

The graphics are definitely really sharp here. The game looks nice and has aged really well. It reminds me a lot of Mario 64 in a good way right from the stage designs to the sound effects and everything. I actually think Banjo sounds like Mario. The game is ahead of its time in this area and the soundtrack is also pretty solid. There are a good variety of tracks to be found here and each one helps get you invested into the stage. It’s also helpful for the quiz at the end which asks you questions about which theme belongs to which stage. That quiz definitely doesn’t hold back with how difficult it is.

The core gameplay is a fairly basic 3D platformer. You run and jump as you clear challenges and get your puzzle pieces. You gradually learn new abilities in each world so you can get used to them and aren’t too overwhelmed at the start. You can become invincible, fly, shoot eggs, etc. It makes for a pretty well rounded experience since there is just so much that you can do and of course that means there is also a greater variety in the kinds of puzzles that the game can challenge you with. Finding some of the puzzles can really take you a long while as you figure out what the game wants you to do.

Now is where the game falters a bit though. Granted, I knew that the game was part collectathon but that’s fine because I was ready for this. On average I would get around 7/10 of the puzzle pieces in a world and I would get around 80/100 of the musical notes. Pretty good I must say, however before getting to the final boss I was blocked by a door that said I needed 94 puzzle pieces to unlock the final boss fight. Why? That’s an incredible amount of pieces, that means getting 10/10 in almost every world. For example there are 100 puzzle pieces in the entire game so you’re basically telling me to 100% the title. That’s not cool when you’re just trying to beat the game.

Collecting bonus stuff should unlock a post game cutscene or some kind of really cool bonus content. I don’t even care how awesome the bonus content is, lock that behind 100% and it’s totally legitimate. What is not cool is locking the main story ending behind it. It meant I had to go back to every world and spend a ton of time there. Then you also need to collect a ton of musical notes in each world to get to the final boss too and that was also rough. At least with the puzzle pieces you can grab them and go home. For the musical notes you always start at 0 when you enter the level so that means starting the collecting from scratch every time. Come onnnnnn.

So yeah this really hurt the game tremendously because that’s way too much replaying. A similar thing ended up hurting another N64 title I was playing but I’ll go more into that in the future. Banjo is a super polished game but the collecting gives it artificial length that it didn’t need. It holds the whole experience back because at first it was a whole lot of fun and then this happened and became more of a chore. You aren’t able to just enjoy the levels anymore, you have to find every secret and be careful not to die or you lose all your progress on the notes.

The final boss is definitely well designed though. It’s crazy hard with a ton of phases so it’s a nice reward for having gotten all of the pieces. Kudos to the folks who managed to beat it without access points because it’s extremely hard to dodge the attacks in the final phase. Gruntilda smashed my health points multiple times with that one and I probably had at least 60-70 game overs there. It almost felt like she would be predicting your movements when you would give her your back so facing her all of the time is definitely the best play. Slow and steady is literally the way to win this match.

Overall, Banjo-Kazooie is definitely a legendary game. It’s one that everyone still remembers to this day and for good reason. It does operate on a high level for most of its modes and campaign but ultimately having to go back to each level and get the collectibles took a lot of the wind out of its sails. Particularly with the massive hub world requiring a lot of running around and trying not to get lost. I’d still recommend checking this game out but don’t leave a world until you’ve 100% cleared it. It’ll save you time in the long run since leaving will cause the level to reset although granted some levels may be impossible initially if you don’t have the right power up so that could be another snag…..will see if the sequel keeps up this approach or lessens the restrictions a bit.

Overall 6/10

FLCL: Shoegaze Review

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Saddle up true believers because we’re about to talk about a show that’s real bad. It’s like the meme: “I’m sorry, I wasn’t familiar with your game. I knew you were bad, but wow!, you stink!” I mean FLCL is a series that typically ranges from horrible to terrible. The seasons keep on making the same mistakes over and over again. I don’t know how it has gotten this many seasons when the plot is basically the same every time. You’ll be shaking your head every minute or two, trust me on that.

So the show starts with wouldn’t you know it? A shy guy who’s never had any luck with girls named Masaki. He’s rather depressed because he can see ghosts that nobody else can and nobody likes him. He builds a bomb one day and decides he might use it someday but he is caught by the school delinquent, Harumi. She offers to help him blow everything up because she is certifiably insane. Masaki didn’t really want to blow anything up and is too timid to do something like that but she quite easily persuades him to do it. She’s as worldly as they come and enjoys using as much suggestive dialogue as possible. Can Masaki keep his cool under these conditions or is he doomed? Also what’s even the point of this?

Well, enter Kanda and Kana. Basically a lot of craziness is going around and Kanda is still trying to find Haruka and get to the bottom of this whole multiverse adventure. Somehow Masaki and Harumi are at the center of this all now and they have to find a way to use the steam engine and the metallica thing to stop the changes from occurring. Translation? They have no idea what they’re doing either and in this show the villains will never be defeated because they are never around anyway. What this means is that in every situation everyone’s always going to be panicking no matter what.

There is one good thing I can say about the show though and that’s that they only made 3 episodes. So it is really over before you know it which is really a good thing all around. That’s one of the shortest seasons you will ever see. The soundtrack is on the forgettable side though and the animation is okay but nothing special. It is worlds better than that odd previous season so I have to give some credit there though. The art at least makes sense this time which is massive. Definitely the way to go if you ask me.

Okay so back to the story. Why does this one fail so hard? A lot of it comes down to Harumi and how she is so crude all of the time for no reason. Her dialogue is as out there as possible and it’s all just to make Masaki squirm. Here’s the thing though, even if there is an in-universe reason for why she is talking like that, it doesn’t make the scenes any easier to get through. She’s trying way too hard the whole time with her suggestive lines and Masaki doesn’t even really call her out on it.

No, instead he just falls in love with her because the poor guy has finally found the one girl who will give him the time of day. That’s not heart warming, it’s just sad. It’s pretty tragic if you think about it because this should have been such a fun story about a girl who got him to believe in himself and all. What am I saying though, this is FLCL? That’s never how it goes down here. It’s always about the main girl just teasing the main guy over and over until he explodes and that eventually happens here as well. He lets the monster out and then the climax starts to come in hard and fast with the quick battle.

It’s less of a big battle than the original FLCL or some of the sequels though. So it’s actually a bit more low key than you might expect. I think this series is the kind where the fan theories will likely be infinitely more interesting than the show itself. Like it does seem to be some kind of multiverse thing going on here as each season is having the same kinds of things happen without a ton of rhyme or reason. Even if it is to set up a multiverse that isn’t going to help a ton though because we don’t have many likable characters or tings to look forward. Potentially you’re just delaying the end of the series which wouldn’t be a good thing.

Kanda is pretty useless the whole time he appears in the show but at least Kana looks reasonably well. She is forced to be a lackey for Harumi for most of the season which can be annoying though. Kana has been through a lot and you’d think as an adult she would be able to finally just have fun but it wasn’t in the cards for her. It’s a pretty raw deal in fact since she should be just living a normal life instead of having to get involved again. Although in a way her presence didn’t matter either way because the story would have mainly still happened in the same way.

The show suffers from being fairly aimless the whole time in general. This is the case with most FLCL seasons as well but it’s like the season is mainly slice of life as the characters climb up the tower but there isn’t much reason to actually go through with it. Masaki was upset for a while which is why he was thinking about being a terrorist but gets over it very quickly and meanwhile Harumi was basically just wanting to see the world burn the whole time. Even at just 3 episodes long that’s not enough of a plot to keep this going for too long. We don’t fully understand the effects this will have on the rest of the universe, much less on others.

We are 5 seasons in and we still don’t fully know the villains’ goals or even just how sentient they are. Are they just following their nature? We’ll likely never know because the show isn’t interested in actually explaining its plots. Keeping some mystery is fine of course to keep the crowd guessing but keeping all of it is just bad writing. You have to show something or it’s fair to say that you likely don’t even know what you’re doing which is my main theory here. I doubt the writers even fully know what they are setting up because it just isn’t that important to them. They are just enjoying the dynamic of the shy guy with the outgoing girl and want to use that over and over and over again. It’s a real shame.

Overall, FLCL delivers another stinker with this one. Stay far away folks, there is just no reason to really get excited about this one at all. It makes mistake upon mistake throughout each episode with no real strengths to back it up. The romance was basically nonexistent the whole time as well. I know they tried really hard with it by the end but it went way too fast and didn’t make sense anyway. You get the feeling that the main guy was way too inexperienced here and was just being pulled along for the ride. Not very romantic and this is not a show that would survive on its writing or action so it was doomed either way. You can absolutely make a great slice of life about climbing a tower or something dramatic like that but you do have to put in some work and keep every character interesting. This one did not do that. As one last positive, at least the poster is good. If you didn’t know any better it would look promising.

Overall 2/10

The Preacher’s Wife Review

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Uh oh, it’s time for another Christmas film that I’ve got some issues with. I’m talking serious issues here that definitely do take away from the film. It’s aiming to be a fairly wholesome experience but by the time I’m done with it you’ll see why this didn’t actually work. It’s a shame because the film had some real potential here but ended up fumbling the bag by the end and leaves you wishing that it could have managed to make it to its full potential. It really should have been the next big thing but ultimately it was not to be.

So the movie starts off by introducing us to Henry who is having a hard time as the pastor of his Church lately. Everything in his life is just falling apart, he feels like he can’t get his message across to the congregation anymore and some of the community are starting to get into trouble. One was accused of robbing a store at gunpoint, another is being taken away into a foster home, etc. He also hasn’t made any time for his wife in a long while. Just as things look like they’re about to break, an angel named Dudley appears. He says that he will help make everything better and yet…it seems as if he is after Henry’s wife. If Henry doesn’t move fast then his wife may be gone for good, but how do you stop an angel with unimaginable power?

The bulk of my complaints with the film are about the angel here. As an angel Dudley should be a very virtuous being, one without any real faults who is here to help. If I’m being extra technical he shouldn’t even be a human who died and then became an angel since all will rise up together but there are different theories on that so I can let it slide even if I don’t agree with it. But at the very least he shouldn’t still be interested in romance. I think the plot is partially to hype up Julia as being so attractive that even the divine want her which if that was the film’s intent could be funny but I think the film just seriously wanted a romance which makes no sense here.

The film really goes hard into this plot as they go out on dates and Dudley looks visibly upset when he has to go back to his mission of getting Henry and Julia to be together. One of the worst scenes is the very last one where Julia wants him to stay and he says how he has to go and the two are basically sobbing internally until the guy runs off. We absolutely did not need a final kiss scene there or for both characters to be so filled with regret. It should have been a full break with Dudley just running off. He really didn’t feel like an angel, he was written to be too much like some ordinary joe.

That’s probably the character he should have been written as then. Just make him a friendly ghost who decided he wants to help Henry out to get over the fact that he died early. It doesn’t change much of the plot but makes his flaws a little more understandable. It would still be bad since he is being a homewrecker of course but at least it’s not an angel doing that. That’s just such a crazy plot all the way around. Come onnnnnnnnnn.

I’m afraid Julia is partially to blame here as well. It takes two to tango after all and she’s still having fun dancing with him and doing all of this stuff. She’s even called out on it by her mother and admits that she is window shopping. Look, this is all behavior that is completely inappropriate once you’re married. I actually do believe that guys and girls can be friends which is something that would get you booed off of a lot of streets but it’s a real thing. You just have to know the boundaries. What are those? No 1 on 1 sit down lunch “meetups” because that’s basically a date, absolutely no dancing all right. Let’s not get crazy here. Ice skating together like that is a bad idea because it’ll probably involve a lot of contact, mountain climbing, etc. So yeah a lot of activities are out of bounds now but hey that’s the price of picking your one true love and getting married. You have to acknowledge that your personal life will never be the same. As bad as Henry was throughout the whole film, Julia still has to stay strong on her end as long as they are married.

As for Henry, he was practically begging Julia to cheat on him throughout the movie. He did every single taboo that typically causes this to happen in real life. Completely ignoring her every day, always being outside, not showing her any kind of romance, etc. Part of what makes Henry so bad here is that there is absolutely no excuse. He’s busy yes but he’s not so busy that he couldn’t have made time for her if he actually cared. Choosing to visit someone at the hospital instead of going on the date with her was egregious for multiple reasons. One is that he could have just brought her to the hospital with him and then at least they’re still together. That’s pretty obvious right? He also could have stayed to personally explain this to her instead of ghosting her. Henry finally could have not told Dudley to take her on a date in his place. Henry was just so annoying here and then he has a scene near the end of the film where she makes him a hot chocolate and he ignores her to head out.

Why was that scene so bad? Well, it’s near the end of the film, past the point where he’s supposed to have mostly learned his lesson already. So this scene showed me that he hasn’t learned a single thing. He’s still making the same mistakes over and over and over again. One area where this film was particularly weak even compared to the original is his big confrontation with Dudley about the guy going after his wife. Henry mostly just does a lot of whining here when I was expecting him to be a little fiercer and more direct. Maybe punch the guy out or something right?

The movie does have good humor from start to finish though with some solid writing throughout. You will laugh from time to time because the burns are quite sharp. Outside of the problematic stuff I wrote about above, it can be a pretty wholesome movie as well. It’s just that it’s really hard to overlook the stuff I mentioned. In fact I would say it’s impossible because that’s part of the main plot of the film. So yeah it’s one of those things where whether you like it or not, it’s a big factor and that’s a shame.

Overall, The Preacher’s Wife is a film with a decent plot but one that it doesn’t fully understand. It really wanted to have fun with the premise of the main guy getting so distracted by tons of random stuff that his marriage starts to fall apart. You can do a lot with that plot but having the angel be the one slowly encouraging the wife to cheat is a massive no no. There’s no way he would be doing this much flirting and leading on. He wouldn’t forget his mission like that and it’s a very distracting part of the film. There are good things to be found here but on the whole I would have to give this a thumbs down as a result.

Overall 4/10

Bright Eyes Review

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It’s time for a film that mainly has a very wholesome feel to it but at the same time is a little darker once you actually think about it. I’d say the film goes a bit too far in that area and has enough scenes that just aren’t very fun. The main heroine isn’t really able to hold her ground as the lead either being only a kid and so the film doesn’t go quite as far as it could have. The film ultimately had a lot of room for improvement.

The movie starts off with introducing us to Shirley who lives with her mother in the house of a really rich family that is very mean to the two of them. Mary works as a maid there and so Anita treats her with constant contempt. Shirley’s father died a while back but the Air Force fighters all look after her and help Mary with that task. One of them in particular, Loop really wants to make sure to keep her safe. He suspects that Anita’s family aren’t the nicest but Mary doesn’t complain and he doesn’t really push the envelope there. However, a custody battle over Shirley begins and so he is forced to throw his hat in the ring because if Shirley was forced to join the family he knows they would not treat her properly. Can he claim victory?

Mary is a solid character here who is really just trying to make ends meet and she has done a pretty good job. She puts up with as much disrespect as she needs to in order to get money and look out for Shirley. That’s why it’s rough the way her character arc goes because she was really doing her best and thing still did not go her way at all. I thought the film was really harsh to her because everything went wrong. She lost her husband early on and then another tragedy happens to her.

Then we have Shirley who is okay but she’s very young here so it’s not like there is much for her to do. She is always fairly cheery and takes things in stride. You won’t really see her crying or getting too upset no matter what happens. I’d still say her road isn’t a very happy one even if she doesn’t fully realize what is happening. It would have been nice if she could have spoken up more about Joy, the rich kid who was always being a bully. I know Shirley is a nice person but nothing wrong with calling out the bully and putting her in her place. Shirley may not have had the homefield advantage so the fallout might not be great but I doubt she would really be thinking about that.

Anita and Wellington are fairly cartoonish with how mean they are to Shirley. I’d also say as a result they really aren’t smart at all either. Basically they pretend to be nice to Uncle Ned in order to get their inheritance and yet they do everything possible to make him upset? He says to be nice to Shirley and they basically don’t change their attitudes at all. She keep on allowing their daughter Joy to terrorize Ned and generally be a pain the whole time as well. You just feel like they should have been putting up a much better effort to stay on his good side considering the stakes here. I would say their efforts were pretty awful all around.

Ned was actually a decent character at least. He was actively trying to make things better for Shirley and clearly cared the whole time. It’s really rough not being able to walk on your own since even in a wheelchair his options were limited. I imagine he would have left the family a lot sooner otherwise. The ending is satisfying since you were rooting for him a lot. Loop also did good. The guy was maybe a little more bitter than expected with Adele but it all worked out. I don’t blame him for being upset when she ran off so perhaps getting together again should have been out of the question but otherwise you do need to keep it together for Shirley considering the stakes at play.

For Adele we never got a ton of details on her past and why her relationship with Loop didn’t work out. I was expecting some kind of big reveal/twist on why she left but I guess from the context we have, it was just her making a really big mistake. Ultimately the movie’s ending is good but what holds it back is how it could be a bit mean spirited like I mentioned earlier and the film wasn’t always very entertaining. The songs were definitely really weak here with the main one really not landing in particular. I don’t think Shirley makes for a very good main character either so there isn’t a whole lot of replay value in this one.

Overall, There just isn’t a whole lot of reason to watch this one. It’s not a very bad movie or anything like that but it can be boring at times and I would have handled the plot in a different way. The writing wasn’t always very good and not having great songs hurts as well. I wouldn’t call it a happy movie in the end even if the film tries to really jump forward and not worry about the specifics the whole time. I think you could do better for Christmas films and so for this time I would say to skip this one and check out something else like Jingle All The Way.

Overall 4/10

1080° Snowboarding Review

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My Nintendo 64 marathon through the Switch Online continues here with another pretty intense one. Snowboarding can typically be pretty fun as you try to claim first place but ironically the more arcade style versions tend to be better than the full games. Like Mario Party has minigames in this style that are infinitely better than this whole game but I still had fun. It just suffers from some of the usual issues of the genre like repetitive levels and the controls not being super smooth.

There isn’t any kind of tutorial when you start the game so you really just have to jump right into the mix. There’s a training mode where you are left on your own to practice jumps and different aerial maneuvers but nothing on how to balance or accelerate. So you will learn that through trial and error but I was never quite able to figure out how to land on my board properly. My solution? I just didn’t jump. I would avoid every jump as best I could and did not perform any tricks.

I don’t even know what the point of the tricks are so far. They don’t seem to help speed you up or anything like that and if anything they slow you down a whole lot. My opponent kept on doing tricks so I would ignore him and come in first. I was able to beat the game on easy and hard because of that although I couldn’t win on super hard. There has to be some kind of advantage to doing the tricks but I just couldn’t figure out what it was. Weird…but hey I suppose that’s something for the master players. I was just in here trying to have a good time, you know? It’s what I do.

The graphics are pretty sharp for the game. The colors pop out at you and the levels are pretty detailed in the background. It’s why it is a shame that all of the levels look so similar. This happens to a lot of snow based games and it makes sense to an extent but I think a good developer should be able to get around that. I would also argue throwing in a few levels in the forests, space, etc. would be a good way to break things up. Why is it snowing in space? Doesn’t matter, it would be a fun level. That’s how they need to approach these games and I guarantee you 1000% that it would work out really nicely.

The soundtrack is also rather decent. Not going to say that it’s amazing or anything but it’s pretty catchy and keeps you invested the whole time so I have to give it props there. It’s just a fun game to play. There may not be a whole lot of content but there is a multiplayer mode which should work for replay value. I suspect there are many better games in the genre by this point so there’s not a whole lot of reason to play this one in particular but it does hold up.

Really my only issue goes back to the whole balance thing. When you jump up high enough, it feels like your character always falls out of balance even when he shouldn’t. I think the game is a little too particular/picky in that area. Let me land safely as long as I have the board straight. That should be all that I need and it’s why I say that sometimes the more detailed games for a sport get just a little too lost in the weeds. I want to be able to just start zooming along the course.

Overall, 1080 is a good game. It’s over in a flash though as normal mode only has 4 races and then hard has 5. Each race is around 2 minutes so you can see how that would be over in an instant. I think there may actually be more characters and boards than stages which may not be all that crazy but it doesn’t sound right. Like you don’t even get to explore with everyone before the game’s over. The devs could have stayed with this one a bit longer and made it more of a definitive experience. They did succeed in making the game fun though which is the most important part.

Overall 6/10