1408 Review

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Okay now we’ve got a psychological horror that handles itself pretty well all the way through unlike the Shining. I thought 1408 was pretty solid and had a lot going on for it. It’s a pretty well balanced movie with a good story and some pretty spooky moments. It handled the idea of how can you trap someone in a hotel room pretty well and is worth the watch. The cast is very small but fortunately Mike really nails it as the main character. He’s someone who is very easy to follow the whole time.

The movie starts by introducing us to Mike who isn’t the nicest guy. He doesn’t even humor the owners of a hotel as they try to tell him how haunted it is. Instead he just dives in and makes a mockery of the whole thing. See, Mike is a writer who visits all kinds of spooky hotels and motels in order to debunk all of the horror stories surrounding them. He doesn’t believe in the supernatural one bit and takes pleasure in knocking them down. The next spot on his list is room 1408 at the Dolphin hotel. The manager Gerald begs Mike not to go into the room but Mike doesn’t care. He’s going to debunk yet another spot. Unfortunately this place seems a little more serious than the others, in fact…he’s having a hard time getting out. Has Mike finally picked a fight with an opponent that he just cannot defeat?

Mike is a jerk but that works really well for a film like this. I like when the main character is so confident in the fact that spooks don’t exist. He absolutely relishes in proving his point and the guy is mean to everybody. He’s always got a sarcastic remark at the ready and it takes a while for his confidence to fade. I think part of why this is fun is because in most cases like in real life you’d be on his side. (Not with the rudeness but at least the confidence that the hotel room isn’t haunted) The good thing about people being superstitious is that you can probably get the room at a discount usually.

So when he starts to be overpowered by the specters, well that would have happened regardless of how confident he was. So at least this way he got to have some laughs in first. The hotel room is definitely very powerful as we see it command many abilities. Full on ability to submit hallucinations, moving matter through the cosmos, impersonation, etc. How much of this is pure telepathy is hard to say but either way it isn’t going down easily. In a lot of ways you could say it’s like Mike is trapped in purgatory. He is forced to relive his most painful moments over and over and over again. That’s probably the scariest part of the whole ordeal. Not the physical pain but the fact that it may not have an end and will keep on looping forever and ever. That’s where the true despair begins to set in.

The film can get a little violent when we see images of the previous tenants but for the most part this is definitely more about the atmosphere. Like Mike being powerless to watch the hotel tell his wife to come over so that she can be trapped as well or reliving his daughter’s death. The room slowly works to just tear apart his mind bit by bit and it’s a really intense tactic. The room just physically beating him up wouldn’t be nearly as effective. It does a little bit of that too though like the window slamming on his hands or getting blasted with hot water. It’s just more of a side effect as opposed to that really being the focus here.

One thing that also adds to the film is how normal things appear at first. Like yes the room is haunted but the electrician still shows up to help Mike fix the cooling system and things like that. He’s not completely isolated the whole time but it slowly begins to get to that point more and more. By the time he realizes the danger he is in, it’s just too late. The door is impossible to break down and yeah the window is open but there is nowhere to go to. The room strategically does allow for Mike to destroy himself but that’s about it. The room continues to pressure him into taking his own life which is when he would be truly defeated.

I’ll admit that the backstory parts tend to be the least interesting though. We see the flashbacks of him and his wife and their daughter. It’s going through some emotional beats but the whole time you’re just waiting to get back into the main struggle against the room. That is absolutely where the real action is and since you already know what happened in the past, it’s not like there are any surprises left to be had there. That I would put as a slight weakness here.

The only other weakness for me would be the ending. I don’t think it was nearly as impactful as it could have been. In a lot of ways it’s surprisingly happy and the final stinger just doesn’t counter that much. What I would have personally liked more would have been for Mike to have “escaped” and the final scene is his wife asking him to close the windows. He doesn’t respond so she walks over but he’s gone and she sees the number 1408 above the door. She is now going to be the room’s next opponent. Perhaps too mean spirited but it would have been an intense ending that also works as sequel bait.

Overall, 1408 was a good movie. It succeeded in being really ominous the whole time and making things super difficult without it feeling completely hopeless. I also thought the first act with all of the build up was handled really well. I liked the owner of the Dolphin hotel who definitely did a good job of hyping the place up. He seemed to understand the rules pretty well and did everything in his power to try and dissuade Mike from staying. At the end of the day, there were just no words that could have pulled something like that off. Mike is the kind of guy who was going to attempt this challenge no matter what. With a good amount of fakeouts and creative trials, 1408 is a film that I would definitely recommend.

Overall 6/10

Final Destination 3 Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a really bad film and trust me when I say it’s reallllllly bad. At the same time, I didn’t quite think it was a 0 so we have that going for the film. It’s probably the best thing I can say about it to be honest. Like there’s really nothing good about it but I didn’t feel like it was worthy of being at the very bottom of the bucket. Small mercies and all right? Still, if you’ve made it to Final Destination 3 then I imagine you’re probably at least a slight fan of the series so maybe you’ll appreciate this one more than I did.

The film starts off with a bunch of annoying teenagers enjoying a fair and messing around. They all tend to be unlikable jerks and the kind of cliques that you’d want to avoid. If you see them coming then you need to cross the street but it’s probably too late by that point. They decide to head on a roller coaster but Wendy gets the feeling that they’re all going to die so she makes a huge scene and gets off. This starts a chain reaction of other kids getting off and the ones who stay all get destroyed. Now Wendy is feeling some survivor’s guilt and most of the other kids aren’t even grateful that she saved them. It was all coincidence and all that. The problem is that death is mad about the way they survived this and has decided to bump them off one by one. Can they find a way to stop such an all powerful being or is this going to be yet another lesson in futility?

This is a problem with a lot of supernatural slashers which is that we all know the heroes have absolutely no chance. What are you going to do against an opponent who can’t die, can’t feel pain, etc. Death is also immortal so he has all day while the main characters will eventually slip up. Death has no true weaknesses or limitations in his abilities either so yeah this is going to be a long film for the characters. It would help if Death himself actually appeared to gloat or something but he’s treated more like a natural disaster. He also seems like a troll since you could make the case that he gave Wendy the vision in the first place. Sort of like he is bored and just needs a reason to keep on murdering.

Right off the bat the film isn’t helping itself either with all the demonic imagery. Yeah it makes sense to remind the characters how evil everything is but they could have at least pretended to have a little subtlety. Then we also have to make one of the characters a total creep which is annoying. He basically exists to annoy and pester the girls. Even the main guy who we’re supposed to be sympathetic for, decides to take an inappropriate photo of one of the girls in his first scene. The film goes out of its way to make the characters super unlikable.

It’s one of those tactics I understand because then you don’t feel as bad when they are bumped off, but this backfires almost every time I would say. After all you’re now following a bunch of characters who are all just pretty bad. Also not all of them are as bad as the others so some of them feel like they are paying a price that is way too drastic. For example there are two girls who are not very smart, they shown to be rather shallow and really unaware of what’s going on but that’s hardly enough for them to get a grisly murder. You can’t put them in the same category as the perv or the guy who is always ready to pick a fight.

At the end of the day, almost all of the characters are going to get bumped off regardless. I suppose life not being fair could be just another message but it’s not one that I’m a fan of. Then you also have Wendy figuring out the death rules but it doesn’t really make much sense. At least in the first two films you had the mysterious guy throwing in a bunch of lore and helping to confirm what’s true but here she picks up on all of it with the flimsiest reasonings possible. You have a very hard time believing that she actually pieced the puzzle together like that.

For starters, the roller coaster deaths seem hard to predict the order of compared to the airplane. It would have been way harder to keep track of them all. Then conveniently there are people covering the photos at times right up until the murder happens. Again, it feels like death is just trolling the whole time which means the main characters are even more doomed than usual. Mix in how over the top violent it is and that’s a recipe for disaster. What you end up wishing for by the end is at least a few normal deaths. A relatively quick/painless death instead of it always having to be super disturbing.

Maybe have one character cheat death several times with some cool athletics or something. You can afford to lighten up the tone just a little bit instead of the films always being so somber. Even the shock ending isn’t quite as shocking as it could have been. I will say that the subway seems like a fun backdrop though so I’d be cool with that being the main setting for one of these films. Perhaps it would get old quick but I think there is some potential there. Not that this franchise as a whole has much potential though. First thing you need to do is come up with some actual likable characters. Something that can be used as a foundation to push the film forward. Throw in a real plot and definitely give Death at least the illusion of a weakness. If you do that then perhaps we can actually have an adventure.

Overall, Final Destination 3 is definitely the weakest entry in the series. It’s really just an excuse to have a bunch of characters all murdered in very grisly ways. You could say that’s always been the point but at least there was some semblance of a story stringing it all together. I would say this film barely even bothers with the pretense. The characters just keep getting bumped off and at no point in the film are you actually having any fun. It’s just all way too grim dark the whole time for any of that. Definitely stay far away from this film and you will be glad you did. You won’t be missing anything of value here.

Overall 1/10

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake Review

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It’s time for some Spongebob action! Spongebob is one of those tv shows that I never really watched even as a kid but I have always enjoyed the memes. It’s a series that seems to always provide good wholesome fun so I can appreciate that. The characters are generally funny and the games are well made. In the end I would say this is a pretty fun title all the way around and another worthy entry in the series. The platforming is very effective the whole time.

The game starts with Spongebob and Patrick messing around as always when they accidentally shake up the cosmos with a wishing artifact. A mysterious witch offers to help them but deep down she aims to capitalize on the madness and make things worse. Spongebob and Patrick will have to find their friends across all of the different worlds and put things back to normal. If anyone can pull off such an ambitious rescue, it would definitely be Spongebob. He’s always the man with a plan and has been through pretty much everything by this point.

Right away one of the very solid things about the game is the gameplay itself. I would say Spongebob is one of those games that understands the core fundamentals of what it means to be a good platformer. It’s not adding a bunch of gimmicks or anything like that. It’s a game where you are actually jumping over a lot of obstacles and defeating enemies. What it lacks in difficulty, it makes up for in creativity. I would go as far as saying it has some of the better 3D environments in terms of being fun to play. There is something to be said for being able to just run through a level without many big difficulty spikes.

I love good difficulty as much as the next guy but this game put fun as the top priority and it shows. I really enjoyed the various levels and minigames like the racing portions. You can spin as Spongebob to defeat enemies as well as ground pounding and shooting bubbles. Then you’ve got a double jump and a little gliding going on. So you have basically all of the gameplay options at your fingertips right out of the gate. Most impressive if I do say so myself. Each world is fairly short so you’ll likely beat this game in around 4 hours or so but there is a reasonable amount of replay value.

You can go back to get different items and collectibles so that you can eventually platinum the game. It’s a fairly easy platinum so it’s definitely one that is worth pursuing if you want to continue with the experience a bit more. Additionally, you can probably get the game for a reasonable price at this point compared to when it first launched. That’s definitely something for you to consider when getting the game. At the end of the day it’s one that you should have a lot of fun with. It’s a basic game and that’s not a bad thing.

As for the story, it’s a comedy first and foremost so you’re not playing this for a serious look at the fall of the multiverse. Instead, you get to enjoy a lot of good puns and wordplay. I was kept really well entertained the whole time at least. It’s the kind of cheesy dialogue that just leaves you grinning the whole time. It’s just very effective so I give the script writer a thumbs up. You definitely have to embrace the silliness but it did a good job of never being cringey so I would say it handled this perfectly.

Some of the lines are even rather clever. Meanwhile every world is completely different so you don’t have to worry about reused assets the whole time. The graphics are really good as well. It’s all very bright and vibrant the whole time which helps make all of the stages even more fun to watch. Meanwhile the soundtrack is more on the forgettable side, I can’t say there are any tunes I can remember off the top of my head. I suppose that is definitely something that the series could work on for future installments.

There isn’t a ton more to say about the game due to its simple approach. I would even say this is a game you could easily point to for anybody who is wondering what a platformer is like. It’s not worried about a deep plot, innovative gimmicks or anything like that. It may sound like a backhanded compliment but in a lot of ways I actually think that’s really impressive. It’s important to know your own identity and as I’ve said many times in the past, it’s important for a video game to be fun. Spongebob is fun the whole time and you never have any doubts about that. I could easily play this game for hours and hours at a time. So it may not be Great, but it is very good and never drags on.

Overall, Spongebob definitely has another winner here. This is a fun game all around with quality platforming and it’s clear that they put a lot of effort into this one. It wasn’t just another random Spongebob game, this was one with a lot of heart. As long as you enjoy a good platformer then you will have fun with this game whether you have seen the show or not. That’s definitely the hallmark of a good game right there. It is fully accessible for everybody.

Overall 7/10

Reynatis Review

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All right, it’s time for one of the big games that was getting a lot of hype around the bend. Yes, the season is stacked so it started to get overshadowed to a degree by other big titles like Metaphor and Sparking Zero, but make no mistake this is still a top tier title. What it may lack in length it makes up for with an excellent story and really smooth gameplay. It’s one of those titles you do not want to miss out on.

The game is marketed as dual main characters but very quickly you will see that there is one true main character. Marin is the guy and he is determined to be the strongest sorcerer in the world. He believes that this will allow him to be free so that he will not succumb to any of the rules set by the world. He can make his own choices and does not have to align himself with anyone. He is a “Stray” meaning that he is on his own right now which is very dangerous. Typically magicians who are on their own are bumped off.

The other main character is Sari and she is a part of the MEA. They are a big group of sorcerers who basically bend everyone to their will. You either work for them or you are squashed in record time. They are really not all that flexible. She really wants to destroy the source of the evil drug that has turned the world into a nightmare but for now has not received any real support. As someone who is a part of the big government, she will naturally be coming into opposition with Marin who is all about freedom.

Part of the problem with the dual leads mechanic is that Sari is really framed as the villain the whole time. You’re never really left wondering who you should root for because it’s obviously Marin. She attacks him for basically no reason and follows corrupt commands. She gets better as the game goes on but after a little bit, all of the chapters focus on Marin instead of switching every time. So even the game gave up on the idea. I should note that the story is still really good, but this angle didn’t work and it’s worth mentioning because it seems to be something they had really been striving towards.

This is a game that has a huge amount of world building and yet you are left wanting for more at times. It feels like the game introduces more topics than it actually ends up solving which is a little surprising. There are like 6 different groups throughout the game and while the ending does find a way to deal with all of them, there is a lot of meat left on the table. I could absolutely see a sequel for this someday. As it is, the game has two different post game chapters but I’m not at a high enough level to challenge those. I did play the World Ends crossover which was a lot of fun though. Would have been even more fun with the voice acting but maybe it would have cost extra.

Like I said the gameplay is super smooth though and that’s the main reason we are here. It’s a 3D action title that focuses a lot on dodging. You are supposed to trust in your magic abilities so the idea is that if you don’t move or attack, you are given the chance to parry an opponent’s move and absorb magic. Once you have magic, you can transform and attack until you run out. Then you repeat the process. You cannot parry purple attacks so you have to be able to react right away and dodge instead of waiting for the parry option. It’s a good bit of tactics at play here.

Then of course you have different badges that you can set which activate different powers. You will want to plan things out and test different combos to see which work the best for you. I tend to enjoy the long range powers and stick to my standard combos for the close range hits. For me that worked well but again you will want to find out what works for you. There are a pretty good amount of options at play here. Once you are strong enough to wipe out enemies with a single string of combos, then you are set.

Leveling up is fairly quick here. I got up to level 73 by the time I beat the game which is not half bad I must admit. Still got destroyed in the post game but at least I felt like I could grind if I had to. In fact, that’s a large part of the fun here. I actually enjoyed wandering through the town and scanning graffiti (Which unlocks new powers) and completing side missions. I ended up beating over half of the side missions and would have fun clearing out the rest. It’s a game that makes you want to play it. That’s the best way I could describe it. In some games side missions are just too much of a hassle but they make it so easy here. You just go to where it shows on the map and get the job done.

The map is good and the quick travel is great. When you mix those things together then you are really in a good spot. The graphics are naturally really good as well. The attacks stand out and the city looks nice. You’ve also got a really good soundtrack here. It may be a little limited in terms of how many tunes there are but fortunately I did enjoy the ones that were present. That makes a pretty big difference.

As for length, I beat the game in around 15 hours but I did take about 2 hours off to have fun with side quests. It’s not a super long game and even beating all of the bonus content will probably only buy you another 2-3 hours or so. There is a case to be made for buying this game when it’s a bit cheaper as the price will probably dip. That being said, the quality is still worth it. I think the shortness stands out because you expect more out of an RPG type game, but just think of this more as a fighting game or something. It’s still considerably longer than the average game of that title or any platformer really. It may be losing out in replay value compared to those though so it’s not really a 1 to 1 comparison. It all just depends on how far you get absorbed into the game and the cinematic experience really did it for me.

Overall, Reynatis is definitely an elite game. I would recommend checking it out right away. You’re really going to want to go for 100% completion right out of the gate, or at least everything aside from the post game mission. Even being level 100 doesn’t stop that from being a super hard challenge but hey it’ll be satisfying when you complete it right? The game is not as long as the average RPG but for an action game it’s not bad. You can tell they put a whole lot of effort into this one. The technicals are all good and I would definitely be in line for a sequel.

Overall 9/10

Match Masters Review

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It’s time for another classic IOS game but unfortunately this one was a little too ambitious and didn’t end up working out. Why does every game have to try and add an extra gimmick to itself nowadays? Stick to the classic matching mechanics and you’d be an absolute winner! Ah well, this game can be fun but it has game breaking mechanics that ensured I would be done with it sooner than later. It’s been trending as one of the top IOS puzzle games and I can’t cosign that in the end.

So the basic gameplay is that you have to match 3 objects together. Easy enough right? You can move any object by one space so if you see 2 that are together and a third is only one square away, you can merge them. If you can get a set of 4 or even 5 then of course that is the best. Doing 4 in a row grants you a line breaking symbol and doing 5 gets you a super power bomb. It’s a good blend of bonuses there. You can also equip a super attack which gets charged by matching objects of that color. So sometimes you have to decide between matching 4 of one type or 3 of your super attack’s type. Keep in mind which one will have the better long term effects and then you’re good to go.

So the main twist is that this is a multiplayer only title. The whole game is about fighting other opponents in real time. I can’t tell if I’m fighting real opponents the whole time or if these are bots. The game is definitely big enough where they could all be real but I know online games like to have a little fun with that so we’ll have to see if this is actually the case. Either way it is fun to see your rank go up or down after each fight depending on who won and how good everyone did.

The matches mainly feel luck based though so it can be a little annoying when you lose and don’t make any progress to your level or anything. That’s where the game misses the single player mode but the biggest issue is the time lag. Your opponent can take a little while to make their move and that has an absolute stacking effect in the end because you have to wait for so many moves. It gets annoying after a while when you just want to play. This is a fairly simple game with no extra mechanics so once you learn it that’s it. You want to be able to just keep on playing.

Unfortunately every match has you end up using one of your cards so then that’s it for it. I didn’t play enough to use up all of my cards but if that means you have to take a break from playing that would be annoying. At least there are no live ads or anything like that so I appreciate that. Those are the absolute worst things to see while you are trying to enjoy a game. Nearly a deal breaker all the way I gotta say.

The graphics are reasonably good though. Nothing amazing or impressive but at least it’s all pretty clear so you always know what you are looking at. I suppose I can’t really ask for much more out of a matching title. Likewise there isn’t much of a soundtrack but I wasn’t expecting one. You’ll likely just be listening to Pandora in the background anyway right? That’s what I would be expecting at least.

The only thing Match Masters needs to do is be fun and making this multiplayer only is really not the move. Having single player modes and a basic story would have taken the game so far. Instead, it’s probably best if you know someone else that plays it. Otherwise there’s just not enough time to get in as many matches as you want and it gets overshadowed by the solo games.

Overall, Match Masters is a good game but it is definitely hampered by the multiplayer mode. I don’t want to always be waiting for the other guy to make his 3 moves in a row. Depending on the combo and how strong the opponent is, sometimes you have to wait for 5-6 moves. Give me a single player campaign instead and also don’t have the super attacks be removed after you use them. You should be able to keep the options once you’ve unlocked them without this whole inventory system. Making me feel like I’ve just rented my own unlockables feels more than a little crafty.

Overall 5/10

Dune: Part 2 Review

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After a fairly impressive start with the first reboot film, Dune fell back into its old ways with part 2 and once again tried to be the next Lord of the Rings in all of the worst ways possible. The movie is long, drawn out, and boring. It makes way too many mistakes and will lose your attention early on. Definitely give it a skip and remind yourself that the world of Dune is just not going to end up being all that great. You’re better off using the spices in your kitchen to make a good dish.

Paul has finally been accepted by the Fremen a little more at least to the point where he can be in the circle. His close friend Chani often still has to save him from the jealous murmurings of the others but it’s not like they’re going to stab him now. Still, to truly become one of them he will have to ride a sandworm and in the process he will also meet the qualifications to become their god. He wants no part of that but it’ll be difficult to prevent these guys from believing in the legends. Will this power end up corrupting him? Also, how far must he go in defending the planet. Will he need to start World War 100 and take down all of the many planets that support the regime or should he continue to play defense and watch his comrades continue to die around him as everyone dies from the spices?

As you can probably guess I am all in for going on the offensive here. The Fremen constantly play defense as more and more people attack, but to what end? The attacks will never stop and so I think you do have to actually go and attack their home planets back. The characters are worried this will escalate far too often and how many people will die but they will all go extinct otherwise. It’s basically the same moral conundrum as in Attack on Titan and my position is the same here as it is there. I’m all for peace but once the other side has decided to wipe you out, then you have to fight back as much as possible. It is the only way to survive.

So Paul’s decision here continues to be the right one but he makes so many mistakes throughout the film that it’ll have you annoyed. For one thing, he continues to listen to traditions and do what is expected of him when he shouldn’t. Whenever movies have a message of just conforming to tradition because it is the right thing to do, I end up being annoyed. Perhaps sometimes that is the right thing to do, but often times I would say it is not. You have to believe in yourself and what your intuition is telling you. In most cases, that may very well end up saving your life.

Drinking the nasty liquid to boost his powers? Yeah real bad move there. Letting his mother make the big sacrifice in order to get powers and stay alive? Also terrible. Declaring a marriage just to appease customs? Absolutely crazy! Again, one of the perks of being the chosen one is that you can set new standards. No need to follow the old stuff, just get on in there and set the new rules. With Paul’s super voice he could bring most of the opponents to their knees but unfortunately he only uses it once in a blue moon and seems to forget that he even has the ability.

Charitably I suppose you could say it’s just that it is an ability which can only be used once per day or something but yeah he’s gotta step his game up. Then we have his mother who I didn’t care for either. Again, she just needed to use her own strength but instead she becomes the leader of this super shady group and just continues on with the teachings. See a pattern here? People just do what is expected and that’s it. The only real exception here is Chani and it’s why she’s one of the better characters.

She holds Paul to task and reminds him that she will stand by his side so long as he doesn’t change. He basically doesn’t take her seriously and calls her bluff. Well, she stands by her word and has the best ending in the film. At the end of the day she refused to change just because he did and it makes for a pretty good character moment. I understand that role was divisive for fans of the book and it was pretty much the main thing I would see get talked about for Dune online but I’ll take this portrayal over the books. (Although the books do make Paul look considerably better than he did in the movie) Chani was a very loyal character but someone who still put her own convictions first.

Meanwhile the other kingdoms are comically evil so you’re never really worried about the main character going too far. We’re talking slavery, experimentation, blatant corruption, mass slaughter for no reason, etc. All of the other countries are absolutely deplorable and the villains are just crazy. Unfortunately they’re all in the insane evil camp with nothing remotely likable about them. The one who had the most potential but seduced with ridiculous ease during his own party and suspected nothing. It was such an embarrassing showing for this guy after all the tough talk.

I would say that Dune is mostly focusing on the angle that no individual has enough power to make a huge difference without following the rules. If you rely on your own strength then you will be brought down but if you allow the community to help then you can be on to something. The film is long enough where it has tons and tons of other themes as well but this seemed to be the main one to me. The main character had to make tons of concessions all the time both in terms of his own personal convictions and even in terms of military decisions. Ultimately he probably should have just forced his way to being king and used them like an army. The movie makes this diplomacy so bad that you’re rather he did just become the overlord of the world or something.

Not like there’s much hope left in this place though. With how corrupt the entire universe is, they’d all need to be bumped off for any real peace. The Spice will continue to be a hot commodity until the world has been unified or destroyed. Unless perhaps a new planet is discovered with the same element or something. There is a lot of world building here so I have to give the film that, but you’ll probably still be asleep anyway. Every shot drags on for way too long and the desert is such a boring background. You don’t want to see the sand just fading away for the 10,000th time.

The film gets violent at times just to remind the viewers that it can do this. Then we get endless monologues again. Then we’ll get some kind of twisted scene to show us how evil the king is, then more talking, etc. I love a good monologue but you can’t just talk without a plan. I should probably write an editorial on this, but substance and delivery are equally important here and I would say the film had a tendency to fail on both accounts. It ensured that this film was doomed out of the gate. I basically had issues with every part of it but the biggest sin it had was just being super boring. The characters really lacked agency and it ultimately came back to bite them each time.

Overall, Dune: Part Two overstays its welcome by a very wide margin. It makes sure to eliminate any part that you may have found interesting in the first film and just leaves you exhausted here. I still say it’s better than the original Dune movie which was absolutely dreadful but in the end it just goes to show that the base story is not very good. No matter how many times you readapt the book or try to split it up, it’s not going to succeed. Some stories just don’t have the sheer level of ability needed to become a masterpiece. The best advice I can give would be to not set your sci-fi story on a desert planet. That is setting yourself up for failure. Check out the original Legend of Zelda cartoon for a fantasy with more interesting characters running around.

Overall 2/10

I See You Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a big horror title guaranteed to chill you to the bone. At least, until the film makes the decision to basically replay the first half of the movie again and while you understand the idea for doing so…it definitely obliterates the film’s pacing up until that point. The movie is never able to regain its footing again after that.

The film starts off with a kid being kidnapped as the string of missing persons continues to grow. It’s hard to say who is behind this and so Greg is put on the case. Greg is good at finding the answers to the various mysteries in front of him but this time he is rather distracted because of some family issues going on. His wife Jackie cheated on him and so there is a lot of tension in the house and their son Connor resents her for it. Jackie just wants them to move on already but they’re not having it. Will their family drama be the issue that prevents the kidnapper from being caught?

First up, I think we have to recognize that being cheated on is not something that you just move past. It does make Jackie’s attempts feel a bit hollow here because that’s something you can never really take back. The family is ruined at that point, splitting up is really the only recourse and you hope someday to be forgiven but it’ll likely never happen. You’re just too far gone at that point. I don’t think she really does any favors for herself in hiding who the guy was either or talking about it more. It’s a bit relative since I don’t think there’s much she could have done to help the situation but it also creates a lot of ammo that can be used against her. As a result, she is ready to hide crimes as need be.

Then you have Connor who is definitely unlikable the whole time as well. He spends his whole screentime venting but it’s not like he’s coming up with any solutions or helping out. It’s fine not to get along with her anymore, but then he should just stay quiet and keep to himself. Making scenes the whole time and lashing out does him no favors. Ultimately he also handled a video game situation very badly I gotta say. I’m not expecting him to turn around or something but when you’re messaging with someone anonymously online, you never want to show that they’ve gotten the best of you. He needed to keep his cool and bluff or something. Instead he walked into every single response like an online rookie.

As for Greg, well he’s mostly handling the situation by just being super quiet at home. it’s a reasonable approach so no problems there and he is working pretty hard on the case without getting too distracted. He probably should have mentioned he was sending over a repairman to fix the window but for the most part he didn’t make any big mistakes there. Not a whole lot more to say about him in the first half here.

So you’ve got your basic plot here and you may be wondering, where’s the supernatural angle? Well I’m not sure exactly how much that angle is played up in the trailers and promotions but when watching the film that’s never really in your mind much. When the first kid is abducted you see him launched out of his bike as if by a ghost, but as this film plays itself up more as a crime thriller you’ll probably guess right away what the actual method was. You’re bound to have seen it in at least a few cases.

There are a few attempts at jump scares and such but yeah this one you could think of as more of a realistic horror the whole time about kidnapping. In some ways people would say that’s scarier anyway but I tend to be more partial to demons and such. That said, perhaps the twist is supernatural, I won’t spoil that for you. I had a lot of issues with the first half anyway like the characters being annoying and such but the second half is really where the film loses me.

We get to watch the first half all over again, but in first person view as we’re introduced to the missing pieces of the puzzle. Think of it like a mystery movie where the detective is explaining stuff, only this time you are seeing the whole thing in “real” time. It’s incredibly boring is my biggest issue. Like I said, you can piece together things pretty quickly but the film feels like it needs to smack you in the face with all the details. I think we could have just kept about 20 minutes of the reveal and cut out a ton of the fluff. You don’t need to see the true cause of every single mystery as you can infer a bunch of them as soon as the main reveal happens. If the movie had done that then it would have been good.

Part of the problem is also that the twist introduces some new characters to the film and none of them are likable. Two of these are professional criminals who engage in “Harmless” crimes but as you know, most of those tend to cause actual harm eventually. One of them is at least cautious and tries not to cause too much trouble beyond spreading germs and dirt everywhere, but isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. She is easily manipulated and has no survival sense at all. You need to keep in mind that if you are ever kidnapped and somehow manage to escape your kidnapper’s den in the middle of a forest out in nowhere’s land, the last thing you want to do is start yelling into your phone for the cops to pick you up.

Why? First up, the kidnappers are more likely to hear you and track you down well before the cops show up. Additionally, if there are any wild animals you’re likely to get eaten. The cops will be able to trace your cell phone if you have enough service for a call so just keep the line open. If you feel properly secluded you can whisper into the phone and try to give them directions but you have no idea where you’re at so that’s not going to help much either. Secondly, if you see a trailer car nearby with the doors unlocked and the lights on…don’t go in there. After all, that may have been where the kidnapper was taking you anyway. The odds of it being some innocent soul who is unrelated to the incident is close to 0.

Maybe there are other kidnapped people in there and you want to play the hero? Well that’s your best argument, but it’s still a weak one. Even if you manage to untie one or two of them, they’ll likely be too malnourished and beaten to aid you in a fight. So the kidnapper will still beat you and then eventually murder everyone. Your top priority is still to escape and get some backup. If you have to, just pick a direction and start running. If you’re lucky you’ll eventually make it to someone who can help but your survival odds greatly increase anyway.

Meanwhile the guy with the camera is another annoying character. He causes a ton of trouble the whole time and appears to be completely immature and even starting to fall into the darkness. He very quickly goes down the villainous path and while he is not the ultimate antagonist, I would still say he is a villain as well. The guy has a rough backstory and all but it’s not one that excuses his final actions. He’s a big reason why the second half of the film is super annoying to get through.

I will give the film this though, the ending is pretty solid. It unironically pulls off the popular Naruto meme where he starts to talk about his childhood and the villain cuts him off. Something similar happens here and it was great. Look, if you’re confronted with a mass murderer who has been causing a bunch of trouble, the last thing you care about is his backstory. I really couldn’t care less if I was in that situation and I’d just take him out too. You don’t see it very often in movies since they want to let the villain give his backstory for the narrative and all but this is way more satisfying. Not the kind of thing that can save a film but at least it ended on a high note.

I also liked the mask that the main villain uses. It’s definitely pretty spooky while also being original. It can be a little rarer to see a hit new design nowadays so that was definitely welcome. It’s probably one of the only times when the film is having a bit of fun since the whole thing is rather bleak and dark. The backstories are dark, the kidnappings are all super dark, etc. The fact that this has been going on for so long without anybody finding anything out is also really gruesome. With the previous victims not even being able to be very helpful, it shows just how far gone they were. Again I’d say it’s definitely more tragic thriller than horror as a result.

Overall, I See You is a film that had some really ambitious ideas but they didn’t really work out. The characters needed to be way more likable to pull this off. There also has to be a better way of adapting the second half without it all feeling so old and repetitive. Maybe somehow keep cutting between the two plots and hide that they are connected until later on. It would be difficult but definitely more entertaining. I definitely have a hard time believing some parts of the film like with the timeline and nobody noticing certain things though. The film did go to great lengths to make the case on why people would be particularly not alert but I still wasn’t having it. It had some unexpected twists and was ambitious but either way I would say this one is more of a skip.

Overall 3/10

Magilumiere Magical Girls Inc.

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It’s time for more magical girl hype, they’ve definitely been making waves lately. This one’s got a more corporate structure to it like Burn the Witch so far and follows a main character who is a genius at the books but a rookie in combat. Will she be able to help the magical girl company become the best in the world or will the limits of her abilities quickly begin to appear? I’ll have a review up for the series as soon as I finish it.

Overall 7/10

Frankenweenie Review

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Oh man when the trailer for this film first stopped I was making fun of the title for ages. I just couldn’t get enough of it. Every time I would see it I kept on laughing because it sounds like one of those titles you’d use to make fun of Frankenstein or something. Still, it was interesting to have this spin on things although that does mean a dog has to die as part of the plot which is always extremely dangerous at best. I definitely do not recommend this story tactic to any aspiring writers out there.

The film introduces us to Victor who is a kid who loves Kaiju films and basically working by himself. He makes a whole homemade film where his dog Sparky plays the role of the lead Kaiju who takes down Rodan. It’s all pretty wholesome but his parents worry that he may not turn out right since he has no real friends. They don’t have much time to ponder this though, as Sparky is destroyed a few days later. Aside from there now being 0 chance that Victor will ever try outdoor activities like Baseball again, the parents know that this will change Victor. Learning loss is a tough lesson….and yet Victor uses his genius to bring Sparky back to life. Why lose someone when you can just keep them alive right? I mean it makes a certain amount of sense you have to admit. This may have more side effects than he is thinking though.

I appreciate the fact that Sparky doesn’t randomly turn super evil or anything when he’s revived though. It’s always a bit suspect when the process of being reanimated suddenly makes the character go crazy. I know it’s like a cautionary tale of why you shouldn’t bring people back from the dead but on a logical level it never really made much sense. The best explanation is when the soul itself has already moved on because you took too long, then it being a mindless zombie is fine I suppose.

This movie actually doesn’t really go in that direction though. Sure it’s sort of implied you shouldn’t mess with the dead with how the other creatures start acting, yet the ending doubles down on Victor making the right move. So the lesson is really to just make sure you only bring back those who are really kind and dependable. That’s a moral I can absolutely get behind so I have no real issues there. The ending is solid and the film actually had some pretty good battles as well. Sparky ultimately does seem a little outmatched for most of them but he always fights bravely so I can definitely respect that.

Sparky is a fun character all the way around. The death in the beginning is still rough but at least this is one rare case where stop motion works in the film’s favor. It helps to lessen the impact a bit and at least the whole thing is quick. It doesn’t make things as drastic as it could have been otherwise. I will still go on the record to say that stop motion is one of the worst styles of animation though. While the story is good, the film does not look good visually at all.

The style almost feels intentionally ugly to a degree for a while there. The characters tend to be missing teeth and/or sleep and nobody really appears as they should be. It may work to an extent with the spooky vibe they are going for but give me a traditional animation style any day and that would absolutely be better in every way. I think it would have also helped this movie as well since it gives some support to the rest of the movie. Solid animation can get you more involved after all.

Without that, well this is mainly a story involving a bunch of kids and most of them tend to be on the annoying side. Edgar is basically around to blackmail Victor and the rest of the kids are doing their best for the science experiments but don’t look great. Victor is really the only super genius around here and without him the others could have a closer fight. I did like the science teacher though. He had a good amount of aura and actually knew what he was talking about which was nice.

Most of the adults feel like they are basically powerless the whole time so it was nice to have someone who was in charge. Even Victor’s own father allows himself to be held back when Victor is trapped in a burning building. I think that’s the moment you really have to break free and make a move even if it means breaking the law right then and there. Fortunately things work out but even so it was not his best moment. In general the movie does a good job of keeping the stakes pretty high the whole time. You always think that some of the characters could be in danger and of course Sparky is in the most trouble based on whichever message the film is trying to sell you.

Overall, I thought this was a fun film. The stop motion and lack of interesting characters does keep it from going further though. As far as these kind of films go, Coraline and 9 are both a lot more interesting. This one doesn’t really have the same level of depth or pure story telling that it can compete with. It’s less about it making mistakes and more about it just not having enough ammo to reach the next level. It’s a fairly basic story at the end of the day without a lot of fluff to try and extend it. In a way I suppose you could probably even give kudos for that as well since I’m sure it would have been a tempting thing to do. If you enjoy the idea of a dog back from the grave then you should check it out. The film does make sure to spend some time with Sparky having his antics and even making a friend. It’s a film that maintains a strange atmosphere but I would say it leans more on being happy than being sad so don’t worry about this one being a tearjerker.

Overall 6/10

Sword Art Online Progressive: Scherzo of Deep Night Review

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It’s time to go back into the world of Sword Art Online, one of the greatest franchises of all time. The movies have stuck around with the first arc which is a smart decision since that is still one of the greatest individual arcs in anime history. It’s a great movie with stellar animation and a top tier soundtrack the whole time. You won’t want to miss out on this one as Kirito continues to show why his skills are the real deal.

The movie opens up with Kirito and Asuna taking down the powerful floor 4 boss. The heroes all decide to celebrate and since it’s almost the end of the year, both of the big competitive guilds will even team up for the party. It’s pretty unheard of but that’s a good thing. After all, the players in the Sword Art Online game are literally trapped within it. There is no way out of the game and if you die here, then you die in real life. The only way to end this curse is to clear all 100 floors of the game. It’s an extremely difficult task but it’s one that may even turn impossible if the groups start fighting among each other. Unfortunately there are some villains who are aiming for this. Information leaks that the 5th floor boss drops a legendary guild flag which would completely flip the balance of power. Now one guild may be gunning for that and skipping the party. There is only one way to stop this, Kirito will have to take the boss down and claim the flag but he’ll need to assemble a powerful group of trust worthy fighters. He only has a few hours to do this though.

When you think of the ideal movie, you’re often thinking of something that has a considerable amount of action, top tier character development, and a film that just looks great. Well, this one hits all the boxes and continues Sword Art Online’s streak of having absolutely amazing films. It’s why you can never really count the franchise out, at any point it can just deliver an absolutely insane level of hype. The fact that it’s an AU/prequel doesn’t even phase you because you’re having too much fun here.

Asuna is still more the main character than Kirito since this is in the progressive verse and she looks real good. She has come a long way in her fighting abilities and finally has a more offensive style here. She holds her own against the bosses, Argo, and even her old friend. At times Asuna still has fairly low confidence that can cause her to downplay herself but when the chips are down she definitely shows up. I liked that she came up with a plan of her own to get the rapier back and she also had really clutch moments against the villains. Once in a hostage situation and in another case to prevent a 2 v 1.

It helps that Asuna is a super pleasant person in general so you’re always rooting for her. She is a great character and it’s even fun getting flashbacks of her playing the Tekken homage with her friend. Sword Art Online is one of the few titles where it had an A+ romance for the whole franchise and this movie does well with that too. There isn’t a lot of time for romance here but the beginnings of it are still present and definitely work well.

Meanwhile Kirito looks great as always. He’s the top player that most fear but all respect. When he’s on the stage people can talk tough but nobody is about to fight him. The only exceptions to this are the Laughing Coffin members and unfortunately the film doesn’t give us a fight with them yet. That part was too bad because there are two different times in the film that the matchup is teased but doesn’t deliver. I feel like they are really setting them up to be the big villains in a third film but giving us a small fight here wouldn’t have hurt. That’s probably my only nitpick, teasing the fight twice was just too much. I wanted to see Kirito absolutely waste those guys. I have no doubts on his victory. Even 2 against 1 he would have been too much for them there.

In terms of personality the film also did Kirito justice with how he’s super knowledgeable and tough but not a showoff or anything like that. He may not be the smoothest with day to day interactions but still holds himself well. He’s a charismatic guy and has made quite a few friends. It’s impressive stuff and he definitely holds his part of the film.

Argo gets a rather big role here which was surprising, but nice to see. She doesn’t get as many moments in the spotlight as the other supporting characters but was definitely very important in the Aincrad arc. She knew how to get info and could hold her own in a fight. We rarely ever see her fight so that was another pretty fun thing. She has Wolverine claws and everything. I think it’s clear that she’s not quite as tough as Asuna or Kirito but the fact that she is really fast definitely helps her to avoid traps and such.

Mito also returns from the last film and has a good role here. It’s not a super big one but it’s definitely a critical role as the heroes would have had casualties without her. Her fighting style is still a whole lot of fun to watch and that long whip of hers also means that she can strike at foes from any range. It’s pretty much a direct counter to the final boss of the film. It’s nice to still see Mito mainly being a loner but I wouldn’t be opposed to her joining Kirito and Asuna to make their team a trio. At that point they could really start thinking about soloing more bosses.

Of course I mentioned before but the graphics are super top tier here. There are different fights in the movie and they all look amazing. The final boss definitely has the most spectacle but I would say the best fight in the film was Asuna vs Mito. I always like human vs human type fights because you can really focus on the choreography there. You see all the tactics, expert fighting moves, etc. I really had absolutely no complaints there. Then of course the soundtrack is super awesome as always for the franchise.

In particular the standout theme was for the final boss. What I liked is that it felt completely like a sci-fi boss theme. I’ve been listening to it on repeat for a while now. The boss also has full mechanics and everything that were incorporated into the film like the heroes having to jump over the shockwaves and targeting the circles. Everything about it felt like the people behind the story had really played video games before. It felt like the most accurate boss fight I’ve seen out of any of the movies and of course it’s a great bonus that the whole thing looked spectacular.

When it comes to Sword Art Online your main worry is always that there will be some fanservice or iffy moments but this movie mainly manages to steer clear. There are some super mild stuff but for the most part the movie knows that it’s elite and isn’t bothering with any of that. That’s a massive W in my book I gotta say. There are enough fights to keep the movie moving at a fast pace but of course you also have the drama with the guilds that is fun. The movie makes sure to balance it all while reminding you that at the end of the day this is still a story about Kirito and Asuna. They take the main focus and rightfully so. Without them there wouldn’t be a story after all.

Overall, I highly recommend this film. It’s an extremely epic story and one that you don’t really need any former context to get into. You can just jump into this movie and the story is masterfully told so you won’t be lost or anything like that. You can just sit back and let the narrative guide you. The technical elements are incredible as well and I definitely can’t wait until the next movie. It’s already been 2 years which is a super long wait. The movie industry just isn’t the same without Sword Art Online at the ready.

Overall 9/10