Sleeping Beauty Review

Posted on November 16, 2014 by dreager1

It’s time for another one of Disney’s big classic films. Sleeping Beauty may not have the same legacy that other titles like Cinerella and Snow White have achieved, but it’s still fairly big so it’s about time that I reviewed it. It’s a decent film considering its style, but it didn’t do any wonders for me. It’s a pleasant film to watch, but you start to wonder how a Shonen version of this film would play out.

The film starts out with a happy celebration as the King and Queen realize that Aurora is going to rule over the Kingdom. They invite three little fairies to come and present Aurora with magical gifts. One of them gives her beauty and another one gives her the ability to sing. The third one is about to give out another great gift when Maleficent breaks in and curses Aurora. The girl shall die when she pricks her finger on a spindle. This seems to be inevitable, but the fairies wish to stop this. Will they be able to alter destiny or has the evils sorceress really won!?

The film isn’t very long so by the time the sequence is done, you can divide the rest of the film into two parts. Pre Aurora slumber and Post Aurora slumber. The fairies have a decent plan when they decide to hide Aurora in the forest, but you also don’t see it working for very long since it’s hard to hide one’s magical presence. Aurora grows up oblivious to her fate and she has to spend her days in solitude with the fairies. Things get complicated when a prince steps into the picture.

This film has a rather classic romance, which works better than the kind that we get nowadays. The Prince isn’t rude or trying to rush the romance and the heroine helps to take things slowly, but it’s still rather unnecessary. The story of Sleeping Beauty would be much more exciting and breath taking if they had decided to just be friends and then they have to team up to beat the curse. Does that not sound exciting!? Still, the romance wasn’t very bad and it’s not played up as much as you may think considering that this is one of the classic Disney princess stories. The film’s length helps to an extent as well.

Aurora is a decent protagonist, but I can’t say that she was an exceptional one. She’s fairly polite and she listens to the fairy’s advice not to just go off with a strange man, but she does listen to the tug of romance enough to tell the Prince where she lives. Also, she does start to grumble about being treated as a child since she can’t meet anyone, but she should just be happy that she has such a comfortable life. I didn’t really think that there was anything to be upset about. Her strength of will was a little weak since she couldn’t snap the mind control, but I suppose that the rest of the characters wouldn’t have fared much better.

The Prince (He does have a real name by the way) is basically your average prince. He doesn’t have any real character development to speak of. He’s a hero who likes the main heroine and decides that he won’t go through the pre arranged marriage since it’s not true love. He’s a fearless leader who is also a good fighter and he basically has no negatives. He’s no match for the goblins though so you may start to doubt the hype during some of the scenes, but he always means well. The only thing that you can really use against him is that he seems to be a very shallow individual as far as looks are concerned since he falls for Aurora instantly. Some could argue that it was the singing voice, but it’s debatable. Either way, I think the whole love at first sight thing was used way too much in the old films.

The animation is pretty classic and it holds up well. It’s a little too dated to look very flashy and intense like you might see in modern anime films, but I’ll easily take it over some of the animated films that we’ve been getting recently. (The CG-I film about the Boxcar Trolls comes to mind) If there are any animation errors, I didn’t notice any and that’s the important part. We also had more action than the typical, retro Disney film so that helped the animation to show its mettle.

The soundtrack is more on the unremarkable side. There aren’t any memorable tunes as it’s all classical piano and violin music. So, the danger theme is fairly predictable as well as the violin strums when the villain appears and so on. Back then, it felt like a lot of the films had the same soundtrack and that very well may have been the case. Music simply wasn’t as unique back then.

Maleficent is the main villain and I’m sure that we are all aware of the new film that she has gotten. Her minions are pretty bad, which is sad for her, but she makes for a pretty good villain. She can actually fight, which is a plus and she is feared across the kingdom. Her true form is fairly powerful and I’m a sucker for a good energy blast. She is probably the best Disney villain from the old days and it’s not a stretch to say that she is better than Aurora and the Prince. Best character? I would say so!

The three fairies weren’t my favorite characters since they talk a great game, but they can never back it up. Fauna and Flora are particularly annoying at times as they are completely terrified of Malificent and they try to do things the hard way. Working without using their powers is simply not the best way to go. I thought that Merryweather was easily the best member of the trio. She actually fought back against Maleficent’s forces and she was the first one to decide that using their wands would be the right move. She also lets her feelings run wild a little more than the others so you’ll see her back up as she talks about how she’ll beat up Maleficent. (It reminds me of my dog as he strikes fear into burglars from afar!) Merryweather is also the only character who stands up to Flora as she decides that blue is the right color and she sticks to that theory throughout the whole film. It was good to see her secure many of the wins.

The two Kings are mostly pretty sad since they did the whole “arranged marriage” decision. It’s never in a person’s best interest to be a part of such an old fashioned tradition and the Kings should know better. I do think that the fat King was better than the skinny King because he could actually fight. He really intimidated the other King and he wasn’t about to back down. The fish battle is something that you’re not going to forget anytime soon.

Overall, Sleeping Beauty is a decent film, but it’s not really my style. It’s sort of like Frozen, but without the action and less developed characters. The film is barely over an hour, which certainly contributes to this problem. A little more action may have helped to raise this film to a six, but I didn’t feel like it earned that last point. It was close to be sure, but it just needed another good character or fight to help it rise up. There aren’t a whole lot of negatives and the brief romance is really the only thing that would drag it down….or is there another negative? There actually is when you consider the fate of the evil bird. It wasn’t a very nice thing for Merryweather to have done and I thought that they could only use magic that helps people? I guess that was just more fake hype because an energy blast doesn’t fall into that category. The film didn’t really need that bit of animal violence although I was okay with the final battle because they didn’t go the generic “Off with its head” route that most films decide to do nowadays. A center stab is perfectly legitimate and it’s easier to watch. If you want to see a classic romance story with a nice princess and a dashing prince, then this is definitely your scene. If you want something like that, but with a little action..check out Frozen! (Although I’m sure that you already let it go after watching it a few times by this point)

Overall 5/10

Pokemon Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction Review

Posted on November 10, 2014 by dreager1

The next Pokemon film is finally upon us! This one introduces us to the World of Pokemon Kalos, but it fails to leave a grand impression like the previous films. It’s a fun watch, but it ends up being a very brief experience and you’ll be left wanting more. Pikachu finally gets his props here, which still makes it a must watch for all fans. Time to see what really went on here.

The plot involves a princess Pokemon by the name of Diancie. Her kingdom is falling into ruin because the jewel that brought harmony, peace, and life to everyone there has finally faded. Diancie is the only Pokemon in existence who can recreate the crystal, but she doesn’t have the power needed to do it. She must now search for Xerneas so that the legendary Pokemon can awaken her true power. Some hunters decide that they want to capture her so Ash and friends quickly get involved. They decide to escort her through this perilous journey, but are they really strong enough to accomplish such a feat? Looks like they’re about to find out!

I’d say that this was a pretty standard Pokemon film as far as they go. It was pretty light and fun, but the duration really hurt it. The film is barely over an hour and it really shows. It doesn’t help that the TV airing seemed to have to quickly end a few scenes as some just abruptly end in a rather awkward fashion. Most notable was the tournament scene where two trainers are about to face off and a scene where the main villain is talking to his daughter. By and large, it was really just the film’s fault here. Even for an animated film, 90 minutes should really be the bare minimum.

The animation is pretty good here, but it’s not exceptional. I would actually say that the animation in almost all of the other films was better. The fact that a large part of the story takes place underground doesn’t help since that naturally makes the animation worse, but the day scenes weren’t extraordinary. They lacked the depth that we have seen in titles like the Genesect film as well as the Entei installment. Pokemon’s strength has always been during the battle scenes and that continues to be the case here. The large energy blasts from Yveltal look very impressive and I like the universe effects that they use when a Pokemon is summoned as opposed to the classic stream of red light.

One thing that definitely works in this film’s favor is that the stakes may be the most personal yet. The body count in this film is incredibly die and there are several fatalities. A particularly emotional scene is where one of the main characters is taken out so the hero yells his name a few times before giving way to despair. It’s not something that you typically see in Pokemon and if not for a certain figure helping out..it may have been a pretty tragic ending.

Another positive that I give the film is the fact that I have not seen the Power Levels this realistic in a long time. Obviously, there are still some pretty iffy moments, but the film did a decent job. Pikachu finally looks like the pro that he is. He takes out one of the enemies in a single shot and he fights off two champion level Pokemon by himself. Topping this off is Pikachu’s masterful performance against Yveltal. Pikachu’s Thunderbolt is able to match up against a legendary Pokemon’s blast! You have to admit that this is pretty awesome and the writers have definitely come a long way.

The iffy part of the situation would be Diancie’s portrayal. She’s a decently powerful Pokemon and even without her crystal abilities, she should still be able to deal some damage to the villains. Unfortunately, she just spends most of the film running or getting kidnapped. It’s not a very accurate depiction of this fighter and her lack of speed is the most alarming part. No Pokemon should be that slow and the whole point of levitating is that you don’t have to hop. She hops on the air to get by and that’s not cool.

As for her personality, I was pretty mixed on it. On one hand, Diancie ends up being used as a plot point that I’ve never enjoyed. She is new to Earth customs so she doesn’t know what a friend is or how to engage in quality shopping while on the run. We’ve seen this with other shows and films like Starfire in Teen Titans or (to a lesser extent) Nia in Gurren Lagann. I’ve never found it to be amusing or entertaining since it just slows down the plot as the heroes have to explain basic fundamentals. I think a show should try to turn this trope around by having a character know all the basics, but being forced to ask a lot of questions because she lives in an inverted world where the laws of reality has changed. Now that would be interesting, but I don’t care for the current trope as it is.

On the other hand, Diancie definitely works as the picture perfect main character. She’s very polite and she loves to help others. This is sort of how I would picture the main characters from My Little Pony so it was pretty interesting to see how it was handled. If not for the naive part of Diancie’s character, this would have been able to shine even more. I do think that Diancie should have defended herself more, but at least she gives Pokemon a good name. There is one scene that does destroy most of her character development (Abandoning her kingdom for pleasure) but I’ll assume that this was just something that the writers forgot to take out of the script.

Yveltal was definitely very good and he’s one of the best new Pokemon to be introduced. He really means business and he lives to destroy all who oppose him. Just by being around others, he can drain their life force and one of his blasts will destroy his opponent. (By draining all of their life energy) The very concept of this Pokemon is very dark and while it’s all part of the natural cycle…you could say that he’s the closest thing to a villain. Even Ash doesn’t sympathize with this Pokemon as he rushes to the offensive. It was good to see a legendary Pokemon who could live up to his name and no human was going to capture him. I do wish that he could have continued to demolish everyone, but he’s technically not evil so the ending still makes sense. Yveltal has his own roar and what other Pokemon actually gets to smash a plane by jumping on it and blasting the pilots at point blank range? Yveltal’s scenes are some of the most epic scenes that we’ve ever seen in Pokemon! He’s definitely awesome.

Xerneas is the counterpart to Yveltal and while she may be more heroic….I can’t say that she’s extremely impressive. She’s more of a pacifist and we only get to see her fire off an attack or two. The attack does look powerful, but I was definitely hoping to see more of her abilities. Now that the ending has rendered her immobile for a little while, that chance may have slipped away. Xerneas isn’t a bad character, but she definitely can’t be considered to be Legendary level until she proves herself.

Ash Ketchum is already pretty established so I was confident that he would be as cool as always. Ash doesn’t disappoint as I dare say that he flies off the handle much quicker than he used to. As soon as he sees a threat, Ash charges in with his good ole Pikachu. He helps Diancie on her quest without a second’s hesitation and he even heroically decides to stay back to fight off one of the villains while the other heroes went off without him. Ash’s heart is always in the right place and his confidence is well placed since he has Pikachu.

Unfortunately, Ash’s Pokemon all look pretty bad except for Pikachu. He has a flying type Pokemon that I don’t really care for. It’s supposed to be some kind of superhero or wrestler, but it’s definitely not my favorite fighter. Ash also has a small water type frog Pokemon at his disposal, but it loses rather easily to a random opponent so I quickly lost my respect for it there. As expected, Pikachu is the only Pokemon who can really pull his own weight around here. Pikachu looks pretty impressive from the get go as he easily takes out an opponent’s Pokemon. He follows this up by taking on two Champion Level Pokemon on at once and then his best scenes were against Yveltal. Can Pikachu really take on a legendary? But of course! Pikachu trades blows with this monster and it’s a fairly even fight. Considering that Pikachu has the massive speed advantage, we know who would have won if the fight had kept going.

Ash had a few new friends here so let’s look at how well they performed. Bonnie is a little kid and she’s sort of like Max from Advanced. She’s here to remind us that she’s a great character and she helps Diancie realize that she is already pretty special. It may be heartwarming for some, but I still don’t care for kids being main characters. (In this case, Ash is not considered to be a kid because he’s not really portrayed as such) Bonnie just isn’t my kind of character and I didn’t enjoy any of her scenes.

Clemont isn’t much better. “The future is now!” isn’t the greatest catchphrase in the world and he could barely control the ladder. He also lost immediately when it came to a Pokemon battle, which was fairly disappointing. Cmon Clemont…we expect more from you. He’s probably the worst male sidekick to Ash yet since I actually prefer the food themes guy from Pokemon Black and White.

The main heroine is also the worst one yet (Passing Misty) as Selene just isn’t a fighter. Dawn and May had fun with their contests, but they were still A-S rank fighters. Selene gets a brief action scene and she doesn’t do very well in it. She’s not quite as obnoxious as Clemont or Bonnie, but she hasn’t really provided us with any reasons to really like her so far. I’ll definitely need some more convincing at any rate. If she had only scored a single hit against the villain, this paragraph probably would have been a lot more positive. Being a tough trainer is the bare minimum requirement for even being considered as a solid character in Pokemon.

The main villain of this film is basically a parody of himself. He wants to get rich and that’s really his only motivation as he eats a bunch of chocolates. (Snacks are a big thing in this film as Ash and friends even go to a dessert buffet) He barely appears at all and his screentime may be around 10 minutes total. You can imagine that things don’t go very well for him once Yveltal arrives. His daughter is also a minor villain who ends up betraying the heroes, but she had only appeared for a scene or two before the big twist so it wasn’t much of a surprise. She was fairly generic as far as villains go. There really isn’t anything to say about her. She’s not comic relief like Team Rocket, but she doesn’t even accomplish as much as those villains…which isn’t a good sign.

Team Rocket actually gets a bigger role than usual, (Keep in mind that it’s still a small role) but they ultimately do not accomplish a whole lot. They back off when the going gets tough and that was pretty sad for them since they could have made a name for themselves there. Finally, we had two new villains for this film as well. A pair of hunters by the name of Marilyn and Riot. Riot is the calm ninja who is always quiet as he unleashes deadly moves while Marilyn is basically Jessie with a fire motif. Neither of them end up being a match for Ash Ketchum, which was admittedly awesome. They just aren’t good characters and while I actually liked them for a while, the rushed ending completely wrecked their characters. They were ready to ditch their Pokemon and they basically panicked when the going got tough. That’s not what I expect from the big villains!

The soundtrack is pretty uninspired. You’re not going to find the next big battle theme here as there really isn’t a battle theme. The intro during the credits reuses music from the previous Pokemon films and there is nothing unique to be found. It’s sad since the action scenes would have been even better if we had gotten some good tunes to listen too. A good example of this is when Yveltal is dodging a lot of rockets and attacking an airplane. It’s pretty intense stuff, but there is no music to complement it.

Again, the main drawback with the film has got to be the length. Many of the film’s weakpoints could have been fixed had the film been longer. The uncut version would likely help to an extent, but we still need like 40 minutes of extra footage. Ash’s battles against the thieves are pretty short and some are off screen to save time. They should have all been shown and the battles should have been longer. The film ends up just ending since the film’s duration was about to expire so it wasn’t as glamorous as it could have been. The short length meant that we got to the meat of the plot pretty quickly, but everything was rushed. The whole film felt rushed and that really ended up hurting it. (The only positive of this is that the film never ends up dragging on as you get to have fun from start to finish)

Overall, This is definitely a solid Pokemon film, but it ends up feeling more like a 1 hour special than a full length movie. The fights are solid and the power levels were really accurately portrayed here. Ash Ketchum continues to light up the room with his presence and Pikachu is finally showing off his true power. Unfortunately, the film is too short to really contain the content within it so bits and pieces are filled with lost potential. This is definitely a good way to start your Pokemon career, but I’d sooner recommend checking out the previous film with Genesect. That’s still the best Pokemon film out there and I highly recommend it.

Overall 7/10

The Amityville Horror Review

Posted on November 8, 2014 by dreager1

Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All thoughts written below should be addressed accordingly as a review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative.

The Amityville Horror is a film that you could probably judge from the title and know what to expect. I came into the film with reasonably low expectations and it still managed to crash way below them. This title is filled with red herrings and uninteresting characters to distract you from the fact that not much really happens in this film. If you haven’t seen it, now’s your chance to quickly back away to spare yourself some time.

The plot involves George and Kathy as they decide to move to a new house. They are pretty strapped for cash, but they really want a new house. Unfortunately, that’s just how it is in the modern world. The house is really beat up and the previous occupants were participants in a gruesome act, but the new owners don’t mind. They quickly pay up and the real estate agent was probably thrilled that someone finally fell for her tricks. The heroes settle in with their 3 kids and things seem to be going smoothly. Then, mysterious things start to happen and the heroes realize that the house may be tougher than it looks.

Well, there are many placed to start with this film. Let’s talk about the characters first. George is a pretty terrible lead and his “strength of character” is nonexistent. All it takes is an artificial chill that the spirit produces to start corrupting him. He loses his temper constantly and yells at the dog just to provide him with some amount of “toughness” for his character. It really just makes him look petty and even worse. I wasn’t rooting for him almost from the second that he appeared. He is distracted by romance, but not enough so that he can resist the influence of the dark spirits. Feeling cold isn’t fun, but his mind deteriorates way too quickly through this feeling. He continues to crack as the film goes on. He gets a heroic scene towards the end to try and redeem his character, but that was basically impossible by that point. It helps his character to be sure, but it’s simply too late for him.

Kathy is the main heroine and she doesn’t really look much better. SHe keeps on telling George that they shouldn’t get the house, but then she relents and they move in. From then on, she basically just has to watch as George goes crazy and she can’t really do anything about it. In the climax, she decides to fight, but it’s one of the worst attempts of all time. She gives up after a few seconds and she really showed no combat experience. That’s all right, but anyone can throw a punch and I would expect a much better fight out of someone who’s fighting for several lives. That was pretty poor form and she never became likable as the film went on.

The film plays out as a reverse slasher in the sense that the spirit picks off everyone one by one, but it doesn’t typically finish them off. It just gives them a scare so they will leave the house. Failure to comply with it will result in a car crash or permanent paralysis. Sometimes both. It’s a unique approach I suppose, but you do have to wonder what the point of it all is. The spirit gets some character development towards the end, but it’s very slight.

The film also really wanted to push the “Even God can’t save you now” angle. I suppose that it can be seen as the ultimate scare since you would really be doomed. Ignoring that this scenario would never even be possible, it just goes very far to show this. The heroes put up a mini statue of the cross and the spirit makes sure to burn it. Later on, the Father at one of the churches comes over to bless the house and the spirit overwhelms him with a powerful curse. We see him try to leave a Bible, but the spirit forces him to pick it back up and run away. Later on, he tries to go back, but the spirit just takes out his car and essentially ends his life since he’s almost brain dead at this point. Most Hollywood/mainstream films like to point out that demons and spirits can be alive while the same isn’t true for Angels and God. It’s a film so they can always mess with the rules that way, but it makes the whole thing pretty lopsided. The film is also trying to claim that it’s from a true story although I suppose that we all knew better about 15 minutes into the film. Demons are real so some horror stories are probably real, but this is one of the tales that was probably just made up for a quick buck and their 5 minutes of fame.

Another negative would be the George getting corrupted part. It’s so overdone and it’s one of the worst horror plots. Give us a supernatural enemy who can’t be stopped (Which is bad enough) but let’s at least give the main characters some determination and a will to fight back. Seeing him turn on everyone is just not enjoyable and it’s an easy way out of using special effects or good writing. The hit towards the end was basically the cliff that the film went over since he was no longer redeemable although he may have already passed that part earlier.

The film is not the most violent horror film that you’ll encounter. There are only a handful of scenes, but one of them is particularly brutal as one of the main characters has a dream. It’s enough that you could instantly guess that this film was a little stronger than your average summer blockbuster and it didn’t do any wonders for the film. Violence against noncombatants always ends up appearing as a negative compared to fighting violence. See, a fighter getting injured is way different than a pedestrian getting hit since they are prepared for two vastly different roles.

The kids are also pretty bad characters. The girl has an imaginary friend once again who turns out to be the spirit of the house. It explains that it wants them to stay in the house forever so that’s basically why it wants George to destroy them all. Or, so it would seem. The spirit is evidently strong enough to destroy them all on his own, but I guess it wants things to end up just like how they did last time. It mostly seems to have power over the mind, but its abilities have a real impact on the human world so it’s not just simple telepathy. Most likely it has advanced reality warping abilities since that’s a favorite for most horror writers. You don’t have to do any work, just make it able to do literally anything and you can call it a day.

I’d say that the film is actually more grotesque than scary. The film came out decades ago so you can mostly anticipate everything that it’s going to do, which is why it can be tough to be scared. The grotesque part goes back to the flies, which were some of the worst scenes in the film. One thing that I’ve never liked are insect scares since it’s just about insects crawling all over somebody so you can imagine the worst. It was a painfully bad scene as they attack the Father and force him out of the house. The guy takes his time leaving even though an ordinary person would have dashed out. The spirit continues to torment the guy with boils and such since the guy keeps trying to warn the heroes of the imminent danger.

The other scary scene would likely be when the babysitter is trapped in the closet. You’re supposed to be extra worried for her since she already has braces so everything is a little tougher for her. It’s really more unpleasant and sad to watch than it is scary and the lights turn off, but we already know that the spirit refuses to destroy anyone. It just wants to scare them over and over again until George cracks and does the work for him. The Babysitter literally had no point in the story. She was just there to get taken down.

The heroes have a dog and he’s probably the only positive thing that I can say about the whole experience. There is a little dog violence unfortunately as he scratches at a wall so hard that his paws bleed. Luckily, the film redeemed itself by saving the dog at the end so he wouldn’t have to bring the film down even more. It’s a shame that the other characters wanted to leave him (Kathy did anyway) but I would expect no less from her. George went back, which was good since it shows that he could have been a good character if not for the mind control.

The soundtrack was better than your average horror film so I guess that’s another positive. Considering when it came out, it’s surprisingly fast paced at times and it’s decently memorable. A horror film having a soundtrack in the first place is pretty surprising and it being a good one even more so. If only we had some good scenes to go along with it.

The spirit’s true form is only shown twice, but he seems like a decently tough demon. He’s pretty large, but he can probably shape shift at will so he will likely look different each time. He would have been a little cooler if he had fought some more, but the budget probably wasn’t there yet unless they used a suit like in the old Godzilla films. That would have been pretty interesting.

Some plot lines never really get time to develop either since the film didn’t know where it was going. We have the Detective who tries to act tough and sneaks around for clues, but he never ends up doing anything. He just abruptly disappears and ends up playing no role in the story. He was just there for filler, nothing more. Another woman is possessed by the spirits and tells them that the well is a gateway to Hell. Okay…I think we could have guessed that when we saw the endless tar coming out of it. What does that have to do with anything? The heroes never decide to close the well and the info didn’t help anyone out. I’m guessing that the original climax would have had the heroes plug it up, but maybe it was written out due to time constraints and a rapidly falling budget.

Overall, The Amityville Horror is not a film that you’ll want to check out anytime soon. The monster design is pretty good and the soundtrack is good as well, but everything else about the film really hit rock bottom. There was only 1 or 2 jump scenes and neither of them worked since we weren’t watching the film in super 3D in the dead of night with speakers that make you shiver with loud noises. The gross scenes will just make you back up a little and George’s plot is extremely wince worthy. The film also gives the Father way too cruel of a fate just so it could make a point that wouldn’t help the film anyway. Burning the cross and effectively destroying the Father…we get the point. (We also can’t forget making the Nun so sick that she has to end up leaving the house almost immediately) It’s hard to tell which negatives pushed my buttons the most to deserve a 1 since there were so many of them and they just kept adding up and up and up. Ah well, at least it was a pretty easy decision. I had the rating set before the film had even ended. While you’re steering clear of this film, just play a scary game like Dirge of Cerberus or take the opposite effect and take this time to rent Megaman Battle Network 5. Either way, you’ll be better off as this film goes into Sucker Punch levels of terrible. If you do watch the film, you should try to make a list of plots and characters that ended up not adding anything to the film.

Overall 1/10

The Mummy Review

Posted on November 7, 2014 by dreager1

Looks like it’s time to check out the original Mummy film! This one came out almost a century ago so you shouldn’t expect the effects to look quite as good as Tron’s. That being said, a film can still manage to be pretty good without effects as long as the writing is strong. That’s what helped a lot of the previous retro installments. Alas, it could not last. This film is nowhere near as good as the remake although I applaud the supernatural elements that made things pretty intriguing at points. Let’s see where the film messed up.

The plot involves an Archeologist and his partner as they are pretty sad. Their expedition into the desert turned out to be a waste of time and they are getting ready to rejoin civilization so that they can be mocked for their efforts. At that moment, a suspicious character tells them of a hidden tomb that is nearby and his minions uncover it for the heroes. The courageous fellows quickly inform the press and send their findings to the museum. This has all been too easy…why would this person help them? It makes more sense when you watch the flashback before this scene as the Mummy is uncovered because a man opened the legendary chest that had a curse inside of it. (Don’t worry, the curse isn’t random, we find out who placed it there towards the end of the film) The Mummy awakens and one of the guys goes insane with laughter as his mind breaks at the mere sight of the Mummy. In the present, The Mummy needs the ancient manuscript for his devious plans and he also wants to revive his partner. Time for the heroes to do something about it!

The plot sounds rather deep and convoluted thanks to how I wrote it, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. You are aware of the Mummy and the sinister developments for a good portion of the film. The heroes are just unsure of what they can really do about it, which results in a lot of tense scenes. None of the characters are really likable though, but more on that later. The film was doing all right in these moments, but let’s look at one of the big pitfalls that the film threw itself into.

First up…Animal Violence! I expect animal violence when I watch something like Sucker Punch or Toriko, but I don’t expect it from one of the most famous horror films of last generation. The scene comes out of nowhere, which is pretty sad. The main heroine randomly admits that she has a dog and takes him to the villain’s base. Seeking to impress her with his hypnosis, the Mummy tells his slave to take the dog away…then the slave murders the dog. Why would he do such a thing and why would the Mummy allow it? The whole point is that he is tricking the heroine and that shouldn’t help matters. Unfortunately, she is rather weak willed and her strength of character is not enough to even remember how her dog died. It was a rather depressing moment in an uninteresting film and I quickly slashed a few points off the score. (Although, even without the animal violence this film was destined to fall within this range. Animal Violence or not…this was not going to crack a 5)

I don’t really comment on the acting so I won’t get into how terribly awkward it was for the film. I’ll just point to how they wrecked the characters through the drama scenes. A lot of scenes just have the characters staring at each other or making terrible decisions that lead to their untimely demise. With that set up…it’s time to look at the characters!

The main character is Frank. He’s better than his predecessor in the opening who goes insane just by looking at the Mummy, but he’s not much better. (I still can’t get over that though. Do people honestly think that someone would go crazy just by sneaking a glance at a dead guy? That was one of the biggest moments of plot hax that I’ve seen since Colonel actually held his own against Forte in the Program of Light and Dark) Frank is the kind of guy who believes in (fake) love at first sight and he really pushes the point when he meets Helen. She keeps on telling him that she is not interested (For about 5 minutes anyway) but he won’t take no for an answer and she quickly relents. After that, he doesn’t really care about anything except helping her and he can’t do a good job of that either. He knows that the Mummy is playing her like a fiddle, but he still decides to just go to sleep on the couch. It should be noted that his partner tried to help by giving Frank an amulet that stops the Pharaoh’s abilities from working, but Frank decides to hang it on the doorknob as a little keychain. You may admire his courageousness, but you’ll probably just face palm as the Mummy quickly uses the Force Choke to take Frank down for the count. A rather embarrassing end and no amount of main character hax that occurs in the film can take that moment away from us. It was pretty inexcusable.

I can’t say that Helen is much better. Again, she tried to say no to Frank, but then she just agreed that the feelings were mutual. They evidently were not at first so she changed her mind way too quickly. Her mind is also very frail since the Mummy is able to quickly convince her that she must go with him. She always enters a trance and he has complete control over her. She tries to fight it once in a while, but with terrible results. Forgetting about her dog was also pretty inexcusable and she should have been able to fight the mind control. This is definitely a strong example for how you do not write a main heroine. It was a rather poor showing.

There were two old men who tried to help out as well, but they couldn’t get the job done. One of them had the simple task of burning a few papers in the fireplace, but the Force Choke surprises him so much that he drops the papers and starts to backpedal until he bites the big one. (Which is when the slave breaks in through the unlocked door and steals the papers) The other guy just gives advice like “Let Helen go to Imhotep so we can find out where his hideout is” before taping an untimely nap. These guys loves to beat around the bush as seen with their interrogation of the Mummy, but they know that they are outmatched. They actually admit it in front of the Mummy, which is pretty sad.

The actual Mummy isn’t great either. We get a sob story for him about how he did all of this for romance and stuff. Unfortunately, deciding to reincarnate yourself is against the law so he’s quickly destroyed….thereby speeding up the reincarnation. I guess they didn’t have any mages back then to counter the Mummy’s spell. After that, he evidently decided to wait years and years for some archaeologists to come and discover the tomb instead of just going inside of it himself. He would have been able to have gotten the scroll without any objections that way and then he could have searched for his reincarnated partner. Alas, he decided to do things the hard way. He has a strong amount of telepathy and possibly some superhuman strength so I guess it’s okay for him to be confident. Unfortunately, he underestimated the humans or overestimated his Force Choke when push came to shove.

The flashbacks and the ending were intriguing, but they just threw in supernatural elements without any true meaning. I applaud the effort as we actually get a “god” at the end who decides to help out, but just barely. The Mummy still would have gotten away for it if not for a few missteps. I mean, the Mummy Did basically laugh at Isis’ rules by coming back to life so you would expect a little more urgency.

Overall, This was definitely not one of the better retro films. I definitely preferred the newer Mummy film. It was more action packed and while it wasn’t downright amazing, it was a lot more fun. The Mummy just isn’t a fun or engaging villain and his telepathy is the only thing that actually made him a threat. A lot of scenes didn’t seem to have really been thought through either. (The heroes going after the Mummy after the villain had a super long head start and still making it in time.) Strictly speaking from Frank’s perspective, the ending felt like a parody. He’s the big hero, but he never got to be useful from start to finish. I would sooner recommend watching the remake or checking out Speed Racer than this film. This film was lacking in positives while still containing a lot of negatives.

Overall 3/10

The Blob Review

Posted on November 4, 2014 by dreager1

It’s time for another retro horror film in The Blob! The Blob never really sounded very intriguing since it doesn’t seem like it can be an engaging villain. On the other hand, this guarantees that the film won’t be the slasher kind and the heroes will have to use their wits to escape this ordeal. It was a little better than I had expected and you shouldn’t underestimate The Blob!

A meteor crash lands in an abandoned area one day and an old farmer notices this. He stabs the egg with his stick, but The Blob adapts as quickly as it evolves and it grabs him. The man bumps into the main characters, Steve and Jane. They take him to a doctor, but things take a turn for the worst when the Doctor is murdered. Who would do such a thing? Unless….it was The Blob! The heroes can’t afford to let their guard down as time is not on their side anymore.

The set up is pretty good since the Blob has to infiltrate the town somehow. From there, it’s up to the writers to really make The Blob a threat. It’s pretty fun to see him go after the heroes since he…or it can’t move very quickly. One character makes the mistake of tripping into The Blob though and the other one runs for the window despite The Blob being near it. These fellows probably didn’t watch a whole lot of horror films and now they’ll never get the chance!

The actual Blob is pretty formidable since bullets don’t even faze it. It also absorbs the mysterious elements that are thrown at it in the lab and endures the raw power of lightning. Let’s face it, this guy has Kaiju levels of durability! For all we know, it’s still out there….lurking….and prepping for the fights to come. I think it’ll be pretty hard to find someone who says that they actually like the Blob a lot as a character, but it’s an interesting villain.

The main problem is the lack of speed on the Blob’s part. While it may be funny to see characters trip and get absorbed, it’s not something that you will find believable. It should be simplicity itself to avoid the Blob. Even the very beginning was dicey since the farmer’s reaction times were very slow. I’d like to see the Blob take on Nemo from the animated film. The unstoppable force meets the invincible fish. It would be a fight for the ages. That being said, the Blob may sort of be alive…but maybe it isn’t. It continues to grow and it absorbs everything, but it could be like a plant that moves to face the sun. More reactions than actual thoughts. I don’t really consider it to be alive in the literal sense…or should I say figurative sense? It’s about as alive as a plant.

The film did manage to scare me in one scene. A dog decides to tag along with the heroes to avenge his owner, but then the Blob steps in. I was on the edge of my seat poised to deduct some massive points from the film, but the dog manages to escape. Never before have I been so epicly ready to give back the points. Most horror films would have taken the low route and allowed the dog to be eaten. Not The Blob! It’s one of the reasons why this film was actually pretty decent.

The writing is pretty good and it’s why I still like these old films a lot. The cops were all pretty likable and even the “bullies” were good by the end. I’m not a fan of either of the main characters though. It’s not the writing’s fault of course, they were just very unlikable. I’ll explain why!

Jane drops the dog…twice. That’s inexcusable and I knew that I wasn’t going to like her at that point. I was already pretty wary since she fell into the romance plot with Steve, but this was the extra push that really sunk her character. It was pretty unnecessary and just sad. Steve isn’t much better since he has a lot of cheesy lines to try and convince Jane that he’s on the up and up. He shrugs her off once when he gets distressed about the Blob. He overreacts a lot and he conversation with the policeman at the very beginning was pretty wince worthy. His excuses needed excuses and he didn’t even get to win the street race. He wasn’t really much of a hero by the end and he was just thrown into the circumstances. He nearly convinced himself that it was all fake as well.

The bullies from the beginning actually turn out to just be friends who were having a little fun with the main character. It’s a good thing that this is the case for Steve since he probably couldn’t have held his own in a fight. They heavily outnumber him and they seem to be a little tougher. They help the main characters out a lot by helping them search and waking up the town. Without these kids, Steve probably would have been sunk.

There are three main policemen and they are pretty neat. We have the strict guy who has a big sob story on the left and the reasonable joe on the right. The third guy likes to play chess, but that’s about it. The strict one is pretty intense and you can tell that he has a lot of experience and I have to say that most of his tips were pretty sound. (Keep the kids in the cell sir!) The veteran actually likes kids so he’s a lot more reasonable, but the heroes don’t give him a whole lot to work with. It’s tough for the cops since the heroes are always messing around with the rules.

I guess a minor criticism for the film could be that everyone adapts a little too quickly to the monster. The cops almost immediately stop trying to shoot it because they find out that it’s impervious to all conventional weaponry. It’s true that nothing (Possibly including nukes) can hurt the Blob, but I’d expect them to try a little more. It’s good that they can give the Blob the chills through natural methods, but that was really just a lucky guess. We expect the police to fight for us until the last man! It’s still a pretty small thing though and the romance/main characters is the only true negative of the film.

Overall, The Blob is a pretty fun creature feature film. The main characters are very below average though and I prefer the leads from most of the other films of this era. These guys weren’t polite to the animals and they just weren’t interesting. I much prefer the other kids since they stay up to watch the creature feature films as well and they have a solid sense of justice. They couldn’t just walk away when the going got tough! The Blob may not have a roar or a real design, but it deals some damage and it made for a unique villain. I definitely recommend this film to anyone who likes a good monster film or a survival story. It’s just the kids against the big Blob that continues to grow. Who knows how powerful he’ll be in the sequel! The film didn’t really have much in the way of negatives, but I still refrained from giving it a higher score due to the fact that it would simply need more action or a better lead to vault it into the Super Six level. A different pair of main characters probably would have been all that it would need to get to the next level.

Overall 5/10

The Fog Review

Posted on October 31, 2014 by dreager1

Disclaimer This review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All thoughts written below only pertain to this version as the uncut review would likely be lower.

It’s time for a Halloween horror film! The Fog presents us with a film that follows the classic formula. The characters are slowly offed as the film progresses and you have to try and figure out how many characters will really survive the experience. It’s a formula that always churns out a low score, but it remains entertaining while watching it. In that sense, you could consider The Fog a success for its genre…but that may be a stretch.

The plot involves a nice little town that is about to celebrate its 100 year anniversary. They are dedicating it to their founders who made such a great voyage back in the days. Stevie has her own radio station as she plays some tunes to celebrate and the world seems to be at peace. Unfortunately, a mist…I mean a fog is rolling into town. The Weatherman doesn’t think that it’s anything to worry about, but a few fisherman disappear at sea. One of the bodies is found, but it looks like he died years ago. Mr. Malone also finds out a startling truth about the founders. Will The Fog consume the entire town…or will it engulf the planet!? Only time will tell.

As I said earlier, the film plays out rather predictably. We see a few poor travelers who are drunk (of course) and they notice the fog. Unfortunately, they were not ready to take on these supernatural forces and are quickly dealt with. A third member doesn’t notice that the other two have been defeated and he doesn’t put up much of a fight since he barely notices when he bites the big one. After that we get a “peaceful” break for a good 20-30 minutes. Then, the fog strikes back, but this time it’s hear to stay. These guys don’t plan on leaving until they fulfill their objective.

Mr. Malone found the book from the dead people so he should have known what they wanted, but he couldn’t bring himself to keep on reading after he heard about the tragedies. This was a job for the main character and it was a tense moment since he would have to dash a few feet to the couch to grab the book and the fog was approaching. Luckily, he only took his time to contemplate briefly as he was able to make it back. This is a true main character right? Well…..I suppose that he helped out in the end.

Mr. Malone isn’t really one of the main characters, but the casualties really begin to rise because of him. If he had given the villains what they wanted in the first place..maybe they would have left. Okay, they still weren’t going to leave without destroying 7 people, but maybe he could have bought the heroes some time. Hiding in the basement until the climax is not the way to become a likable character.

Stevie is the main character although she doesn’t see a lot of action. She’s always ready with a message to broadcast, but she sounds so dead over the radio. I definitely wouldn’t be tuning into that station at night! (Something a little more lively would be my preference) The stakes get real when her son gets involved in the crisis, but Stevie just doesn’t do much. She’s really a bystander in this whole occurrence and her brief fight against the two undead guys may have been good for her, but I would just call it plot hax.

Nick Castle is one of the main leads and he gets more chase scenes to himself. He was just driving down the road one day when he saw a hitchhiker. He let her in and it turns out that she is just heading in the direction that he is. They drive and we learn that Elizabeth doesn’t have any more morals than Nick so they devolve into the fake romance tropes. I say fake because that’s how it seems given how quickly they moved past the friend zone. Not cool! Nick’s big moment is where he saves a kid or when he goes for the book. That’s good for him I suppose, but I can’t say that I ever found him to be likable.

Elizabeth is the hitchhiker and she’s no better than Nick. She didn’t notice when one of the guys got up from a stretcher even though that would definitely make some sound and she didn’t help a whole lot in the climax. She’s definitely another character who didn’t really stand out in the end and ended up being a negative aspect for the film. (Let’s face it, most of the characters will fall in this pile!)

What about Joey? There’s no Joey to be found, but we do have Blake. Blake is the main villain of the film and he’s the leader of “The Fog.” The Fog is created to mask the locations of his army and they all attack when he gives the go ahead. I don’t think that they are bullet proof and they don’t seem very quick. They may have some slight super strength, but it’s definitely not a huge amount since they can barely break a door down. Blake’s design isn’t bad although it’s not quite as memorable as your average horror villain. The film doesn’t try to make you sympathize with his goal, which is always a plus since I wouldn’t have bought into it anyway. As a villain, Blake really isn’t bad. I forgot how awful he may have been during his sob story, but as an undead he had his villain morals. He only went for the destruction of his opponent and he didn’t beat around the bush. He easily beats the average horror villain.

One of the reasons why this kind of horror film never ends up getting a positive score is that everyone dying just lacks the replay value appeal. Even for the initial watch, you’re kind of hoping that the heroes can start to fight back, but it never happens. I think the film also went a little too far when the nice old lady is taken out by the villains. Did that really have to happen!? The film just should have made the baby sitter a beefy 30 year old who talks a good game. It would have been more fun. Another victim is the Weatherman, but he makes the same mistake as the old lady. Both of them open the door and then give the outside world their back. It’s not very wise to do such a thing when you’re on such a shady island during a fog storm.

The violence isn’t terrible considering the hooks that the villains use. We do see a body that is a little graphic and we can see the villains stabbing the heroes. We just usually do not see the damage that the stabs are doing, which is good even if we can still hear everything. Aside from that aspect, another negative would be the romance moment that has nothing to do with anything. It’s a classic horror trope that someone has to make out at least once before a jump scene, but it’s a trope that should really just fade away at this point.

It should be noted that we do get a twist ending. Let’s face it, you never want to have a horror film that doesn’t have a twist right? Well, let’s just say that Blake wanted to have the last laugh and boy was he going to get it! You almost feel bad for his victim, but the victim was being a little too inquisitive. “Why didn’t Blake destroy me when he had the chance!?” is basically his last line. Way to tempt the villain sir……

Overall, There were a few other characters to be found in this film, but there’s not a whole lot to say about them. We had the “tough” sidekick to the lady giving the speech, but they were both just around to show the audience (us) how to react to certain plot twists. The character cast was pretty weak and this is really just your average horror film where everyone dies until they figure out how to avenge the wrongs that their ancestors did. Nothing happens for a while in the film so you begin to wonder when the villains are going to strike. As you’re waiting, the film isn’t getting any better. There’s nothing special here and it really isn’t a fun film. If you want to watch a scary film that also has heart..check out the Subspace Emissary cutscenes from Super Smash Bros Brawl. That’s sure to send a shiver down your spine!

Overall 3/10

Sorry, Wrong Number Review

Posted on October 27, 2014 by dreager1

Well, it’s time for another retro film. Believe it or not, this one also came out before the original Godzilla film. (Also? Check out some of my earlier reviews to see what I mean!) The title may quickly remind you of Family Game Night or the Sorry! board game. I’ll admit that the final line made me think of it as well, but this one is a little more suspenseful as there is crime afoot. It’s certainly not Hitchcock level, but the film had potential. It just needed to have less showing and more doing.

The plot revolves around a lady named Leona. She’s stuck in bed as she’s pretty ill. Her nurse is off for the day and all of the neighbors seem to be out in the town or away for a while. Her husband was supposed to come home that night, but he seems to have vanished as well. This all doesn’t bother her at first, but then she picks up the phone and overhears a plot to murder someone. She must try to alert the police or anyone for that matter. What if someone gets hurt?….what if she gets hurt!? It’s a race against time as it will all be over once the train crosses the station.

Upon first glance, this probably sounds like the Hitchcock film where the guy is stuck in a wheelchair and witnesses a murder right? It’s actually pretty similar in that respect since the main character can’t walk either, but that’s where the films start to deviate. This one wants to tell us a pretty complex plot through the use of flashbacks. I think I prefer to see the story in real time. I guess this way makes the mystery longer though. (It would be a bit of a short film not counting the flashbacks) We even get flashbacks inside of flashbacks as the film goes on and many startling revelations are brought upon us.

Leona is the main character, but she’s not a great lead. She may seem pretty innocent when the film starts, but we quickly learn that she’s more sinister than she looks. She stole the main character just to doom him and while her feelings may have changed over time, it wasn’t a genuine start. She’s also pretty unreasonable as she wants Henry to be indebted to her and to never really have a life of his own. He tries to find some work for himself and to move away, but she stops him each time. If he insists, then she’ll just have a heart attack, which will end the discussion. She’s pretty confident when she’s on the phone, but one could argue that she’s overconfident and she didn’t do a great job of explaining the situation on the phone. She was probably doomed without any evidence anyway, but she should have quickly gotten someone to come over.

Henry is the other main lead. He’s gone when the film starts, but we begin to learn a lot about his life through the flashbacks. He isn’t satisfied working for Leona’s father and he thinks his life is pretty dull. He’s on a pretty short leash so there’s not really much that he can do. Well, thanks to the nature of this mystery film, I can’t really say much more than that. I can say that while you’ll be sympathizing with him over Leona for a while, this eventually switches and you have to root against both of them. Henry has to make a few tough calls and unfortunately, they were the wrong ones. They put him on a path to destruction and it results in a dicey end for him. Then again, I should have suspected that something was up with him when he ditched the main heroine (The one who could have been the main heroine anyway) to go with the rich girl as he drove off. It was rather shady and not a very heroic thing to do either.

Waldo is pretty intense since he’s one of the most sinister characters at the start of the film. Once we learn about his history, he quickly loses his mystique. He was pretty likable at first, but he lacked the will to resist a tempting offer. He probably also accepted it because he feared for his safety if he refused, but it doesn’t change the fact that the money was one of the big incentives. If he had just stuck to doing his duties and not trying to fulfill his dream of having a big field with horses, things may have gone better for him.

Sally is a figure from Henry’s past who steps into the fray at one point and she was probably the second best character around. I was actually pretty worried that she was going to be an expendable figure at the beginning though since she doesn’t seem to be the type of character who will make it through this. Maybe she didn’t! Still, she gives Leona a lot of helpful advice during the film and while it may not have ultimately changed anything, it makes connecting the dots a lot easier for the viewer. Her husband is a bit of a red herring since he looks incredibly shady at first, but it all makes sense by the end. Her plot is also a nice change of pace since the kid isn’t annoying as you would expect one to be. He’s not too smart for his own good like in The Box and he’s not there to get in the way. He’s just a kid who is there to make us wonder what is going to happen next.

You could say that one of the film’s underlying messages is that everyone can be pretty corrupt at times. Leona’s father is forcing Henry to stay at his job, Leona is forcing Henry to give up his freedom, Henry is forcing Waldo to stray off his path, Waldo is forcing the company to lose money, etc. Most of the characters end up being corrupt or shady in some way or another and there are only a handful of characters that you could actually call good. The cops, Sally’s family, and some other characters down the line. It’s all rather sinister and it fits the film’s bleak tone. There doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel and you’re not expecting a happy ending.

Needless to say, the ending is not very happy. I would compare it to another genre in terms of endings, but that would probably give it away. Let’s just say that you won’t be humming as you walk away from this title. “Sorry!” is one of the final words that is spoken and the voice will definitely bring back memories from the board game. The ending is definitely pretty memorable and you probably won’t be forgetting it after hearing those words.

While watching the film, I actually liked Leona’s father a lot. He started to show his true colors towards the end of the film, but he was still doing it all to help Leona. After she left, then he started partying, but she’s the one who created distance between them. It’s just too bad that he cracked so easily about the marriage. We actually find out one reason why he gave up so quickly, which helps, but he could have been a little tougher about it. There’s not really a soundtrack here so we can bypass that.

There is some romance, but ironically, Leona is the one who mostly helps to avoid that. There’s no animal violence, which is a plus as well. So, you can see that the film didn’t commit any big errors. That would have hurt the score even more. As it stands, I couldn’t justify giving it a positive rating even in light of this. It just wasn’t good enough to get any higher. A fight scene or two could have changed things and we almost got one with the gangsters, but it was averted.

Overall, Sorry, Wrong Number is a decent mystery film, but there isn’t a lot of meat within it. There is a ton of exposition and we slowly breach through the foggy mist that surrounds the plot, but knowing about it isn’t going to be enough to change anything. The plot is decently interesting as you are watching it, but the execution could have been better. I guess you may just feel that there wasn’t much of a point to the film. What was gained from it? There weren’t many noticeable weaknesses in the film, but it didn’t have many strengths either. I’d only recommend it if you really want to see an old mystery film, but even then there are better options available anyway so you may as well just see one of those. Check out The Big Sleep! (I know, I mention that one a lot, but it’s probably the best mystery film that I’ve seen aside from Sherlock Holmes…or maybe it is better. It’s a tough decision)

Overall 4/10

The Box Review

Posted on October 23, 2014 by dreager1

All right folks, it’s true that Avengers:Age of Ultron’s trailer finally debuted, but we need to quickly refocus our attention to an older film. The Box arrived onto the world in 2009 and it was a very ambitious film that didn’t really know its own limits. Needless to say, it’s not exactly at Avengers level and I can’t guarantee an epic viewing experience. What I can guarantee…is a story with more riddles than characters.

We start off this adventure with Norma and Arthur Lewis as they try to make ends meet. Arthur wants to go to Mars and Norma just wants to get through another semester at her school. Unfortunately, both of their dreams are shattered when Norma is basically fired and Arthur fails the psych exam. (Red Herring number 1) Luckily, a sketchy man by the name of Mr. Stewart gives them a box and tells them that they can push the button and receive 1 million dollars…at the cost of someone’s life. Will the heroes quickly realize what the morally correct decision is or will they run for the money? This is Hollywood, but more importantly…this is the planet Earth. Who wouldn’t push the button? (Average main characters only so we’re not counting naturally epic characters like Superman and Batman)

Well, that’s not a bad start right? Well, things get pretty crazy from there. You remember that red herring from earlier? Well, the film is full of them and many plots are introduced without any resolutions. Is Arthur a little crazy or is Mr. Stewart just messing with him? (My money’s on the latter) Mr. Stewart warns the heroes not to contact the police and he takes it pretty personally when they do, but why should he care? By the end of the film, we find out that the police can’t really do anything about it either. Why is the government so corrupt? Okay, let’s address these issues a little more coherently after we check out the main characters.

Norma is the first character to meet up with Mr. Stewart and she tries to make the most of it. She’s had a pretty tough time recently and she also suffered from an accident that left her without most of her foot. The idea of getting 1 million dollars is just too great for her and she crumbles. It’s pretty sad for her even if it was expected. The reason why I can’t really root for her is that Norma isn’t very realistic. I don’t mind unrealistic characters, but this was not a good thing here. I’m addressing her attitude towards Mr. Stewart. It was like the guy could do no wrong at some points. Even after he messed with their son and threatened the heroes multiple times, Norma treated him as if he was just a friend of theirs. She never really treated him as an enemy and that could definitely be pretty annoying.

Arthur isn’t much better although I dare say that I liked him a little more than Norma. His lack of realism comes from the Library chase scene and basically every scene in the second half of the film. A lot of supernatural things are happening and he takes it way too calmly. He doesn’t even seem to care half of the time as he just asks where the exit is…instead of wondering why the whole town is out to get him. He gets a classic rage mode scene where he threatens someone, but he doesn’t end up doing anything. Likewise, he grabs a gun during one scene, but he lacks the drive to pull through. It’s the hero’s move of course, but he still shouldn’t have let Mr. Stewart just walk out like that.

Mr. Stewart is the main villain and he’s not completely human. He doesn’t appear to possess any supernatural powers although he may have telepathy. He has alien technology that his employers gave him that allows him to subjugate anyone who is caught in the blue liquid. This gives him an army and then he’s ready to blackmail everyone. He throws a lot of threats around and he tries to be sympathetic as well, but I can’t say that it really worked. He betrayed the human race after the accident and he allowed himself to be corrupted. I don’t know why Arthur didn’t try to tackle him in the end. (You should have seen how Mr. Stewart ran!) At least Mr. Stewart can talk tough to the government and get away with it.

I don’t really like the main kid in this film so I’ll mainly bypass his section. He’s a little too much of a know it all and he’s not very smart when it comes to practical situations. He didn’t help matters for the heroes and he just ended up being a liability. Why couldn’t he have stayed home reading comics?

Okay, where to start! Things really blew up for the film when the nosebleeds start to happen. All of the townsfolk seem to be possessed at certain points before they “regain themselves” and try to help the heroes by giving signs. Pretty weak mind control eh? The expendables keep flip flopping in and out of their trance. We learn that they were all forced to go into the blue vat, which is how they lost their free will. So, are we to believe that all of these people were put into the pool? It seems like dozens upon dozens of people were thrown in…even a clown got in on the action! This is also fairly convenient for the bully from the beginning since we find out that he may have been possessed.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t add up. Mr. Stewart has no motive to make the kid insult Norma so we have to believe that he’s just normally a cheap character. Still, we do know that he was also possessed along with the bell boy so things start to get a little dicey. Mr. Stewart’s wife/right hand woman also jumps into the fray since she owns the library. It seems like she still has her free will, which is interesting, but I’m going to assume that she was meant to be possessed since it was out of place and Mr. Stewart is more alien than human now.

Once there, Arthur is given a choice between 3 portals. 2 will lead to Eternal Damnation and one will lead to Eternal Peace. Arthur obviously picks the Eternal Peace portal. (He found out after breaking through the mind control and getting the slaves to tell him, which the good portal was. Although, it was fairly obvious since two of the portals were dark blue and one was light blue) Unfortunately, he finds out that it was a sham since it just leads him back to his living room after a dimensional journey.

Spoiler Alert. I’ll just give you more time to get out of this paragraph with this line so that you can be sure to dodge the spoiler. The ending shows us that the two main characters are actually stuck in Purgatory and their choices here will result in whether they go to Heaven or Hell. (Or the film equivalents anyway) So, it is just the main characters in this place and everyone else is fake? Is everyone real and the whole town was thrown into Purgatory or is Earth itself already in Purgatory and it may have happened before they were born? The film will never bother to explain so you can make your own theories about it.

Of course, this brings us to the point of this whole charade. I guess it’s a morality test that Mr. Stewart has set up, but what about the town inhabitants that he has enslaved? Do they not deserve to get their own test to see if they are good people or have they already failed the test? One guy’s son is dragged off since I guess he completed his test, but now he’ll have to complete another one. The government warns him that his decision will have grave consequences, but he doesn’t seem to care since he’s basically drugged and out of it by that point.

Ah yes….the Government. Skeptics of the NSA will have a blast with this since they decide to work with a mad alien. Why did they just bow before Mr. Stewart so willingly? We actually see many armed guards just stand by the main villain with the NSA director just watching and (almost) crying. The NSA seems to be petrified of this guy, but it’s confirmed that a bullet is enough to destroy Mr. Stewart so they should be a little braver. He has some hi tech equipment, but he’s still just a guy. Let his “Employers” come…the NSA will just take them out too!

You could go on and on about this film for quite a long time, but you start to lose track of what’s going on with the film’s many plots. Mr. Stewart’s technology allows you to rid someone of their senses (2 out of 5 in this case) but then he can also give the person back their senses somehow. I suppose that he actually does have some powers to pull that off since it wasn’t a matter of tech that time. It’s sad for the humans since they’re basically powerless to stop these “high above” beings and they will just be toyed with. Even if they win their tests, these guys will just make new ones up so it’s ultimately pointless. The villains also seem confused since they go to the trouble of getting the wife and the son, but they allow Arthur to drive back home with Norma. (They still get the kid though) With their powers, they could have forced Arthur to stay back, but I guess it was all part of the plan.

The ending is pretty underwhelming as you may expect. It’s similar to a certain Ronin film and it’s not the kind of ending that you wouldn’t even wish upon your least favorite film! The heroes basically just accepted their insignificance in the grand scheme of things and allowed themselves to be puppets in the end. That’s not very satisfying if you ask me and they should have done something to escape their fate. Maybe next year…

I would talk about the soundtrack, but it’s basically nonexistent here. There’s not really a lot of romance so that’s always a plus. A little here and there, but it could be a lot worse. The bully at school is pretty wince worthy and the deformations can be a little hard to look at, but I suppose that it’s part of the point. I still wish that Arthur and Norma could have been a little more assertive in those scenes. The babysitter’s lies may have made for an intriguing moment and especially as she went through the motel with the brain controlled zombies, but we all had a feeling that the plot would vanish given the film’s track record. Everything goes back to nothing. (I don’t believe that all of the town’s folk could be kidnapped by the NSA and nobody would notice…it’s a bit of a stretch)

Overall, The Box is the kind of film that you would only want to watch if you like to watch films that are very vague so that you can make up your own version of what happened. There are some scenes that are fairly interesting and they had potential, but the film couldn’t live up to it. It just blew itself up along the way and ended up going out with a whimper. I do applaud the fact that is tried to be contain so much in a single film, but it couldn’t pull it off. Don’t bite off more than you can chew after all. (Meta + Unexplained, Convoluted Plotlines + Arthur = Loss) If you want a complex film filled with mystery and adventure…check out The Big Sleep. It’s a classic and I dare say that it’s a little more suspenseful.

Overall 3/10

Firestarter Review

Posted on October 20, 2014 by dreager1

Note that this review is of the edited TV 14 version. All thoughts below pertain to this specific version as a review of the original would likely be more negative.

I’m sure that we’re all familiar with Stephen King. His books are definitely popular and he has written a ton of them. They’re about as mainstream as you can get for older fiction and many of his titles have naturally gotten films and miniseries. Firestarter came out quite a long time ago so we’ll see if the story is as chilling and action packed as it used to be back in the day. I can say that the sound effects really hold up!

“mm mm mm mm” is a sound that you’ll never forget after watching this film! Well, the plot involves Andy McGee and his daughter Charlene as they try to evade the cops. ….Just kidding, these guys are actually from “The Shop,” but they are just as deadly. Andy possesses telepathy and some brief telekinesis or the technology equivalent while Charlene has advanced pyrotechnic abilities. Charlene is said to have the power to blow up an entire planet (Once she’s older) and Andy can definitely become a threat depending on who he comes into contact with. The Shop must recapture these individuals and use their abilities to create more meta humans and take down America’s enemies. All in a day’s work eh!?

The film definitely feels dated for some of the scenes, but I’m always ready for a retro adventure. The feel of the film also tips you off that it’s aiming at older audiences with the few death scenes that we get. The film actually isn’t very violent considering, but the guy who starts to blow up at the hospital and the wife’s demise keeps things in perspective. Most of the other deaths happen with special effects thanks to the fire that is being thrown around.

The fire effects are pretty fun to watch and you’ll feel like you’re watching a TV show with super humans. No matter how old or new the show is, live action episodes tend to be fighting on the same level so a fire blast in the 80’s from Charlene can hold up just as well as a fire blast from a villain in Agents of Shield or The Flash. It’s a good or bad thing for the medium depending on how you look at it, I enjoy the effects so I’d say that it’s pretty good and fire is one of the basic elements so it’s natural that it would be perfected fairly early in TV history.

The fight scene with Charlene at the end it pretty intense since we’ve been waiting for her to fight! The action scene is longer than I would have guessed and it’s also more impressive than I could have thought as well. Bullets definitely aren’t a good bet against her and Charlene is basically invincible at this point. The only thing that she has to worry about is the time that it takes for her to power up.

Charlene is about as decent as a kid can be, but I still don’t really care for protagonists that are kids. It works better in anime I’d say. In a film, it’s just hard to take a child seriously and Charlene is also very gullible when the situation starts to get dangerous. I felt bad for Andy because if the powers had been reversed, things could have been a lot different. Charlene’s powers are incredible, but then she decides to never use them against someone again….during a moment where the situation is even more dangerous than usual. It’s good not to destroy someone of course, but she should still use scare tactics and hurl fireballs to keep the enemies guessing.

Andy is a pretty decent main character although he doesn’t think things through as much as he should. His final scene comes to mind as a number of other commands would have been more effective than “Jump.” “Drop The Gun, Give Me The Gun, Throw The Gun, Shoot…..all of your bullets away,” etc. Beyond that, it’s hard not to like Andy when you consider his power. It’s very catchy since he basically says “mm mm mm mm” directly into your mind as he overcomes it. It was likely a directorial choice to add the sound effect, but maybe they asked Mr. King about it. Either way, it made his power a lot more interesting since that was a lot of fun. Andy definitely could have trained a little more though. He really scrunches up his face whenever he uses the ability so you can tell that he can’t keep it up for very long. (I felt bad for the Cab Driver since he’s going to go home a lot poorer than he thought!) Andy’s original scene in the hospital is super cheesy, but I’ll let it slide this time. He’s definitely a product of the 70’s/80’s and he’s got the accent to top it all off. He’s better than your average protagonist. Thinking about it….Andy may just not be hero material. After someone shoots Charlene with a sleeping dart…he doesn’t move away and Andy lets the guy shoot him as well. His reflexes are very slow.

John Rainbird is one of the main villains and he can definitely hurt the overall score. I dare say that he ended up bringing the score down from a 4-5 to 3 in the end. His scenes as he pretends to be a janitor are pretty painful to watch and you’re just waiting for him to take a loss the whole time. Again, Charlene was way too gullible here. John also has some mild resistance to the telepathy, which was disappointing, but it was partially Andy’s fault. John doesn’t have any redeemable qualities as a villain and he just pulled the film down.

The heroes get driven to a house by a nice resident at one point and I liked the guy. He was pretty sharp on the uptake and he was ready to defend the heroes. He was skeptical at first, but I would have been as well. The important thing is that he ultimately decided to help out and show the heroes what a true gunman is. He may have been knocked out of the fight pretty quickly, but the important thing is that he really tried.

Hollister could be called the main villain I suppose. He seems to be the highest ranking villain at “The Shop” and his ambitions are pretty great. He starts to play second fiddle towards the end though and he’s intimidated by John’s threats. He’s a much better villain than John, but I still can’t say that he was great. His plan was risky from the get go and he didn’t handle the Charlene situation very well. At least he takes a good amount of time out of his day to work on his haircut. It’s a start. We also have a doctor who is introduced at one point, but his most memorable scene is when he’s driving away on his trolley as he continues to look back to where Charlene is. It wasn’t his best move!

There isn’t really much of a soundtrack aside from the “mm mm mm mm” noises during the telepathy sessions. The effects are good though so that helps out as well. I don’t think it will end up being a terribly memorable film, but it was worth the trek. One final thing that reminds you that this is more of a retro film is one of the decisions that the villains make. As Charlene is blowing up a bunch of cars…a few of the men run towards one. This would prove to be their final mistake as it ended up exploding, but you have to wonder what they were thinking. They were seriously outgunned.

I do have to give the film a big thumbs up for one scene. Towards the end of the film, everything is burning so we think that the horses may be toast. Luckily, Charlene saves them and the camera makes sure to show you that they got away safely. It was a classy move on the film’s part and it shows that you can definitely avoid animal violence if you really want too. That was definitely a solid move.

Overall, Firestarter is an intriguing film. I dare say that it feels like an old school slasher during some parts of the film and more like a slice of life in others. The two main characters aren’t bad, but the villains range from slightly under average to terrible. The guy with the shotgun was pretty great although it was sad that he couldn’t do a little better in the gunfight. This is the film for you if you want a Supernatural type of adventure with escaped convicts and action. Still, you’ll have more fun watching DBZ Cooler’s Revenge if you want a story of a Saiyan overcoming hardship as he shows the world that he is more than human. As a sidenote, it’s interesting to wonder how Charlene would fair against the Avengers from the 2012 film. We can assume that a fireball would likely crush Hawkeye, Black Widow, and Captain America. Iron Man’s armor has been shown to be weak against fire and Thor had to dodge machine gun fire so I’m not sure how he would fair. Hulk could end up being the final obstacle and then it all depends on how long Charlene can evade him. Given time, I believe that she could defeat him as well. Still, I guess I would side with the Avengers if they all fought against her at once. (This is assuming that she is already in her awakened state of course, so no charge up is necessary)

Overall 3/10

Edge of Tomorrow Review

Posted on October 14, 2014 by dreager1

This film is definitely way more recent than some of the others that I’ve reviewed as of late. (With the exception of Assault on Arkham) It’s time for a good ole 2014 film and this one looked pretty good when I saw the trailer in theaters. I’m always up for an alien invasion film and it looked to have the exciting explosions from Battleship while being a few pegs ahead in terms of writing and character development. It was about as good as I expected although it was also a little lighter on the action than I had anticipated as well.

William Cage is the protagonist of this story and he didn’t really want to get involved in the big battle against the alien invaders. He was happy to report on what was happening, but getting on the frontlines was for the soldiers. Unfortunately, he upsets an army general who forces him to go to the frontlines and things can pretty tough for him from there. He dies. Luckily, Mr. Cage managed to take out a Mimic first, which has allowed him to enter the timestream.

To provide some more background on this, the alien leader has a complete mastery over time. It’s why the aliens are crushing the heroes so easily. Whenever one of the alien Mimics is destroyed, it can go back in time to relive the day and to inform the other aliens of what is going to happen. So, by destroying one of them, Mr. Cage now acts as a Mimic and he gets to relive the day whenever he is destroyed. It’s really not a bad deal, but dying all of the time can be pretty sad as well. I have some issues with this part of the plot, but I’ll get to that later. Mr. Cage realizes that his only way out is to end the invasion once and for all so he will have to locate the war hero (Vrataski) in order to vanquish the aliens once and for all.

Okay, let’s talk about the parts of the plot that I find a little hard to believe. One is that nobody has ever destroyed a Mimic at close range before. I find that really hard to believe considering how long the war has been going on. From the start of the film, they act as if the war has been going on for years and years. America didn’t even join in at first, but we hit pretty hard when we did go in. So, there should be other humans that have obtained this ability. By “more” I’d say at least 10-100. The odds of finding a Mimic are apparently 1/1000 or something like that, but that’s not a terrible odd when you’re involved in a war.

Another dicey part is the hiding place of the master alien. Let’s just say that it picked a very iconic and legendary position to set up shop. How could nobody go to this area during the entire war? It’s not very feasible to think that the alien can easily escape and its travel speed is likely very slow. The heroes were definitely slacking off here and the governments should have been on top of this.

William Cage is a pretty good main character. Unfortunately, he still does suffer from the negatives that plague most mainstream leads. No matter how serious the situation is, he quickly thinks of romance and comes up with some terrible reasons to try and jumpstart this. It’s played for laughs of course, but it certainly doesn’t help his case. I do like how he immediately resorted to blackmail though since that felt pretty “American.” No offense intended of course, but he just did what seems natural to many people at his level. Why risk his life for our planet? He eventually learns how to fight though and he does a pretty good job of taking on the enemies. He’s a little slow on the draw at first, but he becomes a pretty capable warrior by the end. The film takes place over a span of around 1 year based on the amount of days that he had to relive. That’s a lot of time and it’s a wonder that he kept it together. Cage is a pretty decent lead, but I guess he’s pretty interchangeable. I’ll take him over James Bond or Jack Sparrow though and that’s already a pretty solid step up. For the most part, he really he is a solid character, but he’ll strike you as just being very generic.

Ms. Vrataski is the hero who has slain many aliens and she is supposed to be virtually unstoppable. There is a plot twist about this that really eliminates most of her reputation though. I suppose that a figure head is always necessary to win the big battles, but she’s only pretty good at fighting. I wouldn’t call her legendary or exceptional. Especially at one point towards the middle of the film where the aliens continue to best her. I have to say that she was pretty underwhelming although you may have already surmised that from this paragraph. She tries really hard to be the next fan favorite character who’s as emotionless as Mikasa or Sai, but it just doesn’t work here. I assume that she has some kind of tragic past, but the film (thankfully) doesn’t explore this and you just wonder why she’s so mean to the main character. I would be too if I was in her position, but then she needs to back it up a little more while on the field. We also can’t forget how she left Cage to die in one of the first scenes. She’s just not hero material.

It’s time to mention another part that I found hard to believe. A lot of those in this film, but keep in mind that it’s an alien invasion film that deals with time travel and both of those genres already tend to have this “weaknesses”. Mr. Cage knows way more than he should. I don’t see how he would ever learn about someone’s true name through their origin. Most of the other pieces of intel that he acquires off screen are pretty believable, but at the same time it is still hard to picture for others. Even knowing so much about the Secretary was a little dicey at this point. Reliving a day an infinite amount of times is great, but there’s still so much that you can do in a day. Would someone really trust you with their ultimate secret after a single day? I don’t think so.

Aside from that, the film does a good job of avoiding the mainstream film holes. No animal violence, and the slight bits with romance are purely through dialogue and nothing is shown. That’s always a good thing and the action is pretty fun without being over the top in a negative way like we’ve been seeing recently with blockbusters.

The fight scenes aren’t a huge focus of the film, but they were very well done. The aliens are actually some of the fastest creatures that we’ve seen in this kind of a film. I’d actually take one of these against a Xenomorph, Predator, Chitauri, or a number of others. They don’t typically use projectiles, but they’re incredibly fast. If anyone’s seen Attack on Titan, they use a similar spin move to Levi’s. If you haven’t seen it, just picture a top once you spin it. Then imagine that the aliens can keep up this speed as they slice and dice throughout the war. I really liked these guys! The aliens are strategic and very deadly. It’s hard to imagine the army winning a single battle, but the film actually does provide us with an acceptable answer to that question.

Overall, Edge of Tomorrow is a pretty good alien invasion film. I would have liked to have seen the actual battle against the aliens some more or maybe our government leaders and how they plan out their next strikes. I think Cage’s plot was actually less interesting than those would have been, but it’s still good for what it was. We learned that you never trifle with the government as seen in one of the early scenes. I do applaud Mr. Cage for attempting to run though since at least he didn’t go down without a fight. I recommend Edge of Tomorrow as a solid alien invasion film, but don’t go in expecting this to be as thought proboking as other titles in its two genres.It’s a fun summer blockbuster and that’s good enough for me.

Overall 7/10

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