Category Archives: Reviews

Curse of the Black Widow Review

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This has to be one of the weirdest films I’ve ever seen. The tone is absolutely all over the place, the soundtrack has 0 consistency, the plot is super convoluted with a ton of twists, the main character looks like Vince from WWE, there are tons of crazy facial expressions, we have a surprising amount of world building for no reason, and there is even some sequel bait. This film just could not calm down and while it starts to get a bit tiring by the second half, I just have to appreciate the ambition. I actually think there was a ton of creativity here and a whole lot of possibilities to make this into a great film. It couldn’t quite get there and I have my share of issues but it was better than I was expecting.

So the movie starts off with Mark at the bar having a bunch of drinks when a beautiful lady shows up and asks for one of the men to escort her to the car. Specifically she only wants one of the guys so Mark goes back to his drink wishing that he was selected. He would quickly change his tune though as they hear yelling and when he heads outside, the guy has been murdered and the lady is nowhere to be seen. It turns out that her name is Valerie and now she is a suspect in the murder. Mark is hired by a lady named Leigh who explains that she was the guy’s girlfriend. The police suspect that she is behind this because her excuse of not showing up to meet her boyfriend as planned was one of the flimsiest that we’ve heard. Basically the rain was too hard. Mark decides to take up the case and he’s about to fall into a whole conspiracy of craziness.

Okay so the first thing that will stand out here is the strong soundtrack. You have a lot of really fast paced jingles and the movie is generally going for a very energetic vibe. Things are just popping and it really doesn’t match the scary vibe the movie is going for. Yeah sometimes the film will get a little quiet and it will try to get ominous but by then it’s just way too late. I liked the music though, it may not be all that fitting most of the time but it does liven things up which is always cool.

Then Mark also has a ton of facial expressions all the time with a bunch of zoom ins here and there. He is visibly shocked by just about everything and doesn’t even know the basics about spiders. This guy doesn’t seem like he would be a particularly good detective and I can imagine him getting emotionally involved with all of his clients. He seemed a little too eager to take up Leigh’s offer after all and then later on he starts to get a bit jealous at the dance. He doesn’t strike me as a very upstanding guy and is someone you’d probably be better off avoiding the whole time.

Still, he does have that obnoxious kind of personality that lets him strong arm anyone who gets in his way. He has a lot of connections and even members of the cops are ready to help him. We learn about the women who are able to turn into spiders and have super abilities among other such legends. He is really hard pressed to believe any of it for a good while but finally comes around after the proof is truly undeniable.

I liked the chief of police, Gully. Yeah he doesn’t always make the best decisions and probably keeps the situation a little too tight lipped but what I can respect about him is that he doesn’t back down. Mark can bully most of the side characters along to his whims but not this guy. No sirrrrr, Gully is here for the long haul and gets the final say. That’s the kind of guy you want in charge of the investigation.

Now, another area I have to give the film props in is with the subplot at the house where you have Laura and a kid. This plot randomly showed up near the beginning of the movie and had nothing to do with anything. Then wayyyyy later on it returns and still seems to be out of place. They’re talking about secrets, Leigh is involved, etc. It’s only by the end where we get a machine gun styled swarm of twist after twist. The plots end up converging but it took so long that I actually started to think that the film forgot about it. Yeah that would be crazy but I did start to really consider it.

Honestly, the film would be better off without any of that anyway. It’s the weakest part of the film by far. I preferred to have this mysterious lady going around bumping men off for rejecting her. That’s a much scarier premise than having all the family drama and learning everything about the past. I don’t want to know more about the character, I want to just focus on how to stop her. We have this one guy who easily seduces the lady and every scene with him is absolutely painful. You’re just rooting for someone to transform into a spider and eat him already.

Also the film gets some kudos for having the first guys to actually have some class. It feels like in almost every film, the guy will buckle immediately if a pretty woman so much as talks to him. Doesn’t matter if he’s married or engaged, he just starts blubbering like a fool and cheats immediately. Not the case this time! The first two girls actually turn Valerie down which is why they are absolutely crushed. I appreciated the resolve there. Would have been nice if they could fight too but let me not get greedy. It was just a nice change of pace to see.

Also this is a better vampire film than most vampire titles and that’s even without having any kind of vampire in it. We still had the blood sucking but it was generally not on screen and the way it was handled with the tendrils was way better than biting the neck. Spiders just have a more pleasant way of going about things.

Overall, Curse of the Black Widow is an absolutely wild ride. It’s crazy just how much is going on and it’s all so rapid. Even with that, the second half does drag on a bit with all the exposition and twists. I super did not care about anything that was happening there and wanted to go back to the mystery. That’s what they should have focused on and the movie would have been better off for it. At the end of the day I wouldn’t recommend the film, it made too many mistakes. Still, it was considerably better than I expected and you see so many missed opportunities that it hurts, but you can feel the ambition. The movie took a wide swing and while it missed, it was a fair effort.

Overall 4/10

Sword Art Online: Fractured Daydream Review

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It’s time to enter the world of Sword Art Online for the ultimate crossover hype! Lets just say this is one of those games that you can’t put down. It’s a really great experience that keeps you at the edge of your seats. The story may be shorter than the average game in the franchise but the crossover appeal more than makes up for that. It’s just such a good story and this is what I would have liked to have seen for Jump Force, the latest Super Smash, Marvel vs Capcom, etc. This game understands what people want to see in crossovers like this, which is a lot of unique character interactions.

The story begins with Kirito and his friends taking down some monsters and having fun in ALO. One thing that doesn’t make sense though is how Quinella is hanging out with the crew and Kirito doesn’t question this. Well, it turns out this is because the various worlds have all been warped and the characters have had their memories sealed. This didn’t work on Quinella since she is generally too powerful for any hax and she wakes Kirito up. The two of them must now wake everyone up and figure out exactly what is going on here. It’s also not just the heroes who have been awaken but the villains as well. Hopefully they are willing to play ball.

Now this is the one part of the story that will probably have you giving it the side glance just a bit. The odds of someone like Death Gun working with the heroes seems slim to none. Additionally some villains just deserve to get beat up the whole time like Oberon. Some villains make sense for the redemption arc like Heathcliff but that’s not the case for the majority. I suppose at best you could say this just works because the villains know they would be absolutely crushed if they try anything. It’s not the most convincing argument but it’s the best that I’ve got.

The graphics were really solid with this one. The character designs even felt a bit more light novel inspired which works well. It’s a very colorful game and they really nailed the feeling of seeing all of the different game environments mesh into one. Meanwhile the soundtrack is pretty fun as well. I will admit I was hoping for a lyrical song at the end though since the series is so well known for that. It was pretty surprising now to have that included in some fashion. The grand finale still felt really epic with all of the characters getting their hype dialogue but this could have really helped to push it over the edge.

Even with a fairly nice sized story mode, the game’s content is focused on the online. So that’s where most of the modes are and you will probably want to get the PS+ so you can really experience it. A large number of the trophies are connected to that as well so I’m not even going to get close to obtaining the platinum without it. Playing with friends and tackling the super bosses does sound like a good deal of fun though. It’s definitely an added bonus. There isn’t really any offline content outside of the story mode so you should keep that in mind in terms of replay value.

After you beat the game, you can aim to get a bunch of S ranks I suppose. The trophy related to that is for getting half of them so that doesn’t sound too bad to me. I got a few S ranks here and there and they would probably be even easier when replaying the levels since your characters are a lot stronger. Down the road that is the trophy I would aim for since it actually feels really achieveable. I won’t call it super easy or anything like that and it will take some time though.

While the gameplay can be a little slippery, I appreciate that each character plays in a way that is accurate to their game. The GGO characters have machine guns, zoom in, and all of the usual controls associated with a shooting game. the ALO players can fly and zip through the air which is really cool, etc. Then each character has their unique skills, a number of special attacks and more. The game absolutely put the effort in and I definitely appreciate that. This did feel like a fun anniversary treat for the fans and I hope we do get more Sword Art Online games. There are endless possibilities for a fun online environment like this so I don’t see why you would ever really need to stop. The days of adventuring with Kirito must go on!

Overall, This was an absolutely hype game all the way through. It’s probably my favorite of the Sword Art Onlines. Having this original story was a lot of fun and while the combat itself may not be the most advanced, I can see how they went with the more arcade style for online. This way anyone can just jump in and it’s easier to coordinate everybody. The large scale of this is fun and the story mode does work as a good intro to the online. Next time there is a free PS+ weekend I’ll definitely check it out even if just to get a few more trophies in there.

Overall 8/10

Corridors of Blood Review

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This is one of those films that will make you shake your head. The characters make a lot of dicey decisions but in particular the main character really doesn’t look very smart at all. You’ll have a hard time believing that he is a scientist of any sort. He just keeps on making so many wrong turns that you definitely have to put a lot of active blame on him. Without him, the villains would not have gotten nearly as far as they did.

The movie starts by introducing us to Thomas who is known as the greatest surgeon in the business. This guy can handle operations very quickly which minimizes the pain to the patient. Still, he is not satisfied. There has to be a way to knock the patient out before conducting a large scale operation and he is determined to find this path. He experiments with a bunch of drugs and formulas to try and get the timing down but doesn’t use any assistants. So he drugs himself and the side effects are rather strong. He bungles his way into Black Ben’s hideout where the guy steals his notebook and forces a partnership. Thomas will now need to team up with these crooks in order to continue. Is this really worth it?

Naturally the goal of inventing anesthesia is a very good one. I can’t imagine going through most operations without something to knock me out. Pain on that level is just scary to even think about. It’s pretty rough seeing the people yelling on the tables as they’re chopped up. So you sympathize with Thomas but he doesn’t act much like a professional with how he runs tests on himself without anybody around to document the effects. That’s why you have more than one person in general. You need someone who can witness what is going on and give you an unbiased account of the events. Additionally, you can’t trust your own recollection or memory since at times you will be completely under. Trying to do this on his own was a fool’s errand from the jump.

Then even that might not have been so bad if he could lock the doors or something until he was completely sober. Instead he wanders around outside and gets into trouble. The whole scene of him getting pickpocketed is super embarrassing. Then even once he’s in his right mind, it was rather easy to convince him to help out. Thomas figures that trading the lives of a few people and some dead bodies is worth it for science but it’s a slippery slope. Naturally these villains continue to get worse and worse.

So I didn’t like Thomas in the end. He ended up just giving the villains too much leeway. His son wasn’t much better with how he didn’t even try to think of any ideas. His wife probably could have warned Thomas more as well on the risks involved with the science, but she isn’t a scientist so I put the least amount of blame on her. In the end, the best hero by far was Inspector Donovan. Finally we had someone with a little sense around here. I was glad when he pointed out that the time to act was now. He busted through with his men and really made short work of the villains.

The inspector didn’t appear much in the film but was definitely a scene stealer if I’ve ever seen one! As for the villains, they’re all rather annoying and super smug the whole time. Resurrection Joe is randomly one of those guys trying to attack women out of the blue and it was the kind of scene we definitely did not need in this film. It certainly set the stage for how morally bankrupt the villains are but we already knew that. I don’t get why the girl kept on working there after that. Throughout the film she half heartedly asks what’s going on and the others just give her the runaround, victim blame her, or just tell her to get lost.

Meanwhile Black Ben’s girl is just smirking and laughing the whole time. She really doesn’t do much beyond that and unfortunately the main character just takes it the whole time. Black Ben is also one of those smirking type figures who always knows that he’s in the lead. Once the chips are down though, he folds like the rest. Definitely not much to these villains, I’d almost have preferred if the surgeon had a Jekyll and Hyde situation with the drug although I suppose that would be a tad generic so maybe this is for the best.

In the end, most of the troubles in this film felt really forced. Take Thomas’ failure near the beginning where he tries to drug someone but the guy wakes up early. It sounds to me like Thomas never experimented on anyone other than himself which is a dangerously low sample size. Surely he could have tried with his son and everything. Also, why not strap the guy down just in case? Even if to prevent him from moving in his sleep. Like I said, the guy made bad decision after bad decision over and over again.

It felt like the writers sort of had the outcome planned but weren’t sure on the steps to get there. So it’s like this was written backwards to allow for this to happen when it should have been done in order. So the writing’s not very good and I can’t say many positive things about the pacing either. It was a team effort that led this film to fail so everyone played their part.

Overall, Corridors of Blood is a film that I would not recommend. I was certainly not expecting a movie about inventing anesthesia so that was interesting but it could and should have been done so much better. This feels like a B grade crime thriller at best and it forgot all of the thrills at home. You should definitely skip out on this movie, it doesn’t really have anything to offer you. It will quickly be forgotten within the pages of time, never to be seen again.

Overall 4/10

Transformers One Review

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All right it’s time for the big origin film that came out recently for Transformers. This one is a film I definitely saw a lot of leading up to the release. People were ready for a full theatrical film without any humans running around. It’s a pretty good film, I had a fun time with it. The action scenes get intense by the end and of course it’s always fun to see Optimus Prime in action. I would definitely be up for a sequel at some point, particularly since the film is at its best when the main character is in Prime mode.

The film starts off by introducing us to Optimus and Megatron but back when they were known by their former names. They work as miners who help excavate and keep the planet running. It’s not a very glamorous job to say the least and most people don’t think too highly of miners either way. These bots don’t have a transformation cog so they are seen as a bit inferior. Prime wants to change this and figures on entering the big race with Megatron which doesn’t go great, but they do get close to winning at one point. This gets them in trouble and sends them deeper into the planet, but there they find out about a conspiracy that could shake the entire planet to its core. Cybertronian history will never be the same.

Since this is a prequel of course we know that Prime and Megatron will be okay. No matter if it’s a new continuity or working to fit in with some others, they wouldn’t bump them off early. The main draw of the story is instead seeing how they used to be friends and what wedged them apart. If you’re watching for this, then you may be disappointed to see that Megatron’s arc happens rather quickly. He isn’t allowed to make quite as much sense as he could which is unfortunate because I would argue that he should be neck and neck with Prime in terms of rationale. Prime takes the soft approach while Megatron goes ultra aggressive. That’s more in line with what I was expecting but it didn’t exactly play out like that.

Megatron is still a fun character though once he enters Megatron mode. I didn’t care for his original personality quite so much, same with Prime’s. The characters are just so much cooler once they enter their main modes. Megatron really deals a lot of damage and throw himself into every fight. That’s great and he really has a savage fighting style. This is one of those continuities where he does appear to be a solid step below Prime in terms of power level but I could definitely see him getting a power up if we ever get Transformers Two.

Naturally once he enters Prime mode, Optimus is the great lead that you always expect to see. He has a commanding presence and is an absolute force on the battlefield. I like his fighting style and the guy was taking on a whole squad and making it look easy. That’s why he is the face of the Autobots, you wouldn’t want anyone else to be taking up that role. The film has a small cast but it works out when you have tow characters like this.

Bumblebee is okay, I’ve seen worse portrayals of him. The constant talking is fine but I don’t feel like he got very clever lines. I’d like to see them touch up his wit just a tad in a future installment. I do like that his fighting skills are legit though. As the scout he should really be able to rough up his opponents so I really appreciated that. Meanwhile Elita looked really solid from the jump. She talks tough the whole time and always delivers on the banter. She’s also not just a big mouth, when it came time for the serious fights she held her own and then some. She is really portrayed as one of the strongest characters and it’s impressive.

On the villain’s side, Soundwave and Shockwave don’t get much to do. Fans of the former should still be okay but Shockwave fans are going to have a brutal time because I would argue he looks flat out bad. I was satisfied with Starscream’s role though. Sure he’s not taking big wins or anything like that but I thought the role was fitting for his character and it’s not like it was a bad role. He’s a big fish in a small pond but can’t keep up with the top tiers. That sounds about right to me.

Airachnid gets a lot of the hype for the villains. It’s a shame that the final fight is so short because she was dominating otherwise. Definitely a really fun addition and you always like to see a villain who is absolutely ruthless and just mows down all of the fighters in her way. Given how impressive she was, I do think she should have been allowed to put up more of a fight in the climax.

Alpha Trion’s okay but not really my favorite character. He talks tough and is useful but when the chips are down he folds rather quickly. I would have liked a better showcase of his abilities despite how old the guy is. Sentinel Prime is a pretty fun character though. He’s always got some fun lines. The guy is about as fake as Booster Gold with the paparazzi but that’s part of what makes the character work. You really can’t take what he says seriously but the guy is still a very powerful warrior.

The animation in the film is pretty good. I’m not a big fan of the character designs for the most part from the second half but I like basically all of the upgraded modes. That means we should be in good shape for the sequel. The fights are solid and fast paced which is really the important part here. The soundtrack’s pretty decent as well although I don’t feel like any of the songs were super misleading. So on a technical level the film holds its own and the pacing is good so it never drags on.

The film’s biggest weakness I’d say is that the first half is just not as engaging. We really just want to get to the meat and potatoes of the story so the first half feels a bit long when it is setting up the stage. I think you could have easily chopped a lot of that and instead used it to really start showing the subtle differences in Megatron and Prime’s ideologies. We saw the difference in their personalities but this is a bit different. It might also just come down to writing.

The concept isn’t bad with the first half being like a buddy cop film and the second half gets serious. The movie just isn’t all that funny to me. At no point is it ever cringey or anything though so I’m super appreciative of that. The second half just feels like a true jump in quality to me, particularly since I really enjoy the lore and seeing what all of the robots were doing in the past. It’s why I think a sequel would be particularly strong since it can really jump into all of this without having to set anything up.

Overall, Transformers One succeeds in its job as being a fun film that you can check out at any time. It’s got a good balance of action and adventure the whole time so fans of either side should have a good time. The movie definitely set up the stage for quite a few future events should they want to continue here and the cast was also extended by the end. There are a whole lot of directions to take the series, they just gotta pick one and commit to it. The sooner they do, the sooner we can get our next animated film in the works.

Overall 7/10

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House Review

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It’s time for one of those spooky ghost films. The main problem this movie has though is that it’s not quite as scary as it thinks it is. For the most part you’re just thinking that Lily is not handling the situation well. For the most part when you’re in a spooky situation you need to make sure that you are scarier than what is coming. If you’re someone who generally gets scared easy then make sure you don’t put yourself in tricky situations.

The movie starts with Lily moving into a new house to take care of an aging author. This author was a famous murder mystery writer for a very long time. She is unfortunately nearing the end of her life and so Lily works as a stay in nurse who can provide 24/7 care. It’s an extremely difficult job particularly as there is no real end point to it. Lily will continue to provide assistance for as long as she can until the author has passed. The problem? Lily is super scared of ghost stories, mysteries, or anything dark. It’s so bad that she cannot even read a book about dark things or watch any movies. The house is starting to feel rather dark with the stench of death and a mysterious mold is growing as well. Is this the end of Lily’s story?

Right off the bat it does feel like Lily is absolutely in the wrong profession here. For starters, death can be scary for most and so Lily not being able to tackle scary things puts her in a really tough spot. Additionally, you have to factor in some items to prepare yourself for the long stay. Lily can’t go outside and leave the author alone for even a moment which means she is always inside the house. You should have dozens of books and whatever other items you can think of to pass the time by. Lets say Lily has to be here for 1 full year. Without anything to do it would be easy to get stir crazy.

I imagine you could probably just do a lot of exercise and sit ups to pass the time by but not having anything on hand was a big mistake. Lily has her friends that she can call over the phone but that doesn’t buy a whole lot of time. Of course there is also the TV but it is broken half the time which doesn’t help. So the longer Lily is there, the more she starts hearing things and scaring herself even more. It doesn’t help that she already seemed a little off right from the start. So everything really started piling up more and more here.

Lily is just not a very interesting main character and she’s also not a very strong one. She starts panicking rather quickly after going through far less than most horror main characters. I would say that is a very bad look for her. The way she goes out is also pretty bad, super underwhelming. It’s the kind of finish that you very rarely see for a main character and for good reason. You’re left shaking your head at all of this.

What I will give the movie is that it can be good on not explaining too much. We do get a lot of the general answers involving the ghost but for the little things they are up to your imagination. Did the plants just talk or was Lily crazy? (I say she’s crazy) Did the ghost actively want to murder Lily (Yeah) and if so…why? It’s not like Lily is really to blame for any of this. The origin story is sad to be sure but continuing the cycle by adding Lily in doesn’t seem like it would do much for the dead.

For the most part the film isn’t very violent. I’d say the one exception is part of the flashbacks for one of the characters. It’s all over rather quickly but it is a brutal end. Otherwise this is definitely more of a tame horror about the unseen threats and the mind games that are going on. We do get some interesting jumps between the present and the past later on which makes for an intriguing ending. The idea of wanting to stick around as a ghost seems absurd to me but I suppose everyone has their own ideas so in that sense it’s not crazy that some ghosts want to be spooks forever.

The movie does try to hammer in the title several times. The first time I actually thought it was unintentionally funny. That may sound like a diss at the lead but I feel like the film intentionally framed her in a super unattractive way to contrast the title. When she was referring to herself as the pretty thing I sorta had to do a double take. Like did she just say that? Well, the line comes up several more times throughout the film and while it can be a little repetitive, I know it’s all for the themes and everything. I probably couldn’t tell you the exact point of that though.

Overall, This film is not really my style. It’s another slow burn and this might be one of the slowest burns of them all. Even at the end there is no big climax or anything. Lily can’t fight after all and the cast is extremely small. Lily being so scared and everything felt like a very forced plot point that didn’t really have any reason to be here. I think it would be a lot more effective to have a strong character like the lead in 1408 who is slowly broken down by all of the hauntings. That would make a lot more sense. In the end, this one’s definitely a skip. It needed more jump scares and a more interesting main character. That would have really allowed it to cross the finish line.

Overall 3/10

Gretel & Hansel Review

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It’s time for one of those slow boil films. Sometimes those work out really well and other times you feel like they forgot to really have a finisher. Unfortunately this one veers to the latter. I think there were some decent ideas here but ultimately it is heavily limited by the colors, landscapes, and general decorum of the film. There’s not a whole lot of fun things to look at and when you’re stuck in a bleak environment for too long you start to get a little bored. This film needed to lean a bit harder into the horror or have the character be better fighters I’d say.

The movie starts with Gretel being offered a job but unfortunately it is quickly apparent that her boss would be a creep and so she declines. Her mother is so upset that she throws Gretel and her little brother Hansel out of the house. She forbids them from returning or she will murder them. So the duo run and run but the forest is much too vast and they are nearly destroyed before being saved by someone. This guy basically tells them to stay strong and do their best. He recommends a nearby house that might be helpful. They head over and it is run by a witch named Holda who seems reasonable. Perhaps this will all work out….but something just doesn’t feel right.

The movie’s mainly focusing on the “doesn’t feel right” angle which is where the pacing really starts to die out a bit. As a viewer you know immediately that Holda is evil so you’re ready to get on with it but instead the main characters have to just play their roles for a while. Gretel continues to learn witchcraft from Holda without making any big moves for a while. This can be just very dragged out at times. I was even glad to have a dream sequence after a while to break things up. Holda’s younger form is definitely a lot more intense even if the twist about the food is quite a bit gross.

Holda actually looks like a threat here compared to in the present where she looks so old. We also do get a very brief action scene near the end of the film which looked pretty good. Generally speaking I tend to enjoy blue flames quite a bit even if the classic red ones look more impressive. More of the film should have had cool spells and fire attacks like that. This would have really made things more impressive and would have been a credit to the film if you ask me.

I also did like the very ending of the film as Hansel heads off for his destiny while Gretel continues to work on her own abilities. It feels like the ending to an action film with the characters each deciding to get stronger. That’s actually pretty interesting but you can’t just save that for the ending. The movie should have definitely made some waves earlier than that to really make a difference.

Hansel is pretty young so I won’t be too hard on him but for the most part he’s just a bit annoying and not really very helpful. Gretel does a better job of things as she is basically sacrificing herself the whole time to protect Hansel and buy time for a plan. It would have been nice if she could have put up more resistance directly but I know that would be ultra risky.

The film was at its best before the characters made it to the haunted house. I liked the run-in with the random stranger who was giving advice. Part of why the scene worked so well is because we know absolutely nothing about the guy. He just shows up out of nowhere and you don’t even know how much you can trust him. Like everything else in the forest, there are no easy explanations. I would have taken the whole film in the forest over the house. The film knew how to have a good mystery and that’s why going to the house was a mistake because then it changed more into an escape kind of film.

It also goes back to the backgrounds like I mentioned earlier. The house is rather dreary and the witch is just very old and doesn’t feel much like a threat. It’s not the most engaging backdrop for a film like this and there is no real variety. Everything is very old timey including the food so that doesn’t even look very appealing either. There is nothing to visually catch your attention and since the plot is already intentionally moving slow, that won’t change things up either. What that means is that you’re effectively caught up in a cycle with no real way out.

This film needed some explosions or something. It may not have fit in with the film’s tone but it’s just one idea there. If anything, the backstory we learn through flashbacks may have been more interesting. You had the little girl with powers who was quite sadistic and then the witch trying to turn the tables. There were some good twists in there and it was an interesting origin. That whole part, while brief was more interesting than the main plot which means something definitely went wrong.

Overall, Gretel and Hansel set up a very interesting outside world and squandered all of it to go inside the cabin. It may be what people expected since that’s how the old fable goes but the film just didn’t land on the execution. It had a good mystery vibe at times and solid lore but that was not enough to carry the film. At the end of the day it committed one of the big errors a film could make which is that it was boring. For most of the run you just don’t really care what happens. They probably should have aged the kids up a bit or chosen a different setting. Change this to a full action thriller instead and at least we would have some good action scenes. In the meantime I would definitely say to give this one a skip.

Overall 3/10

Brahms: The Boy II Review

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You know that feeling when the opening credits start to play and you realize that the film is not going to be very good? It’s a rough feeling because it’s like the film made some massive mistakes in the future but the scenes haven’t happened yet so how do you know this? It’s just a gut feeling after years of watching the cinema and I’m afraid that the film could not surpass this. All of the characters act insanely illogical and it’s not even in an intentionally absurdist way. It’s just in a plain old poor writing way and that’s tough to beat.

The film starts off with Liza’s kid Jude being super annoying and pulling pranks to scare her. She’s already made it clear that she doesn’t appreciate this but he doesn’t care. Well, one day the whole crying wolf thing doesn’t go well because an intruder actually is in the house and Jude does not give Liza any kind of heads up. She is defeated by the attackers and now has some severe PTSD. They move in with her husband to a more remote location in the forest area to hopefully help them move on. Jude has been unable to speak since the incident but unfortunately he finds a doll named Brahms underground. This doll may be more than meets the eye and Jude quickly starts to get corrupted.

So one of the many problems here is of course how weak willed Jude is. He immediately allows the doll to take him over without a fight which is pretty annoying. He just follows the doll’s evil rules without any kind of pushback. So much for freewill eh? Not cool and later on he even says that he tries to keep the doll happy so it won’t hurt the others. Wouldn’t a better idea be to tell the family so they can prepare themselves? I also don’t really buy this excuse since Jude was directly the one being crazy a lot of the time.

Jude also should have been talking to the parents instead of only talking to Brahms. So yeah I didn’t like the kid and he was pretty annoying and getting in the way the whole time. Meanwhile the parents take some of the blame as well. When Jude starts talking about how they can’t have any guests anymore, they should have been more serious about telling him that he doesn’t make the rules. They should have taken away the doll a whole lot sooner as well. One instance is when Jude makes some creepy drawings about his parents being murdered. That should have been game over for Brahms instead of not really doing anything about it.

Liza and Sean just didn’t take things seriously in time. None of it feels realistic in the slightest, how are you going to let this kid be so disrespectful and crazy the whole time? Lets ignore the supernatural angle because for now it doesn’t matter. Even if it was a normal doll, it’s clear that it is having a negative effect on Jude so it should be removed. That’s basically the end of the story there. If the doll returns after being buried and burned then that’s tough but at least they’d have given it a good try so I wouldn’t really have complaints there.

The side characters are also annoying like that random cousin who is cartoonishly mean. He basically shows up just to mess with Jude and start a fight. Things don’t go well for him but the whole thing felt pretty forced. then you have the gardener/neighbor Joseph who is rather shady the whole time. He looks worse as the film goes on but yeah it does seem like a security risk to have someone who can randomly walk onto your property at any time. You really can’t let your kid just be hanging out at that point.

The film also can’t avoid the easy pitfall of having animal violence. The dog gets murdered and you’re shaking your head the whole time. Another red flag that the parents ignore in part because they have no proof it was Jude and in part because they’re just not ready for this. The film brutally attacks your intelligence the whole time. The worst part of this is that by extension it makes Brahms look rather weak. For the most part he’s not pulling off any great feats the way that Chucky would. You feel like the parents could have buried him again and if they did it right away then they would be good. After all, that’s how they found him last time. Instead that’s just not what happens here.

As far as horror stinger endings go, I would also say it was on the weak side. It was more about checking off boxes than actually creating a really interesting cliffhanger which was disappointing. I don’t think there’s a whole lot you can do to make this a great series at this point. Films about evil dolls can work but you need to do something more with it. You can’t just have an evil doll and then call it a day. That’s not going to do anything, so you need a hook in addition to that. Maybe making Brahms able to turn his owner into a doll, transforming reality, etc.

Overall, Brahms: The Boy II is definitely a pretty bad film. It’s annoying the whole way through and the parents put up with way too much the whole time. It’s less scary and more so just tiring to see the characters constantly not knowing what to do. Brahms should be more active in a future film so that he is actually causing a lot of damage and talking. Having him just do things off screen at best isn’t good enough and possession is something you can do with any villain so it’s not much of a doll gimmick. I would definitely say to give this film a skip, there’s nothing that it’s really got to keep your attention.

Overall 2/10

Sonic X Shadow Generations Review

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This game has been getting absolutely crazy amounts of hype and I am here to tell you right off the gate that it is all completely deserved. Yes, you heard it here first, this game is completely elite and an absolute credit to Sonic Team. The game may be short but just like Forces, it makes up for this with incredible gameplay and a killer story. I would even put this one above Sonic Forces as the 5th best Sonic game of all time. Ladies and Gentlemen…..we’re back!

The title includes a remaster for Sonic Generations which is pretty cool but of course I’m here for Shadow. So Shadow’s mode has a quick recap for new fans which is cool. Then the game starts out with him on the ARK looking into a mysterious life signature that GUN detected. It turns out that it’s Black Doom, the infamous demon has returned at last. His goal is unknown but Shadow will destroy him before it’s too late. Along the way he will have to fight off a lot of iconic bosses from the past like Metal Sonic and even gets to see some familiar faces from his past like Maria. This game will test Shadow as he has never been tested before.

The format is pretty similar to Sonic Generations in a lot of ways. You get to play levels from a bunch of different games as Shadow fights through his memories to get to Black Doom. A lot of times when you are close to completing a level, Black Doom will show up to throw you in Radical Highway. It’s a pretty fun gimmick and one that people have been playfully poking fun at. What can I say? It’s one of the greatest stages and Black Doom has good taste so it makes sense that he would keep bringing it back. It’s a pretty nice touch.

Each stage has 2 acts and then you play through 6 challenge levels to get to the boss. Rinse and repeat around 4 times and then you get to the final act. So the game is pretty short as mentioned, you can beat it in under 4 hours. I started it at around 5:15 and had it beat a little before 8:45. So we’re probably looking at it being a bit shorter than Sonic Forces but on that level. Pretty good considering that this was accompanying another whole game and for new players you’re getting both of them. There is also a considerable amount of play time here. I won’t oversell it or anything but it at least doubles the run time. You need to get well over 100 collectibles and have to 100% every stage if you want the Platinum trophy. I think it would be a lot of fun to really test out what you can do in every stage and go for the record.

I know a lot of people are having fun breaking the records over and over online. I doubt I would be near the top there because some of the stage runs I’ve seen are absolutely insane but getting all of the S ranks at some point would be fun. Generally I like trying to go for the platinum in Sonic games but they can be deceptively difficult. This one looks very achievable for now but I think the toughest trophies will be beating the final boss of both games without taking a single hit. That sound really tough and will take a lot of trial and error. I certainly got hit quite a few times in the Shadow campaign.

I could go on and on about how smooth the gameplay is. This is basically perfect and it’s what I think of when I’m ordering a Sonic game. I want to be running very fast like this in 3D environments. It’s just so epic, keep the boost mechanic and all of the hype platforming. Shadow’s gameplay is also unique with his various powers like the grapple, fish, wings, etc. None of them are stuff that I absolutely need to have but I definitely won’t turn them down either. It’s fun to be using the abilities and also gives you extra freedom on how you want to approach a level. Each level has so many different exits that it’s crazy. The amount of replay value built into each stage is really cool.

Meanwhile the bosses are a lot of fun and I also like all the extra details. Like in the Radical Highway stage, they modified the claws so they work the same way as they did in Adventure 2 where you had to click out to leave them instead of it being automatic. The character designs and animations are extremely good as well. The graphics are some of the best that we’ve ever seen in a Sonic game and definitely set the standard for future games. You want them to look like this going forward.

Then we have the soundtrack which is incredible! There isn’t quite as much hype as in Frontiers but we’ve still got lots of rock themes and remixes going around. The nostalgia for Shadow The Hedgehog was really cool. Right from the main menu theme you know that you’re in for a good time. The story itself is also really good. Now admittedly I would have liked more cutscenes and conversations with Maria and Gerald though. It felt like they didn’t get nearly as big of a role as I expected them to get. I suppose we got some closure there but assuming they never appear again, I guess I just wanted more.

Overall, Shadow Generations is an elite title! It may be a quick ride to the finish line but it’s a super enjoyable one all the way through. There is a good amount of replay value to keep you coming back but at the end of the day even without that I would have this one ranked super high. The top tier gameplay alone is enough for me to absolutely guarantee that. There’s a reason why Sonic is my favorite single player franchise after all and it’s because no other game series can keep up with this gameplay. At its best, Sonic will always be outdoing the competition. I eagerly await the new level in December as a reason to get back into the game and play it some more.

Overall 9/10

Dragon Ball Super Divers Review

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I’m going to miss Dragon Ball Heroes but it’s time to look at the next generation of Dragon Ball content! Divers is definitely starting off on a classic note with the first arc of DBZ. It’s a fun read but I am hoping for something a little more intense in the arcade game’s story once it really gets going. I may just be hoping for a bit too much right out of the gate but I can really feel the potential here!

The story starts with the Z fighters faced off against Nappa and Vegeta along with their Saibamen. There is a new addition to the team though, a kid who looks like a Saiyan. For some reason he is commanding the heroes and tells them who to send into battle. Unfortunately he follows the same order as in the actual manga so Yamcha and Chiaotzu get destroyed once again. Goku and the kid team up to beat Vegeta and then we get the big reveal that this was all a super realistic VR game. The kid is proud of himself and gets ready to keep on playing. So it may be going the other Heroes route with the events initially being a game within a game but eventually the stakes got high anyway. So I could see this happening here as well.

I suppose my one issue here is how the changes didn’t really seem to matter. Why have the kid go inside the game and make his moves when he’s just going to preserve the status quo? It made no sense not to warn Yamcha about the explosion ahead of time and for some reason the kid looks super shocked. There are two possible explanations here and they both make him look really bad. The first is that he forgot what happened because he is a super casual DBZ fan and hasn’t read the books in a while. That one would just be pretty terrible since that’s such an iconic moment. The other explanation is that he wanted to keep the story as close to the original version as possible, in which case I would say that’s just a boring way to go about it. The point of VR adventures like this is that you can actively change things and create a better tomorrow. So why wouldn’t you just do that?

The fun appeal of what if storylines to me are that they can really go all out. There is so much you can do when you are outside the confines of the main story and it feels to me like this arcade game is playing it too safe for now. I’m hoping they change that sooner than later because reliving the old arcs sounds fun enough but this is their chance to really have the new character make a difference. Also there is only so much time in just a single chapter so that’s another valid reason for making this one a bit more small scale. I can accept that as the reasoning if that’s what it was.

The artist did a really good job of emulating the classic Dragon Ball Z look. The character models are on point and the action scenes really flow naturally. I definitely didn’t have any real complaints on that. A clean artstyle like this one definitely goes a really long way because not only is it pleasant to read but it actively enhances the story as well. The writing was good too and of course the whole arcade game backdrop has potential. We just gotta see where it goes from here.

It’ll take a while to really surpass Dragon Ball Heroes in terms of how much of a spectacle that was by the end but so long as this one is very good then we’ll be satisfied. It’s also nice for fans of the original characters like Yamcha to see their guys get in on the fighting even if it’s super brief and ultimately doomed for defeat like in the original. You just can’t escape your destiny here!

Overall, Dragon Ball Super Divers was a pretty good oneshot. It really goes by very quickly so there’s not a whole lot to talk about here. It does its job of being a preview for the upcoming game though which is the important part. The art is on point and the action scenes are good. For all of my complaints on the lack of ambition, it is a fundamentally sound story. There is a good amount of action here and it’s always fun to see Goku and friends getting some fights. Hopefully at some point they come up with an ongoing manga for this one because you can never have too much Dragon Ball content. In the meantime this is a story you should check out.

Overall 7/10

Vampire Survivors Review

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Now here is a game that takes me back. I’ve never played it before but I used to see it on streams all the time and it looked like a lot of fun. I like the idea of a survival game like this where you are surrounded by never ending legions of enemies. You really have a lot of decisions to make each time with the power ups and win or lose, it feels like it was all on you. It’s also a unique title that you can completely play with just one hand which is also cool. You could be texting while playing, watching a tv show, reading a book, etc. You’ll probably die quickly if you’re too distracted but it’s just such a novel idea.

So like I said, the idea is to survive here. You start out with a whip or an energy blast scepter. (You can buy other characters with your gold) When the game starts, there are only some enemies at first. You blast them and level up which lets you upgrade your default weapon, select a new one, or upgrade one of your other weapons. As the levels up continue, you have to make hard decisions. Do you boost all your attacks by 10%, unlock a 4th weapon or strengthen the original? I would say a good thing to do is try and craft a strategy. Pick the build you want to create based on what you start with. Like I love having a scepter/garlic build because it lets me shoot tons of energy blasts while I also have the garlic to protect me up close. This is the strategy that finally let me survive the full 30 minutes and effectively beat the game. That being said, there is no guarantee that I get the garlic option.

It’s why you can’t be too stubborn about the build you want. If the garlic never comes up, you will have to pick something else up and if garlic shows up too late in the game then it might not even be worth picking. A level 1 garlic won’t be doing much once you’re already level 20 after all. So definitely keep that in mind. It’s also fun to be experimenting with all kinds of different decks anyway. That’s how you really have a lot of fun. The game will take you a very long time to complete anyway. I finally made it to the 30 minute mark where I fought the super demon who destroys you in one hit. I heard there is actually a way to get past him which sounds crazy but I would consider that to be the end of the game.

Of course if you own the game and want to continue then this is amazing because it adds a ton of replay value. You will have to really trin properly there. Fortunately this is a Rogue title which means that you will gradually get stronger in every playthrough. While you fight off the legions, you want to grab as many coins as possible since that is how you unlock more characters and permanent upgrades. So if you just play long enough, you’ll eventually be starting off with 10% increases in damage, speed, and exp. Things like that make a massive amount of difference the more that you play. Personally I really like the EXP one. That’s how I made it to level 50 on the run where I finally survived the 30 minutes. Without that I would have definitely died earlier.

One big thing to remember during gameplay is to always defeat the sparkling enemies or any enemy that looks very different from the others. Why? Because those guys will drop treasure chests which always have at least 100 coins in them. They also drop an extra level up upgrade bonus so you really want that. These enemies are absolutely more durable and can be a royal pain to destroy but they are still worth it 100%. You can’t just think about the current run after all, you have to factor in your future runs and this is where those chests come in handy. So just keep on earning those coins, trust me there are so many power ups that it’ll take ages to get every power up anyway.

The graphics look pretty good. I’m impressed that the game can handle so many enemies on screen at a time even without a bigger budget. There is no lag or anything like that, the game run really smoothly. It’s super nice to see and of course all of the action is clear at all times. So the graphics are good and I also really like the main theme of the game. It’s catchy and definitely fills you with energy right out of the gate. It works perfectly with the gameplay to further enhance the game.

Overall, Vampire Survivors absolutely elevates this genre of game. I haven’t played any other title quite like this one and apparently it got so big that other games like this are named after it as Survivors now. I’d be curious to play more games like this one but I’ve heard that so far there has never been another game even close to this one. That’s a shame but I suppose it would definitely be really hard to stop. The game has a ton of replay value and is incredibly filled with content for the price. This is a game that I could absolutely recommend purchasing even at its normal price. You are bound to have a whole lot of fun with this game and it will be hard to tear yourself away from it. It’s why I say that games with a power up system where you feel yourself getting stronger are absolutely awesome.

Overall 8/10