Kickboxer Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time to look at a film that by all accounts should have been really good but instead it fumbled throughout the experience until it crashed in the end. It’s a shame because the template for this kind of film isn’t all that hard to follow. Just deliver with some good fight scenes and you will have a fun revenge film that works all around. The title got sequels so I guess enough people liked it, but it was a big thumbs down for me.

The movie starts with Kurt’s brother Eric deciding to take on the Thailand top kickboxing fighter. Eric has always been the world champion but one guy claimed that Thailand had the real strongest. So Eric shows up and unfortunately he is badly beaten by Tong to the point where he is crippled for life. Kurt’s upset since the guy was cheating but there is nothing to be done since this scene is basically an underground arena. Kurt will have to train with the local elder Xian to get strong enough to avenge his brother but Tong has more tricks up his sleeve. Who will come out on top!?

There’s a lot of problems with this very contrived setup. The first one is that Eric basically just heads off to Thailand to have a fight that is borderline unsanctioned at the drop of a hat. Really, all it takes is one guy mentioning that there is someone stronger and Eric leaves? I find this a bit hard to believe because Eric is so cocky that he would probably insist on the challenger coming to his turf. That’s the way that these things are supposed to work after all. Rocky did it right where after you lose then you go to the enemy turf.

Additionally as the world champion you’d expect Eric to have press agents and a lot of media attention. Surely they would have flagged if something was wrong with the Thailand site right? They would have had their own security and everything. Instead Eric and Kurt were basically by themselves. You could say that they left in absolute secrecy for the fight but I have my doubts on that and the stadium was all set up for the fight so some reporters would have heard about it. The entirely plot just doesn’t hold up when you think about it.

It makes the beatdown frustrating with Tong openly cheating throughout the entire match. The refs don’t care since they were bought off as apparently Tong basically owns the place. Even the cops don’t dare go against him and again…there’s no way the fight would be held in such a corrupt place. It really doesn’t make any sense and will just have you shaking your head the whole time. Then even with the cheating how did Eric go down so fast? I would have liked to have seen him get some hits in.

Of course you know that he’s going to lose the fight but you could still make it a little interesting. The more lopsided the match becomes, the less likely it is that Kurt will be able to convincingly avenge him. I’d expect better from the world champion. As a character Eric was good though. I did like his confidence and ultimately he was ready to support Kurt later on. He was initially reluctant about letting Kurt get into the ring but that made sense since he knew first hand how brutal things could get.

Then the film is goes for extra edge later on as Tong goes after the heroine. The film could have stopped with a threat or something but no it goes all the way with this plot so the damage was already done. Kurt only finds out about this near the very end of the film and of course it’s a moment used to ignite his rage but this is always the lowest hanging fruit you can use. A film should never use this plot because there’s just no reason for it and after a while all the edge only serves to hurt the film rather than help it.

Additionally the film sacrifices any semblance of realism by the end. So Kurt can’t go all out for a while due to some circumstances so Tong is beating up on him for quite a while. Keep in mind that just a few blows were enough to cripple Eric completely. He lands dozens upon dozens of hits on Kurt and those hits are amped up since he rolled his fist inside of glass chunks. So Kurt is really feeling every punch and the guy just keeps landing these blows.

By the time Kurt is able to fight back he should not even be able to stand. I think the movie was going for some Rocky vibes here as the lead would often get beat up over and over again before landing a counter attack but the movies were never this exaggerated. Then the resulting fight is so one sided that it makes 0 sense again. It’s not like Tong lost all of his skills so why he is just a punching bag now?

It’s like this was a super basic revenge story written by someone who just knew the genre but not how to get there. So pick the easy methods to get Kurt really mad, have him get beat up a while and then beat up the other guy. There is no restraint or reason to any of this and so it really doesn’t work. Of course it’s nice to see the villain get what’s coming to him but it sure does take a super long time to get there. Too long if you ask me.

At least one nice thing I can say about the film is that the soundtrack is good. There are a lot of really solid themes playing here and they fit the action scenes. So the movie put in some work there. The choreography can also be good when it’s finally time for a real fight. It’s just a shame that there isn’t much time for that since usually one of the 2 fighters can’t fight back. Either because he’s completely outmatched or because there is a hostage around. Having more actual fights would have been nice.

Kurt’s a good main character and I did appreciate that he did his best to avenge Eric. I would have had him start off with a little more skill just so that it would be more believable in the end though. It was referenced that he knew how to fight a little and was just sloppy but having him land a hit on Tong during his first outburst or something would have gone a long way.

Xian’s not nearly as good. He’s an old master and yet he did nothing to protect his niece when she was being threatened for years? He says he was worried they’d take it out on her but so then you just make sure to finish off all of the villains and keep her close. Not doing anything is of no help. Mylee is also nice enough but she definitely gets the short end of the stick since she is basically used as rage bait here. She didn’t deserve any of this.

Winston is a guy who helps out and gets Kurt on the right track. He’s had a rough past but is doing his best to get past it. The guy delivers when it counts even if it does take a while for the payoff. Finally there’s Tong who makes for a pretty bad villain. The guy isn’t even brave enough to fight his own battles and resorts to asking his goons for help in the end. If he at least had the dignity to fight his own battles and didn’t go after Mylee then he could have been a reasonable villain but in the end it was not to be.

Overall, Kickboxer is a film I would say to avoid. It just gets way too dark during this adventure ad takes things a step too far. If it was satisfied with being a solid action film then that could have really gone over well for the film but instead it even added some animal violence like when the dog was attacked. I’m telling you, anything the film could do to try and give the main character more fuel for rage, it would do it. Truly a shame.

Overall 1/10

One Million Years B.C Review

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It’s time for a film about cave people and that’s always a huge red flag for me. It’s very rare that a film like that ends up being very good. Unfortunately this would not be the one to buck the trend. The instant you start the film you already know how it’s going to go. Without meaningful dialogue and fun characters this movie was really dead in the water right from the jump. I’m afraid that it never ended up doing anything and that’s the real sad part about this.

The movie starts with a bunch of cave people fighting all over the place. We see how there is no law and order around here. Everyone just does what they want when they want. They are true savages through and through. Tumak gets thrown out so he wanders around for a while until he finds another village that is quite different. These people are all very graceful, they have a real society and even know how to communicate, at least in basic ways. A lady named Loana decides to teach him their ways and so Tumak quickly becomes a good ally to have around. He has the strength to protect them from attacking monsters and now this society is where he can find peace. Unfortunately he messes that up and gets kicked out again so Loana leaves with him. Can they ever find peace?

A large chunk of the film is really about exploring what life may have been like back in these days. It’s basically why Tumak gets kicked out everywhere since it gives the film a chance to put him in different environments and see what happens. Here’s the problem though…they’re all very boring. I don’t care how many different settlements he sees, they’re all still just too basic to have anything interesting to depict. In a movie I typically need fast paced dialogue, a lot of quality banter, etc. You just don’t get that in this film and that’s a shame.

The random giant monsters are interesting enough at least. You have dinosaurs, giant lizards, etc. Of course this also ends up sinking the film into the animal violence issue which is just as bad. So now the film has that going against it in addition to the movie lacking in any quality characters. I also feel like the old outfits are just an excuse for a lot of fanservice as well. Surely the characters could all wear old fur coats instead of the classic cave costumes right? Feels like the movie’s trying to hide the lack of plot with this.

At the end of the day there just isn’t much for the film to do with this setup and it knows it. So you have a lot of fights and Tumak learning how to live but that’s about it and you can do that in 20 minutes. The rest of the film is effectively fluff and not very interesting fluff at that. The worst thing about the movie is ultimately that you’re just going to be very bored. There is nothing here to actively capture your imagination and that’s really the biggest problem of all. You need to be interested in what’s going on and engaged with the situation for a movie to be good.

The problem is that there isn’t anything to grab your attention. Why should you care about the cave people fighting each other when none of the characters are particularly fun? You shouldn’t is the main reason there. I wouldn’t say any modern level effects would have changed anything either because the place is supposed to look and feel old. There isn’t really a way around that no matter how much you squint.

Also, I do have to say that most films do need a lot of dialogue. You can absolutely pull off doing a film without much talking but it’s going to be very difficult and will fail much more often than it succeeds. Trust me on this, it’s not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination. You really have to give it your all and this film didn’t even come close. I also can’t picture a scenario where a film taking place in prehistoric times could pull it off.

A silent film in space with aliens all around for example could work. Perhaps a sci-fi title about escaping a room where you can’t talk. That silent film about the monsters that react to sound for example is a title that made the most of the premise so this actually made sense. You just need a massive hook like that in order to even attempt to make this a challenge.

Otherwise just adding dinosaurs and such isn’t going to be enough to tip the scales. Nah if anything it’s just going to remind you of how much more fun this could be if the characters were all talking and planning things out. At the end of the day of course if this sounds like your cup of tea then you should enjoy it. The film is very straight forward on what it is about. For example if you like the poster then you should like the movie. It’s not trying to subvert your expectations or throw in a bunch of plot twists. What you see is what you get and the film absolutely embraces this all the way down the line. It’s just not what I was looking for.

Overall, One Million Years ago never makes for a good setting for any film. Trust me on this, it’s the kind of setting you should actively avoid if you want to have any luck here! Films should take place in the modern day or the future if you want to have a leg up on the competition. That’s always my word of advice at least. Those are easily the best eras and I just like for everything to look really current. Then the characters still have to do their part but it’s a start. Yeah this film should be a skip.

Overall 1/10

Bat*21

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This review is based on the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a film based on the dramatic story of the Bat’21. It makes for a pretty solid thriller and since I knew nothing about the real life events, it was all still very real and exciting for me. Definitely another reminder of why travelling across enemy lines for any reason is always dangerous and you never know what will happen. Being stranded has to be one of the worst nightmares of things that can happen to you.

The movie starts with Gene getting shot down over Vietnam and the rest of the men die. He manages to contact “Birddog” the call sign for one of the guys manning a helicopter. Gene hoped for a quick extraction but it won’t be so easy here since the whole place is basically a fire field and there are enemies all over the place. He will need to try and survive a whole night here but that won’t be easy. Additionally what if that one night turns into two? Gene is going to have to start thinking about planning his own way out of here or his life may be over a whole lot sooner than he expected.

The movie properly gets across how scary it is to be alone in the forest at night. Even when nobody is around you think you hear things. The natural wildlife certainly isn’t pleasant and it’s also incredibly dark out there. A single wrong move like stepping on a branch will absolutely be heard for miles. Additionally since you’re in another country you can’t just run out of there. You could be running for months and never make it anywhere close to America. In fact that’s basically a guarantee since you can’t just run out of there.

It’s also a tough numbers game because of course you could just blow up most of the area and evacuate him but the government’s not trying to burn down all of the innocents in the area too. Home court advantage isn’t with the U.S. and so a lot of the enemies are taking shelter with families in the tents. The longer Gene stays in Vietnam, the more he begins to doubt the mission as he sees just how brutal things get there.

One of the main themes here is how the war doesn’t look nearly as bad on paper but once you’re out on the field it can be a lot tougher to stomach. His life certainly wouldn’t be the same after this, that’s for sure. He also has to make some tough calls while on the ground on if he will fight or just succumb to what happens next. He doesn’t always handle the situation perfectly but it’s hard to ask for much more since he’s not accustomed to this.

Meanwhile Birddog has to be the MVP here. He takes a lot of great risks to help Gene out even when it means going against orders. It’s a tough situation but even so he knows that some of the orders don’t make sense, like sacrificing Gene and so he makes a move. When the going gets tough, the best characters will make a move and follow their instincts even when other characters tell them not to do something.

It’s why Birddog’s such a great guy. He never loses his humanity during all of this and you know that he’s someone you can count on. He intends to keep his word all the way to the end. I also liked his friend who led the air battalion to support extracting Gene. Things don’t go very well for them but the important part was that they tried. It would have been nice if someone could have helped them out though.

The movie is certainly very serious so you will see your share of sad moments here. Behind enemy lines there isn’t really such a thing as a 100% victory. There are going to be losses that pop up and the cycle of violence is another thing to consider. Each side keeps retaliating more and more which keeps increasing the body count and it’s always super difficult to be the one to stop it. However you do need someone to step up or ultimately everyone will be dead.

I definitely get why the airplanes ultimately took out the village though. While Gene was right that not everyone was a combatant, after a point they were being used to keep arming the others and providing a place to rest. It’s a no win situation and ultimately everyone loses so you have to choose who you protect and who to sacrifice. Never an easy call for sure.

Overall, Bat’21 is a pretty solid film. There is constant tension and danger in the air throughout the movie. You really see just how much the soldiers had to deal with on a daily basis during the war and of course it wouldn’t get any easier when they would get back home to a lot of disapproval. At the end of the day the soldiers didn’t ask to be stationed here but once they arrived they had to do their best to stay alive. Gene got to see first hand how rough this was and of course in the end the moral is that war is never a fun thing. It’s why you have to avoid it as long as you can but ultimately be prepared to fight when it comes to you.

Black Clover Sd – Asta’s Road To The Wizard King Review

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I wasn’t a big fan of the Rock Lee manga when it came out and I can’t say that this one was any better. With a series like Black Clover it’s always hard to picture anything short of pure brilliance but this series manages to go under my expectations time and time again. I dare say it has even more constant crude humor jokes than Pac Man which is absolutely crazy. You can barely go a page without something sad happening here. Yeah this is definitely a series to avoid at all costs.

The basic plot is the same as the main series. Basically Asta wants to become the Wizard King at all costs and he will do whatever it takes in order to achieve his dream. Along the way he has met up with many allies and has made a name for himself. Can he really become the king though or is that just a pipe dream? With only 13 chapters at the ready the series is over quickly at least which is really the only positive thing I can say about it. Otherwise it’s definitely brutal so lets dive into this.

The main negative of course is the comic relief as I mentioned. There are constant poop jokes in every chapter, the characters can’t seem to keep their pants up and the whole thing’s sad. The worst part about this is really just that it isn’t funny. At no point will you be cracking a smile or anything like that. You’ll just be wincing the whole time and I won’t even be able to blame you. That’s how sad this got after a while. A chibi spinoff or any comedic title needs to be able to generate laughs and this one just couldn’t pull it off.

The art itself isn’t even that bad. Technically speaking I think you could do some fun things with this style but the series never had any intention of being good. I feel like even fans of crude humor would probably get bored quickly since it is just the same joke on repeat for the entire series. Realistically who is going to have a good time with that? It’s also abridged enough where you will only really be following along if you’re a fan of the original Black Clover series so that narrows the audience (slightly) more. I’d have preferred a clever spinoff with fun references.

Think about Dragon Ball Sd for example. That was a really fun series because it actually throws in a lot of fun references and callbacks. You should be able to easily do that in any kind of homage because there are a lot of things to reference. Or give us some quality fight scenes for fun. I’ll always take that and maybe switch the timelines around so you can do matchups that we didn’t see in the main series. Basically any direction instead of the one that this story went in would have been a good idea.

None of the characters are remotely likable and basically they are all just one note versions of themselves anyway. It’s not like you’re reading this series for character development and depth anyway but at least give the characters some dignity. Without any character to like then there is little point in reading the series. You’re not going to get invested with any of the characters or what’s happening. I mean there’s barely a plot anyway but having good characters would have done a whole lot to get around that negative.

Because this is a gag manga there also just isn’t a whole lot to talk about. If there were funny jokes I could talk about that but there really isn’t. So after covering the crude humor which is 90% of the series anyway, and the art then that’s about it. This is absolutely a story that should be forgotten to time and I feel bad for the author who had to waste his time with this. This title only beats very few manga that I’ve ever read like Black Bird and Black Butler but otherwise this has to be in the runnings for the worst manga out there.

It stings even deeper when you consider how amazing Black Clover is. The Sd series should have been treated with respect like Chopperman and Vongola GP. Now those were chibi titles that really made the most of their runs time and time again. At least we got Quartet Knights a while back so the series had at least one good spinoff. I have to be grateful for that at least but then a part of me still just wanted so much more. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.

Overall, Black Clover Sd is awful. Truly horrendous on all sides and you should absolutely skip this one. It makes for a very hard read because you’ll be cringing the whole time which can’t be good for your face. At least the series wastes no time in wasting your time because it starts off rough right from the very first chapter. It’s not a bait and switch where it started out good or anything like that so I can’t even say that it fell off. This was probably the worst route it could have gone with but the series decided to go through with it anyway. It’s a shame but sometimes that’s just how it goes.

Overall 1/10

Tichondrius vs Ibac

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Suggested by iKnowledge Ibac has super strength and all of his abilities are above that of the average person’s. As a result while Tichondrius also has strength, it won’t be enough to turn the tides here. Ibac’s abilities are just too vast and he should be able to quickly crush the guy in close quarters. Ibac wins.

Tichondrius vs Venat

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Suggested by iKnowledge Tichondrius is a skilled warrior who has an axe and can quickly attack his foes. I don’t think he will be fast enough to deal with Venat and her magics though. Venat can cleverly stay out of range for the whole match and keep on the attack. Tichondrius will eventually be worn down by the attacks and will ultimately be defeated. Venat wins.

Venat vs Moradin

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Suggested by iKnowledge Moradin returns and while the guy does have great power, he is still lacking in the speed that would be needed to really take Venat down. Venat may be more of a support fighter but the bright side to that is that she has a whole lot of healing spells that would be really handy for this occasion. He will have a hard itme landing any hits. Venat wins.

Moradin vs Namor

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Suggested by iKnowledge Moradin is a very powerful fighter, some would say he is the essence of strength itself. That being said, he isn’t going to be taking Namor down here. Namor had the Phoenix Force at one point and with that power he could destroy whole planets. It’s hard to see Moradin really being able to match up to that level of power and he doesn’t have the speed to dodge it either. In the end that means he is out of luck here. Namor wins.

Cubix Robots for Everyone: Showdown Review

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It’s time we all talk about the big robot series from back in the day..Cubix. Cubix is one of those titles that I never got to watch while it was airing but the main robot had a very distinct design. After playing the video game I can see how the show would be fun but unfortunately the game itself dropped the ball a bit. I was expecting a lot of fun action gameplay and things like that but instead it’s a timing game. That’s fairly unique since there aren’t many games with this style but it doesn’t have enough depth to pull this off.

The game starts with the main characters realizing that a lot of robots are suddenly going haywire. Their malfunctions are putting everyone at risk so the heroes have to put a stop to this. The villain takes this opportunity to make a move as well so now the heroes really need to watch out. If they don’t handle this perfectly then they are going to be in massive trouble. Fortunately they are up for the task…possibly.

There isn’t much of a story to be honest though. That synopsis is basically it. The heroes go from area to area destroying the robots…well I should say purifying them. Each time you fix a robot you add him to your team and then keep the fighting up from there. Each time the villain runs off and the heroes have to catch him again. There’s definitely not much in the way of variety here, this just isn’t that kind of title. The story shouldn’t take you longer than a few hours to complete.

There are 40 Cubix in the game and you gain one every time you win a fight. Some are obtained through collectibles in the hub world and others must be from a different mode since I completed the game with 32/40. There is platforming elements to the game as you have to solve puzzles like moving blocks and such but ultimately this just felt like filler.

While the timing gameplay wasn’t my favorite, it’s clearly the meat of the game so you should just stick with that. Basically when it’s your turn to attack you have to press A while the wheel is on your color. Then the opponent does the same. This continues on until you have taken all of the opponent’s health away. Of course the timing isn’t very precise which is a huge issue because that’s the point of the game. Another issue here is that there is a whole type system but the in game help screens don’t have the right ones.

For example it says that water is weak against…water as the weakness and when you try to use a water attack it isn’t super effective. The whole chart breaks down very quickly so I recommend just throwing out attacks and keeping track of the type advantages on your own. The system won’t be very helpful this time I’m afraid. Then you also have special abilities to speed up the wheel, reverse its motion, deal double damage, etc. Using each ability strategically is absolutely key if you want to win.

The game can be reasonably challenging and I actually did lose once or twice. There isn’t really anywhere to train either as far as I could tell so if you truly get stuck then that would be tricky. Your robots gain a level up every time you win with one of them but there are no minions in the whole game. So if you have already beaten the boss then there will be nobody to fight. It does force you to get really good at the game though.

As for the graphics, this is definitely more on the movie-tie in level. It doesn’t quite look as good as Mario 64 or the X-men game for SNES. You can tell who the characters are so that much is clear but there is basically 0 effort put into this one. The soundtrack is also extremely forgettable so you won’t be remembering the tunes for very long either. Mix that in with how short the game is and perhaps you will have trouble remembering the game as well. That part I don’t think is as much of a risk just because the timing system alone makes it fairly unique and easy to remember but not for the best of reasons.

There was potential here to be sure with the voice acting and gameplay but there isn’t enough to keep you here. You will be ready to leave right away since no aspect of the game is particularly strong. I should emphasize that the game isn’t bad but without anything particularly good about it, it is stuck right in the middle. You can get the game for very cheap which is good but if you haven’t played this title before, you aren’t missing much. You can absolutely just let it be forgotten to the years of time.

Overall, Cubix just isn’t the kind of game that is going to win a bunch of awards. I basically bought this game on a whim so it’s not like I expected a whole lot but even I thought it would be better than what we had here. It just could have done a whole lot more with the robot concept. Why didn’t this play out as a robot fighting game right? Give it the Gundam gameplay and I’m sure it would have been good. Ultimately this wasn’t how it was meant to be though. If they ever make a new Cubix game someday I would keep an eye out for it but otherwise I suppose this might be it for my Cubix adventures.

Overall 5/10

Battra vs Fin Fang Foom

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Suggested by Destroyer It’s time for a battle of monsters but in bouts like this the Kaiju will usually take the win. Fin Fang Foom has incredible defenses and solid fire breath but at the same time I don’t see this being enough to put Battra down for the count. Battra is fairly quick in the sky and has better lasers. Both fighters will take a lot of damage but Battra should scale higher the whole time. Battra wins.