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Sssssss Review

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Uh oh, looks like it is time to review another film that puts the word rotten in rotten tomatoes. It’s no exaggeration to say that this is one of the worst films I have ever seen as it joins the exclusive 0 star club. There really isn’t anything redeemable about this film and every minute will have you cringing and wincing while looking at your watch and wondering why you aren’t ordering a nice pepperoni pie at Pizza Hut instead of watching this. Sometimes things get worse before they get better, other times they just stay bad. This is one of those times.

A college student named David is a pretty smart guy. He gets bullied a lot though and is happy to go along with Professor Carl when he is recruited to help with some Snake experiments. David doesn’t realize that this ordeal is actually quite sinister despite the Professor constantly injecting him with many needles along with the fact that the previous assistant mysteriously vanished. Can David save himself or have the dice already been cast? I’m afraid that it is the latter and the Snakes begin to wreck everyone!

Well, where to start with this mess? I suppose the first thing to remember is that this film is centered around Snakes. The problem with this is that the film uses it as an opportunity to include as much animal violence as possible. Snakes are choked, killed, and roughly handled by the characters involved. Carl decided to use Snakes as sport by taking one outside only to humiliate it and poke a stick in its face all day. Apparently he does this just about every day simply to show off his power. None of the snakes are handled well as all of the humans try to show their “dominance” by grabbing their necks and messing with them the whole time. I was rooting for the Snakes to take them all down and you’ll be happy to know that most of the characters don’t make it through this. When you mess with the Snakes be prepared for them to mess you up!

This is also the kind of film where one night stands happen quite regularly. The class bully gets one of those moments for no real reason only to be murdered by a snake in the next scene. David and the main heroine also have one of these moments even though they only just met each other a few hours ago. He also gets it afterwards since he has to fight a Snake Eater and those don’t play games. The main heroine manages to make it out of the film alive, but just barely and mainly because Carl didn’t want her to get hurt. Everyone else was fair game.

There was also a fairly mean professor who likes to mess with Carl. He was actually right on the money that Carl was insane, but his reaction times weren’t enough to save him. Even after he solves Carl’s riddle, snakes murder him anyway. Let’s face it, none of these characters were safe from the snakes. They wanted their vengeance and made sure to grab it as quickly as possible. The Cops come to check out matters since they know that someone never made it back out after working for Carl. Surely they’ll do something right? Unfortunately not as the film portrays the cops are terribly unintelligent characters. For starters, they’re scared of the snakes. Even after that it is lightly implied that they suspect something, but they decide not to actually make any moves based on their info. Instead they decide to wait and see even though more people have been murdered and another teenager has vanished. By the time they make a move, it is far too late for them to really be of help to anyone.

This film plays out like a classic horror film as every character is bumped off one at a time. There is no twist ending here though as it just abruptly ends with another death. The film never stays classy though and there were no good parts in the entire film. After all, all of the characters either suffered for a long time before dying or just died. There is no happy ending here in the slightest and the villain literally got away with murder and crazy experiments for years. You’d think that the film would have tried to save someone, but no…it opted for the dark ending. The first teenager who vanished had the sad fate of being forced to lie down in a corner while people laugh at him for ages and ages. Definitely way too dark a plot if you ask me.

Now, could this film have had potential if there was no animal violence, no one night stands, and if Carl had been stopped before he had mutated David? I’d say not really since the previous assistant’s fate was still rather terrible, but maybe the film could have gotten a 3 instead of a 0. It would still be an improvement I suppose. The plot in and of itself is what really doomed the film and it couldn’t recover from that. This is one film that I hope never gets a reboot or a remake.

Overall, Sssssss uses all of the classic horror tropes and cliches that it can find, but that only succeeds in making the film worse and worse. None of the characters are even remotely likable as even the mean teacher is technically a bad character and only serves to be the lesser evil. We even find out that a gas attendant is a mean, unlikable character just for the lolz since the writer wanted to ensure that you couldn’t like anyone. Did I mention that Carl also gives his snakes a lot of beer to drink so that they’ll be drunk? It certainly shows that he is always doing something morally wrong even when he is not murdering and experimenting on people. You also have to question the point of his research since turning people into snakes doesn’t really help with anything. They may outlive humans in his fantasy, but transforming people one at a time in such a slow fashion will ultimately not make even the slightest bit of difference. His research died along with him and the film.

Overall 0/10

Independence Day 2 Resurgence Review

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It certainly took a while for this sequel to come out. In preparation I recently rewatched the first title and a review for that one will be coming fairly soon. Unfortunately, Resurgence isn’t quite as epic as the original and has more wince-worthy scenes….not to mention a lot more plot hax. This is always going to be the result when you make the villains absurdly powerful though. It’s good to keep them within reasonable striking distance. Still, Resurgence is still a good film, but it certainly can’t be called a great one. I think that the third film could reasonably beat this film if it gets made, but the series is certainly not going to feel like Independence Day anymore. The first film really captured the heart and depth of what this franchise was all about.

It has been 20 years since America defeated the Mothership and the rest of the countries allied together to stop the aliens. Now, they have finally returned and everyone who was connected to the aliens at one point in time can hear their telepathic presence. This wakes up one of the scientists from his 20 year coma and gets the old President back into action. The only problem is that nobody believes the former President until it’s too late and the aliens have returned. They quickly destroy a city and cause some massive damage. The heroes will have to do what they did last time and destroy the Alien Queen. If they can do that, then order will be restored to the universe. It’ll be significantly more difficult this time though since humanity has realized that sending a virus through a Mac is very tricky and won’t work a second time. We’ll need a more physical approach.

As you would expect, the special effects are quite good. As it is, the first film looked great for its time and this film shows how much our graphics have improved. The aliens can actually be seen without the smoke covering them all the time. We don’t get any visuals that are quite as powerful as seeing the White House get obliterated by a giant laser, but there are some homages to that moment. There are a lot of homages in general although they don’t work too well for the most part. The new version of “There will be no peace” comes off rather badly as the character who is saying this doesn’t say it in a commanding voice. Not to mention the fact that it probably wasn’t a great situation in which to say the line.

There are some retcons here as well. The scientist character was definitely dead in the first film. In this film they retconned the neck choke a little to say that it is purely just to talk to humans through the vessel rather than destroying someone and creepily saying stuff. The film pushes this point by having the alien do this against another opponent as well. It’s too bad because the scientist is a pretty bad character. In the first film his role was rather small so he didn’t get to grate on your nerves quite as much, but his role is definitely bigger this time around. He’s also completely used for comedy this time and results in most of the unfortunate humor moments that I had hoped to avoid.

Another weakness in this film is naturally the romance. The film justifies a “classic” love at first fight plot which is really terrible. On one hand we have the typical flirt who tries to go with everyone, but they all reject him. This time will be different he thinks as he likes an ace pilot who also loses someone rather close to her so he quickly takes this opportunity to show off and win her over. It’s sadly very successful as everyone in the theater probably predicted the instant that she first appeared. It really undermines her character to go with him so easily. We also have the romance with the main lead, which has no real point to being here.

Resurgence also takes itself a little too seriously at times with quite a few tearful goodbyes and characters barely holding it together as they give out a speech. Given that the film is constantly throwing comedy moments at you, these scenes don’t work well. Not to mention that so many characters die during the film in very sudden scenes that there is no real time to feel sad. The heroes just go back to joking right away anyway so the film doesn’t even take its own serious moments all that seriously.

My final complaint lies with the writing. The previous complaint is more or less related to this as well. Most of the characters are just written very badly. The main character is a good example of this. He’s supposed to be the tough and charismatic leader that everyone loves during the film. He breaks the rules and always ends up saving the day. Being grounded for saving dozens of lives after a tech malfunction was laughable so I don’t blame him there. Still, his “big” moment where he insulted the aliens was very bad. There are a lot of ways to have a cool moment without just being vulgar. Unfortunately, the crowd did laugh and cheer a bit during this moment. I got a very active crowd, but they help to remind me why these bad moments won’t end. Everyone always cheers at the moments where they are supposed too. Directors and Producers love this kind of crowd because they go along with just about everything. Crowd mentality is strong so a lot of people naturally just get taken in by it, but it also means that these kind of scenes will be sticking around for the long haul. It’s regrettable.

Back to the writing though. Towards the end of the film, a big point of emphasis is that all of the dozens/hundreds of alien ships are protecting the Alien Queen. That’s their whole purpose and yet, they sit by and just watch as the heroes attack her for minutes upon minutes. That was just terrible writing. The writers put themselves into a hole that they couldn’t get out of so they had to just throw logic out the window. It’s a shame. Still, the Alien Queen was cool and the armor that the aliens used was pretty neat. I’m not sure about them losing to a guy with two swords and a comic relief assistant with a blaster though. That seemed like a bit of a stretch.

All right, let’s look at the positives. The soundtrack was pretty solid. We had some pretty nice themes and it helped to carry across the film’s epic vibe. It was mitigated by the futuristic Earth that no longer looked like ours and the fact that you can never top the original Alien incursion. Still, it was cool to see the alien fleet arrive. I also think that it was good to finally see Earth shoot first when the aliens appeared. It was rigged this time, but I’d say that we made the right move. The film started out quite rapidly even if it slowed down quite a lot after that.

David was one of the big characters from the first film and he’s still really solid here. His romance with another scientist is terribly written, but beyond that he is a good character. A lot of his scenes are humorous, but in a good way as opposed to the majority of the other characters. I do disagree with some of his decisions like the “wait and see” approach, but on the whole he was smart and came up with his own ideas. He wasn’t a yes man the way that some of the scientists and government workers were. His dad was also a pretty fun character like in the last film. He gets less screen time here since his plot gets the shaft much like the driving plot in the first film. That’s probably a good thing if you ask me although it was fun seeing the dog stand up to the aliens. This puppy meant business and thanks to the Dad, the kids who were along for the ride will never forget this day as they got to meet some really important figures.

Thomas, the former president, was another solid character. It’s a little unfortunate that he is seen as a crazy guy on meds now instead of the world remembering him as an awesome guy. Although, the general public may not be aware of this and only select members since he does still get a lot of attention. People should be taking him seriously considering how well he did in the first film. Also, is it just me or did he look different in the flashback to the first film? I highly doubt they would have re filmed the speech for such a short clip so it must have just been my imagination. Thomas stepped up to the plate when the chips were down and turned out to be someone that the rest of the world could count on to fight the aliens. Being attacked telepathically may have weakened him, but he’s still the same likable character that he always was and is easily the best character in the film.

Even though I recently saw the first film (5 days before watching this one) it was a little hard to keep track of all the characters. I wouldn’t call it confusing as you know who everyone is in the context of this film, but as far as the homages and wink-wink moments at the audience go, I probably missed a few. The army guy sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place him. The character who was with David as a rival also felt like she came out of nowhere, but maybe she was actually one of the characters from the first film. Ah well, I suppose that a film like this one is supposed to have a huge cast. Perhaps it should have thought about getting rid of a few excess ones though.

Two characters who didn’t go over well were Jake and Dylan. It goes without saying that I didn’t like the comic relief, flirting sidekick, the two scientists who crossed the bridge of being quirky to over the top so those are already in the pile. The “tough” heroine who was the grand daughter of the army general was also destroyed the instant that she didn’t shut down the comic relief guy. Jake could have been cool since I like the tough rebel type of main character, but he goes a little too far as well. His plot of nearly destroying Dylan a while back wasn’t really handled well either. Dylan doesn’t come across as likable either for the fact that he held a grudge against Jake for so long and got a sucker punch in and then cracking when the chips were down. Sure, the two of them get along very well after a few minutes and it’s back to normal, but it was hard to recover from that so easily. I don’t blame Jake for saving lives after a mechanical malfunction since I didn’t think it was his fault in the first place, but that’s about all the credit I can give him.

As mentioned before, the action scenes are great though. The film also never drags on even though it’s around 2 hours. The pacing is good and I never thought that any of the plots were particularly boring. Some were fillerish, but at least things were still happening. The drunk fellows blackmailing the world for 100 million was one of those “interesting” plots that actually worked out pretty well though. They were certainly bold even if they didn’t do much. Seriously, that was probably the easiest 100 mil that they ever earned. All they had to do was keep drinking while keeping an eye on the equipment.

I won’t talk about the plot for the next film much, but the film does take a big turn. It’s hilarious for the wrong reasons though as someone talks really tough, but if you actually think about what she’s saying…then you’ll realize that they made all of the wrong decisions. I can’t say much more than that, but it’s intriguing. We could very well be going to Star Trek/Star Wars a lot sooner than we thought and I can picture other alien languages being spoken soon and intergalactic bars. Nothing is out of the question now and whether that is a good thing or not…we will find out soon enough!

Overall, Resurgence is a fun film, but one that does have quite a few problems bogging it down. For every good character there was a bad one and for every epic scene there was a wince worthy one. The topsy turvyness of the film is what keeps it from getting a really good score. Hopefully the sequel will be able to improve on this. At the very least, the action scenes and effects are quite good. I expect them to get even better with the next film. It’s definitely an ambitious plot line going forward and I can definitely see a lot of Star Trek comparisons coming out soon. The third film has the potential to be a completely different experience so I hope that the writers are ready for the challenge ahead. I’m not sure how much confidence I have in them after this though.

Overall 6/10

It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown Review

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It’s time to look at another classic Charlie Brown special. This one is a musical so that is definitely a change of pace for the series. It’s also one of the stronger entries in the series as the whole dancing gimmick is handled very well. Aside from Peppermint Patty’s song, the rest of them do a good job of copying the style of the 80’s. The retro songs can definitely be a lot of fun like in the classic Transformers animated film. The main theme is still as hype as it was when the first film came out and I think good tunes like this can be timeless. As a result, Snoopy’s dancing numbers are quite good.

The plot is fairly nonexistent here since the music takes center stage. One part of the plot is that Snoopy dances a lot by night and by day he sleeps a lot. This makes Charlie think that his dog is slacking off, but luckily Sally takes him to school for show and tell. Snoopy reveals his true identity as a dancing mastermind and the day is saved. Charlie didn’t get to do much in this special and even Sally told him off in the end. It wasn’t his best showing, but at least he put in some decent effort. Charlie’s probably just expecting too much out of Snoopy.

His faithful dog certainly stole the show here. The dancing numbers were great and Snoopy really knows how to dance to a tune. I wouldn’t have minded if the special had added even more dance numbers for the guy. They wouldn’t drag on because of how solidly it was handled. If you ever start to wonder why Snoopy is such a fan favorite, make sure to watch this special. You certainly won’t have any more doubts after that.

The animation is up to the usual Peanuts standard. Everything looks clear and the character designs are good. The soundtrack is what has significantly improved from the other specials, which is really the whole point of this movie when you think about it. It almost goes without saying. As per usual, this special is very short so it’s very easy to just breeze through. It never starts to drag on as a result and that’s one of the positives of being so short.

Flashbeagle is a fun little feature. The writing is solid and the characters are likable. In the end, that’s what typically makes for a good Peanuts special even if there’s not a whole lot more to say about this one. The whole thing is over in the blink of an eye and Snoopy is left on top once again. Snoopy can be a little inconsistent at times in these specials as he is a pro one second and a rookie the next, but it’s the price to pay for being in a comedy. No character is safe as they could be nerfed/weakened at any point in order to get a joke across. That’s definitely a double edged sword if you ask me, but as I said earlier, the writing is solid for the most part here.

Overall, Flashbeagle was a lot of fun and it shows that parodies/homages can certainly be good if they are handled right. Nowadays, parodies have a bit of a bad reputation thanks to titles like Transmorphers and Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Well done parodies are rare, but I’m still waiting for one to really hit it out of the park. I can’t quite say that Flashbeagle’s that home run hit since it can only go so far in its format, but it is a good title that I would recommend. I’m one step closer to watching all of the Charlie Brown shorts.

Overall 7/10

The Wolf Man Review

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It’s time for another super old horror film. Compared to the last films that I’ve reviewed, this one looks great, but as a film overall it is not that good. It’s a lot more fun and charismatic, but if you’re looking at this like a horror film, then it’s going to disappoint you quite a lot. There is nothing scary about this film at all and for the most part it plays out like a comedy. The main character really reminds me of Bill Murray though, to the point where the main character here looks almost identical to him. Hmmm…maybe I just haven’t seen enough Murray movies though.

Larry moves to a little village to meet up with his father after a relative’s untimely demise. They haven’t talked much before this so the situation is rather tricky for a little while, but they soon get along quite well. The main problem now is getting the other villagers to like him. Larry doesn’t worry about that for very long though as he looks through his window and happens to see a lady. He quickly believes this to be love at first sight and hounds her until she agrees to a meet up along with one of her friends to get their fortune told. One thing leads to another and Larry/Gwen decide to ditch the friend for a few minutes. Larry sees her get murdered by a Werewolf and destroys it, but now he is being framed for murder and turning into one himself. Will his will power hold out?

The whole romance plot here is quite bad though. First off, Larry is persistent to the point of being a nuisance the whole time and then we find out that Gwen already has a fiancee. (I think it was a fiancee, could have just been a normal boyfriend) Yet, she continues to hang out with him which is basically giving him hope even if he’s the one who is constantly following her. She’s sort of playing the field which is always sad to see. Larry’s a pretty bad character though so it’s hard to feel all that bad for him.

At least Larry can be amusing though. He gets a few good one liners in and his voice was made for comedy. That being said, his will power is incredibly weak and if he was going to run, he should have done it right away. He waited way too long for his plans and that’s why they didn’t end up working out very well. As a Werewolf, he wasn’t all that impressive either. He has slight super strength and a little extra speed, but apparently it is not enough to deal with a human who is holding a blunt object. Both Werewolves don’t look so good once the fight is on.

Larry’s Dad was probably the best character in the film. He kept on reminding everyone that there were no such things as Werewolves and even decided to tie up Larry so that he could watch this and be freed from his paranoia. His main mistake was deciding to leave Larry alone after that. The ending would typically be super tragic, but it’s not handled too heavily. It’s given appropriate emotional value, but it isn’t beaten to death like a modern film would probably do. Extended crying scenes and all of that, the Wolf Man skips all of that.

For once, there actually was a bit of a soundtrack here. Mainly because this film has a big contrast between happy and evil scenes. It’s something that newer films don’t really do, but the older ones were well known for this. For example, whenever the main heroine would appear, the music would quickly go up and the tone would be lighter. When the Werewolf appeared, the music would suddenly slow and get very tense. It’s a nice contrast and I’m also just happy to finally have a soundtrack to talk about as well. It feels like it has been quite a while.

While I am still an advocate for all movies being as long as possible, the short length works pretty well. After all, if a film’s writers don’t know how they could stretch a film out without watering it down, then it’s not worth it. For a film like Batman V Superman or Avengers, I could easily see it being 4 hours and not really being any worse. Those scenes would be useful character development, but what would the Wolf Man do with an extra hour? No, the short length is for the best and as it is, we get a nice array of different scenes. Seeing the doctors and cops subtly question Larry while also insinuating that he is the culprit was a well done scene. Again, I’ve got to give Larry’s Dad some props here for also talking a good game. He reminds Larry that nobody can remove him from the premises, not even the cops. Apparently the rich family name has even more clout than I could have dared imagine.

The weak romance is really what hurts this film. It makes Larry look unreasonable and turns him into an unlikable character while it also makes Gwen look bad for even going around with him in the first place. It didn’t really need to be in this film and if that time was used for more dialogue with Larry’s Dad or something like that instead, the film could have definitely sneaked in a 7. As it is, I think that aspect weakens the film enough to justify taking the star away. If the Werewolves didn’t have such weak will power, it could actually be useful to have the ability of transformation.

Overall, The Wolf Man is certainly one of the better classic movie monster films from Universal. It’s definitely aged a lot better than Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Mummy. This film has quite a few sequels and crossovers so who knows, I may end up being on the Wolf Man’s side for just about all of them. That being said, he is easily one of the weakest so I’m not sure if he’ll really have much of a future in those fights. He’ll definitely have to use a lot of tactical strategies. By the end of the film, you should hopefully know the Werewolf legend word for word since it is repeated over and over again by many different characters. If you want to get the most enjoyment from this film, go in expecting a comedy. Trust me, it’ll feel like one as you watch it.

Overall 6/10

White Heat Review

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I’m afraid we’re in for another stinker folks! White Heat decided that maybe they could pass off a corrupt mobster as the charismatic main character and get away with it. They were wrong, not only can Cody not hold his own film, but this one ends up dragging quite a lot. It’s nearly 2 hours and that’s pretty crazy considering that this one came out in the 40’s. Whatever they were thinking with this film, it was not in the same train of thought that I had. Sorry folks, but there aren’t a whole lot of positives to say about this title.

The cops have been after a guy named Cody for a very long time. This mobster is ruthless and his crimes against humanity must be stopped. The detectives decide to send an inside man into the jail to figure out why Cody has turned himself in and to stop his plans. Hank (The agent) doesn’t agree, but he is forced into the job and proceeds to follow the gang around. Will he have the heart to betray Cody or will he become corrupted. After all, hanging out with the wrong crowd can always be dangerous.

One of the main problems with this is that Hank takes way too long to make a move. He really takes his directions to the letter here and follows Cody around from base to base. Quite a few people die as the gang goes through and Hank finally makes a move at the very end, but it took a while. He was still overpowered as well since he let his guard down. Not the greatest secret agent is he? Hank’s not even likable as he has to pretend to be a villain the whole time. He almost got away with it too, but it turns out that he had locked up one too many villains in his day so someone was bound to recognize him.

Cody is a terrible protagonist. He’s the average villain that you would expect from back in the day, only he’s the main character so you have to see him a lot longer than you’d want too. He’s not very smart and doesn’t realize that someone tried to bump him off until someone spills the beans later on. He is able to fight off about a half dozen cops with a bait/punch combo that was pretty unrealistic. Still, it’s a feat for him I suppose, but physical strength doesn’t make up for the fact that he is not a very imposing villain. He’s prone to headaches and his minions could really betray him at any times. He gets the last laugh against some of them, but that just shows how weak the other villains are. He puts up a fight in the climax, but it doesn’t save Cody. If you got rid of the fact that he had a fake romance with one of the mobster girls then he would have risen up from horrendously bad to just very bad. I know he’s not that smart, but it was obvious that she was playing him and he seemed to know it at times.

Cody’s Mom is easily the MVP from all of the villains. She talked tough and backed it up throughout the film. She may have bitten off more than she could chew by trying to take down a gang, but at least she was always prepared to fight until the end. She helped the villains get through a lot of tight spots with the police and she would have been a much more engaging lead than Cody. Even Cody’s rival probably would have been a cooler lead, but he was still a bad character so it wouldn’t be much of an improvement.

As you can see, most of the cops were not all that helpful or even good at their jobs so I wouldn’t really say that any of them were particularly likable. Just watch how easily the villains get out of the jail and you’ll be face palming. The security defenses were quite bad to say the least. The government would not have been proud if they had witnessed the whole debacle. At the very least, the cops talk tough like when they interrogated the villains, but even then they were verbally destroyed by Cody’s Mom.

Again, the film is two hours. Why is it two hours when this plot seems rather basic? Well, we have quite a lot of moments that are around to buy time. For example, the storm that hits the villain’s base. They stand around there for a while as the film gives us a lot of exposition and Cody starts to freak out. The scene goes on for quite a while to pad out the run time. White Heat could have easily shaved off a good half n hour and nothing would really change, except that the film could have maybe been a little better. A different main character would be crucial to making a real difference here though.

As per usual, you can tell that this film is really bad because it is not enjoyable. There are no fun scenes here or moments that will get you excited as you wait to see what will transpire next. White Heat never gets you engaged in the story and as a result, you’ll just be sitting there wondering when your next meal is going to occur or when the film will end. The best case scenario is that you start telling yourself how the film could have been better as the scenes go by. “Why wasn’t there any good music themes here” “Why are the characters not doing this?” etc.

Overall, White Heat is a film best left on the forgotten shelf. It doesn’t know what it means to be a good film and it just kept on getting worse and worse. Making a film based around a villain is always going to be very tricky since it’s difficult to make a villain likable. Extremely difficult and even more so nowadays than it would have been in the classic era. The best chance is to make the villain rather mild and petty, going for Now You See Me type of crimes instead of giving someone like the Joker his own film. It’s a lot of trouble to make it good though so it’s a lot easier to just churn out Spider-Man 10 or Godzilla 79. If you want to see a good film where the main character isn’t a hero, check out Madoka Magica Rebellion. Prepare yourself for an epic ending!

Overall 1/10

The Uninvited Review

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This film was an interesting one. It’s another blend of horror and comedy which works pretty well. Surprisingly the late middle/early ending of the film is the part that starts to drag a bit. I thought that the beginning and ending were the strongest parts of the film, but in a way..maybe that’s how it should be. Films should hook you in and reel you out, the middle is the most expendable part I suppose.

Roderick and Pamela decide to buy a house. These siblings both have a use for it although Roderick is very skeptical the whole time. He doesn’t want to break the bank on this house, but the two of them are given a good price for it. Roderick can now work on his papers from here and Pamela can enjoy the forest life. Everything is going well, but then the daughter of the previous owner lets them know that they’ve made a grave mistake. The siblings find out that the house is actually haunted and this ghost doesn’t play by the rules. It will use any means necessary to drive the heroes out and with its mild, mild, mild telepathic abilities it keeps trying to get Stella to commit suicide. Can Roderick stop this?

Let’s quickly go over the weaknesses of the film. For one, the romanc- Hold it DReager1, this romance wasn’t all that bad was it? Actually, I’m afraid that it was. While the romance was more conservative and proper than the ones I tend to bash, it still happened way too suddenly and out of the blue. It came out of nowhere and a proper romance shouldn’t evolve after a few minutes like that. It also doesn’t really add anything to the film so it was hardly necessary in the end.

As I mentioned, the middle is a little uneventful. After the heroes learn that the place is haunted, they start going around and digging up clues. Ultimately they learn things like who the ghost actually is and why it is so upset, but I can’t really say that this plot went anywhere in a hurry. It certainly took its time. Of course, dragging on a little is not a big weakness and the film is still a solid adventure. On the whole, I enjoyed the atmosphere. The characters were good and the ghost made for a good villain. The film did a good job of balancing the two genres without going overboard at any point.

Dealing with the ghost was also well played at the end. It’s a strategy that more protagonists should try out in these kind of films. The spirits and ghosts always do seem rather strong, but are they really? Or are the humans making them that way. That’s the question that you’ve always got to ask yourself before tackling them in combat. This ghost was admittedly one of the weaker ones that I’ve seen though. It was good as wailing/laughing/crying during the night though and even unnerved Roderick quite a bit. I don’t think it would fare too well in an actual fight though.

From all of the characters, I have to say that Stella was probably the most annoying. Mainly because of her low will power as she nearly died twice. She should be able to resist the ghost’s calls a little better if you ask me. Not to mention that she was fairly unreasonable about the whole thing. Her plan to just hang out with everyone wasn’t terrible I suppose and you’d think that everyone would be home in the dead of night, but it wasn’t to be. At least it gave the fortune teller/rich lady a role. For a while there, I wasn’t sure where the film was going with her character arc. She almost seemed like filler for a bit.

Before I wrap up the review, I definitely have to disagree with anyone who finds this movie scary though. The movie is many things, but scary isn’t one of them. Making the top 11 scariest films of all time from one list is rather surprising. With all of the comedy undertones and good one liners from the main characters, I don’t see how it can really scare you that much. Ah well, different things scare different people. Back before I watched dozens of horror films and became immune to being scared, I did get the chills from a horror movie aimed at kids so everyone has to start off somewhere. This is the kind of film that probably wouldn’t do well as a remake so it should probably stay in our memories. It already has the honor of being one of the better horror films out there after all. That’s good enough for it!

Overall, The Invited is a charming relic from the past. There isn’t a whole lot to say about it though because the cast is small and the film gets to the point right away. It’s fun, but aside from briefly talking about the ghost and the characters, there’s nothing more to elaborate on. I may as well not drag this review out so let’s finish this one up. The Uninvited doesn’t particularly excel at anything, but it captures the charm and fun that an old horror/comedy film like this one can bring to the table. It’s not all that long so even if it has some mild pacing problems, it finishes rather quickly. The characters are all likable for the most part and this film doesn’t make a lot of big mistakes. It may not be remembered as the years go by, but at the very least, I will always remember the cool ending.

Overall 7/10

Only Angels Have Wings Review

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After that last review, I figured I should take a look at an old film that I actually enjoyed. This one’s not great by any means and had its share of flaws, but I would still call it a good film in the end. The airplane scenes were cool and it makes you remember how far we’ve come with the technology. A good plane nowadays is certainly a lot better than the ones they used to make back in the day.

The film starts off with a pilot dying due to his overconfidence as he wanted to treat a new tourist, Bonnie, to a dinner. The other characters have a party about this, which upsets the heroines. They explain that to cope with loss they treat it as a celebration instead of mourning. It’s a very..intriguing approach. One that is used quite a lot in real life, but not to that extent. It’s a little overdone if you ask me and it made the main romance here very hard to buy. After all, with the other guy out of the way, Geoff decides to make his move. Meanwhile, a new pilot has arrived to replace him. Bat has a bad reputation though as he bailed out on another pilot back in the day and that pilot was related to Kid, one of the pilots on the current team. As a result, everyone shuns him and he is left with all of the dangerous tasks. His wife, who is an old “friend” of Geoff is upset by this. Will this team ever come together?

Geoff’s not a bad lead, but his romance is a little tricky considering the circumstances. Plus, he has a policy of never asking anyone to do anything. This means that his pride won’t allow him to ask Bonnie to stay so she has to do that on her own. I’m glad that he doesn’t let go of it since pride is important in a character, but it’s also why he should have lost out and had a tragic ending here. He is a good pilot and opts to do the dangerous job himself at the end. He lives up to his words and while Geoff has his flaws, he ultimately works well as the lead.

Bat’s a likable guy and probably the best character in the film. He made a mistake a while back, but does everything that he can to fix things. When a tough situation arises once again, he makes sure to stay in the saddle and doesn’t abandon anyone this time. He also took on all of the extremely difficult jobs so he definitely deserved everyone’s respect by the end. Bat did well considering that nobody liked him and it was a very good ending for him. It would have been sad if he had just died heroically and then everyone appreciated him. That just wouldn’t have been the same. Of course, you can understand why Kid has a problem with him. It’s not hard to let a past mistake go especially if it’s fatal. He does overreact a little with the anger misdirection though. His problem is with Bat so he should really keep it between them unless he’s seriously provoked, but that never really happens.

Bonnie’s the main heroine and she’s not bad. Playing along with the two annoying flirts may have been a bit much and she took the death of a guy that she knew for about an hour a little too hard at first. She got over it though, but got way too interested in romance from the get go. She really lost sight of why she was here in the first place. Also, shooting someone to stop them was incredibly drastic and her plan would never have worked. Holding someone at gunpoint isn’t how you start a proper relationship. So, she was a little extreme for me and Bonnie wasn’t quite as likable as she could have been. She’s mostly reasonable, but the gunshot at the end was….pretty dicey.

The film doesn’t drag on either and goes by quickly. If there’s anything holding it back from a higher score, it’s probably that the film didn’t have enough plane scenes. The dialogue between characters is good, but at the same time we don’t have the witty banter needed to grant it an extra star. The opening scene with the pilot dying may have also been a little long as he keeps talking on the radio with a really dead voice. It was likely not intentional and just a sign of age, but his voice when talking through the speaker was rather odd. It’s like the speaker just added some kind of photoshop effect to it.

I wouldn’t have minded seeing more of the cafe during the daytime though. The steak looked really good and seeing the gang enjoy some party games wouldn’t have been bad. Of course, the gang could get a little rowdy. Kid beating up two of the crew members and even breaking someone’s arm was definitely not good for the team’s morale. It did help set Bat up for his big moment though. The rest of the team will probably have to watch their back when around Kid, but that shouldn’t be too much of a problem in the long run.

Overall, Only Angels Have Wings is a good film. It’s nice to see a retro film live up to its potential after so long. The cast is relatively small and we only have a few backgrounds so the film did a lot with what feels like a small budget. Films can always surpass the limitations of a budget so long as the writing is good and the characters are engaging. For the most part, that’s the case here and it’s enjoyable. Not a whole lot happens at times and the film can feel its age during other moments, but it’s a worthwhile movie that I recommend. If you want something a little more exciting, then watch Bleach Movie 4: Hell Verse. That one doesn’t have any planes though so it may not be worth it if that’s what you’re looking forward too.

Overall 6/10

In a Lonely Place Review

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It’s time for another sad “classic” that doesn’t end up aging well at all. The film definitely leaves you in a lonely place and you have to wonder if the film’s solid reputation is only fleeting at best. The characters once again aren’t all that likable and the film ends up dragging on for quite a while. Well, I suppose that the title is fitting, but that’s the only compliment that I can ultimately give the film. It fails at everything else.

Dixon is a guy who has a very bad reputation of losing his temper and starting trouble. His movie scripts have also not done very well in a while since he tends to have writer’s block and refuses to make any more remakes. One day, a girl he invited home to read a manuscript is murdered on the way home. He is placed under suspicion due to how uncaring he is and the suspicious circumstances surrounding her murder. Meanwhile, Dixon’s neighbor, Laurel is brought in and the two very suddenly get attracted to each other. Unfortunately, Laurel may have picked the wrong man as Dixon seems to get further and further gone with each passing day.

Let’s start off with the fact that none of the characters here are likable. Dixon is obsessed with murder to the point where he doesn’t mind cracking a few jokes upon learning that the girl was murdered. He doesn’t really care even though it’s indirectly his fault for inviting her to his home. I say indirectly because you can’t totally blame him there and she seemed to be in a relationship with a pretty crooked fellow. This result may have happened either way. You’re supposed to sympathize with Dixon, but he’s too far gone. He makes no real attempt to control his anger and nearly murders a guy for simply shooting off an insult. The fact is, he would have murdered the guy had Laurel not stopped him. He injures his manager as well and then tries to strangle Laurel until the phone stops him. That’s two murders that he would have committed had he not been stopped.

As I said, Dixon is way too far gone to be even remotely likable. There’s no way a positive relationship could have ever occurred if he doesn’t respect Laurel enough not to force her into things. Even the marriage proposal is only accepted because of the very implied threat had Laurel not accepted. Laurel isn’t great either. Refusing in the beginning would have been the safest choice, but why did she get involved in the first place? She went from being a rather cold individual who claimed not to rush into things only to get serious about the relationship the very next day. It was a very fast turnaround and the romance really made no sense from the get go.

Now, we’ve also got the cop who seems to be a friend of Dixon’s although just barely. He invites Dixon over for the guy to help explain the murder. Dixon is fascinated with murders and writes about them a lot so he’s sure to be an expert. Sure enough, Dixon figures it out and has the cop use the murder method on his wife as part of a demonstration. All right, there’s nothing bad about that as it’s all pretend right? Wrong, the cop gets so much into it that he starts to seriously squeeze until his wife lets him know that it’s hurting. Even then it takes the cop a few moments to notice before he stopped. Once again, we’ve entered crazy town. You’re not seriously tell me to consider the fact that the murder is so interesting that you would start to seriously use the method on your wife for even an instance right? I mean, the wall between fake and real is quite large and anyone with a speck of common sense would not apply the squeeze at all past safety limits. The cop was doomed from there.

Dixon’s manager wasn’t bad even if he probably shouldn’t have put up with this abuse for so long. He’s just being a good friend so I don’t hold that against him. He’s probably the best character by default although he really shouldn’t encourage Laurel so much since it’s all right to put yourself in a dangerous position, but never anyone else. That’s where you’ve got to draw the line.

As a result, the film is just not enjoyable in the slightest. That’s what happens when a film has a bad plot or commits any of the big 3 errors. (excessive violence, fanservice, animal violence) There are two kinds of bad films by the way. Ones that are simply hard to watch like this one and those that you can enjoy watching in the moment while recognizing their flaws and placing it as a bad movie. I’ll give you all an example of this.

Pixels also got a 1 like this movie. The big difference is that the film was still a lot of fun. I had to stifle a laugh many times, there were great action scenes, and the characters could be likable. Why was it terrible? Well, there were a lot of inappropriate jokes and terrible writing. That may not sound like enough to give the film a 1, but trust me…it was. When the writing is overloaded with those kind of jokes you can bet that I’ll give the film a terrible review. It’s a shame because the film could have been good with so many solid moments, but that’s how it goes. Regardless, I’ll take that kind of film any day over one like this. Pitch Perfect, Bring It On, Tower Heist (to a lesser extent), etc are examples of films like this. I don’t like them and I certainly don’t plan on watching them again, but if I had to choose between them or films like this one, (Sucker Punch, In A Lonely Place, Haunting in Connecticut, Amityville Horror, etc) I would definitely go with the former.

That’s because films are made for you to have fun. I still say that is the purpose of all forms of media. If you’re not even having any fun in the movie and it’s just dragging on and on with content that is not enjoyable, then it has failed. For films that are not enjoyable intentionally, then it is a failed film right from the start. Criterion seems to like approving films like this, which is definitely regrettable. They’ve had some good films in the past, but it seems to be rare.

Overall, I definitely do not recommend In A Lonely Place. It’s not a fun film and it’s probably the first Bogart title that I really did not like. It’s a shame since he typically plays likable characters. This may have come out before Godzilla, but the writing is surprisingly not engaging mainly due to the plot. Instead of checking this film out, look up some classic Hitchcock titles that will engross you in their plots or look for Superman and the Mole Men. A true classic that can appeal to all film fans with its good humor and solid climax.

Overall 1/10

Life Is a Circus, Charlie Brown Review

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The Peanuts marathon continues although the speed at which I have been watching them may slow down a little after this. Unfortunately, Life Is a Circus ends up being one of the weaker Peanut specials. Snoopy’s the main character so you’d think that this wouldn’t be the case, but unfortunately he didn’t have much of a plot to work with this time around. After watching a few Snoopy centered videos, I have to admit that the specials may just work a little better with the human characters getting a bigger role. I still believe that Snoopy can hold his own special if necessary though.

A new circus is in town and Snoopy sees one dog who catches his eye. The problem is that he has to join the circus if he wants to keep talking to the dog. This circus is hard work and the dogs have to perform unreasonable stunts, but this isn’t enough to deter a dog as tough as Snoopy. Snoopy masters all of the tricks, but eventually realizes that the life of a circus has too many sacrifices and hardships for it to all be worth it. Time to head back to his life with Charlie.

Snoopy handles the whole thing very well though. He goes home and has a lot to eat before taking a nap. It’s one of the best strategies to have when something tricky happens and I totally recommend it. I’m looking forward to having a nice bowl of Mac n Cheese relatively soon myself. Snoopy also didn’t turn back when he realized that the other dog wasn’t stopping. He was decisive and knew what had to be done this time around.

Charlie Brown was pretty upset the whole special, but it’s hard to blame him. His Cotton Candy was wrecked when Patty threw some popcorn on it and then he had to watch as Snoopy was dognapped by the Circus. He probably should have tried a little harder to get Snoopy back though, considering the fact that the circus went pretty far away. His friends weren’t very understanding either and they seemed to just enjoy the fact that Snoopy had finally found a place where he could be happy.

The main thing that draws this special down is the fact that the romance is fairly boring. We all know that Snoopy will end up leaving at some point anyway since the status quo would be changed a little too drastically if she had gone back to Charlie’s with him. The dog also seemed a little odd as she also didn’t want to be colored pink, but ultimately decided to go back to the show. Considering that the show had them do crazy stunts with no safety nets in place, it seemed like an odd choice. Well, I guess that’s how far their bonds of friendship ended up taking them in the end.

There were some classic Peanut themes here. Nothing really out of the ordinary, but they work for the setting. The animation was also traditional Peanuts style so there is not a whole lot to say about it on that front. If you’ve enjoyed the Peanuts style throughout the specials, then you’ll enjoy it. If you’ve never seen one of these before, then just picture a retro hand drawn style. This came out a while ago so don’t expect Justice League action here, but more like an older version of the Super Friends.

Overall, This special dragged a little and it wasn’t as interesting as the usual Charlie Brown adventure. It had its moments and I suppose that it’s a good special overall, but I just needed Snoopy to be a little more in character. I like to see him take charge and just do whatever he wants. Seeing him in this kind of role just isn’t the same. Charlie Brown was in character though so you can always count on him to see the cup half empty. I’m ready for the eventual Peanuts election. That one definitely sounds promising! As for another Snoopy centered special, I could see that one easily surpassing this one.

Overall 5/10

The Car Review

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It’s time for an old horror film, but unfortunately this one is quite bad. It decides to add in some dark themes and extra grit for no real reason and most of the subplots have no place being in the movie at all. The Car itself also makes some very odd choices during the movie like sparing the main character for no real reason. Somehow this film is listed as PG as well. I suppose this was before PG-13, but if you had to choose, you may as well go all the way with this film’s rating. Brace yourselves!

The film starts out with a car murdering three people. One of those is run over several times as the car vents out its frustrations. An abusive man notices this and calls in the cops. We’re barely 10 minutes into the film and it already doomed itself. Why does this guy have to be abusive? It doesn’t contribute to the plot in the slightest. The worst part about this is that the characters in the film never do anything about this. They all know that he is committing these acts, but they don’t do anything about it. Moreover, they actually ask him for help and he gets to stand in the sunset with the other characters at the end. The film glorifying this guy for even a second is loony and this was a negative that I simply couldn’t forget. He took away any fun that could have been in this film.

When the cops are called in to stop the car they quickly find out that they are outmatched. Their road blocks don’t work and this car is able to break into houses and assassinate people that way. Nobody is safe anymore! Unfortunately, the film still cannot focus on this plot and it’s plagued by an array of other issues. We have one cop who ends up reverting back to his old drinking habits. This causes him to forget about warning the town’s inhabitants and results in more people dying. One cop decides to go for a “Miller Time” moment (Drinking beer) but gets run over by The Car as a result. Even the students are fairly cheap as one of them draws inappropriate pictures of the teacher as a past time. Again…what does this do to advance the plot? Nothing, but the teacher approves this action just to remind us that she’s rather odd as well. Why can’t we have any likable characters in this film?

The writing’s pretty bad as well. The characters are all unlikable tanks to this and we have some language issues as well with the characters swearing when the going gets tough. Most of the characters aren’t all that smart either. For example, one of the cops decides to corner the evil car on a cliff and then watches for about 5 minutes at the villain slowly starts to push him to the curb and then off the mountain. Backing up would have done him wonders or at least jumping out. No, he had to just wait and accept his fate.

As this is a classic horror film there is a twist ending so you’ll want to stick around. It’s more or less what you’d expect and the scene would probably have more impact if it had gone a little further. Maybe showing something/someone at the police station and then an iconic sound as it all went black. That being said, maybe the producers and directors were counting on a sequel at some point. I don’t see that happening anytime soon and that’s a good thing.

There’s only one real positive about the film and that’s the fact that it has a good soundtrack. It has a lot of mysterious themes and fitting villain themes for The Car. I also like the sounds that The Car makes and the fact that it has some mild wind manipulation abilities. Add to that the fact that it is bullet proof and you’ve got yourself a powerful vehicle. Maybe the strongest sentient car that we’ve ever seen! Speaking of the Car, naturally you’re supposed to make your theories on what exactly it is. It seems like it’s a demon if you ask me. It probably found a car and possessed it, augmenting its physical abilities or it transformed itself into a car for the lolz. Needless to say, it is definitely a villain so there’s no plot twist about it actually being a hero or something like that.

This Car definitely doesn’t hold back though and it aims to eliminate everyone eventually. It also likes to mess with its victims a little before doing anything as well. Like when it decides to scare the main character a lot before doing anything and even sparing the guy. That being said, that scene was where I had to draw the line. There was no logical reason to spare the main character. Especially when the car had not spared anyone else up until that point. It was just out of character and the only explanation is that the guy survived purely because he was the main character. Just another example of bad writing although I like the fact that he got knocked out just because the door opened and the light was really bright. That’s a pretty bad defense feat.

At least the horses all seem to have escaped the car so that’s good. A lot of the humans didn’t quite make it, but that’s the nature of a horror film or a “slasher” in the sense that the villain started picking them all off one by one. The only reasonable character here was probably the person who kept taking the calls. She even let the main guy know that his translator actually betrayed him and only told part of the story. The other guys were either sketchy, had unfortunate subplots, or didn’t do anything. Even the main character wasn’t that good as his whole first scene was just incredibly wince-worthy and the fact that he is seeing the heroine in secret to an extent is suspect as well. He certainly got over his wife rather quickly, showing off once again how fake a lot of these romances are. The film didn’t have a whole lot of that which is definitely good though. I doubt it would have been handled well here at all.

If there’s anything you can learn from this film by the end, it’s not to let your guard down. More than once the evil Car would simply stop. The human would lower his gun as well and then the Car would start up again and take him down. If you’re on the hunt for a dangerous vehicle, you shouldn’t care if it stops. Just quickly blast it and keep on moving. Of course, the car was ultimately bullet proof so it didn’t matter, but it’s good to at least try. The village didn’t handle the situation all that well, but with a little plot hax I suppose that they almost did all right. We even got to see the car’s true form thanks to all of the fire!

Overall, The Car is definitely a pretty underwhelming horror movie and just makes for a really bad experience. It’s short so at least the pacing isn’t a huge concern, but it’s not all that good either. Some scenes do go on for quite a while like when the heroes were cornered at the cemetery. I was never bored, but there were many times where I couldn’t wait for it to be over. If they cut out the abuse subplot, the film would have instantly been quite a lot better. It could have at least grabbed a 4 I’d say. Maybe it’s a sign that even the writers didn’t think this plot could stand on its own which is why they added the many subplots. Definitely a bad move on their part all the same though. You definitely shouldn’t watch this film and I’d advise you to check out Superman vs The Mole Men instead. It makes for a more enriching experience.

Overall 1/10