Tag Archives: Horror

Extraordinary Tales Review

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It’s time to take a look at an anthology based on stories from the famous Poe. Unfortunately, I was never a big fan of this format as it really limits what you can tell in a story. There’s also the issue of the animation in this film being quite dreadful. It would have looked underwhelming 20 years ago so there’s no excuse for it. I’ll break this film down story by story.

The film started off with my favorite tale which is always an interesting tactic. Typically you want to end on a high note instead, but you can draw in the viewer this way I suppose. There were two pals who hung out together for a while, but eventually they drifted apart. Years later, they had a get together, but the friend bad changed. He could not be near sunlight anymore because of his being in the dark for so long. Making matters worse is the fact that the house seems haunted and a dead person frequents the halls. A single contact with this dead being would mean instant death.

It is a decently fun story. As I mentioned already, I thought that it was the best one on the whole batch. The sudden tackle at the end was pure hype and it was almost like a fight scene. It was a horror ending done right if I do say so myself. The main character got his happy ending but lives with the knowledge of these events so its not a total win win, but not a full loss for him either.

Another story decided to go with PS2 graphics as the CGI went full blast. A guy is thrown into an elaborate series of death traps and he has to try and survive. Are these trials real or is he just having delusions at the moment? I’m inclined to say that most of it is real at any rate. The animation was a step up from some of the other segments, but it is still very past its time. I’ve seen better animation on Cartoon Network. The segment wasn’t bad, but I wouldn’t say that it was all that good either. It starts to drag on a bit after a while and I think some dialogue would have been very welcome here. Of course, the film is mostly a silent one anyway but dialogue, if written well, can really help at times.

Another segment saw a crazed man decide to destroy his teacher. The guy’s heartbeat annoyed him, which is why he decided to make the kill. It was a unique excuse I suppose, but it didn’t do the guy any favors. I was glad that the cops were pretty sharp this time though. They weren’t messing around ultimately outwitted the guy. It was too bad for the helpless old man though and at least he had a cool Eagle Eye. Actually, I think that was the excuse used by the murderer now that I think about it. Next time he’ll know better than to mess with the proper authorities.

Let’s head on to the next story. One guy decided to make a deal with a shady doctor about his life. When the guy was about to die, he would allow the other man to hypnotize him so see if it was possible to cheat death. Essentially, the dying man was hypnotized into waking up even after he was dead and it worked to a slight extent as it did prolong his life, but not for very long and the guy essentially blew up anyway. This segment was mostly just a little grotesque with the imagery and I’m sure that we all saw the ending coming. Man can never overcome death with whatever sciences are developed. You may as well try bringing a bucket to stop a flood. Next to the last segment, this was probably my least favorite one.

The final story was easily the worst one and the segment where the movie jumps the shark. It was about the seven deadly sins and how they overpowered the few human survivors. They were ready to die due to a powerful plague so they figured that they may as well lose their morals on the way to their death. Unfortunately, as this is an indie film, it has no qualms exploiting its poor animation as an excuse to show some nudity. If the animation was actually good, I doubt it would have been able to get away with such a tactic. Either way, as with Soul Eater and Skip Beat, it doomed the score and sent it into the cruncher. Without that, I’m sure that the film could have maybe managed a 3 or so, but this was the final nail on the coffin so to speak. There’s no meed to go all the way in the segment just to prove a point. I made a similar comment on the train scene in Madoka Magica a while back. Ah well, game over I suppose.

Aside from the stories, we also had a talk with a Raven and a statue who was the living embodiment of death. They talked about death a lot and the statue kept reminding the Raven that he was already dead so she had won the battle. He couldn’t really deny this and tried to distract her with red herrings and just dodging the point in general, but he ultimately could not stop her. This part was pretty interesting and while it would probably drag out for some if it lasted the whole 70 minutes, I think that would have been the more interesting film. Philosophical discussions on death are always pretty interesting to me. It could really be discussions on just about anything and it’ll typically be interesting since I get to write out my response to it or if it’s a super easy discussion, then I just say a yay or a nay.

Overall, it’s easy to see why this film is not all that popular. It’s very new and yet there doesn’t even seem to be a Wikipedia page on it. At the very least, the page doesn’t pop up right away on Google Search. One of the main problems is certainly the terrible animation. If the film had proper animation, it may have decided not to take as many risks and could have focused on telling some good stories. As it was, I wouldn’t consider any of the stories to be all that good aside from the first one. They could also tone down the violence somewhat and would need too if it had good animation since one segment had people being chopped, thrown away, and of course one guy was all but exploding in another scene. If you’re looking for your horror fix, then I suggest that you look elsewhere. Check out Scooby Doo Zombie Island instead.

Overall 0/10

Lego Scooby Doo Knight Time Terror Review

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It’s time to take a look at a Lego Scooby Doo film. Legos aren’t my favorite animation style to say the least, but they beat the puppets so I’ll take it I suppose. The special did feel incredibly short so that’s a good thing since it would have still dragged on a little if the plot had been boring. It’s a standard mini Scooby Doo adventure so the mystery’s fun and I still like the main cast. They get the job done and don’t pull their punches. That’s what I like to see from the heroes.

They head to a mansion where there is supposedly some treasure that’s been hidden. Unfortunately, the Mystery Gang may not be able to make it there alive since there is a mysterious Knight that haunts the castle. He has an axe and isn’t afraid to use it so one good hit would mean curtains for Fred and the gang. They’ll have to get to the bottom of this before something dicey happens!

The Knight was pretty hype. He actually had a lethal weapon and he had a good chase scene so I’ll give the villain a thumbs up. In a Scooby Doo film, you always want a villain who’s hardcore, but still has enough character to pull off the comedy moments. For the rest of the gang, they’re about the same as usual. Fred’s still the best member as he takes charge and never backs down from a good mystery. The gang wouldn’t have even heard about the treasure if not for good ole Fred. Daphne doesn’t really get a role this time as she mostly stays on the sidelines and allows Scooby and Shaggy to do the hard work.

They’re classic as per usual. Since Legos still don’t have enough parts to actually eat food, it wasn’t surprising to see that the heroes did’t get to eat this time. I’m sure that they could have bluffed it with some cut aways and shifty camera angles though. Shaggy did try his best to stop the Knight, but it proved to all be for naught. The villain was simply too strong this time. I do wish that Shaggy and Scooby would fight a little more, but I suppose that such a big change might be too much for the fanbase. The status quo would never be the same after that.

Unfortunately, Velma once again reminds me why she is the worst member of the group. She falls for yet another guy in this special and the romance is handled poorly as expected. It’s crammed in for no real reason and just serves to bring the whole thing down. Luckily, the subplot isn’t on screen for very long since the actual special isn’t that long either. We can’t forget about the suspects either although I didn’t bother trying to guess who it was this time. I privately figured that it was the nice assistant, but turns out that I wasn’t right on the money this time.

The first suspect is the owner of the house. Maybe he wants to collect on the insurance by scaring everyone away. There’s also the two guys in the monster costumes. Maybe they finally cracked and have decided to take things too far. Finally, there’s the nice assistant, but you can rule her out from this equation. Choose wisely since your bragging rights are on the line this time. There’s not really anything to say about the soundtrack of the animation. It’s legos so you know how it looks and the soundtrack is basically nonexistent this time. It works well enough, which will have to do. It’s not a bad soundtrack by any means.

Overall, Knight Time Terror is a good Scooby Doo special. Lego has really gotten popular over the last few years. I think Scooby Doo probably waited a little too long to jump on the bandwagon, but Lego’s still got a lot of products coming out so it’s not toooo late I suppose. If you like the Scooby Doo films then you’ll like this one. If you don’t, then this won’t change your mind either. At the very least, just remember that this is only around 20 minutes, if not shorter. It’ll be over in the blink of an eye and the plot never drags on so you don’t need to worry about that. Prepare yourself for the mystery!

Overall 7/10

ScoobyDoo and the Beach Beastie Review

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It’s time to review the final special from the 4 Scooby Doo specials marathon. This special sees the group head to the Beach for some much needed RnR, but things don’t turn out that smoothly because a Water Dragon has begun to attack them all. Saddle up guys because we’re in for one epic show! The gang’s really going to have to bring their A game this time…not that they usually don’t of course!

See, Fred was traumatized because nets are and always will be his life. That’s the real reason why the group needed the RnR in the first place, but they took Fred to a net hotel, which may not have been their best move. That’s when the Water Dragon shows up and wrecks the place, which leads to our usual array of suspects. We’ve got the shady hotel owner who admits that he is a little crazy and he certainly has the motive. An accident of this scale could get him quite a lot of insurance money. We’ve got the owner of a dog who has ensnared Scooby Doo with her chibi charm. Perhaps this is just a tactic to get the heroes to lower their guards so that she can steal the place. There’s also the owner of a rival company which is getting some water exhibits soon…one of them uses solidified water. Hmmmmm. There’s also the dog owner’s husband who lately has no time for her and the dog, which has made them all tense. So many suspects and so little time!

As always, the special is around 20 minutes give or take so the pacing is solid. The animation is solid and the soundtrack is nonexistent, etc, etc. I may as well not repeat myself from the last 3 specials right? The water dino is pretty hype since it busts into the Hotel and is actually there. No smoke and mirrors this time folks, since we have solidified water, this dino/dragon is actually a very real threat. There’s definitely quite a bit of plot hax about the design once we find out the twist though. Are we expected to believe that nobody noticed a person in the center of the dragon? I don’t think so!

Unfortunately, this film was bogged down by a really annoying subplot involving good ole Scooby. As mentioned earlier, he takes a fancy to another dog and then decides to stop being pals with Shaggy as he even gives away his Scooby Snacks. If the other dog had any personality and if she could talk, then maybe (I doubt it) this plot would be more bearable, but as this dog seems rather generic and forced into the plot, it just comes off as unnecessary. Luckily Shaggy drags Scooby back to reality by the end, but trust me when I say that this was a pretty rough side plot.

Another iffy scene is when Velma grabs the owner’s priceless necklace and then uses it as bait for the monster without any actual plan. Granted, we find out that the necklace was a fake, but the owner didn’t know that and there would be no way to prove it if Velma had actually lost this prize. That would have been quite the blow to the team’s public relations image and that’s why you should solve cases without putting innocent items in the line of fire.

Naturally, a good chunk of the main plot was about helping Fred to cope with his obsession with nets. He prefers to dodge the issue by running away and yelling, but eventually everyone admits that he’s actually got the right idea. Nets are the future and we just have to learn to accept it. This does lead to a plot hax moment where Fred turns the brown VHS cords into a clear net that looks nothing like his materials, but we can assume that he gave up and just grabbed a proper net. That still works when it comes to my head canon.

On a final note, this film definitely cements the fact that the Mystery gang depends on Fred. Without him, they were toast since the rest of the members couldn’t think of any good strategies to deal with the water monster. They were simply out of their depth by that point. The Fred plot would have been even more intense if they had gotten his old rival from the prequel show, but I’m going to assume that they’re saving him for a huge film that’ll come out and rock our world. The other Mystery Inc. members are good as per usual with the exception of Scooby Doo.

Overall, This was a solid Scooby Doo film. The Scooby subplot was disappointing, but you can’t go wrong with a Fred plot to headline the story so go check this one out! Technically, the film is consistent as always and throwing in the cool villain and original locale makes for a fun special. It’ll be over before you know it and the experience should be a good one. Just sit back and enjoy the adventure. I’m not sure when I’ll be checking out the next Scooby Doo special or film, but there are always more of them out there so stay tuned!

Overall 7/10

Scooby Doo Ghastly Goals Review

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It’s time for a soccer adventure this time! The group heads to Brazil to enjoy the soccer festivities, but they’re quickly sidetracked by the mystery ongoing. It seems like a good time of just watching the big Brazil vs USA game is out of the question. The Mystery Inc. needs to solve this case or they will have let down the Soccer community! I also have to give myself some props here because I immediately guessed that the gang was in Brazil. Most impressive eh?

The villain here is a Jackal type creature who is strong enough to break the Soccer Balls with his fist. That’s no small feat if you ask me and it shows that this guy is not to be taken lightly. Luckily, Scooby Doo and friends are up to the task for a change and they actually engage the villain in a good ole fashioned game of Soccer. After all, it’s personal this time. The Jackal was a good villain, he lacked the Oomph that the Water Dino and the Mecha Mutt had, but I’ll take him over a Scarecrow any day of the week.

Unfortunately, Scooby Doo committed one of his biggest blunders in franchise history. He caused the U.S.A. to lose in the big battle against Brazil. Not only was it completely against the rules for Scooby Doo to suddenly switch Nationalities and fight under the opponent team, but we all know that the U.S.A. should have won the match. They were pressing hard and had the momentum. Why would Scooby Doo do such a thing!? It was a tragic moment to be sure.

Let’s get onto the suspects. The facts as we know them are as follows. There is a super scientist who has invented a way to make rubber stronger. If you inject a Soccer Ball with this fluid, it’ll launch across an area with tremendous speed and it won’t stop going for quite a while. This leads to quite a few plot hax moments towards the end as the Mystery Inc gang pass the ball to each other and suddenly it is moving at normal speed. The film thought that I wouldn’t catch this, but they were wrong! So, this Soccer Ball is now the target of the Jackal and it’s too bad since the ball was owned by a pair of kids who just wanted to have some fun.

Two suspects are naturally the scientist and his assistant. They may be using this as good publicity for their collective genius. There’s also the tough security officer who won’t let them see the doctor without an appointment. This guy plays by the book and the Mystery gang don’t agree with those methods. We’ve also got the owner of the stadium who runs a tight ship, but that may be where the problem is. Maybe this is just an excuse for him to sue someone. Only one person can (typically) be the culprit…it’s only a matter of time before Scooby sniffs him/her out!

As always, the animation and soundtrack are solid. Every scene is vibrant and colorful. It’s no Transformers the animated movie, but this film doesn’t resort to becoming a Flash animated film and stays with the tried and true formula. I can’t remember any tunes so maybe calling the soundtrack “solid” is a little strong, but it works well enough I suppose. The food always looks delicious and that works for me.

See, it’s hard to animate a good slice of pizza at times. To date, the Arthur cartoon did the best job of animating it by showing off how much cheese there is supposed to be in a slice. We get some pizza here as well, on a stick. I think this is probably just a super exaggerated account of the food options over in Brazil, but I wouldn’t mind eating all of these things on a stick. The Pizza still looked great and I’d take the burgers as well. I’m pretty hungry right now so I would certainly take one of those options right about now.

The special is only around 20 minutes so it’s very fast. The plot never has a chance to drag on and it’s one of the perks of these TV specials as I mentioned earlier. Everything moves at a fast pace and this has had some success for films as well. Just look at Yugioh 3D Bonds Beyond Time. That’s still the best film of all time and it’s incredibly short. Quality defeated Quantity in this case. These specials can easily take on some of the Scooby Doo films. It’s definitely a franchise that continues to do a good job getting the characters in new/interesting situations.

I haven’t talked about the main characters in a while since they never really change. That’s an intentional thing since you don’t want to mess with a good thing, but it’s safe to say that Fred’s still the best character. He has his sad moments, but so do the rest of the gang. For the most part, he does a good job commanding everyone and thinking up the plans to ultimately save the day. Shaggy is classic since eating all of the time sounds like it would be a blast. I never cared for Velma all that much and I’m not a big fan of Scooby Doo either. Daphne’s good, but it’s always annoying when they make her act like a flirt instead of the hardened reporter that we’ve come to know from Zombie Island. I still wish we could get a hardcore rival character like the one from the Pup Named Scooby Doo show. That guy was classic!

Overall, This was a solid Scooby Doo film and probably the best one out of the 4 specials that I saw. The hard hitting Soccer action is always intense and it was good to see Scooby and the others have a more active role in going up against the villain. Typically they’re too scared to try any of this so they finally realized that when together, the Mystery Gang is a force to be reckoned with. I’d definitely recommend it if you want to see a quick, but fun adventure.

Overall 7/10

Scooby Doo Mecha Mutt Menace Review

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Time for the next Scooby Doo special! This one looked a little more interesting immediately because we’re getting a Giant Robot Dog! Are you hyped yet? It’s essentially the return of the Zoids and as that was a very underrated franchise, it’s good to see it make a comeback. I can safely say that this villain was a lot more intense so get ready for some fights.

Scooby and the gang were having a good ole time when they happened upon the convention. They were aiming to win this one with Fred’s new trap that throws you into a glued net after disarming you of all metals. Instead he catches a shifty lady who is the daughter of one of the world’s greatest scientists. She quickly becomes the first suspect since all new characters foot the bill and she seems to want to make an enemy out of Daphne. (Unintentional I’m sure…) The Giant Robot Dog that her father owns goes on a rampage though and disappears. Her father dashes away and the cops aren’t so sure of what’s about to happen next. We also learn that the father didn’t actually invent the dog and one scientist is resentful of that. Hmmmmm. There’s also a creepy scientist who likes the daughter and isn’t afraid to admit it, but nobody takes him seriously and he makes a big mess of things whenever he is around. The show makes him as exaggerated as possible so it’s hard to find him even remotely likable.

Let’s get the technical aspects out of the way from the get go. The animation is good as always. We actually get some laser blasts and punches thrown so that’s always great. Everyone looks sharp and the character models are accurate. The soundtrack is pretty standard, but it gets the job done. That’s what count I suppose. Scooby Doo is technically consistent and has been for a very long time at this point.

Naturally, the big draw for the film is the villain. The giant robo dog is great. He can fire lasers and has quite the large amount of raw power. With one slap, he was able to knock Scooby Doo’s large dog robot through a lot of canisters and dented a wall. It was probably the most action packed moment that we’ve seen in Scooby Doo in quite a while. A good villain can always up the stakes for a film…and the intensity quite a bit. That’s what the robot did here.

One plot that wasn’t quite as good though was the one between the daughter and Fred. Why do we need a fake/forced romance here when we all know how this is going to end. At least Melanie played the friend zone card right away, but Fred didn’t really get the memo and it can get a little sad. Haven’t we seen this very same plot many, many times over the years. It never gets interesting to be honest, but it’s not as terrible as the Velma romance that we got back in the day. Now That was very wince worthy and hurt the film. This plot doesn’t really hurt the film since it’s not all that bad, but it doesn’t exactly help it either.

Another thing that I found a little iffy was how Shaggy and Scooby enjoyed the space food so much. I’m not saying that it’s terrible, but the goop just doesn’t look visually appealing. Give me a nice pizza or a Cheeseburger any day! They better enjoy it though because for 3 months that’s all that they’re going to get. Let’s ignore the ramifications of how this looks for the space station since it doesn’t really matter. Isn’t this a super tragic ending for the two? Being alone in space for 3 months without any supplies is really sad. They’ll have the food rations of course, but with their appetite, I have to wonder if it will last. Also, if this was going to be an unmanned rocket…then maybe there is no food. In that case, I’m going to assume that chronologically this is the final Scooby Doo film and they didn’t live through the experience. Ah well…better luck next time I suppose! Meanwhile, it was good to see Fred’s genius showed for once. He actually invented something practical and useful so just think about that for a second. He’s an excellent/capable leader as well as a genius apparently. No wonder he’s the leader of the Mystery Gang, he’s certainly earned it as this point.

Overall, This was another solid Scooby Doo special. The mecha fights were definitely the best scenes to be found here. The ending is also actually a little tragic when you think about it and was quite unexpected. I definitely recommend checking out this one. It’s really short since it’s also about 1 episode’s length so the pacing is always very smooth. You’ll be missing out if you miss out on this one.

Overall 7/10

Scooby-Doo and the Spooky Scarecrow Review

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It’s time for the first of four Scooby Doo specials that I recently saw. It’s always interesting to see these because they are essentially really compressed Scooby Doo films. The formula is still in tact, but everything must happen at a very rapid pace, which actually turns out well since it captures the meat of the story without any of the fluff. It’s a little tougher to take a stab at who the culprit is though because sometimes you won’t see all of the suspects until it is almost too late. Even though the time varies a whole lot, I like to make my guess at the first commercial break and it turns out that I was right on the money for this one. It was a pretty proud moment in my rather impressive detective career.

So, the gang was having a good ole time as per usual when they find out that this town is having an issue with a Spooky Scarecrow. Legend states that this guy is no mere mortal and he actually survived being sliced by that fork-type weapon from the farms. As a result, Halloween is cancelled. The Mystery Gang is going to have to work quickly or else Halloween will never make a return and then they’ll have to go somewhere else for their candy.

There are a few suspects right off the bat. The Mayor is a little shady since he clearly needs more sleep to get rid of the dark rings under his eyes and the guy seems shady. There’s also the chief of police who is always ignored by the mayor so she may have an axe to grind about all of this. She is helping to block off the cornfield so the Mystery Gang can’t start sleuthing. That’s a little iffy eh? There’s also Billy Bob, or something like that. He’s always fairly cold to the heroes and only says “Yup” and “No” so maybe this guy has something to hide. Who do you think the culprit is?

As always, the animation is quite good for Scooby Doo. It’s not as if the company is hitting it out of the park or anything like that, but everything is smooth and appropriately detailed. It’s what I’d expect from Scooby Doo and it isn’t experimenting like some of the previous movies/specials. (Puppets…I don’t think so!) The soundtrack is also what you would expect at this point. It’s suitable for the scenes and that’s what I like to see.

The villain wasn’t quite as intense as some of the others, but the fact that he does have a pickax of sorts makes him a real threat. I would put him in my top 50 Scooby Doo villains….well, that’s not saying much. He was probably my least favorite from the 4 specials today, but at least he wasn’t a bad villain. Now that would have been sad! Meanwhile it was fun to see all of the corn snacks in the special. They’re definitely not very appetizing next to other tried and true classics like Pizza and burgers, but they will do.

On a final note for the analysis, it was good to see the Mystery Gang get some respect here. The police chief quickly realized that they were experts of sorts in the monster biz after they professionally handled the situation with a Net Launcher. That’s what I’ve come to expect from the gang and let’s face it…after about 30-50 years of catching ghosts from all around the world, their reputation should precede them at this point. Even in a small town like this one that doesn’t seem too heavy on computers, the legends of Scooby Doo and his friends should be quite well known.

Overall, This was a good Scooby Doo special. It played it close to the belt here as it is almost the definition of your average Scooby Doo adventure. It’s fun and goes by very quickly, but nothing really stood out. No worries, that will change for the other specials as they all typically have at least one gimmick that makes them fairly original. If you’re a Scooby Doo fan, then you’ll definitely enjoy this one. If you’ve never heard of Scooby Doo and have no idea what you’re about to get yourself into..you should still enjoy it as a fun little mystery. Although you won’t be able to appreciate just how good of a tradition this series is either.

Overall 7/10

Poltergeist II The Other Side Review

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They say that it’s darkest before the Dawn. That may be the case for Poltergeist as this film was pretty terrible, but the next one is supposed to be even worse. Int his case, it may just stay in darkness for a while. Poltergeist II was a bad idea from the start, but I feel like it didn’t even try. It had a humorous moment or two during the film, but that’s about all that I can say for it.

Steve and Diane are still trying to get over the death of their old house via the Poltergeist monsters. It’s been a while and they’ve mostly settled into the new place. After the mother dies, the Poltergeists decide to make a return. One of them impersonates the lady for a while, but Carol figures out that it’s a trap and warns the other characters that they’re back! One of the ghost busting professionals arrives to help out, but is he really a hero?

Where to start with this trainwreck right!? Well, let’s go into the positive part first. I do like how Steve reacts to some of the situations. For example, the Indian known as Taylor went to the family and said that the house was okay after the heroes had nearly been destroyed. Steve then answers that Taylor can stay there since it’s so safe as he dashes off in the car. They really have no reason to trust Taylor after all and the guy is pretty suspect at times. Steve tends to take things in stride and he’s always got a sarcastic comeback for when the going gets tough. That’s the kind of skills that I expect to see from someone like him. Unfortunately, that’s the only real positive in the film.

Let’s go back to Taylor. This guy’s a truly pointless character who is full of himself and doesn’t actually help the others. He helps one of the kids try to become a man by giving him scratches with a sharp twig or something of that sort. It was pretty bad and just shows how crazy he is as Taylor talks about how kids fight in wars and such to justify these decisions. Taylor always hides when the villains appear as he prefers to let Steve do all of the fighting. He hangs out in the background until the coast is clear. He also continually lies to the main character about his car being angry so that he can steal it at the end. I don’t see why this character was called int to help at all as he was one of the worst characters.

Next up on the cringe worthy checklist is the main villain. Kane is an old pastor who was delusional and thought that the world would end so he buried everyone in a cave and forced them all to die. They apparently lost their minds as nobody thought to try and attack him so they could get out. They outnumbered the guy like 20-1 and they just let themselves die from hunger and thirst? You’ve got to be kidding me. He got supernatural powers somehow and can turn into a giant monster. The monster form looked decently cool I suppose, but its first form was a grotesque looking skeleton that hatched from its worm form. It was pretty repulsive the whole time. Just to make sure that the viewers didn’t like the villain, the movie decided to make him depraved as well.

In one of those scenes that added nothing to the film except a death warrant on its overall score, Kane tries to force himself on Diane and the scene is just sooooo terrible. We don’t need more Sword Art Online scenes folks, this is really what doomed Poltergeist II to a 0 although it would have only been a 1 at best otherwise. The focus on the actual ghosts was basically forgotten in this film as Kane was the only true villain. When Taylor talks about Kane, he almost hinted that the guy was the devil incarnate at first, but later on he just turns out to be your average loony. No amount of character development could have made him a compelling villain though.

Did I mention that Steve is also very weak when it comes to strength of will? All Kane needs to mind control him in this film is to make eye contact and Steve was instantly unable to do anything about the whole situation. He nearly let Kane in at that point and it’s good that Carol was around. None of the characters seemed to know what they were doing when faced with supernatural threats. It’s also intriguing how the insurance companies acknowledge that the house is missing without actually coming through on the insurance. Really…?

Let’s elaborate a little more on how the characters are terrible. Steve knows that Kane could show up at any minute so instead of preparing his will for round 2…he decides to go and have a beer. He’s so drunk that he doesn’t see Kane (Now in the form of an insect) inside of the bottle and swallows him. Kane messes around in Steve’s body for a while before Steve finally spits him out, but why would he be drinking at all in such a situation? Carol constantly freezes with fear whenever the villains appear. You’d think that after the first film she would be a little more used to dealing with supernatural forces right? There’s not much to say about Diane, but she can be a little unreasonable when the heroes were running from the ghosts. Staying in the car was their best strategy after all.

Also, where would a bad horror film be without the obligatory bath scene right? As per usual, it’s pointless and shouldn’t be around. It’s not as drawn out and painfully unbearable as in the average film, but it’s still around which is not cool. It’s basically just adding insult to injury by this point. Basically, the key message is do not watch this film. It just had no idea where it was going from start to finish and was a mess.

Overall, Poltergeist II is quite bad. It doesn’t really know what its doing at this point. It’s not really trying to be a horror film as nothing even gets remotely horror esque aside from the monster form at the end. All of the characters make foolish decisions and Taylor was a very poorly written “hero”. We find out that some iffy truths about what may have happened with his tribe way back when, but it has nothing to do with anything. This film wouldn’t even exist if the characters made smart decisions. If you want to watch a good horror film….don’t watch this one!

Overall 0/10

Insidious Chapter 2 Review

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Looks like it’s time for the sequel! Sequels have a pretty bad rep at times and especially when it comes to Horror films. I’ll admit that I do have a little fun chuckling at the posters for them though. The films constantly want you to be scared, but it’s just not happening. If you’re scared of an old guy who runs around a lot….then I may as well say Game Over now because things will get tricky!

In the last film, it ended with Josh being possessed by the main villain and the main heroine is worried. She certainly has good reason to be since none of them are safe anymore. The film slowly starts to go the Shining route until we see the Spirit World where Josh decides to try and get his freedom back. It’s a bold move, but he’s got to try something since the ghosts really embarrassed him this whole time.

Let’s get right to the facts for why this film was so terrible. First off, the villain from the first film wasn’t that cool, but at least she was fairly threatening. She actually won in the end when you think about it as she got to possess the father. Here, the film decides to give her an origin and it’s as bad you can imagine. Turns out that the old widow is actually a guy who liked to destroy people in his spare time. This is why we don’t need character development for villains. It’s usually just around for pure shock value and ends up being pretty terrible. It destroyed any chance that the villain could have had of being good.

Moreover, the film actually copied the Shining’s famous scene where the crazy guy tries to break through the door. It wasn’t really a good scene the first time, nor was it here. The demon being stronger than the dad still doesn’t make any sense either as the film constantly tries to say that the living have more power than the dead. It’s like the writers forgot what they were saying midway through the film.

There’s a subplot where the ghostbusters decide to go to an old hospital where they see the victims and learn that Josh is being possessed. It’s a plot that goes on and on and on with no end in sight. Certainly a large part of the film that will leave you a little bored, although that’s not so different from the rest of the film. These characters fight against Josh at one point towards the end of the film, but they don’t look so good and are defeated right away. So much for that right?

As per usual, one of the kids is able to see things and has power in the spirit world. This was the case in the first film as well so it’s nothing new, but it feels like every horror film has to cram in a kid with super powers. I still can’t say that I’m a fan of the kids, but I’m not a fan of any member of the cast to be honest. Even the wise old lady isn’t that good. She talks tough, but was defeated with relative ease in the last film and get shocked a lot.

The stinger at the end of the film is nowhere near as good as the one in the first film. According to good ole Wikipedia, it does hint that the red faced demon from the first film may have made a comeback. That would make the cliffhanger a lot better, but without actually seeing the monster, it comes across as shallow. There are a ton of jump scares here, but as I always say, once you’ve seen Five Nights at Freddy’s, you become immune to those. Nothing can stop the dramatic teddy bear jumping towards you after all!

The film is also bogged down by a plethora of flashbacks. Granted, they are used to tie into the rest of the film as time travel is involved which is neat. It’s the only part of the film that I’ll give any credit as it was pretty unique and unexpected. That being said, it just can’t make up for everything else, even if the timeline for everything was finally merged by the end. Josh also looked quite bad at the end. During his rage moment with everything on the line, he was still crushed rather quickly by one of the ghosts. So much for surpassing the odds and beating the villain in the end right?

Take away the terrible plot twist about the villain and the classic Josh being possessed subplot…and you could have a real winner at your side. That being said, the film didn’t do that and it was just tough to watch as you may expect from a horror film. It’s certainly not nearly as violent as you may expect from this film so that’s an okay start I suppose. If you want to be scared though, it’s not going to happen here.

Overall, Insidious 2 is another stinker I’m afraid. If you’ve seen one horror film, then you’ve seen them all. This starts to become more and more evident as these reviews go on. It’s not quite as bad as some others and I have one horror film coming up which is worse, but films like this one definitely give sequels a bad name. Let’s just hope that the third film is better. If Insidious sticks to the Spirit World aspect and gives us some more fight scenes, then I can work with that. We just don’t want more of the filler/lol worthy origin stories that wreck established characters. Deciding to erase Josh’s memory of his gift was another bad decision by the old lady who was supposed to be an expert in this kind of thing. So much for that eh? If you’re looking for a real horror film, go watch Scooby Doo, any of the animated films will do. Now that has the perfect blend of horror and laughs! (Intentional laughs as opposed to the unintentional ones)

Overall 1/10

The Fog (2005) Review

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Our trip through horror land continues with The Fog! As you recall, I saw the original The Fog quite a while ago. I can’t say that it was a very pleasant experience and this one isn’t either. I dare say that it’s worse than the original and suffers from some problems that the first did not. That’s never a good thing, but it is to be expected. While it’s not the biggest trainwreck out there, The Fog doesn’t do modern horror films any favors.

An island is about to celebrate the anniversary of when it was founded by their heroes. The thing is, their “heroes” are actually traitors who backstabbed the poor people who used to be on the island and then threw them all overboard while also burning them alive. These ghosts didn’t like that….they didn’t like that at all! To have their vengeance, they’re going to destroy every last person on the island. It’s going to be a busy weekend for them…so time to get started!

Unlike the original film, the radiohost isn’t really the main character. She’s around, but instead the main guy is a man from the village. He’s driving around when a girl shows up in the forest and they decide to become more than friends on the spot. Once they’re done, she tries to head home, but isn’t welcome there so she goes home with the main character. We’re attacked with more fanservice scenes and forced romances that are as shallow as you can get in a film before the ghosts start to attack with more force. The body count begins to rise and we learn that the drunk pastor actually knew about the whole situation from the start. He just doesn’t care enough to actually try and save everybody.

As you might expect, there are no likable characters here. The ghosts have a few decent points and while it doesn’t excuse murder, the heroes aren’t making a very good case for themselves. They’re just standing around and allowing themselves to get wrecked. Spooner, a random guy who gets into the this situation, is framed for destroying two girls and his friend so he quickly escapes the hospital to find the main character. How he got past the guards we’ll never know.

All of the main characters meet up inside of the burning house like in the first film, but then they realize that it wasn’t their best move. The climax takes a strange turn that’s pretty terrible though as we learn that Elizabeth, the main female lead, was actually the wife of one of the pirates. So, we get another forced romance with the ghost and as they vanish, we try to recall what the point of the film was. I would have preferred a classic stinger like in the original film. That was surprisingly absent in this version.

It almost goes without saying that the film can be pretty violent. It’s not quite as excessive as other horror films, but when you just look at it in a vaccum, it’s still up there in terms of violence levels. The gimmick of the pirates is that they always aim for the eyes, which can be pretty gruesome. Meanwhile, I also didn’t care for the fact that the old aunt had to bite the big one again. I feel like old people should be considered out of bounds for the villains in these slasher/horror films. It’s not nearly as bad as getting a dog, but still pretty bad.

Nick is also a very underwhelming main character. Forced romances and desperation aside, he’s not very smart. He had actual evidence that Spooner did not commit the murders, but decided to hide it instead of giving it to the cops. Naturally, the ghosts used this chance to track Elizabeth down and take it from her. Nick basically cost Spooner his freedom at the time and he never looked back.

I wouldn’t even say that the ghosts look all that menacing. Old pirates with fishhooks? We can do better than that. At least they are pretty fast thanks to their mist and they did succeed in taking out the weather man. Even the kid barely managed to escape from the power of these ghosts. The fog is just too thick and too intense.

Keep in mind that as a remake, this “The Fog” also feels like an abridged version of the original. Many plot lines were basically cut out to make way for some more action scenes or just generic tension moments. The ghosts have the same motive as in the original, but instead of a life for a life, they just want to murder everyone. Having a reincarnated ghost living a fake life before realizing her true purpose also came at the expense of the majority of the story. I’m also not sure why the film felt the need to wreck the Pastor. He was a great character in the original and one of the only sensible ones around, but in this film he’s just a drunk who couldn’t care less if they all went and died against these pirates. Talk about dramatic right? The heroes can never get a straight answer out of him.

Almost forgot one last thing, the old man by the beach! He found some artifacts and warned Elizabeth that if she touched it…things would change. She ignored him and snatched it, rather quickly, from his hands. After laughing it off with Nick, she went home, but things started to change. It’s fun to think about whether the old man was off his rocker or if touching the object started a chain reaction. You know…when I actually think about this film. I’m inclined to say that the old guy was just crazy and another red herring for the fans, but adding a little misdirection is always a good thing I’d say.

Overall, The Fog isn’t a very good film and is in fact..a bad film. It’s not as good as the original and suffers from the main issues that you tend to expect from a remake. There’s more fanservice and the characters are less developed. The film moves at a very high speed, but this isn’t a totally good thing when you think about it and speed can’t save the rest of the film. There’s no real reason to watch The Fog, but if you want a generic horror film where everyone is bumped off one at a time. Maybe this will be up your alley, just remember that it’s not exactly a scripting masterpiece so prepare to wince. If Aunt Connie had lived and taken out her shotgun, things could have been a little different….I doubt it would have helped all that much though. If the film really wanted to be good, then taking away the fanservice scenes and forced romance plots would have done it wonders and maybe bumped it up a full 2 stars.

Overall 1/10

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV-14 version. All thoughts pertain to such and an uncut review would likely be harsher
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Do any of you guys remember what you did 2 summers ago? I was relaxing at Florida enjoying a nice breakfast before having pizza for dinner. Well, the main character of this film had a more distressing experience as she tried to cover up a murder, but it didn’t go over so well. All of her friends were destroyed except for one so she has tried to forget this experience. That takes us to the sequel. How is she alive? After all, Julie was murdered in the first film. Well…turns out that was a dream. She effectively gets a second chance to try and win.

Julie has settled in nicely away from her old home. She is now going out with the friend from the first film (Who is nothing like his old personality, but a slight character reboot is nothing out of the ordinary for this film) and has a new best friend as well. One day, her friend suddenly wins a contest to go to the Caribbean and decides to take Julie, her boyfriend, and a guy who wants to be Julie’s friend. The four of them head out to this isolated island even though Julie knows that Ben Willis has returned. Surely he can’t follow them across the ocean right? She was wrong!

This film plays out like your average slasher. Every character starts to get picked off one by one. The main villain may essentially just be your average guy with a fishhook, but he’s fast and isn’t afraid of picking fights. He takes out one guy who was in a car and nearly takes out good ole Ray. (The friend from the older film) Every night he takes someone else out and the body count is quite high here. It’s to be expected as this film is an actual slasher. I use the term loosely so it’s nice to see a film where I can actually call it that without stretching the term. Naturally, this also means that the film is quite terrible.

It’s not quite as bad as the Shining…or even the Conjuring. This is the kind of film that can still be a little funny, but mainly because you will be chuckling at what a trainwreck it is. Seriously, nothing goes right for this film. Are you familiar with the term, “an accident waiting to happen”? Let’s just say that you could sum up the movie quickly with that line. It’s the definition of unlikable characters throughout the film. Let’s take a look at the negatives.

First, we’ll look at the filler ones. The guy in charge of the hotel is racist. This is relevant to the film because….? It adds that racial tension angle to the film I suppose, but it’s just there for extra edge. One of the few guys left in the hotel is a drug dealer who’s always talking about his drugs and trying to sell them. Naturally, everyone ignores him, but he’s another character who has no point in being here. As you may expect, both of these characters are quickly destroyed.

Next up, we’ve got the “hardcore” bartender. She murdered her husband so we naturally have to label her as a suspect…except for the fact that we already know the villain is Ben Willis. She talks a good game and helps out ever so slightly I suppose….but she’s just not a good character. She does whack one of the main characters on the head with a baseball bat, but then forgets how to fight when the villain comes after her. If a dead, overweight guy falls on you in a life or death situation, do you think you could roll him off of you? You have about 30 seconds to do this, which may not sound like a lot, but count to 30 and come back to me. It’s plenty of time to do this, but she is unable to…..okay then.

There’s a deck hand who quickly starts flirting (Or at least it came off that way to me) to show that he is expendable and a rope ties around his leg. It’s one of those nifty supernatural elements that the film loves before the fishhook guy appears to finish him off. Karla is Julie’s best friend and the only one who actually gets character development. She doesn’t seem as expendable, but just remember that this is a slasher film. Karla would be a good character if she didn’t have a habit of moving around in the dead of night to scare her friend. She tries to be a nice person though so she’s better than 99% of the cast.

Tyrell is her boyfriend and he brings us back to facepalm territory. He basically just thinks about making out for the entire film and it represents 90% of his lines. He even jokes about how nobody could hear Karla in this isolated island so he can do what he wants. It’s certainly in bad taste and shows what a terrible character he is. He talks very tough of course, but goes down incredibly fast. We’ve also got Ray, the old guy from the first film. His idea of a nice trick is to tell his girlfriend that he probably can’t go on the big trip with her. Gee, it’s not like she needs prior notice so that the ticket isn’t wasted right? He comes up big to help in the end, but still manages to underestimate his opponents and he froze up when he grabbed the gun. This is the time for action, not inaction!

There’s also Will, who’s another terrible character. He pretends to just want to be friends with Julie, but it’s obvious that this isn’t the case right from the start so he comes across as a big phony. He starts to crack by the end and it’s safe to say that he’s one of the worst characters in the film. There’s also Estes, who’s another red herring to keep everyone busy. He seems to believe in some very satanic stuff and steals possessions from the main characters. Turns out he was trying to fight fire with fire, but fails epicly and doesn’t really stand a chance. He did try to take a win via a cheap shot and I don’t know how he could have possibly lost at that point. He must have choked under pressure.

Finally, we can’t forget about Julie and Ben. Julie is super saddened by the experiences of the first film, but this doesn’t stop her from trying to get a tan in an enclosed device where she will be vulnerable. She makes terrible decisions throughout the film just like you would expect from a horror film. Julie constantly yells about how she will destroy Ben, but typically just runs away when he actually shows up. I do like how the villains tell the heroes “You wouldn’t have the nerve to destroy us!” Do they realize that they are talking to the edgy teenagers who would shoot them without a second thought? I somehow don’t think so.

There’s a twist near the end, which helps out the film’s credibility quite a bit in terms of realism. It’s still a film riddles with plot hax and nobody would ever buy this happening in real life, but as far as slasher films go, the twist did help things. This film also has a twist ending as the end. Given what happened last time, you can call this a dream, but I like to think that this really happened. If so, I’m afraid that the main characters could be doomed once again.

I personally found the film’s pacing to be quite quick here, more so than in the first film. The film goes by quickly, which is more than I can say for the average horror film. It wasn’t really a chore to watch even if it is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s actually a terrible film, it’s just funny because it’s so bad. Aside from all of the terrible characters, the film also suffers from other issues like excessive violence and fanservice. We have the unnecessary shower scenes which are just not cool and everyone gets stabbed in various ways to remind us of why this film is edgy. The characters are making out a lot and there are many suggestive comments woven throughout the script. Language is another issue.

If you can think of a negative for a film, this one’s likely got it. It fits the Slasher formula to a T. It has every stereotype that you could possibly want to avoid and then some. The villain is just a supernatural human, but the characters are always so afraid that they run away. Ben walks up slowly each time and still manages to take them out. Even 6 bullets aren’t enough to stop this guy. It definitely makes you wonder. I’d say that the first film was probably better than this one, but this film may have felt like more of a parody. I’d also say that this film may have been less violent, but mileage will vary on that as they are pretty similar.

Overall, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is another slasher film that doesn’t know when it’s time to call it a day. The soundtrack also isn’t very good to put it mildly. This is the kind of film that you can watch as a group and find many things to make fun of. You could certainly think of some (soda) drinking games on the spot to make the experience better. The whole film’s plot falls apart when you realize that a hotel with 5 employees during their “off season” likely wouldn’t allow any guests to stay on the premise. That being said, while it can be a little funny to watch a film because it’s a trainwreck, why do that when you can watch a film that’s actually good? Think on that and then remember that Ben Willis isn’t so tough….

Overall 1/10