Tag Archives: Thriller

Jurassic World Rebirth Review

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The Jurassic World films keep on coming. At the end of the day, the public is always ready for some dinosaurs I suppose. That said, the films rarely end up being all that good. Having a lot of dinosaurs running around is generally going to result in a lot of animal violence and that’s just hard to escape from. Rebirth certainly isn’t the worst at it but it is also going for a more serious survival tone than the previous popcorn fun titles in the World genre.

This movie begins by explaining that the dinosaurs broke containment once again and now rule over several islands. Humanity has gotten used to this so you generally just avoid those areas and the government keeps them blocked off. When dinosaurs appear in the world at large, they aren’t really acclimated to the environment and don’t last very long. Well one company needs samples from a rare dinosaur in order to make the next jump in heart related medicine. This is super illegal so the company reaches out to Zora, who will do just about anything for a good check. She agrees after hustling the company for a ton of extra money and brings along a few hand picked professionals for this kind of mission Can they complete the objective and escape with their lives intact?

Right away you can tell that this is going to be a film without very many heroes. I suppose the main scientist would be the only one to count. Zora is basically a bounty hunter, she completes her missions and serves her own interests. It was a bit of a low blow how she kept scamming Martin by making him pay more and more when he was already paying top dollar for this. Zora isn’t really meant to be likable though, she is a necessary evil that Martin has to use.

That said, the character type can usually still be fun. There just wasn’t anything charismatic about Zora. She just goes through the motions and ends up being a bit of a flat character. In general that’s my problem with the case. They all tend to feel throwaway and it’s what ends up hurting the film as a whole too since it ends up not being very interesting for large portions of time. I blame the setting to a degree as I much prefer a big city to the forestland like this. There just isn’t much interesting to look at visually.

Additionally, since the film is going for a more realistic vibe, it’s fairly rough goings. The whole area is rugged and certainly not sleek or shiny. The dinosaurs are also in a tough position because on one hand the film is trying to present them as fierce creatures that are always a big threat and are dangerous. On the other hand they are also basically like wildlife which are very fragile and can be destroyed by the pesky humans. It’s an impossible balance and for the most part I’d say they look weak.

One guy even has an anti dinosaur gun and manages to take out quite a large number of them. At no point do you think the main characters are really outmatched by the dinosaurs. In a way that’s probably why you needed the corporate villain. Martin is easily the best character here. He’s able to think on his feet and always has a plan at the ready. He even pulls out the gun near the end which was a smart idea considering how outnumbered he was. The guy believes that progress requires sacrifice, just not his own.

As a villain, Martin just really stands out and in a very good way. The film needed a main character who could really hold their own against him verbally. The main group also run into a family who were on the waters when they are attacked by a dinosaur. I know it’s meant to be a rare event so you don’t blame the family too much but in a world of dinosaurs…you may want to rethink certain activities. The most annoying character in this group is definitely the boyfriend. He locks in towards the climax but at first he is slacking off even when it is his shift and just doesn’t take things seriously. You know he’ll win over the father by the end but you’re rooting against him.

So we have certain scenes like that which inject a little humor into the film but on the whole it was definitely lacking in that area. In a way the film may have benefited from taking itself less seriously. At the same time it wouldn’t solve the main issue which is that dinosaurs still do get shot and blasted. There is a body count here and you have to blame the humans the whole time since they are the ones going into dinosaur territory and then claiming self defense while going for their goal.

While Henry is the voice of reason here as the timid scientist, he ultimately did still agree to go on this mission. The guy acts a bit shocked when corporate quickly begins to escalate their actions but he probably should have taken that into account. He’s a character who would have been a lot better if he was more confident. Confidence is ultimately still one of the best traits in a character. That’s why Duncan is a lot more likable even though he’s also a scammer like Zora. At least he is ready for the dinosaurs and letting himself be the bait when needed.

It’s already hard to root for humans when giant monsters are involved and this just makes it even tougher. I suppose that’s why the reason had to be really good like the heart medicine but even with that they are still the invaders here. There aren’t any big human against human fights in this one so the dinosaur action is mainly what you’re going to get. Ultimately for me this one was more of a miss but perhaps not much more than other titles in the franchise. As odd as it may sound, they should make a film like this that focuses on the government discussing the impacts that dinosaurs will have on society. I feel like that’s a film that I could get behind a lot more than a survival title in the forest like this.

Overall, Jurassic World Rebirth is a different take on the franchise at least compared to the recent ones. I tend to prefer the blockbuster approach as this one can almost get a bit dull as it goes on. If you really like dinosaurs then you should check it out, but otherwise I’d say you can skip this one with no regrets. It’s not going to become the next breakout hit for you and it may be time for the franchise to finally move onto robotic dinosaurs.

Overall 4/10

No Country for Old Men Review

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This is a review of the TV-14 edited version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

This is one of those films that tried getting a little too clever with itself. The whole film builds up to some pretty big confrontations and ultimately we don’t get to end any of them. It’s a bit of a downer and while this anti climax was clearly intentional, I’d say that it doesn’t make the end result any better. The film really should have gone with a traditional climax and it would have ended up being much better off for it.

The movie starts off by introducing us to the psycho hitman, Anton. This guy was captured by the cops early on but unfortunately the officer let his guard down so Anton escapes and continues his murder spree. He is then tasked with hunting down a man named Moss who escaped with a bunch of money after running into a total murder scene. Moss realizes immediately that this much money means a lot of trouble so he needs to stay on the run until he can defeat Anton. The problem is that Moss is married so that means his wife is automatically a target now. Meanwhile Sheriff Ed has now been assigned to this case and needs to arrest both parties. Finally, the bounty hunter Carson has been hired to take the money. With 4 parties involved, there should be a lot of chaos.

Well, there should have been at least….this is where things get a bit messy if you ask me. This should have absolutely been a good setup for a ton of awesome fights and while we do get a solid battle between Anton and Moss, the others never get any real fights. Carson is built up a whole lot as a top tier fighter. He has a lot of experience and isn’t scared of Anton despite his reputation. That implies a lot of things, the most important of which is that he can hold his own. Unfortunately instead he is dumpstered unceremoniously while making every mistake he warned against.

It’s an incredibly embarrassing scene and he should have went out with more dignity. It’s a bit of a western staple for the victim to just stand around while he is shot to death but you’d like to see someone try to land a counter shot at least once. This time wasn’t that time though. Then we have the sheriff Ed who is late to every confrontation. He misses every fight and basically just has to comment on the situation every time. He has some weird dreams but ultimately doesn’t advance the plot much at all. I would argue that there isn’t much of a point to him being here. He should have had some kind of action scene.

Then for Moss, well I’d say he generally did the best that he could throughout the movie. The only time he fumbles is at the very end by staying at a motel and getting distracted when he needed to stay on mission. He had lasted a long while up to that point but that’s what makes it all the more tragic. I was glad that he was finally someone who could stand up to Anton though. Everyone else was getting absolutely crushed but he would stand his ground. Again, the ending to Moss’ character was just underwhelming though and undercuts the movie quite a bit.

As for Anton, well he’s definitely as crazy as you would expect. We get a long scene where he stares down a gas station owner and continually threatens him for a while before leaving. It was good that the owner didn’t have to die there since it would have been tragic. The whole scene is there to show you how messed up Anton is. Hopefully we get to see one of the heroes take him out right? Yeah….but even with that I think he’s a decent villain. Only problem is he has a ton of plot armor because he’s still just a dude with a gun. He shouldn’t have broken out of custody so easily in the first scene and the cops just look too ineffective the whole film.

The film takes place just old enough where there wasn’t as much tech so I don’t envy the cops’ position though. It absolutely couldn’t have been easy to live in those times. This movie does a good job of showing how scary the wild west environment can be when it spills into the cities. It can be really violent and you don’t always have much in the way of backup or other people who can help you in general.

I enjoyed the main gunfight between Anton and Moss which is why I wish we could have gotten more of that. The back and forth is intense with how high the stakes are. They each have to use the environment to help as an assist like with the nearby car. Any pedestrians along the way are definitely in for a tough time though. There is quite a lot of collateral damage going on here.

While the film is pretty violent, for the most part it isn’t being too excessive about the whole thing. The deaths tend to be pretty quick and to the point. The bounty hunter’s is more of an exception but it still isn’t overly violent, it’s just longer as Anton wants to really rub his victory in.

Overall, No Country for Old Men is a film that takes a lot of time to really build up the atmosphere. It tries to really develop the situation and set up all of the big players. So things are looking up but then it pulls the ole fake out and ruins all the setup. There isn’t really much reason to watch the film as a result. With no proper ending, it means that all the build up ends up just feeling mean spirited as we see how dark the world is without a hero at the end to save the day. It removes any possible replay value here and the film just becomes really empty. You can do better within the western genre.

Overall 4/10

The Great Escape

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It’s time for a pretty intense World War II film where a bunch of captives have to find a way to escape their prison. Naturally this won’t be easy but fortunately they all have a track record of success. It’s a pretty good movie that covers a lot of ground so the long length never gets in the way. You do have to suspend a little disbelief for how much freedom the characters are given but for the most part it’s rather grounded.

The Allied Forces have been doing a whole lot of damage to the Nazi’s during WW II and aside from the offensive battles, even the captives have been causing trouble by constantly escaping and forcing soldiers to be sent after them. Well, now the enemy has built a super prison meant to hold all of the escape artists in one place. In theory, this is the end of their escape attempts and now the Allies will be on the back foot. What if they were all to escape though? That is the plan for the heroes, it’s time to have all 250 escape their imprisonment.

This is a full ensemble film so there are quite a lot of soldiers here. The main one I’d argue is Virgil. He sets the stage right away by walking in with a leather jacket and a full baseball set. How did security let him keep it? Well they wouldn’t dare take it from this guy! He walks around like he’s in charge at all times and has the toughest spirit to crack. He has made countless escape attempts and while he is always captured eventually, it does waste the enemy’s time which is the whole point. Throughout the film he keeps making his own attempts while the others work on an ambitious tunnel.

Although Virgil is a solo act, he does help the others when the chips are down. He’s a very likable main character and I would say a big reason for that is how confident he is. That’s the kind of character you want to be leading the escape attempts. It’s also important to put your best foot forward because this is a war and people are going to die. Virgil is a character who can accept that as he moves forward.

Unfortunately not all of the soldiers are able to keep this up as one of them does give up midway to end it all. Definitely a very somber moment midway and one of those sobering scenes where the characters are reminded of the stakes here. They may be treated decently in the camp, but their allies are being murdered while they are in here and so that’s why they must continue to fight. They don’t always agree on the route to go but when the enemies close in, they are sure to back each other up.

That’s a really important part of being in this war after all. There is no time for disagreements when it is time to act and it’s something I always appreciate about these films. The film gets to let us see all the characters bonding and so it makes the ending even more impactful as characters start going down. Personally I would have enjoyed a happier ending but I guess that’s just how these things gotta go sometimes.

At least none of the characters should have any regrets. They did accomplish their mission of taking up a lot of time and resources at least. One character worked especially hard in digging the tunnel even though he was strongly claustrophobic. He pushed on for his country even though it pretty much broke him by the end. On a lighter note, I did enjoy the marathon of escape attempts early on in the film. They were weaker ones like hiding in the trees and such but they were still fun. The film knew how to turn on the humor when needed.

As mentioned, there are times where you have to suspend your disbelief though. The guards seem to just completely vanish at times and even with timing the drilling carefully to the sound of digging or singing, it’s hard to picture that going unnoticed. There are a ton of prisoners running around after all so you’d expect the guards to be doing extra checks and just running in on them from time to time. This whole jail is around because these guys are big time escape artists so you figure that would make the enemy soldiers be on extra high alert right? At least I would have guessed that.

You also have guards letting themselves be stolen from and blackmailed. At times this goes into the more comedic elements of the film but on the whole the film is serious so I’d still treat those scenes seriously right? This is fairly common for any heist/escape type film though. On the whole I would still say it was written well as the characters immediately start to scope the place out when they arrive. They clearly put in a lot of work and so it is still more believable than the average escape film. Also the film takes place over a very long time frame so it’s not like they built a tunnel in a day or two.

Overall, The Great Escape is a pretty solid film and I’d recommend checking it out. Ensemble films like this can be really fun when the film is long enough to really show them all off. Each character got a lot to do and the cast was so big that you might even forget that a few of them are around every now and again. You can assume there were some decent liberties taken here as things don’t always line up with how smooth the attempts are going, but you just have to roll with that to an extent. The writing was on point.

Red One Review

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It’s time for one of those Christmas titles that just gets you hyped right out of the gate. The stakes have never been higher with Christmas itself being on the line here. If you’re looking for a modern action blockbuster with tons of humor running around, then you have come to the right place. This is a very light hearted film with quick pacing so right away you will be able to tell if you are going to be a big fan of it or not. This film isn’t trying to hide what it’s all about. What you see is what you get.

The movie starts by introducing us to Callum who is the right hand man of Santa. He leads the guard detail at every event and makes sure that nobody gets to Santa. He has been doing this successfully for hundreds of years without any hiccups. Well, one day Santa is kidnapped and he will have to rely on the help of Jack, the world’s best underground hacker. This guy knows how to stay off the grid in most cases but gets picked up by the heroes and is essentially blackmailed into helping. It was Jack’s info that allowed the villains to breach the North Pole and so he has to make amends. He has no real training in the field though so he and Callum will have to put their differences aside in order to claim victory here.

Right off the gate you have the dynamic that this film will be going with. It’s the classic Buddy cop duo where both characters will be taking shots and digs at each other continuously while gradually learning how to respect each other. It may not exactly be a new dynamic but I have to say that it still works. Both characters are a lot of fun and it’s nice to see what they can do against the big villains.

Gryla is one of the big villains here and she is able to possess people as well as hear any conversation involving her name from anywhere across the planet. These may not be the most powerful abilities to have in an offensive way but at the same time she is widely feared. You can kind of understand why she wants to take all of the naughty people down because it becomes apparent that society has fallen under tough times. That said, she wants to also get anybody who has ever been naughty which is where she goes into full on psycho mode.

Her whole plan also revolved around the North Pole being ridiculously easy to infiltrate. If Callum had been there, then she likely would have failed right at the onset so I can’t say that she planned things out well at all. Once the characters get to where she is, things go south pretty quickly for her. There are some things she couldn’t have counted on like a certain other character getting involved but either way she needed a way to execute her plan quicker.

One subplot that didn’t add much to the equation was Jack’s family drama. We already know that he was a jerk, the deadbeat father part is meant to lead up to his big character revival but I could have done without that. Maybe save that for a sequel but in this one just lean into him being a jerk the whole time. Give him an ambiguous scene near the end where he does something good but doesn’t admit it and that’s how the viewer sees that he has changed. Adding in his kid for the bonding moments was a lot more in your face.

Callum of course has his crisis where he just has a hard time seeing the good in everyone anymore. As the film goes on, he is able to get back into a more positive mindset. A basic but more effective character arc if you ask me. He had only been faltering recently so it was easy to do a 180 compared to Jack who has been a mega jerk for ages. Jack even stole candy from a baby which was really crazy. Even at his lowest, Callum would have never done that.

The movie has a pretty good amount of world building so they could definitely build a franchise off of this. While Christmas is the main attraction here, the organization deals with any supernatural menaces so you could spread that into a lot of spinoffs. Even if this film never gets any sequels or spinoffs, it still helps to make the world feel pretty good for this one. The film doesn’t try to chomp all of the lore down for you so you can fill in some of the blanks.

Meanwhile the action is pretty solid. The hand to hand is on point and I always enjoy see Callum just threaten everyone to their faces. Now that takes a lot of guts and outside of one slap fight, he always has the upper hand at the ready. The soundtrack is also pretty good with some classic Christmas songs in there. The movie definitely feels nice and festive as a result. Like I mentioned before, the pacing is also pretty fast so the whole thing goes by really quickly. There’s a ton of replay value here and as long as you enjoy a good amount of humor during the adventure, you’ll be having a good time.

Callum definitely needs some better assistants though. Throughout the film it feels as though he doesn’t have anyone he can really rely on. Sure, Jack becomes that guy but for the most part, the other characters don’t even keep up the appearances of trying to help. Whether it’s letting villains get away or being taken out off screen, it’s just not a good look for them. If Callum did decide to retire, well I bet Santa would be captured real quick.

Overall, Red One is a pretty good film. It’s what I would call a very basic action blockbuster. There are a lot of laughs and fun action scenes. it never takes any real risks so you can bet that all of the jokes and fights are as safe as possible. That’s not a problem though because the execution is still on point the whole time and that’s what counts. You’ll be grinning along with the characters as things get real and they absolutely handle the situation. I could easily watch a sequel with the same cast because the dynamics work well. If you haven’t seen it yet, then you should definitely change that.

Overall 7/10

Retribution Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for what I would consider to be a very simple thriller film. There aren’t a lot of twists and turns in this one outside of the ending. It’s all about a simple threat that is tough to shake and how the main character has to deal with it. The whole film essentially takes place inside a car so the film has to try and write around this. I’d say it does a pretty good job all things considered.

The film starts off by introducing us to Matt who leads a rather stressful life. He encourages clients to use his company for stock trading and then has to convince them to hang on even when they start to go into the red. It’s not an easy job by any means since nobody can completely predict the stock market. Additionally, this does affect people’s lives. You can lose millions of dollars in an instant if you are not careful….or even if you are careful. Well, one day he is driving his two kids over to school when someone calls and explains that he has put bombs under each of the seats. None of them can leave now and they must continue driving until this mysterious villain is satisfied. What demands will he make?

It’s a tough situation to get out of since it seems like death will be inevitable. Somehow the villain is able to watch them inside of the car and it could literally be anybody. There is no easy way to call his bluff on this without risking the two kids in the car. If Matt was by himself then perhaps he actually would try something like that but it’s just too reckless in this situation. So yeah the villain had a pretty good strategy at play here.

Now to address the elephant in the room, the kids are both pretty annoying. It takes them an incredibly long time to lock in here. While Matt wasn’t telling them what was going on for a while, I feel like they could have picked up on the context clues. It’s clear that something was going on after all so they should have been on their best behavior. By the end they were doing their best to defend Matt but it was a little late in the day for that. Meanwhile Matt can’t expect too much help from his wife in this one as we have some marital issues going on here.

That subplot didn’t really seem to be necessary. I feel like the deck was stacked against Matt enough in this film so it’s not like this was going to really change things. Still, I was glad she was still ready to help the kids and wasn’t letting them get hit in the crossfire. In a way, Matt having to watch the kids actually changed the villain’s plans somewhat.

One of the best scenes in the film is when the villain finally makes his appearance and delivers a grand speech. I have a big weakness for smug speeches like that where the villain just goes into detail on how completely he has won. There’s something really satisfying about it. The villain played his role well, even stressing Matt out with what I would consider to be some empty bluffs.

The villain was aided by the FBI here as their main fighter wasn’t the smartest. She seems to be absolutely determined to prove that Matt was the mastermind here even when it started to become apparent that this wasn’t the case. She was far too stubborn and that is not really becoming for someone in her position. It feels like there should have been many ways to verify Matt’s story or at least find some evidence. She just wasn’t giving him a single inch even when there were a lot of lives at stake. As a result, Matt really had to act on his own the whole time.

So how does the film stay interesting when it’s just Matt driving around the whole time? Well, that’s where the writing/mystery comes in handy. You’re wondering how Matt will be able to find anything out the whole time. He is starting this round out at such a massive disadvantage after all, it’s not easy to bridge that kind of distance. If there was no mystery then this may have faltered but the car angle just worked really well.

It would have been nice to have gotten a proper fight scene at the end of the film though. It wasn’t really that kind of film but it would have been the real cherry on top for the entertainment value. The final action scene still worked well though. Also the film has a fairly light tone even when serious stuff is going on. That works well for letting you just have fun with this. The first victim for example is so crazy that the scene isn’t as dark as it normally would be.

She is clearly told that there is a bomb in the car and it will blow up if she tries to get out. Despite this, she is trying for several minutes to busy the door down and run while her boyfriend tries to hold her back. Ultimately he isn’t able to do this and they blow up. Then you have another guy begging with Matt to let him live while ignoring the fact that Matt is on a phone and clearly taking orders. I mean, Matt could have absolutely been a lot more clear about the situation. Maybe he thought it would be too risky but he did let everyone think he was the villain when he didn’t really need to. This made his journey really tough in the end. So there’s technically a lot of sadness within the film but the tone rarely gets around to reflecting that.

Overall, This is a pretty fun film. It’s certainly nothing grand, the plot is straight forward and uncomplicated. That said, the pacing is good and the writing works well enough. I didn’t think the movie had any glaring weaknesses and it has a good amount of replay value. I’d definitely recommend checking it out whenever you have a chance. I think you will end up liking it more than you would have expected.

Overall 7/10

It! Review

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It’s not time for that clown horror film, instead it’s time to look at a lesser known one involving a golem. It was a little better than I was expecting to be honest. The characters aren’t the best but I would say that in a way the film had a subtle sense of humor about it. It may have been unintentional but it still worked and the film ends up being one that you won’t be forgetting about anytime soon.

The movie introduces us to a disturbed man named Arthur. There’s always been something really off about him and the film doesn’t need to go into detail on this to assure you that he is someone to stay away from. He looks forward to getting a big promotion as the curator eventually but the process is taking a while. One day there is a huge fire where everything in a nearby storage area burns down except for a single golem. Arthur’s boss asks him for something to read it better with but Arthur is slow to move and the golem ends up crushing the guy.

Now Arthur can get his promotion right? Well, instead the board goes with someone else which is definitely upsetting. Arthur decides to actively use the golem as a weapon of destruction in order to clear out the competitors as well as impress his crush Ellen. Ellen seems to feel bad for Arthur and humors him to an extent but she actually likes the fancy guy from New York named Jim. Jim will definitely need to watch out now, but what can he do against a golem?

There are some parts of the film that don’t fully seem to make sense but I suppose you can fill in the blanks. For example the Golem initially seems to do whatever it wants like when it murders the curator by crushing him but then after Arthur actually activates it, the golem begins to work for him. So in the initial scenes, was the Golem working on past programming or something? Additionally, Arthur picked up the trick to controlling it rather quickly when you’d expect that he would have just been another victim.

The film tries to show that perhaps insulting the golem is what makes it made but it’s not like the original curator did that. So it’s going to be a little hard to really understand the golem’s motives. I suppose they aren’t that important. It has a fairly decent design and is definitely very powerful as shown in the bridge incident. He makes for a decent villain but of course is very slow so any fighter who is paying attention should be able to dodge the attacks.

Then we have Arthur who really looks bad here. Aside from being crazy and all, he is desperately going after a lady who is clearly not interested in him. She makes it rather obvious and while I think she could have been sterner, he’s got to take a hint. Arthur is just so desperate and controlling a golem could have easily made him rich and successful if he used it the right away. Then perhaps she would have been more interested in him.

No, instead he just thinks destroying a bridge will impress her for some reason. Ellen is rather naive though like when she gets a call from Arthur late at night saying how he desperately needs to see her. Ellen seriously considers going even if Jim was encouraging this before the twist that he would go in her place. That should have been a notion that would be impossible to her. It’s an extremely bad idea to meet anyone alone at night, particularly someone who has a big one sided crush on you.

Jim is a fun character though, albeit he could be a little overconfident at times. Meeting up with Arthur when he started to have suspicions of wrongdoing was very risky. In fact, there were several times where Arthur came close to destroying Jim. The whole thing could have gone sideways for him in an instant. I do like confidence though and that does help keep Jim higher than he would be otherwise.

There is definitely a body count in this film although the kills aren’t as violet as in other horror titles. There is a level of violence to be sure but you can tell the film is more interested in the overall premise than being a splattershow. So I appreciated the restraint there. As a result the film can actually be a good bit of fun at times. While crazy, it is fun to see Arthur dropping veiled threats and outmaneuvering everybody even when he’s rather sloppy.

The whole hiding the key in the bookshelf idea for example was so risky since someone could have checked there before and realized that the key had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He also takes super unnecessary risks in stealing artifacts from the museum before returning them. This guy is definitely not a mastermind and without the golem he would have been taken down a lot sooner. The climax is also a whole lot more explosive than I would have guessed.

Overall, It! was a little better than I expected. I do think part of the charm is in a cheesy/camp kind of way though. The film takes itself moderately serious but as long as you can have fun with it then you’ll be okay. If you are looking for a really scary film then this will not be the one for you though. Also if you’re hoping for a real romance, the movie doesn’t have much time for that either. No, it’s more about the reverse romance of figuring out if the golem is actually alive and who is controlling it. As the viewer you have all the answers and are waiting for the others to figure it out. The execution was key and ultimately it was good enough here. I have a feeling that the clown movies would not be able to compete.

Overall 6/10

The Ghost of Yotsuya Review

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It’s time to look at a well known foreign horror film and unfortunately this one was pretty bad. I was expecting some decent entertainment and all but in the end it takes way too long for the ghost to show up. It turns out to be more of a messed up drama for most of the film and the villains stay really annoying throughout. It’s always one of the risks you run when you have a film built around a bunch of villains. You’re waiting for justice but in a film like this it will be a long time coming.

The movie starts with a guy named Iemon wanting to marry Oiwa. He had a bit of a deal with her father but the guy changed his mind and it’s easy to see why. Iemon doesn’t seem like the most put together fellow around. He has let himself go and is patrolling the streets like a homeless person. Well, ultimately he decides to murder her father and his guards. Then he makes his move on Oiwa who essentially decides to get with him as long as he avenges her father’s death. Iemon wants to keep the charade up forever but one guy, Naosuke happens to have witnessed the murder and begins his blackmail. He basically wants Oiwa’s sister as his compensation and keeps on blackmailing Iemon. The two of them continue to sink deeper into this conspiracy.

Now this is really just a problem with the old Japan type films but the honor system goes way too far the whole time. The fact that both girls are willing to marry guys they don’t love just for the vengeance angle is too much. Oiwa at least doesn’t mind Iemon all that much but the sister didn’t like Naosuke at all and still goes through with this. All of their scenes are absolutely brutal. You’re just waiting for the ghost to show up already.

Unfortunately, the ghost angle isn’t a factor until the film is nearly over. So first you have to see Iemon humiliating Oiwa over and over again as he proves to be a terrible husband and even prepares to marry another girl on the side. His love for Oiwa wasn’t even true which just makes Iemon even worse of a character. Obviously he was a villain/murderer from the start but at least if he really loved Oiwa there would be some sense of humanity left. Instead, he is just a shallow guy who gets bored quickly and then continues to inflate his body count.

He can’t stop himself from murdering more and more people and that does not help his final goals. It just gets him deeper into trouble. Not that you feel bad for him but he takes up an enormous amount of screentime. What really hurts the film is that there are no likable characters. The two girls look naive and too trusting for most of this. They are also far too passive as they just wait for the guys to take revenge for them while they stay home. It’s pretty clear that the guys are getting nowhere fast.

As for the ghost, well she is fun to have around once she finally does make a move but even then it takes her a long time to actually take down Iemon. Also, right before becoming a ghost she did end up finishing off a baby so it’s not like they were shaping her up to be a hero either. The whole film is extremely drawn out even though it technically isn’t even a very long film. Mix that in with all of the characters being pretty bad and this was a recipe for disaster.

I’m not a fan of the old time aesthetic and this certainly wouldn’t change my mind on that. You will be left shaking your head the whole time and I wouldn’t even be able to blame you. The whole honor system just doesn’t work and I want the characters to be louder and more pro active. A guy like Iemon should never have gotten as far as he did. Even at the very end of the film he puts up way more of a fight than he should have. Is this guy secretly an absolute swords master or something?

He got too much hype and too much screentime. I’m rarely going to be able to really tolerate a film centered around a super unlikable villain without either seriously amazing supporting characters or a great hero to root for that takes him out in the end. A film like this one is just too depressing and dreary the whole time. It doesn’t leave you with any hope for the characters and is just not a fun one to watch. At the end of the day it forgets about the film’s main objective which is to be a fun and enjoyable film. There is nothing like that here.

Overall, A film like Ghost of Yotsuya was really doomed to fail from the start. The core plot is already not that engaging and you would need either a good amount of humor or something light hearted to balance it out. This film is taking itself deadly serious and so that means it is necessarily going to be a rather tough watch. You need to either have a really happy ending at the ready to balance the tough journey or for the villain to start getting his just desserts at a much earlier time. If you aren’t able to do either of those things, then the film is always going to be in a rather rough spot. There isn’t really any way around that. If you want to watch an authentic horror title, check out Godzilla instead.

Overall 0/10

Messiah of Evil Review

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It’s time for a zombie type of film and unfortunately I can assure you that it is not one of the good ones. There is no real escape for the heroes and while the film maintains a rather spooky atmosphere throughout, it never ends up taking advantage of this. What could have been a really intense cerebral horror film quickly becomes just another slasher to have to contend with. That is unfortunate but not entirely unexpected.

The film starts with a girl named Arletty deciding to look for her father. He left her a note saying not to do this as well as a whole book of notes but she doesn’t have time to read them in depth. When she arrives in town, the place is rather odd. One of the travelers at the gas station seemed rather off and then the town itself is fairly empty. There is an eccentric guy named Thom who is surrounded by girls and lives a life of luxury but it all seems rather empty. Arletty wants to continue on her mission but it does seem like the longer she stays here, the greater her risk of death will be.

Naturally she should have listened to her father’s note telling her not to follow him. That would have ended things right away and surely he wouldn’t have just sent her that notice for no reason right? She also should have read the whole book right away and planned for the worst. Now it’s not like there is a whole lot she could have done against the crazy zombies that would end up appearing but at least she would have been pretty well prepared. Instead she doesn’t really have a plan and always ends up being at a disadvantage.

She’s also a bit too trusting with letting Thom and his friends stay over right away. She doesn’t even know these people and odds are that they were crazy. Even by the end of the film Arletty is forced to take on more of a spectator role here as she can only wait until the inevitable happens. It’s always more fun when the protagonist can actually do a lot of stuff but in this case you could say that she was just a participant in a conspiracy that was much bigger than her. She wasn’t exactly the central focus this time.

Then we have Thom who is a bit of a space case. He tries to be calm and collected at all times but it can feel like a mask. He is quick to subtly threaten one of the girls when he feels like she has been too rude. Thom does well in the fighting near the end but ultimately it wasn’t really enough to turn the tides.

The characters are battling what is effectively an endless horde of monsters after all. Take one down and a few more will take the original’s place. It’s not like the main characters got a debriefing on this either so they’re going into the situation cold. The zombies are all cannibals, so the deaths are particularly gruesome. The film is going for max edge here and that’s really where you knew the film couldn’t come back from. It’s why I’m generally not a big zombie fan, it will usually lead to these kind of events which is hard to write around.

Since the heroes don’t really stand a chance, it also runs into the issue of the whole thing feeling futile. When the characters literally have no possible way to win, it is harder to get engaged into what is happening. If the film kept the threat vague then it might be able to survive on the atmosphere alone, but throw everything else in and you’re not likely going to come back from that.

The film has the cops show up at one point which made for an interesting addition, but unfortunately they are dispatched quickly. The way it was done was also unfortunate because it underscored that you could be turned into a zombie without being bit previously. I interpreted it as the red moon being able to transform anyone who is caught in its rays but of course then that makes things even more unfair. The villains also have a supernatural leader who has intense abilities of his own. That really doesn’t help the case for the heroes.

So the film ends up feeling rather mean spirited with the heroes having no chance and you just slowly watch as they end up dying. There’s not a lot of fun to be had with a premise like that and the film should have tried becoming an action title instead. At the very least, it does serve as a reminder that zombie films are not often going to be very good. If you see that as a genre then you know that you’re probably doomed.

Considering how dreary the film was overall, I’m surprised the ending didn’t have a little more pop. By the end of the film, we know that humanity is going to be destroyed but it’s handled in a very quiet way. I would have preferred that the invasion begins and that’s how the film ends. You may as well have things end in an exciting way like that right? It would certainly make the ending more exciting and memorable at least.

Overall, Messiah of Evil is definitely a film I’d stay far away from. There are no real positive moments to offset all the negatives here. The characters are pretty bad and the film just gets way too gruesome the whole time. It sets the tone early with the gas station murder. If the main characters could have done more damage and set this up as a more even fight then that could have helped. Have the zombies be traditionally slow or something. By allowing them to move at normal speeds like a human, it just makes them completely unstoppable. I don’t see how anybody is supposed to fight off powerful creatures like that.

Overall 0/10

Baron Blood Review

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It’s time for a movie that you could tell was going to go off the rails almost immediately. The characters are pretty bad and the whole film is one of the biggest compilations of self inflicted wounds that I have seen in a very long time. Definitely not going to go down as one of the next big horror films and I can see why nobody talks about this one. The baron is not a winner.

The film starts off with a guy named Peter deciding to visit his relatives. He wants a break from the usual routine of school work and what better way than by learning about the legend of Baron Blood? This guy was an ancestor of Peter’s after all. It doesn’t matter that the Baron was known to be an incredibly evil man. Peter is curious to know more about him. So when Peter learns about a spell that could summon the Baron back to life, he doesn’t hesitate to use it. Everyone warns him about this but he doesn’t care! After using the spell, mysterious things begin to happen. People begin to get murdered but surely this isn’t because of what Peter did right? There was another spell to destroy the Baron once more but due to a lot of carelessness, it ends up being burned. Is there any way to stop the Baron?

I think the biggest problem right away with Peter is that he has virtually no remorse for what he’s done. People are literally being murdered in gruesome ways and he’s still interested in how the spell worked. He continues to act fascinated and excited by what is going on even after the negative effects have been well under way. That doesn’t sound like a good character to me. In fact, that sounds like a pretty bad one. He’s more focused on seducing Eva and getting more scientific experience under his belt than saving the day.

For that reason, he was definitely never going to rank. I would also say Eva takes some guilt here for going along with this. Peter may be crazy but she doesn’t have to follow his lead. She could have just said no instead of letting herself get seduced immediately and going against her better judgment. It certainly didn’t go very well for her, that’s for sure. She was a big believer in the supernatural events going on so that’s even more reason why she should have taken a step back there.

Then we have Karl who isn’t as bad but he probably could have taken a harder stance in telling Peter to knock off his interest in the occult. I just can’t put a lot of blame on him because these are all adults so you have to trust in some common sense. Karl went about his life as normal and then once he found out about the threat, he got to work. He certainly felt more prepared than the other two and could at least talk with the cops without sounding crazy while the other two would phrase things in the craziest possible ways.

It’s a tried and true trope of the characters talking to the cops about monsters and actually thinking they will believe it. No shot, and I can’t even blame the cop there. It is a tough tale to swallow. As for the Baron, yeah he doesn’t have a ton of character or anything like that. He likes torturing people, that’s about the extent of personality that he has. He goes around wrecking everyone as much as possible. I guess he also seems to like Eva quite a bit so he has that trait as well which doesn’t really help matters.

You won’t be remembering this guy for very long. I suppose he is at least smart enough to be able to use a disguise and trick the heroes but that doesn’t take a whole lot of skill here tbh. Just about anyone would be able to pull the wool over these fighters! Even aside from the characters, the film had a bunch of issues though. For starters, I found it to be way too mean spirited. Since this guy’s whole thing is torture, he goes around torturing everyone.

All of the deaths are pretty brutal and the film comes across as rather mean spirited There isn’t much of a story beyond the carnage and even though the film’s runtime is fairly short, this will feel like a rather long experience. The movie actually could have been a bit better if the baron had pretended that he’d turned over a new leaf or something. That would have been far more interesting and then you would have an excuse for less violence in the meantime.

I suppose I’ll give the film credit for having some fairly good effects here. Everything is very practical and that can be a lost art at times. Meanwhile the script is fun enough with everyone talking all proper. It doesn’t make up for the writing of course as that is still a lost cause overall but at least that is a silver lining.

Overall, Baron Blood is definitely a film that I would advise you to avoid. In a way it almost feels like the original blueprint to a classic slasher film. The whole film is about the kills and the heroes being unable to do anything here as even they are captured and outmaneuvered. There aren’t any bright spots to raise the film up from the lower levels and you can do better with even the average horror film. Now that’s saying something since the whole genre tends to be on the lower side. That’s just how bad this film was. You can absolutely pull off a jerk main character but in that case I need a more satisfying ending for him. It felt like this guy wasn’t intended to be written like an antagonist, even though he absolutely was one. Never forget that the entire murder spree was 100% his fault. The Baron had been trapped by an immortal spell to suffer forever thanks to a witch and Peter ruined it just for kicks.

Overall 1/10

Hellboy Review

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It’s definitely been a long while since I’ve seen his one. The original Hellboy film was definitely a fun one and it’s the kind of random superhero film that you don’t see too much of. It kind of just throws you into a pretty big universe of characters and demons running around without trying to smooth it over with the general audience. You either like what they are going for right away or you don’t. There isn’t a whole lot of in between there and that works for me.

The film starts off during World War II with the Nazis trying to open some kind of portal to summon demons. The heroes stop them but find that a small demon has already gone through. He seems harmless enough and so they take him in. The demon is dubbed Hellboy and many years later, has become one of the best fighters in the BPRD. He is essentially immortal or at least has a long life as well as natural super strength and defenses. It’s good to have him on the side of the heroes although there are skeptics that think he should not be there. Some just don’t trust demons.

Well, that is where John comes in. He’s been transferred to help out at this unit as well as be Hellboy’s sidekick. Hellboy isn’t thrilled about this and gets even more upset when Tom appears to begin getting a crush on Liz, the girl that Hellboy likes. Now we have a bit of a rivalry when there isn’t time for one. The Nazi who fell into the portal has been revived along with his main two associates. They intend to continue their plans and Hellboy may be the only person on the planet who can stop them. Is he up to the task?

Now the subplot with Hellboy being upset at John is probably meant in part to be a bit irrational but I actually found myself being on his side. John did see to be trying to make a play while Liz was distracted by her never ending grief and so it was good that Hellboy was there to (literally) throw a rock into those plans. Ultimately it did mean he was away from the base when the villains arrived, but I’m not confident that he would have arrived in time anyway.

Hellboy is a solid lead, someone who is always ready for danger. He definitely doesn’t fear any kind of a threat of challenge and has a lot of confidence in his abilities. Perhaps his confidence does actually outweigh his abilities at times but I will always take that over being underconfident. Hellboy is one of those old school fighters who does a lot of solid posturing while winning the fight. He even has a giant gun that is useless 99% of the time but he still brings it to every mission to fire off a few shots.

Liz is a character who is rather tragic because her flame abilities are incredibly powerful but she has next to no mastery over them. They can go off at any point and often destroy tons of civilians when these outbursts happen. I give the film props for not shying away from that. There’s no quick mention about how everyone evacuated at the last second. No, she’s brought whole buildings down and lots of people have died which is why she is worried now. Definitely very valid.

In a way it does feel like the agency could have handled the situation a lot better instead of just leaving her to her own devices. Ah well, I look forward to seeing her in a more confident state in the sequel. We also have Abe helping the others as the resident mental specialist of the group. Unfortunately he really can’t fight very well so any action scene inevitably leads to him getting absolutely crushed. He was really not prepared for these fighters. Seems like a nice enough guy but you could basically write him out of the film.

As for John, he’s okay. The guy isn’t the most helpful but he does try his best. I do think he was fishy around Liz but other than that he is a decent member to the group. He doesn’t act completely shocked about every little twist which I’m glad about since some humans really overplay their hand in these films. Even if you never knew that demons existed for example, as an FBI agent you should be able to bluff pretty well.

The villains were surprisingly solid here. Kroenen is an experienced assassin who fights with a short blade at all times. He takes out quite a number of fighters in this film and what makes him scary is how he essentially cannot die. He is functionally immortal and will just keep on getting back up over and over again. A super soldier who does not tire, yes that is a fantastic premise for a villain.

Then we have the Sammael creature which also has a hard time dying. It gives Hellboy a really tough fight here. Technically Hellboy tends to always be the underdog in these fights but his endurance keeps him alive long enough to mount a comeback. I liked the design for the creature. Rasputin is a little more on the generic side. Nothing particularly wrong with him but he really has a hard time standing out. He also didn’t plan things out well in the end to put it mildly. The girl who was helping him never really got a role either.

That leads us to the best character in the film, Tom. Tom is one of those guys who just can’t stand demons. There are no exceptions for him and of course that means he doesn’t like Hellboy either. He takes a lot of shots at the demon and makes his voice known. Although this does result in Tom having to run away with his tail between his legs on multiple occasions. He can talk as tough as he wants after all but at the end of the day he is still just a human. He ends up burying the hatchet with Hellboy later on though.

The effects for the film have aged well and I also enjoyed the fights. They could be rather lengthy at times and the pacing is always quick. The film has the characters dealing a lot of damage to each other but never goes too far or feels particularly graphic. For the most part it’s your standard action film kind of action right here.

Overall, Hellboy is a fun film. It’s the kind of movie that ends before you really know it. It has no concrete weaknesses and keeps on moving forward with a very balanced approach. I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a fun action film and the universe around it is fun enough where you may even be tempted to pick up a few of the comics. The romance can be a bit on the weaker side as there isn’t much time to develop it, but we’ll see how the sequel handles that. It’ll be difficult for the next villains to pass this group.

Overall 7/10