Category Archives: 2 Star Games

Nobunaga’s Ambition: Lord of Darkness Review

Posted on by
Reply


Uh oh, it’s another strategy type game! Lord of Darkness takes thing further than the first game in regards to how realistic they are going with the simulation. You now have to worry about supplies and 7 different kinds of locations in addition to the battles. As a result there is far less gameplay than in the first one. The difficulty of the battles themselves appears to have been lessened but the game itself is just as difficult as always because of all the other factors you have to worry about. The more you have to keep track of everything, the more you will quickly find yourself being absolutely shut down. Ultimately, you’re doomed here.

The game has only 2 scenarios instead of 3 this time but maybe you unlock the third later on. The main goal of the game is really to go in and conquer all of the world. Along the way you will have to fight or ally with other team leaders. Of course the whole quest feels virtually endless with how the other armies keep popping up like whack a moles. Defeat one of them and another 3 come in to take their place. Trust me, it’s not ideal when you like to see your progress going up. I felt the same way for De Blob 2 and Paper Mario: Color Splash. I never like the idea of enemies recapturing different locations that I already got.

The only exception I can think of is Dynasty Warriors since it’s all happening in real time and it’s on the same level. So it doesn’t feel as bad when I lose a piece of land compared to other games where it means a whole lot of back tracking. I would argue that it is a completely different circumstance to be honest. Then this game is also just very complex with how the supplies are handled. You can give orders once a month so you have to be very complete with them. Try addressing as many areas as possible because the wait to the next month will be absolutely brutal. Of course on the other hand this also means that each month will be really time consuming.

The enemies seem to be a lot more relaxed this time around though so I made it through many seasons without being attacked. That also means that the game gets downright boring though. You’ve also got a lot of RNG elements here like floods that come washing in and illnesses that take chunks out of the general populace. Why add RNG to a heavy strategy game like this? The answer might be that it tests your strategic skills in an ever changing environment but it just makes you less invested since your well thought out plans can be done in an instant.

The graphics are okay at best but it’s clear that they were not a big priority here. There’s also not much of a soundtrack at all. I can say that they did put a lot of effort into the gameplay so I’ll give them some props there. It just wasn’t any fun and ultimately that is the most important part of any game. Who is going to play a video game that they don’t think is an absolute blast? It just wouldn’t make sense and so this one just forgot to be super fun. I’m sure strategy fans may get a kick out of this one but it definitely does not have the kind of widespread appeal that you would like to see here.

In terms of quality of life features, the game could definitely stand to label the units. They’re all very easy to mix up. The difference comes down to their weapons and flags. If you really pay attention then you will know what they all represent but having a basic map on screen would be nice. In a more modern adventure you wouldn’t need that since the game would have way more details but in this case it is an absolute necessity. It’s certainly an instance where the game’s technical limitations really came back to bite it.

There’s not a whole lot more to get into with this game. You can activate multiplayer which can make things a little more fun but the sheer chunk of time that it would take up would probably end up hurting quite a bit. With two players that is basically double the amount of time that it would take to clear each game and that’s assuming that one of the other 25 computers doesn’t win. So if you’re going to do a multiplayer battle this is probably not the title to use.

Overall, I would say to avoid this game. Even though it’s free, there just isn’t much fun to be had here. The menus are way too extensive and the gameplay is too limited. I would probably rather read a book about the warring states than play through this one. I can’t say that I find the period too engaging even on a good day but there are ways to make it interesting. Perhaps a modern PS5 remake would prove to be different but in the meantime this is definitely a full on skip.

Overall 2/10

Uncharted Waters: New Horizons Review

Posted on by
Reply


Okay this one is actually a bit more brutal than the Nobunaga’s Ambition title. For starters there is still combat but it’s even slower and the bartering is even more detailed. Well, I’m jumping into this a little out of order so let me slow down here. Lets just say this isn’t like the Uncharted games that you’re used to. No sir, this is a very different experience and unfortunately I can’t exactly say that in a good way. I suppose there is a whole lot of water though.

So the game starts off by letting you choose from a bunch of characters. It probably makes a difference on how the game starts off so I picked the guy who seemed the most well rounded. You start off by talking to a bunch of people to get your starting equipment. Some food, water, men, items, and of course a boat. Now what you gotta do is travel the world and buy/sell items of commerce in order to get things rolling.

This is of course where the game starts to really lose a whole lot of steam. It’s just not a fun kind of gameplay. For starters you have to monitor the going prices on each island. Say Island A sells corn for $5, but island B sells it for $3. You want to go to Island B and buy a lot of it, then go sell to Island A where they really need it. Multiply this by over 20 different items and of course factor in that you need to have enough money to invest in buying more food for your men as well as to buy more material to buy. Amp up the confusion even higher when you have to deal with pirates that are running around.

These fights are hard to win and take a lot of men. If too many die, then you’re going to have to find more at another island which will of course take even more fuel out of your tanks. That’s not good. Did I mention that you can also run into random storms that eat up materials? Bet you didn’t think of that one….and if you die at sea it’s a full game over. There is no save point to go back to. You have to start from scratch. In a way it’s sort of like Digimon World Next Order where the intro is the toughest part as you will lose a few generations on getting the basics going but by the mid game you are really well prepared for what’s next.

Difference is that I don’t have a really enjoyable story and fun graphics to incentivize me to do all of that. No, instead I’m supposed to just enjoy the process and that’s not good enough for me. There is a story here of course as you’re taking someone back to his kingdom, helping a stowaway, etc. There’s also a war going on but none of it is particularly captivating. It doesn’t move you the way that a more interesting story could have. I know there were some technical limitations back in the day but it didn’t stop a lot of other big SNES titles that I’ve played back in the day. No sir, those just kept on trucking through.

The most I can say for the game is that it looks pretty nice. It reminds me of the old Final Fantasy titles. It’s peaceful to be moving around without any wild encounters running around. It feels like a long time since I could just explore the hub world like that so it was really a good change of pace. It even made me think that the game could have been good if it was limited to just the island. Maybe you’re the mayor and you have to take care of folks with a lot of trading. I think that could have actually worked out well but this one was just too ambitious for what it was trying to do. It ultimately was doomed to not be able to succeed this time.

Now just to leave the series some hope, the other way it could work out is if they made this into a big MMORPG. Imagine this scale but all of the people running around are actually real people. It’s why that genre always had a lot of potential. I don’t see myself really getting involved in any of those because honestly that would be extremely time consuming but I do get the appeal. If you are ever going to make a trading game that is actually fun, I don’t see any other way around it. You need to add that social element to the game, it would make you heavily invested. Particularly if there are social guilds and everything since then you don’t want to let your party down.

Overall, Uncharted Waters is not a good video game, I would even go as far as to call it a pretty bad one. I actually think it could be a good educational tool for kids but in that case the gameplay is a bit too difficult. They would need to find some kind of a solid middle ground but ultimately this just isn’t it. This is not the game that will really change things for folks and that may be unfortunate but it’s just the way that it goes. I can see why this game never got all that huge. I like to say that I am a fan of strategy titles but perhaps I’ve been overrating myself in that department. These definitely show that I’m still out of my depths past a certain point. I need some kind of excitement to get me going. Unlike fighting games or platformers, the gameplay alone cannot carry the game.

Overall 2/10

Blaster Master: Enemy Below Review

Posted on by
Reply


Nothing like an old game to remind me just how lucky I am that I grew up in the modern age of gaming. I am reminded quite often how I probably wouldn’t have been a huge gamer if I grew up way back in the day. Or at the very least, I would have really stuck to a select few franchises and called it a day. Yeah, game boy color isn’t actually that old but I would have been so sad if I had spent any money to play this game. How are you going to make a Metroidvania style game without a functioning map? Why would you ever do this? I can see why people love Castlevania and Metroid because they slaughter the copycats. I really like the modern Blaster Master games but the old ones are clearly not ready for the gaming world.

There’s not much of a plot here but the intro says something about bashing up the monsters. So the core gameplay is about navigating through a massive maze in your tank. There are 8 massive areas, each one has 3-4 other areas inside it and then there are portals that lead you across the areas. They are not sequential so don’t even think about going from area 7 to 8. No sirrrrrrr! You have to go from 7 back to 5 back to 4 back to 2, to then go to 8. You are constantly back tracking and running across the screens but the worst part is that there is no quick travel. Yes, a staple that both Metroid and Castlevania had for years is not present here. They also had maps while this game does not.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not the biggest fan of Metroidvania games but at least those knew what they were doing. This game? Yeah it has absolutely no clue what to do. There is no indicator of what you need to get either or what is in the area. If I wasn’t using an online guide, I wouldn’t know to go take down the boss or even which areas had one. Then some areas have 1-2 keys you have to find so if you don’t have that then you’re toast. Good luck finding it too. Some areas have close to 20-30 rooms and each room has multiple exits and is absolutely massive. Without a proper map you will end up spinning your wheels and going in circles constantly.

I ended up going backwards by mistake more than a few times. We haven’t even gotten into the weapons yet. You need certain upgrades in order to proceed so if you forgot that then you better find the room that has it. There is a ton of trial and error here which is not easy. It’s not always obvious that you are missing a power up either so hopefully your intuition is on point. Then we have the boss fights….oh boyyyyyy. Most games show you a health bar or at least have the villain flash when you attack so you know which attacks are working and which aren’t right? Yeah….there’s none of that here.

You just have to hope you are attacking the right point and you never know if you are making progress or not until the villain loses. That is absolutely insane! You can see how this makes no sense right? Every indie game has some kind of indicator and if they can do that without a budget then this game should absolutely be able to pull it off. It makes the boss fights extremely annoying because they just don’t end.

Also, the game is crazy hard. I don’t even know what counts as a save point but I assume that it would take you back to the start of the area or something. I’d have died hundreds of times in the levels because it is extremely hard to dodge any of the attacks and there are so many of them. One of the levels near the end is also like something out of Super Meat Boy as there are spikes everywhere. You have to jump absolutely perfectly or you will get hit by them. It’s an extremely tedious section which took me many tries because then you also have the enemies trying to attack you and they keep on respawning.

There really aren’t many positives to say about the game. I suppose the graphics aren’t terrible. Most of the areas look almost identical in order to intentionally mislead you so you do have to get around that. It’s not the worst thing though. The weapons aren’t always clear but I suppose I don’t have any other problems. The soundtrack is definitely forgettable though. You do have a lot of replay value here though because it’ll take you ages to beat the game. It’ll be so long that you will have forgotten the intro and can play it again. I mean I couldn’t picture picking it up again, but I’m sure the game has its fans. It is definitely a lot longer than you would expect.

Overall, Blaster Master is one of those games that makes you shake your head. I feel bad for any kid who started with this as their first title because that would be absolutely traumatizing. Would you even be ready to pick up another game after this one? It forgot the most important part of being a video game which is that it’s supposed to be fun. The most fun you will have with the game is the first 20 minutes and then it’s all downhill from there. It needed dozens of quality of life updates before this game would really be ready for the Metroidvania treatment and even then I would be super cautious. But remember, you shouldn’t ditch the franchise. Just dive into the modern Blaster Master Zero games because those are actually excellent and even have a real story mode. Now there is a game you will be playing all the way through because of how satisfying it is.

Overall 2/10

Donkey Kong Jr. Math Review

Posted on by
Reply


Am I being too harsh with a game that is meant to be for kids while also being educational? Hmmm….nahhh they could have done more with this one. The basic idea is that you’re taking the gameplay of Donkey Kong Jr but adding numbers everywhere. So for example the top screen will show that you need to get the number 50. You then have each math sign at the bottom and have to grab numbers until you’ve gotten that number. So for example you grab a 5, then find the X sign, then get a 5. You now have 25. Grab the X and then grab 2 and now you have 50. Congrats, you’ve won the round!

There is one fatal flaw to the game though and it is what destroys the whole experience. Are you ready for this? Where the game ultimately falls short is that there is no computer to fight against you. That’s right, in single player mode you just walk around and do everything yourself. There’s no timer, there’s no way for the level to end in anything except your complete victory. This is where the game made the mistake because there should be some kind of competitive experience here. Even if you’re teaching kids how to look at numbers and such, wouldn’t it be a good idea to have someone to fight against? I would have thought so at least. Instead you only have the multiplayer mode which is fun enough but a game should never depend on multiplayer exclusively.

So there ends up being nothing to do here. You walk around solving math problems but of course since you have to jump and climb for each one, it takes a whole lot longer than if you had your calculator with you. I don’t see it being a very effective way to teach kids either. Perhaps it would have some novelty factor for a little bit there but I don’t think that would last very long. After a little bit the kids would want to go play a real game and that’s how you feel by the end of it. So just to be clear on this, the game itself has potential but it’s all in the execution.

All you would need to fix this one is add a computer to fight against. Immediately now there is some point to playing the game because you’re fighting over the symbols and the numbers. Without that level of battle going on, it’s just not going to hit right. Trust me, I don’t like it any more than you do, but we need some kind of a system here. Without a purpose, even a game loses its entertainment value. We need a way to balance out the fun with learning and there are a lot of ways that this could be done. Ultimately Donkey Kong Jr. just wasn’t able to figure that balance out. It’s a shame that it had to go this way but that’s just how it is.

The graphics are at least reasonable since it’s got that classic Nintendo look to it. It’s functionally no different from the main game. The soundtrack definitely feels forgettable though, I can’t think of any themes right now. Certainly nothing that really sticks out and makes you want to play the title again. With no replay value and not much initial value either, this is a game that was ultimately always doomed to fail in the end.

Overall, This is a Nintendo game that I would say to avoid. If you need to brush up on your math skills, there are definitely much better ways to do it. Ultimately, this game just takes too long to solve any question. It gets rough when you need a number that is too small for multiplication but really high for addition. You just have to keep adding 9 until you’re close and it definitely does not feel optimized. Nintendo should not give up and come out with an even better learning experience some day. Part of me feels like the chance to make a really educational video game has passed but where there is a will, there is a way. If anyone could solve this dilemma. It would definitely be Nintendo.

Overall 2/10

Golf Review

Posted on by
Reply


Uh oh, now it’s time for a game that I actually did not like. Golf is one of those sports that I’ve never been a big fan of but I feel like you can absolutely adapt it to a game if you try hard enough. Just look at the Mario Golf game for Gamecube, that one was actually pretty fun. I spent a lot of time in that game and it was definitely rewarding. It had a lot of depth, multiple levels, etc. You could feel the passion behind every level and that is what’s missing from this older Golf game. See, the original Golf doesn’t have a lot of color or energy behind it.

Yes, the game is ancient so I will cut it some slack, but not complete slack. I think they could have done way more with the game. There isn’t much in the way of animation or soundtrack. It’s just you whacking the ball and seeing it go forward. There is no passion, no creativity, no nothing tbh. It just keeps on going and going. I played all 21 holes and got destroyed but I wasn’t even sad because I just wasn’t invested. I didn’t care if I won or lost because the game did not give me a reason to care. It’s just boring and that’s the worst thing you can say about a game.

The controls are easy enough to learn although I would say that they are hard to master. Basically you choose your golf club based on the distance and power that you need. You are aiming to get the ball inside the hole in as few turns as possible. So you want to learn the distance of each. I recommend watching Rising Impact to learn about the different pieces more in depth. From there it’s all about your skill and timing in using these items. There aren’t really any big unlockables or bonus content modes to play through though which is unfortunate. Again, this is where the game could have tried harder.

Mario Golf had a ton of different minigames like hitting your ball through rings and such. That would have really helped to shake things up a bit. As a result there is no replay value here and there is barely enough content to have fun going through the main campaign. The most enjoyable part of this is trying to point out similarities in the main character to Mario. That’s where the fun is really at but I don’t think that it’s quite enough. I wanted more…I needed more! Throw in some kind of a story or fun cutscenes. The graphics aren’t bad but there isn’t really any kind of animation to show it off anyway.

Golf is a sport that tends to be slow in real life as well. Unless you are playing directly then you are probably going to get bored quickly. That’s the same with this game, only to a greater extent because you get bored even while you are playing it. That should not be possible and yet it is what happens so what can be done to fix this? The answer certainly eluded this game, I can tell you that much.

Overall, Golf is not a fun game. I don’t see any reason to play it. There’s almost no content here and tons of games have been made that go more in depth about the whole thing. The only possible way you can have fun with this will be if you are playing with someone who is very witty so you can just be having a good conversation during the game. Otherwise yeah I don’t really see the potential here. Ultimately this game will not be getting my recommendation and I was glad to put it down. It may sound harsh but this was easily one of my least favorite games. It barely feels like a game because it’s not even super interactive.

Overall 2/10

Kaiju Run Review

Posted on by
Reply


So with a title like Kaiju Run you are expecting big things right? Well unfortunately this is the bottom of the shovelware barrel. Seriously it’s one of the worst app games I’ve played and I can explain why that is very quickly. The game has full screen, unskippable ads. Yes, they show up when you beat a level, when you lose a level, if you pause for too long, etc. It’s really bad and I think that’s the biggest taboo for an app game. You should never do this. I don’t mind playing ads to get an extra life or some kind of boost where it’s optional, but mandatory video ads? Nahhhh that’s not going to fly.

Obviously you are going to be entering this game with rather measured expectations right out of the gate anyway. It is a game built on deception since it advertises playing as Godzilla, King Kong, Sonic, and Goku but you know that’s not really going to happen. Surprisingly for King Kong they actually use his name and have a character model that looks like him. For Goku he has SSJ3 mode where he looks really out of proportion but hey he’s in the game under a fake name which is interesting. For Godzilla they switched it to Zilla which is sort of clever and Sonic is more like the human fan version, Sanic.

The character roster is fairly impressive which is why it’s a shame that it fell for the video ads trap. It’s not a ton of characters, I mean you can unlock them all in a few hours, but the fact that so many notable ones there is pretty cool. There are different items and such you can get but in general the game doesn’t have much content. The levels are endless but they’re all basically the same for a while. If you really like the gameplay then it wouldn’t matter. I actually think it is rather fun to play. Take away the ads and I would actually have a very good time here. I would be blasting through and everything but alas it wasn’t meant to be.

So the gameplay is your average 3D endless runner. You go through the game catching as many pellets as you can to get huge. Your controls are to move left or right. Then when you get to the boss you fight. If you got enough pellets then you will definitely win and if you didn’t then you will lose and can watch another ad to build your strength up. This gets more and more rigged as you go through the game of course. They really need that ad revenue after all! So the most tragic part of this game is that the gameplay is well done. It’s super basic for sure but the kind of style that can be addicting in a mobile setting. In fact, that is exactly why it does so well. A mobile game should be really simple, that’s the kind of structure that works extremely well for it.

What the game should have done to enhance this would be to stick to a bunch of currency ads like in Miraculous Ladybug. I’ve played a lot of endless runners that were extremely good because they really understood the assignment. We’re here to have fun and if the game is good then the rest will fall into place. The graphics aren’t even bad. They look a little messy but I think that is intentional on the art side. At least that’s what it felt like to me. It’s passable for being a mobile game at least, it’s not like I’m expecting AAA material or anything like that.

There’s not much replay value though or any other modes to keep you busy. So you’re just here in the literal endless levels running through everything. What you see is what you get in that way, this is called Kaiju Run after all so you are expecting to do a lot of running right? If nothing else, I would say that the game is honest with the title. Perhaps not with the graphics and characters compared to the ads but I can give it some props.

Overall, Kaiju Run is disappointing even when I didn’t expect much. It’s a clear cash grab all the way. They’re desperately trying to get your money with all of these ads and its all just way too shameless. Do not download this game folks. I’ve got two more Kaiju type app games coming up so we’ll see if they fare any better but this is the kind of game you’ll play for a bit and then realize that it’s a scam. Full video ads will never be a good idea. They just suck the immersion out and it will feel like the longest 30 seconds of your life each time.

Overall 2/10

Harvest Moon 64 Review

Posted on by
Reply


I’m going to be brutally honest here folks, Harvest Moon is not one of the top games out there. In fact I would argue that this is still Nintendo’s weakest series bar none. There just isn’t anything about this title to really get me excited. As with the last one, I couldn’t even get out of the first level. The harvesting mechanic just isn’t a lot of fun and I would argue that it’s way below something like Harvestella which was ideal. That was a game where I really enjoyed each area of the game. So yeah don’t expect a lot of positives here.

The basic plot is pretty similar though. You inherit a pretty large farm in a small village so you head on over. The mayor and the townsfolk seem nice. They’re all hoping that you fit in really well here and will do everything they can to help you succeed. It’s definitely appreciated and there will even be parties, adventure, romance, and danger. That said, it is all dependent on you growing those crops really well so get to work right!? That is easier said than done and this is where the game effectively starts to end.

Right from the jump you are supposed to start watering the crops and getting things ready but the game doesn’t do much to actually prepare you for this. It just feels like you’re in a loop of asking people for help and breaking the ground to get the soil out. Nothing ever really happens and while small cutscenes happen after enough days, there isn’t a whole lot of plot progression. Mainly the problem is that I just didn’t get far enough but even with that in mind I think the game could have been more exciting.

Give me a map of the town and have more tutorials. I would say that the game is missing a few quality of life features like this that could have really made a massive difference. Without a doubt I would say that things would have improved with things like this. Even if you a full time farmer and know what you’re doing, I would bet you will still have trouble understanding what the game is asking you to do. It’s just all too vague the whole time.

The graphics aren’t bad though. You can always understand what is going on at least which is always a plus. The soundtrack is more on the unremarkable side though. I couldn’t really tell you any of the tunes at this point, they just don’t stand out. Now in terms of length the game definitely does well. This is a long game as it is and there is a ton of replay value if you enjoy it because each day is different. So the playthrough would be very long especially with no real end point.

At the end of the day though it all comes down to how fun the game is. Unfortunately the game just isn’t very fun. There’s no real reason to stick around here. It just ends up being rather unmemorable and the gameplay itself isn’t enough to hold you. I did plow the fields long enough to rank up my equipment twice but it’s not like it’s a big difference either way. It still takes an awful long amount of time to complete the field and the main character has a fatigue meter so if you work on this too much then he isn’t able to do anything else. He just starts panting and basically throws in the towel.

So now you’ve also got a stamina meter and a day/night system to worry about. Trust me when I say these are all even more net negatives. Why would you include all of these features at once? It puts you in a bit of a rush and artificially extends the game since you don’t have time to do everything at once. It means you really have to pace yourself and take your time which isn’t all that great. I wanted to just go in and have fun but the style is way too limiting.

Overall, Harvest Moon 64 doesn’t really do anything to separate itself from the original one. Yes it looks a bit newer but that’s about it. It still suffers from all of the existing issues of the first game and that really limited its overall potential. At the end of the day these are what I would consider to be design flaws right from the start so you aren’t really able to just work around them. The game would need to be redone from the ground up and as it is I would say it feels almost unplayable. Check out Harvestella instead if you really want to play a game like this.

Overall 2/10

Harvest Moon Review

Posted on by
2


I know what you’re thinking…skill issue?? Well Harvest Moon may be one of the most difficult games that I have ever played but it does so in a very artificial way that doesn’t make you feel fulfilled or satisfied at all. Seriously this is a game that will have you shaking your head the whole time because it just wasn’t meant to be this way. I was looking forward to taking names and raising a great village but in the end it wasn’t to be. Harvestella destroys this one and I can’t say I’m hyped for the next Harvest Moon titles. This one has to take the very dubious honor of being my least favorite game of all time. Granted, something had to take that spot right?

The plot involves you moving to a nearby town and now it’s time for you to start up your own farm. There’s a bit more to the story than that but that’s the general premise and you have to get to work The only problem? I never made it to my actual farm. Yeah that may sound crazy but I spent a few hours on this one and couldn’t get past the tutorial. That was brutal. It seems like you need to talk to a bunch of folks to get through but I talked to everyone and it didn’t work. I was just stuck and couldn’t press on forward. How could this happen to meeeee?

Seriously I tried pretty hard on this one. I talked to everyone many times over and I ran around the whole map so many times. Ultimately I realized there was just no getting out of this. I had a theory that maybe I needed to talk to everyone multiple times in a row because sometimes they would say something different but it still didn’t work. Unless I missed someone since I thought about that a little later in the playthrough. Then you also have the issue of the guys telling me to find my tools but I couldn’t find them anywhere. Maybe that’s what I needed?

The point though is that the game was not very clear at all. I can’t picture most people being able to solve this case at least. It really stumped me at least. You could say that I was on the back foot the whole time. Because of that it definitely does impact the score because it meant that the game ended up being very boring. Seriously I could barely last a few hours in this one because it was just so repetitive. Imagine being stuck in the tutorial in any game. It’s exactly as brutal as you’re thinking.

Now I’m not giving this game a 0 or even a 1 because it does have some redeeming qualities about it. For example I think the graphics are actually rather solid. It may not be top grade stuff but it has aged very well from the SNES era. Additionally the music is quite an peaceful enough to work out well. I like the overall town atmosphere and I can see someone having a little bit of fun here. Ultimately it will be tough to get to that fun which is the problem.

If you can’t leave the tutorial then what can you really do right? At least in a game like Casper’s Scare School you jump right into the events. The game may be over in 12 minutes but you actually got to do something. That’s not the case here…that’s not the case at all. Oh noooo!!! I’m even struggling to get this review any longer because there’s not much more to say when I ended so early into the campaign. I guess that’s a knock in itself though. This has never happened to me before. Now perhaps there was some kind of glitch at play here. I would be surprised given the positive rep for the game everywhere but I do tend to be unlucky with glitches sometimes so it does happen.

I’ll definitely play more life simulations in the future though so we’ll see if another one can do better. Animal Crossing for example will probably be added at some point and I’m interested in trying that one out. Lets face it, it should definitely beat this one for me. Ultimately Harvest Moon didn’t really do it for me but at least I will never forget it. It has a lot of fans and I know a lot of effort was put into the game so I’ll still give it that level of props at least. Throw in some action gameplay and I may make it back for one of the sequels.

Overall, Harvest Moon is really not as good as I was expecting it to be. Trust me I wasn’t expecting it to be great either way but this was really going to be a game that I could play for a long while with a big smile on my face and that just didn’t happen which was disappointing. I like the concept behind the game so I think nowadays you could pull it off a little better. That said, it’s still not really my genre of game. They can be fun on the side but I tend to prefer the more action packed titles. If you have the Switch Online you should check it out though since it’s free at that point. No real downside to checking it out.

Overall 2/10

Run Godzilla Review

Posted on by
Reply


Oh no, this one was bad. This one was reeeeeally bad. It has to be one of the worst mobile games out there so my good run of mobile titles is definitely over between this one in Crash. This is an extremely lazy game to the point where you have to wonder how it’s official. Burning Godzilla is blue!! Yes you head that right…in this game Burning Godzilla is just the normal character model but turned blue. Oh no……this game wasn’t even trying.

Okay so lets get into it. The game only has a single main theme so get ready to hear this forever. The game starts with two guys throwing info dump at each other. Effectively they decide to pray to a shrine and Godzilla appears. These two can create Kaiju out of prayers…..but only temporarily. After 9000 seconds the Kaiju will die of old age or just wander off. The cutscene’s kind of meta so maybe he just leaves. Now that they have a Kaiju I suppose we’re going to save the world, fight other Kaiju or do something like that right? WRONG!

The two guys decide to have Godzilla race against other Kaiju. And that’s the extent of the game. Now you may be thinking this can be cool as you control Godzilla against these other Kaiju and use attacks to slow them down though. That’d be fun so of course that’s now what happens. The A.I. controls Godzilla completely. Wanna know what you can do? You can change the camera angles which has absolutely 0 impact on the race and you can cheer for Godzilla which makes him happy and speeds him up ever so slightly. Fortunately there is a skip option so after a few seconds you can skip to the end of the race. Your cheers barely have an impact as he’ll usually win even if you skip the race so I recommend doing that.

You can already see how futile this feels. I’m just getting started too. So in the hub world you can feed the people praying to Godzilla so they pray harder….it also extends their life. They’ll die in around 600 seconds otherwise. You can use gems to buy(?) more followers so maybe instead of dying if you stop feeding them it just means they won’t bother to pray anymore. You can also use gems to upgrade your forest.

Now the kicker, the game uses a time system. So all those upgrades you spent on the shop? All gone as soon as you participate in any kind of race…which you’re supposed to do. Your Kaiju also loses a lot of his remaining time left on the planet if you race. Yet, that’s the only thing to do in the game so why wouldn’t you race? There are 38 levels in the game. I managed to clear around 24-25 of them. Its a little tedious though because only 2 levels show up at a time and sometimes they’re both old. You have to keep exiting and re-entering the menu to shuffle the levels until a new one shows up.

At least you have a sense of progression though right? Wrong! When your Kaiju dies all of your data is erased as well. Yes, any record of your completing a single level is gone. You lose all of your apples, gems, followers, milestones, everything. The only thing that carries over is a fraction of your original Kaiju’s stats so your next one will be stronger. At least you’ll get a new one next time right? No, not that either. You have to pay 2 bucks a piece if you want any other Kaiju. Otherwise you’ll keep on getting color swapped Godzillas to play around with.

I admit that as it is I never like when games don’t let you control a character at all. Still, it could have at least tried to be decent but with the game completely erasing your data every time your Kaiju dies (Every 9000 seconds and you lose 200 seconds every time you enter a race) then there is really no point. The entire game feels completely pointless if it’s going to be erasing your data like that. Why bother getting invested or trying to have a good time if it’s just going to be like that? The game is punishing you for playing it a lot since you can keep the game off which will postpone how long your Kaiju has until it dies.

The writing is terrible as well. The info dump from the two characters at the beginning is handled poorly. They’re both talking in circles about things that don’t even matter while not even properly touching on the mechanics of the game. Instead they lazily tell you to just read the help section in the menu at the end. If you’re going to do that then don’t have a half hearted tutorial at the beginning.

The graphics are also awful. This is the kind of game that will forever taint the image of mobile games for someone. These have to be the least detailed character models I’ve seen in a long time. I’m sure a Godzilla fan with some good computer programs would be able to churn out something better in a day. It feels like the studio was given the budget of a snickers bar to come up with this. It would explain why there is only a single mode here and virtually no budget. The game still has the nerve to ask you for a lot of money to upgrade your facilities and buy new Kaiju. They’ll all be deleted within 9000 seconds anyway so why would you possibly spend that kind of money (20-50 for bundles)?

Overall, maybe I got spoiled by the first Godzilla mobile game which was actually great but this one was shockingly bad. It’s the kind of game you want to finish up and delete right away. Having the game delete my data made that a whole lot easier. This is the first of the 3 mobile games from Toho that were being hyped up and now I’m worried for the next two. I just downloaded the second game. While it’s too early for me to pass judgment I am a little worried. The next game has the exact same musical track, character designs, menu layouts, etc. It seems to be a clone, only this one is about destruction and you can move around. I just hope that doesn’t mean it also has a time system because that will absolutely be super annoying. This is easily the worst mobile game I’ve ever played in my life, I highly recommend staying far away from it.

Overall 2/10

Finding Nemo Review

Posted on by
2

51AS80XCE8L
It’s rare for me to actually dislike a video game, but sometimes you just end up pulling out a bad egg. This was one of those times and it is safe to say that without exaggeration…Finding Nemo is one of the worst video games of all time. It is simply a sad experience and the puzzles will frustrate you to no end. Mix that in with the bad graphics and drawn out story mode, and you’ve got yourself a broken game. It’s too bad since I went to great lengths to finally get this game again after selling it many years ago. Of course…I can see why I sold it the first time around.

The plot of the game is just like the movie of course. Nemo gets kidnapped by some humans so his father and a fish that he meets along the way must travel to save Nemo. This leads to a lot of missions which will have you solve puzzles, navigate through dark tunnels, and play tag sometimes. In theory, this sounds pretty good…maybe that’s a stretch. It doesn’t sound bad anyway, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, I was about to be amazed as how sad it was.

For starters, the graphics are really bad. The whole game is so dark that you can’t really see where you are going a lot of the time. You just have to crawl forward and hope that an enemy is not there to greet you. The dark levels are almost unbearable at times and you have to alter the brightness settings on your TV to keep yourself from dying over and over again. It helped a little, but I feel bad for my TV. I definitely should not have to adjust my settings just for the sake of this video game.

Let’s jump to the worst part of the game right away though. There are puzzles in this game that are so long, so boring, and so artificially difficult that I can’t imagine how it ever lived in the final version. There is no way that the kids in this game’s target audience would be able to complete the puzzles. It was so boring that I would have to play the game while on the phone to keep myself from falling asleep. It’s essentially a Rubix Cube and you have to arrange the pictures without harming the others. That’s not terrible in theory, but with no way to reset the puzzle once you’ve started, you can constantly set yourself back quite a few plays and never even know about it. It’s madness. One level took me over an hour as a result..an hour on a single puzzle. That’s not cool.

The average level is more like 1-4 minutes so you can see the contrast. The puzzles don’t seem like they’re supposed to be so long, but it just ends up happening that way because of how they are constructed. It’s a shame since the rest of the game could have probably gotten a 5 or so, but the puzzles destroyed it. They’re hardly the only issue of course, but certainly the most important one.

Even the final boss is fairly annoying because Nemo dies due to a single hit. That’s present in the whole game of course, but you can at least gather little fish to protect you in certain levels. In the final boss, that is not the case. You have to tag Dory 10 times while dodging falling rocks that move very quickly and appear out of nowhere. It took me quite a while to finally beat the level and it’s not an experience that I would want to have again. The game is really just annoying and I feel like the developers did not know what they were doing. Just about any company could make a better game than this.

It’s also a little hard on the hands. You have to keep pressing the A button to swim faster and faster during the levels and it’s really hard to keep up the pace. There are booster rings that help with that, but it’s hard to hit them because of the graphics. It’s a bad mix of elements that combine to make each one all the worse. Let’s also talk about the long loading times, which are pretty sad.

I usually don’t even bother with the loading times in my reviews, but these are infamously bad. You have time to go and make a sandwich while the game is loading between levels. They just drag on for minutes at a time and it’s very uncanny. It’s not surprising once you actually play the game, but it’s like adding insult to injury. My salt levels would always rise when playing Finding Nemo so you should be sure to have a bottle of water at the ready during your playthrough of the game.

How about replay value? I’d say that it’s basically at a 0 since the game is no fun to play. There are some collectibles though. You can get 3 stars during each level by doing certain things. Of course, these things aren’t actually explained so you’re completely out of luck unless you’ve picked up a strategy guide or can find a good walkthrough. It would be a very loooooong case of trial and error otherwise to find out the requirements for each star. They’ve thought of everything haven’t they?

Overall, Finding Nemo is a game that I highly recommend avoiding at all costs. The graphics are terrible and make games from 20 years ago look good. The loading times make Super Smash Bros look instant and just having the fish float around while staring at the audience doesn’t look very impressive. The soundtrack is very bland and while the game only has 18 levels, the puzzles really stretch out the play time. If you’re curious about this game, watch some Youtube videos of it. It’s definitely not worth purchasing at any price and you will likely regret getting this game. There really aren’t any positives to say about Finding Nemo. The only promising parts of the game, like hopping across little lily pads, are wrecked by the fact that any contact with any enemy will send you back to the last checkpoint. Not having any health in a game where enemies pop out of nowhere is definitely not cool.

Overall 2/10