Tag Archives: Horror

The Lawnmower Man Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a sci-fi film about why virtual reality and augmenting a person’s brain could be a dangerous idea. Technology will inevitably become too much for humanity to handle and once that happens it is game over. So what does that have to do with a Lawnmower? Well somebody gets murdered with one and it’s a cool title. The main guy also does lawnmowing so it makes sense but I can see how it would seem like a superhero name.

The film starts by showing us an experiment that is being run on a chimp. He is taken to a virtual reality world where he has to shoot all of the enemies dead. The experiments are going well and this is proof that the technology works but he manages to escape. He gets far enough to meet a guy named Jobe who gets picked on constantly by everyone for not being smart. Father Francis beats him and doesn’t help at all so Jobe is glad to have a friend but the chimp is shot dead. Now Jobe is back to being on his own until a guy named Angelo shows up who offers Jobe a lot of intelligence and success if he helps with a certain experiment. Jobe really has nothing to lose so he agrees to these tests but are these experiments going to make him unbalanced?

First up, if I was Jobe I would have definitely said yes to the experiments as well. Sure, they seem a bit risky but it can’t be any worse than his current situation. That’s exactly how I would have felt about it so it makes a lot of sense that he would get on board with this. Also, the effects are really good at first. He can actually have intelligent conversations and everyone respects him more. Unfortunately corporate steps in at this point and sabotages everything. If they had not done that, I dare say the experiment probably would have been a complete success. Leave it to corporate to rush things a bit too far and blow everything up though. They just couldn’t wait to get the natural gains that would have happened.

This isn’t an action film first and foremost but we do get some fight scenes. At one point Jobe basically takes on the army with his flying nanobots which was pretty fun. At this point, there isn’t much that can stop him though as he transcends his mortal body. The guy completely cracks and turns evil by the end but the film does a good job of showing just how much he had to put up with before then. He didn’t have much to protect or live for by this point since everyone was getting bumped off. So yeah at that point you might as well end the world.

At its core I would call this a revenge fantasy film. We see how everyone mistreats Jobe and the only characters who have his back are beaten up or murdered. So now that he has these telepathic abilities he can enact his full revenge on them all. You can definitely see where the film is going with this right from the jump. It can get a little overzealous on the deaths with this though. The film has a tendency to cut away so it’s not incredibly graphic or anything but the deaths themselves can definitely be painful.

Also the film did murder the chimp near the beginning which was unfortunate. Animal violence is always a good way to knock yourself down a peg. It was hard for the film to really come back from that. It’s also just a bit too mean spirited. I would have liked more characters to have had Jobe’s back and defended him when things weren’t going well. It would have shown that at least humanity was not fully cooked yet. Sure we had a few characters like Angelo, Marnie, and Jobe’s coworker but that was about it. They also weren’t able to be there 24/7.

So Jobe was a good character and it’s just too bad that the power got to him. He still made the right move and helped the kid by the end though. Angelo was also solid as he would talk back to corporate but I also think he could have been a little more cautious at times. I felt like he turned his back to the company and then didn’t have a plan for when they would inevitably target him. Not a very smart move if you ask me and the guy’s supposed to be a genius. He did good in setting up the technology but underestimated humanity.

Father Francis should be considered as the main villain of the film in large part because he’s the one who should have been watching out for Jobe. Instead of supporting the guy, he basically took every excuse to punish him over and over. He was actively trying to prevent Jobe from learning more and so yeah this guy didn’t really have any redeeming qualities. You just needed him to be bumped off as soon as possible. Until that were to happen there was just no way to move forward.

Overall, The Lawnmower Man had some interesting ideas. I also enjoyed seeing the virtual world with the super retro CG. In some ways that’s the kind of CG that tends to be fun as it really makes you feel like you’re in a computer game. I could have done without the romance though which was particularly weak and more disturbing than anything inside the screen. That was just never going to work out there and it all went too fast. The film would have been better if it toned down the amount of bullies and randoms who were just cruel and evil for no real reason though. It’s just way too slanted and pretty much forces Jobe down the path of corruption. It’s not a film that makes for a particularly easy watch so I would recommend other sci-fi titles above this one.

Overall 4/10

Blame! Review

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It’s time for a really abstract/intense sci-fi title. Blame! is one of those series that really doesn’t spoon feed you too many details so you really have to figure everything out on your own. It’s an exciting way to read through the series and then see how different your takeaways were from someone else’s. There are a lot of things you should agree on as well of course and there are some things that the series will tell you. It’s definitely an unforgettable sci-fi title with a ton of action but in the interpretive sections it can also get a bit disturbing. It might say more about me than the manga depending if that’s what anyone else saw but some of the dark elements get super dark.

The story follows a guy named Killy. (Well that’s how he’s listed online but I could have sworn the spelling was more like K’il but Killy is easier to spell so I’ll just roll with it. Killy is a guy who tends to be super silent all of the time. He doesn’t really say much of anything and appears to be a real enigma. He wants to shut down the city and to do that he has to find someone with the net terminal gene code that is needed to save the world. A lot of crazy stuff happened hundreds of years ago and humanity messed with the A.I. a bit too much. So naturally robots took over the planet and drove the humans to the brink of extinction.

Some of these robots are “Builders” and their goal is to keep on building forever and ever. That is their mission after all so they just continue to do this until the end of time. Naturally this does lead to one big issue which is that the world never ends as a result. For example lets say you are 10 blocks away from the supermarket and then you go to sleep. When you wake up to might be 30 blocks away. Since the city is constantly expanding on all sides, it also means you can easily be separated from your group for a long time.

In some ways the series almost works as an anthology type as well since Killy will meet various people from all sorts of tribes where he will sometimes help them out for a prize. If they have info on what he needs then he will help and likewise if they’re about to die or something. Otherwise his priority is to keep moving. It’s not that he’s heartless or anything but in most cases there isn’t much that can be done for these people. I’m afraid the sad truth is that they’re basically down for the count. The humans are really lucky that the robots take their time and aren’t in full genocide mode or the humans would have been wiped out a very long time ago.

So when it comes to the dark stuff, what am I talking about? Well Killy stumbles into quite a few areas where it looks like the humans are basically being tortured to death for eternity. We see one human (Or more like an android at that point) who seemed to have been converted into some kind of eternal breeding machine. Others have been totally ripped apart, some whose minds have been completely cracked, etc. It’s really not good to be a human here and you have to hope that your mind has long since died. Then of course a lot of really strong stuff happens to the robots as well so you just hope that they don’t have pain receptors.

In a lot of ways you could say that the world of Blame! is like an allegory for hell. All you have to look forward to is an eternity of pain and suffering. There are no wins to be found here or anything like that. Everywhere you go is more and more despair and the closer the heroes get, the more the goalposts are literally shifted away. At this point all they can really do is survive and even that is not particularly fun when there’s not enough food or water to last you for very long.

So here’s my take on the whole situation. It’s based in part on some reveals and then how I interpreted them so in case my theory is right…and it probably is…you should skip the next 2 paragraphs including this one. All right so what seems to be happening here is that the human race was subjugated a long time ago and the whole world was turned into data. What is happening now is a man made version of hell that the robots have stuck humanity into in order to run tests. Killy is one of these robotic administrators and he is using the body of a human type in order to find a way to shut it down.

This is why Killy has a gun that only the machines should have and why his stats are so high. It’s also why it seems to be impossible to actually destroy hm. I think this ties in pretty well and makes sense with some of the dialogue that we get later on. Everything is real to the people who are inside of the City but it’s not the physical world at this point. It’s not the most air tight theory or anything like that but I thought it made sense. It’s a bit harder to explain the angel type robots that show up later on and the other factions but I can still attribute this to there just being a lot of contention on how the world should be developed.

In the end it’s not like the explanation matters all that much though. The whole point is that this is a mission in futility. No mater what Krill does, humanity is not going to win here. He could save people as often as he wants and keep on destroying robots but it is truly endless. There is no meaning to life within the city and he will have to keep going until he dies or runs out of energy. The series takes advantage of his immortality and how things keep going really well.

Some chapters seem to take place across dozens and dozens of years and that’s being conservative. At times Killy acts like he hasn’t seen another person in many years and other times it seems like he’s somewhere that he has been too in the past but before the time of the people still living there. I suppose after a while if you’re immortal you would probably lose track of time as well. Everything starts to become a legend or a mystery. Do you trust your own memories or what people tell you happened back in the day?

There’s just a whole lot to ponder here and the series really goes into a ton of really intense topics even without much dialogue for pretty much the whole series. That’s the most impressive thing about it. I dare say it’s also scarier than most horror films. The fact that you really don’t know how to escape is absolutely terrifying. Like put yourself in the position of any human who isn’t Killy here. At any moment you could be murdered by giant immortal robots. There is no escape since the city is the size of the entire planet and you are only getting older and slower while they do not. Eventually you will be taken down as well and there’s nothing that you can do to fight it.

That has to be extremely terrifying and unnerving. Not having a way to resist your impending doom is crazy. Meanwhile the art is also super good which also adds to how terrifying everything is. The character designs and action scenes are extremely detailed. The fights get rather large so you really feel just how powerful all of the characters arc. Killy and the robots are like terminators and then you keep on getting stronger and stronger versions. Killy can hold his own against almost all of them but even he runs into some difficulties which the top tier ones.

The robot designs are as cool as they are scary too. Some have large capes, cool swords, etc. There’s really a whole lot to love there. The main cast is rather small as most characters are one shots. There are a number of big villains around, some have names and some do not. The most memorable side character is easily Cibo though. She was definitely put through a lot as she was forced to stay alive for many years through a machine but you could say that she was functionally dead for a while there. Killy does end up helping her get a full android body and from there she gets involved in quite a lot of mech fights. I don’t envy her position though, having to pretty much be tuned into a robot in order to keep existing is rough.

Then there is Sanakan who joins up with Killy for a while. A lot happens and lets just say Sanakan doesn’t get to always stick around but it’s another crazy plot point to keep you engaged. When these side characters are around it does allow the series to finally have some dialogue since otherwise Killy would pretty much never talk to anybody. He just doesn’t see the point of doing so which is rather harsh to be sure.

In the end I might start to sound like a broken record about this but Blame! is definitely not a title for the faint of heart. When I say it’s probably the scariest manga out there I definitely mean it. It’s like Terminator on steroids. There isn’t a lot to talk about due to the nature of the series even with a reasonable amount of volumes but I can say that you will still be experiencing a lot here. It can just be tough to translate that into words. You just know that it’s a series you won’t forget. Even the high tier action scenes have a bit of a scary undercurrent to them. Because again, it’s not like you can win. At best you can continue to delay the inevitable by fighting but at some point you will be tired or make a mistake and then that’s it for you.

The whole mission about finding someone with the gene is already a huge long shot. It’s unlikely that anyone with it still exists and the longer Killy searches for this, the more likely it’ll be that all of the people who had the gene are dead. It’s fully possible that his search is already in vain. Then it’s possible that he’s already stuck in an endless time loop as well. I wish there were some big online debates about this series, I’d be eager to read that. I’ll probably have to start looking up some theory videos for the series now that I’ve finished the review on it. I bet there’s tons of great content out there just waiting to be looked at. This manga is really one of a kind.

Overall, Blame! is definitely one of the most interesting manga titles that I’ve read. It’s just so interpretive and yet there is a ton of great world building here. It’s the kind of series where you can probably argue about the meaning of a specific page with other fans for hours. There’s just so much to take away from it. So what you take away from the series will come down to your own opinions and analytics as well. Some scenes that I find super dark you might find standard or scenes that I find to be really hype you might think are disturbing. I will say there is definitely a lot of replay value to the series since you can just allow yourself to be lost in the artwork. This could definitely be turned into a fun anime although I know the studio would be tempted to task it down quite a lot. Throw in dialogue everywhere and simplify the whole thing of course. It’s a little too disturbing at times for me to actively recommend this to a manga reader but if you love horror and twisted stuff then you will definitely have a field day with this one. Just make sure you are prepared to be spooked if you watch this at night!

Overall 5/10

Bendy: Fade to Black Review

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It’s time for a spooky adventure in the Bendy verse. I don’t read very many books nowadays so it’s always fun once I get to jump in again. This is a solid one that is rather low key for a while but then the climax feels like the Bendy games. While parts of the writing may have felt a bit off to me, I was definitely engaged with what was going on. The ending is really worth going through the whole book as it takes the adventure in a bold direction that I was certainly not expecting.

The story starts by introducing us to Rose who is excited to finally be working. She has a job at a local media company where she will be helping out on the Bendy show. Her job is more of a background one as she gets papers ready, delivers coffee, etc. Still, it’s a pretty good way to start an eventual climb into stardom so she is definitely ready for all of this. Unfortunately what she doesn’t realize is that Joey Drew is a rather suspicious fellow. He can seem nice one moment and then completely deranged the next. This may be quirky at first but the problem is that he is legitimately dangerous. If she doesn’t watch her step then it will be all over for her.

Of course if you’ve played the games before then you already know that Bendy has become an evil monster. Well, that may not be exactly accurate but you should play the game to really see the lore as there are a lot of good twists and turns. For simplicity’s sake though I’m going to be calling the main monster Bendy. Bendy destroys all who oppose him and in the game we see how Joey rambles a lot and really went down the wild side. He would do anything to protect his creations and make his show the best in the world. So this is like a prequel where we still see him in the early stages of this. He has his ink machine and is creating monsters.

One thing I liked about Joey here is that he’s unapologetically evil. He’s not saddened by how his creations are doing more harm than good. He’s not talking about regrets or anything like that. Joey just spends the whole book laughing about how great he is and what a success the whole thing is. He has no sense of loyalty and this was always part of the plan. He would destroy everyone in his way because that’s what he does. It’s just refreshing to have a complete villain like this and he has some of the best dialogue in the book.

Unfortunately Rose is unable to be his perfect contrast here. As the lead I don’t think she was able to hold her own or be nearly as interesting. For starters her dialogue makes her sound like a little kid the whole time. I do think this mainly falls on the writer but it’s easy to forget that she’s close to being an adult. Part of her character is about being really optimistic but there are many ways to do that without making her sound like a kid you know? That’s where my problem with her is. She has her big moments where she tries to talk tough to Joey and the others but for the most part she freezes under pressure and just ends up taking the L.

I give her props for doing her best in a rather tough environment but I would have liked a tougher main character. She is considerably better than her little brother though. That kid fell for every trap from Bendy and it didn’t make any sense. He was super annoying the whole time and the whole book would have been way better if he could have at least seen through one trick or two. He was consistently holding everyone back the whole time. I know that he’s a kid but even so, Rose actually warned him in advance about Bendy and the kid still let himself be bossed around.

Her parents didn’t look great here either. Her father has a lot of PTSD from the war so he’s really out of commission the whole time. Her mother tries her best to keep everything secure but seems to have very little sympathy for what Rose was going through. The heroine has done her best for years but one slip up where she lets out a yell and everyone’s upset? They should be upset at her brother for scaring her when they’re all in a tense situation. There are a few supporting characters around as well like the boss of the big media company. He’s a lot of fun. You can bet that Joey won’t be talking to him any kind of way because that guy’s just too good. The secretary also seemed nice enough.

Her friend at the job was nice enough even if he did panic though. Trying to dismantle the ink machine to keep it around was a super bad idea. There’s a random rich kid who shows up at the watch party and it was a bad moment for Rose as she was basically getting mind controlled with ease in there. She had to be rescued which was not a good look at all. You need to be able to get out of a situation like that on your own or you’re really not ready for the big times. I felt bad for one guy who was turned into an ink creature and has to keep on dying. The Bendy-verse definitely gets real dark at times. It was still naive of them to think that Joey would care though.

In the video games it is all about running from the creatures and hiding where you can. This finally becomes a big thing by the end of the book which is my favorite part. There’s a lot of tension here and an actual body count as well. The book really goes hard here and that climax could really be adapted as a full game at some point. Then of course we have the big ending as I mentioned which is really intense. It also makes sense I would say since someone really didn’t have a chance of returning. No power of friendship is going to work here, logically Bendy already had the situation covered.

Overall, The book has a very slow pace for a little while there. You do need to enjoy the mystery and the slow build up because the action doesn’t kick in until the final chapters. That said, I thought the payoff was worth the build up. It did a good job of bringing everything together so I was definitely satisfied here and am ready for more Bendy books. If you’re in the mood for a book with some spooky events scattered within then this is the title for you.

Overall 7/10

Shakma Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

All right it’s time for a pretty spooooky film. I mean it is basically a horror and the enemy is like a creature so I’d say it fits the bill. The movie is definitely an intense one but suffers from all of the usual issues like animal violence and over the top violence in general. This film will have you wincing almost constantly which as you can imagine, can make it hard for the film itself to succeed.

The film starts off with a bunch of doctors/assistants gearing up for their next big game. They run a sort of dungeons and dragons type game in the hospital. After hours they set up all of the rooms and lock down each of the floors. The professor has a virtual system to keep track of everything and coordinates the efforts as the Gamemaster. The first person to get enough clues and free the princess wins. They’ve been doing this for a long time with no problems but one of the girls accidentally mentions the game in front of one of the new hires. Now he wants to play too but the guy’s not very serious and could hold them back. So the characters decide to give him the role of monster to scare people and afterwards he finds out that he’s missing out on a date by being here. So he intends to sabotage the game so that it goes very quickly but what none of them realize is that a dangerous monster is already on the loose, Shakma! Shakma is aiming to destroy all of them as soon as possible so he must not be underestimated.

So Shakma is a baboon and not the most intimidating one on sight. He is fierce and aggressive but you’re jus wondering what would make him scary. Do you really fear such an opponent as this guy? He tends to murder everyone with a quick bite as the first blow and then once the opponent is on the ground it’s over. It’s technically a pretty impressive combo starter because if he bites the right place then it’s all over. There’s really nothing for the opponent to do. So I sort of get that and acknowledge that he fights smart but I still wouldn’t call him very scary. The concept of the Shakma is scarier like when you see him from a distance or on the poster. You absolutely get it but in practice…eh I don’t think he is ready for the big leagues.

Unfortunately most of the characters are super annoying. These are the kinds of people who will just sit back and watch as someone is being torn apart in front of them. I get panicking and everything like when the chips are down but this is just too much. You need to have some characters to root for and this makes them very unlikable. Take the guy who was trying to sabotage the whole game over a date. It’s an awful look because he asked to be a part of the game early on. Yes, he started to have second thoughts about this but he didn’t voice them soooo…I can’t feel all that bad for him. He just needed to do his best and actually participate.

The professor was the most likable character by far. He had a lot of patience and was doing his best to make the game a success. I imagine that it takes a lot of work to set up the whole program each time. So he gets a whole lot of credit there. You were rooting for him to be the one to defeat Shakma. Meanwhile the rest of the students would just keep on splitting up over and over again. Even right up to the end the final 2 survivors decide to split up again. Are you serious?

I dare say that they make the average horror movie characters look smart in comparison. These guys are making so many mistakes that you start to have trouble keeping track of them all. They just keep on coming one after the other. A lot of times the excuse is that they want to look for one of the other teens who got bumped off since they don’t know that he was bumped off yet. The problem with this is after a point you at least need to let the cops know first. The worst part of the film’s logic here is the phones.

Each time they think about calling the cops, they decide to do something first. No, call the cops first and then keep looking around if you want. Every room should have a phone in the hospital or at least most of them. Where were all of the phones when they were needed?? It doesn’t make any sense at all. I felt like I was just watching madness here after a while. The setting of this film taking place in a hospital makes it so that none of this makes sense.

In fact, what about security in general? Sure this is after hours so the staff aren’t around but you mean to tell me that none of the guards were patrolling these floors during the game? Yeah I have more and more doubts as the film goes on. This just doesn’t mesh with logic. The film was doomed already with all the shock value though. I don’t really see the point of the surgery scene from the intro either. We know they work in a hospital so stuff like that happens, why do we gotta see it? Feels like it was just there as a cheap thrill which is no good.

Overall, Shakma is a classic creature feature film to an extent but all the violence is dialed up to 11. It definitely feels like one of the more violent titles that I’ve seen in a minute. In a way it’s probably because of how drawn out each of the murders are. They just keep on going and going. Then of course you have the live surgeries and everything. Nah this film was definitely not for me and loses out to most of the other creature films. This one did surprise me with how the story ends but that’s more of a thumbs up for me and not something I’d raise the score over. It just showed that the film wasn’t afraid to be rather bold and take things in a different direction.

Overall 1/10

The Lost Boys Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for some vampires. You already know that means the film is starting off at a disadvantage but maybe it can pull through and win anyway? Wellllll…unfortunately that is not the case so I still do have to give this one a thumbs down. The characters tend to be annoying and the film can drag on at some points. The main romance with the teens also doesn’t work so well.

The film starts with Michael, his younger brother Sam, and his mom Lucy moving from a nice place over to the murder capital of the world. They’re staying with Lucy’s father and at this point the goal is really to try and make the best of it. Sam is one of those guys who is very personable and he acclimates to the new place quickly even if it is odd how two kids keep telling him to watch out for vampires. Michael sees an attractive lady who is already taken but since when has that stopped him? He flirts with her which causes the leader of the vampire group, David to show up and mess with him. Michael succumbs to peer pressure immediately and gets turned into a vampire. Can he control his urges and stay on the path of justice?

There’s a lot to unpack here and unfortunately most of it is not good. As the lead character Michael makes too many mistakes. It’s not really good form to go after someone who is already in a relationship. Yeah it’s not the same as someone being married or engaged but at the same time it makes you look desperate. It was clear that Star was leading him on from the jump so the only right answer there is to just dodge the situation entirely. She manipulates him so easily that you’re just shaking your head. Their romance really was bad.

Meanwhile Michael was falling for the illusions each time and then not suspecting that something was wrong about the vampires was a real miss for him as well. He does control the urges well at least and I can tell you right now that I have no issues with taking out any of the villains. As far as I’m concerned that is full self defense and everyone was trying to murder the vampires in order to save the town so there’s no functional difference here. Something to keep in mind since the end of the film is trying to throw a message in and it doesn’t really work.

I liked Sam a lot more than Michael. He’s a likable kid who has a positive outlook. Again, if not for the vampires he was going to get used to the new town real fast. He had a good sense of humor and is also responsible. This is the kind of kid you can count on to make your life easier. He gets a big role along with the two vampire hunters but technically it’s not like he can fight all that much so I wouldn’t expect him to do a lot of damage. The villains are just too powerful.

As for Lucy, she’s definitely a sympathetic character. She’s also been through a lot with the divorce and all. It may be a little fast to get back into the dating game but at least it’s treated like an actual dynamic among adults. It starts off with a basic dinner and nothing crazy. Usually I’d say the romance subplot had no point being in the film but this time I suppose it justified its own existence. It’s still a bit on the weak side but as a character Lucy was solid.

Then you have Max whose role is pretty fun. He is the character you will be thinking about a lot here and some scenes you can see in a different light. So he makes for a fairly solid character, certainly better than the vampire gang led by David who mostly just look like creeps the whole time. They’re not intimidating in a fun way and if anything they’re so overconfident and sloppy that this is what leads to them getting cooked all the time. As long as they remembered basic fighting techniques then they would have been okay here. The problem is they don’t have much of a goal except for spreading chaos.

I would have liked to have seen perspectives from more of the outside world. Not someone about to die but maybe a few locals talking about how people are always getting kidnapped and being murdered which seems weird. The film does establish this place as the biggest murder area in the world but doesn’t follow that up with anything. I’m sure the mayor and the cops would have something to say about that right? Adding them in with a big role would have been really fun.

Just something to give us more time away from the vampires. You already know that nobody can put up a fight against them so the nameless characters are doomed. The film doesn’t keep your attention the way that it should. It throws in quite a few jump scares involving the dogs. It’s a dangerous game since that could have easily tanked the whole movie but fortunately it avoids getting hit with the solid 0-1. The dogs end up looking fairly tough the whole time and Sam’s dog really saves the day more than once. So I appreciate that. Having a dog on screen always speeds up my heart rate a little bit but when you have a happy ending like this then that definitely helps out a whole lot.

Overall, The Lost Boys is a film that had some potential but it doesn’t live up to this in the execution. The comedic elements could have helped to raise everything up but at the end of the day it still focuses more on the vampire stuff than anything else. The characters created too many issues on their own and so in the end what you have here is a film that doesn’t give you much of an incentive to watch it. At least I did like the grandfather. His role was small but the confidence was nice. If the film had doubled down on more of the humor this could have really been a different ballgame.

Overall 3/10

White Noise Review

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White Noise is one of those desperate horror films that actually snagged an interesting idea but rushed to churn out some random product that barely made use of it. I can’t say I was all that disappointed because to be honest I had fairly low expectations going into it. The movie’s fairly bad as you would guess. The villains are overpowered with no weaknesses and the whole film is an exercise in futility. At least the film has some restraint and doesn’t go too crazy though.

The film starts off with Jonathan being married to Anna and she is even expecting a kid which is hype. Unfortunately she dies after that so Jonathan gets rather depressed. He ends up meeting a shady guy who was following him around for a while though named Raymond. He dabbles in the arcane arts and explains that Sarah’s spirit can still be heard through the computer. They just have to listen hard enough and he’s a pro at the electro voice phenomenon and has made it his life’s work. He’s been helping another lady named Sarah as well. Now she can help Jonathan a bit because Raymond gets bumped off soon after. The spirits don’t appreciate this intrusion and plan to keep on murdering people. What can Jonathan do against these demonic entities?

Nothing to be honest. Lol you thought this guy could do anything about it? These ghosts are intangible, they’ve got super speed, super strength, endless stamina, they can control your body and make you jump out a window, etc. Their abilities are basically limitless so all Jonathan can do is flail around for a while until the ghosts have had enough of him. That’s my main problem with some titles like this. You have to at least introduce a concept that gives Jonathan some kind of a chance in this fight. Otherwise, what is even the point of watching the film? It’s just pointless if his only escape is his inevitable death. At that point then what are we even doing here?

The film also gets rather boring at times. It’s good that Jonathan is super good at hearing because half the time I couldn’t even get what the ghosts were saying through the computer screen. It could be like gibberish at times and I’m someone who tends to like white noise. I use it every night to create that hype atmosphere although I’ve thought about buying a more custom noise like a rainforest sound or something. I think those could even be more fun although I haven’t tried that yet. But even so it’s not something that can carry a movie. I did appreciate that most of the transitions were done using white noise though. The general colors, backgrounds, and effects weren’t bad either.

There just isn’t a lot of them to go around and they tend to be very repetitive. Also, it goes through the annoying cliche of only the evil spirits having power while the good ones can only repeat one or two phrases like an NPC. Anna shows up a few times to tell Jonathan to run but she never gives any more details than that. Also lets face it, running’s not even going to do anything at this point although I appreciate the attempt. No, he’s doomed no matter how you slice it.

One plot point that starts kind of late is how Jonathan can quickly see into the future. He is given glimpses into different dark fates that await various characters but with enough time to save them or help out in time. He does help out a bit but I’d be annoyed with this ability because it doesn’t come with any hints or anything. He just has to run around until he finds out what is going on. It’s also usually a half victory as someone still dies or gets injured while he saves someone else.

Ultimately though, it’s all rather futile like I mentioned. Jonathan never stood a chance at winning or doing much of anything. Depending on how you interpret the ending, it’s not looking much better for the other characters either. Part of the ending is a little funny though with some more static noise showing up and we get one last line from one of the characters. Everyone looks either shocked or happy except for the driver who is over the whole thing. He just drives off looking rather annoyed and I don’t blame him because from his point of view the whole thing’s probably been a real drag. Now he’s going to have to compete with a legacy that will probably be dramatized a bit. If he was in the sequel I’d bet that things would not go well for him.

Ultimately the message here is really not to mess with the dead and spirits. Once someone dies then you’ve gotta move on and fast. No trying to contact them or anything because you’re just going to be going around in circles and contacting demons anyway. I’d also say you should never trust some random guy who’s been following you around and telling you all of these weird stories. I get that Jonathan was desperate but yeah you definitely need to be able to move on. Not rebound of course, but just keep it calm and not chase after her spirit.

The film also has a really random plot twist near the end of the film that doesn’t make any sense. Feels more like a shock value moment than anything to be honest. Lets just say there is one human villain here to make things a little more tense at the end but there’s just no point to that. We already know that the demons can do anything they want so why involve a human? Just to mess with the main character? That seems like the only possible explanation. The demons strike me as really unreasonable villains who always have some kind of a chip on their shoulders even when they are the ones who created the situation. Yeah they’re not winning any points in my book any time soon.

Overall, At the end of the day there’s not much to positive to really say about the film. It’s a very by the numbers horror film but it doesn’t have a ton of good jump scares. The computer screen moments tend to be on the boring side and you’re really waiting for some action. Unfortunately there’s not much for the main character to even fight for most of the film and by the time we get a human villain the film is ending. This is a film that should have had more fun with the electronic setup. That should have also played into the demons weakness somehow. You know, just give us something with a bit more substance instead of dwelling on the computer screen for so long. Additionally the whole sub plot of Jonathan playing superhero by seeing into the future didn’t make a lot of sense and felt shoehorned in. The film just didn’t have time to really go into this plot so it felt pointless.

Overall 3/10

Bram Stoker’s Dracula Review

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Uh oh it’s time for another Dracula film. By now you know that most of these Dracula movies are pretty bad. I think part of the problem is that there just isn’t a whole lot that you can do with this vampire. Blood sucking will always be annoying at best and rather gross at worst. Then mix that in with the main characters being generally inept and you aren’t going to be in for a good time. By now the story is also rather stale so yeah it loses on all fronts.

The film starts with Jonathan heading over to meet Dracula on some real estate business as usual. He ignores all of the red flags because his family really needs the money. Unfortunately this proves to be a fatal error as he is attacked by Dracula’s vampire wives. Unlike other Dracula incarnations who command respect, he has to actually physically stop them here since they took a bit to actually listen to his orders. They get their win shortly afterwards but not before Dracula heads out to take down Jonathan’s fiancé as well as her friend. Can anybody stop this guy?

Of course not! What do you think this is??? I mean sure he’ll be taken down eventually but not before he causes a lot of chaos. That’s always the annoying thing about these films. You have to slowly watch him do some blood draining and take the heroes down before anybody is actually able to stop him. That’s where it just gets annoying the whole time and the scenes take forever. The film also squeezes in some fanservice here. Lets just say that the scene is played up quite a bit and Dracula is doing some unnecessary stuff during the biting.

There are no coincidences here and so the film is going extra hard in making everyone look bad. I would say even among Dracula movies this one is particularly weak. There is really no reason to watch it. The movie gets excessively violent, the fanservice is poor, and there are no great characters. Even Dracula as I mentioned doesn’t get the usual amount of respect you would think. He doesn’t look very imposing, if anything he seems confused at times. You feel like the heroes could take him down if they would move a bit quicker.

There’s at least one scene where Van Helsing has the cross at the ready but throws it away so Dracula gets the upper hand. Yeah he had a hostage at the ready but that’s when you charge forward. Naturally Dracula continues going about his business once the cross is away so the heroes earned nothing there. It’s why the hostage dilemma can be difficult of course since it is often a lose-lose situation but it was particularly annoying here.

Jonathan is particularly awful though. Early on he has the chance to destroy Dracula when he goes up to the coffin but he hesitates for some bizarre reason which gives the henchman enough time to take him out. Next time you have the lord of darkness in your sights you really need to finish the job. Like what are you even doing by that point? You have to lock in and take care of business. It’s the only way forward.

There’s not much to say about Lucy and Mina here. They basically exist to get wrecked by Dracula the whole time as they can’t muster up any willpower. Arthur is also annoying because of course he falls asleep on the job and is generally unhelpful until the end. He may have some enthusiasm but he is lacking in overall skills and ability which are just as important. Without those he ends up just being lost in the grand scheme of things which isn’t helpful to anyone.

Van Helsing at least knows what he is doing. Again he doesn’t always handle the situation well but I give him some points for the attempts. Without him the heroes wouldn’t be doing much of anything. He’s just going through the motions for the most part though, I prefer the adaptions where he is a little crazier and willing to go to extreme method to stop Dracula. Lets see this guy cut loose and everything you know? That would be way better.

Not that there was ever any chance for this film to be good though. Lets just face it, it was always going to be a pretty bad movie and there’s no real way to avoid that. It’s not impossible to make a good Dracula movie, in fact it’s been done a few times. You have to try really hard though because you are starting at a disadvantage and I didn’t feel that the film did a particularly good job here. There are also so many Dracula films that I feel as the writer you need to at least try and differentiate yourself a bit. This one didn’t really do that at all.

At least the film’s not super long so I can say that about it. Is that really the only positive? Well…yeah. I mean what other good things are there to say about this one? The characters are annoying and Dracula doesn’t make for a good villains. All of the characters are supremely annoying so you are just shaking your head the whole time. Dracula also needs a better motivation. He’s basically draining all of these girls because he wants romance or just enjoys the power? One of them reminds him of his wife but he must not have loved her a ton if he’s rebounding like this. He comes across as a desperate guy who isn’t even remotely likable and I can’t stress enough how bad that makes him look. That’s one of the worst kinds of motivations that a villain can have.

Overall, This was a pretty bad Dracula movie. It falls into all of the usual issues around a vampire film like this without having any hook to keep you interested. Maybe throw us some big fights showing off Dracula’s super abilities or have some kind of government plot. Maybe have the army try to take him down? Things like that could at least give you something to sink your teeth into instead of effectively watching the same movie again. To be honest it’s unlikely it would give the film many more points but every little bit helps. Definitely avoid this film as much as possible.

Overall 1/10

Five Nights at Freddy’s Review

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It’s time to finally dive into the online sensation that is Five Nights at Freddy’s! This is a franchise that really took the world by storm with just how ferocious and scary it was. Every minute had you really on the edge of your sear wondering what was going to happen next. Would it really translate well into the movie? Well, the movie is definitely at its best when the robots are running around. The whole time you know that the humans are toast but the film does definitely lose some ground when it comes to the origins of the robots and the human stuff. That should probably have been saved for a future film. Granted, I don’t know anything about the film except for the spooky jump scares so how much of the plot was spelled out in the first game is a little beyond me. It’s been fun learning more about the series but a lot of it is lore and guess work typically.

The movie starts off with one guy making a break for it, but the robots are too powerful and they ultimately take him down for the count. We’re then introduced to a guy named Mike who has just been fired from another job. He’s a hard worker but the guy gets too emotional and jumps to conclusions. He only has one option left, being a night guard at an abandoned pizzeria. It’s pretty shady, dangerous, etc but he needs the money. Mike’s little sister is going to be taken away by a family member who wants all the money and Mike’s best chance at convincing the judge that he has this under control is to have a steady job that pays the bills. So that’s the plan at least but can he survive this? At least the nearby police officer named Vanessa is really nice so he won’t be totally alone.

All right so like I said the best stuff is really what’s going on at the pizzeria. The place has a very ominous feel and when you see the robots running around you always know that danger is near. They especially look huge in person so you would probably be afraid to just be walking around them. One wrong punch and that’s it for you. Seriously the physical strength behind these guys is absolutely crazy. There’s also the fact that they shouldn’t be able to move so well that makes them rather spooky too. The constant turnover, etc.

By having the robots murder someone in the opening scene, you also know that they are ready to cause some danger right from the start as well. I enjoy the chase scenes here and things definitely get intense. That said, the robots don’t do quite as much as you may have wanted. A lot of time is spent on Mike and he’s not the most interesting main character. He’s not bad but the guy doesn’t stand out and isn’t always super reasonable.

For example, early on he turns down the night watchman job immediately even though at that point he already needed the money. Ultimately the situation gets even worse so he takes it on but I was surprised at how fiercely he declined. Then later on he has a tendency to blame Vanessa for keeping a lot of secrets from him when it’s still his fault for bringing Abby around at all. There’s no way you should ever be bringing a kid to an abandoned pizzeria with lots of giant robots. That’s not smart and we learn that it was for selfish reasons which is even worse.

Abby’s okay at best but she is a kid and so she tends to get in the way here. She’s not really sure of what’s going on until it’s too late and can be rather naive. Vanessa’s the best character from the humans but you still have to overlook a whole lot in order to straight up call her a good character. Trust me, she makes a lot of mistakes here and the fact that she never does anything about this situation is a demerit against her. I’m not buying into any mind control here, it was just fear and confused feelings that held her back. Neither of which are good enough excuses.

I did appreciate the evil aunt character who was transparently a big villain. Hiring a bunch of guys to attack Freddy’s pizzeria is one of the worst plans you can do but I liked her confidence. It also meant that we finally had some more villains around which is always a good thing. The film has a fairly small cast overall and you need more victims to show off the robots. The robots themselves are also very distinct. Ironically Freddy himself has one of the smaller roles though.

I’d argue the yellow duck robot had the biggest role. They all get their time to shine of course but since the place is called Freddy’s you just expect him to do a whole lot more. One of the scenes where he is seemingly there isn’t even him, it’s actually Golden Freddy and the film just offers you a little clue into this when the kid says “Not Freddy” during the scene. A lot of interesting setup for the sequel. Part of the fun in knowing a lot of random things about a franchise but not knowing a ton of specifics is that it makes the series even more intriguing. Not only do I not know what I don’t know, but the things I do know tend to be out of context. So that’s fun but the risk can sometimes be that I like the concept of something more than the execution.

For example there is one plot that brings down the movie quite a bit in how dark it is. That’s basically Mike’s backstory where his little brother was kidnapped while they were at a picnic and apparently there was a whole epidemic of a lot of kids being taken. This involves the robots but basically all of the kids were violently murdered. Not exactly what you were hoping to see here and the explanation for why the police never found them is a real stretch. I don’t see how they were never found and how the place was so well kept intact afterwards. Surely they would have emptied out the rooms, robots, etc. to make sure that every place was checked right?

The backstory felt a bit sloppy here. Throughout the film, Mike gets to relive the kidnapping as he tries to ask the kids what happened. The idea is that every night he has this dream, he gets closer to solving the mystery but it’s a very slow process. You get what they’re going for here but it does mean that these scenes can be rather boring without much in the way of plot development. I don’t need to see the kid getting kidnapped over and over again. Even the intro of the film is already rather creepy with the drawings and what’s happening. If you have to go into the origin though, I would have left it at the opening credits and made Mike unrelated to the whole plot. Just make him a random guard trying to survive. I think that would be way more interesting.

In terms of sheer violence, I wouldn’t say that the film is too excessive here. It tends to be more about what you don’t see or what nearly happens as opposed to what does. One character does get ripped in half which is probably the most violent scene here but even then it is done through shadows so you aren’t actually seeing what is going on here and I think that is a very important point to make. If it was on screen this film probably would have had to go up a rating after all.

Overall, Five Nights at Freddy’s succeeds whenever it is about the robots running around and causing trouble. The direction the film went in just didn’t tend to focus on its strengths though. Too much time is spent on Mike and his constant dreams. I liked the scene with introducing us to the guy giving Mike the job and how his tune really shifted upon hearing Mike’s last name. It’s over the top enough that it’s spooky while also being a bit campy which is a good atmosphere to have. For the first film it really should have been more about Mike being stuck in the pizzeria trying to survive the night against the robots though. Or if you wanted to go the more lore based route, have this be a very dense film with tons of theory crafting and the main character reading a bunch of books the whole time and trying to figure things out. In either case I think you’re in a better place. So ultimately if you don’t mind the darker elements, you should have a good time here. The robots are definitely spooky!

Overall 4/10

Umma Review

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It’s time for a horror film that I would actually say beats the average one. It’s still not particularly good but its main downside is that it’s boring as opposed to being bad. Not a whole lot happens here and so in that way it avoids some of the usual horror pitfalls but what’s the point of ducking those if you’re not going to do much to increase your score with that extra time?

The film starts with Amanda recalling being electrocuted which gives her nightmares. In the present, she lives in a very remote area where she only really see her daughter Chrissy and the guy who transports her honey, Danny. Amanda has cut off ties with the outside world and also can no longer be near electricity. Due to the traumas of her past, it completely spooks her and makes her sick. Unfortunately this has had a rough effect on her daughter who just wants to be able to lead a normal life and make friends. It gets worse when the ghost of Amanda’s abusive mother shows up to haunt them. Can Amanda fight her off?

Now I will say that Amanda gets off a little easy here because most ghosts like the Grudge show up to start murdering everyone with reckless abandon. That doesn’t happen here, there are actually 0 murders throughout the whole movie which might be a first. It’s extremely rare and so there isn’t even a lot of violence in this movie. The electrocuting scenes are definitely on the disturbing side but are mainly off screen and you just hear what happens. There’s also a bird that gets stomped which at least was all a vision and didn’t really happening. Still unnecessary though.

There are a ton of jump scares here but without anything to actually be scary…it’s not all that intense. So this is really a drama film first and foremost with Amanda not being able to let go of the past. I don’t blame her for being traumatized after all of that though. Her best move would really be to let Chrissy go to the school that she wants and just abandon the bee keeping business since she was never all that into it anyway. That would be the best of both worlds for all parties involved.

Amanda says some hurtful things at one point but she was being possessed so you can let it slide a little bit. My main problem with her is by the ending. Ultimately the film is going for a classic message of letting bygones be bygones which is good of course but I don’t think you need to go as far as to have a ceremony and bow to the grave to help the spirit pass on. Ultimately Amanda’s mother was a bad person straight up and doesn’t need to get any respect by the end. There’s no indication that she ever changed her ways and after death it is far too late.

Meanwhile Chrissy was a solid enough character. The whole situation was pretty tough on her with having to do her best without any friends for so long. It’s lucky for her that River ended up coming along so at least she would have someone to talk to. Chrissy was determined to get out there and change things so she had the right attitude here. I think she’ll go far and the bullying won’t stop her this time. Yeah the film brings up that she was bullied a lot in the past which was rather random and I feel like it didn’t really add anything to the film but I suppose it does show how she’s changed now and will be able to fight a lot harder than before.

Then there is River who at first seemed like she was going to be a rather petty character but she ended up being supportive. She helped talk Chrissy through the situation and staying firm in her resolve to go to College. Meanwhile Danny helped the main characters make a lot of money and seemed like a very reasonable guy. It seemed like he was a good friend for all of those years and while Chrissy was mad at him for holding back on the secrets, he really made the right/respectful calls in all instances.

So the family drama stuff wasn’t bad but it was a bit on the uneventful side. I think you would need more characters to really pull it off and probably ditch the horror aspect. This way you just focus on that and we could have Chrissy going through more of an internal debate on if she should stay with the mother or strike out on her own. I would remove Amanda’s tragic backstory as well so it’s not that she’s in this situation because she’s afraid but that she did it to stop the bullying and keep Chrissy safe. The downside could be that she lost all of her friends as a result which will be what makes Chrissy feel guilty about leaving.

At least to me that would be the best way to do it. In general the writing’s not bad and the film is short so it goes by quickly. The horror stuff for the most part just doesn’t land so I don’t expect you will find this film even remotely scary. The transitions might even just make you laugh. One of the jump scares is that we suddenly cut to a bunch of bees eating some honey and then we go back to Amanda. It was one of the most abrupt transitions that I’ve seen in a while and it was just so random.

Overall, The biggest takeaway here is probably that taking care of bees is a really tough gig. Me personally? I don’t think I would have a great time with it. I’m not a big fan of bees as it is and having them buzzing around 24/7 would be really rough. It sounds like the money was good but that still wouldn’t be worth it. If you’re up for a drama film then this is a reasonable one to check out. It’s not the most eventful title on the block but it’s fairly inoffensive. I don’t think you’ll have any real problems with it so if you end up getting attached to the characters that could even raise it up a star or 2.

Overall 5/10

The Company of Wolves Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version of the film would be more negative

Oh noooo it’s time for a film about wolves. Let me tell you something, these films tend to be rather lackluster at best but this one really takes the cake. It was just so bad on every level. From the plot to the violence to the characters, it was all so bad that I had tears in my eyes. You will want to avoid the movie at all costs. Get out of there as soon as possible, it is definitely not the way to go.

So the movie starts with a girl getting ready to go to sleep. She goes to sleep and everything starts moving and getting all trippy but we go back in time for another girl’s sister gets eaten by wolves and then the grandmother of the first girl tells her a story about how men with unibrows are evil. From there we lose the plot further as we have tons of stories inside of other stories with wolves murdering everybody and it just goes to show that you are not safe anywhere. It butchers the little red riding hood story so hard on every level.

Lets start jumping into the negatives here. First we have the obligatory animal violence. The wolves like to eat just about anything of course and so that does include a poor cattle that was simply minding his own business. The scene is surprisingly graphic but it gets less surprising as the time goes by. Why? Because the whole film is thriving on shock value. The transformation scenes are easily some of the most graphic that I have seen. It’s pretty crazy seeing the guy just bleed himself into a wolf. That was super crazy but more grotesque than scary. Then in another one you have a wolf coming out of the guy as if the human skin was just a suit. This one was creative though so I will say that the special effects were really good this time.

Reminds me of when Reverse Flash jumped out of some guy’s body in the CW show. That was weird and spooky without being grotesque so props there. It’s just that the props I give the movie are always very far and few in between. For every decent moment like that there are a ton where you will be shaking your head. Lets go back to the romance angle for a minute. So we’ve got this villager kid who likes the main heroine and he’s always going after her but his persistence makes him feel more like an antagonist than a good character most of the time. He basically steals a kiss at one point and she has to shove him away and he doesn’t get the hint.

They play up the fact that he’s naive but as the saying goes, no means no. He needs to accept the rejection and keep it moving. It does lead to a quick fight between the fathers which was fun but yeah that character was awful. Then in the segment with the grandmother, you’d think the girl would have more of a reaction to her grandmother being eaten. She doesn’t react as you would expect her to which will make you grown as well. That’s not a small offense, that’s literally murdering a member of your family. Pretty crazy you know?

The grandmother is so mean to everyone that it can be a bit funny. She’s constantly intentionally scaring the kid with all of these violent stories and generally being a bit of a jerk about it. My only problem here was that when it came time to actually prove her abilities, she got folded immediately. Yeah she’s old but where’s her gun or at least some kind of a dagger? She was completely unprepared despite being the expert and that was disappointing. Felt like the whole plot was rather useless as a result. At least that’s the way I see it.

Now it is clear what message the film is going for. Don’t let anybody take you away from the straight and narrow path. Don’t trust anyone since all strangers can be evil. The grandmother throws this message in constantly and you can assume the wolves are basically a metaphor. The problem is that a big message can’t save a film and it’s really just an excuse to have all of these stories. At the end of the day it doesn’t help to make them be any more connected and the film is a real bore as a result. You know that the humans can’t do much here. Yeah they can shoot one but usually it will have bit someone else who can transform.l

The humans will always be on the backfoot here and due to the anthology format, it’s not like they can get a final win anyway. All in all, this film definitely did not do anything to make me all that impressed with it. Instead it just did the opposite. I don’t think that it would have been much higher if it was all one story but probably would have been better than a 0 at least. Maybe we could have stayed in the modern day which is an infinitely better backdrop than the olden days here. The olden days with werewolves is a super bad combo.

Overall, This film was pretty bad. At no point in the film was it cooking up a good story or developing any good characters. Everyone here is on the annoying side, the romance is dreadful, and the violence is definitely over the top. I didn’t really get what the point of the whole thing was. Surely they could have thought up a better script than this right? I think the movie got a little too ambitious with all of the stories inside of a story. Having it all be chronological would have helped but even then, anthologies are always the worst kind of format. You should really have more confidence in telling a complete story.

Overall 0/10