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Jeepers Creepers Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Oh nooooo, you know when you start a film and quickly figure it’s not going to be a winner? That’s this one in a nutshell. It has some interesting moments and doesn’t always go in the way you would expect but at the end of the day it’s just another horror slasher kind of film with a rather grotesque villain. The movie plays up the creep factor on this guy and ultimately you’re not expecting much of a happy ending here. It’s not ultimately a winner in my book.

The movie starts with Trish and her brother Danny driving home. It’s been a while since they were there so they’re looking forward to having a blast. Then a random truck shows up which tries to blow them off the road. They barely manage to escape but it just keeps appearing which is odd. Eventually they see the owner of the truck throwing some bodies down a tube so Danny decides that they absolutely have to check this out although Trish is against the idea. They head over and Danny falls into the tube of course. He’s got to find a way out and fast because this guy is coming back soon and he’s going to be dangerous.

The film references horror movie tropes quite a bit at the beginning to try and be clever but the characters make the same mistakes anyway so part of you wonders if it was even necessary. If I point out that it’s a bad idea to split up but still split up in the next scene is that smart writing or just trying too hard? I would argue it’s the latter personally but that’s just me. These characters do not make the best moves, particularly Danny though. Heading back to the long tube was not the right idea. Call the cops or something once you get to a phone but stopping there won’t really help anyone.

Lets imagine there were people who were alive down there. It’s not like the car is very big so you couldn’t take more then 3-4 people with you at best and it’s assuming a lot of things like getting back out of the tunnel safely. Now in this kind of movie it’s safe to say that nothing they do matters since the Creeper can reality warp and do whatever he wants but they have to at least try and give themselves a fighting chance. This is really just slowing them down.

Initially I thought the whole film would be inside the tube but Danny does get out pretty quick. For a little while he’s completely traumatized so that he can’t even speak. I figured this meant he had been turned evil or something but he ultimately snaps out of it even if he might wish that he didn’t. There aren’t really any winners in a film like this and the longer you survive, the more odds you have of having a painful death. You want to go out quickly but that’s not an option for most of the characters here.

So for the Creeper, he’s got a grotesque design as you would expect. The guy is rather twisted and likes disposing of his victims in as vicious a way as possible. He even leaves them alive sometimes to suffer even further. This is a villain you don’t want to be captured by, it’s better to be blown up if you think things are trending in that direction. The film definitely would have done well to tone down a lot of these scenes like the tongue part when he takes out one of his first victims. It’s definitely not needed at all and is there for shock value. That’s really it, there’s no other reason for that.

The movie relishes in its shock value all the time like when Danny unwraps one of the bodies. Definitely a very tragic way to die, no doubt about that. The ending doesn’t hold back either with being very dark. In the end there usually isn’t much point to these supernatural horror films because there is really nothing that you can possibly do to take down the villain. I want to say that’s even more true than usual here as the characters even run him over numerous times at one point. Danny naturally made another wrong call when he said that the Creeper had enough. No he hasn’t?

Of course this probably wouldn’t have stopped him for long but yeah just keep pummeling him in the hopes that you can take the guy out for good. Unfortunately the Creeper has a regeneration factor, flight, and seems to be bullet proof. That definitely makes him very hard to take down. We do have a scene where the entire police force shows up to try their luck though. That actually made for a rather decent action scene and it’s rare to see so many cops around at the same time like that. Naturally most of them are doomed for having slow reaction times and just watching.

The Creeper also seems to be fairly smart as he went around burning the evidence. Not sure why he would even bother though since it’s not like he has anything to fear. He always wins in the end anyway but I guess this would make the heroes despair a little more the whole time. Jezelle is the only real supporting character and she’s not very helpful. She can see the future but never enough to actually help the characters out. Take her out of the film and absolutely nothing changes at all.

The characters don’t even try to let her help them though. They just keep yelling and at some points actively go against her. Early on in the film she tells them to get out of the area if they hear the Jeepers Creepers song. Instead when they hear it, Danny cranks up the volume as we see the Creeper murder a bunch of people. So when she said that Danny is trapped in a room with the song they should definitely bolt out of there together. Sure, you’re just delaying the inevitable but you have to try something right?

There’s also a crazy cat lady who shows up at one point. I at least liked that she had the shotgun at the ready though. She even gets a few shots out at the creature but naturally that won’t end up doing anything. He’s just way too powerful for any of that so resistance is futile. As always I give props for effort at least, she got like 4-5 shots off which is more than most horror characters.

But yeah the film is definitely quite violent the whole time. The script also isn’t great, the dialogue between Danny and Trish is rough. They’re constantly bickering and acting real petty the whole time. I would not say that the dynamic worked very well at all and got old fast. This is the kind of film where there isn’t really much positive to say about it at all. It’s relentless in how dark and depressing the whole thing is. The situation keeps growing worse and worse for them.

Overall, Jeepers Creepers is a film you’ll want to stay far away from. It’s just going through the motions of all the horror movie moments without any soul to it. For a film like this it would always be nice if the heroes had some way to fight. At least throw them a bone of some hope that there is even a way to defeat this guy. Otherwise it feels like Creeper is just toying with them the whole time. If there’s no chance at victory or of doing anything else then that’s a good sign to the writers that he is simply too strong. Gotta balance him out just a bit to give the hero some kind of hope.

Overall 1/10

Nosferatu Review

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It’s time for a silent movie and I have to say that those can definitely be tricky. Now what do I mean by that? Well, here’s the score. A silent movie has access to almost none of the things I really like about movies. Solid dialogue, great sound effects, etc. That’s all gone here and so the movie’s a bit of a chore to get through and ends up being dragged on for a whole lot. This is one of the few films that gets a lot score not because the film is awful but because it is dreadfully boring. Has to be one of the least entertaining films I’ve seen in a while.

The movie starts off with Thomas getting ready to head out because he has found someone to buy the house next to him. This will be the rich Count Orlok who is not very well liked by the locals. Thomas isn’t scared but weird things begin to happen at the castle like when Orlok tries to drink his blood. Is this guy just very quirky or is he an actual danger? Thomas isn’t sure and isn’t really the smartest character in the film. His wife Ellen may need to be the one to help out but even if she has visions, what can she actually do about them?

From the start the movie just couldn’t grab my attention. The music isn’t very interesting. It’s pretty much one main track that plays for the whole movie and just goes into different phases to shake things up. It’s not a theme that has particularly aged well in any respect and is just too low key. Perhaps it beats not having any music at all but it really could have been so much better. I won’t say much about the visuals because it’s all so old though.

Additionally, I thought Count Orlok’s design was actually not that bad. It’s aged pretty decently. What hasn’t aged decently is how all of the other characters also look sinister at times. I don’t think this was intentional but Ellen and even Thomas fall into that a bit. Thomas looks half crazy and doesn’t seem to understand the situation the whole time. He is extremely slow on the uptake. You’d think Orlok trying to suck up his blood when he cut his thumb would have been enough, but no not quite. It takes more than that to really get to Thomas and he should have tried to escape sooner. He put himself in the worst possible place and it shows. By the end things work out but I wouldn’t say due to any great contributions by Thomas. He was just along for the ride half the time.

If he was a more interesting main character that could have helped the film a great deal. Then you have Ellen as the heroine who is nice enough. Her strength of will may not have been amazing here but I’ll chalk that up as being more impressive for Orlok rather than being a shot against her. Something tells me that no character in this film would have done great in that moment. As for Orlok, he definitely needs to have a better handle on his strengths and weaknesses. If he did then he probably would have done a whole lot better in this film. As it is, I wouldn’t say he did awful but there’s really no reason why he shouldn’t defeat everyone. The weapons in this time were not super advanced nor were there security cameras so if he played things well he could keep winning for all of eternity.

The ending is definitely not a particularly happy one even with Orlok gone. Ultimately humanity lost this round big time. It was interesting how there was a whole plot about how the town thought a plague was going around initially. Now that’s an element that could be a little interesting so naturally the film doesn’t have too much time for it. Becoming a vampire is like a plague in a sense and getting bit by one can seem like that too. Now you start to go into zombie territory if this was to continue too much but it’s a different take for sure.

Ultimately Orlok never felt like a huge threat to me but it would be difficult for the film to pull that off without any talking out loud. I watch anime subbed sometimes so I can’t say that’s a big issue but the big issue here really comes down to you not being able to get in on the action. Reading is all well and good but without a soundtrack you don’t have a chance at an emotional appeal. Without true dialogue you don’t get a lot of depth. Without solid effects you are left wanting a whole lot more than what you got.

Part of why the film is scored so low is it’s hard for me to know where to even start to try and improve this one. Particularly if I try within the confines of a silent film and the limitations it would have had at the time. Similar to how I don’t think I would be nearly as big a video game fan as I am now if I grew up back in the day, I don’t think I would have been a big fan of the cinema in the silent era. It’s just hard to see how you can make these films all that interesting.

It’s probably early to judge a whole genre/style of film off of one installment but that’s how discouraging this one was. I suppose the first step is to either have no music if it was going to sound like this or to find a way to have some better tracks in there. Either one would help things a great deal. Throw in a better story with no vampires and that can help as well. I’ve never been a vampire fan and I wouldn’t say this did anything to change my mind.

Overall, Nosferatu is a movie that feels like it’s 3 hours long. It really drags and drags as you wait for something to happen but it never does. Even the climax is really low key if you think about it. There was no climactic fight or even a chance for the cops to throw in a bunch of guns and take this guy down. The ending is almost a bit sudden if you think about it and doesn’t make Orlok look great. I suppose that’s just the way it had to be but yeah that’s a thumbs down from me. Stay far away from this film. While it doesn’t have the long string of negatives you would expect a 2 star movie to have, it has one of the big ones which is just that it’s really boring the whole time.

Overall 2/10

Parker Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Time for one of those classic revenge thriller films. Parker doesn’t really try to break out of the ordinary but the execution is strong enough where that’s not really a concern. It’s an entertaining film that’s rather solid and at the end of the day that’s all that you need. The ending reminds me of Blade and John Wick too. This could have become a pretty fun franchise but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

The movie starts with Parker completing another mission with a group of thieves. They’re rookies that made a lot of mistakes but at least they’re alive. That’s when one of them decides to change the terms of the deal and tells Parker he can either help them out on another caper and put all of his money in the pot or get shot. Parker decides to get shot so he’s wrecked and left for dead. Fortunately a passing family was able to nurse him back to health. Parker wants revenge now and he will do whatever it takes to track these guys down.

Meanwhile in the B plot you have Leslie who is really trying to sell houses and make a name for herself but it’s been tough. She’s been upstages by her coworkers for a while now and her current life just feels rather empty. Well, one day she notices Parker and what a shady fellow he is and figures this is her big chance to get rich. If she plays her cards right then a whole new life will open up for her but if she makes any mistakes this could be curtains. The two plots certainly feel very different and it’s a little while until she actually appears but of course the plots do line up.

Right off the bat I can tell you that the inevitable romance is not very good. One thing to consider here is that Parker already has a steady girlfriend in Claire. So as soon as Leslie appears you already know that Parker is taken so any romance that starts up will really make him look bad. Unfortunately he doesn’t stay totally strong and reject her so we do have a brief romance stint here which is completely unneeded. It’s really the definition of having this here to meet the romance quota when it would have been perfectly reasonable to have just had them stay as friends. Would have made a whole lot more sense too.

With the main plot being about chasing the mobsters, you do want to have more going on since this is rather basic. None of them stand a chance against Parker and they know it so all they can do is put enough annoyances in his way to try and slow the guy down. Every time Parker closes in on the mobster there’s a whole other level to this. The actual leader is hard to find even with Parker’s connections. They definitely move around a lot but the fights are good when they happen. Parker definitely knows how to fight when it’s time to rumble.

His only disappointing scene is at the very beginning when he gets into the car and seems to not have any real plan before getting shot. He really should have died there and is supremely lucky that things didn’t work out. It would have been a rather underwhelming way to go out and you feel like he should have been able to handle things a little better with how experienced he likely is by this point.

As for Claire, she has much more reason to make mistakes because this just isn’t her field. Just a day ago she was a normal real estate agent and now she’s in the field with all kinds of dangerous threats. You can absolutely excuse her not always knowing the right thing to do but I can’t afford the same to Parker. Leslie is ultimately a fun heroine. Her mother and dog also make for fairly decent supporting characters.

Claire doesn’t appear a whole lot but she gets some points for not nagging Parker the whole time and she is quick to come over and patch him up when the guy gets injured. She makes it clear that she is in his corner the whole time. Then you have Hurley who is definitely a solid character. As the experienced veteran in the room he is able to follow what Parker is saying the whole time and has a lot of connections of his own. He may not be young enough to get into the field nowadays but he does contribute a whole lot.

None of the villains are all that memorable though. Picture any random mobster and you’ve got these guys. From the start it was a bad idea to double cross Parker and move on to this mission. If they had just waited a while and suggested it peacefully then maybe he would have been on board. Either way why do a double cross there and add a huge risk to the operation. For all they knew the car could have crashed or Parker could have shot a few of them and that would wreck their entire plan.

I enjoyed the heist from the beginning of the film though. The villains may have messed it up but it’s cool to see all of what was going on. The costumes were good and Parker did have a solid disguise on which definitely made the scene a little funny even during the hold up. His Texas accent was also pretty good and that made for a lot of fun scenes. The film knew how to handle its humor for sure and those would be some of the best scenes.

The action moments still get tense of course and so this balances out into a good film. It’s not quite solid enough around the board for me to take it to the next level but it definitely never gets boring. It’s got a good amount of replay value and the writing is good enough. The fights are good and we really get to learn a good amount about the cast. So if they wanted to make a franchise out of this it would have been a good idea.

Overall, Parker is a good action movie. It’s very by the numbers for the most part but I wouldn’t say any part of the movie is phoned in. It’s still got a good amount of effort behind it at all times. It’s going in a lot of different directions are far as the tone is concerned and that could work well in a sequel too. Or if they want to go with one tone and stick to it that would work too since they were all solid. The film’s probably forgotten by most by now but give it a shot if you come across it.

Overall 6/10

Total Recall (2012) Review

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Total Recall is one of those remakes that did a really good job of managing to surpass the original. It’s a good action movie all the way through that never lets up on the thrills. There’s a lot going on here and while it may not be a thriller that’s super different in any way, I would say the fundamentals are always on point so you have a good time here. It’s got that YA feel both in the look and feel of the film but also in how you feel this could have been a trilogy if it wasn’t moving so quickly. Of course the good thing about that is that the film never drags on.

The movie starts by introducing us to the state of the world. So things are not going great right now. The world was completely ruined and so now there are just two sections. One part is for the rich continent which has taken over most of the world and then you have a small colony that does not want to be forced to join this union. There is a bitter battle going on between both sides but the colony is considerably weaker. They have less people on their side to defend themselves and less tech as well.

This is all way over Quaid’s head though. He just goes about his life as always and just complains to his friend Harry that the days are kind of boring. He’s married to Lori and they have a good time but he feels unfulfilled. That’s when he ultimately decides to go and give Rekall a shot. This is a place that will give you fake memories which feel real so now he can finally do all of the stuff that he never could in the real world. Not a bad bet right?

Well, maybe not a great one either. Everyone warns him not to do it, apparently your mind can be fried and the whole thing sounds shady. Quaid wants to do it anyway but before the procedure can go through, he is viciously attacked by a whole squad of troopers and Quaid ends up murdering them. He runs home where his wife tries to murder him and everyone claims that he’s someone that he’s not. Has Quaid been living a fake life this all time? He has no answers yet but he’s wanted by just about everyone so it’s time to buckle up and start racking up the wins.

The fight scenes here are all effective. I definitely enjoyed the hand to hand which was handled well and you got the king of secret agent vibe you would see in James Bond or Jason Bourne. There’s never a particularly powerful fighter on the villains’ side which is too bad but there are still a good amount of action scenes in general. Lori puts up a good fight but usually Quaid is not actually trying to hurt her which is something you really need to put into perspective here. It definitely changes up the dynamic quite a bit.

The effects are solid but I will say that you never feel too engaged with the world building here. It’s a classic kind of dystopia story but Hunger Games and Divergent built their worlds a lot better right out of the gate. For this one a lot of names and terms are thrown around but you have a hard time actually caring. It all just feels uninspired in that sense. Even the whole elevator system of getting from one side of the planet to the other could and should have been a lot more interesting than what we actually got.

Part of why I thought this had the vibe of a trilogy was because there were so many players it didn’t feel like we were going to get to everything but then the final 20 minutes turn the pacing up to turbo. We’re bumping people off left and right and closing out all of the plots so things have a bit of a magical ending. I have a hard time knocking fast pacing and if you know that there’s no sequel then it’s good to throw everything into the mix but then some characters feel wasted.

The big leader of the resistance is hyped a whole lot throughout the movie and does not come anywhere close to living up to that as the movie goes on. He’s extremely underwhelming the whole time. Back to Quaid though, he’s a decent main character. I wouldn’t say great though because it does feel like he ran to Rekall too quickly. What if his mind was shut down? He didn’t really stop to think about how that would affect his wife and friends. It was a bit selfish of him to just head for that machine straightaway like that.

As for his friend Harry, well he had a fun attitude about him. I can’t say I liked him much by the end but he did well in humoring Quaid all the time with how the guy was bored of the routine. Switching seats so quickly the way he did was a good way of being supportive. Meanwhile Lori is pretty much the main villain here with how she’s trying to murder him the whole time. She made for a fun opponent to be sure even if she probably could have handled things better to accomplish her goals.

At first Quaid was seriously confused and not sure what was going on. So instead of trying to choke him out, why not reassure him and say that things will work out? Keep up the role until you actually have a great chance to shoot him in the back. She had every element of surprise in her favor so this really should not have been hard. She could absolutely use that as a way to claim victory here and that would have worked out. Quaid wouldn’t have really had a way to stop her.

As for Melina, she’s a solid heroine. I think it’s clear that she isn’t quite as skilled as Lori but she does her best to stay in the mix and land a lot of good shots in. I would say that she definitely still does good the whole time here. The complete cast here is rather small to be honest although we also have the leader of the government who runs around talking tough. He’s a very classic kind of leader villain so there isn’t much to him beyond his plans to take over the world. He did outthink most of the cast for the whole film though so kudos to him there.

At the end of the day what makes Total Recall work is how it’s really just nonstop action the whole time without any chances for a breather. The fights keep on coming and while the whole amnesia plot can usually be more annoying than interesting, it wasn’t executed poorly here. It’s also interesting to see Quaid not even be able to trust himself since he knows how thorough the brainwashing can be. The final part of the movie has some pretty interesting moments with trying to make you doubt what’s what. I don’t think it’ll end up fooling you at all but it’s still a nice try.

Overall, Total Recall definitely beats the original for me. It doubles up on the action and just never lets up. It’s a solid all around film and while it may not stand out in many ways, it just executes on the premise well. This is a better YA film than most and definitely deserves to get a sequel. Its only real weakness is that the worldbuilding is incredibly weak but that’s something that should be easy to fix. At least I don’t see that being a hard one to correct so if it can just pull that off then we’ll be good and this can make a name for itself.

Overall 7/10

Terminator: Dark Fate Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s certainly been a while since the last Terminator film. Genysis still ranks up there as one of the best installments in the franchise and seemed to be getting everything back on track so it’s a shame that we didn’t follow it up. Dark Fate is still pretty good though. I thought it had a solid story and good call backs to the originals. That said, some parts of the plot may be a little tough to buy into. With time travel there’s always a way of course but that doesn’t stop me from giving it a second glance at times.

So the movie starts off with with the Terminator showing up and destroying John Connor. He has just completed Skkynet’s mission at long last so that has sealed humanity’s hope. The films always made it clear that if John were to die then SkyNet would win. Humanity no longer has any kind of chance at surviving and it feels bad but at least we lasted a long time. Sarah reflects on this but then something odd happens…the world doesn’t end. There is no SkyNet and there is peace across the planet. What’s going on?

Well, Terminators still keep on appearing but it’s hard to say what their goals are and Sarah just goes around blowing them up. She gets mysterious text messages that let her know when they are coming. Their new target is now a girl named Dani. Dani is being protected by a cybernetically enhanced human named Grace but the newest villain (Rev-9) is a difficult man to keep down. It looks like they may all have to team up to stop him this time but it won’t be easy.

So a big thing here is that poor John was destroyed fairly early on. It’s been a rough road for him since the guy seems to always either die or get mind controlled. The main plot part I get skeptical about here is how SKyNet isn’t around anymore. Legion is the new villain since apparently SkyNet was never created but that doesn’t really add up for me. The whole point is that John is the only one who can stop Skynet so when the Terminator blew him up, that should be it. Now there are a lot of time loops, paradoxes, and everything going on with these films so there are a lot of ways to explain it away but it still feels a bit iffy.

Then apparently even if you beat Skynet they will just be replaced by another villain so it’s like there’s no point to whatever the heroes do. They’ll just be doomed either way. It’s not as bad as Star Wars episode 7 suddenly erasing the previous 3 movies by having the Sith army rise up again but it still does undermine the efforts a bit. I would have kept Skynet around as the main villains because it could have been an interesting way for the heroes to try and resist fate. Knowing that they are in a doomed timeline but they keep fighting anyway would really be a solid story right?

Well, Dani does a good job of taking up the mantle here. She’s more grown up than John was here so she’s able to take the situation more in stride than he ever could. I liked her confidence and she did make sure to step up when the chips were down so I appreciated that. She stuck up for her brother pretty quick even if it meant talking tough to the boss. Even at the end when they’re discussing plans, she is quick to volunteer to be bait. I definitely had no issues with her here.

Then you have her bodyguard Grace. Grace does well for a human against these robots but it’s a shame that she can’t use her abilities for longer periods of time. It felt like every other scene had her running out of energy or gasping for breath. She would need water often to keep her body heat down and it felt like the future humans really needed some better tech. If this was the best that they can do then it’s no wonder that they’re losing the war. That said, in a way the villains barely needed to send anyone to the past in that case. I could say the same about Skynet though, it’s always hard to believe the humans stand any kind of chance but they always manage to pull through somehow.

As for Sarah, she talks really tough and isn’t afraid of all these attackers. It’s rather impressive of her. Now the hype can be a bit much with her apparently taking down a bunch of terminators already though. I know she’s got a lot of guns and has the element of surprise but taking out terminators casually? It’ll take a lot for the film to get me to believe that unless all of the terminators have started getting really sloppy. Power levels aside, she is just a fun character though.

Then you have the main villain Rev-9 and he’s definitely cool. The guy’s even got a bit of a personality as he has fun messing with the humans. He’s very smooth with how he lies the whole time and that lets him sneak up on people. To the outside world this is just some guy but he knows how to get serious when fighting the heroes. His ability to split into two people was really cool and same with his regeneration and ability to manipulate his body. This is the kind of opponent that’s very dangerous to fight and he does deliver in each fight.

Finally you have Carl who gets a run role here. As the original Terminator you know that he’s seen a thing or two in his day. It’s impressive how well he holds up against the newer models since he’s very dated at this point. The idea of him just relaxing and enjoying the family life is also pretty interesting. It’s nice that he actually got to have a bit of a happy period of time here. Carl takes a lot of injuries and verbal shots from the other characters but never falters. He really did well to show that even a Terminator can have a heart. It never feels particularly cheesy either but just like a solid character development moment.

The fights are definitely really good here. The choreography is on point and you really get the feeling of the Terminator being portrayed as the hunter here. The characters are doing their best to stay out of his way and to keep moving while he just chases them relentlessly. There is no escape from an opponent like this and the film portrays that really well. There’s always a feeling of fear in the air.

Additionally I’d say the special effects were solid. Perhaps they could have done more in the future setting as I feel like Terminator 2’s dystopia looked more impressive which is saying something. This one didn’t get that same feeling across. The effects for Rev-9’s abilities are top tier though. The soundtrack is also good. Again, not as impressive as T2 but you get some of those old themes in the mix here. There weren’t a lot of new themes that I found to be very memorable though.

The writing is good and the film doesn’t drag on so all around it’s a solid experience. At most this film can suffer from the issue of having a villain that’s too powerful. You constantly feel like Rev-9 could have just ended them already. Every time he doesn’t you are a little skeptical just because of how crazy strong he is. All he should need is an instant to take Dani out.

Overall, There’s definitely room for more films and sequels as always so I’d like to see that. It would be cool if they can bring Carl back in some way and with time travel on the table that really shouldn’t be very hard. Throw that in and then things should get pretty interesting. I tend to like all of the Terminator films so I’m sure I’ll be satisfied with the next one as well. Just give me a lot of action and some time travel for good measure. Then I’m all set every time.

Overall 7/10

Eyewitness Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Eyewitness has a fairly interesting premise but it’s one that is bogged down by a very weak character cast and has a tough time getting to the point of it all. It also ended up introducing a dog character into the mix and you know how that tends to go. So on the whole you’re going to want to avoid this one, it’s just not the big win that you’ll have been hoping for.

The movie starts out with Daryll working on his janitor’s job as usual. He tries to convince the bosses to let his friend back onto the job but they say no as he was apparently disrespectful back in the day. It’s easy to believe this because his friend Joseph is not the nicest camper out there. The guy is always complaining and getting himself into trouble borrowing money from loansharks and things like that. One day he even breaks back into the building to talk with Daryll. The very next day Mr. Long is murdered and naturally Daryll figures that Joseph may have done it.

He does decide to hide the fact that Joseph was in the building to protect his friend but then he finds out that his favorite reporter Toni is involved in the mix. Daryll decides to pretend that he knows more than he does so that he can go out with her and Toni really wants a big scoop so she agrees to this. Meanwhile the killer is watching and planning their next move. Is Joseph really the culprit or is it someone else? Either way Daryll is now right in the crosshairs of danger.

Right from the start you can probably see how I had a problem with some of these characters. Lets start off with Daryll. So he is completely obsessed with Toni to the point where he flirts endlessly and makes a fool of himself. He messes up the interview as he keeps on talking about her and just strings her along for a while. Keep in mind that at the moment he’s in a relationship with Joseph’s sister as well. They don’t care for each other much but he should still wrap that up before starting anything else.

Daryll just feels incredibly desperate the whole time and it’s too much. I won’t blame him too much for withholding information about his friend to the detectives since it did look incriminating and he wasn’t sure if Joseph did anything but any scene with Toni was just bad for his character. Even by the end I can’t say that I ever warmed up to the character.

Likewise Toni doesn’t look good here for falling into this romance. Of course from her end she is just doing it for the story and doesn’t even like him initially but that’s barely even a consolation by that point. It doesn’t speak well to her morals to be willing to go this far for a scoop. I don’t care how good the story is, you just don’t want to be going that far for it. Then you have Joseph who isn’t likable at all. Lets even take him breaking back into the job away for a second. He didn’t have any malicious intent there.

Punching Daryll was completely uncalled for and same with his outbursts upon finding out that Daryll liked someone else. He then proceeded to borrow a ton of money from loansharks on some really suspect deals. That tells me he also isn’t very smart here. He creates a lot of trouble for himself the whole time and this ends up spilling over to Daryll as well. When you bring other people down with you that’s never a good thing.

The most interesting part of the film is the one that doesn’t get brought up a lot. So the villains are basically transporting people out of dangerous zones and into the U.S. They had been working with Long and a number of other gangs to do this. Effectively working with the enemy to get their own goals across. Typically they avoided having to murder anyone but Long’s group tried changing the bargain so they were dealt with quickly. So the main villains here had a pretty interesting goal and not one that was overtly sinister. There’s a lot that could have been built on this but it’s not a factor for most of the film and is just very brief.

Also, as mentioned earlier we do have some animal violence which is a big no no here. As soon as the dog appeared I got worried and clearly that was for good reason. it just rarely ends well when you have a dog in a thriller and there’s just no purpose to the scene. You could have had the effect of the villains showing Daryll they were serious by skipping to the part where the villain breaks into his house. That would have absolutely still gotten the message across without things going off the rails here. A dog dying will never enhance a film and can only hurt it. That’s the message more film makers need to hear.

Also, the film could have given the detectives more of a role. I thought they were actually interesting but then they miss out on almost the entire thing. By the time they act the film is basically ending so there was not a lot of time to do anything. They talked tough and had a decent dynamic going but the film really just wasted these characters. Could have been a really engaging subplot if they got more to do.

Overall, Eyewitness is a film that could have been a lot better at least from the general premise. You need the main character to be a lot better though. Have Daryll be someone who just wants to be famous which is why he’s dragging this out as opposed to it all being for romance. You also shouldn’t have included the dog in it at all. Without that then this film would really have potential. There were some interesting themes that could have been expanded on. Ah well, maybe for another film. If you want a thriller about crime, check out Clue instead.

Overall 3/10

The Mummy’s Curse review

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The Mummy adventures continue in this one. I wouldn’t say its as strong as the second installment but is very close with the third. I was impressed at the heroine showing up again from the last film as I just had the feeling that she wasn’t going to be brought up. Instead the film actually finishes up her plotline. It may not be in a very satisfying way but at least its acknowledged.

So there are a bunch of engineers working on a swamp but they’re all very scared of the whole Mummy rumors. Legends say that a Mummy is still buried under here somewhere and it doesn’t help that a bunch of guys from the nearby museum show up to try and find the Mummy as well. The boss is outraged at the whole thing but his secretary has fallen in love and won’t support him in throwing these men out. Perhaps that will be for the best though as the Mummy is very real and has started his rampage once more. Can the heroes take him down before it’s too late?

I said some of the earlier main characters were bland but this one may take the cake. The main character James has no real character to speak of. He wants to get to the Mummy for the museum but it’s hard to say much more about him than that. He seems like a nice enough person but certainly gets crushed rather easily when it comes time for a fight. He just didn’t fair too well in the climax and got off easy with Kharis really doing all of the work here.

As for Ananka, well she looks pretty bad here. Whenever someone is in trouble she runs off so that they will be doomed against Kharis. You can actively blame her for most of the deaths in this film. I mean Kharis should take the direct blame but she is really not being a good character in leaving them to their deaths. It was not a wise move. The new villain Ilzor is just like the others who follow Kharis. At first he is commanding the Mummy but then gets greedy in going after the heroine so Kharis does not like that. The villain made a big mistake in running to the prison though. That’s just not a good idea here. Why lock yourself in against a monster like this?

If you try to run you at least have a shot since the Mummy is so slow. Just don’t faint, if you do that then you’re really in for a bad time. The Mummy itself doesn’t do a whole lot here. It still flails around and chokes people but that’s about it. You’ve seen it all before and it’s why I say that he desperately needs a power up. Something that will really help him turn the tables and be more of a threat.

Beyond that, the movie really plays out how you would expect it too. Kharis takes out a bunch of fighters here and there until they eventually catch up to him. The whole place caving in and burying him is quite the way to go. It may not be the most exciting climax but it does the job. You’ll be entertained from start to finish and a good reason for that is really the solid writing. I dare say that if the writing was not up to par then this movie would not work.

It’s one of those titles that only works because it’s so old and the writing was so solid back then. If you remade this in the modern day it would absolutely need to compensate with a lot more action to keep things interesting. This one can afford to be more of a slow boil film with not much happening because those fundamentals are on point. The movie is short and never drags on either so I would even say that it has a decent amount of replay value. If you just want to turn your brain off and watch something entertaining then this is a good film to pick up. That said, you could certainly do better so you may not give it the re watch.

I still say the main thing to take these films to the next level would be to make the Mummy itself a little fiercer. Alternately what you can do is give him an enemy to fight. Throw in another Mummy, wouldn’t that be a nice wrinkle? Kharis wakes up but another Mummy like Imhotep says this is his domain so they have to duke it out. That would be excellent and I’m always surprised that we don’t get more fighting among the monsters. It would make for a very compelling story and as long as they don’t cop out on who the winner is, it would also be a good way to get both fanbases engaged and eager to watch the solo follow ups to track the power-ups. I have to imagine there were still a lot of vs debaters back in the day.

Overall, The Mummy’s Curse is a good film. There’s nothing all that unique about it though. Aside from the setting being different it plays out in almost the same way as the last film. I did like the engineering boss though. At least that guy didn’t buy into the whole Mummy thing from start to finish as he kept making jokes and insulting everyone. You feel bad for him because he definitely lost a lot of time on this whole adventure. Hopefully he can make it all up now that people shouldn’t be worried about the Mummy anymore. He’ll need a new secretary but as he pointed out in the ending, she hadn’t been helping him much throughout the entire film anyway so it wouldn’t change much.

Overall 6/10

The Mummy’s Ghost Review

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Right off the bat I know what question you’re going to have here. Is the Mummy a little more powerful this time than last time? Well, unfortunately the answer to that is no. It’s still only got the speed of an old man with a cane and only has 1 arm with which to attack people. That’s a shame but for the most part the movie plays out the same as the last one. It’s not quite as good in just about every respect though so while it’s a good movie on its own, it doesn’t end up actually living up to the previous one. I’m afraid it’s just a step down this time.

The movie starts with the old guy from last time explaining to the next successor in line that he needs to awaken Kharis once again and also find his bride among the people. Yousef believes the delusions and decides to act as he gets the Mummy to start bumping people off. The town is hesitant to believe in a Mummy showing up, particularly the inspector. Will they be able to ready themselves and launch a counter attack soon or is it already too late for them?

The main guy here is Tom and the main heroine is his girlfriend Amina. A nice little part to their subplot is that they’re planning a trip to New York to get out of this crazy town once the Mummy topic shows up. Amina is Egyptian after all so people are starting to take notice of that. Unfortunately the Mummy attacks right before they left but I like to think that they would have escaped his range. I’d like to see the Mummy try to get into New York. It’s just so far after all and would be risky for Yousef to transport him in the sarcophagus or something like that.

As always the human villain gets a bit greedy here though. Things were going just find for Yousef but then of course he fell in love with Amina so instead of delivering her as Kharis’ bride, he wanted her for himself. Not a very smart move on his part. Naturally this leads to his inevitable end and he made a lot of very poor decisions the entire movie. You can’t let your feelings get in the way of things, that’s never a good idea.

As for Kharis, he’s as slow as ever. I guess it seems like the Mummy wants romance more than anything here. I suppose to an extent that was always part of his character but here that is his only character and it’s not a very compelling one. So he’s not a scary or likable villain at this point which hurts him on both accounts. If anything you feel like his ending was a little too happy.

Then you have the main two characters who were decent. I think Amina is a little too easily mind controlled though. I always tend to feel like the person being mind controlled just needs to focus a bit more and they should be able to overcome this feeling. Instead it happens in an instant whenever Yousef appears. You’d think it would just be with Kharis though, why for his sidekick? As for Tom, he makes sure to stick up for Amina each time which is good. He doesn’t let anyone mess with her and he’s even got a nice little dog who is always helpful and wants to do his best to protect them.

In general you do get the feeling that this is a very nice town with kind people who just want to help. The movie has a nice atmosphere and the writing is strong. On its surface it may just be your average creature feature film but that’s part of what makes it work. It’s a very simple title that has strong fundamentals. I wouldn’t say it has any glaring flaws. The weaknesses are more about what the film does not do like it could have been longer or given Kharis a bit more to do aside from just hobbling around a bit.

Making Kharis more formidable would really be a good idea for the film. Also he needs to stop effectively working as the villain’s lackey and be his own master. It’s always odd to see the Mummy playing the sidekick role rather than being the big cheese. It just doesn’t make sense to me is all.

As a final note, I also wasn’t crazy about the ending. I thought it was a little mean spirited towards one of the characters. She definitely didn’t ask for this and it just didn’t get the level of sadness from the cast that you would expect. The film just kind of ends on what I’d consider a really sad scene but it just seems subdued in the film. Certainly an ambitious ending, I’ll give the film that even if I didn’t like it all that much.

Overall, The Mummy’s Ghost is a solid sequel. It could have been better but at the end of the day I guess I’ll just be satisfied with it being a good film. One thing that is always impressive is how the films keep building off each other. The time skips may ensure it’s usually a different cast but the Mummy always being the same is pretty intense. If they had kept going with the film it could have even gotten a little sci-fi by the end. Now that would have been hype. There is one more Mummy film to go though so I’ll have the review for that one up shortly as well.

Overall 6/10

The Mummy’s Tomb Review

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It’s certainly been a while since I saw the last Mummy film. It wasn’t exactly one of the most interesting universal movies but it’s always nice for any movie to get a direct sequel like this. Showing the incredibly long recap was a bit much though. I’m not even opposed to showing old footage as a recap since it’ll have been a while since people saw the original but only if it doesn’t affect the actual runtime. In this case the movie is only 60 minutes and that includes the recap which is too bad. You’ll be done with this film as soon as it has begun and it’s a shame because it’s actually reasonably good. With a longer length this could have been the definitive Mummy film which may not be saying a ton but it’s a start. Right now the trilogy involving the Scorpion King would take that title.

So the movie starts by recapping the last film with Steve explaining to everyone how it went down. It’s a bit hard for people to believe though so Steve’s audience treats it more like a story than anything else. Meanwhile Andoheb gets Bey ready to take over as Kharis’ master. Bey decides to destroy everyone related to Banning and his expedition so he sends out the Mummy, Kharis to destroy everyone. One by one he starts to bump off people in the town so they are forced to acknowledge the grim reality that this Mummy may be real. Is it all too late though?

When the mummy first appeared, humanity received a grim reminder that there were forces beyond their comprehension at work here. This movie doesn’t really go into the horror elements much though. I would argue that even as Kharis is murdering people it never actually goes for a very scary vibe here. Perhaps it’s the way he murders them. See, his arm is rather busted by this point so all he can do is move with one arm to choke people. Mix this in with the fact that he can barely move at all and it’s a rather unimpressive way to die.

It’s hardly out of the norm for this to be the case in these old movies but even more than usual it’s just hard to buy into this all happening. At most you could say the old lady isn’t strong enough to resist. For the rest there is no excuse though. When someone has super strength that doesn’t mean you should just instantly be taken down for the count. You still have to be able to resist, use some judo, or just run. The mummy is slower than a normal person walking at a brisk pace. He’s also rather loud so you can always tell that he is on the way. Makes your job of surviving that much easier.

So in a lot of ways the movie ends up being rather funny but that works for me. I always manage to have a good chuckle when this is going on. The deaths are never all that violent or anything, they just happen and things move on as normal. The characters are very reluctant to actually believe in what’s happening though. At one point John has witnessed almost every member of the original team get murdered and he still persists in believing in science. Sure, you don’t have to believe in the Mummy but shouldn’t you at least be taking the threat seriously?

It felt like there was a bit of a disconnect with how nobody was really taking the string of murders as seriously as they should. This is really a big deal if you think about it especially for a small town. I know the sheriff/police captain said he was on it but it wasn’t until the very end that the town really got involved. In the meantime they were just picked off like it was nothing.

In particular Steve goes out in a very sad way. I’m using sad more in the sense that he looked bad though because I can’t say that I got very emotional here. So Steve goes into a bar to get drunk because he has no situational awareness and then after that he ends up running into an alley somehow. How did this happen? We saw how he got to the bar and how he left, there was no alley anywhere in sight so it just didn’t make any sense. He struggles a bit but should have been able to have escaped. The geography just didn’t make sense.

I wouldn’t be shocked if that was a plot hole but I can’t say I was quite invested enough to do a really deep dive here. Isobel made for a solid heroine and in the end she gets a happy ending with John. It would have been nice if there was more time to really develop their characters but again the film was just too short for that. All you really know about John and Isobel is that they’re good people. Seriously it’s hard to really talk more about their personalities beyond that. They do the right things and always keep moving to their goals but that’s it. They have a quick wedding and all at the end but it’s really just an after thought.

The reason this film is good is really because the writing is solid and also because the characters are just fun. It’s a movie that goes by quickly and not just because it’s only an hour long. I think the Mummy should get a power boost for a sequel though. Even if it removes some of the more campier elements of the title, I think it’s worth it because the Mummy should be able to do more than just choke people with one hand. I also think the cult members could be more interesting. It feels like the same guy in every film even if the mantle is always turned to someone else.

Overall, The Mummy’s Tomb beats the original and works out pretty well as a thriller title. Just go into it with a bit of a grin on your face and you’ll have a blast. If you’re expecting to take this film seriously then you will not have a good time. Seriously, this film just isn’t nearly as serious as it thinks it is. (Because I do think the film was trying to be serious) I’ll have a review for the next installments in the series pretty soon and we’ll see if they can match this one.

Overall 7/10

The Recruit Review

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The Recruit is definitely a movie about the dangers of romance. No matter how you slice it, things would have been way different for the main character if he had stuck out of that arena. Still, you’re in for a fun time with this movie. It’s got a good plot and a lot of twists and turns to keep you interested all the way through.

The movie starts by introducing us to James who is a master coder. He’s invented a program which lets him take control of anything else. Well, he’s approached by a guy from the CIA named Walter who is recruiting him and brings up the dad card. See, James never knew exactly what his Dad was doing and it turns out that he was in the CIA. Walter tells James that he won’t get any more answers about that but this is in his blood so he should join up. James does and quickly meets a nice lady named Layla. The actual CIA tests are tougher than expected though, can James hold on?

Right off the bat James isn’t one of the best main characters. Imagine being drunk and arriving late to the biggest event in your life? If he had missed the presentation entirely and ruined it for everyone then that would have been downright tragic. Fortunately things turned out well but it showed that he wasn’t very responsible. This continues when he goes to the CIA for tests and is immediately distracted by Layla. He had to be cautioned by the proctors because he was so out of it. That’s not a good look for someone who should be highly motivated to succeed so that he can find out more about his father.

Romance proves to be his biggest weakness and it gets him into trouble several times. One test by the CIA is to take a girl out as if it was a date but naturally he messes this up as well. The first rule here is always to not get too attached but he doesn’t excel at that to put it mildly. Throughout the film he doesn’t think things through at all and it always puts him in a tricky spot. By the end of the movie you can at least appreciate that he is decent at being sneaky in the field but he also gets lucky just as many times.

For example, at one point he has to use a computer while at someone’s house so he sneaks off during the night/early morning to pull this off but of course she sees him. He lays a fake trail down to cover himself but I don’t think that would erase the suspicion at all. If anything it still makes him stand out like a sore thumb and as a CIA agent that’s not what you want to do. Luck is a part of the game of course but James really did himself no favors the whole time. I’d say he’s a cut below the average action lead here.

Then you have Walter who is more of a stand out character. He’s good at manipulation and deception which is exactly what you want from a CIA fighter. He knows what makes everyone tick and how to get the best of them. The guy has an impressive track record on the field so everyone is pretty much in awe of him. I thought he delivered on that and knows how to be kind one moment and gruff the next. His sudden emotion changes always make it hard to know exactly what he is thinking here.

Finally you have Layla as the main heroine. Initially she doesn’t care for James and that makes sense because he can come across as annoying and she is here to be an agent, not to have to put up with this guy’s flirting. Naturally you can guess how this will play out anyway. The romance is one of the weaker parts of the film but I’ll give Layla credit for not being completely outmaneuvered here. She still did well on her own with carrying out her plans and also being aware that James was acting a bit fishy. In that way she wasn’t just another minion getting defeated or anything like that.

Now how much you enjoy the film will likely come down to how much you like the CIA training because a solid chunk of the film is all about how to become a CIA agent rather than actually being out there in the field so it’s all a bit different in that sense. Usually the field work is the majority of the film although there is time for that too. It was interesting to see how the tests went although some seemed a little too intense. At least one in particular would be enough for me to decide to leave the CIA entirely. It was just way too crazy.

I always thought that the test about how to beat out the lie detector machine was always interesting though. Is it really so easy to beat out? If so then it seems like that is not a very good machine to be using on any of the sides. So instead you have to assume that both sides have better machines at the ready that they keep hidden in which case this training won’t be super useful. At least it’s painless compared to the others though so that’s a start. It’s the silver lining here.

Once James is in the field then we get to the meat of the story. It was nice to get the chase scenes and the big action moments that I was waiting for. So I thought all of these scenes were pretty solid. Seeing James have to decide what to do next since it’s hard to trust anyone was also good. These scenes were all really solid and helped the film live up to the action angle.

So it boils down to my one real issue with the film being the romance. It just felt like one of those romances that had to be included. Sure, it fits into the big plan at the end but that just makes it feel all the more convenient. A really large part of the plan revolved around the romance so if it hadn’t gone through then it seems like the whole movie would have been really different. Couple that with the fact that the romance really shouldn’t have gone so smoothly and it feels like the film was trying too hard to make everything connected. I also still think the CIA training went way too far in one of the tests and don’t see how that would be allowed here at all. Surely one of the execs at the CIA would have shut that down a lot sooner right?

Overall, The Recruit is a solid film and makes for a good spy thriller. If you want to watch something sort of like Jason Bourne or James Bond but with a look at how it all began then this is a good one to check out. James can be a bit of an annoying main character who is very easy to manipulate but he does have the tough disposition you would need to have for this job. He is able to manage that much at least. A sequel to this movie would definitely be fun but by this point it’s probably going to stay as a one shot.

Overall 6/10