Category Archives: 4 Star Movies

Johnny Mnemonic Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those sci-fi films that is really all over the place. It’s a dystopia but definitely not the most interesting one out there. I do like that corporate is basically the big villain in all of this but even then I wouldn’t say that it is the big win you might be hoping that it is. That’s just not enough to carry the film and so this won’t be remembered as one of the better sci-fi titles.

Our main character is Johnny and his job is to transport confidential information around. With the internet being incredibly compromised, people rely on humans to traffic the data like this. Johnny puts it in his head and then gives it to the client. He wants out of this gig, but his partner tells him that he will need to do one last job first. The problem is that this latest job has a data size that is way above Johnny’s specs. There is just no way that he can process all of this. So what is he going to do? Well Johnny figures he’ll download it anyway and it should be fine. Unfortunately this job isn’t as straight forward as it appeared and now he’s on the run from the Yakuza. He has a bodyguard named Jane helping him but she is not in the best shape. Yeah this is gonna be rough.

Right from the jump Johnny’s decision is just really dumb here. I know that he’s in a hurry to get out of the business but downloading something into his brain that can’t fit just seems like an easy trip to the grave. It’s not a brave or smart thing to do, it’s just plain dumb. A really foolish move and he is counting on the fact that he doesn’t just die instantly from this. He has a few hours before the brain leakage goes too far but any form of brain leakage obviously brings some risks along with it. So yeah this was a bad idea.

Then Johnny’s partner is super shady from the start so it comes as no surprise to find out that he’s involved with the craziness too. First rule of Dystopias is not to trust anybody. Johnny ends up working with Jane out of necessity but it’s not like he can trust her either. She is very strong and capable but gets a severe case of the shakes all the time. That puts her in a really rough spot for any professional gigs so she is also desperate enough to work with a shady fellow like Johnny. Surely there is no way any romance could bloom out of this right? That would just be poor writing.

It just feels like the story is already pretty forced from the jump with Johnny getting into this mess. There’s just no way he should have stuffed his mind and surely he could have found another job. The people giving him the data also seemed very ill prepared for the villains who showed up later on. You’d think that they would have been more prepared. Ah well, Johnny does his best but I wouldn’t say that he is the most interesting lead character.

Jane is okay and I would even say that the shakes aren’t as bad as the film treats them. Jane’s very first scene has her crushing another bodyguard so clearly she is still strong enough to take out the average fighter. Should shaking really be such a big deal? It feels like in most cases she would still be able to get along just fine even if she will need some breaks here and there. Well, at least she does well as the body guard.

The most interesting villain is the Preacher. He’s a complete nutjob who is a hitman that likes to quote the scriptures the whole time. A real twisted guy but he’s also just such a random addition to the film. Corporate hires him whenever they desperately need some action but the idea that this huge company needs to resort to this is pretty funny. The corporation has so much unbelievable power at their disposal and they still need a secret hitman? It’s not like this is a one time thing either, from the conversation it sounds like they summon him from time to time.

Then for all the hype the Preacher gets, the heroes just run him over during their first encounter. Way to ruin the hype right? It was a very questionable decision as soon as it happened. Preacher does return and gets his share of victims but you still keep remembering the first moment. Naturally the film can get a bit violent so keep that in mind if you’re the squeamish type. The film isn’t holding back with how dark the future gets after all so this is not for the faint of heart.

We also meet a friend of Jane’s, The Spider. This guy doesn’t really like the future. He thinks that things should be done without all the electronics everywhere and he tries to be old school. He was entertaining so I appreciated that. The guy was constantly upset about everything and would really speak his mind. More characters like him could have made the film more interesting. I also did like one of the main villains, Shinji. He had a cool energy whip that could cut through nearly anything. It made him a very deadly fighter and the weapon just looks cool in action. He certainly gets his share of hits in.

I do think the film had some potential here but it’s all convoluted without being super interesting. I like a good mystery and sci-fi babble but it just doesn’t always go anywhere. We have a plot with a lady in the screen with ties to Johnny’s past, a resistance that has been around for a while, and both of those elements don’t appear as much as you would think. It’s the kind of title that has a whole lot of world building and character development behind the scenes but we just don’t get to see it. It probably would have worked better as a full on series.

I would also say that as a future story it should have embraced the fun sci-fi elements a bit more. Bring in more cool weapons like Shinji’s energy whip. Johnny isn’t a super fighter or anything like that so it would make sense for him to be carrying something instead of having to hope that he can deal with these guys in hand to hand combat. When you’re dealing with the future it’s not like you need to stick to some pre-existing ideas.

Overall, I think the film could have been better but it’s not nearly as interesting as you would expect. The film could even be a bit dull at times. The idea of people carrying information in their brains is interesting and dare I even say realistic? I could totally see that being the case in the future. Corporate as the villain was also a good idea but it just goes to show that you need more than ideas. You need proper execution! If you want a good sci-fi film, you should definitely check out something like Sword Art Online instead.

Overall 4/10

Up in the Air Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

This film definitely brings up some interesting points and ideas. I had a good time with the philosophical angles of the film even if I thought it came away with the wrong answers each time. Sometimes you want a film that makes you think like this one though and so that part worked out. Ultimately I wouldn’t say it was a good film though as it made too many mistakes and I had too many issues with it. I can say that it is certainly memorable though and not one of those titles you will soon forget.

The movie starts by introducing us to Ryan who has the very unenviable job of having to fire people. Basically his company are professional firers, so if a company doesn’t have the heart to fire somebody, then this place does it. Ryan rather enjoys the job because it allows him to be in the air almost every day of the year and his life’s goal is to reach 10 million miles. Sure the job itself isn’t fun, but that’s all it is…a job. So Ryan aims to make the most of it but one day he is called back to home base because the big brass had an idea. Why not use computers so that they can fire people remotely?

Ryan is completely against the idea on principle but also because it would mean no more travel. He’s now expected to fly Natalie, the girl who suggested this idea, around the world with him so she gets a feel for the business. He needs to show her just how difficult this line of work is but along the way she starts trying to put ideas into his head about needing a life away from work. Is she about to confuse this guy who had his life in order?

The main conflict of course is the whole idea of being forced to work from the office but beneath that is the real struggle here. Ryan has always lived a life of isolation. He has affairs and one night stands but keeps himself untethered to anybody. That’s the way he likes it, all the fun without any of the responsibility. He scoffs at the idea of a true romance and basically has his life all mapped out. He even meets up with a girl named Alex who agrees to a friends with benefits sort of relationship. It’s certainly not a wholesome life but Ryan thinks that he has really found something here. Well, that is until Natalie starts talking to him.

She accuses him of intentionally limiting his options, not taking Alex seriously, and of basically being really lonely. Ryan only thinks that he’s happy but he isn’t actually happy. That’s her frame of mind at least. Then Ryan has to meet up with his family for a wedding and despite seeing how disastrous it all is for everybody, he starts to believe that maybe having a family would be a good thing. Hmm..probably not the best idea here, at least not with the current people that he knows.

One thing you have to understand is that from the start, Alex is portrayed as being exactly like Ryan. They’re both extremely easy and are always up for some “fun” because they don’t have any real morals. It’s not a true relationship, it’s all just surface level. Ryan lets himself get tricked out of this to the extent that he basically makes a fool of himself but ultimately he only has himself to blame here. He should have seen all of this coming. So in the end of the film you don’t really feel bad for him, it was a big mistake and he’ll learn from it.

I would even say that despite the framing, it’s not a sad ending. The only tragic thing is that he wasn’t able to really enjoy the big airplane moment that he had been looking forward to. Everything else he will get over very shortly. It’s just a small stumbling block on the rest of his journey. He will be back to being levelheaded and everything else will march into place. It’s not as if Ryan is a good person. He’s clearly into bad habits and a toxic way of living but I don’t think he was secretly unhappy or anything like that. This is just what he enjoys and the life that he wants to lead. I would say what Natalie was telling him was just projecting how she wants to live her life.

I would even say that Natalie’s life was considerably sadder the whole time. She has a pretty rough breakup, she watches her big work project go up in flames, and finally she is the one who is forced to turn her back on a pretty big career trajectory. The ending for her looks promising and that’s a good thing but she probably needs to check her route as well. Meanwhile Alex is basically like Ryan. Certainly not a good person and living life on the rough side but it’s basically what she does. I don’t see her changing anytime soon and eventually it’ll all catch up to her.

It goes without saying that the romance is particularly weak here. It’s not like you’re ever able to root for Ryan and Alex. You see them as a temporary convenience and only Natalie is initially unable to see that. Their scenes tend to be rather painful which I’d say is probably the point. While the film may have been trying to say that Ryan lost out by focusing so much at work, I’d say the wedding subplot hurts that. There are a whole lot of issues going on there and of course the groom getting cold feet at the end was pretty terrible.

This film pretty much makes the argument of why you would want to stay out of relationships. Yes they can be a lot of fun but they can also completely derail your life and need tremendous amounts of upkeep. When Ryan and Alex have their sort of debates with Natalie, they come out the victor in each event. I would even say they got the ultimate victory by enabling Natalie to have a one night stand with a random stranger. Not quite the decision that someone who aims to have a stable family would do right? You’ll have to be careful not to let this film make you too jaded about actual relationships.

There are counter arguments to Ryan’s methodologies about romance and love of course but Natalie isn’t able to properly articulate any of them. So by the end of the film the solo life looks a lot more promising than it could have been. Regardless it does go back to my main point where I’d say Ryan is reasonably happy. He has a job that keeps him busy, a goal that gives his life purpose, etc. At the end of the day those two things can carry you through a whole lot.

Overall, Up in the Air is a jaded film but one that brings up interesting topics. I had a good time with it and the only things that bring it down tend to be the romance and at times the writing can be a little sketchy. The film is absolutely at its best when showing Ryan at the job. Now I don’t think anybody in the rooms would have bought his speeches at all. I think that part was all way too smooth to be realistic but the film is trying to keep a fairly light tone throughout all of this. There are a good amount of jokes to undercut the tension every now and then. The film did have a good sense of humor, enough so where it’s almost hard to get yourself adjusted when the film goes super serious later on. If you want to watch a film with debates on romance then this is a decent one to check out but technically I would sooner recommend an actual romance film and you can use that as a bar to see if it’s the life you want.

Overall 4/10

The Purple Rose of Cairo Review

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It’s time for a movie that has an interesting premise but never really gets into it. The movie has some ideas but the whole thing is bogged down by a terrible romance. Ultimately the film’s humor style just didn’t work out so the whole thing ends up being a dud but I do appreciate the attempt. Sometimes these films just can’t score the big W and that’s just how it goes. I’d like a remake some day that’s more of a horror thriller about the real subplot going on here.

The movie introduces us to Cecilia who is a very unhappy person. She is married to a rather abusive guy who is always cheating on her and doesn’t bring in any money. He’s basically a deadbeat. Meanwhile she has a hard time concentrating on anything and keeps on messing up at her job until she is fired. Her only real place to be calm and have a good time is at the movie theater so she goes there to continually watch a film as much as possible. One day the main character Tom jumps out of the screen and announces that he’s in love with her. Cecilia is shocked by this but then the actor who plays the character (Gil) shows up and also says he likes her. She must now choose between these men but of course she is also still married an has to think about this. What can she do?

First off Cecilia looks really bad here. At the risk of sounding like victim blaming here, she really gets herself into constant trouble. Everything at the job was completely her fault. She was not focusing at all and was instead gossiping the entire time. That’s never going to be a good idea and will naturally get her into trouble. She kept on dropping things and getting the wrong order so yeah that was a bad look. Then with the husband this is easier said than done but she needed to actually leave him. You just can’t get past this many red flags in one guy. Cheating and abusive and broke? That’s just absolutely terrible and it sounds like he has been like this for a very long time so it’s not like this is recent either. Oh no this is definitely a bad look all the way.

Finally when he comes down to choosing Tom or his actor, Cecilia looks really bad and naive here. For starters, it’s not like Gil was subtle at all about wanting to force Tom back in the screen to save his acting career. So didn’t Cecilia think for a second it was odd that Gil suddenly started liking her? Almost like this would make Tom lose his hope and just settle back into the screen? Basically Cecilia was played here and so while it leads to a sad ending, it ultimately it a situation that she created once again.

Gil isn’t a nice guy but you don’t expect him to be. He’s one of those Hollywood hotshots who is basically doing whatever he likes and she should have seen through that way easier. As for Tom, the guy is super oblivious to everything and seems to be lacking in common sense but at least he tries his best. He was able to turn down a bunch of the sketchy women who were after him after all so I can give him some credit there. That whole scene lasted a bit too long though.

What you’re really interested in is the subplot of how Tom broke through the film screen. We find out that as soon as the film is digitized, the characters become real. They’re also all unique to the exact picture that is being played. So for example if you have 100 copies of the film, then there are 100 Toms. No character has ever left the movie before but it seems like it’s something that is possible if a character ever thought about it. We find out that this has started a bit of a revolt abroad to the point where people are pulling the movie.

The fact that all the characters are actually sentient is pretty crazy. They are also immortal as shown when Tom could not be hurt despite someone trying to beat him up. There are a whole lot of ramifications to this but the movie is mainly a comedy so the characters just laugh about it. It’s a shame because that was the most interesting part of the film with ease. The whole movie industry would suddenly become a lot more dangerous if the characters could just leap out of the screen like that. Additionally we see that real people can jump into the movies as well.

Unfortunately we end up having to go back to the romance plot. Putting everything else to the side for a moment, if Cecilia was actually a decisive person that would have helped out a lot. Like if she decided to be with Tom, then not giving Gil the time of day would have been good. Maybe making it official with her husband that they are through, etc. These are all steps that she should have taken and that would have been a really good idea. Instead she is just too scattered and starts rambling about random things all the time.

Her character is just way too weak willed throughout the movie and that’s the real problem here. Even before she gets suckered at the end of the film, she never really makes the right decisions. The writing in general isn’t great either. I did like the movie itself within the movie because there all of the dialogue was on point. In the present though, the characters were all a bit too extreme like Tom being oblivious, Cecilia being indecisive, her husband being whiny, etc. It’s not exactly the kind of writing that grips you.

Overall, This is not a movie I would recommend. Just like how Cecilia wastes money on movie tickets and popcorn every night despite being ultra broke, it would not be the wisest decision for you to watch this film. Check out a different romance title instead. There are plenty of much better ones out there after all and they will all steer you down a better path. This is the path you want to go, only if you want to see an interesting premise that is shoved to the side. There are few things more tragic than a great premise that is never explored.

Overall 4/10

I.Q. Review

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It’s time for a romance film that has a fairly unique gimmick but at the same time it doesn’t feel like this actually changes the flow of the movie all that much. In fact, the movie would likely be about the same either way. Unfortunately it suffers from having a particularly weak romance and the characters aren’t really likable. When you’ve got an unlikable cast and the romance in a romance film is weak…well there’s not a whole lot more you can do about this. The film just ends up being doomed upon arrival.

The movie starts with introducing us to Catherine and James who are engaged to be married. It’s a rather big deal for them of course but their individual careers are also rather big. They aren’t really the romantic types but things just worked out. Well, one day their car breaks down and so they head to a mechanic’s shop to fix it. Unfortunately one of the workers there is a very unprofessional gentleman named Ed who immediately falls for Catherine and starts to bad mouth James. Ed has no sense of tact or anything like that and basically just does whatever he wants. Naturally Catherine isn’t overly fond of him so Ed works with her uncle Einstein to try and make a favorable impression. To do this, he pretends to suddenly be a genius who solved the problem of nuclear energy. Sure enough this does catch Catherine’s attention but the other problem here is that now the whole state of New Jersey is really hyped about this. Has he set himself up to fail?

The story itself is a classic of one person pretending to be somebody that they’re not in order to attract the other but of course it usually does equal out to being a bad romance. For starters this means the relationship will be starting off of a massive deception. You also have to factor in that she is already engaged here. Yes, the film tries to show us that James is a boring guy who doesn’t add a lot of spice to the world but at the same time it’s not like Catherine really signed up for a super romantic guy.

His one really bad scene was when he wouldn’t start having fun with her during the middle of a dinner engagement. It wasn’t the best time for that anyway but even so it’s not like she was actively trying to leave the relationship. So Ed going after her so hard was just a bad look. Make no mistake, he takes the bulk of the blame on this one. He really should have just kept on living his life and not pursuing her. I also think the way he did it just came across as being distasteful too because he immediately started bashing James. Not a very nice thing to do.

Ed’s just hard to root for and the guy is constantly annoying. Meanwhile I do have to dock some points for Catherine for entertaining this at all. Yeah this guy is super smart now but that doesn’t means he has to play along and entertain the guy. She is already taken and off the market, that’s really all that he needs to know. She needs to completely leave the current relationship first before any of this could happen so yeah she isn’t a solid character either.

Finally you have Einstein and his team who are supporting Ed the whole time. It’s not a good look for them either since they should have been respecting the fact that she was already in a committed relationship. It also would have been nice if Einstein was more supportive of Catherine in general like when she found an error in Ed’s work and Einstein played dumb to help the guy out. Einstein may be a genius but he was completely out of his depth here.

The film actually showed some good restraint in not making James out to be some terrible creep. Ultimately they settled for just making him boring which is fine. That’s certainly not a terrible quality particularly with it being so subjective. You automatically end up rooting for the guy. The real losers in this fight were the American people though. Everybody was so excited about being the first to have nuclear power. Even the President was ready to get involved and it was going to be a huge victory for New Jersey in general. Ed got everybody’s hopes up only to let them down afterwards. Just not a good moment for him at all.

I rather liked Catherine’s boss as a character because he’s really emotionally involved in what he does. The guy was really trying to get Catherine to find a way to help out the company and then after that he did their best. It’s why lying is always a bad approach because there will always be several victims involved. Ed never actually seems all that remorseful for what he did though. They definitely could have made things a little tougher for him.

In terms of the comedic aspects of the film, it’s okay. It’s not the funniest film out there but there are a decent amount of jokes running around. It’s one of those things where the jokes would work better if you really enjoyed the characters. I liked Ed’s boss though, the guy was trying to keep it real the whole time but would crumble when it was time to get famous. He told Ed that the whole thing was a bad idea from the start though so I have to give him credit there. Then you had the scientists feeding Ed the right answers during tests but the whole thing was so obvious that it mainly just makes the side characters look bad.

Overall, I.Q. is not one of the better films. I feel like the premise absolutely dooms it from the start. The worst part is that you could cut out her fiancé and almost nothing changes yet it would help the film out quite a bit. Ed would still be annoying but at least he wouldn’t feel like a bad character so that’s an immediate improvement. It’s a reminder of how even small plot elements can really change a whole lot of things. All it takes is one story element to really shut things down. If they ever do a remake of this film perhaps they could really improve it. I doubt it’ll return tho.

Overall 4/10

The Outfit Review

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Whenever you have a gunman going up against some kind of a criminal syndicate you figure that they have to be absolutely doomed. There is just no way to outwit these kind of fighters right? You’re basically fighting off a whole army and yet that’s exactly what happens here. The Outfit got so used to winning that they are rather overconfident by this point. Definitely a dangerous spot to be in.

The movie starts out with the gang murdering Earl’s brother. Earl isn’t happy when he finds out about this after being released from prison. They try finishing him off as well but Earl was too fast and turns the tables. Now he wants revenge and so he’s going to start attacking “The Outfit” and stealing their money until they agree to his ransom demands. It’s an ambitious plan but he has a good friend willing to help him out. The only wild card here is his girlfriend. He wants her in the mix but she could end up being a liability. Will Earl’s stubbornness really get him into trouble?

Now this is at its core a film about villains fighting other villains. There aren’t really any heroes in the story, after all Earl was doing fairly heavy time in prison for his crime. So you have to decide if you’re rooting for Earl and his revenge or if you think the syndicate should win. Additionally you could just root for them all to be defeated and arrested by the cops but of course that is a bit of a longshot.

The movie also does make sure to show that Earl isn’t a particularly nice guy. His relationship with Bett is super toxic the whole time. He gets physical with her rather quickly and so again you are reassured that he is a total villain at heart. He is not some super nice guy or anything like that. The villains are all corrupt as well so it’s basically a wash. To an extent you don’t really mind whichever side gets it.

When a car tune-up goes wrong thanks to some false allegations from a scorned lady, we do unfortunately get some animal violence as a dog is murdered. That was definitely the low point of the film. The movie definitely did not need that scene and finding a way to avoid it would have helped the film greatly. There was enough tension and loss in the film without having to go that far. The whole plot there was really a bit out of nowhere and you could have just skipped the scene as a whole.

The film is at its best when it’s just about Earl and Cody taking out villains at every base that they stop at. It does make the Outfit look rather weak though with how they don’t beef up security or do much of anything. The leader himself can’t even be bothered until it all finally comes close to home. Still, you’d think there would be some communication going out and alerting everyone of what’s going on though. That would have made sense and then the main two would find it harder and harder to break into the bases. Instead the difficulty never really goes up as the Outfit doesn’t adapt at all.

Earl even laughs about how easy it is at the end of the film. He’s not wrong either since the whole thing was super easy. This is the kind of film that I’m surprised didn’t have a more somber or ironic ending like the two betraying each other or not. I guess ultimately they just made it through the situation and would be ready for a sequel. This time they’ll probably want to avoid adding any more characters because Bett definitely made all the rookie mistakes you could imagine. It’s always annoying to see characters just breaking the safety rules because they got upset or impatient. Not a very good business move.

Aside from the toxic romance parts, Earl works decently well as the main character. It’s just a big thing to try and put to the side. Not having any romance plot would have definitely been a good thing for the film because it’s not like it really served any kind of purpose here. Cody was a good friend and definitely came through a whole lot of times. If Earl had been on his own then he would never have been able to get as far as he did. For all of his skills, one man alone would not beat an organization while just having one more makes this a whole new ballgame.

As it is there is still a considerable amount of plot armor here. At one point the villains trap them inside a fairly small room with agents posted everywhere and they manage to shoot their way out of there. Even the main villain comments on how crazy this is. I’d be upset too since the organization had the element of surprise and the numbers advantage. When you still find a way to lose with all of that on your side, well there is no real coming back from that. It means that your organization is seriously lacking in skill and it goes back to how complacent they’ve become. They rely on their reputation over skill at this point and it really came back to bite them.

Overall, I would have appreciated a tougher end for the main characters. At the end of the day they were still full on villains after all. Not even the sympathetic kind but the full blown villains kind with punching out secretaries and being quick to fight. I was not expecting the ending at all though so that definitely took me for a spin. The movie made some critical errors at key moments so without that this would have fared better. If you really want to check out a big Noir title then you should watch this one but the genre is already stuffed with plenty of good films. So you could do better with one of those.

Overall 4/10

The Shell Seekers Review

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It’s time for a film about the horrors of growing older. You slowly realize that your time in this world is coming to an end and people start showing their true colors. It’s tough because at this point you just have to either roll with it or go for confrontations even at the end. In a way the film comes off as being a little depressing and I also thought that the main character was too much of a pushover. I was hoping she would be more aggressive here.

The film starts off by introducing us to the main character who lets herself out of the hospital because she really doesn’t like the environment. She does not want to feel like an invalid and wants to enjoy the last years of her life as much as possible. Yes, she had a heart attack but otherwise she feels just fine. Unfortunately she quickly realizes that the family thinks of her as a burden so she heads off to be with the one relative who always had her back. Unfortunately the others are still hot on her trail because they want money!

Okay so the first thing here is that you don’t have to put someone in your will just because they are family. I would say having them there by default makes sense but if it’s clear that they only want the money and don’t care about you then that’s something that has to be on the table. At one point two of her kids try stealing some rare drawings behind her back and the old lady still doesn’t change anything. By the end of the film she still has these ungrateful kids in her will which is crazy. It’s just not a smart move. I give her some credit for giving away the paintings just to spite the kids but she could have taken things a bit farther.

None of the characters here seem to make the best decisions though. One of her daughters was in a happy enough relationship but decides to toss it all aside for a big job to advance her career. I suppose it all comes down to knowing where your priorities are. If the job is really her top priority then that’s fine but I definitely don’t want to hear any excuses about it later on. The grass is always greener which is why you should not be making any rash decisions without thinking them all the way through first. That will always lead to disaster.

Also back to the heroine again, at one point she confronts her aunt and gets absolutely bodied in their debate. She lets herself get cut off numerous times and is constantly on the back foot. I think it can be tough when you’re in the middle of a debate like that but you have to establish that you are correct right from the jump. That is the first step to getting everything to work out if you ask me.

The film isn’t overly interested in redeeming the other characters and that’s a good thing. It would have probably been more on the cheesy side if any of them had a sudden change of heart. It didn’t seem like these characters would be doing anything like that anyway. So with the whole movie showing how unlikable they all were, it did mean that this film would drag on a great deal. If the heroine was calling them out the whole time that would be one thing but with the way that the film plays out, it just ends up being annoying.

Even near the end the main heroine interrupts a fight to just put herself in the wrong again which made me roll my eyes. It’s good to be a peacemaker but sometimes you can absolutely take that way too far and this was definitely one of those times. The film could have stood to have been a little happier throughout as well. To me it felt more like a cautionary tale about being careful when you’re older. Knowing who your real friends are and weeding out the fake ones. I still think it was absolutely beyond the pale to be rummaging through her attic trying to sell stuff away. That was crazy.

There is also a romance plot going on between the gardener and one of the girls and it is pretty brutal stuff. So from the start he is very cold and not talkative. He doesn’t show any real interest in her and brushes off all attempts at communication. Well, she decides to go with him anyway and then almost immediately starts to get upset at how cold and quiet he is. The whole point is that he was like that from the start so I thought that was extremely unreasonable. It would be one thing if he suddenly changed drastically after talking to her but he didn’t change at all so that was really crazy. Definitely a really bad look for her if you ask me so I was already checked out of that plot early on.

This film didn’t even need a romance plot. When your main character is old, you should be focusing on the unique trials relating to that main plot. Squeezing in a romance plot just because you can is absolutely crazy stuff. I was certainly surprised by it at the very least but not in a good way. Okay most of this was negative so at least one positive I can say about the film is that the scenery was good. The movie just needed to be happier and offer a little more hope for the heroine. Maybe add in some more likable family members somewhere or just make her really tough so the whole time she is fighting them off and we get a moment of introspection like maybe she went wrong at some point. At this point we’re talking about a completely different movie though.

Overall, The Shell Seekers was not really my kind of film. It could be too slow at times and the characters were all way too annoying. There wasn’t really anyone to root for. The writing was okay but the romance was weak and so ultimately that really limited the film’s overall potential. There was just no coming back from all of that and so I would say to give this one a skip.

Overall 4/10

Plainsong Review

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This is a Hall of Fame movie? I dunno about that, this one definitely doesn’t soar to the classic Hallmark levels of hype. Ultimately the biggest problem here is the lack of a satisfying conclusion to the movie. The antagonists get away with too much without any real penalties. Yes, you can say that maybe there were some consequences down the road but I don’t know if you can really make a convincing argument for that. It seems to me like you would have to do some leaps in logic on your own when the film could have just done that.

The movie follows a teacher named Tom who is having to raise his two kids by himself due to his wife being ill. His wife has retreated more and more into herself to the point where she first moves away but lets the boys see her, and then decides to completely go abroad. She has really deserted them in their time of need and Tom is already busy so now it’s going to be tougher on him. Meanwhile two of the teachers seem to like him. The more reserved Maggie and another girl who is really desperate. Tom has to be careful with how he proceeds…and of course there are also random bullies running around.

This is mainly Tom’s plot though. We also have Victoria who ends up getting pregnant and the guy doesn’t want anything to do with the baby. Victoria wants to keep the baby but has nowhere to go but fortunately she is taken to two elderly brothers who are okay with her moving in. They have a hard time connecting with her due to the age gap but do their best to be accommodating. Will Victoria be grateful for the help in her darkest hour or will she make some more bad mistakes?

Both plots can be annoying the whole time. I suppose the first one to dissect is Tom’s plot. I give him credit for not bad mouthing his wife or anything throughout the movie. She makes a lot of mistakes and is making his job harder but Tom just puts his head down and gets to work. Where Tom is a bit shakier is with the romance. I mentioned the desperate lady earlier and so he puts himself in dangerous situations like driving her home from the bar. Nothing happens but the fact is that something absolutely could have. She could have made a move in the car or claimed that he made a move. When someone’s interested in you, particularly when it’s one way then you have to make sure to never be in one on one situations.

It also gave Maggie the wrong idea but that’s a little harder to predict since the timing had to be perfect for that misunderstanding to occur. Their romance definitely felt a bit rushed though and it’s all moving pretty fast since Tom is still technically married. In fact, that’s the excuse he used for the first woman but then he forgot about that with Maggie. No matter how rocky things are, as long as there is no divorce then you can’t move on. Even then if it’s too fast then it plays out like a rebound. The movie didn’t really need any romance either since it’s not really crucial to the plot.

It’s not a good look for Maggie either for the same reasons. Tom is off the market right now and it basically has to stay that way. She needs to focus more on the schoolwork instead of all that. Another thing going on at the school is that Tom is being pressured to let one kid pass his class despite failing every test. Tom doesn’t want to do that but he may lose his job if he goes against the administration. Then meanwhile the guy actually goes and attacks his two kids. Yeah the two kids look really dumb in leaving home by themselves but you should still reasonably expect that they won’t be attacked by their fellow inhabitants.

The fact that nobody among the teens broke off the whole event was definitely disappointing. Likewise with Tom getting rocked by the bully’s father as well. No serious charges entered the mix or anything by the end of the film. These guys were literally attacking children and left them in the middle of a deserted area and nothing happened. The villains absolutely got away with wayyyyyyy too much by the end of that. It was definitely crazy.

Then with the Victoria plot, she looked really bad. It’s clear from the start that she was hanging out with the wrong crowd and naturally getting pregnant at such a young age is a bad look as well when it’s a voluntary action. You shouldn’t be engaging in acts that could leave you pregnant at such an age and it’s clear that the guy wasn’t ready for this. Then after being given a nice home, she leaves with the guy just to be reminded that he’s a total jerk all over again? It’s as if she had short term memory loss and in a lot of ways that has to be the most annoying part of this whole situation.

You can’t keep falling for the “Grass is always greener” approach. The two old men were nice enough to welcome her in once, to be honest if I was them there wouldn’t be a second chance after that. Kudos to them for being accepting but when you’re that old it’s not good to be having any real stress like that. She really just left without a word and scared them pretty badly. It’s a reminder to them that she would leave at the first sign of a better opportunity.

In a nutshell, the issues this film had were all boiled down to a weak character cast. The characters were mainly not likable and made the worst possible decisions. I think the old men would have made a much more interesting film at this point. The drama within the town just shows how corrupt everyone could be and I still can’t get over the teen getting away with punching a teacher and terrorizing two little kids. I’d want to be out of that town so fast if that kind of thing can just be overlooked.

Overall, Plainsong goes hard on the emotional beats but forgets to really have a resolution to them. When you just have sad plots over and over, it ends up making things too lopsided for any kind of ending to fix. I wouldn’t really be able to recommend this title because it’s more of a downer than anything else. You’ll want to watch a more traditional Hallmark film over this one.

Overall 4/10

Life is Beautiful Review

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It’s time for a film that has a really big tonal shift midway through. The initial half is a rather silly romantic comedy and then the second half brings a lot of nonstop tragedy. It’s definitely a bold approach as very few films can pull off such a stark change. Well this one puts in a pretty big swing so we’ll see how things turned out.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Guido who is a chronic liar who likes to have a lot of fun. He rolls constantly and falls in love with a lady named Dora. Dora already has a fiancé which would make things tricky for most leads but Guido doesn’t care. He figures that stealing her away will be easy enough and continues flirting nonstop in order to get her attention. Eventually she does decide to go with him and they have a kid. Unfortunately the Nazis invade and split them up. Guido has to keep his son safe but also find a way back to his wife. Can he pull this off or are they all already as good as dead?

Now even once the film changes genres, it is safe to say that it still keeps a lot of the chaotic energy that it had before. The movie will still allow Guido to pull off pranks and tricks the likes of which are just hard to picture. For example he ends up intentionally mistranslating everything the German commander was saying and nobody noticed. Then at one point he uses the loud speaker to declare his love for his wife and to let her know he and their kid were okay. Guido was always a man who was good with his words but this is definitely taken to the extreme here.

Throughout the film he does succeed in tricking his kid Giosue into thinking that this is all some kind of training camp/tournament in order to win a tank. Of course even for a kid that’s a bit of a stretch so you either enjoy this craziness thrown in to keep the film from getting too grim dark or you quickly believe that it is going too far and it weakens the film for you. As someone who enjoys some levity, I’d say it works well enough for me although the actual film is still dark enough where it’s not really my cup of tea.

Additionally while the first half is showing how determined Guido is and how he never gives up, I do think it’s a bit dicey on how he steals Dora away from the fiancé. Yeah he didn’t seem like the greatest guy but they liked each other enough to get to that stage. While not as bad as going after someone who is absolutely taken like in marriage, this is close enough where it gets into very dubious territory. So that prevents me from being able to say I was 100% into the romance.

The film also used the humor to punctuate a particularly sad scene for the lead. At one point he recognizes one of the guys at the German camp which was a professor he used to get along with. The guy acts like he is getting ready to help Guido escape and there are quite a few scenes building up to this. However, when the time comes, it turns out that he just wanted help with a riddle. It’s a call back to the riddle solving days from earlier so it was all one big joke but this time Guido isn’t laughing because lives are on the line. It showed that he couldn’t rely on someone that he thought he could and so of course that didn’t go over very well.

Meanwhile the kid was okay but definitely makes a number of mistakes. He is very young so you can say that is to be expected to an extent but man did he put the lead through a lot. Speaking when he shouldn’t, causing attention to be brought to himself, etc. The last thing you want to do is be in the spotlight here. Meanwhile his wife did good at being hidden to the point where she basically vanishes for the whole second half. She kept her head down and waited for the right opportunity.

Ultimately the ending also doesn’t go for as happy a tone as you might expect. Some things go well and some do not, definitely a tough situation all around. Additionally for the supporting characters there is a lot of tragedy as well. Ultimately the silver lining is that the situation does have a resolution so at least the tough period is over. The amount of casualties was just astronomical in the process.

Overall, I wasn’t quite sure if I should format this as a review and if there were enough differences for a score or if it should be treated as a based on real events kind of story. Ultimately I figured there was probably enough here where I’d make it a review. At the end of the day this is definitely not my kind of film but I appreciate the attempt on a very different take on the situation here. In a way it probably works better than if it had been serious the whole time since that would have made the film an even darker watch. The first half just didn’t click well enough with me since I couldn’t root for the romance. If the heroine had been single the whole time then the whole thing would have flowed better but otherwise even the early flirting doesn’t make any sense. You shouldn’t even be entertaining any of that if you’re already dating. Then naturally the second half isn’t exactly an easy watch. The lead does his best to try and minimize how bad the situation is but even he can’t quite reduce that to 0. It’s pretty obvious to the rest of the characters that things are getting worse and worse as the climax approaches.

Overall 4/10

DOA: Dead or Alive Review

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Dead or Alive is one of those titles that is always super tragic. The series has amazing characters who got a lot of hype thanks to the fan-animated Dead Fantasy series. Additionally there is a lot of rich lore and world building to be found but instead it is often thrown away in place of fanservice. The same thing happens here. The movie has a fantastic soundtrack, great fights and visuals, not to mention a great cast. Unfortunately the fanservice continues to come in strong and hard which ultimately prevents the film from succeeding the way that it should have. You have to squint your way through to the end which is not the way to go.

The film starts by introducing us to our three leads. You have Princess Kasumi who wants to find her brother Hayate who supposedly died during the Dead or Alive tournament but she doesn’t believe this. When she gets an invite to the tournament, Kasumi gets her chance to find out what’s going on. Tina’s reason for entering the tournament is a bit more mild, she wants to prove to people that she is a true fighter and not a fake wrestler. Finally Christie just wants to make more money and there are millions to be stolen from this island. Who will take the crown?

There are a lot more characters in the tournament but technically speaking most of them do not last very long. It was fun to see a bunch of characters from the games either way though. Tina’s father Bass gets a fight to himself and it’s clear that he is holding back a great deal so when he goes down it’s not like he suddenly had to get nerfed by the plot or anything. Who wants to defeat their kid in a serious fight right? If anything you could say he was mostly used for the comedy which worked really well.

This is the kind of film where you do have to overlook the characters really taking it to each other even when it’s a friendly match though. Christie for example dishes out a ton of pain to her boyfriend Max like hitting him where it hurt and crushing his hands. It was intense enough where I thought he was being set up to be a total villain but in the end it just ended up being their dynamic. Max has one scene where he defeats a fighter accidentally which was taken a bit far as a gag though. In the end I’m surprised he still ended up with Christie but I guess his confident attitude actually worked.

His romance plot is still better than Weatherby’s though. That guy didn’t stand up to help Helena when it counted and so that was a real bad look for him. I give him some points for actually talking to Helena instead of creeping by the computer all day but he still wasn’t really my kind of character.

Another character who looks bad here is Ayane. She is so determined to murder Kasumi that she takes this to a crazy obsessive level. Ayane could have been putting that time towards helping to find Hayate as well. Even if he was dead, just let Kasumi do what she wants for now. There is no reason to be going this aggressive and then by the end she is acting like nothing happened. I tend to like Ayane but she did not look good in this one.

Hayate sadly doesn’t get to do a lot here but he is given a lot of hype as being the strongest warrior on the planet. That was appreciated and he does his best even when he’s outgunned. I have a hard time believing that he would lose but I guess I can ignore that. The point of Victor’s new tech is that he can copy and predict people’s moves but I don’t think the body would be quick enough to counter and also properly execute the move. We can just chalk it up to sci-fi shenanigans.

Victor actually made for a pretty good villain. He’s nice and over the top the whole time with al the laughing and bragging about how strong he is. He’s a villain who is clearly having a good time throughout the movie and seems to actually enjoy being rich. Sometimes you just want a big villain like this who is completely unrepentant and does whatever he feels like. No need for some kind of a fancy character arc here.

Hayabusa does well in taking out a lot of minions here. I also appreciated that he was really protective of Kasumi rather than trying to murder her. The guy was even able to push his feelings aside throughout the movie so that he could properly protect her. He gets big props for not getting distracted. This guy is just a really good hero through and through who is as noble as they come.

Speaking of distractions, I was also pleasantly surprised that the film didn’t have any of the characters try and use their looks to distract the villains. That’s one of the worst tropes and fortunately the movie didn’t have any of them sacrifice their dignity. Now the extreme levels of fanservice in the film do negate this to an extent but at least that’s one thing it avoided. The various romance plots tend to be really weak. The only decent one is with Hayabusa and even then it could probably stand to slow down a bit. The others are definitely more on the annoying side and move too quickly.

Back to the characters, I would say Kasumi is the best one. She goes out of her way to try and save Hayate and puts herself in great risk. She understands what it means to look out for someone even if it puts your whole future at stake. She’s definitely the kind of friend you want to have on your side and her skills are quite impressive. Definitely a really fun character without a doubt. Then we have Christie who is fun as an antagonist. She doesn’t have the moral compass of the others.

Sure she’s not going around murdering everybody but she is a thief and takes whatever she wants. In terms of fighting abilities she may be the strongest heroine out of Kasumi even if it doesn’t seem like her training was as formal. You get the feeling that she just had to learn in a hurry after being a thief for so long which makes a lot of sense. She’s charismatic and a lot of fun to have around the whole time.

Now I have to admit that the final two heroines Tina and Helena look so similar that I was mixing them up the whole time. I generally know them from their storylines as Helena had the Weatherby one while Tina was proving herself but this is where video game costumes would help out to really differentiate them. They’re both fun enough, I probably prefer Helena because she has more of a troll side to her. She was definitely messing with Weatherby intentionally a few times. As far as flirting goes, that’s probably one of the better ways to do it. Tina had to start off with a fake victory to move on forward in the tournament so it didn’t make her look quite as hype.

Still you’ve got a lot of fun characters throughout. I also really liked the tournament style as matches could happen anywhere at any time. That’s just a really cool concept and there were a few homages to the games like how the cameras and UI worked. The soundtrack is awesome like I mentioned before with a ton of rock music. The pacing is really fast and so this film was really firing on all cylinders. The writing is really good with a fairly light tone but still keeping the story serious. You’re super invested in what’s going on the whole time and the fighting choreography is really solid. The film even played the volleyball match very seriously without any fanservice attempts in there.

Alas, like I mentioned before the fanservice still keeps this from being a good movie. I can’t really recommend a title that will have you shaking your head and wincing so often. That just wouldn’t make sense. It’s better than something like Charlie’s Angels which was all flash with no substance since this one has a good film buried beneath that but it has to succeed in spite of those scenes which was too hard of a mission. I would like to see a modern version pull this off while not falling into the usual traps.

Overall, Dead or Alive has a very distinct reputation which is pretty well earned by this point. It’s a shame that it always goes for the easy views when this has the makings of a great franchise. This film is just another example of this tactic. If you can get past all the fanservice then I would recommend checking this film out and seeing what you think. If that sounds like it’ll be a little too difficult then you should just check out the original Moral Kombat instead which is the ultimate tournament film.

Overall 4/10

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you’ve got a film with the word affair in the title then you know that you might be in trouble. Naturally the word doesn’t have to inherently be bad but it’s usually used in a negative context. The film is basically about someone trying to pull a James Bond and just the concept of that plan is usually funny to me. Still, it does actually work in the real world even so I can’t really talk much about that. Ultimately the film lacks the good characters to make this a success and the romance is particularly weak.

The film starts off with a rare painting being stolen from Thomas Crown’s museum. It was worth tons and the insurance company might have to pay for it. As a result they send in a lady named Catherine to oversee the whole thing. She will make sure that the company does not get ripped off here and she will locate the painting. She believes that Thomas did it himself. It seems a bit unlikely to the cops to put it mildly but she is convinced. So her plan will be to seduce him and then get the information. Will she really be able to reel in a rich guy who has everything so easily?

The first part of the plot that already starts you off on a skeptical note is Catherine’s idea that she can just seduce this guy like it’s easy. I have the same skepticism for many romance type titles and naturally the James Bond films as well. Sure there are some people that are extremely shallow like that but a super rich guy with unlimited options? At least have her break him down after several months or something but he immediately takes the bait hook line and sinker. Now you could argue that it’s just because he wants the thrills of a cat and mouse game but to me it seems like he liked her right away with how sharp her personality is.

Then the rest of the film continues the cat and mouse game while they mess with each other the whole time. There’s a subplot where Thomas has a psychiatrist who confirms how he can’t trust women and all that. Well the film seems to confirm his suspicions as Catherine tries to mess him over several times. If anything the movie seems to make the case for Thomas on why he can’t trust anyone too much. The instant Catherine feels betrayed she tries to completely ruin his life by exposing his theft.

I mean…that was her job the whole time but it’s clear by the end that it’s super personal now. She refuses to listen to him at all and just goes back to her own thing. Then by the end when the misunderstanding it cleared up she is desperate to be with him again. Catherine jus seems incredibly unstable and I don’t see things going well for the two of them. The original film had the much more satisfying ending as a result and I couldn’t stand by this one. The reason is because I wasn’t a big fan of the romance in general despite how much the film tried to present it as a decent one.

I do like the whole enemies to lovers trope when handled right but this one didn’t convince me. As much as I was going on about Catherine not being the most reliable or trust worthy, the same is true for Thomas of course. The whole film is happening because he was bored and wanted a thrill after all. You better hope he doesn’t get bored of romance either since he seemed like a real player back in his day. That is definitely one of the big downsides of being super rich. It’s a bit of a meme as everybody would usually like to be rich anyway but I can see how life can get dull if you don’t find anything to give you purpose.

Also to make the romance even worse, we have the head cop in charge of the case, Michael. This guy is absolutely desperate for Catherine from his very first scene and it’s obvious that she is not into him at all. She gives him a pity kiss later but I wish the guy had been a little bolder and just created some distance after the first attempts failed. Lets keep this professional right? This film is the definition of unprofessional as nobody was able to really keep to the job but it’s probably the worst for Michael. Catherine at least had the excuse of this being part of her plan and Thomas was using this as a way to gauge Catherine but Michael should have at least been objective.

Now in terms of the heist itself, it does stretch your disbelief at times. I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed the CEO sliding under the door to steal the painting early on. The film’s excuse for this would be how crowded things were and to an extent I get that but it’s still a bit of a stretch. Likewise when the painting was returned later on. The ole switcheroo was pretty clever though and I didn’t really have any problems with that one. I did enjoy all the “magic” and planning even if the resources and time to pull that off are also tricky. Thomas obviously has the money but finding enough people willing to take a fall and potential jail time? With enough money you can pretty much do anything but you can also count on at least one guy to get cold feet and go to the cops.

I’m not really an artistic person myself so I always wonder how paintings can really go for millions of dollars. I’d sooner buy into the conspiracy that the whole art market is just a front for money laundering than actually thinking someone would value the piece so highly. Talent is talent and some people are truly gifted at it but millions for any piece of art seems absolutely crazy. I’m also not particularly entertained by walking around a museum to look at paintings. That seems like the kind of thing you would endure for good company.

So the main appeal of the movie is about the heist and the cat and mouse games. That is when the movie is at its best but the rough romance really holds it back. There’s just no way this will work out and the romance is more of a show over tell kind of experience. So not only was I not convinced but the movie spends a lot of time on the romance only for me to still be shaking my head the whole time.

Overall, I would still skip on this film. It’s an improvement over the first film but it’s still not a winner yet. At this point I think we need a live action version of Sly Cooper. That’s a film with a similar premise but 1000x cooler. You will still have the cat and mouse banter with the detective trying to catch the thief but it’s played in a much more interesting way. Until that movie comes out, I recommend playing through the games and you will quickly see why the Thomas Crown affair can’t quite compete.

Overall 4/10