Boruto vs Tyrion Lannister

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This is a tribute to the Boruto film. Boruto was actually written quite well (The character, but the film as well) and he looked better than I would have guessed. He wasn’t whining the whole time and he wasn’t being rebellious just for the lolz. The trailers would have you think otherwise, but he’s actually a good character with solid character development. I can’t say the same for Tyrion and a single one of Boruto’s ninjutsu techniques would take him down for the count. So much for Tyrion’s debut eh? He’s but a mortal, while Boruto will likely transcend such things one day. Boruto wins.

Aizen vs Esdeath

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One look at Aizen’s monster form is enough to remind everyone who the victor here is. Even without Aizen’s array of illusions, he’s physically more than a match for Esdeath as he surpasses her in speed and power. She really never stood a chance here and Aizen even has the edge in intelligence which makes this even more of a blowout. This was a tough pair of matches from Esdeath, we’ll see if she can bounce back from this. Aizen wins.

Omega Shenron vs Esdeath

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Esdeath is back, but she’s in way over her head if she thinks that Omega Shenron is a foe who she can defeat. A single blast from this dragon would obliterate her in an instant and he’s also many times faster than her. The match wouldn’t even last half a second, which shows you just how wide the gap is between these two fighters. There are few who can defeat this villain. Omega Shenron wins.

Poltergeist II The Other Side Review

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They say that it’s darkest before the Dawn. That may be the case for Poltergeist as this film was pretty terrible, but the next one is supposed to be even worse. Int his case, it may just stay in darkness for a while. Poltergeist II was a bad idea from the start, but I feel like it didn’t even try. It had a humorous moment or two during the film, but that’s about all that I can say for it.

Steve and Diane are still trying to get over the death of their old house via the Poltergeist monsters. It’s been a while and they’ve mostly settled into the new place. After the mother dies, the Poltergeists decide to make a return. One of them impersonates the lady for a while, but Carol figures out that it’s a trap and warns the other characters that they’re back! One of the ghost busting professionals arrives to help out, but is he really a hero?

Where to start with this trainwreck right!? Well, let’s go into the positive part first. I do like how Steve reacts to some of the situations. For example, the Indian known as Taylor went to the family and said that the house was okay after the heroes had nearly been destroyed. Steve then answers that Taylor can stay there since it’s so safe as he dashes off in the car. They really have no reason to trust Taylor after all and the guy is pretty suspect at times. Steve tends to take things in stride and he’s always got a sarcastic comeback for when the going gets tough. That’s the kind of skills that I expect to see from someone like him. Unfortunately, that’s the only real positive in the film.

Let’s go back to Taylor. This guy’s a truly pointless character who is full of himself and doesn’t actually help the others. He helps one of the kids try to become a man by giving him scratches with a sharp twig or something of that sort. It was pretty bad and just shows how crazy he is as Taylor talks about how kids fight in wars and such to justify these decisions. Taylor always hides when the villains appear as he prefers to let Steve do all of the fighting. He hangs out in the background until the coast is clear. He also continually lies to the main character about his car being angry so that he can steal it at the end. I don’t see why this character was called int to help at all as he was one of the worst characters.

Next up on the cringe worthy checklist is the main villain. Kane is an old pastor who was delusional and thought that the world would end so he buried everyone in a cave and forced them all to die. They apparently lost their minds as nobody thought to try and attack him so they could get out. They outnumbered the guy like 20-1 and they just let themselves die from hunger and thirst? You’ve got to be kidding me. He got supernatural powers somehow and can turn into a giant monster. The monster form looked decently cool I suppose, but its first form was a grotesque looking skeleton that hatched from its worm form. It was pretty repulsive the whole time. Just to make sure that the viewers didn’t like the villain, the movie decided to make him depraved as well.

In one of those scenes that added nothing to the film except a death warrant on its overall score, Kane tries to force himself on Diane and the scene is just sooooo terrible. We don’t need more Sword Art Online scenes folks, this is really what doomed Poltergeist II to a 0 although it would have only been a 1 at best otherwise. The focus on the actual ghosts was basically forgotten in this film as Kane was the only true villain. When Taylor talks about Kane, he almost hinted that the guy was the devil incarnate at first, but later on he just turns out to be your average loony. No amount of character development could have made him a compelling villain though.

Did I mention that Steve is also very weak when it comes to strength of will? All Kane needs to mind control him in this film is to make eye contact and Steve was instantly unable to do anything about the whole situation. He nearly let Kane in at that point and it’s good that Carol was around. None of the characters seemed to know what they were doing when faced with supernatural threats. It’s also intriguing how the insurance companies acknowledge that the house is missing without actually coming through on the insurance. Really…?

Let’s elaborate a little more on how the characters are terrible. Steve knows that Kane could show up at any minute so instead of preparing his will for round 2…he decides to go and have a beer. He’s so drunk that he doesn’t see Kane (Now in the form of an insect) inside of the bottle and swallows him. Kane messes around in Steve’s body for a while before Steve finally spits him out, but why would he be drinking at all in such a situation? Carol constantly freezes with fear whenever the villains appear. You’d think that after the first film she would be a little more used to dealing with supernatural forces right? There’s not much to say about Diane, but she can be a little unreasonable when the heroes were running from the ghosts. Staying in the car was their best strategy after all.

Also, where would a bad horror film be without the obligatory bath scene right? As per usual, it’s pointless and shouldn’t be around. It’s not as drawn out and painfully unbearable as in the average film, but it’s still around which is not cool. It’s basically just adding insult to injury by this point. Basically, the key message is do not watch this film. It just had no idea where it was going from start to finish and was a mess.

Overall, Poltergeist II is quite bad. It doesn’t really know what its doing at this point. It’s not really trying to be a horror film as nothing even gets remotely horror esque aside from the monster form at the end. All of the characters make foolish decisions and Taylor was a very poorly written “hero”. We find out that some iffy truths about what may have happened with his tribe way back when, but it has nothing to do with anything. This film wouldn’t even exist if the characters made smart decisions. If you want to watch a good horror film….don’t watch this one!

Overall 0/10

Sleepy Hollow Review

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This review is of the edited TV 14 version of the film. All thoughts below pertain to such as a review of the unedited version would likely be even more negative.
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Finally, a film that lives up to its name! Heh, that’s not a compliment for this film, but still rather humorous to point out. I do appreciate the classic “Heads will roll” tagline since it makes sense for the film and makes for a nice pun. The problem is that the rest of the film falls apart rather quickly, preventing this film from ever getting any energy.

Ichabod is a detective and he doesn’t like how his country still likes to torture criminals because they can. (Grrrrreat start for this film right?……..) The court laughs it off and punishes him by sending Ichabod to Sleepy Hollow, where people have been beheaded left and right. The townsfolk tell Ichabod that it’s a supernatural being doing this, but Ichabod (Between yells and gasps) laughs them off. He starts to become a believer as the threat gets more and more real. The Masbeth family in particular seems to have been targeted a lot so Ichabod allows a kid from that family to work under him. This turns out to be a good move since Ichabod is scared of just about everything when he’s by himself.

Where to start right? Let’s go with the animal violence. It’s very excessive and I barely even need to get into it all. Horses, Bats, Dogs(I forgot, but I thought so…I may be mixing them up, still it was egregious!) That was already enough to cripple the film into nothingness, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg for this film. It continued to go from bad to worse as the movie went on.

Another terrible angle for the film is the fact that all of the townspeople seem to be fine with cheating on others. Several characters are exposed and blackmailed through this as the main villain gathers the dirt on everyone. Can’t we have a town full of law abiding citizens? Nah, that wouldn’t sell. The scenes were all rather terrible and even the ending has to force in a moment between the main villain and the headless horseman. It wasn’t exactly a two way street there though and then adding insult to injury was the fact that the villain was blown up by getting rammed into a tree. The scenes are just so terrible and completely unnecessary.

It goes without saying that the film is quite violent as well. The beheadings happen one after another with the heroes being unable to put a stop to them. The main heroine was no good either as she was quick to betray the main character and burn his things just because Ichabod suspected her father. (Who looked terrible the entire time) They all make up at the end rather quickly, but it’s a forced romance and doesn’t add anything to the film.

Sleepy Hollow’s also a little too long as it clocks in at nearly 2 hours. For this kind of film, 75-90 minutes would have done quite well. The film takes a long time to get to the point of why we should care about this adventure. The “good guys” don’t seem to be so good as long as the torture programs are still in effect and Ichabod is a pretty bad character. He’s constantly getting scared and grossed out. Instead of looking like a professional, he comes across as someone who’s simply in over his head. He even gets suckered by the locals as they throw a pumpkin in his face.

Even the Headless Horseman, who should have been cool ended up being a little underwhelming. His origin story was given, which was a mistake as per usual. His true form was that of a random barbarian who just liked to behead people while fighting. That sounds pretty impractical and I can see why he didn’t quite make it. Eventually, someone would just take him out while he was going for the perfect strike. Considering that he was a supernatural monster, he wasn’t very impressive either. A stronger main character could have probably taken him down for the count. The immortal horse would be the tougher opponent there.

Before the film went down the gutter, I must say that I did have my suspicions that it wouldn’t be so good. Leaving the city to go into a small village to fight the villain? As you may be aware, that’s not my kind of setting. I like seeing busy cities with large skyscrapers. Watching the heroes dashing around in the forest just isn’t as appealing to me. Not to mention that the characters needed to be more likable. I won’t blame Depp’s acting here though as he is much better when he’s not pretending to be a pirate. That being said, no amount of acting could save any of the characters when they’re written so poorly.

There’s not much more to say about this film considering how iffy it was. It was interesting that a magic angle was added here aside from the main villain and her spells. The main heroine had some powers as well, but they were much weaker and this angle wasn’t explored as much as it could have been. That’s definitely a bit of a missed opportunity for the film as well. Can any film adapt the Headless Horseman as well as in the classic Scooby Doo cartoon? We’re still waiting to find out!

Overall, This is another film that was just very bad. It’s boring and that’s a crime for any film. It’s fairly violent with no point behind some of the scenes. An example of this is when Ichabod opened someone up to prove some kind of point so we saw him come out all bloodied. That’s not an example of a really violent scene as it’s just his clothes (Still a little violent though) but just an unnecessary moment. Getting blown up by hitting a tree was definitely intense and all of the animal violence was not good either. Add in the main villain seducing people to further her plan, as well as another guy having an iffy affair and you get a film that is riddled with problems from start to finish. I highly recommend avoiding this film and you’d be better off watching reruns of Blues Clues for a few hours. At the very least, Blue is a very relatable character in that show.

Overall 1/10

Insidious Chapter 2 Review

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Looks like it’s time for the sequel! Sequels have a pretty bad rep at times and especially when it comes to Horror films. I’ll admit that I do have a little fun chuckling at the posters for them though. The films constantly want you to be scared, but it’s just not happening. If you’re scared of an old guy who runs around a lot….then I may as well say Game Over now because things will get tricky!

In the last film, it ended with Josh being possessed by the main villain and the main heroine is worried. She certainly has good reason to be since none of them are safe anymore. The film slowly starts to go the Shining route until we see the Spirit World where Josh decides to try and get his freedom back. It’s a bold move, but he’s got to try something since the ghosts really embarrassed him this whole time.

Let’s get right to the facts for why this film was so terrible. First off, the villain from the first film wasn’t that cool, but at least she was fairly threatening. She actually won in the end when you think about it as she got to possess the father. Here, the film decides to give her an origin and it’s as bad you can imagine. Turns out that the old widow is actually a guy who liked to destroy people in his spare time. This is why we don’t need character development for villains. It’s usually just around for pure shock value and ends up being pretty terrible. It destroyed any chance that the villain could have had of being good.

Moreover, the film actually copied the Shining’s famous scene where the crazy guy tries to break through the door. It wasn’t really a good scene the first time, nor was it here. The demon being stronger than the dad still doesn’t make any sense either as the film constantly tries to say that the living have more power than the dead. It’s like the writers forgot what they were saying midway through the film.

There’s a subplot where the ghostbusters decide to go to an old hospital where they see the victims and learn that Josh is being possessed. It’s a plot that goes on and on and on with no end in sight. Certainly a large part of the film that will leave you a little bored, although that’s not so different from the rest of the film. These characters fight against Josh at one point towards the end of the film, but they don’t look so good and are defeated right away. So much for that right?

As per usual, one of the kids is able to see things and has power in the spirit world. This was the case in the first film as well so it’s nothing new, but it feels like every horror film has to cram in a kid with super powers. I still can’t say that I’m a fan of the kids, but I’m not a fan of any member of the cast to be honest. Even the wise old lady isn’t that good. She talks tough, but was defeated with relative ease in the last film and get shocked a lot.

The stinger at the end of the film is nowhere near as good as the one in the first film. According to good ole Wikipedia, it does hint that the red faced demon from the first film may have made a comeback. That would make the cliffhanger a lot better, but without actually seeing the monster, it comes across as shallow. There are a ton of jump scares here, but as I always say, once you’ve seen Five Nights at Freddy’s, you become immune to those. Nothing can stop the dramatic teddy bear jumping towards you after all!

The film is also bogged down by a plethora of flashbacks. Granted, they are used to tie into the rest of the film as time travel is involved which is neat. It’s the only part of the film that I’ll give any credit as it was pretty unique and unexpected. That being said, it just can’t make up for everything else, even if the timeline for everything was finally merged by the end. Josh also looked quite bad at the end. During his rage moment with everything on the line, he was still crushed rather quickly by one of the ghosts. So much for surpassing the odds and beating the villain in the end right?

Take away the terrible plot twist about the villain and the classic Josh being possessed subplot…and you could have a real winner at your side. That being said, the film didn’t do that and it was just tough to watch as you may expect from a horror film. It’s certainly not nearly as violent as you may expect from this film so that’s an okay start I suppose. If you want to be scared though, it’s not going to happen here.

Overall, Insidious 2 is another stinker I’m afraid. If you’ve seen one horror film, then you’ve seen them all. This starts to become more and more evident as these reviews go on. It’s not quite as bad as some others and I have one horror film coming up which is worse, but films like this one definitely give sequels a bad name. Let’s just hope that the third film is better. If Insidious sticks to the Spirit World aspect and gives us some more fight scenes, then I can work with that. We just don’t want more of the filler/lol worthy origin stories that wreck established characters. Deciding to erase Josh’s memory of his gift was another bad decision by the old lady who was supposed to be an expert in this kind of thing. So much for that eh? If you’re looking for a real horror film, go watch Scooby Doo, any of the animated films will do. Now that has the perfect blend of horror and laughs! (Intentional laughs as opposed to the unintentional ones)

Overall 1/10

The Fog (2005) Review

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Our trip through horror land continues with The Fog! As you recall, I saw the original The Fog quite a while ago. I can’t say that it was a very pleasant experience and this one isn’t either. I dare say that it’s worse than the original and suffers from some problems that the first did not. That’s never a good thing, but it is to be expected. While it’s not the biggest trainwreck out there, The Fog doesn’t do modern horror films any favors.

An island is about to celebrate the anniversary of when it was founded by their heroes. The thing is, their “heroes” are actually traitors who backstabbed the poor people who used to be on the island and then threw them all overboard while also burning them alive. These ghosts didn’t like that….they didn’t like that at all! To have their vengeance, they’re going to destroy every last person on the island. It’s going to be a busy weekend for them…so time to get started!

Unlike the original film, the radiohost isn’t really the main character. She’s around, but instead the main guy is a man from the village. He’s driving around when a girl shows up in the forest and they decide to become more than friends on the spot. Once they’re done, she tries to head home, but isn’t welcome there so she goes home with the main character. We’re attacked with more fanservice scenes and forced romances that are as shallow as you can get in a film before the ghosts start to attack with more force. The body count begins to rise and we learn that the drunk pastor actually knew about the whole situation from the start. He just doesn’t care enough to actually try and save everybody.

As you might expect, there are no likable characters here. The ghosts have a few decent points and while it doesn’t excuse murder, the heroes aren’t making a very good case for themselves. They’re just standing around and allowing themselves to get wrecked. Spooner, a random guy who gets into the this situation, is framed for destroying two girls and his friend so he quickly escapes the hospital to find the main character. How he got past the guards we’ll never know.

All of the main characters meet up inside of the burning house like in the first film, but then they realize that it wasn’t their best move. The climax takes a strange turn that’s pretty terrible though as we learn that Elizabeth, the main female lead, was actually the wife of one of the pirates. So, we get another forced romance with the ghost and as they vanish, we try to recall what the point of the film was. I would have preferred a classic stinger like in the original film. That was surprisingly absent in this version.

It almost goes without saying that the film can be pretty violent. It’s not quite as excessive as other horror films, but when you just look at it in a vaccum, it’s still up there in terms of violence levels. The gimmick of the pirates is that they always aim for the eyes, which can be pretty gruesome. Meanwhile, I also didn’t care for the fact that the old aunt had to bite the big one again. I feel like old people should be considered out of bounds for the villains in these slasher/horror films. It’s not nearly as bad as getting a dog, but still pretty bad.

Nick is also a very underwhelming main character. Forced romances and desperation aside, he’s not very smart. He had actual evidence that Spooner did not commit the murders, but decided to hide it instead of giving it to the cops. Naturally, the ghosts used this chance to track Elizabeth down and take it from her. Nick basically cost Spooner his freedom at the time and he never looked back.

I wouldn’t even say that the ghosts look all that menacing. Old pirates with fishhooks? We can do better than that. At least they are pretty fast thanks to their mist and they did succeed in taking out the weather man. Even the kid barely managed to escape from the power of these ghosts. The fog is just too thick and too intense.

Keep in mind that as a remake, this “The Fog” also feels like an abridged version of the original. Many plot lines were basically cut out to make way for some more action scenes or just generic tension moments. The ghosts have the same motive as in the original, but instead of a life for a life, they just want to murder everyone. Having a reincarnated ghost living a fake life before realizing her true purpose also came at the expense of the majority of the story. I’m also not sure why the film felt the need to wreck the Pastor. He was a great character in the original and one of the only sensible ones around, but in this film he’s just a drunk who couldn’t care less if they all went and died against these pirates. Talk about dramatic right? The heroes can never get a straight answer out of him.

Almost forgot one last thing, the old man by the beach! He found some artifacts and warned Elizabeth that if she touched it…things would change. She ignored him and snatched it, rather quickly, from his hands. After laughing it off with Nick, she went home, but things started to change. It’s fun to think about whether the old man was off his rocker or if touching the object started a chain reaction. You know…when I actually think about this film. I’m inclined to say that the old guy was just crazy and another red herring for the fans, but adding a little misdirection is always a good thing I’d say.

Overall, The Fog isn’t a very good film and is in fact..a bad film. It’s not as good as the original and suffers from the main issues that you tend to expect from a remake. There’s more fanservice and the characters are less developed. The film moves at a very high speed, but this isn’t a totally good thing when you think about it and speed can’t save the rest of the film. There’s no real reason to watch The Fog, but if you want a generic horror film where everyone is bumped off one at a time. Maybe this will be up your alley, just remember that it’s not exactly a scripting masterpiece so prepare to wince. If Aunt Connie had lived and taken out her shotgun, things could have been a little different….I doubt it would have helped all that much though. If the film really wanted to be good, then taking away the fanservice scenes and forced romance plots would have done it wonders and maybe bumped it up a full 2 stars.

Overall 1/10

The Uchiha Sasuke Sharingan Chronicles

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I’m afraid that this looks like it’s going to be about as bad as the Rock Lee series. Hopefully it won’t be quite that bad, but this feels like it could get very ugly, very quickly! I shall review the series when it finishes someday.

Overall 2/10

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV-14 version. All thoughts pertain to such and an uncut review would likely be harsher
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Do any of you guys remember what you did 2 summers ago? I was relaxing at Florida enjoying a nice breakfast before having pizza for dinner. Well, the main character of this film had a more distressing experience as she tried to cover up a murder, but it didn’t go over so well. All of her friends were destroyed except for one so she has tried to forget this experience. That takes us to the sequel. How is she alive? After all, Julie was murdered in the first film. Well…turns out that was a dream. She effectively gets a second chance to try and win.

Julie has settled in nicely away from her old home. She is now going out with the friend from the first film (Who is nothing like his old personality, but a slight character reboot is nothing out of the ordinary for this film) and has a new best friend as well. One day, her friend suddenly wins a contest to go to the Caribbean and decides to take Julie, her boyfriend, and a guy who wants to be Julie’s friend. The four of them head out to this isolated island even though Julie knows that Ben Willis has returned. Surely he can’t follow them across the ocean right? She was wrong!

This film plays out like your average slasher. Every character starts to get picked off one by one. The main villain may essentially just be your average guy with a fishhook, but he’s fast and isn’t afraid of picking fights. He takes out one guy who was in a car and nearly takes out good ole Ray. (The friend from the older film) Every night he takes someone else out and the body count is quite high here. It’s to be expected as this film is an actual slasher. I use the term loosely so it’s nice to see a film where I can actually call it that without stretching the term. Naturally, this also means that the film is quite terrible.

It’s not quite as bad as the Shining…or even the Conjuring. This is the kind of film that can still be a little funny, but mainly because you will be chuckling at what a trainwreck it is. Seriously, nothing goes right for this film. Are you familiar with the term, “an accident waiting to happen”? Let’s just say that you could sum up the movie quickly with that line. It’s the definition of unlikable characters throughout the film. Let’s take a look at the negatives.

First, we’ll look at the filler ones. The guy in charge of the hotel is racist. This is relevant to the film because….? It adds that racial tension angle to the film I suppose, but it’s just there for extra edge. One of the few guys left in the hotel is a drug dealer who’s always talking about his drugs and trying to sell them. Naturally, everyone ignores him, but he’s another character who has no point in being here. As you may expect, both of these characters are quickly destroyed.

Next up, we’ve got the “hardcore” bartender. She murdered her husband so we naturally have to label her as a suspect…except for the fact that we already know the villain is Ben Willis. She talks a good game and helps out ever so slightly I suppose….but she’s just not a good character. She does whack one of the main characters on the head with a baseball bat, but then forgets how to fight when the villain comes after her. If a dead, overweight guy falls on you in a life or death situation, do you think you could roll him off of you? You have about 30 seconds to do this, which may not sound like a lot, but count to 30 and come back to me. It’s plenty of time to do this, but she is unable to…..okay then.

There’s a deck hand who quickly starts flirting (Or at least it came off that way to me) to show that he is expendable and a rope ties around his leg. It’s one of those nifty supernatural elements that the film loves before the fishhook guy appears to finish him off. Karla is Julie’s best friend and the only one who actually gets character development. She doesn’t seem as expendable, but just remember that this is a slasher film. Karla would be a good character if she didn’t have a habit of moving around in the dead of night to scare her friend. She tries to be a nice person though so she’s better than 99% of the cast.

Tyrell is her boyfriend and he brings us back to facepalm territory. He basically just thinks about making out for the entire film and it represents 90% of his lines. He even jokes about how nobody could hear Karla in this isolated island so he can do what he wants. It’s certainly in bad taste and shows what a terrible character he is. He talks very tough of course, but goes down incredibly fast. We’ve also got Ray, the old guy from the first film. His idea of a nice trick is to tell his girlfriend that he probably can’t go on the big trip with her. Gee, it’s not like she needs prior notice so that the ticket isn’t wasted right? He comes up big to help in the end, but still manages to underestimate his opponents and he froze up when he grabbed the gun. This is the time for action, not inaction!

There’s also Will, who’s another terrible character. He pretends to just want to be friends with Julie, but it’s obvious that this isn’t the case right from the start so he comes across as a big phony. He starts to crack by the end and it’s safe to say that he’s one of the worst characters in the film. There’s also Estes, who’s another red herring to keep everyone busy. He seems to believe in some very satanic stuff and steals possessions from the main characters. Turns out he was trying to fight fire with fire, but fails epicly and doesn’t really stand a chance. He did try to take a win via a cheap shot and I don’t know how he could have possibly lost at that point. He must have choked under pressure.

Finally, we can’t forget about Julie and Ben. Julie is super saddened by the experiences of the first film, but this doesn’t stop her from trying to get a tan in an enclosed device where she will be vulnerable. She makes terrible decisions throughout the film just like you would expect from a horror film. Julie constantly yells about how she will destroy Ben, but typically just runs away when he actually shows up. I do like how the villains tell the heroes “You wouldn’t have the nerve to destroy us!” Do they realize that they are talking to the edgy teenagers who would shoot them without a second thought? I somehow don’t think so.

There’s a twist near the end, which helps out the film’s credibility quite a bit in terms of realism. It’s still a film riddles with plot hax and nobody would ever buy this happening in real life, but as far as slasher films go, the twist did help things. This film also has a twist ending as the end. Given what happened last time, you can call this a dream, but I like to think that this really happened. If so, I’m afraid that the main characters could be doomed once again.

I personally found the film’s pacing to be quite quick here, more so than in the first film. The film goes by quickly, which is more than I can say for the average horror film. It wasn’t really a chore to watch even if it is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s actually a terrible film, it’s just funny because it’s so bad. Aside from all of the terrible characters, the film also suffers from other issues like excessive violence and fanservice. We have the unnecessary shower scenes which are just not cool and everyone gets stabbed in various ways to remind us of why this film is edgy. The characters are making out a lot and there are many suggestive comments woven throughout the script. Language is another issue.

If you can think of a negative for a film, this one’s likely got it. It fits the Slasher formula to a T. It has every stereotype that you could possibly want to avoid and then some. The villain is just a supernatural human, but the characters are always so afraid that they run away. Ben walks up slowly each time and still manages to take them out. Even 6 bullets aren’t enough to stop this guy. It definitely makes you wonder. I’d say that the first film was probably better than this one, but this film may have felt like more of a parody. I’d also say that this film may have been less violent, but mileage will vary on that as they are pretty similar.

Overall, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is another slasher film that doesn’t know when it’s time to call it a day. The soundtrack also isn’t very good to put it mildly. This is the kind of film that you can watch as a group and find many things to make fun of. You could certainly think of some (soda) drinking games on the spot to make the experience better. The whole film’s plot falls apart when you realize that a hotel with 5 employees during their “off season” likely wouldn’t allow any guests to stay on the premise. That being said, while it can be a little funny to watch a film because it’s a trainwreck, why do that when you can watch a film that’s actually good? Think on that and then remember that Ben Willis isn’t so tough….

Overall 1/10

Poltergeist (2015) Review

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It’s time to take a look at the remake of the original Poltergeist film. I actually saw this film a while back, but the review has been rotting in my backlog for some time now. Surprisingly, I thought that the film was fairly decent and by all accounts…it is actually better than the original film. I know that critics wouldn’t agree and by all accounts…I’m talking about mine. This film doesn’t take itself quite as seriously as the original nor does it feel nearly as long and I almost consider it to be an abridged version. For some reason, I get that vibe from most horror films like I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and the latest The Fog. They all just go by so quickly that the villains barely even have time to hype themselves up a little.

A family moves into a new house…and weird things begin to happen. It’s sort of like Five Nights at Freddy’s if you ignore the plot of both items and just focus on the scary jump moments. The family must try to resist the ghosts, but the daughter is taken to the spirit world which certainly complicates matters. The family calls in a version of the Ghost Busters, but even that may not be enough to save them from imminent destruction and complete obliteration.

This film is a lot newer than the original so the effects are certainly more polished even if that means that they may not be as “scary” (Still don’t believe that films can actually be scary) There’s no family dog here, which was a big relief and the film is also toned down from the original. One guy’s face doesn’t start to peel off, which is a welcome improvement. There’s still a maggots/roach scene, which is pretty gross and unnecessary, but it could have been worse. As this is a horror film, the characters make as many mistakes as possible to fill their quotas. One guy nearly gets rammed through with a screwdriver/jackhammer but decides not to tell anyone about this. They couldn’t have done anything about it, but sharing is caring right?

When it’s not cutting out scenes from the original, this film follows the old plot very closely. As a result, you will know everything that is about to happen before it happens. It’s why such literal remakes are risky since it’s hard to scare anyone when they know what to expect. Honestly, I’m not sure what the film’s gameplan was for this since they didn’t seem to even try and escape from this issue. The film played it close to the cuff and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it also limited the movie’s opportunities.

Honestly, I’d say that the film was a little on the generic side although it was certainly more tasteful than the average Horror film. I didn’t mind the film all that much while watching it. It could even be fun at times like when the dad brought home pizza and chicken for dinner. The kids were rather ungrateful though and the situation got dicey, but it was neat. Adding in the rebellious teenage daughter was a little much though and one of those modern effects that makes you back up a little. The parents got to go to a fancy party and we actually saw it this time so that was neat I suppose.

It’s actually hard to find enough things to say about this movie to fill in the review. It’s the kind of flick that you will essentially forget after a little while because it furfills the cliches of horror 101, but doesn’t try to make a name for itself. Knowing horror films, this is probably a good thing though. Poltergeist actually ends up being the most positively received horror film by this blog in quite a while so it certainly did something right.

The actions scene where the heroes try to rescue the daughter from the portal using the rope is still classic. I felt like that plot was handled better than in the original. The clown was a lot weaker here though, but I can live with that since a toy clown should be no match right from the get go. As mentioned earlier, the film’s pacing is a lot quicker and I’d say that this is a good thing. The film doesn’t need to bother trying to develop the characters since they’re mainly here to be scared anyway. Just give them some basic personality and you should be all set for some action. The characters were actually pretty reasonable considering the genre and while the kids were annoying…how could they not be? I’d still take them over the kids in The Shining and Insidious any day of the week. I do like how casually people around the block take the whole house blowing up thing. This should have been filmed in New York, you really wouldn’t get a reaction from those tough blokes. They’ve seen it all and aren’t afraid to remind you of that from time to time. There’s a reason why New York City is known as the greatest place on the planet after all!

Now, I wonder if this film will get remade again someday. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s a film that should be left alone for a little while. Then the writers can think about how they should improve it some more. This remake added to stars to the score so if they keep up at this pace, the series will be doing quite well! The next remake should be a little different though so surprise the audience a little.

Overall, Poltergeist is a decent horror film for what it’s worth, but that’s still not saying a whole lot. I couldn’t really recommend the film because I don’t know why you would be seeing it. If you want something that’s more intense, but less tasteful, then you’ve got the original film. If you want to watch something new and fancy, why are you in the horror genre? Poltergeist just doesn’t do anything within the genre and just becomes another horror film to be forgotten on the shelf. At least it had the nice portal effects though, I always like those.

Overall 4/10