Tag Archives: Retro

The Car Review

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It’s time for an old horror film, but unfortunately this one is quite bad. It decides to add in some dark themes and extra grit for no real reason and most of the subplots have no place being in the movie at all. The Car itself also makes some very odd choices during the movie like sparing the main character for no real reason. Somehow this film is listed as PG as well. I suppose this was before PG-13, but if you had to choose, you may as well go all the way with this film’s rating. Brace yourselves!

The film starts out with a car murdering three people. One of those is run over several times as the car vents out its frustrations. An abusive man notices this and calls in the cops. We’re barely 10 minutes into the film and it already doomed itself. Why does this guy have to be abusive? It doesn’t contribute to the plot in the slightest. The worst part about this is that the characters in the film never do anything about this. They all know that he is committing these acts, but they don’t do anything about it. Moreover, they actually ask him for help and he gets to stand in the sunset with the other characters at the end. The film glorifying this guy for even a second is loony and this was a negative that I simply couldn’t forget. He took away any fun that could have been in this film.

When the cops are called in to stop the car they quickly find out that they are outmatched. Their road blocks don’t work and this car is able to break into houses and assassinate people that way. Nobody is safe anymore! Unfortunately, the film still cannot focus on this plot and it’s plagued by an array of other issues. We have one cop who ends up reverting back to his old drinking habits. This causes him to forget about warning the town’s inhabitants and results in more people dying. One cop decides to go for a “Miller Time” moment (Drinking beer) but gets run over by The Car as a result. Even the students are fairly cheap as one of them draws inappropriate pictures of the teacher as a past time. Again…what does this do to advance the plot? Nothing, but the teacher approves this action just to remind us that she’s rather odd as well. Why can’t we have any likable characters in this film?

The writing’s pretty bad as well. The characters are all unlikable tanks to this and we have some language issues as well with the characters swearing when the going gets tough. Most of the characters aren’t all that smart either. For example, one of the cops decides to corner the evil car on a cliff and then watches for about 5 minutes at the villain slowly starts to push him to the curb and then off the mountain. Backing up would have done him wonders or at least jumping out. No, he had to just wait and accept his fate.

As this is a classic horror film there is a twist ending so you’ll want to stick around. It’s more or less what you’d expect and the scene would probably have more impact if it had gone a little further. Maybe showing something/someone at the police station and then an iconic sound as it all went black. That being said, maybe the producers and directors were counting on a sequel at some point. I don’t see that happening anytime soon and that’s a good thing.

There’s only one real positive about the film and that’s the fact that it has a good soundtrack. It has a lot of mysterious themes and fitting villain themes for The Car. I also like the sounds that The Car makes and the fact that it has some mild wind manipulation abilities. Add to that the fact that it is bullet proof and you’ve got yourself a powerful vehicle. Maybe the strongest sentient car that we’ve ever seen! Speaking of the Car, naturally you’re supposed to make your theories on what exactly it is. It seems like it’s a demon if you ask me. It probably found a car and possessed it, augmenting its physical abilities or it transformed itself into a car for the lolz. Needless to say, it is definitely a villain so there’s no plot twist about it actually being a hero or something like that.

This Car definitely doesn’t hold back though and it aims to eliminate everyone eventually. It also likes to mess with its victims a little before doing anything as well. Like when it decides to scare the main character a lot before doing anything and even sparing the guy. That being said, that scene was where I had to draw the line. There was no logical reason to spare the main character. Especially when the car had not spared anyone else up until that point. It was just out of character and the only explanation is that the guy survived purely because he was the main character. Just another example of bad writing although I like the fact that he got knocked out just because the door opened and the light was really bright. That’s a pretty bad defense feat.

At least the horses all seem to have escaped the car so that’s good. A lot of the humans didn’t quite make it, but that’s the nature of a horror film or a “slasher” in the sense that the villain started picking them all off one by one. The only reasonable character here was probably the person who kept taking the calls. She even let the main guy know that his translator actually betrayed him and only told part of the story. The other guys were either sketchy, had unfortunate subplots, or didn’t do anything. Even the main character wasn’t that good as his whole first scene was just incredibly wince-worthy and the fact that he is seeing the heroine in secret to an extent is suspect as well. He certainly got over his wife rather quickly, showing off once again how fake a lot of these romances are. The film didn’t have a whole lot of that which is definitely good though. I doubt it would have been handled well here at all.

If there’s anything you can learn from this film by the end, it’s not to let your guard down. More than once the evil Car would simply stop. The human would lower his gun as well and then the Car would start up again and take him down. If you’re on the hunt for a dangerous vehicle, you shouldn’t care if it stops. Just quickly blast it and keep on moving. Of course, the car was ultimately bullet proof so it didn’t matter, but it’s good to at least try. The village didn’t handle the situation all that well, but with a little plot hax I suppose that they almost did all right. We even got to see the car’s true form thanks to all of the fire!

Overall, The Car is definitely a pretty underwhelming horror movie and just makes for a really bad experience. It’s short so at least the pacing isn’t a huge concern, but it’s not all that good either. Some scenes do go on for quite a while like when the heroes were cornered at the cemetery. I was never bored, but there were many times where I couldn’t wait for it to be over. If they cut out the abuse subplot, the film would have instantly been quite a lot better. It could have at least grabbed a 4 I’d say. Maybe it’s a sign that even the writers didn’t think this plot could stand on its own which is why they added the many subplots. Definitely a bad move on their part all the same though. You definitely shouldn’t watch this film and I’d advise you to check out Superman vs The Mole Men instead. It makes for a more enriching experience.

Overall 1/10

A Bucket of Blood Review

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It’s time to take a look at one of the worst films that I have ever seen. It ranks up there with Sucker Punch and Amityville Horror. This film is so horrendously bad that you will be staring at your watch through most of it and the film feels like it is 3 hours. There’s not a single redeemable part of the film and it just keeps going from bad to worse. Of course, the title was a fairly obvious indicator that this film was going to be terrible, but I don’t think anyone suspected just how terrible it would be.

The main character is named Walter and he’s a psychotic mass murderer who works as a waiter for a small restaurant. One day he sees a cat and realizes that he can finally realize his ambitions and destroys it, turning it into a statue. That’s his favorite hobby after all and slowly but surely he starts to murder other people and turns them all into statues. Nobody can tell that there is a human body of rotting flesh inside of the clay though so their noses must all be stuffed from the super large amounts of smoke inside of the cafe. The shop owner knows that Walter is going around murdering everyone, but he also knows that each murder increases his profits tremendously so he turns the other way. Can he afford to do that forever or will he have to make a move?

The police also send an agent into the restaurant to stop the ongoing drug problem there. Everyone is always high in this establishment so it is tricky to find out who is actually dealing the goods. Especially when everyone has a hand in it. The detective decides that it’s just too much trouble and decides to attack Walter. Walter destroys him of course since police training is no match for a very scrawny fellow with a frying pan. The cops never find out what happened to the detective and barely seem to care as they are written out of the film completely.

Walter has a lot of friends to stick up for him as well. The shop owner’s daughter loves the paintings and encourages Walter to get more by any means necessary. There are a few drunk guys who are always yelling nonsense about acorns and reality who love Walter’s paintings as well. They think that he is a visionary and while they don’t like money, they like what you can buy with money. More beers for everyone! If only they knew the truth about Walter! Well, in the climax we get a chase scene as Walter tries to destroy the main heroine when she rejects him and places the friend zone card. Walter outruns everyone for quite a while and proves that he’s used to fleeing the scene. Eventually he destroys himself since the stress was too much for him. The drunk guy even makes a pun about this and the film ends on that chipper note.

“Is It Over!” I found myself thinking as I fled the scene as well. This film was just so preposterously bad that it was a thrill so see it all over. The film tries to be funny by having as many extreme and unrealistic characters as possible, but the end result is actually that everyone simply comes off as being unlikable instead. Also, I’ll never be fine with the idea of a mass murderer being the main character. The whole point of a main character is that he or she should be a likable protagonist. Someone that you can root for. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the main character has to be a hero, but if he is a villain like in this case, then it better be something comically mild like theft or it’s about the villain becoming a hero. A full fledged villain with no morals as the main character? That’s really not going to bode well for the film in the long run.

The film may even be more cringe worthy than Sucker Punch if you ask me although it’s tough. Sucker Punch is more depressing, but it also doesn’t have any animal violence and it has action scenes. A Bucket of Blood is just tough to watch since it’s so terrible and wince worthy, but it’s not nearly as repulsive as Sucker Punch. It’s definitely a tough fight and at least I can guarantee that I’ll never see this film again. I’d highly recommend taking a pass on it if I were you readers as well.

Overall, A Bucket of Blood is even worse than the title would suggest. All of the characters are nonsensical, unlikable, and corrupt characters. There is nobody to root for, there is animal violence, and the pacing is horrible. There is no soundtrack and the film’s effects are terrible as well. If you want to watch an old film with a lot of class, check out Superman vs The Mole Man. It fixes just about all of the problems that I had with this film and then some. It’s the kind of film where you’ll walk away with a grin instead of a groan.

Overall 0/10

The Narrow Margin Review

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It’s time to take a look at an old train film. Just about the whole film takes place on the train with the detective matching wits against the mobsters. It’s a very short film though, only being a little over an hour so it certainly never drags and the pacing stays rather quick the whole time. It’s a fun little detective film. It may not have the same amount of depth as some other retro thrillers, but this is a good film to add to your collection.

Walter Brown is a good detective/police agent who has been tasked with the job of safely getting the wife of a gangster to a jury so she can release a list of names of other wanted associates. The gangsters don’t want this to happen so they’ve sent some men to eliminate her. The advantage that Walter has is that the villains do not know how the wife looks. Unfortunately, Walter’s partner was an amateur at the protecting business and when escorting the lady out of her apartment, he walked down the dark stairs with his eyes closed and enjoying his smoke. He did not notice anything until an innocent bystander happened to show up and the partner quickly died. With him out of the way, Walter must now keep the wife safe on his own. Can he handle this? At least 2 gangsters are already on board the train and there may be more of them afoot.

The situation grows more complicated as the gangsters start to suspect that another lady on board the train is actually the wife thanks to Walter stopping to talk to this lady quite a few times. Can Walter complete his mission and also ensure that no innocents are harmed either? Looks like it is time for a fight! As Walter says at the beginning of the movie, this mission wasn’t very well thought out on the cops side. Surely there is a more secure way of protecting this witness than putting her on board a crowded train with other gangsters right? Maybe a drive with a police escort or something like that. It would take longer, but it would also be safer.

As this is an old film with a good writing staff, the script is very good. The characters engage in quite a few mind games and throw out subtle insults whenever necessary. It doesn’t mean that all of the characters are likable though as that aspect is really 50/50, but the film is engaging all the way from start to finish. This is a solid thriller even if there are not a lot of twists and ruffles. It’s simple, but direct.

As hinted at earlier, I thought that Walter’s partner was pretty terrible at his job and supremely overconfident. The way that he went down was pretty embarrassing. Walter would be a good main character, but he ends up panicking and yelling a lot throughout the film. A detective’s always got to keep his cool under duress while this guy seems to take everything personally. Everything tends to work out all right for him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is great at his job. On the contrary, he leaves his post many times and actually gets his charge killed at one point. Maybe if he spent less time tailing everyone around the train and stopping to chat with the other passengers, he would have had better luck here. Tying up the convict that he did defeat would have surely been a good move as well.

The witness that Walter is protecting loves to talk so get ready for her to keep on insulting everyone. There is a plot twist about her that makes the whole situation a lot worse as well. She refused to play along with Walter’s plan to stay silent so she would turn the music on rather loudly which attracts a lot of attention since officially she can’t let anyone know that she’s on the train. There’s also the fact that she casually opens the door rather easily after hearing a muffled response. Given the plot twist, she should have had her gun at the ready and definitely should have not opened the door. She’s as bad as Walter in that respect.

The villains are fairly generic. They’re around and know how to fight, but in the end they’re simply foot soldiers working for some unseen gangsters. The one who offered Walter a deal surprisingly didn’t get much of a role in the end. One character who actually turned out to be pretty enjoyable was the “Fat Man” I forgot if he got a name by the end, but that’s the term that he kept on using so we may as well roll with it. He’s really invaluable to have on a Train and especially a train with such narrow hallways as this one. Unfortunately, he’s another all talk and no action character so don’t count on him in a fight, but he’s still fun to have and that’s what counts I suppose right?

We also have Ann, who shows up on the train along with her son and his nurse. They’re fine characters I suppose, but they’re really just here to flesh out the cast more than anything else. The secret that Walter tells the kid never even comes into play anyway. They provide a lot of distractions and issues for Walter from his job since the kid seems to think that he’s a robber and Ann keeps reminding Walter to watch out for his nerves. Walter can’t let himself get too attached though because then the person he is guarding could be in danger. Unfortunately, he does forget his priorities a lot although he is faced with a lot of tricky situations. He really needed some backup for this case and it is a little surprising that he wasn’t given any. At least someone right before the train departed right? I can say with confidence that having one more person would have been extremely helpful.

Back to how the case was handled though, the police could have come up with a better plan. Send in two more guys and just make it official that they’re transporting someone. Good luck trying to get past these guys when it’s public knowledge. Also, they should have had security cars following the train once it was confirmed that crooks were following the main guy. The problem is that there was no communication so he was never able to talk to any of the cops. I’d call that a pretty big oversight in whatever the plan was.

Overall, The Narrow Margin was a solid thriller, I definitely recommend checking it out. The plan may have not been the best, but Walter worked with what he got and showed the Police Force that he doesn’t take bribes. He also wins the big fist fight of the film so he proved that when the chips were down he did not need a gun. I have to question the intelligence of the whole cast though in light of the fact that just about everyone left their doors unlocked for the majority of the film. To break the locks, you need to use a gun and that calls attention so the main characters should have definitely kept the rooms locked. Sure, once Walter let the guy in as part of his plan, but how about catching the guy in the act or simply keeping him out. The villains would try breaking in at some point, but Walter would have the edge with his gun at the ready. I definitely would have handled things differently than Walter, but I suppose that’s part of the fun of these thrillers; thinking of the potential ways this could have ended differently.

Overall 7/10

Forbidden Planet Review

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It’s time to look at a second rate Star Trek film with a crew that certainly won’t impress you. This film was so much worse than I had expected it to be due to the terribly written romance that was included. So, to those that say this is Star Wars IV level, I have to shake my head this time. I don’t think I want any big remakes of this film and I’d rather they adapt The Invisible Boy again. That review’s coming soon so prepare yourself for it. On that note, here we go!

John and his friends command a spaceship and have been sent to an alien planet to look for a researcher who vanished here many years ago. They find him all right, but the rest of the crew has been mysteriously murdered. Hmmm, is it possible that there was some foul play afoot here? The researcher refuses to answer any questions, but the team of space cadets is attacked by an invisible monster at night. After a few space cadets are murdered, John decides to not focus on the issue all that much and focus on romance instead. Does this crew really stand a chance at accomplishing their mission?

The rest of the film would have gotten a decent 6/10 ranking if not for the romance so let’s start with that. The main heroine is Altaira and the problem is that she doesn’t really understand human culture. She doesn’t know what a “kiss” is, etc. The group naturally takes advantage of this and several (perhaps all. Given that the film hints at this by having her say “Why don’t you kiss me like everyone else” to the main character) of them kiss her. The film uses this as an excuse to have her bathing without a bathing suit because she doesn’t know what one is along with fairly dicey forms of attire. You’d think that John would be above all this since he’s the commander, but he decides to get in on the fun as well.

It’s a terrible romance because Altaira doesn’t really understand what she’s doing. The men are just tricking her for their own pleasure. John even admits that they haven’t seen a woman in a very long time so the crew will all dash at her. John says it as a warning, and yet…he’s no better. Altaira essentially has the maturity of a child and so, this romance was never going to work and it obliterated any chance that the film had of being good.

None of the human characters were likable either so that didn’t exactly help the film either. John is a terrible captain and none of his men seem to have any moral values. Altaira is way too naive and her father is cryptic and shady for no real reason. He doesn’t warn the space cadets about the monster until it destroys a few of the members and he didn’t even realize that messing with futuristic tech could destroy his mind. He’s supposed to be some kind of genius right?

Forbidden Planet also goes to great depths to show off its equipment at the expense of destroying the film’s pacing. The pacing completely dies for nearly an hour as the characters slowly walk from room to room looking at just about every single piece of equipment. They even take a quick ride around the complex, which takes around 15 minutes of real time just for fun. Maybe if the effects actually looked good it wouldn’t drag quite as much, but compared to films like Tron Legacy…this one can’t hold up.

The effects aren’t bad though and apparently they were terrific for its day. I don’t think it justifies the incredibly long wait time though. There’s not really a soundtrack, but you wouldn’t expect one for a very old film like this one. There is one highlight to the film that I haven’t really touched on yet. That’s the famous Robbie the Robot. Rob definitely deserves all of the praise that he gets because the character is very enjoyable and a bright spot amidst my other complaints. He has a nice blend of condescending smacktalk with subtle sarcasm to make him a rather deep character. He’s certainly not two dimensional and he’s very loyal as well. He is powerful and I would have liked to have seen him fight the monster, but that’s all right. The insults all make up for it. It’s easy to see why he would later return for other movies.

The monster was also decently cool. The invisibility trick was likely to save the budget, but we got some glimpses here and there and even a quick shot towards the end. I wish the monster could have appeared for an extended amount of time though. Regardless, it broke the barriers made of pure energy which theoretically should not be possible. Who knows, we may have found a rival for Godzilla after all. It’s a shame that this action part of the film could not have been a bit longer because it was easily the highlight of the film. I’m always up for more action after all and the laser fights reminded me of Star Trek. It was certainly made in that kind of style and had the film gone this route, it likely would have been a lot better.

Overall, A terrible romance is what ultimately doomed this film. It could be drawn out and a little boring at times, but it would have still doubled the score that it ultimately got here. The laser action scenes and the giant monster would make sure of it. Maybe throw in a twist about aliens arriving as well for extra tension. If you’re looking for a retro sci-fi film, you should just go and watch Star Wars Episode IV. If you do plan to see the film, at least you’ll have Robbie The Robot to enjoy. His presence in the film does help to elevate it to a certain degree. This isn’t the last that you’ll see of good ole Robbie though as my next review will feature another big appearance of his.

Overall 3/10

The Peanuts Movie Review

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It’s time to take a look at the latest Charlie Brown film that came out. This one decided to go with the comic title “Peanuts” which was an interesting move. I suppose it works as the film isn’t as centralized around Charlie as usual. He is still the main character by a long shot of course, but I’d say that this is more of a trip down memory lane than anything else. The film adapts parts from many of the older films and does its best to bring back all of the running gags as well. It’s really a trip down memory lane for Charlie Brown fans.

The main plot of this one revolves around Charlie Brown trying to work up the courage to talk to the little red haired girl. (She never gets a real name) He gets his big opportunity to do this when they are paired together to write an essay for class. She has to go back home for a bit though so it’s up to Charlie to impress her with his essay skills. Meanwhile, Snoopy continues to be attacked on the Astral Plane by the Red Baron. He’ll have to really hone his skills if he wants to make it out of this fight alive. That being said, this is Snoopy…he can handle anything that comes his way!

The Peanuts Movie really went all out to try and be like the older films. This is commendable since fans were really hoping that this wouldn’t go the Bayformers route or that it simply wouldn’t change everything for no real reason. Unfortunately, it only manages to be an imitation of the older films and doesn’t quite deliver its performance with the same amount of heart. The characters all go through the motions and act like their old selves, but it doesn’t quite work as well as the originals. A copy can never surpass the original right? Think of this situation like that.

Obviously, the animation has changed quite a lot since the old days. Rather than get better, it has unfortunately gotten a little worse. I did like the tributes to the old days as the classic animation would pop up from time to time though. That was always fun to see, but the CGI is fairly lifeless otherwise. All of the character designs are rather hollow. The CGI could have used some more sparks or something, but it is just CGI in general that always looks lifeless next to hand drawn animation. It’s not downright bad animation, just a little sub-par. There’s a decent amount of music here and the tunes are decently good. I can’t really recall any of them at the moment, but having any sort of soundtrack is always a good start for a Western animated film. It’s not much, but it’ll do to help give the film an extra kick.

Meanwhile, the film puts a great deal of emphasis on romance plots rather than focusing on the storylines that made Peanuts great in the first place. A female Snoopy character even appeared in this film to help him out against the Red Baron and it instantly turns into something romance related. That’s a shame since we certainly didn’t need more of that. It’s a Peanuts film so the romance won’t really go anywhere, but it doesn’t help the film at all either. These are scenes that could have been used for something more engaging. For example, more scenes of Snoopy actually fighting the Red Baron. Naturally, the same goes for Charlie’s plot.

Regardless, Snoopy still steals the show as per usual. His dancing skills have certainly not declined over the years and he is still an expert at everything that he attempts to do. It’s tough to surpass a natural genius who also trains at everything. Snoopy is a nice dog though and he teaches Charlie how to be cool whenever he has the time. Charlie’s a solid character for the most part as well. He always tries hard to accomplish whatever goal he has set his mind too even if he lacks confidence and can be a pessimist at times. Letting the essay get ripped was a little dicey though and I think you’ve gotta just keep that in your pocket once it is already written. Never take any chances! Charlie also acts selflessly quite a few times such as when he refused to take any credit for someone else’s test score. He’s always an honest individual who tries to help others. He may have his faults, but he is certainly a good person through and through.

As for the other characters, they’re true to form. Charlie Brown’s sister is pretty unlikable though as Charlie helps her out in a pinch during her stage performance, but she refuses to return the favor and help him learn how to dance. Charlie really could have used some assistance, but luckily Snoopy stepped in. Linus is always ready with words of encouragement and is probably Charlie Brown’s only real friend. His other “friends” still mess with him for a quarter and hold a soccer ball only to make him trick. (Well, that’s Lucy in particular) The Little Red Haired Girl seems like a reasonable character as well. She doesn’t talk all that much, but she certainly isn’t mean spirited. She’s just not around all that much unlike the other kids who seem to have unlimited free time.

Overall, The Peanuts Movie is an enjoyable experience. Technical merits are certainly not everything and the things to focus on here are the writing and the likable characters. Perhaps it tries a little too hard for nostalgia at times like Star Wars VII or even Goku and Friends Return to an extent, but a sequel would likely try to develop its own plot. I don’t think we’ll be seeing one for a while, but you never know. The romance could have definitely been played down a little, but I believe you’ll still enjoy this film. Can it beat the Christmas special? Definitely not, but maybe you’ll prefer it to the original Charlie Brown film.

Overall 6/10

Rocky Review

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You guys playing Star Fox Zero right now? Well, I’m afraid that you’re missing out on an underrated gem! The Rocky films were all a blast back in the day. They still have the best montage scenes in a live action film and it is not even close. The movies just knew how to get you excited for a fight and the soundtrack was superb. So, when I found out that they made a Rocky game for the Gamecube, I knew that I had to go pick it up. If handled right, this could be a winner. The gameplay is actually a lot of fun and the story mode actually adapts all of the films, which is really impressive. It is not a perfect title by any means, but it is definitely worth the purchase.

If you aren’t familiar with the movies, it is about a guy named Rocky. He goes from being a local underdog to the world champ. He avenges his best friend who was destroyed by a Russian boxer and then he also wins in a street fight. Your job in the game is to crush all challengers. There are 20 levels total so roughly 4 per film. Each film gets one Big fight, which gets its own cutscene and everything. That was always pretty fun and actually in a humorous way at times with the voice acting. Giving a cutscene to some of the other fights would have helped to break the monotony that the rest of the story had. After all, let’s face it, it isn’t all that exciting to fight yet another random challenger after a while.

I will give the game some props for fully embracing the repetition though. Each fight plays out in exactly the same way. First we get to hear each fighter’s theme. Then they are introduced and the fight begins. Afterwards, you get to relisten to the victor’s theme one more time. It is very entertaining. You can also beat most of the levels while only using two attacks, but don’t let your guard down. The difficulty will randomly jump up at some points before heading back down. I ended up losing 2-3 fights, but then I would proceed to teach my opponent a lesson.

The gameplay is what you would expect from a classic boxing game. You have an array of punches and moves that you can use here. High, Low, and Medium blows. You can faint and move around to dodge. I never figured out how to block, but I’m sure that there is a button for it. There must be right? Once you take out the opponent’s health bar, they have 10 seconds to try and get back up. Usually the CPU will get up twice in a set at the most. Maybe a third time if the fighter is tough. If you knock an opponent down three times in a single round, then it is an auto win for you. Getting up on your own is a lot tougher though, so good luck trying to rise 3 times.

As hinted at earlier, you will hear a lot of victory themes and various popular songs throughout the game. It gives the title a certain amount of hype. In the actual matches you are unlikely to notice the music. Thus, I’d say that the soundtrack is good, but not great. Graphically, it is a similar story. This certainly cannot be called great, nor can it be called bad. The game did a fine job of recreating the characters from the films. Each attack was designed well and I didn’t really notice any attack cloning here. Of course, the attacks are all very similar as it is. Character wise there are definitely some clones, but they make sense. Having a version of Rocky for each film was certainly genius and paves the way for crossover fights that we could only dream of back in the day. I think the graphics definitely could have been a little brighter, but I still give them a passing grade.

The campaign is fairly short so you may be wondering what replay value is available. Well, there is essentially nothing extra in the campaign so multiplayer is your only option. If you find someone who enjoys the game as well, then you will have quite a lot of replay value here. On your own you may have fun with it for a few hours, but ultimately it won’t last. I suggest buying this game for a good price. Of course, quality does defy quantity right? Not every title can pull a Super Smash Bros and accomplish both.

Overall, Rocky is a fun game. It is best to think of this one as your average popcorn fun rental. It is the kind of game I could picture someone renting for the weekend to play for a little while. That probably isn’t an option anymore though, so you gotta buy it or forget the title. Faced with those options, I’d recommend grabbing this title. It is a good game even if it won’t last you all that long. It is definitely a special treat for Rocky fans with how accurate the whole thing is. The final boss even feels a little special since it is a real battle as opposed to an official boxing match. Train your skills and then go on to become the world champ in this title. Embrace the experience because we may never get another Rocky game ever again. A truly somber thought.

Overall 7/10

Polar Trappers Review

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It’s time for the final Disney special that I’ve seen so far. This one features the long awaited team up between Donald and Goofy. I can’t say that I’m a big fan of Goofy. His character gimmick of not being too smart has been done more successfully by other characters like Knuckles from Sonic Boom. That being said, he was a little better here than I had expected. Goofy tries to capture some fish alive so he can take them back somewhere while Donald wants to eat Penguins for Brunch. Think of it like Batman V Superman with the moral dilemmas of this. Goofy gets a pretty neat song about how he catches them and keeps them alive. It was pretty hype and you feel bad for Goofy since he had better motives than Donald here, but still gets soundly defeated by nature in the end.

As for Donald, he’s essentially the antagonist here. He’s always trying to stir up some trouble and make life a little dicey for the Penguins. Luckily, they were onto him and his plans were spoiled yet again. He should have just kept on eating the beans right? I do like beans quite a bit, but they are one of the few foods that I actually would get bored with so I can totally sympathize with Donald’s reluctance to eat them. I can’t sympathize with his plan to eat a Penguin though. As with the other two specials, the animation is nice and smooth here. It’s a neat coincidence that all three specials took place with a lot of ice and snow. I suppose if it works, it works right?

Overall, It was neat to see the two heroes team up. “Hero” is a bit of an ambitious term for these two characters though. It was good to see the Penguins put them in their place as they reminded the main characters of who was really in charge here. It’s not quite as good as Corn Chips, but I’d say that it beat Rescue Dog. Once again, the short is only a few minutes so you’ll be able to blast through it in no time. I can definitely see the appeal of a good short as well, it is easy to just plug it in and watch without making a long time commitment. It’s a good style for telling stories as long as there is no really big plot.

Overall 6/10

Rescue Dog Review

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Rescue Dog is an old Disney special/serial from a very long time ago. Pluto’s the main character and he is really put through the ringer in this one. He underestimates Disney’s version of Jerry and pays the price. As Pluto cannot talk, it plays out like a silent film. The little Penguin who humiliates Pluto during the entirety of the short is a pretty good character. He may have defeated Pluto, but he still decided to help him out when the stakes became lethal. That’s a good rival to have.

The animation is smooth and looks good as the segment goes on. It is still very impressive to consider the fact that the animation tops that of some 2016 films. Disney definitely knew how to draw. The icy backdrop makes for a good locale in the special. Typically I prefer a bustling city myself, but the arctic can work wonders as well. Just look at Super Android 13, the DBZ film. We get a lot of action in the film since Pluto and the Penguin….Seal really duke it out for a little while. They chase each other up and down trees and it’s all very intense, but there can only be one winner and we know who that is.

Overall, this special is under 10 minutes. It is shorter than an Arthur segment so there is no time to really dislike it. Likewise, it won’t win any awards from me either. It’s a decent way to spend a few minutes and there is nothing wrong with the plot. I think it would have been better with more enjoyable characters, but at least there were no bad ones. If you like Pluto then that will help the short quite a bit. I like Pluto more than Goofy, but I’d certainly prefer to see Donald or Mickey take the spotlight. Those characters are the ones who really put Disney on the map after all. I’ve got two more animated short reviews coming up so stay tuned!

Overall 6/10

A Boy Named Charlie Brown Review

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It’s time for another Charlie Brown film! This is the big one since it’s what really got the ball rolling for the Peanuts, but it’s actually not quite as good as the legendary specials like Christmas or Thanksgiving. The main reason is that the film tries to artificially extend the run time so that it can be a feature length film. This involves some rather odd musical scenes that aren’t bad, but they aren’t all that good either. In the end, it’s still a fun film though.

Charlie Brown is pretty sad because the Baseball team always loses on account of his bad play. It’s not just him as none of the other characters know how to play either, but the instant he isn’t around the team finally manages to get a win. That’s okay, Charlie has bigger things to worry about now. He is going to enter the big spelling bee to prove that he is the best in the entire planet. It’s a tough job, but someone has got to do it so it may as well be good ole Charlie.

It’s a pretty peaceful adventure as you would expect. As mentioned earlier, the one iffy part here is the fact that the film evidently couldn’t last as long as the writers wanted it too without a little help. This results in the odd dance numbers where the characters just run around if they’re on screen or you’ll just see some crazy visuals. It felt like something out of Serial Experiments Lain, but without the depth and interpretative visions. It’s a lot more entertaining than 2001 A Space Odyssey, but nothing happens so it is really just a time for you to walk away, grab a snack, and then come back. The fact that this happens more than once is another problem altogether.

Again, it doesn’t really hurt the film all that much, but it is enough to push it under the classic specials. On the bright side, this could be Charlie’s best appearance yet. Sure, he may not have won the spelling bee, but he actually gets pretty far and proves that he is one of the best memorization experts in the whole country. Charlie wasn’t super smart from the get go, but he tried and tried until he made it. He’s still as gullible as ever when it comes to letting his friends trick him, but you can’t be perfect.

He’s also got allies who help him get that far. Linus gives him a blanket to help Charlie focus and Snoopy saved Charlie’s bacon when it was crunch time at the first regional. qualification test. Imagine getting knocked out of the tourney before it even begins. Yeah, Snoopy’s definitely a pal and someone that you want to have in your corner. As per usual, Snoopy steals the show here. He is a pro at everything that he tries and he helps Linus navigate through the city at night even if the kid isn’t all that grateful for the dog’s efforts.

The rest of the characters aren’t all that supportive of Charlie during this endeavor. Nobody even comes out to greet him after he gets back home, which shows where their priorities are. Well, all you really need are Linus and Snoopy as pals anyway. Charlie can also get some advice for 5 cents as well so he’s pretty well off. It is tough to imagine being the reason why your team loses every single game for years though. That’s got to be eating away at Charlie’s confidence since he practices so much, but still lets the other team win. I’m waiting for the film where he actually excels at everything and has a perfect day only to find out that it was all a dream. That’d be pretty hype.

As per usual, the animation is pretty fluid and consistent. The series has always had a very distinctive style that works well for it. I wouldn’t mind seeing a black and white Charlie Brown adventure. I think it would work pretty well in this style and could even look visually more interesting although the dream sequences certainly wouldn’t be as good. It’s definitely a bit of a pros and cons kind of angle. There are a bunch of songs and themes as well. They aren’t quite as memorable, but I remember them being fairly good/decent. They certainly don’t hurt in case you were a little worried about that happening.

On another note, these kids sure do get a lot of freedom. Charlie Brown gets his own hotel room and Linus is able to travel through the city in the dead of night. Back in the day things were definitely safer so people could wander around, but it also fuels my theory that Charlie Brown is actually about a group of college students and the animation just makes them look small. The blurry voices? They still belong to the adults and teenagers just can’t understand anyone who has exceeded a certain age. There are a number of fairly decent theories you could make about the series, which is always fun to do. Of course, I would not want a live action film to go that route.

Overall, A Boy Named Charlie Brown is a good film. It serves as a decent introduction to Charlie Brown’s character in case you haven’t seen the other specials. As far as Charlie’s plots go, the Spelling Bee was definitely one of his better ones. My favorite is probably still Charlie trying to read Love and Peace. He typically has the best plots in each of the specials/films, but that makes sense when you think about it. The main character should always be the highlight right? Otherwise, why would the films be called…Charlie Brown? Peanuts would have been a nice title, but I actually prefer it this way. If you want a fairly uplifting story with an emotional climax, this is the film for you!

Overall 6/10

Galaxy Quest Review

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I saw this film a while back, but the review has been in limbo for quite a while. I’m always up for a parody even if they can get a little dicey at times. This one is pretty well done for the most part, but it still does have enough dicey moments and plots to hold it back quite a bit. The bright side is that this film is much better than some older Sci-Fi films like The Forbidden Planet. The bad side is that it’s no Star Trek and the parody should always be better than the original.

The plot revolves around Peter. (Again?) Well, Jason to be more specific, but he played Peter in the Star Trek parody show and it still has a very strong following among its fans. The problem is that the show was too popular and aliens from other solar systems have seen it as well. A group of them come to Earth to enlist the aid of the actors who they believe to be the real characters. Jason naturally agrees since he loves to be in the spotlight, but his comrades are a lot more reluctant. Jason may have been good in the show, but can he really hack it against a group of tyrannical aliens who have come to destroy everything that we know and hold dear? It’ll take a lot of gusto to hold these guys in check!

First, I’ve definitely gotta say that the TV show looks pretty hype. It definitely feels like Star Trek, but possibly with higher stakes. I wouldn’t mind seeing a movie that adapts the actual show rather than showing the real world. As it stands, the actors…range from good characters to iffy ones although luckily none of them are downright terrible or even really bad, which is good.

The best member is easily Alexander. He really disliked his role in the TV show and tries to forget it, but that task is incredibly difficult when the fans always recite your famous lines. He dislikes the fans and isn’t afraid to show it, but Jason always plays on his ego. Alexander wants to be a great stage magician or something like that so he must answer the curtain call or he’ll be a fraud. Towards the end he lives out some of his lines and learns the values of friendship, but I’ll definitely miss his cynical/dramatic self from the opening.

Jason’s the lead and well…he’s a little dicey. He’s actually similar to the Peter from Men In Black Alien Crisis, but he’s a little less obvious and also doesn’t seem as far gone. We learn through exposition that he basically was like Kirk and he flirts with Gwen a lot during the film, but luckily he is typically shot down. I was glad that he actually took the alien situation in stride and talked tough to the villains even if he thought it was a dream. He certainly has more guts than the rest of the crew so it is one of those cases where he has a lot of good traits, but tries to balance himself out with bad ones. It’s not as extreme as it could have been though.

Gwen’s a decent character although the film sadly uses her for fanservice on more than one occasion. One scene in particular makes no sense as her outfit just happens to rip during the climax. It’s a shame since her other gimmick of repeating the computer was a pretty original one. I think her character would have been fine with just that one trait. Gwen lacks the charisma that Jason and Alexander have, but she’s better than Fred. Fred was a decent character, but his romance at the end really was unneeded and wrecked his emotionless front. He would typically just go along with whatever plan Jason thought of and that was also enough for his character. I think the film just went overboard with how much personality it wanted each member to have.

Unfortunately, the same can be said for the alien allies as well. They all have very annoying voices and their lack of knowledge about Earth can also drag on and on. I’ve never liked the trope of aliens not knowing Earth’s customs which makes them look bad for long periods of time. We get that they don’t know about Earth, but there’s no need to dwell on it. The sounds that the alien allies make when they panic can also be annoying and it doesn’t grow on you the same way that Chewy’s roars do. I just didn’t like any of the allies from the get go. If they were less naive and a little more hardcore then that could be different, but at it stands, they needed more vigor and gusto.

The main villain is fairly decent. He’s a little on the generic side of course, but the main thing that matters is that he has a cool design and he can fight. He isn’t here to ask for help from the humans and he doesn’t back down to their threats either. His army is also pretty intelligent and there was a pretty big shock moment towards the end as the villains took the ship. It’s a good thing the heroes are in a place that houses a legendary weapon with an unknown power. I can definitely buy into that twist and I wouldn’t even call it all that plot haxed. Well…okay, there was plot hax involved.

Now, I can buy the fans figuring out the true purpose of the device, but how? The explanations in the film that were given were unsatisfying to be honest and this may be a parody, but I still want to know how the deux ex machinas are known to the general public. It was great to see the fans getting their props and it proves my age old theory that sometimes the fans know the characters better than the writers. A little plot hax never hurt anyone and it doesn’t hurt the film either, but it’s something to think about. Hopefully the main characters will keep this in mind the next time they have a press conference.

A sequel dealing with the fallout from this film could also be fun. After all, they probably suspect that aliens exist now since a spaceship was launched in the middle of the awards and Jason actually disintegrated an alien. It’s easy to play off the alien as a trick, but the spaceship? I don’t think so. A sequel with the government recruiting the cast into their space program to fight off some invaders would be pretty hype even if a reboot is probably more likely at this point.

Overall, Galaxy Quest is a decent parody. It certainly has its flaws, but I’d still call it a “decent” film in the end. This is a classic one and done film as you’ll never need to re watch it. It has enough solid moments to keep it afloat and Alexander definitely steals the show even if you end up feeling bad for the fans at some points. They didn’t ask for this! They just wanted to have a good time, but they really took a verbal beating at times. The romance can be iffy and the characters can be dicey, but the film never goes too far with these points. The part that made this film get to a 5 was the alien allies and I think they were just enough to tip it down. It all adds up of course, but they were the main culprits. I could recommend this to you all to watch, but you may be better off checking out Star Trek Into Darkness! That film has the right blend of action and hype!

Overall 5/10