Suggested by Destroyer Lady Sif is on a good roll and that will continue here. Godzilla Junior never quite managed to reach the same kind of power level that Godzilla had. His Atomic Breath isn’t as focused and Lady Sif should be able to stay one step ahead of him pretty easily. Junior just won’t be able to do a lot to defend himself and will fall before her blade. Lady Sif wins.
Suggested by Destroyer Lady Sif returns for another Kaiju battle. As a powerful Asgardian her physical stats are above that of any normal human. She should be able to easily overwhelm Kumonga here and he isn’t fast enough to land a true counter hit. As a result Lady Sif will definitely be able to control the flow of the battle from start to finish. Lady Sif wins.
Suggested by Destroyer An average Zombie is little more than a human with some slight durability. That’s not going to be enough against Green Arrow who can just spam a few good arrows. Arrow has dealt with many enemies in day who ranged from being immensely powerful to just being rather decent. He has more experience than any Zombie. Green Arrow wins.
Suggested by Sonic Shulk is a talented fighter who can even see into the future which makes him difficult for anyone to deal with. That said, Ashe is certainly ready for him. She has many different super forms from the ZX games and is able to tap into power from warriors of legend. Her speed and power are both great enough where Shulk’s durability won’t hold out. Ashe wins.
Suggested by Sonic Falzar is powerful and known as one of the two unbeatable Cybeasts for a good reason. That said, Burter’s speed is far too great and that’s what will make the difference here. He can easily blast Falzar into oblivion from a distance while never even needing to worry about a counter blow. Burter wins.
Suggested by Sonic Genma has a lot of powerful monsters that he has trained up in Buddyfight. They would definitely allow him to at least give this match a more difficult conclusion than otherwise. That said, Gen’s speed should still be enough for him to stay one step ahead of Genma at all times. None of Genma’s monsters can catch him and ultimately they don’t have the durability needed to tank the hits. Gen wins.
Suggested by Sonic Samus and Cyclops are both fighters who really use a lot of long range tactics although they can fight up close as needed. Samus would usually crush Cyclops when considering base stats but his Phoenix Mode is definitely way too much for Samus. Samus’ Zero Laser just won’t be able to compete here and ultimately that’s where Cyclops will pull ahead. His firepower is unmatched. Cyclops wins.
Suggested by Sonic Zane has a lot of powerful monsters at his disposal but they won’t be enough to make up the difference against Punk’s speed. Punk is fast enough to get into range and land some damaging blows before zipping out. Zane has a lot of cards to get through but it won’t be a big deal for Punk to shred them all before taking Zane out. Punk wins.
GI Joe is a film series that has really had a tough time making a name for itself. People know the franchise yet the movies all tend to get fairly weak reviews and Snake Eyes is now bombing at the box office. I thought the first two movies were great and while Snake Eyes doesn’t quite match their level, I thought it was very good. There’s just something about the franchise that doesn’t click on a national level but hopefully we still get some more films.
The movie starts with Snake’s (They call him Snake as a nickname during the film and it sounds more natural than saying “Snake Eyes” each time) father getting murdered by a group of villains. Snake is able to escape and vows revenge on these guys. We fast forward to the present where Snake works for the Yakuza. One day they turn on his friend Tommy so Snake is forced to defend him and they are both kicked out of the Yakuza. Tommy offers Snake a chance to join his clan by completing the 3 trials. The toughest part of this is going to be that the trials can be quite deadly and most people fail them. Additionally, the only way to win the trials is to have a clear heart and mind but of course Snake Eyes is still distracted by his origin as well as some secrets he is still hiding close to his heart. Will he be able to bluff through these trials or will his busy heart ultimately be his undoing?
Snake Eyes’ origin may be a little old at this point in how often the main character’s parent is murdered by some thugs at first but it is an easy way to steel Snake’s resolve for the rest of the film. The opening battle scene against the boxer in the underground fighting arena was a bit concerning. We get a ton of camera jumps and the guy holding the camera seemed to be getting dizzy as well so there’s a lot of spinning.
If all the fights were like that then it would not have boded well for the movie. Fortunately, the film really tightens up after that and the rest of the battles are on point. While the GI Joe and Cobra influences aren’t massive here, any fight scene with their factions is a lot of fun. Naturally the Snake Eyes sword battles are cool as well. I don’t anticipate this film’s battles winning against Moral Kombat or Shang Chi’s but they still hold up really well.
The best action scene might be early on when Snake and Tommy are fighting the Yakuza. It’s really early on but it was a good exhibition of their strengths. There are a good amount of fights so you’ll be covered on that front. It even makes things a bit funny when Scarlett and the Baroness show up since they just take out their guns and mow people down instead of bothering with the whole hand to hand business. They can fight that way too but guns are more efficient.
I enjoyed how stylistic the film was too. The title of the film shows up on a building, you have the time stamps appearing in random places, etc. It’s going for a very creative look over doing the normal kind of signage. It works well and while it’s the kind of thing that wouldn’t really earn or lose any points, it was fun enough to note. The special effects are on point to be sure and while we don’t see Snake Eyes’ costume for more than a minute, it already looks really sharp. Then again, I’ve always enjoyed his costume in any iteration.
As a main character Snake is good but actually not as good as I thought he would be. The main annoying thing for me is that he really doesn’t make the right decisions. He gets manipulated quite easily and ultimately picks his own vendettas over his conscience. Lets just say that he’ll do anything to find the guy who murdered his father no matter who he has to work for. This is actually a character arc you mainly just see for villains. They ignore the fact that they’re working for terrorists in order to get their vengeance. Snake is no different and so because of that you really feel like he’s a villain for most of the story.
We’re seeing the film through his eyes so he doesn’t appear as bad as the average villain but when you put things into perspective…it’s not a good look for him. If not for a plot twist at the end of the film, he really may not have even made the reluctantly correct choice at the end. I expect things will be better for him going forward but I was just surprised with him here since I’m used to him being known as a really honorable character. In terms of other personality differences, he is a lot more talkative here.
It doesn’t look like they’re going to go the route of having Snake mute in this one and I’m cool with this. If you’re taking the franchise in a new direction anyway then you might as well go all in. He was able to have more of a personality beyond being the silent tough guy this time. I could see this version of Snake having a lot of good banter with the rest of the characters. I may have had my reservations on his hero status but Snake’s personality itself was on point. He’s always ready for a fight and has a super quick temper. Maybe none of that sounds like Snake but those are qualities I like in my heroes so long as they’re directing this at the villains. So lets see him keep that intensity up as a Joe.
As for Tommy, anyone familiar with the GI Joe mythos will know where he is going but it’s still nice to see the journey. He is portrayed as being stronger than Snake but considerably weaker than Kenta. Tommy always seems a bit unhinged especially with how he blows up at Akiko from time to time. He believes he is destined to rule and often times those kinds of characters are pretty dangerous. Tommy makes for a good character but from the start you are pretty sure he won’t be a big hero.
Akiko does a good job of protecting the clan. From the start she is wary of Snake and for good reason. The guy is constantly vanishing from the facility and doing his own thing. If anything I feel like she should have told the clan about this. Even if she couldn’t pick Tommy since he was too emotionally invested, tell the clan leader or one of the other fighters. With a few more people it would have been easier to figure out what he was up to. She may ultimately be a bit softer on Snake than she should have been as one of the clan guardians though. Not all of the blame should be on her as the clan defenses are just awful though. Feels like you can infiltrate the area and get to the gem with incredible ease. There’s no cameras to see people leaving or coming in at night either so the place desperately needs new equipment.
As for Kenta, he’s the main villain and the guy is tougher than I would have expected. He is consistently shown to be the best fighter in the movie. Even without his super weapon the guy would probably be too much for the other characters one on one. There’s not much to him beyond just being the big villain though. The film’s really more about Snake’s journey than the antagonist so you won’t remember him much.
Then you have the crossover characters who are here to get you hyped up for the next GI Joe film. Scarlett’s intro appearance is definitely like something out of Black Widow. She beats up a bunch of goons while talking to the heroes and explaining what’s up. In a lot of ways her character has always been similar to Widow’s just she is infinitely cooler. Scarlett’s role here isn’t huge but her fights are always a lot of fun.
Likewise for Baroness who shows up to remind the ninja that Cobra calls the shots. Kenta isn’t quite afraid of them but we know Cobra’s a good thread. Baroness does well in the fights too and makes the most of her limited screen time. It would have been nice if she could have gotten her revenge on Kenta to get Cobra some hype but I suppose it just couldn’t work out that way. If Kenta could have ran a bit further, an excellent after credits scene would have been Team Cobra rolling up and taking that guy out for striking the Baroness.
Now, I do think that the Infinity Stone here should have been a little nerfed. Basically the ninja have a stone that can blow people up just by focusing on doing so. You can also make barriers and such. The problem is that the gem has no weak point and it activates almost instantly. Near the end of the film there is a scene where the 8 heroes all grin and strike poses as they mock Kenta. Kenta is holding the gem though so he should have grinned right back at them and then we see them all blow up. There’s no reason he couldn’t have done that and that’s the problem with writing in objects of power that are too useful.
Granted, there are many ways you could have written the characters being able to dodge the gem or disarm him but posing just isn’t it. The film enjoys its posing though as we get quite a few scenes of the characters just posing. Tommy and Snake get a lot of them with their swords. Scarlett and Baroness get quite a few and then you have the team shots. It’s fun for theatrics and getting you hyped but you just want to be careful doing that when the opponent has any kind of long range weapon.
It’s also pretty cool that effectively the first big Cobra and Joe team up is in a Snake Eyes film. I won’t say anything more about that but usually that’s something you would leave for the third film in a trilogy like Transformers or something like that. In that sense it definitely continues to help amp up Snake Eyes but you also just can’t wait for more Joe films. If anything, watching the Snake Eyes film just got me extra hyped to go back and rewatch the first two.
Now, where do we go from here? The film has an after credits scene which is also setting up GI Joe. I think the next step is that you need to have a full GI Joe film. Since Snake Eyes led this new part of the franchise off, maybe you can do it like X-Men. So Snake Eyes will be the main character for the rest of the film. He’s still a drifter but he ends up helping the Joes when he finds out that Tommy’s going to be at their destination. It’ll be a very different take on the series but it could work if they need to try something fresh. This should be a whole new rebooted part of the franchise after all and that would be a good way to do it.
As a final side note, the film has a Peter Parker moment where Snake decides to let a villain go because the whole thing is no longer his problem. In some ways it’s worse than Peter as he knows this guy is a global terrorist working for a powerful organization. Sure, the organization cut him loose but this guy is incredibly dangerous. Any future deaths will now be on his head. It feels like the film didn’t mean for this to be a big scene but I would hope it will come up in the future. This scene just didn’t make any sense though, I don’t see why you would ever let a villain like this go. Deciding not to murder a villain isn’t the same as cutting them free….but yeah that scene definitely popped out at me.
Overall, Snake Eyes is a pretty solid film. It has a lot of great fight scenes and special effects. The pacing of the movie is good and it’s really over before you know it. It might not have the nonstop intensity of a mainline GI Joe film but when the fights do come they tend to look good. Having most of the film take place around Shibuya was also fun since it makes for a lot of fun landmarks. Some of the backgrounds even reminded me of TMNT. It may take a lot of liberties from what you’re used to as a classic Joe story but it’s executed well so I’m looking forward to seeing this vision through to the end.
Overall 7/10
So I finally watched the trailer for Time Walker after checking out the movie and let me tell you, it’s pretty intense. I think if the film had kept up that same energy it would probably be remembered a bit more fondly. Play up the alien angle and lets just get it rolling. As it stands, this is a pretty classic old styled horror film where you’ve got a creature walking around and a bunch of humans doing their best to stop him. The characters aren’t that great but the creatures themselves have some decent abilities.
The movie starts with the archeologists breaking into another tomb to see what curse they can inflict on the world this time. They end up finding a giant sarcophagus and figure the best thing to do is take it back to the school. Professor Douglas uses this as a learning exercise for the rest of the gang. There’s a mysterious fungus on the coffin and one of the students is sloppy so it gets all over him. So here’s how this works, the fungus will basically spread across your body until it turns you into a skeleton. Radiation speeds up the process.
Anyone who has touched the fungus is doomed. Now this would be easily contained except unfortunately one of the students is a guy named Peter and he’s not the best guy. He notices some gems in the coffin and steals them. He then gives them to various students. What he doesn’t realize is that these gems are needed by the alien that was trapped in the coffin for some kind of device. Now it is mad and aims to take all of the gems back with force if needed.
Now, what is the point of having the Mummy actually be an alien? Well, that’s a good question because it really doesn’t seem to matter one bit. Yeah you have the very last few seconds but otherwise it doesn’t impact the plot and that is a bit of an issue. If it walks like a Mummy, looks like a Mummy, and acts like one then it might as well be a Mummy right? The alien factor just doesn’t come into play so I can see how this would be pretty disappointing if you were watching it in the theater.
The alien aspect was a huge part of the promotion so for him to not do anything is disappointing. I’d also say the design in the posters is a bit cooler as it has a bit of an Iron Man vibe. The version in the film doesn’t really look like that and just appears to be a Mummy with some kind of power source. At least he does have super strength though so I’ll give him some points for that. A single throw was enough to take someone down for the count.
There aren’t really any likable characters here though. Most if not all of the students are just annoying. They’re busy having parties and messing around with each other the entire time instead of taking anything seriously. One of them has a girlfriend but immediately gets distracted by another girl. Instead of breaking up with this chump, the girl allows herself to be bribed by a gift in the very next scene despite witnessing what just went down. Then you have Peter who actively works against the investigation and it’s due to his need to steal things that the Alien Mummy gets so many victims in the first place. If the gems had stayed in one place then there wouldn’t have been an issue.
Douglas is also pretty suspect as a professor. You really shouldn’t let students be messing around with something that could be extremely dangerous. They weren’t wearing masks so what if there had been some kind of plague in the air when they opened the coffin? He’s also having an affair with one of the students which is another questionable part of his character.
Okay there are some more fun things about the film though. One is that the sound effects are absolutely on point. The warning sounds for the generators and computers sound like something out of an old Galaga game. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got the sounds from there. While it wasn’t executed very well, I also liked the idea of the alien needing to grab these gems to accomplish his goal, whatever that was. It’s like a villain collectathon which is different from the usual mission.
I don’t really understand why the Egyptians would bury the alien along with his power gems though. Why not keep them separate in case he ever wakes up? If the gems had been gone then you can only imagine the whole time that the alien would be out of luck because there would be no way for him to find them. He has a hard enough time locating them at short range so I doubt he would be able to find them at long range. I mean, even when he was in the room with the gem he had to look around and check every part before finding it in the case. This was just for an artificial scare and some fanservice but it does make the alien look even worse. Cmon now, if your scanner’s any good you should have known where in the room it was as soon as you entered….
There is one decent character which is the local cop. He’s definitely not pleased about this becoming a big deal and is eager to quickly get this under wraps. The guy’s not super brave though and gets nervous early on when the alien is on the move. I also liked the president of the school who was not willing to listen to the professors and said the show must go on no matter what. He even invited the press to the whole coffin angle. I always like these characters who have a whole lot of bravado. Same with the teacher trying to replace Douglas. He even has a whole Scooby Doo type “I caught you red handed!” speech at the end. You’d think he has bigger things to worry about but the guy just wants his promotion immediately.
The soundtrack is pretty decent. I doubt you’ll remember a lot of tunes by the end but it’s got a decent danger theme when the alien is running walking after the heroes as well as any scene when it’s causing havoc. I know what you’re thinking. How can you ever get caught by an alien that moves with the speed of old molasses? Well the main way is to trap yourself in an elevator with no way out or to charge the alien as if you’re Superman. Otherwise the alien should have no chance the whole time. How hard is it to stay ahead of someone who can only walk at turtle speeds? This is definitely something they need to fix with these Mummy type creatures. Seeing in all green doesn’t exactly make it any spookier either since nothing tends to happen in those scenes.
Now this is an 80s film but you will have to remind yourself of that several times. It really doesn’t feel like one, this could easily pass for a 70s film visually and even a 50s film in terms of writing. It’s all very old school. Now the writing itself isn’t anywhere close to the old films but it does have a grand feel to it. If anything the horror soundtrack here would work really well in those classic films like “Curse of the Fly”. After all, Time Walker does take itself extremely seriously…even if you won’t be able to as a viewer. The whole final scene is meant to be dramatic but I thought it was pretty funny. When you think about it, the angle of the gunshot should never have made hit the guy if he was aiming at the alien. Then you have someone grabbing something that he should have known has been incredibly lethal to anyone who touches it. It was a comedy of errors by the various characters in the climax that’s for sure.
Overall, Time Walker is a glorified Mummy film. I would say it’s a good Mummy film, far better than most but this is not an alien film despite the poster. There is no time travel here and the alien isn’t acting much like an alien. I’ll give the film credit for the ending though. A lot of times these old films tend to end rather suddenly but even for this one I was wondering how things were going to play out since there were only a few minutes left and the film hadn’t ended. Well…that’s because it doesn’t. The film closes out on a big “To Be Continued” screen which was actually impressive. That’s something I’d like to see more films do. Granted, I think they’re slowly getting more accepted in the mainstream like the Hobbit or Infinity War but even those don’t end with a huge “To Be Continued” message like this one does. It’s bold, ambitious, and I like it. It’s just a shame that we didn’t actually get the sequel for this. I’d definitely have been pretty psyched about that.
Overall 6/10
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