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2 Fast 2 Furious Review

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With Furious 7 out in theaters, it’s the perfect time to continue my journey through the series. I can’t say that I was impressed with the first one at all, but this looks like one of those series that gets better as you go along. In theory anyway. This one is certainly more fun than the first film, but it still falls into most of the holes that the first did, which prevents it from ultimately being a good film.

Brian has fallen from the good grace of the police for letting his target escape in the first film. He now has fun in underground racing so he has ironically become the very criminal that he used to hunt. The cops eventually show up with a job for him. He is to pose as a racer for a criminal mastermind so that he can help the cops get some evidence on him. Brian will need a partner and that’s where Roman comes into play. They’re going to need to drive hard and drive fast if they want to win this round!

All right, let’s talk about the improvements from the first film first. For one thing, the racing scene at the beginning totally destroys the scenes from the previous film. The cars were going very fast and the new nitro effects were a lot of fun to watch. The dark background of the night contrasted with the bright colors and made for a very explosive race. It was tough to beat..evidently too tough to be honest. The film could not even come close to matching that race for the rest of the film, but it was still a very epic way to start off the film.

The characters are also a lot more interesting than the ones from the previous film. The dynamic between Brian and Roman can be good at times. Brian is portrayed as an expert when it comes to this kind of operation. After all, he has been through this before back during his cop days. That being said, he starts to lose control of the mission whenever he sees a pretty face. That’s where Roman comes in. He may not be an old pro officially, but he knows how to fit in rather easily and probably does a better job of convincing the villains of their authenticity than Brian. He’s probably not as good a driver as Brian, but he’s good enough.

The film is typically a lot of fun, which is a shame that it fell into numerous holes. Where to start right? First of all, let’s go for the rat scene. Each of these films will probably try to have at least one big gangster moment to show us how evil the villains are. The first one had the scene where the villains forced someone to drink oil and this one has the villain pin a man down and watch as a rat starts to eat through his stomach. It’s a very gruesome scene to say the least. I prefer the classic “Held at gunpoint” trope as it shows that the villain is ready and the hero still knows that the guy is willing to pull the trigger.

Another aspect is still the underground/gangster feel that the films try to have. This results in a whole lot of unfortunate fanservice. The characters wear skimpy attire and are constantly making suggestive remarks. Roman and Brian naturally take part in these shenanigans as well, which is sad. What happened to professionalism? I fear that it died with James Bond and Captain Kirk taking office. It almost goes without saying that we also get language issues and birdies as well. The film should stick away from those things. It’s a writing issue and it’s one of the things that I’m hoping the films can change later on.

That may not seem like a lot of “holes” as I put it, but they are so frequent that there may as well be a dozen issues with it. The film simply can’t control itself. The main villain is also rather unlikable. He’s another guy who’s really just interested in getting rich and getting the girl. I would have preferred for him to have just been a good driver who wanted to get rich the quick way. He would still be a villain, but at least he would be someone that you could get hyped to fight.

The cops naturally look pretty bad as this is Brian’s show. A squad of around 20 cars can’t match up against two and they are constantly crashing. The FBI is fooled by the ole switcheroo tactic and they are also kept out of the loop a whole lot. You have to wonder why they always need to ask Brian for help during the beginning of these films, but the latter scenes show why they need him. On their own, they simply can’t stand up to the gangsters.

The final big scene where the heroes summon hundreds of cars is really the definition of plot hax. I really don’t buy that happening for a second. Getting everyone into the garage and into their cars while also allowing enough space for the heroes to fit in and get their car into the middle? That’s way too unpractical and elaborate to actually happen. It’s worse than the heroes constantly betting hundreds of dollars against each other every day. There must be a gold mine around there that we don’t know about.

I still have a problem with such large areas not being covered by the police as well. With their fancy satellites and FBI guys on the case, you would think that underground racing would really be a thing of the past at this rate. Of course, that probably won’t be the case as long as Brian is on the case. After all, he loves a good underground race apparently.

I was pleasantly surprised by one of the detectives making the right call at one point. After being threatened with the rat, he still managed to assemble the cops to have one last clash. I hope that he got his family to safety first so that he could really focus on this issue. It’s still too bad that the cops weren’t more organized, but at least the detective did the right thing. Hopefully he can live safe and sound now.

My main piece of advice for the series would certainly be to include more race scenes. We only got to proper races and one was just a back and forth route so it wasn’t a true race. Car action scenes are okay, but they’re not even close to being as epic as a race. A real race gets your heat pumping and you become ready for more. If the whole film had been epic races like the intro, it could have bumped it up a star. 1 star may not sound like a lot, but it’s something. Improving the races is simply one element to add to the whole. If it can get everything right, soon it could be one of the best racing franchises out there. (In movie world. F Zero and the famous Captain Falcon own the streets otherwise)

Overall, This film was better than the first one. It’s slowly becoming more of a respectable franchise, but it is really slow going. As soon as it gets rid of the suggestive themes and bad writing, the films will begin to rise up rather quickly. As it stands, none of the characters are actually likable. Brian and Roman are charismatic characters and they certainly have personality, but they’re way too into women, which distracts them from their moral compass as well as their job. I look forward to the FBI appearing to hire the heroes once again. I’m not sure when I’ll be seeing the next film, but eventually I’ll be onto the current one. Then we’ll see if it manages to live up to the hype or if the series has not changed quite as much as I hoped.

Overall 3/10

The Poseidon Adventure Review

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It’s been a while since I checked out a disaster film so it’s time to see what happens when a ship comes face to face with a large tidal wave. It’s safe to say that this is a battle where only one side can win and it’s likely not going to be the boat! The film had a pretty good set up, but unfortunately relied a little too heavily on the tragedy elements, which ended up hurting it in the long run.

A lot of characters are enjoying themselves on the boat. As this film has a large cast, we get around 6 or more perspectives from the ship and none of them suspect that this will not be a simple voyage. The ship is ordered to go full speed ahead to meet a deadline and that’s when the Captain notices the large wave coming in. He orders everyone to hold on as the ship flips over entirely. Now that the boat is upside down, the heroes are going to need to head up to the bottom of the ship to escape. Can they really survive against the waves for long or will they all be picked off one by one? With a Detective and a Reverend leading the way, the gang may have the skills needed to survive!

For disaster films, I always like the intros a lot because we get to meet all of the characters. They typically have interesting plots going for themselves and that happens here as well. I don’t think I would say that the characters are likable during the intro, but interesting nonetheless. I was a little sad when the captain got hit by the wave during the beginning because he was certainly one of the more enjoyable characters. Ah well, you do have to expect a high body count here considering that the cast really thins out by the end.

It’s a bit of a double edged blade though because then the characters shouldn’t be made too likable before they end up going overboard. The film remembers this for one character as she insults the other members of the cast several times before the ending. That being said, a few good characters also don’t make it. One of them simply works too hard during the ending and it was a sad way to go. The character did a great job before she perished, but it was a low blow for the film. She didn’t drown, which is good, but a death is still a death.

The film really wanted to show how sad this was so it kept on focusing on the issue. We got to see the husband get torn up over this and are reminded that they were going to visit their grandchild. So, the tragedy elements were certainly there a whole lot. We are used to characters dying, even likable ones. However, the focus should be on the heroic deeds that they have just accomplished and not on how sad things will be as a result. Look at the deaths of Goku, Sonic, etc. The death is sudden and then brushed to the side after a few moments. That brisk way of moving forward would have done wonders for this film. It also would have helped if the film simply didn’t have any kids or seniors. It’s safe to say that it’s a lot easier to just watch teens and adults be defeated by nature than the former categories. It simply isn’t fun to put a senior or a kid in such a dangerous situation. Likewise with adding any animals of course. Now that would be a tragedy!
The main lead is Frank, a pastor who tries to debunk some Christian beliefs as he helps the heroes. He states that God does not care about people on an individual level as he is simply too busy. If you want to survive, then it’s on you to do so. He says to pray to the part of God that is in you as you strive for victory. God not caring about each individual is certainly false and hopefully he didn’t lead anyone down the wrong path. Frank was selling the people an odd package and hopefully they didn’t buy into it.

Apart from that, he still managed to be a fun lead. He is right that you should still try to get out of a problem instead of staying still and hoping for the best. This attitude gets him far and helps to motivate his team. His back and forth debates with Mike also give the film an extra boost. I was always on Frank’s side as Mike was a little unreasonable most of the time. Still, it is always good to have someone who will question your decisions.

Mike was apparently a good detective back in his day. As a result, he has a very individual personality that makes him reluctant to just take orders from Frank without a little back talk. When push comes to shove, Mike still does make the right decisions. He can just be rather annoying at times. He also blamed Frank for many of the deaths that occur in this film, which is a really low blow. Frank is the only reason that anyone survived this ordeal. If Mike had been in charge from the start, they’d be on the bottom of the ocean by now.

I do have to take away some props for the film with one of its subplots. One character was single when the film started and some of the other characters made it their business to try and help him find someone special. The guy even admits that he does want to be married. That’s pretty sad if you ask me. What happened to being proudly single? I get that Hollywood needs some romance in the world, but that character should have been left alone. The moral just makes the whole thing a little dicey if you ask me. It’s like the film is trying to say that you can’t stay single and we know that isn’t true. Am I reading into this too…deeply! (Ocean pun) Maybe, maybe not. Still, that plot didn’t add anything to the film. I could say the same for the detective’s wife. Why give her such an origin story if it will have nothing to do with the rest of the film? There is such a thing as unnecessary character development after all.
Overall, The Poseidon’s Adventure is a classic disaster film. It played up the tragedy angle a little too much for me to recommend this title, but you should like it if you really like the disaster formula. One by one, each character is picked off so it plays out like your average slasher or Resident Evil film, but instead of a monster attacking, it is simply nature. Disaster films sometimes do this aside from the normal ones so there should almost be a sub genre for it. Either way, you should not get attached to too many of the characters, but you can always have a competition with your fellow viewers to try and guess who dies first from the main characters. It’s the kind of game that I like to play within my head when I see one of these films. So, if this sounds like your cup of tea, then go for it. Otherwise, I recommend re watching the original Godzilla film.

Overall 4/10

Bridge To Terabithia Review

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Bridge To Terabithia is a Disney film that came out a while ago and yet it is probably still one of the more well known films based off of a book from the company. Disney needs to adapt more of them to give us a break from the usual Hunger Games titles. That being said, the ending of this film does severely hurt it, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It should be noted that I attempt not to mention the actual ending directly, but it will become pretty obvious as I talk about it. So for spoiler purposes, I recommend not checking out this film until you see the movie..and I don’t really recommend checking the movie out because of the ending so it’s one of those cycles…

The main character of the film is named Jesse and his life isn’t very fun at the moment. The kids at school bully him and his parents seem very distant or downright inhospitable at times. The only character who actually likes him is his little sister and he’s not typically around for her. Jesse is the kind of kid who gets bullied a lot because he typically just takes it. Unfortunately, dishing it back out could also get him expelled. Things look up when a girl moves into town. It should be noted that Jesse’s hobby is running and he was the fastest kid in the class. Not anymore! The girl easily crushes him in the race and tries to be friends.

Jesse naturally feels salty (“Salty” meaning that a person is upset, irritated, or sulky because they have just been humiliated in a sport or battle) about this and doesn’t want to be friends with her for a while. Eventually he cracks. It’s not hard to choose to be friends with the nicest character in the film after all. Her name is Leslie and she suggests that they hang out at a club house so that they can get away from the outside world. She loves to imagine things and gets Jesse to play with her. It’s rough going at first since Jesse forgot to stretch his imagination before he left home, but he gets the hang of it. What can go wrong now?

That’s the plot in a nutshell. The film tries to make Jesse’s life before Leslie arrives as dark as possible. He likes drawing and running, but those two hobbies can’t last for very long in a day so he’s typically bored. His older sisters are typically pretty mean to him while his younger one has higher values than the others. His dad is willing to destroy animal creatures so that he can make some money and he’s a very unreasonable character. The mom simply isn’t around very often.

The contrast is very clear once Leslie is introduced to the mix. Her family is pretty awesome and reminds me of mine. They all hang out together, paint, have snacks, and it’s all merry. The folks even allow Leslie to keep the dog that Jesse gave her even though they had no warning beforehand. That’s pretty understanding right? It really makes you feel bad about Jesse. It should be noted that the bullies also attempt to take on Leslie, but they grow bored a lot quicker so she gets to be left alone a lot after the initial encounters.

The film was going well…until the final event. That was pretty disappointing and a really bad way to end the film. It happens suddenly so at least you can’t say that you were really expecting it unless you followed the foreshadowing scenes. (Diving paper, tide rising abnormally high, rope seeming to be withered…etc) Needless to say, the twist may have been unexpected, but that doesn’t make it good. I would have much preferred a fake out, like the characters were simply tricking Jesse. It would have been a little out of character, but I could have handled that.

I give the film kudos for actually mentioning God and Heaven. The heroes have a discussion about it where the sister tells Leslie that you will go to hell if you don’t believe in God. Leslie denies this and she’s pretty young so it can probably be odd to hear back then, but the sister actually made valid points here. Does this mean that Leslie would hypothetically go to hell if everything ended that instant? You could say so, but I am inclined to say that it’s no guarantee.

Think about a situation where a baby or a toddler dies. They hadn’t truly made a decision to follow God or not since they were so young. God is omnipotent so he knows what they would have decided and I believe that this is how the system works. (Or the tip of the iceberg at least) So, there’s always a chance that Leslie would have accepted Christ into her life a little later on once she had really begun to think about it. Our minds aren’t really developed until we’re in our later teens or early adulthood. I doubt that many of us look at things the same way that we did when we were kids right?

It is still a pretty sad topic to think about though. After all, there are many “good” or nice people who will go to hell regardless of how moral they were during their lives. That’s because morality will never be enough to get you to Heaven. The only way there is through Jesus Christ. If you don’t accept him into your heart, no amount of good works will save you from going to hell. That’s why it’s always so important to preach the gospel and get people to really think about it so that they can hopefully see the truth. There’s no guarantee that Leslie would have eventually become a Christian, but at least Jesse’s household is a Christian one. Since she had started going to church with him on Sundays, there’s always the chance that she would have started to believe. Sometimes, all it takes is one really good sermon to make everything click. Also, since this is a film, I can just choose to believe that she would have accepted the Lord into her heart so the ending is a lot happier than it was.

Now, how old do you have to be to die and just go to hell if you didn’t accept Christ? That’s hard to answer and I’m sure that it varies from person to person. It’s generally accepted that babies and toddlers wouldn’t be sent to hell as they couldn’t comprehend the notion of Christianity at the time and I personally expect that the same would be true for all minors. After that, it’s anyone’s guess. Only God knows such things after all.

Back to the film. I still wasn’t crazy about the ending. Even with the happy ending that I thought up, it’s still really sad for everyone in the present. The film tries to end on a bright note by having Jesse continue his sister, but it just feels hollow. You won’t be able to feel good about that part because you’re still reeling from the ending. Bridge To Terabithia certainly did a good job of making sure that the ending is sad…but maybe it was too good. Sad scenes aren’t bad in question, but the sadder the scene, the more likely that I’m not going to like it. After all, we’re watching this for escapism right? Let’s keep the nitty gritty out of this.

I’ve been trying to think of what the “best” sad scene was. Something sad, yet not overdone too much so you can still enjoy the rest of what you were watching. I’m coming up with a blank here. Krillin’s death in DBZ comes to the mind as that is definitely near the top. Hinata’s fate against Pain, Nami’s loss to Arlong. There are many scenes that come to mind. The main similarity between them all is that the main hero gets into a rage after the scenes happen, which is impossible to do with a live action film. I feel like the rage helps to offset the sadness because then you really get angry at the villain alongside the hero and root for him to drastically win. That’s my view on the matter anyway.

As this film deals with the imagination a lot, the film decides to have fun with that. Mythical creatures attack at several points and imagination begins to meld with reality. This leads to some odd scenes where trees come alive and gremlins attack, but it’s all fake so you essentially take it with a grain of salt. The dog was really cool in these action scenes though and always got the better of the villains. He was and is a true hero.

Overall, Bridge To Terabithia is a fun film until the ending. Jesse saved an animal from crushing the film even more through animal violence and Leslie was a really good character. It’s safe to say that I wasn’t a fan of Jesse from start to finish. (He didn’t help his sister when a bully showed up and he constantly forgot how to imagine and made things tough for Leslie) Of course, Leslie being such a perfect (The film really tries to make her perfect and essentially succeeds since she has no negative qualities) character makes the ending even dicier. The supporting characters didn’t add much to the film and I’m sure that we’re all tired of watching bullies, but I suppose that they help for character development and all. It’s an entertaining film, but I’m afraid that the ending throws all of that out the window. So, I can’t recommend the film and you should watch Yugioh 3D Bonds Beyond Time instead. That film has some tragic moments like a city getting burnt and someone losing his dragon, but it never goes too far. It’s juuuuust right.

Overall 3/10

Green Zone Review

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Note that this review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be understood as belonging to this version of the film as a review of the uncut version would likely be more negative.
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Green Zone is a war film and that makes it a pretty unique one for me at the moment because I have not seen many of those. I probably haven’t even seen 5 at present. That being said, it is not a genre that I would expect to enjoy typically because of the very concept. War isn’t fun and it typically translates to some pretty gruesome stories. On the whole, this film handled the situation as well as it could.

Things are heating up in Iraq and it seems like they are harboring weapons of mass destruction. Roy and his team are tasked with retrieving them, but every site that they arrive at is empty. Something clearly isn’t adding up and Roy begins to realize that a darker plot is happening in the background. One way or the other, he plans to get to the bottom of it.

One of the main things that I didn’t like was how America did not look good. There is usually a corrupt politician in the films, but the film makes us look bad on many fronts. Our army is quick to believe the intel that it acquires even though it is proven to be false again and again. Surely, we have people who prevent this from happening. More than one person should be required for this in case we have a turncoat in our midsts. It is rather sad to see the U.S so confused.

One of the soldiers doesn’t even care why they are fighting and he just wants to get out of the war alive. Certainly not a noble sentiment. Really, the picture that is painted shows that the US is simply too big and there is corruption everywhere. We are not fighting the good fight and are using our power to bully those who are weaker than us. That’s just not the US that I remember and I prefer to see us look very heroic and composed.

As a side note, America also looks like it is lacking in intelligence aside from the falling for fake intel part. Why would we publish everything that we are doing to the Wall Street Journal? Seriously, we shouldn’t be publishing anything like that. At the most, we should just be posting false data. Transparency is all well and good, but not if it costs us the war. Sometimes you just need to trust the government. As long as all of the senators and governors are in the loop, we should be okay. We can still know basic data, but certainly not any specifics.

As I mentioned earlier, the film did well in how it handled the violence. The only real violent scene was likely the interrogation one. That was certainly hard to watch as we never like to see an officer abuse his power. The man in charge seemed to realize that the officer was dangerous, but did nothing about it. You end up feeling bad for the man since he was caught between two factions of what he thought was the same army.

Roy is a good main character. Unfortunately, there is not a whole lot that one man can do in a corrupt organization, but he performs to the best of his abilities. He does a good job of getting the last laugh with the ending even if it is a little bitter sweet. He exposed a lot of the wrong doings, but if won’t bring the people back and now the world knows that the US is very disjointed. Still, it is safe to say that he made the right call. At least there will be consequences for the villain now.

Freddy was the main supporting character and he was definitely not very good. His ending is meant to be hardcore as he shows us that we are sticking our noses where they don’t belong, but he just looks s little delusional instead. His country is going to have even more violence now and he panics a whole lot. There was also a reporter to be found here, but she didn’t really add anything to the film. She helps us piece some parts of the puzzle together, but it’s hard to trust her since she will be quick to release any news and I still think that it is a tactical error on our part.

This is the edited version of course, which helps the film out in a big way when it comes to the language part. There were several words that were aired out, which hints at a bad script. It is not much of an issue, but something to be ready for depending on how you see the film.

As for action scenes, we get a few of those, but only one fight scene. Roy looks decent in his fight scene at first, but then he gets trounced. He likely threw the fight, but it still didn’t do him any favors. It reminded me of a fight in the Karate Kid as the main character was beaten up on the beach. Perhaps Roy could have won if he tried, but now we shall never know.

Green Zone’s locale isn’t very interesting as it is very bare and there are no real buildings to be found. Naturally, this is unavoidable based on the plot, but it can still make you wish for something more glamorous. The film is interesting though and you will want to see how it all plays out. That’s always a good sign. The film was certainly a little better than I had expected it to be, but it was still not enough to get in the clear.

Overall, Green Zone had some of the typical negatives that are usually present in the war genre, but it also avoided some. The violence wasn’t as bad as it could have been and the war themes didn’t get too radical. I didn’t like how America was portrayed though and there is certainly not a happy ending to be found. If you like war films, then this is a very good bet for you. If you don’t want any grim reminders of war, then I recommend checking out LBX, the show instead. You will still have high stakes battles, but they will typically end on an epic note.

Overall 4/10

Stealth Review

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Time to review a film that’s a lot more fun. It still has its flaws to be sure, but Stealth excels in two areas to an extent that is almost unprecedented in live action world. That’s not bad eh? The poster looks pretty intense and it makes you wonder why more people didn’t see the film. It certainly could have used the extra cash so that it wouldn’t flop in the box office.

Ben, Kara, and Henry are the main characters. They’re the three best pilots that we’ve got and these guys don’t mess around! One day, their commander announces that they will be getting a new partner. The twist is that the partner isn’t actually alive and it’s just a sentient A.I. That was certainly pretty scary for the heroes and can they really get along with this thing. Even more important…can they trust it!?

First off, I have to say that the three main characters were not great. Henry seems to be sexist and you have to love how he quickly mentions the race card as one of his first lines. It’s very intriguing. Either way, any chance that he had of being a good character is quickly wiped out when he realize that he’s just interested in having affairs with as many people as possible. That’s a sure way to be an unlikable character. Ben isn’t much better. He’s also a womanizer who eventually starts to develop feelings for the heroine. It’s really unbelievable and it’ll just make you wince. It’s sad because he has some cool moments like when he almost attacks the drone and the ending, but it’s hard to ignore the traits that he had earlier. It was simply too late for him. It’s hard to see what Kara sees in Ben and she does realize that he’s a womanizer. There’s almost no way she can trust him emotionally. It’s better to just stay as comrades and not take the extra step sometimes.

Let’s quickly talk about some of the positives. The action scenes are some of the best in cinema. These are Matrix/Man of Steel type of action scenes. Everything moves by very quickly and I can honestly say that modern action films can still learn a thing or two here. Imagine how epic it would look if Iron Man vs Ultron looked like these scenes in Age of Ultron. The Jets are breaking the soundbarrier left and right and the scenes really get your blood pumping. I still think Man of Steel wins as far as action scenes go, but in terms of pure speed it’s actually close. That’s extremely impressive for Stealth and I could not get enough of the cool plane scenes. If the new Top Gun film coming out looks this impressive I’ll have gained a lot of respect for the plane fighting genre. Still, all movies need to take a look at this and apply it when necessary. At the very least, films like The Flash, Shazam, Ms. Marvel, and Superman should always look like this. Superman already pulled it off so now it’s time for the others to do so as well.

That was one big positive and now it’s time to look at the other one. This film has a dynamite 5 star soundtrack. It’s almost perfect and it’s easily a contender for best soundtrack of all time. The impressive part is that this film was able to reach those heights with lyrical songs. If you know me, you know that I tend to prefer instrumental because lyrical songs tend to be edgy at times or the lyrics are simply not engaging. Here, they only picked snippets from various songs so I can’t actually recommend the whole song, but the parts that were used (Minus the rap song) were very good. Ben actually gets a nifty action song when he appears in the jet and likewise for various fight scenes. As a nice change of pace, we also got a cool techno/stealth theme, which worked very well for the mysterious moments.

It’s certainly not every day that you get a film where the special effects are through the roof and accompanied with a great soundtrack. Man of Steel accomplished that, but the film is certainly legendary. The film also took the high road when it came to the animal violence issue. The dog ran away instead of getting shot and I can imagine that everyone in the theater stood up and cheered when this happened. It was simply an intense scene that was extremely epic and awesome.

All right, it’s time to look at the negatives. The romance is one of them for sure. We get some pretty sad scenes involving Ben and Henry as they flirt with various women. There’s no depth here and it’s all about physical attraction. The actual romance between Ben and Kara also isn’t handled well and I don’t see why it was included in the film. It was really only there to fill the quota that every film should have romance in it. That’s what Hollywood seems to believe at any rate and that’s pretty sad.

Stealth has a pretty boring moment where the heroes decide to head to an island for some R n R. They need the vacation at this point right? It’s really just an excuse for more romance and fanservice so it’s pretty sad. We really didn’t need a breather like that one. Some parts of the film also felt rather random like when some enemies took over a lab belonging to Mr. Orbit. Where did these guys come from and what do they want? It’s a good thing that Ben had his drone at the ready.

Speaking of which, the drone made for a great bad guy. He had an epic design and his strategic planning was intense. As a villain, he really knew what to do and how to keep things impersonal. He does have emotions unlike most A.I. which is also impressive. The whole film is basically on auto pilot so everything moves by very quickly. This is a good thing as the film gets to be more ambitious than usual. Typically, the A.I. will turn evil and the heroes will destroy it. What if, the A.I. turns evil, but then sees the error of its ways? It’s something that’s never really been done before and it’s nice to see this film take that approach. It may seem rather hollow since the A.I. destroyed around 1000 people with nuclear fallout though. I thought that part went by a little too smoothly. The people in that area certainly weren’t expecting to be dead so quickly. The drone ultimately tried to make up for this though and I think he really could have become a great hero for future films if he had stuck around.

I was also expecting Ben to try and avenge one of his comrades. (Who died in a pretty bad way. They told him to slam on the brakes, but he wouldn’t listen…at all. It was clear what the drone was trying to do and he simply didn’t listen) When he fired the missile, I thought it was game over, but Ben is just a forgiving kind of guy I suppose. He was against the drone idea from the start, but he seemed to warm up to the drone by the end. You could almost say that they became friends at that point. The drone does sound a little like Hal 9000, which is pretty cool. He also had character from the start and he adopted the name of “Tin Man” since the heroes kept calling him that.

The acting in this film could be rather bad at times like when the hero yelled at the drone not to make him repeat himself, but acting is an extremely low priority on what I’m looking for in a film so this isn’t too bad. If it’s something distracting or seriously messed up, then it’ll start to hurt the bottom line. One scene that was unintentionally funny was when the general called his politician. He made a crazy speech about what separates warriors from politicians and then he pulled the trigger. You can guess what he was essentially saying, but the scene just felt off. The general was probably insane by the end and he’s a villain to be sure, but it was still an odd end. The politician also got the shaft here as he barely got to appear.

One plot that was not quite as fun as the others was when Kara landed in North Korea. Naturally, there are still a lot of tensions between our two countries and it’s always satisfying to see the U.S. come out on top, but it was rather unnecessary. That bit of the plot really came out of nowhere. I have fun looking into how people predict World War III would play out and an unfortunately large group of people do believe that we would lose, but I’d invite them to watch this film. Perhaps this is how it would go. There’s practically a mini army after Kara and they still have a tough time trying to stop her. Imagine what a whole squad of U.S. troops could do. It’s sad that the government left her for lost there, but at least Ben manned up and went in to save the day.

This may not be a horror film, but there is a twist ending. I won’t say what it is, but let’s just say that it’s pretty intense and perfectly leads into a sequel. Unfortunately, we’ll likely never get a sequel. Ah well, at least the film got to go off with a bang. If it ever did get a sequel, I’d like to see the drone and Ben team up against aliens. That would make for a solid story and it would certainly be engaging for new viewers.

Overall, Stealth was a fun film. I definitely wish that the fanservice was gone and the romance wasn’t handled very well. Taking away those two features would have greatly helped the film. After all, the special effects were out of this world and the soundtrack was dynamite. That’s a winning combo for most films, but it’s one that is very hard to actually achieve. The pacing is also really good aside from the brief rest stop at Thailand. Everything just goes by really quickly, which allows the film to go through many plots and a lot of different action segments. We never got the fight between Ben and the drone that we wanted, but we came close in several scenes. The ring of fire that the drone made was cool and it was also neat to see him figure out how to attain fuel the hard way. I definitely recommend this film. You should be wary of the fanservice since it can be rather overwhelming, but once you get past that you are in for an action treat. I don’t think we’ll see any airplane film have better fights than this one for quite a while.

Overall 6/10

Heist Review

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Note that this review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be understood as belonging to this version of the film as a review of the uncut version would likely be more negative.
HEIST
Time to look at a Heist film, hence the title. This genre can be quite good as we saw in Ocean’s Eleven and I’m confident that the Ant-Man film coming up will be good or decent. Unfortunately, Heist doesn’t live up to its name and it takes the genre way too literally. It plays out like a classic crime film and you can barely even call it a heist by the end. Seriously…the heroes just don’t do anything for most of the film.

The main characters were part of a gang, but they decided to stop robbing stores when their leader was caught on camera as he attempted to escape. Unfortunately for Joe, another mobster wants him to do one more job. It’s not exactly a request and Joe has no money so he can’t escape otherwise. He’ll have to comply, but can he really suceed in this job when he also has to deal with a watchdog on his tail? Not a literal one, but the mobster’s son/nephew/some kind of relative is assigned to watch. Joe doesn’t like this one bit!

Joe may not like that, but it’s safe to say that I don’t like Joe. The film flopped for several reasons, but let’s get into the biggest one right away. The writing. This film has more language than the average horror film and it’s very in your face. The heroes will swear in just about every scene and Joe went on a roll at one point where he would curse in just about every sentence that he spoke. I always found that provocative language is just a sign of bad writing. The writers don’t know how to engage the audience in the scene so they just use course language to get everyone to pay attention. It’s a bold strategy, but one that it always doomed to fail.

The characters also reuse the same words over and over again. “It’s burned Joe” No, it’s not burnt Bob” It’s burnt…burrrrrrrrrnt!” They say the word, burn, and its other variations many times as the film goes on. You’ll eventually start wincing and wondering what’s going on here. No exaggeration, they probably say this at least 20-30 times. It gets old very quickly. The conversations go round and round and round. The film may have had some hope otherwise, but it’s almost literally impossible to be a good film when the writing is this lousy. A by product of this is that every character is instantly unlikable so it’s safe to say that their potential is out the window.

No worries, this film wasn’t about to just make one critical mistake. There’s also a degree of fanservice involved as Joe sends his wife to entice one of the villains. The very thought of Joe sending her off on such a mission already shows you more than a little about his true character. It’s a pretty cheap trick and the villains don’t really buy into it anyway. The scenes with her and the villain are rather unnecessary and the heroes could have tried to trick them in a better way.

Those are really my main two complaints with the film, but they sure deal a lot of damage. Another factor to add in is that the film simply isn’t interesting. There’s barely even a plot as it goes on. Joe will try to trick everyone and keep his money, but the villains won’t let him and that’s really all that happens. There is also a lot of the usual plot hax of course, like a police guard being defeated so easily and the cop actually believing what she heard in a bar. Naturally, these things will happen I suppose. Joe is also given an awful lot of time by himself to paint his hold and hide it in two trucks considering that the villains are on to him….

If I had to pick a character that was at least a little likable or close to it, I would pick Joe’s main assistant. He’s essentially the bouncer and since Joe isn’t the greatest fighter around, the guy protects him. He gets a pretty happy ending and he did good in the big fight scenes. It’s a little hard to imagine how he was able to stay underwater so long without an obvious air pipe sticking out, but we’ve already questioned the film’s writing so let’s not go there…

There are actually some fight scenes, but none of them are very good. They’re simply standard punches and kicks, which won’t be winning the film any brownie points. What it needs to do is look back and reflect on the many things that went wrong so that a potential reboot can be made better. For one thing, serious and heist don’t really go together. If the heist is played too seriously, then there’s a chance that the film will overcompensate by making all of the heroes really unlikable and evil.

We need some kind of plot twist to show that they’re stealing from someone who’s actually crooked. At least they try not to murder any civilians, but it’s only a small start. (That reminds me that it’s hard to believe that they could grab a job at the local coffee shop and drug everyone’s coffee….) Ocean’s Eleven was the perfect example of how to do the genre and this film should have taken some notes. The main characters in Ocean’s Eleven (Some of them anyway) were pretty likable villains. You still do need to call them villains since they are robbing the place, but they’re doing it in a professional manner. These guys lacked professionalism at every corner. Granted, you need good writing to pull off what Ocean’s Eleven did, but you could say the same for just about every film. There’s no real soundtrack so we’ll have to skip that section.

Now, let’s think of how the film could have realistically been improved. 1. Each of the characters is professional and the writing is on par with The Avengers GI Joe. 2. Get rid of the fanservice and the whole plot between the main villain’s relative and heroine. 3. Establish more of an actual plot. We need to know what they’re stealing and how they’re going to do it directly. Not in between all of the burnt comments. That’s not a lot of things, but it would have bumped up the score by at least 3-4 stars. That’s pretty good if you ask me.

Overall, Heist is terrible. It’s the kind of film where you’ll be counting down the minutes until it’s finally over. The ending has one of the main characters smirking, but you’ll be wondering why he’s smirking. One of his friends isn’t around anymore and his wife is gone. He got some money…but that’s hardly going to change things. If you want to see a good heist film, check out Ocean’s Eleven like I’ve been hinting or check out Dragon Ball Z, but be warned that it’s not actually related to the heist genre. Why did I recommend it? Simply because DBZ is pretty awesome. Now, we simply have to wait for the Ant Man film to see how it handles the slippery slope of being a heist film.

Overall 2/10

Cinderella Review

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Whoops, were you expecting the 2015 version!? Well, it’s always good to look back to the originals first as it will be easier to compare it to the newer version while it is fresh in your mind. This very well could be the most popular Disney Princess although most of the classics would like to contend with that. (Snow White!) This title was better than Aladdin, but not quite as good as Sleeping Beauty so it’s in the middle when compared to those two. It’s certainly nostalgic when watching this title though.

Cinderella’s father died (not mysteriously in this version) so the step mom took over the family fortune and squandered it on her two daughters. She never liked Cinderella and forced her to become a slave. One day, a large party is to be held in the castle and Cinderella wants to go. The Step Mom stops that from happening and quickly scampers off. Cinderella’s fairy god mother gives Cinderella a quick wardrobe change and a mode of transportation as well. The catch is that she must be back from the party by 12! Cinderella rushed off, knowing that missing the deadline is the last thing she would do!

All right, the story is certainly classic so you are likely familiar with the plot. Cinderella is a pretty nice main character. She goes through some difficult times and always gets through them cheerfully. It is a bit much to see her just agree with everything that the step relatives are doing though. It’s not like they could do much in a fight. The worst scene for her is probably when the villains lock the door. Breaking it down shouldn’t be too difficult for her. Ah well, for the most part she takes it all in stride. I do think it would be great if she was a little more defiant, but that isn’t for everyone.

Naturally, the whole love at first sight thing will still make you wince, but at this point it is just part of the legend. The Prince seems like a good guy so at least she’ll have a good future. It would have been nice for her to have had a reason to like him though. Maybe saving her from a dragon or if they had engaged in a good game of Chess. That could have made the bond a little more real. As it stands, the King was a little more charismatic here. He’s not actually a nice guy as he just wants Cinderella to be married to the Prince so that he can have grandchildren, but at least he’s serious about his goals. His minion doesn’t seem to value his life quite as much as he takes many risks with the King. There are several times where you may begin to think that it will be the end for the attendant!

The step sisters are both pretty annoying and are made to be unlikable characters from the start. There are no redeemable qualities for them or for the step mom. Every film needs an antagonist I suppose, but I much prefer some of the other villains like the witch in Snow White or Maleficent. These villains can’t fight and they can only use their social standing to battle. That’s probably why I couldn’t really take them seriously here.

Naturally, the animation looks good. For its time, the animation is pretty great. It’s a 50’s show, but it looks just as good as a 2015 cartoon like Teen Titans Go, which is very embarrassing for the latter. It was certainly a tough and tedious task making each frame hand by hand back in the day. It’s one that would be very tough for the average animator to do today, but it was worth it since Cinderella holds up to this day. Considering that Cinderella didn’t need fancy computers, that gives it an edge over the 2015 cartoon.

The soundtrack is not quite as good as some of the other classics though. I think the singers just weren’t as charismatic although it could also be the songs. They’re not bad of course and they did get quite popular so it will all depend on your style. We also didn’t really have a chance to get any danger or battle themes here since there wasn’t any action. We’ll have to leave that to Aladdin and Sleeping Beauty this time.

One thing that I definitely don’t miss from the old days of Disney are the unique voices. The mice speak in such a high pitched voice that it is very difficult to hear what they are saying. This isn’t a good thing as you will just start to tune out what they are talking about and imagine that they are simply squeaking. It will save you a lot of time and effort in the long run. There were a lot of animals who appeared, but one of them was the villain, which isn’t quite as fun as when they’re all nice. The heroes have to fight the cat at times and it results in animal fights that are not a blast to watch. It’s all in slapstick Tom and Jerry style so it’s not actually violent or anything, but you can still feel bad for the cat at times. He’s made to be unlikable of course, but he’s still a cat.

Cinderella is a very short film so it will be over before you know it. It’s one of Disney’s sadder films though as things don’t go Cinderella’s way until we near the very end of the film. It’s why I’m a little wary of the modern film as I hope they don’t drag on the Cinderella being a slave part for too long. That’s certainly the worst part of the film, but it naturally picks up from there. Cinderella could have avoided the last bit of trouble if she had handled the glass shoe situation with more tact, but it all ended up working out thanks to the mice.

I think the main thing that hurts Cinderella here aside from the animals plot and the being a slave plot is probably the lack of action. It’s not quite as exciting as the other Disney classics. There’s rarely any danger to be found here as Cinderella’s life is unpleasant, but not dangerous in the least. I can’t think of any scene where you are fearing for her health. Naturally, you can surpass this with great writing, but it’s still hard to get around. A quick scuffle or a random band of thieves for the prince to fight would have been pretty neat.

Fans who have seen this many times may wonder why Cinderella’s shoes stayed though. Was it a gift, Did the prince grabbing it cause the shoes to stay, was it a plot hole, or was it just one of those things that we try to forget? It’s pretty interesting and my favorite option to pick is still the plot hole although it is certainly debatable. After all, what’s a good film without a plot hole right? It’s also Cinderella’s fault for forgetting about the time. That was something that she should never have forgotten considering how dire the circumstances were at the time.

Overall, Cinderella’s a decent film. I think it’s not quite exciting enough to be called a downright good film though. There’s nothing exceptional about it. The writing, soundtrack, and characters are all there, but they don’t really stand out. The animation does stand out for its time though so that’s a plus. The most enjoying part of the plot is actually the banter between the king and his adviser. They could have likely held their own film and it would have been interesting to see how it would have been. Their brief fight atop the bouncing mattress was pretty fun and it shows that the film could have handled a sword fight. Will this film beat the 2015 version? I’d assume so as this is the kind of story that typically doesn’t translate well into Live Action due to a number of reasons. Live Action is simply limited when it comes to stories that take place in this old era because the actual film tends to look dated at times. Still, maybe it will surprise my like Maleficent. I recommend checking this out if you are going to watch the new version of if you like the Disney classics. Otherwise, I have to recommend going with the modern Disney thriller, Frozen, this time. That one defeats this film in just about every category.

Overall 5/10

Unbreakable Review

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It’s time to look at a superhero film that doesn’t involve good ole DC or Marvel. Naturally, that can be a little dicey at times since we don’t have the tried and true Stan Lee to ensure that character development goes well. Unfortunately, my fears were realized as the film quickly crashed once the superhero element began. Seriously, the film was good for over 60% of its run time, but then everything went downhill from there!

David works as a security guard and he’s pretty good at his job. One day, he is approached by Elijah, a man who claims that David may have the uncanny ability of being unbreakable. David cannot get sick and Elijah is on the opposite end of the spectrum as his bones break at the slightest touch. David is intrigued, but he doesn’t know what to do about all this. Ah well, he has about an hour-90 minutes to decide where he goes from here.

All right, here’s why the superhero part failed. The film decided to go for grit and darkness instead of actually providing us with a real threat. David can see the past, which is one of the worst powers that you can think of since he will know that things have happened to people, but he can’t stop them. Conveniently, he sees a problem that he can still help with, but the damage has been done and that’s why the film sunk. The film showed us a bunch of grim happenings that happened to the characters around the lead and there’s no need for it. Assault, Rape, Murder, you basically see all of that and the main character can’t do anything about this. As far as I am concerned, that destroyed any chance that the film had of being even somewhat decent.

David attacks the murderer and defeats him, but the film didn’t need to show us the other situations. If they had to display his ability to see the past, they should have just showed us people stealing jewels or robbing a hot dog stand. Minor crimes would give us the same image without just being dark to be dark. It’s a lesson that more films could definitely learn if they want to succeed the way that Bonds Beyond Time did.

The final fight is actually pretty humorous because of how it happens. Let’s just say that it’s hard to know what the director was going for here. David has been shown to be able to bench press over 350 pounds so we know that he has some degree of super strength. And yet…he can barely take out the average thug. He gets the guy into a choke hold and then they wrestle for an awkward 5-10 minutes. The guy simply won’t go down and David looks extremely unimpressive. Naturally, David decides not to take any prisoners so he pulls a Man of Steel on us. Yeah, this guy’s going to end up being more like the Punisher than a real hero at this rate. He also lost round 1 when he was simply pushed into a pool.

Again, every bit of the superhero part of this film was pretty bad, but it was actually good before that. Elijah’s backstory was pretty sad, but we got to see him make it through that in one piece and own an art gallery. He was pretty unreasonable, but the scene of him defending comics as actual art was pretty funny. Elijah was a decent character for a while. The ending makes him very unlikable of course and the way that he trashed the comic store was completely uncalled for. So, he had his moments in the film, but he could have been better. Considering his condition, he shouldn’t be much of a threat to David.

As for David, I guess he’s a decent character although he’s rather slow on the uptake at times. He just spends a lot of time dragging things out and being rather indecisive. I find it hard to believe that he simply forgot about his past. You don’t really forget events like that and how has he never realized that he had super strength? A bit of a stretch in those areas, but he tries to be a nice guy. The main outlier is the opening scene where David decides to flirt and hides his wedding band. That made him pretty despicable. For most of the film, he’s certainly not a bad character, but you can’t easily forget such a scene. David gets some development later on, which possibly counteracts the scene. Hopefuly..he just needs to work on improving himself a bit. That shouldn’t be a problem. Once he is used to being a hero, maybe he’ll remember that you have to be heroic and take the villains to the authorities to qualify.

David’s kid is a pretty annoying character I’m afraid and he shows why kids should never be main or supporting characters in any films. His decision to shoot David to prove that he was a superhero is pretty crazy and he should know that with great super strength doesn’t always come great durability. The kid certainly hasn’t been keeping up with the comics even though he owns some action figures. There was an odd romance going on between David and the heroine, but it didn’t have a place in the film and it makes you wonder what the point of it all was. They are already married so that subplot could have just been terminated before it even began.

The film isn’t great with pacing. There are many points in the film where it is clearly stalling to inflate the run time. This film could have easily happened in closer to 70 minutes as we have almost half an hour of fluff. David just thinking or other characters standing still and waiting to be blown away. The film needed to move a little quicker and show us that there was still a point to all of this. The problem is that there isn’t much to the plot if they played it straight. It was a little convenient how the characters found out about David’s weakness and it would have been more natural if they hadn’t found out until he fell in the pool. It would have been a big “Connect the dots” moment and more of a shocker that way. Not really a negative though, just a different path that it could have taken.

Overall, Unbreakable is a classic example of what happens to a film without an end goal in mind. Once David became a superhero, the film fell apart very quickly. If it had just stuck to being a suspense thriller, it really could have gone far. As it stands, you are better off checking out Man of Steel or the Avengers. Those superhero films are always ready for action and they will inspire you to see other superhero films while this one can just make you avoid them. I can’t say that I would hold out much hope for a sequel being good, but you never know. Either way, the next time you want something that is unbreakable, I recommend buying some Jaw Breakers! (Disclaimer, those candies are choking hazards and are as tough to chew as they are delicious to eat)

Overall 2/10

Airport Review

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It’s time to look at an older film this time. Airport involves a pretty large cast as they all come together on what could be their most dangerous adventure yet. There are a lot of plots to be found in this film and they all collide for the climax. It’s a fun yet tricky formula and the writing is really key in something like this. I’d say that Airport succeeds even if some of the plots may have been a little unnecessary. I do love a good airplane film!

Of course, due to the nature of the film, it can be a little hard to describe the plot. Needless to say, it has been a very cold winter and a lot of snow has hit the ground. Airplanes are having a tough time trying to get off the ground and there is no room for the ones that are still in the sky. The bigshots want to close it down for a few days, but that would leave some planes stranded. Making matters worse is that an old lady keeps escaping the authorities and escaping onto the planes while an enraged bomber is also preparing for his big move. Throw in a few dramas and guys who are cheating and have divided loyalties…and you’ve got yourself a film!

It’s hard to say that the film has a central plot, but it all leads up to the big airplane ride. That’s where all of the action is of course. When the heroes make their big move on the bomber, it’s fun to see how it all plays out. Let’s just say that you will be impressed by the heroicness of the passengers, but it will also happen to be a bad thing here. “Right place, but wrong time” basically sums it up. It’s still nice to see the passengers defend the defenseless here when push comes to shove. I do have to admit that there may have been some slight plot hax here though. The bomb should have done a lot more damage to the plane unless it was an extremely tiny one. I just don’t buy it.

A negative for the film would be the fact that some of the characters look very similar. None of the names are really that memorable so you really just have to figure out who the character is based on his dialogue or where he is. The guys that I typically mixed up were the pilot and the GM in charge of the company. Luckily, one of them always wore a red tie, which seriously came in handy. Otherwise, I definitely would have been in trouble.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to root for some of the characters. One of the main characters is cheating on his wife and actually gets someone else pregnant. He’s definitely a bad character right from that moment on and before that as well. Once we knew that he was cheating, we knew that this was a character who shouldn’t be trusted or liked. The lady is also to blame of course as she knew that he was married. Still, we don’t just get that plot once, but twice as another couple is having issues. They agree to divorce, but the lady was already seeing someone else and the guy also had his attention diverted. The director must have loved this kind of situation to include it twice, but one of them should have been cut out or tweaked a little bit. We don’t really need that drama here.

Luckily, we had a more entertaining plot at the ready with an old lady. She has been sneaking onto flights for a long time now and she knows just how to handle the situation. Of course, it’s a bit of a stretch that her techniques worked so often, but that’s all right since it was a fun plot. One worker really tried to keep tabs on her, but he was just too nice/gullible for his own good. The old lady tries to help during the climax, but it is of no avail. It’s too bad since she could have helped and really redeemed herself with the staff on that point, but it wasn’t too be.

The film is over two hours, but I can safely say that it never drags on. There’s always something happening and it’s easy to catch your attention. I liked seeing the snow since it really poured over here this year and watching the one shot characters shoot off ideas was fun as well. One of the main characters really knew his stuff and always made sure to shoot them down. Shoveling like that back in the day was probably a lot of work, but it can still be pretty sad to see the workers hiding in the van and shirking their duty. Some things never change eh? The mechanic actually ended up being one of my favorite characters as he showed that putting the plane at full power wouldn’t bust it apart. He did help to build it after all so he should know it much better than any pilot. It would have been very humiliating if the plane had buckled.

The whole bomb subplot will also make you feel even better about the metal detectors that they have at airports nowadays. There’s no way someone could just walk in with a black suitcase, no questions asked nowadays. Seriously, I’m surprised that there weren’t more incidents like this back in the day if it was this easy to get into an airplane. If anything, I’m sure that this film incentivized the officials in the real world to make sure that nobody could try out these tricks.

Overall, Airport is a pretty enjoyable film. I can’t stress enough how important the writing is here since that is the difference between this being a 7 or a 4. (Or maybe lower) In this kind of film, you need the writing to be funny and engaging or else all of the different plots will just start to blend together and you’ll become bored. There isn’t a lot of danger or action here so you have to start to like or dislike the characters in order to continue without a problem. Some of the plots certainly could have been taken out, but at least they are handled with dignity. This is really how a film should be. No language, questionable romance, animal violence, etc. It’s why I liked the retro days for films so much. They simply don’t make them like it used too. I definitely recommend this film for anyone who wants a charming film to watch one evening. It’s a good way to relax and it will remind you to travel via airplane sometime in the near future.

Overall 7/10

Dracula Untold Review

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It’s time to check out a film with vampires in it! That’s typically a bad sign for me to be honest since vampires = blood sucking which = instant loss. Luckily, that doesn’t really happen much until the end of the film, which is a big plus. It’s still filled with enough negatives to fill a bowl of mashed potatoes, but it’s a start and a franchise with this film at the center could be pretty decent. It should also be noted that the poster for this film is pretty incredible!

Dracula grew up as a nice guy until he was sold to the villains. He helped them destroy hundreds/thousands of opponents and then left to rule his homeland. Well, the villains are back and they want most of the youth along with Dracula’s son. Dracula quickly slays the minions who report this and prepares for war. If he is to beat an army, he will need some extra power! (Especially since Dracula’s allies are extremely weak) Dracula heads to a mountain where an old vampire gives him vampire abilities. This is how the legend of Dracula begins! The change will not be permanent if Dracula can resist the urge of blood for 3 days. Can he really win the war in that time? Let’s hope so!

Considering that this film is about Dracula, I think it’s safe to say that we know the answer to that last question. Still, he tries pretty hard not to give in to the temptation and he certainly had the potential to win the war in 3 days. His strength and speed were greatly enhanced and this could be one of the strongest incarnations of Dracula that we have seen. He can manipulate the weather and his super speed allows him to take down dozens of opponents in an instant. That is certainly a feat that one can respect.

All right, let’s go into the negatives before we look at the rest of the film. It was teetering on the edge between 3-4 stars, but one area ended up plunging it down. I nearly forgot about it at first, but the film has quite a few romance scenes that do not age well. The film isn’t that old, but the writers may already realize the problem here. There’s no point to the scenes with Dracula and his wife as they don’t impact the plot. It’s also not a good or developed romance as they just make out with each other for no reason. That’s the kind of romance that will hurt any film and this one is no exception.

The next negative would be the classic animal violence part. A dog is attacked in the background. Again…there is no reason for this! We also watch as a spider catches his prey and there’s no need for this as well. Unfortunately, this is where we get to the blood sucking part and it’s no better than usual. It’s pretty gross to see Dracula drink the blood from a cup from the get go, but it’s even worse once he starts to bite his opponents and steal their strength. Dracula even goes as far as to bite someone who was already dying for his extra bit of power. His excessive biting eventually backfires on him, but he really over did it.

The fight scenes were better than anticipated at first. Dracula was finishing everyone off, but it wasn’t in an unnecessarily gritty/violent way. That changed for the climax as it went all Lord of the Rings/Prince Caspian on us. The heroes were biting all of the villains that they could find and then we remembered that there were no more heroes. They were all gone or corrupted by this point. The film definitely lost steam by the end.

Still, the film does end on a great note. Not just a good note, but a great one as we see the true potential of this new universe. The ending involves a certain character in the modern world. A necessary step if we are to have a shared universe after all and then we see the big villain. Presumably, he shall be the big threat in the first crossover film. He states that the games will now begin and you can’t help but feel excited for what may come next. There appears to be a war between two immortal figures. We know that one of them is the old vampire and he has already recruited Dracula to his side. (Dracula has no choice in the matter) I’m speculating that Imhotep is the other one and maybe he’ll recruit a Werewolf or Frankenstein. Then we’ll have the biggest fight on our hands since Batman vs Superman! Of course, we need the shared universe to really start if that’s to happen so they’re going to need to hurry with that. If they back off now, that’ll be sad for the fans!

There’s not much of a soundtrack to be found here I’m afraid. The effects are decently good and it’s fun to see Dracula in his bat form. How likable is Dracula as a character? He’s actually good for a while and I can sympathize with his desire to protect his people at any price. That being said, he should have easily ended the war right away. When it was night time, he should have headed straight for the opposing king after messing up the enemies. He also could have done a better job commanding the troops and letting them know of his abilities so that others could not spoil the opportunity for him. It’s pretty terrible that the people were so scared of him when they found out, but that’s the casual observers for you. They simply were not ready. Dracula was also very powerful before he became a vampire, which was certainly a welcome twist. He made the right decision when he didn’t hand over his son.

The final battle between Dracula and the human is riddled with plot hax all around, but the important thing is that he still won. The film had to make the clash dramatic somehow, but they should have simply thought of another way. I’m sure they could have made it a little more believable if they really put their mind to it. It was interesting to see the main villain because he looks a lot like Howard Stark from Agent Carter. I couldn’t help but think of the guy whenever the villain appeared so it was always humorous to see him. The characters are stark contrasts of each other after all.

There’s not much of a cast here though since almost all of the other characters don’t actually get any personality. They’re just here to talk big or to lose dramatically. The ending proves that none of them have any strength of will and most of the heroes are traitors anyway. The only one Dracula can count on is himself. There’s an odd guy who follows Dracula around and wants to be his servant. The guy just didn’t make any sense as he wanted to help Dracula one moment and destroy him the next. He seriously needed to make up his mind!

I give the film some props for its mention of Heaven considering how much Hell is discussed. Dracula says something along the lines of “Now that I know Hell is real, I know Heaven exists as well” when a certain someone dies. The Cross also continues to have power over the vampires once they have consumed human blood. It’s always good to see those influences here since horror films tend to only show you half of the equation. It’s not much, but it’s a start!

Overall, Dracula Untold suffered from the negatives that follow just about any vampire film, but it did have some enjoyable moments. The ending really leaves it with a lot of potential for a good sequel and the film did a good job of making Dracula more likable and sympathetic than usual. Unfortunately, the romance, animal violence, and blood sucking ensure that I cannot recommend this film. If you want to see a good horror film that doesn’t even try to take itself seriously, go check out Scooby Doo Frankencreepy. If you want to see something with Dracula in it, I recommend waiting for the (possible) sequel or maybe checking out The Batman vs Dracula if you’re feeling bold. Finally, I know you have one more question. Could Dracula defeat the Avengers? The sad answer is…yes…yes he could. At least, the movie versions, but we’ll see if I still think this once Age of Ultron comes out!!!

Overall 3/10