Monthly Archives: February 2023

Ferham vs Bison

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Suggested by Sonic Bison is a strong fighter with his dark energy and telekinetic abilities but they won’t be enough to stop Ferham here. Ferham can emit a powerful aura that deals out incredible damage and she is also very fast in the air. Bison will have a hard time getting close and when he does he will be taking passive damage just by being near her. If he had more power then he could potentially knock her out before the damage adds up but I don’t see this working. Ferham wins.

Dragonite vs Acnologia

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Suggested by Sonic Acnologia is one of the most powerful dragons of all time. His abilities are so good that it took multiple dragon slayers to take him down. Dragonite has his hyper beam but Acnologia could crush that with his fist. Dragonite has no realistic options here that would make this fight even close which is why he will end up being completely stomped. That’s before Acnologia even activates his human form. Acnologia wins.

Sienna Khan vs Lucina

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Suggested by Sonic Sienna Khan is a talented hand to hand fighter who is quite quick and resourceful. She should be able to hold her own for a bit but the main problem here is that Lucina is just more powerful. Sienna is quick but when Lucina is launching massive shockwaves and other powerful strikes there is not much that Sienna will be able to do about that. She would need a boost to her overall fighting potential in order to match Lucina and I don’t see that happening here. Lucina wins.

Chaos Bahamut vs Iblis

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Suggested by Sonic The Iblis is known as one of the most powerful fighters in all of Sonic. This guy can destroy whole dimensions and has enough firepower to keep up with Super Sonic. That alone is already an incredible feat and one that most characters couldn’t possibly match. Chaos Bahamut has strong attack power but no moves that would be enough to get past Iblis’ durability. That’s what will cost him today and he certainly isn’t fast enough to dodge Iblis’ attacks. So the blows are really going to add up here and ultimately Chaos Bahamut will be defeated. Iblis wins.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Hansel & Gretel is definitely a very classic story that I’m sure just about everyone has heard of at one point or another. Doing a modern action film based on that premise could be a lot of fun. So on one hand they do succeed in adding a ton of action and it has a very Resident Evil/Underworld feel to it. Everyone’s wearing leather jackets and there is a lot of loud music as everyone just starts attacking. I always like the vibe but the film also decides to be quite over the top violent the whole time which ends up weakening it entirely. It’s a shame since otherwise I think this could have ended up being a whole lot of fun but instead it ends up being rather underwhelming.

The movie starts off with the origin story as Hansel and Gretel are abandoned by their father and a witch invites them to her house. For a long while she has them captured but eventually they destroy her and escape. They then decide to become witch hunters and are very good at it. They’ve slain so many over the years it’s almost like they are superhuman or something. Hansel’s one weakness is that he has magical diabetes so he has to take a shot every few hours or else he can’t move. One day they save an innocent civilian from being executed by a bunch of crazy townsfolk and prepare to stop the true enemy Muriel. The tough part about this is that she is one of the strongest witches in existence. Defeating her will not be easy by any stretch of the imagination.

It is hard to picture how the heroes lasted this long against the witches though because they just aren’t very impressive in a fight. Sure they have the gun and the crossbow not to mention that magical bolts don’t affect them directly (Strange isn’t it?) but that’s it. They still only have human level stats so you’d think the witches could overwhelm them with speed or manipulating the environment to choke them or something. They don’t end up doing any of that and every time they are defeated you have to shake your head a bit.

This gets even more drastic once Muriel steps in because she’s much stronger as I mentioned before. She moves so fast that it’s like she is teleporting and her energy blasts have a wide range to them. I get that she can’t use her mind control on the heroes but there are still so many ways to beat them. This is definitely an example of a movie where they made the difference between the heroes and villains way too drastic. You always gotta keep it at least a bit equal or the plot armor starts to show off too much. At least Muriel does make for a decently good villain though. She has a very concrete goal and takes steps to achieve it. Her plan wasn’t even bad so she put in a whole lot of work here.

Then we have Mina as the girl who was nearly executed. She gets a fairly big role in the film but ultimately ends up being very underwhelming. For the first half I actually just thought she was going to be a really powerful villain that the heroes had to worry about but as the film went on you started to realize that this might not be in the cards. She’s a character whose concept is a lot cooler than the execution. You got the feeling that she could end up being really cool but then the climax happens and that was it.

Likewise there is a white witch in the flashback who looks really bad. Basically like in Final Fantasy a white witch has healing powers while the dark witches use your classic attack spells. The problem is that the white witches are such pacifists that they literally refuse to lift up a hand to fight back even when they are being absolutely crushed. Not a good look if you ask me. There has to be a point where you are going to defend yourself because if you just let people murder you like that then I’m not going to like the character. It’s as simple as that.

Now there is a sidekick character named Ben who wants to help the main duo but he’s just annoying. For starters he lost any single shred of decency he might have had when he tries to take advantage of Gretel while she was asleep. I mean that’s case closed in one fell swoop. You just don’t come back from a blow like that, no shot! He mainly just exists to be the comic relief and doesn’t add anything to the film so you could absolutely cut him out and nothing would really change.

The heroes run into a troll named Edward later on who is nice enough. He helps out Gretel quite a bit which is always good and he means well. He may not be the smartest character out there but he knows enough to be of help when it counts. The guy has the physical strength needed to win almost any one on one fight and he seems like he would be a very loyal ally to have around so there’s no problem with him watching your back.

Then we have Hansel who is a good main character. He has quite the grudge against witches but who wouldn’t in his position right? The witch basically ruined his life and he will never be fully better again so after that it is really hard to forget such a moment. He can fight well which is the important part and is always looking out for Gretel. Likewise Gretel has Hansel’s back and they make a good team. She’s very confident and is always ready to press on in the fight. Their sibling dynamic worked well and isn’t one you see very often in the movies so that was fun. It’s why you could cut out Ben and just keep the dynamic duo banter intact.

Of course the film still has to squeeze in some romance which is why Mina steps in. This whole plot is very rushed and there just isn’t time for romance when you’re trying to take down witches. Lives are at stake and they also have to watch out for the corrupt townsfolk who are everywhere. So instead of pairing up and all of that maybe they should be focused on winning the fight ahead of them. That would have made way more sense at least and it could give them time to develop as friends instead. Yeah the romance should have been cut out.

As mentioned earlier the violence also could have been toned down a whole lot. Characters are being blown up and sliced and diced left and right. The film also goes for some downright gross imagery at different points as well like with Muriel forcing some guys to eat a bunch of bugs. Like did we really need to go there? Sure it shows how superior she is as a mage but cmon now. Then the film has to get edgy with all the townsfolk being brutes who go after Gretel at one point. The film is trying to be as extreme as possible at all moments and it works against the film.

Overall, Hansel & Gretel had some nice potential here. I liked some of the twists and the whole action angle was nice. I do think it could have ended up being a good film if it just showed some restraint. Instead it didn’t show any though and that’s what hurts the film a whole lot. There is no real replay value here and you’ll be cringing a whole lot. It’s time for another hard reboot to this series. You can still keep the witch hunter angle but the whole direction just needs to be changed. Hey, if you do that then you could have a winner on your side but in the meantime you should absolutely skip this one. At least the soundtrack is really good though.

Overall 2/10

RWBY Volume 9 Premiere: What Happens Next?

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So RWBY has finally returned! We’ve waited actual years for Volume 9 so it feels like a true accomplishment to have it back. It’s a shame that the season will only have 10 episodes so I’m still hoping against hope that the writers come out and say this was a mistake and they will still have the usual 13-14. If that doesn’t happen though, it does seem to strengthen the theories that this volume is more of a sidestory event just focusing on Team RWBY and their character development while the outside world is being terrorized by Salem.

So with 1 episode down I thought this was a good time to do some predictions on how the rest of the volume might end up playing out. After all not much has happened yet and we got the theme song so this is absolutely the perfect time for theory crafting. It’s been nostalgic going to the RWBY subreddit and reading up on all of the theories popping around over there. I think some of them do have a lot of potential and I’ve got a few thoughts of my own. I’ll have a review up for the season once it’s over so I won’t be diving much into the actual episode. What I’ll say is it’s already introduced us to a fun new villain which is cool. Unfortunately I’m probably not going to love the setting because Alice in Wonderland type areas usually aren’t my favorite and it’s more of a jungle type area than the intense world of remnant. It kind of reminds me of the wacky world in Tenkai Knights.

It is a chance for Team RWBY to catch up and relax though. I do hope we still get a lot of big action scenes though. After Volume 5, 6 started off strong with recovering on the hype fights and this continued to the next two volumes. The only action scene in this episode wasn’t very impressive but I don’t think it was really meant to be. It’s a quick minion fight after all, not a big event. This premiere would end up losing to most of RWBY’s other premieres though because not a whole lot happened as I mentioned earlier. This felt more like a random episode in the middle of the season as opposed to the opener because it was also very short. Fingers crossed the next episode dials things up real fast. Now it’s predictions time though!

1. We really won’t be seeing the outside world at all except for the very final episode.

I am hoping this is not the case as I really want to see what’s going on above ground but I think the fact that nobody showed up in the opening is very telling. I would have expected them to have at least appeared a little bit if we were going to go up there. I assume things are still going on up top unless time is frozen while RWBY is in this realm so you have to imagine that the heroes are in a really dire spot right now. Cinder is more powerful than ever and Salem will be sure to be on the attack soon. Without RWBY the heroes’ forces are much weaker so I just don’t see them even being able to hang on for very long. I’m sure the story within this fantasy world will be fun too but it’s just tricky timing because things were really heating up outside.

2. When RWBY returns to the upper world, there will be a big time skip much like the ending of Resident Evil: Retribution

Any of you guys remember that movie? This is my worst fear by the way so it’s a prediction I hope doesn’t happen but if the team wants to hurry to the climax then it would make a lot of sense. We’d have the team return to the human world only to find out that Salem’s forces are completely annihilating the heroes. You can either go full dark with all of the heroes mainly being obliterated and only a small resistance remains or they are all being defeated when Team RWBY shows up with their new power ups and crush them all.

On one hand of course it would be cool to see our heroines make a big entrance like that but on the other hand time skips are always really risky. A lot of times the content you miss is just so big and drastic that you always wonder how it could have possibly gotten to that point. Absolutely the villains have the edge but if we go back to the surface and see Raven and Winter already defeated it would be a bit annoying because I still want to see how they actually end up fighting against the villains. They have a whole lot of abilities at their disposal after all and I consider both of them to be top 5 in the verse.

3. The new girl from the opening is Ruby’s Scythe

This is a popular theory from Reddit and I think it makes a lot of sense. In the opening we see her leading the group similar to how Ruby was always at the front back in the day with her enthusiasm. When the Scythe washes up to the beach the new girl is the one in front of it. It could be sort of like Bleach where your weapon actually takes up a personality and a sense of self. It will help Ruby gets out of her head and finally regain her fighting spirit. At this point it can be a little annoying how Ruby is quickly brought to tears and faints when bad news comes up so this will be a way for her to finally get past that. I don’t need her to enter rage mode all the time (Although I wouldn’t mind) but it’s time she keeps a stern face about this and this would be an effective way to do it.

4. Each member of RWBY is going to get their ultimate power up by the end of the volume

I think it’s time for the heroines to finally get equipped for the battle with Salem. This is in part because I see us jumping to the climax after this so for the big entrance it makes sense to get their final forms now. I think they will each get some introspection here and by mastering who they are and what they want to do, they will be able to level up their semblance into its final form. Effectively they will gain powers equivalent to that of the maidens without becoming maidens. Main reason for this is because at this point I’m not sure I see all of Team RWBY becoming Maidens. I could totally see Winer and Raven giving Weiss and Yang their maiden powers but Blake and Ruby don’t have the same connections like that. Cinder giving the power to Ruby would be a bit cheesy unless she just hates her so much that Ruby is her last thought. But I think either all 4 will get the Maidens or none will so separate power ups makes sense.

5. Jaune has turned evil and will be one of the main antagonists of the volume

This was a popular fan theory the instant that the first teaser came out with the knight but it makes a lot of sense. Ultimately he made the wrong call in murdering Penny and once you murder someone it’s a quick trip into the dark side. I don’t think Jaune would have had the strength to fight that and so he did turn completely evil. It will be similar to the Supreme King in that the heroes will have to fight him to conquer his inner darkness. Ironically Ice Queendom already did this with Weiss and Blake so basically grab that whole plotline and use it for Jaune instead.

6. Neo will get her origin story and then she will die

Yes Neo already got the book which deals with her past a bit but I don’t think the showrunners are going to take a chance on people not reading it. So we’re going to see a full origin story in the show. It doesn’t have to be long, it can be half an episode like Cinder’s origin but it will give us some more knowledge on who she is and how she got to this point. After that she will die in the fight against RWBY. She won’t be redeemed and will go out as an evil villain to the end which is how it should be. I’m really looking forward to seeing her fight because I still rank her very highly in terms of power levels.

7. This world is attuned to RWBY’s emotions so the way to get out is just to wish for it

As people noted on Reddit the world seems to change based on how the girls are feeling. When Ruby is getting sad and faints then rain starts to fall all around them but when Blake tries to cheer them all up the sun shines in her face. I think it makes sense that the world is sort of brought about by their psyches but it’s a mix of all of them which is why Jaune and Neo are going to turn things for the worse. Again there are quite a few fun parallels to Ice Queendom here. This one may be a stretch, it’s a bit early to say how this will go for sure but I think the theory works as well as any. If this does happen to be the case I’ll assume Neo murdered all the random civilians so their weak imaginations wouldn’t wreck this for her.

8. Weiss will be the only member of the team not challenged emotionally

This one might be a bit bold but I’d love for this to be the case. Weiss has conquered every single one of her demons already. I would argue that she is the most mentally sound of member of the whole group at this point. So nothing this place does can shake her. I could still see the world messing with Blake by bringing up how things haven’t gotten any better for the Faunus. I can see it trying to convince Yang that she isn’t strong enough since she’s still missing an arm. Yang may also believe that it’s her fault that everyone else had to jump in after her since it sure sounded like that from Ruby’s explanation. We already know Ruby is getting knocked out quickly so Weiss being the strong one would make sense.

9. Neo will still be too powerful for any member of Team RWBY individually

I still say Neo is too powerful for any of these fighters one on one. Yang is the only one who I would say has a shot here but even then Neo should be too powerful. She was holding her own against Cinder 1 on 1 in volume 6 and to date has never flat out lost a fight. She crushed Yang in Volume 2, crushed Ruby in volume 3, and continues to dominate. If she loses one on one then it won’t really be satisfying at all if you ask me.

10. We will see what happened to Penny’s body as well as the civilians who fell off the bridge

Okay so I’m going out on a limb here but we absolutely need this to be acknowledged and I don’t think the show has forgotten. This is one where I’ve seen quite a few people saying they doubt the people who fell off the bridge will be acknowledged but that wouldn’t make sense. A bunch of people fell aside from the main 4 and Jaune so I do think they will appear. Whether they were mentally dominated and turned into minions or murdered I do think this will be addressed. Likewise Penny’s body should be somewhere on the island. Who knows, maybe they will revive her a second time although I wouldn’t count on it.

So those are my 10 predictions for the volume. Some are fairly cold takes while others are more bold predictions. We’ll see how it all turns out. Ultimately RWBY is always the greatest show out there so whether this volume loses to some of the other volumes, all of them, or beats all of them, I’m ready for a lot of hype. Having the great discussions and reactions to watch online will be great because now there’s going to be an avalanche of new content to absorb. Hopefully there isn’t a long break until the next volume though. Not sure I’m ready for another multi year break like last time. The RWBY adventures must continue! As a final note, it was a great idea for them to release the full RWBY opening early this time so I can have it on loop every week.

Super Sami Roll Review

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Super Sami Roll
It’s time for another quality platformer courtesy of Limited Run Games. This one’s sort of a cross between Monkey Ball and Yoshi. You’re rolling around and trying to balance but unlike the classic Monkey you can use your tongue to maneuver around the levels. Effectively this gives you a whole lot more movement options compared to what you would have otherwise had. It makes for a fun gameplay style that is easy to pick up but hard to master. You are absolutely going to need some really quick reaction times if you are planning to survive this one.

The game starts with The NFT King Albert VII kidnapping Vera so now her friend Sami has to try and stop him. Sami didn’t ask for this fight but he’s not about to walk away from it either. He is absolutely ready to claim victory here and nobody is going to get in his way. To defeat Albert he will need to destroy all of his mecha as he travel across the various lands in search of Vera. If he can manage to truly stop Albert then the war will be over but it won’t be easy. At least he has his owl friend to back him up when the going gets tough.

There isn’t much of a story overall but in line with the retro style it’s going for we do get an opening and an ending here. The quick cutscenes we get are really solid looking illustrations and I’ll always take some kind of cutscenes over nothing. At the end of the day you are absolutely playing this for the gameplay though and fortunately the game delivers throughout. The gameplay is pretty tight and at most you might miss a jump once or twice where you could have sworn that you did actually press in time. Maybe you did and maybe you didn’t…it’s going to be hard to say but otherwise the momentum and jump settings are all on point so you have a lot of control.

You have to balance going carefully with going quickly. If you go too slowly through the levels then the timer will run out and you will lose but if you go too fast then you will end up falling to your doom a lot. With the checkpoints in the middle of the level that does help you not have to worry about this quite as much but you still want to keep it in mind. I will say that the checkpoints were a very good idea because without them I dare say that things would have been very concerning here.

In terms of gameplay tips I would say to use your tongue flip as often as possible. Keep in mind that this ability is borderline overpowered at times. It will help you win a whole lot of levels because the enemies don’t have a counter for it. For example during the final castle level I just could not figure out how to get past all of the obstacles in time. So what did I do? I just broke the level by climbing using a lot of quick tongue flips and I made it to the end. I can guarantee you that this was not how you’re supposed to beat the level as I managed to skip every obstacle and stage element in the game but it worked and that’s what counts. Always master the gameplay mechanics as much as you can and in the end you are sure to surprise even the devs with just how much you can accomplish.

The ost is also really solid here. I was surprised at just how many quality tunes were in the game but they just kept popping up. Particularly the fire world at the end where all of the levels had really fun, fast paced tunes. They just kept hitting you with great tune after great tune. The other worlds had good tracks as well but that was the best one and it is a large variety here. You won’t hear too many repeats as you go through the game and so that keeps everything very well balanced. The graphics are also pretty good here. Everything is always clear and the worlds all have distinct designs. You won’t really be seeing any worlds twice since they all have an element although not every level within a world will necessarily follow that element. For example there are 2 levels following the world 1 theme in the final world which was definitely a twist. Not sure if they were extra levels that the devs just wanted to include or it was a callback.

The game’s length is fairly reasonable. There are 4 worlds here and each one has around 15 levels to complete. The levels can range from 30 seconds to 2 minutes but you also have to factor in that you will probably die a whole lot during the game. So unless you end up being a true prodigy at the title I imagine it will take you around 6 hours or so to complete it. I might be overestimating it a tad but that’s around how long it took me to beat the game. I know it was 3 batches and I think on average I played it for about 2 hours a pop. Maybe lower that to 4 hours total if you’re rounding but 4-6 at least and add or subtract time based on how quickly you go through the levels.

World 1 was certainly really easy but then after that there is a really drastic increase in difficulty which just doesn’t relent. So how long it takes you to get past World 2 will be a good indicator. For me World 3 was easily the most difficult because it’s just really hard to get past ice. The slippery surfaces make things tricky after all. If you don’t master your balance then you are definitely going to be in a really sticky situation. Note that there is also quite a lot of replay value in here as some levels have secret exits which unlock bonus levels. There is also a shop where you can buy color swaps and items but I never ended up using it during my campaign.

Overall, Super Sami Roll is a pretty good platformer. It may not have a deep story or anything like that but it gives you quite a lot of levels to go through. There aren’t many games in the Monkey Ball niche so if you’re a fan of those then you will definitely want to go and play this one as well. That series seems to have slowed down quite a lot after all so maybe we can get more Super Sami Roll games at some point. That would definitely be really nice. There is also a bonus mode you unlock by beating the game where you can play as the main heroine and fly through the levels. I’m guessing they will probably redesign the levels or make them all new because otherwise I can see the player breaking a ton of the stages. Although maybe that will be part of the fun since this is a reward for beating the game after all.

Overall 7/10

Tarzan Review

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Tarzan is definitely a very well known Disney film from back in the day. It has a lot of adventuring and has grown to be rather iconic over the years. That being said, I’ve never been a big fan of the jungle landscape. Give me the big city anytime as it just ends up feeling a whole lot more exciting. The big buildings and everything is really what gets me pumped and Tarzan is not one of my favorite Disney leads either. Still I have to say that the animation here is exceptional and holds up very well. I dare say that most of the modern titles can’t touch this one and this came out before 2000!

The movie starts with Tarzan’s parents being obliterated so he is adopted by a gorilla known as Kala. He grows up with her family and the tribe and becomes quite talented. His English isn’t great as he is used to talking with the animals but it all works out reasonably well either way. One day a group of humans show up to study the gorillas but the chieftain Kerchak warns Tarzan to stay away from them. Humans are often awful creatures who destroy everything in their path after all so associating with them would not be a good idea. Tarzan can’t help himself though. Will his infatuation with Jane cause destruction to all those he knows and holds dear?

Tarzan had a tough time fitting in with the other Gorillas throughout the movie so that’s part of why he looked forward to spending time with some other humans. They were people he could really understand and hang out with after all so it really did make a lot of sense. That said, it is still a shame since he had finally gotten the reluctant respect of Kerchak and people didn’t mess with him anymore. Putting his family in danger was just not good and ultimately Kerchak is the one who has to pay a heavy price for it. He should have just said his hellos to the humans without selling out the rest.

As I always say you can risk your life if you want to but the instant you put other people in danger is when you have officially gone too far. You just can’t be doing things like that, it’s not a good idea. Even if there wasn’t a villain like Clayton in the mix, the risk itself is the problem and you can’t rely on hindsight to fix that. He has to hold the L here. I did like Tarzan more once he was really able to talk in English with the others. He actually learned a lot quicker than I expected since I’m used to him still being in the trying to adapt phase. I guess that may just be a popular part of his character since in the film he changed rather quickly.

Tarzan can also fight so that’s always handy. He’s not someone that the villains can take for granted. He does lose quickly on the boat but he was outnumbered so I will cut him a little bit of slack there. Meanwhile Jane is a good main heroine. She may panic a lot at first but ultimately she does help out and gets used to the current situation going on. Her father Porter is trying his best as well and doesn’t have any malicious intentions with meeting the Gorillas. Porter and Jane really just want to learn more about them and of course there’s nothing wrong with that. They just needed to be careful who else they brought along with them on the trip.

Clayton does make for a very imposing villain though. The guy is quite good at his job. He may be an antagonist but he’s not slacking in any areas as he is able to climb trees almost as well as Tarzan. Their fight in the climax is really intense because this guy is crazy strong, almost inhumanely so. If he lasted longer he would have made for a powerful recurring villain but either way he is not someone that you will be forgetting anytime soon. No shot of that, the film really shows why this guy is such a threat.

As mentioned earlier, the animation here is fantastic and they use a lot of strong lighting to really make Clayton appear as imposing and intimidating as possible. It’s part of why he leaves such a lasting impression whenever he is on screen. Even simple tasks like climbing vines are more fun in this movie because of the sharp animation. There is just so much energy to every action and it’s why I miss when we had such top quality animation like this. I think if this style had kept up then America would even be able to contend with anime right now on a consistent basis.

The supporting characters are a bit on the weaker side for me. You have Tantor who is an elephant who learns from Tarzan’s example and ends up finding himself a home in the gorilla tribe. He is someone who comes through for Tarzan even when the others don’t so I give him points there. He’s just not super entertaining. Then you have Terk who may be one of Tarzan’s best friends but she’s not super loyal. She turns her back on Tarzan at one point and then early on was quick to dismiss him while hanging out with the bullies. Both of those scenes started her off on the wrong foot for me.

Kala did well the whole time in bringing Tarzan into the tribe and integrating him into the mix. She defended him for years and then when he was old enough to defend himself she was still there as a good supporting character. Kerchak was more on the stubborn side since he really didn’t see Tarzan as being quite tough enough to fit in and felt he would always be an outsider. I’ll give him some credit for at least giving Tarzan his due respect once the hero took out the tiger who had been attacking them and defended the tribe against Clayton. I mean the latter was his fault but at least he tried to remedy his mistakes.

There are some songs here but none that I would say would end up going down as all time classics. They don’t seem very nostalgic to me compared to other songs that I’ve heard in the past so it at least feels like they weren’t super huge. They could be fast paced but weren’t big game changers for me either. The animation stands out as more impressive than the ost here. It helped to redeem what could have otherwise been a very boring jungle backdrop.

Now because of all the animals running around here and the jungle there is some animal violence going on. There are at least two main deaths here which was unfortunate. Neither one is particularly cruel or drawn out but I would have much preferred a clean win for the hero and then the animal either runs off or turns good. It was just unfortunate that it had to go this way. Particularly the heroic animal’s death because it just makes Tarzan’s mistake feel a lot more irredeemable because of the heavy price paid for it. At the very least he will need to work really hard to try and mount a comeback after that because this isn’t something that’s super easy to come back from.

Overall, Tarzan does feel like a grand movie because the budget for it was so high. They did a good job of making it as sleek and intense as possible. At the end of the day there are just parts of the premise that will always make it hard to be very good though. With the origin out of the way I could see the sequel being a lot better. The romance was rather weak so I’m not sure I’m ready for much more of the Tarzan and Jane pairing but otherwise you could probably have a fun adventure coming up. I’d put this around the middle. It’s not a film I would look forward to checking out again but the animation keeps it from dragging out and the fights are intense. Check it out if you do enjoy the Jungle setting.

Overall 5/10

Shadow of a Woman Review

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This film is definitely more annoying than it is suspenseful. Mainly a film like this revolves around the lead being completely incapable of taking any definitive actions in order to keep going. That just means that the plot is really weak if you ask me. The movie has quality writing and there’s a lot going on but the story just doesn’t hold up because any reasonable character would have done some things way differently and that would have been the end of it. Over half of this film would have just been thrown out the window and you could even argue that 99% of it would end if the main character didn’t just jump into things at the start.

So this film starts with Brooke deciding to marry a guy named Eric that she barely knows. She knows that he’s a doctor but that’s about it. She allows herself to get swept up in the moment and marries him but why all the rush? That in itself should have been a red flag and then things only continue to get worse. First off, he’s not quite as well off financially as he had led her to believe. Someone tries to murder him by crushing him with a boulder initially and then someone else shoots at him later on. In each instance he tells Brooke that she’s imagining things or that it was someone hunting buffalo and she just takes this. What should have been the last straw is that he then says they have to live at his family’s place even though she has a perfectly acceptable home that they could have been in. Now she is an unwanted guest here and the tensions continue to rise. Is there something shady about this Eric fella?

The amount of suspension you have to put your belief through here is absolutely crazy. Why is Brooke willing to sacrifice so much of her life for someone that she barely knows? It just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever and that’s my main problem here. He continues to stack the deck against her and gets upset at her awful quick but Brooke just doesn’t put the pieces together. I’m not sure which moment is more drastic, Eric being shot at or his insisting they live at a place where nobody likes her. Either one should have been enough for her to keep her distance or at least stay in her home and insist he goes to her. Instead Brooke keeps trying to stick with it.

Now if they were married for ages and things had been going great then I could appreciate the loyalty here but instead it just feels like she is letting him walk all over her with no real resistance. Instead of being admirable it just makes her look weak if you ask me. Especially when his excuses are so weak. He spends the whole film constantly telling her that she’s crazy and seeing things and she just accepts this. It isn’t until the very end of the film where she starts to stick up for herself and by then it’s very nearly too late. So yeah I didn’t like Brooke. She may not be an antagonist the way that Eric is but she makes the job way too easy on him the whole time. If she had done just about anything then things wouldn’t have turned out the way that they did.

For example one thing Eric is doing here is starving a child as he hopes that the kid will die off and then he can claim the insurance money. I feel like you have to call the cops or child custody services immediately but Brooke sits on her hands for a while here and just doesn’t do anything. I suppose she feeds him her breakfast once but that’s more of a passive resistance. I want to see her actually doing something bold. She finds out he had another wife, that he’s using her to win a court case, etc. The twists and bad news just keeps coming in over and over again and she still doesn’t do much. Eric even tells her to stop seeing her doctor friend since he’s the only doctor she could ever need. Ah man.

Yeah this was an annoying one and it gets more annoying the more I think about it. Eric isn’t even a mastermind or anything because this plan should never have worked. The fact that it got this far is more of a strike against Brooke than it is a complement to his strength. His family is also afraid of him to the point where they keep his secrets and act as antagonists. I mean they even drug Brooke although the heroine forgives them rather quickly. They were just so spineless that they also end up being really bad characters here. They let Eric manipulate them for quite a long while and that’s another problem. Everyone just lets him do what he wants and they make the worst decisions possible.

One client of Eric’s seems to start to realize that he’s a scammer but she only works things out halfway. So she accuses him of all kinds of stuff and says she will wreck his career…but then she gets drunk and asks him to take her home. Lets just say she didn’t survive this ordeal and the whole thing makes you roll your eyes. How can you threaten someone and then trust him with your life? Throughout the film Eric actually bumps off quite a few characters and it’s not like he’s a super tough fighter or anything. Everyone just comes across as massive suckers the whole time so there’s not a whole lot that he needs to do.

Apparently it is well known that he is a scammer too but unfortunately there are enough people who don’t realize this that makes it tricky. There are always more people for him to trick after all and that’s always unfortunate. He gets away with a whole lot for a very long period of time and nobody could touch him. At least with the court case eventually the lawyer was going to defeat him but it was just taking way too long. I still think a quick call to the cops would have saved a great deal of time. The lawyer also got really lucky that Brooke talks a lot. Yes by the end there was a conscious effort to help him out but for part of the film Brooke was wrecking Eric’s plans accidentally with her outbursts which wasn’t as cool as it could have been. I wanted to see her as an intentional saboteur, not someone accidentally stumbling into success.

Overall, This film can be rather suspenseful but the characters really hold it back. It doesn’t come across as a very smartly written film and is instead one where everything just happens to turn out well for the villain because nobody can think ahead. If they actually made the right decisions then Eric wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far as he did. Ultimately you have to be able to stick up for yourself when the going gets tough and you also have to trust yourself. If someone tells you that you’re crazy then you have to believe your mind over that person. Things could have been so different here if Brooke was just a tough character. It’s not a bad movie but I would recommend most other suspense type films over this one. You’ll just be rolling your eyes too hard half the time at all the mistakes that are being made and it goes without saying that the romance is quite weak as well.

Overall 5/10

5 Against the House Review

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It’s time for an old school heist film with one character cracking real quick. I always enjoy a good heist film but I do think it’s more fun when the whole group is in on it. Since in this film the heist is basically a blackmail situation where they don’t even want to go through with it, it isn’t quite as fun as it would have otherwise been. Ultimately it’s still a good film but I probably would have played things out in a different direction. You feel like someone also should have stepped up to stop this madness right away.

The movie starts off as a slice of life title with 4 guys just enjoying their time at school. They haze a poor freshman the whole time so these aren’t the nicest of folks. I wouldn’t say any of the hazing is all that drastic but if they were more like true upstanding citizens then I don’t think they would have done that at all. It’s not something you would expect a hero to do after all. I liked that the kid actually got one victory against them with a sliding prank but it was short lived since naturally they used their power to overturn the results. You gotta try right?

Well the main plot is about how the gang always likes to go to the local casino to do some gambling. It’s the most well known gambling arena on the planet and is supposed to be even more secure than Fort Knox. Robbing the place is said to be impossible but Ronnie thinks that they can pull this off. He gets Roy and Brick to agree real quick but Al will be difficult since he doesn’t believe in robbery. Now Ronnie does plan to give the money back, the plan is to test if robbing the place is possible, not to actually steal the money but Al wouldn’t go for it either way. When Al proposes to Kay Ronnie realizes that this is perfect since they will drive him for a while and then get him to unknowingly help. What he doesn’t account for is that Brick has been slowly going insane and does want this robbery to go well. Not to test it but to actually steal the funds. Can they stop him?

Unlike most heist films I wouldn’t even say that the heist is most of the film. Before we get into any of that we have the school adventures and then the romance drama with Al and Kay. I don’t think that romance was very good either. At first Kay suggests that they take a break from each other which is a massive red flag but then after that when Al threatens to run off she goes back to him and they get engaged. I dunno that doesn’t seem like the best foundation for a long term relationship right? Things very nearly went sideways after all. Al gets upset a little too quickly and Kay doesn’t seem very confident in her decision so all in all that is not a great mix.

At least Al is against the robbery which is good. Way I see it, even if you don’t intend to steal the money this is just a horrible thing to do. You’re going to traumatize at least one person when you hold him at gun point and you are committing a big crime. Saying that it was all a prank afterwards doesn’t make things better in the slightest. So ultimately this just shows even more how unbalanced the characters are to even think about going through with a plan like this. It’s simply not a good idea in the slightest. Since Ronnie thought of this first he is one of the main characters to blame.

I know he was proud of his plan and how it could work. The film even heavily suggests that it really would work since everything goes pretty smoothly for them aside from the infighting. That said, just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should do it. Roy is more of a follower and just goes along with what everyone says. He loses points for not being independent enough to say that this is a bad idea and maybe they shouldn’t go through with it. Sometimes you have to drag your friends back to the straight and narrow path.

Then we have Brick who was going insane right from the start when he was quick to beat someone up. Apparently he had severe PTSD which has really messed him up over time. Well now he’s really crossed the line by taking out a gun and threatening everyone. I would say by this point he was too far gone because that’s not something you can really take back. He was absolutely willing to murder anyone who stood in his way. If things had gone even slightly different then he could have easily become a mass murderer in the blink of an eye. It’s pretty crazy to think about. The scenes where he betrays the rest of the guys definitely comes across as real personal, especially with how Al had always had his back before then.

So the heist is pretty intense but just not fun the way that it usually is. In a way they come across as just common burglars rather than quirky thieves. The gun is a big part of this as well. In titles like Ocean’s Eleven and Tower Heist mainly you get the money by tricking people and using social engineering. When you’re doing the classic “I got a gun so give me the money!” it’s just a very different vibe. It also wouldn’t work nearly as well in the present with all the cameras around but of course back in the day it was always going to be a lot easier to pull this off. You’re rooting for the casino to stop these mad men the whole time. They’ve beaten all of the would be thieves before so they just need to pull off one more win!

Overall, The main moral of this is to always be careful who you associate with. If someone suggests committing a crime for fun then odds are that they are a little more detached from reality than they may appear. It’s a very slippery slope when you start committing crimes like this because usually things will start escalating further and further just like it happened in this film. Even if Brick didn’t go crazy and they did a victimless crime, they would probably want to do another one and another one until they eventually got to that point. The only way to win the game is not to play. The heroes also could have ended this a lot sooner by tackling Brick once they were inside. Yes it was a huge risk either way with their reputations but the sooner you take him down the sooner it all ends. The writing is good and the pacing is good so you should enjoy this as a solid cautionary tale. It may not be as upbeat as you’d expect from the first half of the film but it works well enough.

Overall 6/10