Category Archives: Live Action Movies

Communion Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

Whenever you have a film with aliens in it you are hoping that a lot of fun things are in store for you. Aliens should be fun and make for imposing villains. Unfortunately that was not the case here. The film is based on a book of pure fanfiction from an author who was delusional but you hope that the film can surpass this. That’s not the case though and the film is very weird from the start. This weirdness ultimately starts to crossover into just being an awful film and by the end you’ll be cringing so hard that this will hit rock bottom. The film was just reeeeally bad.

The movie starts with a guy named Whitley who is an aspiring author. The issue is that he can’t focus on anything for more than 5 minutes so instead of working on the book he’ll play pranks on his wife and kid. Whitley is always rambling on about random stuff but one night when a few friends are over there is a bright light that shines across the world. An alien shows up as well. Whitley doesn’t want to tell anyone about this though so he keeps quiet and continues to go more and more insane. Eventually the aliens come back to kidnap him and things get dicey for the guy. Can he cope with the experiences that he went through?

Part of the problem here is even before the abduction, Whitley already seems certifiably insane. He just never makes any possible sense. He’s always wearing a different costume while working on his book and never ends up making any progress on it either since he ends up throwing out what he had started on each time. Then once the aliens do appear he starts to grow worse as he sees them everywhere. Hypnosis only makes the visions grow even more and he can’t trust anyone even at the end so he fights on his own. One of the annoying things about Whitley is that he’s also really bad at explaining things. Often times he may make an attempt to talk about the aliens but he does it in such a round about way that it doesn’t get through.

Additionally, the aliens seem to have told him not to tell anyone. Throughout the film we eventually learn more about what happened. See, initially we only get the quick jump scare before going to the present but a lot more happened that night. By the end of the film we learn that they definitely did a number on him. So, you would expect that after this he would probably want revenge or something right? Well, this leads to the most insane part of the film where he tracks the aliens down and ends up dancing with them for kicks.

Never mind the fact that the aliens also attacked his wife and used psychic powers to murder his son once already (and vowed to return) but he still wants to dance with them. He takes the old approach of forgive and forget. His wife doesn’t seem to mind either when he tells the story to her. The whole thing is just off the walls. It’s clear that after a point Communion is intentionally trying to be as weird as possible. The characters just don’t make a whole lot of sense with their actions. If they should do something then they will do the other. I dare say the dancing scene had to be part comedy or something. How do you seriously do a scene like that? The music was also as happy as possible for ultimate contrast.

A better film could have handled this well as perhaps a parody of some sort but not this one. This film seems to actually be trying to have a horror vibe at times but I can tell you now that it doesn’t succeed in the slightest. The characters are all too ludicrous for that to work. They never act scared in a natural way so why should we be scared? Whitley has a panic attack at one point when a kid scares him using a costume and it’s so over the top that you’ll just be shaking your head. The writing isn’t any good either. You’ll lose count of how many times the wind has to silence Whitley as he goes off on a tangent. The actual story makes no sense either.

The film doesn’t exactly have any subtlety either. For example a big thing here is that Whitley is traumatized because the aliens physically ran experiments on him including some rather invasive maneuvers. Anyone can put the pieces together particularly because there are tons of memes about this and it’s the first question someone asks whenever anyone mentions being abducted by aliens. Communion doesn’t realize that though so we get a long flashback detailing this just for extra grit and edge. The movie tries to make this as tragic as possible with Whitley attempting to fight them off at first, then trying to joke around so they’d let him go but none of this works.

It makes the rest of the scenes with him and the aliens even worse. It seems like the film was trying to say Whitley had stockholm’s syndrome with the aliens to an extent and that’s why he likes them now but that’s a very disturbed way to end the title. You just know that by the end he has completely lost and that’s the real shame here. There isn’t a happy ending to be found as the aliens have won and you know that more and more humans will keep on being attacked. Since nobody believes that the aliens exist it’s not like anyone has begun to fight back against them either. That just means that the aliens have completely won.

The premise has some potential of course because alien invasions are fun. Maybe have the government find out about this and have them send over some heavy artillery. I think that would go a very long way to making this interesting. At the end of the day one of the big things holding this film back aside from all the other negatives like the endless flashbacks, slow pacing, extra grit, and characters making nonsensical choices the entire time is that the character cast is just really bad. They all come off as insane and it’s really hard to follow a group of characters like that.

Overall, Communion is definitely a disgrace. There aren’t any core positives to be found here. The movie wastes a whole lot of time in each plot so the story developments that are in the film could have easily been handled in half the time. I like to think a sequel could start to fix this film a bit by making it a total action thriller but the first step is to completely shift the focus from this film. Maybe even ignore this film entirely so in a way the sequel of this film would be starting from scratch. Kind of like a reboot. Regardless, I would highly recommend staying far away from this one.

Overall 0/10

Music and Lyrics Review

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Music and Lyrics is a title that’s very to the point. Right away you know that this is a drama/romance film involving music. This way you know exactly what you are getting into from the start. It’s a reasonable film although there’s a moment near the end where one of the characters goes a little too far with the insults and the dances here can get pretty sketchy. So the film isn’t able to quite achieve the heights it was gunning for but it’s not bad or anything.

The movie starts by introducing us to Alex who used to be a famous star and now he is known as a has been. A lot of people don’t even know who he is anymore. Fortunately Alex takes this in stride. As long as he makes some money he doesn’t really care that he is not popular. It’s just the way that it goes for him. He finally has a chance at a big break though when he meets Cora who is the #1 star right now. She wants Alex to create a new song for her in 3 days. He’s not very good at writing but as luck would have it, his substitute gardener is a talented song writer named Sophie. Alex must now convince her to help him write this song so he will be set up for the rest of his life…or at least for a while.

Sophie isn’t very receptive to the idea initially though. See, she has a traumatic affair with a teacher a while back where it turns out that he was already in a relationship and just used her as a way to get new material for his book. The book was a best seller with the main character being a not very subtle version of Sophie. Now Sophie is afraid to do anything that will make her stand out. That of course does include writing a song. Alex will have to try and get persuasive fast since the deadline is fast approaching.

Music and Lyrics has a lot of good banter with the main characters. The movie is able to transmit humor effectively in these moments and the pacing is solid. I’d say the writing is on point as well so you’ve already got all the hallmarks of a good film. Sophie has certainly had a rough time of things but ultimately she steps in to help when needed. She can be a bit over dramatic like with the band aid scene which was a little odd but beyond that she’s usually not too crazy. Sophie makes for a good heroine.

Then you have Alex. For the most part he is a good character but towards the end he has a scene that will make you shake your head. Effectively he brings up her past trauma again and says that the guy was right with his insults about her. No matter how you slice it Alex went way too far there. It’s the kind of scene that is hard to overlook since no matter how much he apologizes the guy knew exactly what he did. There’s no coming back from that and I think a part of him knew it. So by the end I couldn’t really root for him again after that.

There are a few side character here and there like Sophie’s sister and Alex’s agent but for the most part the cast is fairly small. I did like the agent a lot though. He seems like a nice guy and someone who does think about his client a lot in trying to make sure he gets a good deal. He’s the kind of guy you absolutely want as your agent because nobody else would quite be able to match that kind of energy. So whenever he would appear you would get a good scene.

Finally you have Cora who is certainly very eccentric. She did rise to be the number 1 star so clearly her skills are the real deal. She may like to dance even if it disrupts the tone of the song but apparently it has worked out for her thus far. Cora’s a nice character who balances out business and pleasure well. She’s friendly with her teammates but she also makes it clear that she won’t support failure and has backup plans at the ready. She always ends up being reasonable in the end.

That said, her dances are part of what holds the film back at times. It can be a bit much when she’s dancing on stage as the whole thing is intentionally meant to be suggestive which is what her fanbase in the movie is looking for. The film uses it for humor at times but also just starts to be a little cheeky with this particularly in the climax. The dances definitely don’t have anything to do with the film so you could easily cut these things out and the film would be just fine.

Additionally, the romance in the film is pretty weak. Alex and Sophie barely know each other when you think about it. A large chunk of the film takes place over 3 days and even after that you can tell that they are rushing things far too quickly. It’s not surprising but it still doesn’t end up turning this into a good romance. The film probably should have just left them as close friends or even just allies and that would have flowed a lot better.

Overall, Music and Lyrics is a good film. It may not be a great one but it’s entertaining which is the important part. It’ll keep your attention and the writing is solid. I still say Alex went way too far with using the book to insult Sophie though. It also would have been more satisfying if Sophie could have had her closure with that guy instead of falling to pieces. Of course it can be tough to go through with something like that even after you have rehearsed but with Alex and the gang right there as support it would have been nice if she could have drummed up some more courage. If you’re up for a solid rom-com then this is a good pick.

Overall 6/10

All That Heaven Allows Review

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All That Heaven Allows is a film about how you need to ultimately ignore social commentary on your personal life decisions or you’re probably going to regret it. Put it this way, there will always be those who object to your actions so if you try to please everyone not only is that an impossible goal but you won’t be able to have fun yourself either. Sometimes you really do just need to think of yourself and the lead heroine doesn’t quite understand this for a while.

The movie starts off by introducing us to Cary who is a very recent widow. Well, she is ready to move on and wants to meet someone but isn’t quite hitting it off with anyone. There’s an older man who likes her and initially I thought this might be the age gap romance from the film’s summary but she turns him down. She falls for someone who is over 10 years younger than her but he likes her back and so they figure they can be happy together. Trouble arises when Cary faces pressure from her “friends” as well as her two kids who think she is acting rashly. Should she rethink this romance or plunge forward?

There’s a lot to discuss on the romance angle alone. I guess lets start with the social factor. Cary really shouldn’t care less about what everyone else thinks. The only two she could put some stock in would be her kids, but the neighbors next door? They were insulting her ever since the very first scene before she even met Ron. Why would she want them to cheer her on anyway? This seems to be fortunately more of a relic of the past but for a while it seems like people were expected to fit into the social clubs since they were all “friends” even though nothing could be further from the truth. The problem as Cary soon sees is that at the end of the day they won’t care once she goes to their point of view.

To these people, they’ll be glad that they forced Cary over to their side but won’t do anything beyond that. Cary’s the only one who has to live with her choices. Same with the kids who very quickly move on and have no qualms about leaving the status quo. It was only an issue when Cary was making the decision. Madoka Magica had some good commentary about that back in the day. If you make a wish or decide to live for someone else, you need to make sure you’re doing that for yourself. If you’re doing it for someone else and expect some kind of eternal gratitude then you will always end up being unfulfilled because odds are that it won’t happen. Even if it does, it would be temporary.

Now lets talk about the other factor which is the age gap. In general I’m not a fan of age gap romances at all. You very rarely see them in films though. In general you expect a romance to be within a few years. Now obviously assuming both characters are over 21 I think you can reasonably have an age gap of around 10 years. I’ve always considered 10 to be around the maximum that makes sense. Any further and it just won’t be very balanced. It increases the likelihood that of one member deciding to fool around since the older one can no longer keep up or one member dying way too soon so the other is stuck behind. Of course romances are ultimately up to the individual but it’s just hard to see one working over 10 years. You can certainly have a crush on someone over 10 years older than you but going all the way to marriage does seem hasty.

So in the film I can agree with the logic of the characters saying this was a bad idea. Of course most of them put it in a very insensitive way so the only person rationally trying to explain this was Cary’s best friend Sara who was really solid in this film. She explained her objections but still supported Cary throughout the whole process. She’s a nice friend to have for sure since you need someone who has your back. Regardless I would not say that the romance in this film is very good. It’s all rather rushed so Cary does come across as rather desperate the whole time. Ron doesn’t really show his inner thoughts quite as much so I guess we have to assume that he’s on the level but it would be hard for me to trust him the whole time either.

At the very least the film is certainly going for a unique premise. Cary is a decent main character but I have to deduct a lot of points for allowing everyone else to control her decisions. She makes a significant amount of compromises during the film which really isn’t fair to any of the parties involved. You have to stick to your guns and the fact that Cary could not do that meant that she ended up being a weaker character. As for Ron, well he really tried his best to help Cary out. He fixed the cup, remodeled the house, and I would say he sufficiently showed that he was going to be an agreeable fellow. At the same time he wasn’t willing to bow to the other characters the way Cary was which is what put them at odds. His points were reasonable so I was more on his side in this one.

Then you have the kids who are mostly here to get in the way. The son was an ingrate the whole time and all of his points were nullified by how rude and disrespectful he was the entire time. At least the daughter always tried to talk about things in a rational way while keeping emotion out of the deal. I could certainly respect that. I also liked how she liked to psycho analyze everybody. It may not have worked all that well at the end which was unfortunate but that trait helped her stand out for a while and I dare say gave us some of the funniest scenes in the movie.

Overall, All That Heaven Allows is a reasonable film at best. I feel like the title is fairly misleading and I just can’t get behind the romance which really limits the film’s potential from the start. The gap just seems too extensive. What keeps the film from being bad as it easily could have turned is the fact that the writing is solid. The cast may not be all that likable overall but at least even the insults are all done in a pretty professional manner. I always enjoy these old school burns which are delivered so smoothly. Even the characters have to take a step back most of the time as they wonder what exactly happened. The film probably could have cut out the drunk character constantly trying to get at Cary though. Now there’s a subplot that feels rather unnecessary. (And also makes Cary look even more unreasonable for even wanting to be a part of that crowd) If you want a better romance film then I would suggest checking out a Doris Day film instead.

Overall 5/10

Send Me No Flowers Review

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Doris Day seems to have a lot of comedy films where things go completely off the rails for the characters and this one is definitely not an exception. For romance comedies like this the most important thing is for the film to be fun with a solid script. The movie pulls this off and I would be able to recommend it. Now, I do have an issue or two with it like the overly familiar greetings from some of the guys to the main heroine but beyond that this is a solid story that really flows all the way to the end. You definitely don’t want to miss it.

The movie starts off by introducing us to George and Judy who are the two main characters of the film. Judy lives a pretty content life right now. She gets to keep up with all of the latest gossip courtesy of the milkman and she has grown used to George’s eccentric ways. See, George is one of those guys who stresses out about everything and constantly thinks he is sick with one thing or another. Unfortunately due to how the placebo effect works, he actually does get himself sick to a degree. Well, one day when he visits the doctor’s office for a checkup he overhears the Doctor effectively saying that George will be dead in a matter of weeks.

George isn’t ready to die and yet he has to be strong now for Judy. He lets his best friend Arnold know and now George has one last mission. He has to find a replacement husband for Judy since he is confident she will rebound fairly soon after he dies. The trouble is, most of the bachelors in this town are fairly suspect. Either they are players or they cheat at golf. This is going to be harder than George thought but he is determined not to quit.

Now this is a full on comedy film so the choices aren’t supposed to make a lot of sense. George often does the crazy thing over the honorable or even the sensible option. Still, the fact that he is convinced Judy will ultimately remarry is pretty sad to an extent. Knowing you will be replaced is pretty rough and it also feels like your romance isn’t quite as real then. Naturally if he told her about his impending demise then the whole film would be a lot shorter although I think he could have at least done without the whole finding a replacement husband bit though.

He’s a nice guy overall who does try to help others. Midway through the film he takes a bit of a risk to help out a widow who was being played for being too naïve. It’s definitely nice that he told her about this. I don’t see how she fell for such an obvious ruse though. Not saying you should doubt everyone automatically but a guy asking you out on a date the very next day upon your getting divorced? That should strike up every kind of warning bell you’ve got.

George also makes some big mistakes though like listening to Arnold’s advice about telling Judy that he was cheating on her. It’s a plan that has no real logic to it no matter how much Arnold explains it and even entertaining the idea for an instant seems like too much. As for Arnold, he is a good friend though. Aside from that scene where he was still trying to help, that guy is constantly putting himself out there to aid George whenever possible. He doesn’t do anything halfway and the fact of the matter is that he had George’s back when nobody else did. I don’t think a lot of people would put up with half the things that Arnold did. In fact, I was reminded of the film “A delicate balance” as George needed a place to crash last second and Arnold was fine with it. He was definitely a very likable character the whole time.

Then you have Judy. Well, she’s a very reasonable character I would say. She does her best to accept the fact that George is always feeling sick and is good natured about the whole thing. While she doesn’t really give George much of a chance to explain himself over being kissed, it is hard to defend something like that. Clearly George should have been able to dodge someone making a pass at him. The whole “gratitude kiss” is just an excuse and everyone knows it. Thing is, Judy is on shaky ground since she let Winston get all over her when they first meet. These old films always act like it’s impossible to break away from a kiss or react to it in time to stop the advance. It’s sketchy at best and makes the characters look suspect. So with that said, Judy has less reason to be significantly upset about this as George could have easily countered.

The final few scenes really have the characters go in a bunch of different ways as the misunderstandings continue to escalate. It really manages to do a lot in a pretty short amount of time there. As a result this film may be around 2 hours but feels even longer at times. It’s in a good way as it never drags on but you are always surprised by how much they can add in. Fortunately the writing and humor are up to the task. The movie is just a lot of fun as a result and should get a good amount of laughs in. There is always something crazy happening on screen. The humor isn’t exactly subtle. It’s a very bold and confident style that works very well here.

Finally we have Winston and there is nothing to like about him. Again, the guy just strolls over and acts like Judy is his girlfriend the whole time. The fact that she doesn’t do anything to stop him like when the guy keeps using her maiden name is pretty bad. That would really be my only issue with the film. Judy lets Winston get away with way too much. In general the whole trend of characters stealing kisses in this film feels like a stretch for more drama and hurts both George and Judy.

Overall, The cast is good though. The writing is on point and the film will end up being quite memorable. It may not be able to match Doris Day’s top hits but it can hold its own against most movies in a straight fight. The idea of George thinking he will be dying soon also works well for a lot of different joke opportunities and the film really makes sure to capitalize on them. It did everything it could with the genre so if you like a good comedy film and find the plot interesting then you’ll definitely like this movie. The nonstop banter between the characters ensures that the intensity always stays at a high level.

Overall 7/10

The Night of the Hunter Review

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Whenever you watch a film where the kids are the main characters then you already know that the movie will be walking a tight rope. It can’t have the kids be too annoying but at the same time you know they aren’t tough enough to fight their way out of a situation so it means that you have to expect them to be sub par. Unfortunately the kids aren’t all that good although one of them is noticeably worse than the other. At the end of the day they hold the film back but there’s also a ton of plot conveniences around with all the characters making the worst decisions possible.

The movie starts with John’s father showing up and telling the kid where he hid a bunch of money. John is not supposed to ever tell anyone where it is including his mother. The cops then take this guy to jail. There he meets a villain named Harry who is really concerned with where the money is. The father is completely oblivious to life itself so even when Harry takes out his switchblade and makes obvious threats the guy decides to literally gag himself and close his eyes. Lets just say he doesn’t make it out of the cell alive. Harry manages to escape prison and heads over to John’s place.

Now I realize the film has barely begun but I do have some questions here. For starters I would say it is heavily implied that Harry at the very least tried using more extensive measures to make the Dad reveal where the money is. Apparently he didn’t crack since Harry doesn’t know but how would he get off for good behavior if there were signs of a struggle or if Harry flat out murdered the guy? Next I would assume he just escaped jail I guess but that’s iffy as well. I guess the easiest thing to accept is that he didn’t actually attack the father even though that is hard to buy.

So Harry goes into town and decides to quickly marry John’s mother Willa. Considering that her husband just died that rebound happened awfully fast. She quickly decides to believe everything he says even over her own kids. Now he’s in the catbird’s seat in terms of trying to get at the money. Can John really keep the secret of hwere the money is hidden? He’s a tough kid but the main problem is that his younger sister Pearl also knows where the money is and lets just say that she isn’t quite as subtle as he is. She has no real qualms with talking and spilling the beans.

Pearl definitely ends up being one of the most annoying characters in the film. She is constantly trying to break her promise to the father and threatening to say the secret just to spite John. Her worst scene though has to be in the climax after she knows for a fact that Harry is one of the villains. She still runs over to him and acts like he is the father. That was almost game over for John since Harry could have easily snatched them away. Pearl is young which is her main reason for being like this but that can only go so far.

Meanwhile John tries his best at least. I can’t say I’m a big fan of his either though. It’s hard to say exactly what he could have done differently for part of the film though. For the most part he made the right decision, it’s just that the villain is a lot more powerful than him. He does completely crack at the end of the film which is unfortunate though. just holding strong for a few more minutes would have been good. The imagery played up on his past traumas which is why he cracked.

So as much as I didn’t like the kids…they were kids so they have an excuse. Willa has no such excuses though. So this guy shows up at the town and she is ready to marry him in a day? She knows absolutely nothing about him so this is really suspicious. The guy mentions knowing her husband in jail so wouldn’t that be an even bigger red flag since everyone knows something happened to the money. Additionally John doesn’t like him from the start but Willa doesn’t pay him any heed and goes through with the whole thing anyway. That was pretty bad.

Her final scene has to be her worst moment though. I mean, there’s lots to choose from like Harry immediately treating her coldly and like a child during their honey moon. In this scene though she saw him yelling/threatening her kids and decides to dismiss this. She realizes now that for sure he is looking for money but she decides to close her eyes and tie herself up with the bed anyway. She talks about how she is sure he will help her get past this and naturally he has a lethal solution to the problem. The problem with Willa is you feel like nobody would actually act like this. She may as well have been wearing a sign that said to bump her off. She made the whole thing incredibly easy for Harry.

The rest of the town also act foolishly. So this random guy comes through and immediately he is able to radicalize all of them? Willa’s own parents are quick to believe him about Willa running off as if she was always betraying her responsibilities. Everyone trusts Harry immediately. It takes the whole concept of a naive town to a whole new level. They eat up everything he says without any kind of hesitation. It’s definitely unfortunate. Not a single character stays strong. Even the local fisherman who was John’s only hope ends up getting drunk.

Then you have Rachel who is the only good character in the film. While Harry is twisting the Bible and its meanings around to suit his purposes as a serial killer, Rachel is busy teaching her kids about true values. When Harry shows up at her place it does lead to an eventual confrontation. Rachel can handle herself at least and also has a gun which is incredibly handy here. Without it then things might have gotten a little difficult. Ultimately she held her own and defended the house. You can’t ask for anything more than that and she did it even with the kids making things more difficult.

The worst character there was definitely Ruby. Not only did she fall for his charms immediately but when Rachel was starting to take the lead in the fight Ruby quickly blinded her with a candle light. Really? Why would she even do that from the start. It was a terrible moment and made her sink even lower down the ranks. That’s just a core problem with most of the characters in this film. None of them seem particularly intelligent aside from Rachel. She really has to hold all of the heroes up on her own because nobody really gives her any real backup.

As for Harry, he’s not exactly a villain that I can get behind. He runs scared after a single gunshot and is only good at taking on opponents who can’t fight back. There’s nothing particularly impressive about him as well. I don’t get how his act was able to fool anyone, much less the whole village. Somehow everyone bought into him which I find pretty scary. Either way it’s good that John and Pearl escaped that town.

Overall, I would not recommend this film. Harry is only able to get so far because none of the characters show any real intelligence. They are all here just to get in the way. Pearl especially makes things as hard as possible on John. If she would at least not keep on offering so much extra information things might have been a little easier on them. Just a little bit since Harry would have been closing ground either way but why make things any easier on him right? As Harry is hunting defenseless children who can’t fight back I wouldn’t exactly call it a thrilling film. If you want a true thriller I recommend watching something like Independence Day instead. This one we can leave to the past.

Overall 3/10

Earth vs. The Spider Review

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When you think about giant spiders odds are that Kumonga will be one of the first guys you think about. That makes sense because he is a pretty fierce beast. Still, this spider also ends up looking pretty good and it’s a movie that has aged rather well. It’s a simple film that has a plot that you can fully understand within a minute but it makes for a good watch nonetheless. The pacing is good and the cast of characters is likable so that’s already two green flags for the film.

The movie starts off with Carol’s dad on the freeway where he is unfortunately murdered by a giant spider. Carol and Mike head over to a haunted cave to search for him and just barely manage to escape the Giant Spider. They call in the science teacher Kingman as well as the Sheriff. The trouble is that aside from Kingman nobody believes them. Is there any way to convince the town of the giant spider’s existence or are they all doomed to be crushed beneath the power of this monster before they have a chance to properly counter attack? Only time will tell.

Earth vs. The Spider feels like a very short film. I want to say that it’s barely over an hour so things move really quickly. I’ll give the heroes props for venturing through the cave and for escaping with their lives since that seems difficult at times. The film has a good sense of danger with the Spider as it walks around smashing buildings and such. It’s certainly big enough to be a true threat after all so it’s not like it’ll be easy to block it away.

That said, the Spider seems kind of weak despite this. The heroes are able to push it away with electricity, fire, and knockout gas. When you put all of that together they should be able to win this pretty quick. I was actually a little puzzled when the cops basically said to ditch the knockout gas since it didn’t prove to be fatal. The original intent was to destroy the spider but surely using a substance that knocked it out for hours would still be handy here right? At the very least I think they should have kept it as an option. We do get some nice chase scenes with the Spider though so it shows that even as a giant monster it still had a good amount of agility.

As for the human characters, Kingman is the obvious MVP. For starters he believes the kids right away and also had fun making very serious suggestions about handling the spider even when nobody else believed him. He was someone you could count on the whole time. He was quick on his feet and if a plan didn’t work then he would quickly transition to a new one. Kingman was just a pro and he had a lot of snappy dialogue. Another strength for the film is that the writing is solid which is to be expected for a retro film like this. They always seem to have stellar dialogue.

Mike and Carol may not be able to steal the show the way Kingman does but they are good characters as well. Mike is considerate and always steps in to help Carol when she wants him to do something. At one point he was ready to finally watch a movie only for her to have him go back in the haunted cave again so he gets props for that. Meanwhile Carol is good as well. While I don’t agree with her decision to go back into the cave and risk certain destruction for a necklace/ring, I suppose she did well in going through most of the cave. It’s just a little mixup of priorities in this instance.

The Sherriff was definitely a fun character to help keep the leads in check. Naturally he doesn’t buy into this giant spider business one bit and why should he? Giant spiders are the stuff of legends after all. In general the town is pretty nonchalant about having a giant spider once it’s found out though so I guess the town is made of sterner stuff. The Sherriff may be skeptical the whole time but to be fair he did step in when needed.

While the film may not strike fear into your heart the way the movie was probably hoping it would, the core story is still good. It’s the kind of movie that’s easy to watch. The core fundamentals you want from any film is a cast of good characters and solid writing. This movie has both of those elements so it’s not really surprising that it ended up being a solid watch. If anything it ends so fast that you really wouldn’t mind if it lasted a bit longer. Even if just to see more of the town’s reactions as some people fled while others took charge.

Overall, I would recommend checking this film out. The title may have a lot of hyperbole as there isn’t really any big battle involving the whole planet but if you think of the town as it’s own little world then I guess that’s the best we can come up with here. The Spider itself is solid. The design may just be that of a normal giant spider but at least the roar is unique even if it doesn’t seem very fitting for the monster. If you like a good ole fashioned creature feature then this is definitely one you will want to check out.

Overall 7/10

A Star is Born (2018) Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

A Star Is Born has certainly had a lot of versions right? So far none of them have managed to grab a positive score. The first two both got a 5 while the third one got a 3. Can this film finally manage to get the movie into the right position for a win? Well, unfortunately that was not possible. It’s better than the third adaption to be sure but this one’s still just such a bad film through and through. I’m convinced that the premise just can’t work. If a film can’t win after 4 tries then I’d say that means it is time to give up.

The film introduces us to a famous singer named Jack. He’s really made a name for himself. The guy may be a huge alcoholic who has serious issues but so far he has not let it crush his career. He is determined to continue to go about things as always. One day Jack decides he really needs a drink and that’s when he bumps into Ally. She is convinced that she doesn’t look good enough to be famous but Jack eventually gets her on stage and she is a hit. The issue now is that she is quickly growing more popular than him and she doesn’t have the various off the field issues that he has like the alcohol and general mishaps. Can Jack manage to keep Ally down so he stays ahead or will he end up derailing both of their careers.

If you’ve seen any of the previous films then you basically know how this one will end. After all it’s really a remake through and through so it’s not trying to trick you or anything like that. It’s going for pure fundamentals here and telling the story with a modern style. It’s not going for quite as edgy a feel as the last one which I appreciate but still has a ton of scenes that drag on. Jack’s also still a completely unlikable character for me. He just ultimately doesn’t turn the corner to make me root for the guy. By the time he starts to clean up his act the film is basically over so that really hurts his chances of finally being good. The story of his life here is really too little too late.

Granted, Jack is not nearly as bad as in some other versions. Cheating with some random lady midway through the film, landing a blow on the heroine (Albeit accidentally) and things like that don’t happen here as it’s toned down. He still has a variation of the famous Oscars scene of course and most of the usual story moments like insulting Ally and constantly trying to undermine her though. So while he isn’t as bad as he could have been, I still didn’t like him in the slightest. It’s hard to sympathize with him because he should have been so proud of Ally when she got big. His ego proved to be bigger than how much he cared for her which is no good. Of course the addictions aren’t easy to get over so I’ll give him points for going to rehab but it still doesn’t excuse how he tries to hurt Ally’s legacy.

Then of course we have the usual ending for him which is no good. No matter how hopeless things get, taking that way out is never the move. It’s more of an escape to the current dilemmas than dealing with it. I don’t care what Ally’s producer was saying, Jack could have absolutely talked things out with Ally and I think they would have come out at a good space. Instead he took the decision out of both their hands and ultimately it’ll now be a life scarring moment for Ally.

As for Ally, she’s not bad. She does her best to be successful and also tries her best to support Jack as well. She doesn’t let the fame go to her head and at least at first wasn’t quick to just drop everything to take a plane with some guy she barely knew. I wouldn’t say she stands out a whole lot but she has a full character arc with a solid amount of depth. Ally also shows a lot of skill in being able to sing different genres of music.

In general I wouldn’t say any of the songs really stood out to me here. They were all fairly solid I suppose so I wouldn’t call it a bad soundtrack. For a concert film like this you absolutely need to have a strong assortment of songs in order to succeed and these were good enough to work out. The final song is suitably emotional to end the film with. The pacing is also fairly good as I wouldn’t say the film dragged on.

I would have to say the romance wasn’t all that good though. It still feels very rushed no matter how you slice it. Ally doesn’t exactly meet Jack under the greatest of circumstances and he asks her out so quickly that there’s no way to really believe this would last. Naturally he ends up not being quite the person she thought he would be for a while. While he does start to shift at the end, it’s one of those romances that just had a lot of red flags from the start. It all moves far too quickly.

There are a few more supporting characters here than in previous versions. First off we have Ally’s best friend. He’s a supportive guy who helps her out a lot throughout the film. I would say his role is ultimately minor but he really does come through for her whenever she is feeling down. Then you have her father who is a lot of fun. He often talks about how much singing talent he had in his prime and you like to see his confidence. He’s also quite proud of Ally and is always talking her up to his friends. He seems like a great guy and it was nice that Ally had some positive influences around her as opposed to having to deal with everything on her own.

Overall, This version of A Star Is Born is better than the last one but I still wouldn’t call it a good film. The ending isn’t all that great and changing the formula a bit there would have been cool. Additionally the romance is weak and I just didn’t like Jack as a main character. Even Ally is only okay (Great compared to Jack) so the character cast doesn’t do wonders for me either. The film doesn’t drag on but the first half does feel like it gives us more of the origin than we need as the main focus of the film is once the music gets going. At this point I don’t think we’ll be getting a definitive version of the story but I suppose the next version can still give it a good ole try. I would recommend watching one of the first two versions instead of this one though.

Overall 4/10

A Delicate Balance Review

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Some films are about a big action story with lots of combat, others involve an adventure to other realms, and others still are just about locking the characters together and just having the debate each other. This one falls into the final category but unfortunately the writing is really weak which makes for a deadly combination. See, when you have a film that is all about the writing then at the end of the day your mission is really going to be to make it so engaging that you are at the edge of your seat from start to finish. I mean, that’s the idea at least right? Unfortunately that doesn’t work quite so well here.

The movie starts by introducing us to Agnes and Tobias. They’ve been married many years and banter quite a bit. It is at a point where they both hurl rather personal insults at each other although Agnes does most of the hurling with Tobias just taking it. You wonder if they will be able to make it another day but since this is a regular occurrence for them they’re probably okay. That’s when Claire shows up and she never gets along with Agnes at all. So they insult each other a bunch as well until Harry and Edna show up. They are Julia and Tobias’ “best friends” so of course the heroes have to pretend to be happy to see them. Unfortunately this isn’t a social visit. The friends want to stay over at their house permanently since they are now too scared to go back home. They quickly run to their rooms and that’s when the main couple’s daughter Julia shows up. She has been divorced a 4th time and wants to live here again. Can these 6 characters get along or will they finally reach the breaking point?

I guess my main problem with the film would be that none of the characters are even remotely likable. They all exist just to get in each other’s way and make the worst possible decisions just so that the film will continue a little longer. If the characters acted with any real sense then they would have been okay. This also means that most of the time in the film the dialogue feels rather forced as if the characters need to dig up another hole for themselves when they would have been just fine otherwise. You have completely nonsensical stories like Tobias talking about his cat which only serves to hurt his character more. Claire spends the whole film being drunk so as she is slurring her next sentence along you’re just hoping she will hurry it up at some point.

Lets go point by point though. Agnes is the main character of the film or at least I would make that case. She doesn’t get along with everyone and likes to play the victim while insulting everyone else. She talks tough but when it comes time for a big decision to be made she makes herself scarce. There’s really nothing to like about her character although I will acknowledge that if I had to choose, she probably has the best dialogue among the various characters here.

Then you have Tobias. He’s always very soft spoken and lets everyone walk all over him so you already know what his character arc is. He’ll finally man up at the end of the film and talk everyone down but you’ll be rolling your eyes by this point. If the whole story about the cat didn’t already alienate you, then his final decisions will. From the start he is overly dramatic about the friends coming over. So he’s known this guy for over 30 years and let he completely panics when the guy stays over for a single night? I don’t care if they have been fake friends for that period of time, 30 years is enough to give the benefit of the doubt. If you don’t want him to stay over then saying that flat out from the start.

The one thing not to do is to just be quiet about it and then later on say it’s not right. Tobias has a super long speech at the end where he basically says that Harry should stay here because he’s earned it but Tobias doesn’t want him to. Tobias basically renounces their friendship right at the start but his speech drags on and on. He was just way too dramatic about the whole thing and doesn’t accomplish anything at the end either. I won’t say he is the worst character in the film (That would be Claire) but he may just be the most annoying.

Then you have Julia. From all of the characters she probably adds the least to the film. So she got divorced and is here to make everyone else’s lives miserable. All right…but we already have 5 characters for that. She really doesn’t contribute and I would make the case that removing her from the film wouldn’t actually change anything. See, while I don’t like Claire, it’s easy to see why she’s here. She helps to stir the pot before the neighbors even get here to put everyone in a bad mood. She gets drunk a lot and messes with Tobias a lot. Claire absolutely can’t be trusted and yet she is always around so the main characters can’t get away from her. It’s a sticky situation for them.

Finally we have the neighbors Harry and Edna. From the start the fact that they say they got scared of nothing and can’t go home was pretty odd. Unfortunately there are no sensible characters here to actually ask them for more details or anything. Instead they just have the neighbors go upstairs. I’m thinking this is some kind of midlife crisis where they feel they are all alone and that’s why they want to stay the night. That would be my best guess at least but even then there are so many better ways to handle this then to just go to the main characters’ homes.

The neighbors also come across as petty since they admit that if the situations were reversed they would have thrown Agnes and Tobias out. So much for these “friends” right? Forget 30+ years, I know people who would let someone crash at their place if they’ve only been friends for a year. Not to mention that these characters are fairly well off and have big houses so it’s not like they’re on top of each other. Certainly fair game to kick the friends out of course or to put a stop to it before it happens but in their position there isn’t much reason to bring this up.

Overall, All of the characters in this film come off as eccentric if you want to put it in a nice way. They’re really all just pretty crazy though. The entire film is really just the characters insulting each other or spinning a 3 minute yarn just to say something that could have been compiled in 2 sentences. The characters speak their mind when it comes to minor stuff but once the going gets tough they all begin talking cryptically or flat out lying to save face for a while. The movie is definitely going for an odd kind of atmosphere intentionally which could work if the script is fantastic but the movie just couldn’t pull it off. The dialogue is as weak as can be and ultimately that hurt the movie quite a lot.

Overall 3/10

Shut In Review

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Sometimes when you boot up a movie you can tell that it’s going to stink within the first few moments. Other times it takes seconds and then you have the occasional film that won’t show its true colors until near the end. I wouldn’t say this one had a solid start by any stretch of the imagination but at least it wasn’t totally awful initially. It’s more like a film that kept getting worse and worse as it went on until there was nothing left.

The movie starts off with Mary watching her step son Stephen and her husband Richard driving off. Stephen quickly throws the car off track into a truck though so Richard dies while Stephen is thrown into a coma. Mary now spends her days taking care of him since Stephen is essentially a vegetable now. A neighbor named Doug shows up though and wants to be Mary’s rebound romance. As she starts to consider this, strange things begin to happen in the house. She sees people moving, a kid who should be long gone a state away, and things like that. Can Mary escape the house or is she doomed to die here?

There’s a ton of issues with the entire story here. Characters act in the most unintelligent ways so that the film can progress which suggests a weak story premise to begin with. Thing is, there’s not much you can really say about the film here without talking about the main twist since it’s integral so this is now going to head into spoiler territory. If you haven’t seen the film yet then you can now skip to the final paragraph. Keep in mind that this is a film you absolutely want to avoid at all costs because it’s just pretty bad to be honest. There’s nothing really good to say about it.

Okay, so the big reveal here is that Stephen actually wasn’t in a coma. The last 6 months he has been completely awake and aware of what is going on. He just waits until Mary isn’t looking or asleep to move around. Are we really supposed to believe that he kept this up for 6 months? There’s a whole lot you have to buy into here for this to make sense. First off, this means none of the doctors noticed any kind of fidgeting or anything while working on him. Stephen was perfectly able to not react in the slightest when he was being hit with the needles, studied, bathed, etc. Really? I can’t buy into this being the case for a week much less 6 months.

It gets a whole lot worse though. So the whole film Mary keeps noticing strange things like a literal kid gagging her and then running off only for her to go back to sleep and sorta think this was a dream. So, it turns out that Stephen has been drugging her with his medicine. So….how did he do this? Did he have a needle he would inject her with while she was asleep and hope that she didn’t notice, or slip medicine into Mary’s tea/coffee during the day? Both of those options aren’t exactly realistic since there’s a huge chance she would wake up or notice.

Even more practically, Stephen was using his assigned drugs from the doctor. That means it is a limited supply, one that is carefully calculated at all times. Anyone who’s ever had an operation and gets medicine knows that they only prescribe you a certain amount of tablets and to get any more you have to go through a whole request process. How did Mary not notice that Stephen’s supplies were dramatically being reduced? He was using a whole lot of drugs on her based on the bloodwork so this does not make any sense.

They certainly gave her rather odd dreams that’s for sure. It doesn’t help with us buying into her just going to sleep and ignoring all the craziness the whole time. Tom is also annoying the whole time. Instead of being reasonable and asking Mary for help he runs off multiple times. I’m not sure if he or Stephen broke the hole in the car window but we know Tom got in somehow. He basically keeps on hiding which makes it a lot easier for Stephen to catch him while Mary is left in the dark the whole time. Mary looked pretty bad the whole time as well but at least she had more excuses than the others. She certainly should have run off with Tom into the cold though instead of staying in the house. It’s definitely the safer option and the odds of being found in the dead of night are pretty slim with all the trees around. Better to risk freezing than hiding in a defenseless position.

Another character who’s just not very smart is the doctor. So, he knows that someone’s drugging Mary and sees someone moving firsthand. So, in light of this he drives on over and naturally crashes his car in the ditch. He then walks through the front door just asking what’s going on and why Mary won’t show herself…when he knows there is a crazy killer in the house. Naturally he gets bumped off real quick like nobody’s business and you’re left wondering if he was smart at all. He didn’t exactly race to call the cops either. So much for this guy being a professional because nothing about him made you think that the guy was an expert.

Stephen’s also a terrible villain. His whole motivation is basically that he wants to be with Mary in a rather twisted sense. Any scene with him will definitely make you cringe. Particularly his opening reveal as the villain. That scene in the bath takes forever and every second drags on and on. Any scene involving his obsessions with Mary ends up being a lousy one. Stephen also gets hit with a whole lot of sucker punches but unfortunately Mary never finishes him off so he always gets right back up. The worst instance of this is Mary knocking him down and then giving her back to him while having an entire conversation with Tom before….naturally getting blindsided. What was she expecting was going to happen? Stephen also seems rather strong for someone who wasn’t able to move around freely for 6 months but we can also balance that out with Mary being in a drugged state I suppose.

Overall, Shut In is definitely a terrible film. There’s really nothing to like here The reveal about who the villain is makes for a terrible second half and the execution seems like it was focused more on shock value than logic. The whole thing just doesn’t add up no matter how you slice it. You have to suspend an incredible amount of disbelief as the film goes on and after a point it just isn’t possible anymore. The romance in the film, what little we got was pretty bad. The villain’s awful and none of the characters are very smart. The film has a whole lot of shock value but none of it has any substance. Ultimately this is a film you should stay far away from. There just isn’t anything here to really give the film a win in the end.

Overall 1/10

The War Wagon Review

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Usually I’m not a big fan of westerns. You do have some that end up being quite good but I find that the average one just doesn’t work too well. A lot of times the characters aren’t super likable and they usually end up hunting some animals in the desert. Well, this one ended up being pretty solid. The War Wagon really manages to grab all of the good Western aspects while dropping the bad ones. It’s just a very solid all around film that could have even jumped up to great status if you cut out one subplot that was holding it back.

The movie starts with Taw getting out of jail early and heading to his home town. He’s still upset because a rich crook named Frank ended up framing Taw and then stealing his land along with all of the gold. The guy is now extremely rich while Taw effectively has nothing left. Frank has an entire army now and basically rules the whole town. Taw isn’t going to let him get away with this, no chance. That said, he will need to get some men to help him out. The issue with just attacking Frank is that Frank has something called the War Wagon. Effectively it’s a tank that stores the gold and it is always guarded by about 50 men. Taw will need to recruit a few other fighters to help him out.

It goes the Magnificent Seven route in that respect as he has to get a bunch of people to help out. By far the biggest character is Lomax though. Lomax was an assassin sent to destroy Taw by Frank but fortunately Taw made a better deal. It’s good because while both characters do get a lot of hype here, I personally thought it was pretty clear from the start that Lomax is the most skilled gunfighter in the film. It’s why he has earned such a good living from taking out targets and everyone gives him a lot of respect. Lomax is also the best character in the film, any scene with him is bound to be a lot of fun. It just wouldn’t be the same without him.

The banter with Lomax and Taw is solid and easily one of the strengths of the film. Additionally the gunfights are pretty solid here as well. There aren’t a whole lot of them but when they arrive they are worth the wait. One solid scene is when two underlings of Frank decide to bag the two heroes themselves. It didn’t exactly go well for them. In a gunfight on its surface you may figure that anyone can get a good win since all you need is one clean shot but that’s why the quickdraw is so important. The main characters can draw with lightning speed.

With two solid main characters supported by good writing and action you can already tell that the film was going to be good. Lets talk about the characters which are more of a mixed bag here. Frank is a solid main villain. He may not be much of a fighter but I thought he was actually pretty smart. The idea of a War Wagon is actually really good and he was careful with his money. He wasn’t taking any risks and was also quick to hire an assassin on his side. If Lomax wasn’t on the take, he probably would have won the film during the bar scene. That was definitely a fun fight I should say and a highlight of the movie. The film even has fun parodying the whole “battle music starts” kind of intro. You hear piano music start to play when the brawl begins but then the camera pans out and we see that someone was playing the piano who quickly gets booted off.

One of the worst characters in the film had to be a guy named Billy. For starters he is a chronic drunk who constantly puts the entire team in danger. Even after being warned several times he still goes to get drunk immediately. The guy keeps on pulling off this nonsense and so by the end there’s no way to find him even remotely likable. When the stakes are this high with the goal being riches beyond imagination, you’d think that you would be able to hold out for a few more days or as long as it takes right?

Then you have Wes who actually is the worst character. His subplot is the one that absolutely didn’t need to be in the film. Effectively he bought Kate to be his wife who basically had to agree due to the money. Not only is this plot completely out of place but it adds nothing to the story. It’s also unfortunate that the main characters are even working with him. Some characters like the drunk you can understand. They aren’t heroic but at least they’re still here for the cash and aren’t acting overtly evil. Wes was really a waste of time here and the sooner he left the better. Pretty much any scene with him is brutal.

Levi was good though. He came in clutch on multiple occasions such as striking the deal with a nearby tribe to help Taw and also helping him out at the bar. Levi even helped reduce tensions with Lomax when the guy wanted more money. Now this is a character who really pulled his weight and without him the team would have been in serious trouble. That’s why the characters are more hit and miss. I’d have definitely been cool with the whole group not really being formed and this being more of a quick buddy cop adventure with Lomax and Taw trying to pull off a big heist. Their banter would certainly go a long way.

Overall, The War Wagon is a solid film that really flies by. I would say one of its strengths here is that it’s just a fun adventure with a lot of replay value. Even the smaller scenes like the heroes debating at the bar can be pretty fun or Lomax having to stall for time as he gets Billy knocked out. It’s certainly not a perfect western but I would say it passes the bar of being pretty good rather easily. If you like the genre then I’m sure you’ll like this movie. It’s got all the fundamentals that you could hope for and then some.

Overall 7/10