Tag Archives: Horror

The Mysterious Strangler Review

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The Mysterious Strangler is a film that really goes by the books without trying any big twists. As soon as the main character starts to get very obsessive about his work you have a feeling where this is going. If only he could have stayed strong right? Well, that was never going to happen but it feels like the film almost forgot to start including the actual strangling. So we get a speed run near the end but most of the film was rather low key.

The film starts with a man named Styles being murdered for the crime of strangling a lot of people. He says that he didn’t do it even as they hang him. We then jump 20 years into the future where a writer named James wants to prove that the guy was innocent after all. There was no real evidence to support that Styles committed the crime aside from a lot of circumstantial evidence that kept on adding up. Superintendent Burk thinks that this is madness since it’s a 20 year old cast but lets James continue his investigation. Shortly afterwards the murders start up again though. Why would they start up again after 20 years like this? It is quite alarming and now the main characters must find the culprit right away.

With the murders back up you have to assume that either the original murderer is still out there or this is some kind of copycat. Either scenario would work well enough when you think about it but the timing next to James’ investigation is a big thing to note. If James had started doing this to try and help his theory that would have certainly been a crazy twist. Unfortunately the cops are often too late to stop the strangler from taking his victims down so there is a bit of a body count by the end.

The writing is solid enough. I liked the dialogue between the characters and it always has a very mature feel to it. The characters address each other respectively and know what is going on the whole time. They’re all professionals after all and even the corrupt security guard has a lot of bravado to him. James has nobody to blame but himself for expecting this guy to come in handy as a witness later on. Why would the cop ever admit to helping him break into a grave when that crime would put him out of a job? James definitely was lacking a bit of situational awareness there.

Randomly we see that the prison and asylum are both rather crazy. At prison they’re just casually beating everyone to death and in the Asylum they handle James very roughly and even force him to eat some porridge in the most disturbing scene in the film. The climax definitely goes from 0-100 really fast with the twists too so the film wasn’t really holding back to end things. The way one character jumps through a window is even unintentionally funny. There’s no real reason for all the urgency and running at this point but I suppose it just couldn’t be helped.

For the cast here, they are all okay at best. James is a very obsessive main character who absolutely wants to be right and is quick to go into threats You can’t really trust the guy all that much. He’s also so completely convinced that Styles is innocent without having any real evidence on hand so in a way isn’t he just the opposite extreme of everyone saying that Styles was guilty? James is also quick to break the law to further his own ambitions, so you definitely want to keep an eye on him.

As for Burk, he was my favorite character here. The guy may not have bought into the theory at all but when the murders started he did take the whole thing very seriously and jumped right on in. His ego didn’t stop him or anything like that, he was just determined to solve the mystery and put an end to all of this. He even did his best to try and convince James that he wasn’t crazy which was considerate of him. You couldn’t ask for much more from the superintendent.

There’s also a very mild subplot where James’ partner wants to marry James’ daughter. The main character really has no time to think about this but is upset that he was basically the last person to find out about this and wasn’t even told directly. That’s a pretty valid complaint I suppose since you’d think they would have mentioned it a bit sooner. Oh well, better late than never I suppose. I don’t think James would have taken it super well in any event.

There’s quite a few random dancing scenes in the movie as well. This all leads up to the dancers being the main victims of the Strangler and I’ve noticed that they seem to be the targets of the villain quite a bit. At least recently it seems like I’ve seen a few films where the villains head after the dancers. I suppose they figure that these are easy targets but the scenes can last a while where you feel like the plot is frozen. It would be better to skip the performances and we just see the Strangler running around.

While played seriously, there are two murders that almost appear to be part comedy. One is when a fire is started so the guard runs in and quickly gets taken out. You’d think he would have been a little more cautious considering where he was. Then you had one of the girls who was baking some bread and kept on singing so she never heard the Strangler until he approached. The cops had just arrived to check if he was there but she was super dismissive and knew that nobody had appeared.

Also, I should note that the Strangler only has one good arm. You’d think that this would make it a little easier for the victims to take him out but unfortunately they still end up getting crushed by every trick. I thought that was a little crazy, you mean to tell me that nobody thought to trip him up or do something? A one armed villain can’t do nearly as much as someone with two arms, that’s just basic addition right there. I know that this is an old horror film where the victims can’t do much of anything but I’d have liked to see some of them fight back.

Overall, The Mysterious Strangler is a fairly run of the mill film and compared to most titles in the genre it’s quite good. The mystery at least gives it a little more depth than the others even if the culprit is clear from the start. I mean as soon as you hear the summary and recognize the main actor you probably know something’s about to go down. That’s probably the issue with being so well known I suppose. The film stays classier than most Hammer productions though and never gets too violent. The movie’s also short and should keep your interest the whole time so I wouldn’t call it bad. Put simply, this isn’t a great film but it’s good enough to warrant a watch if you need to pass some time by.

Overall 6/10

Ready or Not Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Hide and Seek was always a lot of fun as a kid. The apartment’s not huge or anything but it was still fun finding a place to hide and seeing how long I could last. In a mansion I feel like the game would always take a very long amount of time, especially since you could keep moving around. Turns out that this makes for a very solid film premise. So much so that you forget this is a horror film half the time. I kind of thought of it as a comedy/thriller the whole time and I’d say that’s a complement to the film. This one ended up being better than I would have expected.

The movie starts with Alex getting ready to marry Grace. He’s super rich and so his family make a big deal about the whole thing. None of them seem to like Grace very much but she doesn’t mind. After all, she’s going to be marrying Alex so he’s the only one that matters now and he is super rich too so she’ll have a lot of things to keep her busy. That night there is one last tradition now that the two have been married. Grace just needs to play a little game with the family…hide and seek. The rules are simple. The family will try to murder her at all costs and she just has to survive until Dawn. Easy right?…..

Right away you can tell that this family is absolutely insane. It’s also a premise that’s very bonkers but also exciting. To add a bit more context here, it’s not like they try to murder the bride every time, or else they wouldn’t be such a big family. See, the tradition is that they have to play some kind of game and usually it’s one that is quite harmless like Old Maid. The only game that is life or death is Hide and Seek. Also, it’s a game that the family really doesn’t want to lose. Why? Because if they don’t murder her by Dawn then they will all die as foretold by the prophecy. Grace is initially at a disadvantage because she doesn’t know about these stakes but she quickly finds out the hard way.

Now your first question is probably why Alex didn’t tell her this right? The short answer is because he’s a chump and easily the worst character in the film. The long answer is that he was worried she wouldn’t marry him when she found out how insane this whole thing was and perhaps a small part of him believed the curse that they would all die if he didn’t show up with her. I’m sure the greedy part of him figured that a different game would be chosen and so her life wouldn’t be at risk anyway. In that case I wonder if he ever would have told her, or at leas the would have waited until it actually happened.

As Alex spits out these excuses in short order you can casually throw them all to the side. None of this blocks the fact that he’s an awful person and there’s no excuse for putting Grace in this mess. He looks absolutely dreadful throughout the movie and even if he’s not one of the active participants trying to murder her for most of the movie, he’s still the worst character here. So many excuses and so little time.

Grace does well to keep it together the whole time considering how unexpected this is. It takes her a little while to figure out what’s going on but once she does, Grace proves to be a very resilient fighter. She takes on a lot of injuries, including a particularly painful one with the screw, but keeps on going. By the end she’s nearly lost her voice with how frantic the whole thing has become. She thinks fast at the very ending too and also has a solid last line. Ultimately I don’t think she’ll be considering marriage again anytime soon but this experience will certainly have made her stronger.

The rest of the family are all insane. Don’t let some of their calm attitudes and personalities fool you. They may be joking around but they’re all trying to murder Grace so that means they are just cool about doing this. Not a very good look for them if you think about it. The first one here is Daniel and at least he has a bit more of a conscience than the others. He doesn’t actually want to murder Grace but at the same time he isn’t brave enough to openly go against it. So he just makes sure that he’s useless in the chase which indirectly does buy her some time. By the end I had him as one of the best characters.

He certainly puts in more of an effort than the rest of these guys and deserves some level of credit for that. All of these characters are guilty to an extent just for participating though. Then you have Charity who is the exact opposite of Daniel. She is eagerly doing her best in this hunt because she wants to stay in the family no matter once. She hints that she had a rather rough upbringing and so becoming rich was the best things that happened to her. She is more proactive about this than just about all of the other characters to be honest.

Tony is really one of the ringleaders here as the father. He believes they have to follow the rules absolutely although he does relent to using the security cameras to cheat once it’s been a while. So in that sense he is willing to break the rules once it’s convenient. Becky is a little more sympathetic to Grace’s plight but at the same time she is certainly aiming to murder her so it doesn’t mean much. That’s why to some extent you almost prefer the ones who are openly trying to get Grace because the ones who talk tough about how they feel bad aren’t doing anything about it. It doesn’t make them any better, just worse for being half hearted. Daniel’s really the only exception to this as he actually helps out with his meddling.

Helene is the oldest one here and definitely the most ruthless. She absolutely has no qualms about taking Grace down and even thinks they should get Alex to do it as it’ll help him see the light. It’s quite twisted logic but it shows how far down the rabbit hole she is. Helene definitely is insane by this point. Then you have Fitch who doesn’t even seem to take anything seriously. He is still trying to take Grace down though so he’s the perfect example of a character who seems nice enough but has no problem being a murderer so he’s just as bad as the others. You don’t get any points for acting nice.

Finally Emelie is the klutz of the group. She keeps on murdering other people by mistake even when aiming for Grace. It definitely makes for some humorous scenes. Emelie really has a hard time not murdering people by mistake which could be useful in some contexts but of course it isn’t very handy for the villains here. At least it gives them one weakness.

As a part comedy/parody the film has a whole lot of fun with this premise. After all, it’s just a game for the family and most of them treat it like that. Down to how nonchalant they are about the whole thing and people dying. We see a graveyard filled with bodies so while it’s apparently been a while, it’s still often enough for this to have all accumulated over time. It’s disturbing but also very interesting.

Now even if it is for laughs, the film can be quite violent. Some characters are lucky enough to die quickly while others get stuck in an elevator, get shot by an arrow but keep staying alive, etc. These guys can’t catch a break and Grace took some heavy injuries as I said. I think the tone helps it not feel so bad at times but the movie definitely was not afraid to get violent at times.

The mansion makes for a good backdrop during the hide and seek game. I rather enjoyed it and the place certainly does look fancy. There’s also a very catchy tune that plays when they start the hide and seek game. It helps to set the atmosphere here and when the song plays you know that something’s about to happen. Visually the film is also really impressive as every moment stands out. It just feels very professionally done. The film also has some twists near the end of the movie which should catch you on guard. It’s also possible that you’ll have seen through them but they were executed well either way.

Overall, Ready or Not is surprisingly a good film. The writing is on point and the film really keeps you engaged throughout the whole game of Hide and Seek. Towards the end we get so many “climax” moments that you really don’t know how things are going to end. It’ll keep you guessing that’s for sure and you probably won’t forget the hide and seek song anytime soon. This is the kind of film where a sequel would be different but as part of the parody angle I could see her trying to marry another rich guy and get thrown into a new scenario. Might come off as a bit forced though and I wonder if a sequel could match this one. I feel like the premise would be easy to mess up. Either way, if you don’t mind the violence then I would recommend checking this one out.

Overall 6/10

Doctor Sleep Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

While an improvement over the first film in the series, Doctor Sleep is still not a film that you’re really going to give much of a thumbs up to. It has some good ideas but really ends up wasting them and goes for way more grit than is needed. You will be engaged during any scene where the villains aren’t around but once they show up it becomes game over.

The story starts with a girl named Andi using her mental abilities to scar an evil predator when she is approached by another psychic named Rose. Unfortunately Rose is much more powerful and quickly subdues Andy and takes her to their cult. There she is brainwashed and forced to work for the villain group while also getting a big power up. See the villains have two goals. The first is to live and to do so they have to absorb the shine from people who have powers.

Effectively it’s like a person’s life force and only those with super powers have this. Then the other goal is to keep their ranks strong by turning others over to their faction. They have to keep a balance where the group isn’t too big and they also have enough prey left to absorb. It’s hard to say quite how many shiners there are in the world but if the villains are too successful they may start to run out of people to absorb and die anyway. After taking out a kid, the villain group sets their eyes in the main heroine Abra as they noticed her watching telepathically.

That takes us to the main character Dan. He has really been trying to keep a low profile after surviving the original events of the Shining and just wants a peaceful life. So even when Abra shows up and explains that there is a dangerous group out there, Dan refuses to help and goes back to hiding. Fortunately he is convinced to help by the ghost of his old mentor. This won’t be easy since he’s up against a complete group of fighters but Abra is tough in her own right so perhaps that will balance things out.

I was not a big fan of Dan though. The fact that he was so quickly going to abandon Abra was unfortunate. Sure he’s scared and all but when you know that a kid’s in trouble you’d think that you would try to help some more. At least teach her how to fight a bit or something. Instead he has to be guilt tripped into helping. He also doesn’t do very well with the willpower by the end of the film as the villains were just too much for him. Considering how much experience Dan has, I would have liked him to have been a bit more powerful here. Maybe walk into the room with a confident grin or something like that as he takes the villains down one at a time.

It would have been more satisfying than his having to be running all the time. At least at the end of the day he still does help out even if it was reluctantly at first. Abra’s a much more interesting character and it’s rare to have the heroes be more powerful than the villains. From the start we see that Abra is a lot more powerful than any of the villains. The only way they can keep up is to amplify their abilities with the magic drugs and even then they don’t last long.

Abra is a good guy so she doesn’t just go around murdering them but otherwise she may have been able to stop them in their tracks. She pull’s a good trick on Rose at one point where she lures her into the mind realm so Abra could then go into Rose’s mind and find out their plans. Rose is a fairly young kid but she has certainly learned how to do some creative things with her powers and illusion abilities.

If there were more films in the series I feel like there might be some foreshadowing for her going to the dark side soon though. She actively tells the villains that she hopes their death were painful several times and really relishes in her victories. Of course a large part of this is because she completely despises the villains for what they did to the kid at the start of the film so she wants them all to pay. Give her another year or two of training and she should really be completely unbeatable.

While the film has some action and they get to use their magical abilities, the film never quite goes into action territory. It’s unfortunate because I think this would have lent itself well to that kind of premise. The powers are easily weaponizable and then the villain group could have all gotten to have some fights with the heroes. Instead the only action scenes we get are very down ot Earth like fighting with a knife or something like that.

The battle with Dan and Rose is very anticlimactic for example. He played the matchup quite poorly and the scene of him getting drained just drags on for a long while. You know what they are building up to with Dan’s trump card but even that scene didn’t look quite as impressive as it should have.

Also, I was waiting for him to try the coffin technique on one of the villains. I figured this was foreshadowed with how close he was to using it on his old friend. If it only works on you once you’re dead then that’s a fair counterpoint to why he didn’t even try to use it but then he certainly needs more abilities at some point. Dan does well with crashing a car at one point though.

It’s nostalgic seeing the old mansion later on. While the Shining was pretty bad, the actual mansion was fun. I don’t think the house itself lives up to the hype at all though. For the most part all of the tricks are completely ineffective. In the end Dan really has to take things into his own hands because the house just wasn’t working. For instance there’s one scene where the river of blood shows up and the villain just smirks. The house is clearly not a threat to her at all and while I guess that almost feels like a twist I guess, you may as well have not had the mansion at all. You could almost call the mansion itself filler.

As mentioned earlier, any scene with the villains is awful though. They’re shown to be as demented as possible with their various ceremonies as they murder and brainwash everyone. The way they murder the child is particularly brutal as they mention the death has to be as painful as possible to absorb more shine. It’s definitely the kind of plot details that we did not need. I was not surprised that the kid dies since it seems like something this film would pull off but they went out of their way to make it as bad as possible.

Any scene with the villains trying to absorb the shine always drags on and on. The villains are not even remotely interesting and you just want them off the screen. Unfortunately for Abra she has to feel all of the pain as well thanks to her full synchro ability which is always something that you absolutely do not want to have. It ends up backfiring almost all the time.

Even from the start with Andi we quickly learn that her backstory is super grim dark. Even the scene of her taking down that one chump at the beginning can’t just be that she’s taking out a bad guy but we have to learn what kind. In general this is the kind of thing that can really hurt horror films in general. The more extra details you give to every scene, the more likely it is that you’re going to focus too much on the shock value and not get to the actual plot in time. This film certainly shows us that the world in which the Shiners live is a really depressing one and that just makes the film more depressing as well.

As Abra is the only really solid character here, I wouldn’t say that the writing or cast is all that good either. The film isn’t super violent all of the time at least but the kid scene certainly filled up the quota there. If the villains could have at least have had some semblance of a more interesting goal or character development then maybe things could have been different. As it stands, they really do their best to crush the film.

Overall, Doctor Sleep is a sequel that takes the series in a very different direction but still ends up failing. In a way that’s impressive. It beats the Shining as this film would at least have its interesting moments. If you cut the scenes with the Baseball kid out then that would help quite a bit. The score still wouldn’t be quite positive but it would win a few points. You just won’t have any fun in this film by the end of its run and for that reason you’ll want to give this one a big pass. If you want to watch a film involving super powers then it’s time to watch one of the Bleach films instead

Overall 1/10

Frogs Review

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I have to say, I had my doubts about a horror film based on frogs. After all, that has a lot of potential for animal violence and generally not being a good film. Well, it ended up not falling into that trap so I was glad about that. I do think the title is incredibly misleading for the most part and I would have changed it personally. Not like a title is going to hurt the score though. I wouldn’t call Frogs a particularly good movie but it does enough to stay afloat which is far more than I thought possible from this sub genre.

The film starts off with Pickett minding his own business as he takes photographs of the local animals. Unfortunately his boat is tipped over by Clint and Karen who were enjoying a nice boat ride. They tell him to come to their private island so they can give him a nice meal to make up for this and send him on his way. This is actually a very special occasion as it’s Jason’s birthday and that guy is the captain of the family. When it’s his birthday everyone has to attend and make a big deal of it. Jason says that nothing will stop this birthday celebration. That is put to the test when the big family starts to get bumped off one by one. It couldn’t be….and yet….could it be the Frogs taking them out??

If you told me this film was part parody I would actually believe you. The way the characters react to their whole family being destroyed can feel unreal at times. Jason is absolutely true to his word about sticking to the party celebration. Even with multiple family members dead he keeps on with his plan. The guy is certainly the main human antagonist of the film but it’s so overdramatic that it’ll make you chuckle a bit. Absolutely nothing phases the guy which is really quite incredible. By the time he takes the threat seriously it’s far too late.

The death scenes are crazy though. One guy walks into the greenhouse. I forget why he was there, but it might have just been to mend the plants or he was looking for medicine. Well, a snake starts to slowly toss each of the ingredients to the ground which gradually causes a poisonous effect. Now this isn’t a subtle poison but an obvious one as the smoke ends up filling the room. This guy…..walks towards the poisonous smoke instead of away from it…even as he sees that the snake is dropping bottles. Sure enough, the snake keeps going so the bottles keep falling and that’s it. There’s just no escape at that point but it was probably the oddest way to go out.

A close second though is one lady is taken out by a snapping turtle. Basically she tripped and couldn’t get out of the way in time…but it’s a turtle! They’re so slow I dare say you could outrun one while crawling or being on the ground. Honestly you could probably even defend yourself really well unless I’m underestimating them. No comment on the leeches death though, I guess that one’s hard to get around if they’re draining you dry at a rapid pace. I can also say the alligator death would be incredibly difficult to get around. Once you’re in the water with it I don’t see a way out so I completely understand on that one. It’s very understandable that this is a fight you cannot win.

So each of the characters is bumped off but you’re probably wondering…what about the frogs? Well, the frogs are there but they just don’t do much of anything in the field. Instead they seem to give orders as they are constantly yelling to each other in that way frogs speak. It’s not terribly exciting but evidently it gets the job done so who am I to argue with the results right? Having the frogs be the masterminds behind this whole plot is definitely interesting but I would have liked to have seen them fight more. I think the writers were probably wondering just how a frog could destroy somebody. Personally I’d go the poison route, like it’s so strong that the person can’t break free. That would work well enough.

Knowing that the characters are mostly all doomed, it’s hard to get attached to any of them. Pickett is the main character here and he’s reasonable enough I guess. He tries to stay out of the family drama for the most part which is really a smart move. At the same time, he’s trapped on the same island as the rest of them so there really isn’t much of an escape either. He’s just going to have to ride this one out and it’s tough to get off of an island like this when your enemies are all over the ocean. That’s something he has to deal with right from the start.

Clint didn’t seem like a very good guy. He wants to please Jason so that he’ll get the inheritance and unfortunately he chooses that over defending his wife. Then you have Karen who is easily the most reasonable member of the group. Unfortunately she is also hesitant to stand up to Jason which means that she delays the group in leaving until the last possible moment. That definitely doesn’t help matters for their chances of survival.

The film has a good twist ending but the problem is that it’s before the actual ending. Usually you want to have the twist at the end, at least that’s how I figure you would want it right? That’s not actually the case here though. It’s still a really good twist and I like how nonchalantly it’s handled but this absolutely should have been the final scene in the film. That would have really left a huge impact with the audience. It sets up the sequel quite nicely and that’s really how you want a horror film to end.

So, is this film taking itself seriously or is it a parody? Well, ultimately I do think it’s taking itself seriously and the victims are unironically making all the horror movie mistakes. Splitting up, tripping, etc. It’s just some of these decisions will really be having you scratch your head at how it all plays out. It’s also just a little hard to take Frogs seriously as the main villains even if they are having the rest of the animal kingdom helping out.

Most of the deaths aren’t really that violent. This is still part horror-thriller though so you can expect some painful ends. It has more restraint than most titles like this though so it should get some credit there. The writing is okay, nothing spectacular but I thought the characters were decent enough. The film will manage to keep your attention the whole way through too. You’ll even feel sad when the frogs end up crushing the birthday cake and all of the festivities. Those guys really were not holding back here!

Overall, Frogs may be a film that will have you chuckling half the time but it really does mean well. I think you may like it partially in an ironic way but that’s still enough to get it some points. I wouldn’t call it a bad film even if it’s really not very good. That’s why I have it squarely in the middle. You’ll have some fun with it, the film’s got good pacing so it doesn’t drag on and the film really goes all in on what it’s trying to do here. At the same time there aren’t many memorable characters and even fewer likable ones. There’s nothing about it that particularly would make it stand out as a good title.

Overall 5/10

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Looks like Halloween is back once more with another installment in the series. It hasn’t had any good films yet and I wasn’t expecting this one to change things. Halloween 5 is a very by the books slasher where Myers is just taking down anyone who gets in his way. The characters just can’t get away from him anymore and should really go as far away from town as possible when it’s Halloween. Too bad the residents of this town aren’t nicer though as nobody seems to take Myers seriously until it’s too late. The movie plays out exactly as you would expect it too so don’t expect anything different here. The tagline may make you think that the town’s going to fight back or something but that was in Halloween 4, not 5.

So the film starts off by changing the last film’s ending a bit. Myers actually ended up surviving and falls into the river where he ends up in a coma for a year before waking up and murdering the guy who found him. I have to assume that this guy was insane for keeping Michael Myers at his place for a year and not doing anything about it. From the creepy set up though I assume the guy was probably another villain though so it all evened out. Well, now that it’s Halloween time again, Myers wants to destroy Jamie once and for all. Can he pull it off or will the cops manage to stop him?

Jamie’s not in a great place either though. After the events of the last film she was traumatized so hard that she can’t really talk anymore. Additionally, she has a psychic link where she can feel everything that the victims feel before Myers takes them out for good. It’s probably the worst kind of psychic link you could ever have since that means it’s like Jamie is murdered multiple times here. I don’t think there was much of a point to this plot because the psychic link randomly ends later on. That’s probably for the best for Jamie’s sanity. Her plot of not being able to talk also ends when the writers are done with it.

Jamie ends up being a very annoying character throughout thanks to this though. She never helps with the investigation and almost seems to protect Myers at some points. I don’t understand her in this film and if she’s conflicted then the movie should have given us a reason for this. Even near the end she tries to have an emotional moment with Myers before he just goes crazy again. It’s a terrible film for her that’s for sure.

It’s no better for Loomis though. He’s even crazier than usual here as he uses Jamie as bait more than once. He’s still yelling about Myers but since he has failed so many times I can see why nobody takes him seriously. There’s a man in a black cloak who even follows him into a house and could have murdered the guy but doesn’t for some reason. The absolute worst scene for Loomis though is when he breaks down and tries to hug Myers as if this unrepentant serial killer zombie would suddenly have a human moment.

The movie has a ton of crazy scenes like this throughout but this one really stood out to me because of how absurd the whole thing was. Nobody should know better than Loomis how crazy this guy is. A hug was never going to be in the cards. As for Myers himself, well the guy is about the same as always. He mindlessly goes around destroying everyone who gets in his way. He’s not completely mindless as he comes up with some plans like impersonating one of the teenagers he murdered. It’s not a super realistic disguise but it works so I guess it paid off. There just isn’t anything to know about Myers, he may as well be a robot with how automatically he tackles every task.

It almost goes without saying that the film is incredibly violent here. Someone is getting murdered at all times and usually in very intense ways. Jamie having the psychic link means that she also takes a ton of damage in the film even if it isn’t bloody since it’s in her mind. Then the film has the teenagers do their one night stand real quick just to force that into the movie as well. It’s a rather gritty movie all around and just feels less focused than some of the others. This one feels like they just needed another Halloween film and didn’t bother to come up with more of a plot.

If anything I was more interested in the shadowy figure the whole time. He only gets a few scenes but at least he adds the air of mystery to the film. He also has an impact on the ending which leaves the film on a nice cliffhanger. Horror films pretty much have to have a cliffhanger in each title and I can safely say that this one was on point. It’s not like it would make me be hyped for Halloween 6 but it’s a silver lining that I can grab onto.

The other human characters like Tina just don’t have a chance to do much. I would make the case that the heroines from the earlier films all had more character. For Tina you’re really just wondering if she will be able to make it to the end of the film or if she’ll be doomed. Either way at least she’s better than all the other randoms here. You have the guy who owns a car and is rude to everyone at all times. (Guy is ready to murder the others over his car) You have the best friend who doesn’t take anything seriously and then her guy who is just around for romance.

There are no human characters that are good here. You can barely even tell that one of the cops from the last film is still around. His daughter died in the last film so you figure he would have an axe to grind but the film really doesn’t pay him any mind at all. I think she is maybe referenced once at best. The other cops are even able to be tricked by Loomis and overpowered at gunpoint. Two others admit that they aren’t good cops and get clown music when they’re destroyed.

It’s such a random scene too. I don’t think this film is necessarily trying to go the comedic route but maybe they decided these characters would be an exception. There are also a ton of fake jump scares so get ready for those. Half the time the build up to these moments is all fake so after a while you will probably start tuning these moments out. Sometimes you’ll even have fake jump scares back to back which is certainly a bold approach.

Overall, This is a film I would definitely say to avoid. Halloween has never been a film series with any real quality but at least you usually felt like the stories had a real focus. This one just never seems to have any real point to it. One bright side is that the film really breezes by as a result but it’s definitely a sequel that adds nothing to the franchise. I would highly recommend avoiding this one as much as possible.

Overall 2/10

Cube Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Time for one of those death trap films where you have to survive until the end to win. Of course it won’t be very easy and if you know your genre well then it’s unlikely that more than 2 will survive. In fact, sometimes you can’t even expect 2 to make it. So as you watch the film you will be wondering just when these guys are gonna die. Unfortunately the film is pretty bad and doesn’t end up using the concept to its full potential.

The movie starts with all of the characters waking up in a mysterious Cube. Each room is lit up by the same 4-5 colors and it’s easy to get lost. The place seems to be endless as well which causes the characters to start cracking. Making matters even worse is the fact that many rooms have death traps installed within them. Can the heroes really find a way out of here or is it game over for them?

A movie like this is usually doomed as soon as you see the cast since the characters tend to be unlikable and this one is no exception. The characters always end up being either mean, evil, or complain a lot. They’re not ready for this kind of adventure and it’s why you always wish they would do a film with a group of trained professionals instead. For once it would be nice to see the characters not be panicking the whole time and actually just make the right calls when it counted. This isn’t that film though.

First you have Quentin who’s the worst character in the film. You know how his character arc is going to play out almost as soon as he starts talking. Maybe it’s an escape room type gimmick but you know that you’ve seen this character arc play out before. It’s a shame since the drama should really be focused on the literal death traps instead. Quentin’s scenes just get worse and worse as he film goes on which is a shame since it just drives the film lower and lower.

Granted, the film was always going to be a really low one. It’s a pretty violent film with the death traps everywhere and each death is always rather gruesome. One guy gets his face melted off, others are stabbed. There aren’t really any happy moments in the film. Since the characters started off already in the cube, we don’t even get a happy intro with the characters talking as they walked in an area for a test or something. The film is part mystery as they don’t even know why they are in the Cube in the first place.

Joan is effectively the main character here. She’s a math genius which really comes in handy here due to how the Cube works. The film throws a lot of twists about this but the key thing to remember is that as a trap/puzzle there is a right way to move around. If you find this method then you will end up going far and claiming victory. Of course it isn’t easy though. Joan definitely goes through quite a lot in the film. I wasn’t particularly a fan of hers either though. She complains a lot with the rest of the group and isn’t particularly nice to Kazan.

Nobody is safe from cracking in this film. Kazan is one of the biggest examples as the whole experience basically broke him completely. Unfortunately you feel like he’s just here to make everything more uncomfortable for the rest of the characters. One of the worst scenes is when he has to use the bathroom and it’s crude moments like that which will hold the film back even more. You don’t need anything like that in this film or any other.

David is the cynic of the group who thinks everyone is dead anyway so we may as well not try further. He is hiding some secrets which strengthen his case on why they shouldn’t do much but of course that’s not very helpful in trying to stay alive. He’s really not being helpful to the cast at all. Someone like this is just really annoying to have in the group spreading more negativity.

Helen also can’t stay focused as she talks about the government conspiracies and how someone is always watching. Her theories only serve to aggravate the rest of the characters even more. She seems nicer than most of the other characters at least even if she breaks down a lot. The only character who seemed likable was Wren. He wasn’t panicking and was at least making some moves in trying to get out of here. I can at least respect that.

But yeah this is the kind of film that’s just very mean spirited the whole time. It’s about throwing the cast into an unwinnable situation as you watch them all get bumped off and turn on each other. If the film had stayed about survival and didn’t go down the “Lord of the Flies” route then it would have been better. Likely not good of course but at least it would have been better. The death traps are all you need and everyone turning on each other is always one of the worst plot points.

In fighting is bad enough but the films always have to go way too far with it. If everyone was just upset at each other or snapping with insults that would be fine. It’s when they try to murder each other or go further that we have a problem. That’s most of the second half unfortunately because the characters figure out how to get around the traps reasonably early on and so after that the people are the real danger.

The ending is your classic horror ending so I won’t say how it goes but you aren’t expecting a happy ending here anyway. We get a few jump scares but the last one doesn’t even make any sense. I don’t see how this person would be here given what we just saw. That’s absolutely impossible, it’s just not going to happen and is here for pure shock value. The film simply couldn’t leave well enough alone and it makes the whole journey feel even more pointless.

Overall, This film is just pretty bad. There’s already not much to salvage within the sub genre when you take it to the horror extreme and this one lowers the bar further by adding all kinds of unnecessary plot elements. The only thing I would say for it is that the design of the Cube is rather solid. I liked the various colors and there were some decent background music tracks within. The mystery itself might compel you a bit but as the film goes on you get the sense that you’re not going to be getting any answers to it anyway. You will have your headcanon at least which will have to do. Of course with more films out you may get all of the answers there. I wouldn’t advise checking this film out or any of the sequels though.

Overall 1/10

The Predator Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you decide to have a bunch of villains be the main characters it doesn’t seem to end well. One of the Alien films tried pulling this off with the prison movie and that wasn’t great. Suicide Squad tried this with super villains and no dice. Now you’ve got The Predator where the main character is surrounded by a bunch of lunatics and unsurprisingly none of them are particularly likable. That’s a bit of a problem because that means the rest of the film has to work that much harder. This one was ultimately not able to succeed.

The movie starts off with McKenna and his squad of army fighters going through the forest when they are attacked by something out of this world. McKenna manages to survive but the rest of his squad is taken out. McKenna quickly mails himself some of the alien tech he was able to grab to prove the truth about the aliens but the government quickly catches up to him and naturally they want to keep this a secret. So they send him to a prison to possibly be lobotomized or just buried there forever. The Predator appears once again to take names though so McKenna convinces the rest of the crew to knock the cops out and escape. Now it’s their turn to hunt the Predator. They were all trained professionals at one time or another before being taken to the asylum so surely they can beat this Predator right? That is McKenna’s hope at least and he has to hurry because the Predator is now after his son since the kid has the equipment now.

McKenna is really the only good character in the film and that’s a shame. He’s not a bad lead or anything but it’s really hard to hold a whole film on your back. McKenna does his best but ultimately you just wish there was a better supporting character. He is determined to help his kid and does get a lot of solid moments as the film goes on. His gun skills are on point and he lives up to the hype that he builds for himself. The main heroine Bracket isn’t bad I suppose although criticizing the Predator’s name along with another one of the characters kinda feels petty considering that she’s just found out that aliens exist on the planet. The name can wait. While it’s played for laughs, she did have the right reaction in going for the gun and firing it when she woke up in an unfamiliar spot the way that she did. You always want to play it safe after all.

The rest of the guys from the truck are just super annoying though. They contribute quite heavily to the poor writing in the film as they just talk like criminals. We get a whole lot of crude dialogue the whole time and they can’t keep their eyes on the prize. They’re easily distracted and also lack reaction times like when one guy started shooting at a barrier instead of jumping. Not a really good move there. I really would have preferred if the main characters would have been McKenna’s squad. I guess that would be a clone of the first film but I can get behind that.

Naturally this movie is super violent so if you’re not up for that then this is a movie that you will certainly want to be skipping. Characters are ripped apart and really taken down a few pegs. The Predator isn’t holding back and then of course you also have the Super Predator running around. I feel like we’ve already done the whole Super Predator thing like in the third film but with all the films soft rebooting or at least taking things to a new location, why not go through it again. It is interesting how they switched up the Predator’s motivations a bit here. So now they hunt in order to improve their species through some kind of spinal fluid. It’s like Attack on Titan I guess.

It’s a reasonable explanation for why they hunt but it doesn’t really add or change anything so I don’t have much of an opinion on that. It’s just there I guess. I will always still prefer Aliens to Predators. As for the kid Rory, he has a few scenes that might stretch your disbelief with how he operates the Predator tech but at least he doesn’t immediately figure it out like the girl from Robocop. I’m not a big fan of kids getting a big role in these things since they always become a hostage at some point like how this kid is inevitably grabbed later on. I guess Rory handles the situation decently enough but I just want to get back to the big battles.

The movie easily has the best ending for a Predator film though. It’s like something out of Skyline or Iron Man. The heroes are finally going to have a way to fight back against the Predators. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like the sequel may be coming at this point but if it does I could see this being the very best entry in the series. I would have a whole lot of hype for that one because it’s just such a good ending. It would really change the entire tone and feeling of the franchise and for the better. This would be more of an action series going forward and I am absolutely down with that.

Overall, The Predator is pretty much what you would expect from the series. The Predator goes around bumping everyone off as he dashes around. I do think it is not the weakest entry in the series or anything like that as it destroys the second film but it does feel like the series is completely stagnated. It makes all of the usual mistakes like being ultra violent and having an unlikable cast. That’s why the ending is interesting to me because it would show that the series is finally about to change things. That would be a massive win for the series. Not sure they would succeed but at least it would give them a fighting chance. If we just go back to basics with another Predator showing up to destroy a bunch of random humans then it feels like the series is just going in circles at this point. I’ll give the third film some props for at least massively changing things up.

Overall 3/10

How to Make a Monster Review

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A movie about the villain being a guy who designs the monster suits is very original. I’ll give the film some points there and while it does go into the more classic creature feature kind of story beats, it’s still a different angle to it at least. I thought this was a rather solid film and of course we got to see corporate step in to try and take control. It’s an entertaining film from start to finish even if you have to suspend a lot of disbelief for how slow on the uptake all of the kids are.

The movie starts with Pete working on his horror effects as always. He’s really outdone himself this time as the Wolfman and Frankenstein look so real that everyone will be terrified. Pete knows that he’s done a great job and is rather proud of his work. Not many can say they’ve reached this level of talent. Well, his dreams of the future are ended abruptly as the company is bought by a new studio that doesn’t want to make horror movies anymore. They view horror films are old hits that won’t be popular anymore and tell Pete that this will be his last picture. Pete has no experience with anything else and so even when a bunch of people offer him some new gigs and ideas, Pete turns them all down. He wants to prove that his monsters can still be scary enough to be a success though. So Pete remembers that he has hypnosis powers and decides to turn his two latest stars, Larry and Tony, into malicious monsters that will murder all of the new executives. Can he pull this off?

It’s certainly an ambitious plan on his part and one that only works if he has absolute skill as a hypnotist. If he was just an ordinary makeup guy then he would have been doomed from the start. This way though he is even able to give the kids super strength by commanding it. He won’t stop until everyone’s dead! By the end it also seems like he wants to take their heads to put on his display case which was a really radical jump but I guess we already knew this villain was crazy so it shouldn’t be too surprising.

I don’t think the film intends for you to feel bad for Pete anyway which is good since he would make this very difficult otherwise. The guy resorts to murder almost immediately just because the execs don’t like monster movies. There’s no way you could make a guy like that very sympathetic. He slowly gets more and more unhinged as the film goes on. He’s certainly lost it by the end that’s for sure. He barely even tries to hide the fact that he’s the villain, Larry and Tony just aren’t very smart so they don’t notice.

Pete has an assistant in Rivero but he isn’t very smart either. He practically tells Pete that he will be betraying the guy soon. He says if the cops show up that it wasn’t Rivero who called them but the mind controlled teens. Sure……sure they are the ones who called the cops but Rivero will be out of state visiting family? Rivero must have known how this would play out but since he seems surprising, it makes him one of the biggest suckers in the film. Cmon now, you can’t try threatening the main villain like that or dropping any crazy hints. It is not a good idea.

As for the two teens, well they don’t have a whole lot of character. When they aren’t being mind controlled they are wondering what’s going on and talk to each other about how this might be a trap. Near the end of the film they even try leaving but the door’s locked. Rather than panic or try to bust through, they ask the main villain why he locked the door. Yeah…I wonder why. These kids are really not too bright and they were very nearly destroyed here. They barely even felt like people at times and were just plot objects to do Pete’s bidding. I would have liked to have seen some intelligence and critical thinking from these guys instead. That could have taken them far.

There was one random character I enjoyed a lot though as a mysterious third party. His name was Monahan and he’s a guy who thinks of himself as a detective. To his credit, he did a lot of ground work and even figured out that Pete was a likely suspect. His main mistake was in telling that to Pete though. Don’t tell your suspects that they are a suspect until you’ve reported this to the cops. Otherwise it kind of defeats the purpose and puts yourself at risk. So Monahan may have made a rather obvious mistake there but I did like how confident he was. At the very least you won’t be forgetting this guy anytime soon. I thought he was even more entertaining than the two corporate execs.

Those guys were fun too though. They were definitely not the nicest guys around but at least they were trying to give Pete a severance package. The corporate takeover could have honestly been a lot worse. Ultimately they are here to get the job done though and so they can’t just back off too quickly. They’re here to end the monster films and that’s final. The characters just have to learn to respect that and most did….just not good ole Pete.

Overall, This movie is over in the blink of an eye but it succeeds at what it is trying to do. The Creature Feature setup works well and I liked the whole designing aspect. It helps give Pete a little more control over the monsters than usual and you can’t go wrong with hypnosis. I may scoff every time it appears but at least it explains why these teens were crushing everybody. Otherwise I feel like they should be getting dominated by the execs and corporate. Those guys aren’t going to lose to a bunch of kids. The ending wraps things up nicely and so if you want to watch an old creature feature, this is a good one to check out. The writing is good and the film’s just fun. It’s got a lot of energy to it all the time and I enjoyed all of the characters. The heroes and villains were all properly developed. Some may not be very smart at all…but that’s also why the guy is stuck in a dead end assistant job for this many years under the creature designer. We even get some fun exchanges between the cops and the villains when they are brought in for questioning. It should remind you of Detective Conan with how Pete feigns a ton of outrage at how the heroes would dare suspect him. Works every time.

Overall 7/10

Alien Nine Review

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Alien Nine has definitely got a handle on the strange atmosphere that only a few shows I’ve seen like Serial Experiments Lain have pulled off. There’s always a sense that something’s about to happen no matter how happy the scene is and so you’ve got a full sense of danger there right off the bat. That said, as a darker magical girl show, this one doesn’t quite reach the hype and levels of intrigue as Madoka. It ends up being rather twisted for the heroines but not always in a cool way.

The 4 part show introduces us to a world where alien invaders are common place. They crash on the school all the time and the local alien defense force takes them out. The defense force is made up of 3 girls from their respective classes. It’s a job that most of the girls don’t want but some don’t mind doing it. Basically each class holds a vote like for a student president and then they send their representative off to go and fight the alien monsters. This year the 3 girls selected are Otani, Kasumi, and Kuni. Otani is really not happy about this while Kasumi is thrilled and Kumi is more ambivalent. In order to fight off the aliens, the girls have to wear symbiotes which protect them as automatic defense weapons and shields. Now since these are symbiotes that at least hints that there is some give and take here. Is this really all above board and why do the aliens constantly attack this school?

I feel like the show drops the pretense of this being your classic magical girl adventure almost immediately. The symbiotes look creepy from the start and the OVA always has a lot of moody music and a dark color scheme. It’s all for that spooky atmosphere I mentioned earlier. Of course, it still does have its share of happy scenes, you’re just always waiting for the catch. Things continue to get more serious as we delve into the show and see more of what makes this school tick. As a short OVA, it does end on a big cliffhanger and doesn’t exactly cover the whole thing but that does make for a hype ending.

You could say the main plot is when the giant alien known as Yellow Knife appears. He claims to be Kasumi’s brother but this is likely mind games on his part. This was an easy way to get Kasumi on his side to fight against the other two. It’s a rather intense climax filled with dreams and inner visions that aren’t real as the teachers try to get control of the situation. You’ll want to stick around to the end as that’s when we get to some of the big cliffhangers. Lets just say that the body count is rising here, one character just can’t catch a break.

So lets talk about what didn’t work first and then get to the positives. Well, Otani is a really bad main character, there’s just no way around that. She is constantly crying and just doesn’t want to be an alien hunter. It is a dangerous job so that’s understandable but if she’s going to be forced to do this you’d like to see her really get tough. That said, she’s so young that it seems awfully mean of the parents to allow this to continue. We know the teachers will try to keep her in it as part of their nefarious schemes but unless the parents are in on the take, I’d like to see them try to help her get out of this a bit more. It’s really like Otani is being tortured by staying here. With one host getting eaten and another one murdered, you feel like Otani can only survive for so long.

With the main characters being so young, they’re effectively trapped in a lot of these decisions because they just aren’t old enough to get out of it. Having a character as reluctant as Otani is more tragic than funny the whole time. She really has to put up with a lot and will almost certainly be traumatized by the time she’s an adult at this rate. Otani has to see creatures get blown up right in front of her on multiple occasions after all.

The symbiotes themselves don’t really seem good or evil so much as they’re just there to help their owner. They’ll destroy any threats as they deem necessary although the teachers ask the heroines not to let that happen. Their having to lick the characters after the mission seems completely unnecessary though and just another creepy part of being an alien fighter in this world. It definitely gives Otani even more of a reason to want to quit right away. There are no noticeable upsides to being an alien fighter, especially when it seems like the group never actually makes any progress on this.

Kasumi is the only member of the 3 who actually enjoys the role and she is the most entertaining character as a result. All of the skills come naturally to her and she can even fight off opponents personally without having to rely on her symbiote. I like that at least someone came ready to fight here and so it’s a shame that she has to miss out on most of the climax.

She is rather obsessed with her brother who moved away though which starts to get to some almost disturbing territory with Yellow Knife manipulating her and some of the visuals that we get. It’s not cut and dry like Wixoss so you could make the case that it’s normal but it did feel like the OVA was getting there. Either way, the whole alien merging into her like a Chest Burster was one of those weird scenes that isn’t weird in a good way. The show even squeezes in a chest burster scene early on as the characters watch some kind of alien film.

The creatures get blown to smithereens during each of the fights. It’s monster blood so it isn’t quite as drastic as if they were normal creatures. It’s green and all although it can be a bit excessive, reminded me of Planet Hulk in a lot of ways. It’s less of an action context when Otani is going around slaughtering them all when she’s being mind controlled which may be why it feels more intense but it’s just another check on the list of reasons on why Otani would like to get away from this job as soon as possible. At least no real animals appear here which is always a good thing.

Now on the plus side, the main theme song here is catchy. It’s definitely got a more classic magical girl feel to it. From the theme song at least this appears to be your standard adventure. The rest of the themes within the show aren’t quite as memorable but it’s a decent soundtrack that works well enough in the moment. The animation’s definitely not as high budget but you do get some cool scenes like when the characters block attacks using the symbiote. Having an automatic defense which can also transform into anything is incredibly handy.

In a lot of ways it should remind you of the symbiote from Marvel. These guys can do pretty much everything that Venom can and can also talk. They allow you to resist illusions and generally seem helpful. Now, like Venom it may be hard to trust them at times but since the girls have to put their lives in the symbiote’s hands every day I guess you have to hope for the best. If it’s a true symbiotic relationship where the creature needs them too then it should balance out and they’ll keep you alive.

The final girl from the trio is Kumi and she’s nice enough. She’s always been helping students who couldn’t keep up or just helping everyone at large as student president. It’s why she wanted to join the group so she wouldn’t have that burden anymore but it ended up not working out perfectly well for her. She’s too nice for her own good and still tries to help Otani out. It makes her a well balanced character and definitely the natural leader of the squad. She may not be as powerful as Kasumi, but Kumi is definitely the person you would want to have at your back.

Hisakawa is the main teacher here and she’s as corrupt as they come. As one of the people in charge of the whole alien situation to trap these kids, she is really the main villain if you think about it. The disturbing part is how nonchalant she is about the whole thing. She doesn’t really seem to care for the girls’ safety at all so when she appears you always know she’s about to make some more unreasonable demands. She even wanted Kasumi and Kumi to leave Otani alone. Fortunately they realized this wasn’t quite right and stayed to back her up.

Naturally the Principal is another big villain here since she’s one of the head honchos. You certainly can’t trust her and will want to keep your distance as much as possible. Interestingly, the adults seem to have the symbiotes perfectly merged within them. We see that their hair can turn into drills which is how the symbiotes fight. So either they mastered the control as part of the symbiote bonding or the symbiote just took control. Either way it doesn’t spell a great picture for the kids who have to wear these symbiotes every day.

So lets talk a little more about the setup here. What seems to be the case is that the teachers raise a bunch of aliens in their labs and also create the symbiotes out of some kind of water substance. They then pick a few kids every year to wear these symbiotes. Aliens are strategically let loose within the school to be summarily captured by the kids although they sometimes end up being slaughtered. Rinse and repeat so of course this begs the question of why the teachers are doing this. It has to be for an evil reason or they would just let the kids know that the aliens are being manufactured to test their skills or something.

I think we can read into it based on the adults who have merged with their symbiotes. Most likely what this means is that they are feeding the Symbiotes. So I think the best explanation here is that the symbiotes did take over the principal and by extension they also took control of all the teachers. My only question would be why they don’t take over the whole school. Just have every kid wear the symbiote. With Otani it’s mentioned that some kids have better fusion rates than others so perhaps most people don’t mesh well with the symbiote. I suppose that would work and either way they’ll continue to spread even if it’s slower.

The whole Yellow Knife appearance is what threw a wrinkle into everyone’s plans since this wasn’t something the teachers predicted. They respond incredibly slow to the new threat though so it doesn’t seem to concern them a whole lot. I thought at least the teacher would be super concerned since she already failed once and can’t afford to lose the kids but you never see much of a sense of urgency. Not like the teacher is all that tough though as she was still overwhelmed by the alien’s illusions. Only Kumi really seemed to be able to break through the illusions quickly thanks to her symbiote.

The OVA has a twist ending at the very end so make sure you stay all the way through. It should raise a lot of questions while also leading you into the next act if you ever check out the manga. As mentioned earlier, the body count rises as someone dies but the problem is there are too many suspects to really figure out on who did it. It could be anyone who is being mind controlled, any of the symbiotes, teachers, principals, aliens, etc. Part of the danger in this school is how anybody can be an enemy. You can’t trust anyone, Otani probably can’t even trust her parents since they could be aliens.

In a way it’s like the Secret Invasion in Marvel. If fully realized symbiotes like the teachers don’t even appear anymore and just merge into your hair (Similar to what Otani did during her rage mode) then there’s no way to track them at this point. Any person can be part alien and you would never know it. I think this would have a lot of potential if you wanted to turn this into a mystery thriller or something as a group of humans try to stop the alien invasion. Thing is, it’s probably already too late to stop them. The feats that the symbiotes perform would make it a simple matter to destroy dozens of opponents in an instant. They can block any attacks including bullets and wouldn’t break a sweat. Not that the symbiotes can probably sweat but the point is that there are no threats to them. Humans wouldn’t stand a chance.

Overall, Alien Nine is not an OVA you are likely to forget. It’s got a very spooky aura right from the get go and the fact that the main girls are so young means there aren’t a whole lot of ways to escape. In effect that’s part of why the show can be so unnerving because most Shonen Leads can punch their way out of this but the girls can’t realistically do much. By the same token, that’s what holds the OVA back. The characters can only passively follow along with what is happening. They’re effectively all victims of a much grander scheme. It’s like they’re strapped into a rollercoaster that they can’t get out of. It can all be rather tragic at times and it’s sinister enough where you won’t have a great time here. Almost every scene is someone crying or yelling because of all the trauma. I’d like to see a sequel to this with older main characters trying to fight back against the aliens. Time to uproot the society they’ve built here and turn this into a Shonen. This is the kind of show where there is always a lot to talk about and theorize though. Still, if you’re looking for a very creepy alien invasion story, it would be hard to beat this one. I’d say it’s even spookier than Lain in some ways.

Overall 5/10

House of Frankenstein Review

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The House of Frankenstein is a big crossover with Dracula, The Werewolf, and Frankenstein’s monster. Once again I found myself impressed at the continuity here with the same settings reappearing and the movie actively acknowledging previous ones. It’s definitely a fun film and really my only issue here is that none of the 3 monsters get to interact at all which is a shame. Dracula shows up in the first act, the Wolfman makes his move in the second, then Frankenstein acts in the climax. Seeing them all duke it out would have really been a blast but the story is strong enough where you don’t need the monster action to have a good time. With good writing and solid characters, the movie was in a good spot from the start.

The movie starts off with Niemann finally getting out of prison along with his loyal sidekick Daniel. (The guard looked awful in the first scene when he got close enough to the door to be choked though. Doesn’t even seem like this was the first time that happened and the scientist is surprisingly strong to do that considering he doesn’t look like he has lifted weights for a day) The villains want to find Frankenstein’s journal for different reasons. Doctor Niemann so that he can finish the research and do some body swapping and Daniel so he can shed his hunchback form and look like a normal person. They murder the guy who got Dracula’s body and head off to the caste where the monster and wolfman were last seen.

Now you have to give the scientist Niemann a lot of credit here. He is extremely well informed to the point where he knows the wolfman’s whole life story. This guy knows the plot of the last film and what the wolfman was doing at the castle. Furthermore, he is able to threaten/blackmail Dracula himself. Now Dracula fans won’t be thrilled at his appearance here because he looks utterly disgraceful. I would go as far as to say at the worst a Dracula has ever looked in a movie, even worse than his slipping and falling off a cliff in an earlier film.

This Dracula is terrified of Niemann and doesn’t have enough strength to overpower him either. What happens is Niemann awakens Dracula by taking the stake out and then threatens to put it back in of Dracula doesn’t obey his every move. It seems like Dracula considers trying to overpower Niemann but then realizes this would not work. Niemann sweetens the deal by saying he will guard the coffin and Dracula is very quick to swear his undying allegiance. You’ll probably be dying laughing instead at how this guy has fallen. It’s even worse when you see how quickly he is dispatched.

One of the strengths of the film though is how each villain brings his own cast in. For the Dracula part of the film we get to meet a group of characters who even seem like they would be the leads. You have the main heroine who is ready for a good adventure, the skeptic who doesn’t believe in vampires and such, the police chief who thinks something fishy is going on, and the heroine’s husband who is cracking lots of jokes. Once Dracula is gone these guys are quickly written out to the point where we never know exactly how their situation ended up. You will have to imagine how all of the reactions were.

Once we get to the Wolfman, Larry Talbot then we are at the emotional part of the story. Larry is still cursed with being a werewolf so he’s hoping to die at this point which is a really dark plot for such an old film. The problem is this is very difficult since it’s like the Hulk where the werewolf has some regen and can’t die easily. The only way is with a silver bullet from someone who loves him. Larry agrees to work with Niemann since the guy promises to give him a new body. Of course that guy is more interested in running other experiments so he takes his time with him. I really question Niemann’s decision making though since each full moon runs the risk of Larry murdering him. I feel like Niemann never even considered that possibility though which is odd.

I always liked the Wolfman so it’s cool to see him appear here. He is certainly the most heroic of the monster group although I suppose that really isn’t saying a whole lot. He is just cursed to transform against his will which is really a rough fate. As for Frankenstein, there isn’t much to say about him because he’s pretty much a mindless monster. He does true to protect Niemann so perhaps he sees the guy as his creator. Either way he still has his weakness to fire though which is always tricky. It was satisfying to see him take down Daniel really quick though since that guy was the new super strong monster and I was rooting for the original to take that round.

Daniel is a character with an emotional backstory too of course. He can’t find anyone who loves him with the hunchback appearance so he follows Niemann in the hope that the guy will cure him at some point. At the end of the day he is still a villain who will murder anyone in his way though. There is a brief romance plot with Ilonka who goes around leading on Daniel and then crushing on Larry. It’s safe to say that this plot was never going to have a happy ending in this monster film. Particularly as she only helped to put Daniel on the darker path a lot sooner than he would have otherwise.

The ending of the film is actually pretty funny. While the film is taken seriously the whole time and I can only assume this is for the ending as well, it’s just the way that it all happens will make you chuckle. Niemann certainly had quite the ending, that’s for sure. In fact, you could say that each of the villains really paved the way to their own demise without the heroes having to do a whole lot.

Overall, this was a really fun film. I still think it loses some energy by not having any of the 3 monsters interact though to the point where the Dracula part feels like a completely different movie with different supporting characters. The pacing is solid though and the film goes by in a flash. Also, I do like the fact that Niemann is quite strong both verbally and physically despite being an old scientist. Choking out the guard was still incredibly impressive and then of course threatening/blackmailing Dracula has to put you up there as well. I would go as far as to say this might be the best evil scientist in these creature features. If you like seeing these supernatural monsters then this is a film that you can’t miss!

Overall 7/10