Tag Archives: James Bond

The Spy Who Loved Me Review

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It’s time for more Bond and this time he will have to deal with a rival who may even be on his level. The concept is definitely cool but as the film goes on, you realize that the rival is a paper one. I’ll explain more about that in a minute but needless to say this film still falls into the usual issues of a Bond film. Perhaps that is just the inevitable fate of most Bond adventures.

The film starts with showing us how both Bond and Anya are messing around despite being called the world’s greatest secret agents. Bond manages to murder a bunch of enemy agents as he heads back to base though. MI6 has called him in to find the missing nuclear submarine that someone stole from Russia. Naturally this is a pretty big deal since it is a national crisis. Russia has also sent in their best agent, Anya to find out what’s going on. Both of them will be crossing paths as they uncover the mystery behind this but can they keep their hands to themselves?

I do like the hook of finally seeing another secret agency in the forefront. Surprisingly the films don’t often do this. Sure, other agencies like the CIA are referenced but typically they tend to just get wrecked off screen. That said, the film doesn’t totally commit to the bit as Anya isn’t super skilled. Perhaps relative to some of the other agents but she consistently feels outmatched here. This is why I would call her a rival on paper.

So on paper Anya is a genius, master of martial arts, and her resourcefulness speaks for itself. She should be able to hold her own against anyone. Well, on the field it just doesn’t play out that way. She may be able to defeat Bond at times in word games like when she mentions where the submarine is. Additionally, she is able to defeat him by using his weakness to women and spraying him with a knock out gas. The whole thing was super embarrassing for Bond but when it comes time for a fight, she is dispatched quickly.

She allows Jaws to defeat her even when she had a gun on him and he was unarmed. When she crosses with Bond, she is pitting her karate chop against his gun. Anya just wasn’t ready for this and the fact that she can distract Bond with her charms just feels like a consolation prize at best. I would have liked her to have been out there in the field murdering a ton of fighters and really giving Bond a reason to respect her abilities. Considering the series we’re watching, this will probably only be possible if the rival agent is a guy.

As for Bond, well he looks pretty bad as always. The whole world is in danger with the nuclear weapons here and he’s still trying to make a pass at everybody? Bond needs to lock in at this point and he just doesn’t have enough moments like that. Bond is ready to have his fun and lose the mission which is not what you want a hero to do. I appreciate his smug attitude and how Bond talks down to everyone but it’s still hard to overlook his faults.

Meanwhile Jaws is a solid villain because of his skills even if he lacks the overall charisma that Scaramanga had. Jaws is shown to be borderline superhuman with how he can absorb so many blows. He walks away from a massive car crash at one point with essentially no injuries. Bond is clearly not able to beat him one on one but is quicker so usually the environment ends up being the deciding factor. Jaws mouth is metal after all which makes things difficult for him around magnets.

His boss is technically the head honcho but that guy doesn’t look all that good. I appreciate all the tough talk and how he dispatched several characters in the opening scene. He knows how to stay on top but ultimately gets a little too cocky. His gun needed to be quite a bit shorter to be effective and the trigger needed to be silent. The guy had an interesting goal of wanting humanity to only live beneath the waves though. I’ll give him some points for originality I suppose.

As always the film suffers from fanservice and terrible romances which distract from the main plot. In fact, this time it’s even worse because the plot is completely going against the romance. Anya’s whole plot is to avenge her fiancé but she’s messing around with Bond right away. You could try to defend this by saying that it’s part of her job and she’ll get with everybody in order to further the mission but that really doesn’t help at all. It just pushes forward the worst trope of a female agent which is having to do any of that stuff in the beginning.

Nah you need to be able to solidify her as a top tier threat who doesn’t need to do that. Bond never does either, he just does it for fun. That needs to be dialed back as well so that he can actually be a likable character. The film’s general pacing and story is good but these things hold it back quite a lot. The fanservice is unrelenting and is something you don’t see so much of outside of the Bond films. In a way that’s what makes it so notable here.

I should mention that the songs aren’t all that impressive for me. I didn’t cover that in the prior Bond film but generally none of the songs have moved me so far. They sound decent, I’m certainly not calling them bad. However, I would not be looking them up on Youtube or anything like that. They really lack a better beat or incredible lyrics that force you to rewatch them. These just feel like what you would expect from a Bond film tbh and I don’t really mean that in a good way.

Overall, This film had an interesting premise but didn’t live up to it in classic Bond style. I will always take a plot like this with multiple factions over not having them at all though. If you have liked the Bond films up to now then you should like this one as well. In a lot of ways it is playing the adventure completely straight and that’s not a bad thing for the most part. The series just needs a way to lose the fanservice and then it can one day rise up as one of the all time greats! Until then, it will have to be satisfied with being at the back of the pack when it comes to action/thriller franchises.

Overall 4/10

Live and Let Die Review

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It’s time for another James Bond adventure. The Bond films do tend to be on the weaker side next to other secret agent kind of films but occasionally they end up surprising you. Unfortunately this is not one of those times. The film can be rather out there at times which is a nice change of pace for the series but it still does run into every one of the usual issues. As a result, it’s a film that won’t end up ranking all that high for you and instead will leave you hoping that the next one will be better.

The movie starts with some secret agents getting bumped off with ease so James Bond is called back into action once more. His mission is to go to New York and find out what is going on. There are ties to the New Orleans overlord Kananga who is head of a rather powerful operation. Something that could even end up overpowering M16. If Bond doesn’t stop this conspiracy soon, it’ll be all over for humanity.

One funny thing about this film is how Bond is 2 steps behind the villains at every turn. EACH TIME Bond thinks he has a lead or is about to get the drop on the villains, we find out that they were aware of it the entire time. He is captured numerous times and has to be bailed out on many occasions. Only luck and plot armor are enough to keep him safe during all of this. You’d be forgiven for thinking that Bond was a total amateur in this adventure.

Bond walks into a villain stronghold with no plan and so he is immediately defeated. Another time he sits down at their restaurant and falls into a trap. He falls into the same trap a second time later. These are only a few of his missteps. The villains really should have just bumped him off at that point but they do love their theatrics.

The villains also have the arrogance of not keeping their fortune teller Solitaire guarded at all times. She has the special ability to read the future so long as she never gets intimate with a man. Bond’s whole thing is that he has no moral compass when it comes to love but even if the villains didn’t know that, why wouldn’t her house constantly be guarded? How are you a pivotal player in a giant terrorist racket and yet you just go back to your home like it’s nothing after a mission? This naturally ends up in disaster for the villains.

Solitaire isn’t a particularly good heroine though as she relies too much on the cards. She allows them to completely dictate her destiny and yes, even her love life. The cards are also total trolls since they gave her an answer that would mean losing her powers no matter how you slice it. So in a way you could say that she never had any real chance of winning here. There is another heroine named Rosie who isn’t particularly likable either. Another easy score for Bond and someone who never really gets to prove her skills on the field.

It’s no wonder why all the other agents are constantly dying. Bond seems to e the only capable one around. That’s also a pretty sad thing since as this film shows, he isn’t all that great. He’s distracted too easily by women an doesn’t know how to avoid any traps. He is not the kind of guy that you want to rely on to save you. It’s just not going to work out very well in your favor.

The humor in the film can be pretty decent at times. When a character named Sheriff Pepper shows up, the film briefly becomes a full on comedy. The change in tone is rather dramatic but it works out well. The chase scene may be a bit too drawn out but it was nice to see the sheriff show up to yell at everybody. He really had a lot of confidence and so it made it easy for you to root for him.

I also appreciated the laughing villain who seemed to have some real supernatural abilities. He was tough to deal with and just kept on coming after Bond. This film delving into the supernatural like that also helped to increase the stakes, it’s just a shame that the villains couldn’t have been more entertaining otherwise. I also don’t really care about the tribe subplot with all the snakes. I did enjoy the New Orleans parade that would be used to bump off the heroes without anybody suspecting anything. That was a scene that I thought was actually super clever and both times it was used was really effective.

So if the Bond films could just stay away from the consistently terrible romances there might actually be something here. Have him act a little more professional. Meanwhile the opening credits song should be used more for total hype than for the fanservice. The songs sometimes aren’t even all that bad themselves but the images will have you cringing. The writing for the film isn’t all that bad either but everyone feels a little too easy. It’s at its best when the film is trying to be about the secret agent stuff. The gag where the driver was in on the whole trick was really good. That was an effective moment without a doubt and one of the big twists about the villain was also good. I would just say that for large portions of the film it didn’t feel like there was a ton of plot here. Certainly less so than in other films because this one got so ambitious with everything going on that it wasn’t always focused.

Overall, Live and Let Die is not one of Bond’s better films. It still has all the fanservice and one night affairs as the older films but without a lot of cool villains or action scenes to try and combat that. In fact, don’t expect Bond to be doing much of any fighting for most of this title. It can be funny to see Bond losing just about every encounter he does have without even putting up a fight but the actual plot isn’t nearly as interesting as it could have been. Ultimately this is a huge demerit to the film. I would recommend checking out some of the latest Bond films instead of this one. It simply doesn’t age well.

Overall 4/10

Diamonds Are Forever Review

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It’s time for another James Bond adventure and unfortunately this is one of his weakest. As always it does have a ton of problems like with the fanservice and Bond being a terrible main character but I dare say it falls into the traps even more than the others. It’s fairly close I suppose since the films are known for this but there’s just not enough time to have fun on the proper spy stuff. At least I can take solace in the fact that Bond looks like a chump for most of the film.

The exception is the intro scene as we see Bond systematically murdering everyone who works for Blofeld and getting on his trail. This climaxes with Bond murdering some of the henchmen and even Blofeld himself. Now he is ready for his next mission involving a bunch of diamonds that are being smuggled around the planet. There is something going on here and meanwhile we have two assassins who are murdering anyone who has even come into contact with them. Will Bond be able to stop them?

So lets get the obvious negatives out of the way first. The film is loaded to the brim with fanservice in just about every scene. The whole opening credits have a lot of this as expected and then you’ve got a bunch of different heroines running around here. You figured that Bond might tone things down after he got married but that’s not the case. Instead he is back to his old ways completely. So much for becoming a loyal guy. This is why it’s always hard to root for James Bond.

He’s living the fantasy all right, but that’s usually the villain’s job. Then Bond does look really bad on several occasions. The worst is when he let his guard down around the diamonds and got thrown into a coffin to be cremated. He had to be saved there since he was really about to die. Then later on he is knocked out again after walking into the most obvious trap of all time and is only saved by the villains’ ineptitude. Bond doesn’t feel like an ultimate secret agent with how many times he messes up.

I know that he’s only human and can’t be expected to be perfect but I also expect him to be putting up some real fights. For example at one point Blofeld has him at gun point and tells Bond to walk into a mysterious room. Bond does, where he gets knocked out but why do that? Take your chance and rush at Blofeld because the room would obviously be an instant death otherwise. It’s why in real life if someone tells you to get inside a car at gunpoint you make a break for it. Because going in the car will just be a more painful death or something worse, whereas if you mess up on the run, at least you’ll be dead quickly from the bullet. It’s not guaranteed but your odds are absolutely better.

So Bond loses all of the goodwill that he got during the opening scene which is a shame. At best it can be morbidly humorous to see him flipping the script on some of the ladies who seduce him by having his fun and then just lying afterwards. Why they would actually believe him is something I’m still wondering. They’re all just real desperate I suppose. Also it’s worth noting that Bond was getting absolutely crushed by two ladies in the climax which was another embarrassing moment for him. One of them had a super long wind up to her big attack and he still took the whole thing to the face. Definitely a low moment in his career.

It was fun to see Blofeld getting more of a role here though. His plans may not always be all that great and he is wildly overconfident but after so many films of being in the shadows, it was great to see him take center stage. His body doubles were also pretty fun. The way he goes out is perhaps not the dignified ending people would expect but these villains often do have a way of crumbling as soon as the going gets tough. It’s a tale as old as time.

Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are two villains who get old really fast though. I was actually annoyed at how much screentime they got and how often they kept getting the best of Bond. It’s not even like they’re super tough but Bond just forgets to take anything seriously half the time. We got the whole book-end scene with Bond’s wine knowledge coming into play but you mean to tell me that he was otherwise going to start eating/drinking a meal from room service that he didn’t order? I swear Bond has absolutely no survival sense whatsoever. He gets lucky so many times because he should be dead over 10 times in this film alone. Kidd and Wint just have the charisma of a stick of butter and that weakens the whole assassination plot.

Tiffany is the main heroine out of all the heroines but I can’t say that she’s very good at all. She is ready to help out by the end of the film but also makes a ton of mistakes the whole time and comes off as way too easy. Tiffany shouldn’t be degrading herself to be with a man like Bond that doesn’t even care about her. I won’t fault her for messing up by switching the discs though because from her point of view that actually made a lot of sense. If anything it’s impressive that she was able to switch it out without alerting anybody. She wasn’t so lucky a second time but the attempt was worthwhile.

The fights we do get are pretty fun here. There is a solid amount of action throughout the two hours and some good physical stunts as well. That’s why the Bond films tend to be tragic. The action that we do get is very sound and the plot is engaging if not a little overly convoluted. The diamonds switch hands so often that you start to lose interest after a point. I dare say that the film did as well because it doesn’t really factor into the space laser all that much. I think it may have doubled as a power source or something but yeah it wasn’t super focused.

Overall, This is definitely a James Bond film. It is quite direct about what the appeals of the film are meant to be and unfortunately they haven’t aged well. I like a good ole power fantasy as much as the next guy but Bond is really a different kind of fantasy and it doesn’t make him look particularly likable. The films would eventually improve once we got to the newer ones but this was a real low point in the franchise. You should skip this one as quickly as possible and just go with a different Bond adventure.

Overall 2/10

Goldeneye 007 Review

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All right it’s time for one of the more iconic Nintendo games. Everyone knows about Goldeneye from back in the day after all. It’s won many awards and everything. A lot of its acclaim comes from the multiplayer mode though so what happens when you go into the single player campaign? Well I would say that it doesn’t age quite as well as some of the other shooters with all of the bonus objectives you have to accomplish but props to the folks who managed to conquer this game. It gets deceptively hard by the end and without a guide some of the puzzles would have really had you stumped for quite a while.

The game follows the story of the movie with Bond having to save a girl and stop an enemy threat. You know, classic Bond stuff. But is he really ready to take on this new terrorist organization that has a seemingly endless amount of fighters at the ready to put an end to him? He will have to definitely harness all of his skills and experience with a gun in order to end this. If he can’t pull off the win…then it’s quite possible that nobody can.

Right away you can tell that the graphics here are pretty solid. The characters are a little blocky but the fact that the game has massive environments and lots of variations of guns and ammo is really impressive. The soundtrack also has the classic 007 theme among others so that gets a thumbs up as well. They went all out with the technical aspects of the game and you will not be disappointed at any point. The quality of the actual gameplay is also really good. I’m glad that the gun auto locks on to an extent but that you also have the ability to manually select your targets too.

It’s really the best of both worlds here and doesn’t force you to make a big decision either way until you are ready. I mostly stuck to the classic lock on but it did have a weakness for targets that were high up like the auto gunners so you will have to switch styles there. Your machine gun is the best bet for taking out enemies but at the same time it does use your ammo up very quickly so just be careful about that. Don’t overextend yourself or you will really be in trouble.

I did die a number of times in the gunfights but the really tough part in my opinion are the puzzles. Some of them I just really didn’t understand from the vague mission requirements. Whether it was taking a picture of a satellite that was nowhere to be found or having to access a bunch of computers you are often left in a really dicey position. Definitely not one to be underestimated and the game loses a bit of steam there. I guarantee you that it would have been a lot more fun if you could have just plunged ahead and had a blast dealing devastating damage to everyone in your path. Just make it a classic shoot your way to the finish. Instead the objectives mean you sometimes have to backtrack and the endless stream of regenerating minions will eventually take you down.

The length of the game is fairly decent. There are around 17 levels here and some can be short while others are pretty long. The difficulty also varies a lot so you are really on your toes the whole time. Just be careful because one slip up can result in your losing the level like if you break the object you were supposed to take a picture of or if your teammate end up getting shot. That last one is particularly difficult since she will often run in front of you so make sure you have terrific aim or start running immediately to stay in front.

There seems to be some replay value in playing on a higher difficulty which unlocks further levels but additionally the multiplayer aspect gives unlimited replay value. There is always something to do in that part after all. Multiplayer is the kind of content that keeps on giving which is why more and more game should strive to copy that approach. It’s definitely the way to go. Make no mistake either, the multiplayer is what really saves the game because if it was single player only then it would be good but not very good. It certainly wouldn’t be put on the pedestal that you can often find it nowadays.

Overall, Goldeneye is a pretty good game. I had my issues with it like the vague objectives but on the whole the gameplay is fun which is the important part. The story may not have been the strongest as I didn’t love the way it was told through long mission briefings as opposed to more cutscenes but the game is on the older side so I’ll cut it some slack. I would say that despite the reputation, this game is surpassed by the Gamecube ones. The Gamecube titles are top tier though so there’s really no shame in that. Sometimes that’s just the way that the cookie crumbles.

Overall 7/10

James Bond vs Shaggy

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Suggested by Destroyer James Bond is an expert agent with a lot of good guns but he is still not ready to take on Shaggy just yet. Shaggy has attained some super powers thanks to the DC crossover comics and has even gotten a full moveset thanks to the recent fighting game. Bond will find that landing any shots on Shaggy just isn’t going to happen here and the match will be over in the blink of an eye. Shaggy wins.

James Bond vs Alex Hopper

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Suggested by Sonic James Bond has a lot of gadgets and weapons at his disposal so that will make things a bit difficult for Alex. Hopper is fairly good in close quarters and can clearly run fast but I don’t think that will make up for the experience that Bond has. At the end of the day Alex Hopper hasn’t seen nearly the same kind of action that Bond has. James Bond wins.

Giant Condor vs James Bond

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Suggested by Destroyer The Giant Condor is one of those Godzilla villains that isn’t remembered all that well. The guy had no special abilities after all so maybe that shouldn’t be surprising. He was just a giant bird and I don’t think he wins this one. James Bond isn’t the toughest guy around but he does have rocket launchers and a lot of high powered explosives. The Condor just won’t be able to survive that barrage. James Bond wins.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Review

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It’s time for some more James Bond action. I would even say this was probably the strongest James Bond film from the originals up to this point. It’s fairly close I suppose and it does fall into most of the usual issues but gives us a lot of new landscapes and some pretty thrilling moments. The new Bond actor also did fairly well even if he couldn’t match up to the original.

The movie starts pretty quickly as Bond attacks a few enemy agents but is promptly defeated as they run off. Fortunately he is able to save the lady known as Tracy before she drowns. It turns out she is the daughter of the rich criminal Draco. Bond isn’t interested in taking this guy down though. He just wants to defeat Blofeld, the leader of Spectre. As long as he gets that information then he will overlook this other crime lord. Draco agrees to help Bond find Blofeld as long as Bond takes Tracy as his wife. Bond has completed many missions in his day but can he pull this one off?

Now while that is the main plot, the film is long enough where a great deal more happens along the way. For starters, Blofeld runs a clinic where he helps people get over their phobias. He seems to have an incredible success rate so obviously there is a catch. Bond goes undercover in order to get to the bottom of this and bring Blofeld down. I wouldn’t say it’s his best plan though. For one thing, I didn’t even get exactly what he was pretending his phobia was until the other characters started bringing it up. He flirts way too much for anyone to have bought that as he doesn’t even act all that different with the gang.

Yes, all of the patients are ladies of course so that means Bond will be having a good ole time there. As always he does tend to lower his guard as a result too. Bond may be known as the best agent on the planet but the guy gets suckered a whole lot. Blofeld’s main ally gets the jump on Bond…and she’s an old lady. Prepare for a whole lot of losses here.

Additionally as a character it’s still difficult to really root for Bond at all. Keep in mind that part of the big deal with this film is the whole marriage plot. Yet, he is still going around having affairs with everyone. Never for a moment do you think it’s possible that he will actually stay faithful here. I doubt he would even last a few hours and would probably start messing around with everyone right away. Bond just isn’t the loyal type.

Meanwhile Blofeld looks good here. His plan may be on the rather crazy side but it does veer into the territory of “so crazy that it actually works” so you have to give him some credit here. It’s hard to believe how it works but he does hold his own. He does fall into the classic trap of constantly letting Bond live just to rub his victory in the guy’s face though. That always comes back to bite him.

His subordinate Bunt also gets a big role here. She talks tough to Bond the whole time and is always one step ahead. Blofeld may come up with the plans but she is the one putting them into motion which takes a good amount of skill on its own. She’s quite the memorable villain as a result. She may not be a fighter but she always has a gun at the ready.

As for Tracy, she’s a good heroine. She can actually fight which is always handy such as when she grabs a broken glass bottle and actually fights off one of the henchmen. She has a strong personality and refuses to be used as leverage in any kind of deal. She’s always got a sharp comeback and would easily rank as one of the best heroines in the Bond series.

This film is famous for its ending but in case you are not familiar with it I won’t mention that here. Needless to say, it’s a pretty intense ending that you really don’t see coming. One character even goes insane temporarily because this is so much of a shock. After this film you could definitely see things getting really personal for all of the characters. Without this ending the Bond series may have really gone in a different direction with the franchise. It certainly has the most lasting impact out of all the films.

The action scenes in the film are good as always. We get a lot of shootouts as well as hand to hand battles. Some of the opponents even give Bond a really good run for his money. We have chase scenes as well both on cars, skis, and on foot. It wouldn’t be a proper James Bond adventure without all of that stuff right? The movie is long but it doesn’t drag on due to how much is going on. The story itself is strong as well. Bond even has a sidekick in this one although naturally things do not go very well for him at all.

As for the negatives though, the film has a ton of romance and affair type scenes that don’t work well. Again, you can’t take Bond’s romance seriously at all because you know he will cheat on her the very next chance he gets. It’s not as if this is his first serious romance either. The last one just ended up with the heroine getting poisoned to death and even in that film he had been cheating on her the whole time. Bond’s just not the kind of guy you can really trust in a relationship so any romance would be doomed to fail.

It also undermines him as an agent since the villains are able to use this against him. Bond’s always one step behind. If the films would cut down on the affairs they would be so much better. It would also result in a more likable cast. Right now the supporting characters have to try and hold the film together since Bond himself can’t stack up.

Overall, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is the best of the Bond films from the originals up to this point but that may not be saying a whole lot. It had some interesting ideas like Bond finally quitting M16 but that gets overturned so quickly it may as well not be a true plot point. It would make for a good story if in one film he is framed so he has to escape M16 while proving his innocence. In the meantime if you want a really solid secret agent film, I would defer you to Mission Impossible.

Overall 4/10