Category Archives: 3 Star Movies

Dirty Dancing Review

Posted on by
5


It’s time to look at a film that pretty much everyone has heard of at some point or another. I can’t say that dancing films are usually all that good and the title is already a red flag, but maybe this film would surpass its limitations and rise to stardom? Well…that wasn’t the case here, but the film certainly tried. It’s not all bad, but the main thing that drags the film down is one of its main elements…the romance.

The film starts off with the main character narrating from the future. She explains that everyone calls her “Baby” and she lets them because she didn’t see the harm back when she was a kid. As a result this is her name for virtually the entire film until one final scene. It’s definitely a name that I imagine you would get tired of very quickly. Who wants to be called a baby right? Well, her family has decided to spend the week at a vacation place where the point is to have a good time. It’s like an American version of a host club. Unfortunately, Baby quickly finds out that this place has an underground level to it where everyone goes for dicier dances. Does she have what it takes to fit in with the rest of the crew?

You’ll probably feel bad for the parents right from the start. The club seems to be decent above ground. They do a lot of safe activities like Bingo and people are generally having a good time. So long as you don’t know about the underground, you’ll enjoy yourself. It’s a typical corporate operation so the workers aren’t treated very well either which would also undermine your enjoyment if you found out about it. It sounds like this place was pretty pricey so I imagine that this would make the guests want to turn a blind eye to everything. It’s definitely not a party resort that I would particularly enjoy as there isn’t nearly enough food, but I know some would enjoy this party atmosphere.

Meanwhile, Baby makes for a pretty dicey lead. She falls into the romance awful quick. Almost a love at first sight scenario with her and Johnny although it is unrequited at first. Baby comes across as a little desperate and it would have probably been a better plot if they had just become friends. It would have really helped hammer home the message about how Baby treats everyone the same as opposed to it also being that they are romantically involved. Apparently Baby used to be very responsible and honest prior to getting into this camp so it probably wasn’t the best experience for her.

Then we have Johnny who starts out as a pretty mean guy who has been jaded from his years in service here. He thinks everyone is out to get him and for the most part he isn’t wrong. These rich guys are ready to sink him at their first opportunity. By the end of the film we see him more as a nice guy and it’s not so much a personality 180 as it is that he trusts Baby enough for her to see more of him. It’s still a romance plot I couldn’t buy into though. He’s one of the better characters by default though.

One of the main points of drama here is that the main co-dancer with Johnny is unable to perform in the main stage as she needs an operation so Baby decides to do it for her. We get a lot of dancing montages and training moments as Johnny gets her ready. It’s handled pretty realistically as you can’t go from being a novice to an expert in a few days. Even on the day of the show Baby still isn’t perfect. Which is definitely pretty realistic. Of course, she was also so distracted by the romance that it’s not like she could train quite as much as she wanted.

I’m not a big fan of dancing so even without the romance this film probably wouldn’t have gone far for me anyway. It’s one of those things where actually dancing is certainly more enjoyable than watching it. It can get pretty competitive like in Dancing With The Stars of course, but it’s just not a sport that I would watch. It’s like Golf in that respect. Give me Basketball or Football any day. The actual dancing is still done well here though, I wouldn’t deny that. They were good at their craft.

If there is a pretty annoying thing here, it’s that one of the characters basically gets away scot free. So, there’s a kid named Robbie. He goes around being pretty iffy “Nicknamed the Creep” and yet nobody talks about it. I believe he’s a relative of the owner or something, but as a result people just put up with him. He even causes one person to have a kid and then doesn’t claim responsibility. He goes around with quite a few people and even very nearly gets money for it if not for the father finding out at the last second. He’s not fired or anything since the victim didn’t press charges, but it would have been nice to have seen him get let go.

Overall, Dirty Dancing is not the film for me. The romance is pretty heavy handed and ends up seeping into most of the dances. There is always some romance in the air with that. The pacing isn’t bad the plot is relatively engaging, but without a strong cast it is limited. The writing is decent at best, but I wouldn’t call it amazing either. There are certainly quite a few misunderstandings here because Baby is super vague when she shouldn’t have been. At the very least I feel like during her final confrontation with her family she should have laid it all out. At that point they know what’s going on so why keep them in the dark on some of the aspects? It’s not as if that would have squared away everything with the folks but it would have helped quite a bit.

Overall 3/10

The Ghost of Frankenstein Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time to look at another Frankenstein film. This one brings back the classic monster for another round. It’s a pretty uninspired sequel that doesn’t have much going for it, but I suppose it wasn’t quite as terrible as some of the other Frankenstein films. It would have probably worked a lot better if there was actually a ghost rather than Frankenstein;s monster just showing up like normal once again. After all, it’s just like any other Return of Frankenstein type film in this scenario.

The film starts with the villagers still living in fear after the reign of Frankestein. They tell the mayor that he needs to let them burn down the old house so they can be rid of his curse once and for all. He gives them permission but the explosions and fire help wake the monster from his slumber. Ygor manages to help him escape and decides that it is finally time for revenge. To this end he locates a scientist by the name of Ludwig and blackmails him into co-operating. Are the villagers about to go through another dark age? (Well, Frankenstein’s monster isn’t quite that tough so this may be a little overly dramatic.

It’s a little hard to know who to root for here since all of the characters are a bit iffy. While at first Ludwig seems a little reasonable, his mad scientist nature starts to overpower him by the end as he makes some dicey decisions. Even considering dissecting the monster shows that he is not on the heroic side here. His assistant is no better and may be even more corrupt. Then you have Ygor who wants the monster’s power for himself so he can destroy the townsfolk. Even Frankenstein the creator shows up as a ghost to suggest brain transplants. Basically, the monster is just a means to an end for most of these characters. They barely care what happens to him, they just want to achieve their own goals.

That could have ended up being an interesting plot point. Maybe try to get us to sympathize with the monster more than the townspeople that he was supposedly terrorizing. After all, they seemed to be the actual corrupt ones most of the time. In almost every situation in the movie they were in the wrong. Take the early scene where some kids are picking on a little girl. The monster steps in to break it up and also gets her a balloon. The problem is that the townspeople were afraid of him and so they try to stop him. One even comes close to shooting the monster while he was holding the girl. Even if he didn’t hit her directly, the fall would have certainly finished her off. The other people tried to wrestle him to the ground and again…this wouldn’t bode well for the kid. They’re on top of a roof after all.

Naturally the monster doesn’t handle this well and destroys the humans but they put him into a lot of bad spots. Then even once they promised not to hurt him they beat him up as soon as the girl was away. It’s just a very rough film for the monster. Then he ends up effectively being mind controlled by the end. The film gave him a pretty bad hand and it’s just hard to figure out how much of that was intentional. I think it’s fair to say that we aren’t supposed to like Ludwig and the other scientists. The whole town though? It gets tricky.

Ygor also makes for a pretty annoying main villain. He stands out so much, how do the people not realize that he is one of the villains on the outside encouraging the monster the whole time? He has the blackmail on Ludwig, but I feel like the scientist should have been able to turn the tables on him very quickly. Why should anyone believe such a crazed man? That would have been Ludwig’s defense and I think it would have worked.

There’s a lot of story here and yet there isn’t a whole lot of compelling elements. What we do get is pretty by the books without anything to really help it into the next level. There are just no characters to root for and that’s the problem. Even if Frankenstein’s monster isn’t evil like the others, he isn’t particularly interesting either. As a result you end up being by the sidelines as opposed to actually choosing a side.

Overall, I’d give this film a pass. In general I tend to say that for all of the Frankenstein movies. They all suffer from the same issues. Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t have enough going for him to make for a good villain and doesn’t have enough character to be a good hero. The supporting cast are typically pretty annoying and the whole thing ends up being unfair for the monster. It’s not like he can even defend himself in most versions vocally since he can’t speak. As a result, every character can lie or gang up against him and he never even has a chance to prove his innocence. That’s the worst part of this whole arrangement. What helps this film a bit is that it isn’t quite as violent as the early Frankenstein titles. There isn’t really any action until after the court scene and by then you’re around halfway through the film. That actually works in its favor and the first half of the film does beat the second. Still, it ends up falling through the usual Frankenstein plots.

Overall 3/10

Mad Love Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time to look at an old horror film with Peter Lorre. You may wonder what this is doing here when I’ve mainly been reviewing Christmas films lately right? Well, basically I saw this film a while back for Halloween and then just never got around to reviewing it. The film’s pretty bad, but it’s also just rather boring so I kept putting it off. Well, this is currently the last review on the backlog so I can hardly afford to keep putting it off now right? Brace yourself!

So the film starts with the ever famous Yvonne finishing another performance. An obsessed fan by the name of Gogol shows up to let her know that he has been watching all of her shows. Yvonne quickly flees the country to reunite with Stephen, but the latter was in a train accident after being in the same car as a legendary knife throwing crook. Stephen can no longer play the piano as he once did. Yvonne feels bad for him so she goes to Gogol who is the utmost authority on this. He is able to stitch together the murderer’s hands on Stephen but pretends that he just sewed them back on. Stephen is as hard of sight as he is lacking in common sense so he doesn’t notice that his hands are different. Things start to get dicey for him though as the hands appear to have a life of their own. Meanwhile Gogol uses the distraction to try to get to Yvonne.

Gogol’s only goal in this whole film is to get together with Yvonne. This does not make for a very compelling villain motivation. In fact, it isn’t interesting at all. He’s just a terrible villain and all of his scenes drag down the film. Yvonne also should have taken his advances more seriously and alerted the cops or Stephen. Gogol gets away with a whole lot as he stalks her during the film and even crashes her party to take advantage of some crazy games they were all playing. Stephen is around but too busy wallowing in self pity to be of any help. In his defense Yvonne should have mentioned something, but I won’t cut him too much slack because he’s just not a good character. He’s too quick to freak out and should try to master his hands rather than let them control him.

In a way it almost makes you think Gogol was right to not tell him where the hands came from since Stephen would not have taken it well at all. At least the knife throwing does come in handy by the end of the film though. By that point the film is just about over so he cut it awful close. Meanwhile you just have to question how Gogol got his license to practice when he is so clearly insane. The guy isn’t even subtle and you have to feel bad for his patients. He gets distracted quite easily after all. Adding to the creep factor is the fact that he also bought a life sized statue of Yvonne to put in his room. His care taker even has to do her hair and everything.

Ah yes, that brings me to the care taker and the local police guy. Both of these characters are very slow on the uptake and don’t contribute a whole lot. The care taker does a lot of grumbling and snitches on Gogol a lot, but doesn’t do it in a very safe way. She puts her head on the line so many times. Then we have the police guy who isn’t all that interested in doing much. His “sleuthing” if you can call it that basically revolves around chatting with the Gogol’s maid. When it comes time to check the room out he takes so long that the villain gets to return. I usually like the police/detective characters but this guy just wasn’t effective at all. Take him out of the movie and I don’t think a whole lot would change. It would effectively still be the same film and that’s an issue.

At least we can take solace in the fact that this film’s plot would be a little harder to do nowadays. Since Yvonne is a famous singer/performer I expect she would at least have some bodyguards so they would notice a stalker. Even if she does not, security should be a bit tighter at the events and someone should realize that this guy is always around. His only defense is that he’s a world class doctor and that wouldn’t hold much water next to a celebrity. Yeah, I’m sure this plot is still being done regardless, but it’ll be so contrived that maybe the film wouldn’t take itself seriously and it would still be better than this one…maybe. Also, Peter Lorre wouldn’t be in it and he’s probably one of the worst actors I’ve seen so that’s already a plus.

Overall, Mad Love isn’t a good film. The title is pretty much a tip off to that. Films about villains who eagerly want the main heroine to appreciate them are often doomed to fail. This one sided romance breaks the villain instantly. You just can’t take him/her seriously after that. Then you also get mad at the main character(s) for not calling in backup right away. They wait until it is too dangerous or too late to call for help before thinking of it. The film’s fairly short, but even so I would recommend giving this one a pass. There just isn’t much to be salvaged or learned from this film. If you want a good thriller, watch something with a little more pop like the Yugioh films. This movie is best left forgotten.

Overall 3/10

13 Ghosts Review

Posted on by
2


It’s time to look at an old horror movie. This one’s definitely one of those flicks that may have been remotely scary back in the day but now you would just laugh. It’s very low key and the characters tend to get unnerved about rather small things. The ghosts themselves never really get to do anything and the film is riddled with recycled animation to try and save the budget. All in all that makes for a pretty mixed product here. It’s not one I would particularly recommend but I suppose it’s not one of the worst horror films out there.

The plot starts with Cyrus being rather down on his luck. The guy is really behind on his payments and as a result the tax people have been taking all of his furniture. They only leave behind the walls. Fortunately Cyrus then receives a large mansion from his dead uncle via will. The only catch is that he can only claim this if he lives in the mansion and that is certainly going to be rather tricky to say the least. That’s because there are a bunch of ghosts running around. Benjamin, the lawyer who told them about the will keeps trying to drive them away. He states that it just isn’t important enough to risk their lives over it and he’ll take it from here. Cyrus isn’t backing down though. Are these ghosts real or just more superstitions?

Naturally with a title like “13 Ghosts” you expect a lot of supernatural attacks. At the very least you’d expect the ghosts to have a large presence here, but that simply isn’t the case. Each of the ghosts has a gimmick like doing a chop or just yelling. That is all that they really get to do here and we see the same recycled animations for all of the ghosts each time they appear. There are only 12 ghosts for the majority of the film, but you can probably guess how a new one will be added before long. We hear stories of how the ghost utterly destroyed the uncle but it’s hard to buy into that from the start since they don’t do anything. As a result some twists may not land as hard as they could have.

The ghosts also do a terrible job of trying to explain the truth to the main characters. Surely they could have done something more to try and get their case across. At least at the very end of the film one of the ghosts finally made his move. I do have to question how he can overpower a real person since he’s basically see through, but it’s not a huge stretch to just assume that ghosts are given super strength. Again, if that is the case then they should have done something sooner though. What was stopping the ghosts can just axing the main villain right at the start?

It was interesting to see the Ouija board in a film this old though. Naturally it’s a whole lot less scary without all of the added special effects. If anything the game looks rather old and unimpressive. It also doesn’t seem to have as much of a taboo here compared to usual as the characters play it very nonchalantly. Of course once they get answers that they don’t want then they start to blame the board. Not playing it from the start is the only right response to this.

As always I have to say that the kid wasn’t great either. His name is Buck and he’s always insulting the hired help. There’s a maid who cleans up around the house and he insists on calling her a witch. By the end the film leaves it up to your imagination on if he was right or not, but either way he just comes across as rude. He’s also an incredibly deep sleeper as he doesn’t stir even when someone picks him up and puts him in a death trap. Come on…he should be more trusting. In general he shouldn’t be opening the front door to allow the lawyer in after hours either. There are just a lot of pitfalls here.

The other characters aren’t as bad, but they aren’t particularly great either. Cyrus and his wife are reasonable. They can be a little jumpy, but at the end of the day they are keeping the mansion. Then you’ve got the lawyer who is really scared of the ghosts. He constantly makes sure to remind the heroes that they could die any moment from the ghosts. I’m not sure if that is really who you want as your lawyer. I suppose he doesn’t have to be brave as long as he is experienced though.

Overall, 13 Ghosts is just very uneventful. The film doesn’t really do anything to try and be all that scary. For the most part it’s just a day in the lives of the main characters. They get a few scares, but for the most part they are just scaring themselves and it’s not even the ghosts doing it. At least they enjoyed their cash at the end though so the film had a happy ending. It’s just that the film really was unfocused. I still can’t get behind how bad the actual ghosts were. They just kept doing absolutely nothing for the entire film. If you cut them out of the film entirely then nothing would change as the single ghost at the end is not even related to the others. I mean, he is one of the 13 but you could have called it the Ghost instead and it would have been more accurate. Still a lifeless film, but at least not a misleading one. If you want a more intense film about ghosts then check out Scrooged.

Overall 3/10

The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time to look at an old Mummy film. Unfortunately this one isn’t particularly good, but I don’t think you will find this all that surprising. After all, the Mummy films are rarely all that good and this is the Hammer version. Hammer pretty much never gets anything right so why would they start now? Just think about it….these guys aren’t the ones you want to write your film. As a result we get a bunch of unlikable characters thrown into situations where it is hard to be sympathetic to them.

The film starts out with John and the gang digging up a mummy. The locals don’t like this since mummies bring a lot of curses with them so they try to murder the heroes. The main characters fight back and eventually with the help of the rich Alexander they get the Mummy out. Alexander is your typical rich CEO who wants to make even more money so he thinks that the curse will be a great way of attracting people over to his shows. Honestly….he’s not wrong. It’s working pretty well, but then the Mummy escapes and starts to murder people. John will have to figure out a way to stop the Mummy, but he also has to figure out a way to stop Adam from stealing his fiance Annette. Will he be focused enough to achieve both objectives or forfeit both?

Right away you can see one of the problems here…Annette. So, she is supposedly serious about John and yet the instant Adam shows up she quickly starts cheating on John and is ready to abandon him. This essentially means that she was fake all along or she was only in it for the money. I can’t imagine that John has that much cash so it’s a little iffy, but it’s all that I’ve got. So, this wrecks Annette’s character, but it also makes John look bad since he never even confronts her about this. He basically just watches and once Annette is ready to take him back he’s ready as well. The film ends before we can really see the fallout but I would have liked to see them break up before the film ends.

Also, before it got the far shouldn’t John have fought for her? It’s a debatable point since sometimes it’s best to just let someone go if they’re going to be tempted away that easily. At the same time, you gotta make some kind of move right? Leave or stay but just watching makes John look sooooo weak. Then we’ve got the villain Adam. Aside from the fact that he acts obviously evil from the start, his plan is just pretty bad. He is cursed with immortality and the only way he can die is if the Mummy murders him. I personally think he overrates his healing factor, but even if it is true, he has to go to an awful lot of work just to die a very painful death. There’s nothing particularly likable or interesting about Adam.

The only good character here is Alexander. As I mentioned he is a bit generic, but I really like the rich CEO angle. He wants to make a quick buck and is honest about how petty he is. You have to appreciate how straight forward the guy is. You know from the start that he is definitely going to die, but even with that I have to say that I was rooting for him. He isn’t scared of mummies and curses the way that everyone else is. Alexander holds his ground all the way to the end as a good character should. He should have been the main character and it would have been cool to see him take down the Mummy personally.

As for the Mummy, I’m afraid that he is also a disgrace here. The guy can barely move and hie design is just awful. It’s almost like the movie is doing its best to mock the guy here. The only way he hits anyone is when they trip or are being held back by another character. He is also weak against chanting, but is still able to back hand Adam so I’ll give him some props there. He also destroys his followers when they wish for it so you could argue that he is taking commands. This version of the Mummy is the closest we will get to a mindless monster.

The whole time you’re watching this film you’re going to be waiting for a character to make a sensible choice. Unfortunately it just never happens. The Mummy’s followers are both suicidal and end up letting him murder them. The heroes are either not courageous enough to do anything like John or they are easily swayed and can’t be trusted. In case you weren’t sure, I thought the writing in this film wasn’t particularly good either. At best I can at least say that the film’s pacing wasn’t bad. It’s a pretty quick adventure and isn’t given enough time to drag on.

Overall, The Mummy’s Tomb could and should have been a lot better. As it stands, it’s a fairly annoying film that just isn’t all that enjoyable. There’s really not much to see here and you’d be better off watching one of the other Mummy films. I don’t know why these companies have so much trouble with the Mummy. In theory it’s a concept that should work quite well. The Mummy got the short end of the stick on his first attempt at life and now he wants a re-do. Where’s the harm in that? Yet, the Mummy doesn’t get to appear for very long in some of these films. It’s a shame.

Overall 3/10

Strait-Jacket Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time to look at an old horror film by the name of strait jacket and like the Tingler it is ready with a few twists and turn in the plot. It’s always good when a film throws in a few misdirects to keep you busy as long as they make sense and have some kind of purpose. I do think this film pulled off the twist but it still couldn’t save itself from falling into a few holes.

The basic plot is that Lucy was away from home on a business trip. During her absence the husband decided to cheat on her with someone else. What he didn’t realize was that Lucy had caught the early train back home so she arrived in time to see this. The guy didn’t notice her arrival until it was too late and she managed to destroy both of them. She was sent away for 30 years but now she is back and hoping to live a normal life once more. Her daughter, Carol, wants everything to go back to how they once were, but is that even possible?

There are a bunch of other characters wandering around and are ready to muddle the plot as well. This includes the fiance to the daughter who just so happens to be rich and his parents. They don’t want the main two to get married and are ready to stop this relationship in its tracks. Then you’ve got the nice maid who helps out around the house and a mean Gardner who makes it clear that he doesn’t take orders from anyone. People start to get axed just like how the mother got rid of the competition. Has Lucy descended into madness or is someone setting her up?

Now, how well the twist works may depend on how you feel about the mother’s opening scene. After all, she was betrayed and so she fought back. The context is a whole lot different than most other murderers in these kinds of films. She was never actually crazy and just wasn’t gonna let the guy get away with it. It will probably feel very far fetched to see her going back to getting anyone else. Of course, as a horror film that is always a possibility. Meanwhile you will be suspecting someone from the main cast. I’d say that there are only 3 reasonable suspects among them but I’ll stop there.

Unfortunately the film does make the big mistake of throwing in animal violence. See, the main character’s own a farm and they believe in caging their chickens. Naturally we also have to see them chop one and the whole thing is pretty bad. Cutting out that scene/pointless subplot would have really gone a long way. I suppose that all of this does help to tip you off to the fact that something definitely isn’t right here.

The final action scene is definitely pretty intense though as the villain has a cool design. The whole thing is basically perfect even if it’s a little plot convenient. Getting into the house is way too easy for all parties involved. I get that this was back in the old days where everyone was a friend, but just leaving your door open throughout the night is asking for trouble. In particular you will feel bad for the father who just wanted to drink his milk. Sure, the guy probably should have gotten a little more involved with the marriage situation but at least he wasn’t actively opposed to it. He should have been less of a target than the wife. Of course, if you’re planning on bumping them both off then I suppose it makes sense to take him out first.

We’ve also got the corrupt butcher guy who was hired on for some reason. I never get why the main characters hire some super shady guy and then put up with how he acts throughout. They are the ones with the power here, just fire the guy and be done with it. Instead he throws around some threats and the main characters basically just have to shake in their boots. The fiance character wasn’t much better honestly. That’s because he is treated like a normal main character and yet he comes very close to cheating on Carol which is what Lucy was afraid of. The guy has no self control at all.

While the film does perform some of the plot twists pretty well, there are also some obnoxious red herrings that don’t need to be here. The first of which is certainly the scene with Lucy trying to act younger. The music takes her over and suddenly she becomes a huge flirt who can’t control herself. That’s a very big 180. Couldn’t she have dressed younger while staying mature? It defeats the whole purpose of getting a second chance at youth if you also lose the knowledge of being older along with it. This plot never really plays into the film in a realistic way. At times she just acts a little too crazy…so maybe Lucy always was insane.

Then we have the psych guy show up to basically tell Lucy that she’s crazy and has got to go. He’s not the smartest guy for a plethora of reasons. One of which is that he should have his guard up since he is dealing with someone who has murdered in the past. Even if the rehabilitation is complete you’d think that he would at least be prepared for anything right? Well, that’s not the case here and it certainly ended up coming back to haunt him. Then we’ve got the brother Bill who doesn’t really get much of a role here. He’s mostly just around as a sound board for the other characters.

Overall, Strait Jacket is a pretty interesting thriller. It makes it share of mistakes so I won’t call it a good film, but I will say that it does put in an effort. The film at least goes through the motions of forcing you to think a little. I also did like the ending with how happy it got all of a sudden compared to the sad scene that had just played. It’s time to try to make things all right again and it’s good that the character isn’t going to take the situation too hard. Who knows, with a few years of patience and talking maybe they’ll all get their happily ever after. In the mean time I would recommend getting some tickets for the Broly film coming out this year (In Japan) if you want a spooky, but epic film. That one’s going to be intense!

Overall 3/10

Ouija Review

Posted on by
2


It’s time to watch my first traditional horror film in a while. That’s probably not the most accurate phrasing to use so let me switch it up a bit. When you think of horror films there are many kinds. 1. Realistic horrors where the threat is something that could happen in real life. These are typically the worst ones. The bottom of the barrel for horror so to speak. Then you have 2. Supernatural slasher horrors: These are the films where the opponent is some kind of ghoul, spirit, or phantasm who wants to destroy the main cast. That’s the kind that Ouija is a part of. These films usually get around a 2/10 score and are always pretty bad, but I consider them to embody the spirit of a true horror film the most. They have a set of cliches that are always followed to the letter and since you know all of the friends will ultimately end up dying you have to decide who the 1 extra character to be spared will be. The main heroine always lives, but she usually gets one ally to stay with her. The rest are red shirts from Star Trek. A similar kind of horror film is with aliens but it follows a different set of tropes so I’d count it as a slight variation. Typically there are more survivors and the films aren’t quite as graphic. Lets ignore Alien and Predator There’s also Kaiju films but that’s a whole different debate as to if they even count as horror films so I’ll skip that for now. The next level of horror are the classic humanoid monster films like Dracula, The Mummy, etc. These can be fairly decent, but are a mixed bag. They have the potential to get a positive score, but are most likely 4-6/10 on average. Finally you have the horror/comedy hybrids which are the best kind of horror films. These have their share of jump scares but balance them out with witty one liners and the cast knows what’s up. These films include Abbott and Costello, Scooby Doo, House, etc. Those are the best ones, however you never feel like they are True Horror films which is why the supernatural ones still take that title. They may not be good but you’ll be entertained.

Time to talk about the actual film. Laine and Debbie used to play with the Ouija back when they were kids. They grew out of it though and went back to enjoying life. One day Debbie was super bored so she played an extra game and was quickly murdered by the monster inside of it. To the outside world it looked like she destroyed herself, but Laine wasn’t buying it. Debbie had been having a good time prior to that Ouija game so she decides to play the game with her friends to see if they can talk to Debbie and learn the truth. They learn it all right, but not from Debbie. The monster inside the board has decided to destroy everyone else who has played with the board game as well. As the bodies quickly begin piling up Laine has to figure out how to stop this ghoul once and for all. Her best bet is to ask the resident experts but is it already too late?

The film does a good job of avoiding the trope of the animal death in this film. That’s a good thing because no animals played on the board so that would have really just been for shock value. The film was pretty consistent here about the ghost only going after the players. This movie also isn’t quite as graphic as a lot of the other horror films so that’s a plus. It is still pretty intense though so keep that in mind but watch a trailer or something and you’ll probably be able to guess the rest. Most of the characters die in pretty brutal ways that may be fairly blood free but are still rather dark. Considering that most of them didn’t even want to play the game it’s quite tragic.

There’s always that one friend who is pulled into the game for a film like this one and in this case it’s Isabelle. She was probably the best of the main characters or at the very least she was a lot more upbeat. She was just looking forward to having a good time when Laine forced her to come with everyone to play the Ouija. She repeatedly expressed how she doesn’t want to do it, but since she is such a nice friend she goes along with it anyway. Ah well, that was game over. Then we have Trevor and Pete. Why would the film choose to have two actors who look so much alike? Considering that neither one of them is particularly likable it doesn’t help their case either. For instance, when Laine asks them to join her in a quest to stop the villains they both basically give her the same answer at different points. They may not be supposed to be similar in character, but I’d say that they are. They’re both very touchy and panic a lot. They never stood a chance here.

Then we’ve got Sarah who is probably the worst character of the bunch. She just likes to fool around a lot and doesn’t take anything seriously. Her way of coping with Debbie’s death is just to get even worse and is a thorn in Laine’s side for most of the movie. She doesn’t get to actually help until the very end of the film and it’s not enough to save her. I’m sure she would be a better character in a sequel thanks to developing from this so maybe she’ll be able to turn it around there. I’m pretty mixed about Laine. On one hand, she is pretty determined about finding out what happened to Debbie which is good. On the other hand her ideas are just pretty bad. Playing the Ouija board was really not a good idea and her family warned her about it. Getting everyone else in trouble the way she did was also a mistake. I suppose I don’t blame her too much for believing the words of the random stranger since the ghosts were acting misleading the whole time. It’s one of those annoying plot moments where you wonder why the bad spirits can do basically anything while the heroic ones are always sobbing and running around with no actual plan. They need to at least try thinking for themselves. On a side note, the old lady’s plan was actually quite sound though and did make for a pretty entertaining twist.

So, I won’t say that Laine was a bad character but she did make a lot of convenient decisions which certainly helped the villains. She’s still smarter than some of the other friends though. In one scene near the climax one of the guys gets a text from the main characters and runs to the back yard. Keep in mind that it’s the dead of night right now. He tells her to wait up, but she runs past a fence and slams the door. Not taking the hint, he opens the gate and chases after her. What happened to the guy’s intelligence? If that is really her wouldn’t she respond? Considering that he has already seen a lot of crazy stuff happen over the last 24 hours you would expect him to be a little more cautious here. I mean, it probably doesn’t matter since the ghosts are always super powerful so they would get their man anyway, but it still makes you shake your head.

Meanwhile Debbie’s a pretty great character. She makes all of the heroic choices when possible. Yeah, playing the game was a mistake, but at least she quickly realized it and distanced herself from everyone so they wouldn’t get hurt. It does bring up the tough questions of whether you should go to your friends in case they can help but if you “know” that it is all futile then keeping them out makes sense as well. She also has a lot more will power than the rest of the characters and is easily the highlight here.

As for the villain…well she’s fairly generic as can be. There are two main ghosts here. One of them is super weak and doesn’t know how to properly convey any kind of message and the other one does her best to finish everyone off. The villainous one naturally does a better job, but I wouldn’t call either one of the villains particularly memorable or cool. I’ll take the Grudge/Ring villains in a heartbeat. As for the rather dramatic ways they finish off their opponents, I suppose the villains like stretching things out. They could have easily ended the heroes in any number of ways based on those scenes. Also, shout out to the nanny for knowing everything that was happening and not lifting a finger to help. It’s pretty unexpected honestly. Not a good thing of course, but still a unique choice for a background character.

Overall, I definitely wouldn’t recommend this film. It’s a pretty dark adventure where the heroes never stand a chance which can be annoying. There is only so much you can do against a monster which can’t be touched and has super strength as well as tk abilities and basic reality warping. Still, it’s definitely a little classier than the average film in its genre so I’ll give it that. The imagery can be rather disturbing and gruesome, but not overly violent. A good example of this is the clouded over eyes. It’s not particularly pleasant, but I’ll take it over other eye tricks from horror titles. If horror films are your cup of tea then go for it. Otherwise I recommend paying a visit to the Scooby Doo collection.

Overall 3/10

Swamp Thing Review

Posted on by
Reply


It’s time to look at an old school DC film. This movie doesn’t really feel like your average comic book film and could easily be mistaken for just being another horror film. That would probably be the best outcome for all parties involved since I doubt anyone wants to take credit for this movie. It just isn’t good and does so many things wrong that you’ll end up wondering what the film was thinking. The characters aren’t very smart and so it’s hard to root for anyone.

The film starts off with the main character, Alice heading over to the Swamp. She is here to fix some sensors, but the broken sensors were sabotaged by terrorists so she isn’t allowed to go near them. Since she has nothing else to do she hangs around the pair of scientists who are trying to make some breakthroughs and insults them the whole time. The main guy is married, but seems to forget this all the time so all scenes with him are cringe worthy. That’s when the villains come in and murder the two scientists in the hopes of getting their research. Alice managed to snatch one book though so their collection won’t be complete. The villains don’t like that and decide to give chase, but they have one more obstacle to try and get past, The Swamp Thing!

The film doesn’t exactly hide the Swamp Thing’s identity, but I won’t allude to it in case you need that reveal. Needless to say, The Swamp Thing is here to help. “This is My Swamp!” should have been his opening line but he’s a creature of action as opposed to words. As the film goes on he does start to get a little more chatty though so I guess that’s a good thing? Unfortunately, he isn’t quite as intimidating as the average creature. In most of these horror films you see the monsters just destroying everybody until they die in the end. Since the Swamp Thing is a heroic creature, he doesn’t get the same treatment. He gets captured and beaten by the crooks. He doesn’t do a good job of taking the villains out of the equation so they always pop right back up to give him some more grief. He isn’t opposed to murder as we see him do it several times, he is always in just too much of a hurry to get away. He’s just not a very likable character. His abilities also don’t seem all that impressive in this film. He was nerfed all the way into the ground.

Alice isn’t a bad main character although she can also be a little iffy at times. For the positives, she is a fighter. Alice does put up a struggle whenever she appears and even lands in some good hits. On the other hand, she is rather slow on the uptake. Even when seeing the Swamp Thing mowing down her opponents she keeps telling him to back off. She’s certainly safer with him than without. She also has an unfortunate tendency to trip over just about everything. She probably hit the ground at least ten times. Cmon Alice, you can do better than that!

Then I have to quickly rewind to the beginning of the film to explain why the normal joe characters always fall below expectations. So you have a guy running through the swamp when a few guys with guns walk up to him. He quickly lets them disarm him and then runs. What’s the point? They’ll just shoot him down. He’s dead either way so he may as well have held on to his gun and taken one of them down with him. This is preferable for many reasons. One of which is that by firing right away you at least have the slimmest of chances to survive. Second, at least they’ll be forced to gun you down right there which is a far less painful death than the alternative. Third, you get to die with some dignity. Trying to run away in a swamp when you’re outnumbered like that won’t work. Even if it was just one guy he could shoot you once your back was turned. These hostage situations always drive me batty.

This film is a little on the violent side with people getting snapped and crunched. The main villain’s transformation scene was also shown to be as grotesque and violent as possible which is a little on the rare side for transformations. Usually you expect those to at least be a little pleasant right? The violence isn’t extremely over the top but certainly is high enough that it’s noticeable. There isn’t really animal violence if you look at the film casually, but it’s there when you drill into the specifics. The unlikable main characters were running experiments on the animals which is a no go. These animals don’t care about the science so why should they have to be used like this? The animal certainly didn’t look like it was having fun being all wet like that.

Swamp Thing also goes out of its way to make the villains unlikable. A good villain should command respect but also be fun to root for/against. None of that is here with these villains. At the most the main villain isn’t bad. He’s one of those random rich guys who wants to see the world burn. The main villain is really one of his subordinates though who chases Alice around quite a lot. Naturally he is shown to be rather depraved and of course he couldn’t just be a professional trying to earn a paycheck. I get that guys like him will typically end up being the villains since it makes sense, but it doesn’t make any of his scenes work any better.

The best character in the film is definitely the kid who owned the gas station. He was on point and could sniff out danger a mile away. It’s a shame that his gun was defective but there’s no way he could have known that. Even though he was just a kid he did a lot of work and helped get Alice to a safe place. He brought the film a level of charm and wonder that it didn’t have previously. Not enough to save the film or anything like that, but it was still neat.

Overall, Swamp Thing is definitely not a film that I would recommend. The characters aren’t all that smart and Swamp Thing himself looks quite weak. I’m glad he kept in his healing powers, but being able to fight a little more would have been great too. The film drags on a bit and the only good character got a really small amount of screen time. This is definitely one of those movies that you should skip and I’d advise you to check out some of the classic Godzilla films instead if you want to see how a creature should be portrayed. I can guarantee you that at the very least he wouldn’t go down easy like the Swamp Thing.

Overall 3/10

A Quiet Place Review

Posted on by
Reply


A Quiet Place is a film that got a reasonable amount of hype before coming out. After all, it’s premise was fairly original as most of the film is completely silent. The trailers hinted at the monsters but made sure not to show them. Well, I can’t say that it was a good film, but it was a pretty interesting one so I’ll give it that.

The film starts off by putting us at month 3 of the alien invasion. The humans have mainly been wiped out by this point but there are still pockets of survivors in the various cities. The humans have learned that the only way to resist destruction at the hands of these incredibly powerful creatures is not to make a sound. The aliens can’t really see so they only rely on sounds. It’s a good defensive strategy at least but the kids will make this a little tricky. Can the main characters survive until the end?

While you aren’t supposed to overthink these kinds of films because the background can be a bit of a stretch, I have to question multiple things about the setting. A prequel could hopefully address this but in the meantime it seems like a stretch. For starters, the newspapers say that these monsters are basically indestructible and cannot be stopped. This is theoretically what explains how the human race lose to these guys. That’s fine but we learn at the end that a single shotgun blast can take one down, albeit it that the monster opened its mouth because of its terribly impractical design. I don’t see how the humans could have lost to them. Granted, the shotgun is one of the best weapons in Fortnite, but even so I imagine that some other main guns would work as well. Sound aside, the creatures love roaring so getting the shot in wouldn’t be hard.

Meanwhile the main characters also come off as being very selfish. Near the beginning for maximum shock value one of the kids is murdered. This leads to the main characters deciding to have a kid. Naturally the process isn’t always the same amount of time so you could make the case that it was right before this happened rather than after, but either way it’s not a good idea. Why would you want to have a kid who is going to grow up in such a dangerous environment. How are they going to keep him from crying or making a ton of noise? It would be impossible, particularly with how sensitive the monsters are. Having a kid is basically inviting the end for them all. Let’s face it, this plot was just added to give this film a random birth scene to add to the tension but the writers didn’t stop to think if it made any sense or not. It’s definitely one of the more unbelievable moments.

The film does also love reminding you that it’s a horror film with random moments of violence. The scene where the heroine steps on a nail is already a terrible scene in the surface but it gets even worse when you think about how crazy it all is. Put it this way, the main guy crosses these steps all the time. I don’t see how he could not have noticed it. He would definitely have covered it up since stepping on it just once could tip off the monsters. Even if he didn’t expect anyone else to go down there for a while, it just makes sense. Then we also get the obligatory animal death as part of horror film tradition. All I can say is that as soon as I saw the raccoons I had a bad feeling about all of this. It’s definitely not something to help the film.

As a positive, the script isn’t half bad. Since there is very little dialogue throughout the movie this helps it avoid that land mine. It does come at the expense of a good soundtrack as well though since the film is so silent all the time. This film also avoids having any fanservice which is great and in general comes off as a little classier than other horror titles.

Back to the bad though, the kids were quite annoying. They are constantly making noise and getting the main characters in trouble. Whether it be through knocking down lanterns or playing with electronics it is easy to see why the main lead wouldn’t let them into the basement. The main lead did totally give up at the end though which is unfortunate. Leading the monster away from the family is good and all but at least don’t go down without a fight. Why make this even easier for the creature? If he ran then in theory it would also buy some time for the others.

The kids also make everything too dramatic at times. One of them thinks she is to blame for the kid dying so she decides to discourage the main character from trying to contact the rest of the world. I guess giving up is fun and all, but then what will they be doing for the rest of their days? Without a goal to strive towards they would probably just lose their will to live after a while. Even if it’s futile, working on some kind of plan is better than not having a goal. This is why kids don’t do well in survival stories.

At least the ending is pretty solid though. It’s a pretty nice cliffhanger type ending that doesn’t have to lead to a sequel. In your head canon you already know how this could end. It either succeeds or it doesn’t. Either way it makes for a nice visual. I do also have to say that considering she just gave birth, the heroine had quite a lot of energy left. She was certainly ready for this fight.

Overall, A Quiet Place is basically just the same ole horror film but in a new package. While it is slightly better than the average one, (Which is around a 2) it still doesn’t cross the border into becoming a good film. To accelerate to the next level it would need a better cast of characters. The silence gimmick is also unique but not one that really works after a while so that’s better for just part of the film. The monster designs prioritized being spooky over practicality and I can’t say that I liked them. They looked more demented than dangerous instead of it bring the other way around. On a final note, the main character roaring into a waterfall is another move that isn’t very smart as there is no guarantee that the monsters would not hear him and that would have put everyone at risk.

Overall 3/10

Rampage Review

Posted on by
2


It’s time to look at a giant monster film that for whatever reason wasn’t getting a lot of people excited when the trailers were coming out. Most likely this was because the film just didn’t look intense enough but granted, the trailers weren’t bad either. My main concern was that the film would have a lot of animal violence and unfortunately this film delivered on that. It ends up limiting its own potential and essentially becoming another Jurassic World film. Trust me when I say that this is something that you typically want to avoid.

The film starts off by showing us a giant Rat in space. It murders the crew and a few more blocks of serum crash land on Earth. It infects 3 creatures, a Gator, a Wolf, and George. The corrupt villains decide to track down the monsters to make a fortune off of this although that seems unlikely but more on that later on. This gets us introduced to Davis who has been looking after George for a very long time. He’s not happy about his friend getting infected like this and decides to bring the villains to justice, but he’s going to have to go through the government in order to do it.

One of the main issues with the film is that the writing is no good. The characters don’t come across as being all that likable and everyone is extremely overconfident and refuses to listen to the others. George loves pranking everyone the whole time which isn’t handled well and the script is like something out of a horror movie with everyone having a potty mouth. It’s definitely not an element that will help the film since you need quality writing to make it to the next level.

Then we’ve also got the animal violence. Naturally George and Ralph can’t help but destroy animals on their way to global conquest. The animals never asked for this and they should have been spared this cruelty. Davis also gets a sob story involving animal violence and as the giant monsters are really just giant animals, the same can be said for all of their action scenes. It’s the reason why you will look forward to seeing Davis take on some humans instead. At least those scenes won’t make you feel bad for the opponent. As such, while the visuals can be impressive for the monsters, you really can’t enjoy the fights as much as you’d like to.

Lets take a look at the characters. Davis is the only reasonable one here. He wants to protect George so he quickly gets to work on doing so. The film addresses the reason why this random guy can pilot helicopters and take down trained professionals. It turns out that Davis used to work for the government as a secret operative and his whole life is shrouded in mystery. I guess that could be a plot point for the sequel as well. Davis is very no nonsense and he even gets to take on one of the monsters in the end as well. If only the rest of the cast was as solid.

Next up is the main heroine Kate. Right away we learn that she isn’t the most responsible person as she is about to be late for work yet again thanks to sleeping in. We’re never given a reason to sympathize with her so she is just coming in late for no reason. She lies to Davis about who she represents and after being exposed has the nerve to question Davis about how he doubts humanity. Davis doesn’t like people because he thinks they’re all liars and cheats. Kate may have a point in telling him not to generalize, but considering that she is guilty of this exact thing it’s not the best time to talk. She also questions his plans quite a lot and just can’t get with the program.

Claire is the main villain and on the surface she is fine. Claire’s an intimidating villain who is very smart and knows how to run a business. Based on that I’d say that she is a great character, however it all comes crashing down when you actually think about her plan, or lack therof. She wants to turn animals into giant monsters and then collect some money. What is she going to do with them though? It’s not like she can deliver them to a private company when they’re on the news and they aren’t going to sit still long enough for her to draw any blood. Her plan makes absolutely no sense and calling the monsters to Chicago isn’t going to do anything for her either. Her plan never had a chance at succeeding so at best she was prolonging the inevitable.

Then we’ve also got Brett who is her comic relief sidekick. He’s not the brightest bulb in the outfit and basically he is just around for her to have someone to mock. Brett does do a good job of living it large while things are going his way, but that’s about it. We’ve also got Harvey from the FBI who likes talking in a very sarcastic tone the whole time. By the end of the film he gets to be a little reasonable but it’s not really enough to make me think of him as a great character. He’s better than the field commander who is even more extreme, but that’s about it.

The cast is just pretty bad and I’m glad that Davis’ three partners from the very beginning of the film were written out. Those guys seemed pretty annoying and would have just held Davis back the whole time. They weren’t ready for this kind of mission and deep down…maybe they never were. This isn’t something that just anyone can handle after all and even Davis barely made it through. I think the film didn’t like some of these characters either as most of them get disrespected or straight up murdered at some point or another. I don’t think Brett really deserved such a death and Claire’s was also pretty vicious. The film could be surprisingly violent at times like in the very first scene where you see a head float by. The monster scenes were also quite vicious which didn’t help.

Overall, This film was just not a good one. Without good characters or fight scenes that you can get behind, there just isn’t much left. Throw in the animal violence plus the bad script and then you’ve really got a mess on your hands. I think the film should have stuck a little closer to the source material and had humans turn into giant monsters. That would have been great. Also, the film messed up on Lizzie’s design as she should have looked a little more like Godzilla. Perhaps they were afraid of copyright but at the very least it should have stood on two legs if you ask me. I think a potential sequel certainly has a lot more potential if it focuses on Davis, but the odds of that happening seem pretty slim to me. If this sounds like your kind of film then by all means check it out. Otherwise I would recommend watching the classic Tron movies instead.

Overall 3/10