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Unbreakable Review

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It’s time to look at a superhero film that doesn’t involve good ole DC or Marvel. Naturally, that can be a little dicey at times since we don’t have the tried and true Stan Lee to ensure that character development goes well. Unfortunately, my fears were realized as the film quickly crashed once the superhero element began. Seriously, the film was good for over 60% of its run time, but then everything went downhill from there!

David works as a security guard and he’s pretty good at his job. One day, he is approached by Elijah, a man who claims that David may have the uncanny ability of being unbreakable. David cannot get sick and Elijah is on the opposite end of the spectrum as his bones break at the slightest touch. David is intrigued, but he doesn’t know what to do about all this. Ah well, he has about an hour-90 minutes to decide where he goes from here.

All right, here’s why the superhero part failed. The film decided to go for grit and darkness instead of actually providing us with a real threat. David can see the past, which is one of the worst powers that you can think of since he will know that things have happened to people, but he can’t stop them. Conveniently, he sees a problem that he can still help with, but the damage has been done and that’s why the film sunk. The film showed us a bunch of grim happenings that happened to the characters around the lead and there’s no need for it. Assault, Rape, Murder, you basically see all of that and the main character can’t do anything about this. As far as I am concerned, that destroyed any chance that the film had of being even somewhat decent.

David attacks the murderer and defeats him, but the film didn’t need to show us the other situations. If they had to display his ability to see the past, they should have just showed us people stealing jewels or robbing a hot dog stand. Minor crimes would give us the same image without just being dark to be dark. It’s a lesson that more films could definitely learn if they want to succeed the way that Bonds Beyond Time did.

The final fight is actually pretty humorous because of how it happens. Let’s just say that it’s hard to know what the director was going for here. David has been shown to be able to bench press over 350 pounds so we know that he has some degree of super strength. And yet…he can barely take out the average thug. He gets the guy into a choke hold and then they wrestle for an awkward 5-10 minutes. The guy simply won’t go down and David looks extremely unimpressive. Naturally, David decides not to take any prisoners so he pulls a Man of Steel on us. Yeah, this guy’s going to end up being more like the Punisher than a real hero at this rate. He also lost round 1 when he was simply pushed into a pool.

Again, every bit of the superhero part of this film was pretty bad, but it was actually good before that. Elijah’s backstory was pretty sad, but we got to see him make it through that in one piece and own an art gallery. He was pretty unreasonable, but the scene of him defending comics as actual art was pretty funny. Elijah was a decent character for a while. The ending makes him very unlikable of course and the way that he trashed the comic store was completely uncalled for. So, he had his moments in the film, but he could have been better. Considering his condition, he shouldn’t be much of a threat to David.

As for David, I guess he’s a decent character although he’s rather slow on the uptake at times. He just spends a lot of time dragging things out and being rather indecisive. I find it hard to believe that he simply forgot about his past. You don’t really forget events like that and how has he never realized that he had super strength? A bit of a stretch in those areas, but he tries to be a nice guy. The main outlier is the opening scene where David decides to flirt and hides his wedding band. That made him pretty despicable. For most of the film, he’s certainly not a bad character, but you can’t easily forget such a scene. David gets some development later on, which possibly counteracts the scene. Hopefuly..he just needs to work on improving himself a bit. That shouldn’t be a problem. Once he is used to being a hero, maybe he’ll remember that you have to be heroic and take the villains to the authorities to qualify.

David’s kid is a pretty annoying character I’m afraid and he shows why kids should never be main or supporting characters in any films. His decision to shoot David to prove that he was a superhero is pretty crazy and he should know that with great super strength doesn’t always come great durability. The kid certainly hasn’t been keeping up with the comics even though he owns some action figures. There was an odd romance going on between David and the heroine, but it didn’t have a place in the film and it makes you wonder what the point of it all was. They are already married so that subplot could have just been terminated before it even began.

The film isn’t great with pacing. There are many points in the film where it is clearly stalling to inflate the run time. This film could have easily happened in closer to 70 minutes as we have almost half an hour of fluff. David just thinking or other characters standing still and waiting to be blown away. The film needed to move a little quicker and show us that there was still a point to all of this. The problem is that there isn’t much to the plot if they played it straight. It was a little convenient how the characters found out about David’s weakness and it would have been more natural if they hadn’t found out until he fell in the pool. It would have been a big “Connect the dots” moment and more of a shocker that way. Not really a negative though, just a different path that it could have taken.

Overall, Unbreakable is a classic example of what happens to a film without an end goal in mind. Once David became a superhero, the film fell apart very quickly. If it had just stuck to being a suspense thriller, it really could have gone far. As it stands, you are better off checking out Man of Steel or the Avengers. Those superhero films are always ready for action and they will inspire you to see other superhero films while this one can just make you avoid them. I can’t say that I would hold out much hope for a sequel being good, but you never know. Either way, the next time you want something that is unbreakable, I recommend buying some Jaw Breakers! (Disclaimer, those candies are choking hazards and are as tough to chew as they are delicious to eat)

Overall 2/10

Airport Review

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It’s time to look at an older film this time. Airport involves a pretty large cast as they all come together on what could be their most dangerous adventure yet. There are a lot of plots to be found in this film and they all collide for the climax. It’s a fun yet tricky formula and the writing is really key in something like this. I’d say that Airport succeeds even if some of the plots may have been a little unnecessary. I do love a good airplane film!

Of course, due to the nature of the film, it can be a little hard to describe the plot. Needless to say, it has been a very cold winter and a lot of snow has hit the ground. Airplanes are having a tough time trying to get off the ground and there is no room for the ones that are still in the sky. The bigshots want to close it down for a few days, but that would leave some planes stranded. Making matters worse is that an old lady keeps escaping the authorities and escaping onto the planes while an enraged bomber is also preparing for his big move. Throw in a few dramas and guys who are cheating and have divided loyalties…and you’ve got yourself a film!

It’s hard to say that the film has a central plot, but it all leads up to the big airplane ride. That’s where all of the action is of course. When the heroes make their big move on the bomber, it’s fun to see how it all plays out. Let’s just say that you will be impressed by the heroicness of the passengers, but it will also happen to be a bad thing here. “Right place, but wrong time” basically sums it up. It’s still nice to see the passengers defend the defenseless here when push comes to shove. I do have to admit that there may have been some slight plot hax here though. The bomb should have done a lot more damage to the plane unless it was an extremely tiny one. I just don’t buy it.

A negative for the film would be the fact that some of the characters look very similar. None of the names are really that memorable so you really just have to figure out who the character is based on his dialogue or where he is. The guys that I typically mixed up were the pilot and the GM in charge of the company. Luckily, one of them always wore a red tie, which seriously came in handy. Otherwise, I definitely would have been in trouble.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to root for some of the characters. One of the main characters is cheating on his wife and actually gets someone else pregnant. He’s definitely a bad character right from that moment on and before that as well. Once we knew that he was cheating, we knew that this was a character who shouldn’t be trusted or liked. The lady is also to blame of course as she knew that he was married. Still, we don’t just get that plot once, but twice as another couple is having issues. They agree to divorce, but the lady was already seeing someone else and the guy also had his attention diverted. The director must have loved this kind of situation to include it twice, but one of them should have been cut out or tweaked a little bit. We don’t really need that drama here.

Luckily, we had a more entertaining plot at the ready with an old lady. She has been sneaking onto flights for a long time now and she knows just how to handle the situation. Of course, it’s a bit of a stretch that her techniques worked so often, but that’s all right since it was a fun plot. One worker really tried to keep tabs on her, but he was just too nice/gullible for his own good. The old lady tries to help during the climax, but it is of no avail. It’s too bad since she could have helped and really redeemed herself with the staff on that point, but it wasn’t too be.

The film is over two hours, but I can safely say that it never drags on. There’s always something happening and it’s easy to catch your attention. I liked seeing the snow since it really poured over here this year and watching the one shot characters shoot off ideas was fun as well. One of the main characters really knew his stuff and always made sure to shoot them down. Shoveling like that back in the day was probably a lot of work, but it can still be pretty sad to see the workers hiding in the van and shirking their duty. Some things never change eh? The mechanic actually ended up being one of my favorite characters as he showed that putting the plane at full power wouldn’t bust it apart. He did help to build it after all so he should know it much better than any pilot. It would have been very humiliating if the plane had buckled.

The whole bomb subplot will also make you feel even better about the metal detectors that they have at airports nowadays. There’s no way someone could just walk in with a black suitcase, no questions asked nowadays. Seriously, I’m surprised that there weren’t more incidents like this back in the day if it was this easy to get into an airplane. If anything, I’m sure that this film incentivized the officials in the real world to make sure that nobody could try out these tricks.

Overall, Airport is a pretty enjoyable film. I can’t stress enough how important the writing is here since that is the difference between this being a 7 or a 4. (Or maybe lower) In this kind of film, you need the writing to be funny and engaging or else all of the different plots will just start to blend together and you’ll become bored. There isn’t a lot of danger or action here so you have to start to like or dislike the characters in order to continue without a problem. Some of the plots certainly could have been taken out, but at least they are handled with dignity. This is really how a film should be. No language, questionable romance, animal violence, etc. It’s why I liked the retro days for films so much. They simply don’t make them like it used too. I definitely recommend this film for anyone who wants a charming film to watch one evening. It’s a good way to relax and it will remind you to travel via airplane sometime in the near future.

Overall 7/10

Dracula Untold Review

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It’s time to check out a film with vampires in it! That’s typically a bad sign for me to be honest since vampires = blood sucking which = instant loss. Luckily, that doesn’t really happen much until the end of the film, which is a big plus. It’s still filled with enough negatives to fill a bowl of mashed potatoes, but it’s a start and a franchise with this film at the center could be pretty decent. It should also be noted that the poster for this film is pretty incredible!

Dracula grew up as a nice guy until he was sold to the villains. He helped them destroy hundreds/thousands of opponents and then left to rule his homeland. Well, the villains are back and they want most of the youth along with Dracula’s son. Dracula quickly slays the minions who report this and prepares for war. If he is to beat an army, he will need some extra power! (Especially since Dracula’s allies are extremely weak) Dracula heads to a mountain where an old vampire gives him vampire abilities. This is how the legend of Dracula begins! The change will not be permanent if Dracula can resist the urge of blood for 3 days. Can he really win the war in that time? Let’s hope so!

Considering that this film is about Dracula, I think it’s safe to say that we know the answer to that last question. Still, he tries pretty hard not to give in to the temptation and he certainly had the potential to win the war in 3 days. His strength and speed were greatly enhanced and this could be one of the strongest incarnations of Dracula that we have seen. He can manipulate the weather and his super speed allows him to take down dozens of opponents in an instant. That is certainly a feat that one can respect.

All right, let’s go into the negatives before we look at the rest of the film. It was teetering on the edge between 3-4 stars, but one area ended up plunging it down. I nearly forgot about it at first, but the film has quite a few romance scenes that do not age well. The film isn’t that old, but the writers may already realize the problem here. There’s no point to the scenes with Dracula and his wife as they don’t impact the plot. It’s also not a good or developed romance as they just make out with each other for no reason. That’s the kind of romance that will hurt any film and this one is no exception.

The next negative would be the classic animal violence part. A dog is attacked in the background. Again…there is no reason for this! We also watch as a spider catches his prey and there’s no need for this as well. Unfortunately, this is where we get to the blood sucking part and it’s no better than usual. It’s pretty gross to see Dracula drink the blood from a cup from the get go, but it’s even worse once he starts to bite his opponents and steal their strength. Dracula even goes as far as to bite someone who was already dying for his extra bit of power. His excessive biting eventually backfires on him, but he really over did it.

The fight scenes were better than anticipated at first. Dracula was finishing everyone off, but it wasn’t in an unnecessarily gritty/violent way. That changed for the climax as it went all Lord of the Rings/Prince Caspian on us. The heroes were biting all of the villains that they could find and then we remembered that there were no more heroes. They were all gone or corrupted by this point. The film definitely lost steam by the end.

Still, the film does end on a great note. Not just a good note, but a great one as we see the true potential of this new universe. The ending involves a certain character in the modern world. A necessary step if we are to have a shared universe after all and then we see the big villain. Presumably, he shall be the big threat in the first crossover film. He states that the games will now begin and you can’t help but feel excited for what may come next. There appears to be a war between two immortal figures. We know that one of them is the old vampire and he has already recruited Dracula to his side. (Dracula has no choice in the matter) I’m speculating that Imhotep is the other one and maybe he’ll recruit a Werewolf or Frankenstein. Then we’ll have the biggest fight on our hands since Batman vs Superman! Of course, we need the shared universe to really start if that’s to happen so they’re going to need to hurry with that. If they back off now, that’ll be sad for the fans!

There’s not much of a soundtrack to be found here I’m afraid. The effects are decently good and it’s fun to see Dracula in his bat form. How likable is Dracula as a character? He’s actually good for a while and I can sympathize with his desire to protect his people at any price. That being said, he should have easily ended the war right away. When it was night time, he should have headed straight for the opposing king after messing up the enemies. He also could have done a better job commanding the troops and letting them know of his abilities so that others could not spoil the opportunity for him. It’s pretty terrible that the people were so scared of him when they found out, but that’s the casual observers for you. They simply were not ready. Dracula was also very powerful before he became a vampire, which was certainly a welcome twist. He made the right decision when he didn’t hand over his son.

The final battle between Dracula and the human is riddled with plot hax all around, but the important thing is that he still won. The film had to make the clash dramatic somehow, but they should have simply thought of another way. I’m sure they could have made it a little more believable if they really put their mind to it. It was interesting to see the main villain because he looks a lot like Howard Stark from Agent Carter. I couldn’t help but think of the guy whenever the villain appeared so it was always humorous to see him. The characters are stark contrasts of each other after all.

There’s not much of a cast here though since almost all of the other characters don’t actually get any personality. They’re just here to talk big or to lose dramatically. The ending proves that none of them have any strength of will and most of the heroes are traitors anyway. The only one Dracula can count on is himself. There’s an odd guy who follows Dracula around and wants to be his servant. The guy just didn’t make any sense as he wanted to help Dracula one moment and destroy him the next. He seriously needed to make up his mind!

I give the film some props for its mention of Heaven considering how much Hell is discussed. Dracula says something along the lines of “Now that I know Hell is real, I know Heaven exists as well” when a certain someone dies. The Cross also continues to have power over the vampires once they have consumed human blood. It’s always good to see those influences here since horror films tend to only show you half of the equation. It’s not much, but it’s a start!

Overall, Dracula Untold suffered from the negatives that follow just about any vampire film, but it did have some enjoyable moments. The ending really leaves it with a lot of potential for a good sequel and the film did a good job of making Dracula more likable and sympathetic than usual. Unfortunately, the romance, animal violence, and blood sucking ensure that I cannot recommend this film. If you want to see a good horror film that doesn’t even try to take itself seriously, go check out Scooby Doo Frankencreepy. If you want to see something with Dracula in it, I recommend waiting for the (possible) sequel or maybe checking out The Batman vs Dracula if you’re feeling bold. Finally, I know you have one more question. Could Dracula defeat the Avengers? The sad answer is…yes…yes he could. At least, the movie versions, but we’ll see if I still think this once Age of Ultron comes out!!!

Overall 3/10

Scooby Doo Frankencreepy Review

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I saw this Scooby Doo film a while ago, but I have to admit that it was a mixed bag. That’s why writing about it was so difficult as I had a bit of writer’s block. It wasn’t one of the worst Scooby Doo films, but at the same time, it was nowhere near the top. It just lacked a certain depth to it, which made the film feel really…fillery. All of the films are mostly stand alone stories so it’s hard to call one filler, but this one just went by so quickly.

The gang is having fun when Velma’s lawyer tells them to head to a mansion because it is now hers. The heroes don’t really take this seriously and Velma doesn’t even want to go, but someone blows up the Mystery Van. This is now very personal for the heroes so they head to the building to find out what monster resides inside. It must be a guy in a mask right?……let’s hope so! The danger is very real here and there are some actual fatalities.

This film used an interesting technique as we would get a flurry of sound effects as the film would fast forward through some scenes. It was fun the first few times, but I got tired of it by the end. Most jokes lose their humorous edge once they are overused and this was no exception. I’m hoping that this does not make a return in future films.

One new aspect that was pretty cool was the clips of the past adventures. They do serve a purpose so it seems like it’ll be a one time thing, but it would be fun to remember the good ole days. The animation was also pretty good back then and it holds up well. Does it beat the current animation? In some ways it certainly does, but the animation in this film isn’t bad. Everyone looks as they should and their designs are pretty modern. The colors are vibrant and I have no qualms with it. Again, the animation just back then seemed to have some more depth to it.

I liked the car subplot with Fred and he definitely continues to prove why he is my favorite member of the mystery gang. Unfortunately, they do overdo it at times when showing how close he is to his van. Beyond that, I liked his portrayal here and he doesn’t back down from a fight except for when he does. Scooby and Shaggy still haven’t attained any real character development, but they’re decent as far as comic relief goes. I don’t buy the way that they lost their appetite and it will stretch your imagination. Daphne’s trick is even more of a stretch to be honest. She looks decent, but definitely not very good. Velma probably looks the worst as she is easily hypnotized and led astray. This now makes the second time where she has been the big villain and I’m sure that it may have happened even more if we count the TV shows. After all her tough talk about not liking the Franken legend…she didn’t do a good job of resisting.

The writing has definitely become pretty good in the Scooby Doo series as the writers are having more fun with it. A classic example of this is when Velma is telling the heroes their backstory, but they just ignore her and look it up on Wikipedia. The heroes are modernized and they aren’t afraid to show it! It may seem a little mean, but the heroes love to mess with each other nowadays. Again, they’ve kept up with the times, for better or worse. There are many other examples that you will find throughout the film so I give the writing a passing grade.

I must give major credit to the film for its opening as well. Not the opening scene, but the opening credits. The film actually takes itself seriously here and the theme wouldn’t be out of place in an Alien or Terminator film. The horror vibe really gets you in the mood for the film and it’s easily the best opening credits theme for a Scooby Doo film. It would probably rank up there as one of my favorite intros of all time as well. Specifically for the theme as it really makes the intro. The images are decent and fit the tone, but the music deserves all of the credit.

You also have to appreciate the fact that the stakes are a lot higher here than normal. There’s actually a scene where you can argue that a lot of people actually died. The heroes are on a train and the villain starts to blow up the cars and send them crashing into the abyss. He does this to about 2-4 cars before the Mystery Gang decides to uncouple the links to save the first one. They quickly push all of the passengers into the first car. What you need to recognize is the fact that there was a passenger in every single car. This makes it extremely unlikely that the other cars had nobody in it..meaning that this film probably had the largest death count in any Scooby Doo film. (At least in the present setting. Past stories within the film don’t count) I felt bad for the innocent bystanders though and hopefully they found a parachute in time.

So, the film certainly had its pros. At the same time, the main plot wasn’t all that engaging. The monster is actually pretty generic and I’ll never fully buy into Velma’s big plot twist about her last name. We got a lot of backstory for her and this development will certainly change the way that we look at her, but it seems to just be there to push the film along. They almost should have brought in a new character so this twist could have happened to him/her instead. Still, it’ll be interesting to see if this is ever mentioned again. (Not that it necessarily needs too)

I wouldn’t have minded the town appearing a little more though as that part was a little more interesting. The people were fairly unreasonable though and a little exaggerated, but they could have been nice if given the chance. If not for Shaggy and Scooby being full for a change, they had nearly become friends with the townsfolk. Seeing as how Fred was traumatized, playing nice with the people for a while was in their best interest.

Overall, This Scooby Doo film was decent. It’s not going to be remembered as one of the all time greats, but the film experimented with several new techniques and it’ll be interesting to see if they decide to keep any of them. I hope we get another really cool intro and Fred’s side plot of being traumatized was a lot of fun. If the van were to get blown up in every film as a new running gag, that could work. Of course, Fred would need to care less and less each time to really make the gag work. I recommend this to Scooby Doo fans who have enjoyed the previous films and to anyone who wants to watch a funny film. As a comedy with a little adventure in it, this still holds up. Scooby Doo will always adhere to a certain level of quality and it’s a franchise that you can trust through the years. (At least in animated land. It lost its way for a while with the puppets and musicals, but I think it’s back on track) I’m certainly looking forward to their next film as we get to see what an outer space mystery will be like. Pizza is on the cover and that is a terrific sign!

Overall 6/10

Watership Down Review

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It’s time to look at another animated film, but this is really the opposite of Naruto. It’s one of those movies that will make you want to leave pretty early on and there’s no way that this deserves a PG. I had a feeling that a film about talking rabbits could be tricky considering the animal violence issue, but I didn’t think that it would be this serious. Needless to say, this was no Battleship!

A high above being created everything and life was peaceful for a while. Unfortunately, the Rabbits believed themselves to be superior to their “god” and all of the other animals as well. This angered the being and he made the other animal races as well as humans. Now, the goal of every creature is to destroy the Rabbits. Back in the present, the Rabbits’ home is about to be destroyed…according to the main character anyway. So, they set out and try to survive in the brutal environments that they pass. It shall be difficult for them!

First off, let’s make sure it’s clear why this film was doomed to fail. The animal violence is off the charts! They suffer many casualties and the heroes definitely don’t come out of this unscathed. I usually get sad when we have just one scene of animal violence so you can imagine what having an entire film of it will do to the overall rating. It was the film’s greatest weakness since it makes the title not fun to watch. You simply can’t get past such a negative and again, this film easily deserved a PG 13 at the very least. They should officially re rate the film or at least release a big article stating why it is now PG 13 worthy. Until then, kids may watch this and it’ll be a sad experience.

The animation isn’t bad. I can’t say that it’s very impressive, but this was back in the 70’s so I have to cut it some slack. It’s still easy to see who all of the characters are after all. Nothing about it will stand out, but it shouldn’t really hurt the experience for you. There isn’t much of a soundtrack though so you can forget about listening to good tunes during this experience.

The film drags on a little at some parts and I did feel a little sleepy, but I’d attribute some of that to the animal violence. It can definitely take you out of a film a little. I’m glad that the dog didn’t really get injured though so he was spared from this. All right, it’s time to quickly mention some of the characters.

Bigwig is easily the best member of the rabbits as he knows how to fight and he doesn’t back down from the enemies. He’s always ready with a plan and even if he is sometimes willing to leave the weaker members behind, he is the gruff commander who makes it all possible. Without him, the heroes would likely have been doomed several times. Most of the other heroes are pretty uneventful though. The main character can see the future, but he isn’t all that brave. Again, he just feels a little on the generic side.

Woundwort is the big villain by the end, but he’s certainly not a likable villain. He’s pretty tough considering that he should be out of shape by now. He very well could be the strongest rabbit alive. He ends up facing another creature who is a little stronger than a Rabbit though. One character that I was a big fan of was the bird who helped the rabbits out when they were in a pinch. The way that he spoke was pretty intense and he wasn’t subtle about how he was feeling. He didn’t mind admitting to the rabbits that he was simply stronger than them and that he wouldn’t back down. He eventually leaves since this wasn’t his fight and that was good since I didn’t want to see him get injured either.

If the film had strayed away from the animal violence, it certainly could have had some potential. It would have been a fun adventure as they met many other creatures and eventually overthrew some kind of dictator who learned to work with them. Then I certainly could have seen how it would become a big classic and be liked by many. The writing isn’t bad and the scene where the heroes enter into another rabbit’s lair is pretty spooky. They certainly could have held out well on their own.

Still, this film definitely doesn’t deserve the legendary status that it has reached. I consider Battleship to be more of a masterpiece and that’s saying something. As scary as this comparison could be for many, I think that this film could have learned a lot from things like My Little Pony and Clifford. Even Legend of the Guardians or Pokemon. They are all tales with creatures who get caught up in adventures and meet many dangers, but they are typically careful about the animal violence problem. It’s something that must be handled very carefully or you risk overdoing it.

Overall, Watership Down is certainly one of the more unlikable films that I’ve watched as of late. The score for it ends up being almost as low as you can possibly go. It’s just a sign of how important it is to avoid having animals in your film at all since it can critically injure a film. Even an all star like DBZ or Avengers risks a big chunk of likability points being dropped if they manage to make this kind of mistake. If you’re planning on watching this classic, then I would recommend the first Pokemon film instead. The action scenes are better and the journey is more intense without needing to resort to animal violence. It should also be noted that we won’t get any Submarines or literal Waterships here, but I’m sure that we weren’t expecting one anyway. That would have been pretty odd (but neat) to have seen. I think the TV show of this has some slight potential, but I don’t plan on seeing it anytime soon.

Overall 1/10

The Last: Naruto The Movie Review

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All right readers, for your benefit, I chose this version of the poster, which eliminates a certain picture that would likely be a pretty big spoiler. Now, you can skip this review without a worry! Once you have finished the manga or finished the anime (Which would be impossible at the moment) feel free to check out this review! I’ll probably be avoiding spoilers for the most part, but some may need to be mentioned at some point. We shall see…..I also typically do not include “The Movie” in the title, but seeing as how this is the final one in the main series, I suppose that I may as well. This film certainly lived up to the hype and it is quite possibly the second best Naruto film to date. I highly recommend checking it out and I’m glad that I got to support it by watching it in theaters last week.

It has been quite a while since the battle to decide the fate of the multiverse. Roughly 2 years I believe. The villages are at peace and war seems to be a thing of the past. Most of the heroes have let themselves go as their new designs are cringeworthy, but this leaves them unprepared for what is about to happen next. After being friend zoned by Naruto (Unintentionally, but still…) Hinata heads home only to discover that her sister has been kidnapped and she’s next. Naruto notices that the villains are heading off with Hinata and quickly dismantles them in a way that would make Vegeta proud. Toneri, the villain behind this, announces that he shall have Hinata as well and heads off. Naruto, Hinata, Shikamaru, Sakura, and Sai give chase and they must find his base as quickly as possible. That’s because…the Moon is going to crash on the planet and wipe out the human race. Naruto can’t let that happen!

Let’s get one of the big things out of the way from the get go…this film has a large romance part to it. You could definitely call this an action romance and you wouldn’t be wrong as the romance is as integral to the plot as the action part. You can imagine that I feigned surprise at this from the first trailer. This simply wasn’t the Naruto that I knew! It’s handled pretty well. They don’t randomly start making out and the film doesn’t give us any cheap fanservice shenanigans. No, it’s all played in a rather classy fashion. One of the big drawbacks about having fanservice is that it does make Naruto act way out of character for good chunks of the film. Since when he has ever cared for romance barring the occasional Sakura reference? Naruto’s more into having fun and brawling and this incarnation of Naruto loses that to an extent. I do think that adding the romance subplot is something that shouldn’t have been done, but it happened and I’ll just have to get used to it. Now that it’s official, it shouldn’t be too bad in the way that I don’t mind Minato/Kushina or Vegeta/Bulma. That being said, Naruto’s personality better now change for the worse in the upcoming Boruto (No, it’s not an asylum parody) film!

Next up, let’s talk about Naruto’s portrayal as a whole. Aside from the whole romance thing, he looks pretty good. The main reason why I liked him so much in this film is that he really wasn’t messing around. When the village was attacked by the enemy, Naruto quickly threw himself into the action. A lesser film would have had him be defeated rather easily, but this film went the logical route and Naruto wrecked them pretty easily. Naruto is the hero who saved the universe and there should not be a single being who can stand up to him at this point. Seriously, Naruto should easily outrank everyone in speed as well as strength. To help make things a little more fair, Naruto doesn’t use his Chakra mode or Nine Tailed Fox until the very end, but I’m glad that Naruto was still winning with ease.

He’s surprisingly brutal as he takes off someone’s leg with one of his attacks and splits many people in half. There is a twist though so Naruto is still the good ole hero that we once knew. This is a time where I probably would not have indeed either way though as he was helping a friend and was not so much aiming to kill as he was just making sure to recover her. (I don’t want to take a shot at Mario, but he does let Peach get kidnapped a whole lot…) The only part of the film where Naruto looks pretty bad is when he gets depressed after being rejected. Again, we can blame this on the romance part as this should have never happened. It was the most out of character thing for Naruto to do and it was pretty sad. Beyond that, this was a good portrayal of Naruto, the hero.

Hinata is finally trying to express her feelings for Naruto, but it’s a tough road since many have already beat her to the punch. She tries to put this to the side as the heroes head in to save her sister, but she finds this difficult. She continues to try and knit a scarf throughout the film and we learn why it is so important thanks to the beginning flashbacks. (Where Naruto looked underpowered…but I’ll accept that for now) She does make some really frustrating decisions like deciding to go with Toneri to find her sister though and this made her hard to root for at times. She really didn’t plan this out and her plan was doomed from the start. I also like to think that she could have beaten the minions at the beginning, but I suppose that they aren’t pushovers, Naruto just makes them look that way. We have to remember that Naruto is so much stronger than the rest of the villagers that teaming up, I doubt that could defeat him at this point. Hinata is still a likable character, but as far as heroines go, I prefer Sakura. Hinata’s future could be looking up though since she’s trying to come out of her shell more and more. I believe that the ending should have helped out with that in a big way. (There is an after credits scene so you should stick around)

Toneri wants to destroy the Earth and he has a good reason for it. Someone told him to do this! Unfortunately, he wants Hinata to be his pride and that’s where he goes downhill. He actually thought that she was making him a scarf, which is pretty naive. He’s also very full of himself. As a character, he’s certainly not great, but as a villain he definitely works. His final form is like something out of Gurren Lagann and he puts up a tremendous fight. He’s like a mini, guy version of Kaguya! His voice was also nice and menacing. He didn’t have a really big final form like you would expect, but this one was streamlined, which makes it all worth it. He could have been better if not for the ole romance part of his personality, but he was a cool way to end Naruto’s long array of battles.

Fans will be disappointed that Sasuke’s role is extremely small. The audience still cheered whenever he appeared on screen, but you could tell that everyone was hoping he would fight more. He got to destroy a large meteor and then he left again, but the film missed a big chance to make him help the heroes. With his new abilities, he could have instantly warped to the moon without a problem. It would have been awesome to have seen him defeat Toneri. Ah well, maybe he’ll get to fight a little more in the next main Naruto film. It could be a while, but let’s face it, the cast of Naruto shall be back at some point!
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I need to talk about some of the friends as well since some of the other characters looked pretty bad. The Raikage is a great example of this as he decides that if destroying Naruto is the riskiest way to save the planet…so be it! That may have flied back in the day when the Raikage was a villain, but he’s supposed to be a hero right? This just looks incredibly pretty and this makes it really hard to ever like him as a character. The other Kage are also powerless to stop him, which makes them all look rather weak. Killer Bee looks good since he stands by Naruto until the very end. The other supporting characters are mostly just there and don’t get a whole lot to do. Kakashi’s new “hunch” gimmick isn’t bad and I don’t mind if he keeps that around. Seeing him fight a little bit would have been nice, but I suppose that it was too much to hope for. This isn’t your average filler film where everyone jumps in with their special attacks after all. It’s mostly about Naruto and that’s fine since this is the end of the road. Fans of the Nine Tailed Fox will be happy to see him appear, but he looks pretty bad during his fight. He has his moment at the end, but it’s still disappointing to see him struggle so much against your average rock giant. The longer that he is out, the longer that Naruto is left without him as well. Naruto would have crushed Toneri a lot sooner if it had been the two of them against him.

The character designs also deserve a mention since I really don’t like any of them. That’s right, all of the new character designs barring Toneri’s look pretty bad. I definitely can’t dig Sasuke’s new cape and most of the other characters suffer from similar fate. Some characters like Sakura, Kakashi, and Ino are basically sparred since their designs didn’t really change, but others like Kiba and Naruto’s can be tough to watch. Naruto has one moment during the ramen scene where he just looks so big and buff that you’ll have to do a double take. The animation keeps away from that angle after that, but it’ll still take you by surprise. If I can ever get used to a new design, it’ll likely be Naruto’s, but I’m still going to miss the older ones. Plus, I’ll probably just associate Naruto’s new design with the romance plot, which won’t help his case.

Beyond the designs, the fight scenes are incredible. The villains all use energy blast techniques, which is new to the Naruto franchise. (For the most part) It makes for some great visuals and the final fight is really like a DBZ battle as Naruto and Toneri are essentially flying across the planet and really knocking each other with everything that they have. Planets are sliced in half and Naruto proves that he can match Ichigo’s energy feat by blocking a planet busting laser with his hand. He’s certainly improved since the old says to be sure. Naruto still has his traditional Rasengans, (Which he uses to vaporize one of the minions) but now he tends to use the Chakra Rasengan as well as the Rasenshuriken instead. It takes up more chakra, but Naruto has an almost limitless supply of that at this point and the power increase is dramatic. Again, you may attribute it to plot hax that Naruto doesn’t think to use his Chakra Mode until the very end of the film even when it may have helped against Toneri in round 1, but no hero goes all out in the beginning. Ichigo usually does, but even he has his moments where he just feels his opponent out first. It goes without saying that the animation is top notch here. So, even when there is no fight scene taking place, the village has never looked so good. It now looks a little more like Tokyo and it has certainly become modernized. You may wonder how things could have changed so quickly in such a time frame, but these are ninja who move at lightspeed so it’s not impossible.

Oh yeah, one scene that was a little iffy involves someone taking out someone’s eyes. I think that was rather unnecessary and even Toneri doing it to one of the heroes was a bit much. The Naruto franchise has always had a thing for transplanting eyes, but I certainly could have done without it. It’s one of those things that you don’t even want to remember since that would be way too painful. Ugh…..Ugu! Well, at least it’s just one scene right?

If I had to grasp at another negative, it would be that some flashbacks happen way too many times. I’m mainly talking about the Iruka one where the moon is said to be falling down. It appeared a few times in rapid succession along with a few others. I probably would have preferred them to have only happened once, a second time if necessary. Also, the scene leads into some plot hax since Naruto can’t break out of a simple genjutsu. That’s why he has the Fox with him right? Hmmmmmm….

This is hardly your average review though so instead of dividing it into positives and negatives, I’ve scattered them throughout the review. Based on the rating, you can tell that the positives do heavily outweigh the negatives though which is a good thing. Some things will be a little odd like Naruto not healing Might Guy, but I’ll just have to accept that Naruto doesn’t want to heal everyone. It’s similar to Gurren Lagann’s ending in that sense if you think about it. Defying fate is not something that is for every hero to do. I also think that destroying the Moon when it came crashing down shouldn’t be a problem for the heroes, but let’s talk about the power levels besides that little part. (Still an inaccuracy if you ask me)

Now, where do these guys rank power level wise? Naruto and Sasuke are the only two heroes who are much stronger than they used to be, but Sasuke doesn’t get many feats so I won’t discuss him much. With his eye abilities plus his physical strength, Sasuke should still be a match for someone like an Espada, but it’s a battle with many variables. As for Naruto, I think it’s safe to say that this places him at around Tsuna’s level and he could probably give SSJ1 Goku a good fight from the Frieza arc. It’s still a little much to say that he could defeat someone like Cell or SSJ2 Goku, but he’s certainly moved up. Keep in mind that Naruto doesn’t have his strongest form anymore so if you imagine how strong that one would be with his current stats, the possibilities certainly grow! I don’t believe that Toneri is as strong as Madara or Obito’s final form, but he did look more impressive than Kaguya. I’m satisfied with that although I still think that Naruto should have probably had the upper hand a little sooner.
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Overall, This was a fun way to end the Naruto franchise. It was pretty heavy with the romance, but it certainly could have been worse and hopefully now the fans can accept what I always knew, that Naruto and Sakura are just friends along with everyone else. Being stuck in the friend zone is a good thing after all. The fights in this film are incredible and in that area, it certainly is the best Naruto film. The battles seriously keep up with Battle of Gods and this film was infinitely more satisfying. Battle of Gods left a bad taste in my mouth with the ending and I’ll probably never get over that or my dislike of Bills. Of course, the real question is whether or not this will be able to defeat Rebirth of F. It’s hard to say, but the problem is that for DBZ is that it seems to have less of a theatrical feal to it compared to Naruto. Naruto has the overwhelming edge in its soundtrack and I dare say that the animation is superior as well. If DBZ brings its A game, it should still have a good chance at winning this round, but we’ll have to see. Naruto definitely won’t go down easily. I highly recommend checking this film out and I don’t see why any Naruto fan would skip it. If you have not seen anything Naruto related before, this could be a good film to check out and then you can watch the shows as a prequel instead of watching it first. How’s that sound? Just be aware that the rest of the series won’t be quite as high tier. Also, it should be noted that Age of Ultron has now been dethroned for this year. There is literally no way that it can be better than this Naruto film. Unless Rebirth of F can top it, nothing will. This is why I’m glad that the film had a theatrical feel that many anime films do not, this way the general audience can recognize it as being epic as well as the true anime fans.

Overall 9/10

The Window Review

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Is it just me or does the kid look much older in the poster than in the film? Well, that happens I guess. The Window is one of those tragedy films where the lead is pretty helpless and it is supposed to let you sympathize with the hero while also fearing the villain. Suffice it to say, this does not work very well. The Window is similar to the Bad Seed in that the retro feeling simply could not save it. I’m afraid we’re in for another tough review!

Tommy is a little kid who typically lies and exaggerates to keep the attention on him. He doesn’t mean to let things get out of hand, but they typically do. One day, he witnesses a tragic murder and tells his parents, but it is too late. Tommy has already burned his bridges so nobody will believe him at this point. When the murderers find out that Tommy knows, they decide to take him down once and for all. This is going to be a tough battle for Tommy!

I can sympathize with the fact that Tommy tends to exaggerate a little. The lying is pretty uncalled for though, but I tend to exaggerate things myself or at least, I did a lot back in the day. Sometimes a story doesn’t have enough of the Wow factor so you have to add things in. Like, making the guy 10 feet instead of 7 in your story or maybe adding some extra punches in. You don’t mean to do it, but it just happens. Naturally, as you get older, this gets much easier to control. Tommy’s pretty young so he’s still getting the hang of that. I like to think that he’ll learn better very quickly…especially thanks to the results.

That being said, he’s still not a great lead. You may already be familiar with this from my older reviews, but I typically don’t like having a kid as the main character or even as one of the main supporting characters. It simply doesn’t work for a live action film or TV show. If Tommy was a little bit older, this story would be very different since he could have taken matters into his own hands. As it stands, he does a pretty good job of evading the crooks in the climax of the film, but we don’t get any real fights.

It’s actually a little disappointing for Tommy’s parents since they don’t get to help out at the end. I was expecting the dad to fight the criminals towards the end when he went home, but the film decided to take another route. Instead, it was Tommy who confronted them and that was certainly less exciting than my version of events would have been. The parents really made things difficult for Tommy and at the very least, they should have taken him with them. Leaving him alone at home when he’s scared of the neighbors is certainly not the wisest thing to do.

For once, I think the police actually looked pretty decent, or at least some of them did. The Chief actually tells one of the inspectors to check out the neighbor’s house just in case Tommy was on to something. It ultimately didn’t pan out since the investigator was tricked very quickly, but the fact that he gave it a shot was pretty neat. The other Policemen definitely weren’t very coordinated though as seen when the dad was looking for Tommy. One of them had just seen him so you would think that he would have been able to mention it when the alert went out.

That brings to mind the taxi scene. It really stretches your imagination and it’s hard to believe that the cab driver did not notice the kidnappers knocking out Tommy and being mean to him the whole time. Seriously, it really makes you wonder. The writers dug themselves into a hole with that scene and had to think of a pretty unconvincing way to get out of it. A serious of unfortunate coincidences brought Tommy to that point as well like when the grandfather called to have the mom leave. It’s very convenient to say the least.

The film has a happy ending, but it is not a pleasant watch and that severely limits its rating potential. Again, having a kid as the main character is detrimental to a film because we know that he is completely helpless so the film is really just about him being terrified and beaten up the whole time. That’s just not something that is going to entertain you and the whole concept behind the film is pretty bad. With enough light natured fun and gimmicks, it can actually be good like in Home Alone, but that’s the exception, not the rule. There are no real fun scenes to speak of here and the film takes itself too seriously for its own good.

Overall, The Window is one of those old films that actually isn’t very good. The writing isn’t even exceptional, which is rare for a film of its time. There’s a lot of plot hax to be found here so that the villains can have a fighting chance, which wrecks the realism of the film at times. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it and this isn’t the kind of film that will leave you with a smile afterwards. It’s an intriguing adaption/moral retelling of the Boy Who Cried Wolf, but that story was better in the fables. Or at least, one version of them since those tend to have many different endings. Instead of this title, I recommend checking out the film “Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time!” Now that is an epic adventure filled with suspense and danger.

Overall 2/10

The Happening Review

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This review is of the edited TV PG version. All thoughts below pertain to such even if I reference the fact that it was not originally PG. Know that a review of the uncut version would likely be harsher and have a lower score.
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It’s time to check out the next horror film…The Happening! Many of you have probably heard of this film. I probably saw the title at some point, but I wasn’t very into the world of films at the time so I missed out on most of the titles. Still, it has a reputation of not being so great and I can safely say that the reputation is deserved. It’s essentially your average horror film and there are no real original or creative scenes to be found here. It relies on the driving power of its shock value scenes and that’s never a recipe for success.

One day, a large group of people decide to destroy themselves. Scientists believe that this is an attack from terrorists and they try to calm the people, but it is too late. These attacks are spreading across the country and even manage to take out New Jersey and New York. This just got very personal and Elliott quickly dashes onto a train so that he can get out of Philadelphia. The problem is that no state in the US is safe…perhaps no place in the world! Are these isolates incidents at all of the big parks and small towns really the work of terrorists or is it something more…environmental?

Hmmm…makes you think a little eh? This is the kind of film that I would consider to be a slasher even if we don’t have a Jason or a Freddy running around. It feels like a Slasher in the sense that everyone dies in brutal ways as the cast is offed one by one. So, nobody’s destroying them, but you almost get the same effect. There are so many shock value scenes that you will just be trying to figure out how it’s all going to end. Who will be the last survivor and who will end up being the victor. That’s what we’ll really have to think about here.

To an extent, I still do give horror films some credit in that area. The plot does tend to be pretty interesting. I can’t argue against that. Whether it be Resident Evil or The Fog, the plot is typically pretty engaging. It’s just ruined by all of the over the top violence, typical fanservice, language, and any other factors that you can think of. There’s essentially no fanservice here so we can at least rule that out…but not the other two. The language is certainly around since it’s a go to for the average horror writer.

As for the violence part….oh yeah. It’s definitely there! The version that I saw was pretty good with cutting most of it out, but based on where the screen ends, you can definitely see why it would be so intense. The mower scene was probably the grittiest, but most of the big ends try to give it some competition. Even kids are not safe from guns, which is another line that the average film won’t cross. That wasn’t to be here, even if the kids were being real awful about the whole thing. Talk about asking to get shot, those kids were trying to put the people inside of the cabin in danger just so they could get some food/water. It’s the end of the world….they should have realized the danger.

All right guys, I think it’s time to mention what the cause of all this is. It’s actually obvious right from the start since this film lacks subtlety anyway. So…it is….the….plants. See, the plants are tired of the humans messing around with the planet so they are going to emit some poisons all around the world that switch our preservation switches so that we have an instinct to die instead of to live. In theory, that’s actually possible for some kind of bio weapon in the future, but for the planets….hehehehehehehe. But this is a film so I suppose that we’ll cut it some slack in that department. Still, how can you fight plants? The easy answer is that you really can’t. Even if we could somehow destroy all of them, we would be left with no air to breathe since you learn about the whole carbon dioxide equation back in 1st grade.

It’s game over for the humans, but it still makes for an interesting tale. Also, perhaps the writer knew that the audience would figure out the main villain right away so he throws a ton of red herrings. We have a mysterious plot where the bees flew away. None of the other animals are effected…only the bees. Next, the heroes head into a house that is deserted and filled with fake things. Sort of like the prop you would see in a nuclear testing site. Maybe the government really is involved! There’s also an odd lady who barely appears to be human and she makes no sense. What is she? These things are all just here to mess with you and it’s best to just tune them out all together.

The main way to save yourself is to make sure that you don’t travel in groups. If there are too many humans in one place, then the flowers activate their toxins. There’s not much of a rhyme or reason to the attacks since they’re incredibly sporadic, but it’s nice to know that they care. The plants shall protect the planet…..in theory.

There’s not much of a soundtrack, but it actually does get very ominous at some points. It reminds me of a documentary that I saw about Monsanto a while back. The directors know that you’ll realize something is up if they don’t distract you so they throw in the music to stop you in your tracks. It’s rather ingenious and at least the themes give it an edge over the average horror film.

As for the characters, most of them aren’t very likable, but we have some decent ones. The main guy actually isn’t bad. He seems like a pretty likable professor and he’s certainly interested in the work that he is doing. He takes the situation in stride for the most part and he’s pretty forgiving of the main heroine. She…was not quite as good. She’s very quiet and sullen the whole time and we know that she is having some kind of argument with the main lead, but the film never really goes into that so it’s hard to pick one side over the other. Meanwhile, the main character’s friend is a math whiz who makes all of the wrong choices. His wife went all the way over to NJ to buy a backpack after the attacks had already started. Not a good move and the friend naturally went to help, but he didn’t last long. The daughter stayed with the main heroes and she wasn’t the best either, but she’s here to show us that we wouldn’t last 5 minutes in an apocalyptic future. That’s nice for the film….but I still like to think that in times of trouble we will all become Eren Jaegers and simply adapt, crack, adapt, crack, and keep going through the cycle until our minds really do burst.

One of the supporting characters loves hot dogs and it’s nice to know that he’s ready for the adventure, but he has no point in this film so you can certainly just forget about him and it won’t really affect the film. That’s about it as far as the big characters go. I liked the Cop and the main character. Beyond that….the rest of the cast could not rise above mediocrity. It’s a shame, but it’s just how it goes. Even the train drivers weren’t great as they decided to be randomly vague the whole time instead of just letting everyone know that they were toast. Staying in the train may have actually been a wise decision…so we can’t have any of that!

We can’t forget that the film has a twist ending. You’ll see it coming from a mile away, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s pretty intense. All horror films need twists, I’m almost convinced of this fact at this point. If the film’s going to get a low score anyway, might as well end it in a way that will have people talking about the title for a long time right? It’s a sound strategy and I was glad that the guy on TV now has a solid case. People wouldn’t believe him unless more attacks occurred right? Time for this guy to put them in their place. (His smug attitude quickly made him the best character in the film although the guy he was debating would probably rank in 2nd)

Overall, by all accounts, the Happening could have been a decent film. It’s interesting, has a good plot, and the lead is actually likable. The main problem is that it decides to be edgy for the lolz. According to the super reputable site known as Wikipedia, it was even advertised for being the writer’s first R film. You can see why they threw in so many intense death scenes and sprinkled in the language for good measure. This film could easily have been PG 13 and you could have even made it PG without taking away any critical scenes. It just goes to show that some writers can handle the pressures of making a good horror film while others cannot. Instead of checking this title out, I recommend watching The Avengers (2012) to see a survival film where humanity must unite to fight off the big aliens! That’s a film with a good script and some nice writing techniques.

Overall 3/10

Spawn Review

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It’s time for a triple horror review on the blog. Not in one post of course, but I’ll be posting them consecutively as I get to work on the film backlog. The third film review isn’t technically horror, but it’s a tragedy, which shares many of the same qualities as a horror. Why not right? All right, back to Spawn! This is one of those films that had an incredible premise, an awesome poster, and yet you knew that it wouldn’t be a very good film. Probably not even a good one. Well, your fears were well founded as this title shows why it will always be known as one of the weaker superhero films.

Al worked as a hit man of sorts for a shady company. He took out threats to the country in secrecy. One day he finally realized just how much collateral damage he was dealing to the outside world during this chaos and decided to fight back. He told his boss that he would quit so the boss had his replacement shoot him with more holes than a chunk of Swiss Cheese. The joke was on the boss though as Al was sent back to Earth from Hell so that he could lead the demon’s army against Earth. No worries though, the demons will allow Al to get his vengeance first!

It’s hard to know where to start first for a film like this one so let’s just look at things from the demon’s point of view first. After all, his plan doesn’t make a great deal of sense. For starters, why did Al have to lose his memory of the deal that he made in Hell when he went back to Earth? If not for the clown, AKA, The Violator, he would not have known to lead the armies anyway. Al was incredibly mixed up for a great chunk of the film and it felt like the villains almost didn’t care. That was rather sloppy and if Al has retained his memories from the start, he may have stayed on the path of darkness. Their loss I suppose.

One of the big weaknesses of this film is the..crude humor! Trust me, that’s the last thing that you want to see in a super hero film that’s supposed to be really dark and gritty. A little crude humor doesn’t tend to phase me, but it was extremely over the top and very cringe worthy. The scene where the clown bites into a certain slice of pizza is really what did it for me and you really will feel like losing your lunch. If the film was trying to be original, it may have succeeded, but certainly not in a good way.

The clown is also an example of another poor character. All of his scenes are pretty bad and some of his lines are pretty terrible. His threats to Al may be pretty personal, but it just makes him a rather despicable villain, not a likable one. You will certainly be pulling for Spawn to take him down already. The Clown also isn’t an incredibly impressive fighter, it’s just that Spawn isn’t very strong here. He definitely has a lot of work to do if he wishes to master his abilities. I could have definitely preferred another sidekick to help Spawn instead of this guy.

Okay, let’s back up a bit and look at some of the film’s pros. Spawn is a pretty likable character. It’s good that he wanted to get out of the shady business and he ultimately decides to act in the name of justice over being an emissary from Hell. Given his circumstances, it certainly shows a lot of willpower. In the hands of a better writer, he could have been a great protagonist. As it stands, he was simply a good one. He did make all of the right choices after all. Spawn can be rather slow on the uptake and it takes him a very long time to even think of using some of his abilities, but he would likely have been much more powerful in the sequel. A shame that we’ll never get one for this film…..or not.

Another big positive is the soundtrack. It’s easily one of the greatest comic book soundtracks of all time. I definitely prefer the instrumental themes though since that’s where all of the real action is at. The rock/metal themes really get your heart pumping and you’ll be ready to see what kind of action scenes they throw at you. I haven’t heard a film with fight themes like this since Mortal Kombat and Man of Steel! (Man of Steel had one good battle theme anyway!)

I can’t really complain about the fights either. They holds up pretty well. Spawn’s fight with the Violator will remind you of Spidey’s recent clash against the Lizard in TASM while Spawn’s epic fight against the master demon is something that is very original. Most of the fight is in CGI, which actually works quite well since it looks like a video game. I was loving every second of that fight and Spawn definitely got some good durability feats as he was constantly slammed to the ground and kept on getting back up. He also used his spikes to impale dozens of villains at once, which is something that he’ll get better at as the years go forward. Even Spawn’s quick spar against his replacement is pretty intense. The fight reminded me of Resident Evil…only less graphically intense, which was neat. Spawn definitely knew what it was doing in the action category.

All righty, back to the negatives. So far, this probably sounds like a 5-6 right? Well, we’re bumping it down 2-3 spots from that so we need to figure out why. Wait for it….waiiiiit for it….Animal Violence. Talk about adding insult to injury right? A dog gets punches by the big villain and we see him limping in his next appearance. That’s simply inexcusable and you’ll want to exit the room right after this happens. It really had no place in the film and I don’t see why they would add this. It made things more personal of course, but how much more personal does this have to get before Spawn unlocks his true powers?

Beyond that, the film is pretty tame violence wise compared to what you may expect. Granted, they may have edited out some of the violence on TV, but usually the language is what gets hit the hardest. So, I didn’t find the violence to be that bad. There isn’t really any romance although one of the plots also seems a little crazy. So, Al’s wife moves on to his best friend after he vanished. Really? Sure, he may have been dead, but that’s an incredibly low blow and especially after she said that she would be with him forever. It’s why you’ve always got to be careful before you fall into the romance trap. I’m still glad that it didn’t get more screen time since that could have been dicey.

Another reason why this film simply wasn’t that good is some scenes can drag a bit. The main example of this is when Spawn first returns to the world. He can’t talk so we just see him crawling and walking around as he has no clue what he should do. It’s pretty painful to watch the scenes as the Clown gets to mess with him for a while. I want to see Spawn verbally debating the pros and cons of fighting with a neat cloak, not getting thrown into an alley to get some more sleep!

I think we’ve mostly established why this is a film of missed opportunities. One more thing that needs to be mentioned is the ally who lends his strength to Spawn. This guy pops up out of nowhere and he has some connection to Hell or Heaven. It’s all very vague and he silently threatens to kill Spawn at one point before just joining him into the fray. He looks decent when it comes down to a fight, but he’s also pretty old so he can’t last very long in the heat of battle. He got his moments I suppose, but he really needed some actual character. One minute he’s basically telling Spawn to let his revenge go and then encouraging him to tackle the human villain in the next scene.

Overall, Spawn is a dicey experience. Some scenes can certainly be funny and it actually does work as more of a comedy than a horror. That being said, it goes too far in too many different ways to really be a good film. The animal violence, crude humor, and unnecessary scenes/lines keep it from being the kind of film that you will want to rewatch. The costumes and effects are way ahead of its time, but a film can’t get a good score on good looks. If it could, then I’d expect TASM2 (Electro vs Spidey) to have better scores than most other films. The video game is probably much better than the film, but I can’t really vouch for that. Either way, this is a film that you will want to skip and you’ll be better off watching the first Ghost Rider. It really outranks this title in just about every way.

Overall 3/10

Patema Inverted Review

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It’s time to review a pretty recent anime film. Aside from franchise titles like (Super) Naruto and (Ultimate) DBZ, I rarely have time to check out one shot anime films like this one. I check out a bunch of live action ones, but anime films are just a little rarer. Well, I can safely say that this was a pretty good title and it succeeded in its genre pretty well. It’s not really an action so you shouldn’t go into the film expecting a lot of fights, but the dialogue is good and the plot is interesting. In the end, that’s all that you need to be a good film if you play your cards right.

A cruel trick of fate sent many of the world’s inhabitants into the sky along with everything that they had built. Their gravity had shifted thanks to an experiment that went dreadfully wrong. The ones who managed to cling onto something escaped underground, where they live an upside down..or inverted life. Patema is the princess of these people and one day she is chased by a batman (Aw yeah!) so she trips and falls above ground. She meets a man named Age who helps her inside a house so she doesn’t float all the way up to space. Age must help her get home, but the corrupt government wants to destroy her along with all of the other Inverts. Can the bonds of friendship between Age and Patema be enough to stop these villains or will they need to fight!?

That’s the jist of the film. The gimmick of being forced to endure reverse gravity is definitely interesting. The film shows you Patema’s point of view on more than one occasion and it’s always very interesting to see. Mentally picturing it can be quite difficult even if you just think about flipping everything. It’s simply not an easy thing to do and the sky certainly becomes a fearsome sight as it’s essentially a fall to oblivion. Needless to say, you never want to fall down. It would certainly be tough to live like that and I do have to wonder how her people were able to survive. How did they build enough equipment to sustain life or make food to eat? These are questions that we can just sidestep for a while I suppose, but they will certainly linger with you for a while.

The soundtrack is pretty good. It’s upbeat and fitting for the film while also retaining some dramatic tunes for the serious moments. You probably won’t remember a whole lot of the themes by the time that it is over, but they were still enjoyable. We also got a lyrical song during one-two of the scenes, which was pretty neat as well. I’m always ready for a good insert song. We also got some good animation as well. It may not be quite as good as the average anime of that year (Anime keep on growing better and better as the years go by (barring the 90’s) so it’s really tough for any film to match them at this point) but it still looks good. It is slightly more mainstreamed/americanized in the designs, but the eyes keep the true anime feel to it that I am always fond of. There weren’t many chances to show off the animation like with fight scenes or chaotic backgrounds, but all of the scenes did look pretty good. It certainly helps the adventure move along and stay enjoyable.

Patema is one of the main characters and she’s a likable lead. She is curious about the surface world and is one of the only individuals brave enough to head there. It was partially by accident, but most of the others wouldn’t even investigate the area so she still holds the edge in bravery. Considering how scary the visuals are from her point of view, she definitely deserves some props as she chooses to trust Age as they run across the landscapes. If he were to let go for an instant, it would be game over.

Age seems like a nice guy and he’s also a pretty good main character. He seems to be pretty bored with the current system that the world has set in place and he’s glad to disregard protocol when he meets Patema. Both of them have sad origins involving their parents or relatives so they bond pretty quickly. Age is determined to help Patema no matter what so he gets his share of heroics as the film goes on. He’s still not the greatest lead out there as I would like to see a little more aggression and hot headedness in him, but Age gets the job done. He’s not annoying or just mean like other leads.

The film deserves a lot of credit for staying away from the old fanservice trap. There’s no fanservice to be found here and you always feel like giving the film a fistbump when you realize that what it has achieved. It’s still pretty rare for a film to avoid the trap so you have to sing its praises. The one gripe that I would have with the film’s writing is that Age didn’t stay in the friend zone. I was hoping that Patema would tell Age that he was a nice friend, but that he shouldn’t get any ideas about being more than that. This didn’t happen and they ultimately get past that point. At least it’s only a quick scene and it doesn’t last for long while also being mostly off screen, but that also shows just how close the film was to keeping that friend zone at the ready. You don’t fall in love after a single day/week after all.

Now, where would this film be without a villain right? Unfortunately, we are all out of interesting ones so it’s time to settle for a generic foe. The head of the government is an old man who’s pretty twisted and he has probably cracked. He wants to destroy all inverts because he knows that they would usurp his power and change the status quo. Naturally, we can’t have that so that’s why he wants to get rid of them all. If he just stuck to yelling threats and pointing his gun around, he could have been decent or at least tolerable. Unfortunately, that just doesn’t happen and he talks way too much. It’s a shame that nobody thinks to dethrone him since he’s so blatantly evil.

The villain has a right hand man, but that character is pretty bland. He has a big moment by the end and we realize that his character has some potential, but it’s also a little late by then. What has this guy been doing all these years? It definitely took him a while to do anything. Patema also has a friend who helps out a little during some of the scenes, but his role is still pretty small. He thinks of himself as Age’s rival, but that doesn’t always work out for him.

As with most films, there is one scene that will definitely make you think of the term “Plot hax.” Age’s father built a blimp so he could prove that being in the air wasn’t evil, but he randomly fell out and died. People were pretty sad, but they knew that it was simply the curse coming back to bite him. I’m sure that it’s pretty obvious how the guy died, but why didn’t any of the spectators notice? They likely wouldn’t have heard anything, but they were right under him so a quick body inspection would be impossible to stop. All of those witnesses should have seen everything so I definitely didn’t buy the plot twist. The dad seemed like a nice guy and I also liked his inverted counterpart, Lagos. A film about their exploits may not have been bad, but they didn’t get a whole lot of time together so it would be short. They definitely got along pretty well and it’s a shame that they couldn’t get a happier ending.

Overall, Patema Inverted is a pretty good film. As I mentioned earlier, it’s not an action film and I would treat it more as a slice of life or maybe a drama. The film starts out as an average day for Age and then it becomes an adventure that he’ll never forget. The film is all about looking at the world from a different perspective and it’s fun to see the heroes learn how to use their different gravity situations for the better. Flying sounds like a lot of fun and going through the clouds must be a lot of fun. There are really no negatives to speak of here and the film never drags on. This means that we’re getting another film that easily reaches 7 stars here on the blog. It just goes to show that good writing will trump the lack of action weakness every time. I definitely recommend checking this film out as it’s good in all areas. It’s a complete cinematic experience and one of the better one shot anime films that I’ve seen.

Overall 7/10