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The Legend of Zorro Review

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When you watch a Zorro film, ordinarily you’re expecting the hero to look pretty good. Unfortunately that is not the case here as Zorro has his worst film appearance yet. The film itself isn’t bad but yeah it’s going to be a bit hard to get around that and the romance is absolutely abysmal here. Definitely one of the worst romances you will have seen in quite a while here. None of the characters look even remotely decent by the end of it.

The story starts with Zorro taking names and saving the day as per usual. Unfortunately his wife Elena is not happy with how much time Zorro spends away from the family. So they end up divorcing and Zorro gets super depressed. Fast forward to some time later and Elena has quickly rebounded with the wealthy Armand. She can now live a life of luxury with a man who will devote all of his time to her. Zorro is very jealous about this but it’s hard to defeat this guy. Zorro has become a bit of a drunk and Armand seems to be good at everything. Hopefully Armand turns out to be evil or something…or Zorro might be doomed.

I should also mention that Zorro and Elena had a kid which makes the divorce that much worse. The kid gets quite a bit of screentime and tends to be rather annoying. You have to try and watch his scenes as though the film is a complete comedy like his opening action scene where he defeats his teacher in a fencing battle. He straight up takes down a full adult and it’s meant to be real impressive. It’s more of a groanworthy scene. The fact that the kid can fight automatically makes him better than the average kid but he didn’t really need to be here.

Outside of the opening action scene which is admittedly very solid, don’t expect much from Zorro either here. The whole middle part of the film is him making a fool out of himself. Getting dunked on by Armand, allowing himself to be the butt of the joke like in the maid scene, and generally just looking very petty. He didn’t really give Elena any good reasons to go back to him. We finally get some fun Zorro action in the climax and even Elena gets a fight but it feels really late for that.

Part of the problem here is that the film has a number of plot twists to unveil but you immediately know that none of them are going to salvage Zorro’s character. Even if he doesn’t exactly know how things escalated with him and Elen so much, he should have been the bigger man and done some digging. Confront her and get to the bottom of the issue/find out if the problem is really that he is Zorro. As for Elena, the twists don’t help her at all. Lets just say it involves blackmail and then she has plans of her own but none of them really excuse her deciding to just leave Zorro in the dark.

In a perfect world they could have been teaming up the whole time. There would need to be significant changes to the plan of course but it could have worked and made both of them look good. Instead they just look really bad and Armand ends up looking a lot better. There’s a particularly embarrassing scene where Zorro is hiding behind some vegetables and thinks he has an opening so he walks over to Elena. Naturally he was not subtle and Armand caught him.

You’re going to be cringing really hard on Zorro’s behalf here. It’s crazy character assassination and I don’t think I need to go into detail on why this makes the romance really bad. Zorro and Elena’s bond was apparently weaker than you ever could have imagined for this whole story to take place. I also think to an extent the whole romance drama was added because the main plot wasn’t going to be enough to hold people’s attention. You have some drama over the states and the civil war approaching but it’s all rather boring. The villains are fairly generic and the plot just doesn’t have much life to it.

So I don’t blame the movie for putting the romance as the main focus but it absolutely could have given the characters some more dignity in the process. The film’s fight scenes are good enough where you feel like the movie should have leaned into that a whole lot more. With all of the big fight scenes this could have been an absolutely great film. Maybe actually build up to Zorro being too obsessive with sopping criminals to make Elena’s problem appear to be more valid. It’s always going to be a tough sell because he is saving lives throughout but it can be done. Maybe he starts to go too far or something.

As for the villains, well you’ve got a classic heel with Armand here. Whether he ends up being evil or not, play him up as the big antagonist. Someone who is a total jerk and taking everything that Zorro wants but without giving Zorro a way to take him down. He keeps his hands clean on the surface which makes Zorro more and more frustrated. The building blocks were all there to make this a really fun film. Then just write the kid out and you’re really all set.

Overall, The Legend of Zorro is a film that is fun to watch but you can definitely tell that it should have been a lot better. At times it does aim a little too young and goes with the easy jokes. The pacing is good though and the movie does feel like it really flies by. So you can see that there was a lot of effort put into this one, the priorities just weren’t always where they should have been. I’d still recommend checking the movie out but if you really like Zorro as a character…be warned that his appearance here is a bit diferent.

Overall 6/10

Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation Review

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It’s been a while since I’ve seen an animation downgrade as drastic as the one that occurred between the Street Fighter II movie and this one. It’s like the series lost all of its aura. This film is worse by every metric across the board. It’s not a bad movie but it almost felt like the movie was actively trying to mess up as the fights keep getting interrupted or being extra short. Ryu’s character arc quickly gets repetitive which is impressive considering this is a single movie.

Ryu has continued to train hard in the ways of Street Fighting when a kid named Shun appears and claims to be Ryu’s brother. This is lightly possible as Ryu didn’t get a chance to really know his family but either way it doesn’t atter much to Ryu. He will get long with the kid and doesn’t mind being called brother. Unfortunately Shun appears to have similar issues mastering the Dark Hadou and is then kidnapped by a group of fighters working for the evil Shadaloo organization. Ryu will have to save him but can he do this while also fighting off his own dark impulses?

A hero fighting against his dark powers is certainly nothing new but this is one of the most annoying ways to handle the trope. Ryu falls to his knees yelling about the powers of darkness at least 5 times. He can never seem to control it for long and it is easy for the villains to bait him into using it. I’m not saying that he should have mastered it immediately but I would have liked to have seen some progress. Instead it feels like he just walks back and forth with it throughout the movie and never gets better. Only at the very end of the film does it feel like he made true progress.

It just took too long and he spends a lot of the film getting wrecked. At least he is allowed to get some wins though. If you’re a side character then prepare to get majorly disrespected. Ken looks really bad in this one and just racks up nonstop losses. He should at least be close to Ryu in skill but it sure doesn’t feel like that when he loses over and over again. Then you have Chun Li who also loses really badly in her fights. The film seems to just be using her as occasional fanservice here rather than as a serious fighter which is unfortunate.

It is partially in how they write the big villains though. The main villain is so overpowered that the other characters just don’t stand a chance. They are absolutely thrown around by Rosanov who may be strong but makes for a bit of a boring villain. Still, I like having a strong villain so this ends up more or less evening out. I think the biggest problem here is still the fact that the power discrepancy is so drastic.

It’s not even a fun fight because it’s just the villain basically tormenting everyone. Then Ryu comes in with his super blast. When you watch a film like Street Fighter you are hoping for a bunch of fast paced hand to hand fights. Not a quick beam blast after some hand to hand. In a way the Zangief fight is the closest thing to an old school battle and even then they had to make his opponent Shun so it’s not like this felt like a very serious battle.

As for the animation, part of the problem is a lack of big fight scenes. So perhaps it would have looked better if there was more action. The character designs are a big step down either way though and the colors are a lot more faded. Again, it’s not what you would have expected from a more modern adventure like this. Definitely not for one of the biggest fighting game series of all time. The soundtrack is also not particularly solid.

Okay so that’s a lot of negatives, what about the positives? Well, I do still like the Street Fighter brand so there is a certain amount of satisfaction in just seeing Ryu and the others mixing it up. The fights while short, are still around so I get my share of action as well. The film avoids making any big mistakes as well so this is more a case of missed opportunities than actually being a disaster.

They probably could have toned down the beatings a little bit and instead added more of a back and forth to the fights. Some characters like the fortune teller Rose should have had a bigger role rather than just showing up with veiled prophecies. Give the film more of a direct story as well with the tournament being on screen. Too much time is spent on Shun and the mystery of his origin.

For a film like this, you don’t really care about the OC character. You want to see the characters you grew up with, that’s always going to be far more entertaining. So cutting him out would be a good idea. Finally, you should also speed up the pacing because this one was absolutely glacial. It felt like nothing was happening for a good chunk of the film. Speeding that up would have had a positive effect across the board.

Overall, Street Fighter Alpha really did not make the most out of its opportunities. This should have been a really fun film but instead it doesn’t embrace the kind of fast paced energy we saw in Street Fighter II. It doesn’t have a ton of replay value but if you’re looking for an action film, I could still recommend it. For all its faults, I still did have a good time over here. You just have to keep in mind that it is nowhere near as intense as the Street Fighter II film. Ideally you should watch this one first so then you can end with the hype of the original.

Overall 6/10

Dragon Ball Heroes: Victory Mission Review

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This is definitely a very different kind of Dragon Ball manga. It follows the adventures of a bunch of kids who have read the old DBZ stories and just want to have fun with their arcade machine. What they do not realize is that these adventures are more real than expected. The series ends rather quickly with there only being 30 chapters and the first half of the series is comprised of 5 page chapters.

The story enters around a kid named Beet who is rather good at Dragon Ball Heroes. He’s been training under Sora for a long while and is finally ready to start entering tournaments professionally. He gets to go up against some of the greatest players in the world. The best part? Beet is actually holding his own! Unfortunately the tournament is interrupted when a mad scientist activates the dragon balls and accidentally summons the 7 Shadow Dragons. Beet and the other tournament contestants will have to destroy them, using their temporary super powers thanks to their forms within the game. This won’t be easy but Beet is not the kind of guy to give up without a fight!

It’s always an interesting twist to make it so that the DBZ characters are actually real. That being said, I do think the writing could be a little weak at times. For example, Beet has been playing this game for a long time and knows various characters across the mythos. How does he not immediately recognize characters like SSJ4 Broly and Baby from GT? There are a few times where it just feels like shock value that wasn’t taking the context into consideration.

Additionally, it can be a little cheesy that Beet doesn’t know a lot of the rules or players within the game and yet he is already a top 5 fighter in the world. I guess you can make the argument for natural talent but that can really only account for so much. I would have not escalated the stakes to being that of a global tournament so quickly. I get that the pacing had to be fast but Beet’s wins didn’t always feel earned. He’s a nice guy and all but you need some strategy.

It’s why I was able to root for Note a whole lot more. She is someone who has lived her whole life with studying the decks and getting a proper strategy in. It’s easy to see how she has found a whole lot of success here. Despite that, Beet surpasses her almost immediately. I was glad that Note still got a big fight at the end of the series along with her rival though.

She certainly did more than the mentor Sora who just dips when the going gets tough. It’s implied that he had to head off to stop some other threats but it’s still a rough look to see him leave all of the kids alone to deal with evil monsters that are trying to murder them. It’s made clear that if you die in the game, you die in real life. So these stakes are really quite real and the kids may be familiar with the video game, but their combat experience is minimal.

Also the series does have an ultra rushed ending here. We don’t get to see the final fight and then there is a giant time skip that comes out of nowhere. Not the ideal way to end the series so the climax is really weak but at least before that it’s just a bunch of nonstop fights. Pretty much every chapter has a bunch of action going on so that’s fun. Even if the various DB characters are soulless avatars, it was also nice to see all of them mixing it up.

The side characters probably take the brunt of the damage from the series being so short. It feels like the author had clear character personalities and dynamics in mind for all of them but they just don’t have a chance to do a whole lot. I still liked them for what it’s worth. Note’s rival was definitely a worthy foe who was always ready. Then you have the #1 fighter in the world who is very calm and does his research on everyone. He ended up being a super strong opponent.

That guy has his own rival who is rather strong as well. Then you have the Main kid who is super timid and doubtful of himself but gradually learns to get past all of that. Even the Shadow Dragons get little moments here and there. So as long as you’re mainly reading the series for the vibes and action, then you should absolutely walk away satisfied.

The artwork is really good, the fights definitely stand out. The character models are always on point and there is a good amount of variety here. It’s always easy to understand what is going on as well so the artwork certainly didn’t feel rushed. On the whole I would say that the series didn’t really have any technical issues here. If they ever revived this series for more of a longform adaption, I would definitely be on board. With the references to the Supreme King of Time, you could easily have this merge into the more traditional Heroes stories. Have Beet and Note actually team up with the real Goku and friends like in the animated trailers.


Overall, This was a pretty fun manga. It does end up feeling incomplete because of how much progress it had to go through and how quickly this had to happen. A whole lot feels like it was skipped over and this should have been a proper 7 volume series. You could have really gotten a whole lot of adventures in it if that had been the case. I would still recommend checking this one out though. The artwork is solid and I did enjoy the action scenes. The DB Heroes game always seemed like it would be a whole lot of fun and I definitely enjoyed playing the console port on the Switch.

Overall 6/10

The Berenstain Bears Meet Bigpaw Review

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It’s time for the next Berenstain Bears adventure. This time the gang is going up against a very powerful threat but violence may not be the answer. The family will have to reflect on what it means to be a family before the town makes a decisive move. It’s a fun enough special that goes by quickly. Bigpaw also ends up being a solid new character.

The special starts with Papa Bear taking the kids to go get supplies for the Thanksgiving feast. Mama Bear gives him some warnings about how Bigpaw will be showing up thanks to a fortune that she did with some honey. Papa reminds Mama that it’s all a bunch of hogwash and he is proudly determined to prove this. He continues to plunge forward but when Bigpaw shows up, Papa figures he has to lead the charge against him.

I’ll give the town credit here for banding everyone together to take him down. I figured they would be too scared to do anything but when the chips were down, they were prepared. Naturally this is not that kind of special so we don’t get to the fight but it did help Papa’s rep as well since he was leading the charge. He was going to do what was necessary to protect his family.

Papa is always portrayed as having minimal intelligence and not being the kind of guy who thinks before he acts. That always puts him in really tough situations but at least he doesn’t give up which is the important thing. The kids also do their best and help to keep everyone from fighting but they got really lucky here. They definitely did not have their guard up at all.

As for Bigpaw, I liked his overall confidence. It’s clear that nobody was going to be taking him down easily. He may not have been totally looking for a fight this time but based on the fact that there are whole legends about him, I’m guessing that he has been in his share of battles. So everyone being afraid of him does make a lot of sense.

Mama Bear ends up being correct in hindsight but I do think that she didn’t really take the threat seriously enough here. If Bigpaw had turned out to be a bad apple, she would not have been prepared to stop him. She certainly hadn’t trained for this moment and that’s a big problem. There is a fine line between avoiding conflict and being a total pacifist. You want to be careful not to cross that line or you end up creating a bunch of trouble for everyone.

I like how the characters continue to talk in rhymes. That has been a fun dynamic to the series. The songs could use a lot of work though. As a whole the writing is good and this is something you could easily let your kids watch without any real doubts. Then you have the animation which has aged rather well. I like this traditional style which isn’t going for anything fancy but does end up looking real smooth.

The special is fairly short so it will be over before you know it. As a result there isn’t a whole lot that can happen but I’d still say it’s worth the watch. As long as you enjoy the bears and their adventures then this will be another fun one to add to the pile. There also aren’t a ton of Thanksgiving titles out there so you want to savor the ones that you do get. It’s a shame that they don’t make too many Berenstain products in the present at this point. It really could have been an Arthur level hit if they really tried.

Overall, This was a fun special. I wouldn’t say it super stands out or anything like that but it is a wholesome story with a good moral at the end. Don’t judge on appearances and always be ready with a peaceful alternative. So you can’t really go wrong with that but I admit that an action packed climax would still have been a lot of fun. I don’t think the bears would have beaten Bigpaw even with their numbers though. Not when he had the high ground and everything. His opening attack looked like it would have wiped out around half of their army at once.

Overall 6/10

Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos Review

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This is easily one of the toughest games that I’ve ever played. It’s clear that this is the kind of game that would take many, many hours in order to really master. My hat’s off to anyone who actually beat this one without any rewinding or anything like that. It feels like a near impossible task to me and I like to think that I’m pretty good at platformers. This one will absolutely take you to the edge and back. By the time you conquer it, the title will have either driven you mad or you will have high respect for it.

The game follows Ryu as he ends up going on his toughest journey yet. His friend Irene is kidnapped by a mysterious demon lord and a special agent with a gun warns Ryu that there is something extra dangerous about this mission. Ryu isn’t going up against mere ninja this time, but instead he will be fighting demons and deities. Fortunately Ryu isn’t the kind of guy to ever back down from a fight.

You may be surprised at just how cosmic the game gets. It really isn’t afraid to have Ryu go up against foes that are out of this world. This may as well be a full on sci-fi title. The core gameplay is the same as always though. It’s a 2D platformer where you have to slice away at your opponents as you gradually gain ground to the end of the level. You can avoid enemies but often times that may wind up getting you taken out. The villains also respawn almost immediately if you retreat and then go forward.

The combat itself is fairly straight forward. You have a sword and can slice right in front of you, you can also crouch and hit enemies who are trying to go low. You have a basic jump and can climb up on walls. There is also a whole item system but it really confused me so I didn’t invest much time in it. Basically there are tons of bubbles in the air throughout the level and when you slice them, a power up falls out. Sometimes it will summon an energy clone, other times it will let you shoot out fireballs. Each power up has a symbol but there are so many of them that it is really hard to keep track. You will quickly be overwhelmed unless you really take a lot of time to test them all out.

I decided to just plunge ahead. The bosses are all incredibly difficult but the final boss is in a league of his own. He has multiple phases, each one more deadly than the last. If you want to take them all down, it is not going to be an easy adventure for you. The one thing keeping you going will be the story itself which is really impressive. I would even say that the technicals around the board are super impressive here as it doesn’t look or feel like an NES title. It’s all about a generation above that.

The graphics have aged really well for starters. The colors are striking and the backgrounds are really good. The soundtrack is also better than it ought to be. The game has actual cutscenes and quite a lot of them as you get near the end of the game. So what you’ve got here is a very compelling title but I imagine most people did not make it to the end because of how punishing the game is. You essentially have to be frame perfect a lot of the time and a few good mistakes will completely take you out of the fight. There isn’t an easy checkpoint system here either so you will be seriously sent back if you end up losing.

It’s a little too brutal for my liking. I enjoy a difficult game to a degree but it does need to have quality of life features. I never want to be sent too far back and I like for there to be a way to get stronger. You at least need one or the other and this one doesn’t really have either of those. So without the Switch Online, I don’t really expect this is a game that I would have devoted a whole lot of time to.

Still, if you have the Switch Online then it makes for a perfect chance to play this one. One tip I will give is that the final boss has so much health that it can’t fit on screen. So you must keep on attacking. It may feel like you are not dealing any damage, but you actually are. You have to attack for several minutes before you can see the health go down and then from there you are set. I still expect you will die hundreds of times during this experience though.

Overall, Ninja Gaiden II is a really impressive game. It is obvious that a whole lot of care and detail was put into this game. You will get an enormous sense of satisfaction if you can beat the game without rewinding but you will definitely have to put a lot of heart into it. It’s not my favorite title but I can definitely say that the gameplay is smooth. It’s a fun ride even if it goes too far in being as unrelenting as possible.

Overall 6/10

Retribution Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for what I would consider to be a very simple thriller film. There aren’t a lot of twists and turns in this one outside of the ending. It’s all about a simple threat that is tough to shake and how the main character has to deal with it. The whole film essentially takes place inside a car so the film has to try and write around this. I’d say it does a pretty good job all things considered.

The film starts off by introducing us to Matt who leads a rather stressful life. He encourages clients to use his company for stock trading and then has to convince them to hang on even when they start to go into the red. It’s not an easy job by any means since nobody can completely predict the stock market. Additionally, this does affect people’s lives. You can lose millions of dollars in an instant if you are not careful….or even if you are careful. Well, one day he is driving his two kids over to school when someone calls and explains that he has put bombs under each of the seats. None of them can leave now and they must continue driving until this mysterious villain is satisfied. What demands will he make?

It’s a tough situation to get out of since it seems like death will be inevitable. Somehow the villain is able to watch them inside of the car and it could literally be anybody. There is no easy way to call his bluff on this without risking the two kids in the car. If Matt was by himself then perhaps he actually would try something like that but it’s just too reckless in this situation. So yeah the villain had a pretty good strategy at play here.

Now to address the elephant in the room, the kids are both pretty annoying. It takes them an incredibly long time to lock in here. While Matt wasn’t telling them what was going on for a while, I feel like they could have picked up on the context clues. It’s clear that something was going on after all so they should have been on their best behavior. By the end they were doing their best to defend Matt but it was a little late in the day for that. Meanwhile Matt can’t expect too much help from his wife in this one as we have some marital issues going on here.

That subplot didn’t really seem to be necessary. I feel like the deck was stacked against Matt enough in this film so it’s not like this was going to really change things. Still, I was glad she was still ready to help the kids and wasn’t letting them get hit in the crossfire. In a way, Matt having to watch the kids actually changed the villain’s plans somewhat.

One of the best scenes in the film is when the villain finally makes his appearance and delivers a grand speech. I have a big weakness for smug speeches like that where the villain just goes into detail on how completely he has won. There’s something really satisfying about it. The villain played his role well, even stressing Matt out with what I would consider to be some empty bluffs.

The villain was aided by the FBI here as their main fighter wasn’t the smartest. She seems to be absolutely determined to prove that Matt was the mastermind here even when it started to become apparent that this wasn’t the case. She was far too stubborn and that is not really becoming for someone in her position. It feels like there should have been many ways to verify Matt’s story or at least find some evidence. She just wasn’t giving him a single inch even when there were a lot of lives at stake. As a result, Matt really had to act on his own the whole time.

So how does the film stay interesting when it’s just Matt driving around the whole time? Well, that’s where the writing/mystery comes in handy. You’re wondering how Matt will be able to find anything out the whole time. He is starting this round out at such a massive disadvantage after all, it’s not easy to bridge that kind of distance. If there was no mystery then this may have faltered but the car angle just worked really well.

It would have been nice to have gotten a proper fight scene at the end of the film though. It wasn’t really that kind of film but it would have been the real cherry on top for the entertainment value. The final action scene still worked well though. Also the film has a fairly light tone even when serious stuff is going on. That works well for letting you just have fun with this. The first victim for example is so crazy that the scene isn’t as dark as it normally would be.

She is clearly told that there is a bomb in the car and it will blow up if she tries to get out. Despite this, she is trying for several minutes to busy the door down and run while her boyfriend tries to hold her back. Ultimately he isn’t able to do this and they blow up. Then you have another guy begging with Matt to let him live while ignoring the fact that Matt is on a phone and clearly taking orders. I mean, Matt could have absolutely been a lot more clear about the situation. Maybe he thought it would be too risky but he did let everyone think he was the villain when he didn’t really need to. This made his journey really tough in the end. So there’s technically a lot of sadness within the film but the tone rarely gets around to reflecting that.

Overall, This is a pretty fun film. It’s certainly nothing grand, the plot is straight forward and uncomplicated. That said, the pacing is good and the writing works well enough. I didn’t think the movie had any glaring weaknesses and it has a good amount of replay value. I’d definitely recommend checking it out whenever you have a chance. I think you will end up liking it more than you would have expected.

Overall 7/10

Prince of Darkness Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for one of those really spooky titles. With something called “Prince of Darkness” you already know that you’re not exactly in for your normal film experience. This one dips into sci-fi as well as the horror genre so that really makes this an unforgettable experience. The movie gets serious props for managing to get a really intense atmosphere within the film but also does tend to go a little too far with all the gross imagery and violence. At the end of the day I would call it an elevated slasher but make no mistake, everyone is being taken down.

The film has a professor bring along his most talented students to a church for some kind of project. They’re going to be here for days so they have their own beds and everything. They all specialize in different kinds of science so whatever is going on here has to be really massive. They are all being kept in the dark on what is going on here. See, it turns out that in this world, the Devil is actually an alien that has been trapped underneath the Church. Unfortunately he is slowly breaking past the seal and if he escapes, the whole planet is lost.

Honestly they should have told the students this from the start or at least a similar story to get them motivated. It’s not like most of them would have believed that anyway right? It would have at least given them some urgency though as they are initially really chill about the whole thing. Since they are each experts of their field, it probably would have helped them to target more specific solutions as well.

As the film goes on, we see how slowly the situation is getting worse and worse all around. The Church begins to get surrounded by the homeless who all seem to be affected by the evil influence. The Devil is able to shoot out his energy whenever he wants and mind controls people too. So even though he was technically still sealed for most of the film, it seemed to be because he was allowing it. He takes over the computers and begins to start hunting the humans in earnest later on.

That felt like cheating the premise a bit here. You’d think that the humans are at least safe until they run out of time or the container breaks. Letting the villain be able to bust through that just made the situation even more unwinnable. Now based on the cryptic dreams of the future, it may not have mattered but you should at least afford the heroes some hope.

I will say that the main characters do act like classic horror characters in the sense that they do not make the smart decisions even when their lives are on the line. Forget the evil supernatural stuff for a minute. You’re in a rather rough neighborhood, why go outside after dark into the back alley? I think he was going for a smoke or something but naturally he is surrounded and then murdered. The people who got destroyed by their mind controlled colleagues get a little mercy from me because that’s not something you could really predict.

Going outside like that was not smart though even if the whole thing is tragic. Then you have the priest who is someone you can pile a lot of the blame on. He is putting the characters in a really rough situation without proper context so they have to figure it all out slowly. Even when he sees all the signs that they are running out of time, he mainly just panics. By the end he finally has his moment in the final hour. So he ends strong but it would have been nice if he had a better role in the first half. Perhaps he could have helped with some supernatural support right? Although his faith was clearly shaken from the start.

The movie has a lot of weird visuals the whole time like a pigeon being crucified and different people melting into worms and shooting up ooze. So needless to say, it’s the kind of film that could make you a bit queasy. It’s also traditionally violent at times but the bigger focus is definitely on the weird elements here. You could really cut all of those out and that would make the film work better.

There’s also that sense of claustrophobia here as the heroes technically are in a big building but have no way to get out because of the sheer number of enemies outside. When the enemies want to get in, there will be nothing to stop them. Then with each member of the research crew starting to go bad, even the indoors is no longer safe. I have to give the film a lot of credit for how big the main cast was. You even start to lost track of some of them after a while which is intentional because even within the film that happens to a few of them. When someone is gone for a while you have to wonder if something might have happened to them. That slow feeling of dread works really well.

If the film had just stuck to that instead of going more for the edge then it would have worked out a whole lot better. Perhaps the approach of trying to create that authentic evil atmosphere is ultimately what really backfired here. I think it would have been interesting if the film had delved a little more into the ramifications of the devil being an alien too. There is a good amount of dialogue and pondering in general but not usually on that angle. The writing is solid though so the film will hold your interest the whole time.

Overall, Prince of Darkness is a really intense film to be sure but it’s not one that I would recommend. It gets a little too grisly as the film goes on and the heroes were never given a proper fighting chance here. If anything it felt like they were being toyed with and depending on how you interpret the ending, there was never going to be a path to victory. So it makes for an intense watch but one that ultimately ends up feeling futile. I’d like to see another try at this one with the characters gradually vanishing or being pit against each other but without the devil actually being able to control them. As long as the seal holds, his main weapons should all be that of trickery and manipulation. Any direct action just widens the gap way too much.

Overall 2/10

Road House (2024) Review

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This review is of the TV-14 edited version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I saw the original Road House not too long ago so now it was time to see if the remake could win. You never really know with these things but in this case I can safely say that it wasn’t even all that close. This one was just the better film all around. It’s certainly not amazing or anything like that but just had a better time, a more fun atmosphere, and certainly a more satisfying ending.

The movie starts off by showing us how Dalton is such a feared fighter that nobody wants to battle against him. Well, it seems to be part of an elaborate scam as well but the point is that he’s good at what he does. At this point he has hit rock bottom though thanks to some dicey moments in his past. Just when he’s about to end it all, he gets invited to be a bouncer at the most dangerous club in America. Dalton agrees to take on the job but it turns out to be even more dangerous than he would have guessed. He is outnumbered and the rowdy folks have guns. Can he really protect everyone?

Now make no mistake, Dalton would be dead in 5 minutes if the villains were serious. They constantly run up to him in close quarters so he can slap away their guns or get sloppy from long range. In a hand to hand fight he can certainly mess them up but these guys have the cops in their pocket and have a ton of clout. Enough where they could have easily just made him disappear in a night instead of going through the whole show. So we’ve got a whole lot of plot armor here but it doesn’t take away from the film being pretty fun.

Dalton is one of those supremely confident fighters who always has a smirk on his face. He tries to pretend that he isn’t a big shot but it’s a rather half hearted attempt where he keeps just enough of a smirk to know that he’s not serious. He’s probably not someone you can count on as a reliable friend but he does a good job of protecting the bar. You just can’t expect him to essentially be taking on an entire town’s worth of villains trying to break the doors down.

The one time you will probably think he sold out on the heroes is when he is having a drink near the end while everyone is getting absolutely destroyed by the villains. One guy gets his head slammed into a counter, another is getting his arm broken, etc. All the while Dalton is just watching. That part didn’t really make any sense. His counterpart, Knox is on the other side beating everyone up and Dalton is just watching?

When you have a battle between two forces and each one has one alpha fighter, they have to take each other out of the equation. If one has their top fighter going up against the middle ones, then of course it is going to end very badly. I otherwise didn’t blame Dalton for wanting to leave midway because this did seem like a never ending fight that was not going to go his way.

In this film, Dalton also doesn’t have any real backup. He has to handle everything himself which isn’t easy. At first when Knox showed up I thought he was going to be the ally but it turns out that he is the most twisted out of all the villains. I suppose that first scene should have clued me in right away but I figured it was just to show how intense he was. Knox does make for a really good villain though. His accent can feel super exaggerated at times but it’s possible that he really sounds like that.

The guy is an absolute beast in battle and he can really hang with Dalton in a fight. Dalton is probably just a tad more skilled one on one but it’s close enough where the fight could go either way. No other villain is on Knox’s level here just like none of the heroes are on Dalton’s. The main villain is technically Ben but the guy is out of his depth the entire time. He comes across as really spoiled and whiny. He’s certainly not the mastermind type here.

For the heroes, unfortunately none of them really get big roles. At one point Dalton hires a guy who likes to fight a lot so I figured he would be really tough but instead he ends up getting an absolutely tiny role and never gets the big wins you would have been expecting out of him. I suppose he can still defeat the basic enemies but that’s not going to make a big difference here.

There is also the owner of the bar, Frankie but she doesn’t do much either. She talks tough and you figure she may find a way to back Dalton up but nah she just watches the whole time. I was really hoping she had some kind of trump card to show why she was so confident. Without one, it feels like she just got lucky since the villains could have bumped her off at any time. She seems to live at the bar so it’s not like it would be tough to find her.

There is also Charlie but she’s mainly just around to give Dalton a motive to keep on fighting. I don’t think it was smart to try and fight a bunch of armed adults. I know it was supposed to show how brave she was but that is definitely a point where you’re just being dumb. Her father had the right idea in escaping for that specific circumstance.

Then there is the heroine Ellie. Can’t say I was a big fan of hers. She doesn’t like violence but still decides to get with Dalton and moves so fast even he points out that this doesn’t make any sense. She is helpful in getting him to escape from the corrupt cops but I would have liked her to have been a little more helpful in the end. The romance was ultimately not all that goo and she should have had a role beyond that.

The fight scenes are interesting because the camera angles are really crazy. It felt like all of the fights were digitally altered or something with how the characters appeared. Maybe an odd frame rate? Either way there was something surreal about the fights. They were still pretty good but you didn’t really feel any of the impacts between the characters. The fights could still get rather bloody but weren’t super intense.

I’d still give the film a thumbs up for the action though. The film is very fast paced so there is always something going on. The violence can be a little over the top at times so you should keep that in mind. This is definitely not a film for younger audiences. The film’s light hearted tone can certainly make it feel that way at times but you can bet there are some violent deaths in this one.

Overall, Road House is significantly better than the original film. If you’re up for a film with a lot of action then this will be right up your alley. The deck is stacked incredibly well against the main character so you will have to expect some plot armor though. Realistically Dalton would have been dead early on in this adventure. There just isn’t anything he can do when even the cops are on the villains’ side. Still, he fights hard and does his best. The film also does show that he is rather crazy so that helps to show why he won’t just back down even when he is outnumbered. Dalton will continue fighting on til the end and I’ll be curious how the sequel plays out.

Overall 6/10

Landstalker Review

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Landstalker is a game that is definitely a lot longer than you would have figured. The game is filled with lots of puzzles and platforming challenges that will really keep you guessing. Completing them is no easy feat and I tip my cap to the gamers who managed to complete this one back in the day. It is incredibly difficult and any time you choose the wrong passageway you have to fight a bunch of enemies once again. That was a really rough mechanic.

The game follows a treasure hunter named Nigel who is searching for the ultimate treasure. Unfortunately it won’t be an easy journey and along the way he meets many people who are having issues and dealing with corrupt leaders. Nigel didn’t exactly sign up to be a hero but he won’t let these people fall without a fight. His trusty spirit companion is also around to make sure he doesn’t get distracted by matters of the heart. She wants Nigel all to herself but he doesn’t seem to truly notice her.

While the game’s story isn’t super detailed, there is more dialogue and plot than you may have normally assumed from such an old game. So I can definitely appreciate that. The world is also quite large and that contributes to how long the game’s story ended up being. It is not a game that will end too soon, it’s going to take you a little while. Part of the reason for this is that there is no quick travel system until you reach the final dungeon. So you have to be running back and forth a whole lot. You better hope you have the routes more or less memorized too or that will also add onto the extra time. There were several times where I had no idea how to get back to an old town.

The game has no good map system after all. There is a general world map but it doesn’t give many details. There are a few guideposts but they are rarely around when you need them. So that is a quality of life feature that could be addressed in a remake without a doubt. The game’s combat system is pretty basic. You have a single sword strike…and that’s it. So keep on spamming it as much as you need to until you win. Often times the best thing to do is just spam the attack and wait for the minions to walk into it.

Towards the end there are a few minions this doesn’t work on so for those cases I recommend doing a lot of jump slashes. Keep on pulling those off and eventually you will win. Some of the bosses are incredibly durable to t point where you might wonder if you are attacking them correctly. No worries, if they flash then you are doing it right. This is why I do like to have health bars though, so there is no guessing game.

The puzzles come in many variations but the penalties are too large. Like I mentioned, the enemies all respawn when you exit a room and most of these puzzles revolve around going through a bunch of different locations. So that means backtracking and re-defeating the enemies to activate switches and the like. I had to do this so many times and it’s not like the enemies are ultra easy. They will deal you a ton of damage and then you’re sunk.

I died dozens and dozens of times throughout the game. So like I said it’s no picnic and it’s really rough to be dying thanks to a puzzle. Those puzzles absolutely needed a whole lot of work and they just aren’t fun to solve. Why are the villains using so many puzzles? Lets just jump into the combat. If the system focused on the combat more then this could have absolutely been something great.

Meanwhile the graphics aren’t bad. I will admit that the game looks really solid for its age. The colors are striking and the character designs stand out. That’s certainly never a guarantee for a game like this. Meanwhile the soundtrack isn’t anything amazing but works well enough. You won’t be remembering the tunes though. None of them stick in your head and I will ultimately have to blame the game there as you should have a ton of great themes at the ready. The best theme would probably be the background music for the final labyrinth. It felt suitably final at least.

There isn’t really any replay value here as the game ends when you defeat the final boss. At least the campaign is long enough though so if you have the Switch Online it might be worth playing through. I just warn you that you have to love the puzzle aspect or you really won’t be having fun here. It’s absolutely the focus of the game but since that involves a lot of combat then you are stuck playing through a lot of battles which was clearly not a development focus.

Overall, Landstalker is a game that has not aged particularly well. It’s a game that feels old and the gameplay elements just aren’t as good as they could have been. The puzzles tend to be super annoying the whole time and the game overstays its welcome by the end. The lack of attack options makes the combat become repetitive as well. So those are quite a lot of reasons why you will want to stay away from this one. I’m afraid that it just did not manage to succeed in spite of these instances.

Overall 4/10

Immortals Fenyx Rising Review

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This is one of those games that I passed by in the store 100 times. It’s clear that Ubisoft made a whole lot of copies for this one and unfortunately it doesn’t look like it panned out. You can usually get the game for about $5 which isn’t what you want to see for a big budget title. The writing definitely tends to be a big miss but the gameplay itself is really stellar. So this is a game with a lot of ups and downs but ultimately the gameplay is able to keep this one at a high level.

The game starts with Poseidon begging Zeus to free him from his endless torment. Zeus basically laughs at the idea and he’s busy because all of the gods have been taken down by a villain known as Typhos. Zeus is the last one ready to fight but Poseidon tells him the story of a mortal who may be able to tip the scales of battle. Her name is Fenyx and she is on a quest to save all of the gods. Perhaps if Zeus is amused by this story, he will free Poseidon. Maybe…he tends to shift with his moods at random points. Poseidon will have to risk it all here though and Fenyx is his only chance. She will have to harness all of her abilities to win this one.

So when it comes to the writing, this is definitely a game that isn’t taking itself very seriously. There are jokes in every other line and aside from Fenyx, all the other characters are total jerks. By the time the game does transition into being a more serious title, it’s just a little too late. There are definitely some lines that will get a chuckle out of you but also a lot that will have you rolling your eyes. Your best bet to enjoy the story is if you just really like that kind of annoying character. A character who complains nonstop but has absolute power so everyone just has to roll with it.

The game doesn’t shy away from all the darker parts of the old gods either. Zeus and the others are all basically evil with how many crimes they did so it’s hard to root for them. Typhos may be less sinister as he’s just evil in a basic destroy the world kind of way. Zeus and the others are busy torturing people for life so it’s a little hard to be worse than that.

Like I said, the gameplay is why you are really here though. It has a large hub world like Breath of the Wild, but you can glide at high speeds and have a more generous stamina bar. It lets you navigate the world a little smoother than Link. There is also a ton of content here with the main game being around 20 hours long and the bonus content will probably take you another 10 hours or so on top of that. Not a bad deal for your buck right?

The gameplay is intuitive enough where I had a lot of fun exploring and completing side missions. Not purely for the fun of it but because each power up makes a solid difference. The collectibles expand your health bar, potion inventory, stamina, and attack power. Even with all of those power ups, I still lost my initial attempt against the final boss which shows just how powerful he was. The game never gets absurdly difficult but it will give you a fair challenge. It’s not the kind of game you can just beat with your eyes closed.

The combat is all in 3D so picture any 3D action title. You have your sword, an axe, and a bow to shoot arrows with. I used axes for 90% of the game as they hit harder than swords and can also stun enemies. They are a bit slower but that’s fine. You can roll to dodge enemy attacks or parry them. I never tried parrying in this game because dodging felt a whole lot more natural but it’s worth noting that it is an option. So you want to keep it all in mind.

The game has enough customization where you can really have a very different gameplay style than the next player. Do you go aggressive or focus on parrying? The choice is really yours here. Then the puzzles come in a wide range of different options. They can sometimes be a bit too unclear on what you’re supposed to do but for the most part they aren’t bad. This game is probably the first time I’ve seen a puzzle rush as opposed to a boss rush. I was definitely not expecting that.

The graphics are pretty solid here. The artstyle isn’t my favorite but on the whole the game is clear. I only encountered two glitches and both were purely artistic ones so it’s not like losing save data or something. The soundtrack is more on the generic side though. None of the tracks were particularly impressive and you will forget them as soon as you put the game down.

That’s why the game is fully dependent on the gameplay here. There are a bunch of quality of life features here as well like quick saving anywhere, fast travel, and a super detailed map. I would like it if you could refine the map a bit more in terms of limiting what you want to appear but that’s me being a little greedy. This is still more than what most other games have. The clear progression and really fun action gameplay makes for a dynamite combo. I think you could pull off just about any kind of story with this gameplay because I’m just going to be addicted to the combat. This game was a good example of that as it is a very weak story compared to pretty much any game I’ve played in a long time and yet the experience was still a lot of fun. Not fun enough for me to buy the dlc though.

Overall, This is definitely a pretty unique game. I can definitely say that for better or worse I will certainly remember every bit of it for a very long time. The goo and the bad. I wouldn’t be running to grab a sequel but I certainly wouldn’t avoid it either. If you’re looking for a solid action game with a ton of content to play through, then this is a good one to check out. It will really test all of your abilities.

Overall 8/10