Monthly Archives: February 2022

Black and Blue Review

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This review is of the TV-14 version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s time for a police thriller here as Alicia has to try and get past the corruption to make a difference. In a way you could call this a part conspiracy film as almost literally everyone is out to destroy Alicia before she can get the truth out. It’s got enough explosive moments throughout the film to be a complete thriller but this movie doesn’t end up making it into the big leagues.

The film starts off with Alicia joining the police department in her hometown and she is looking to make a difference. Unfortunately none of her old friends seem to like her anymore now that she’s a cop. Her partner is okay but the police department as a whole seems rather bad as she is attacked on day 1 when they don’t recognize her and later on she even has to hear some cat calls. Clearly this department is in need of better personnel but before there is even much of a chance to think about transferring, she witnesses a few cops murdering a gang member. She has the footage to put them away but they got a few shots off first so she is injured. With the whole police department after her, can Alicia survive?

Alicia is a solid main character and definitely one of the highlights in the film. She does a good job of hiding out from the force throughout the movie and doesn’t waver in her quest to make sure that justice is done. We don’t get to see her fight a whole lot here but this isn’t really that kind of movie. The main goal is just to survive until she can get some help. Alicia usually sees through the traps that are set out for her which is good.

My only issue is that she can act a bit oblivious when it comes to her friends pretending not to know her. It’s apparently been something like 10 years so of course they aren’t going to be immediately jumping into conversation. Additionally it seems that the town has a really strained/broken relationship with the police so either that wasn’t the case when she left or she didn’t notice. Regardless as soon as they saw her badge that was it. They were definitely not going to be friends after that.

In particular Alicia’s former best friend. Honestly that’s no big shame because Missy was just really bonkers the whole time. I think the scene that really went overboard is when the gangsters finally see Alicia’s feed so they know she isn’t the villain but Missy tries to convince them to murder her anyway. Really? There’s no way to like Missy after that so maybe it’s for the best if they go their separate ways anyway.

Milo gets a big role in the film and he’s someone that Alicia can count on. That’s a good thing because without any allies around that would have really been awful for her. Having even just 1 teammate can make a huge difference in these things. He also does well in infiltrating the police base and helping out during the movie. Without him it’s fair to say that Alicia would have definitely been doomed here. There were just too many to get past here.

Alicia’s partner Kevin definitely isn’t great. I mean, he’s portrayed as one of the more reasonable guys here but even then he doesn’t exactly jump to help Alicia when it counts. He always tends to look the other way when crimes are going on and so while he isn’t an active participant, it doesn’t seem like he’s a great guy. Kevin just let everyone down but at least he does have a good moment near the end.

Malone is the main villain here and he does a good job of playing the field. He is always in control of what’s going on and has the villains and heroes being in fear of him. The gangsters could beat him but the partnership is mutually beneficial. You’ll still wonder how Malone can be going around openly shooting and acting like a villain but nobody tends to look closely in this film. For all we know quite a lot of them are in on the take which would also explain why Malone isn’t worried in the slightest. I do think he works well as a villain though.

The gang have a fairly big role as the big third party in the film. They’re villains of course even if they aren’t the main antagonist of the film. By the end the gangsters try to be a bit reasonable but considering that they were beating up on Milo for a while and nearly destroyed him and Alicia, you never forget that they are villains. This experience might hopefully help them not to jump to conclusions and be manipulated so easily next time. I thought they were going to be more suspicious of the intel they got throughout the movie but they actually seemed to buy Malone’s story 100% without any doubts.

Beyond that you have a few more corrupt cops like Deek running around but they don’t get a whole lot more to do. I would say part of my issue here is with how widespread this is. At first it’s one rogue cop teaming up with the NARC agents. Then we find out there are 2 more cops in on it, then this becomes 4, and gradually you wonder who isn’t on it. Even though it starts to feel like she’s in the middle of a conspiracy, presumably not everyone on the force is in on this. You just don’t get to see any actual good cops throughout the film.

I’d have liked to have seen a few reasonable characters. It’s the biggest difference between this and how an older film would have played it. The difference here is restraint. In an older title you’d probably see some decent characters even if they got bumped off. Here that just doesn’t happen. It’s quite telling that in the very first scene in the film Alicia is pushed against a wall and quickly threatened by the cops just for jogging. The police appear to be extremely aggressive in every scene that they appear in.

They’re the villain group in this film and they basically act like gangsters. You might have seen this more in the wild west but in a film set in the modern day it all feels too extreme. So that was one element that really held the film back here which is that everything feels very exaggerated. You have all the stereotypes within a few minutes, “This guy giving you trouble” one of the cops asks as he grabs his gun when the characters were having a completely peaceful chat with nothing going on.

The soundtrack is also underwhelming as I didn’t care for any of the lyrical songs. That one’s of course more of a minor thing. In the end the writing is more on the underwhelming side too. The best thing about the film is that the thriller scenes are pretty solid. We do get some decent fights in the mix even if none of them would really hold up against the bigger action titles. You’ll still be engaged from start to finish, but the whole time you feel like the movie could have been better.

Overall, The whole film just feels super extreme but not in a cool 90’s snowboarding kind of way. If I’m Alicia I would have definitely transferred to another division even after the crisis was over but good on her for sticking it out. It’s the kind of experience that would almost make you want to look for a whole new line of work. The film ends on a hopeful note that things should be better in the future now. There’s the added bonus of a ton of villains being taken down during the climax so the town should also be a lot safer right away.

Overall 3/10

Kiss of the Dragon Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Kiss of the Dragon is a film that is carried completely by its action scenes. The rest of the film just isn’t able to stand on its own and as a result it doesn’t end up making it into the green. It had some interesting ideas and mixing in government secret agents with martial arts could and should have been good. Unfortunately it was not meant to be.

The movie starts off very quickly as Liu is tasked with joining Richard’s squad on some kind of assignment. Richard’s group betrays Liu though and frames him for murder. Liu’s group has one member who believes in Liu’s innocence but he is quickly murdered too so now Liu is on the run. The only chance to clear his name is a lady named Jessica who witnessed what happened but her daughter is being held hostage by the villains so she is in no position to help yet. Liu will have to free the kid first but will he be able to do all of that in time? This won’t be easy that’s for sure.

As the film goes on you learn more of the circumstances here. I had thought Liu and Richard’s groups were both criminal enterprises under different sections and it was just a case of one betraying the other. Turns out they are all government related which makes Richard’s first scene of his group beating someone near to death a little more alarming than you initially thought. That’s a huge red flag right off the gate and Richard never seems like he’ll be a decent guy. I would argue that this should have tipped Liu off right at the start but if this is normal behavior then that speaks volumes about their government group.

So the intrigue in what’s going on here is good. As mentioned, the fight scenes are really great too. One of the standout moments has to be when Liu takes on a whole karate class and shows them what’s up. Each action scene in the film feels quite real and intense. You certainly won’t have any issues with the choreography or anything like that. It flows well and not even guns are enough to deter Liu. If the whole film had been a bunch of fight scenes then the movie would have been better off for it. Unfortunately we have to get back to the story and that’s when the film keeps knocking itself out.

So the villains are big into human trafficking to the point where they’ve basically taken the whole country over with it. Jessica is one of these victims and she is forced to work in this field while her daughter is being held hostage. It’s certainly a very distasteful subplot here and the fact that the villains are so open about all of this is pretty sad. Clearly the law enforcement isn’t doing a great job here. The film is really going for max edge here to remind you that these villains have to be stopped.

Naturally they also use this as an advantage against other villains like the chump that gets murdered in the first scene. Of course he is more interested in fooling around than in being safe which makes it easy for one of the ladies to knock him out. The fanservice here does the film no favors. It’s almost like you’re grabbing the worst elements from a classic spy movie without keeping in the good parts.

As a character Jessica is okay at best. She’s not particularly likable but given her situation I wouldn’t expect her to be very nice anyway. Her life’s already been messed up to a huge extent as it is so even if the heroes win at the end of the film, it’ll be tough for her to get her life back to normal right away. I wasn’t a big fan of Liu either though. Usually I like the classic hero on the run type character who is tough and knows how to bend the rules. The hero goes in and knocks everyone out.

It’s a hard formula to mess up but this film pulled it off. The absolute worst scene for Liu is when the villains break into the soba shop and start roughing Jessica up. Liu basically does nothing. Then they decide to take money from Liu for wasting their time….and he does? Really??? That was just embarrassing. At least he tells them not to hit Jessica again as he pays double but then Liu only acts when they do hit her again. So the implication is that if they didn’t, Liu would have simply let them walk off with the money and Jessica even though he just saw how they treated her.

That’s a big no no for a main character. I get that a hero can’t protect everyone all of the time, but Ichigo Kurosaki put it best when he said that he would still protect anyone in front of him. Liu should have immediately taken those guys out instead of taking so long. It was hard for me to root for him as much after that. I mean, of course I am rooting for him against the villains but he just wasn’t a likable lead. He did well in the fights but that’s all I could say for him at this point.

As for the main villain Richard, well he’s definitely not a good villain either. In his line of work it’s rare to find a decent villain because they’re all just as edgy as possible which hurts any chance of them being a good villain. To be a good villain you don’t need to be sympathetic or anything like that but I want a villain who commits his crimes and gets the job done instead of staying back just to overdo it. In the end there’s just nothing to like about Richard. At best I will say he does get some snappy lines and it’s crazy how bold he is. The guy is destroying people left and right, but keep in mind that he is technically supposed to be a good guy so you’d think that he would keep his cover up a bit more. I guess not though….

Overall, I definitely had a lot of issues with this film. The fights were really good as I said, but the overall story needed some major work. It tries to have some funny moments once in a while but they never last long enough to really help the movie out and I would call the tone on the darker side. It feels like the villains own the city way more than they should if this is a normal planet and it’s just too easy. Like how did they stuff a locker full of guns in an area where cops are always patrolling? It’s impressive how detailed they are in framing Liu but it doesn’t seem like it should work. If you want a good martial arts film you can definitely find better ones out there.

Overall 3/10

The Omega Man Review

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The Omega Man is another film in the classic story where humanity is seemingly wiped out so one guy has to survive on his own. That said, the premise is quite different here so you find out that other humans are alive quite early on. I have to say that most of the changes in this film were for the worst though. Ultimately it’s about on the level of your classic zombie film which isn’t really a complement.

The movie starts off with World War III and the human population is effectively destroyed by the chemical warfare. Fortunately Robert was able to survive due to a quick vaccine he had at the ready. As the last sane man alive he gathers supplies during the day and then keeps to himself at night. Those who have been infected can’t move freely in the day so that at least gives him a chance. See, the infected are led by a man named Mathias and they’ve created a cult of sorts where they want to hunt down anyone who still uses technology and isn’t cursed. Naturally Robert would fall into that category.

He’s held them off for a long time but when they finally capture him he is fortunately saved by a lady named Lisa. She explains that there is a whole resistance force that has escaped infection so far. Robert realizes this may finally give him a chance to recreate the vaccine and give it to everyone. Can he pull this off before Mathias and his troops take the heroes out? Additionally, will the rest of the humans only serve to slow Robert down and get him into trouble? That tends to be how things go in these films anyway.

The movie starts off well enough. It’s pretty interesting to see the deserted town and you feel how ominous the whole thing is. We see a shadow early on and you’re wondering what that is. Is it a zombie, enemy soldier? If you don’t know the plot before going into the film then there’s definitely a lot of suspense here as you wonder what exactly is going on here. It takes a little while before the film really lets you know what the score is in that respect. The beginning is just the best part of the film to be honest.

I also thought Robert does a good job of having fun here. When you’re the last man on Earth or seemingly so, you definitely better have a good sense of humor or you’re going to end up getting bored. So he talks to himself, plays games, and just has a good ole time. Of course he is lonely but he does a good job of hiding it and keeping himself active. I think that’s really the best thing to do in this situation. He can handle himself well and has good gun skills too. He even has that science background which comes in handy later on.

Where the film starts to buckle is when we meet the villains. The group is led by Mathias as I mentioned and he’s a very annoying main villain. He’s turned the whole situation into a cult where they attack the survivors but without a cure that means his gorup is slowly dying as it is. So there’s no end game here or any possible future where they are okay. His struggle seems meaningless. The film goes out of its way to show how they are all plagued by this disease and so it’s hard to even look at the characters. They’re all badly disfigured and have a lot of issues going on. It’s a shame that they are all brainwashed so thoroughly here.

Even though they’re sentient, for once I have to say that mindless zombies would be preferable here. These villains just seem so irrational that they may as well be mindless so it’s almost worse. Then you have their designs which hold them back as well. Yeah I could have done without these guys. Unfortunately the human characters aren’t very good either. First off you have the main heroine Lisa. At first she seems reasonable, a tough fighter who has survived in this cruel world for so long.

Yet, it feels like she doesn’t remember her survival skills when it counts. Near the end she decides to go and get some groceries, but Robert wisely points out that this isn’t the time for that. Villains can be anywhere and they can make it another day or so before it’s time to leave down. Well, she leaves anyway and things don’t go very well. In theory it should be tough for these guys to catch anyone with how slow they are but unfortunately she ended up being easy pickings for these guys.

Then you have Richie….oh nooooooo! You sort of know exactly when he’s going to make a bad move here. He tells Robert that he should either murder all of the cult members or try to cure them. Robert doesn’t want to mess with these guys since he was already captured once and refuses….so Richie figures he should go over there. Richie may have had connections before but this is really just a bad idea from the jump. You really should not be putting yourself in harm’s way like this. It causes a whole ripple effect across the story. The whole climax isn’t entirely Richie’s fault but he plays a big role in it.

Dutch is mainly safe because he doesn’t do anything although you will wonder where he is. He vanishes for large chunks of the movie and the resistance doesn’t appear until the end. It’s probably for the best that he wasn’t around or things would have gotten dicey for him too I suppose. By the end of the film you just feel like everyone ended up getting in Robert’s way. Perhaps he would have died eventually by himself anyway, you could say there’s a good chance of that. You still just wish things could have gone differently for him by the end.

The writing’s not bad here even if the characters are annoying most of the time. The romance is really rushed though and definitely could have been cut out of the film. Removing those scenes would help the film and in the middle of an apocalypse who is going to be distracted by romance anyway? There’s bigger things to worry about and that can wait until after the situation is resolved. At least that’s the way I see it.

Overall, The Omega Man is held back by the characters and is held back big time by the villains. It’s rare to say that zombies would be an improvement which shows just how bad these guys are. The climax isn’t very good and the movie does not end on a satisfying note. The romance doesn’t help matters either and so you’re left with a film that has a lot of weak points. All the best scenes in the film are from the very beginning and there’s a sharp decline once the other characters come into the mix. It’s almost inevitable that some humans appear but it would have been best to have kept that to a later point in the movie. The action’s good at least so if you can get past everything else then that’s always a fun sliver lining.

Overall 3/10

The Phantom Tollbooth Review

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The Phantom Tollbooth is an old story that has aged exceptionally well. You’ll absolutely be having a good time with this movie because it’s really just a wholesome adventure all the way around. The movie goes by quickly and the fantasy world is constructed well. We may not be there for a super long period of time since there’s only so much you can do in one movie but the film did a good job of making it all memorable.

The film starts by introducing us to a kid named Milo. He’s bored because he doesn’t care much for school and there isn’t anything to do at home either. Milo doesn’t see the point in an education since he feels like he will never get to use any of this stuff anyway. Well, one day a box arrives complete with a car to a whole new world. Milo decides to enter it and is now accompanied by a talking dog named Tock. The world is currently at odds because the numbers and letters have had a disagreement so rhyme and reason were banished from the kingdoms. Milo needs to try to find a way to establish world peace or that could be game over for the planet.

One thing you’ll notice right away is that the film does a good job of playing with words. almost every word has another meaning here. For example, the “Watchdog” is a dog with an actual watch inside of him. The names are all quite clever and the world seems insane but at the same time it does run on a kind of system. Milo also ends up taking some of this in stride quicker than I would have expected. He isn’t spending half of the film asking what’s going on or anything like that which is always a good thing. It’s always a shame when a character isn’t able to adapt to the fantasy world.

Milo’s not a standout character or anything but he works well enough as the lead. He does his best to help the planet out. Milo does get into trouble at times to be sure but he always ends up bouncing back and doing what he can. In the end isn’t that all you can really ask for? Of course he definitely did mess up with trying to get the sun to rise and that was probably his biggest mistake. Even if he had the skills it would have certainly messed up everyone’s routine since not enough time had passed.

As for Tock, he’s a good sidekick to have around. He knows quite a lot and is pretty good about getting Milo up to speed in a simple way. He doesn’t overcomplicate the issues and just tells it all to Milo direct. You’ve got the two kings who are both suitably petty. I did much prefer the words guy over the numbers king though. Mainly because I think he has the better point. I don’t care how good you are at numbers, you definitely need letters if you want to do anything. Meanwhile you could make a strong case for numbers not being quite as necessary. Of course you do need both in the end but letters are absolutely the winner here.

From the various villains, the best had to be the Terrible Trivium. This guy really stole the show the instant he appeared. He suckered the characters into doing meaningless tasks almost immediately and his design is even rather fierce. You do not want to get on his bad side, that’s for sure. I would have liked more of a final fight for him of course but this isn’t really that kind of movie. He still did well to slow the heroes down and remained a memorable part of the film.

The Humbug was another fun character. I think just from his name you can probably guess a few things about his personality right? Well, you’d be right on the money there and he’s a nice contrast to Milo and Tock who are just having a good time being heroes from start to finish. So we’ve got quite the solid cast in this film and the writing is really on point. There’s no point where you feel like the film is dragging on or that the scene isn’t engaging. When creating a crazy world it’s certainly possible to make things too crazy so that it all feels forced but that’s not an issue here. The crazy logic makes sense in its own way and it makes for a fun world.

The movie is really low key when you think about it. It’s an adventure without a whole lot of danger and excitement but the quality writing and characters are what keeps this one on solid ground from start to finish. The movie’s ending leaves room for a sequel should Milo ever have any doubts again. I do think it was rather rude of him to hang up on his friend though. Keep in mind that his friend stayed on the line when Milo vanished which was apparently only a few minutes at best. Surely Milo could have waited so they could have both talked about their adventure right? It shows that the friend was more loyal than Milo was.

Overall, The Phantom Tollbooth is a fun film. It isn’t particularly dynamic or anything but it’s really a fundamentally sound film. If you ever have someone ask you what’s a good movie that just stands on its own without any huge gimmicks, this one’s a good example. No big action scenes, special effects, or anything like that. It’s just a good story and a fun watch. I’m not sure a modern remake would be able to do it justice but I would be interested to see how that all pans out. Also, while this film succeeded without fight scenes, I certainly wouldn’t turn them down if a modern remake wanted to add those. That could be rather fun.

Overall 7/10

Strawberry Shortcake vs Polly Pocket

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Suggested by Sonic This is a pretty close battle. Polly Pocket may be able to shrink and turn into a mermaid but Strawberry Shortcake is older and can even drive a car. Ultimately I would give this to Strawberry. She is a prodigy in almost anything that she tries and fighting could be one of those talents. She would have the physical advantage and lets not forget that she can spam throwing cakes at Polly. Ultimately I don’t see a path to victory for Pocket. Strawberry Shortcake wins.

Mr Freeze vs Hawkman

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Suggested by Sonic Mr Freeze has always been a fun villain. I like his ice gimmick and the guy has quite the tragic backstory. That said, I don’t think this will be enough to beat Hawkman. I may not like this hero very much but the guy does have super strength and flight. It shouldn’t be hard to dodge Mr Freeze’s attacks and then launch a counter right at the end. Freeze doesn’t have the durability to endure that. Hawkman wins.

Elongated Man vs Silver Samurai

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Suggested by Sonic The Silver Samurai may get overshadowed by Wolverine’s other opponents most of the time but it has to be said that he still has the absolute edge in this fight. The Elongated Man can stretch and run around but that doesn’t really translate into physical power. He also has no counter to the Samurai’s teleportation. So Elongated Man will be driven to exhaustion and then that’ll be it for him. Silver Samurai wins.

Magikarp vs Fludd

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Suggested by Sonic Fludd’s a nice guy but he’s not ready for this kind of power. Magikarp can evolve into his Gyrados form and in that mode his power is far greater than anything Fludd can throw at him. Magikarp can spam his energy blasts or go in close and take the win. Either way, Fludd has no means of defending himself and also doesn’t have a lot of speed. Fludd’s greatest attacks likely wouldn’t deal any damage either. So his options are quite limited and in the end he just doesn’t stand a chance. Magikarp wins.

Molten Man vs Human Torch

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Suggested by Sonic The Molten Man is not someone to be underestimated that’s for sure. Still, he isn’t ready to handle a character who burns as brightly as the Human Torch. The Human Torch is far too quick and far too clever to be bested here. None of the Molten Man’s attacks will cause him any fear and it will be tough for the guy to keep up either. So no matter how you slice it, the Human Torch has the advantage here. Human Torch wins.

Kamacuras vs Copperhead (Lawrence)

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Suggested by Destroyer Copperhead isn’t particularly powerful. He’s certainly not as skilled in hand to hand as the popular character from DC. Lawrence also didn’t last long in the comics as he was betrayed at the crucial moment. At best you could give him props for always having his gun at the ready. I really don’t think the gun will be doing much of anything to Kamacuras though so that’s game over for him. One stomp will end this. Kamacuras wins.