Category Archives: Live Action Movies

Blackboard Jungle Review

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Public School has always had a reputation for getting rather tough depending on what schools you go to. You see bullies in all kinds of media that take place at school but the extent to which the bullies attack will certainly vary from place to place. Blackboard Jungle takes you to one of the more intense classes and certainly means trouble for the main guy. You do feel like the bullies get away with a whole lot here though and everyone turns a blind eye which can get annoying.

So the film starts with Richard finally getting his first teaching job. It’s something he’s been looking forward to for a long time since this is the career he wants to follow. Joshua and Lois will also be starting their tenures at the same time. Why so many open spots? Well, nobody wants to teach at this school because it has a reputation for housing the worst students possible. You’ll likely leave in an ambulance and so the vacancies keep piling on. Richard figures he can handle this but is he really ready for this school?

Within a week of teaching Lois gets assaulted, Richard gets severely beaten, and Joshua’s priceless record collection gets utterly smashed. Yeah this school lives up to its reputation for sure. Richard figures out that Gregory seems to be the class leader to an extent and figures that if he can win him over, the rest will follow. It’ll be difficult though since Richard isn’t exactly the most subtle guy around and if Gregory does a 180 just like that things are going to get dangerous. With both of them on different sides there are no easy paths.

My main issues with the film definitely come from the faculty though. All right so first off lets touch on the scene where Richard gets completely beaten up in the alley. He’s jumped by around 7 kids so he and Joshua are quickly taken down for the count. The next day when the police arrive Richard doesn’t want to cooperate. Now he figures that getting sent to jail or reform school will do a lot of harm to these kids…but these kids are doing a lot of harm to others right now.

I can’t get behind the lead’s decision to act as though nothing happened. We later see a few of these kids jump a pair of deliverymen who hopefully live through the ordeal but at the very least their truck was taken away. Those are injuries and possible deaths that are now directly on Richard’s shoulders. In effect he’s enabling this behavior to continue by not helping.

Then you have Joshua who at this point knows a lot about how dangerous the class is. Yet…he’s going to bring his priceless record collection into work? Why?…that makes no sense. He must have known how this was going to go. Instead he’s man handled by the kids as they break all of his records and he can’t do a thing about it. It’s the kids’ fault of course but I also have to shake my head at Joshua having such an idea in the first place. Common Sense alone would tell you that this is a really bad idea.

Next up one of the kids also attacks Lois and things could have really gotten ugly if Richard hadn’t noticed in time. Bear in mind that the kids attacked Richard later on as revenge for getting this kid into prison. If the kids are sticking up for this guy then they’re just as bad so even more reason for Richard not to look the other way. This scene is especially dark even for this film also. The school looks pretty bad for allowing this situation to even come into play.

Lois is a rather shady character throughout the film with how she goes after Richard but still didn’t deserve this kind of scare. The worst part is that one of the other teachers foreshadowed that this might happen and yet evidently nobody took any steps to help out. This is where I bring in the principal in my blame game. The guy seems to be completely oblivious to everything going on in his school. It’s like he doesn’t even realize the reputation his classes have or that none of the teachers take their jobs seriously. That means the principal isn’t doing his job well either to be so out of the loop.

He needs to get in some safety features and actually take an active role. Otherwise it’s all just talk on his part. While most of the kids here are pretty awful Artie is shown to be one of the worst ones. That buy is constantly trying to get the kids to go in as bad a direction as possible. Unfortunately pretty much all of the kids are ready to follow his lead. The only kid shown to even be somewhat decent is Gregory.

That’s considering that Gregory is on board with most of this the whole time but at least he tries to help Richard out when possible. It’s clear that he has more heart than the others. Finally you have Richard’s wife Anne who is trying to have a baby but it’s tough with all the constant stress. Naturally the kids go after her with some incriminating notes to get after Richard. It’s a shame that she didn’t reach out to Richard about it right away since it would have helped at least remove one trouble but it’s also too bad nobody noticed the kids heading to the mailbox each day.

At the end of the day I was on Anne’s side in terms of telling Richard to just get another job. This one’s clearly too dangerous and at times Richard was lucky to get away with his life. These weren’t just teen delinquents like in an old comedy film or something. These guys were straight up assaulting people in broad daylight and carried knives/were willing to murder. That’s a little far beyond the pale for a teacher to deal with.

I would where Blackboard Jungle falters is that it’s so dark it starts to get a little unrealistic. The rest of the town seems so nice but with crimes being committed on the regular it feels like the place would be quite a bit different. If you’re the cops why don’t you have someone around the school if things like this are happening every day? I guess if the teachers all act like Richard with refusing help then it’s easy to see why that would happen though.

Overall, Blackboard Jungle has the characters making horror movie type decisions which always put them in the worst spot possible. Working at the most dangerous school in the city? All right, time to get drunk out of your mind and then take a shortcut through an abandoned dark alley. First days on the job in a school of delinquents? Time to stay at school after class and seduce the main guy while nobody’s around. Receiving threatening calls and letters from someone? Don’t tell the cops and instead head to the crazy school all by yourself….the decisions just keep on coming right after the other. I would definitely say to just give this one a pass. If you want to watch a film about Teachers vs Rebellious students, watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off instead.

Overall 3/10

Enemy of the State Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Whenever you start thinking about all the different tech that may be tracking you at any given second it can always feel a bit overwhelming. Just remember that even with all of that tech there are constantly new mysteries every day so you’re probably good. Of course when every big department is after you at the same time, it gets a little tricky.

The movie starts with the government silencing one big politician who was voting against a new bill that would allow the government to use surveillance on its citizens to an even greater degree than usual. One guy gets it on camera though and just barely manages to give it to Robert before getting taken out. The issue is that Robert doesn’t realize he was given anything and now the government is trying to take him out of the picture. Can Robert survive?

From Robert’s point of view, he had been trying to get a present for his wife. He has a rather hectic case involving the mafia right now so it’s been a long day. Robert is used to dealing with tough characters but the mafia guy is threatening to murder him if he doesn’t bring in the guy who got the incriminating tape of him within a few days. Shortly after the government breaks into Robert’s home and he’s on the run. With a smear campaign targeting Robert and his own family putting in some distance, he’s in a lot of danger now. Can he escape this conspiracy?

Robert is really lucky in that he ends up knowing someone in a big position here. Rachel is his correspondent and serves as the mediator when working with the mysterious Brill who supplies him with all kinds of information. Robert has never met Brill but he’s going to need that guy if he wants to stand any chance against the government.

Particularly because you’ll notice during the film that Robert is hardly the smartest character around. You’d never guess he was an attorney because everything seems to go over his head. I haven’t seen a character slower on the uptake in quite a while. By the end of the film he’s starting to piece things together but without Brill he would not have lasted very long at all.

The first half of the film really involves a ton of chase scenes and the feeling that the government is getting closer and closer to taking him out for good. It makes for a fun game of cat and mouse as they don’t always directly go after him. They use some tricks along the way like canceling his cards and making up a bunch of stories about him. After all, all they gotta do is discredit him and get the guy isolated. From their end they have a lot that they can do.

In the second half once Robert meets Brill I’d say we get more into the counter attack part of the movie. I dare say this half is even more fun because it’s nice to see him finally back on the attack and actually making some headway here. Brill is also a pretty fun character. He’s quite experienced and knows how to take the government on in a game of wits. It’s clear that Brill was one of the best back in his day.

Even the Mafia plot gets a very satisfactory ending that I wasn’t really expecting. It’s easy to forget about that plot with how much is happening but it ends up being very important. It’s always fun when you have a plot that comes full circle like that. It also makes for the best scene in the entire movie. Certainly a pretty hype way to end things off.

There’s a small sub plot where the government at large starts to learn about this conspiracy but it doesn’t really go anywhere. It would have been fun to show that they at least have some control over their own tech and operatives when someone goes on a power trip but that doesn’t really happen. Ultimately it’s Brill and Robert who really have to do everything on their own.

I wouldn’t say there are a lot of supporting characters here. You’ve got Rachel who is a little unreasonable at times. She is definitely in a rather tricky spot but blaming Robert on this when in the middle of a government conspiracy? I dunno about that. Especially once we learn some twists involving her which should have meant she would have had a clearer picture of things.

Then you have Robert’s family. They’re not bad but definitely not too ready for what’s going on. It’s the kid’s fault that a lot of the events play out the way that they did. If the kid hadn’t taken something then it’s hard to say how differently this plays out but certainly very different. Robert’s wife also falls into the government trap pretty easily. Now we learn some things about Robert that make this an easy trap to fall into but it certainly doesn’t help the situation. Even once they make up you feel like they’re wasting a lot of time with all the hugging and loving when there are literally government agents around every corner closing in. Robert doesn’t have this kind of time.

I should say that with the knowledge of Robert’s past it does prevent him from being a solid character as well. So really the best characters here are actually Brill and the main villain Thomas. Thomas really makes the most of his scenes and you always get the feeling that he’s in control. The guy won’t go down easy at all and has planned things out well. You do feel like there’s no way he should have this much power unchecked but it just underscores the fact of why this new bill would be dangerous. Clearly the government in this film cannot be trusted with this level of power.

A film like this can only be as strong as its writing and fortunately the writing is on point. The movie will keep your attention easily enough and that stands true for the whole film. I definitely tend to enjoy this genre of everyone using tech to go after someone. It’s pretty nice to come up with tactics to stay off the grid so to speak.

Overall, Enemy of the State is a very solid film. It’s a good thriller that is quite long and manages to flesh out each story beat and plot. It’s long enough where the film is even able to change the very approach and feel that it was going for between each half. Now that’s pretty impressive. The cast may not be all that solid but it’s not like the characters are really bad or anything. Robert still makes for a fun main character at least and the mental battles between Brill and Thomas are what you’re really here for even if that doesn’t happen until near the end. If you want a good political thriller exploring what it means to wield a lot of power then this is a fun one to check out for sure.

Overall 7/10

The Quick and the Dead Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

The Wild West genre usually isn’t really my thing. It tends to usually squeeze in some animal violence with the horses and the setting isn’t as exciting as having a lot of cool buildings or things of that nature. A lot of the villains tend to be rather crude as well. This film does a good job of avoiding a lot of those possible errors by making this a tournament setting and the approach works well for the most part. Unfortunately the film stepped in one land mine near the end that shaved a few points off. It’s always rough when you trip right by the finish line.

The movie starts off with Ellen riding into town. She’s just in time for a big tournament that is held here as per tradition. The prize is a lot of money so Ellen enters but is money really all that she wants? Naturally the leader of the town John will be entering as well. His son “The Kid” decides to enter to prove to his father that he really is the best. Then you have Cort, a preacher who has renounced violence but is forced to enter. Then you have a bunch of other guys including the crude Eugene, the immortal Spotted Horse, Ace the bragger, and Clay a mysterious professional. This is one tournament that will involve a lot of fatalities so the heroes better be ready. You either land the first blow or it’s game over.

It’s been a while since I’ve watched a tournament film. Sure I’ve seen some tournaments but it’s rare that they take up the entire film. That was a good idea on the film’s part because who doesn’t like a tournament right? The gun fights are on point so each match is pretty exciting. The countdowns to the draw are dramatic as well. In effect the film managed to capture the most exciting parts of a Western while shedding the weaker elements.

There isn’t enough time to give every competitor a big role but they all stand out in their own ways. Take Ace. The guy brags a whole lot but you know that he is doomed once John reveals the truth of his past. The writing in the film is pretty solid for the most part with a lot of intense dialogue. Clay’s backstory is also intense as he’s a guy mostly wrapped in shadow whose skills are the real deal.

Then you have Spotted Horse who believes himself to be bullet proof. He also is very skilled with a gun so he makes for a powerful antagonist. The worst competitor here is Eugene by far. Unfortunately he wasn’t content to merely be a bad character and did drag the film down with him. He has a small subplot where he is going after a little girl in town throughout. Ellen steps in a few times but unfortunately can’t be everywhere at once and also has to save Cort at times.

Eugene ends up catching the girl and that plot’s just terrible. Eugene is quickly taken care of afterwards but the damage is done both to the film and to the characters in-universe. It’s the kind of dark plot/scene that is completely out of place here. We understand that this guy was a true villain and that the town’s an awful place to live. You don’t have to go out of your way to make things even darker. I would say that single handily took 3 stars off the score.

It’s the kind of scene that immediately destroys any possible replay value as well. It’s a shame because the tournament set up was so good but you really just can’t get past that kind of moment. Eugene should have just been cut out of the film if anything and just throw in a random minion or something for the next fight.

Then we have Cort who is a pacifist but that’s usually an annoying trait in these things. It means that the villains spend all film pushing him around and the guy can never really fight back. By the time he is ready to fight it’s not like he is really in a position to do so anymore. He’s a nice guy but it’s annoying to see him as a sandbag the whole time.

Next is the Kid and he made for a fun character. He’s definitely confident and this is well deserved with how good his gun skills are. In the film he can certainly compete with any of the other fighters. One scene that was a bit much though is when he has a one night stand with the main heroine Ellen. Considering that every scene prior to that was her talking him down or insulting him, it didn’t make any sense that things escalated like this.

It felt like a quick way to cram in some last second romance to check a box off but even then it’s more of an affair than a true romance. I dunno, the scene was just completely out of place and also felt out of character for Ellen. Definitely would have been good to leave that scene on the cutting block. All in all Kid was a charismatic fighter though.

Then there’s John who is the main villain here. This guy was a lot of fun. You can see where Kid gets his confidence from. John’s rules the place with an iron fist and fears nobody. That’s because he knows that he can take out any other fighter if he so desires. That’s the kind of confidence you have at the top and his skills never dulled.

Finally there’s Ellen. She’s a solid heroine who is all business. Ellen has a tough personality and doesn’t even entertain the other fighter’s ideas. She just wants to win the tournament. As you can probably guess it has more to do with her origin than the money. I do think that considering her true goal, she had dozens of opportunities to pull it off though. I suppose most of them would end up with her being dead afterwards but it didn’t seem like she really minded dying in the process. To an extent I suppose this is true for just about all gun films though where you figure they can just shoot the villain at any point.

Overall, The Quick and the Dead is a very different kind of Western film. The fact that there is a tournament at all is just pretty cool. The movie does a good job of juggling all the characters. I suppose the tradeoff is that the bigger the cast, the more likely you are to add one that messes things up which is basically what happened here. If you can get past that one scene and all the dark baggage it brings with it then it could be worth checking out but otherwise check out FF VII Advent Children instead for a movie that lands the ending while also having a large part take place in a wild west environment.

Overall 4/10

Open Water

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Usually when you have a film based on true events you try to make the characters look pretty good but that’s not the case here. This film makes at least one of them look really suspect the whole time but it starts to make sense when you make it to the end of the story.

Daniel and Susan lead very busy lives so they have had a really difficult time trying to schedule any time to take a vacation with each other. Finally they are able to squeeze in a bit of time and decide to go scuba diving. They take a boat trip to the middle of the ocean since this is apparently something people like to do. I don’t get why all of these really dangerous activities became such big hobbies. Just look at mountain climbing, so many people die a year trying this but perhaps it’s the adrenaline that makes it seem worth it. Personally I’ll skip all of that and stick to my video games….

But they’re having a good time so it all seems good. Unfortunately when they come up for air the boat is gone. Unfortunately the main teacher miscounted so the boat ended up going back and there was no backup counter. Additionally when everyone disembarked nobody really paid any attention to the fact that there was still one box of supplies left. In fact, nobody even checked until the next day. There are no maintenance crews or anything since this whole set up isn’t the safest. Looks like the heroes are on their own.

It’s always tough to try and have a whole film in a really small space with no real movement. It’s incredibly tough to pull off and this film was not able to execute it. To do that you have to have top notch dialogue and incredible writing since otherwise it will get old fast. I would say this one probably got old halfway in. My main issue was really with Susan though.

She starts to panic almost immediately. From there on every single one of her lines is yelling about something or constantly being sharp with her responses to Daniel. At least he tries to think positively about what’s going on or take things in stride but she won’t have it. She just keeps on complaining for the entire length of the movie. The one time Daniel gets upset at their situation she immediately turns it on him. He put up with her antics the whole film so it felt rather petty. Then the blame game starts.

As I said, the film isn’t exactly trying to make these guys likable. Daniel was decent, at least he was taking things in stride which is a big thing for me in these thriller type films. The characters who panic just get annoying pretty fast. That’s really the extent of the film though. Not a whole lot happens as they just chat for a while as the film goes through its paces. I think you could have shortened this to around 40 minutes or so and still had the same impact.

For the debate between the characters on what to do, I do think they should have at least tried swimming in a direction. Logically I would argue your odds are slightly better than staying in place because hopefully you could at least reach some kind of object to grab onto. Whereas your odds of being spotted by a ship are the same whether you move or not. It’ll also give you something to do which can help you stay warm as opposed to being frozen in place.

Not doing anything just never seems like a good idea to me. Scientifically the odds may be close to the same but I’ll still take my chances moving. If anything they’re lucky that it wasn’t raining super hard the whole time or something. That would have definitely hurt their odds even more.

The beginning is rather slow before they get to the ocean and the actual ocean part doesn’t move the plot much so I wouldn’t give the pacing a thumbs up. In terms of action we don’t get any real shark action until near the end. That part can be a bit violent but for the most part the rest of the film is super tame. Once the sharks come up then you know you’re near the end of the film. In case you don’t know the story behind it I won’t say what the ending is.

Overall, Open Water isn’t really my kind of film. I think the only way you pull off a dialogue film like this with two characters talking to each other the whole time without moving is if it’s about some kind of very interesting topic or in an action setting with the characters strategizing. Look, I watch 10-15 hour streams of people debating One Piece power levels which is equivalent to some guys in a small room just chatting but it’s all very engaging because there’s a lot of energy in the room and everyone shouting over each other. For obvious reasons the characters don’t have that kind of energy here and aren’t even in a good mood like that either. For that reason I would say the very premise is doomed from the start. There is no way to make a film like this stay interesting for the duration of its run without some kind of extra hook. Not if you want to keep the serious tone. As a comedy…perhaps you have something here. I would say to read up on the events this film is based on instead.

Underworld: Awakening Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

This may be the last Underworld review for a little while but it’s been an intense marathon to be sure. Awakening takes the series in a pretty solid direction as I would say it is the best title in the series so far. Now I suppose this is fairly relative as you’ll notice that there really isn’t much of a change in score.

The movie starts with the government finally deciding to step in. Now this is a plot I had definitely been looking forward to because you know that these guys are going to tip the scales. They don’t disappoint either. We learn that they have immediately wiped out virtually all of the Werewolves and even the Vampires are in hiding with only a small handful of bases left. The humans have won once more as always. They even managed to take down Selene and Michael with incredible ease.

12 years have passed and Selene is freed from her deep slumber. She doesn’t know who has freed her and why but now she wants to find Michael before it’s too late. She goes around slaughtering all the humans in her way but is no closer to finding him. She then meets up with a little girl who seems to have mysterious powers and a vampire named David. Together they will locate Michael but they also have to keep Eve (the little girl) safe as she is being hunted.

There’s a lot of action throughout in this film. After all, Selene is now powered by the elders so her power has grown exponentially. She is effectively on par with the hybrids now which is a pretty good power bump. Then you have the fact that she was already one of the most experienced Death Dealers and the villains need to watch out. The war between the vampires and werewolves is over. At this point everyone is scrambling for survival.

I had a feeling that this would be the best film early on. When Selene broke out of the test tube it was like something out of Resident Evil when Alice remembered everything and started a massacre. That’s pretty much how this plays out and it feels like Selene has the highest body count yet. She is not taking any prisoners at all and it’s nice to finally see her using these abilities well. It’s Selene’s best appearance by a longshot.

Fans of Michael from the first two films likely won’t enjoy that he is written out so quickly though. The guy gets less than a minute of screen time here and doesn’t look great. There’s a scene near the end where you have to question what he’s doing. He really didn’t think this one through. Now there is some extra context in the next film that you may feel retcons things to an extent or if not, it’s at the very least a little implausible how this would have went down.

The new main guy is David and he’s pretty solid. He may not be quite as powerful as Michael but he’s determined and does well at defying his vampire community to help Selene out. Then you have Eve who is pretty powerful. She isn’t quite old enough yet to really be able to know what she’s doing like the others but she does take down her share of enemies. Her berserker stage can definitely hold its own with the other characters.

As you can probably guess the fights are on point here. Any time Selene is beating up on the fighters with her twin gun style or just using some hand to hand it’s pretty impressive. I had a bit of a hard time believing that the super wolf at the end could give her so much trouble though. I guess we needed some tension or it would be too easy though. It did make for a great final fight.

At its core this is why the film exceeded the others. It had the best action easily and I would also say the story was the best even if it’s a lot lighter than the others. In terms of scope and mystery then the first film wins but this one was really a good revenge story about her search for Michael. As I mentioned, the army’s involvement was also pretty solid and I like how easily they were able to end this war. It had been raging for hundreds of years among the the two species but the government ended it in 12.

That’s really impressive. It would have been nice to see a bit more of them since they effectively vanish but I think we’re supposed to know that they still have the edge at this point. The vampires need to lie low for a while and the Lycan have been all but exterminated in the meantime. If anything this would have worked rather well as the final Underworld film even with the loose ends that stuck around.

Of course it wouldn’t be Underworld without incredible amounts of gratuitous violence at all times. The series likes to give the fighters as many gruesome injuries as possible before ultimately blowing them up. Because both species have regenerative abilities it allows the films to really go all out in having them get thrown around. If you would just tone down the violence, blood sucking, and biting then this series could have really ended up being close to top notch.

You could probably stand to fix some of the power levels a bit too. After a while Hybrids don’t seem to special if they can be taken out with one hit and how is Selene being overwhelmed by a giant wolf like that? She should still be able to win with pure skill the whole time. The way she defeated the final opponent was quite clever though so it was nice to add some strategy to the mix.

Overall, Underworld: Awakening feels like it has gone back to the roots of the series. We get a lot of excellent visuals and the city is back in the forefront. We get to see the world’s reaction to the beasts which is cool although it would have been even better if they were thrown in a court room or something. Selene’s investigation into what happened to Michael also makes for a great story beat. We’ll see if the series can continue this one’s momentum. While it may be kept as far away from the top as ever, at this point you’re invested in seeing how it all goes down.

Overall 2/10

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Underworld has returned for another title. This time we’re travelling to the past though so you won’t be seeing Selene and the hybrid fighter running around. While I would say this one’s weaker than the last two, it still delivers on what you would expect to see in an Underworld title. There’s a lot of action here and of course with the Lycans being main characters you can expect them to get a lot of screen time.

The movie begins by introducing us to the vampires dominion which is ruled by Viktor. At the very least he owns the strongest cabal from the Vampire bases and he rules it with an iron fist. The humans all have to bring him their riches and supplies if they want to keep being protected. That said, the Lycans have made this more complicated lately. They continue ransacking these places which undermines the people’s faith in Viktor.

Then you have his daughter Sonja who is having a secret affair with Lucian, one of the Lycan. Lucian is the only one allowed to have at least a little respect and power within the vampire ranks. He shows more reason than the rest of the werewolves and he has agreed to serve Viktor. The other vampires don’t like this though and do what they can to make his days as uncomfortable as possible. This could have been the end of it, but Viktor continually shows that he will never respect the Lycans so Lucian decides they will need to escape. Can he really break all of them free from the vampire shackles?

What this film really underscores is that Viktor is 100% responsible for the war that ends up breaking. His advisors warn him to treat the Lycans a bit better or there could be an issue. They tell him that patrols are needed to watch over the human villages so they don’t revolt either. Viktor won’t hear any of it and continues to say that his way is the best way. Of course this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Then you have the way he treats Lucian. You’d think that he would want to keep Lucian at least a bit comfortable since the rest of the Lycan will follow his lead. That’s not the case though as he punishes Lucian for saving Sonja since the werewolf had to transform in order to do it. Really? So you’re penalizing him for saving your daughter. We all know Viktor would have murdered Lucian if something had happened to Sonja so the game just felt rigged in that sense.

Viktor absolutely sped up the time table of the revolt and he was as oblivious as can be. I thought he made for a pretty hype villain in the first film but here he just looks incompetent at his job. If he had even a little sense of strategy he would have been able to have put the vampires in a good spot.

Meanwhile, Lucian makes for a decent lead. The fact that he basically works to destroy his own kind at the vampire’s orders hurts him for the first half though. It takes a while for Lucian to effectively decide to stand against them and that’s really only when the issue is forced. He does make the right call in deciding to go back to try to save Sonja though. Ultimately there wouldn’t be much meaning in escaping if it meant leaving her behind.

Here we see Lucian fight as more of a warrior than a beast and he looked rather impressive. It’s still hard to see him taking on most vampires but it does look like you keep some of your strength in human form. Ultimately I think his fans will be satisfied with his portrayal here. As for Sonja, you know how her story will end from the start and the film’s more about seeing how the situation unfolds. Her skills were impressive as she even overpowered Viktor. It would have been nice if she would have made a move to escape earlier with Lucian since that started leading things on the wrong path but in a mansion of vampires the mission can be difficult.

The cast is fairly small here as the rest of the characters are mainly just supporting figures who don’t really get much of a role. We do get to see more of Raze here who was the loyal right hand man to Lucian. He’s dependable here as well and you can see why he earned the role. The guy doesn’t fear his opponents the way that most fighters do.

The action scenes here are pretty solid. You definitely have a lot of back and forth and the best battle is either Lucian or Sonja against Viktor. Not surprising since he usually makes for the best fights. The effects are on point and the mansion visuals are good. I do miss the modern aesthetic of the earlier films though. Looking at the forest and a medieval setting just can’t beat a modern city.

There’s not a lot to say about the soundtrack though. This film also gets held down by all the same negatives of the first two films so it’s nothing new in that respect. The film really goes over the top with all the violence everywhere. Characters are eaten, ripped apart, and drained dry. You can expect a high body count here of course. The lucky characters are the ones who are instantly destroyed as opposed to being roughed up first.

The romance with Lucian and Sonja also ends up falling here. It all happens rather quickly although presumably the affair’s been going on for a long while in secret. How they ever got together is not something the film has time for since it’s not the longest. Taking out that subplot and redirecting that to some more politics with the humans would have been nice.

For me the highlight of the film is the ending scene as we get a glimpse into the present timeline. It’s an old scene but with 1 new word of dialogue which was probably cropped from the climax of the first film. It’s just a nice way to end things off with a character being in complete denial at the end. Of course that would soon change in the sequels.

Overall, Prequels are a good way to build lore and many franchises use this tactic. Personally it’s very rare to find a prequel that is super engaging because I’m always more interested in finding out what’s going on in the present. Effectively this would delay that journey 3 more years if I had been watching live. Still, now we know the full origin of the war. I’ll also have the review of the next film up pretty quickly. If you liked the first 2 films then you’ll want to check this one out but otherwise you will already know if this is a series that you’ll want to skip. It really plays out very similarly to the others.

Overall 2/10

Underworld Evolution Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Time to delve into the sequel to the original Underworld film. It was a film with a very interesting concept. While the movie ultimately ran into a lot of issues, it did capture your attention. Evolution switches things up quite a bit. Ultimately I would say the first film wins but it’s fairly close and the film did some unexpected moves which I thought was admirable.

The movie picks up right away with Selene and Michael still on the run from the vampires. They need to find Markus since he is the last remaining elder alive. Now….they know for a fact he is back at the mansion where the first film’s climax is so why are they searching? Presumably Selene is suckering Michael so she can leave him at the safe house and go on a solo mission but it seemed at least for a bit like they were going to legitimately search. I dunno, just one of those things I guess.

Well, either way they won’t have to search for long. Markus awakens and murders Kraven before attacking Selene. Fortunately she and Michael are able to fight him off. Markus’ main objective is to awaken his brother, the king of the werewolves known as William. Together they can rule the world and create an army of hybrid warriors. Can Selene possibly stop such a powerful threat?

Compared to the first film, this one’s more of an isolated adventure. The war isn’t really the focus here so it’s more of a direct “Stop Markus at all costs” adventure for the heroes. I suppose without Lucian the Werewolves don’t really have a whole lot of backup anyway though so it’s in their best interests to let the vampires destroy themselves. Selene is a little more distracted here than in the first film since Michael still plays a main role. They need to bump that guy off already.

He hasn’t really improved from the first film. Additionally, he may be a hybrid but the guy is still getting absolutely wrecked when he fights another powered up fighter. His super speed from the first film appears to be gone as well. None of the fights in this film are quite able to match up to the climax of the first and I miss some of the bigger gun fights but we do have more battles between the metahumans hybrids so that’s always nice to see.

There’s still quite a bit of action here to be sure. Hopefully Michael ends up getting more of a personality for the third film. Getting weakened and having to drain Selene’s blood isn’t really doing him any favors. As for Selene, she finally gets a power up here which is nice to see. I can only see this being a net positive for her since it means she should be able to dominate most of the cast now. Very few fighters should be able to match up to this level of strength.

As for Markus, he’s not nearly as impressive as Viktor. The guy is strong but you don’t get the feeling that he is worlds away from the others as you did with Viktor. His final fight with Selene is pretty good though. The guy may not seem like much of a hero but I suppose at the very least I’ll give him points for being very consistent about wanting to help William. The poor guy’s been locked up for hundreds of years which is crazy when you think about it. I suppose Werewolves don’t need food the way that vampires do or he would have really been shriveled up by now. William doesn’t really have any character though as he’s a pure wolf meaning he is basically mindless. He only has just enough of a mind to know not to attack Markus.

Underworld: Evolution falls into most of the same cinematic traps as the first film. The violence is quite over the top with all of the characters being hacked to pieces and dying in rather gruesome ways. Nobody ever gets a really happy ending in these things when you consider just how much they had to go through first. The fact that the film’s about Vampires and Werewolves means you’re going to see both species biting into each other the whole time.

There’s also a lot of blood sucking which is always annoying and rather gruesome. Now that this film shows it as the main way to see memories you can expect to see it a whole lot more often than usual. Mix in Michael’s low stamina and you’ll have more scenes of it as well. Some horses even get mixed up in the action which is sure to have you shaking your head.

The memory absorption also creates a rather big plot hole to the first film I have to say. Viktor did not believe Selene initially about Kraven because the transfer was blurry. All right…so he could have bitten her at any time to read her mind and didn’t? Clearly this wasn’t thought of until the sequel but it definitely creates a bit of an issue there. Not the biggest thing of course but it’s an element that still sticks out.

One of the biggest disappointments has to be Alexander here though. So this guy has a whole government force working for him as he silences the truth about the war between the supernatural forces. As the father to both leaders he wants to stay neutral. That’s all well and good but he should have incredible abilities right? Well, not really since the guy goes down to a single hit and never even looks slightly intimidating. Now that’s a quick way to make this guy as underwhelming as possible. If he doesn’t want to fight that’s fine, but allowing yourself to get messed up like that? It’s pretty unfortunate to the men who worked for him. I’m still waiting to see a true human force show up to mess with both sides.

Overall, Underworld: Evolution is pretty similar to the first film. So if you liked the original then you should like this one as well. It’s not trying to tackle a lot of the more ambitious plot setups as the first one and is going for more of an outdoorsy vibe than the cool city aesthetic with the characters prowling around. I’d like to see more of a return to form when the sequel comes up but I suppose it’s rather relative since I don’t see the film fixing any of its core issues in the near future. For now this is still a series to skip. With all of the vampire elders down for the count I’m expecting some secret Vampire King or something. If not, perhaps Selene can rule them now since there’s nobody who could possibly oppose her right? Have Michael rule the Wolves and then just like that they will rule the whole planet. Having them join forces against aliens or something would be awesome.

Overall 2/10

Underworld Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

I’ve certainly been aware of the Underworld series for a long time. After all, I saw all of the Resident Evil movies and this has always been its biggest rival. The question is if it could possibly defeat that title. The Resident Evil films typically scored around a 2 so it’s not like that should be a tall order except that vampires tend to be just as bad as zombies if not more so. Ultimately Underworld is about what you would expect and I’d say it’s losing to Resident Evil so far but I am early on in the franchise.

The movie starts with introducing us to the situation on the planet. A war between the Wolves and Vampires has been raging on forever. The vampires have effectively won the war as their numbers greatly overshadow that of the Wolves but they still have to take down the stragglers. The first scene is Selene and a few of the vampire warriors attacking one of the Wolves, but this turns out to be a trap and most of the Vampires are defeated. Selene tells the vampire leader Kraven that they need to take this seriously but he doesn’t care. What can a few Wolves do right?

Meanwhile on the Wolf side, the leader Lucian is planning his big assault to take the Vampires down. His side has been relying on hit and run tactics for a while since they can’t win in a full frontal assault but now he may be able to use a more direct approach. His lead scientist has come up with a special kind of bullet that can destroy a vampire in a single bullet. Mix that in with the vampires’ complacency and now he has a fighting chance. Everything will come down to the human known as Michael. Whichever side obtains him first may end up winning the war as his blood is special.

Selene is the main character here but while you may assume that it means the vampires are the heroes here, the film is quick to remind you that is not the case. Both sides are as corrupt as can be so there are no good guys. Whoever wins, it is still not good for humanity. At least Selene has some sense of justice and duty compared to most but ultimately since she is working for the villains that makes it hard to root for her either. After all, at the end of the day any accomplishments she has will go over to the rest of the group.

As a main character Selene is decently good. I would say she easily beats most of the characters in this film in terms of being likable although since I don’t like most of the characters that may not be saying much. There will likely be a lot of comparisons between her and Alice from Resident Evil as they use similar outfits, weapons, and even their abilities seem similar. They’re both analytical fighters and try to keep up a tough front. Right now Alice is certainly winning in the head to head though as she ultimately doesn’t falter the way Selene doesn’t.

Selene has a scene where she faints after talking tough to Michael which really destroyed her credibility there. Additionally, despite being one of the tough assassins among the vampires, she doesn’t tend to win a lot of fights except against unnamed minions. For example, she was losing against Raze and was unable to take him down in the opening fight. She got a hit on Lucian but was unable to take him out before the guy bit Michael and had to hastily retreat. She was completely no match for Viktor in the end and had to rely on some help.

Now, it’s not as if she is amped up past normal vampire abilities so it makes sense that she wouldn’t be stomping everyone but Alice had a tendency to hit above her weight class. Selene will need to do something similar to move on. All that said, I do like her as a character particularly because of her confidence. She is willing to follow her plans through even if it puts her at odds with the other characters.

Kraven doesn’t make for a good villain though. The guy complains a whole lot and isn’t much of a fighter. He’s only good at sneak attacks and his plans aren’t even that good. Lets say his plan had gone without a hitch, does he really think things would end well for him? The wolves would tear into him at any time. Nothing about his plan made any sense so the guy got real lucky. His obsession with Selene doesn’t help matters either.

Then you have Lucian who does his best to be an interesting villain at least but ultimately the attempt fell apart. The guy just didn’t really stick out and the way he goes down was just sad. Did he not see that coming? His right hand man Raze was a lot more impressive and may have been the best wolf. He looked really good in the opening scene and was really taking down a lot of fighters. He can look back at his achievements proudly.

Michael is the main human here but the guy doesn’t have much of a personality at all. He’s just some guy who gets roped into this and doesn’t really have any feelings about it. The guy is constantly overwhelmed. The romance with him and Selene is also pretty bad, the idea of them getting together so suddenly just doesn’t work and it’s especially a bad idea for him to fall for her. Put it this way, vampires do tend to take prey from time to time and there’s no reason for Michael to assume he would be any different. For all he knew he would just get drained dry so the guy comes off as kind of desperate. Definitely wasn’t a fan of his.

Finally there is Viktor who is one of the Vampire Elders. His strength is immense and it’s easy to see why the vampires had been winning the war with him in charge. This guy is lethal and doesn’t spare any of his opponents. He just goes in and gets the job done without any issues. That’s the kind of guy who commands respect in the end. He’s absolutely twisted and a villain through and through but at least he’s one who can fight.

Ultimately Underworld may have an interesting premise of this war going on but it can’t save the film. I like the idea of introducing two factions and then slowly we see them all converge at the end. It’s good but the massive issues here just tend to come with the genre and style this film is going for. First off, the violence is incredibly over the top. There are a ton of violent moments that will have you shaking your head at how gratuitous they are.

In general that’s part of why Vampire and Werewolf media never really did it for me. Drinking blood and such is just disturbing and the Werewolf bites are always rather graphic. That’s why I was actually on board with both sides using bullets instead. It makes for more stylized fights that don’t tend to be nearly as gritty or violent. If the whole film focused purely on guns then the violence probably would be toned down although it probably wouldn’t matter if they would go in to finish each other off afterwards anyway.

At least the soundtrack is pretty hype though. You’ve got a lot of high intensity beats going on the whole time which helps amp up the battles. The visuals are also on point with the world looking like a normal planet and yet it’s a little extra colorful. The scenery when the heroes are in the town during the opening scene probably had some of the most impressive shots in the film. A rainy backdrop in the city can work quite well when used correctly.

Also aside from the gun fights we did get one true fight in the climax of the film. That was cool since it was like something out of a comic book movie with both characters throwing each other around. This one’s a bit older so you can see how the effects have aged in some instances. Characters sort of float through the air when they’re thrown or hit but it still works well in illustrating that these guys are much more powerful than the average fighter. The whole Speed vs Power match also did a good job of showing how the power could win in the end by tiring out the speedster. Personally I would usually take speed over power but it’s not an absolute.

Overall, The Werewolves seem completely doomed at the moment. They have no senior members that can hope to match up to a Vampire elder and their numbers were already small. I have to assume they have some kind of trump card in order to keep the series going. Otherwise the war will be over as early as the next film. That said, even if the story is interesting, the odds of the series actually working to get better is slim to none. Underworld is content to go for shock value and extra violence over taking the time to construct an excellent story. If you want to check out an interesting story of a war between two sides then you’re better off checking out Captain America: Civil War.

Overall 2/10

Creature from the Haunted Sea Review

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When you have a film with a title like this you know you’re in for a treat. After all, films with monsters in them tend to be fun and this one is no exception. A whole lot happens throughout the movie so while it is fairly short, it doesn’t really feel that way. Roger Corman’s films tend to be rather sub par but this one surprised me as it was actually fairly good.

The movie starts out with Capetto making a deal with some resistance leaders. He will get their men onto safe land and will transport their treasure using his boat. He’ll get a nice commission of course. The general and his men agree to this deal but what they don’t know is that Capetto plans to backstab them and take the money for himself. His plan is simple, he’ll leave traces of a fake monster aboard the ship and bump the henchmen off one by one. Eventually they will all get scared and run off while Capetto keeps the money.

What Capetto doesn’t know is that an American agent known as Sparks as infiltrated his crew and is trying to find some proof of their wrongdoing. He intends to fight as hard as he can in part because he thinks Capetto’s main girl Mary-Belle needs saving. The guy is so hopelessly obsessed with her that no matter how many times she says she likes the life of crime he doesn’t believe her. What none of these characters know is that there is a true monster running around as well.

From the start you can tell that the film is having a lot of fun with this concept. It’s definitely not a serious creature feature as even for its time you’re not meant to take it seriously. The costume for the monster is really good though. His eyes kind of pop out at you that’s for sure. He also has good gripping strength so if he grabs you then it’s all over. There is just no escape at that point. It doesn’t do a whole lot in the film at first but by the end lets just say that the body count is pretty high here.

Capetto and his crew are to blame for a lot of it as well though since they bump off a lot of the resistance guys themselves. They want the treasure after all and bumping people is really the only way they know how to get it. Capetto is a smooth customer and works well as the main villain. He is able to gain people’s trust rather easily considering that he is openly a criminal. That takes a lot of skill and intelligence.

Then you have Mary-Belle who is a reasonable heroine. She certainly doesn’t mind insulting the rest of the characters quite a lot. In particular she definitely insults Sparks a lot but it’s certainly justified since the guy is way too obsessed. He has a lot of fun dialogue as the narrator but as the character himself he is clearly too distracted to do his job properly. The guy is always messing up and if he is America’s best agent then we are certainly in trouble.

Then you have Jack who falls for one of the island girls in a subplot that seems rather pointless. See, the characters crash land on an island where naturally they meet up with an island girl and her mother. Both of them get their own romantic subplots as Pete, the animal guy also falls for one of them. Pete’s gimmick is that he can mimic any animal cry with ease. He can sound like an elephant to suddenly a giant monster. Naturally you can see how this would help the plans that Capetto had in store for the others. It also leads to a rather odd sequence of Pete and the island girl communicating through the roars. One of them was also throwing a lot of insults constantly but these guys only understand English so they never picked up on it.

A comedy/parody like this really thrives on having a lot of fun moments and poking fun at a variety of story elements without dragging on. I would say this one definitely pulls that off without issue. For starters the film is pretty short as mentioned earlier and it is very entertaining. The writing is pretty solid with some good one liners and characters stating the obvious. It can all get quite dramatic like something out of a Noir title but without earning it the way most films would.

The ending is even a little unexpected I would say. There was one character that I didn’t think was going to die in the end who ultimately wasn’t able to survive. As mentioned, the body count here is high, perhaps a lot higher than the average creature feature. The ending is also pretty cool with the monster actually getting some personality in the final shot. Now that’s how you do it.

The voices for some of the characters was also something else. The voice imitation guy for example would sound really deep at some points and then would go back to normal. I would say this was true for a few characters but mainly his guy. I think the sound mixing guy was having some fun while getting this all ready. Ultimately I wouldn’t say this is a film you’ll never forget or some kind of amazing title but it was pretty good and a lot of fun. Ultimately that’s the proper foundations towards making a good movie.

Overall, Creature from the Haunted Sea was pretty good, definitely better than I had expected. It has a good mix of humor and suspense along with an interesting cast. While they are interesting, saying that they are fully likable may be a different ball game. Most of these guys are all either crooks of desperate flirts who may as well be crooks. None of them are meant to be all that likable but at the same time the film doesn’t go out of its way to paint them as terrible characters or anything. They do murder people but by and large they stick to knocking people off rather quickly. If you want to check out a film that’s rather outside the box then this one will be up your alley. Just watch out for the monster because he means business!

Overall 7/10

The Personal History of David Copperfield Review

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Time for a film that I guess I would call a slice of life but it also has a decent amount of tragedy and drama for the main character. There’s a lot going on here as we go through Copperfield’s whole life and the visuals are interesting with how the past blends into reality. Ultimately I wasn’t really a fan of it though, quite a few of the characters kinda seemed nutty and Copperfield didn’t make for the most interesting character.

Copperfield started out as a kid who had trouble reading because the letters were always flying all over the page. By the the time he would track them down it was too late. His mother ended up remarrying to some other guy after his Dad passed and the Step Dad was not a fan. This results in David getting beat up quite a bit before finally managing to be sent off. He escapes and works at a bottle factory for a while but then he finds out his mother has died and he goes off to live with a crazed writer who thinks he is a dead King and a nice old lady who really doesn’t like having any animals on her porch. Perhaps now David can start a new life and even get people to think he is rich.

A lot of times what gets David into trouble is the fact that his web of lies grows too large. He continues to spin the truth around for the sake of his reputation to the point where he isn’t really able to keep it straight. He has to continue to double down in front of everyone over and over again until it catches up with him. His friends also aren’t the reliable sort. You have one guy who is on the run from all kinds of tax payers and then you have a fellow student who is not the nicest guy and serves as a bad influence.

Even the butler can’t be trusted as that guy evidently wants to be in a position of power so he can gain revenge on all of the people who weren’t nice to him back in the day. Instead of being a good person otherwise he grows completely corrupt. So it would seem that no matter where David goes, there is always trouble around the next corner.

So lets talk about these guys. For David there’s not a whole lot more to be said. He’s very busy trying to get everyone to like him as a scholar to the point where he has to make up stories about it. I wasn’t a big fan of his. He gets a romance plot later on in the film but I wouldn’t give that one a big thumbs up. Romance is the last thing he had time for considering everything that was going on.

Mr. Micawbar is the one being pursued by the taxpayers and it’s hard to sympathize with the guy since it does appear that he is willingly scamming everyone. Sure, tough times and all but he’s just digging the hall bigger and bigger. Then you have Mr. Dick who is the guy that is slowly going insane. The whole flying a kite idea was certainly interesting. I’m glad it worked but unfortunately it was only temporary which means they would have to continue doing that forever in order for it to work. Hopefully eventually he is able to just overcome the spirit of King Henry.

Betsey was a good supporting character. At least she was taking things in stride and seemed to know what was going on. It was a difficult situation but she was making the most of it which is the important thing. She even tried giving advice to Dora that the romance may not work out well with David but the heroine didn’t listen. Dora could have been better, the main issue with her is that she has a hard time keeping up a conversation because her mind tends to wander.

In a way there was a second romance plot at the accounting firm but David tended to not notice since he only had eyes for Dora. Of course the accounting area is where you had a lot of the main conflicts in the film since the dispute was over a great deal of money. Effectively the main villain was trying to swindle Copperfield and the others. The guy was completely succeeding to. Just goes to show you’ve always gotta stay alert.

The review’s a little all over the place but that’s because the film jumps around a lot as well. After all, this is the complete story of David Copperfield so you get to see the whole journey but with little flashbacks thrown in or meanwhile scenes that overlay over the present scene. It does look pretty cool as I mentioned earlier for sure. So on a visual level that was neat.

My only real issue with the film is that it could be a little on the boring side. Even by the end of the film you don’t feel like a whole lot happened. I think part of the issue lies with the characters as it’s hard to really get on board with any of them. There’s also the fact that some of the characters seem so obviously shady that when they leave and betray the others you aren’t surprised. Like David’s “friend” who decided to take off with one of the girls from the first village. He ditched her of course but she was also to blame there. How can you just leave your fiancé at the drop of a hat?

Later on she comes back since the relationship didn’t work out but why should the guy even want her back? It’s now clear that he was the second choice and she only returned as a last resort. So….yeah that’s not a good sign. The characters keep falling for tricks or get busted by someone else. Either way, I think adding in some more likable characters of changing the setting could have gone a long way.

Overall, I wasn’t a big fan of the stuff that happened when David was a kid. The Step Dad was pretty bad and his Mom didn’t do anything to help him out either which was annoying. His teen years weren’t bad though. The main issue is just that the film won’t keep your interest. There isn’t a lot of witty banter or comical scenes to break things up either. The film is mainly serious after all, although I wouldn’t say in a dark way. It’s just going about things in a matter of fact way so how interesting you find the film will depend on how interesting you find the lead to be. It’s sort of like the Henry or Ramona books, perhaps Huckleberry Finn and yet not as interesting as my memories of those books. Perhaps a sequel would be able to do this a little better if we could get some kind of big time skip that would be cool too so tings are a little more modern.

Overall 4/10