Stats time!
Play Time: 2h 45m
It’s time for a really retro Mario game! I typically don’t use the virtual console all that much since I’m a physical game collector, but when a title has no alternative then it’s time to take the plunge. I got this one on the Wii U Eshop and it works pretty well. One advantage that this digital copy has is the ability to save at any point in the game. I can’t really imagine completing this game otherwise since I died over and over again many times. That’s because of the controls though so more on that in a bit.
It’s a classic retro Mario game from start to finish. There are 8 worlds with 4 levels each. There’s also a 9th world if you really want to test your mettle, but you get to see the ending after World 8. Each level is fairly short so you could easily complete the game in a few hours if you don’t die all that much. Of course, not dying is far easier said than done in this game. I’m not sure if it’s just this version or not, but as I mentioned earlier, the controls are terrible. I’m talking Ninjabread Man levels of bad which is actually crazy. You just don’t expect something like this from Nintendo and it makes you wonder if the Emulator guys were able to make the controls smoother..not that I’d try it tho!
The VC is a nice re-release of the original Lost Levels as the graphics are as old as you can get. It feels nice and retro to look at the sprites. The soundtrack isn’t quite as inspiring as usual, but it’s not bad either. It’s pretty good for its time on the technical merits. The level designs are also on point and I like the game’s attempt to make a snow level by making the background white. I can definitely roll with that and it’s something that I’d do in one of my sprite videos as well. Whatever works right? I really need to make another sprite video….one of these days.
There really isn’t any replay value to be found here aside from playing the levels. Usually that would be enough, but Mario Maker basically invalidates this game. You can just replay the levels over there, but with superior controls and graphics. It’s fun enough and still worth the money since the game is pretty cheap, but you probably won’t be coming back to this one. I’m also not sure what happens if you get a Game Over. I didn’t risk it so I kept saving before I would lose, but if you go back to the beginning then that would be pretty tragic. I was under the impression that this was the case, but I don’t remember actually reading about it so it could just be an incorrect assumption on my part.
I heard that you’re better off playing Luigi in this game and I can see why. Jumping a little higher would definitely be useful a lot of the time although the controls getting even more slippery doesn’t sound like my idea of a fun time. To elaborate on the iffy controls, it’s like the game added a gravity mechanic. You have to time your jump at just the right point so that you can cover a good amount of distance. Too short and Mario will barely turn and if you’re too far then he’ll float too far and you’ll die. It’s just really hard to take everything into account and a simple jump can take up to 10 tries or maybe even more. It gets a little tedious after a while. Luckily, the actual gameplay style is something that I’m still a fan of so it’s not as bad as it could have been. Without the instant saves on the VC version, it’s safe to say that this game actually would have gotten a negative score.
That’s due in part to the fact that the game doesn’t play fair. There are a lot of Mario Maker tricks included here like invisible blocks right before a jump and poison mushrooms that will destroy you if you make contact. Blind jumps are also around and it really does feel like Mario Maker users borrowed from this game. I never expected to actually see this stuff in a real Mario game. It can be a little funny here since I just restart, but imagine starting the level all over again because of it? There are also never ending mazes that don’t end unless you complete a level in exactly the right way. A little ping sound will let you know if you’re doing it right, but the VC version seems to have cut that out.
As such, it would be just about impossible to have beaten the level without knowing the trick. There are so many paths and trying them all would drive you crazy. I don’t see why a maze should be added to the game either. It just feels cheesy and almost like cheating. The level is literally changing depending on where you go and that just doesn’t feel right. There are only two levels like this, but the fact that they pop up out of nowhere makes it just that much trickier.
Overall, I forgot the exact origins of this game, but I think America skipped it for a while. I can safely say that we made the right move in that case. This is easily the worst Mario 2-D sidescroller out there. The levels aren’t really fair and the controls are just painfully bad. I died well over 100 times during the course of the game but I feel like I would have only died maybe 10% of those times if the controls were smoother. If you’re a huge Mario fan then it’s probably worth buying this one. You should see the one time that Nintendo messed up the classic formula. Still, I can’t call it a bad game. It has a reasonable amount of levels and playing the game is still fun. Once I started, I couldn’t stop until I had completely taken it down. It still has that addictive feel to it, but with only a fraction of the usual Mario fun. Soon I’ll be playing Metroid on the Virtual Console as well so we’ll see how that one fairs. The controls are certainly better which is already a nice improvement.
Overall 5/10
I always leave this one for last because it doesn’t look very interesting. I’m not a big fan of anthologies in general either so mixing these two elements together is a nice recipe for disaster. Still, maybe it would surprise me right? The first story certainly didn’t as we start the comic off on a low note. The plot is that a mouse wants to leave his village because he’s curious and a wise animal tells him about how everyone who crosses the woods…dies! Cats live out there after all and mice can’t do anything about it. Ah well, the mouse decides not to cross. The art was pretty bad and the story tried to be rather gritty and serious. No fun was to be had here and I certainly won’t be checking out the trade.
The next story was about a girl who is opening up a restaurant in monster world. Unfortunately, nobody wants to help her except a very entitles monster who doesn’t care about the business. She just wants the paycheck and isn’t afraid to say it. Again, the art is very underwhelming and I don’t see this series being very fun. None of the characters are likable and the premise will get old after the first few pages. It’s easy to see why so many comics are cancelled before they really got to run. They just never had a chance in the first place.
The final story is about a band. They were in a mysterious car accident where one member died, 3 were seriously injured, and one emerged unscathed. We then jump forward a year and the group is still playing. I guess this mystery will be addressed at some point, but I can’t say that I’m intrigued. The big problem in the issue for the characters is that they have to play in the same concert as the Boneheads. The groups don’t get along and a lot of insults are hurled from one side to the other. Great. The art’s pretty bad as per usual. We also get a gritty story about kids being drowned for no reason and all of the characters are incredibly bad. This isn’t a good recipe for success either so for those reasons I’m out. Unexpected Shark Tank reference
Overall, Boom lived down to my expectations as always. If there’s one thing you can count on from this free comic, it’s consistency. The only good thing I can think of in this comic is the Pac-Man image on the wall in the final story. I gotta admit, that was pretty classy. Still, there’s no reason to read this issue since you won’t be checking out any of the 3 series anyway. You should just get going while you can and stick to Marvel/DC for now. If you want to branch out, then read some old Mega Man or Sonic comics since both of those aren’t exactly hitting it big at the moment.
Overall 3/10
It’s time for Bongo! It’s pretty impressive how you can always count on the Simpsons to show up with a comic year after year. You can also say that it’s a little worrisome how the writing in this story may be the best out of all the Free Comic books. Maybe that’s just a credit to this story rather than a diss to the others. Regardless, it was surprisingly good and reminded me that the Simpsons can be a good show when it remembers how to be one. It just so happens that it remembers very infrequently and there are probably more bad ones than good titles. (Bold statement I suppose)
The first story here is the best one as Bart Simpson breaks his back and now has to use a suitcase to get to school. The bullies have a field day with this and Bart finally learns what it is like to not be one of the cool kids. His reaction to this is on point as Bart uses the wheelies to his advantage. He can now out run the bullies to the ice cream sandwiches and also beats them in a basketball game. It’s just a very satisfying story all around and while Bart may have betrayed his new friends in the end, they got the last laugh.
The next story wasn’t quite as hype but it did its best. Homer Simpson stayed out late for some reason so he dashes home to steal his son’s sandwich. As he’s eating, Homer realizes that a burglar is outside so he goes to face him, only to be soundly defeated. The burglar in question is actually an animal and Homer finally realizes that it’s game over. The banter between Bart and Homer wasn’t bad to be honest. I also like the idea of Homer stealing his sandwich and their temporary alliance since they both should have been asleep. The execution after that wasn’t as interesting with the whole burglar nonsense.
The final story was the weakest one. Two kids are running around for some reason when they decide to start panicking over a bunch of cosplayers. They hide in the sewers and run all around town until they finally go home again. It was rather boring. The only good character was the local pastor who kept everyone in line and talked a really good game. He may let crooked cops take advantage of him, but at least the guy means well. I have a feeling that he may be the most entertaining character in the show.
Overall, This was a pretty good Bongo, I dare say that it was one of the better issues in the long series. I’m not going to become a Simpsons fan anytime soon, but at least this reminds me that the franchise always has potential when it’s handled right. Of course, you could say that about almost anything. There’s only one more free comic to get through so I’m pretty close to the end. It’s been a good run, but they all must end eventually.
Overall 7/10
It’s time for a look at the big Marvel event that is coming up. The premise is pretty laughable and the actual comic has more plot hax than I’ve seen in a very, very long time. That’s part of the charm though, think of this as a satirical parody and you’ll be just fine. Otherwise, you’re just going t have to stretch your disbelief on this one a bit.
So, as you have probably heard by now, Captain America has turned evil. He works with Hydra now and wants to rule the world. The issue has him attack the Avengers so that he can bring everyone under his domain in one fell swoop. The Avengers roster is pretty strong as this point since they have female Thor, Iron-Man, Hulk, Ms. Marvel, and a bunch of other fighters. No worries, Captain America has this planned out through very vague stuff as the heroes just start fainting. The narrator is pretty dramatic about the whole thing as he lets you know that the heroes were clearly outmatched. I value his input, but the heroes should have easily defeated Hydra. Even with Captain America on their side….it’s not as if the villains are that strong.
The art isn’t bad. There’s a red effect playing the whole time so it can be hard to see anything though. I don’t see this event being all that great, but I’m hoping that it’ll be somewhat good. Any Marvel event has the potential to be great since you’re bringing all of the big characters together for a lot of hype action scenes. How can that possibly go wrong right? I’m just going to need the writers to come up with a bunch of reasons for how the Avengers lost so easily so that at least one of them can be believable. Evil Captain America holding Mjolnir? Ha!
The backup story sees the start of a new Spider-Man series that must be written by Slott. The dialogue is just so bad that it must be him right? It starts off with Spider-Man and Mary Jane arguing quite a lot about everything that they can think of. They get in a lot of personal insults and then Spiderman has to run off to fight the Vulture. Spiderman acts very aggressively the whole time as he keeps on insulting the Vulture over and over again. Finally, they’re both immobilized because the new Trapster comes and takes them down. She steals the cash and insults both of them as well. Good thing she’s one of the “nice” villains who doesn’t want to actually destroy the heroes. She could have finished off Spiderman but decided not to do so. That’s nice of her.
I’m also glad that the comic referenced how old Spiderman is nowadays. The new Trapster mentions how he was around when she was a kid so he must be ancient by now. It’s definitely true since Spiderman should be very old at this point and time. Luckily being a hero gives you some immunity to the usual effects of time passing. You just can’t stop a friendly neighborhood Spiderman. I can’t say that there’s much of a hook to continue reading the story though. It seems like this is going to be a pretty bad depiction of Spiderman and the new villain isn’t much of a threat. Perhaps the point is that Spiderman will be back to dealing with street level opponents, but that doesn’t really come across as very epic now does it? Still, if the writing improves then it could be a good story.
Overall, I still can’t get past the concept of Secret Empire. Am I really supposed to be taking Hydra seriously after all of these years? The characters sure weren’t as they kept making puns and one liners even while they were being defeated. Clearly they weren’t feeling the danger. For Spiderman it seems like the same ole same old stuff, but I’m sure they could do something there to make the whole thing more exciting. Hopefully the event/series premiere ends up turning out good. It’ll have to be from the normal comic readers though as this issue likely won’t bring more people on board.
Overall 7/10
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