I’m sure that we were all thrilled to see Hollywood finally start to adapt the events of the Bible. It was long overdo. We’ve had many films about the Civil War and other big events and these deserve just as much screentime. On the other hand, many Christians were pretty skeptical since the trailer did look pretty suspect. Unfortunately, they were right to be wary of this film since it’s example of how the theater can try to make the Bible “mainstream” and inaccurate.
As you may have guessed, this is a Very loose adaption of the classic tale. In the Bible, God decides to wipe out most of the human race by having a flood appear on the Earth to wipe everything out. He tells Noah to build an ark. 2 of every animal would go on it along with Noah and his family. The story was not very long in the Bible, but it was a very significant event in history. After all, it was where God said that he would never end the world by flood again. The film takes that plot and adds tons of stuff to it while “fleshing out” the characters to make sure that they are all pretty unlikable.
Now, adapting the Bible is a tricky matter in itself. I’ll definitely admit to that. Some of the events can be pretty brutal and it can be tough to see all of the animals being sacrificed on screen from the old testament. That being said, everything that is contained within the Bible is there for a reason so it must be kept in. It’s tough for me to watch as a big animal lover and the events can be pretty violent. Still, it must never be changed as it can trick new believers and they can miss out. So, I may still have a tough time watching a faithful adaption, but at least I would be watching it as it was meant to be seen. Dragging out the tale of Noah to 2 hours would be tricky for anyone and keeping it completely accurate would be challenging. That being said, the film didn’t need to be over 2 hours and the writers could have consulted with Christian scholars and pastors to get a better consensus of how the film should go. It would be more work, but it would be worth it. It would have also been worth their while to have made the film only run for about an hour or an hour and a half instead of adding tons of plot elements. Where did the film go wrong? Just about everywhere.
We have “The Watchers” who are fallen angels that disobeyed God because they wanted to help the humans while God had already decreed that the descendants of Cain would have to live by the sweat of their brow. God punished them by merging them with the soil of the Earth so that they became rock creatures. Then, the humans betrayed them and destroyed most of The Watchers. The Watchers became angry with humankind and they fled to a rocky area. Well….do you remember any of that from the Bible? I certainly don’t and I read that saga pretty recently. The whole concept of The Watchers is something that I don’t like. Personally, I have always pictured the Angels to be humanoid and made of light. (The Watchers transform back into this form when they die so at least their natural form was more in line with my thoughts) Of course, we won’t really know until we go to Heaven and their forms may not be so easily comprehended. Nontheless, I don’t believe that a human could ever destroy one of them, even if they were cursed to walk the Earth. Ever. That’s simply not possible and a complete insult to them.
It should also be noted that the word God is never used. They just refer to him as “The Creator.” The way that the universe is formed also makes it seem like it was a natural occurrence. God created the light and then everything just formed on its own….yeah right. The film likely didn’t want to offend atheists by mentioning God, but then why are they even making this film? This is supposed to enlighten more people to the word of God and to be a good way for Christians to see the story. If the writers won’t go all the way in making this a true adaption of the story of Noah, then there is no point.
Noah is also a pale shadow of himself. His big moment involves….disobeying God. He believes that God wanted him to murder two babies (You can already see how insane this is right?) so he does everything in his power to destroy them until he is finally next to them. Then he tells God that he will not do it and he leaves. One of the characters tries to tell him that God actually wanted him to spare the babies and he made the right choice, but it was handled poorly. Noah basically ended up choosing his family over God. He definitely misinterpreted God’s message as destroying the babies was not what he was meant to do, but it would have been better if God had told him to stop.
Another thing that I didn’t like was that God never actually spoke to Noah. Noah got brief visions about people drowning and other things, but God never actually talked to him. In the Bible, God told him exactly how to make the Ark, down to the specific size specifications. Again, the general audience may have found that hard to believe, but it’s what happened so that’s what should have happened in the film. We can’t alter the facts just to make things more “believable.” God never explains the visions either and Noah does everything by his own interpretation. In the Bible, everything was made clear to Noah. In the film, they act as if God barely cares about what is transgressing and the angels are the only real proof that he exists. (There are some minor scenes like a flower growing and the flood of course, but not talking at all is not a good move on the film’s part)
Back to Noah himself. He mostly just went around beating everyone up as he got the Ark ready. This just wasn’t the Noah that I was expecting. Self defense is good and all, but having him murder a bunch of people in one of the opening scenes isn’t how his character portrayal should have started. We’re supposed to see that he is a good man in a corrupt world, but we never really see this. He seems to be just another villain as he tries to murder the infants.
You can tell that my experience with the film was pretty negative. It’s just hard not to take a few shots at the film when everything was so wrong. Want to know another big problem with the film? One of the villains actually breaks into the Ark. That definitely did not happen in the Bible and it undermines everything. The whole point was that God protected Noah and his family once they were in the ark. They had nothing to fear because they knew that God would keep them safe. Not in this version and the villain actually murders a few of the animals. There is seriously no justice in this film.
The film has a ton of unnecessary animal violence and it’s very gritty throughout. We see many people dying and injured on the ground as they cannot leave. One of the worst scenes is when Noah walks into the enemy city and witnesses slave auctions and merciless animal violence. Don’t worry, I can possibly top that with another scene. Perhaps it can’t top that last one in terms of terribleness, but it comes close. Noah’s son helps a girl to escape this place and she trips on one of the bear traps. Noah’s son calls for Noah to come and help. So…Noah grabs him and runs away as we see the girl get trampled to death by the incoming mob. Noah regrets nothing since he believes that everyone in the village is evil with no exceptions. No exceptions. After all, he believes that his family are the chosen ones that God has deemed to live so any new life must be destroyed. Hence, why the baby must die.
I could likely go on for a while, but you get the jist of it and this technically isn’t a review. Just know that Noah is a really bad film interpretation of the story and I definitely would not recommend it. God’s Not Dead is a perfect Christian movie to watch that is fictional, but tells a good story. Son of God also came out recently and I can assure you that it is a pretty faithful movie about Jesus. Let’s hope that Exodus will be better as it will be hard to be worse…..but I wouldn’t get my hopes too high. Even if this was just movie that didn’t adapt the Bible, it would have still been a pretty poor one and you can bet that my score for it would have been extremely low. This is a story of brutality and of a man who lived through the great flood, but there is nothing about God’s kindness or anything to really show that he is alive at all. In the end, I’d say that the film….sunk.
My stats in the game!
382 Tickets
24 Mickey Pins
7 Movie Reels
32/39 Movies
0/2 Cartoons
9/50 Concept Art
Epic Mickey certainly got a lot of press when it first came out. He was finally getting a big game and it was going to be very dark. With the Phantom Blot as the main enemy and the graphical abilities of the Wii behind it…how could Epic Mickey lose? Well, this just goes to show that platforming isn’t always as safe as it seems. Mario pulls it off easily enough, but he basically invented the genre.
The plot involves Mickey the mouse as he decides to head to the magician’s lair. After the old man leaves, Mickey quickly rushes to the painting, but he spills a jar of paint and oil on it. He then gets sucked in by the Phantom Blot and some pretty trippy dreams commence on his trip down. Mickey finally lands and he’s in a troubled world. Everyone basically lives in despair after the pain disaster. Can Mickey save the planet from the repercussions of his actions? It will be tough, but Mickey Mouse is the only one who stands a chance against the Phantom Blot. It’s up to him!
The plot is simple enough. It’s mostly a non factor though since the plot briefly appears in the beginning and then it progresses at a snails pace. There are over 70 missions in the game and that’s barely counting side quests. Most of the story missions basically are side quests. Examples include: Finding some ice cream, Finding a burgler, Finding Power Sparks, Finding flowers, etc. More on this later though. Let’s look at our cast of characters.
Mickey Mouse is the main protagonist and he’s always ready for danger. Unfortunately, he’s not a very good character. I can’t really say that I found myself rooting for him. His dilemma was pretty sad, but Mickey was just so bland that you couldn’t really sympathize with him. It helps that he only talks in text bubbles, but they weren’t very good text bubbles. Mickey is typically surprised at what’s happening and he doesn’t mind showing his friends how scared he is of the Phantom Blot. I dunno…this isn’t the Mickey that I remember from Kingdom Hearts. I guess Mickey’s still got to wait a while before he gets that hardcore. Still, scaring an old man for the lolz? Definitely not what I would expect from him.
The Phantom Blot is as intense as ever, but he’s really a mindless monster in this version. I remember him having a little more personality in the comic where he was just a guy dressed as a dark ghost. He does bear a striking resemblence to Venom in the way that he roars and he’s basically a really large symbiote. He may not have any character at the moment, but he’s still a tough creature to deal with. Let it be said that he also has a degree of intelligence since he makes plans and figures out what Mickey is about to do with the fireworks. He makes for a good villain in the game…I just wish that he could have appeared more.
Gus is Mickey’s ally in adventure and his courage is matched only by his ability to state the obvious. He started out as a pretty hardcore character when he was taunting the villains. Unfortunately, he lost most of his gusto after that and he was really just around to give Mickey moral support. He can fly and Gus seems to be pretty smart, but he never really developed into a character of his own. He could have been replaced with Donald or even Goofy and the game’s dialogue could have been a little more interesting. Gus wasn’t bad, but he was basically nonexistent.
Oswald is the mean rival for Mickey. He’s mad that Mickey stole all of his glory and also had a hand in the death of his best friend. Those are decent reasons to be mad at Mickey I suppose, but what’s Oswald going to do about it? He spends most of the game running away from Mickey until he finally decides to help take down the Phantom Blot. After that, Oswald thinks up the plans while Mickey does the hard work. It’s a decently fair deal I suppose. Oswald gets his big moments, but I couldn’t take him seriously. He talks so tough, but he never actually wins the battles that counts. Actually…he doesn’t win any battles.
The graphics for Epic Mickey are passable. They aren’t very good, but they are decent enough where I wouldn’t consider them to be bad. They aren’t at the level of Brawl or Skyward Sword, but they are slightly better than Balls of Fury. No photo shop appearances are to be found here! The fact that Mickey is constantly melting can be a little intriguing, but it’s intentional at least.
Epic Mickey’s soundtrack is definitely one of its weak points. None of the tunes are exciting and you’d think that you were walking through the park instead of fighting some pretty serious threats. Even the big battle with Phantom Blot is pretty generic. The composers could take a few pages out of the classic Mickey games like KH2 and BBS to see some true boss tunes.
All right, it’s time to really talk about the game. The main problem that it had was the pacing for the story. If you thought that Skyward Sword had too many sub quests (I personally found them to be pretty enjoyable) then you’re definitely not going to like the campaign. From the 70+ missions to reach the final level, I’d say that over half of them are basically side quests. You need to find so many things that it’s scary and nobody will help you unless you complete a task.
The formula for Epic Mickey is quite simple. Enter a world and try to get to the next one. The exit is always blocked off and then you have to ask for help from the general populace. They will ask you to do something quick and easy or tedious and easy. After you finish, then it is off to the races! Imagine doing this over and over and over again. Travelling between worlds isn’t exactly a cake walk.
Going between worlds requires going inside of a painting. This transforms the game into a classic 2D sidescroller and you have to complete a brief level. This can make things a little dicey when you have to go back and forth between worlds. It will always be the same level as long as you keep going into the same painting. I don’t know why they even added the painting gimmick for the 2D levels. Allowing Mickey to go from one world to another instantly is what should have happened like a classic Sonic or Mario game. The paintings just drag things out. I actually did like the 2D levels, but they are immensely easy and there really isn’t a point to them in the end.
The game also suffered from a lack of action. The gameplay is essentially Mario Sunshine style. You can jump and move around, but most of the enemies can only be defeated by using your acid or transformed into heroes by the water. This goes into the morality system, but I’ll go into that later on. The enemies do appear quite a lot, but blasting them with the water/acid can get a little old. You must also remember that this is the Wii remote so it’s not very responsive. I mostly just skipped the enemies whenever I could to save some money. There are around 3-4 bosses in the game and…there is no final boss. The last boss fight involves going through a few towers and lighting up the fireworks. Yes…you don’t actually fight the boss in this boss battle.
The actual 3D gameplay should have been a lot of fun, but it really wasn’t. This is partially due to the camera, but also due to the fact that Mickey isn’t very fast. It takes time to get anywhere and the levels aren’t nearly as fun as the Mario ones. They’re pretty enclosed and there isn’t a whole lot of room to run. This is because most levels have a few side quests at the ready so it only takes a while to leave the level because of them. Otherwise, you’d finish a world in a matter of minutes.
The morality system doesn’t really do all that much in the game. You have the option to finish a mission the nice way or the mean way. For example, I fed Captain Hook to the sharks instead of breaking the device that was mind controlling him. The game makes the choices a little intriguing in that the good choices are always much harder to accomplish than the mean ones. Unfortunately, nothing really becomes of this. My acid meter leveled up instead of my water one, but that’s really the only change that happens. The story goes on as it would have regardless of your choices and the townsfolk will just be a little meaner to you. No significant changes arise due to your decisions.
Not a huge negative on the game’s part because I suspect that it is mostly just my TV, but it can be really hard to see some of the levels. They are extremely dark and my TV just can’t handle it. It works very well if it’s a light cutscene game like Final Fantasy XIII or Street Fighter X Tekken. Other games tend to be a little dicey. Oddly enough, this is probably the first Wii game that it has happened too unless it had some troubles with Lost in Shadow. Typically, it is just PS2 or Gamecube games.
One thing that Epic Mickey succeeded in was making sure that the game was long. It definitely took a while and it’s much longer than its rivals in Mario and Ratchet and Clank. It’s no Kingdom Hearts, but for a platformer Epic Mickey’s duration is impressive. Unfortunately, I would argue that this wasn’t very good for the game. It definitely dragged on during many parts and cutting out a few hours may have helped.
The story for the game could have been a lot better if another big element had been changed. I’m talking about the cutscenes. All of the big cutscenes are animated, but they are silent and you have to read the text at the bottom of the screen. This just didn’t work out so well. I’m sure that they were trying to make it retro and to feel like the old cartoons, but it didn’t work. At least go in a Legend of Zelda direction and have everyone but Link being able to talk. What made it worse was the animation for the cutscenes. It was purposely done in a way that made them look pretty terrible. It was just unappealing to the eyes and one could picture the N64 doing a better job of it.
We’re getting to the end of this review, but another thing that can be sad is the fact that there is no replay value. None. The game starts you back at the first level and you can try to make better decisions and complete more quests. I’ve always preferred for a level select to be included and most platformers allow you to just have fun in free play once you have beaten the game. Being taken back to the first level is something that just isn’t done very often anymore and it’s always a little sad to see.
Well, if you do bother to beat the game again, there are collectibles to obtain. Pins are awarded to Mickey through various quests and they can also be found in hidden areas by melting a certain patch of the wall or maybe underground. You can try to get all of them, but you have to be very careful since the game auto saves, which makes it very hard to go back for something. More often than not, you would just need to start over again with a new game.
Ultimately, the biggest problem that Epic Mickey faced was the fact that it wasn’t very fun. There were times were I felt a little drowzy. The gameplay is constantly broken apart by the endless cutscenes, which stops you from really getting into it. The 2D levels are too easy since it’s basically impossible not to defeat them in a few minutes and the game just stalled for time too much. The last part of the game just keeps on going and going way past the point where they should have called it a day. If only I could have at least gotten a final boss fight to end things with a bang. If only….
Overall, Epic Mickey had a lot of potential, but I can’t say that it fulfilled it. This is one of those times where I can safely say that the console had a part in keeping it down. Getting rid of the motion controls and allowing for better animation on another console could have easily pushed it up a point. As it is, the game just isn’t as fun as it could be and it really dragged on. All of the negatives for the game keep it from really entering the positive territory and the story didn’t help matters. Technically, the game had a lot of good ideas in terms of the 3D meets 2D gameplay part and the overall story, but it just wasn’t able to execute these ideas. I’m confident that the sequel will be better, but Epic Mickey is not going to be the next Kingdom Hearts of Mario Galaxy. If the sequel can refine the gameplay and work on the other issues, then it has a real chance. (I have hear that the sequel works on the “game dragging on” issue so that’s good) I can’t really say that I recommend the game, but if you really like platformers and don’t need a story to go along with it, then you may enjoy it. Just be warned that the game is loaded with mandatory side quests.
Overall 5/10
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