Tag Archives: Movie Review

Children of the Damned Review

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It’s time to look at a sequel to a film that you would have thought would just end. I suppose there’s always room for a sequel though and I’ll never fault the idea of it, but this movie clearly didn’t have much of a plan. The villains themselves don’t have much of a plan and since the alien angle has been removed the movie is lacking that big punch that it could have had. Throw in some animal violence and I’m afraid that you’re in for a bit of a bumpy ride.

The film starts by reintroducing us to the 6 miracle children. As in the last film they all share a brain and so they all know what each others learns. Then you’ve got the fact that they have advanced hypnosis where they can control a person to do whatever they want with ease. These abilities make them hard to control or defeat. Tom and David are two people who are interested in these children but the situation quickly goes above their paygrade. Members of each embassy have decided that the children are too dangerous and are led by a man named Colin in destroying them. Can Tom and David stop them or will they ultimately decide that perhaps Colin is right and these children are too dangerous to live?

Naturally this film confronts you with the question of if it’s right to destroy these kids. Whether they’re aliens or not, the kids still appear to be children so right off the bat destroying them does not seem to be just. It’s also true that they tend to not strike unless someone attacks first but due to the nature of their powers you can never know if that is correct. When you are mind controlled you have no memory of this happening and so they could have already been manipulating people. Their abilities are effectively impossible to stop so your only bet is to take them down from afar.

I don’t think we needed to be reintroduced to the gang though. Having Tom and David know about the kids beforehand would have been pretty good I’d say. They make for solid main characters though. At first they’re just interested in what’s going on. They have some fun debates with Colin, a man the government has sent to put a stop to this. There is a lot of theorizing going on until eventually everyone is forced to choose a side which even leads to some in-fighting. At the end of the day they don’t handle the situations very well though. From Colin’s side, since he wants to destroy the kids that should be very easy. If you blow up the buildings or snipe from afar then there’s nothing their mental abilities can do. Instead a lot of the time you see them send in guards at close range who are promptly defeated. The worst attempt was likely when they had 3 guys walk up to the main kid and try to attack him. As if that stood a chance of succeeding.

The film could have gone a long way if it actually made the kids likable. Then you’d be able to sympathize with them or something. The problem is that they act like emotionless robots. Additionally they all seem to be evil from the jump, forcing their parents to crash into cars and messing with the dog. Yes, the film had to force in a dog death which did not do it any favors. I don’t see what the point of having the dog in the film was either. It’s not like it changes anything so in the end all it does is give the film another chance to fail. Why were the kids acting like this anyway? I suppose it’s the ole power corrupts case where growing up with invincible telepathy made them turn to the dark side. I could see it I suppose but from the first film the kids seemed evil from the start as if they were being controlled.

It’s why the film should not have gone away from the alien angle. These kids just being ahead of their time makes a whole lot less sense. I suppose aliens could be trolling by evolving people at random but the idea that aliens sent in advance scouts makes a lot more sense. Of course that could still be the case since the humans are just guessing but usually when the guess is presented like this is means that we’re supposed to take it as correct. Too bad, the film could have had a lot more mileage out of the alien idea. Towards the end the characters even ask the kids if they have any kind of plan and they basically shrug and say no. So much for the villains being interesting.

All I can say for the film is that it had some decent characters at least. I enjoyed the banter with the main 3 guys as well as Paul’s guardian who did her best for most of the film. She was effectively held as a hostage for the second half of it though so there wasn’t a whole lot she can do. The scenes of the kids just staring into the screen can get old pretty quickly though. It’s just hard to make a kid look scary at that age so you’re more likely to chuckle than grimace.

Overall, This is definitely not a film that I would recommend. It feels rather aimless for most of its run to the point where you question why the film has come out. What is the message that the film is going for? I suspect you will still be puzzling through that notion at the film concludes. The ending is pretty bad even if it was all part of the kids’ plans. It still makes the characters not look so good and you feel like things never had to escalate to this point. Surely characters with genius level intellect could think of another path or something right? Almost any other plan would have been more effective.

Overall 1/10

The Book of Eli Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative.

It’s time to look at a pretty depressing kind of film from a while back. The Book of Eli is definitely not the kind of film where you can expect the characters to have a good time. The problem is that you won’t either. Between the level of grit and Mad Max vibes the movie gives off from the start this film ends up being pretty terrible very quickly. Literally the first scene of the film involves animal violence and from there you know that things are not going to get much better. Films have a way of tipping their hand early if you know what to look for like the recent Transformers film. As long as you pick up on the key points you won’t be surprised.

So once that scene is over and done with we see Eli get jumped by a bunch of bandits. He murders all of them except for the leader. He is carrying a package and heading somewhere but refuses to let anyone see what is in the package or for anyone to know where he is going. The whole thing has to be done in utmost secrecy after all. The problem is that the world is pretty much ruined and everyone out there is only looking out for himself. There’s one town in particular that has gone really over the edge and it’s ruled by a man named Carnegie. This guy aims to steal a certain book for himself so that he can really establish a chokehold over the world. The problem is that his men can’t read so they can only grab as many books as possible until they find the right one. When Eli shows up Carnegie figures he may have finally found his man. Eli will have to try and escape along with a girl named Solara whose life was going to be in danger in the city anyway so she figured she may as well tag along. Now the journey begins.

The Book of Eli is just a very gritty film all the way through. The animal violence is just the tip of the iceberg although on its own that would still be a very big problem. It’s not like you can just bypass that. You need to already have a lot of good will such as being a 9 star film so you can survive the drop or be a long running show where you build up your points again. For a film like this you need all the stars you can get so it really doesn’t help. Animals definitely don’t survive Eli’s expedition and it’s a true shame.

Eli is a good main character at the end of the film. He learned from his mistakes and how he lost sight of everything along the way. It’s reeeeeally tough to overlook his shaky beginning though. The scene where he lets a lady be dragged off for a fate worse than death and doesn’t life a finger to help is terrible. That’s the kind of action that you can barely even call a mistake because it’s so bad. At that point his safety was worth more than anyone else’s. The worst part is that it probably wouldn’t have even been all that dangerous for him. He is shown to be a very good fighter right off the bat so I’m sure he could have won.

Those are the kinds of dark themes this film thrives on though. Bad things are always happening to the characters and there just isn’t much that they can or want to even do about it. They’re doomed and they know it which just makes the trip worse for them. The town is completely corrupt either way so there is no more hope. Eli wants to bring hope back as his delivery is the only thing that can do it but he sure takes a while to get there. Then you got cannibals to worry about and things like that.

Solara is the main heroine here and she’s not bad I guess. She’s doing her best to survive at this point. You’d think she’d be a little more grateful for Eli telling her to stay back but allowing her to keep a cover story rather than trying to rummage through his things the whole time. She tries to look at the package more than once and you’d think she would have more restraint given the circumstances. I don’t blame her for falling for Eli’s trap at the water boulder though because who’d have thought that the main character would leave her for dead like that.

Make no mistake, if she didn’t escape she would have been dead. Once the villains made it to the cave to get their next batch of water she would not have had a chance. Finally we have the main villain Carnegie who is definitely not impressive. He spends the climax whining and groveling which is definitely not something you really want to see your main villain doing. I mean c’mon now, he has to hold himself with more dignity. He basically squanders his entire empire and there is no coming back from that. He definitely didn’t plan things out very well.

Okay time for the spoilers parts of the film so skip these next 3 paragraphs because they all involve the climax of the film. Technically the film reveals what the package is rather early on but it’s done with some subtlety at first until it becomes completely obvious. You should still pick up on it fairly early on when the main character is in town though. So Eli is traveling with a Bible. We find out that the world has gone to ruin and is basically a Hell on Earth now because the Bible’s have all been burned. Society changed massively after some kind of cataclysmic event and rulers were quick to assume power with bombs. I believe the cataclysmic event was that World War III occurred but I’m not exactly sure if they officially name it. Either way you do get the gist of it though. Everything is blown to smithereens and we don’t have technology anymore for the most part.

So Eli is delivering the Bible somewhere based on a vision God have him. He doesn’t know where the destination is so he just has to keep walking in that direction until he reaches the end. We also find out that Eli is blind so the fact that he is able to fight and maneuver so well is due to God aiding him on the journey the entire way. It was really good to see the Christian themes present themselves here and in such a positive light. I’ll at least give the film credit here because it’s such a rare sight. Especially nowadays you are unlikely to see films acknowledge God in a serious manner.

This does raise further questions on how Eli fell so far from the path but I already spoke on that quite a bit so there’s no need to keep on going there. The film acknowledges the power of the Bible as well as the fact that whenever you read it you will always find something new to learn. It’s why it is easy to see how Eli could keep reading it over and over again because it is the only book in existence that never really has to end. Memorizing it would certainly be quite the feat and impossible without God’s miracle here.

Overall, The Book of Eli is a terrible film that at least has a great twist at the end. It’s not enough where it can save the film because everything else is so poor but at least it looks like the movie was trying to go for a good message at the end. The execution wasn’t quite up to the level it needed to be but I appreciated the attempt. You can definitely make a good movie out of this story, but you just need to tone down how corrupt this world is or at least what we see on screen and get implied. There are many ways to get across that this is a terrible world with no more hope without being so direct. If you handle that well then the rest will follow. So instead of watching this film I’d recommend you check out Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time instead as a film that is also about bringing hope back to a world that is about to lose its future.

Overall 1/10

Draft Day Review

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It’s time to look at an NFL film from a while back. I always like to see films based on Football because it’s such an interesting sport. Watching the live games is already great so a film like this would be sure to land as well. Having the Browns be the main focus also makes sense since they tend to never be doing all that well. This year is the first time they’ve had a winning record in many years as it is. Of course that means you feel like the Browns are doomed no matter what here but at least they’re trying to draft well. Ultimately this is a solid title even if I feel like some plots weren’t really needed.

Draft Day is here and the Browns GM Sonny is being pressured on who to draft. The owner Anthony wants Sonny to pick up the #1 quarterback since he is guaranteed to make a splash. The coach thinks that Sonny should be picking up a running back to help the offensive team really have a balanced attack. Personally Sonny wants a linebacker since he believes that this guy is the best fit for the team but defensive players don’t tend to make big headlines like that. It’s just the way it’s always been and Sonny knows that his job is on the line here. Is there a way he can make this draft a success without getting himself fired?

Naturally the owner has a lot of pull so you can’t blame Sonny for quickly thinking he just needs to go with what his boss says. At the end of the day if the owner wants something it’s going to be pretty hard to stop him if you want to keep your job. The pressure he gets from the coach isn’t nearly as serious. It’s also tough because a fresh quarterback can change everything while a superstar defensive player can only do so much on his own. It’s why quarterbacks tend to make so much money. No single player is a whole team but the quarterback does have his hands on the ball for every offensive play so he has more control than any other player on the field. Additionally this quarterback seemingly has no weaknesses and is considered the best player in the draft.

I’m glad that the film didn’t give us a cop out by making the quarterback turn out to be terrible or anything. We do get some potential weaknesses on and off the field here but the film doesn’t do anything too drastic so there’s still a good debate to be had. The linebacker, running back, and quarterback are all very valid picks to be sure. I also enjoyed all of the banter between the teams. There was a lot of fun back and forth with the Seahawks for example. He definitely manipulated the Browns GM with ease initially although Sonny gets ready to start turning the tables later on. None of the other teams get huge roles although they are certainly present the whole time.

What I could have done without here was mainly the plot with Sonny and his family. In particular he had some issues with his mother and his Ex. This plot didn’t really seem to add much to the film and also hurt Sonny as the main character. While their demands weren’t always the most reasonable, it just makes Sonny a bit less sympathetic when he’s yelling and breaking laptops. He seems like a guy who ultimately balks when there’s a lot of pressure as seen with his opening draft deal which was pretty terrible. The film tries to make this up by showing his greatness later on but the final deal is extremely convenient to the point where it’s not very realistic. Personally I’d say an ideal ending would have just omitted the final part of the deal or nerfed it a bit so there was still some sacrifice while giving an ending that worked out for all of the characters. I think that would have worked out quite nicely.

One character I enjoyed quite a bit was the coach. He definitely disagreed with Sonny at almost literally every turn but I liked his confidence. The guy clearly just wanted to make sure his offense was intact and didn’t like that Sonny’s trade threatened to jeopardize everything. Sonny’s right that he has no obligation to bring the coach in on these decisions but when the decisions are incredibly suspect like that it does make you think that the coach had a point. In a way the film shows the organization as being very split in their decision making which makes a decent amount of sense when you consider how poorly the team tends to handle its new recruits. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a lot of disagreements within the staff there.

We also have a subplot with Sonny and his secret girlfriend Ali that doesn’t seem to add a whole lot to the film. It’s the kind of romance where you feel like they could have just gone public with it a lot sooner and it wouldn’t have been an issue. As it is it seems like all of the important characters knew that they were together anyway. Sonny also didn’t take Ali’s news at the beginning very well either although interestingly the film mainly starts right as/after the announcement was made rather than having a whole scene devoted to it. I thought that was a good idea.

So what I’m getting at here is that the sports aspect of the film was great but the drama around it wasn’t as solid as it could have been. The sports angle is why I liked the film though and it more than makes up for the rest. The writing is definitely really solid when it’s focused on the main plot. The pacing is nice and tight with a lot happening at all times. Whether you like Football or not I expect you can enjoy this film. Some of the terminology may go over your head but the film at least explains the main parts so you should understand what is going on with the draft.

Overall, Draft Day is a solid film. I don’t think it’ll go down as being the definitive NFL title or anything like that but I thought it was handled well. Draft Day is definitely one of the biggest days for a GM since a lot of important calls are made on that day and they will be remembered for the rest of your career. Make a mistake and people aren’t going to let you forget it even after years have passed. That’s just the way things shake out here and not without due cause. A GM makes a whole lot of money to be able to prepare for days like this so you have to be ready. In that sense Sonny should have had his team prepared a little better than he did at the start but he learned gradually as the film went on. It was also a really nice touch that the coach had been with the Cowboys and won a Super Bowl. Even this film had to remember to acknowledge that the Cowboys are always winners!

Overall 7/10

Krull Review

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It’s time to look at a classic Sci-Fi film from a while back. This one is definitely going for that classic Lord of the Rings feel with a bit of Star Wars thrown in. That said, aside from the energy blasts and a quick scene at the beginning it’s harder to see that. LOTR is first and foremost the angle this one is going for. I wouldn’t say it did a poor job. It destroys the Lord of the Rings with ease of course. The film may be a tad slow at times but it’s an adventure that will keep your interest and the climax makes for some good action scenes.

The film starts by introducing us to the Slayers. A group of monsters that have taken over many planets over the years. There is seemingly no way to stop them and so they have quickly become one of the driving forces of the universe. They are led by the Beast. On one planet two kingdoms decide to unite so that they will be ready. Princess Lyssa marries Prince Colwyn so they can usher in a new era. Unfortunately the Slayers couldn’t care less so they break in and kidnap Lyssa anyway. Both kingdoms were burned to the ground and just about everyone was murdered. Colwyn swears to find Lyssa. Fortunately an old man named Ynyr agrees to help him. The two will find more allies along the way and Colwyn is given an ancient weapon to use to slay the Beast. Will this be enough to turn the odds?

It’s interesting that for the magical weapon they went for more of a Shruiken Star/Chakram disc as opposed to a sword. It’s certainly more original so I’ll give the film props there. It’s also just a handy weapon in general since you can throw it and then it will return to you like a boomerang. You can’t go wrong there right? He’s told not to use it until the end of the film though so you don’t get to see it in action for very long. It does look good at the end although I got nervous when it was stuck on the villain. That would have been rather anticlimactic but it’s just that Colwyn couldn’t draw out its full power.

The scenery and effects are fairly good. The forest and deserts here aren’t exactly my ideal setting but the film did a solid job with what it had. There was definitely a good amount of effort behind this one and that’s the important thing. The fight scenes are pretty solid and I like the energy blasts. The kingdom’s soldiers had solid armor but they all looked terrible so I guess it was just for show. The villains turning into mini xenomorphs when their masks break was definitely disturbing. It makes you wonder exactly how they are able to operate the larger bodies. Must be high tech. It can make for a bit of a violent look at times but that’s mainly just the color of the creatures themselves.

As a lead Colwyn is pretty good I’d say. For starters he easily resisted the charms of an enemy agent. Even entertaining the notion would have been a death cry to his character since the entire point of this journey is to arrive and save Lyssa. Messing that up would have had me shaking my head to be sure. You just can’t make that kind of mistake and he didn’t. Colwyn turned out to be a solid leader and he was resolute in his quest. He may not stand out a whole lot as someone you’ll think about in the future but he did everything he needed to do.

Then we have Lyssa. She certainly wasn’t very intimidated by the Beast with how she kept talking back to him so she gets points there. She doesn’t get a whole lot to do here as part of the fact that she is captured for most of the film. It’s regrettable but expected. If we ever get a sequel hopefully she could fight more. The Beast himself is definitely a lot like Sauron with the huge eye. I can’t say I was a fan. His whole goal is basically to marry Lyssa aside from ruling the universe. Why? It’s a goal that just seems pretty much out of the blue and it’s always hard for me to get on board with a villain like that. A villain’s motivation is a huge indicator of if I will like the character and this didn’t work out.

Then we have some supporting characters like the shape shifter Ergo. He’s a fun enough character. He’s going for Usopp vibes where he talks a really good game but at the end of the day he is scared of just about everything and isn’t all that strong. By the end he has his big moments of course but we’ll see if you can take it seriously by then. Then there’s Rell who is a peaceful Cyclops. I wasn’t a big fan of his character. He doesn’t really add much to the story beyond having another ally at the ready.

What fantasy epic would be complete without the old man who serves as a mentor to the lead right? Ynyr is here to provide guidance and even gets his own subplot where he has to infiltrate a spider lair. Unfortunately I can’t really give him a lot of props here. The subplot was one of the weakest parts of the film which is the first mistake. There didn’t seem to be much of a point to having this in at all. We learn that his son was murdered and it involves the master of the lair. The whole thing gets pretty intense but it has nothing to do with anything. Why not just have the first fortune teller find out the truth? I felt bad for that guy, left defenseless by the rest of the group and picked off with ease. The heroes aren’t always the best about staying together and often times that was Ynyr’s fault since he would ask to be left alone. Unity is when the heroes are strongest so they shouldn’t split up so easily.

The soundtrack has that Star Wars feel to be sure. There are a lot of happy themes that play throughout that should fill you with hope and energy. They’re all rather solid. Perhaps not the most original themes out there but they still do the job and give you the correct ambiance. At the end of the day this is a fairly light fantasy adventure even if by the end the body count is rather high. The climax itself is very serious and I got a Rogue One feel from it. When you go on a mission like this I suppose you never expect everyone to live through it. That’s just not going to happen when the villain is of this magnitude.

Overall, Krull works rather well. Old school fantasy adventures usually aren’t my thing so adding in the brief Sci-Fi bits definitely helped out. The Slayers have solid designs even if I would have preferred that they kept them and not turn into little lizard things when they blow up. At times the film may go through a few slow patches here and there but for the most part it’s pretty consistent. If someone tells you to watch LOTR or the Hobbit, tell them to watch this one instead. It’s not very well known but a lot of effort definitely went into it initially.

Overall 7/10

Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey Review

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It’s time for the big sequel to the original Bill & Ted! These two definitely went on quite the adventure the first time around. I enjoyed the film well enough and this one throws in androids which is always cool. I would say this one even improved upon the first. It does have some scenes where the film can get a little slow but for the most part the pacing is solid and the androids made for pretty intimidating opponents. They’re definitely not people that the heroes can really hope to defeat straight up.

This movie opens up in a similar state to the first. Bill & Ted still can’t play music at all and that’s not good since the big battle of the bands is coming up. They think about using time to help them out with this but in the meantime finally propose to the princesses from the first film. Everything is going well until alternate versions of themselves appear. They think it’s the future selves here to help them out once again but instead they are actually evil doppelgangers sent from the future to foil Bill & Ted’s career. These robots murder Bill & Ted and proceed to accomplish their goals. The heroes last chance to save the day is to quickly find Death so they can come back to life and then interfere before the Battle of the Bands performance is over or there will be no hope left. It’s a tough journey but someone’s got to do it.

I definitely enjoyed having some evil androids in the mix. Having villains like that can definitely take things to the next level if you ask me. Think about it, these guys have built in super strength and they easily crush the leads in their first battle. I’ll admit that the loss is a bit embarrassing if anything but it’s not like you could have expected anything less. It was still the most hype set of scenes in the film. Unfortunately there isn’t a real rematch later on so you need to enjoy the initial struggle.

The adventures through the characters’ personal hells were fun too though. You’ve even got a giant bunny that is around to mess everyone up. The scenes could get pretty tense. Death himself is probably the least intimidating member by default. The guy just wants some friends deep down. The scenes of the main characters playing him in a bunch of board games was definitely fun. Especially since I had even played a bunch of them back in the day. Bill & Ted are definitely really good at playing these which isn’t too surprising. I bet they played these games quite a lot over the years, probably instead of studying or anything like that.

As for Ted and Bill as characters, they’re pretty much unchanged from the first film so you either like them or you don’t. I appreciated the air guitar gimmick they have where they use that whenever something cool happens. Part of what helps them succeed as characters is their comedy gags aren’t even all that annoying. The characters are pretty fun and just work out rather well if you ask me. The cast is fairly small but they work well. The princesses don’t look great but they don’t really have a lot of screen time. There’s also a super smart inventor from another world who was passable at best but these side characters don’t really take away from the main adventure or anything like that.

There’s also a big twist that happens near the end of the film which is pretty fun. It just goes to show that when time travel is in play you have to expect the unexpected. Anything can happen at any given moment which is part of the point of this method. The film’s pacing is pretty solid so it’ll be over before you know it. Ultimately if I had to really say why it beat the first film, I’d say that the evil Androids and the film mainly taking place in the present are what did it. I love time travel but of course I prefer going to the future than the past. There’s just a lot more to explore when you’re going forward.

Overall, Bill & Ted manage to improve upon what made the first film solid. This is one I could definitely recommend to anyone who enjoys comedies. The writing is on point and we’ll see if the third film can keep it up. I don’t see why not, the trailer for it certainly looks pretty solid to me. The end of the big saga at long last. At the end of the day it’s still almost frightening how the future society is doomed to be modeled after these characters. I mean, there are far worse people you could pick to represent the planet but also much better ones as well. At least the clothing seems to have gone the LazyTown route in the future so fashion is on an upwards trend.

Overall 7/10

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure Review

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It’s time to look at a comedy film from a while back that’s definitely pretty well known. It did manage to get two sequels after all. It’s hard to find main characters that are less intelligent than these guys. Bill and Ted consistently look pretty bad throughout the whole film. The writing is pretty solid though. The film can definitely get a bit overboard with how silly it is at times. It’s definitely going for a comedic approach you don’t see quite as much nowadays. Still, it manages to land pretty well for the most part. I don’t see this title as having a lot of replay value but on your first go around it’s fun enough.

The movie starts off with Bill and Ted goofing off as usual. Unfortunately this has finally come back to bite them. Ted is at risk of failing history and if that happens then he will get sent off to military school. He tries to study with Bill but they’re just no good at this and the presentation for the final is tomorrow anyway. Fortunately they have some help. In the future, Bill and Ted are supposed to change the galaxy as we know it through their music. So an envoy is sent to the past to rescue the main characters from their plight. What happens is they send a time machine to the present so Bill and Ted can travel back in time and bring back a bunch of famous figures to answer the historical questions that they needed. This is a bold plan. Can the heroes pull it off? Or…have they already done so since the future already exists for them to do it?

Time travel is always an interesting concept in part because people can never really decide on what the rules should be. Personally, my favorite time travel rules are rather similar to DBZ’s. When you go to the past, you can’t affect your own timeline since the events have already happened. Effectively you are traveling to a parallels timeline where the events will now be different. As such you can’t get stuck in any of the time loops that you see pop up here and there. That’s because the events didn’t already happen, they’re all fresh as soon as they occur. This film is using a different theory though that you actively change time as you go through it. Because of that, the heroes are now in a time loop. The loop doesn’t make perfect sense by the end though such as some scenes we get of the heroes already doing things that they haven’t yet like recording a message of leaving notes. The only way that works is if you did another time travel adventure but the problem is actually starting it as they’d need to use more machines and actually time things perfectly which I don’t trust the leads to do. It does get pretty messy but it’s a very unique way to show time travel which was cool.

After all, there has to be a first encounter in order to set up the loop and I don’t see how that works. Clearly Ted would have been sent to military school without the help so the future wouldn’t be around to come back to the past and save him. If they were, then it would mean that the future doesn’t actually need Bill and Ted after all. Either way that does not bode particularly well for the heroes when you think about it. It’s part comedy so no need to think on it too much but it’s something that does stand out the more you think about it.

As I mentioned, the film’s pretty fun. As a comedy it really needs to be in order to succeed. It doesn’t mean that every joke will land, it’s rare for any comedy film to pull that off. Still, more land than the ones that do not which is the critical factor here. Personally I mainly enjoyed when the heroes were in the present compared to being in the past. I thought the film could have had more fun with these figures from the olden days enjoying modern life. We do get some of that near the end though which was nice. We even have a big mall fight where the cops show up to take them all down. It makes for a pretty solid action scene.

As for Bill and Ted as characters, I wouldn’t say that any of them are particularly likable. Both of them don’t study hard so they have nobody to blame but themselves on why they weren’t ready for the exams. I wouldn’t say they’re the most heroic characters either. This is the kind of film that isn’t relying on the leads which is good. The cast wasn’t really anything to write home about in general. The fathers of both kids were pretty unreasonable the whole time. We don’t see Ted’s mother but Bill’s was trying pretty hard at least. The lunch may have been burned but the attempt was on point. I liked the teacher even though he didn’t get to appear a whole lot. He may be a pretty strict guy but he still gave everyone a chance which is the important part. The fact that he let them have an opportunity to succeed shows that he cared at least.

Overall, By the end of the film you’ll have heard the word “excellent” quite a lot. One of the main reasons why this film was able to succeed is also that while Bill and Ted were portrayed as being very unintelligent, they weren’t super annoying about it. I’ll take “excellent” and the electric guitars as running themes over other options they could have had. The film also widely avoids crude humor which I was pleasantly surprised about. This definitely goes a long way as well. In short, this film was actually written pretty well. It succeeds in the approach it’s going for and the film just flies by. Ultimately I was entertained and it’s not like the film is very long either so it definitely doesn’t drag on or anything like that. It’ll be interesting to see if the sequels can quite match up to this one. If you like comedy films then this is a good one to check out. It’s not the best or anything like that but it holds its own and the sci-fi/time travel angle helps make this one fairly unique. I’m always in favor of using time travel to change history if it’s an option and these characters certainly don’t have any qualms against it.

Overall 6/10

Transporter 3 Review

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It’s time to look at the final film in the trilogy. The first two Transporter films were both pretty solid. I thought the second beat the first by a narrow margin. Unfortunately this one is quite a bit weaker than the first two. Essentially it’s going for similar themes and fights, but just ends up weaker in every area compared to the first two. While I wouldn’t say this is an inherently bad thing as losing to good films isn’t a problem, this film just isn’t that good. I’d say it does just enough to skate by on not being called a bad film but it’s a little too close to the line for comfort. It’s a shame because the film has quite a lot of potential with the premise alone.

So the film starts off with some scenes involving a giant boat trying to land but realizing that it can’t. The captain calls his Russian mafia friends and they confirm that they are close to finishing off the deal. They seem to have some kind of blackmail on the environmental minister. He’ll be signing their papers in a day so that they can offload all of their boats. The minister sends his men in to stop this but only a day is a pretty tough timeline. Meanwhile Frank is enjoying retirement. He turned down the latest assignment to transport and just relaxes with some fishing. Unfortunately his day is ruined when an old friend bursts through his window in a car along with a lady named Valentina. The guy dies since he goes too far from the car and then Frank gets mugged. He is forced by the villains to take the job of transporting a few packages along with Valentina to a far away destination. Now that Frank has the wrist device he also can’t go too far from the car or he will be blown up. The problem is that he and Valentina don’t get along at all. She’s quite antagonistic the whole time despite Frank’s best efforts. Looks like it’s up to him to get out of this situation.

I will say that the film’s beginning had a few warning bells. Nothing too serious to be honest so I don’t want to overstate it. The film’s problems would get worse as it went along. Still, the intro was rather dull. The scenes on the boat still feel pretty pointless to me. At the very least I don’t see why you would start with these scenes. Some guys break into the cargo area and die to the poison? I suppose this is to tip us off that the boat is related to criminal activity…but that was pretty obvious from the jump. The boat characters maybe appear for 2-3 minutes total for the rest of the film. We then cut away to fishing which also isn’t very exciting. The only good part here is the car chase while Frank narrates over it. It’s just a very slow beginning.

The other warning sign is that Frank doesn’t look very intelligent at all. He notices that his friend has a weird tech thing on his arm and the friend begs him not to let them take him to an ambulance. Frank ignores this and after they take him away finally realizes that it’s because the thing on his arm was a bomb. The friend dies of course. So….maybe we can cut Frank some slack because this might not be a common device. You see it all the time in movies but we could say it’s not normal. Still, you’d expect him to be a lot more on the ball with this. Getting knocked out shortly afterwards wasn’t a good look for him either although to be fair he gets quite a habit of getting beaten up when it’s a sneak attack.

I don’t mind the idea of having to stay close to the car though. It’s a good way to build up tension. You may have a hard time believing how he catches up to the car at times but it’s a solid plot gimmick nonetheless. Additionally, I still do like the fights in Transporter 3 even though they are a noticeable downgrade from the first two films. Gone are the days when Frank would win his fights with advanced martial art techniques. One thing I really liked about the first film was that he was shown to be an expert fighter. He was using crazy hand to hand techniques you’d never seen. I’d actually say as a pure fighter he is even better than Jason Bourne, Ethan Hunt, Dwayne Johnson, and James Bond. This guy is just an excellent fighter without a doubt. In this film he uses more basic moves. He still beats everyone up and looks generally impressive but the choreography isn’t at the same level. There are a ton of jump cuts. For that reason, the opening fight in the flashback is easily my favorite fight scene in the film. I thought a lot more effort was put into this one than the others that would come later on.

Where the film goes wrong is really with the main heroine and the inevitable romance that follows. Valentina is one of those characters who gives Frank quite an attitude the whole time. Typically I’m okay with characters having some attitude. She has no reason to trust this guy and it’s a stressful situation right? Well, the problem is that this isn’t totally true. We learn later on some interesting twists about her character but they completely contradict her actions. The film would have been so much easier and quicker if she had been upfront with him. Her reason for staying quiet at the end of the film is comically bad. It’s just hard to understand what’s going through her head. Not only is she unhelpful but she actively puts them in danger like with the whole scene in the grocery store.

This long scene which involves her getting drunk and really just undermining her character makes her look really bad. I can’t cut her any slack for these actions “because she was drunk” because she knowingly chose to get drunk and high during a situation when they need to stay sharp and not die. She also forces a romance between her and Frank by blackmailing him with a bomb. Seriously? That’s got to be one of the worst romance starters I’ve seen in a long time. Literally if he says no he blows up and he can’t walk away either…or he will blow up. Not a whole lot of options to him and she has fun humiliating him for a while. Naturally he ends up enjoying the romance so it’s not a problem for him but this was a really, really bad scene. This plotline was bad from start to finish.

Valentina’s character never rises above this. She tries to be supportive later on but it’s too little too late. I’d also mention that she does a poor job of trying to get the villain driver to slow the car when Frank is behind them. All right, that’s enough on her character. Frank is a decent lead but he looks far worse than in the last two installments. Putting aside the romance and his getting mugged at the beginning of the film in addition to him not realizing about the friend, he even endangers his friend. It’s a comedy scene but he heads to a mechanic he knows and asks the guy to look over the car. We then get a big fight scene where the film resists the urge to use oil for a third time straight although you know it was close since they were fighting with cannisters. The friend asks if it’ll be okay since all of these big villains will wake up soon and Frank just says to go home. They all saw the guy’s face and presumably know his name. Frank just didn’t seem to care. We also just generally get less scenes of Frank humiliating everyone with how good he is in a fight. The guy is an old pro at how this works so showing more of that like in the first two films would be a good idea.

I’d also argue that the final scene of using the bomb with the main villain put Valentina in danger needlessly. As it is the explosion threw her under some rubble. She was okay but it could have very easily gone sideways and her death would have been really pointless there. Frank just can’t help but show off I suppose. The Inspector returns as a supporting character but his scenes feel a little pointless at this point. It’s the same ole jokes from the first two films and he’s always far too late to really do anything. He seems like a nice enough guy I suppose but you get the feeling that he was squeezed in.

Man, this is sounding like a negative review right? I’d say it’s just because the negatives of the film are so noticeable. The positives are still there but just not as strong as they could be. The soundtrack is pretty solid for the fights. I’d say that the lyrical songs we get are pretty weak though. The film succeeds as a thriller in the sense that we do have a lot of nonstop action and fights when the characters are on the road. I enjoyed the chase scene where you have the two black cars on the highway. The cars looking almost identical works pretty well for solid visuals while they’re bumping back and forth. There was some nice strategy used here as well. In general the film always delivers with the chases. There are less jump cuts than with the hand to hand fights as well which is good.

Overall, Transporter 3 is a downgrade from the first 2. The heroine is no good and her actions just don’t make sense especially once we get her flashbacks. It’s a shame because her character had potential as a tough female lead who could keep up with Frank. Her father is certainly presented as a tough figure at least. He actually talks back to villains and doesn’t just roll over with the blackmail. The guy’s got a ton of pull for an environmental leader. I didn’t realize they were quite so tough. At the same time, Russia always has a rep for being very tough so it was nice to see this guy keep that persona as opposed to losing it just because he was a good guy here. If you liked the first two films then you should still check this one out since it completes the saga. It’ll still deliver on the usual action and fight scenes that you would expect. The writing and everything else just experience a bit of a decline here so it’s easy to see why they didn’t go forward with another one in this saga. I think someday they should do a nostalgia fourth film though. The film just needs to focus more on the Transporter angle and give us some solid fight scenes.

Overall 5/10

Innerspace Review

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It’s time to look at a classic Sci-Fi film in Innerspace. This is not a film that I was familiar with back in the day so it comes across as a totally fresh experience. I’m not a huge fan of the premise of turning small in general as it’s not quite as exciting as going out into space but I’d say this film did a good job with it. Some of the opening scenes will feel especially painful like when something happens to Jack’s eye but for the most part the film is a blend of action and comedy so it balances those out pretty well. One of the villains in particular is a standout character here.

The movie starts off by establishing Tuck as a drunk guy who really threw his career down the tubes. He originally had a chance to do some great things with his life but that’s all over now. After Lydia left him for good, Tuck decided to volunteer for a life threatening experiment. The experiment is to turn him tiny and place him inside of a rabbit. Unfortunately a group of villains attack first so the doctor is forced to inject him inside a local grocery store owner named Jack. Tuck is able to establish contact with Jack so the guy can hear and see him. Tuck must now find a way to get this guy to take him back to the lab and restore his size. There is just one problem…Jack is an extremely nervous person who is afraid of just about everything.

One of the highlights of the film is definitely Igoe. He’s a villain who is meant to be like the Terminator. They even got an actor to look like Arnold which makes the role ideal. His hand also works as a gun and he’s part Cyborg. The guy goes around knocking people out like it’s nobody’s business. You just can’t mess with this guy. I’d say the best scene in the film is when he uses a guy as a baseball bat to knock someone else out and then jumps in the truck. Part of what makes Igoe’s scenes work is that he makes them all look effortless. He’s not sweating or anything like that. He just takes guys out like nothing. In a sense because of that it’s hard to have a satisfying climax for his character. Honestly I would have preferred that he went down fighting in a traditional fight or something with the characters using a rocket launcher or something. Still, you can’t deny that he elevated the film.

Then you have Tuck and the question is really if he can get past his initial scenes or not. The guy definitely destroyed his career and can’t really blame anyone for it. You can’t help but appreciate his gusto though. At least the guy is a good fighter and takes things in stride. I’d say he’s a little below average as far as main characters go but ultimately I would say he was entertaining. In a lot of ways he’s far better than Jack. I had quite a few issues with Jack to be honest. I’m cool with him being so scared of everything. It’s a decent character trait when handled well and I thought it was here. He has a delusion about getting shot while at the supermarket which is pretty crazy but certainly scary. You can definitely see why this would shake him up. He’s a very exaggerated character but much like Shaggy from Scooby Doo it can work as long as it’s not at the expense of putting everyone in danger.

No, my problem with Jack is the rushed romance plot with Lydia. Here’s the main issue with this, she was already with Tuck. Sure, they may not be actively together right now but when the ex is literally inside of you at the moment forced to watch everything…shouldn’t you just not make a move? Out of everyone you have to go for her right now? The romance was pretty terrible here. Lydia’s also to blame here as she seems to be okay with having an affair with both characters. It really doesn’t add anything to the film except for some extra drama which never really amounts to anything either. This should have just been skipped.

Early on I actually thought Lydia was a villain. She just looks a lot like one of the main villains for some reason. I also thought it made perfect sense with how quickly she left Tuck and it would explain why she wanted to put some depth between them. Ah well, that didn’t work out and so I can’t really give Lydia any extra props here. Ultimately she just wasn’t very good here and would have improved if the film had focused more on her being a reporter. She does have connections such as finding out when “The Cowboy” was going to show up. So I wouldn’t say the character cast was particularly strong here. In some films that could be deadly but this isn’t a movie that is particularly character driven. It’s really about enjoying the humor and the unique concept of having someone shrink and so you have to share a body temporarily.

Particularly back in the day I imagine it was a pretty new concept. It’s handled pretty well. I did like the humor most of the time and the film goes by pretty quickly. I’d say the writing was on point and you’ll have a good time here. Could the film have been better? Definitely, a better cast would certainly elevate the film somewhat. As it is, Igoe has to hold most of the film on his own. Jack’s character arc of finally getting tough just doesn’t work out nearly as well as you’d think. As long as no character ends up downright terrible it won’t crush the film so this one managed to survive throughout this.

The ending is also pretty solid here which is worth noting. It has one of those “cliffhangers” where it’ll likely never be resolved but ends things off on an epic note. Given how overconfident some of the characters can be I dare say that the villains may have a shot here. I also think a sequel could work out rather well. There’s always room for more secret agent films that have a touch of humor. Look at Kim Possible as an example of this. Comedy blends together with other genres rather well. Naturally execution is key as always, but I think a sequel could be quite fun.

Overall, Innerspace is a solid Sci-fi film. I definitely thought it was pretty funny at times and has a solid villain. It may feel like it overstays its welcome a tad bit in the second half with the romance plot between Jack and Lydia being rather pointless but for the most part this is a pretty solid concept that was executed well. (I wouldn’t have minded more scenes at the supermarket, I feel like that’s a setting that’s prime for a lot of jokes) I was also glad that Jack was fairly quick on the ball like when the first messenger showed up. When Tuck told him that the guy was fake Jack quickly sprang into action. A lot of times you see the heroes have a dazed look on their face as they wonder what is going on and that could be annoying. So Jack avoided that which I’d say was definitely a good thing. If you like comedy films with some danger then this is a good one to check out.

Overall 7/10

Scorpio Review

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It’s time to look at a film about espionage. Whenever you try to leave an outfit that involves murder and national secrets there isn’t an easy way to do so. We see films like this pop up quite a bit and the main character either needs to have a really incredible plan set in motion or things just aren’t going to end well. Things don’t end well for just about anyone here but it does make for a pretty great film. It can get tragic at some points for sure though.

The movie starts with Cross finishing yet another mission. He gets back home and realizes that he has finally gotten to the point where he knows too much. The CIA want to bump him off so he decides to go under the radar for a while. He lets his wife know he will have a plan set up to get her out of the country soon. The CIA can’t let him get loose though so they enlist the help of Scorpio, one of the best assassins in the business. This guy definitely never loses his target so they are pretty confident that he will get the job done. Scorpio isn’t thrilled about this assignment since he has always gotten along with Cross quite well. Still, he isn’t given a whole lot of options and it is a job so he has his reputation to think about. Sorry Cross, but this is the end of the line.

It reminds me a bit of a comedy film I saw with this plot. Of course in this case Scorpio plays it very serious. Cross really steals the show here. He’s definitely portrayed quite well as an experienced CIA agent who has seen everything play out before and knows exactly how things work. It’s part of how he knew exactly when to leave and how to go about it. His plan isn’t perfect and at times the government gets close but with the odds stacked against him he did do rather well for himself. He also keeps trying to get through to Scorpio during the film such as letting him know that the CIA aren’t his allies. Of course, Scorpio is pretty smart but not quite as smart as Cross so I wonder if he could make such a clean getaway.

Scorpio was a very solid character for most of the film but I do have to say that the ending hurt him quite a bit. He didn’t wait for any kind of explanation and jumped right to the worst assumptions straight off the bat. I suppose at this point he probably doesn’t trust people much anymore but considering that he’s known some people for years you’d think he’d listen. He mentioned earlier in the film that Cross never steered him wrong so you’d think he would at least give him a chance. Of course, with a man as deadly as Cross if you have any doubts on if you can trust him then it does get tricky. I dunno, it’s a tough one but Scorpio handled it very poorly. I still appreciated all of his rebelling in the first half of the film and he gets a lot of witty dialogue throughout. He’s just a fun guy, it’s a shame he couldn’t close out better.

The ending of the film is definitely very solid and poetic though. Quite a lot happens in the final minutes of the film and it really just goes to show why listening is so important. The ending makes one character look pretty bad with how it goes. It’s just the perfect way to end the film because it really could not end any other way. This was how you bring everything back around to the beginning of the cycle as it prepares to start anew with some fresh faces. A thriller always needs to have a good ending to really make it feel like you had a solid experience and that’s exactly what this film does.

Another fun character was Zharkov. He’s definitely had quite a long history with Cross and the two of them have a lot of mutual respect for each other even if they’re on different sides. At the end of the day their politics are quite different and they can never truly just hang out but the guy helped Cross a whole lot. They had a strong bond. It also shows that Cross was just a nice guy who was easy to get along with. He has another friend in the film who did a lot of the legwork for him such as delivering packages. Unfortunately things don’t go very well for him and it’s definitely one of those scenes that makes it even easier to root for Cross since the CIA come off as quite corrupt and dangerous. At times they seem to be the real villains here like how they handled the situation with his wife. Pretty bad all around.

The best parts of the film are really enjoying the cat and mouse adventures with Scorpio and Cross. Scorpio really knows how Cross thinks and that makes for a lot of good planning. He definitely takes quite a lot of shots at the CIA workers who are supposed to be helping him work on the case as well. Those guys just don’t seem to be able to keep up with Cross at all and fall for every trap. In a way it does mean they were smart to get Scorpio involved though. Without him they really wouldn’t have been even close to tagging Cross in the end.

Overall, Scorpio is a very solid thriller film. It’s easily one of the best in the assassin game. I think this sub genre of assassins going after another assassins adds a nice twist to the genre. When you have a pro going after an innocent civilian who doesn’t even know how to protect himself it can only be so engaging. With a movie like this it’s a lot better right off the cuff because you’ve now got a lot of strategies and counter strategies to consider. Both characters have to stay sharp because one mistake could be fatal. That said, Cross was handling Scorpio with kid gloves the whole time and had numerous chances to finish him off. Cross is trying to get out of the game so he doesn’t murder people without a reason anymore but the film would have been very different if he hadn’t made that decision.

Overall 8/10

Dune Review

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It’s time to look at a very ambitious film with a huge character roster. This was clearly trying to be a big Star Wars/Lord of the Rings kind of experience. You could also make some similarities to Game of Thrones purely from a plot perspective where you have 3 kingdoms fighting for control. In the midst of this you also have the rebels making noise. Unfortunately while the film starts out with some promise and will grab your interest, it loses this shortly afterwards. The film then continues its spiral of descent until you walk away thinking that this was a terrible movie.

The movie starts with showing us the Emperor as he is greeted by his boss. The monster lets him know that the son of the Duke has to be murdered right away. It would seem that he has some ties to the spice and the holy water so they need to remove the threats right away. The Emperor is fine with this as he likes murdering people off anyway. His plan is to have World A take down World B and then he’ll get World C to beat A. With all of the forces sufficiently weakened then he’ll be able to finish off the Duke. Additionally he has a man on the inside so he figures this will be pretty easy. Then he can go back to manufacturing the spice.

In this world, the Spice is the greatest resource of all. It allows you to gain cosmic consciousness and it can extent your life to a great degree. Here’s the problem, only the chosen few can actually use it. According to the main character, everyone else has died who tried to use it. It makes you question a bit why the spice is such a hot commodity but I suppose just the possibility that you can use it for eternal life is a promising prospect. I still feel like it’s not huge though. I also have to question how the Duke’s planet didn’t do better in the war. Their abilities seem to far outstrip the other planets when you think about it. They can use their words to force opponents to listen to them (Only top nobles have this power) and they can also turn their words into energy blasts. The latter seems like a common skill as they taught it to the rebels quite fast. I’ll chalk this up to their never teaching anyone because it wasn’t necessary at the time.

Where the film really goes wrong is that it goes from Zany to just grotesque and mean spirited very quickly. Mainly this is due to the inclusion of the villainous Baron. The Baron is made to be a very grotesque creature who goes around blowing people up and we get a pointless scene where he eats an animal. Any scene with him is bound to be quite violent or gross, sometimes a mix of both. The film definitely pushes the boundaries quite hard for a PG-13 film as I’d say you could make a solid case for this going to the next level. This is really where the film trips up. The Baron has numerous scenes and they are all completely terrible. The film goes for max grit the whole time and it takes away from all the other plots. It gets to the point where you want to automatically skip any scene with the Baron to get back to the other plots.

Paul’s plot is the most interesting by far. His planet made for a good background and the hero was introduced as a good fighter from the start so it’s easy to see why he was so resourceful later on. I would have liked to have seen him use the crystal barrier technique a little more but to be fair, that move doesn’t seem all that useful in this world since “slow” objects can pierce it. Naturally the villains know this so they put it to good use. It did make for a fun fight scene near the beginning but in a way it was also pointless. If you cut the crystal shield out of the film then absolutely nothing changes which is pretty much the definition of filler.

The movie is rather long but I’d say the pacing is solid. There are a lot of characters and factions running around as I said so you need that time to develop them. Then every faction has some key players and traitors running around so that has to be accounted for as well. An interesting thing the film did here is letting us hear the character’s thoughts the whole time. In books there tends to be a lot of inner monologue that is left out of movie/TV adaptions. I think this is a pretty natural way to show those thoughts and it would work well in many other films as well. Of course here it was to remind us that the characters have telepathy so there are no real secrets to be had, but that doesn’t change the base concept which is pretty solid either way.

The effects for the fight scenes are okay, but maybe a little sub-par. I liked the backgrounds and scenery, those were handled well. It feels like the film copped out of using real effects a lot of the time though like with the heroes having guns that shoot invisible bullets made out of their words. It’s not like you could grab any kind of effects from that. So from a visual standpoint it could have been a little better but I suppose the fight scenes weren’t the main thing to focus on here. The writing was okay I guess, but the movie did little to show me how Paul and his forces were able to defeat the Emperor’s. The Emperor had legions of ships and yet they all flew low in orbit so they could be crushed by Worms and blasted by the ground forces. Why not just blow up the planet at that point or target Paul from long distance? The only real answer is that they didn’t have the technical ability to target Paul from afar in which case their tech isn’t all that great.

While there are a lot of characters I wouldn’t say most of them are particularly likable. The film goes out of its way to make quite a few of them grotesque as well. The best character would be Duncan though. While he may not have lasted a super long time or anything, he did come through when it counted to aid Paul. Then you have Paul’s sister who appeared suddenly near the end of the film and did a good job. Her powers definitely seem like they will have a lot of potential. The rest of the characters are mainly here to get wrecked or get in the way. They talk a good game but never realize that they are going to be the next ones to be bumped off until it’s too late.

Overall, Dune is a film that started out with some promise but it all quickly fell out the window and this became one of the worst films I’ve seen. It does succeed in getting the feel of a grand epic but it just couldn’t tell a good story and I feel like that happens with quite a few of these kind of films. I certainly was not a fan of the Lord of the Rings or Hobbit series either. Same with Pirates of the Caribbean and what those all have in common is that they are very long films with lots of plots and characters running around. You definitely have to handle these kinds of films carefully or you end up biting more than you can chew. Additionally, all it takes is one bad plot to spoil the rest. In this case that was the Baron’s plot. Really a waste of time and just a horrible excuse for grit. If they had cut this out and every scene related to the Baron then the film would have been so much better. If you want a solid Sci-Fi film I’d recommend checking out something like Men in Black instead. Now that one is a film that is solid in all aspects.

Overall 0/10