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Panic Room Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such. A review of the unedited version would likely be harsher.

It’s time to look at a thriller movie from not too long ago. This title is certainly a lot more modern than some of the other films that I’ve been watching as of late. It’s the kind of film that revolves around a lot of strategy as most of the adventure takes place in one location. That can work as long as the writing is strong enough. It’s solid enough to keep you engaged for the moment, but plot convenience makes the situation a lot tougher for the two heroines than it needs to be.

Meg is trying to find a new place to live. She gets a pretty good deal on a rather large house and the place even comes fully equipped with a panic room in case of emergencies. The panic room has a phone that is connected to a backup power generator and it is supposed to be impossible to break into. Meg’s daughter, Sarah doesn’t mind the house all that much so it is decided that they will stay there. Unfortunately, the house comes under attack by three robbers who want the secret treasure that is hidden somewhere inside. They have guns and aren’t afraid to use them so it looks like Meg is going to have to try and outlast them or get a hold of one of the guns.

I’ll give the film some props for actually making the Panic Room good. A lot of times, the villains will just break in without any real effort and then that’s game over. Here, the Panic Room stands strong even after a lot of attacks and that’s really how it should be. If you paid good money to have a safe that is strong and durable, robbers shouldn’t be able to break in. The flip side of this is that the film needs some way for the villains to get to the heroes anyway since we need to have some tension.

Well, the plot device in this case is Meg. She is diabetic and needs shots every once in a while. This means that they have to leave the panic room at some point even if they don’t want too. It was fairly annoying because what are the odds right? It doesn’t help that the phone in the panic room wasn’t connected or that there were no emergency rations inside yet. The villains don’t know most of this either, but they are persistent and stick around even after trying a lot of ideas. There were some pretty clever ones like sending in fumes through the vents, but the fire counter was just as good.

Meg’s a decent main heroine. There’s nothing much to dislike about her, but the character just isn’t all that interesting. At least she doesn’t hesitate to use the gun when necessary. Sarah was a little more on the annoying side to be honest. Kids rarely turn into likable characters in the movies so it is not too surprising. She’s not super annoying or anything, but she is a little slow on the uptake at times and also panics quite a lot.

I can’t say that any of the villains were all that good either. We have Junior, who is the brains of the operation. He believes that he is in charge, but there isn’t a whole lot of honor among thieves. You can probably imagine that things don’t go too well for him after the other two find out that he has been lying about the loot the entire time. There’s also Raoul, who joins the group for this case. The other two haven’t worked with him before though and he is more extreme than the others. The other two are both common criminals who prefer not to actually go around destroying people. They silently get what they are after and then dash away. Raoul has no such qualms. He’s the meanest of the 3 and is willing to do anything.

Finally, we have the “Good Cop” villain. He doesn’t want to destroy anyone since he’ll wind up in jail for life at the bare minimum. This guy’s not a hero at all since he is still a robber, but the film portrays him as the lesser of the 3 evils. He’s also the smartest member and is the only reason that the villains come close to getting into the safe. Without his expertise, the whole mission would have been doomed from the start. He’s more likable than the other two, but I still can’t say that he is a good character.

Meg’s ex husband shows up at one point to help out, but he just makes the situation worse. He’s probably one of the more unintelligent characters in the film. He knows that something serious is going on, but he just walks in through the front door without a care in the world. True, he called the police, but he should have come in with them. I can understand not wanting to wait that long, but then he should have at least been prepared to fight. If he had come in with the cops from the get go, the film may have been a lot different. The cops did a decent job of trying to figure out what was going on, but there is only so much that they could do from their position. It was nice to see the main officer looking intelligent, but it was mostly just a sad scene of watching the villains get a few more chuckles in.

The heroes also made a few classic horror movie mistakes. For one, Meg made sure to trip and drop a lot of things while reaching for her phone. Had she not done this, she could have made it back to the Panic Room and dialed 9-11 from there. The film would be over and the heroes would have succeeded while barely breaking a sweat. Instead, the heroes lost their advantage. There is also the fact that even after they had the villains on the run and one of the heroes had a gun, there was too much hesitation. Not pulling the trigger and just letting the villain get closer is a pretty sad move. They may not be used to combat with such high stakes, but you can’t hesitate at that point in time.

Panic Room’s writing is all right for the most part, but it definitely does have an issue with language. It mostly comes from the villains since films love to have them swear as much as possible. Luckily, you’re mostly just hearing the air whiz by thanks to the edited version, but it was still a little excessive. In terms of violence, the film does get a little intense for the ex-husband. He really takes a big beating once he is at the hands of the villains. He gets a short reprieve, but then they land another shot or two in during the climax. He’s in terrible shape by the time the film is over and there’s possibly a chance that the injuries would be lethal. It’s too bad since the guy was trying to help, but it ended up backfiring quite badly.

Overall, Panic Room’s not a very fun thriller. I’d say that making Sarah ill was a little forced for giving the villains a way to get into the panic room and the writers couldn’t think of another way to make the situation work. It’s pretty tense as the villains keep trying to break in, but it’s never much fun and the language as well as the overall grit factor keep this from being a winner. The one fun part is probably the irony that the U.S. Bonds probably wouldn’t have helped the villains out all that much. Maybe they would have a way to cash them in, but these guys didn’t seem to have a whole lot in the way of connections. It’s possible that the whole journey would have been for naught this time. If you enjoy Home Invasion films then this one could be up your ally I suppose. Don’t expect the most well crafted film out there, but it could fit the bill. If you want an intense film with a little more action, then I recommend checking out Broly The Legendary Super Saiyan instead. That film has a lot of tension while still being a blast and a half as well.

Overall 4/10

Night Monster Review

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It’s time for another retro film with monster in the title, but no actual creature to be found. That’s never a good sign and this is another film that’s not all that great. It tries its best to be spooky and intense, but annoying characters and sad moments end up making this another film with a lot that is left to be desired. Ah well, at least you can take solace in the fact that this proves an old guy really just needs some magic in order to get back into the world. Don’t look at that line too closely for spoiler purposes though.

The premise starts with three doctors visiting an old guy (Curt) that they were unable to help a while back. He is now crippled and may blame the doctors for his current condition. Nevertheless, he has invited them to his mansion in the middle of nowhere for some reason. These three men suspect nothing, but maybe they should. A psychiatrist by the name of Lynn also shows up as she was called by Margaret, Curt’s sister to prove that Margaret isn’t actually crazy. The girl knows more than she lets on, but the house maid tries to prevent Lynn from finding anything out.

Curt’s big revelation is that he has a mystic by the name of Agar who is able to summon bleeding skeletons back to life to do all sorts of things. They can create objects out of nothing, but these objects only last for a limited period of time. The plot thickens when one of the scientists die and then the body count starts to rise. Who is behind these deaths. Could it be one of the Doctors? Is it the mystery writer, Dick, or is it maybe the Butler? There is no shortage of suspects to be found here.

The whole thing could have been pretty interesting. The concept certainly isn’t bad and I do like a good murder mystery. This film just tried too hard to be edgy instead and digs its own grave. For starters, we have Lawrie. He’s your classic sexist character from the old days and he goes after a lady who doesn’t live past the first 20-30 minutes. She wants to get out of the house because it has gotten a little too dangerous, but she makes the mistake of heading back there after dark. The monster was ready by then along with the fact that her taxi driver was gullible and deserted her after he was told that she was going to spend the night. Did he really think that she would after she had gone to such lengths to escape?

Her dying isn’t really the terrible part. It was rather tragic, but it was handled all right. The main sad part is that initially Lawrie gave her a drive, but then quickly has his way with her before another guy happened to show up and get her out of the tough spot. Lawrie spends the rest of the film flirting with other characters and also attempts to get physical again when he is interrupted by Dick. Some of the characters know about his antics, but nobody speaks up about it. Lawrie eventually bites the dust, but his presence severely hurt the film.

Curt’s not a bad old man. He’s passive aggressive with the 3 scientists quite a lot and also tries to boss around his sister. I don’t think she should have gone for that since as siblings they should be roughly equal, but she is far too timid the whole time. She also knows a great deal about who the culprit is, but doesn’t help until it is far too late and at least 50% of the cast has already been bumped off. As you can tell, I didn’t care much for Margaret. Curt was fairly average. I didn’t really find him to be unreasonable. He can be a little generic, but that’s not too bad I suppose.

Rolf’s a fairly mean butler, but I’d expect nothing less. He should have certainly had Lawrie fired ages ago though so I doubt his credibility as a professional. He’s not really a bad character so you should definitely peg him as a suspect. There’s also Agar, the mystical fellow who can summon the skeletons. I found him to mostly just be annoying and he’s also someone that knows a lot about what is going on. He’s super suspicious and even if he is not guilty, you can really call him an accomplice.

Lynn was the “tough” female lead who talks back to Curt and tries not to get bossed around, but her attempts do not always work. Her romance with Dick is certainly pretty awful and considering that she seems to realize that everyone is trying to keep her away from Margaret, she should have made more of an effort to stay with her. By the time she acts, Margaret has already started to get a split personality and cracks in her memory. Lynn took way too long.

Dick’s the classic tough guy and you could call him the main character. His role isn’t as big as you would expect based on that title, but he’s completely full of confidence and that sets him apart from the rest. He’s your stereotypical lead in basically every way. He tries to be heroic and sees to it that justice is served. There’s not much to him, but that’s okay I suppose.

Finally, we actually do have a character that’s not just good, but great. This is Captain Beggs, the only character who talks tough to the whole cast. They passive aggressively try to get him to leave many times, but he just insults them and keeps on going. This guy isn’t having any of that and just about every one of his lines is hardcore. Even when he’s threatened with lines like “You and what army?” he always has a response ready. “Just me” Beggs doesn’t back down to anyone and while he may be a little slow to pick up on the clues sometimes, he’s always brave. He heads into shadowy closets without hesitation and since he is picking a fight with a rich guy who has influence, Beggs clearly doesn’t care about that either. He was a silver lining in a film that was rather dreadful otherwise.

At the very least, the film really tries its best to throw in a lot of red herrings so that the culprit isn’t too obvious. The ploys fail and you will probably guess who the main villain is within the first 10 minutes. The motive is simply too rich for the writers to pass up on even if the film does its best to try and make you doubt it. The film, while not overly long, also does a decent job of spreading time out between each murder so you can have the characters all show up again as you try to guess who is guilty. Tension is always crucial in these kinds of films so you want them to have time to run around and try to figure things out.

Overall, This film simply couldn’t stay classy. Lawrie single handily destroyed the film so blame him on its low score. If you can get past him then maybe you’ll enjoy this film, but I recommend checking out another classic murder mystery like And Then There Were None instead. Even if this film was all right, there are simply better options to choose from in the same genre so there is no point for you to be desperate enough to choose this one. The title is also just super misleading. I guess some films want to be “cool” by making the term monster rather figurative like in the new Cloverfield film, but it just doesn’t work for me. If you mention the word monster, then I’m going to be expecting something a little more epic. Also, the final scuffle should have not been so close, the heroes simply got sloppy. Finally, there was no real reason for the skeletons to bleed. That seemed to only be around so the characters could have clues to run with. There’s no logical reason for that to happen…it’s like the film just needed an excuse for it to occur so the film would have a gimmick. The problem is that the supernatural angle never transforms from a gimmick into something meaningful.

Overall 1/10

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman Review

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It’s time for a retro film that is actually quite well known. I’ve certainly heard of this one over the years as it has become quite the meme. It was certainly a novel idea at the time, but unfortunately, the execution simply isn’t on point. While it’s supposed to be a very fun popcorn film that you just enjoy and laugh with…it wasn’t that fun. Whenever I talk to someone about this film, I get the classic response that the film is a blast, but I just didn’t get that vibe. Maybe I need to get used to retro humor a little more.

It has been a rough year for Nancy. Her husband finally came back to her as he wanted to get rich quick, but he still openly cheats on her. Nancy doesn’t know what to do about this since she should clearly just make him leave again, but she can’t get past her emotions. In the meantime, Harry keeps insulting her butler and bribing the cops. Harry plans to get her back into an asylum, but he’s not sure how to quickly accomplish this. His worries come to an end when Nancy claims that she saw an alien ship. Harry makes sure to insult and belittle her as much as possible while also slightly encouraging her at times to turn her emotions to jelly before breaking her mind. Nancy is at her breaking point when the alien shows up again and defeats her. Harry runs away and tries to cover this all up, but Nancy turns up the next day. She is unconscious and doesn’t know what happened. Harry is the main suspect so he quickly tries to destroy her, but this plan doesn’t work either. His only chance is to leave town, but can he outrun a 50 foot giant?

I realize that I just said pretty much the whole plot, but it’s hard not too. The whole point of this film is that Nancy turns into a 50 foot giant, but this doesn’t happen until the very end of the film. It’s not a spoiler since it is in the title and promotion so my plot summary has to make it at least that far. There’s just not much more to guess by that point. You’ll probably know the rest of the ending.

All right, lets talk about why I did not like the movie. For starters…it is not fun. I have to address this right off the bat. Nancy is in a very sad predicament and the fact that she is being completely used the whole time and does nothing about it makes the whole film rather sad and underwhelming instead of fun and up beat. Nancy realizes that Harry just wants her money and is being a terrible guy the whole time. She mentions as much, but the problem is that she suffers from quite a few mood swings, which virtually make her forget about these incidents as soon as they happen. Harry tries to sabotage her at every turn and she is not able to do anything about it. If she was a better main lead, then the film could have been more fun. If she was trying to humiliate Harry and take him down for the count, it would have been a lot more even. I would have been able to get behind that. As it is, the whole thing is simply too one sided.

Nancy doesn’t even get to have her revenge since as soon as she turns giant, the power of electricity shows up. It’s just not really a fun resolution so I just don’t see where the fun factor comes in. I suppose that the film is certainly campy, but at the same time, the main plot is seriously sad. That sort of negates the whatever humor the film was going for. Harry’s just such a bad antagonist. Since Nancy won’t fight back, it is just annoying to see him show up.

The butler was a nice character, but it’s a shame that he wasn’t able to beat Harry. I’ll give him some props for actually trying and not just backing off as soon as he showed up. Calling the cops was the right move though so it was good to see the police respond in time. Charlie was a rather suspect deputy as he got bribed by Harry for a while, but at least he stood up to him when the going got tough. Harry’s not bad, but he certainly goofs off a little too much. If I was the sheriff, I’d be looking for a replacement as soon as possible. After all, the sheriff was at the top of his game right from the start. Nancy nearly ran him over, but the guy had good reaction times.

Honey was the other villain who helped advise Harry on how to put Nancy in a bad spot. She was always ready to go the extra mile as she recommended permanent solutions to their predicament. Of course, the joke is also on Harry as the film heavily implies that she doesn’t mind cheating on him either. She’s also just in it for the money so the cycle continues and continues. In the end, they will all likely get a bad ending as a result.

The main highlight of the film is probably the fact that aliens show up. The alien in question doesn’t have the greatest design and he’s just a super large guy, but I’ll take it. Adding aliens always makes for a whole new dynamic in the film. I would have liked to have seen him do more or show up at the end to gloat, but I suppose the mystery is part of his charm. Maybe he’d show up more if the film had gotten a proper sequel. I can’t say that the premise has much potential when it comes to a modern film remaking this, but it could be good if handled right. Lets face it, Nancy would be changed quite a lot for a modern film and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t see her being quite so indecisive in a remake and Harry probably wouldn’t get the first and last laughs. It’s debatable if he got the last laugh here, but he certainly got to have a lot more fun than Nancy so it wasn’t much of a win.

Overall, The film just wasn’t that fun. I suppose you are not supposed to take the main plot all that seriously, but I personally just found it tragic which hurt everything else as a result. Watching Harry just mooch off of Nancy’s riches the whole time was terrible and she never did a thing about it. It’s the kind of plot that you would only see in an older film and it’s one that I certainly don’t miss from the modern times. Nancy didn’t even get to turn giant for very long so you’ll be waiting a while for the actual title to come into play and then the payoff is very small. This film just didn’t work for me and I certainly don’t recommend it. I’m not saying that it’s terrible, or at least not as terrible as some of the other films that I’ve reviewed lately. I would say that it is a bad one though and I’d recommend checking out Godzilla instead.

Overall 2/10

Carnival of Souls Review

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It’s time to look at an old film that wasn’t very good. If you’re not surprised…then that’s fine. While the film tries to be incredibly deep with all of its odd visuals and strangeness lurking about, it ultimately loses its sense of direction. The ending is terrible and you are left wondering how you could have guessed the final twist within the first 10 minutes. Why….whyyyyyyyy!

It was an ordinary day in town at first. Mary and her friends were driving along when they got challenged to a race. They accepted, but it turns out to be their final mistake as the group plunged into the ocean and everyone died. The police eventually got to the scene of the crime, but it was all lost to the waters. Everything was lost…except for Mary. She shows up out of nowhere, but doesn’t have much of a recollection on what has transpired. Thinking that she is in shock, everyone gives her some space. She moves away to a distant town to become the organ player for a Church. She openly admits to anyone who will listen that she doesn’t actually believe in God though. She rents a room at a quiet little motel. That’s when things start to get crazy.

Mary begins to see a strange man following her. Just like a ghost, he’ll vanish and reappear at will. Mary is also beginning to lose her connection with the real world as she’ll be stuck in a dead zone. When she is in the dead zone, nobody can hear or see her. She is able to move around regardless and when the time is up, she’ll have essentially teleported as far as the civilians are concerned. The problem is that the dead zones grow longer and longer. Eventually, she may not have a way back. Finally, the only other person at her motel seems to be a very shady individual and someone that she can’t trust. Will Mary be all right?

This film has a lot of problems. One of them is certainly the fact that the main character is not likable in the slightest. She has gone through a tough time so it makes sense that she is rather off, but I simply didn’t care for how she handled the situation at all. She was rather rude to everyone and would act tough only to break down time and time again. Mary could not make up her mind at all and had so many sudden panic attacks that they got old really fast. A better lead could have gone a long way.

Another thing that held it all back was the motel roommate. He had no purpose in the film other then to cause a lot of tension. He constantly tries to get in Mary’s room and flirts with her to no end until she finally relents. The film portrays him as a bad guy the whole time and while nothing really comes of it thanks to her supernatural panics, it’s just pretty wince worthy the whole time. Cutting him out of the film would have certainly been great since he did nothing but bog it all down.

The ending is also another sour spot. Skip this paragraph if you don’t want spoilers. Have you left yet? All right, here we go! Mary was dead all along. Yeah, the film wasn’t very subtle about this so you could tell right from the get go. I was just hoping that the film wouldn’t go that route. It does me one better though as we find out that Mary simply needs to accept her death and lose the will to live. She tries to defy this fate by clinging to her life and disrupting the natural balance of things, but ultimately she is forced to choose death. She is attacked by a gang of ghosts and is completely defeated. It’s such a truly terrible ending that you’ll be left in mild shock. The whole journey was all for naught. Mary never had a chance and the moral of the story is actually that she needs to accept her death? That’s just horrible.

Ugh, what positives are there? Well, I liked the psychiatrist. He did a good job of helping Mary remember that this is all happening in her head. She has to defy the visions and stay strong. It’s easy to say, but hard to do and Mary never had the strongest resolve in the first place. When you also consider the fact that her life is in constant danger, the only possible conclusion is that she needs to watch her back. If she had one other person who could see these apparitions, that would have certainly helped. I liked the old lady who owned the motel as well. She was pretty reasonable and did her best to make the stay comfortable for Mary. My only gripe is that she had no idea that she rented the other room to a rather suspect fellow. Mary should have let her know from the start that this had happened. Man, that roommate really hurt the film. Every time I remember him, it just gets worse and worse.

The Church goers were all right. I think the Pastor overreacted by yelling at Mary so much for playing a tune when Church was over. Apparently it was sacrilege or something so he kicked her out. He tried to sound a little regretful afterwards, but it wasn’t very helpful by that point. Mary didn’t really do much to defend herself as she was a pretty bad character as well, but I do think that the pastor could have done a much better job on his own.

The film did do a decent job of getting the Twilight Zone vibe in though. With the zombies randomly showing up everywhere and the deserted fun house nearby, it was a perfect setup for these spooky situations. I think the film could have had a lot of potential had it just stuck to this and not wasted time in adding the motel roommate. I’m probably starting to repeat myself on that, but it’s just so crucial. This film probably still would not have been good anyway as I still think that the ending was terrible and Mary is unlikable, but it would have still helped quite a bit.

Overall, I definitely do not recommend the Carnival of Souls. While the eerie tone does work pretty well, the rest of the film simply isn’t able to stand up to it. Mary may have been disrupting reality itself, but she should have just taken that in stride and ignored the spirits running around. The dead should just worry about themselves. It would have been cool if Mary could fight and had tried to attack the wraiths. Ah well, that’s something that usually doesn’t happen in these kinds of films so I’d need to wait for a parody of sorts. If you want a spooky film that keeps it real, check out a classic Abbott and Costello film.

Overall 1/10

The Black Castle Review

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It’s time for another old film so I’m sure you know what that means right? This one’s another stinker, but at least it doesn’t even try to be all that good so that’s a start. The film is fairly short and so it doesn’t really drag on, but at the same time, you wonder when the characters will stop making bad decisions. They walk into one trap after another and don’t really think anything through. At the very least, they remind you that rich parties typically aren’t that fun. All you do is get drunk and run around a lot.

Two of Ronald’s friends were mysteriously murdered a while back. Ronald suspects that the Baron (Bruno) assassinated them because his group had exposed Bruno’s mortality to a tribe which ran him out. Ronald wants to prove that Bruno did this so he decides to pay the guy a visit. Bruno never met Ronald in person so Ronald still has the element of surprise. He makes it to the castle under a false guise just in time for a large party that is being held. The situation gets a little more complicated when Ronald finds out that Bruno’s wife is also in a sticky situation so he has to try and save her, but that may tip Bruno off. Can Ronald’s sword skills save the day?

At the very least, I can safely say that Ronald talks a good game. He berates his opponents and likes to keep up the fake formalities. The villains know that they tried to destroy Ronald and he knows it as well, but he pretends not too. He still goes to enjoy their hospitality and Bruno tries to destroy him a few more times until Ronald finally puts an end to that. I can’t say that he’s a very likable main character though. For starters, he does nothing to help the Black Panther since it would put his own life at risk. He also can’t control himself and flirts with Bruno’s wife quite a lot. Naturally, Bruno and Elga don’t get along at all and the marriage was an arranged one, but it should still be kept in mind that at the moment she is married. Ronald still leaves anyway, but is convinced to return to the villain base. Will this end badly for him? Yes…yes it will.

See, let us keep in mind the fact that Ronald knows this is a trap. He knows that everyone is out to destroy him yet Ronald quickly runs forward into the cage without looking behind him. This quickly gets him locked up and beaten up several times. Even after he crosses the trail of Crocodiles, the villains just calmly walk around and one shot him again. It definitely wasn’t Ronald’s day. Despite the bold words, it is actually Bruno who gets the most laughs the whole time. He is in control and reminds Ronald of this at every turn. Even taunting him when Ronald tried to be defiant in walking towards the secret door. It didn’t work of course as this activated a trap, but Ronald tried…

Bruno’s certainly not a likable villain though. He likes committing animal violence and is a womanizer. There’s no redeemable qualities to find in him even if the film tries to show that he can be a decent competitor. It’s really all just an act and he probably bumps off anyone who beats him at an event. It’s just the kind of guy that he is. I can’t say that I cared for Elga much either. There’s nothing that she can really do in her situation, but I would have liked to have seen her try a little more. Even just sneaking out of the house when Ronald first left could have worked. Then she also does a good job of nearly spilling the beans a few times when she is interrogated.

If you’re a supporting character in this film, then you’re probably doomed. Ronald’s best friend tries to hold off an army with a chair. It’s not a bad plan, but then he breaks it on the first guy who approaches so that’s that. There was also a crooked doctor who had some fairly convenient medicine in his pocket, but he made the mistake of using it and then going back to the main villains. They somehow didn’t pick up the clues immediately, but it was only a matter of time. Not to mention the fact that he pulls this off more than once so anyone could figure it out at that point. He still didn’t seem to suspect the shot in the back though.

Either way, this film was doomed right away. Even if you take away the unlikable characters, you’ve still got the animal violence. It seems to be a trait that a lot of these retro villains share. They like to beat on the weak to make themselves feel strong. Real villains don’t need to bother about such lesser things. Seeing the Black Panther starved and then shot was the film’s way of reminding me that it was terrible. I quickly agreed and here we are.

I also found the situation to be a little too unbelievable. So, the government can’t intervene because there is no proof. I can understand that, but Ronald is apparently one of their great war heroes. Shouldn’t they at least send a few guards along with him? It sounds like everyone knows that Bruno is evil and leading a tribe is rather nebulous. He is also forcing everyone in the city to pay him taxes so the guy is an official dictator. Ronald’s allies could have helped him liberate the city, I don’t think Bruno’s clout should have been enough to completely deter them all. Bruno gets too much hype in general. His first big scene is him watching someone get painful medicine and then nullifying a lot of it by injuring the guy’s wound. It’s supposed to be hardcore, but instead it is painful to watch, just like most of the movie.

The Black Castle simply isn’t any fun. It’s a very mean spirited movie that leaves only a bleak outcome for everyone. The fate of the heroes would have been quite sad as well since they were completely paralyzed and nearly got buried alive. If you’re looking for any happy scenes here, then you’re not going to get much at all. The main romance is hard to get behind and the party is basically filled with rather soulless people who don’t seem to care about anything. I guess they all want to be on Bruno’s good side, but that just shows how desperate they are.

Overall, The Black Castle is one of those films where you’ll end up shaking your head quite a lot. What was the point of this movie? Who knows! Why should I be interested in the plot? Nobody knows! Is the ending supposed to be happy because the two main leads can be together now or is it sad because everyone else died? I think it’s supposed to be happy because Ronald seemed to get over the side characters quite quickly. He was also super sloppy and one of the villains found out about him almost immediately because of it. He got lucky with the fact that another villain decided to quickly dust off his license to kill. This is definitely not a film that you will want to check out and I’d recommend going to Burger King and ordering 5 whoppers instead of checking out this film again. It may be a little more pricey, but at least it’ll keep your attention.

Overall 1/10

Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown Review

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It’s time for another one of the Peanut films. This one introduces the bullies into the equation so the stakes are a lot higher than usual for Charlie and the gang. Unfortunately, they are what bring the special down quite a bit. It just doesn’t mesh well with the usual gimmicks like Charlie always losing because losing to a bully is a lot worse than just losing to yourself. It was fun seeing the gang in a new environment though and a change in scenery was definitely a smart move.

So, Charlie and friends head on over to camp to have a good time. Unfortunately, the other kids are all really mean so Charlie must stop them in the big events. He gets the help of the other kids, but it all comes down to the final water race anyway. With no supervision and a multiple day’s journey, it will be tough to stop the bullies. Charlie Brown will have to come up with an idea fast or face total and utter defeat. Ah well, nothing that he is not used to at this point.

Unfortunately, most of Charlie’s friends aren’t all that tough. Linus is the only one who would stand up to the bullies at all. It was definitely nice to see him chase them off with his blanket whip a few times, but the rest of the friends were just annoying. It’s fine when they’re messing with each other since they’re all friends, but it’s not quite as fun when it is t he bullies intimidating them. Charlie Brown and the others just aren’t brave enough for this kind of situation and they aren’t even athletic enough to do much in the competitions. True, the kids were cheating, but the heroes had about 3 days to win anyway while on the raft. Considering that they were up against the bullies, they shouldn’t have left their raft unsupervised either. It was just not a smart move on their part.

The best scene was definitely the climax when Snoopy got involved though. One thing that I miss about the 80’s, 90’s and earlier is that the heroes used to set the villain up for the punch. He/She would lift the chin up with one arm and then punch with the other. It made for a really clean hit with a lot of power behind it. Snoopy needed his revenge since he hadn’t done so well early on and the final punch was definitely epic. There is another gimmick that doesn’t work too well for me to be honest. Snoopy is always very scared at the beginning and only gets brave towards the end. I’d like to see Snoopy clean shop right from the start.

The animation and soundtrack are fairly standard for a Charlie Brown movie. If you like the animation of the others, then you’ll like this one as well. It certainly has a very retro vibe to it and works well enough for this style. I’d like to see a Charlie Brown special done by the animators of One Punch Man someday, but that probably won’t happen anytime soon. Ah well, it’s a fun idea to think about though, it’s got a lot of potential.

The main subplot here involves Peppermint Patty as she tries to get her group to stay democratic the whole time. This naturally gets a little dicey, but Patty has the overriding vote if need be so the rigged system can work to her advantage. It’s a cool subplot to have and I’m always up for adding some political elements to the movie. Patty’s group is forced to swallow their pride and have some of Charlie Brown’s food once things get desperate. Trust me, things are desperate when you have to go to Charlie Brown for help.

Charlie does a pretty good job here for the most part. He helps the team out a lot in the race and doesn’t panic too much when Snoopy is at the wheel. Charlie doesn’t take it very well either, but at least he was willing to get back on the motorcycle the second time. He may never get to win in the end or have a super happy ending, but at least he keeps his friends from being in last. The Peanut specials definitely aren’t the same without good ole Charlie.

Overall, This is still one of the weaker Charlie Brown movies, but it’s not bad. I’d just like to see the cast get a nice confidence boost so they can hold their own a little better. This film went a little overboard since the bullies could get away with excessive cheating the entire time and there was a lot of plot hax as well. They should have won since they had almost a full day’s lead at some point. I guess you could make the case that everyone was going the wrong way for a while though so nobody would really get any farther. Doesn’t make too much sense, but then again, the race doesn’t make a lot of sense if you think about it. This is the final Charlie Brown special that I’ve seen so far so it could be a while before the next one. I look forward to seeing what the gang has in store for me at that point.

Overall 5/10

Calling Dr. Death Review

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This review has been on the blog back burner for a very long time so it’s good to finally get it out. It’s a retro murder mystery with hypnosis in it. The latter isn’t all that common so it gives a pretty original hook to the plot. I don’t really buy into hypnosis myself as every time I’ve experienced it in real life, it’s been a fraud. Naturally, as this is a film, it is exaggerated as well. Still, it’s a fun concept and if it was real, it would certainly be a very dangerous tool.

Mark is a pretty well known neurologist. He has done a good job of helping people over the years, but unfortunately his private life is a bit of a mess. His wife has been openly cheating on him and Mark can’t go for a divorce without her consent. As he drowns in his sorrows, Mark wakes up one morning to find that the cops have arrived. They tell him that his wife has been murdered and Mark is the main suspect. Mark doesn’t remember murdering her, but he can’t really remember anything. The only chance is if he hypnotizes himself, but what if the murderer is closer than he thinks?

It’s safe to say that this film would have probably lost some points if Mark had actually destroyed his wife. A good murder mystery should never revert to having the main lead actually turn out to be evil. On the other hand, there aren’t a whole lot of suspects here so you have to try and make your guess right away. The wife isn’t a suspect even if she was a very unlikable character. There’s the rebound guy I suppose. Bob is another unlikable character and like Maria, he is married as well. I guess both of them wanted to cheat so they just met up together. Apparently it seems like Bob was doing it for the money or something. There were some twists about that, but it didn’t really matter much and I didn’t care for the subplot.

If we can count him as a suspect, there’s also Officer Gregg. He’s a detective who comes over to Mark with this revelation. I may as well say that he is the best character in the film by the way. He has a pretty good idea of what’s going on and at the very end of the film, he admits that he knew who the guilty party was the entire time. He had basically just been playing the entire cast like a fiddle because he knew that he could. He needed the hard evidence and this was the best way. Gregg just stole the show as far as I’m concerned.

We’ve also got Mark’s secretary, Stella. I can’t say that I was a fan of Stella either. Granted, Mark wanted to get a divorce from Maria, but he didn’t yet and it felt like these two were trying to make a connection anyway. Stella was pretty quick to lie to the cops in order to protect Mark so that’s a good thing I suppose. This does give her a motive for taking out Maria, but is it a red herring?

As for Mark, I can’t say that he’s a great character either. He didn’t handle the whole situation all that well at all and if his memory were better, everything could have been a little different. He wasn’t a terrible lead or anything like that and did ultimately make the right decision in not letting someone get the death penalty for a murder that wasn’t his. I don’t like the guy, but he at least had some decency.

Now, it probably sounds like this film is pretty bad based on the cast. Gregg’s the only character that I liked after all, but granted..this film had a very small cast so maybe that’s understandable. I’d still say that this film was decently good. It was an interesting film first and foremost. It was easy to stay interested in the plot and it never dragged on for a very long time or anything like that. The hypnosis angle didn’t happen for too long so it didn’t get boring and it was a decent way of looking at flashbacks. Hearing the main character talking in a bored voice was a little boring, but the scene wasn’t all that long either.

Overall, Calling Dr. Death is a fairly short film that is straight to the point. The cast is very small so there aren’t a lot of guys running around and as a result, there’s not a whole lot to say about it in the end. It doesn’t go for cheap shock value or anything like that. The way that the wife died was a little violent, but it’s never shown or anything so it’s not as bad as it could be. I’d recommend this to people that like a slow burner mystery thriller. It’s not going to be as high octane and nonstop excitement as a modern thriller like Taken, but it works pretty well within the budget that it had. At the very least, it’s still fairly memorable so the film did something right. Just be on the lookout for Gregg, you’ll see why he completely outshines the rest of the cast. It’s also another cautionary tale for people who are rich and don’t suspect a thing as they marry someone super quickly. As in this film, sometimes the person is just after the money.

Overall 6/10

Digimon Adventure Tri: Reunion Review

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After quite a few years, Digimon has returned to the big screen. It’s been fun watching all of the seasons and getting caught up with the franchise. I still have to finish Fusion at some point, but beyond that I have seen all of the shows and most of the movies. Tri beings the main cast back to the mix for a new adventure. I’d say that Part 1 is mostly used as a nostalgia trip ala Battle of Gods and to set the stage for the bigger fights yet to come. If Resurrection F is any indication, Digimon’s also going to ramp up the intensity of the series goes on. That being said, it already has a more serious tone and actual stakes compared to DBZ. (Thanks Beerus…) The film is very strong and only has 1 real flaw which I shall get into.

It’s been a few years since the DigiDestined saved the galaxy. They let the Season 2 cast handle the fights at this point and go about their everyday lives. Even if they wanted to help out, they are no longer able to use their Digivices and have no way of reaching the Digital World. The gang have all started to lead their own lives so even though most of them attend the same school, they don’t get to chat much except to exchange pleasantries. That changes when a Kuwagamon attacks the city and the government quickly shows up along with everyone’s Digi partners. The team beats back the threat, but it seems to only be the beginning of a larger threat. Can the team shake off the rust to defend the planet or will they have to call it a day and try to locate Davis?

It’s always good to start a film off with some kind of excitement. Build up is great and all, but you need a preview of something intense. Tekken Blood Vengeance started off with a quick motorcycle chase/fight scene and Yugioh 3D started off with Jaden defending the country from monsters. Tri doesn’t start off quite as intense, but we do get quick flashes of what is happening in the Digital World with the 02 cast, which was cool to see. I’m glad that it was thrown in there as it helps to set the stage from the get go. I’m mildly skeptical on the team getting wrecked so easily, but at the same time…they never were as strong as the 01 cast!

The animation is pretty solid and definitely a lot better than I had been expecting. While it’s not quite as colorful as the original show, I do think that the animators put a much better effort into the fight scenes and character designs this time around. (Compared with the previous Digimon movies) The energy attacks all look great and we do get a nice extended fight scene between Alphamon and the DigiDestined. I should add that this scene was also my favorite moment in the film. I love seeing a villain take on an entire group and while the difference in strength was considerable, it’s not like everyone was fainting from a single tap. They still put up a good fight. The battle of Super Megas didn’t really get to happen much, but that will likely happen in the future. I wasn’t really expecting Alphamon to do much in this film anyway so I was pleasantly surprised to see him get in on the action so soon.

As for the soundtrack, it was solid as well. I was never crazy about the Japanese version of the Evolution theme, but thanks to the movie transitioning it into an insert song, I liked it more this time around. Alphamon’s theme for when he takes on the heroes was also very well done and was easily the most Epic theme in the film. I’m hoping that it can return for the sequels. Tri also remixed the original opening to Digimon by adding electronic elements and more of a rap feel to it. I liked the actual beet and it’s a theme that should help pump you up a bit. It probably would have been better without the lyrics though. It has a bit of a mysterious feel to it so the 02 clips meshed well.

The writing is good and the film is already adding a lot of plot lines that will be investigated more in the future. One example of this is the government. I’m glad that they are playing more of a role here because there is no way that they shouldn’t be aware of Digimon by now. The events of the first two seasons should have certainly sent in some warning bells and luckily we find out that the Government has known about all of this for quite some time now. They were fairly well prepared as well even if they should probably not be so secretive. None of them appear to have any Digimon yet either so in a fight all they can do is talk a good game. I look forward to seeing them appear more in the future.

Lets talk about the heroes now. Izzy’s usually my least favorite member so we’ll start with him. He’s still not really my kind of character, but at least he’s dependable. He tries to help Sora out with a problem even when he’s fairly busy and Izzy always makes time to help the gang out even when others (Joe) put other matters ahead of saving the world. He builds the gadgets that help the team out quite a lot here so he’s already contributed a lot. He just needs to grab a Mega Digimon and he’ll be set to help out in the fights a little more.

Mimi’s easily the most outgoing character here as she has grown even more vocal than in the TV show days. While she may be a little too oblivious to the fights and villains running around, at least she keeps the team from taking themselves too seriously. I could do without all of the teasing that she directs at Izzy, but beyond that she’s a good character. It’ll be good to have her back in the city with the others so she won’t have to keep catching planes to make it in time for the fight scenes.

Joe is back to the school mission and that’s where things start to get a little hazy. If he misses the test, then his future plans may not go too smoothly, but if he doesn’t help the others in the fights then his friends could die. Clearly Joe should make the latter call, but unfortunately he has a very tough time deciding. It’s not as if he is a power hitter or anything like that, but he should definitely let school take a back seat now. He hasn’t let it get toooooo far yet, but he’s quickly heading in that direction.

TK looks very good here and is definitely one of the more likable members. He’s the only person who was able to attend one of the events (Although Sora would have probably, possibly made it) and he helped Matt out a lot the entire time. His new design works pretty well and it’s still cool to see that he and Kari still have the new Digivices that are a little more high tech. Since he has some of the closest ties to the season 2 cast, I expect him to get a bigger role as the series goes on.

Kari also looks good here and she has a solid new design as well. The roles have definitely reversed with her and Tai now as she has to look after him since he tends to forget his lunch of panic a lot. Hopefully she is able to help him realize how far he has fallen over the years. I also have to say that her friends seem to have Birthday parties quite a lot, but Kari is probably popular in school. Unlike the other DigiDestined, she always seemed to have a lot of friends. Since she has a better 6th sense than the other members, she’ll probably be really useful soon as well.

Sora’s role is pretty minimal compared to some of the other characters here. She tries to be a peacemaker between Tai and Matt, but that’s always a very hard thing to do. Helping the new character get adjusted to the tough world of Digimon is also tricky. Mainly, Sora just needs a good action scene and the rest will fall into place. She’s definitely a solid character though and I’d say that she’s better than Mimi, Izzy, and Joe.

Finally, we’re at the two main characters. Let us start with Matt. He’s easily the best character in the film and he’s eager to fight. Matt does get a little exaggerated in the film like trying to punch out two guys who were talking bad about Digimon, but it’s always good to defend your friends. At least he’s a guy who will stand by you. From the start, Matt decided that the DigiDestined should proactively try to find the new villain organization and put a stop to them and he doesn’t hesitate to jump into the fray either. Tai would have died twice if not for Matt’s quick action. I liked him a lot in the show as well, but I believe that Tai ultimately won the battle there. In this film, it’s not even close. Matt definitely cares a lot about helping out and doing the right thing, even if he keeps up the tough exterior.

As for Tai…well, he’s the worst character in the film. The change happens very suddenly as well so it’s rather odd. He’s thrilled to see Agumon and is eager to fight off the Kuwagamon. Unfortunately, Agumon greatly overestimated his abilities and got wrecked. Mix that in with the collateral damage and Tai decides that fighting evil in order to protect the innocent is not a good thing to do. It’s better to just let the villains run wild and leave it all to the cops. Needless to say, this is a pretty terrible attitude to have and you’ll wonder if this is the same self-less leader from the TV show. It gets very extreme as he even refuses to help a teenage girl when she is being attacked by Alphamon. If Matt hadn’t stepped in, she would have been vaporized. It was impossible for Tai to come back from that and all of his arguments with Matt are his fault. Matt was in the right every time and his demands weren’t even that harsh. He just wanted to fight the villains to minimize damage to the city, but Tai refused to fight even when the villains were around. That’s pretty sad and I’m hoping that Tai will get past this, but it looks like that could take a while.

Meanwhile, Meiko is the newcomer to the group. She’s super timid and has a hard time fitting in with the rest of the group. She’ll likely get better at it as time goes on..before regressing in part 3. It was cool to recognize the voice actress from the Madoka series and I admit that it is the main reason why she is okay so far. Otherwise, she’s certainly not my kind of character and her Digimon needs to be a little stronger if it wants to hold its own here. Not to mention the fact that it definitely seemed to be avoiding her so she should try to get to the bottom of this.

Alphamon made for a great villain. He doesn’t talk, but the design is really sharp and he certainly has a lot of power to back up his plans. He ran away awful quickly, but maybe part of his plan is to keep chipping away at Tai’s confidence. If so, then it’s a really well thought out plan. He’s automatically the best Digimon villain from the 01 line although if we count 02, then it gets tricky. Black War Greymon and SkullSatamon (Close enough) are still so awesome. I’m glad that Alphamon is the main villain so far and the proper rematch between him and Omnimon will be pretty hype.

I also like Kuwagamon so it was fun to see him get involved. He got a nice power up thanks to the virus and was able to hold his own and defeat the DigiDestined champions. In a 1 on 1 match, he proved to be too powerful for any one of them to handle. Granted, they could have used their Ultimates to defeat him, but plot hax and writer logic couldn’t have that. I imagine that they will be back to using Ultimates at will in Part 2 to handle the next threat. Kuwagamon probably won’t be back, but it was great to see him modernized. Even the design felt a little more humanoid this time around.

As a minor thing, I found it odd that Tai wasn’t wearing the goggles so he could locate the incoming threats even though that was the whole point of them. He only put it on by chance because Matt asked him about it and that’s when he saw the monsters. Yeah, Tai was really slipping this time around. I also think Tai and friends should have gone off in search of the 02 cast right away since the threat was so big. Based on the Part 3 preview, they took a long while to begin searching for them. Maybe they just didn’t think of it since the whole thing was so sudden, but you can use all the help that you can get in a situation like this. Especially with Mega Digimon involved, collateral damage is going to happen regardless, but having a lot of allies will help with that.

I got to see this English dubbed version in the theaters thanks to the limited time release. The intriguing part was that after the movie, they showed a full recap of Part 2 to spoil the whole thing and then the first 8-10 minutes of Part 3. Based on Part 3, Izzy’s character is going to go down the drain, but hopefully Tai’s will go up to counter that. What happens in Part 2 is easy to guess anyway, but hopefully there are still a few unexpected wrinkles in there that the recap wouldn’t bother to mention. I suppose I can probably forget about seeing a cool Alphamon fight in that one though. I’m expecting Part 1 to beat Part 2, but Part 3 could possibly match it depending on how far along the plot we are at by then. You can tell that quite a lot of things have yet to happen or be explained so the series has potential to do just about anything it wants at this point. The sky’s the limit.
7-01_Alphamon
Overall, My only real gripe with Tri was the fact that they completely butchered Tai’s character. He’s nothing like the the character that I liked in the show and seeing him fall to this level is pretty sad. I can only hope that he will get better as soon as possible. I definitely recommend this film to all Digimon fans and to anyone that likes a good action film. We only get 2 real fight scenes this time, but they’re both at a good length and the rest of the film works on building up the stage for what will happen soon. We finally also get to see this franchise’s take on how the universe was created along with the Digital World. The lore can finally be complete on the wiki. The film goes by in the blink of an eye and the pacing never really slows. IT definitely has a lot of replay value and I can safely say that Tri does a great job of bringing the old gang back. It may be a while before I see Part 2, but I’ll be eagerly awaiting what Tri has in store.

Overall 8/10

She-Wolf of London Review

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This She-Wolf film may not have a whole lot to do with the original, but that’s the fate of some unfortunate spinoffs. While this film may not be all that bad, it doesn’t do a lot of good things either. It moves by at a rather slow pace to try and build up suspense, but forgets to have an actual climax anyway. You will also have to suspend some disbelief by the end considering who the culprit here is. At the very least, this film shows that sometimes you shouldn’t overthink everything as if you were in a thriller film. Sometimes, the answer is right in front of you.

Phyllis is sort of the main character here. She is almost ready to be married to Barry, but something comes up. She believes that at night, she turns into a Werewolf and destroys people. She wakes up to find blood on her clothes, wolf hair, and stuff like that. Her aunt and her cousin try to help her get through this to an extent, but it’s not very effective. The aunt clearly doesn’t like Barry and tries to dismiss him every time while the cousin talks a little, but doesn’t do much during the film. If Barry wants some answers, then he’s going to have to break into the house and find them. The question is…can he fend off a werewolf?

Okay guys, it’s spoiler time. If you don’t want the twist to be ruined, then simply skip this paragraph. Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you really ready? Here we go…there is no Wolf in the film. The fact of the matter is, Aunt Martha is the culprit here. “Why did you say that name!!! XD” I know that this may come as a shock to you, but it is true. Martha is actually the villain here. See, she doesn’t like Barry to she decides to trick Phyllis into going insane and thinking that she is a murderer by murdering a bunch of people and setting it up so that Phyllis would look guilty. The logistics of this are a little dicey though. For starters, Phyllis must be an incredibly deep sleeper to not notice the Aunt doing all of this to her room every night. Beyond that, how does everyone get murdered by her so easily? True, she has a butter knife, but she is very old and a detective should still be able to react fast enough to stop her. At least, I’d hope that he could. She also just makes for a very boring villain. I suspect that you are watching a creature feature film to check out the monster right? The more twists we get with a fake monster in the climax, the more that the creature feature genre dies a little inside.

None of the characters are particularly likable either. Phyllis is rather weak willed and falls for every trap a little too easily. She should have probably explained the situation to Barry if she really trusted him. Together, the two of them could have done a decent job at solving this case. Instead, she tries to push him away and sulks by herself. It makes the situation a lot more complicated. Barry? He basically has no character and just shows up to let Phyllis tell him to go away. He usually listens and runs out of there only to return later and try again. The supporting characters really weren’t a whole lot of help here, but then again….who thought that they would be?

The film isn’t particularly violent or anything, but just to try and add a certain level of darkness to the background, it turns out that a kid was murdered by the old lady. Was this necessary? No. Did it help the plot? No. Did it help remind me that this is more of a B film at heart? Yes. The She-Wolf of London will just keep on reminding you that it could have been a whole lot better. I can’t picture it ever being terrific of course, but it could have been more exciting, starting with actually having a monster.

I did like the Guard Dogs though. They barked a good game and kept everyone on their toes. The other dogs around the neighborhood were also fun. I can’t remember if any died or not so I will assume that they all lived. If one did die, feel free to remove another star from this review. One of the main problems with the film is simply that the plot never really goes there. In the end, it simply isn’t very interesting and that’s a problem. The film may not be all that long, but none of the characters are sympathetic and if we’re being honest here…nothing really happens.

Overall, The She-Wolf of London is a bit of a non film. By that, I mean that most of the film takes place as Phyllis’ house and most of the drama is all in her head. It plays out a little like a slice of life film and that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, but then it should play it straight or add some good characters. Otherwise, the film just gets a little muddled and the actual action/horror elements to the plot didn’t really do anything for me. I’d recommend taking a pass on this film. It certainly sat on the review back burner for a while and that’s partially because it just isn’t very interesting. Whether you are watching or reviewing it, there is simply not much to say. It’s just not a winner.

Overall 3/10

Twice Told Tales Review

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Remember that time when anthologies were going to be the next big thing? Well, I can’t remember that either so no prob. Anthologies really limit the amount of success that a film can have. Think of it this way, you may manage to actually get a good story in there, but then it probably would have been even more awesome if it was longer. Alternately, you may have a bad story in here that is dragging down the good ones. There are three stories here and as expected, the second one drags the other two down. It’s fairly painful and the first story is decent while the third one is on the weak side. Bring them all together and it doesn’t exactly make for explosive results.

Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment is the first story and my favorite of the three. Carl invites Alex to celebrate his birthday. They’ve been close friends for decades and Carl is very happy to have had such a loyal friend. One day, a lightning strike opens up the tomb where his late fiance has been resting. A mystical water has kept her body preserved for decades and it has the ability to restore youth to any who drink it. Carl and Alex quickly age back to their primes and also manage to bring Sylvia back to life. The problem? It turns out that Sylvia and Alex were cheating on Carl behind his back the entire time and they decide not to be subtle about it anymore. Carl decides that one of them has to die, but will everything go according to his plan?

The story does a pretty good job of leading into the climax. It is fairly interesting from the get go and for a little while, I was pleasantly surprised that these two friends…were still friends. I had been expecting some kind of betrayal and it began to look like this wouldn’t happen once they both got young again. Of course, this all blew up when the fiance was revived. I can’t say that I was too thrilled about this. A 60+ year friendship thrown away just like that? The segment was definitely at its best before Sylvia woke up. It’s amazing how quickly the entire tone of a film can change. It still made for an interesting watch.

Rappaccini’s Daughter is the second segment in the film and this is the weak one. There is a Beatrice is a girl who is stuck in the garden because her body is very poisonous. Any contact with another person will result in death for him/her while Beatrice will be okay. Rappaccini did this because his wife cheated on him so this was his way of ensuring that Beatrice would never do the same when she grew up. Now, she would have to only pick one person and then Rappaccini would poison that guy so the two of them could be together forever. The main guy in this film was Giovanni and he isn’t too thrilled at this. Nonetheless, he gives Rappaccini the benefit of the doubt and accepts a quick drink. It naturally had a sleeping drug in it so Giovanni wakes up to find that he has been poisoned. I don’t think he thought this through.

The main problem with the film is the fact that there is a lot of animal violence in this segment. To show off Beatrice’s poison abilities, she infects several animals and we have to watch them die. It’s rather unnecessary if you ask me, but Giovanni was very slow on the uptake so he didn’t buy into it until she showed him a few times. No matter the reason, animal violence is a great way to completely doom a segment. There was no escape at this point. The ending’s also pretty bad. Giovanni decides that he’d rather die than be forced to just be with Beatrice for the rest of his life so he destroys himself by drinking a vial of anti-poison. Beatrice decides to follow suit and destroys herself with the poison so then Rappaccini destroys himself with a plant. Talk about a super dark gritty ending eh? All three of these guys met a rather untimely demise in such a short amount of time. I suppose it was inspired by Romeo and Juliet, but it was still handled rather poorly.

Finally, the third story was called House of The Seven Gables. Gerald realizes that he is one step away from being incredibly rich. All he has to do in order to claim his riches is to find the legendary treasure that was left at his family’s mansion. All of the men before him have died due to a curse and he is the last male left in the family, but that doesn’t stop him. His wife, Alice, and his sister, Hannah, are also along for the ride whether they like it or not. When Alice starts to get possessed by a ghost and starts to cheat on Gerald with a neighbor by the name of Jonathan, tensions quickly rise. Will Gerald find the treasure or is the curse simply too much for him?

This segment certainly did have the best scene in the film. Watching Gerald walk up to the treasure chest to finally get rich was pretty suspenseful. Then watching the skeleton hand slowly float towards the guy and choke him was pretty rich. The scene maybe lasts a little too long as the hand wants to end the curse properly, but the shock value was handled rather well. If you learn anything in horror films, it’s that you never want to trip when something is out to get you. It rarely ends well.

The characters were a lot more annoying here than in the other specials though. Gerald is essentially a villain from the get go. Alice proves to be a very easy person who will fall for a guy in about 15 minutes. Even if they knew each other in a past life, that doesn’t help. You can’t even like Jonathan since he is encouraging Alice to cheat on her husband. The sister wasn’t bad, but she probably should have thought a little more before threatening and insulting the villain who is holding an axe. Just food for thought, but I guess it’s a little too late for a heads up eh?

I found it interesting that all three stories involved someone getting cheated on. You really can’t trust anyone in these stories now can you? I wonder if the writers were paranoid about that kind of thing or if it was a pure coincidence. Either way, it was definitely something worth noting. In the end, none of the three stories were particularly strong and this isn’t a horror film that will end up being one of your all time favorites or anything like that. Trust me when I say that it could have certainly been a lot worse though. Story 2 not withstanding, I’ve certainly seen worse horror films and even counting that one, there are lesser titles out there.

Overall, Twice Told Tales isn’t terrible. The first special is fairly passable and the third one isn’t too bad, but the second one dooms the film as a whole. That’s the problem with anthologies, there is always that one special that is ready to bring everything else down. At the very least, this does beat most of the horror films that I’ve seen over the years. That’s some slight bragging rights I’d say. I wouldn’t really recommend it though and if you want a proper scare, you should check out Dragon Ball Evolution.

Overall 3/10