Vision vs Spawn

Spawn has certainly been a very powerful comic book fighter through the years, but he’s met his match against Vision. The Vision has a good amount of super strength and he’s always been shown to be a powerful fighter. He may have even reached the next level in Marvel Now as his speed is finally being shown as well. I don’t think Spawn will be able to defeat Vision at this point, even with his divine powers. Nothing beats the classic 1-2 punch of speed and strength after all. Vision wins.

Spawn vs Bass

This is a tribute to Spawn! Spawn didn’t look so great as he couldn’t get a handle on his powers and he spent most of the film getting beaten up and knocked around. He can’t afford to be so careless against a foe of Bass’ level. Who are we kidding though…he couldn’t beat Bass anyway! Bass is simply too powerful and a single blow could defeat any foe who dares to get in his way. Bass wins.

Spawn Review

It’s time for a triple horror review on the blog. Not in one post of course, but I’ll be posting them consecutively as I get to work on the film backlog. The third film review isn’t technically horror, but it’s a tragedy, which shares many of the same qualities as a horror. Why not right? All right, back to Spawn! This is one of those films that had an incredible premise, an awesome poster, and yet you knew that it wouldn’t be a very good film. Probably not even a good one. Well, your fears were well founded as this title shows why it will always be known as one of the weaker superhero films.

Al worked as a hit man of sorts for a shady company. He took out threats to the country in secrecy. One day he finally realized just how much collateral damage he was dealing to the outside world during this chaos and decided to fight back. He told his boss that he would quit so the boss had his replacement shoot him with more holes than a chunk of Swiss Cheese. The joke was on the boss though as Al was sent back to Earth from Hell so that he could lead the demon’s army against Earth. No worries though, the demons will allow Al to get his vengeance first!

It’s hard to know where to start first for a film like this one so let’s just look at things from the demon’s point of view first. After all, his plan doesn’t make a great deal of sense. For starters, why did Al have to lose his memory of the deal that he made in Hell when he went back to Earth? If not for the clown, AKA, The Violator, he would not have known to lead the armies anyway. Al was incredibly mixed up for a great chunk of the film and it felt like the villains almost didn’t care. That was rather sloppy and if Al has retained his memories from the start, he may have stayed on the path of darkness. Their loss I suppose.

One of the big weaknesses of this film is the..crude humor! Trust me, that’s the last thing that you want to see in a super hero film that’s supposed to be really dark and gritty. A little crude humor doesn’t tend to phase me, but it was extremely over the top and very cringe worthy. The scene where the clown bites into a certain slice of pizza is really what did it for me and you really will feel like losing your lunch. If the film was trying to be original, it may have succeeded, but certainly not in a good way.

The clown is also an example of another poor character. All of his scenes are pretty bad and some of his lines are pretty terrible. His threats to Al may be pretty personal, but it just makes him a rather despicable villain, not a likable one. You will certainly be pulling for Spawn to take him down already. The Clown also isn’t an incredibly impressive fighter, it’s just that Spawn isn’t very strong here. He definitely has a lot of work to do if he wishes to master his abilities. I could have definitely preferred another sidekick to help Spawn instead of this guy.

Okay, let’s back up a bit and look at some of the film’s pros. Spawn is a pretty likable character. It’s good that he wanted to get out of the shady business and he ultimately decides to act in the name of justice over being an emissary from Hell. Given his circumstances, it certainly shows a lot of willpower. In the hands of a better writer, he could have been a great protagonist. As it stands, he was simply a good one. He did make all of the right choices after all. Spawn can be rather slow on the uptake and it takes him a very long time to even think of using some of his abilities, but he would likely have been much more powerful in the sequel. A shame that we’ll never get one for this film…..or not.

Another big positive is the soundtrack. It’s easily one of the greatest comic book soundtracks of all time. I definitely prefer the instrumental themes though since that’s where all of the real action is at. The rock/metal themes really get your heart pumping and you’ll be ready to see what kind of action scenes they throw at you. I haven’t heard a film with fight themes like this since Mortal Kombat and Man of Steel! (Man of Steel had one good battle theme anyway!)

I can’t really complain about the fights either. They holds up pretty well. Spawn’s fight with the Violator will remind you of Spidey’s recent clash against the Lizard in TASM while Spawn’s epic fight against the master demon is something that is very original. Most of the fight is in CGI, which actually works quite well since it looks like a video game. I was loving every second of that fight and Spawn definitely got some good durability feats as he was constantly slammed to the ground and kept on getting back up. He also used his spikes to impale dozens of villains at once, which is something that he’ll get better at as the years go forward. Even Spawn’s quick spar against his replacement is pretty intense. The fight reminded me of Resident Evil…only less graphically intense, which was neat. Spawn definitely knew what it was doing in the action category.

All righty, back to the negatives. So far, this probably sounds like a 5-6 right? Well, we’re bumping it down 2-3 spots from that so we need to figure out why. Wait for it….waiiiiit for it….Animal Violence. Talk about adding insult to injury right? A dog gets punches by the big villain and we see him limping in his next appearance. That’s simply inexcusable and you’ll want to exit the room right after this happens. It really had no place in the film and I don’t see why they would add this. It made things more personal of course, but how much more personal does this have to get before Spawn unlocks his true powers?

Beyond that, the film is pretty tame violence wise compared to what you may expect. Granted, they may have edited out some of the violence on TV, but usually the language is what gets hit the hardest. So, I didn’t find the violence to be that bad. There isn’t really any romance although one of the plots also seems a little crazy. So, Al’s wife moves on to his best friend after he vanished. Really? Sure, he may have been dead, but that’s an incredibly low blow and especially after she said that she would be with him forever. It’s why you’ve always got to be careful before you fall into the romance trap. I’m still glad that it didn’t get more screen time since that could have been dicey.

Another reason why this film simply wasn’t that good is some scenes can drag a bit. The main example of this is when Spawn first returns to the world. He can’t talk so we just see him crawling and walking around as he has no clue what he should do. It’s pretty painful to watch the scenes as the Clown gets to mess with him for a while. I want to see Spawn verbally debating the pros and cons of fighting with a neat cloak, not getting thrown into an alley to get some more sleep!

I think we’ve mostly established why this is a film of missed opportunities. One more thing that needs to be mentioned is the ally who lends his strength to Spawn. This guy pops up out of nowhere and he has some connection to Hell or Heaven. It’s all very vague and he silently threatens to kill Spawn at one point before just joining him into the fray. He looks decent when it comes down to a fight, but he’s also pretty old so he can’t last very long in the heat of battle. He got his moments I suppose, but he really needed some actual character. One minute he’s basically telling Spawn to let his revenge go and then encouraging him to tackle the human villain in the next scene.

Overall, Spawn is a dicey experience. Some scenes can certainly be funny and it actually does work as more of a comedy than a horror. That being said, it goes too far in too many different ways to really be a good film. The animal violence, crude humor, and unnecessary scenes/lines keep it from being the kind of film that you will want to rewatch. The costumes and effects are way ahead of its time, but a film can’t get a good score on good looks. If it could, then I’d expect TASM2 (Electro vs Spidey) to have better scores than most other films. The video game is probably much better than the film, but I can’t really vouch for that. Either way, this is a film that you will want to skip and you’ll be better off watching the first Ghost Rider. It really outranks this title in just about every way.

Overall 3/10

Raiden vs Spawn

Spawn is back and he’s up against Raiden this time. Spawn’s attacks can be very powerful and he’s good to go from close range or long range. That being said, his speed isn’t very impressive and that’s where Raiden will take the match. He just needs to slash away at Spawn during his high speed dashes and then deliver the finishing blow. Raiden wins.

Batman vs Spawn

Spawn is a powerful adversary, but he won’t be able to take Batman down for the count. Batman has his GL Power ring and that’s helped him get through many fights. The constructs that he creates are only limited by his imagination. This doesn’t bode well for Spawn, but I’m sure that we haven’t seen the last of him! Batman wins.

Kiva vs Spawn

Kamen Rider Kiva vs Spawn

This match is definitely a lot closer than I had originally guessed. Kiva has a lot of abilities at his disposal including a decent amount of speed and strength. He can make energy fields that can paralyze his opponent while he finishes them off with an explosive slash. Spawn has a lot of regeneration at his disposal and his durability is his main asset. Will it be enough to stop someone at Kiva’s level? It’s pretty hard to say, but I’m actually leaning towards Kiva. He’s tough enough in the shows, but check him out in the video game! Spawn won’t be able to keep up with his speed or his array of explosive moves. Kiva wins.

Superman vs Spawn

Spawn and Superman are some of the stronger comic book characters around! Superman can shatter whole planets with a single shot, not to mention that his speed allows him to travel through time. Spawn is a pretty good long range fighter, but he’s not afraid to get up close and use his chains as a weapon. He has his Divine Form, which can match up with guys like the One Above All in terms of cosmic epicness. Unfortunately, it won’t be enough to stop the Man of Steel. Superman wins.

Spawn vs Thing

The Thing is a pretty decent powerhouse, but strength alone is not enough to win battles. Spawn has some pretty intense regeneration and he’s also got a nice energy blast. The Thing is durable, but he won’t be able to endure the blasts forever. Eventually the Thing would be taken down. Spawn wins.

Red Hulk vs Spawn

Spawn is definitely one of the stronger superheroes out there and he would take this round. Not only is his physical strength enough to deal damage to Red Hulk, but he’s also got a large array of long range abilities that he could use to his advantage. Add teleportation and regeneration to his list of abilities and Red Hulk won’t be able to stop him. Spawn wins.

Spawn vs Pyron

Pyron’s definitely got the size advantage and his abilities are impressive, but I think that he’ll lose this round. It would definitely be a close fight since Pyron and Spawn can match each other blow for blow, but I think Spawn’s impressive speed will prove to be the difference in this battle. Spawn wins.