Category Archives: Reviews

Insidious Chapter 2 Review

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Looks like it’s time for the sequel! Sequels have a pretty bad rep at times and especially when it comes to Horror films. I’ll admit that I do have a little fun chuckling at the posters for them though. The films constantly want you to be scared, but it’s just not happening. If you’re scared of an old guy who runs around a lot….then I may as well say Game Over now because things will get tricky!

In the last film, it ended with Josh being possessed by the main villain and the main heroine is worried. She certainly has good reason to be since none of them are safe anymore. The film slowly starts to go the Shining route until we see the Spirit World where Josh decides to try and get his freedom back. It’s a bold move, but he’s got to try something since the ghosts really embarrassed him this whole time.

Let’s get right to the facts for why this film was so terrible. First off, the villain from the first film wasn’t that cool, but at least she was fairly threatening. She actually won in the end when you think about it as she got to possess the father. Here, the film decides to give her an origin and it’s as bad you can imagine. Turns out that the old widow is actually a guy who liked to destroy people in his spare time. This is why we don’t need character development for villains. It’s usually just around for pure shock value and ends up being pretty terrible. It destroyed any chance that the villain could have had of being good.

Moreover, the film actually copied the Shining’s famous scene where the crazy guy tries to break through the door. It wasn’t really a good scene the first time, nor was it here. The demon being stronger than the dad still doesn’t make any sense either as the film constantly tries to say that the living have more power than the dead. It’s like the writers forgot what they were saying midway through the film.

There’s a subplot where the ghostbusters decide to go to an old hospital where they see the victims and learn that Josh is being possessed. It’s a plot that goes on and on and on with no end in sight. Certainly a large part of the film that will leave you a little bored, although that’s not so different from the rest of the film. These characters fight against Josh at one point towards the end of the film, but they don’t look so good and are defeated right away. So much for that right?

As per usual, one of the kids is able to see things and has power in the spirit world. This was the case in the first film as well so it’s nothing new, but it feels like every horror film has to cram in a kid with super powers. I still can’t say that I’m a fan of the kids, but I’m not a fan of any member of the cast to be honest. Even the wise old lady isn’t that good. She talks tough, but was defeated with relative ease in the last film and get shocked a lot.

The stinger at the end of the film is nowhere near as good as the one in the first film. According to good ole Wikipedia, it does hint that the red faced demon from the first film may have made a comeback. That would make the cliffhanger a lot better, but without actually seeing the monster, it comes across as shallow. There are a ton of jump scares here, but as I always say, once you’ve seen Five Nights at Freddy’s, you become immune to those. Nothing can stop the dramatic teddy bear jumping towards you after all!

The film is also bogged down by a plethora of flashbacks. Granted, they are used to tie into the rest of the film as time travel is involved which is neat. It’s the only part of the film that I’ll give any credit as it was pretty unique and unexpected. That being said, it just can’t make up for everything else, even if the timeline for everything was finally merged by the end. Josh also looked quite bad at the end. During his rage moment with everything on the line, he was still crushed rather quickly by one of the ghosts. So much for surpassing the odds and beating the villain in the end right?

Take away the terrible plot twist about the villain and the classic Josh being possessed subplot…and you could have a real winner at your side. That being said, the film didn’t do that and it was just tough to watch as you may expect from a horror film. It’s certainly not nearly as violent as you may expect from this film so that’s an okay start I suppose. If you want to be scared though, it’s not going to happen here.

Overall, Insidious 2 is another stinker I’m afraid. If you’ve seen one horror film, then you’ve seen them all. This starts to become more and more evident as these reviews go on. It’s not quite as bad as some others and I have one horror film coming up which is worse, but films like this one definitely give sequels a bad name. Let’s just hope that the third film is better. If Insidious sticks to the Spirit World aspect and gives us some more fight scenes, then I can work with that. We just don’t want more of the filler/lol worthy origin stories that wreck established characters. Deciding to erase Josh’s memory of his gift was another bad decision by the old lady who was supposed to be an expert in this kind of thing. So much for that eh? If you’re looking for a real horror film, go watch Scooby Doo, any of the animated films will do. Now that has the perfect blend of horror and laughs! (Intentional laughs as opposed to the unintentional ones)

Overall 1/10

The Fog (2005) Review

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Our trip through horror land continues with The Fog! As you recall, I saw the original The Fog quite a while ago. I can’t say that it was a very pleasant experience and this one isn’t either. I dare say that it’s worse than the original and suffers from some problems that the first did not. That’s never a good thing, but it is to be expected. While it’s not the biggest trainwreck out there, The Fog doesn’t do modern horror films any favors.

An island is about to celebrate the anniversary of when it was founded by their heroes. The thing is, their “heroes” are actually traitors who backstabbed the poor people who used to be on the island and then threw them all overboard while also burning them alive. These ghosts didn’t like that….they didn’t like that at all! To have their vengeance, they’re going to destroy every last person on the island. It’s going to be a busy weekend for them…so time to get started!

Unlike the original film, the radiohost isn’t really the main character. She’s around, but instead the main guy is a man from the village. He’s driving around when a girl shows up in the forest and they decide to become more than friends on the spot. Once they’re done, she tries to head home, but isn’t welcome there so she goes home with the main character. We’re attacked with more fanservice scenes and forced romances that are as shallow as you can get in a film before the ghosts start to attack with more force. The body count begins to rise and we learn that the drunk pastor actually knew about the whole situation from the start. He just doesn’t care enough to actually try and save everybody.

As you might expect, there are no likable characters here. The ghosts have a few decent points and while it doesn’t excuse murder, the heroes aren’t making a very good case for themselves. They’re just standing around and allowing themselves to get wrecked. Spooner, a random guy who gets into the this situation, is framed for destroying two girls and his friend so he quickly escapes the hospital to find the main character. How he got past the guards we’ll never know.

All of the main characters meet up inside of the burning house like in the first film, but then they realize that it wasn’t their best move. The climax takes a strange turn that’s pretty terrible though as we learn that Elizabeth, the main female lead, was actually the wife of one of the pirates. So, we get another forced romance with the ghost and as they vanish, we try to recall what the point of the film was. I would have preferred a classic stinger like in the original film. That was surprisingly absent in this version.

It almost goes without saying that the film can be pretty violent. It’s not quite as excessive as other horror films, but when you just look at it in a vaccum, it’s still up there in terms of violence levels. The gimmick of the pirates is that they always aim for the eyes, which can be pretty gruesome. Meanwhile, I also didn’t care for the fact that the old aunt had to bite the big one again. I feel like old people should be considered out of bounds for the villains in these slasher/horror films. It’s not nearly as bad as getting a dog, but still pretty bad.

Nick is also a very underwhelming main character. Forced romances and desperation aside, he’s not very smart. He had actual evidence that Spooner did not commit the murders, but decided to hide it instead of giving it to the cops. Naturally, the ghosts used this chance to track Elizabeth down and take it from her. Nick basically cost Spooner his freedom at the time and he never looked back.

I wouldn’t even say that the ghosts look all that menacing. Old pirates with fishhooks? We can do better than that. At least they are pretty fast thanks to their mist and they did succeed in taking out the weather man. Even the kid barely managed to escape from the power of these ghosts. The fog is just too thick and too intense.

Keep in mind that as a remake, this “The Fog” also feels like an abridged version of the original. Many plot lines were basically cut out to make way for some more action scenes or just generic tension moments. The ghosts have the same motive as in the original, but instead of a life for a life, they just want to murder everyone. Having a reincarnated ghost living a fake life before realizing her true purpose also came at the expense of the majority of the story. I’m also not sure why the film felt the need to wreck the Pastor. He was a great character in the original and one of the only sensible ones around, but in this film he’s just a drunk who couldn’t care less if they all went and died against these pirates. Talk about dramatic right? The heroes can never get a straight answer out of him.

Almost forgot one last thing, the old man by the beach! He found some artifacts and warned Elizabeth that if she touched it…things would change. She ignored him and snatched it, rather quickly, from his hands. After laughing it off with Nick, she went home, but things started to change. It’s fun to think about whether the old man was off his rocker or if touching the object started a chain reaction. You know…when I actually think about this film. I’m inclined to say that the old guy was just crazy and another red herring for the fans, but adding a little misdirection is always a good thing I’d say.

Overall, The Fog isn’t a very good film and is in fact..a bad film. It’s not as good as the original and suffers from the main issues that you tend to expect from a remake. There’s more fanservice and the characters are less developed. The film moves at a very high speed, but this isn’t a totally good thing when you think about it and speed can’t save the rest of the film. There’s no real reason to watch The Fog, but if you want a generic horror film where everyone is bumped off one at a time. Maybe this will be up your alley, just remember that it’s not exactly a scripting masterpiece so prepare to wince. If Aunt Connie had lived and taken out her shotgun, things could have been a little different….I doubt it would have helped all that much though. If the film really wanted to be good, then taking away the fanservice scenes and forced romance plots would have done it wonders and maybe bumped it up a full 2 stars.

Overall 1/10

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Review

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Disclaimer: This review is of the edited TV-14 version. All thoughts pertain to such and an uncut review would likely be harsher
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Do any of you guys remember what you did 2 summers ago? I was relaxing at Florida enjoying a nice breakfast before having pizza for dinner. Well, the main character of this film had a more distressing experience as she tried to cover up a murder, but it didn’t go over so well. All of her friends were destroyed except for one so she has tried to forget this experience. That takes us to the sequel. How is she alive? After all, Julie was murdered in the first film. Well…turns out that was a dream. She effectively gets a second chance to try and win.

Julie has settled in nicely away from her old home. She is now going out with the friend from the first film (Who is nothing like his old personality, but a slight character reboot is nothing out of the ordinary for this film) and has a new best friend as well. One day, her friend suddenly wins a contest to go to the Caribbean and decides to take Julie, her boyfriend, and a guy who wants to be Julie’s friend. The four of them head out to this isolated island even though Julie knows that Ben Willis has returned. Surely he can’t follow them across the ocean right? She was wrong!

This film plays out like your average slasher. Every character starts to get picked off one by one. The main villain may essentially just be your average guy with a fishhook, but he’s fast and isn’t afraid of picking fights. He takes out one guy who was in a car and nearly takes out good ole Ray. (The friend from the older film) Every night he takes someone else out and the body count is quite high here. It’s to be expected as this film is an actual slasher. I use the term loosely so it’s nice to see a film where I can actually call it that without stretching the term. Naturally, this also means that the film is quite terrible.

It’s not quite as bad as the Shining…or even the Conjuring. This is the kind of film that can still be a little funny, but mainly because you will be chuckling at what a trainwreck it is. Seriously, nothing goes right for this film. Are you familiar with the term, “an accident waiting to happen”? Let’s just say that you could sum up the movie quickly with that line. It’s the definition of unlikable characters throughout the film. Let’s take a look at the negatives.

First, we’ll look at the filler ones. The guy in charge of the hotel is racist. This is relevant to the film because….? It adds that racial tension angle to the film I suppose, but it’s just there for extra edge. One of the few guys left in the hotel is a drug dealer who’s always talking about his drugs and trying to sell them. Naturally, everyone ignores him, but he’s another character who has no point in being here. As you may expect, both of these characters are quickly destroyed.

Next up, we’ve got the “hardcore” bartender. She murdered her husband so we naturally have to label her as a suspect…except for the fact that we already know the villain is Ben Willis. She talks a good game and helps out ever so slightly I suppose….but she’s just not a good character. She does whack one of the main characters on the head with a baseball bat, but then forgets how to fight when the villain comes after her. If a dead, overweight guy falls on you in a life or death situation, do you think you could roll him off of you? You have about 30 seconds to do this, which may not sound like a lot, but count to 30 and come back to me. It’s plenty of time to do this, but she is unable to…..okay then.

There’s a deck hand who quickly starts flirting (Or at least it came off that way to me) to show that he is expendable and a rope ties around his leg. It’s one of those nifty supernatural elements that the film loves before the fishhook guy appears to finish him off. Karla is Julie’s best friend and the only one who actually gets character development. She doesn’t seem as expendable, but just remember that this is a slasher film. Karla would be a good character if she didn’t have a habit of moving around in the dead of night to scare her friend. She tries to be a nice person though so she’s better than 99% of the cast.

Tyrell is her boyfriend and he brings us back to facepalm territory. He basically just thinks about making out for the entire film and it represents 90% of his lines. He even jokes about how nobody could hear Karla in this isolated island so he can do what he wants. It’s certainly in bad taste and shows what a terrible character he is. He talks very tough of course, but goes down incredibly fast. We’ve also got Ray, the old guy from the first film. His idea of a nice trick is to tell his girlfriend that he probably can’t go on the big trip with her. Gee, it’s not like she needs prior notice so that the ticket isn’t wasted right? He comes up big to help in the end, but still manages to underestimate his opponents and he froze up when he grabbed the gun. This is the time for action, not inaction!

There’s also Will, who’s another terrible character. He pretends to just want to be friends with Julie, but it’s obvious that this isn’t the case right from the start so he comes across as a big phony. He starts to crack by the end and it’s safe to say that he’s one of the worst characters in the film. There’s also Estes, who’s another red herring to keep everyone busy. He seems to believe in some very satanic stuff and steals possessions from the main characters. Turns out he was trying to fight fire with fire, but fails epicly and doesn’t really stand a chance. He did try to take a win via a cheap shot and I don’t know how he could have possibly lost at that point. He must have choked under pressure.

Finally, we can’t forget about Julie and Ben. Julie is super saddened by the experiences of the first film, but this doesn’t stop her from trying to get a tan in an enclosed device where she will be vulnerable. She makes terrible decisions throughout the film just like you would expect from a horror film. Julie constantly yells about how she will destroy Ben, but typically just runs away when he actually shows up. I do like how the villains tell the heroes “You wouldn’t have the nerve to destroy us!” Do they realize that they are talking to the edgy teenagers who would shoot them without a second thought? I somehow don’t think so.

There’s a twist near the end, which helps out the film’s credibility quite a bit in terms of realism. It’s still a film riddles with plot hax and nobody would ever buy this happening in real life, but as far as slasher films go, the twist did help things. This film also has a twist ending as the end. Given what happened last time, you can call this a dream, but I like to think that this really happened. If so, I’m afraid that the main characters could be doomed once again.

I personally found the film’s pacing to be quite quick here, more so than in the first film. The film goes by quickly, which is more than I can say for the average horror film. It wasn’t really a chore to watch even if it is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s actually a terrible film, it’s just funny because it’s so bad. Aside from all of the terrible characters, the film also suffers from other issues like excessive violence and fanservice. We have the unnecessary shower scenes which are just not cool and everyone gets stabbed in various ways to remind us of why this film is edgy. The characters are making out a lot and there are many suggestive comments woven throughout the script. Language is another issue.

If you can think of a negative for a film, this one’s likely got it. It fits the Slasher formula to a T. It has every stereotype that you could possibly want to avoid and then some. The villain is just a supernatural human, but the characters are always so afraid that they run away. Ben walks up slowly each time and still manages to take them out. Even 6 bullets aren’t enough to stop this guy. It definitely makes you wonder. I’d say that the first film was probably better than this one, but this film may have felt like more of a parody. I’d also say that this film may have been less violent, but mileage will vary on that as they are pretty similar.

Overall, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is another slasher film that doesn’t know when it’s time to call it a day. The soundtrack also isn’t very good to put it mildly. This is the kind of film that you can watch as a group and find many things to make fun of. You could certainly think of some (soda) drinking games on the spot to make the experience better. The whole film’s plot falls apart when you realize that a hotel with 5 employees during their “off season” likely wouldn’t allow any guests to stay on the premise. That being said, while it can be a little funny to watch a film because it’s a trainwreck, why do that when you can watch a film that’s actually good? Think on that and then remember that Ben Willis isn’t so tough….

Overall 1/10

Poltergeist (2015) Review

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It’s time to take a look at the remake of the original Poltergeist film. I actually saw this film a while back, but the review has been rotting in my backlog for some time now. Surprisingly, I thought that the film was fairly decent and by all accounts…it is actually better than the original film. I know that critics wouldn’t agree and by all accounts…I’m talking about mine. This film doesn’t take itself quite as seriously as the original nor does it feel nearly as long and I almost consider it to be an abridged version. For some reason, I get that vibe from most horror films like I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and the latest The Fog. They all just go by so quickly that the villains barely even have time to hype themselves up a little.

A family moves into a new house…and weird things begin to happen. It’s sort of like Five Nights at Freddy’s if you ignore the plot of both items and just focus on the scary jump moments. The family must try to resist the ghosts, but the daughter is taken to the spirit world which certainly complicates matters. The family calls in a version of the Ghost Busters, but even that may not be enough to save them from imminent destruction and complete obliteration.

This film is a lot newer than the original so the effects are certainly more polished even if that means that they may not be as “scary” (Still don’t believe that films can actually be scary) There’s no family dog here, which was a big relief and the film is also toned down from the original. One guy’s face doesn’t start to peel off, which is a welcome improvement. There’s still a maggots/roach scene, which is pretty gross and unnecessary, but it could have been worse. As this is a horror film, the characters make as many mistakes as possible to fill their quotas. One guy nearly gets rammed through with a screwdriver/jackhammer but decides not to tell anyone about this. They couldn’t have done anything about it, but sharing is caring right?

When it’s not cutting out scenes from the original, this film follows the old plot very closely. As a result, you will know everything that is about to happen before it happens. It’s why such literal remakes are risky since it’s hard to scare anyone when they know what to expect. Honestly, I’m not sure what the film’s gameplan was for this since they didn’t seem to even try and escape from this issue. The film played it close to the cuff and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it also limited the movie’s opportunities.

Honestly, I’d say that the film was a little on the generic side although it was certainly more tasteful than the average Horror film. I didn’t mind the film all that much while watching it. It could even be fun at times like when the dad brought home pizza and chicken for dinner. The kids were rather ungrateful though and the situation got dicey, but it was neat. Adding in the rebellious teenage daughter was a little much though and one of those modern effects that makes you back up a little. The parents got to go to a fancy party and we actually saw it this time so that was neat I suppose.

It’s actually hard to find enough things to say about this movie to fill in the review. It’s the kind of flick that you will essentially forget after a little while because it furfills the cliches of horror 101, but doesn’t try to make a name for itself. Knowing horror films, this is probably a good thing though. Poltergeist actually ends up being the most positively received horror film by this blog in quite a while so it certainly did something right.

The actions scene where the heroes try to rescue the daughter from the portal using the rope is still classic. I felt like that plot was handled better than in the original. The clown was a lot weaker here though, but I can live with that since a toy clown should be no match right from the get go. As mentioned earlier, the film’s pacing is a lot quicker and I’d say that this is a good thing. The film doesn’t need to bother trying to develop the characters since they’re mainly here to be scared anyway. Just give them some basic personality and you should be all set for some action. The characters were actually pretty reasonable considering the genre and while the kids were annoying…how could they not be? I’d still take them over the kids in The Shining and Insidious any day of the week. I do like how casually people around the block take the whole house blowing up thing. This should have been filmed in New York, you really wouldn’t get a reaction from those tough blokes. They’ve seen it all and aren’t afraid to remind you of that from time to time. There’s a reason why New York City is known as the greatest place on the planet after all!

Now, I wonder if this film will get remade again someday. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s a film that should be left alone for a little while. Then the writers can think about how they should improve it some more. This remake added to stars to the score so if they keep up at this pace, the series will be doing quite well! The next remake should be a little different though so surprise the audience a little.

Overall, Poltergeist is a decent horror film for what it’s worth, but that’s still not saying a whole lot. I couldn’t really recommend the film because I don’t know why you would be seeing it. If you want something that’s more intense, but less tasteful, then you’ve got the original film. If you want to watch something new and fancy, why are you in the horror genre? Poltergeist just doesn’t do anything within the genre and just becomes another horror film to be forgotten on the shelf. At least it had the nice portal effects though, I always like those.

Overall 4/10

The Shining Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version. The film couldn’t get much lower than a 0 anyway, but keep in mind that this review and all thoughts within it pertain to this specific version.
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I think Stephen A. Smith put it best in one of his videos while talking about Tim Tebow. I disagreed with him there, but the words fit this movie perfectly. Paraphrasing a little here. “Let’s just be straight about this. It was abysmal, It was embarrassing, It was pathetic in every sense of the word”….etc. I think that sets the tone for this review quite well. There are few films that I’ve seen which are as bad as the Shining and hopefully that list will stay small as this film was just completely terrible. On my reviews even when I can’t stand something I typically keep it mild. The quote was a loophole as I don’t use the words pathetic, trash, or other strong adjectives to keep my reviews more mild…but think of a word and it would fit in here. Still, I’ll try to attack it in a mild way while reminding you why this is a film to stay away from….come at me!

The film starts out with a psychotic mad man being accepted for the job of staying in the school throughout the winter to make sure that everything is working perfectly. The writers forgot about the concept of spoilers so the principal decides to layout exactly what is going to happen for the rest of the film within the first 3 minutes. The last people who took the job where a family just like the main one and the father went crazy and destroyed everyone. He lets the new guy know so that fate can repeat itself. Then he dashes off after the group tour and Jack decides to follow this example and tries to destroy everyone. He wanders off into a forest and we remember why nobody goes into mazes without an escape route anymore.

With the whole film spoiled in the opening minutes, that’s the cue for the audience to start looking at the clock to wonder when this will all be over. The film is very pretentious in the sense that it is constantly trying to be scary and fails miserably at every turn. At least Five Nights at Freddy’s is almost a parody with its constant jump scares so you can admire the effort. This film will have Jack stare at the screen menacingly for minutes at a time and call it a day. Remember the old saying, even the best of scenes can be watered down if you stretch it out long enough. This film reuses the same tired gimmicks over and over again.

Keep in mind, since I thought this film was terrible, everything will seem even worse than usual. The instant you know that you dislike the film that you are seeing and you watch it make error after error, you become disconnected from it and then everything is even more fake. The characters are all really unlikable and the big scene where Jack tries to break through the door is one that we’ve all seen dozens of times before during the famous console wars of PS4 vs Xbox One. The sony fans used is constantly to show why their side was superior and the famous picture is almost a parody at this point as well.

The film tries to hint that there are ghosts involved, but I don’t buy this for a nanosecond. See, Jack is simply delusional and he wants to believe that there are ghosts. He just busted through the door on his own after imagining the lock picking sounds. The painting at the end? Another delusion of grandeur and just the film taking another shot at some sequel bait, but not realizing that the bait has to actually be edible for the fish to bite. Since the film is one big negative…let’s take a look at exactly why it blew up.

Animal violence…nooooooooooo. Well, actually, there isn’t any real animal violence to speak of. That just speaks to how bad the rest of the film was. First off, the film actually engages in the fanservice trap to the fullest extent as actual nudity is present in the original version, but luckily censored in the edited one. It’s still a very drawn out scene that adds nothing to the plot and it just abysmal so you’ll want to take the time to quickly watch something on Youtube or go grab some dinner. That’s strike 20 by that point, but let’s keep going.

Again, the characters are all unlikable. There’s no sympathy here. The wife should have left a long time ago after we find out Jack’s past and Jack was always a villain so nobody should even pretend that he is a good guy. The plot is already hard to watch because none of the characters are making the right moves. There’s even a Chef who is supposed to be likable, but loses any chance at being a good character once we see the sketchy paintings he has in his room. Then he also proved to be a very unintelligent character as he walks up…slowly? to the big mansion without a plan. Yes, that sentence isn’t grammatically correct, but it’s a meme to bear with me here.

There aren’t really any other characters as the cast is painfully small and doesn’t do the film any favors. Conveniently, the cops are too far away to come and help even though they should have suspected something when there was no response on the intercom. Maybe they should go up and investigate? Nah…it’s just the snow. Everyone contributes to the film’s issues and a problem is that Jack gets way too much screentime even after we know that he’s crazy. It just doesn’t make any sense if you ask me. Why do we need to watch his long delusional dreams about being in a bar and showing us what a terrible person he is? The film has way too much padding and it hurts the movie although it wasn’t going to be much good anyway.

The atmosphere for the film also makes it a drag as well. Instead of being scary, the film ends up being dull and a waste of time. It has tense music for just about every scene to the point where it’s like having a ton of consecutive jump scenes over and over again. The film is really trying to scare you in every single scene and that’s why it ends up failing. You simply can’t try to overdo a gimmick like that and hope for it to actually work. It’s the classic rule that all “horror” films must follow.

Overall, The Shining is a truly terrible film and it just goes to show that some legendary movies really haven’t aged well and probably couldn’t start well. The Shining is touted as a great horror film and one of the scarier ones, but it lacks any edge and the drawn out scenes are more liable to make you sleepy and hungry as opposed to scared. It’s hard to even know where to begin on how to improve this film to be honest. Plots about the father being evil and abusive are always doomed to fail as the actual story is founded on a terrible premise. Kids can’t hold their own film and this film tried to pull that off a lot to no success. The mother is just too weak willed for the story and puts up with things when she should leave. The film’s problems are numerous and rather than trying to correct them, the Shining is a film that’s best left on the shelf collecting dust. I’d sooner rewatch the Conjuring film. Still, if you need to think up the ultimate punishment for an intense money match in Smash Bros, having someone watch this film and Sucker Punch back to back would probably be the ticket. If you want to see a horror film, I’d sooner check out the original live action Scooby Doo film!

Overall 0/10

Transformers Devastation Review

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It’s been a decent while since the last Transformers game although the gap wasn’t incredibly long or anything like that. Devastation got a lot of hype before it came out and I was certainly on board as well since my favorite iteration of the Transformers would be returning. The game lives up to the hype and then some with the only weakness being the game’s short length. Aw well, short games let me really feel the experience in a short burst so I can roll with that.

It starts out like a classic Transformers episode. The Decepticons are causing trouble so the Autobots storm the city to save everyone. The humans have already been evacuated so they don’t need to worry about that, but hundreds of insecticons have flooded the city and Megatron’s plans for conquest are not even close to being finished. He wants to terraform the planet…or cyberform in this case so that Cybertron can virtually live on Earth again. Prime and the other Autobots are a little hesitant to stop him because it may involve destroying the entire history of Cybertron (Kept on a device) but if it’s the only way…then they shall be ready!

Devastation is a very fast paced game. You’re thrown right into the action and are confronted with bosses and enemies at every turn. The game was done by Platinum and I mostly know them for their reputation through Bayonetta as one of the best game developers in the biz. I can certainly see why they are known as such a great company as the gameplay is tight and very exciting. The focus is more on hand to hand than in shooting down your enemies and while Transformers Prime attempted this first, Devastation does it best. You’re essentially in a 3D fighting game while playing. There are numerous combos that you can use with each character and the weapons system allows you to keep crafting bigger and better weapons. You can also level up your characters to really get an edge in the battles.

There’s even a counter/dodge system in place. Essentially, if you dodge right before an opponent attacks, time will slow down and then you can really hand out the pounding. The timing is surprisingly tricky and a nice test for your reflexes. The A.I. is also nice and strong on Normal so I can imagine that they are quite impressive on hard. To an extent, their ability to break any of your combos is a little OP and I did have to retry one or two bosses a few times as they could be OP at times, but the gameplay is really fun so you definitely won’t mind doing the battles again. The combat system is really good and it’s nice to see Platinum really give the game their all.

That’s why it is disappointing that there is no multiplayer mode here. If ever a game needed a multiplayer option other than Mario Maker, it’s this one. Granted, the gameplay may be a little too advanced and intense to incorporate a multiplayer…that’s the argument that I can envision people making. If we can do Super Smash Bros or Dead or Alive, I’m sure that this game could have pulled it off. It would have added some nice replay value and simply would have been a great feature to have at the ready.

The graphics are very good. The faces could be surprisingly cartoony at times as the villains will make all kinds of faces at you, but it’s all in good fun. G1 was a great series in part because of its great character development and action, but also for the camp factor. I also liked the cutscenes where the heroes got to fight, albeit briefly and seeing more of that would have been awesome. The visuals certainly hold up quite well and I dare say that the game looks better than the other Transformer titles. It’s close though since the War for Cybertron series does look quite good.

In terms of music, there’s never been a Transformers game that was more impressive. Just about every musical piece is a guitar strum or some kind of epic rock music. Your blood will be pumping through every fight and the game feels that much more epic. It’s like being in an episode and you can duke it out with all of the classic villains. There are 3-5 bosses per level and that means you will be in store for quite a lot of action. It’s why I recommend saving your signature skill for when they show up.

Due to getting the game through Gamestop, we got Nemesis Prime and the Dark Starsaber unlocked from the get go. I equipped it after the first 3 missions and the weapon is quite useful. The shockwaves that it sends out are huge and deal a considerable amount of damage. You don’t have to worry about it becoming pay to win as you can easily find comparable sword attack-wise within the game, but the visuals are what really makes the weapon a lot of fun to use. You can opt to mainly use guns, but close quarters combat definitely has the edge in this title.

This game would have been an easy 9, but the story mode’s short length is definitely something that needs to be mentioned. There are only 7 levels and while the first two are decently long, they get a lot shorter after that. I beat the game in around 3 hours and did have fun grabbing some collectibles so it’s certainly possible to complete it quicker than t hat. Sure, there is replay scattered throughout the game, but without a multiplayer option either, I feel like deducting a star is worth it. Especially for the current price. Drop it down to 20 and that will help your case.

As for what the replay value entails, there are a lot of collectibles throughout the levels. That will take you some time to grab them all. There’s also a Mission Mode with 50 missions to tackle and they were pretty fun from what I saw. You’ll mainly be replaying parts of the story mode there. Finally, you also want to get all of the trophies to obtain the Platinum. The trophies are fair and don’t seem too hard, just time consuming. In a sense, all Platinums should be this way as you should need dedication without trying a level 1000 times. It’s a fair compromise I’d say.

Don’t forget to stick around for the after credits scene. It sets up the sequel quite well and you can tell that the boss will make for an intense antagonist. I’d be very hyped for a sequel although it’ll hopefully have a multiplayer mode or be a little longer. I feel like Platinum was aiming to make this title feel like an Arcade Game with its dynamic action scenes and quick soundtrack. If this was an Arcade Game, then 3 hours wouldn’t be so bad. I definitely trust that they will continue to make the gameplay 5 star material in a sequel.

Overall, if you’re a big fan of the original Transformers anime, you’re going to love this title. If you like action games where you are constantly fighting, then this is also right up your alley. The game really handled the gameplay perfectly and did justice to the Transformers name. Few franchises can say that they’ve consistently had 8 star games over and over again, but Transformers manages to pull it off. The only game in the franchise that I didn’t care for all that much was Animated and it still wasn’t downright bad. If you picked this up, let me know what you thought of it.

Overall 8/10

Pokemon Shuffle Review

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Pokemon Shuffle is a game that I didn’t anticipate playing…ever. I typically don’t play freemium games all that often. They are certainly interesting and I can appreciate why companies would develop these games, but they didn’t seem to be for me. I prefer physical games for my collection, but naturally something like this is digital. Well, if I can’t get the game physically, then I’m definitely fine with a digital version I suppose. There are definitely some classic titles to get electronically someday, but as long as there are dozens of physical options to choose from, I don’t see myself being tempted by them anytime soon. Pokemon Shuffle may not be the next Pac Man or Super Mario Bros, but it’s actually very fun.

For the gameplay, I assume that you are familiar with Tetris? In this game, you must match identical blocks together by dragging them across the screen to take the place of another block. You score points for matching three or more in a line, (No diagonal lines in this one) an L shape, or a cross. Each Pokemon square has a different ability so you will want to know what it is and make the most of it. The Pokemon that you fight in each level are the ones that you will be adding to your team if you beat them quickly enough to secure the capture. The more turns you have left over, the greater the chance that you will catch the Pokemon. After the tutorial, you’ll likely be all set with a few good Pokemon all set and raring to go. Each Pokemon has a level to play and there are currently 240 levels I believe, with more being added all the time. As of this writing, I’ve beaten about 60 of them. The levels get harder as you go along of course.

I haven’t had to grind yet, but that area is quickly approaching, which means that I’ll probably start slowing down in this game. I do have a lot of fun with it, but there are currently a lot of games on the backburner so when I do get a chance to play a game, it should probably be something else. Still, if you have time, you’ll definitely enjoy the gameplay. Again, it’s similar to Pac Man in the sense that you are doing something over and over again, but it still manages to be fun. Playing Pokemon Shuffle requires you to really think about what you are doing and to brace yourself. One wrong move and you may have doomed yourself.

There is certainly a cost to losing as you lose a heart every time you attempt a level. You start out with 5 hearts and once you lose them all, you have to wait 30 minutes to get another one. This is where the pay to win aspect of the game comes at you. You can buy hearts to save yourself the trouble of waiting and the money will certainly add up very quickly. In the game, you earn jewels (Which is what you’re actually buying with your real money) and then you trade them for hearts and coins. You’ll typically get a jewel every 10-15 levels so they are pretty sparse.

Naturally, I’ll never pay money for something like this. The only game where I currently buy DLC is Super Smash Bros and I don’t really see that changing anytime soon. Most DLC just isn’t worth it and I prefer to just turn off Pokemon Shuffle for a few hours before going back to it. This heart system actually encourages you to take a lot of breaks while playing, which is certainly fun.

Aside from the story missions, there are challenge ones and even some online bonuses. Each week you will get some limited stage choices like playing an extra EXP level or a coin one. They’re pretty interesting. At the moment, the online ones are definitely too tough for my team to beat, but maybe once I’m further in the game. Your Pokemon level up through the levels, which increases the damage your squares deal to the opponent when matched. So far, this really doesn’t make a difference at all, but it’ll probably be more evident later on. Right now, the only thing that really matters is ensuring that you have the type advantage. Trust me, that’ll carry you a very long way.

The graphics aren’t bad. There’s only been one real cutscene in the game so far, which would be the tutorial as a reporter helps you learn the ropes. The only dialogue since then has been a few black silhouettes for the trainers that you conquer. This is a game that would have a tough time trying to look great, but it won’t look bad either. The animations are clear and that’s really what counts. There’s not much of a soundtrack to be found here as it’s very pleasant and soft, which is likely supposed to encourage your playing through it. I would have liked some big boss themes to be honest, but I suppose that this’ll do.

There’s a lot of replay value in this game as you can replay levels to truly try to catch all of the Pokemon. That being said, the heart system does really hurt this part of the game and actually damages the title as a whole. It’s safe to say that this could have been an 8 star game, but the fact that you can only play 3-5 levels at a time before giving the game a break is definitely not cool. It stops you from replaying levels because you simply don’t want to waste the hearts and be forced to give the game another long break. That’s really the only negative in this game. The rest of Pokemon Shuffle is just a blast through and through, but this is a big downer. It’s why Freemium games typically have their limits as the pay to win system will always get you in the end.

Overall, Considering that the game is free, this is truly a steal. Pokemon Shuffle is a great way to pass some time by and you can play it for hours without getting bored, assuming that you have enough hearts for that. I will definitely encourage you not to succumb to the game and buy hearts, but to just power through it the long, but free way. I also downloaded Pokemon Rumble Blast so I’ll be giving that a whirl at some point, but I can safely say that it’ll have a tough time beating this title. Pokemon Shuffle easily exceeded my expectations before I started the game and it has set the bar very high for freemium games.

Overall 7/10

Boruto: Naruto the Movie Review

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Naruto has had many films over the years. They’ve typically ranged from good to great. Through the years, Naruto’s only had one film that I could almost call bad (Road to Ninja) although it’s had a few that were only decent. (The first film) Naruto The Last rose to 1st place on my Naruto list, mainly due to the intense action scenes that were present. Naruto was completely out of character and the romance was iffy, but barring that…it was nearly a perfect film. Well, Boruto eliminates the romance aspect and focuses on the action so that helped it to even surpass The Last. The theater crowd was also a lot larger for this open and everyone was more hyped. Even I had to put my Pokemon Shuffle game down as the lights dimmed as I didn’t want to miss what was about to happen!

The film starts out with a bang as Sasuke faces off against Kinshiki. It was very impressive visually as Sasuke finally learned how to use his electricity to the point where he could move with it as light speeds. Kinshiki was able to keep up with Sasuke though and even outspeed him, which shows how dangerous this villain is. The film then cuts away to the main plot..boooooooo, but it was an epic way to start the movie. I’m a firm supporter of the belief that all films should start off with a bang. Look at Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time, it starts off with Jaden fighting against Paradox on top of a building during a pseudo apocalypse. It doesn’t get much more epic than that. The film was just starting, but I was already entertaining the notion that this film could be the best Naruto title yet.

We then see Boruto, who’s upset at his current situation. His father is always busy addressing the nation and performing his Hokage duties. Naruto even skips out on his daughter’s birthday. Boruto has enough of this and decides that he doesn’t want to be Hokage. His teammates, Sarada and Mitsuki, are not too thrilled because Boruto also decides not to enter the Chunin Exams. They goad him into doing so, but a scientist gives Boruto a device that allows him to use many different ninjutsu. It’s highly illegal of course so Boruto has to decide what to do. Does he really think that winning at any cost is the right thing to do? The true villains are also out there and are about to make their move!

As with The Last, you have the fight at the beginning and then there’s a long break before the fights near the end. That being said, I’d argue that the action is more prevalent than in the last movie. We still have the Chunin Exam fights which are nice. Nothing top tier about them, but the action scenes are still interesting and we don’t need to see planets being blown up every time. Although, it is a nice effect when it does happen. At the rate Naruto’s going, we could definitely get into DBZ levels soon enough. I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for that.

The animation is also excellent. Whether it is a daytime scene or one at night, the battles look great. All of the character models are on point (Even if I don’t like a lot of the designs) and the flashy ninjutsu have never looked better. I’ve always considered Studio Pierrot to be one of the best animation companies and they brought their A game here. The only technical aspect of the film that doesn’t hit it out of the park would be the soundtrack. It was all right, a good soundtrack with some remixes and danger themes, but nothing stuck out for me in the same way as The Last. In The Last, we got some incredible fight themes that were amazing. None like that here, but it’s possible that it was just drowned out by the sound effects. The theater had the audio up quite high, which is always nice. You can definitely feel every blow.

Sasuke really steals the show in this film and the fans seemed to agree in the theater as they got hyped whenever he appeared. I’d also get ready for intensity since Sasuke being on screen typically means that a fight scene will be coming up. He actually shows himself to be a better father than Naruto and he goes off to save the hero when the going gets tough. That’s the Sasuke that I remember and it’s good to see him being a hero again. His new powers from the Rinnengan are certainly very helpful and make him almost unbeatable in a fight. While the film tries to show that he may still be slightly weaker than Naruto, I’d argue that he’s still got the edge if they were to ever have another fight.

Now, a quick negative is the fact that this film’s plot revolves around things that could never happen. Remember how Naruto The Last only works because Naruto is completely out of character? Sorry to burst your bubble readers, but Naruto and Hinata were always just friends and that’s how it was supposed to go. The film’s pairing of the two didn’t make sense and still doesn’t. Well, Naruto’s out of character once again, but in a different way. He has basically abandoned his family as he virtually lives in the Hokage’s office now. He can’t be bothered to attend his daughter’s birthday party or cheer on Boruto in person. He only even congratulates him after being told to do so. It’s like Naruto just stopped caring and decided to be as cold and aloof as possible.

It’s really overdone to the point where it’s just not realistic. There’s no way that Naruto would simply stop hanging out with his family. Being Hokage is a tough job, but not to the extent that the film is trying to portray it as. We’ve seen the other Hokage still have time to be at home or take random trips. Not to mention that Naruto’s shadow clones would make it easy to finish paperwork a lot faster than any other Kage could. I just didn’t buy the film’s reasoning. Naturally, Naruto becomes a likable character by the end as he realizes that he failed as a parent and becomes a little more like the old Naruto. It’s a character arc that was not needed, but at least Naruto changed his ways in time.

Unfortunately, he is also underpowered quite a bit in this film, but that was to be expected considering that all new anime films tend to have a lot of plot hax lately. Resurrection of F, Naruto The Last, and Battle of Gods were all big offenders of this. It’s just how it goes. The first battle with Naruto is the worst since he resorts to just trying to block the villain’s large energy ball. Naturally, he can’t pull this off. He should have fired back with a blast of his own or had an epic punch moment. He just played way too much defense and Sasuke is guilty of this to a smaller extent as well. At least Sasuke proved himself in the very beginning of the film. The other Kage don’t do so well, but they shouldn’t at this point anyway. They’re completely out of their depth in a fight like this one as they don’t have the physical abilities needed to keep up with Naruto or Sasuke. We do get more space type feats as blasts keep on going past the planet and the speed feats were also very good.
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The power levels will always be wonky so let’s go back to the characters. Boruto is a pretty likable lead. He did have a big problem with cheating, but he got past it. It’s an interesting character development plot as I don’t remember just about any character having to deal with that. Most of them are just noble by nature, but this works as well. I liked Boruto and he’s a very reasonable character, he was actually a lot nicer than I had expected. I thought that he would be very mischievious and cause vandalism like Naruto did back in the days, but he’s more mature than that and takes things in stride. It’s good to see and I also like his new attire. While Boruto is out of his league against any serious villain right now, his abilities aren’t bad for his age. He just needs to work on his speed. I do give him props for attempting to fight Momoshiki after the villain hit Naruto. He was outmatched, but the fact that he actually tried was impressive.

Sarada already got a whole manga spinoff to herself so her role here wasn’t that big. She’s still proving to be a good supporting character and is already more helpful than Sakura was at the time. Sakura got good during Shippuden, but Sarada doesn’t have to wait that long. She’s already close to Boruto and maybe even a little stronger than him at the moment. Her goal of being the next Hokage is a solid one. Mitsuki’s a very bland character though and I can already tell that I’m not a fan. He looks up to Orochimaru which makes sense since he’s his son (Film treats it like a twist, but it’s really not. You know this the whole time thanks to his eyes and his stretching abilities) but he should also know that Orochimaru is basically evil. Orochimaru not being in jail is still a huge plot hole in the Naruto franchise if you ask me or mini me.

Most of the other new kids don’t get to do anything so I’ll reserve judgment on them for now. Kakashi surprisingly doesn’t get to do anything in this film. The 5 Kage appear briefly and they all look decently helpful in the big fight. The problem is that they’re all super weak compared to Naruto. They can’t even defeat the main henchman. They can slow the villains down, but that’s about it. Aside from one of the Kages who was quick to bash Boruto, they were all fairly likable. Perhaps just a little generic and uninspiring. Gaara feels like the only Kage who actually earned his feat. Killer Bee makes a cameo, but he looks really bad and basically is just here to get humiliated. Most of the original characters have terrible designs nowadays. In particular, I don’t like Shikamaru’s design. The hair on his chin just makes no sense from a character perspective and the rest of his friends are no better. He has a cool scene where he helps out though and is still a likable ally.

Now, let’s talk about the villains. Kinshiki is actually really cool and I’d say that he was slightly more likable than the main villain. His cool lightsaber made for a great weapon and he was extremely fast considering his build. He didn’t have much in the way of personality, but he gave the heroes a good fight and he definitely wanted revenge on Sasuke so he has some pride on his side. (Saw what I did there? Momoshiki likes to laugh and take cheap shots at the heroes, but he actually felt a little weaker than Kinshiki if you ask me. His gimmick was similar to Android 19’s and Pain in the sense that he could absorb ninjutsu. I can definitely roll with that, but physically he wasn’t that impressive. Once he accessed his final form, then Kinshiki became a true threat. The 2 on 1 fight scene between him and Sasuke/Naruto was definitely great. This guy can take a hit and is really good at close quarters combat. What he makes up for in personality, he makes up for with raw attack power. He likes to brag about how much stronger he is than the mere mortals of Earth. That’s always a fun gimmick.

We’ve now had members of Kaguya’s clan show up in the last two movies as well as the spinoff (Sorta, they were actually Orochimaru clones) and the final boss of the real series. It seems like they are constantly popping up out of the woodworks now. It’s mentioned that they crossed time and space to get here so it would be easy to invent more and more of these guys for future films. I’m fine with that since they make for good enemies. They have some eye tricks like all good enemies, but also have a great amount of speed and power. Of course, it’s hard to see them really being able to take down Sasuke Uchiha. What could be fun would be if a large group of these guys showed up so Naruto had to train some of the ninja to reach new levels of power. After all, Naruto and Sasuke have become the only fighters left in the village, similar to Goku and Vegeta.

I’m a little skeptical of the new village design though. The Leaf looks really vulnerable to attack like this and it seems like the village isn’t even totally made up of shinobi anymore. The other clans would have a field day attacking them now. Of course, the villages are all unified at the moment, but how long will that last? Eventually, there shall be fights again and it’s Naruto’s job to make sure that they are ready. The new scientists for the film were essentially filler characters who didn’t need to be involved so I don’t want too many humans like them showing up. It was also a little odd how they could just walk up slowly towards Naruto with their gizmos. They should have been ejected from the stadium. Let’s also not forget how they dashed into the portal at the last second. It’s hard to see how they would be fast enough to do that.

The only other negative for the Boruto film would be the Panda missions. There is really no point to having it here and the only reason why I don’t dock 3-5 stars from the film is that it’s handled in comic relief fashion to the point where the Panda is not seriously hurt. He gets a little salty after the heroes hit him, but the scene still has no point to being in the film. It’s not as gruesome as the eye scene in Naruto The Last, but it’s still pretty intense. Boruto was a happy film with a fun tone the entire time, but this just went a little far.

Slightly off topic, but this is where DC and Marvel can learn a thing or two from anime. Both Boruto the movie and DBZ Resurrection F were great movies that were light toned yet still had great fight scenes. DC and Marvel are engaged in a battle for which company can sink lower with their dark products with Marvel currently in the lead, but anime shows that you can be light toned and still be awesome. Resurrection F doesn’t even take itself seriously and it’s still awesome. Boruto’s a thrillride, but it’s still a very happy and chipper film. If DC and Marvel were to ever go back to that full time, we’d be back in the next age of animation! Hopefully they can listen to this at some point.

Above all, Boruto is just a very fun film. It’s rather short so you’ll breeze through it, but it’s a very enjoyable film. It doesn’t try to be very deep or emotional like Road to Ninja and Blood Prison (Two films that died in my eyes) and it manages to give us more hype moments than any other Naruto film even though there are large gaps in the film where there are no real fight scenes. This is the kind of film that has a lot of replay value and certainly more than Naruto The Last, which helps its case. Is this film better than Resurrection F? Hmmmm….usually this wouldn’t be much of a question as DBZ is just that awesome, but it actually is fairly close. I can tell you that Boruto crushes Battle of Gods without any effort. Boruto’s animation is much better than DBZ’s, but DBZ certainly has the better soundtrack. For now…..I’m going to say that Boruto was the better film, but it is close. I just feel like it was more epic, had better fights, and the stakes were certainly real. I’m still salty that the film’s tricking people into thinking that Goku can’t beat Bills or Whis. Goku would clobber them if you ask me. At least Goku is finally back in character though. Oh yeah, stick around past the credits for a slight stinger. It could have been better if you ask me, but it’s still something I suppose.

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Overall, Boruto was a great film. It’s a good sign of things to come for Part III of the Naruto franchise. Boruto and the rest of the new generation are actually pretty solid characters so far, which is good to see. They should be able to hold their own movie/TV series for a while as we see them grow stronger and stronger. I don’t expect the stakes to get too high for a while since Naruto or Sasuke should be able to defeat whatever enemies head their way, but as the Chunin Exams showed, we can still get some fun fights and stories. That being said, while Boruto and his friends are solid characters, this movie also proved that Naruto and Sasuke are still the main draw. Now that we can finally have team ups with them again, people don’t want to be stuck watching the Boruto adventures. They want to see what Sasuke and Naruto can really achieve with their combo attacks. I’m in that boat as well and a feature length film with Naruto being the main character again would be great. The writers just need to do a better job with his character. He’s been out of character for two films straight now and that’s unacceptable! Sasuke was portrayed very accurately though and that’s the most important thing here. Whether you’ve seen the Naruto franchise or not, this is a good movie to pick up. It’s a solid action adventure with high stakes and well written characters. It’s a blast through and through as the pacing doesn’t let up for a second.

Overall 9/10

The Conjuring Review

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This is of the edited TV-14 version of the film and all thoughts below should be read as such. A review of the uncut version would likely be more negative as edited versions help to address my complaints for a product…typically.
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October continues and the next horror movie has been selected. Unfortunately, we’ve finally run into a stinker. This film is definitely one of those films that reminds me why this genre almost always backfires on me. This film made just about every mistake that it could including some blatant animal violence that was just really bad. This film was really toast and with or without the animal violence, it was not a good film. Well, let’s get into this!

As you would expect, a family moves into a new house and it’s actually haunted. Weird things start to happen in this place. Spirits roam the halls and all animals that get close to the house go insane and get strangled. The family decides to call in the professionals to help them, but is it too late? Can the spirit really be exorcised or are the main characters doomed to be destroyed in this house? Get ready for a ton of “jump” scenes (No such thing anymore if you ask me. 5 Nights at Freddy destroyed that concept by surpassing it and turning it into a meme) and despair for the heroes.

This film doesn’t really do anything new with the horror genre and just plays to all of the usual genres. We even get the usual kids who get terrorized by the spirit the whole time and one of them has a habit of sleep walking. The kids are fairly annoying like you would expect. The parents aren’t bad and are actually better than normal, but they never actually make the leap into being likable characters. The professionals are likable though. Lorraine can see visions and Ed knows a lot about the paranormal so he gives advice to the people that he helps. They’re both very respectable characters and know what they’re doing. It’s good to have two characters here who believe in God and do a good job at helping out. So often you see priests or other figures from the Church in these films come and get overwhelmed by the spirits. I remember one film where the priest went into the house and immediately left as the spirits started to wreck his hands. Here, Ed and Lorraine are crucial to victory.

A Christian has nothing to fear from demons and while they have power, it is nothing against God’s. It’s always interesting to see films about demons because unlike vampires, werewolves, or ghosts, I do believe that demons are real. We’ve seen them several times in the Bible, like in Matthew as Jesus helped people who were possessed by them. In that sense, the film did a good job of recreating how a person who is possessed would probably look. Even if it was pretty gross to see the guy who was bleeding out of his eyes.

Of course, the film was doomed right from the start with the animal violence. Why bring in a dog if you’re just going to kill him off right away? There are also a lot of birds who die during the film as well. It’s just distasteful, just like the rest of the film in a nutshell. It’s all just a pointless endeavor and you will be looking at your watch and any clocks that are around as you wait for the film to be all over. Aside from the animal violence, it’s also one of those films that can get quite violent and gross at times. One guy’s cheek is bitten/slashed off and the flashback with the possessed guy, which happens more than once doesn’t help matters.

It’s why Horror movies are typically doomed for me. I don’t mind random spirits running around, but films want them to be extra scary so they’ll have them terrorize the heroes for a while with disturbing images like bleeding or flashbacks with people being hanged. Not only does this fail to inspire any fear from the people watching, but it just helps to take away more and more points from the film. The important thing is for the film to at least be interesting, but after you’ve seen the same formula done to death dozens of times, it loses that appeal. At least films like the Grudge have some neat visuals while you’re waiting for the heroes to die or run away from the house.

Horror films from the olden days were typically a lot better than the ones that we get now. Look at the Abbott and Costello films or even one that was taken seriously like Haunted House on the Hill…something like that. Even the old Kaiju films like Godzilla if they still count. Those were horror films that didn’t need animal violence or random shock value scenes. They got you hooked with the solid writing that was present and the engaging characters. I feel like films nowadays can’t handle those things so a horror film will already be fighting with one arm tied behind its back and that’s a losing formula.

There is a bit of a twist ending here, but not really as it’s just a fake jump scene that never actually happens. Whether that was the intent or not, it didn’t do the film any favors. With such a low score, you can tell that I just didn’t like this film. Films about possession have never really caught my eye and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Who knows, maybe a film will prove me wrong someday…maybe. It just probably won’t happen anytime soon.

Overall, The Conjuring is another film that’s just no good. As it’s involved with the Amityville Horror, I can’t say that I’m surprised. That film was also a mess. Adding in the fact that this film was originally R and you can also see why it was toast. Edited or not, the film got that rating for a reason so the gruesome aspects will likely be enough to jeopardize the score as well. What we need is a very tame horror film that relies on suspense and drama as opposed to visual cues. That’s a horror movie that would have some potential, but it likely wouldn’t generate the same amount of clicks that one like this would. Ah well, it’s just how it goes.

Overall 1/10

Super Mario Maker Review

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Mario Maker got a lot of hype before it came out, but I’ll admit that I didn’t buy into it for a while. Like Splatoon, Mario Maker honestly didn’t catch my attention. It looked…okay, but I just skipped every video that Nintendo posted about it. I actually didn’t see more than a minute of any Mario Maker video, it just didn’t look that good. I’d buy it…someday. Gradually, the game got more and more press (I skipped the Nintendo World Championships, although I finally watched it about a week ago) and my cousin also got hyped about it. I figured that I’d get it for my Birthday (Which is about 6 months from now) but this is the kind of game that you want to have right away. The hype for it won’t die out anytime soon, but right now is when all of the activity is. Part of the fun is also playing levels made by your friends and vice versa so waiting would hurt that give and take a little. So, a little while ago, I felt sick on a Thursday and decided that I couldn’t make it to classes that day. While feeling sorry for myself and snacking on some munchies, I decided on a whim to go to Best Buy and get the game. (Along with the Gamer’s club) It’s definitely been worth the purchase and the game is a blast. Certainly one of the best Mario games of all time by default with how much replay value there is and how much effort was put into the game. That was a long intro, but I wanted to give some background info on this title. I seriously wasn’t sold on it, but the game turned out to be excellent and I’ll still be playing it weeks from now.

There’s no story mode here at all. One of those would be cool, but I’ll admit that it makes little difference to be for a Mario game. Yes, a story mode would be a good thing and it would help the game out, but it wouldn’t actually affect the overall score and it’ll barely be missed. The gameplay is why Mario games are so good and this one has the aesthetics of 4 different Mario games. Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros 3, Super Mario World, and New Super Mario Bros. Right off the bat, I have to say that it’s impressive that the developers were able to incorporate all of these themes. It’s incredibly impressive that you can switch between these layouts at will as well. It feels like you’re playing multiple games and with fans already recreating the real levels from the original versions, it’s really like you own 4 whole Mario games along with infinite levels to spare. If you were wondering whether 60 dollars was overpriced for this game…don’t. Of course, with the Best Buy Gamer’s Club, I’ll never need to shell out another 60 again with the 13-15 dollars off each game.

There’s a lot to talk about for this game so let’s start with the technical part. The soundtrack is easily 5 stars. I would love to be able to pick which music would play in your custom stage, but it’s fine. You will barely even be able to tell which tune is playing because it so perfectly fits with the gameplay. The classic themes that you would expect from the Mario games are present and you’re even able to recreate music themes from many other franchises, which fans show off in their auto play levels. It’s really cool and shows that I still have more to learn about this game so that I can fully use the utilize this sound editor program.

As you would expect, the graphics are excellent. I know that Mario’s cartoony style is supposedly a lot easier to make impressive when compared to realistic graphics, but it doesn’t take away from how good it looks. I consider Super Smash Bros for Wii U to have some of the greatest graphics of all time after all and it’s a good part of why the game is so fun. Playstation All Stars could have learned a thing or two from the series…okay, maybe a few dozen things. On a technical level, Mario Maker cannot be beat.

You may be aware of this, but Mario Maker has 100 playable characters in the 8 bit style. Each character has a taunt, run animation, and a change in direction animation. Even while jumping, each character has an animation like Toon Link, who takes out his Deku glider from the Wind Waker games. Again, these little things are very impressive when you consider how many characters are in the game. Sure, some of them are a little uninspired like the mystery block, but fans will still have a kick out of this. It’s the ultimate Mario game with all of these details and as many people have said, the New Super Mario Bros Games could really end after this. Hey, I’ll still buy a new one as the professional levels are still a lot of fun, but anything they could do (almost anything I suppose) we can now do as well.

There isn’t really a main menu here, which I think is a little sad, but it’s not much of a factor. The main mode that you will be spending time in is Course World. This is where you can look up any course that has ever been made. You can search them by difficulty or just input specific stage IDs that you can find on the Nintendo Life website, which has a listing for just about all of them. (That the users upload of course, it’s voluntary) As mentioned earlier, it’s a lot of fun to play levels made by others and to trade tips. I’ve played a lot of levels by Destroyer14/Destroyer_199 and we try to make levels that the other can’t beat. Destroyer has succeeded so far so I need to make an impossible level that’s still fair. (Meaning, no invisible block spamming)

Another mode is the 100 Mario Challenge. It allows you to play 8 levels on easy and 15-16 on Normal mode. It’s a good way for the game to randomly give you a few levels to defeat and you have 100 lives to achieve this. There’s also hard mode, which is incredibly difficult as you would expect. The incentive to play this mode aside from finding new stages is that you unlock characters this way if you don’t have all of the Amiibos. I’ve unlocked around 15 characters so far and while I don’t think I will be getting all 100, it is a fun little incentive. There’s also the 10 life Mario challenge. The fun part about this mode is that you play levels that were pre set into the game. These are more or less professional which is nice. They’re a lot easier than most of the levels that you’ll see on the 100 Mario version, but then you’re rewarded for beating all of them with the 4 World Championship levels from the Nintendo event. Those are decently tough and one of them in particular was quite the challenge. Naturally *cough* I beat them all and unlocked the Skinny Mario variant!

The game keeps track of how many stages you’ve played, your number of tries accumulated through those tries, and the lives that you’ve lost. It’s a fun little statistic as you will try to get the numbers as high as possible. Not necessarily the lives, but even that I don’t mind getting as high as possible because it shows just how much you’re playing. Some levels I’ve played about 100 times before finally defeating, but it feels so satisfying when you finally beat a level that stumps you like that. The game also keeps track of how many stars (likes) you’ve gotten from the other players, which is useful because it affects how many stages you can upload. Initially you can upload 10 stages and that number doubles once you hit 50. The maximum amount is 100 stages at 5000 stars. That should take a while, but if you’re good at social networking, it shouldn’t be a problem. There are many people who will be glad to play your stage and star it if you do the same. There are also simply so many players that there’s a good chance people will get to play it. I doubt I’ll make 100 stages as I have the most fun simply playing the levels, but I’ll work to at least get 100 stars eventually. (I’m at around 6. I’ll start farming for them once I upload 10 stages.)

The game is called Mario Maker so I should talk about the stage creation part a little. It’s quite good and a staple for how all games should go at this mode. Of course, you’d need a high budget to recreate what Mario Maker has done. You can really do just about anything with the items that you are given and there’s a nice variety of them. You can throw a bunch of Bowsers at the opponent and have hundreds of blocks in the stage. You can alter the length of the stage and the possibilities are just so great. Whether you make a boss level, a puzzle one, or just an ordinary stage, you can make it all. I do have a complaint or two with this level. I feel like you should be able to zoom out so that you can look through your stage a little easier. It can be a little time consuming to look around , but this is just a bit of a nitpick. Considering how great the stage builder system is, it’s not much of a flaw. I just feel like you could improve it a bit that way, it would certainly make things easier for me.

It’ll be interesting to see what Nintendo does for this game as far as DLC is concerned. There is a lot that can be done, which includes more stage objects and enemy types. Adding slopes would be cool as well and who knows, maybe Nintendo will add some characters like Luigi and Toad for the modern layout. I could really see that happening since it wouldn’t be too hard to bring in their character models. Wishing for Sonic or Pac Man in the modern version would be wishful thinking at this point, but you never know I suppose. I doubt that I would buy any DLC for this game, Super Smash is really the only one where I take that plunge. Still, there’s always the chance if it’s big enough I suppose.

For those saying that the Wii U has no games, it may be time to finally quiet that tune. The Wii U may be an inside joke as every third party takes shots at it, but that hasn’t stopped Nintendo from assembling some great first party games. Super Smash Bros, Mario Maker, and Hyrule Warriors are all star material. Those games are incredible and alone make the system worth purchasing. Throw in New Super Mario Bros U, Super Mario Bros 3D World, Sonic Lost World, and the other games, then the Wii U is a very good purchase and worth your money. It can easily hold its own against the PS4 and Xbox One in terms of quality. I’ve spent more time on the Wii U at this point than I have for most of my other consoles with Super Smash Bros rapidly approaching 1000 hours. (Best game of all time) This phrase is thrown around a lot, but Mario Maker is worth buying the Wii U console for.

Overall, Super Mario Maker is a game that has lived up to the hype. Yes, it’s partially very hype inducing for me because my cousin owns the game and that sparks a nice competitive edge to the game. To an extent, all games are better with friends. It’s why you spend so much time playing the multiplayer aspects of a game. I still play Super Smash Bros just about every day with my brother and my cousin. In this case, you can think of the single player as a multi player mode in a way since everyone makes their own levels. You’re able to make 100 levels even if you can’t upload them right away, you can just store them offline until you get the medals. You’ll definitely find inspiration to keep on making more and more levels. This is a game that will remain relevant for years to come and I don’t see it really stopping until the Wii U servers are eventually taken down, but we won’t have to worry about that for some time now. If you haven’t picked this game up yet, then I highly recommend it. While I didn’t jump onto the Splatoon hype train, I jumped onto this one and I’m staying aboard. I highly recommend doing the same!

Overall 9/10