Tag Archives: Horror

The Intruder Review

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The Intruder is almost like a return to form for horror titles. You’ve got the very unlikable main cast, the insane villain who just openly goes around taking people out, and nobody decides to just leave. What you end up with is a film that will have you annoyed at the main characters and it never gets to the point where you would call it a good movie. So this one ends up just losing out.

The movie starts out with Scott and Annie deciding to buy a house. They are fairly well off and could have stayed in the city but Annie just wanted somewhere quieter to start raising a family. While Scott isn’t too impressed with the first house they see, Annie likes it so they end up buying it. Unfortunately the previous owner Charlie doesn’t seem thrilled about this. He keeps on showing up unannounced and acts like it is still his house. He is openly antagonistic towards Scott and acts overly familiar to Annie. Initially this is just something that irritates Scott but then he starts to realize that this guy may actually be dangerous. Now what can he do about it?

It’s always rough when you don’t go with your gut because then you end up regretting everything. From the start Scott realized that this didn’t seem like a very good idea but he went with it because Annie really liked the place. Charlie started with the insults early on too but Scott figured he could power through it. The issue is that Charlie is always around while Scott is back in the city all day so he is rarely at home. This already puts Scott at a disadvantage in making sure Annie is okay.

Then unfortunately we find out that Scott has also made some massive mistakes in the past like cheating on Annie. You’d think he would really be on his best behavior now but then he also starts flirting with the cashier at the ice cream parlor. Why would you even do that? His excuses were really weak at this point in time because Annie was right that his dialogue was way over the top. Further, it seems like he was about to cheat on her again but fortunately she called him in time.

So the film goes out of its way to make Scott look bad here and naturally this ends up making it all the easier for Charlie to move in. It’s still no excuse for how oblivious Annie is though. She seems to not notice at all how Charlie is acting towards her and her excuses about it aren’t very good either. She says that he’s very lonely and everything so they should just let him keep showing up like this. Even if you feel bad for someone, that’s not an excuse to just have them be showing up all the time.

There are even some cases where she is the one making the situation worse like when he shows up with pizza or to talk about the lights. Charlie’s about to leave when she calls him back so they can hang out. I know she’s still in the “just being friendly” stage but it’s still a really bad idea no matter how you slice it. She doesn’t know him at all and Scott’s not around. Seems like an unnecessary risk to me. Both Scott and Annie can never have a reasonable discussion about any of this either since there is just too much ammo flying all over the place.

It’s why the movie has them making these mistakes in the first place since it evens out and then they can’t really talk about the other. I found that to be a bit lazy though. As for Charlie, he could have been better if they just focused on the “he’s insane!!” part. Have him initially start out as someone who is harmless and just wants his house but gradually gets more sinister as the main characters act more aggressively in banning him from the house. Then you have the intruder aspect and things get serious.

Instead the film starts to focus more on how Annie is Charlie’s goal and as soon as the villain’s motivation goes there you know that it’s all over. That kind of villain’s always going to be just plain awful in the end and Charlie’s no exception. The dynamic could have been so much better otherwise but they blew it when that happened.

The main characters have a friend named Mike but he’s just awful as well. Keep in mind that Scott and Annie just bought this place. It’s a super big house with tons of bathrooms and the guy still feels the need to go all over the backyard. That’s just completely unnecessary and the same goes for dropping cigarette butts all over the place and extinguishing the fire on nearby plants. It’s like Mike’s going out of his way to ruin the place. It’s portrayed more that he’s just not very smart and tends to be crude but it is so exaggerated. Any scene with him in it was pretty awful.

At least The Intruder does have a lot of jump scares though. Charlie is always running around inside of the thunder flashes so you know that he’s watching. The characters never notice but you like to think that they would if they were more on edge. Charlie is always a few steps ahead of them so the one time the heroes have him on the defensive you wish they could do more about it. For example, at one point they stab him and he hits the ground hard. You’ve got 3 options here, restrain him, keep stabbing him, or drop the weapon and tend to your wounds while giving the guy your back.

Naturally they choose option 3. Look, if someone’s broken into your house and he’s clearly dangerous and armed, option 2 is the best bet here. Make sure you’ve put him down for good and keep it moving. Instead in every horror film it feels like the characters think 1 stab will be enough somehow so they clearly haven’t watched the news enough. These characters really did not handle any of this very well and the examples will just keep coming as you watch the movie.

I won’t even bring up how Mike could have done better since we’ve established that he’s just not very bright. Would have been nice if he could have at least remembered to pick up his cell phone and dial as soon as he saw Charlie though instead of making a lot of noise and running. I also blame Scott for falling asleep. By this point he knows how big the danger is so he should be calling the cops and doing a number of things instead of leaving it all to Mike. Going even further back, why did Annie go home at all? By this point it’s patently obvious that Charlie’s out to get them so letting her go home alone while he will be stuck in the hospital for another day doesn’t make any sense.

Overall, The Intruder will show you how to mishandle a situation every step of the way. From buying the house where the owner runs around with a shotgun and insults you right away, to splitting up and not taking anything seriously, these characters don’t make it easy on themselves. With a better villain this could have ended up being a better film but it just wasn’t to be. Ultimately I would give a hard pass to this one. While the end credits have a very stylistic approach which is nice and the ending to Scott’s character arc was handled differently than what I would have expected, I wouldn’t say there is any reason to recommend this film. The only good part about it is that the atmospheric horror can be good at times. Lots of solid visuals and jump scare moments but that’s not enough to recommend an entire movie. Everything else holds it back.

Overall 3/10

Night Watch Review

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Night Watch makes for a pretty interesting watch after Gaslight. After all it seems to be going in a similar direction but is it really leading up to the same conclusion? Well, part of the fun is in watching it get there. It is certainly better than both of the Gaslight films but I still wouldn’t call it very good or anything. It certainly goes a bit far in the ending and it’s one of those films that doesn’t have a particularly likable cast. Some clever dialogue and moments do keep it from being a bad film though so ultimately it would be right in the middle. “Mid” you could say.

The movie starts off with Ellen and her husband John having an ordinary night but then Ellen makes the mistake of heading near the window during a dark and stormy night. She happens to see a murder in the window next door and quickly calls him over but by the time John gets there the body is gone. They call the cops who do a thorough inspection of the house but find nothing there. The cops think Ellen may have been imagining it. After all, it was dark out and the house is a fair distance to be watching in those conditions but Ellen does not drop her claim. Perhaps the next door neighbor Mr. Appleby knows something about it. He has been planting quite a lot lately……

So at its core this is a classic murder mystery only you aren’t sure if Ellen is correct here. She is in a fragile mental state due to some things that happened in her past. The movie goes into it but she had a breakdown at one point so this could be some kind of projection there. It doesn’t help that she keeps calling the cops over and over again to the point where they start to complain to John. None of the searches turn anything up so it’s not like they have much evidence anyway. The film is the embodiment of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” when you think about it.

Inspector Walker is a fun character though. You have to give him credit for doing his due diligence because he does inspect the house multiple times. He certainly put in the effort even if it didn’t turn anything up. He even posted some guards to watch the place throughout the night. Even he has a breaking point with how often he has to go over to the same house. Perhaps arresting Ellen for a night for using up the police lines would have made some sense there. Not that you want to punish someone for reporting a crime but when it gets this excessive it has to be something that you consider right?

Now to Ellen’s defense, Mr. Appleby is certainly as suspicious as possible. I said that the cops never found anyone in the house but I should amend that to say that they found him there once. His excuse was that he was curious since Ellen kept claiming there was a murder. His other suspicious action was deciding to plant some new bushes/plants right after this supposed murder. Nothing wrong with gardening but the timing was certainly very interesting eh? He makes for a fun character. Someone who is rather defensive but who wouldn’t be when they’re a murder suspect.

John seems reasonable at first but gets gradually worse as the film goes on. He certainly acts like he’s making the right moves and defends Ellen in public but he is severely lacking in willpower. Lets just say that he makes all of the wrong choices which don’t bode well for him. You can say the same thing for Sarah who’s just not a very nice person. Since Ellen is surrounded by these characters who aren’t that great, it’s not particularly healthy for her recovery.

As for Ellen, well she is jumping at shadows after a point with how she keeps on calling the cops. At one point she apparently called over 10 times in one day which is really a whole lot. At that point since you know the police can’t do anything you’d think she would give it a rest. You aren’t likely to forget her as the lead though.

The climax gets surprisingly violent as mentioned earlier so you’ll want to watch out for that. The rest of the movie is really mild and laidback which is why this can come as a surprise. As for the twists at the end, well the film handles it really well. You definitely look back at the rest of the film in a different light and it all lands well. I would say I don’t think the plan will be as successful as the murderer expects though. This is something that only works for a short while, maybe a day at best. I think after that the cops will make a move and at that point someone’s going down. Now, whether they get the right person or not is really up to the viewer to decide.

I think they would pull it off though. Getting proof might be tougher but you have sufficient motive and things are very suspicious once they add it up. They may also get someone else who wasn’t in on the actual murder but knowing about it is almost as bad so game over there. It’s all head canon as the film ends early so you get to decide what happens next. It’s an open ending that works well enough. The film lives up to the suspenseful atmosphere it built up at the start.

Overall, Night Watch probably won’t play in quite the way that you expect and so in that way it really works as a solid mystery. It would be nice if we had more characters to really root for though. I liked the Inspector but he’s hardly the main character or even the main secondary one. I expect much like in a horror film they probably don’t want to make the characters too likable or you start to feel bad for everyone so it’s always a tight rope there. If you’re up for a suspenseful ride then this could be the ticket for you. It may have a bit of a slow build up near the middle but the film’s always doing enough to keep you interested for the ending.

Overall 5/10

Vacancy Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

It’s definitely a common trend that in a horror film you have to make it so that nobody is likable. This movie follows that formula to a T but of course that also ends up being a bit of a weakness when you think about it. If you threw in a bunch of really good characters here then ultimately that would only serve to enhance the movie right? Vacancy is an interesting idea and while the execution may not have quite fit the bill, it does stand out a bit from the average horror title.

The movie starts off with David and Amy on a long drive. Unfortunately they’re lost at this point. David doesn’t think that they are but Amy is convinced of it. Then their car seemingly gets damaged when they have to make a sharp turn to avoid a raccoon. David made the right choice in dodging it but Amy gets on his case about the whole thing. She is certainly shown to not be particularly compassionate here. She keeps on heckling David until they finally manage to stop at a motel. The only thing is, they’re now surrounded by a few crazy assailants and they’re in the middle of nowhere. Amy dropped her phone outside and they parked the car a few miles away from the motel. Can they possibly escape this predicament?

The first chunk here is really to set up how the characters are absolutely getting themselves into a bad situation and unfortunately a lot of that really falls squarely on Amy. She gives absolutely no supportive effort to all of this and just takes shot after shot despite being the one who was sleeping for a while. Deciding to cut an apple while in a moving car just seems reckless as well and naturally she gets cut. The film really goes out of its way to make her as annoying and unlikable as possible.

So by the time she drops her phone outside you almost end up blaming her for that completely whereas otherwise you might have cut her some slack. It’s definitely convenient not to have the phone. Granted, I like to think the villains have a jammer somewhere but otherwise the two main characters could have just run into the forest and it would have been a decent idea since they could call the cops and have them track the GPS. Otherwise going into the forest is too risky since they could be lost forever. Still preferable to this situation I have to imagine though.

David’s a much better character from the start as he has a decent attitude about this. He’s trying to stay calm and confident despite being extremely tired since he’s effectively been up all night. Additionally David is the first one to realize that something isn’t right with this Motel and figures out the danger before it’s too late. Things could have gone a lot worse otherwise. He’s usually the one thinking up the plans here and making a move. They make a break for it several times as well although it tends to fail.

Personally I think the best chance would still be to just bolt through the front doors. Perhaps they can catch you and perhaps not but either way it’s a better area to defend yourself with than being trapped in your motel room where they can show up at any time. The tapes in the room give the main characters some prep time on how to handle themselves. I wonder if the tapes were left there intentionally to scare the main characters or if they just forgot. I could easily believe either option tbh. still, the characters didn’t make awful decisions for the most part at least. The most iffy move was when they decided to split up so that David would go to the phone booth while Amy tried the window though. I didn’t think that was a plan that really had any kind of chance.

Also, you should never under any circumstances split up in this kind of adventure. If the villains were to fun to the house and lock the door then you’ve just left Amy trapped in with the villains. It could backfire really badly. The heroes definitely go through a lot here though. There’s even a tunnel underneath the house that has a ton of rats everywhere. Fortunately they don’t bite but it’s definitely something to imagine that the villains have to go through that every time. I guess they definitely don’t back down from those kind of dangers.

The main villain of the bunch if Mason and he’s certainly not great at being subtle. He was playing a tape with a lot of screaming initially and didn’t even hear the main characters enter. So he potentially almost lose 2 victims without even knowing about it. That doesn’t speak very well of him as a villain mastermind at all. By the end he’s your classic horror villain just yelling all over the place. I can’t say I was a fan or that he’s particularly memorable.

Vacancy has a solid ending to be sure but I thought it lost out on one potential jump scare. See, there’s one villain who I was expecting to have one last moment because the way he was hit didn’t seem all that serious to me. I was expecting him to appear as a “Gotcha!” moment but he never did so I have to assume that he was taken out. If so, I definitely did not see that coming but props to the heroes for doing a thorough job.

The movie isn’t quite as violent as your average horror title. The violence tends to be more implied or out of view like when the characters are watching the tapes. That’s always the better way of doing it than having this onscreen if you have to have that violence included in some way. The villains are all definitely mega psychos either way though and this is one motel that you definitely don’t want to have to enter. This may remind David to actually take a look when someone is messing with the car next time. Probably not too smart to let someone under the hood with no supervision right?

The most forced scene though is when a cop shows up. Yeah, I like that the cop quickly went on high alert and was ready for action but the way they take him out of the picture just makes no sense. Seriously he’s got a gun. The characters need to know that he’s their best chance so keep a close lookout. The cop also should have been paying attention since he knows that he’s deep in enemy territory. We get the obligatory “Villain teleports” kind of scene but I wasn’t buying it for a second. No way you are taken by surprise when you already know that the villains are packing weapons and are right around the bend. It’s just not going to happen.

If I were to question another move, it would be how Amy leaves her spot so quickly. If I were her at that point I would be staying up there for as long as I could without food and drink to buy time for a proper escape moment. It turned out well that she left sooner but she couldn’t have possibly known that so it just ended up being a fortunate coincidence for her that almost went south.

Overall, Vacancy effectively shows how spooky it can be to be trapped in a motel room with everyone out to get you. Also if you have super bad luck so this could all be possible. There are only 3 villains but the heroes have no way of knowing where they are at any point so they have to be careful when making a move. That said, the film goes a little too far in making the main heroine look mean and unlikable. I would say to make her better and downgrade David a bit if you want a balance (Don’t make them both awful) but you could have easily made her a little more reasonable and they still get stuck in the motel. That would have helped quite a bit because their dialogue doesn’t help matters. I wouldn’t particularly recommend this one. You can really guess all of the story beats as they come and the core story isn’t strong enough to get past that.

Overall 4/10

Asylum Review

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Anthologies usually aren’t the right format for me. There aren’t a whole lot of benefits that come with this style but a lot of weaknesses as a good story could be brought down by some others. Fortunately this was a rather strong collection of stories or at least a lot stronger than I was expecting. My confidence in horror films is not very high so I was expecting something pretty bad here. in the end I was impressed and this is better than most other rival titles.

The film starts off with Dr. Martin heading to an Asylum. A position has opened up and he has expressed interest in being there. The head doctor Lionel wants to give him a test first. Martin must interview with each of the patients there. This will let him get acquainted with the place and patients while also testing Martin’s skills. See, one of these guys is the actual head doctor -Starr, but the guy went crazy so now Lionel runs the place. He wants Martin to tell him which of the patients is Starr. With that, Martin heads to the rooms and begins to learn each of the stories there. Can he make the right call or will this just break him as well?

The first story involves a guy who is cheating on his wife with another lady. He figures that the only way to escape is to murder her so he takes her down to the basement and bumps her off. He’s quite thorough about it and figures that she won’t be a threat anymore while in pieces but quickly discovers that this isn’t the case. Her remaining parts are still able to move so she takes him down for the count and then scares the other girl into insanity. In the present Martin doesn’t believe that a dead person could possibly have kept moving and figures that the girl is insane.

This was a decent way to start off the batch. The story does seem a whole lot like the one in Creepshow so it isn’t very original but it does set up the atmosphere. The characters are all made to be super unlikable but of course you are rooting for the wife to get the last laugh here. Since the stories are all told from the present there is also an interesting dynamic here since you know that the person telling the story has to survive the experience. The rest of the characters aren’t quite as safe though. So, is this character crazy or was it supernatural? You will need to ask yourself that after each story.

Next up was a mysterious suit that made someone go crazy. See, this guy was a tailor but he was hard on cash at the moment because people just weren’t buying his suits or needed theirs fixed. Fortunately one guy stops in with a very expensive order one day. He’s a bit eccentric though and tells the guy to only work on the suit at night and to follow a ton of instructions. The tailor follows most of them rather well but gets greedy and does prick the suit once. Unfortunately the client isn’t as rich as he acted and apparently has nothing to pay with. This leads to a scuffle and the suit actually becomes alive. The tailor is now scared out of his wits and has been driven insane.

Definitely a good second story and one of my favorite ones. It reminds me of why you need to ask for cash up front or you are likely going to be swindled. Otherwise you end up with the client suddenly not having the money when you were counting on it. It seems a little less scary than the other stories though so it’s hard to see how this would make the guy so insane. I mean, it’s weird to have a glowing suit that’s actually alive I guess but it’s not too crazy. Still, it made for a fun segment.

In the third story we have a girl who previously suffered some kind of crazy episode. Her brother has taken her to his big mansion so she can rest. The lady is rather upset though because the doctor’s orders are fierce and include her having to take a mandatory nap every day while it’s still bright and early. Fortunately her twisted friend Lucy appears and says they can run away together. The main character just has to beat her pills addiction. Unfortunately it appears that Lucy was not actually real and the main character is just really insane as she bumped everyone off.

I would say the main thing holding the story back is that it feels obvious that Lucy is not real from the start. Of course the twist could be that she is real but otherwise you think that the main character really is crazy. In the first two stories you don’t think that necessarily but here it’s hard to believe that there was anything supernatural going on here. It ends up just being sad for the victims who weren’t able to do much here. I would end up putting this as the weakest story out of the bunch.

Finally you have another story with the doctor as the antagonist. His name is Dr. Byron and he is a genius in just about every field but now wants to focus on mannequins. He figures that he has solved the mysteries of the soul and can throw one inside the doll. It’s a rather impressive invention if possible but it all seems rather crazy. Nobody would believe any of this but what’s ominous is that they can make for an exceptional fighting force if they’re real although there is a big weakness to linking your mind to a very small and very breakable doll.

Well, those were the various stories here. As you can see, this was actually a rather fun batch the whole time. The stories tended to rely more on atmosphere than being super violent or anything. The villains didn’t go too far and the asylum was a good way to connect each of the stories. It was always fun to see Martin walk into the room and get things started. I liked the guy’s absolute confidence the whole time and the way he handled himself in the climax as well. Martin demanded respect at all times and wasn’t going to just be playing games or get tested.

That said, his reactions towards the end were pretty bad. The guy is not good at adapting on the fly, I think it’s safe to say that this is a big weakness for him. I wasn’t a fan of Lionel though. The guy seems petty and unreasonable for no real reason. He really didn’t have to go so far to make everyone turn against him. Honestly if he had handled things a little more carefully then it all could have gone better for him. I did like the guy who was in charge of watching the inmates a lot though. You could tell that he was very confident at all times and it’s also impressive how he was not afraid to be alone with these guys. That puts him a cut above the rest and also gives you a reason to be cautious around him. Everyone else has gone crazy so how has he stayed sane?

The unnerving feeling in the atmosphere the whole time serves the movie well. The stories are all really solid and the writing’s good. I definitely couldn’t ask for much more about a horror film in an asylum. It’s hard to top this. The climax worked well and what was equally as important as the stories were the scenes that tied them all together. It was easy to like Martin right from the start so you were definitely rooting for him. Horror films usually have a twist at the end and even knowing that, this one was quite effective.

Of course the question is, were they all insane or was this supernatural? Most of the leads really didn’t seem like quacks but lets go through all of them. The 4th story is the easiest one because we have proof that it works. So he wasn’t crazy and there was nothing supernatural going on. The guy is just an incredible genius who pulled his plan off without a hitch. Then there’s the 3rd story with the imaginary friend. In this case the main character is absolutely crazy and there was nothing supernatural going on. The biggest evidence of this is that she still sees Lucy in the present.

In the second story I don’t think the guy was crazy and this time there was a supernatural element. The book of bringing things to life was very real and same with the vampire. So this guy should be let out of the asylum. Finally in the first story it’s a little closer but I would say the girl is not crazy and that the body parts were moving a bit as part of the supernatural. So out of the 4 stories, 2 were supernatural and only one of the 4 leads was crazy. Not great for the Asylum’s intake staff but Lionel made it clear that he didn’t care about their stories anyway and just wanted to lobotomize them.

Overall, Asylum is a solid horror film that I would recommend. It’s quite rare that I have used that sentence before so you know that this one really ended up shining above the rest. I don’t expect a remake/reboot could easily outdo this one so it’s best to leave it as a oneshot for now. A sequel would be interesting though to see what happened to everyone. I want to say that everyone’s okay but I expect they could be as crazy as ever since this place isn’t exactly trying to cure anyone.

Overall 6/10

The Mysterious Strangler Review

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The Mysterious Strangler is a film that really goes by the books without trying any big twists. As soon as the main character starts to get very obsessive about his work you have a feeling where this is going. If only he could have stayed strong right? Well, that was never going to happen but it feels like the film almost forgot to start including the actual strangling. So we get a speed run near the end but most of the film was rather low key.

The film starts with a man named Styles being murdered for the crime of strangling a lot of people. He says that he didn’t do it even as they hang him. We then jump 20 years into the future where a writer named James wants to prove that the guy was innocent after all. There was no real evidence to support that Styles committed the crime aside from a lot of circumstantial evidence that kept on adding up. Superintendent Burk thinks that this is madness since it’s a 20 year old cast but lets James continue his investigation. Shortly afterwards the murders start up again though. Why would they start up again after 20 years like this? It is quite alarming and now the main characters must find the culprit right away.

With the murders back up you have to assume that either the original murderer is still out there or this is some kind of copycat. Either scenario would work well enough when you think about it but the timing next to James’ investigation is a big thing to note. If James had started doing this to try and help his theory that would have certainly been a crazy twist. Unfortunately the cops are often too late to stop the strangler from taking his victims down so there is a bit of a body count by the end.

The writing is solid enough. I liked the dialogue between the characters and it always has a very mature feel to it. The characters address each other respectively and know what is going on the whole time. They’re all professionals after all and even the corrupt security guard has a lot of bravado to him. James has nobody to blame but himself for expecting this guy to come in handy as a witness later on. Why would the cop ever admit to helping him break into a grave when that crime would put him out of a job? James definitely was lacking a bit of situational awareness there.

Randomly we see that the prison and asylum are both rather crazy. At prison they’re just casually beating everyone to death and in the Asylum they handle James very roughly and even force him to eat some porridge in the most disturbing scene in the film. The climax definitely goes from 0-100 really fast with the twists too so the film wasn’t really holding back to end things. The way one character jumps through a window is even unintentionally funny. There’s no real reason for all the urgency and running at this point but I suppose it just couldn’t be helped.

For the cast here, they are all okay at best. James is a very obsessive main character who absolutely wants to be right and is quick to go into threats You can’t really trust the guy all that much. He’s also so completely convinced that Styles is innocent without having any real evidence on hand so in a way isn’t he just the opposite extreme of everyone saying that Styles was guilty? James is also quick to break the law to further his own ambitions, so you definitely want to keep an eye on him.

As for Burk, he was my favorite character here. The guy may not have bought into the theory at all but when the murders started he did take the whole thing very seriously and jumped right on in. His ego didn’t stop him or anything like that, he was just determined to solve the mystery and put an end to all of this. He even did his best to try and convince James that he wasn’t crazy which was considerate of him. You couldn’t ask for much more from the superintendent.

There’s also a very mild subplot where James’ partner wants to marry James’ daughter. The main character really has no time to think about this but is upset that he was basically the last person to find out about this and wasn’t even told directly. That’s a pretty valid complaint I suppose since you’d think they would have mentioned it a bit sooner. Oh well, better late than never I suppose. I don’t think James would have taken it super well in any event.

There’s quite a few random dancing scenes in the movie as well. This all leads up to the dancers being the main victims of the Strangler and I’ve noticed that they seem to be the targets of the villain quite a bit. At least recently it seems like I’ve seen a few films where the villains head after the dancers. I suppose they figure that these are easy targets but the scenes can last a while where you feel like the plot is frozen. It would be better to skip the performances and we just see the Strangler running around.

While played seriously, there are two murders that almost appear to be part comedy. One is when a fire is started so the guard runs in and quickly gets taken out. You’d think he would have been a little more cautious considering where he was. Then you had one of the girls who was baking some bread and kept on singing so she never heard the Strangler until he approached. The cops had just arrived to check if he was there but she was super dismissive and knew that nobody had appeared.

Also, I should note that the Strangler only has one good arm. You’d think that this would make it a little easier for the victims to take him out but unfortunately they still end up getting crushed by every trick. I thought that was a little crazy, you mean to tell me that nobody thought to trip him up or do something? A one armed villain can’t do nearly as much as someone with two arms, that’s just basic addition right there. I know that this is an old horror film where the victims can’t do much of anything but I’d have liked to see some of them fight back.

Overall, The Mysterious Strangler is a fairly run of the mill film and compared to most titles in the genre it’s quite good. The mystery at least gives it a little more depth than the others even if the culprit is clear from the start. I mean as soon as you hear the summary and recognize the main actor you probably know something’s about to go down. That’s probably the issue with being so well known I suppose. The film stays classier than most Hammer productions though and never gets too violent. The movie’s also short and should keep your interest the whole time so I wouldn’t call it bad. Put simply, this isn’t a great film but it’s good enough to warrant a watch if you need to pass some time by.

Overall 6/10

Ready or Not Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Hide and Seek was always a lot of fun as a kid. The apartment’s not huge or anything but it was still fun finding a place to hide and seeing how long I could last. In a mansion I feel like the game would always take a very long amount of time, especially since you could keep moving around. Turns out that this makes for a very solid film premise. So much so that you forget this is a horror film half the time. I kind of thought of it as a comedy/thriller the whole time and I’d say that’s a complement to the film. This one ended up being better than I would have expected.

The movie starts with Alex getting ready to marry Grace. He’s super rich and so his family make a big deal about the whole thing. None of them seem to like Grace very much but she doesn’t mind. After all, she’s going to be marrying Alex so he’s the only one that matters now and he is super rich too so she’ll have a lot of things to keep her busy. That night there is one last tradition now that the two have been married. Grace just needs to play a little game with the family…hide and seek. The rules are simple. The family will try to murder her at all costs and she just has to survive until Dawn. Easy right?…..

Right away you can tell that this family is absolutely insane. It’s also a premise that’s very bonkers but also exciting. To add a bit more context here, it’s not like they try to murder the bride every time, or else they wouldn’t be such a big family. See, the tradition is that they have to play some kind of game and usually it’s one that is quite harmless like Old Maid. The only game that is life or death is Hide and Seek. Also, it’s a game that the family really doesn’t want to lose. Why? Because if they don’t murder her by Dawn then they will all die as foretold by the prophecy. Grace is initially at a disadvantage because she doesn’t know about these stakes but she quickly finds out the hard way.

Now your first question is probably why Alex didn’t tell her this right? The short answer is because he’s a chump and easily the worst character in the film. The long answer is that he was worried she wouldn’t marry him when she found out how insane this whole thing was and perhaps a small part of him believed the curse that they would all die if he didn’t show up with her. I’m sure the greedy part of him figured that a different game would be chosen and so her life wouldn’t be at risk anyway. In that case I wonder if he ever would have told her, or at leas the would have waited until it actually happened.

As Alex spits out these excuses in short order you can casually throw them all to the side. None of this blocks the fact that he’s an awful person and there’s no excuse for putting Grace in this mess. He looks absolutely dreadful throughout the movie and even if he’s not one of the active participants trying to murder her for most of the movie, he’s still the worst character here. So many excuses and so little time.

Grace does well to keep it together the whole time considering how unexpected this is. It takes her a little while to figure out what’s going on but once she does, Grace proves to be a very resilient fighter. She takes on a lot of injuries, including a particularly painful one with the screw, but keeps on going. By the end she’s nearly lost her voice with how frantic the whole thing has become. She thinks fast at the very ending too and also has a solid last line. Ultimately I don’t think she’ll be considering marriage again anytime soon but this experience will certainly have made her stronger.

The rest of the family are all insane. Don’t let some of their calm attitudes and personalities fool you. They may be joking around but they’re all trying to murder Grace so that means they are just cool about doing this. Not a very good look for them if you think about it. The first one here is Daniel and at least he has a bit more of a conscience than the others. He doesn’t actually want to murder Grace but at the same time he isn’t brave enough to openly go against it. So he just makes sure that he’s useless in the chase which indirectly does buy her some time. By the end I had him as one of the best characters.

He certainly puts in more of an effort than the rest of these guys and deserves some level of credit for that. All of these characters are guilty to an extent just for participating though. Then you have Charity who is the exact opposite of Daniel. She is eagerly doing her best in this hunt because she wants to stay in the family no matter once. She hints that she had a rather rough upbringing and so becoming rich was the best things that happened to her. She is more proactive about this than just about all of the other characters to be honest.

Tony is really one of the ringleaders here as the father. He believes they have to follow the rules absolutely although he does relent to using the security cameras to cheat once it’s been a while. So in that sense he is willing to break the rules once it’s convenient. Becky is a little more sympathetic to Grace’s plight but at the same time she is certainly aiming to murder her so it doesn’t mean much. That’s why to some extent you almost prefer the ones who are openly trying to get Grace because the ones who talk tough about how they feel bad aren’t doing anything about it. It doesn’t make them any better, just worse for being half hearted. Daniel’s really the only exception to this as he actually helps out with his meddling.

Helene is the oldest one here and definitely the most ruthless. She absolutely has no qualms about taking Grace down and even thinks they should get Alex to do it as it’ll help him see the light. It’s quite twisted logic but it shows how far down the rabbit hole she is. Helene definitely is insane by this point. Then you have Fitch who doesn’t even seem to take anything seriously. He is still trying to take Grace down though so he’s the perfect example of a character who seems nice enough but has no problem being a murderer so he’s just as bad as the others. You don’t get any points for acting nice.

Finally Emelie is the klutz of the group. She keeps on murdering other people by mistake even when aiming for Grace. It definitely makes for some humorous scenes. Emelie really has a hard time not murdering people by mistake which could be useful in some contexts but of course it isn’t very handy for the villains here. At least it gives them one weakness.

As a part comedy/parody the film has a whole lot of fun with this premise. After all, it’s just a game for the family and most of them treat it like that. Down to how nonchalant they are about the whole thing and people dying. We see a graveyard filled with bodies so while it’s apparently been a while, it’s still often enough for this to have all accumulated over time. It’s disturbing but also very interesting.

Now even if it is for laughs, the film can be quite violent. Some characters are lucky enough to die quickly while others get stuck in an elevator, get shot by an arrow but keep staying alive, etc. These guys can’t catch a break and Grace took some heavy injuries as I said. I think the tone helps it not feel so bad at times but the movie definitely was not afraid to get violent at times.

The mansion makes for a good backdrop during the hide and seek game. I rather enjoyed it and the place certainly does look fancy. There’s also a very catchy tune that plays when they start the hide and seek game. It helps to set the atmosphere here and when the song plays you know that something’s about to happen. Visually the film is also really impressive as every moment stands out. It just feels very professionally done. The film also has some twists near the end of the movie which should catch you on guard. It’s also possible that you’ll have seen through them but they were executed well either way.

Overall, Ready or Not is surprisingly a good film. The writing is on point and the film really keeps you engaged throughout the whole game of Hide and Seek. Towards the end we get so many “climax” moments that you really don’t know how things are going to end. It’ll keep you guessing that’s for sure and you probably won’t forget the hide and seek song anytime soon. This is the kind of film where a sequel would be different but as part of the parody angle I could see her trying to marry another rich guy and get thrown into a new scenario. Might come off as a bit forced though and I wonder if a sequel could match this one. I feel like the premise would be easy to mess up. Either way, if you don’t mind the violence then I would recommend checking this one out.

Overall 6/10

Doctor Sleep Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

While an improvement over the first film in the series, Doctor Sleep is still not a film that you’re really going to give much of a thumbs up to. It has some good ideas but really ends up wasting them and goes for way more grit than is needed. You will be engaged during any scene where the villains aren’t around but once they show up it becomes game over.

The story starts with a girl named Andi using her mental abilities to scar an evil predator when she is approached by another psychic named Rose. Unfortunately Rose is much more powerful and quickly subdues Andy and takes her to their cult. There she is brainwashed and forced to work for the villain group while also getting a big power up. See the villains have two goals. The first is to live and to do so they have to absorb the shine from people who have powers.

Effectively it’s like a person’s life force and only those with super powers have this. Then the other goal is to keep their ranks strong by turning others over to their faction. They have to keep a balance where the group isn’t too big and they also have enough prey left to absorb. It’s hard to say quite how many shiners there are in the world but if the villains are too successful they may start to run out of people to absorb and die anyway. After taking out a kid, the villain group sets their eyes in the main heroine Abra as they noticed her watching telepathically.

That takes us to the main character Dan. He has really been trying to keep a low profile after surviving the original events of the Shining and just wants a peaceful life. So even when Abra shows up and explains that there is a dangerous group out there, Dan refuses to help and goes back to hiding. Fortunately he is convinced to help by the ghost of his old mentor. This won’t be easy since he’s up against a complete group of fighters but Abra is tough in her own right so perhaps that will balance things out.

I was not a big fan of Dan though. The fact that he was so quickly going to abandon Abra was unfortunate. Sure he’s scared and all but when you know that a kid’s in trouble you’d think that you would try to help some more. At least teach her how to fight a bit or something. Instead he has to be guilt tripped into helping. He also doesn’t do very well with the willpower by the end of the film as the villains were just too much for him. Considering how much experience Dan has, I would have liked him to have been a bit more powerful here. Maybe walk into the room with a confident grin or something like that as he takes the villains down one at a time.

It would have been more satisfying than his having to be running all the time. At least at the end of the day he still does help out even if it was reluctantly at first. Abra’s a much more interesting character and it’s rare to have the heroes be more powerful than the villains. From the start we see that Abra is a lot more powerful than any of the villains. The only way they can keep up is to amplify their abilities with the magic drugs and even then they don’t last long.

Abra is a good guy so she doesn’t just go around murdering them but otherwise she may have been able to stop them in their tracks. She pull’s a good trick on Rose at one point where she lures her into the mind realm so Abra could then go into Rose’s mind and find out their plans. Rose is a fairly young kid but she has certainly learned how to do some creative things with her powers and illusion abilities.

If there were more films in the series I feel like there might be some foreshadowing for her going to the dark side soon though. She actively tells the villains that she hopes their death were painful several times and really relishes in her victories. Of course a large part of this is because she completely despises the villains for what they did to the kid at the start of the film so she wants them all to pay. Give her another year or two of training and she should really be completely unbeatable.

While the film has some action and they get to use their magical abilities, the film never quite goes into action territory. It’s unfortunate because I think this would have lent itself well to that kind of premise. The powers are easily weaponizable and then the villain group could have all gotten to have some fights with the heroes. Instead the only action scenes we get are very down ot Earth like fighting with a knife or something like that.

The battle with Dan and Rose is very anticlimactic for example. He played the matchup quite poorly and the scene of him getting drained just drags on for a long while. You know what they are building up to with Dan’s trump card but even that scene didn’t look quite as impressive as it should have.

Also, I was waiting for him to try the coffin technique on one of the villains. I figured this was foreshadowed with how close he was to using it on his old friend. If it only works on you once you’re dead then that’s a fair counterpoint to why he didn’t even try to use it but then he certainly needs more abilities at some point. Dan does well with crashing a car at one point though.

It’s nostalgic seeing the old mansion later on. While the Shining was pretty bad, the actual mansion was fun. I don’t think the house itself lives up to the hype at all though. For the most part all of the tricks are completely ineffective. In the end Dan really has to take things into his own hands because the house just wasn’t working. For instance there’s one scene where the river of blood shows up and the villain just smirks. The house is clearly not a threat to her at all and while I guess that almost feels like a twist I guess, you may as well have not had the mansion at all. You could almost call the mansion itself filler.

As mentioned earlier, any scene with the villains is awful though. They’re shown to be as demented as possible with their various ceremonies as they murder and brainwash everyone. The way they murder the child is particularly brutal as they mention the death has to be as painful as possible to absorb more shine. It’s definitely the kind of plot details that we did not need. I was not surprised that the kid dies since it seems like something this film would pull off but they went out of their way to make it as bad as possible.

Any scene with the villains trying to absorb the shine always drags on and on. The villains are not even remotely interesting and you just want them off the screen. Unfortunately for Abra she has to feel all of the pain as well thanks to her full synchro ability which is always something that you absolutely do not want to have. It ends up backfiring almost all the time.

Even from the start with Andi we quickly learn that her backstory is super grim dark. Even the scene of her taking down that one chump at the beginning can’t just be that she’s taking out a bad guy but we have to learn what kind. In general this is the kind of thing that can really hurt horror films in general. The more extra details you give to every scene, the more likely it is that you’re going to focus too much on the shock value and not get to the actual plot in time. This film certainly shows us that the world in which the Shiners live is a really depressing one and that just makes the film more depressing as well.

As Abra is the only really solid character here, I wouldn’t say that the writing or cast is all that good either. The film isn’t super violent all of the time at least but the kid scene certainly filled up the quota there. If the villains could have at least have had some semblance of a more interesting goal or character development then maybe things could have been different. As it stands, they really do their best to crush the film.

Overall, Doctor Sleep is a sequel that takes the series in a very different direction but still ends up failing. In a way that’s impressive. It beats the Shining as this film would at least have its interesting moments. If you cut the scenes with the Baseball kid out then that would help quite a bit. The score still wouldn’t be quite positive but it would win a few points. You just won’t have any fun in this film by the end of its run and for that reason you’ll want to give this one a big pass. If you want to watch a film involving super powers then it’s time to watch one of the Bleach films instead

Overall 1/10

Frogs Review

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I have to say, I had my doubts about a horror film based on frogs. After all, that has a lot of potential for animal violence and generally not being a good film. Well, it ended up not falling into that trap so I was glad about that. I do think the title is incredibly misleading for the most part and I would have changed it personally. Not like a title is going to hurt the score though. I wouldn’t call Frogs a particularly good movie but it does enough to stay afloat which is far more than I thought possible from this sub genre.

The film starts off with Pickett minding his own business as he takes photographs of the local animals. Unfortunately his boat is tipped over by Clint and Karen who were enjoying a nice boat ride. They tell him to come to their private island so they can give him a nice meal to make up for this and send him on his way. This is actually a very special occasion as it’s Jason’s birthday and that guy is the captain of the family. When it’s his birthday everyone has to attend and make a big deal of it. Jason says that nothing will stop this birthday celebration. That is put to the test when the big family starts to get bumped off one by one. It couldn’t be….and yet….could it be the Frogs taking them out??

If you told me this film was part parody I would actually believe you. The way the characters react to their whole family being destroyed can feel unreal at times. Jason is absolutely true to his word about sticking to the party celebration. Even with multiple family members dead he keeps on with his plan. The guy is certainly the main human antagonist of the film but it’s so overdramatic that it’ll make you chuckle a bit. Absolutely nothing phases the guy which is really quite incredible. By the time he takes the threat seriously it’s far too late.

The death scenes are crazy though. One guy walks into the greenhouse. I forget why he was there, but it might have just been to mend the plants or he was looking for medicine. Well, a snake starts to slowly toss each of the ingredients to the ground which gradually causes a poisonous effect. Now this isn’t a subtle poison but an obvious one as the smoke ends up filling the room. This guy…..walks towards the poisonous smoke instead of away from it…even as he sees that the snake is dropping bottles. Sure enough, the snake keeps going so the bottles keep falling and that’s it. There’s just no escape at that point but it was probably the oddest way to go out.

A close second though is one lady is taken out by a snapping turtle. Basically she tripped and couldn’t get out of the way in time…but it’s a turtle! They’re so slow I dare say you could outrun one while crawling or being on the ground. Honestly you could probably even defend yourself really well unless I’m underestimating them. No comment on the leeches death though, I guess that one’s hard to get around if they’re draining you dry at a rapid pace. I can also say the alligator death would be incredibly difficult to get around. Once you’re in the water with it I don’t see a way out so I completely understand on that one. It’s very understandable that this is a fight you cannot win.

So each of the characters is bumped off but you’re probably wondering…what about the frogs? Well, the frogs are there but they just don’t do much of anything in the field. Instead they seem to give orders as they are constantly yelling to each other in that way frogs speak. It’s not terribly exciting but evidently it gets the job done so who am I to argue with the results right? Having the frogs be the masterminds behind this whole plot is definitely interesting but I would have liked to have seen them fight more. I think the writers were probably wondering just how a frog could destroy somebody. Personally I’d go the poison route, like it’s so strong that the person can’t break free. That would work well enough.

Knowing that the characters are mostly all doomed, it’s hard to get attached to any of them. Pickett is the main character here and he’s reasonable enough I guess. He tries to stay out of the family drama for the most part which is really a smart move. At the same time, he’s trapped on the same island as the rest of them so there really isn’t much of an escape either. He’s just going to have to ride this one out and it’s tough to get off of an island like this when your enemies are all over the ocean. That’s something he has to deal with right from the start.

Clint didn’t seem like a very good guy. He wants to please Jason so that he’ll get the inheritance and unfortunately he chooses that over defending his wife. Then you have Karen who is easily the most reasonable member of the group. Unfortunately she is also hesitant to stand up to Jason which means that she delays the group in leaving until the last possible moment. That definitely doesn’t help matters for their chances of survival.

The film has a good twist ending but the problem is that it’s before the actual ending. Usually you want to have the twist at the end, at least that’s how I figure you would want it right? That’s not actually the case here though. It’s still a really good twist and I like how nonchalantly it’s handled but this absolutely should have been the final scene in the film. That would have really left a huge impact with the audience. It sets up the sequel quite nicely and that’s really how you want a horror film to end.

So, is this film taking itself seriously or is it a parody? Well, ultimately I do think it’s taking itself seriously and the victims are unironically making all the horror movie mistakes. Splitting up, tripping, etc. It’s just some of these decisions will really be having you scratch your head at how it all plays out. It’s also just a little hard to take Frogs seriously as the main villains even if they are having the rest of the animal kingdom helping out.

Most of the deaths aren’t really that violent. This is still part horror-thriller though so you can expect some painful ends. It has more restraint than most titles like this though so it should get some credit there. The writing is okay, nothing spectacular but I thought the characters were decent enough. The film will manage to keep your attention the whole way through too. You’ll even feel sad when the frogs end up crushing the birthday cake and all of the festivities. Those guys really were not holding back here!

Overall, Frogs may be a film that will have you chuckling half the time but it really does mean well. I think you may like it partially in an ironic way but that’s still enough to get it some points. I wouldn’t call it a bad film even if it’s really not very good. That’s why I have it squarely in the middle. You’ll have some fun with it, the film’s got good pacing so it doesn’t drag on and the film really goes all in on what it’s trying to do here. At the same time there aren’t many memorable characters and even fewer likable ones. There’s nothing about it that particularly would make it stand out as a good title.

Overall 5/10

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Looks like Halloween is back once more with another installment in the series. It hasn’t had any good films yet and I wasn’t expecting this one to change things. Halloween 5 is a very by the books slasher where Myers is just taking down anyone who gets in his way. The characters just can’t get away from him anymore and should really go as far away from town as possible when it’s Halloween. Too bad the residents of this town aren’t nicer though as nobody seems to take Myers seriously until it’s too late. The movie plays out exactly as you would expect it too so don’t expect anything different here. The tagline may make you think that the town’s going to fight back or something but that was in Halloween 4, not 5.

So the film starts off by changing the last film’s ending a bit. Myers actually ended up surviving and falls into the river where he ends up in a coma for a year before waking up and murdering the guy who found him. I have to assume that this guy was insane for keeping Michael Myers at his place for a year and not doing anything about it. From the creepy set up though I assume the guy was probably another villain though so it all evened out. Well, now that it’s Halloween time again, Myers wants to destroy Jamie once and for all. Can he pull it off or will the cops manage to stop him?

Jamie’s not in a great place either though. After the events of the last film she was traumatized so hard that she can’t really talk anymore. Additionally, she has a psychic link where she can feel everything that the victims feel before Myers takes them out for good. It’s probably the worst kind of psychic link you could ever have since that means it’s like Jamie is murdered multiple times here. I don’t think there was much of a point to this plot because the psychic link randomly ends later on. That’s probably for the best for Jamie’s sanity. Her plot of not being able to talk also ends when the writers are done with it.

Jamie ends up being a very annoying character throughout thanks to this though. She never helps with the investigation and almost seems to protect Myers at some points. I don’t understand her in this film and if she’s conflicted then the movie should have given us a reason for this. Even near the end she tries to have an emotional moment with Myers before he just goes crazy again. It’s a terrible film for her that’s for sure.

It’s no better for Loomis though. He’s even crazier than usual here as he uses Jamie as bait more than once. He’s still yelling about Myers but since he has failed so many times I can see why nobody takes him seriously. There’s a man in a black cloak who even follows him into a house and could have murdered the guy but doesn’t for some reason. The absolute worst scene for Loomis though is when he breaks down and tries to hug Myers as if this unrepentant serial killer zombie would suddenly have a human moment.

The movie has a ton of crazy scenes like this throughout but this one really stood out to me because of how absurd the whole thing was. Nobody should know better than Loomis how crazy this guy is. A hug was never going to be in the cards. As for Myers himself, well the guy is about the same as always. He mindlessly goes around destroying everyone who gets in his way. He’s not completely mindless as he comes up with some plans like impersonating one of the teenagers he murdered. It’s not a super realistic disguise but it works so I guess it paid off. There just isn’t anything to know about Myers, he may as well be a robot with how automatically he tackles every task.

It almost goes without saying that the film is incredibly violent here. Someone is getting murdered at all times and usually in very intense ways. Jamie having the psychic link means that she also takes a ton of damage in the film even if it isn’t bloody since it’s in her mind. Then the film has the teenagers do their one night stand real quick just to force that into the movie as well. It’s a rather gritty movie all around and just feels less focused than some of the others. This one feels like they just needed another Halloween film and didn’t bother to come up with more of a plot.

If anything I was more interested in the shadowy figure the whole time. He only gets a few scenes but at least he adds the air of mystery to the film. He also has an impact on the ending which leaves the film on a nice cliffhanger. Horror films pretty much have to have a cliffhanger in each title and I can safely say that this one was on point. It’s not like it would make me be hyped for Halloween 6 but it’s a silver lining that I can grab onto.

The other human characters like Tina just don’t have a chance to do much. I would make the case that the heroines from the earlier films all had more character. For Tina you’re really just wondering if she will be able to make it to the end of the film or if she’ll be doomed. Either way at least she’s better than all the other randoms here. You have the guy who owns a car and is rude to everyone at all times. (Guy is ready to murder the others over his car) You have the best friend who doesn’t take anything seriously and then her guy who is just around for romance.

There are no human characters that are good here. You can barely even tell that one of the cops from the last film is still around. His daughter died in the last film so you figure he would have an axe to grind but the film really doesn’t pay him any mind at all. I think she is maybe referenced once at best. The other cops are even able to be tricked by Loomis and overpowered at gunpoint. Two others admit that they aren’t good cops and get clown music when they’re destroyed.

It’s such a random scene too. I don’t think this film is necessarily trying to go the comedic route but maybe they decided these characters would be an exception. There are also a ton of fake jump scares so get ready for those. Half the time the build up to these moments is all fake so after a while you will probably start tuning these moments out. Sometimes you’ll even have fake jump scares back to back which is certainly a bold approach.

Overall, This is a film I would definitely say to avoid. Halloween has never been a film series with any real quality but at least you usually felt like the stories had a real focus. This one just never seems to have any real point to it. One bright side is that the film really breezes by as a result but it’s definitely a sequel that adds nothing to the franchise. I would highly recommend avoiding this one as much as possible.

Overall 2/10

Cube Review

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This review is of the edited TV-14 version of the film. All thoughts below should be addressed as such as a review of the unedited version would be more negative

Time for one of those death trap films where you have to survive until the end to win. Of course it won’t be very easy and if you know your genre well then it’s unlikely that more than 2 will survive. In fact, sometimes you can’t even expect 2 to make it. So as you watch the film you will be wondering just when these guys are gonna die. Unfortunately the film is pretty bad and doesn’t end up using the concept to its full potential.

The movie starts with all of the characters waking up in a mysterious Cube. Each room is lit up by the same 4-5 colors and it’s easy to get lost. The place seems to be endless as well which causes the characters to start cracking. Making matters even worse is the fact that many rooms have death traps installed within them. Can the heroes really find a way out of here or is it game over for them?

A movie like this is usually doomed as soon as you see the cast since the characters tend to be unlikable and this one is no exception. The characters always end up being either mean, evil, or complain a lot. They’re not ready for this kind of adventure and it’s why you always wish they would do a film with a group of trained professionals instead. For once it would be nice to see the characters not be panicking the whole time and actually just make the right calls when it counted. This isn’t that film though.

First you have Quentin who’s the worst character in the film. You know how his character arc is going to play out almost as soon as he starts talking. Maybe it’s an escape room type gimmick but you know that you’ve seen this character arc play out before. It’s a shame since the drama should really be focused on the literal death traps instead. Quentin’s scenes just get worse and worse as he film goes on which is a shame since it just drives the film lower and lower.

Granted, the film was always going to be a really low one. It’s a pretty violent film with the death traps everywhere and each death is always rather gruesome. One guy gets his face melted off, others are stabbed. There aren’t really any happy moments in the film. Since the characters started off already in the cube, we don’t even get a happy intro with the characters talking as they walked in an area for a test or something. The film is part mystery as they don’t even know why they are in the Cube in the first place.

Joan is effectively the main character here. She’s a math genius which really comes in handy here due to how the Cube works. The film throws a lot of twists about this but the key thing to remember is that as a trap/puzzle there is a right way to move around. If you find this method then you will end up going far and claiming victory. Of course it isn’t easy though. Joan definitely goes through quite a lot in the film. I wasn’t particularly a fan of hers either though. She complains a lot with the rest of the group and isn’t particularly nice to Kazan.

Nobody is safe from cracking in this film. Kazan is one of the biggest examples as the whole experience basically broke him completely. Unfortunately you feel like he’s just here to make everything more uncomfortable for the rest of the characters. One of the worst scenes is when he has to use the bathroom and it’s crude moments like that which will hold the film back even more. You don’t need anything like that in this film or any other.

David is the cynic of the group who thinks everyone is dead anyway so we may as well not try further. He is hiding some secrets which strengthen his case on why they shouldn’t do much but of course that’s not very helpful in trying to stay alive. He’s really not being helpful to the cast at all. Someone like this is just really annoying to have in the group spreading more negativity.

Helen also can’t stay focused as she talks about the government conspiracies and how someone is always watching. Her theories only serve to aggravate the rest of the characters even more. She seems nicer than most of the other characters at least even if she breaks down a lot. The only character who seemed likable was Wren. He wasn’t panicking and was at least making some moves in trying to get out of here. I can at least respect that.

But yeah this is the kind of film that’s just very mean spirited the whole time. It’s about throwing the cast into an unwinnable situation as you watch them all get bumped off and turn on each other. If the film had stayed about survival and didn’t go down the “Lord of the Flies” route then it would have been better. Likely not good of course but at least it would have been better. The death traps are all you need and everyone turning on each other is always one of the worst plot points.

In fighting is bad enough but the films always have to go way too far with it. If everyone was just upset at each other or snapping with insults that would be fine. It’s when they try to murder each other or go further that we have a problem. That’s most of the second half unfortunately because the characters figure out how to get around the traps reasonably early on and so after that the people are the real danger.

The ending is your classic horror ending so I won’t say how it goes but you aren’t expecting a happy ending here anyway. We get a few jump scares but the last one doesn’t even make any sense. I don’t see how this person would be here given what we just saw. That’s absolutely impossible, it’s just not going to happen and is here for pure shock value. The film simply couldn’t leave well enough alone and it makes the whole journey feel even more pointless.

Overall, This film is just pretty bad. There’s already not much to salvage within the sub genre when you take it to the horror extreme and this one lowers the bar further by adding all kinds of unnecessary plot elements. The only thing I would say for it is that the design of the Cube is rather solid. I liked the various colors and there were some decent background music tracks within. The mystery itself might compel you a bit but as the film goes on you get the sense that you’re not going to be getting any answers to it anyway. You will have your headcanon at least which will have to do. Of course with more films out you may get all of the answers there. I wouldn’t advise checking this film out or any of the sequels though.

Overall 1/10