It’s time to take a look at one of the worst films that I have ever seen. It ranks up there with Sucker Punch and Amityville Horror. This film is so horrendously bad that you will be staring at your watch through most of it and the film feels like it is 3 hours. There’s not a single redeemable part of the film and it just keeps going from bad to worse. Of course, the title was a fairly obvious indicator that this film was going to be terrible, but I don’t think anyone suspected just how terrible it would be.
The main character is named Walter and he’s a psychotic mass murderer who works as a waiter for a small restaurant. One day he sees a cat and realizes that he can finally realize his ambitions and destroys it, turning it into a statue. That’s his favorite hobby after all and slowly but surely he starts to murder other people and turns them all into statues. Nobody can tell that there is a human body of rotting flesh inside of the clay though so their noses must all be stuffed from the super large amounts of smoke inside of the cafe. The shop owner knows that Walter is going around murdering everyone, but he also knows that each murder increases his profits tremendously so he turns the other way. Can he afford to do that forever or will he have to make a move?
The police also send an agent into the restaurant to stop the ongoing drug problem there. Everyone is always high in this establishment so it is tricky to find out who is actually dealing the goods. Especially when everyone has a hand in it. The detective decides that it’s just too much trouble and decides to attack Walter. Walter destroys him of course since police training is no match for a very scrawny fellow with a frying pan. The cops never find out what happened to the detective and barely seem to care as they are written out of the film completely.
Walter has a lot of friends to stick up for him as well. The shop owner’s daughter loves the paintings and encourages Walter to get more by any means necessary. There are a few drunk guys who are always yelling nonsense about acorns and reality who love Walter’s paintings as well. They think that he is a visionary and while they don’t like money, they like what you can buy with money. More beers for everyone! If only they knew the truth about Walter! Well, in the climax we get a chase scene as Walter tries to destroy the main heroine when she rejects him and places the friend zone card. Walter outruns everyone for quite a while and proves that he’s used to fleeing the scene. Eventually he destroys himself since the stress was too much for him. The drunk guy even makes a pun about this and the film ends on that chipper note.
“Is It Over!” I found myself thinking as I fled the scene as well. This film was just so preposterously bad that it was a thrill so see it all over. The film tries to be funny by having as many extreme and unrealistic characters as possible, but the end result is actually that everyone simply comes off as being unlikable instead. Also, I’ll never be fine with the idea of a mass murderer being the main character. The whole point of a main character is that he or she should be a likable protagonist. Someone that you can root for. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the main character has to be a hero, but if he is a villain like in this case, then it better be something comically mild like theft or it’s about the villain becoming a hero. A full fledged villain with no morals as the main character? That’s really not going to bode well for the film in the long run.
The film may even be more cringe worthy than Sucker Punch if you ask me although it’s tough. Sucker Punch is more depressing, but it also doesn’t have any animal violence and it has action scenes. A Bucket of Blood is just tough to watch since it’s so terrible and wince worthy, but it’s not nearly as repulsive as Sucker Punch. It’s definitely a tough fight and at least I can guarantee that I’ll never see this film again. I’d highly recommend taking a pass on it if I were you readers as well.
Overall, A Bucket of Blood is even worse than the title would suggest. All of the characters are nonsensical, unlikable, and corrupt characters. There is nobody to root for, there is animal violence, and the pacing is horrible. There is no soundtrack and the film’s effects are terrible as well. If you want to watch an old film with a lot of class, check out Superman vs The Mole Man. It fixes just about all of the problems that I had with this film and then some. It’s the kind of film where you’ll walk away with a grin instead of a groan.
Overall 0/10
Looks like it is time for another horror film. They have a fairly bad track record and I’d say that it may actually be even worse than the romance film’s rep. That being said, I’ve seen many more horror movies than romance titles so it’s not really a fair fight. This one came out in in 2016 so it’s actually fairly modern. It’s not a good film regardless, but at the very least I can say that the first half of the film is actually better than around 90% of the horror films that I’ve seen. It goes downhill from there though. I don’t really bother with the spoilers moniker unless the film is new, but this one is 2016 so I’ll say it now…there are spoilers ahead!
Sara was trying to enjoy an ordinary day when her twin sense started tingling. She finds out that her twin sister has vanished inside of the Suicide Forest. Her husband tells her not to be dramatic, but she knows that her sister is currently still alive since her twin sense lets her know if she is alive or not. Sara must hurry since nobody can survive in the forest for long. After all, there are many demons lurking among the trees and they will pounce on anyone with a little sadness in their hearts. Sara knows the stakes so she heads to Japan and enters the forest…but not before getting a drink! She enjoys a good beer and meets a guy named Aiden. He claims to be a reporter and doesn’t mind having her tag along as he goes through the forest the next day. The catch is that he will be recording what she says as they go through. It’s a price that Sara is willing to pay. (For a little while) With the backup at the ready, Sara steps into the forest.
The film is short, but still takes its time getting to the ghosts and jump scares. The first 40 minutes or more is just Sara walking around Japan and learning about the forest from supporting characters. She goes to sketchy morgues and talks to suspicious teenagers along the way. It may not be the most engaging group of scenes, but there are none of the usual negatives from a horror movie like animal violence or violent sob stories involving the main character or a house. Unfortunately, things start to go seriously downhill once Sara finally gets into the forest. Sure enough, all of the usual horror tropes quickly start to appear.
For starters, the simple car crash quickly turns into a domestic accident. There’s no shock value here since this twist has been used to death and just reminds you that this film has no originality in the slightest. I wish that the car crash could have stuck. Then Sara also begins to let the demons overwhelm her towards the middle of the film and ends up murdering an innocent person and herself as well. When Sara was trying to cut someone’s hand off of her, she actually ended up cutting her arm instead. Either her eyes were not working properly or the spirits subtlely moved reality around with an illusion to make her arm look farther away than it actually was. It’s still a stretch of the imagination though and I’m not sure that I buy it. The spirits were also nice and overpowered since they could create illusions on the phone as well which made things tricky.
I don’t think Sara necessarily made the wrong choice all of the time, but she definitely did in the first place. If you meet someone in a bar who immediately tries to hit on you…you probably shouldn’t take this sketchy character to the middle of a dark forest to be alone for a full night. I definitely wouldn’t trust anyone like that and then she starts to doubt him a whole lot. That’s fine, but then try to run til you see a path and get out of the forest. Sara isn’t concentrating all that well and ends up falling in a ditch. Good thing that the villains in this film are so slow right?
As per horror film rules, there is a quick twist towards the end. It makes sense and you’ll feel bad for the nice supporting character, but he probably should have ran in the car with the police when he had the chance. I don’t think he’ll be able to win against a full fledged demon so it’s game over for him. Seriously, it wouldn’t be a horror film without an end twist and I’d say that it is practically a requirement at this point. There are a few other “jump” scares during the film like an old man laughing through a mirror and an old lady who tries to choke Sara. I don’t see anyone jumping during these moments unless you’re just sensitive to noise so the sound automatically makes you move a bit.
Still, many of the dicey situations could have been avoided in the film if Sara had any common sense. When she was camping in the middle of the night, she was supposed to not move from that spot. Instead she runs into the forest where the demons start to feed her their misinformation. Yes, keep on believing the sketchy characters who show up out of nowhere and are constantly grinning. They can’t possibly be lying to your face right? Even demons have standards of what they can and can’t do….no, that’s probably just a rumor. Also, it doesn’t help that Sara can’t really fight for beans so she can talk tough to Alain, but then what? Alain got a rough situation for this film, but that’s probably why you shouldn’t get too close to someone in a bar when both of you are super drunk. Sara letting herself get drunk on the very first day of investigating probably isn’t a very good idea either.
One plot angle that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense is the fact that Jess is actually still alive after a few days. Unless she has absolutely no sadness in her and just went into the forest for the lolz, then the demons should have grabbed her by now. Being absolutely alone…for days in a forest where everyone wants to eat you is a bit of a stretch. You can say that the demons kept her alive so Sara could show up, but then why didn’t they quickly finish her off at that point? They had plenty of time to take them all down so that no survivors would make it through. They are slow though since they couldn’t catch someone who had a broken arm and a badly injured leg so maybe they were still talking along the path.
Overall, The Forest isn’t a great horror movie and it’s not a good one either. I’d call it a sub par film in the end. From the score you can still see that it beats a whole lot of other horror films, but that’s what happens when you can successfully stay away from animal violence and for the most part the film wasn’t even all that grotesque. The demons purposefully look ugly of course, but they’re not over the top like usual. The domestic plot twist was horrid, but at least its screen time was fairly small. If you like horror films then you probably won’t like this film and if you don’t like horror films then you won’t like it either so it will be very hard for this title to appeal to any crowd. Maybe The Woods, or The Mountains can have a better time of it someday.
Overall 4/10
All right, it’s time for another anthology collection from Valiant. They like to take short chunks out of several comics instead of picking one or two which means that each adventure only gets 3-4 pages at best. Naturally this also increases the chance that you’ll run into a bad story so it is a risky strategy. The first story is about a guy who was banished to Earth and now he wants revenge on his father for doing this. Earth is pretty warped now in its false Utopia state so he wants out of there pronto. This story could theoretically have potential, but who am I kidding, it’ll probably be quite bad and ultra violent by the end.
The next story is horrendous as it starts with a rat being eaten and I couldn’t be bothered to care about the Star Trek ripoff planet afterwards. Seriously, starting a comic out with an animal being eaten is poor form. The next comic is about two guys yelling “It’s Miller Time” (Practically anyway) as they down some drinks. Unfortunately, 60+ years later one of those guys fell inside his super large backpack so the other one jumps in to fight some demons and to find his friend. This could be tricky! This story could be decent, it’s certainly a unique adventure I suppose.
Next up was about a super heroine who likes helping people, but she also wants to keep up with her human job instead of just living as a hero 24/7. It’s her choice I suppose. Unfortunately, she can’t save everyone and gets down about it, but for once the town and the cops are on her side so the situation isn’t all that bad. This could be a happy superhero adventure, but this is Valiant so I doubt that it will stay happy for long. The final comic is about Bloodshot (I think that’s his name) who is in the forest at this time. He is running, but ends up running into a clone of himself who immediately has a censored line since his potty mouth can’t be stopped. That’s the clone’s only line by the way so it is an….interesting way to be introduced. I liked the dog, but I’m worried about how things will ultimately end for him. There better be a happy ending here!!
At the very least the art was fairly good for most of these stories. Beyond that, there really isn’t a whole lot to say about them. Most of these stories don’t have a whole lot of potential and none of them had any action scenes. I miss the big crossover story that they had last year. Ah well, better luck next time guys!
Overall 3/10
It’s time to tackle the next free comic. I never got into the Avatar show and naturally that applies to the sequel as well, but that just means that I can look at it from the “General Audience” perspective. The story actually isn’t bad. It’s about Korra as a kid and how she meets a Polar Bear cub. We get to see them grow up and bond and this finally shows us how the two characters met since they are main characters in the cartoon. It’s a decent little story. There really isn’t a lot to it though as it is really just their chance meeting, but there’s nothing bad about it either. It’s a fun enough story in the end. The art is decent as well. The problem is that it has to share with two other stories which are significantly worse.
The second story is from the How to Train Your Dragon series. It is an anthology as various characters talk about the past. The main problem with this is the fact that the story is already going to be short since it is sharing with Korra and Plants vs Zombies. So, the “anthology” doesn’t have time for any of its stories. It doesn’t help that the characters all have extremely boring designs and none of them seem even remotely likable. It ends with the heroes charging towards the villains and it should have been epic, but it was rather boring instead. The art was also fairly bad as all of the backgrounds were dark and dreary. It’s a cave, but caves can still be drawn to be interesting typically.
Finally, we have Plants vs Zombies. It’s not as terrible as last year’s since it is only about 5 pages or less, but it is still very bad. The whole comic is based around the running gag that the main character smells bad since he forgot to take a shower. That’s the plot and then the characters destroy some villains along the way. You can’t go a page without that plot being brought back to the forefront yet again. It’s just quite sad and reminds me why this franchise may be one of the worst comedies that I have ever seen. It’s just truly horrible and the comic can’t survive this story mixed in with the boring middle one. I’d just stick away from this comic if I were you folks.
Overall 3/10
I remember seeing this game in Gamestop many years ago. I tried to buy the game, but the store told me that they couldn’t find the disc which ended the dream before it could even begin. When I won a contest I knew that this game would have to be one of my purchases. You can’t call yourself a fighting game fan if you have not played the legendary Street Fighter Alpha series. This way you get to play them all in one shot. The collection brings all of the Alpha games plus special versions of each title and even a little chibi crossover title. This is a must buy collection.
There isn’t much of a plot in the games since they came out so long ago. The characters do get openings and endings in their Arcade stories so you don’t need to worry about that. Of course, it is always a very basic plot and you have to connect the dots on your own. The wiki is good for learning about the extended versions of each story though. If you are puzzled about anything, just quickly head on over and be illuminated as to what actually happened. I definitely give the games props for actually having a story. Some games like King of Fighters don’t even try to give you an actual plot. Moreover, the plots in Alpha are actually engaging unlike titles like AquaPazza.
After playing Street Fighter V, it is very odd to play the Alpha games. The gameplay is dramatically different and it will take some getting used too. Once you get into it though, it really starts to be a blast. The gameplay is the real draw of this game so you’ll want a friend to play it with. If not, just fighting the computer for a few hours should be very nostalgic for long time Street Fighter fans. It is especially appropriate right now since the Alpha games basically serve as prequels to the Street Fighter V title.
Birdie, Rainbow Mika, and Karin are among the other characters from Street Fighter V who originated in these games. It’s certainly fun to see these classic versions of the characters and even favorite characters like Ryu and Ken certainly look a lot younger here. It is fun to see how the characters have actually aged along during the years. It gives the series a sense of realism…the good kind. Of course, I will be upset if it ever goes too far and whole characters are taken out because of the time gap like in Soul Calibur. After a certain point, the characters should definitely stop aging.
Graphically, Alpha 1 hasn’t aged all that well. The sprites look ancient and a lot older than I would have expected. By Alpha 3, the game looks a lot more polished like I had expected from the start. The attacks are all fun and the game is very bright so the stages really stand out. The soundtrack for this collection is excellent as well. You’ll be hearing a lot of iconic themes that have become famous over the years and this was before all of the big remixes so these are the themes are they were meant to be. Of course, a good remix can go a long way. Ryu’s theme in Street Fighter V is actually the best one that he has ever had.
Super Gem Fighter is the bonus game that came along with the Alpha titles. Unfortunately, I have to say that it is really not that good. The game tries to go for a party/fighting game mix that doesn’t go over well. If you want a game that is able to achieve both goals, just head on to Super Smash Bros Brawl. The gameplay just doesn’t make any sense and you’ll be struggling to do anything for quite a while. Seriously, button mashing won’t cut it this time and even when you stop to learn the controls it will still be hazy. I can safely say that I won’t be revisiting Gem Fighter anytime soon. It’s just not worth it, but no matter, the Alpha games are ultimately why you are here.
There is a lot of replay value to be found in this collection as you might expect. The multiplayer modes alone can last you an unlimited amount of time in theory. Beating the game with every character in every game should also take you a while. If you try to unlock all of the bonus games, that will help extend the replay value as well. There are even complex methods that you can use to unlock many other fighters. That may be worth a look if you’re a really big Akuma fan. I haven’t really messed around with it yet, but one of the secret games is Hyper Street Fighter Alpha which is like a crossover of the various Alpha games. You can have Alpha 1 Ryu fight Alpha 3 Ryu for example. I love the concept behind this and I would love to see something similar for Super Smash someday. Imagine having Melee Fox face off against Brawl Meta Knight or something like that. The gameplay mechanics may make this tricky, but I’m sure that it must be achievable. Surely such a thing could not be impossible right?
Even though this is a collection there is not much else to say about this title since there isn’t really a plot. In the end, the only way you won’t like this game is if you just aren’t a big Street Fighter fan. If you like how the series plays, then you’ll definitely like this game. Naturally, I recommend Alpha 3 the most. It’s the most modern so you can really get into the swing of things there. I can proudly say that I basically own every big console Street Fighter game at this point so that’s a nice milestone. It is definitely the best (non Super Smash) fighting game series and it is easy to see why it became a household name. I don’t see the Street Fighter franchise dying out anytime soon.
Overall, If you like fighting games then this should be like a dream come true for you. You’re getting 3 complete games along with extra versions and a nice little minigame that isn’t fun, but it’s still something I suppose. The price isn’t even that bad anymore. You’ll probably be able to buy it for like 15-20 at this point or maybe even less depending on where you look. I’ll admit that it is old though so I have more fun playing on the newer titles like Street Fighter V, but I’m always up for a round here. Good gameplay can never age badly. It’s also quite cool how Ryu basically hasn’t changed at all. His moves are still the same in SF V as in Alpha and it’s probably been at least a decade between these titles.
Overall 8/10
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